April 28, 2025 โข 50 mins
Ever wonder why you keep hitting the same emotional walls despite years of personal growth work? Trauma specialist Tammy Cox reveals the missing piece that's keeping you stuck in patterns you can't seem to break.
"Trauma is just a high state of negative emotion," Tammy explains, cutting through the buzzwords to offer a refreshingly simple understanding of how early life experiences shape our adult personalities. The real breakthrough comes when she illuminates why intellectual understanding alone never creates lasting changeโour bodies hold emotional charges that must be felt to be released.
What makes this conversation particularly powerful is Tammy's blend of compassionate wisdom and practical techniques. She walks us through why emotions we label as "negative" are actually valuable messengers and teachers. Most surprisingly, she reveals it only takes 90 seconds to fully process an emotion when we stop resisting itโyet most of us have spent decades building sophisticated defense mechanisms to avoid those 90 seconds.
Throughout our dialogue, we explore why relationships trigger our deepest wounds, how to recognize when the "two-year-old you" is running the show, and why befriending your anger might be the most spiritual thing you can do. Tammy also shares the origin story behind her podcast "Behind the Veil: Anonymous Transformations," where she guides people through healing their deepest wounds in real-time.
Ready to move beyond the self-help plateau and experience genuine emotional freedom? This episode offers both the understanding and practical guidance to help you stop thinking your feelings and start transforming your life by actually feeling them. The path to becoming whole isn't about getting rid of parts of yourselfโit's about bringing compassion to all the protective mechanisms that have kept you safe until now.
Connect with Tammy here https://reclaimurmarriage.com/4-pillar-optin
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Music by NaturesEye
Opening Music "Whip" by kontraa
Opening music Prazkhanal
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Meditation music Saavane
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast, where we break
mental health stigmas throughconversations.
I'm your host, nat Nat, and wedive into topics about trauma
and how it impacts the nervoussystem.
Yet we don't just leave youthere.
We share insights and tools ofself-care, meditation and growth
(00:21):
that help you be curious aboutyour own biology.
Your presence matters.
Please like and subscribe toour podcast.
Help our community grow.
Let's get into this.
Oh, and please remember to bekind to yourself.
Welcome to the Lift One Selfpodcast.
I'm your host, nat Nat, andtoday we are in the lovely
(00:43):
presence of Tammy Cox, and we'regoing to get into some trauma.
We're going to talk about herpassion project, which is her
own podcast, and we're going tofind out why she started it and
what it's about, and we're justgoing to, you know, dive into
some intuitive conversations tosee what comes up and what it is
that some people need to hearand what's the message right now
(01:06):
.
So, tammy, could you let me andthe listeners know a little bit
about yourself?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Frozen.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Yeah, I see that frozen.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Yeah, I see that.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Oh, there we go, I'm back hey, let me redo that like
and then, like you know, it'sjust to keep me on my toes,
because I said I was like, oh,I'm tired, no, no, stay on your
toes, okay.
Um, welcome to the lift oneself podcast.
I'm your host, nat Nat, andtoday I have a lovely guest
(01:50):
named Tammy Cox, and today we'regoing to get into the dialogue
of trauma emotions and we'realso going to talk about her
passion project, which is herown podcast.
So, if you will, tammy, couldyou introduce yourself to myself
and the listeners and let usknow?
I sure can.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Yes, thank you so much for having me.
I have a feeling this is goingto be a really good conversation
, okay, so, yes, I am Tammy Cox.
I am a trauma specialist and Ihelp women find lasting love by
healing the wounds caused bychildhood trauma.
So I'm really one of thosepeople, because you know my
(02:32):
ideal client.
She's been doing the work,she's been on her journey, she's
been digging into her shadowsand yet there are some big ones
that she can't seem to shift.
So that's when she finds me,because the processes I do are
they're pretty deep and thewhole goal is to create an
(02:53):
entirely new identity in thefastest, easiest, most fun way
possible.
So that's my joy and passionand I also love doing this.
This is part of my joy, too,because when I connect to
like-minded individuals, itfills my cup and it's actually
what I find rejuvenates me to dothe deep inner work that I do
(03:18):
within people's transformationthrough their trauma.
So this is also what, you know,charges me.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Yeah, myself also.
That's why I started thispodcast back in 2021, because it
was like you know what let mehave some deep conversations
with people and let's open upthe conversations for people
that may not have the resourcesand the funds to be able to do
the work yet they're not evenaware that there's other
practices or tools that theycould use and that they finally
(03:51):
feel validated.
In seeing that, it's like oh mygosh, you're in my mind.
This is exactly what I waslooking for.
It gives me a little bit moretools to be able to do that deep
dive within myself.
Before we get in the convo,would you join me in a mindful
moment so that we can groundourselves and open our heart?
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Okay, and listeners, you know my safety spiel.
Most of you listen to thiswhile driving.
So when I ask us to close oureyes, please don't safety first,
yet the other prompts you'reable to do with whatever you're
doing.
So, tammy, I'll ask you to getcomfortable in your seating and,
if it's safe to do so, you'llgently close your eyes and
(04:35):
you're going to begin breathingin and out through your nose and
you're going to bring yourawareness to watching your
breath go in and out throughyour nose.
You're not going to try andcontrol your breath, you're just
going to be aware of its rhythm, allowing it to guide you into
your body.
There may be some sensations orfeelings coming up, and that's
(04:58):
okay, let them come up.
Let them come up.
You're safe to feel.
You're safe to let go.
Surrender the need to control,release the need to resist and
just be, be with your breath anddrop deeper into your body
(05:20):
Right now.
There may be some thoughts orto-do lists that have popped up
in your mind.
That's okay.
Gently bring your awarenessback to your breath, creating
space between the awareness andthe thoughts and dropping deeper
into your body, allowingyourself to just be, be with the
(05:45):
breath.
Again, more thoughts may havepopped up.
Gently bring your awarenessback to your breath, beginning
again, creating even more spacebetween the awareness and the
thoughts and diving even deeperinto your body, being in the
(06:10):
space of just being.
You may have noticed the rhythmof your breath has changed.
You may notice some aches orpains that you weren't aware of
in your body.
That's okay.
Continue just staying with thebreath and allowing yourself to
(06:39):
just be Now, at your own timeand at your own pace you're
going to gently open your eyes
Speaker 2 (06:55):
while staying with the breath.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
You're welcome.
You're welcome, how's?
Speaker 2 (07:01):
your heart doing.
My heart is open and juicy.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
What got you into trauma and being a specialist in
it?
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Like so many of us, it was me saving myself, and
then me saying, ooh, everyoneneeds this.
And realizing, you know, whenyou go through your healing
process, I believe that's whenour true passion and purpose
(07:37):
unlocks at least the next level,the next layer, next layer.
And so, even though I alwaysknew I was a healer, I realized
that it was the time to take thenext step, you know so, to hold
that space for other people.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Can you give your definition of what trauma is for
the listeners, because it'ssuch a buzzword right now and
you know other people have somany different definitions, so I
always like to get where theperson is with what they, how
they define trauma.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Yeah, so trauma is just a high state of negative
emotion.
Okay very simply put it's you'rein a negative state, you tend
to hold your breath and you havea thought that pops in and that
thought gets stamped onto yoursubconscious mind, especially in
those first five years of life.
So, um, you know, when I'mworking with a client, I want to
(08:35):
deal with those first fiveyears first, because that's when
their personality was created.
It was created from the trauma,and lots of people I agree it
is a buzz word and lots ofpeople have a lot to say around
it but trauma is actually a gift.
It's what has protected you andkept you safe.
So let's not demonize thetrauma and, at the same time,
(08:58):
let's heal it, neutralize it,take the emotion out of it so
that you have that freed upspace to choose your personality
or ways of being for yourself,instead of taking what was
gifted to you at the moment ofconception.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Yeah, and you said, the big word, which is the crux
of healing, is emotions, andthat is the thing that everybody
wants to avoid because it's soscary, it's messy, it's
uncomfortable, it'sdisorientating.
Yet until you go into thosememories and those emotional
(09:35):
charges that are energy blockingwithin your system, you're not
able to get that clear channeland that clarity within your
body.
And understandable that thoseexperiences.
It can feel very unsafe to wantto come back into the body
because you experienced pain.
How do you help your clientsnot think their emotions,
(09:59):
actually feel their emotions intheir body?
Speaker 2 (10:07):
feel their emotions in their body.
Well, first of all, it is likeyou just said it's teaching them
that their emotions aren't thebad guy, that their emotions are
a teacher, they're a tool, thatthey're good.
You know, because a lot ofpeople have a lot of judgments
about things such as pain andanger.
It's like those are all good,once again, when we take the
judgment out of it, and it's notbad or good, but it's simply
(10:28):
neutral as we can observe it andsee it.
