May 17, 2024 • 23 mins
In this episode Tani Estefy and Lily B. talk about some common deal breakers when dating and give their points of view on them.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh Las Almost Latina Approoved and we're your hosts Tunny, Stephi.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
And Lily B. And this podcast is dedicated to our
biling with Latinas who are resilient changanas.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
And for the Latinas that resonate with the phrase sydia
key idya.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Join us on this journey every week where we engage
in relatable conversations, scare.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Uplifting stories, and empowering insights from everything that is La
Patina Aproved.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Welcome back to the Latina Proof Podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
How you doing, Tony? I am doing wonderful, wonderful. How
are you doing.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
I'm doing good.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I'm doing good.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
That is great to hear.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
And you know what, We're gonna continue the conversation on
some topics. They seem to be pretty popular from our
last episode.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Yeah, girls want to know the tea. That's what I'm
starting to see. Yeah, So today we are going to
be talking about dating deal breakers. Okay, and I know
we've talked about red flags, but let me kind of
give you like the difference between the two. Okay, So
a dating deal breaker is something that is non negotiable, right,
(01:13):
something like a behavior, something that would make you reconsider pursuing,
you know, a deeper relationship with the person that you're seeing,
whether it's like a habit, a belief, a characteristic. You know,
we're gonna be running through some some common deal breakers
because everyone has different ones depending on all of those things,
(01:35):
depending on their lifestyle, their beliefs, you know, compatibility on things.
So yeah, we're gonna be walking you through some and
give you our points of view.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Yes, and you know, thank you for clarifying that, because
sometimes things can easily be miss misunderstood, misrepresentative. But we're
gonna talk about it. We're gonna talk about it. But
let's start off a little bit, a little bit smooth.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Let's start off a little bit smooth.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Now, A common deal breaker sometimes is having different views
on traveling. And you know, we love to travel. I mean,
I know you love to travel.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
I love to travel.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
I know a lot of other amigas that do love
to travel as well. And sometimes I feel like coming
from and this can apply to partners, and it can
also apply to friendships as well. But if we're talking
about partners, sometimes when you're used to let's say, being
single and you're traveling and you're doing your own thing,
(02:36):
it can you know it's different. It can take some
kind of adjustment, right, Like, let's be honest, it can
take some adjustment. And sometimes or oftentimes I should say,
traveling requires a significant of financial investment.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Okay, what's that right?
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Traveling costs money casineto and if and it all depends
on your personal priorities, right, So if you're a partner
that loves to travel, but your partner doesn't necessarily like
to travel, or maybe they have different priorities when it
comes to their finances, because that could also happen, like
they can have a certain priority with their finances and
(03:16):
then we can have it as well. And while the
term of what is luxury to us maybe different, what
is luxury to our partner? And that also includes to
travel experiences because I can tell you like I when
I travel, I like to get a good spa experience
and I don't care how much.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
I pay, Like I'm like I need that. I need
that experience.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
So and I know that you can relate to you know,
so I think it just depends. So it can really
create that tension or disagreement about budgeting. I mean he
should be paying at all, right, or maybe not once
it's controversial. That's a controversial question. Do you think your
partner should be paying for the trip or do you go?
(04:00):
And we would love to know that, actually, we would
love to exactly.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
There are so many like things to talk about when
it comes to traveling with your partner. And what is
a deal breaker, right, like you said sending expectations? Is
he gonna pay for it? Are you going to go
have these Is someone going to book the flights? Is
that another person going to book the hotel? Like these
are all good questions to have. And it's funny. I
(04:26):
was just thinking about when one of our travel experiences
together when we were trying to we were going to
New York and we were looking up hotels and we're like,
what's important to you?
Speaker 3 (04:37):
What's important to you? I need to have a.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Pretty view, and I was like I need to have
a nice bathroom. So like, it's just funny to hear
about what's important to everybody when they travel.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Exactly, And that's at a friendship level. And these questions
are are important, right because what if let's say we
call Divide and Conquer, and let's say I would have
been like, Okay, Lily, I'll book the flights, you book
the hotels, and then I get there, there's no pretty view.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
I'm would be like Lily, what happened in my city view?
What happened to that? You know? Or Lily's like Tanya,
this restroom?
Speaker 4 (05:19):
What is this?
Speaker 3 (05:19):
You know?
Speaker 1 (05:20):
So it's little things, right, It's just like little luxury.
