October 4, 2024 • 34 mins
What if the bonds we form in our youth could guide us through some of life's most challenging transitions? Join us on the Lift One Self podcast as we explore this fascinating idea with our incredible guests, Chantel Thomas, Danielle Brooks, and Tanya Winchester. Chantel, lovingly dubbed "the gatherer," shares the story of their lifelong friendship that has provided strength and resilience through middle school, college, and beyond. Danielle discusses her journey of self-discovery as an empty nester and newly divorced woman, while Tanya offers her invaluable insights from her caregiving experience, underscoring the necessity of self-care.
Transforming personal video transcriptions into a self-published book is no small feat, but these women have done just that. Chantel's ability to foster a space where vulnerability is not only welcomed but celebrated, plays a crucial role in their collaborative project. They bravely tackle topics like body image and significant life changes, with Tanya’s “Play Big” chapter urging us all to step beyond our comfort zones. Their shared stories and collective support weave a rich tapestry that showcases the powerful synergy of enduring girlfriend relationships.
Finally, our guests share the wisdom they would pass on to their 18-year-old selves in just three words, offering a poignant and reflective conclusion to our conversation. They emphasize the importance of friendship, dreaming, seeking, and authenticity as cornerstones of a fulfilling life. As we close, learn how to connect with Chantel, Danielle, and Tanya, and find out where to get their book "40 Day Reset." Don't miss this heartwarming and thought-provoking episode, and remember to be kind and gentle with yourself as you reflect on their raw and honest stories.
Find the book here :
https://www.40dayresetbook.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast, where we break
mental health stigmas throughconversations.
I'm your host, nat Nat, and wedive into topics about trauma
and how it impacts the nervoussystem.
Yet we don't just leave youthere.
We share insights and tools ofself-care, meditation and growth
(00:21):
that help you be curious aboutyour own biology.
Your presence matters.
Please like and subscribe toour podcast.
Help our community grow.
Let's get into this.
Oh, and please remember to bekind to yourself.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast.
I'm your host, nat Nat, andtoday we are delighted with not
just one guest, not just two,yet we have a panel of three
beautiful ladies that are comingto bring you guys some wisdom
and some delight and to talkabout how it is to keep
(01:02):
connected with your girlfriends.
So, without any ado, could youguys please introduce yourself?
I don't know who wants to gofirst, yet I will leave that to
you guys to figure out.
So whoever will start gracingand introduce please?
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Thank you, nat, for inviting us in.
I'm Chantel Thomas.
I'm coming to you from Durham,north Carolina, and I am, I
think I say the cog in the wheelbecause I'm the one that
connects all of us.
It's two of us along with metoday, so Danielle and Tanya,
(01:39):
but there are 11 of us in allwho contributed to the book.
But just know that our loveeffort is the thing that is
right now, you know, the centerof our connectedness.
(02:00):
But we are connected in waysthat are way beyond like dating
all the way back to middleschool for some, and for others
college and work.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Danielle, would you be able to introduce yourself a
bit?
Speaker 4 (02:14):
Sure, thank you, nat, and my name is Danielle Brooks.
I am coming to you, live fromNorthern Virginia, I work in D,
so I'm a DMV girly and I amcurrently enjoying my empty nest
.
I call myself a bird watcher,as I see my two young adult
(02:35):
daughters flourishing out in theworld.
I am what I still considernewly divorced, so I am a woman
over 50 that is rediscoveringthe girl in me and just
rediscovering myself and thethings that bring me pleasure
through work.
I am a human resources officerfor a nationwide nonprofit
(03:00):
funder and I love all thingsreading, writing and anything
that has to do with.
I'm a word nerd, so I enjoyedthat as well.
As I'm kind of a live eventperson, I enjoy going to live
music events, comedy shows, aswell as spending time in nature,
(03:21):
and I'm very excited to be apart of this podcast today.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Thank you for being here Now.
Last but not least, tanya, canyou please introduce yourself?
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Yes, thank you, natnet.
I am Tanya Winchester.
I am in Durham, north Carolina,with Chantel, not too far away.
I am a wife, a mother, anencourager.
I'm also a life coach and I amsomeone that has been a
(03:53):
caregiver to ill people, andsome of them are still with us
and some are not, but I learnedvery quickly that I needed to be
cared for as well.
So I am now spending my timejust taking care of me as
(04:13):
priority number one and it'sreally exciting.
Chantel and I will talk abouthow we're connected later, but
through her I've been connectedto this group of women now for
about four years, going on five.
It's been a wonderfulexperience.
They accept me for who I am.
I am a book nerd.
(04:35):
I probably ask a lot ofquestions, things I don't know.
Even if the question seems dumb, I'll ask it anyway.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
And they accept me and they answer my questions and
give me what I need so I canmove on, and I'm appreciative to
them for that yeah, what abeautiful, safe space to be in
when we can be ourselves and,you know, find that safety and
being curious and askingquestions and not feeling
shunned because of it.
Uh, absolutely, askingquestions and not feeling
shunned because of it.
(05:04):
There's so many point offs.
I would like to ask questions,yet I understand that we are
here for the book, which is somuch that I'm like, oh, I want
to go into this and I want to gointo that, yet we will be on
the thing that connected youguys and that is the book.
(05:26):
Before we get to that, would youguys join me in a mindful
moment and a meditation toground ourselves in our breath?
Yes, absolutely okay.
And for the listeners as youalways hear, most listen to a
podcast while driving.
So when I ask all of us toclose our eyes, please don't
people Yet the other promptsyou're able to follow through
(05:47):
and please take this mindfulmoment for yourself.
So, ladies, I'll ask you to getcomfortable in your seat and
when you're ready, you're goingto gently close your eyes and
you're going to begin breathingin and out through your nose and
you're going to bring yourawareness through your nose.
(06:10):
You're not going to try andcontrol your breath.
You're just going to let theawareness watch the rhythm of it
, allowing it to bring you inyour body.
There may be some sensations orfeelings coming up, and it's
okay, let them come up.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
You're safe to feel.