That's step one, and then steptwo we got to feel it, to heal
it.
So it's teaching them youremotions are good and then
feeling them fully, because itonly takes 90 seconds to fully
feel your feelings without anyresistance in order for the pain
(10:49):
to pass.
It's not very long.
So you know you're right, wegot to get over this idea that
emotions are bad and we have tosee them as the gift that they
are in order that we can moveout the ones that no longer
serve us.
They have to be moved out ofthe vessel.
That's what I find that peopleneed to know the most is like,
(11:12):
hey, you're holding onto allthis pain back from before your
lifetime.
Would you like to get rid ofsome of it, because I'd love to
help you do that.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
Yeah, yeah, that's the biggest part with the
emotions too is I tell myclients to befriend anger.
Anger is protection, like angerhas such a bad rap in the
spiritual world and mindset andand it's like, okay, well, anger
is here for a reason.
So what is it protecting?
And most times it's protectingthe sense of helplessness,
(11:42):
sensitivity, vulnerability, thefear.
It was not safe to feel thoseauthentic emotions.
So, recognizing that yournervous system not intentionally
, it's a very intelligent designit has created a defense
mechanisms that these emotionscannot be felt.
So you have to be able to openup those defense mechanisms to
(12:06):
allow that feeling and thoseemotions to come up.
And, as you said, it's torewire how you're defining, like
this, negative and positiveemotions.
I'm like that that is creatingsuch nonsense for people and
then they're trying to do a lacarte with what emotions they'll
allow in and not.
And it's like each emotion hasinformation for you, as you said
(12:28):
, a teacher, it has data and ifyou're not able to let them come
up, then you're not able tohear the information that is
needed for you.
Like you know, when you startfeeling those authentic emotions
, all of a sudden these memoriesstart popping up and it's like,
oh, I didn't realize I createdthis BS of a belief system about
myself.
I didn't realize the narrationthat I created to insulate
(12:50):
myself so that I could survivein my environments.
I didn't know that Iinterpreted everything to myself
, because children arenarcissistic of just being
self-absorbed yet recognizing,like oh.
Of just being self-absorbed yetrecognizing, like oh, there
were other things.
But I wasn't able to feel thoseemotions because it wasn't safe
to do so, or I was told thatthose emotions were not
(13:13):
tolerated or allowed.
What do you find is the mostchallenging?
Like you said, the clients thatyou have are already doing the
work and they've kind ofplateaued to a certain level and
now they want to really godeeper.
What do you find is theresistance that still blocks
them from doing that deep dive?
Speaker 2 (13:36):
Well, oftentimes, when we're in the healing space,
you know, we're kind of like wehave this idea that, oh, I
already did that.
We're kind of like we have thisidea that, oh, I already did
that and that could be ablockage, because it's like, as
long as we're in this particularmeat suit and this DNA, it's
like we have so many layers thatwe could not possibly at least
(13:58):
to my belief level at this pointin time.
We cannot possibly get throughthem in this lifetime, and I
don't think that we're meant to.
I think we're meant to becomeaware, and I think we're at a
certain place in our evolutionwhere we're becoming aware that
we are first of all transmutingthis information from generation
to generation and that thetrauma tracks back seven
(14:20):
generations on each side.
So when we choose to heal,we're healing seven generations
on both mother and father side.
So that's a pretty tall orderfor, you know, for this
generation which I reallybelieve is starting to heal the
trauma, I think that it's goingto take some momentum here in
some generations.
(14:41):
Like I tell my kids hey, I'm,I'm doing my work and you get to
do it too.
You know like it's it's our joyand it's our pleasure, and I
think it's gonna so.
So I think that the hindrance isreally thinking, oh no, I've
already healed, as if it's adone deal.
That's what I think thatblockage kind of is in our space
(15:01):
and I can totally relatebecause I was like that, the
know-it-all.
But there's an unending layersof onions girl.
I get through one crusty layerand there's another one
underneath and then another one,and so I'm like it's just, and
(15:22):
then we got to check thosebeliefs.
It's like why are we going tojudge the trauma?
Like, and then we got to checkthose beliefs.
It's like, why are we going tojudge the trauma?
Like, why are we going to judgethe layers?
It just gets to be information,like you said, data that we get
to look at and say, okay,there's more.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Exactly, exactly.
It's, I think, the injusticewhere some of the healing spaces
or spiritual spaces make itseem like there's an arrival,
that there's a perfection, andit's like no, no, no, no, wounds
don't go away, they just staythere and when they get
activated, it's almost like youget a knock at the door and when
(15:57):
you open the door, you couldeither be like, ah, you're not
supposed to come in, you werenever supposed to come visit
again, and you slam the door andstart the whole process, or you
can open the door and say, oh,hello, friend.
Okay, come in.
What's the information?
Okay, but you're not doing amuck in the house Like what is?
What are you coming to tell me?
That is in my direct experiencethat I'm possibly not feeling my
(16:21):
emotions again, because that'swhy wounds get activated, it's
emotions are trying to passthrough and you're like
suppression, because it's been ahabit, it's been a pattern of
defaulting, of, let me just thesecondary emotions feel safe,
these authentic ones.
It's a little too muchsometimes, Even though you can
(16:41):
try intellectualizing this stuff, and if intellectualizing this
stuff worked, the world would bemuch different.
It's about the embodiment andfeeling and the thing about
emotions is in the moment.
They're not supposed to bemeaning, you're not supposed to
analyze.
Well, why am I feeling?
It's just feel.
(17:02):
Just let that out, no matterwhat it looks like.
It might be screaming, it mightbe yelling, it might be emoting
, crying, all of the above itjust let your body have some
expression with that, so thatthat energetic charge just
passes through.
Mm-hmm, what has been the mostchallenging part in your journey
(17:24):
?
Speaker 2 (17:27):
The reason why I work around the love relationships
or tend to attract people in thelove space, meaning the romance
, relationship space is becausethat was, like, my biggest pain
point.
You know, my husband and I welived in a very toxic marriage
for a long time and I swore itwas him.
(17:47):
Girl Wasn't me, no, it was him.
And so a lot of my clients havethat perspective.
I think we all do.
Before we start on our healingjourney, we think our problems
are because of everyone else andeverything else.
Every circuit, it's not us,because of everyone else and
everything else, every circuit,it's not us.
(18:07):
And so when they come in and westart diving into them, we
realize and notice that wecreated all of it and although
initially we don't love that, welearn to see that as the
blessing because that empowersus to create the new thing.
Because if we're the victimsand it's everyone else's fault
to create the new thing, becauseif we're the victims and it's
everyone else's fault, we haveno power.
(18:28):
But if we take all the powerand say, hey, I created all that
, what else can I do?
If I was doing that on accident?
What's next?
The love relationship hasreally been.
The thing that I notice is areally big pain point for a lot
of people, and it happens to bemy jam where I'm like what if
it's none of them?
What if it's all just a beliefthat you've got going on in your
(18:52):
subconscious, that came in inyour early life or before?
Speaker 1 (18:57):
And there's a part of being addicted to pain because
it's familiar and you canpredict it, Whereas joy is open
and vast and you're not able topredict that.
And it's familiar and you canpredict it, Whereas joy is open
and vast and you're not able topredict that and it's in the
unknown and uncertainty and youdon't know the ebbs and flows of
it, where pain can feelconstricted and it's like.
It's familiar, I know it, andit's not intentional.
(19:18):
This is the whole thing ofunderstanding the nervous system
.
It's always looking at theintelligence of it and the
method of the way it's trying toprotect you and releasing that
protection, not chastising andgetting angry.
And the biggest thing I find isa disservice for a lot of
people.
They think they need to get ridof parts of themselves where
(19:41):
it's like no, it's theintegration you want to be whole
with a W, because if you let goof that part that makes you
cringe or you don't want to seethat part of yourself, then you
will not be able to carry of notrepeating that Like or you will
not know that that isn't theway that you want to go.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Well, it's like your little baby self, like she's
just sad, can you pick her upand can you scoop her up in your
arms and give her all the lovethat she so desperately needed,
but her parents didn't know howto give it to her.
Like, can we just have so muchcompassion for her, like she's
in pain.
That's a big thing.
That I teach my clients is whenthey have those parts of them
(20:23):
that lash out is like, insteadof judging her, see that age.
For me, when I get triggered,it's the two-year-old me, it's
the two to four-year-old me, andI used to get so mad at myself
when I do it.
But when I learned how to scoopher up in my arms, when I
learned how to give her what sheneeded, in the moment my
(20:44):
triggers are.
They're so much shorter now Ican deal with them quickly.
I give a lot less.
I mean, I give a lot less of myanger to other people.
I take it on myself and thejudgment gets to dissolve.
So it's like, yeah, what if youcould just see all those
different parts of you as allthe different ages, and just say
(21:04):
, well, which one needs the lovenow?
