October 21, 2024 • 62 mins
How does one rise from the depths of personal tragedy to find a sense of purpose and joy? Join us for an intimate conversation with Will "Wize" Otero, host of the Stuck in My Mind podcast, as he takes us through his journey from growing up in Brooklyn with a single mother to becoming an influential podcast host. Will shares the resilience his mother instilled in him and opens up about how her recent passing has shaped his perspective on life. This episode underscores the importance of mindfulness and self-care, featuring a grounding breathing exercise highlighting the power of being present amidst overwhelming emotions.
Life is a series of ups and downs, often marked by profound loss and moments of rediscovery. Hear the heart-wrenching story of Denise Otero's sudden passing and how it led to a spiral of heavy drinking, job loss, and fractured family life. Moving back to Brooklyn and reconnecting with estranged family members in Puerto Rico served as a catalyst for healing. We reflect on overcoming feelings of being cursed and self-destructive behaviours, finding a turning point in therapy, and the positive changes brought about by moving to the Pocono Mountains.
Love and grief intertwine in complex ways, often transforming our lives for the better. We delve into the dynamics of relationships, the significance of being open to different kinds of love, and the necessity of vulnerability in building true connections. This episode also tackles breaking the stigma around men's mental health, encouraging men to express their feelings and seek help without judgment. Discover inspiring stories of goal setting, manifestation, and the impact of positive influences, offering valuable insights on how to discover one's purpose and joy in life. This is an episode filled with resilience, hope, and the transformative power of human connections.
Learn more about Will "Wize" Otero:
https://stuckinmymindpodcast.com/
https://www.instagram.com/wize_el_jefe/
Remember, the strongest thing you can do for yourself is to ask for help.
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Music by prazkhanal
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast, where we break
mental health stigmas throughconversations.
I'm your host, nat Nat, and wedive into topics about trauma
and how it impacts the nervoussystem.
Yet we don't just leave youthere.
We share insights and tools ofself-care, meditation and growth
(00:21):
that help you be curious aboutyour own biology.
Your presence matters.
Please like and subscribe toour podcast.
Help our community grow.
Let's get into this.
Oh, and please remember to bekind to yourself.
Welcome to the Lift One Selfpodcast.
(00:48):
I'm your host, nat Nat, andwith me is a special guest.
He is Will, and I would love ifyou would introduce yourself to
the audience and let them knowa little bit about you, please.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Hello everyone.
My name is Will Wise Otero.
I'm the host of Stuck in myMind podcast.
I've been podcasting for thelast four years and I'm excited
to be here.
I'm excited to be a guest,thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
I was graciously a guest on his podcast and after
our conversation I was like canyou please come and be gracious
to be on the Lift One Selfpodcast so you can share your
wisdom with the audience,because I know you have a lot to
offer and I know your story isgoing to resonate with some of
the listeners so that they knowthat there's you know, a
(01:39):
different way and there's lightin that dark tunnel that they
may be in.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Definitely, definitely.
It's been a crazy life, but youknow what it's life?
Because me, I was born andraised in Brooklyn, new York, by
a single mom.
I have five older siblings andit was like life.
(02:05):
Growing up wasn't easy, but itwasn't that hard as well.
I never realized.
You know, when you're poor, inthose moments you don't realize
that you're poor.
Yeah, exactly, so that wasbecause my mom made it, so that
we didn't need anything.
So it was, it was always.
It was just.
(02:26):
It was amazing to be to have herraise us and us not realizing
that we were poor and we were,but we didn't realize it, she
didn't let us know, it wasalways.
We was always always having.
We had food on the table, wehad a roof over our head.
(02:49):
She never made, she never letus go without.
So it was a, it was a blessingto be raised by her and to have
her as my mom, because and andI'm talking about her right now,
because she passed away earlierthis year and it was I'm a
(03:11):
mama's boy.
Like I said, I'm a mama's boy.
It was hard to go through whatwe went through this past year
(03:33):
with her and seeing herdeteriorate before my eyes, but
I'm getting a little bit aheadof myself, because my story
begins way before that and I'mjust glad to be able to come on
here and share my story withpeople.
I'm just glad to be able tocome on here and share my story
with people.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
So, before we get into there, will you join me in
a breath so that we can connectwith each other and open the
space?
Okay, and, as you know,listeners, I'm going to ask Will
and myself to close our eyes.
Yet most people are listeningto the podcast while driving.
So, please, safety first, don'tclose your eyes yet.
(04:07):
Um, you're able to follow theother prompts, uh, just to be
able to ground yourself andre-center where you are in the
moment.
So we'll allow you to getcomfortable in your seating and
you're going to gently closeyour eyes and you're going to
begin breathing in and outthrough your nose and you're
(04:28):
going to bring your awareness towatching your breath go in and
out through your nose.
You're not going to try andcontrol your breath, you're just
going to be aware of its rhythm, allowing it to bring you into
your body.
There may be some sensations orfeelings that are coming up.
(04:48):
It's okay, let them surface.
You're safe to feel.
You're safe to let go,surrender the need to control,
release the need to resist andjust be.
Drop into your body and be withthe breath.
(05:12):
Now there may be some thoughtsor memories that have popped up,
and it's okay.
Gently, bring your awarenessback to your breath, creating a
space between the awareness andyour thoughts, being with the
(05:33):
breath and going deeper into thebody, allowing there to be a
surrender and opening againthere may be some more thoughts
that came in and bring yourawareness to your breath,
creating more space between theawareness and the thoughts,
(05:57):
dropping deeper into your bodyNow, while still staying with
your breath, at your own timeand at your own pace.
You're going to slowly openyour eyes while staying with
your breath.
How is your heart doing?
Speaker 2 (06:17):
oh, it's feeling good .
It's amazing.
I need you to to um recordyourself for me that's a great
feeling.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I love that feeling yeah, um, I have a few people
that ask if I could be in theirback pocket.
I'm just helping to guide andthis is always within your reach
because you're the one that'sactually accessing it.
It's not me, I'm just givingyou the guidance to have the
ability to access it.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Yes, but you have that voice that helps Regulate
your nervous system, helps getme there.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
So I need that voice going.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Yeah, I think I want to start doing that before each
and every episode.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Yeah, it makes a difference Because it just you
know, and I use this practiceseveral times a day, especially
when my mind has gone stir crazyor I'm getting overwhelmed and
I can see I'm the rabbit inalice in wonderland.
No time, no time running aroundit was.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Uh, today was a trying day, so it so it was
needed.
That was definitely needed.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Yeah, so I built this practice.
It didn't come naturally.
I had to work at it and reallyjust remember, because a lot of
times we want to accesssomething when it's in high
alert, when we haven't eveninstilled it in our everyday
life, and then wonder, well, whycan't I access it?
And it's like, well, like whenyou're in a fire and if you
(07:51):
haven't learned where the exitsare, where the water is, where
the fire extinguisher, you thinkyou're going to know where this
is, when you're not able tobreathe and the house is on fire
and you're burning.
So it's remembering to do itwhen you're in a calm state so
that when you're in high alert,you can remember that this tool
is here to help you centeryourself and regulate, because
(08:13):
what we're doing is regulatingthe nervous system to release
all the buildup of what went ontoday.
Like you said, it was a tryingday for you, so this space
allows you to just let it meltaway and remember like, wait,
let me come here and not bestuck in my head.
Let me drop into my body andrelease all of the stuff that I
(08:35):
gathered today.
So, yeah, it's a practice and Iappreciate doing this.
I started this about maybe ayear ago in my podcast, I was a
little apprehensive.
Yet I was like you know whatI'm going to bring people into
the practical.
We always say what to do andhow to do it.
Yet I was like let me model itand demonstrate it.
(08:58):
Yeah, maybe some listenerswon't listen because I don't
want to hear that.
Yet those that do, they'll getthe benefit of exactly what this
does for them and givingthemselves that.
You know, two minute break toregulate and remember.
I can have access to this allthe time.
So before I do have access toit.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
I do have access because we did it on my show, so
I can always snip, snip it fromthere and and use it yeah, it's
on my website also.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
I have a lot of meditations on my website and
they're longer ones I'm gonnahave to go to your website yeah,
and they're longer ones andsome of them have themes and
stuff like that.
So, um, I have a lot of freecontent that I understand.
You know the work that isneeded to.
You know, walk through thisjourney of life and all the
(09:52):
experiences and also have moreself-awareness of yourself and
you know no longer separate fromself to be in your worth and be
with self.
And when those emotions and youknow and all that stuff comes
up, it's okay, let me face itand not try to run away or pinch
myself away from it.
So it's a very powerful tool toaccess our breath and
(10:18):
regulating our nervous system.
Before the meditation, youstarted talking about your
beautiful mother, who is on theother side of love, which you
know.
I felt her presence in ourpodcast last week when we were
talking, and you have broughther back in here.
Yet, as you said, that's notwhere your journey began.
(10:40):
There's somebody else on theother side of love that is
always guiding you and and beingthere.
So could you rewind it and letthe listeners know your journey?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Oh yeah, um yeah, um, uh.
2008,.
Um, I was, uh, 31 years old, um, happily married to, to my best
friend, to someone who had, inthe time that we were together,
(11:13):
had shown me a different path.
First, wife Denise.
It was a crazy story how we metand from the moment she saw me,
her thing was I'm going to havehim, I'm going to make him mine
(11:37):
, which she did, and along theway, she introduced me to the
world of self-development andwanting to improve myself and
all these different things thatI, coming from East New York,
brooklyn, wasn't something thatwe were taught.
It was go to school, geteducation, go to college, but a
(12:05):
lot of people from my hood don'tgo to college.
It was not something that wedid.
So when she introduced me tothe world of wanting to improve
myself, wanting to live theworld of improvement and just
development and improvingyourself, it was like, okay,
this is something different.
(12:27):
What I didn't know was she waspreparing me for what was to
come.
So she introduced me to theSecret all these different other
books, all these differentauthors, different other books,
all these different authors andthis was like 2004, 2005.
(12:49):
And then 2008,.
She comes home from work and shewas an entrepreneur.
This is when Zumba first cameout.
She was teaching a Zumba classand everything.
And so she came home rightafter work, got her gear because
(13:13):
she loved to dance, she lovedto see people dancing and loved
to.
She had a beautiful smile andjust great energy.
So she goes let's go teach yourclass.
Half hour later I get a knock onmy door and it's Tampa Bay
(13:37):
Police Department.
They're at my door and they'relike does Denise Otero live here
?
And I'm like yeah, and they'relike, well, otero live here.
And I'm like yeah, and they'relike, well, I'm her husband.
And she was like, well, I'msorry to let you know that she
has passed.
She was in a car accident andshe has passed.