You're safe to let go.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Surrender the need to control, release the need to
resist and just be, be with yourbreath.
Drop deeper into your body.
By now, there may be somethoughts or to-do lists that
have popped up in your mind.
(06:55):
That's okay.
Gently bring your awarenessback to your breath, creating
space between the awareness andthe thoughts and going deeper
into the body, just watching therhythm of your breath.
Again, more thoughts may havepopped up, and it's okay.
(07:19):
Bring your awareness back toyour breath, beginning again and
going deeper into your body,creating more space between the
awareness and the thoughts andjust being now, while still
(07:41):
staying with your breath, atyour own time and at your own
pace.
You're going to gently openyour eyes while staying with
your breath now.
I usually ask this question toeach person, so I'm going to
start first with danielle how'syour heart doing?
Speaker 4 (08:01):
oh, my heart is open and relaxed.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Tanya how's your heart doing my heart?
Speaker 3 (08:11):
is open and in hopeful expectation.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
And last but not least, Chantel, how is your
heart doing?
Calm and centered ladies, thereason why we're here is about
this wonderful book that Ididn't even realize.
11 women were computers too, sojust to get three women
together, I'm like wow, but 11to be able to organize and not
(08:42):
have anybody try to control ordominate.
So tell us I don't know whowants to if it's going to be
Chantal, yeah, tell us about thebook, the title and a little
bit about what caused you tocreate this book.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
The book is entitled 40 Day Reset and it was inspired
by my own journey during Lentin 2023.
And I wanted to focus and usethe 40 days the general 40 days
of Lent as almost like anumbrella for me to open up and
(09:23):
be better.
But, as I often do, I drag myfriends along and a lot of times
they say yes to the things Idrag them into, and so, for me,
I started with them and said,hey, I just want to, over the
course of the next 40 days, openup my phone camera and just
(09:45):
record what's on my heart.
I just want to say somethingand I want to share it with our
friend group.
That's it.
So we were our audience andover the course of the time, I
just would open up my camera andjust talk about probably no
more than one minute or so, justwhatever was on my heart,
whatever I was thinking about,what I was drawn to that
(10:09):
particular day.
And by the time I got to the10th day, I was like y'all, I
need help, which is general forme like I need some help.
And so I was like I don't evenknow how I'm going to do 40
whole days of this, like gettingthe camera, just the camera on
the phone, set up, figured out,like what am I going to say?
(10:30):
Like all of that, even thoughwe were our own audience and
we're not judging each other.
It was just us just living andliving with each other as we
normally do.
And so it was that and itstarted, and the videos started
coming in and we began to justshare in that way we always
(10:53):
share.
We stay connected through text.
We all live in different cities, but we normally stay connected
through text, and we were justusing the technology to lift
each other up during this 40days.
And then, when it was all over,I actually had the videos
transcribed and came to them andsaid, y'all, I think we got a
(11:15):
book.
And I said what if everybody goand look at the transcribed?
You know I uploaded it toGoogle, look at it, look what it
says, you know like, look andsee.
Can you in agreement?
You think this could be a book.
And they said yes, and voila,here we are.
(11:37):
I think they probably said yes,in December, maybe of 2023.
And we released it on maybe of2023.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
And we released it on Good Friday of 2024.
Oh, wow, beautiful.
Yeah, and that's really quickto bring out a book.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
We self-published.
I should say that it's aself-published, and so the you
know, technology has done somuch for us in the world and
this is one of them, right, soit was we literally nimble
enough and you know enoughagreement and working together
through technology and wetranscribed each of the videos
(12:18):
and we uploaded that and, yeah,each person just edited, edited
and yeah, we did the book.
I couldn't believe it myself.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Congratulations Even for self-publishing, just to get
organized.
Also, a lot of times, withwriters and somebody that's
going to present something andthis was very intimate personal
thoughts and experiences tobring that out into the world,
there's a part of a sabotageinside of us that's like whoa,
(12:49):
can we, you know, expose this toother people or can there be
anything?
Did any of you experience thatkind of inner critic or that
inner sabotage that wants toprotect you from revealing that
vulnerability?
Speaker 4 (13:04):
No, Okay, I would say no, but I also want to add, you
know, chantel, I call her thegatherer and she's the gatherer,
but she is also an excellentproject manager and I think she
has established such a safespace.
(13:25):
There's a deep level of trust.
So, even though there was, youknow, this vulnerability in a
way that we were initiallysharing within our group, her
character and who she is, Ithink, created her character and
who she is, I think, createdjust that space for us to jump
(13:46):
with her.
It wasn't a thought, you know,there was no fear or room for me
, I'll say, to be concerned.
I've really had full faith andtrust in her vision and, again,
her character to to see itamazing, amazing.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
but I love when the synergy amongst women and how
there's a guidance within andthat it's like just growing, and
the way that you guys connectand you talk openly and you're
feeding off of each other, I canjust imagine, with the other
dynamic of the ladies, howpalpable that is.
(14:26):
What could we find in this bookand why is it something that's
so important for people to diveinto?
Speaker 3 (14:36):
I will say that you will find good topics that are
broad.
It's a broad range of topics.
Danielle actually has threechapters in the book and Tanya
has one that's called Play Big,and I think it runs the gamut
(14:59):
like Play Big, all the way to.
One of our contributors talksabout remembering.
Like how do you remember thegood times?
Like so we we it.
It vacillates.
So Danielle has a chapter thattalks about body image.
Like it's, like it's all, likeyou find it all in there.
But I'm going to kick it toTanya, cause I you know her.
(15:20):
Her play big chapter, I think,is a one that she actually did.
I think all of us kind of talkabout how we felt about writing
it, but hers is kind ofinteresting because she just
went out there and said this iswhat I'm doing in this chapter.
I did and, and so I was goingto say that my chapter, playing
(15:45):
big, was all about me coming outof myself, getting out of my
head, getting out of my own wayto really experience what I knew
I needed to experience tocontinue to grow.
We get one life and so when youlook at this book, there's
something in there, in myopinion, for everyone.
(16:06):
And so playing big for me wasjust all about doing things that
I'm uncomfortable with.
