February 21, 2024 • 10 mins
In this episode of "Landing Imperfect," your host Jen opens up about her journey in recognizing and overcoming negative core beliefs. Jen shares candidly about her childhood experiences and the impact they had on her self-worth, particularly highlighting the beliefs "I'm not good enough" and "I'm not smart enough." She delves into how these beliefs manifested and the steps she took to challenge and rewire them, emphasizing the importance of awareness, compassion, and repetition in this process. Join us as we start a crucial discussion on negative and limiting core beliefs, and learn how to cultivate a more empowering mindset.
00:00 Addressing and overcoming negative core beliefs journey.
04:34 Overcoming self-doubt, recognizing distorted thinking, building confidence.
06:47 Repetition crucial for changing thoughts and behaviors.
Resources:
Landing Imperfect Website
https://landingimperfect.godaddysites.com/
Follow Bin Bargains:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61554547213119
Follow Jen:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jen.lander/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jennifer.butram/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You guys, I have to take aminute to share with you an
amazing store that just openedup a few weeks ago in Geneva,
Ohio.
Ben bargains aims to make yourshopping experience affordable
while providing quality productsat unbeatable prices.
And when I say on beautifulprices, that is exactly what I
mean.
They offer the most incrediblehighlight items in their bins.
(00:23):
Insane deals, a few things thatthey've thrown in there.
$7 bins are a PlayStation fiveAirPods iPads.
Amazing toys for over a hundreddollars home decor.
I mean, you never know what highquality highlight items they're
going to add to their bins.
Lots of wonderful retail thatcan fill your house at prices.
You won't believe.
(00:44):
New inventory every Friday andrestock for more goods on
Saturdays for their$7 Ben days.
I know he keeps saying$7 Bendays.
I don't think I've mentionedthis, but the most you will pay
for their bin items is$7.
My mind is blown.
They have Sam's club and targetclothing brands high seriously
(01:04):
could go on and on about howamazing the store is.
And the owners, Jeff and Heatherbedroom.
They bust their butts to provideyou guys with the best deals and
experience in their store.
Their staff is so welcoming andfriendly.
I'm telling you, you make yourway over to Ben bargains located
at seven 11 east main street,Geneva, Ohio.
(01:25):
And you will know exactly whatI'm talking about.
Stay up to date with them onFacebook at Ben bargains, where
they often share their deals andyou can find their hours and Ben
prices there as well.
So happy shopping.
Hey guys.
So today I wanted to talk to youa little bit about negative core
beliefs or limiting beliefs,whatever you'd like to call it.
(01:46):
So about a year ago, I startedworking with a therapist about
some of my negative core beliefsthat were stemming from my
childhood.
And I carried them all the wayinto my adulthood.
I mean, my gosh, I'm 38 yearsold and I started really digging
into this and working through itvery intentionally a year ago.
So I was dragging this out for avery long time.
(02:07):
But the two that really stickout for me are I'm not good
enough and I'm not smart enough.
So I'll say as far as the, I'mnot smart enough, I brought it
all the way back to fourthgrade.
When I had this teacher who Ifelt like she did not like me.
That's exactly how I perceivedit.
I mean, you can pretty much tellwhen someone doesn't like you
(02:27):
it's this energy shift orthere's this tension when you're
around.
Someone.
So that's exactly how I feltwhen I was around this teacher.
This memory always sticks out inmy head.
So it must've been veryimportant to me.
Because we were outside taking abreak in the middle of the day.
When she asked us to run a laparound the track and I'm going
(02:50):
to brag about myself also for aminute.
I was pretty fast.
Okay.
So I was actually.
One of the fastest, if not thefastest in the class and that
day I was the fastest because Idid finish my lap first out of
all the boys and girls.
So I ended up finishing my lap,running to my teacher, and then
very shortly after other peoplewere coming in behind.
(03:11):
And my teacher, once everyonestarted to gathering around,
she.
Pointed at me.
And she's like, you need to runa lap because I saw you over
there talking to the fifthgraders.
So she's accusing me of notrunning this lap.
Which I don't know how she wouldaccuse me of this because I'm
clearly sweating.
I'm out of breath and I'm tired,but anyway, she's calling me
out.
(03:31):
In front of everyone, I felt soembarrassed.
And I was just like, I did run,you know, I'm stuttering, all
this stuff.
It was so uncomfortable.
And then I had my classmates.
They're so sweet and they'relike, no, she's so fast.
She did run.
So she ends up dropping it.
But that moment for me was so I,I didn't really have an
(03:52):
experience where.
A teacher was accusing me ofsomething that I didn't do.
So I guess very lucky for methat I made it to the fourth
grade without a very definingmoment like that.
But at the same time, That wassuch an uncomfortable experience
to have and adult pretty muchcall you a liar.