(13:58):
And it was like surreal.
It wasn't, it was mystepdaughter was behind me, she
was.
She was like what, what wasgoing on?
And and it was just, it waslike just a punch in the gut,
(14:19):
like I didn't.
I'm like what do you mean?
She's not here, she just left,like I just saw her, not even 30
minutes ago.
No, this has got to be amistake.
And just it was something likeout of a movie.
Like when you see something ina movie where they come in, they
(14:41):
let the people know thatsomeone that they love the one
that fast.
And I, just where they come in,they let the people know that
someone that they love the onethat fast, or, and I, I, I just
I was just in a fog.
It was like that day afterafter that and it was just.
It was just craziness in myhead.
(15:02):
I didn't, it was.
I didn't know what was going onand it's just something I
couldn't believe that hadhappened.
Like I said, she just left thehouse.
It was like this is a joke.
This is someone.
You're playing a trick, right?
Speaker 1 (15:18):
And.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
I called my mother-in-law.
I'm trying to talk to her, Ican't talk, I'm just breaking
down.
The officer takes the phone andshe explains to her what
happened.
And it was just.
It was like to this day now.
It's a struggle for me sometimes, but it was like an out of body
(15:46):
, like I'm in an out of bodyexperience, like not, I'm
looking at myself like what is,what is, what is this, what is
going on?
And so I went and identifiedearly later on that day and that
that was like the beginning ofof a few years, of just one
(16:09):
tragedy after another.
And but there was the beginningwhere I just didn't know I I
just kind of lost a part of me,and it was.
(16:29):
It was, I was hurting, I was inpain.
Then this I had never reallyexperienced I have experienced
loss before, but this wassomething that was someone I was
close to me, someone that thatI had never thought that I would
be without her, and it was justdevastating.
(16:52):
It was I was.
I became angry.
Why, why God had chosen me, why, what was I such a horrible
person?
That that that I'm gettingpunished?
Why are you taking, why are youtaking her from me?
And and it was just like.
It was just crazy, because shewas such a beautiful person and
(17:17):
so young she was only 35 yearsold, but like one of the most
beautiful, beautifulest peoplethat you will ever meet, like no
, no one had anything bad to sayabout her.
Yeah, but like one of the mostbeautiful, beautiful people that
you will ever meet, like no noone had anything bad to say
about her, yeah, just that kindof person, that, just that.
(17:38):
That that's energy and spiritthat you can just see.
She was just a beautiful personin and out, and so I was just
devastated.
I, like my mother-in-law, gotcustody of her younger son my
stepdaughter was already 18, soshe went about her way and I
went from having a family tobeing alone, being alone, and so
(18:17):
I I was.
I was just started drinkingheavily just not caring about
anything like because I had losteverything.
So, without, without them in myworld, it was like, okay, what
am I supposed to do now?
Whatever?
So it was a year of me justdrinking and not caring.
I lost my job, I got, I lostthe apartment, like I said, the
(18:40):
kids had went, my son had wentwith with his, with his
grandmother, and my daughter hadwent her own way and and I and
I was just lost.
And so 2009 comes around, a yearafter her death, I go to puerto
rico for my mother's 70thbirthday, and it was then that I
(19:05):
decided that I was going backhome to New York, because going
back to Florida was not idealfor me, because I didn't have
anyone in Florida.
Every time everywhere I wentreminded me of her.
It was just too much.
(19:26):
So I moved back to brooklyn.
I'm bouncing from crib to crib,sleeping on people's couches on
the floors, just just kind ofnot, not knowing, not having
much, just had a bag full of myclothes and and was just getting
(19:51):
drunk and high and not caringabout life, not caring about
anything and um, it was a cyclefor for many years and it was
like that.
That it was because, and thenlater on, in that same month, in
May of 2009, I received amessage on Facebook and it's my
(20:15):
half-sister, from my father'sside.
She's like I've been lookingfor you and I'm like, yes, I'm
your brother and we reunited.
And I hadn't seen my father in28 years.
This is 28 years of no contact,not knowing where was he, where
he was at All.
I knew was he was in PuertoRico, but that was it.
She found me.
(20:36):
She was like hey, for Father'sDay would you come?
I'll pay your ticket, come backto Puerto Rico and you'll be
his Father's Day present For himand my two brothers.
I had met my older brother whenI was a kid, but I hadn't met
my younger brother yet.
Um, so she gave me the number,I called him, spoke to him over
(20:57):
the phone, spoke to my littlebrother and the set.
The plan was set for father'sday weekend to come to puerto
rico and meet, spent, uh,reunite with my father and and
and just see what happens.
Uh, I arrive friday night orfather's day weekend, um, we
(21:21):
embrace, we, I forgive him, wekind, we talk about that and
just have a good time, and lateron, me and my younger brother
go out and we go shoot pool andhave some food and we stay out
until about 3, 4 in the morning.
Then at about 6 o'clock, 7o'clock in the morning, my
sister calls.
(21:42):
I'm like yo, get over here,hurry up, get over here.
And by the time we get there mydad had passed away.
So I get there, friday night,saturday morning he passes away.
So this is just.
This is a year and a monthafter losing my wife.
(22:02):
Now I reunite with my dad, onlyto lose him.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
And so now I reunite with my dad only to lose him,
and so now I'm really like ohyeah, why do you hate me so much
?
Why is everything being robbedfrom me as soon as I get a
glimmer of happiness?
Speaker 2 (22:22):
why are you taking this from me?
What am I doing?
What is what?
Am I such a horrible personthat I'm continuously losing
people and and and it happenedand it kept happening.
It was I lost two brothers.
I lost the older, I lost one ofmy brothers that was raised
(22:42):
with me with my mom, from my mom, and then the older brother
that I reunited with from mydad's side a couple years later.
He he od'd.
He had his own demons, he hadhis own struggles and he od'd um
uncle that that played a majorrole in raising me, passed away.
(23:05):
And my aunt, who was a majorfit who's like one of away.
And my aunt, who was a major,who was like one of the first
entrepreneurs that I've ever met, because she was the one who
came from Puerto Rico andbrought her family here.
And she's the first woman Ireally ever knew that knew had a
woman, especially in the 60sand 70s and 80s, that had her
own business, had her ownproperties, bought multiple
(23:29):
properties, and to see her andsee what she was doing and lose
her, it was just like I'm reallylost now and I'm like I can't.
Everyone that I'm close to isthis is leaving, is being taken
(23:51):
away.
Am I again?
I'm like, am I that bad of aperson?
What am I doing?
What am I doing wrong?
and so I just keep, keep, keep,keep on the self I'm.
I'm in a self-destructive path,but I'm just basically just
doing, hurt myself, not doinganything to anyone else.
(24:13):
I'm just drinking and gettinghigh and just not caring about
anything.
It got to the point where Ireunited with an old high school
girlfriend who was married andstarted having an affair with
her, and it was just me is now.
(24:34):
Now I'm affecting other peopleand doing stuff, and now I'm
like this isn't me.
My voice in my head is likewhat are you doing?
In my head is like what are youdoing?
This isn't your path, you'renot supposed to be doing this.
And so I'm like I can't do thisanymore.
(25:00):
I'm basically homeless, nothaving somewhere steady to stay.
And that voice is like thisisn't you, this isn't the path
for you, this is not the wayyou're supposed to go.
And so I go and seek help.
I get into therapy.
I start turning my life around.
At this time, my sister and mymother moved back to New York.
We get an apartment togetherwith my older brother and we're
(25:21):
together as a family, and thingsare starting to turn around
because, like I said, I seektherapy, seek the help that I
need, and I get licensed as asecurity guard in New York and
my life starts turning around.
A friend of mine convinces meto sign up for Matchcom and she
(25:41):
writes the profile for me.
She does everything and I meetmy wife that I'm with now Nice,
everything.
And I meet my my wife that I'mwith now, nice, and and so I
find love again and just andjust start turning my and things
just start turning around andmy life starts getting better.
I moved in with my wife.
I moved from, I moved, actuallymoved my family from New York to
(26:04):
to the Pocono Mountains inPennsylvania and and so we move
out of the city and we juststart like life just starts
getting better, like I'm with mybeautiful wife.
She gets me back intoself-development and working on
myself and all these otherthings.
(26:24):
My brother and his wife, they,they actually my brother was a
little hesitant to move up hereand at first it went, but now
him and his wife have a homelike he's, he's has a home, he's
bought his first home here, andthis is a man who also had
(26:48):
turned his life around frombeing a hustler in the streets
to going to jail, being on drugs, to now he's a hardworking
married man who's purchasing hisown home home, and so when
(27:11):
doing the stuff that I did totransform my life and and make
it better also had an impact, onmy family's life because now we
bought him, we brought to bringthem out here and, like I said,
he buys his first home and andhe's, he's, he's retired but he
still works and he has a home.
This is something that he neverthought that he would have.
(27:34):
And to help be a part of thatand see that transformation,
it's like man.
It's been night and day fromwhere I was at a few years ago
to where I am now, where I'vebeen at the job that I've been
for over 10 years now, beenmarried to my wife for the past
(27:55):
seven years, and it's beenamazing to go through all that
darkness and and and arriveswhere I'm at now, where life is
is so much better and and thingsjust keep getting, keep getting
better every day.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Yeah, I have a few questions and inquiries about
the journey.
One how's the relationship withDenise's mother, your
mother-in-law?
Speaker 2 (28:32):
no, okay yeah, she's not.
She's not very.
Even when Denise was alive ourrelationship wasn't good.
She was to me.
She wasn't a nice person like.
She just wasn't a very nicelike cause, not cause.
Even within the last few years,me and the kids have reunited
and my son is now here inPhiladelphia, and and she was
(28:56):
she just she didn't care more.
She cared more about the moneyshe was receiving for him than
for him, and so that that'swhere she wasn't um understood,
yeah, we don't, we don't have togo into that aspect, it's it's
(29:19):
nice to hear that you were ableto know, connect with the
children and build arelationship in there.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
And I'm sure you know , like anything, when hindsight
is 20, 20, you understand whycertain relationships can't be
cultivated when you're in a darkspace, because the influence
that you could have, you know,imparted on them and the impact
it's like whoa, I don't evenrealize because I didn't even
know how to love myself in that.
So how could I even really, youknow, manage my own pain
(29:49):
without it spilling and bleedingon to those that I valued you
know the most to me?
But even how to interact withthat pain, because seeing them
is a constant reminder of Denise, and it's like whoo, how can I
go through those tsunami ofwaves and feelings, like my
nervous system just rang withthat, because those that are in
(30:12):
that experience can understandit.
Other people won't think aboutthat and it's like you have no
idea, like as soon as I see them, everything comes back up and
it's just like a certaindownload and, depending where
you are in your mental state,sometimes it can be opening,
sometimes it doesn't feel toogood inside.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
And that's why I say she was.