So when Chantel says, make avideo, I went through all the
things.
Oh my gosh, my hair.
What will I do with my hair?
She wants me on video.
I don't look good on video.
Oh my gosh, I got to get a ringlight, I mean.
I went through all of the things, all of the feelings, but I
(16:30):
never felt like I can't do it.
That actually never occurred tome, because with Chantel, I
call her the connector, thegatherer.
She's the one that pulls us alltogether and very seldom, nat,
nat, do we say no to Chantel.
We may redirect some of herideas, but we often say yes to
(16:52):
her because her ideas are sowell thought of and or well
thought out, and it's always tobe helpful to others.
So, or just to have fun, shecan call us and be like let's go
to this concert and we'rewhoever can go can go, and those
that can't have definite FOMObecause they can't go.
(17:17):
But for me it was all aboutstepping out and doing something
different and I was excited todo that.
So in my chapter, when she said, oh, here's, here's, you know
what you said in the videotranscribed, I happily sat down
and wrote and then I sent it toher and I said, do you need me
to write more?
I can write more because it wasso important to me to stop
(17:41):
hiding, it was so important tome to come out, let people know
who I am, and that I was readyfor that moment, and I think a
lot of us.
We were just ready to be called.
Out is what I call it.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
I want to ask each of you what is, what do you think
creates a good foundation of agirlfriend relationship, like to
really hold on to strong bonds?
What do you think are theingredients or the elements that
will create those strongconnections, that, even if
there's distance and there'stime that you haven't spoken,
that when you connect with eachother it's like time hasn't
passed, and that there's thatopenness and being able to share
(18:30):
Whoever wants to first.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
I'm going to pick on Danielle.
She's further away.
Speaker 4 (18:37):
I'll jump out and say the first.
Like two words come to mind forme.
One is acceptance.
You know accepting one another.
Again, chantel is a person thatdoes not meet many strangers I
don't think any strangers and so, as she alluded to at the top,
you know this is she's the coreand many of us only know each
(19:01):
other through her.
Some of us had opportunities tomeet I went to college with
Chantel so there's this level ofjust acceptance that, again
through her as a trustworthyperson, we're accepting this
group.
We're accepting that she'svetted, kind of the temperature
(19:22):
of what we're about in terms ofbasic core values, but also a
recognition that we all havewe've come from different walks
of life, that we are movingalong.
You know a trajectory in lifeand have different availability
at different times, and so Ithink we flex with one another.
We stay connected on a chatgroup that again ranges from
(19:47):
very serious topics to nonsense,when you need to laugh, but
nobody is offended if, hey,nobody chimed in when I put
something Like we're just, weknow we have things going on,
and so that acceptance and thatflexibility, you know to just
bend when someone might need alittle bit more, or you know,
(20:10):
yeah, we might experience FOMO,but recognizing that there are
also different levels ofconnection that might warrant,
you know, some differentengagement.
that doesn't include everybodyall the time and that's okay.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Yeah, I think Danielle she's got it, because I
think that level requires allof us to be, let's see, very
transparent.
I think I just so all of us are.
Really we embrace the idea ofbeing vulnerable.
(20:49):
So when Tanya talked in thebeginning about like being able
to say to the group, like whatis that Like?
And everybody just like yeah,that's so-and-so-and-so.
That means that we are all justwelcoming of everybody's
different levels of knowledge ofthings, different understanding
(21:09):
of things and different spacesthat we are in our life.
So we often in our chat group,one of the things that we talk
about constantly is menopause.
We're all going through it, wetalk about menopause and so
we're all experiencing itdifferently.
But like we have like goodtopics up in there about
(21:32):
menopause helping people finddoctors, like everything yeah,
and that perimenopausal I I'm inmenopause well, not anymore
because I had a period.
So once you have a period, itstarts all over.
It's over, yeah that makes.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
But yeah, um, yeah, I love it.
I love that and it's you cometo see the dynamic that
everybody experiences it alittle bit differently too.
It's not all the sameexperience.
There's some similarities.
Yet when I try, when you knowsome of my friends, they have
the hot flashes and they're likeI need AC on 24, seven and I'm
(22:14):
like I don't have that, like,put me in the heat, I want heat.
Everybody has a differentexperience with it, but it's
nice to have that safe spaceagain to open up and not feel
like, oh, is it just me thatthere's people and more engaged
to help you find the resources,to find a balance in that and to
(22:35):
keep your mindset balanced whenall the hormones are
fluctuating and the tempersmight be diminishing, might be
diminishing.
We can answer that questionagain about the relationships
and what you think really holdsa proper foundation.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
So I was going to say trust and the
non-competitiveness.
I don't feel the need tocompete with any women in the
group and they don't feel theneed to compete with any women
in the group and they don't feelthe need to compete.
And I think in the world womenare often competing and we're
stepping on each other to get tothat next level and that's just
not how this group is.
(23:16):
And I accredit that to Chantelbeing the connector, because
she's not that way.
We're not that way.
She didn't.
When she brought us togethershe never said now we're not
that way.
She didn't.
When she brought us together,she never said now we're not
going to compete with oneanother.
She never had to say thatbecause she doesn't compete with
us in our individualconnections with her.
(23:37):
And so, like Danielle said,right away, we had the trust in
the group and even though I will, I will.
Danielle and I are both coaches,so I will text Danielle about a
book or or something that Ithink is really interesting and
get her take on it, but I mightnot text any of the other women
in the group individually.
(23:58):
Right, there might be a handfulthat I that I have a closer
relationship with, but I know itdoesn't matter if I've never
texted Sheila.
If I call Sheila, if I text her, I know she's going to answer
the phone when I call and she'sgoing to respond to my text.
I have no doubt about thatbecause of the group and how
(24:21):
it's set up, and it's the samefor me.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
I don't care that none of them may call me, but
when they do, I'm there for themyeah, yeah, you're making me
want to be in this group thatyou guys have and it's it's a
really great village, like morebeyond community.
It's a village of you know, acircle, and no matter what, this
circle is going to stay acircle.