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Yeah, I always like I call, when my, when I'm
activated, my defense mechanismsare up, I'm like oh the
pitbulls out, oh my gosh, ok,pitbull, no, no, we're not
biting anybody, we're not in allthis.
And then I can feel the tempertantrum teenager that's just
like lashing.
Then, like you said, thetwo-year-old that is just
(21:29):
emoting and just doesn't haveverbiage and everything else.
So it's like being able to meetall those parts because,
depending on what life isreflecting, for you to go even
deeper, mature those parts, tointegrate those parts and their
emotions like it's.
At that stage you didn't have asafe container, a sacred place
(21:52):
to just feel those emotionsauthentically.
Because, you know, not manyparents have the tools to deal
with a toddler that's taken atemper tantrum.
They're usually trying tosoothe it with food or make it
stop or and not just be able tohold the space of just let it
run its course, like let it comeout of their body.
It's embarrassing when it's inpublic.
(22:13):
It can create all kinds ofactivation in you.
Yet if you can do that, that'spart of the healing also for
this young human being that theycan see like part of the
healing also for this younghuman being that they can see
like, oh, I can feel theseenergetic charges and I'm still
safe, I'm okay, and nobody'sgonna like ostracize me or make
me feel like an inconvenience orI'm not loved or whatever
(22:35):
narration that goes on, likeemotions are so misunderstood
and there's, it can feel likeit's an inconvenience because it
does need space, like at thebeginning when you're feeling
these they take a while toprocess, like, even though
you're saying 90 seconds, it'sthat chemical release, yet it's
the looping of continuouslystaying in that victim state,
(22:58):
staying in that emotional statebecause it feels familiar,
because it feels familiar, soit's.
It's really encouraging when youknow people are doing that deep
dive, because you understand,like, oh, you're taking
responsibility and you're goingwithin yourself Because it's
very easy to point on theoutside, yet, like you said,
there's no power, you'redisempowered.
(23:19):
When you're in that state, yeah, when you come inside, it's
like, oh, I can witness myself,I can validate myself, I can
honor my emotions and I don'tneed anybody else to do that for
me.
That is such freedom.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
It's like, wow, I tell people, um, for me, I like
to believe that I kneweverything that I wanted to
experience as far as trauma, asfar as, like, the struggles and
the challenges.
I believe that I set it up thatway before this lifetime and I
choose to believe that becauseit allows me to take all the
(24:08):
responsibility and all the reinsand take blame out of it.
It's like if I chose all ofthis to wake me up and to bring
me to the place I'm at now,which is helping other people to
do the same.
It's like duh, like it makes somuch sense, but that's putting
everything on me.
So there's no like trying topush things off, like this
(24:29):
wasn't designed by myself, youknow.
So, if we look at it that way,I think it takes it even um
above like full responsibilityof, like no, I carved this all
out, like I did this, like cool,what, what, what is it I wanted
to really come here to do?
And I think that's when ourlife purpose gets to come to the
front and say, okay, that makessense.
(24:51):
This is exactly what I wouldhave carved out if I knew that I
wanted to do this thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
I have a question for you.
In your personal life, becauseyou go so deep, can it be
difficult to have personalrelationships with friends and
people and be able tocommunicate when they don't go
deep?
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Girl, now you're asking the questions.
Yeah, absolutely.
So, as I continuously go deeperyeah, I mean it's I do find it
challenging because there's nota lot of people that want to go
where I go.
That's why I said, um, this ismy passion and pleasure, cause I
(25:35):
could talk about the thingsthat most people in my personal
life don't want to hear about,they don't want to talk about,
they don't, they're notinterested in going that deep
into themselves.
So, absolutely, I I've had tolearn, um, to take it slow with
people, to go at their pace andnot to want for them things that
they don't want for themselves.
(25:56):
And, yeah, that that can bechallenging, cause I'm like
feeling kind of alone here onthis island of misfits.
That's why.
That's why I mean I had no, Ihad no idea what, you know,
guesting on other people'spodcasts and having my own
podcast was going to do for mepersonally.
(26:17):
But it is, that piece that youjust spoke about is like it's
allowed me to really go as deepas I I want to go.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Yeah, that's the biggest thing that I found
lonely in this journey, when youhave the self-awareness and the
depth and the gift.
It's the amount of times thatI've been told that I go deep.
And then some people are likeyou know what I?
I?
I avoid you sometimes because Idon't like what you rustle in
(26:47):
me and I don't want to go thatdeep.
And you like disorient.
I'm like okay, and then otherpeople are like I don't think
that deep.
It's not that it's a bad thing,I just don't think that deep.
But now you're making me like,see, I hear that every day.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
I hear things every day.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
But yes, yeah, I feel you, yeah, and it can be a
challenge.
Because then you're like well,do I contort, like to have a
sense of you, know, connectionand and be with people?
And then it's like yet, if I dothat, it just starts to feel
really uncomfortable for myself,because it's like I'm not
putting on this suit of clothing, like I'm okay being naked and
raw with myself and I don't wantto contort anymore.
(27:29):
Yet there is a lonely aspect inthe connection aspect because
you can only do superficial forso long where it's like can we
go into some depth or whatnot.
So it's really understandingconnection.
Yet I just want to ask aquestion because I think that's
something that many healers thatgo deep, that that might be
something that is a little bitof that lonely path because of
(27:52):
that depth of feeling and seeingthat most people are like what
the heck?
No, no, no, no, no, no, you'redrowning me right now.
You're going too deep.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That's, you're drowning meright now.
You're going too deep.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Yeah, and that's when I really turn the mirror on
myself.
So a lot of people are, they'reuncomfortable with seeing it in
themselves, but if I talk aboutmy stuff, yeah, the easier for
(28:27):
them, cause they'll be like oh,this is you, this is I.
Make sure they're open to it.
And I guess the way, like myhusband always says, you need
more people in your life.
You don't need just a small few, you know.
And I think that's helped too,because if I expect to get
really, really intimate withthese few, that means that they
got to be deep on my level, andthat's rare.
And so if you have more people,like, think about these
(28:50):
connections we make, this issuch a like.
This didn't happen 20 years ago,right, these connections are
made now because we have theinternet and we can connect via
Zoom and all these wonderfulthings that we didn't have
before, and I think that's whythis acceleration is like full
steam ahead is because now wehave this, and so, yes, it does
(29:12):
feel lonely and I've learnedways of bringing things out in
other people that they're morecomfortable with.
So it's kind of challenging forme to be able to find those
ways to do, and I'm also okaywhen people don't want to hear
what it is.
I have to say, you know, I hada full on because my
(29:33):
acceleration in the past fiveyears has been so fast and I
even was talking to my mom.
She's like don't leave mebehind.
But I'm like, mom, when you'regrowing this fast, there's a lot
of people that fall off.
They just can't hang.
And that gets to be okay and itdoes get lonely at the top, but
(29:55):
then we find other people likeus.
So there's the yes and no andthen that constant adjustment to
more of the layers, because Ithink that adds to this like
lonely thing which, when I dowork with people, they almost
always have this fear ofabandonment and being alone at
the really base of it, before weget to like the fear of, you
(30:15):
know, physical death.
It's like both those two arevery strong in every human and
so I think that's just part ofit.
But yeah, I think we get toembrace the journey as those,
those few going, going up and upand up.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Yeah, yeah, like I've been able to articulate in the
past year that it's like I'mgood with me, like I'm an only
child, so I didn't grow up withthe siblings.
I had cousins that I grew upwith, but not like.
How can you do that Like?
(30:54):
How can you like?
Even, as I mentioned, you know,I went to Barbados for two
months to integrate the griefand at times I was just sitting
in the dark in the house and oneof her cousins came and was
like why are you sitting in thehouse in the dark?
For I'm like because I'm okaywith it and I want to feel and
just be tranquil and listen tothe stillness and nature.
(31:16):
And what's your problem?
I'm like there's nothing wrongwith me, like I can, I'm okay
with sitting here, and but itlike it startled people like
that.
This is too weird that you woulddo that.
And it's like you don'tunderstand the benefit that I'm,
you know, going through thewarrior work of really releasing
and feeling and integratingthat grief and being good with
(31:40):
myself.
Like when loneliness comes upand I'm battling and emoting and
you know the poor me will comeup.
It's like, but wait a minute.
Do you know how amazing you are?
Do you understand how it's likeyou get to be with yourself
right now, the most importantperson in your story, and then
it's like oh yeah, oh yeah, okaythat seeking of wanting that
(32:02):
external validation.
It's like you're forgetting thepower within yourself.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
I mean, I can't even tell you, I could not be alone
with myself.
One of my numbing mechanismswas people, and that was because
I could not be alone.