She was preparing me because,like I said, she's the one who
introduced me to the, to, the,to, to all the books that I
would that that kind of onenight when I got back, kind of
got back into reading.
Those are the first few firstbooks that I went back to.
Yeah, it was.
(30:53):
It was those principles, thatkind of I didn't know at the
time but was guiding me.
Eventually those are theprinciples that were helping me
get through some of the darkesttimes, and so it was her way of
preparing and yeah, have youread?
Speaker 1 (31:11):
go ahead, no, go ahead.
Have you read the untetheredsoul?
No, well, I highly suggest it.
Okay, untethered soul bymichael singer.
I'll, um, I'll send you, uh, apodcast so you can hear.
You know, because his theory isspoken in his language and
(31:31):
stuff.
So I'll send you a podcast justto see if it resonates.
Because that's the thing.
There's all kinds of books andself-help and everything else,
but it's the opening of thefrequency.
Can you receive the languagethat's being said?
Because sometimes you read andyou're like this can be in
Mandarin, like I'm notunderstanding how to apply this
in my own life, and then otherthings.
(31:51):
It's like that's what you mean,like this is how I can access
it and everything else.
So, but untethered soul hasbeen very transformative for
myself and for others that Iknow, with being responsible for
your mental mindset and yourmental fortitude of navigating
(32:12):
with life.
Another question I have was Iunderstand that the voice was in
your head to change the pathand this isn't you.
How was the work to allowyourself to feel joy again?
How is the work to allowyourself to feel joy?
Speaker 2 (32:28):
again.
Oh man, that's a good question,that's a really good question.
Um, um, it was.
It was at first.
It was hard at first.
It was like when I first startedmy, my relationship with, with
my wife, I was like I felt kindof bad in a way.
(32:53):
I was like like I felt like Iwas kind of cheating and and and
and, but.
Then a lot of the stuff, I likea lot of the stuff.
It was like I said, it was thebooks that I was reading and,
knowing what kind of person shewas, that she wouldn't want me
(33:14):
to continue to be suffering,like she saw a part of me that I
wasn't seeing and for me not tofind happiness again.
I was doing her injustice.
(33:37):
So for me it was like it tooksome time to to be able to to
open up and really embrace the,the new relationship and then
embrace that fact that I wasable to to to really truly fall
in love again.
Because, yeah, yeah, I'm sayingI met den Denise when I was 21
(34:00):
years old and I was with heruntil I was 31.
So that's the first really 10years of my adult life and to
have her influence on me and,like I said, she was such a
beautiful person and the way sheloved was unconditional, and so
(34:26):
to lose that, it was like, okay, I'm never going to love anyone
.
And that was something I feltfor a long time was I'm never
going to love anyone because shewas such a beautiful person and
so.
But when I met my wife and um,we started hanging out and then
(34:52):
and just going out and doingthings and I could see with that
we had, so we had a connection.
It was just something where allright, this is, this is this is
cool, this is this is different.
I haven't felt like this in awhile.
(35:14):
And then it just startedgrowing and growing and to the
point where I'm like okay, andto the point where I'm like okay
and it's crazy because they'relike completely two different
people like Denise is this love?
(35:36):
is this fun loving love, justspirit.
And my wife has a um, she hasthis roughness about her, but
that's what kind of like drawsme to her, that I'm the, I'm the
one who, who's able to breakthat shell in her.
(35:58):
And she says it all the timewhere that shell in her.
And she says it all the timewhere she was, she was like her.
She was raised by a dad thatwas really rough and tough on
her and so she's, she's, she'sthat kind of person.
She's in her masculine, butshe's such a but.
(36:18):
But, like Denise, she cares forpeople.
Even though she might seem likeshe doesn't, she honestly does
care for people and she tries tohelp people as much as possible
.
She will bend over backwardsfor anyone if she sees that they
need help, and that's howDenise was.
But Denise is this soft, caring, loving, loving person.
(36:42):
And then my wife is as hard asrock, but her heart is so pure
and she's so honest, she'sbrutally honest.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Yeah, yeah, glittering yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
She is brutally honest.
She is brutally honest andthat's what I needed with
someone like that, where Ineeded the roughness from her
and she needed the loving andthe empathy from me and all that
.
And so it worked.
(37:19):
It just worked.
The thing that got me that Iknew that I loved her was she's
like you have a passport and I'mlike, no, I don't, I've never
had a passport.
(37:39):
No, no, she goes.
Well, you need to get onebecause I love to travel, and
for her to see us travelingtogether and traveling to
destinations that I've been to.
Like she's the one whointroduced me to traveling to
other countries and all.
So she opened a whole differentworld.
(38:02):
But it was that moment that,when she goes well, we're going
to correct that we need to getyou a passport, because it was
like I see us doing this and tohave someone like that.
It was like all right this isit.
This is who I'm supposed to bewith.
This is the like.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
Yeah, to nurture and care for the painful part in you
, the one that's still afraid toallow you know your heart to
fully open, to experience life.
She gives you that security andsafety that you know what I'm
here, like I got you and I'mgoing to show you what's
possible.
You can open up your you knowhorizons and expansion.
(38:42):
Yet you know to learn to lovelike.
That's the thing.
Like when you love a certainway, you think, okay, it's never
possible, I'm never going tolove again.
It's the it's that you're goingto love differently.
No, you're not going to be ableto replicate the same love
because that person was unique.
So the way that you connectedwith that person is always going
(39:06):
to be unique.
Like you know, us parents willsay like, oh, we love all our
children the same way andthey're all.
And it's like no, you, you havea different connection with
each child and that love isdifferent with each child
because they bring out somethingdifferent than the other
personality or the otherindividual.
(39:26):
So it's really learning to nothave that all or nothing
mentality of black and white andrealize there's different ways
to love, there's differentdepths to love.
But we think it's just verynarrow and it's just like this
and that's all, and it's likenow.
There's so much expansion to it.
(39:47):
Yet you have to open yourselfup to it and that means you have
to be in your vulnerability.
That you know.
A lot of people think that loveis, you know, just so blissful
and everything and it's like.
To love means to open yourselfup to pain.
You really have to open your ifyou really love.
Love means to open yourself upto pain.
You really have to openyourself.
If you really love, you have toopen yourself up to pain and
(40:08):
that's debilitating when you'vegone through so much grief like
you have.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
Yeah, because then I like at the time that I got with
her with, with josephine, likeit was, her father was was at
the beginning stages of gettingsick and everything and he he
really he lost his.
It was some rare, rare braindisease that he had and when he
(40:42):
passed away this was the firsttime someone close to her like
that had passed, like this.
She had never reallyexperienced what I had gone
through in life and the lossthat I had suffered.
So it was, it was importantthat to me it was like okay,
this is why I'm at this point inher life, because she needed me
(41:07):
to be her rock and to be therefor her.
Because, again, this issomething she never experienced
Losing a loved one, especiallyher dad.
Even though her and her dad hada rough relationship that was
her dad, she was still a daddy'sgirl, exactly.
Speaker 1 (41:24):
Love is yeah, Love is love.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
So it was to me.
It was like.
This is why I would.
This is one of the reasons thatI was brought into her life,
because she was going to needsomeone like me at this point in
her life to hold the space forher because you've already had
the experience.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
So, um, yeah, holding that space, uh, because grief,
when people haven't experiencedthat at a young age and what,
the older you get, it can bevery debilitating because it's
like, what is this thing that isgoing on?
Yet you know, like I, mygrandmother passed away when I
think I was like 12, 11 or 12,and she was like a mother figure
(42:11):
to me.
So I've been carrying, you know, deep pain since a young child.
So I already knew this space.
So when other people werecoming in, I was like, oh, like,
oh, like, oh, you're fumblingand it's like, but I forgetting
that I've already had theexperience and I've had to live
through this.
And yet when you can hold spaceand you're like, oh, yeah, it's
(42:32):
going to be messy and you haveto go through the messiness of
what grief is.
Yet holding the space ofnon-judgment, that's the one
thing that helps us.
Yet also a space ofaccountability that you know
you're still alive and thatmeans that joy can come back in.
So you pushing yourself awayfrom joy isn't serving anybody.
(42:54):
Like you think you're holding,you know, the memory of somebody
where it's like no, if youallow joy back in.
You'll be able to feel thatperson's presence inside you.
You'll be able to feel, andreally feel, the depths of that
presence.
Yet it's warrior work to openyourself back up to that and to
(43:15):
be in that vulnerable state toopen your heart back up.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
Of course, definitely back up.
Oh yeah, of course, definitely,especially especially for men.
It is, it's, it's kind of, andnot like how it is like now,
like because even when I wasgrowing up, I was like, oh, men,
don't cry, men don't showemotions living out, and it's
not.
It's now.
It's now that we'reunderstanding that, yes, men are
(43:40):
just like everyone else.
We have human beings, happy, wehave feelings, we do go through
struggles and and and.
So now it's it's a differenttime where we're able to express
ourselves, we're able toactually truly be ourselves and
express that, yes, we hurt, yes,we cry, yes, we go through
struggles.
(44:01):
Yes, we, we, we, we want we.
Just sometimes we just want tolay down and die when, when
we're suffering.
And but it was at one pointwhere it was like I was
embarrassed to let people know Iwas in therapy.
Yeah, yeah, and that's why I dothis podcast is to remove the
(44:23):
stigma around mental health yeah, there's one of the reasons
that I do my show, my podcast,is to let people know it's okay,
because back in the dayprobably was like oh, you see a
therapist, oh you're crazy orsomething.
Let's just, it would shame you.
Yeah, it would be like, oh, whyyou need, why you need therapy.
(44:44):
For what are you crazy or issomething wrong?
Like no, like you need it, youneed to be able to talk to
somebody, you need to be able toexpress yourself.
Speaker 1 (44:53):
Let that, let that stuff out like yeah, exactly and
you see a different perspectivealso, because when you are only
in a certain space, yourperception, it's very difficult
to shift it.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
you're going to feel like, if I tell this person
they're going to judge me, yeah,how are they going to take a
look at me?
Speaker 1 (45:24):
Whereas now, if you're talking to this therapist
or someone and you're tellingthem they're not there to judge
you yeah exactly, and thatwitnessing is very healing, that
I can be this and you're notgoing to push me away and I'm
not going to have the threat oflosing you because you don't
have the capacity to witness mypain, because those are close to
(45:47):
us.
You know, like I say to people,you know the thing about
parenting that they don't tellyou is you're going to have to
witness pain and not do anythingabout it and that helplessness
is debilitating.