(24:46):
We're not going to break out ofthe circle and we're going to
lean in even stronger when youknow the winds or when tempers
may flare or when there'smisunderstanding or life
experiences.
It sounds like if any of youguys go through some like
Danielle you just mentioned thatyou're recently divorced it
sounds like these women may haveushered to you to hold a space
(25:09):
to process that grief and to beable to experience the new parts
of you and encourage that, yetalso hold space for the grieving
parts of you that you have togrieve, and so having a
tight-knit circle of women withwisdom and maturity, I think
that's the big thing with women,sometimes.
(25:31):
Not that competition, it's thatmaturity that I don't have to be
in competition with myself, sothen I can hold space of
nurturing and really see how wecan move along together, that we
don't have to listen to thatindoctrination that's been
placed that we're all dividedand conquer and be
individualistic.
(25:51):
We actually can really bondaround each other and see that
we can grow together.
And it's like a beautiful,palpable thing.
Um, and like, like I said, Iwant to be a part of this group
because these guys, chantal hasreally created something
beautifully and it's, it'sbeautiful to hear, cause you
(26:13):
don't, you know, in the world ofsocial media and where people
are more cat calling and sayingthe negative thing, tearing each
other down, and you know that's, you know it's the easiest
thing with the nervous system,negativity to really stand the
empowerment and how we can growin that empowerment and have,
(26:33):
like you said, danielle, at thatacceptance.
And then tana, you trust, andthen chantal is, like you said,
the connector and I I think thatwhat I'm reading is chantal
sees the good in everybody andthat they may not even see about
themselves and she highlightsthat in them so that they can
receive it and move inconfidence and grow in that you
(26:54):
know circle.
I'm mindful of time, so I'mjust going to bring you guys
into a reflective question, andso, each of you, I'm going to
ask you to bring your awarenessback to your 18 year old self
and three words to tell your 18year old self to carry you to
(27:18):
the journey of right now.
What would those words be?
What?
Speaker 3 (27:27):
would those words be Shut up?
Wow, okay, okay.
So I have to tell you, natalie,I just celebrated a birthday,
and every time when it'sbirthday time in our group of
friends, I ask them what do youknow for sure?
So you got an opportunity totake another whirl around the
sun.
What do you know for sure?
(27:47):
So you got an opportunity totake another whirl around the
sun?
What do you know for sure?
And so I've been thinking aboutmine.
I haven't told my friends yet,but I've been thinking about
mine, so I'm going to cheat alittle bit.
Sorry, y'all.
So what?
Friendship is my number oneword?
(28:09):
I would tell my 18 year oldself, because it's that that has
brought me here Friendship.
I would tell her.
I would tell her that this, canI say, this too shall pass.
I don't know, like I know yousaid one word, but this too
shall pass.
And I would also tell her tolook back with love.
(28:35):
So those are my two.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Beautiful Tanya.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
Gosh, 18,.
I would tell her to dream,never stop dreaming.
I would tell her to seek,always be in search of what's
next and anticipation of what'snext, and I would tell her to
(29:11):
never lose hope.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Beautiful and Danielle.
Speaker 4 (29:18):
My 18-year-old self.
First I would tell her you arelovable, you are lovable, you
are lovable.
The second word would beembrace authenticity.
You know the world needs whatyou have and don't try to change
(29:39):
.
Just embrace your authenticity.
And thirdly, it's all worth it.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
I love it.
I love it Okay.
So I know many of the listenersare like okay, we know these
ladies.
Now, where can we find thisbook and where can we connect
with these ladies, if you guyshave any?
You mentioned, tanya andChantal, that you're coaches.
Danielle, I don't know if youoffer services also or you have
(30:13):
your own personal thing or it'sjust with the book.
Yet if you guys can each letpeople know where they can find
you and connect with you andagain, where they can find the
book, so I will start.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
I'll answer that question.
They can find the book at40dayresetbookcom and when they
get there they'll have anopportunity to meet all of us,
because there is a wonderfulvideo on there to introduce each
of the 11 women there, tointroduce each of the 11 women.
(30:50):
So, Chantel, are you going totell them how to connect with
you?
Oh, that's it the book.
Just go there.
Everything is there40dayreceptbookcom, so you'll
find everything there, thesocial and everything Good.
So you can find me on linkedin.
(31:11):
I'm always happy to connectthere.
And then, um, if you'd like toexperience coaching or have
questions about coaching, youcan certainly reach out to me at
tanya winchestercom okay, samefor me.
Speaker 4 (31:25):
You can find me on linkedin um.
I'm there, I have a little funon instagram.
So I am just danielle brooks,underscore 1913 on instagram, um
, but coaching services throughlinkedin okay, and I'll be sure
to have this all on the shownotes.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
So we're in the age of technology, so people like to
just have that hyperlink andclick and you know any listener.
At any time there was any kindof tug or inclination or
curiosity follow through, yourlimbic system signaled you that
something was an opening.
So just click and get the book,get the book.
(32:05):
I'm going to be getting thebook because you already hear
that it's relatable.
It's something that isn't justtheory.
It's something that they workedthrough, revealing the
day-to-day and what they'veexperienced.
So you want this kind of raw,honest, relatable book.
(32:33):
So please go check it out,click and also review With
publishers.
You want to get those reviewsso that you can get recognized,
so other people can see that youknow it's there and it's
accessible.
And you know, let's be honest,we all want to see a review to
see what other people'sperceptions or experience was
(32:54):
with the book.
So you know, leave thosereviews, because they are like
gold for publishers and artistsand everything else.
I want to thank all of youladies.
I would love to have these guysback, cause I think we could go
into a deeper dive in othertopics Yet I really want to
thank you for offering the mostvaluable thing you have, which
(33:17):
is your time, and time is a tool, not a toy.
So I thank you for coming onthe podcast and sharing this
wonderful baby that you guyshave all nurtured and brought
forth into the world to share.
You've used that alchemy oftaking those impurities and
turning them into gold.
(33:37):
Yet not just keeping that goalfor yourself, you're sharing it
with other people.