And I will say English wasEnglish reading.
(04:12):
Those were the most challengingsubjects for me because having
untreated dyslexia and ADHD, whywould that be easy?
Right.
But of course it's notdiagnosed.
So you get this feeling wherethe teacher is responding to
you, maybe in a way where theyfeel like you're dumb or.
(04:32):
Like you're lazy.
Or you're just a daydreamer, butthat's, that's kind of what my
experience was like Mo in almostall of my elementary, but she.
Didn't have much of a tolerancefor me.
And children are veryegocentric.
So it's very hard for a child tosee an adult treating them a
certain way and not feel likeit's their fault, or they did
(04:55):
something wrong just because ofhow.
How much they are driven bytheir egos.
So that was me.
I'm like, okay, well, I must bean idiot.
I'm not good enough.
She doesn't like me.
There must be something that I'mdoing wrong.
And I'm a very much at thattime, a people pleaser also
where I don't want people to notlike me.
Most people don't, no one wantsto not be liked, but.
(05:18):
There's a different type oflevel when it's someone who's
like a people pleaser.
So.
For me, that experience in thefourth grade kind of led to me
shying away from.
Raising my hand or participatingin class as much as I would like
to, because I just feltunsupported.
(05:39):
And like I said, I just, Ireally had this feeling that I'm
not good enough.
I'm not smart enough.
And when you attach anexperience where there's a
really strong, emotionalreaction to what's going on
around you, that reallystrengthens that neural
connection in your brain.
That says, okay.
(06:00):
That's that's it.
That's why I'm not smart enough.
That's why I'm not good enough.
And over time, you're justreinforcing it.
You're looking for that proofon.
Okay.
I'm not good enough.
Oh, see, I told you, like, Iknew it.
I'm not good enough.
So obviously in school, we havelots of experiences where we can
turn a situation into feelinglike you're not smart enough.
(06:20):
So.
that was something that I had towork on because I did carry that
through high school, throughcollege.
Through some of my jobs and Igot to the point where enough is
enough.
I am so sick of feeling likethis.
I know enough to know I've hadenough experiences to know that
(06:41):
this is something that.
It's a distorted way of thinkingthat I need to correct.
And I need to change becauseit's not right.
So I'm like, okay, we're donewith this.
Let's figure this out.
So the key here is to have thatawareness that there is this
negative or limiting beliefgoing on, and having compassion
for yourself.
That was huge for me is to becompassionate.
(07:04):
And I did that by saying, okay,so you had all these
experiences, you were a child,at the time that doesn't mean
that you have to carry that on.
To everything else in your lifewhen there is so much proof that
is saying there's evidence herethat says otherwise, So it's me
trying to attach a new,emotional reaction to how I'm
(07:26):
feeling.
About creating a new.
Belief about myself and onethat's not limiting.
There is that sane.
Neurons that fire together, wiretogether.
And there are studies that show,it takes about 66 days to
re-establish and strengthen anew neural pathway.
(07:46):
So a new way of communicating.
And you do that by obviously,like I said, having the
awareness, having compassion andrepetition it's.
That repetition of a new thoughtprocess, replacing the old
thought with a new thought.
Anytime the old thought pops up.
Okay.
Well, let's not judge thatthought and let's replace it
(08:07):
with a more neutral thought oreven a positive thought.
And it's the repetition everytime the thought pops up.
Let's think about this instead.
So it takes work and it takes alot of effort, but over time
that will be the newstrengthened default neural
connection that you'reexperiencing.
So the repetition really, reallyis key.
Repetition is so important, evenwhen you don't feel like it,
(08:30):
it's like, okay, Uh, this isreally sexist.
Isn't working this, isn'tworking stick with it.
And it doesn't just go forthoughts.
It goes for behaviors as well.
So repetition on the new healthybehavior So.
I think really?
I know this is just scratchingthe surface here.
But if there is a takeaway thatI want you guys to come out of
(08:52):
this with it, it's just havingthe awareness that there's some
sort of limiting belief goingon, or some sort of.
Negative core belief that you'reexperiencing.
Please have compassion foryourself.
And really reinforce the newbehavior and the new thought
that you're trying to replace soit's repetition.
Awareness compassion,repetition.
(09:15):
All right.
So I hope you guys have abeautiful day.
I know this was short and sweetand we'll try to dig a little
bit.
Deeper into this in futureepisodes.
But for now, I just wanted tokind of open this up in and
start a discussion on somenegative and limiting core
beliefs.
So I hope you guys have abeautiful day and I'll see you
next week.
(09:36):
Thank you so much for joining meon this episode of landing
imperfect.
I truly appreciate you being apart of this community and
sharing this journey with me.