Yeah, yet as a parent, you gothrough a lot of psychological
and emotional pain of having tosee your child traverse through
life and experiences and seethem go through their anguish
(46:11):
and try to figure out things forthemselves in this world and in
their life.
So that witnessing the pain,not everybody can do as much as
they have the right intention,they just don't have the skills
to be able to witness and dodeep listening, to really be
(46:32):
aware of their judgment mind.
We all have a judgment mind andso it's like you know what it's
not allowing it to activate andyou know, interfere and have
language and that takes a skillto be able to not allow it to
hijack the behavior and it's youknow everybody has intention,
(46:53):
yet it's the intent, like youcan be intentional, all you want
, yet it's still the action andthe intent that people receive.
So sometimes we have to behonest of like I just don't have
the space for that.
I don't know how to hold thespace for you and I want to, yet
I'm in fear of how you mightperceive that or receive it for
(47:13):
yourself and that could do muchmore damage than trying to open
up and everything else so thatstranger in a professional
manner really just holds thatspace, so that judgment isn't
there.
But yet there's some of us thatwe get a therapist or we get a
coach and we still feel thejudgment and we are have to be
(47:35):
aware of that's our own judgmenthitting at us, that we're just
perceiving somebody and we'reactually being aware of our own
judgment yeah, that's givencertain personalities.
Yes, you are still seeing itfrom the therapist and you're
seeing their personality, yetit's something I think that you
know.
Open up the dialogue, thatyou're going to see your own
(47:56):
judgment with some of this stuff, and that's what is like the
work and that's that's alsostems from us being in our head
so much.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
Yeah, it's stuck in our mind thinking about and and
that was something that that forme, even when I was start,
before I was starting my podcast, it was I was in my mind, I was
that's why I named it suckingmy mind, because I was in my
head just making up excuses likeno, why should I do this?
(48:29):
Stone wise gonna listen to me,my voice sucks.
I saw the horrible like I don'tjust making up excuses to to
not start the podcast, and whatI was not realizing was I'm
failing.
I was failing because just thefact that I didn't attend, like
if I was to attempt the potstart the podcast and and I do
(48:51):
and I started and it failed, orit was just wasn't.
At least I made the effort tostart it, but by me not starting
and not recording and justmaking up excuses, it was just I
was already defeated.
I was already, I had alreadyfailed.
So when I finally decided topress record and just release it
(49:11):
, like didn't have a thought, Ijust recorded it and released it
and it was like this weight waslifted off, like it was just
okay, that wasn't so bad, thatwas the hard part was yeah the
first step yeah, and and so onceI just got the first step out
of the way, I was like, okay, Icould do this.
And then, little by little, Ijust improved on on what I was
(49:33):
doing with my podcast and and byeight, by episode eight, I was
like, man, I love this, this issomething that's really giving
me joy, this is something that'sgiving me purpose.
I was 44 years old and didn'tknow what I wanted out of life.
(49:55):
What was my purpose in thislife?
What was my legacy?
What was I leaving behind?
What?
Like, yes, I got a good payingjob, but that's just to pay the
bills, it's not.
It's not doing anything tofulfill me personally.
And so when I started thepodcast and I was starting to
(50:17):
have these interviews and andpeople started reacting to the
episodes and people sending memessages and and it was like
what?
okay, what, what's going on?
I did what this episode did.
What for you?
This one episode, me and afriend from high school, we was
(50:39):
talking about um, school setting, manifestation, so many
different things and anotherfriend of ours from high school
was on the um.
She was like on the fence aboutstarting a business and she
just heard our conversation andand she heard about what our
(50:59):
goal setting and all this otherstuff, because he's a highly
successful real estate broker inBrooklyn.
He's highly successful and shewas like these are two guys that
I grew up with, two guys that Iknow personally, personally
that I know them first name andthey're talking about starting
(51:22):
doing, starting a business andand my said and she's like, if
they can do this, I can do this.
Like yeah.
And she did.
She started the business, shestarted up.
She actually finally startedher business and sent me a
message and say thank you, likeI needed to hear that.
(51:42):
I needed to to hear two guysthat I knew doing something
positive with their lives andthat inspired me to go start my
business, thank you.
And I was like blown away.
I was like, yes, this is thisis what I'm supposed to be doing
.
This is this is my purpose isto be able to impact people's
(52:02):
lives, is to be able to showpeople that, hey, regardless of
what you've been through in life, there's light.
There's light at the end of thetunnel.
Speaker 1 (52:14):
Yeah, exactly, Can you?
Um, cause I'm I'm mindful oftime now.
Because I'm mindful of time now, I'm going to ask you one
reflective question and I wouldalso like actually no, I'm just
going to, I'm going to ask youthe reflective question, so I'm
going to ask you to go back toyour 18-year-old self, and you
(52:39):
have three words to tell your18-year-old self to carry you
through the journey to right now.
What would those words be?
Speaker 2 (52:45):
Three words yeah, Love growth and knowledge.
Speaker 1 (52:53):
Love, growth and knowledge, and I think that's
what has been carrying youthrough to right now.
I do have another question foryou.
What is a question that youwish people would ask you?
Speaker 2 (53:11):
That's in general Like anyone, don't overanalyze
it.
But that's a good question.
Speaker 1 (53:20):
I know there's no wrong answer yeah, whatever
intuition, whatever intuitivelycomes up for you.
So I'll ask it again how am Idoing?
Okay, okay, and do peoplegenuinely ask because they
really want to know yeah, andhow are you doing?
Speaker 2 (53:41):
I'm doing wonderful, right, it's.
It's, uh, it's life, right, we,we go through life.
We still have, uh, was my lifeperfect?
No, um, but I'm definitely in amuch better place.
Um, I'm surrounded by peoplethat love me.
(54:02):
I, I've made new enough, I makedoing this, I meet some amazing
people and, to the fact, to thefact now that some of these
people have become real goodfriends of these people are
(54:22):
become real good friends, and sothe relationships I've been
able to build from this areamazing.
Is you, you get to meet some ofthe most fascinating people
that, um, I would have neverbeen able to meet.
Had I not taken this path, likethis bond, this relationship
wouldn't have never happened.
This, this connection betweenyou and me, and how we connected
, it wouldn't have happened.
Speaker 1 (54:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (54:46):
And so I appreciate every moment that I'm alive
right now.
Beautiful.
And everything that I get to do.
Speaker 1 (54:53):
Yeah, you've really done the alchemy in your life.
You've taken those impuritiesand turned them into gold and
not only kept it for yourself,you're sharing it with others.
So thank you for doing thatalchemy it's what I'm supposed
to be doing.
Speaker 2 (55:10):
To me is that's all that's.
That's.
That's one thing that um pridemyself on is being able to share
, even with fellow podcasters,like some of my friends.
Whenever I find a new programor a new device or something, I
(55:32):
always reach out to them and belike hey, listen, try this with
your podcast, help you, try thiswith whatever you're doing,
because I want everyone to thatI, I'm around to succeed.
I want everyone to besuccessful, and so I, I, I, me,
I'm a, I'm a cheerleader.
Speaker 1 (55:53):
Yeah, I am also.
I empower people.
I really do.
Now, on that note, I knowthere's many listeners that want
to know where they can find youand also let them know what you
have to offer for people.
Speaker 2 (56:10):
Oh, man, you can find my podcast, stuck in my Mind
podcast on all major platforms.
You can find us on YouTube atStuckInMyMindPodcast.
You can find me on Instagram atWiseElJefe.
I'm on LinkedIn, you can findme under Will Wise Otero and
(56:39):
check out the websitewwwstuckinmymindpodcastcom.
Yeah, I just, I'm just.
Oh, I also edit and producepodcasts for if people are
interested in in that kind ofservice, and I'm and produce
podcasts for if people wereinterested in in in in that kind
(57:00):
of service.
And uh, I'm lean, I'm workingon uh, I was certified as a life
coach recently.
Uh, and I'm working, maybedebating, and I haven't decided
yet about going into coaching,but for right now, I'm offering
people who are seeking, uh,people who are seeking to start
(57:22):
their own podcast, so I'mlooking to help people do what I
do and avoid the pitfalls thatI had to go through when I
started podcasting.
Speaker 1 (57:34):
I love it, and all of Will's information will be in
the show notes so it will beclickable.
Because if you know one thingabout me, I want to connect
people and in this day of ageyou know we don't have any
excuse.
So if at any time in thispodcast there was a nudge that
you want to know more about him,don't hesitate, just click,
(57:56):
reach out to him.
You can see he's a very openindividual, loves conversating,
so any questions or things thatyou want to ask him he's open.
So don't you know, listen tothe part that wants to hesitate
you from growth.
Actually take that leap andface that fear and go beyond it
(58:16):
to see what is possible on theother side of that wall that may
be keeping you prisoner.
I want to thank you deeply forsharing yourself with the
listeners and myself and, like Isaid, the alchemy work that
you're doing in your life.
It really is inspiring.
I'm moved by this interaction.
(58:40):
I didn't know a lot of thedepths of your story because I
was speaking about my story onyour podcast, so that's the
thing about being guests andhosts.
So I really want to thank youfor sharing that vulnerability
and empowering the listeners.
I just want to ask you is theresomething that you want to
leave with the listeners?
Speaker 2 (59:03):
Oh man, just just enjoy your life.
Enjoy it all the good, the bad,the ugly.
Just embrace it all.
All of it is.
It's a part of your mission andyour journey and what you're
supposed to experience in thisworld.
Just embrace it like it's partof who you are.
(59:28):
Someone asked me one day waswould I change anything that
happened in my life?
And my answer to them surprisedthem.
My answer to them was no.
I said I wouldn't wish it uponanyone else.
(59:49):
I wouldn't want anyone to gothrough what I went through.
But no, I wouldn't change it,because it made me who I am.
It made me who you see in frontof you and who I continue to be
.
And I'm still growing anddeveloping.
But I wouldn't change it.
It was just my path to take andso was it easy.
(01:00:17):
Sometimes, no, but I wouldn'tchange it for anything.
Speaker 1 (01:00:25):
Beautiful.
Well, thank you so much forbeing on the Lift One Self
podcast and I hope you'll comeback again later on on another
date, so that we can, you know,catch up and see what else has
gone on in your world.
Speaker 2 (01:00:42):
I would love to come back anytime.
You know, as you are aware, youhave an open door to my podcast
as well.
We had a great conversation.
It's out on YouTube right nowand as soon as I release it on
the audio podcast, I'll share itwith you and let you share with
(01:01:02):
your audience.
Speaker 1 (01:01:03):
Because y'all need to check it out.
Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
She did a great job.
It was a great interview.
Speaker 1 (01:01:08):
Thank you, thank you.
Well, I had a great host tolead it, so that's why Thank you
, thank you.