I hated myself so deeply, Ihated to be in my own presence,
and so I looked for any way, asloud as the outside noise could
be, just to avoid it.
(32:27):
So if someone could just sitthere with themselves and be
that intimate with themselves, Imean, there is no, there is
nothing greater, I'm sure of it,like there's just nothing
greater.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Yeah, and so when I speak with people, it's like I
walk my talk.
I'm not just saying somethingthat's theory, it's not
something that sounds practicalor the it's like.
I've have lived experience.
I know how challenging it canbe, yet I also know what the
gifts are if you're willing totraverse and go deep.
Now let's talk about yourpassion project and what brought
(33:04):
you into creating the podcast,and can you let us know the
title of that podcast and whyyou chose?
Speaker 2 (33:10):
that title.
Well, I didn't choose the title.
I'll tell you what.
My husband came up with theidea for the podcast.
He had been bugging me for acouple years, like you got to do
this.
No one's doing this, and hisidea was not to have this like
interview style podcast, but tohave people on who are my ideal
client.
(33:30):
They're suffering in love andthey've tried everything and
they don't know where else toturn, and so it's called Behind
the Veil, anonymousTransformations, and they come
on and it's anonymous for them.
So their screen is.
There's a silhouette over theirscreen.
You could hear them, you couldsee me, but you can't see them,
(33:50):
and it allows for us to goreally deep.
So we go over their patternsfor us to go really deep, so we
go over their patterns, we findtheir pain point and then we
track it back to childhood andthen we neutralize the traumatic
event.
And so I take them through aprocess that I do with my
(34:11):
clients, and the beauty is isthat anyone who listens you know
, when you listen in on atransformation, there's no way
you're not going to transformtoo.
It just has that energy, and soit's like for me it's like a
win-win-win, because I obviouslyget a piece of that healing.
They get a huge transformationand anyone that listens does too
.
And it's like if I could give apiece of my process to some not
(34:37):
a piece, I'm giving you myprocesses, like I'm not hiding
them.
It's like here they are and ifyou could do it for yourself,
wonderful.
And it's like if we all didthat, I mean, imagine we would
all just rise, just like yousaid about the podcast world.
We, we'd all rise because we'renot gatekeeping anything.
It's like, yes, if you want tohire me to take you through a
(35:00):
process, obviously you're goingto get way more of a
transformation.
But also, if you just want tocome on and see how far we can
get, why not?
Speaker 1 (35:12):
Were you scared when you first launched it.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
Were you scared when you first launched it?
Yes, I was scared.
Anytime I do something new Itell my kids this because my
older two are teenagers and theylove saying those words I'm
like I was scared anytime I didanything that I hadn't done
before yet.
That's just how we're trainedto be right.
We're trained to stay alive.
So, yes, I was definitelyscared.
(35:41):
Yeah, I mean, every time Iwould go on a new platform or a
new stage or whatever.
Yeah, that fear rises up in me,but I look at that as challenge
accepted look at that aschallenge accepted.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Yeah, I just wanted to bring that because a lot of
times people see the confidencebut they think well, you don't
have fear.
Cause the amount of times thatpeople, when I explain what goes
on inside me, they're like youfeel that stuff?
I'm like, yeah, I am too.
You know, like, I know I holdspace, but I the reason why I
can hold space is because I'mdoing my own work at the same
time.
So I do have emotions, I dofeel, you know, I personalize
(36:22):
things, even though I know notto, it's just something that's a
default and it's like OK, I'mnot this stuff.
You know that this isn't theplace to be in and everything
else.
Yet Sometimes it's a gridlock,sometimes it isn't, and that's
why you know it's important tohave those spaces that you can
have a feedback andaccountability with people and
(36:43):
work with people and everythingelse.
Because I call it the elephantin the room, like when there's
shadows that are hiding and itjust doesn't feel safe to be in
the light of your awareness.
I call it that.
You know it's easy to spot theelephant in the room for other
people, yet when you're alonewith the elephant and to create
that safety, so the elephant canreveal itself to you.
(37:03):
That's the real work.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
But the elephant's always trying to hide from you,
and it's like yeah, and justhaving, like, I tell people, I
tried to do it alone for a longtime and my results were.
They showed that when you hiresomeone to say, hey, take my
hand, I'm going to take youthrough the process, I'm going
to guide you through it, you'llbe with me, you'll be safe and
(37:27):
they're going to, your resultsare just going to be so
significantly different, andthat's why I tell people you can
go the slow route if you want,but I don't suggest doing that
route.
Honey, grab someone's handwho's got the results that you
you want, and, um, pay them what, what they're worth, and I
promise you you'll never regretit, because you're going to get
(37:48):
those results, like you.
Just, it's just law, you know.
And so, yeah, I highly adviseanyone to find someone that they
resonate with and hire them towalk them through, because they
will take you places that youwon't go alone.
Yeah, because because of fear.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Yeah, exactly that elephant that mind plays such
tricks to stop you.
And it's again.
It's the protective mechanismsof the unknown and uncertainty
and not really understandingpossibility.
Possibility, Like a lot ofpeople don't realize they could
have fear of success as much asthey want success.
There's a fear of success, ofbeing able to receive it.
(38:27):
It's very easy to give.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
That's a big one for me too.
It's a big one.
Every time that I'm, I grow alittle bit about, oh, that fear
sets in and sometimes I'll gainlike 20 pounds so fast and I'll
be like what the heck?
And I have to dig into the fear.
What is the fear underneath it?
And it's like this fear ofbeing seen or this fear of
failure or this, like it's sillystuff.
(38:51):
But you have to remember thatmost of this stuff is not
conscious.
You have to dig into it becauseit's so much more like the.
Our subconscious is 95%.
That means just that little bitthat's on top of the surface.
So you're not, you're notreally going to find it until
you go deep, deep, deep, um, andso even with myself, um, yeah,
(39:13):
no one is above fear, becausethat is the part of our human
self that keeps us alive.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Exactly.
It has one function Don't die.
It's a one function.
So you know, feeling like youmight lose money feels like
death.
Like you said, abandonment,rejection feels like death
because you're not getting love.
A breakup in a relationshipfeels like death because it is a
type of death You're losing apart of who you were in this.
So it's a psychological thingand the nervous system doesn't
(39:44):
know the difference betweenwhat's real and what you're
thinking feels real.
So it's, you know, reallyhaving radical compassion for
yourself, radical kindness foryourself.
And you know, allowing context.
I think the biggest thing ispeople really still get stuck in
black and white and don't allowthe context of explaining well,
(40:05):
you did this because of this,this, this.
Yeah, sure, the action may nothave been a proper one, yeah,
give yourself some context ofwhy you were doing it.
It's not an excuse, it's justbeing able to give you some more
information so that when youget triggered or activated, you
can remember wait, context, wait, there's a different way.
I can take a pause for a minuteand come out of this train that
(40:29):
I'm on and understanding thatbiology that you are in and
everything else, that biologythat you are in and everything
else.
I'm mindful of time and, boy, Ithink we could talk for hours
and dig, you know, dive deep.
I want to ask you what is onequestion I haven't asked that
you think would be of value tothe listeners?
Speaker 2 (40:55):
I think so many of us really contemplate whether or
not we can change.
You know, I think a lot ofpeople are stuck because they
have this underlying like Ican't change.
And I will tell you this thereis nothing about yourself or
your life circumstance that youcannot change.
(41:17):
I have changed so many thingsabout my personality.
You know, we think these thingsare like concrete, they're hard
and fast.
I can't change that aboutmyself.
This is just who I am.
This is just who I am.
This is just who I am.
And it's like that's so bogus.
There is nothing you can'tchange about your life and
there's nothing you can't changeabout you.
(41:38):
So please don't subscribe tothat belief system.
Beliefs are so malleable.
Yes, it takes some practice tolearn what they are, where they
come from, how to change them,but they are changeable.
So don't get in thatclosed-minded space and think
that there is nothing you can doabout your circumstances,
(42:01):
because there always is.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
Yeah, thank you for that, and thank you for the
reminder, for myself and alsofor the listeners, to remember a
change is possible.
It's just you need to have yourwillingness.
Yeah, you have to unleash yourcuriosity to go into that
unknown and uncertainty, becauseyou know staying the same is
it's predictable.
(42:23):
Change is scary because you'regoing into the unknown even
though intellectually you wantsomething different.
To allow yourself to walk intothat unknown, it's like whew,
that's too vast, that's too big,I don't know what.
Speaker 2 (42:38):
And yet here we are.
We've shed so many of our oldskins and yet, you know totally,
we have more shifts to have andall that.
And it still gets scary to goup the next level.
Even though we've done it manytimes, you know it's still.
Each rung is scary and I thinkit's just about embracing the
(42:58):
fear.
I like to talk to the fear,almost like the little girl
inside of me.