If you do want to connectfurther, then don't hesitate to
follow me on Instagram at Jendot Lander.
I would love to hear yourthoughts, any questions or any
stories that you want to share.
So, DME there, I also have awebsite.
It's a landing and perfectwebsite where I share a blog
(09:57):
post about my podcast, and thenyou can join my email list.
I have a PDF that providesanxiety and stress management
tools that you can.
And use as well when you join myemail list.
So check it out.
My website will be linked in myshow notes.
So don't hesitate to reach
You guys, I have to take aminute to share with you an
amazing store that just openedup a few weeks ago in Geneva,
Ohio.
Ben bargains aims to make yourshopping experience affordable
while providing quality productsat unbeatable prices.
And when I say on beautifulprices, that is exactly what I
mean.
They offer the most incrediblehighlight items in their bins.
(00:23):
Insane deals, a few things thatthey've thrown in there.
$7 bins are a PlayStation fiveAirPods iPads.
Amazing toys for over a hundreddollars home decor.
I mean, you never know what highquality highlight items they're
going to add to their bins.
Lots of wonderful retail thatcan fill your house at prices.
You won't believe.
(00:44):
New inventory every Friday andrestock for more goods on
Saturdays for their$7 Ben days.
I know he keeps saying$7 Bendays.
I don't think I've mentionedthis, but the most you will pay
for their bin items is$7.
My mind is blown.
They have Sam's club and targetclothing brands high seriously
(01:04):
could go on and on about howamazing the store is.
And the owners, Jeff and Heatherbedroom.
They bust their butts to provideyou guys with the best deals and
experience in their store.
Their staff is so welcoming andfriendly.
I'm telling you, you make yourway over to Ben bargains located
at seven 11 east main street,Geneva, Ohio.
(01:25):
And you will know exactly whatI'm talking about.
Stay up to date with them onFacebook at Ben bargains, where
they often share their deals andyou can find their hours and Ben
prices there as well.
So happy shopping.
Hey guys.
So today I wanted to talk to youa little bit about negative core
beliefs or limiting beliefs,whatever you'd like to call it.
(01:46):
So about a year ago, I startedworking with a therapist about
some of my negative core beliefsthat were stemming from my
childhood.
And I carried them all the wayinto my adulthood.
I mean, my gosh, I'm 38 yearsold and I started really digging
into this and working through itvery intentionally a year ago.
So I was dragging this out for avery long time.
(02:07):
But the two that really stickout for me are I'm not good
enough and I'm not smart enough.
So I'll say as far as the, I'mnot smart enough, I brought it
all the way back to fourthgrade.
When I had this teacher who Ifelt like she did not like me.
That's exactly how I perceivedit.
I mean, you can pretty much tellwhen someone doesn't like you
(02:27):
it's this energy shift orthere's this tension when you're
around.
Someone.
So that's exactly how I feltwhen I was around this teacher.
This memory always sticks out inmy head.
So it must've been veryimportant to me.
Because we were outside taking abreak in the middle of the day.
When she asked us to run a laparound the track and I'm going
(02:50):
to brag about myself also for aminute.
I was pretty fast.
Okay.
So I was actually.
One of the fastest, if not thefastest in the class and that
day I was the fastest because Idid finish my lap first out of
all the boys and girls.
So I ended up finishing my lap,running to my teacher, and then
very shortly after other peoplewere coming in behind.
(03:11):
And my teacher, once everyonestarted to gathering around,
she.
Pointed at me.
And she's like, you need to runa lap because I saw you over
there talking to the fifthgraders.
So she's accusing me of notrunning this lap.
Which I don't know how she wouldaccuse me of this because I'm
clearly sweating.
I'm out of breath and I'm tired,but anyway, she's calling me
out.
(03:31):
In front of everyone, I felt soembarrassed.
And I was just like, I did run,you know, I'm stuttering, all
this stuff.
It was so uncomfortable.
And then I had my classmates.
They're so sweet and they'relike, no, she's so fast.
She did run.
So she ends up dropping it.
But that moment for me was so I,I didn't really have an
(03:52):
experience where.
A teacher was accusing me ofsomething that I didn't do.
So I guess very lucky for methat I made it to the fourth
grade without a very definingmoment like that.
But at the same time, That wassuch an uncomfortable experience
to have and adult pretty muchcall you a liar.
And I will say English wasEnglish reading.
(04:12):
Those were the most challengingsubjects for me because having
untreated dyslexia and ADHD, whywould that be easy?
Right.
But of course it's notdiagnosed.
So you get this feeling wherethe teacher is responding to
you, maybe in a way where theyfeel like you're dumb or.
(04:32):
Like you're lazy.
Or you're just a daydreamer, butthat's, that's kind of what my
experience was like Mo in almostall of my elementary, but she.