So thank you for being here,and please remember to be kind
to yourself.
Speaker 2 (01:01:20):
I will.
Speaker 1 (01:01:22):
Hey, you made it all the way here.
I appreciate you and your time.
If you found value in thisconversation, please share it
out.
If there was somebody thatpopped into your mind, take
action and share it out withthem.
It possibly may not be themthat will benefit.
Action and share it out withthem.
It possibly may not be themthat will benefit.
(01:01:42):
It's that they know somebodythat will benefit from listening
to this conversation.
So please take action and shareout the podcast.
You can find us on social mediaon Facebook, instagram and
TikTok under Lift One Self, andif you want to inquire about the
work that I do and the servicesthat I provide to people, come
over on my website, come into adiscovery, call liftoneselfcom.
(01:02:08):
Until next time, pleaseremember to be kind and gentle
with yourself.
You matter.
Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast, where we break
mental health stigmas throughconversations.
I'm your host, nat Nat, and wedive into topics about trauma
and how it impacts the nervoussystem.
Yet we don't just leave youthere.
We share insights and tools ofself-care, meditation and growth
(00:21):
that help you be curious aboutyour own biology.
Your presence matters.
Please like and subscribe toour podcast.
Help our community grow.
Let's get into this.
Oh, and please remember to bekind to yourself.
Welcome to the Lift One Selfpodcast.
(00:48):
I'm your host, nat Nat, andwith me is a special guest.
He is Will, and I would love ifyou would introduce yourself to
the audience and let them knowa little bit about you, please.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Hello everyone.
My name is Will Wise Otero.
I'm the host of Stuck in myMind podcast.
I've been podcasting for thelast four years and I'm excited
to be here.
I'm excited to be a guest,thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
I was graciously a guest on his podcast and after
our conversation I was like canyou please come and be gracious
to be on the Lift One Selfpodcast so you can share your
wisdom with the audience,because I know you have a lot to
offer and I know your story isgoing to resonate with some of
the listeners so that they knowthat there's you know, a
(01:39):
different way and there's lightin that dark tunnel that they
may be in.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Definitely, definitely.
It's been a crazy life, but youknow what it's life?
Because me, I was born andraised in Brooklyn, new York, by
a single mom.
I have five older siblings andit was like life.
(02:05):
Growing up wasn't easy, but itwasn't that hard as well.
I never realized.
You know, when you're poor, inthose moments you don't realize
that you're poor.
Yeah, exactly, so that wasbecause my mom made it, so that
we didn't need anything.
So it was, it was always.
It was just.
(02:26):
It was amazing to be to have herraise us and us not realizing
that we were poor and we were,but we didn't realize it, she
didn't let us know, it wasalways.
We was always always having.
We had food on the table, wehad a roof over our head.
(02:49):
She never made, she never letus go without.
So it was a, it was a blessingto be raised by her and to have
her as my mom, because and andI'm talking about her right now,
because she passed away earlierthis year and it was I'm a
(03:11):
mama's boy.
Like I said, I'm a mama's boy.
It was hard to go through whatwe went through this past year
(03:33):
with her and seeing herdeteriorate before my eyes, but
I'm getting a little bit aheadof myself, because my story
begins way before that and I'mjust glad to be able to come on
here and share my story withpeople.
I'm just glad to be able tocome on here and share my story
with people.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
So, before we get into there, will you join me in
a breath so that we can connectwith each other and open the
space?
Okay, and, as you know,listeners, I'm going to ask Will
and myself to close our eyes.
Yet most people are listeningto the podcast while driving.
So, please, safety first, don'tclose your eyes yet.
(04:07):
Um, you're able to follow theother prompts, uh, just to be
able to ground yourself andre-center where you are in the
moment.
So we'll allow you to getcomfortable in your seating and
you're going to gently closeyour eyes and you're going to
begin breathing in and outthrough your nose and you're
(04:28):
going to bring your awareness towatching your breath go in and
out through your nose.
You're not going to try andcontrol your breath, you're just
going to be aware of its rhythm, allowing it to bring you into
your body.
There may be some sensations orfeelings that are coming up.
(04:48):
It's okay, let them surface.
You're safe to feel.
You're safe to let go,surrender the need to control,
release the need to resist andjust be.
Drop into your body and be withthe breath.
(05:12):
Now there may be some thoughtsor memories that have popped up,
and it's okay.
Gently, bring your awarenessback to your breath, creating a
space between the awareness andyour thoughts, being with the
(05:33):
breath and going deeper into thebody, allowing there to be a
surrender and opening againthere may be some more thoughts
that came in and bring yourawareness to your breath,
creating more space between theawareness and the thoughts,
(05:57):
dropping deeper into your bodyNow, while still staying with
your breath, at your own timeand at your own pace.
You're going to slowly openyour eyes while staying with
your breath.
How is your heart doing?
Speaker 2 (06:17):
oh, it's feeling good .
It's amazing.
I need you to to um recordyourself for me that's a great
feeling.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I love that feeling yeah, um, I have a few people
that ask if I could be in theirback pocket.
I'm just helping to guide andthis is always within your reach
because you're the one that'sactually accessing it.
It's not me, I'm just givingyou the guidance to have the
ability to access it.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Yes, but you have that voice that helps Regulate
your nervous system, helps getme there.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
So I need that voice going.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Yeah, I think I want to start doing that before each
and every episode.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Yeah, it makes a difference Because it just you
know, and I use this practiceseveral times a day, especially
when my mind has gone stir crazyor I'm getting overwhelmed and
I can see I'm the rabbit inalice in wonderland.
No time, no time running aroundit was.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Uh, today was a trying day, so it so it was
needed.
That was definitely needed.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Yeah, so I built this practice.
It didn't come naturally.
I had to work at it and reallyjust remember, because a lot of
times we want to accesssomething when it's in high
alert, when we haven't eveninstilled it in our everyday
life, and then wonder, well, whycan't I access it?
And it's like, well, like whenyou're in a fire and if you
(07:51):
haven't learned where the exitsare, where the water is, where
the fire extinguisher, you thinkyou're going to know where this
is, when you're not able tobreathe and the house is on fire
and you're burning.
So it's remembering to do itwhen you're in a calm state so
that when you're in high alert,you can remember that this tool
is here to help you centeryourself and regulate, because
(08:13):
what we're doing is regulatingthe nervous system to release
all the buildup of what went ontoday.
Like you said, it was a tryingday for you, so this space
allows you to just let it meltaway and remember like, wait,
let me come here and not bestuck in my head.
Let me drop into my body andrelease all of the stuff that I
(08:35):
gathered today.
So, yeah, it's a practice and Iappreciate doing this.
I started this about maybe ayear ago in my podcast, I was a
little apprehensive.
Yet I was like you know whatI'm going to bring people into
the practical.
We always say what to do andhow to do it.
Yet I was like let me model itand demonstrate it.
(08:58):
Yeah, maybe some listenerswon't listen because I don't
want to hear that.
Yet those that do, they'll getthe benefit of exactly what this
does for them and givingthemselves that.
You know, two minute break toregulate and remember.
I can have access to this allthe time.
So before I do have access toit.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
I do have access because we did it on my show, so
I can always snip, snip it fromthere and and use it yeah, it's
on my website also.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
I have a lot of meditations on my website and
they're longer ones I'm gonnahave to go to your website yeah,
and they're longer ones andsome of them have themes and
stuff like that.
So, um, I have a lot of freecontent that I understand.
You know the work that isneeded to.
You know, walk through thisjourney of life and all the
(09:52):
experiences and also have moreself-awareness of yourself and
you know no longer separate fromself to be in your worth and be
with self.
And when those emotions and youknow and all that stuff comes
up, it's okay, let me face itand not try to run away or pinch
myself away from it.
So it's a very powerful tool toaccess our breath and
(10:18):
regulating our nervous system.
Before the meditation, youstarted talking about your
beautiful mother, who is on theother side of love, which you
know.
I felt her presence in ourpodcast last week when we were
talking, and you have broughther back in here.
Yet, as you said, that's notwhere your journey began.
(10:40):
There's somebody else on theother side of love that is
always guiding you and and beingthere.
So could you rewind it and letthe listeners know your journey?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Oh yeah, um yeah, um, uh.
2008,.
Um, I was, uh, 31 years old, um, happily married to, to my best
friend, to someone who had, inthe time that we were together,
(11:13):
had shown me a different path.
First, wife Denise.
It was a crazy story how we metand from the moment she saw me,
her thing was I'm going to havehim, I'm going to make him mine
(11:37):
, which she did, and along theway, she introduced me to the
world of self-development andwanting to improve myself and
all these different things thatI, coming from East New York,
brooklyn, wasn't something thatwe were taught.
It was go to school, geteducation, go to college, but a
(12:05):
lot of people from my hood don'tgo to college.
It was not something that wedid.
So when she introduced me tothe world of wanting to improve
myself, wanting to live theworld of improvement and just
development and improvingyourself, it was like, okay,
this is something different.
(12:27):
What I didn't know was she waspreparing me for what was to
come.
So she introduced me to theSecret all these different other
books, all these differentauthors, different other books,
all these different authors andthis was like 2004, 2005.
(12:49):
And then 2008,.
She comes home from work and shewas an entrepreneur.
This is when Zumba first cameout.
She was teaching a Zumba classand everything.
And so she came home rightafter work, got her gear because
(13:13):
she loved to dance, she lovedto see people dancing and loved
to.
She had a beautiful smile andjust great energy.
So she goes let's go teach yourclass.
Half hour later I get a knock onmy door and it's Tampa Bay
(13:37):
Police Department.
They're at my door and they'relike does Denise Otero live here
?
And I'm like yeah, and they'relike, well, otero live here.
And I'm like yeah, and they'relike, well, I'm her husband.
And she was like, well, I'msorry to let you know that she
has passed.
She was in a car accident andshe has passed.
(13:58):
And it was like surreal.
It wasn't, it was mystepdaughter was behind me, she
was.
She was like what, what wasgoing on?
And and it was just, it waslike just a punch in the gut,
(14:19):
like I didn't.
I'm like what do you mean?
She's not here, she just left,like I just saw her, not even 30
minutes ago.
No, this has got to be amistake.
And just it was something likeout of a movie.
Like when you see something ina movie where they come in, they
(14:41):
let the people know thatsomeone that they love the one
that fast.
And I, just where they come in,they let the people know that
someone that they love the onethat fast, or, and I, I, I just
I was just in a fog.
It was like that day afterafter that and it was just.
It was just craziness in myhead.
(15:02):
I didn't, it was.
I didn't know what was going onand it's just something I
couldn't believe that hadhappened.
Like I said, she just left thehouse.
It was like this is a joke.
This is someone.