So thank you for all thatyou're bringing forth in the
world and for taking care ofyourself.
So thank you so much, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Please remember to be kind toyourself, hey you made it all
the way here.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
I appreciate you and your time.
If you found value in thisconversation, please share it
out.
If there was somebody thatpopped into your mind, take
action and share it out withthem.
It possibly may not be themthat will benefit.
It's that they know somebodythat will benefit from listening
to this conversation, so pleasetake action and share out the
(34:20):
podcast.
You can find us on social mediaon Facebook, instagram and
TikTok under Lift One Self, andif you want to inquire about the
work that I do and the servicesthat I provide to people, come
over on my website, come into adiscovery call LiftOneSelfcom.
(34:41):
Until next time, pleaseremember to be kind and gentle
with yourself.
You matter.
Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast, where we break
mental health stigmas throughconversations.
I'm your host, nat Nat, and wedive into topics about trauma
and how it impacts the nervoussystem.
Yet we don't just leave youthere.
We share insights and tools ofself-care, meditation and growth
(00:21):
that help you be curious aboutyour own biology.
Your presence matters.
Please like and subscribe toour podcast.
Help our community grow.
Let's get into this.
Oh, and please remember to bekind to yourself.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast.
I'm your host, nat Nat, andtoday we are delighted with not
just one guest, not just two,yet we have a panel of three
beautiful ladies that are comingto bring you guys some wisdom
and some delight and to talkabout how it is to keep
(01:02):
connected with your girlfriends.
So, without any ado, could youguys please introduce yourself?
I don't know who wants to gofirst, yet I will leave that to
you guys to figure out.
So whoever will start gracingand introduce please?
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Thank you, nat, for inviting us in.
I'm Chantel Thomas.
I'm coming to you from Durham,north Carolina, and I am, I
think I say the cog in the wheelbecause I'm the one that
connects all of us.
It's two of us along with metoday, so Danielle and Tanya,
(01:39):
but there are 11 of us in allwho contributed to the book.
But just know that our loveeffort is the thing that is
right now, you know, the centerof our connectedness.
(02:00):
But we are connected in waysthat are way beyond like dating
all the way back to middleschool for some, and for others
college and work.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Danielle, would you be able to introduce yourself a
bit?
Speaker 4 (02:14):
Sure, thank you, nat, and my name is Danielle Brooks.
I am coming to you, live fromNorthern Virginia, I work in D,
so I'm a DMV girly and I amcurrently enjoying my empty nest
.
I call myself a bird watcher,as I see my two young adult
(02:35):
daughters flourishing out in theworld.
I am what I still considernewly divorced, so I am a woman
over 50 that is rediscoveringthe girl in me and just
rediscovering myself and thethings that bring me pleasure
through work.
I am a human resources officerfor a nationwide nonprofit
(03:00):
funder and I love all thingsreading, writing and anything
that has to do with.
I'm a word nerd, so I enjoyedthat as well.
As I'm kind of a live eventperson, I enjoy going to live
music events, comedy shows, aswell as spending time in nature,
(03:21):
and I'm very excited to be apart of this podcast today.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Thank you for being here Now.
Last but not least, tanya, canyou please introduce yourself?
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Yes, thank you, natnet.
I am Tanya Winchester.
I am in Durham, north Carolina,with Chantel, not too far away.
I am a wife, a mother, anencourager.
I'm also a life coach and I amsomeone that has been a
(03:53):
caregiver to ill people, andsome of them are still with us
and some are not, but I learnedvery quickly that I needed to be
cared for as well.
So I am now spending my timejust taking care of me as
(04:13):
priority number one and it'sreally exciting.
Chantel and I will talk abouthow we're connected later, but
through her I've been connectedto this group of women now for
about four years, going on five.
It's been a wonderfulexperience.
They accept me for who I am.
I am a book nerd.
(04:35):
I probably ask a lot ofquestions, things I don't know.
Even if the question seems dumb, I'll ask it anyway.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
And they accept me and they answer my questions and
give me what I need so I canmove on, and I'm appreciative to
them for that yeah, what abeautiful, safe space to be in
when we can be ourselves and,you know, find that safety and
being curious and askingquestions and not feeling
shunned because of it.
Uh, absolutely, askingquestions and not feeling
shunned because of it.
(05:04):
There's so many point offs.
I would like to ask questions,yet I understand that we are
here for the book, which is somuch that I'm like, oh, I want
to go into this and I want to gointo that, yet we will be on
the thing that connected youguys and that is the book.
(05:26):
Before we get to that, would youguys join me in a mindful
moment and a meditation toground ourselves in our breath?
Yes, absolutely okay.
And for the listeners as youalways hear, most listen to a
podcast while driving.
So when I ask all of us toclose our eyes, please don't
people Yet the other promptsyou're able to follow through
(05:47):
and please take this mindfulmoment for yourself.
So, ladies, I'll ask you to getcomfortable in your seat and
when you're ready, you're goingto gently close your eyes and
you're going to begin breathingin and out through your nose and
you're going to bring yourawareness through your nose.
(06:10):
You're not going to try andcontrol your breath.
You're just going to let theawareness watch the rhythm of it
, allowing it to bring you inyour body.
There may be some sensations orfeelings coming up, and it's
okay, let them come up.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
You're safe to feel.
You're safe to let go.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Surrender the need to control, release the need to
resist and just be, be with yourbreath.
Drop deeper into your body.
By now, there may be somethoughts or to-do lists that
have popped up in your mind.
(06:55):
That's okay.
Gently bring your awarenessback to your breath, creating
space between the awareness andthe thoughts and going deeper
into the body, just watching therhythm of your breath.
Again, more thoughts may havepopped up, and it's okay.
(07:19):
Bring your awareness back toyour breath, beginning again and
going deeper into your body,creating more space between the
awareness and the thoughts andjust being now, while still
(07:41):
staying with your breath, atyour own time and at your own
pace.
You're going to gently openyour eyes while staying with
your breath now.
I usually ask this question toeach person, so I'm going to
start first with danielle how'syour heart doing?