I'm like come on, get in theback seat.
You know you're going to befine, I'm going to drive for a
little bit, don't worry, we'resafe, let's go.
You know, it's like I've alsobeen with a lot of people on
their deathbed and when they'retransitioning and it's like they
(43:20):
never say, oh, I wish I didn'tgo for that.
They never say like they'remore disappointed at the things
that they didn't go for and whatthey didn't experience, because
they were so scared.
So I think about that often.
It's like on my deathbed I wantto be like hey, I came, I saw,
I conquered, cool, see y'all,later I'll be back.
(43:41):
You know, I want to have thatattitude and if I, if I take it
that way, it's like I alwaysthink how much better can I get?
How much bigger can it get?
How many more people can Itouch?
How many?
How many more can I heal?
It's like how can it get bigger?
Because I don't want to thinkso small in that little fearful
box of like, oh, I just got tostay safe and make just enough
(44:03):
money.
And you know, see, just it'slike I don't want that.
That sounds, that soundsuncomfortable to me.
Now I won't say that I'vealways felt that way, but from
where I sit now, that would beso uncomfortable to say in the
damn box.
Speaker 1 (44:19):
Yeah, you know, I want to ask you, now that we're
speaking about this and notstaying small right now, you
know the way that the world isand you're in America right now
there's a lot of heightened fear, a lot of uncertainty.
That's going on.
What would be a message forthose that are filled with
(44:41):
anxiety and fear?
What would you want to feedinto them and fuel into them
about you know, regulatingthemselves and feeling an
openness?
Speaker 2 (44:52):
Well, fear is fake.
For one.
Fear is just such a bogus ideathat I and after I already said
the other part, there's so manyparts to it.
But uh, fear is completelybogus, uh, it's not real.
And you get to choose youremotional state.
Like.
One thing that I do with myclients that makes the biggest
difference for them is empowerthem to see that they get to
(45:15):
choose their own emotional state.
Especially as we trim off thepain in the body, as we start to
really pull it out of the body,it frees up the space, like we
were talking about.
But they also discover thatthey have the ability to choose
their emotions.
So it's true that we don't havecontrol over the entire earth
(45:37):
or whatnot, but we do havecontrol over our emotional state
.
And for you to take fulldominion over your emotional
state is to say it doesn'tmatter what happens externally,
within, I'm guarding my peace.
That's what I tell my clients.
I guard my peace overeverything, every decision I
(45:58):
make and every thought that Iallow to take.
You know to take in and tobelieve.
It's like I command what'sgoing to come in.
I take command over myemotional state, and so if the
fear comes in, grab ahold of thebelief, flush it down the damn
toilet If it's not serving you.
(46:19):
Don't think it.
The whole world could endtomorrow.
I will never end.
I'm eternal.
So it doesn't really matterwhat it looks like on a physical
level, because I'm not supertied to this meat suit, like, oh
, when this meat suit goes, I'llbe no more.
I don't believe that.
So it's like just embrace thefact that you're eternal number
(46:42):
one.
And also we live in a mentaluniverse.
So your thoughts are creatingthings.
Take your thoughts captive.
Stop thinking these bogusthoughts.
Put fear in the back seat.
Tell her it's okay, it's allgoing to be fine.
Buckle up, sweetie.
I'm taking this.
And then take full control ofyour emotional state because you
do not have to live like that.
(47:06):
We all have people in our lifethat I don't take those calls
anymore, but that want to callyou up and tell you all that I
don't watch the news, I don'ttake in all that stuff.
That is not part of my reality.
That I choose.
You can have it, have fun withit.
That's just not my reality.
So, and and two people livingin the exact same house no, two
(47:28):
people have the same samereality.
So we're all choosing it and itand it comes via your thoughts,
via your beliefs.
It and it comes via yourthoughts, via your beliefs, via
your emotions.
So choose carefully, and that'sall I got to say about that.
Speaker 1 (47:42):
It's very powerful.
It's very powerful.
Now, tammy, can you let thelisteners know where they can
find you, because I'm sure manyof them are like, okay, where
can I find this woman and letthem know about the podcast,
your services and everythingthat you have to offer.
Speaker 2 (47:59):
Yes, so I will provide you with my link tree,
which has all of my platforms.
I'm more dominant on myInstagram, but I'm on all the
platforms I also have in my linktree.
You could book a schedulediscovery call free discovery
call.
That's about 20 minutes.
(48:20):
And also, if you want to applyto be on my podcast, the link is
also on the link tree.
And, yeah, I appreciate so much.
You having me on thisconversation was delicious.
It was so powerful and I'llprobably be high all day off
(48:45):
this conversation.
Speaker 1 (48:50):
I want to thank you for doing the alchemy in your
life of taking those impuritiesand turning them into gold, yet
not just keeping the gold foryourself.
You're sharing it with theworld.
So I want to thank you for that, and I also want to thank you
for giving me the most valuablething you have in life, which is
your time.
So spending your time andsharing your lived experience
with myself and the listeners Iam eternally grateful for that.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
Oh, I hold all that in my heart because, yes, time
is valuable and yet there'snothing I'd rather be doing with
it than sharing it with you.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (49:25):
So listeners, at any time, if you had tingles, if you
had aha or you felt like youknow we were in your thoughts,
that is your signal to reach outto Tammy.
So her link tree will be in theshow notes Click.
Get in contact with her,because your nervous system is
letting you know she hassomewhere else to bring you even
(49:46):
deeper and for you to thriveeven more into your life and
take more power over you know,your dominion, your autonomy,
your joy, your peace.
So again, thank you so much,tammy, for being here and please
remember to be kind to yourself.
Hey, you made it all the wayhere.
(50:07):
I appreciate you and your time.
If you found value in thisconversation, please share it
out.
If there was somebody thatpopped into your mind, take
action and share it out withthem.
It possibly may not be themthat will benefit.
It's that they know somebodythat will benefit from listening
to this conversation.
(50:27):
So please take action and shareout the podcast.
You can find us on social mediaon Facebook, instagram and
TikTok under Lift One Self, andif you want to inquire about the
work that I do and the servicesthat I provide to people, come
over on my website, come into adiscovery?
(50:48):
Call liftoneselfcom.
Until next time, pleaseremember to be kind and gentle
with yourself.
You matter.
Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast, where we break
mental health stigmas throughconversations.
I'm your host, nat Nat, and wedive into topics about trauma
and how it impacts the nervoussystem.
Yet we don't just leave youthere.
We share insights and tools ofself-care, meditation and growth
(00:21):
that help you be curious aboutyour own biology.
Your presence matters.
Please like and subscribe toour podcast.
Help our community grow.
Let's get into this.
Oh, and please remember to bekind to yourself.
Welcome to the Lift One Selfpodcast.
I'm your host, nat Nat, andtoday we are in the lovely
(00:43):
presence of Tammy Cox, and we'regoing to get into some trauma.
We're going to talk about herpassion project, which is her
own podcast, and we're going tofind out why she started it and
what it's about, and we're justgoing to, you know, dive into
some intuitive conversations tosee what comes up and what it is
that some people need to hearand what's the message right now
(01:06):
.
So, tammy, could you let me andthe listeners know a little bit
about yourself?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Frozen.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Yeah, I see that frozen.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Yeah, I see that.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Oh, there we go, I'm back hey, let me redo that like
and then, like you know, it'sjust to keep me on my toes,
because I said I was like, oh,I'm tired, no, no, stay on your
toes, okay.
Um, welcome to the lift oneself podcast.
I'm your host, nat Nat, andtoday I have a lovely guest
(01:50):
named Tammy Cox, and today we'regoing to get into the dialogue
of trauma emotions and we'realso going to talk about her
passion project, which is herown podcast.
So, if you will, tammy, couldyou introduce yourself to myself
and the listeners and let usknow?
I sure can.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Yes, thank you so much for having me.
I have a feeling this is goingto be a really good conversation
, okay, so, yes, I am Tammy Cox.
I am a trauma specialist and Ihelp women find lasting love by
healing the wounds caused bychildhood trauma.
So I'm really one of thosepeople, because you know my
(02:32):
ideal client.
She's been doing the work,she's been on her journey, she's
been digging into her shadowsand yet there are some big ones
that she can't seem to shift.
So that's when she finds me,because the processes I do are
they're pretty deep and thewhole goal is to create an
(02:53):
entirely new identity in thefastest, easiest, most fun way
possible.
So that's my joy and passionand I also love doing this.
This is part of my joy, too,because when I connect to
like-minded individuals, itfills my cup and it's actually
what I find rejuvenates me to dothe deep inner work that I do
(03:18):
within people's transformationthrough their trauma.
So this is also what, you know,charges me.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Yeah, myself also.