You're playing a trick, right?
Speaker 1 (15:18):
And.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
I called my mother-in-law.
I'm trying to talk to her, Ican't talk, I'm just breaking
down.
The officer takes the phone andshe explains to her what
happened.
And it was just.
It was like to this day now.
It's a struggle for me sometimes, but it was like an out of body
(15:46):
, like I'm in an out of bodyexperience, like not, I'm
looking at myself like what is,what is, what is this, what is
going on?
And so I went and identifiedearly later on that day and that
that was like the beginning ofof a few years, of just one
(16:09):
tragedy after another.
And but there was the beginningwhere I just didn't know I I
just kind of lost a part of me,and it was.
(16:29):
It was, I was hurting, I was inpain.
Then this I had never reallyexperienced I have experienced
loss before, but this wassomething that was someone I was
close to me, someone that thatI had never thought that I would
be without her, and it was justdevastating.
(16:52):
It was I was.
I became angry.
Why, why God had chosen me, why, what was I such a horrible
person?
That that that I'm gettingpunished?
Why are you taking, why are youtaking her from me?
And and it was just like.
It was just crazy, because shewas such a beautiful person and
(17:17):
so young she was only 35 yearsold, but like one of the most
beautiful, beautifulest peoplethat you will ever meet, like no
, no one had anything bad to sayabout her.
Yeah, but like one of the mostbeautiful, beautiful people that
you will ever meet, like no noone had anything bad to say
about her, yeah, just that kindof person, that, just that.
(17:38):
That that's energy and spiritthat you can just see.
She was just a beautiful personin and out, and so I was just
devastated.
I, like my mother-in-law, gotcustody of her younger son my
stepdaughter was already 18, soshe went about her way and I
went from having a family tobeing alone, being alone, and so
(18:17):
I I was.
I was just started drinkingheavily just not caring about
anything like because I had losteverything.
So, without, without them in myworld, it was like, okay, what
am I supposed to do now?
Whatever?
So it was a year of me justdrinking and not caring.
I lost my job, I got, I lostthe apartment, like I said, the
(18:40):
kids had went, my son had wentwith with his, with his
grandmother, and my daughter hadwent her own way and and I and
I was just lost.
And so 2009 comes around, a yearafter her death, I go to puerto
rico for my mother's 70thbirthday, and it was then that I
(19:05):
decided that I was going backhome to New York, because going
back to Florida was not idealfor me, because I didn't have
anyone in Florida.
Every time everywhere I wentreminded me of her.
It was just too much.
(19:26):
So I moved back to brooklyn.
I'm bouncing from crib to crib,sleeping on people's couches on
the floors, just just kind ofnot, not knowing, not having
much, just had a bag full of myclothes and and was just getting
(19:51):
drunk and high and not caringabout life, not caring about
anything and um, it was a cyclefor for many years and it was
like that.
That it was because, and thenlater on, in that same month, in
May of 2009, I received amessage on Facebook and it's my
(20:15):
half-sister, from my father'sside.
She's like I've been lookingfor you and I'm like, yes, I'm
your brother and we reunited.
And I hadn't seen my father in28 years.
This is 28 years of no contact,not knowing where was he, where
he was at All.
I knew was he was in PuertoRico, but that was it.
She found me.
(20:36):
She was like hey, for Father'sDay would you come?
I'll pay your ticket, come backto Puerto Rico and you'll be
his Father's Day present For himand my two brothers.
I had met my older brother whenI was a kid, but I hadn't met
my younger brother yet.
Um, so she gave me the number,I called him, spoke to him over
(20:57):
the phone, spoke to my littlebrother and the set.
The plan was set for father'sday weekend to come to puerto
rico and meet, spent, uh,reunite with my father and and
and just see what happens.
Uh, I arrive friday night orfather's day weekend, um, we
(21:21):
embrace, we, I forgive him, wekind, we talk about that and
just have a good time, and lateron, me and my younger brother
go out and we go shoot pool andhave some food and we stay out
until about 3, 4 in the morning.
Then at about 6 o'clock, 7o'clock in the morning, my
sister calls.
(21:42):
I'm like yo, get over here,hurry up, get over here.
And by the time we get there mydad had passed away.
So I get there, friday night,saturday morning he passes away.
So this is just.
This is a year and a monthafter losing my wife.
(22:02):
Now I reunite with my dad, onlyto lose him.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
And so now I reunite with my dad only to lose him,
and so now I'm really like ohyeah, why do you hate me so much
?
Why is everything being robbedfrom me as soon as I get a
glimmer of happiness?
Speaker 2 (22:22):
why are you taking this from me?
What am I doing?
What is what?
Am I such a horrible personthat I'm continuously losing
people and and and it happenedand it kept happening.
It was I lost two brothers.
I lost the older, I lost one ofmy brothers that was raised
(22:42):
with me with my mom, from my mom, and then the older brother
that I reunited with from mydad's side a couple years later.
He he od'd.
He had his own demons, he hadhis own struggles and he od'd um
uncle that that played a majorrole in raising me, passed away.
(23:05):
And my aunt, who was a majorfit who's like one of away.
And my aunt, who was a major,who was like one of the first
entrepreneurs that I've ever met, because she was the one who
came from Puerto Rico andbrought her family here.
And she's the first woman Ireally ever knew that knew had a
woman, especially in the 60sand 70s and 80s, that had her
own business, had her ownproperties, bought multiple
(23:29):
properties, and to see her andsee what she was doing and lose
her, it was just like I'm reallylost now and I'm like I can't.
Everyone that I'm close to isthis is leaving, is being taken
(23:51):
away.
Am I again?
I'm like, am I that bad of aperson?
What am I doing?
What am I doing wrong?
and so I just keep, keep, keep,keep on the self I'm.
I'm in a self-destructive path,but I'm just basically just
doing, hurt myself, not doinganything to anyone else.
(24:13):
I'm just drinking and gettinghigh and just not caring about
anything.
It got to the point where Ireunited with an old high school
girlfriend who was married andstarted having an affair with
her, and it was just me is now.
(24:34):
Now I'm affecting other peopleand doing stuff, and now I'm
like this isn't me.
My voice in my head is likewhat are you doing?
In my head is like what are youdoing?
This isn't your path, you'renot supposed to be doing this.
And so I'm like I can't do thisanymore.
(25:00):
I'm basically homeless, nothaving somewhere steady to stay.
And that voice is like thisisn't you, this isn't the path
for you, this is not the wayyou're supposed to go.
And so I go and seek help.
I get into therapy.
I start turning my life around.
At this time, my sister and mymother moved back to New York.
We get an apartment togetherwith my older brother and we're
(25:21):
together as a family, and thingsare starting to turn around
because, like I said, I seektherapy, seek the help that I
need, and I get licensed as asecurity guard in New York and
my life starts turning around.
A friend of mine convinces meto sign up for Matchcom and she
(25:41):
writes the profile for me.
She does everything and I meetmy wife that I'm with now Nice,
everything.
And I meet my my wife that I'mwith now, nice, and and so I
find love again and just andjust start turning my and things
just start turning around andmy life starts getting better.
I moved in with my wife.
I moved from, I moved, actuallymoved my family from New York to
(26:04):
to the Pocono Mountains inPennsylvania and and so we move
out of the city and we juststart like life just starts
getting better, like I'm with mybeautiful wife.
She gets me back intoself-development and working on
myself and all these otherthings.
(26:24):
My brother and his wife, they,they actually my brother was a
little hesitant to move up hereand at first it went, but now
him and his wife have a homelike he's, he's has a home, he's
bought his first home here, andthis is a man who also had
(26:48):
turned his life around frombeing a hustler in the streets
to going to jail, being on drugs, to now he's a hardworking
married man who's purchasing hisown home home, and so when
(27:11):
doing the stuff that I did totransform my life and and make
it better also had an impact, onmy family's life because now we
bought him, we brought to bringthem out here and, like I said,
he buys his first home and andhe's, he's, he's retired but he
still works and he has a home.
This is something that he neverthought that he would have.
(27:34):
And to help be a part of thatand see that transformation,
it's like man.
It's been night and day fromwhere I was at a few years ago
to where I am now, where I'vebeen at the job that I've been
for over 10 years now, beenmarried to my wife for the past
(27:55):
seven years, and it's beenamazing to go through all that
darkness and and and arriveswhere I'm at now, where life is
is so much better and and thingsjust keep getting, keep getting
better every day.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Yeah, I have a few questions and inquiries about
the journey.
One how's the relationship withDenise's mother, your
mother-in-law?
Speaker 2 (28:32):
no, okay yeah, she's not.
She's not very.
Even when Denise was alive ourrelationship wasn't good.
She was to me.
She wasn't a nice person like.
She just wasn't a very nicelike cause, not cause.
Even within the last few years,me and the kids have reunited
and my son is now here inPhiladelphia, and and she was
(28:56):
she just she didn't care more.
She cared more about the moneyshe was receiving for him than
for him, and so that that'swhere she wasn't um understood,
yeah, we don't, we don't have togo into that aspect, it's it's
(29:19):
nice to hear that you were ableto know, connect with the
children and build arelationship in there.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
And I'm sure you know , like anything, when hindsight
is 20, 20, you understand whycertain relationships can't be
cultivated when you're in a darkspace, because the influence
that you could have, you know,imparted on them and the impact
it's like whoa, I don't evenrealize because I didn't even
know how to love myself in that.
So how could I even really, youknow, manage my own pain
(29:49):
without it spilling and bleedingon to those that I valued you
know the most to me?
But even how to interact withthat pain, because seeing them
is a constant reminder of Denise, and it's like whoo, how can I
go through those tsunami ofwaves and feelings, like my
nervous system just rang withthat, because those that are in
(30:12):
that experience can understandit.
Other people won't think aboutthat and it's like you have no
idea, like as soon as I see them, everything comes back up and
it's just like a certaindownload and, depending where
you are in your mental state,sometimes it can be opening,
sometimes it doesn't feel toogood inside.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
And that's why I say she was.
She was preparing me because,like I said, she's the one who
introduced me to the, to, the,to, to all the books that I
would that that kind of onenight when I got back, kind of
got back into reading.
Those are the first few firstbooks that I went back to.
Yeah, it was.
(30:53):
It was those principles, thatkind of I didn't know at the
time but was guiding me.
Eventually those are theprinciples that were helping me
get through some of the darkesttimes, and so it was her way of
preparing and yeah, have youread?
Speaker 1 (31:11):
go ahead, no, go ahead.
Have you read the untetheredsoul?
No, well, I highly suggest it.
Okay, untethered soul bymichael singer.
I'll, um, I'll send you, uh, apodcast so you can hear.
You know, because his theory isspoken in his language and
(31:31):
stuff.