So it's like what is something that's luxury to you
that may not be with the person you're traveling with.
And that applies to partners. So I think it's really important.
Like let's say, once you get through that things, right,
you're there already, you're traveling together, and I think it
can reveal like different aspects of their lifestyle compatibility, like adaptability,
(05:46):
what are they down for? Openness to new experiences, like
what are you comfortable with?
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Right?
Speaker 1 (05:53):
If you have a certain attitude or a certain perspective
on things or travel styles are really important. So I
think these are these can be deal breakers to some people,
but I also think that these are things that can
you can work around. I think these are things that
(06:14):
can be worked around as long as it's talked about prior.
Because I remember when we traveled to New York, Lily,
I remember there was a night or like an evening,
I would say that I was feeling a little bit tired.
I was more on the tired and chill side, but
you wanted to have a drink or go out or something.
(06:35):
And then you said, you know what, I'm just gonna
go have wine to the rooftop. I'm like, okay, cool,
I'm a chill for a bit and then we just
regroup later and that's okay as long as there's that
communication prior.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I would say, yeah, exactly, it's like we're not always
going to be on the same wavelength, but it's just
being respectful of like how the other person feels and
like what they want to do, and it's just like
accommodating to that, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Yeah, And it's all about compromise.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Yeah, compromise, Like it's about how can you serve in a.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Way your friend or your partner in a.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Way where it's reciprocated but also not expected, but something
that feels comfortable.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
So just being mindful of that.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
But I think with Lily and I we have found
that balance, that like healthy balance that works for us,
you know, as friends. But I think that people can
also find that with their partners yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
So let me ask you this, would it be a
deal breaker for you to date someone who doesn't like to.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
Travel at all?
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Okay, sopose to traveling that they don't want to travel.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
Okay, So that's a good question.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
So I have dated someone in the past that did
not like traveling and didn't really care for traveling, and
then there's me. I I wanted to travel. So it
sometimes it wasn't like the top deal breaker for me
because I'm very comfortable like just doing my own thing
(08:11):
and like, all right, well, if you can't go, then
I'm gonna go, like you know, respectfully, me respectfully. So
I was in a relationship that was like that. And
when I went to Europe, I went by myself for
the first time. Oh actually no, it wasn't my first time.
I did go to Europe, but I went by myself
that time. And I did tell him like, hey, are
(08:34):
you coming? Do you want to go? If not, I'm
still going to go because this is something I want
to do. But he was also understanding of it. But
at the same time, it's like it's all about that balance,
you know.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
It's like, well, I'm gonna go.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
I'm not going to stop my life, and look, we're
not even together anymore. So I would say it's like
it was a good decision that I still went to
by myself and experience that versus you know, I don't know,
sometimes you kinda have to go for it.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
It's not a deal breaker, it's not the end of
the world. So yes, my opinion, Yeah, no, I agree.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
I think that as long as your partner is you know,
open and like supports you on you traveling and you
can travel soul with your friends or with your family.
Not as long as they're supportive of your traveling interests,
I don't think it's a problem.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
I think so, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Okay, Now moving on to our next deal breaker. This one,
like just saying the word hurts my stomach, but I'm
going to say it.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
This deal breaker is cheating.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
For many people, cheating is a clear deal breaker, you know,
as it should be for many reasons. You know, cheating
reaches that foundation of trust. It can cause a lot
of heartache and pain, and I don't know, just trying
(10:03):
to rebuild trust after someone breaks that trust with you
can be super difficult and is impossible sometimes for some people.
But for me personally, I think that that cheating would
definitely be.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
A deal breaker. What do you think?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
I mean, cheating most definitely would be a deal breaker, Like,
no doubt about it, no doubt about it. It's just unacceptable,
like you would think you're going into a relationship to
be in that relationship and to be with that person.
So yeah, I don't think anyone should tolerate that, anyone
(10:48):
should deal with that. I think everyone needs to respect
themselves and love themselves more before tolerating cheating because that's
you know, you trust, Like how do you trust after that?
And then I understand there's people that believe in second chances,
and I think second chances could be given in other circumstances,
(11:11):
But the cheating part, no, especially, I mean we're in
a relationship. We're in a relationship, like why do that?