That's why I started thispodcast back in 2021, because it
was like you know what let mehave some deep conversations
with people and let's open upthe conversations for people
that may not have the resourcesand the funds to be able to do
the work yet they're not evenaware that there's other
practices or tools that theycould use and that they finally
(03:51):
feel validated.
In seeing that, it's like oh mygosh, you're in my mind.
This is exactly what I waslooking for.
It gives me a little bit moretools to be able to do that deep
dive within myself.
Before we get in the convo,would you join me in a mindful
moment so that we can groundourselves and open our heart?
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Okay, and listeners, you know my safety spiel.
Most of you listen to thiswhile driving.
So when I ask us to close oureyes, please don't safety first,
yet the other prompts you'reable to do with whatever you're
doing.
So, tammy, I'll ask you to getcomfortable in your seating and,
if it's safe to do so, you'llgently close your eyes and
(04:35):
you're going to begin breathingin and out through your nose and
you're going to bring yourawareness to watching your
breath go in and out throughyour nose.
You're not going to try andcontrol your breath, you're just
going to be aware of its rhythm, allowing it to guide you into
your body.
There may be some sensations orfeelings coming up, and that's
(04:58):
okay, let them come up.
Let them come up.
You're safe to feel.
You're safe to let go.
Surrender the need to control,release the need to resist and
just be, be with your breath anddrop deeper into your body
(05:20):
Right now.
There may be some thoughts orto-do lists that have popped up
in your mind.
That's okay.
Gently bring your awarenessback to your breath, creating
space between the awareness andthe thoughts and dropping deeper
into your body, allowingyourself to just be, be with the
(05:45):
breath.
Again, more thoughts may havepopped up.
Gently bring your awarenessback to your breath, beginning
again, creating even more spacebetween the awareness and the
thoughts and diving even deeperinto your body, being in the
(06:10):
space of just being.
You may have noticed the rhythmof your breath has changed.
You may notice some aches orpains that you weren't aware of
in your body.
That's okay.
Continue just staying with thebreath and allowing yourself to
(06:39):
just be Now, at your own timeand at your own pace you're
going to gently open your eyes
Speaker 2 (06:55):
while staying with the breath.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
You're welcome.
You're welcome, how's?
Speaker 2 (07:01):
your heart doing.
My heart is open and juicy.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
What got you into trauma and being a specialist in
it?
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Like so many of us, it was me saving myself, and
then me saying, ooh, everyoneneeds this.
And realizing, you know, whenyou go through your healing
process, I believe that's whenour true passion and purpose
(07:37):
unlocks at least the next level,the next layer, next layer.
And so, even though I alwaysknew I was a healer, I realized
that it was the time to take thenext step, you know so, to hold
that space for other people.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Can you give your definition of what trauma is for
the listeners, because it'ssuch a buzzword right now and
you know other people have somany different definitions, so I
always like to get where theperson is with what they, how
they define trauma.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Yeah, so trauma is just a high state of negative
emotion.
Okay very simply put it's you'rein a negative state, you tend
to hold your breath and you havea thought that pops in and that
thought gets stamped onto yoursubconscious mind, especially in
those first five years of life.
So, um, you know, when I'mworking with a client, I want to
(08:35):
deal with those first fiveyears first, because that's when
their personality was created.
It was created from the trauma,and lots of people I agree it
is a buzz word and lots ofpeople have a lot to say around
it but trauma is actually a gift.
It's what has protected you andkept you safe.
So let's not demonize thetrauma and, at the same time,
(08:58):
let's heal it, neutralize it,take the emotion out of it so
that you have that freed upspace to choose your personality
or ways of being for yourself,instead of taking what was
gifted to you at the moment ofconception.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Yeah, and you said, the big word, which is the crux
of healing, is emotions, andthat is the thing that everybody
wants to avoid because it's soscary, it's messy, it's
uncomfortable, it'sdisorientating.
Yet until you go into thosememories and those emotional
(09:35):
charges that are energy blockingwithin your system, you're not
able to get that clear channeland that clarity within your
body.
And understandable that thoseexperiences.
It can feel very unsafe to wantto come back into the body
because you experienced pain.
How do you help your clientsnot think their emotions,
(09:59):
actually feel their emotions intheir body?
Speaker 2 (10:07):
feel their emotions in their body.
Well, first of all, it is likeyou just said it's teaching them
that their emotions aren't thebad guy, that their emotions are
a teacher, they're a tool, thatthey're good.
You know, because a lot ofpeople have a lot of judgments
about things such as pain andanger.
It's like those are all good,once again, when we take the
judgment out of it, and it's notbad or good, but it's simply
(10:28):
neutral as we can observe it andsee it.
That's step one, and then steptwo we got to feel it, to heal
it.
So it's teaching them youremotions are good and then
feeling them fully, because itonly takes 90 seconds to fully
feel your feelings without anyresistance in order for the pain
(10:49):
to pass.
It's not very long.
So you know you're right, wegot to get over this idea that
emotions are bad and we have tosee them as the gift that they
are in order that we can moveout the ones that no longer
serve us.
They have to be moved out ofthe vessel.
That's what I find that peopleneed to know the most is like,
(11:12):
hey, you're holding onto allthis pain back from before your
lifetime.
Would you like to get rid ofsome of it, because I'd love to
help you do that.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
Yeah, yeah, that's the biggest part with the
emotions too is I tell myclients to befriend anger.
Anger is protection, like angerhas such a bad rap in the
spiritual world and mindset andand it's like, okay, well, anger
is here for a reason.
So what is it protecting?
And most times it's protectingthe sense of helplessness,
(11:42):
sensitivity, vulnerability, thefear.
It was not safe to feel thoseauthentic emotions.
So, recognizing that yournervous system not intentionally
, it's a very intelligent designit has created a defense
mechanisms that these emotionscannot be felt.
So you have to be able to openup those defense mechanisms to
(12:06):
allow that feeling and thoseemotions to come up.
And, as you said, it's torewire how you're defining, like
this, negative and positiveemotions.
I'm like that that is creatingsuch nonsense for people and
then they're trying to do a lacarte with what emotions they'll
allow in and not.
And it's like each emotion hasinformation for you, as you said
(12:28):
, a teacher, it has data and ifyou're not able to let them come
up, then you're not able tohear the information that is
needed for you.
Like you know, when you startfeeling those authentic emotions
, all of a sudden these memoriesstart popping up and it's like,
oh, I didn't realize I createdthis BS of a belief system about
myself.
I didn't realize the narrationthat I created to insulate
(12:50):
myself so that I could survivein my environments.
I didn't know that Iinterpreted everything to myself
, because children arenarcissistic of just being
self-absorbed yet recognizing,like oh.
Of just being self-absorbed yetrecognizing, like oh, there
were other things.
But I wasn't able to feel thoseemotions because it wasn't safe
to do so, or I was told thatthose emotions were not
(13:13):
tolerated or allowed.
What do you find is the mostchallenging?
Like you said, the clients thatyou have are already doing the
work and they've kind ofplateaued to a certain level and
now they want to really godeeper.
What do you find is theresistance that still blocks
them from doing that deep dive?
Speaker 2 (13:36):
Well, oftentimes, when we're in the healing space,
you know, we're kind of like wehave this idea that, oh, I
already did that.
We're kind of like we have thisidea that, oh, I already did
that and that could be ablockage, because it's like, as
long as we're in this particularmeat suit and this DNA, it's
like we have so many layers thatwe could not possibly at least
(13:58):
to my belief level at this pointin time.
We cannot possibly get throughthem in this lifetime, and I
don't think that we're meant to.
I think we're meant to becomeaware, and I think we're at a
certain place in our evolutionwhere we're becoming aware that
we are first of all transmutingthis information from generation
to generation and that thetrauma tracks back seven
(14:20):
generations on each side.
So when we choose to heal,we're healing seven generations
on both mother and father side.
So that's a pretty tall orderfor, you know, for this
generation which I reallybelieve is starting to heal the
trauma, I think that it's goingto take some momentum here in
some generations.
(14:41):
Like I tell my kids hey, I'm,I'm doing my work and you get to
do it too.
You know like it's it's our joyand it's our pleasure, and I
think it's gonna so.
So I think that the hindrance isreally thinking, oh no, I've
already healed, as if it's adone deal.
That's what I think thatblockage kind of is in our space
(15:01):
and I can totally relatebecause I was like that, the
know-it-all.
But there's an unending layersof onions girl.
I get through one crusty layerand there's another one
underneath and then another one,and so I'm like it's just, and
(15:22):
then we got to check thosebeliefs.
It's like why are we going tojudge the trauma?
Like, and then we got to checkthose beliefs.
It's like, why are we going tojudge the trauma?
Like, why are we going to judgethe layers?
It just gets to be information,like you said, data that we get
to look at and say, okay,there's more.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Exactly, exactly.