So I'll send you a podcast justto see if it resonates.
Because that's the thing.
There's all kinds of books andself-help and everything else,
but it's the opening of thefrequency.
Can you receive the languagethat's being said?
Because sometimes you read andyou're like this can be in
Mandarin, like I'm notunderstanding how to apply this
in my own life, and then otherthings.
(31:51):
It's like that's what you mean,like this is how I can access
it and everything else.
So, but untethered soul hasbeen very transformative for
myself and for others that Iknow, with being responsible for
your mental mindset and yourmental fortitude of navigating
(32:12):
with life.
Another question I have was Iunderstand that the voice was in
your head to change the pathand this isn't you.
How was the work to allowyourself to feel joy again?
How is the work to allowyourself to feel joy?
Speaker 2 (32:28):
again.
Oh man, that's a good question,that's a really good question.
Um, um, it was.
It was at first.
It was hard at first.
It was like when I first startedmy, my relationship with, with
my wife, I was like I felt kindof bad in a way.
(32:53):
I was like like I felt like Iwas kind of cheating and and and
and, but.
Then a lot of the stuff, I likea lot of the stuff.
It was like I said, it was thebooks that I was reading and,
knowing what kind of person shewas, that she wouldn't want me
(33:14):
to continue to be suffering,like she saw a part of me that I
wasn't seeing and for me not tofind happiness again.
I was doing her injustice.
(33:37):
So for me it was like it tooksome time to to be able to to
open up and really embrace the,the new relationship and then
embrace that fact that I wasable to to to really truly fall
in love again.
Because, yeah, yeah, I'm sayingI met den Denise when I was 21
(34:00):
years old and I was with heruntil I was 31.
So that's the first really 10years of my adult life and to
have her influence on me and,like I said, she was such a
beautiful person and the way sheloved was unconditional, and so
(34:26):
to lose that, it was like, okay, I'm never going to love anyone
.
And that was something I feltfor a long time was I'm never
going to love anyone because shewas such a beautiful person and
so.
But when I met my wife and um,we started hanging out and then
(34:52):
and just going out and doingthings and I could see with that
we had, so we had a connection.
It was just something where allright, this is, this is this is
cool, this is this is different.
I haven't felt like this in awhile.
(35:14):
And then it just startedgrowing and growing and to the
point where I'm like okay, andto the point where I'm like okay
and it's crazy because they'relike completely two different
people like Denise is this love?
(35:36):
is this fun loving love, justspirit.
And my wife has a um, she hasthis roughness about her, but
that's what kind of like drawsme to her, that I'm the, I'm the
one who, who's able to breakthat shell in her.
(35:58):
And she says it all the timewhere that shell in her.
And she says it all the timewhere she was, she was like her.
She was raised by a dad thatwas really rough and tough on
her and so she's, she's, she'sthat kind of person.
She's in her masculine, butshe's such a but.
(36:18):
But, like Denise, she cares forpeople.
Even though she might seem likeshe doesn't, she honestly does
care for people and she tries tohelp people as much as possible
.
She will bend over backwardsfor anyone if she sees that they
need help, and that's howDenise was.
But Denise is this soft, caring, loving, loving person.
(36:42):
And then my wife is as hard asrock, but her heart is so pure
and she's so honest, she'sbrutally honest.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Yeah, yeah, glittering yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
She is brutally honest.
She is brutally honest andthat's what I needed with
someone like that, where Ineeded the roughness from her
and she needed the loving andthe empathy from me and all that
.
And so it worked.
(37:19):
It just worked.
The thing that got me that Iknew that I loved her was she's
like you have a passport and I'mlike, no, I don't, I've never
had a passport.
(37:39):
No, no, she goes.
Well, you need to get onebecause I love to travel, and
for her to see us travelingtogether and traveling to
destinations that I've been to.
Like she's the one whointroduced me to traveling to
other countries and all.
So she opened a whole differentworld.
(38:02):
But it was that moment that,when she goes well, we're going
to correct that we need to getyou a passport, because it was
like I see us doing this and tohave someone like that.
It was like all right this isit.
This is who I'm supposed to bewith.
This is the like.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
Yeah, to nurture and care for the painful part in you
, the one that's still afraid toallow you know your heart to
fully open, to experience life.
She gives you that security andsafety that you know what I'm
here, like I got you and I'mgoing to show you what's
possible.
You can open up your you knowhorizons and expansion.
(38:42):
Yet you know to learn to lovelike.
That's the thing.
Like when you love a certainway, you think, okay, it's never
possible, I'm never going tolove again.
It's the it's that you're goingto love differently.
No, you're not going to be ableto replicate the same love
because that person was unique.
So the way that you connectedwith that person is always going
(39:06):
to be unique.
Like you know, us parents willsay like, oh, we love all our
children the same way andthey're all.
And it's like no, you, you havea different connection with
each child and that love isdifferent with each child
because they bring out somethingdifferent than the other
personality or the otherindividual.
(39:26):
So it's really learning to nothave that all or nothing
mentality of black and white andrealize there's different ways
to love, there's differentdepths to love.
But we think it's just verynarrow and it's just like this
and that's all, and it's likenow.
There's so much expansion to it.
(39:47):
Yet you have to open yourselfup to it and that means you have
to be in your vulnerability.
That you know.
A lot of people think that loveis, you know, just so blissful
and everything and it's like.
To love means to open yourselfup to pain.
You really have to open your ifyou really love.
Love means to open yourself upto pain.
You really have to openyourself.
If you really love, you have toopen yourself up to pain and
(40:08):
that's debilitating when you'vegone through so much grief like
you have.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
Yeah, because then I like at the time that I got with
her with, with josephine, likeit was, her father was was at
the beginning stages of gettingsick and everything and he he
really he lost his.
It was some rare, rare braindisease that he had and when he
(40:42):
passed away this was the firsttime someone close to her like
that had passed, like this.
She had never reallyexperienced what I had gone
through in life and the lossthat I had suffered.
So it was, it was importantthat to me it was like okay,
this is why I'm at this point inher life, because she needed me
(41:07):
to be her rock and to be therefor her.
Because, again, this issomething she never experienced
Losing a loved one, especiallyher dad.
Even though her and her dad hada rough relationship that was
her dad, she was still a daddy'sgirl, exactly.
Speaker 1 (41:24):
Love is yeah, Love is love.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
So it was to me.
It was like.
This is why I would.
This is one of the reasons thatI was brought into her life,
because she was going to needsomeone like me at this point in
her life to hold the space forher because you've already had
the experience.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
So, um, yeah, holding that space, uh, because grief,
when people haven't experiencedthat at a young age and what,
the older you get, it can bevery debilitating because it's
like, what is this thing that isgoing on?
Yet you know, like I, mygrandmother passed away when I
think I was like 12, 11 or 12,and she was like a mother figure
(42:11):
to me.
So I've been carrying, you know, deep pain since a young child.
So I already knew this space.
So when other people werecoming in, I was like, oh, like,
oh, like, oh, you're fumblingand it's like, but I forgetting
that I've already had theexperience and I've had to live
through this.
And yet when you can hold spaceand you're like, oh, yeah, it's
(42:32):
going to be messy and you haveto go through the messiness of
what grief is.
Yet holding the space ofnon-judgment, that's the one
thing that helps us.
Yet also a space ofaccountability that you know
you're still alive and thatmeans that joy can come back in.
So you pushing yourself awayfrom joy isn't serving anybody.
(42:54):
Like you think you're holding,you know, the memory of somebody
where it's like no, if youallow joy back in.
You'll be able to feel thatperson's presence inside you.
You'll be able to feel, andreally feel, the depths of that
presence.
Yet it's warrior work to openyourself back up to that and to
(43:15):
be in that vulnerable state toopen your heart back up.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
Of course, definitely back up.
Oh yeah, of course, definitely,especially especially for men.
It is, it's, it's kind of, andnot like how it is like now,
like because even when I wasgrowing up, I was like, oh, men,
don't cry, men don't showemotions living out, and it's
not.
It's now.
It's now that we'reunderstanding that, yes, men are
(43:40):
just like everyone else.
We have human beings, happy, wehave feelings, we do go through
struggles and and and.
So now it's it's a differenttime where we're able to express
ourselves, we're able toactually truly be ourselves and
express that, yes, we hurt, yes,we cry, yes, we go through
struggles.
(44:01):
Yes, we, we, we, we want we.
Just sometimes we just want tolay down and die when, when
we're suffering.
And but it was at one pointwhere it was like I was
embarrassed to let people know Iwas in therapy.
Yeah, yeah, and that's why I dothis podcast is to remove the
(44:23):
stigma around mental health yeah, there's one of the reasons
that I do my show, my podcast,is to let people know it's okay,
because back in the dayprobably was like oh, you see a
therapist, oh you're crazy orsomething.
Let's just, it would shame you.
Yeah, it would be like, oh, whyyou need, why you need therapy.
(44:44):
For what are you crazy or issomething wrong?
Like no, like you need it, youneed to be able to talk to
somebody, you need to be able toexpress yourself.
Speaker 1 (44:53):
Let that, let that stuff out like yeah, exactly and
you see a different perspectivealso, because when you are only
in a certain space, yourperception, it's very difficult
to shift it.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
you're going to feel like, if I tell this person
they're going to judge me, yeah,how are they going to take a
look at me?
Speaker 1 (45:24):
Whereas now, if you're talking to this therapist
or someone and you're tellingthem they're not there to judge
you yeah exactly, and thatwitnessing is very healing, that
I can be this and you're notgoing to push me away and I'm
not going to have the threat oflosing you because you don't
have the capacity to witness mypain, because those are close to
(45:47):
us.
You know, like I say to people,you know the thing about
parenting that they don't tellyou is you're going to have to
witness pain and not do anythingabout it and that helplessness
is debilitating.
Yeah, yet as a parent, you gothrough a lot of psychological
and emotional pain of having tosee your child traverse through
life and experiences and seethem go through their anguish
(46:11):
and try to figure out things forthemselves in this world and in
their life.
So that witnessing the pain,not everybody can do as much as
they have the right intention,they just don't have the skills
to be able to witness and dodeep listening, to really be
(46:32):
aware of their judgment mind.
We all have a judgment mind andso it's like you know what it's
not allowing it to activate andyou know, interfere and have
language and that takes a skillto be able to not allow it to
hijack the behavior and it's youknow everybody has intention,
(46:53):
yet it's the intent, like youcan be intentional, all you want
, yet it's still the action andthe intent that people receive.
So sometimes we have to behonest of like I just don't have
the space for that.
I don't know how to hold thespace for you and I want to, yet
I'm in fear of how you mightperceive that or receive it for
(47:13):
yourself and that could do muchmore damage than trying to open
up and everything else so thatstranger in a professional
manner really just holds thatspace, so that judgment isn't
there.