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Yeah, No, I think it would definitely be tough because
I feel like you're just always going to be wondering
or not like fully trust that person you know for
a good reason, right, So yeah, it's a.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
L Yeah, it will definitely never be something compromisible. And
I mean the older you get, the wiser you are,
and hopefully the more you love yourself and the more
that you respect yourself and put yourself first exactly. Now, Okay,
let's go for another deal breaker. These are good, these
(11:54):
are good. Let's let's see dm us let them. Let
us know what are your deal breakers? D must you
know I approve on Instagram, on Facebook? Let us know
what are deal breakers for you?
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Now?
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Another common deal breaker is the person not having a
good relationship with their family. And we know not having
a good relationship with family members can be a deal
breaker for many reasons, or for several reasons. Like one
of the things that psychologies, not psychologists or maybe psychology
(12:31):
articles sometimes stayed and it's like that emotional unhealed emotional trauma.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Right.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
So it's like we all have that, I think to
a certain extent. But the question is are you doing
something to proactively heal that emotional damage?
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Right?
Speaker 1 (12:55):
So, strange family relationships really sometimes can lead to unresolved
issues that can be reflective in your own relationship, not
only with your partner, but with others, with friends, with colleagues,
with just people in general. So it's really important as
an individual to ask yourself, how can I heal from this?
(13:19):
Why is this emotional trauma hindering my life? And what
can I do and really seek that help because when
you are trying to go into a healthy relationship, that
can affect things. So it goes back to what are
your values, what are your priorities as an individual? What
do you want to bring into the relationship, Because trust me,
(13:40):
that other person is going to take notice. And it
is a question, you know, why don't you have a
healthy relationship with your family? And I think it's up
to you to decide if like that is a deal
breaker or not. But let me ask you, Lily, is
that a deal breaker for you?
Speaker 2 (13:58):
You know what I think? So I think it is
because I'm very, very family oriented and I have you know,
no no family is perfect. You know, my family and
I we can bump heads or get into disagreements, but
at the end of the day, like we love each
other and we are always going to be there for
each other. So I would want my partner to you know,
(14:22):
have a good relationship with their family and or maybe
if they don't, to have tried to, you know, heal
whatever trauma that they have with not having a good
relationship with their family. And also for the future too,
because I would like to have, you know, a family
(14:43):
one day so it's just there's just a lot of
red flags that come up with this deal breaker, you know.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
I agree, I agree, and I think it is a
deal breaker. It's really important to have, I mean, because
if they don't have a good relationship with their families.
Sometimes it's hard to say, right, I think it just
really depends on the situation, like what really happened, And
of course you're never going to know the whole truth,
(15:11):
but I think it's for you to assess if whatever
that reason is, if it's something that you can deal with,
and if not, then it is a deal breaker and
that's not your person.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Yeah exactly, because what if there's just so much like
anger or hurt behind you know, not having a good
relationship with their family, and sometimes that can strain your
own relationship, right, So yeah, there's just obviously every situation
is different, there are exceptions to everything, I think, so
(15:46):
who knows, but I think from a ideal relationship, would
definitely want my partner to have a good relationship with
their family.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Absolutely, one hundred percent. Now let's save into the next
deal breaker.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Yeah, it's okay, this sone's a little different, but I
think it's it's a good one to bring up because.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
You know, social media is.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Very prominent in the everyday life of many people. So
this deal breaker is one person not having social media,
which is a little hard to believe, you know, because
social media is everywhere and there's so many different platforms
social platforms. So because of that, maybe some people can
(16:37):
be overwhelmed and they don't like to be on social media.
But I can see how that can be a deal
breaker for some people because social media is so deeply
integrated and part of their daily lives and routines.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
So I don't know.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Personally, I don't I wouldn't be a deal breaker for
me if the person I was dating didn't have social media,
because I just don't like. If they don't want to
be on social media, it's fine. I'm my life is
on social media a lot and my business so but yeah,
(17:17):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
I don't think it's a big deal. What about you?
So here's my thing. I don't think it's a deal breaker.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
If they truly do not have social media, then they
don't have social media. If they do have social media,
then cool, they do, right, But I think as long
as they're transparent. For example, man, I feel like I've
dated all these deal breakers. So, Uh, someone I was
with in a relationship claim that they didn't have social media,
(17:45):
which I was okay with it, Cool you don't have
social media? Turns out he did and I was like, what,
Like why would you lie about that?
Speaker 3 (17:52):
Like that's messed up? Right?
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Yeah, So I think as long as you're transparent if
you don't, and he wasn't like active, but but he
did have it, I'm like, you just told me, Like,
what's the big deal?