It's, I think, the injusticewhere some of the healing spaces
or spiritual spaces make itseem like there's an arrival,
that there's a perfection, andit's like no, no, no, no, wounds
don't go away, they just staythere and when they get
activated, it's almost like youget a knock at the door and when
(15:57):
you open the door, you couldeither be like, ah, you're not
supposed to come in, you werenever supposed to come visit
again, and you slam the door andstart the whole process, or you
can open the door and say, oh,hello, friend.
Okay, come in.
What's the information?
Okay, but you're not doing amuck in the house Like what is?
What are you coming to tell me?
That is in my direct experiencethat I'm possibly not feeling my
(16:21):
emotions again, because that'swhy wounds get activated, it's
emotions are trying to passthrough and you're like
suppression, because it's been ahabit, it's been a pattern of
defaulting, of, let me just thesecondary emotions feel safe,
these authentic ones.
It's a little too muchsometimes, Even though you can
(16:41):
try intellectualizing this stuff, and if intellectualizing this
stuff worked, the world would bemuch different.
It's about the embodiment andfeeling and the thing about
emotions is in the moment.
They're not supposed to bemeaning, you're not supposed to
analyze.
Well, why am I feeling?
It's just feel.
(17:02):
Just let that out, no matterwhat it looks like.
It might be screaming, it mightbe yelling, it might be emoting
, crying, all of the above itjust let your body have some
expression with that, so thatthat energetic charge just
passes through.
Mm-hmm, what has been the mostchallenging part in your journey
(17:24):
?
Speaker 2 (17:27):
The reason why I work around the love relationships
or tend to attract people in thelove space, meaning the romance
, relationship space is becausethat was, like, my biggest pain
point.
You know, my husband and I welived in a very toxic marriage
for a long time and I swore itwas him.
(17:47):
Girl Wasn't me, no, it was him.
And so a lot of my clients havethat perspective.
I think we all do.
Before we start on our healingjourney, we think our problems
are because of everyone else andeverything else.
Every circuit, it's not us,because of everyone else and
everything else, every circuit,it's not us.
(18:07):
And so when they come in and westart diving into them, we
realize and notice that wecreated all of it and although
initially we don't love that, welearn to see that as the
blessing because that empowersus to create the new thing.
Because if we're the victimsand it's everyone else's fault
to create the new thing, becauseif we're the victims and it's
everyone else's fault, we haveno power.
(18:28):
But if we take all the powerand say, hey, I created all that
, what else can I do?
If I was doing that on accident?
What's next?
The love relationship hasreally been.
The thing that I notice is areally big pain point for a lot
of people, and it happens to bemy jam where I'm like what if
it's none of them?
What if it's all just a beliefthat you've got going on in your
(18:52):
subconscious, that came in inyour early life or before?
Speaker 1 (18:57):
And there's a part of being addicted to pain because
it's familiar and you canpredict it, Whereas joy is open
and vast and you're not able topredict that.
And it's familiar and you canpredict it, Whereas joy is open
and vast and you're not able topredict that and it's in the
unknown and uncertainty and youdon't know the ebbs and flows of
it, where pain can feelconstricted and it's like.
It's familiar, I know it, andit's not intentional.
(19:18):
This is the whole thing ofunderstanding the nervous system
.
It's always looking at theintelligence of it and the
method of the way it's trying toprotect you and releasing that
protection, not chastising andgetting angry.
And the biggest thing I find isa disservice for a lot of
people.
They think they need to get ridof parts of themselves where
(19:41):
it's like no, it's theintegration you want to be whole
with a W, because if you let goof that part that makes you
cringe or you don't want to seethat part of yourself, then you
will not be able to carry of notrepeating that Like or you will
not know that that isn't theway that you want to go.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Well, it's like your little baby self, like she's
just sad, can you pick her upand can you scoop her up in your
arms and give her all the lovethat she so desperately needed,
but her parents didn't know howto give it to her.
Like, can we just have so muchcompassion for her, like she's
in pain.
That's a big thing.
That I teach my clients is whenthey have those parts of them
(20:23):
that lash out is like, insteadof judging her, see that age.
For me, when I get triggered,it's the two-year-old me, it's
the two to four-year-old me, andI used to get so mad at myself
when I do it.
But when I learned how to scoopher up in my arms, when I
learned how to give her what sheneeded, in the moment my
(20:44):
triggers are.
They're so much shorter now Ican deal with them quickly.
I give a lot less.
I mean, I give a lot less of myanger to other people.
I take it on myself and thejudgment gets to dissolve.
So it's like, yeah, what if youcould just see all those
different parts of you as allthe different ages, and just say
(21:04):
, well, which one needs the lovenow?
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Yeah, I always like I call, when my, when I'm
activated, my defense mechanismsare up, I'm like oh the
pitbulls out, oh my gosh, ok,pitbull, no, no, we're not
biting anybody, we're not in allthis.
And then I can feel the tempertantrum teenager that's just
like lashing.
Then, like you said, thetwo-year-old that is just
(21:29):
emoting and just doesn't haveverbiage and everything else.
So it's like being able to meetall those parts because,
depending on what life isreflecting, for you to go even
deeper, mature those parts, tointegrate those parts and their
emotions like it's.
At that stage you didn't have asafe container, a sacred place
(21:52):
to just feel those emotionsauthentically.
Because, you know, not manyparents have the tools to deal
with a toddler that's taken atemper tantrum.
They're usually trying tosoothe it with food or make it
stop or and not just be able tohold the space of just let it
run its course, like let it comeout of their body.
It's embarrassing when it's inpublic.
(22:13):
It can create all kinds ofactivation in you.
Yet if you can do that, that'spart of the healing also for
this young human being that theycan see like part of the
healing also for this younghuman being that they can see
like, oh, I can feel theseenergetic charges and I'm still
safe, I'm okay, and nobody'sgonna like ostracize me or make
me feel like an inconvenience orI'm not loved or whatever
(22:35):
narration that goes on, likeemotions are so misunderstood
and there's, it can feel likeit's an inconvenience because it
does need space, like at thebeginning when you're feeling
these they take a while toprocess, like, even though
you're saying 90 seconds, it'sthat chemical release, yet it's
the looping of continuouslystaying in that victim state,
(22:58):
staying in that emotional statebecause it feels familiar,
because it feels familiar, soit's.
It's really encouraging when youknow people are doing that deep
dive, because you understand,like, oh, you're taking
responsibility and you're goingwithin yourself Because it's
very easy to point on theoutside, yet, like you said,
there's no power, you'redisempowered.
(23:19):
When you're in that state, yeah, when you come inside, it's
like, oh, I can witness myself,I can validate myself, I can
honor my emotions and I don'tneed anybody else to do that for
me.
That is such freedom.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
It's like, wow, I tell people, um, for me, I like
to believe that I kneweverything that I wanted to
experience as far as trauma, asfar as, like, the struggles and
the challenges.
I believe that I set it up thatway before this lifetime and I
choose to believe that becauseit allows me to take all the
(24:08):
responsibility and all the reinsand take blame out of it.
It's like if I chose all ofthis to wake me up and to bring
me to the place I'm at now,which is helping other people to
do the same.
It's like duh, like it makes somuch sense, but that's putting
everything on me.
So there's no like trying topush things off, like this
(24:29):
wasn't designed by myself, youknow.
So, if we look at it that way,I think it takes it even um
above like full responsibilityof, like no, I carved this all
out, like I did this, like cool,what, what, what is it I wanted
to really come here to do?
And I think that's when ourlife purpose gets to come to the
front and say, okay, that makessense.
(24:51):
This is exactly what I wouldhave carved out if I knew that I
wanted to do this thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
I have a question for you.
In your personal life, becauseyou go so deep, can it be
difficult to have personalrelationships with friends and
people and be able tocommunicate when they don't go
deep?
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Girl, now you're asking the questions.
Yeah, absolutely.
So, as I continuously go deeperyeah, I mean it's I do find it
challenging because there's nota lot of people that want to go
where I go.
That's why I said, um, this ismy passion and pleasure, cause I
(25:35):
could talk about the thingsthat most people in my personal
life don't want to hear about,they don't want to talk about,
they don't, they're notinterested in going that deep
into themselves.
So, absolutely, I I've had tolearn, um, to take it slow with
people, to go at their pace andnot to want for them things that
they don't want for themselves.
(25:56):
And, yeah, that that can bechallenging, cause I'm like
feeling kind of alone here onthis island of misfits.
That's why.
That's why I mean I had no, Ihad no idea what, you know,
guesting on other people'spodcasts and having my own
podcast was going to do for mepersonally.
(26:17):
But it is, that piece that youjust spoke about is like it's
allowed me to really go as deepas I I want to go.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Yeah, that's the biggest thing that I found
lonely in this journey, when youhave the self-awareness and the
depth and the gift.