Speaker 4 (08:01):
oh, my heart is open and relaxed.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Tanya how's your heart doing my heart?
Speaker 3 (08:11):
is open and in hopeful expectation.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
And last but not least, Chantel, how is your
heart doing?
Calm and centered ladies, thereason why we're here is about
this wonderful book that Ididn't even realize.
11 women were computers too, sojust to get three women
together, I'm like wow, but 11to be able to organize and not
(08:42):
have anybody try to control ordominate.
So tell us I don't know whowants to if it's going to be
Chantal, yeah, tell us about thebook, the title and a little
bit about what caused you tocreate this book.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
The book is entitled 40 Day Reset and it was inspired
by my own journey during Lentin 2023.
And I wanted to focus and usethe 40 days the general 40 days
of Lent as almost like anumbrella for me to open up and
(09:23):
be better.
But, as I often do, I drag myfriends along and a lot of times
they say yes to the things Idrag them into, and so, for me,
I started with them and said,hey, I just want to, over the
course of the next 40 days, openup my phone camera and just
(09:45):
record what's on my heart.
I just want to say somethingand I want to share it with our
friend group.
That's it.
So we were our audience andover the course of the time, I
just would open up my camera andjust talk about probably no
more than one minute or so, justwhatever was on my heart,
whatever I was thinking about,what I was drawn to that
(10:09):
particular day.
And by the time I got to the10th day, I was like y'all, I
need help, which is general forme like I need some help.
And so I was like I don't evenknow how I'm going to do 40
whole days of this, like gettingthe camera, just the camera on
the phone, set up, figured out,like what am I going to say?
(10:30):
Like all of that, even thoughwe were our own audience and
we're not judging each other.
It was just us just living andliving with each other as we
normally do.
And so it was that and itstarted, and the videos started
coming in and we began to justshare in that way we always
(10:53):
share.
We stay connected through text.
We all live in different cities, but we normally stay connected
through text, and we were justusing the technology to lift
each other up during this 40days.
And then, when it was all over,I actually had the videos
transcribed and came to them andsaid, y'all, I think we got a
(11:15):
book.
And I said what if everybody goand look at the transcribed?
You know I uploaded it toGoogle, look at it, look what it
says, you know like, look andsee.
Can you in agreement?
You think this could be a book.
And they said yes, and voila,here we are.
(11:37):
I think they probably said yes,in December, maybe of 2023.
And we released it on maybe of2023.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
And we released it on Good Friday of 2024.
Oh, wow, beautiful.
Yeah, and that's really quickto bring out a book.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
We self-published.
I should say that it's aself-published, and so the you
know, technology has done somuch for us in the world and
this is one of them, right, soit was we literally nimble
enough and you know enoughagreement and working together
through technology and wetranscribed each of the videos
(12:18):
and we uploaded that and, yeah,each person just edited, edited
and yeah, we did the book.
I couldn't believe it myself.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Congratulations Even for self-publishing, just to get
organized.
Also, a lot of times, withwriters and somebody that's
going to present something andthis was very intimate personal
thoughts and experiences tobring that out into the world,
there's a part of a sabotageinside of us that's like whoa,
(12:49):
can we, you know, expose this toother people or can there be
anything?
Did any of you experience thatkind of inner critic or that
inner sabotage that wants toprotect you from revealing that
vulnerability?
Speaker 4 (13:04):
No, Okay, I would say no, but I also want to add, you
know, chantel, I call her thegatherer and she's the gatherer,
but she is also an excellentproject manager and I think she
has established such a safespace.
(13:25):
There's a deep level of trust.
So, even though there was, youknow, this vulnerability in a
way that we were initiallysharing within our group, her
character and who she is, Ithink, created her character and
who she is, I think, createdjust that space for us to jump
(13:46):
with her.
It wasn't a thought, you know,there was no fear or room for me
, I'll say, to be concerned.
I've really had full faith andtrust in her vision and, again,
her character to to see itamazing, amazing.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
but I love when the synergy amongst women and how
there's a guidance within andthat it's like just growing, and
the way that you guys connectand you talk openly and you're
feeding off of each other, I canjust imagine, with the other
dynamic of the ladies, howpalpable that is.
(14:26):
What could we find in this bookand why is it something that's
so important for people to diveinto?
Speaker 3 (14:36):
I will say that you will find good topics that are
broad.
It's a broad range of topics.
Danielle actually has threechapters in the book and Tanya
has one that's called Play Big,and I think it runs the gamut
(14:59):
like Play Big, all the way to.
One of our contributors talksabout remembering.
Like how do you remember thegood times?
Like so we we it.
It vacillates.
So Danielle has a chapter thattalks about body image.
Like it's, like it's all, likeyou find it all in there.
But I'm going to kick it toTanya, cause I you know her.
(15:20):
Her play big chapter, I think,is a one that she actually did.
I think all of us kind of talkabout how we felt about writing
it, but hers is kind ofinteresting because she just
went out there and said this iswhat I'm doing in this chapter.
I did and, and so I was goingto say that my chapter, playing
(15:45):
big, was all about me coming outof myself, getting out of my
head, getting out of my own wayto really experience what I knew
I needed to experience tocontinue to grow.
We get one life and so when youlook at this book, there's
something in there, in myopinion, for everyone.
(16:06):
And so playing big for me wasjust all about doing things that
I'm uncomfortable with.
So when Chantel says, make avideo, I went through all the
things.
Oh my gosh, my hair.
What will I do with my hair?
She wants me on video.
I don't look good on video.
Oh my gosh, I got to get a ringlight, I mean.
I went through all of the things, all of the feelings, but I
(16:30):
never felt like I can't do it.
That actually never occurred tome, because with Chantel, I
call her the connector, thegatherer.
She's the one that pulls us alltogether and very seldom, nat,
nat, do we say no to Chantel.
We may redirect some of herideas, but we often say yes to
(16:52):
her because her ideas are sowell thought of and or well
thought out, and it's always tobe helpful to others.
So, or just to have fun, shecan call us and be like let's go
to this concert and we'rewhoever can go can go, and those
that can't have definite FOMObecause they can't go.