Speaker 3 (18:03):
Right, So that's sus already.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
And I think that as long as they're transparent, But
whether you have social or not, like it's not a
deal breaker.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
I don't think it is.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Yeah, No, like with my with my boyfriend, he doesn't
have Instagram, but he has Twitter, and I kind of
liked that he didn't or doesn't have Instagram just because
I feel like, at least from my past experiences, sometimes Instagram.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
There's just so many mind games that you can play
with someone, Like what if I post a photo and
he doesn't like it? Or what if he's not seeing
my stories? Like what is that something he doesn't like
me anymore?
Speaker 3 (18:46):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (18:46):
So, like I don't know if this happens to both
like men and women, but at least from my perspective,
like that would happen to me. I would like always
be thinking something if there isn't some kind of reaction
towards towards a post, you know, but I don't.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
I don't have to deal with that. He doesn't have Instagram,
So I love it. Yeah, You're like one last thing
to worry about.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
One least thing to worry about. Yeah, because there's already
so many things in relationships. Yeah, So like not having
that social media stress is just great.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Yeah, and I think it can truly play a psychological
like it can play psychological mind tricks.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Oh yeah, Like, Okay, you've liked all my other stories,
Well why don't you like this one?
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Exactly, Why haven't you seen any of my stories?
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Yes, So let's go into the last deal breaker. Let's
talk about marriage. Okay, is marriage a deal breaker when
it comes to being in let's say, a long term
relationship and where you've made it clear that you want marriage,
(19:59):
but but you don't see that that is a topic
of discussion or anything. Because some individuals, I feel, some
people have clear aspirations for what marriage is and others
they don't really have that clarity. And I think this
is an interesting topic and I think this is a
learning because it can really conflict with the direction of
(20:23):
the relationship. So I think one of the things to
really talk about when you start a relationship, it's like
what are you dating for? You know, and I've learned
that along the way, like what are you dating for?
Are you dating to casually date? Are you dating for marriage?
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Are you dating short term? Long term? Like what are
your goals?
Speaker 1 (20:45):
So I think it's something really important to establish, like
from the beginning, so you know what there's intentions are
and it relieves those uncomfortable situations. But if you're looking
for marriage, if you're dating to get married, but that
partner that you're with is not, then yes, it will.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Be a deal breaker, I would say.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
For in my case, it won't be a deal breaker
if they are not looking for marriage.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Yeah, No, I one hundred percent agree with you. I
think it's good to know from the beginning stages, just
so we all know what we're working with here, right.
No one wants to waste anyone's time, And it's okay
if you if like one person doesn't want marriage. That's
just like what they want or don't want. But like
you both have different what expectations and interests, so it's
(21:36):
just it's fair for both parties. It's just being transparent
from the beginning. So you know how to position yourself, right.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Yeah, and you have you kind of know what to expect, right,
So it's like both of you know what your expectations are,
where your mind is that and it's up to those individuals,
whether you or the partner, to make that decision.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
Okay, it makes sense.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
For us to continue this relationship or if it doesn't,
and then sadly it doesn't.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
But yeah, I think marriage can be a deal breaker overall.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Yeah, and don't like try to change someone, right, Like
if someone wants marriage, other presidentess' want marriage and maybe
you think down the line, oh well maybe they won't
want to get married.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Let's still date. But you know what I mean, like.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
You know something that you know totally makes sense with
that statement. Is like when people show you their true colors,
or when people tell you how they are at the beginning, believe.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Them, yes, because they.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
Don't tell if they tell you this is how I am,
or if they show you with actions. This is how
what I did in this situation, Like believe them back
to what you said. Don't try to change them, don't
try to hope and be like challenge accept it, like.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
I can change them.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
I could change them. No, no, no, it's like.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Take it for what it is, you know, take it
for what it is because most likely that's what it is.
Speaker 4 (22:59):
Yeah, for what it is, because that's what they say,
it is exactly exactly. Well, I hope you enjoyed this
podcast episode talking about relationship deal breakers.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Yeah, I know, this has been super fun to talk about.