But yet there's some of us thatwe get a therapist or we get a
coach and we still feel thejudgment and we are have to be
(47:35):
aware of that's our own judgmenthitting at us, that we're just
perceiving somebody and we'reactually being aware of our own
judgment yeah, that's givencertain personalities.
Yes, you are still seeing itfrom the therapist and you're
seeing their personality, yetit's something I think that you
know.
Open up the dialogue, thatyou're going to see your own
(47:56):
judgment with some of this stuff, and that's what is like the
work and that's that's alsostems from us being in our head
so much.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
Yeah, it's stuck in our mind thinking about and and
that was something that that forme, even when I was start,
before I was starting my podcast, it was I was in my mind, I was
that's why I named it suckingmy mind, because I was in my
head just making up excuses likeno, why should I do this?
(48:29):
Stone wise gonna listen to me,my voice sucks.
I saw the horrible like I don'tjust making up excuses to to
not start the podcast, and whatI was not realizing was I'm
failing.
I was failing because just thefact that I didn't attend, like
if I was to attempt the potstart the podcast and and I do
(48:51):
and I started and it failed, orit was just wasn't.
At least I made the effort tostart it, but by me not starting
and not recording and justmaking up excuses, it was just I
was already defeated.
I was already, I had alreadyfailed.
So when I finally decided topress record and just release it
(49:11):
, like didn't have a thought, Ijust recorded it and released it
and it was like this weight waslifted off, like it was just
okay, that wasn't so bad, thatwas the hard part was yeah the
first step yeah, and and so onceI just got the first step out
of the way, I was like, okay, Icould do this.
And then, little by little, Ijust improved on on what I was
(49:33):
doing with my podcast and and byeight, by episode eight, I was
like, man, I love this, this issomething that's really giving
me joy, this is something that'sgiving me purpose.
I was 44 years old and didn'tknow what I wanted out of life.
(49:55):
What was my purpose in thislife?
What was my legacy?
What was I leaving behind?
What?
Like, yes, I got a good payingjob, but that's just to pay the
bills, it's not.
It's not doing anything tofulfill me personally.
And so when I started thepodcast and I was starting to
(50:17):
have these interviews and andpeople started reacting to the
episodes and people sending memessages and and it was like
what?
okay, what, what's going on?
I did what this episode did.
What for you?
This one episode, me and afriend from high school, we was
(50:39):
talking about um, school setting, manifestation, so many
different things and anotherfriend of ours from high school
was on the um.
She was like on the fence aboutstarting a business and she
just heard our conversation andand she heard about what our
(50:59):
goal setting and all this otherstuff, because he's a highly
successful real estate broker inBrooklyn.
He's highly successful and shewas like these are two guys that
I grew up with, two guys that Iknow personally, personally
that I know them first name andthey're talking about starting
(51:22):
doing, starting a business andand my said and she's like, if
they can do this, I can do this.
Like yeah.
And she did.
She started the business, shestarted up.
She actually finally startedher business and sent me a
message and say thank you, likeI needed to hear that.
(51:42):
I needed to to hear two guysthat I knew doing something
positive with their lives andthat inspired me to go start my
business, thank you.
And I was like blown away.
I was like, yes, this is thisis what I'm supposed to be doing
.
This is this is my purpose isto be able to impact people's
(52:02):
lives, is to be able to showpeople that, hey, regardless of
what you've been through in life, there's light.
There's light at the end of thetunnel.
Speaker 1 (52:14):
Yeah, exactly, Can you?
Um, cause I'm I'm mindful oftime now.
Because I'm mindful of time now, I'm going to ask you one
reflective question and I wouldalso like actually no, I'm just
going to, I'm going to ask youthe reflective question, so I'm
going to ask you to go back toyour 18-year-old self, and you
(52:39):
have three words to tell your18-year-old self to carry you
through the journey to right now.
What would those words be?
Speaker 2 (52:45):
Three words yeah, Love growth and knowledge.
Speaker 1 (52:53):
Love, growth and knowledge, and I think that's
what has been carrying youthrough to right now.
I do have another question foryou.
What is a question that youwish people would ask you?
Speaker 2 (53:11):
That's in general Like anyone, don't overanalyze
it.
But that's a good question.
Speaker 1 (53:20):
I know there's no wrong answer yeah, whatever
intuition, whatever intuitivelycomes up for you.
So I'll ask it again how am Idoing?
Okay, okay, and do peoplegenuinely ask because they
really want to know yeah, andhow are you doing?
Speaker 2 (53:41):
I'm doing wonderful, right, it's.
It's, uh, it's life, right, we,we go through life.
We still have, uh, was my lifeperfect?
No, um, but I'm definitely in amuch better place.
Um, I'm surrounded by peoplethat love me.
(54:02):
I, I've made new enough, I makedoing this, I meet some amazing
people and, to the fact, to thefact now that some of these
people have become real goodfriends of these people are
(54:22):
become real good friends, and sothe relationships I've been
able to build from this areamazing.
Is you, you get to meet some ofthe most fascinating people
that, um, I would have neverbeen able to meet.
Had I not taken this path, likethis bond, this relationship
wouldn't have never happened.
This, this connection betweenyou and me, and how we connected
, it wouldn't have happened.
Speaker 1 (54:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (54:46):
And so I appreciate every moment that I'm alive
right now.
Beautiful.
And everything that I get to do.
Speaker 1 (54:53):
Yeah, you've really done the alchemy in your life.
You've taken those impuritiesand turned them into gold and
not only kept it for yourself,you're sharing it with others.
So thank you for doing thatalchemy it's what I'm supposed
to be doing.
Speaker 2 (55:10):
To me is that's all that's.
That's.
That's one thing that um pridemyself on is being able to share
, even with fellow podcasters,like some of my friends.
Whenever I find a new programor a new device or something, I
(55:32):
always reach out to them and belike hey, listen, try this with
your podcast, help you, try thiswith whatever you're doing,
because I want everyone to thatI, I'm around to succeed.
I want everyone to besuccessful, and so I, I, I, me,
I'm a, I'm a cheerleader.
Speaker 1 (55:53):
Yeah, I am also.
I empower people.
I really do.
Now, on that note, I knowthere's many listeners that want
to know where they can find youand also let them know what you
have to offer for people.
Speaker 2 (56:10):
Oh, man, you can find my podcast, stuck in my Mind
podcast on all major platforms.
You can find us on YouTube atStuckInMyMindPodcast.
You can find me on Instagram atWiseElJefe.
I'm on LinkedIn, you can findme under Will Wise Otero and
(56:39):
check out the websitewwwstuckinmymindpodcastcom.
Yeah, I just, I'm just.
Oh, I also edit and producepodcasts for if people are
interested in in that kind ofservice, and I'm and produce
podcasts for if people wereinterested in in in in that kind
(57:00):
of service.
And uh, I'm lean, I'm workingon uh, I was certified as a life
coach recently.
Uh, and I'm working, maybedebating, and I haven't decided
yet about going into coaching,but for right now, I'm offering
people who are seeking, uh,people who are seeking to start
(57:22):
their own podcast, so I'mlooking to help people do what I
do and avoid the pitfalls thatI had to go through when I
started podcasting.
Speaker 1 (57:34):
I love it, and all of Will's information will be in
the show notes so it will beclickable.
Because if you know one thingabout me, I want to connect
people and in this day of ageyou know we don't have any
excuse.
So if at any time in thispodcast there was a nudge that
you want to know more about him,don't hesitate, just click,
(57:56):
reach out to him.
You can see he's a very openindividual, loves conversating,
so any questions or things thatyou want to ask him he's open.
So don't you know, listen tothe part that wants to hesitate
you from growth.
Actually take that leap andface that fear and go beyond it
(58:16):
to see what is possible on theother side of that wall that may
be keeping you prisoner.
I want to thank you deeply forsharing yourself with the
listeners and myself and, like Isaid, the alchemy work that
you're doing in your life.
It really is inspiring.
I'm moved by this interaction.
(58:40):
I didn't know a lot of thedepths of your story because I
was speaking about my story onyour podcast, so that's the
thing about being guests andhosts.
So I really want to thank youfor sharing that vulnerability
and empowering the listeners.
I just want to ask you is theresomething that you want to
leave with the listeners?
Speaker 2 (59:03):
Oh man, just just enjoy your life.
Enjoy it all the good, the bad,the ugly.
Just embrace it all.
All of it is.
It's a part of your mission andyour journey and what you're
supposed to experience in thisworld.
Just embrace it like it's partof who you are.
(59:28):
Someone asked me one day waswould I change anything that
happened in my life?
And my answer to them surprisedthem.
My answer to them was no.
I said I wouldn't wish it uponanyone else.
(59:49):
I wouldn't want anyone to gothrough what I went through.
But no, I wouldn't change it,because it made me who I am.
It made me who you see in frontof you and who I continue to be
.
And I'm still growing anddeveloping.
But I wouldn't change it.
It was just my path to take andso was it easy.
(01:00:17):
Sometimes, no, but I wouldn'tchange it for anything.
Speaker 1 (01:00:25):
Beautiful.
Well, thank you so much forbeing on the Lift One Self
podcast and I hope you'll comeback again later on on another
date, so that we can, you know,catch up and see what else has
gone on in your world.
Speaker 2 (01:00:42):
I would love to come back anytime.
You know, as you are aware, youhave an open door to my podcast
as well.
We had a great conversation.
It's out on YouTube right nowand as soon as I release it on
the audio podcast, I'll share itwith you and let you share with
(01:01:02):
your audience.
Speaker 1 (01:01:03):
Because y'all need to check it out.
Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
She did a great job.
It was a great interview.
Speaker 1 (01:01:08):
Thank you, thank you.
Well, I had a great host tolead it, so that's why Thank you
, thank you.
So thank you for being here,and please remember to be kind
to yourself.
Speaker 2 (01:01:20):
I will.
Speaker 1 (01:01:22):
Hey, you made it all the way here.
I appreciate you and your time.
If you found value in thisconversation, please share it
out.
If there was somebody thatpopped into your mind, take
action and share it out withthem.
It possibly may not be themthat will benefit.
Action and share it out withthem.
It possibly may not be themthat will benefit.
(01:01:42):
It's that they know somebodythat will benefit from listening
to this conversation.
So please take action and shareout the podcast.
You can find us on social mediaon Facebook, instagram and
TikTok under Lift One Self, andif you want to inquire about the
work that I do and the servicesthat I provide to people, come
over on my website, come into adiscovery, call liftoneselfcom.
(01:02:08):
Until next time, pleaseremember to be kind and gentle
with yourself.
You matter.
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