(17:17):
But for me it was all aboutstepping out and doing something
different and I was excited todo that.
So in my chapter, when she said, oh, here's, here's, you know
what you said in the videotranscribed, I happily sat down
and wrote and then I sent it toher and I said, do you need me
to write more?
I can write more because it wasso important to me to stop
(17:41):
hiding, it was so important tome to come out, let people know
who I am, and that I was readyfor that moment, and I think a
lot of us.
We were just ready to be called.
Out is what I call it.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
I want to ask each of you what is, what do you think
creates a good foundation of agirlfriend relationship, like to
really hold on to strong bonds?
What do you think are theingredients or the elements that
will create those strongconnections, that, even if
there's distance and there'stime that you haven't spoken,
that when you connect with eachother it's like time hasn't
passed, and that there's thatopenness and being able to share
(18:30):
Whoever wants to first.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
I'm going to pick on Danielle.
She's further away.
Speaker 4 (18:37):
I'll jump out and say the first.
Like two words come to mind forme.
One is acceptance.
You know accepting one another.
Again, chantel is a person thatdoes not meet many strangers I
don't think any strangers and so, as she alluded to at the top,
you know this is she's the coreand many of us only know each
(19:01):
other through her.
Some of us had opportunities tomeet I went to college with
Chantel so there's this level ofjust acceptance that, again
through her as a trustworthyperson, we're accepting this
group.
We're accepting that she'svetted, kind of the temperature
(19:22):
of what we're about in terms ofbasic core values, but also a
recognition that we all havewe've come from different walks
of life, that we are movingalong.
You know a trajectory in lifeand have different availability
at different times, and so Ithink we flex with one another.
We stay connected on a chatgroup that again ranges from
(19:47):
very serious topics to nonsense,when you need to laugh, but
nobody is offended if, hey,nobody chimed in when I put
something Like we're just, weknow we have things going on,
and so that acceptance and thatflexibility, you know to just
bend when someone might need alittle bit more, or you know,
(20:10):
yeah, we might experience FOMO,but recognizing that there are
also different levels ofconnection that might warrant,
you know, some differentengagement.
that doesn't include everybodyall the time and that's okay.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Yeah, I think Danielle she's got it, because I
think that level requires allof us to be, let's see, very
transparent.
I think I just so all of us are.
Really we embrace the idea ofbeing vulnerable.
(20:49):
So when Tanya talked in thebeginning about like being able
to say to the group, like whatis that Like?
And everybody just like yeah,that's so-and-so-and-so.
That means that we are all justwelcoming of everybody's
different levels of knowledge ofthings, different understanding
(21:09):
of things and different spacesthat we are in our life.
So we often in our chat group,one of the things that we talk
about constantly is menopause.
We're all going through it, wetalk about menopause and so
we're all experiencing itdifferently.
But like we have like goodtopics up in there about
(21:32):
menopause helping people finddoctors, like everything yeah,
and that perimenopausal I I'm inmenopause well, not anymore
because I had a period.
So once you have a period, itstarts all over.
It's over, yeah that makes.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
But yeah, um, yeah, I love it.
I love that and it's you cometo see the dynamic that
everybody experiences it alittle bit differently too.
It's not all the sameexperience.
There's some similarities.
Yet when I try, when you knowsome of my friends, they have
the hot flashes and they're likeI need AC on 24, seven and I'm
(22:14):
like I don't have that, like,put me in the heat, I want heat.
Everybody has a differentexperience with it, but it's
nice to have that safe spaceagain to open up and not feel
like, oh, is it just me thatthere's people and more engaged
to help you find the resources,to find a balance in that and to
(22:35):
keep your mindset balanced whenall the hormones are
fluctuating and the tempersmight be diminishing, might be
diminishing.
We can answer that questionagain about the relationships
and what you think really holdsa proper foundation.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
So I was going to say trust and the
non-competitiveness.
I don't feel the need tocompete with any women in the
group and they don't feel theneed to compete with any women
in the group and they don't feelthe need to compete.
And I think in the world womenare often competing and we're
stepping on each other to get tothat next level and that's just
not how this group is.
(23:16):
And I accredit that to Chantelbeing the connector, because
she's not that way.
We're not that way.
She didn't.
When she brought us togethershe never said now we're not
that way.
She didn't.
When she brought us together,she never said now we're not
going to compete with oneanother.
She never had to say thatbecause she doesn't compete with
us in our individualconnections with her.
(23:37):
And so, like Danielle said,right away, we had the trust in
the group and even though I will, I will.
Danielle and I are both coaches,so I will text Danielle about a
book or or something that Ithink is really interesting and
get her take on it, but I mightnot text any of the other women
in the group individually.
(23:58):
Right, there might be a handfulthat I that I have a closer
relationship with, but I know itdoesn't matter if I've never
texted Sheila.
If I call Sheila, if I text her, I know she's going to answer
the phone when I call and she'sgoing to respond to my text.
I have no doubt about thatbecause of the group and how
(24:21):
it's set up, and it's the samefor me.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
I don't care that none of them may call me, but
when they do, I'm there for themyeah, yeah, you're making me
want to be in this group thatyou guys have and it's it's a
really great village, like morebeyond community.
It's a village of you know, acircle, and no matter what, this
circle is going to stay acircle.
(24:46):
We're not going to break out ofthe circle and we're going to
lean in even stronger when youknow the winds or when tempers
may flare or when there'smisunderstanding or life
experiences.
It sounds like if any of youguys go through some like
Danielle you just mentioned thatyou're recently divorced it
sounds like these women may haveushered to you to hold a space
(25:09):
to process that grief and to beable to experience the new parts
of you and encourage that, yetalso hold space for the grieving
parts of you that you have togrieve, and so having a
tight-knit circle of women withwisdom and maturity, I think
that's the big thing with women,sometimes.
(25:31):
Not that competition, it's thatmaturity that I don't have to be
in competition with myself, sothen I can hold space of
nurturing and really see how wecan move along together, that we
don't have to listen to thatindoctrination that's been
placed that we're all dividedand conquer and be
individualistic.