I hope you've found this helpful if you're in your
dating life, if you're you know, just here for the
cheesemad here to contribute. Yeah, let us know when you
thought about these deal breakers and what are some other
common deal breakers that you can think about. So make
(23:32):
sure to subscribe to this podcast because we have a
lot more to talk about, and follow us on social
media at Latina Proved.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Yeah bye bye
Oh Las Almost Latina Approoved and we're your hosts Tunny, Stephi.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
And Lily B. And this podcast is dedicated to our
biling with Latinas who are resilient changanas.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
And for the Latinas that resonate with the phrase sydia
key idya.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Join us on this journey every week where we engage
in relatable conversations, scare.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Uplifting stories, and empowering insights from everything that is La
Patina Aproved.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Welcome back to the Latina Proof Podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
How you doing, Tony? I am doing wonderful, wonderful. How
are you doing.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
I'm doing good.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I'm doing good.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
That is great to hear.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
And you know what, We're gonna continue the conversation on
some topics. They seem to be pretty popular from our
last episode.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Yeah, girls want to know the tea. That's what I'm
starting to see. Yeah, So today we are going to
be talking about dating deal breakers. Okay, and I know
we've talked about red flags, but let me kind of
give you like the difference between the two. Okay, So
a dating deal breaker is something that is non negotiable, right,
(01:13):
something like a behavior, something that would make you reconsider pursuing,
you know, a deeper relationship with the person that you're seeing,
whether it's like a habit, a belief, a characteristic. You know,
we're gonna be running through some some common deal breakers
because everyone has different ones depending on all of those things,
(01:35):
depending on their lifestyle, their beliefs, you know, compatibility on things.
So yeah, we're gonna be walking you through some and
give you our points of view.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Yes, and you know, thank you for clarifying that, because
sometimes things can easily be miss misunderstood, misrepresentative. But we're
gonna talk about it. We're gonna talk about it. But
let's start off a little bit, a little bit smooth.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Let's start off a little bit smooth.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Now, A common deal breaker sometimes is having different views
on traveling. And you know, we love to travel. I mean,
I know you love to travel.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
I love to travel.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
I know a lot of other amigas that do love
to travel as well. And sometimes I feel like coming
from and this can apply to partners, and it can
also apply to friendships as well. But if we're talking
about partners, sometimes when you're used to let's say, being
single and you're traveling and you're doing your own thing,
(02:36):
it can you know it's different. It can take some
kind of adjustment, right, Like, let's be honest, it can
take some adjustment. And sometimes or oftentimes I should say,
traveling requires a significant of financial investment.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Okay, what's that right?
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Traveling costs money casineto and if and it all depends
on your personal priorities, right, So if you're a partner
that loves to travel, but your partner doesn't necessarily like
to travel, or maybe they have different priorities when it
comes to their finances, because that could also happen, like
they can have a certain priority with their finances and
(03:16):
then we can have it as well. And while the
term of what is luxury to us maybe different, what
is luxury to our partner? And that also includes to
travel experiences because I can tell you like I when
I travel, I like to get a good spa experience
and I don't care how much.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
I pay, Like I'm like I need that. I need
that experience.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
So and I know that you can relate to you know,
so I think it just depends. So it can really
create that tension or disagreement about budgeting. I mean he
should be paying at all, right, or maybe not once
it's controversial. That's a controversial question. Do you think your
partner should be paying for the trip or do you go?
(04:00):
And we would love to know that, actually, we would
love to exactly.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
There are so many like things to talk about when
it comes to traveling with your partner. And what is
a deal breaker, right, like you said sending expectations? Is
he gonna pay for it? Are you going to go
have these Is someone going to book the flights? Is
that another person going to book the hotel? Like these
are all good questions to have. And it's funny. I
(04:26):
was just thinking about when one of our travel experiences
together when we were trying to we were going to
New York and we were looking up hotels and we're like,
what's important to you?
Speaker 3 (04:37):
What's important to you? I need to have a.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Pretty view, and I was like I need to have
a nice bathroom. So like, it's just funny to hear
about what's important to everybody when they travel.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Exactly, And that's at a friendship level. And these questions
are are important, right because what if let's say we
call Divide and Conquer, and let's say I would have
been like, Okay, Lily, I'll book the flights, you book
the hotels, and then I get there, there's no pretty view.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
I'm would be like Lily, what happened in my city view?
What happened to that? You know? Or Lily's like Tanya,
this restroom?
Speaker 4 (05:19):
What is this?
Speaker 3 (05:19):
You know?
Speaker 1 (05:20):
So it's little things, right, It's just like little luxury.
So it's like what is something that's luxury to you
that may not be with the person you're traveling with.