Didn't have much of a tolerancefor me.
And children are veryegocentric.
So it's very hard for a child tosee an adult treating them a
certain way and not feel likeit's their fault, or they did
(04:55):
something wrong just because ofhow.
How much they are driven bytheir egos.
So that was me.
I'm like, okay, well, I must bean idiot.
I'm not good enough.
She doesn't like me.
There must be something that I'mdoing wrong.
And I'm a very much at thattime, a people pleaser also
where I don't want people to notlike me.
Most people don't, no one wantsto not be liked, but.
(05:18):
There's a different type oflevel when it's someone who's
like a people pleaser.
So.
For me, that experience in thefourth grade kind of led to me
shying away from.
Raising my hand or participatingin class as much as I would like
to, because I just feltunsupported.
(05:39):
And like I said, I just, Ireally had this feeling that I'm
not good enough.
I'm not smart enough.
And when you attach anexperience where there's a
really strong, emotionalreaction to what's going on
around you, that reallystrengthens that neural
connection in your brain.
That says, okay.
(06:00):
That's that's it.
That's why I'm not smart enough.
That's why I'm not good enough.
And over time, you're justreinforcing it.
You're looking for that proofon.
Okay.
I'm not good enough.
Oh, see, I told you, like, Iknew it.
I'm not good enough.
So obviously in school, we havelots of experiences where we can
turn a situation into feelinglike you're not smart enough.
(06:20):
So.
that was something that I had towork on because I did carry that
through high school, throughcollege.
Through some of my jobs and Igot to the point where enough is
enough.
I am so sick of feeling likethis.
I know enough to know I've hadenough experiences to know that
(06:41):
this is something that.
It's a distorted way of thinkingthat I need to correct.
And I need to change becauseit's not right.
So I'm like, okay, we're donewith this.
Let's figure this out.
So the key here is to have thatawareness that there is this
negative or limiting beliefgoing on, and having compassion
for yourself.
That was huge for me is to becompassionate.
(07:04):
And I did that by saying, okay,so you had all these
experiences, you were a child,at the time that doesn't mean
that you have to carry that on.
To everything else in your lifewhen there is so much proof that
is saying there's evidence herethat says otherwise, So it's me
trying to attach a new,emotional reaction to how I'm
(07:26):
feeling.
About creating a new.
Belief about myself and onethat's not limiting.
There is that sane.
Neurons that fire together, wiretogether.
And there are studies that show,it takes about 66 days to
re-establish and strengthen anew neural pathway.
(07:46):
So a new way of communicating.
And you do that by obviously,like I said, having the
awareness, having compassion andrepetition it's.
That repetition of a new thoughtprocess, replacing the old
thought with a new thought.
Anytime the old thought pops up.
Okay.
Well, let's not judge thatthought and let's replace it
(08:07):
with a more neutral thought oreven a positive thought.
And it's the repetition everytime the thought pops up.
Let's think about this instead.
So it takes work and it takes alot of effort, but over time
that will be the newstrengthened default neural
connection that you'reexperiencing.
So the repetition really, reallyis key.
Repetition is so important, evenwhen you don't feel like it,
(08:30):
it's like, okay, Uh, this isreally sexist.
Isn't working this, isn'tworking stick with it.
And it doesn't just go forthoughts.
It goes for behaviors as well.
So repetition on the new healthybehavior So.
I think really?
I know this is just scratchingthe surface here.
But if there is a takeaway thatI want you guys to come out of
(08:52):
this with it, it's just havingthe awareness that there's some
sort of limiting belief goingon, or some sort of.
Negative core belief that you'reexperiencing.
Please have compassion foryourself.
And really reinforce the newbehavior and the new thought
that you're trying to replace soit's repetition.
Awareness compassion,repetition.
(09:15):
All right.
So I hope you guys have abeautiful day.
I know this was short and sweetand we'll try to dig a little
bit.
Deeper into this in futureepisodes.
But for now, I just wanted tokind of open this up in and
start a discussion on somenegative and limiting core
beliefs.
So I hope you guys have abeautiful day and I'll see you
next week.
(09:36):
Thank you so much for joining meon this episode of landing
imperfect.
I truly appreciate you being apart of this community and
sharing this journey with me.
If you do want to connectfurther, then don't hesitate to
follow me on Instagram at Jendot Lander.
I would love to hear yourthoughts, any questions or any
stories that you want to share.
So, DME there, I also have awebsite.
It's a landing and perfectwebsite where I share a blog
(09:57):
post about my podcast, and thenyou can join my email list.
I have a PDF that providesanxiety and stress management
tools that you can.
And use as well when you join myemail list.
So check it out.
My website will be linked in myshow notes.
So don't hesitate to reach
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