(25:51):
We actually can really bondaround each other and see that
we can grow together.
And it's like a beautiful,palpable thing.
Um, and like, like I said, Iwant to be a part of this group
because these guys, chantal hasreally created something
beautifully and it's, it'sbeautiful to hear, cause you
(26:13):
don't, you know, in the world ofsocial media and where people
are more cat calling and sayingthe negative thing, tearing each
other down, and you know that's, you know it's the easiest
thing with the nervous system,negativity to really stand the
empowerment and how we can growin that empowerment and have,
(26:33):
like you said, danielle, at thatacceptance.
And then tana, you trust, andthen chantal is, like you said,
the connector and I I think thatwhat I'm reading is chantal
sees the good in everybody andthat they may not even see about
themselves and she highlightsthat in them so that they can
receive it and move inconfidence and grow in that you
(26:54):
know circle.
I'm mindful of time, so I'mjust going to bring you guys
into a reflective question, andso, each of you, I'm going to
ask you to bring your awarenessback to your 18 year old self
and three words to tell your 18year old self to carry you to
(27:18):
the journey of right now.
What would those words be?
What?
Speaker 3 (27:27):
would those words be Shut up?
Wow, okay, okay.
So I have to tell you, natalie,I just celebrated a birthday,
and every time when it'sbirthday time in our group of
friends, I ask them what do youknow for sure?
So you got an opportunity totake another whirl around the
sun.
What do you know for sure?
(27:47):
So you got an opportunity totake another whirl around the
sun?
What do you know for sure?
And so I've been thinking aboutmine.
I haven't told my friends yet,but I've been thinking about
mine, so I'm going to cheat alittle bit.
Sorry, y'all.
So what?
Friendship is my number oneword?
(28:09):
I would tell my 18 year oldself, because it's that that has
brought me here Friendship.
I would tell her.
I would tell her that this, canI say, this too shall pass.
I don't know, like I know yousaid one word, but this too
shall pass.
And I would also tell her tolook back with love.
(28:35):
So those are my two.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Beautiful Tanya.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
Gosh, 18,.
I would tell her to dream,never stop dreaming.
I would tell her to seek,always be in search of what's
next and anticipation of what'snext, and I would tell her to
(29:11):
never lose hope.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Beautiful and Danielle.
Speaker 4 (29:18):
My 18-year-old self.
First I would tell her you arelovable, you are lovable, you
are lovable.
The second word would beembrace authenticity.
You know the world needs whatyou have and don't try to change
(29:39):
.
Just embrace your authenticity.
And thirdly, it's all worth it.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
I love it.
I love it Okay.
So I know many of the listenersare like okay, we know these
ladies.
Now, where can we find thisbook and where can we connect
with these ladies, if you guyshave any?
You mentioned, tanya andChantal, that you're coaches.
Danielle, I don't know if youoffer services also or you have
(30:13):
your own personal thing or it'sjust with the book.
Yet if you guys can each letpeople know where they can find
you and connect with you andagain, where they can find the
book, so I will start.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
I'll answer that question.
They can find the book at40dayresetbookcom and when they
get there they'll have anopportunity to meet all of us,
because there is a wonderfulvideo on there to introduce each
of the 11 women there, tointroduce each of the 11 women.
(30:50):
So, Chantel, are you going totell them how to connect with
you?
Oh, that's it the book.
Just go there.
Everything is there40dayreceptbookcom, so you'll
find everything there, thesocial and everything Good.
So you can find me on linkedin.
(31:11):
I'm always happy to connectthere.
And then, um, if you'd like toexperience coaching or have
questions about coaching, youcan certainly reach out to me at
tanya winchestercom okay, samefor me.
Speaker 4 (31:25):
You can find me on linkedin um.
I'm there, I have a little funon instagram.
So I am just danielle brooks,underscore 1913 on instagram, um
, but coaching services throughlinkedin okay, and I'll be sure
to have this all on the shownotes.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
So we're in the age of technology, so people like to
just have that hyperlink andclick and you know any listener.
At any time there was any kindof tug or inclination or
curiosity follow through, yourlimbic system signaled you that
something was an opening.
So just click and get the book,get the book.
(32:05):
I'm going to be getting thebook because you already hear
that it's relatable.
It's something that isn't justtheory.
It's something that they workedthrough, revealing the
day-to-day and what they'veexperienced.
So you want this kind of raw,honest, relatable book.
(32:33):
So please go check it out,click and also review With
publishers.
You want to get those reviewsso that you can get recognized,
so other people can see that youknow it's there and it's
accessible.
And you know, let's be honest,we all want to see a review to
see what other people'sperceptions or experience was
(32:54):
with the book.
So you know, leave thosereviews, because they are like
gold for publishers and artistsand everything else.
I want to thank all of youladies.
I would love to have these guysback, cause I think we could go
into a deeper dive in othertopics Yet I really want to
thank you for offering the mostvaluable thing you have, which
(33:17):
is your time, and time is a tool, not a toy.
So I thank you for coming onthe podcast and sharing this
wonderful baby that you guyshave all nurtured and brought
forth into the world to share.
You've used that alchemy oftaking those impurities and
turning them into gold.
(33:37):
Yet not just keeping that goalfor yourself, you're sharing it
with other people.
So thank you for all thatyou're bringing forth in the
world and for taking care ofyourself.
So thank you so much, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Please remember to be kind toyourself, hey you made it all
the way here.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
I appreciate you and your time.
If you found value in thisconversation, please share it
out.
If there was somebody thatpopped into your mind, take
action and share it out withthem.
It possibly may not be themthat will benefit.
It's that they know somebodythat will benefit from listening
to this conversation, so pleasetake action and share out the
(34:20):
podcast.
You can find us on social mediaon Facebook, instagram and
TikTok under Lift One Self, andif you want to inquire about the
work that I do and the servicesthat I provide to people, come
over on my website, come into adiscovery call LiftOneSelfcom.
(34:41):
Until next time, pleaseremember to be kind and gentle
with yourself.
You matter.
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