And that applies to partners. So I think it's really important.
Like let's say, once you get through that things, right,
you're there already, you're traveling together, and I think it
can reveal like different aspects of their lifestyle compatibility, like adaptability,
(05:46):
what are they down for? Openness to new experiences, like
what are you comfortable with?
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Right?
Speaker 1 (05:53):
If you have a certain attitude or a certain perspective
on things or travel styles are really important. So I
think these are these can be deal breakers to some people,
but I also think that these are things that can
you can work around. I think these are things that
(06:14):
can be worked around as long as it's talked about prior.
Because I remember when we traveled to New York, Lily,
I remember there was a night or like an evening,
I would say that I was feeling a little bit tired.
I was more on the tired and chill side, but
you wanted to have a drink or go out or something.
(06:35):
And then you said, you know what, I'm just gonna
go have wine to the rooftop. I'm like, okay, cool,
I'm a chill for a bit and then we just
regroup later and that's okay as long as there's that
communication prior.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I would say, yeah, exactly, it's like we're not always
going to be on the same wavelength, but it's just
being respectful of like how the other person feels and
like what they want to do, and it's just like
accommodating to that, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Yeah, And it's all about compromise.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Yeah, compromise, Like it's about how can you serve in a.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Way your friend or your partner in a.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Way where it's reciprocated but also not expected, but something
that feels comfortable.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
So just being mindful of that.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
But I think with Lily and I we have found
that balance, that like healthy balance that works for us,
you know, as friends. But I think that people can
also find that with their partners yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
So let me ask you this, would it be a
deal breaker for you to date someone who doesn't like to.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
Travel at all?
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Okay, sopose to traveling that they don't want to travel.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
Okay, So that's a good question.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
So I have dated someone in the past that did
not like traveling and didn't really care for traveling, and
then there's me. I I wanted to travel. So it
sometimes it wasn't like the top deal breaker for me
because I'm very comfortable like just doing my own thing
(08:11):
and like, all right, well, if you can't go, then
I'm gonna go, like you know, respectfully, me respectfully. So
I was in a relationship that was like that. And
when I went to Europe, I went by myself for
the first time. Oh actually no, it wasn't my first time.
I did go to Europe, but I went by myself
that time. And I did tell him like, hey, are
(08:34):
you coming? Do you want to go? If not, I'm
still going to go because this is something I want
to do. But he was also understanding of it. But
at the same time, it's like it's all about that balance,
you know.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
It's like, well, I'm gonna go.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
I'm not going to stop my life, and look, we're
not even together anymore. So I would say it's like
it was a good decision that I still went to
by myself and experience that versus you know, I don't know,
sometimes you kinda have to go for it.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
It's not a deal breaker, it's not the end of
the world. So yes, my opinion, Yeah, no, I agree.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
I think that as long as your partner is you know,
open and like supports you on you traveling and you
can travel soul with your friends or with your family.
Not as long as they're supportive of your traveling interests,
I don't think it's a problem.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
I think so, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Okay, Now moving on to our next deal breaker. This one,
like just saying the word hurts my stomach, but I'm
going to say it.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
This deal breaker is cheating.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
For many people, cheating is a clear deal breaker, you know,
as it should be for many reasons. You know, cheating
reaches that foundation of trust. It can cause a lot
of heartache and pain, and I don't know, just trying
(10:03):
to rebuild trust after someone breaks that trust with you
can be super difficult and is impossible sometimes for some people.
But for me personally, I think that that cheating would
definitely be.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
A deal breaker. What do you think?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
I mean, cheating most definitely would be a deal breaker, Like,
no doubt about it, no doubt about it. It's just unacceptable,
like you would think you're going into a relationship to
be in that relationship and to be with that person.
So yeah, I don't think anyone should tolerate that, anyone
(10:48):
should deal with that. I think everyone needs to respect
themselves and love themselves more before tolerating cheating because that's
you know, you trust, Like how do you trust after that?
And then I understand there's people that believe in second chances,
and I think second chances could be given in other circumstances,
(11:11):
But the cheating part, no, especially, I mean we're in
a relationship. We're in a relationship, like why do that?
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Yeah, No, I think it would definitely be tough because
I feel like you're just always going to be wondering
or not like fully trust that person you know for
a good reason, right, So yeah, it's a.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
L Yeah, it will definitely never be something compromisible. And
I mean the older you get, the wiser you are,
and hopefully the more you love yourself and the more
that you respect yourself and put yourself first exactly. Now, Okay,
let's go for another deal breaker. These are good, these
(11:54):
are good. Let's let's see dm us let them. Let
us know what are your deal breakers? D must you
know I approve on Instagram, on Facebook? Let us know
what are deal breakers for you?
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Now?
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Another common deal breaker is the person not having a
good relationship with their family. And we know not having
a good relationship with family members can be a deal
breaker for many reasons, or for several reasons. Like one
of the things that psychologies, not psychologists or maybe psychology
(12:31):
articles sometimes stayed and it's like that emotional unhealed emotional trauma.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Right.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
So it's like we all have that, I think to
a certain extent. But the question is are you doing
something to proactively heal that emotional damage?
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Right?
Speaker 1 (12:55):
So, strange family relationships really sometimes can lead to unresolved
issues that can be reflective in your own relationship, not
only with your partner, but with others, with friends, with colleagues,
with just people in general. So it's really important as
an individual to ask yourself, how can I heal from this?
(13:19):
Why is this emotional trauma hindering my life? And what
can I do and really seek that help because when
you are trying to go into a healthy relationship, that
can affect things. So it goes back to what are
your values, what are your priorities as an individual? What
do you want to bring into the relationship, Because trust me,
(13:40):
that other person is going to take notice. And it
is a question, you know, why don't you have a
healthy relationship with your family? And I think it's up
to you to decide if like that is a deal
breaker or not. But let me ask you, Lily, is
that a deal breaker for you?
Speaker 2 (13:58):
You know what I think? So I think it is
because I'm very, very family oriented and I have you know,
no no family is perfect. You know, my family and
I we can bump heads or get into disagreements, but
at the end of the day, like we love each
other and we are always going to be there for
each other. So I would want my partner to you know,
(14:22):
have a good relationship with their family and or maybe
if they don't, to have tried to, you know, heal
whatever trauma that they have with not having a good
relationship with their family. And also for the future too,
because I would like to have, you know, a family
(14:43):
one day so it's just there's just a lot of
red flags that come up with this deal breaker, you know.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
I agree, I agree, and I think it is a
deal breaker. It's really important to have, I mean, because
if they don't have a good relationship with their families.
Sometimes it's hard to say, right, I think it just
really depends on the situation, like what really happened, And
of course you're never going to know the whole truth,
(15:11):
but I think it's for you to assess if whatever
that reason is, if it's something that you can deal with,
and if not, then it is a deal breaker and
that's not your person.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Yeah exactly, because what if there's just so much like
anger or hurt behind you know, not having a good
relationship with their family, and sometimes that can strain your
own relationship, right, So yeah, there's just obviously every situation
is different, there are exceptions to everything, I think, so
(15:46):
who knows, but I think from a ideal relationship, would
definitely want my partner to have a good relationship with
their family.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Absolutely, one hundred percent. Now let's save into the next
deal breaker.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Yeah, it's okay, this sone's a little different, but I
think it's it's a good one to bring up because.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
You know, social media is.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Very prominent in the everyday life of many people. So
this deal breaker is one person not having social media,
which is a little hard to believe, you know, because
social media is everywhere and there's so many different platforms
social platforms. So because of that, maybe some people can
(16:37):
be overwhelmed and they don't like to be on social media.
But I can see how that can be a deal
breaker for some people because social media is so deeply
integrated and part of their daily lives and routines.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
So I don't know.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Personally, I don't I wouldn't be a deal breaker for
me if the person I was dating didn't have social media,
because I just don't like. If they don't want to
be on social media, it's fine. I'm my life is
on social media a lot and my business so but yeah,
(17:17):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
I don't think it's a big deal. What about you?
So here's my thing. I don't think it's a deal breaker.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
If they truly do not have social media, then they
don't have social media. If they do have social media,
then cool, they do, right, But I think as long
as they're transparent. For example, man, I feel like I've
dated all these deal breakers. So, Uh, someone I was
with in a relationship claim that they didn't have social media,
(17:45):
which I was okay with it, Cool you don't have
social media? Turns out he did and I was like, what,
Like why would you lie about that?
Speaker 3 (17:52):
Like that's messed up? Right?
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Yeah, So I think as long as you're transparent if
you don't, and he wasn't like active, but but he
did have it, I'm like, you just told me, Like,
what's the big deal?
Speaker 3 (18:03):
Right, So that's sus already.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
And I think that as long as they're transparent, But
whether you have social or not, like it's not a
deal breaker.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
I don't think it is.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Yeah, No, like with my with my boyfriend, he doesn't
have Instagram, but he has Twitter, and I kind of
liked that he didn't or doesn't have Instagram just because
I feel like, at least from my past experiences, sometimes Instagram.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
There's just so many mind games that you can play
with someone, Like what if I post a photo and
he doesn't like it? Or what if he's not seeing
my stories? Like what is that something he doesn't like
me anymore?
Speaker 3 (18:46):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (18:46):
So, like I don't know if this happens to both
like men and women, but at least from my perspective,
like that would happen to me. I would like always
be thinking something if there isn't some kind of reaction
towards towards a post, you know, but I don't.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
I don't have to deal with that. He doesn't have Instagram,
So I love it. Yeah, You're like one last thing
to worry about.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
One least thing to worry about. Yeah, because there's already
so many things in relationships. Yeah, So like not having
that social media stress is just great.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Yeah, and I think it can truly play a psychological
like it can play psychological mind tricks.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Oh yeah, Like, Okay, you've liked all my other stories,
Well why don't you like this one?
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Exactly, Why haven't you seen any of my stories?
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Yes, So let's go into the last deal breaker. Let's
talk about marriage. Okay, is marriage a deal breaker when
it comes to being in let's say, a long term
relationship and where you've made it clear that you want marriage,
(19:59):
but but you don't see that that is a topic
of discussion or anything. Because some individuals, I feel, some
people have clear aspirations for what marriage is and others
they don't really have that clarity. And I think this
is an interesting topic and I think this is a
learning because it can really conflict with the direction of
(20:23):
the relationship. So I think one of the things to
really talk about when you start a relationship, it's like
what are you dating for? You know, and I've learned
that along the way, like what are you dating for?
Are you dating to casually date? Are you dating for marriage?
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Are you dating short term? Long term? Like what are
your goals?
Speaker 1 (20:45):
So I think it's something really important to establish, like
from the beginning, so you know what there's intentions are
and it relieves those uncomfortable situations. But if you're looking
for marriage, if you're dating to get married, but that
partner that you're with is not, then yes, it will.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Be a deal breaker, I would say.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
For in my case, it won't be a deal breaker
if they are not looking for marriage.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Yeah, No, I one hundred percent agree with you. I
think it's good to know from the beginning stages, just
so we all know what we're working with here, right.
No one wants to waste anyone's time, And it's okay
if you if like one person doesn't want marriage. That's
just like what they want or don't want. But like
you both have different what expectations and interests, so it's
(21:36):
just it's fair for both parties. It's just being transparent
from the beginning. So you know how to position yourself, right.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Yeah, and you have you kind of know what to expect, right,
So it's like both of you know what your expectations are,
where your mind is that and it's up to those individuals,
whether you or the partner, to make that decision.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
Okay, it makes sense.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
For us to continue this relationship or if it doesn't,
and then sadly it doesn't.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
But yeah, I think marriage can be a deal breaker overall.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Yeah, and don't like try to change someone, right, Like
if someone wants marriage, other presidentess' want marriage and maybe
you think down the line, oh well maybe they won't
want to get married.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Let's still date. But you know what I mean, like.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
You know something that you know totally makes sense with
that statement. Is like when people show you their true colors,
or when people tell you how they are at the beginning, believe.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Them, yes, because they.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
Don't tell if they tell you this is how I am,
or if they show you with actions. This is how
what I did in this situation, Like believe them back
to what you said. Don't try to change them, don't
try to hope and be like challenge accept it, like.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
I can change them.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
I could change them. No, no, no, it's like.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Take it for what it is, you know, take it
for what it is because most likely that's what it is.
Speaker 4 (22:59):
Yeah, for what it is, because that's what they say,
it is exactly exactly. Well, I hope you enjoyed this
podcast episode talking about relationship deal breakers.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Yeah, I know, this has been super fun to talk about.
I hope you've found this helpful if you're in your
dating life, if you're you know, just here for the
cheesemad here to contribute. Yeah, let us know when you
thought about these deal breakers and what are some other
common deal breakers that you can think about. So make
(23:32):
sure to subscribe to this podcast because we have a
lot more to talk about, and follow us on social
media at Latina Proved.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Yeah bye bye
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