It's the amount of times thatI've been told that I go deep.
And then some people are likeyou know what I?
I?
I avoid you sometimes because Idon't like what you rustle in
(26:47):
me and I don't want to go thatdeep.
And you like disorient.
I'm like okay, and then otherpeople are like I don't think
that deep.
It's not that it's a bad thing,I just don't think that deep.
But now you're making me like,see, I hear that every day.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
I hear things every day.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
But yes, yeah, I feel you, yeah, and it can be a
challenge.
Because then you're like well,do I contort, like to have a
sense of you, know, connectionand and be with people?
And then it's like yet, if I dothat, it just starts to feel
really uncomfortable for myself,because it's like I'm not
putting on this suit of clothing, like I'm okay being naked and
raw with myself and I don't wantto contort anymore.
(27:29):
Yet there is a lonely aspect inthe connection aspect because
you can only do superficial forso long where it's like can we
go into some depth or whatnot.
So it's really understandingconnection.
Yet I just want to ask aquestion because I think that's
something that many healers thatgo deep, that that might be
something that is a little bitof that lonely path because of
(27:52):
that depth of feeling and seeingthat most people are like what
the heck?
No, no, no, no, no, no, you'redrowning me right now.
You're going too deep.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That's, you're drowning meright now.
You're going too deep.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Yeah, and that's when I really turn the mirror on
myself.
So a lot of people are, they'reuncomfortable with seeing it in
themselves, but if I talk aboutmy stuff, yeah, the easier for
(28:27):
them, cause they'll be like oh,this is you, this is I.
Make sure they're open to it.
And I guess the way, like myhusband always says, you need
more people in your life.
You don't need just a small few, you know.
And I think that's helped too,because if I expect to get
really, really intimate withthese few, that means that they
got to be deep on my level, andthat's rare.
And so if you have more people,like, think about these
(28:50):
connections we make, this issuch a like.
This didn't happen 20 years ago,right, these connections are
made now because we have theinternet and we can connect via
Zoom and all these wonderfulthings that we didn't have
before, and I think that's whythis acceleration is like full
steam ahead is because now wehave this, and so, yes, it does
(29:12):
feel lonely and I've learnedways of bringing things out in
other people that they're morecomfortable with.
So it's kind of challenging forme to be able to find those
ways to do, and I'm also okaywhen people don't want to hear
what it is.
I have to say, you know, I hada full on because my
(29:33):
acceleration in the past fiveyears has been so fast and I
even was talking to my mom.
She's like don't leave mebehind.
But I'm like, mom, when you'regrowing this fast, there's a lot
of people that fall off.
They just can't hang.
And that gets to be okay and itdoes get lonely at the top, but
(29:55):
then we find other people likeus.
So there's the yes and no andthen that constant adjustment to
more of the layers, because Ithink that adds to this like
lonely thing which, when I dowork with people, they almost
always have this fear ofabandonment and being alone at
the really base of it, before weget to like the fear of, you
(30:15):
know, physical death.
It's like both those two arevery strong in every human and
so I think that's just part ofit.
But yeah, I think we get toembrace the journey as those,
those few going, going up and upand up.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Yeah, yeah, like I've been able to articulate in the
past year that it's like I'mgood with me, like I'm an only
child, so I didn't grow up withthe siblings.
I had cousins that I grew upwith, but not like.
How can you do that Like?
(30:54):
How can you like?
Even, as I mentioned, you know,I went to Barbados for two
months to integrate the griefand at times I was just sitting
in the dark in the house and oneof her cousins came and was
like why are you sitting in thehouse in the dark?
For I'm like because I'm okaywith it and I want to feel and
just be tranquil and listen tothe stillness and nature.
(31:16):
And what's your problem?
I'm like there's nothing wrongwith me, like I can, I'm okay
with sitting here, and but itlike it startled people like
that.
This is too weird that you woulddo that.
And it's like you don'tunderstand the benefit that I'm,
you know, going through thewarrior work of really releasing
and feeling and integratingthat grief and being good with
(31:40):
myself.
Like when loneliness comes upand I'm battling and emoting and
you know the poor me will comeup.
It's like, but wait a minute.
Do you know how amazing you are?
Do you understand how it's likeyou get to be with yourself
right now, the most importantperson in your story, and then
it's like oh yeah, oh yeah, okaythat seeking of wanting that
(32:02):
external validation.
It's like you're forgetting thepower within yourself.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
I mean, I can't even tell you, I could not be alone
with myself.
One of my numbing mechanismswas people, and that was because
I could not be alone.
I hated myself so deeply, Ihated to be in my own presence,
and so I looked for any way, asloud as the outside noise could
be, just to avoid it.
(32:27):
So if someone could just sitthere with themselves and be
that intimate with themselves, Imean, there is no, there is
nothing greater, I'm sure of it,like there's just nothing
greater.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Yeah, and so when I speak with people, it's like I
walk my talk.
I'm not just saying somethingthat's theory, it's not
something that sounds practicalor the it's like.
I've have lived experience.
I know how challenging it canbe, yet I also know what the
gifts are if you're willing totraverse and go deep.
Now let's talk about yourpassion project and what brought
(33:04):
you into creating the podcast,and can you let us know the
title of that podcast and whyyou chose?
Speaker 2 (33:10):
that title.
Well, I didn't choose the title.
I'll tell you what.
My husband came up with theidea for the podcast.
He had been bugging me for acouple years, like you got to do
this.
No one's doing this, and hisidea was not to have this like
interview style podcast, but tohave people on who are my ideal
client.
(33:30):
They're suffering in love andthey've tried everything and
they don't know where else toturn, and so it's called Behind
the Veil, anonymousTransformations, and they come
on and it's anonymous for them.
So their screen is.
There's a silhouette over theirscreen.
You could hear them, you couldsee me, but you can't see them,
(33:50):
and it allows for us to goreally deep.
So we go over their patternsfor us to go really deep, so we
go over their patterns, we findtheir pain point and then we
track it back to childhood andthen we neutralize the traumatic
event.
And so I take them through aprocess that I do with my
(34:11):
clients, and the beauty is isthat anyone who listens you know
, when you listen in on atransformation, there's no way
you're not going to transformtoo.
It just has that energy, and soit's like for me it's like a
win-win-win, because I obviouslyget a piece of that healing.
They get a huge transformationand anyone that listens does too
.
And it's like if I could give apiece of my process to some not
(34:37):
a piece, I'm giving you myprocesses, like I'm not hiding
them.
It's like here they are and ifyou could do it for yourself,
wonderful.
And it's like if we all didthat, I mean, imagine we would
all just rise, just like yousaid about the podcast world.
We, we'd all rise because we'renot gatekeeping anything.
It's like, yes, if you want tohire me to take you through a
(35:00):
process, obviously you're goingto get way more of a
transformation.
But also, if you just want tocome on and see how far we can
get, why not?
Speaker 1 (35:12):
Were you scared when you first launched it.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
Were you scared when you first launched it?
Yes, I was scared.
Anytime I do something new Itell my kids this because my
older two are teenagers and theylove saying those words I'm
like I was scared anytime I didanything that I hadn't done
before yet.
That's just how we're trainedto be right.
We're trained to stay alive.
So, yes, I was definitelyscared.
(35:41):
Yeah, I mean, every time Iwould go on a new platform or a
new stage or whatever.
Yeah, that fear rises up in me,but I look at that as challenge
accepted look at that aschallenge accepted.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Yeah, I just wanted to bring that because a lot of
times people see the confidencebut they think well, you don't
have fear.
Cause the amount of times thatpeople, when I explain what goes
on inside me, they're like youfeel that stuff?
I'm like, yeah, I am too.
You know, like, I know I holdspace, but I the reason why I
can hold space is because I'mdoing my own work at the same
time.
So I do have emotions, I dofeel, you know, I personalize
(36:22):
things, even though I know notto, it's just something that's a
default and it's like OK, I'mnot this stuff.
You know that this isn't theplace to be in and everything
else.
Yet Sometimes it's a gridlock,sometimes it isn't, and that's
why you know it's important tohave those spaces that you can
have a feedback andaccountability with people and
(36:43):
work with people and everythingelse.
Because I call it the elephantin the room, like when there's
shadows that are hiding and itjust doesn't feel safe to be in
the light of your awareness.
I call it that.
You know it's easy to spot theelephant in the room for other
people, yet when you're alonewith the elephant and to create
that safety, so the elephant canreveal itself to you.
(37:03):
That's the real work.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
But the elephant's always trying to hide from you,
and it's like yeah, and justhaving, like, I tell people, I
tried to do it alone for a longtime and my results were.
They showed that when you hiresomeone to say, hey, take my
hand, I'm going to take youthrough the process, I'm going
to guide you through it, you'llbe with me, you'll be safe and
(37:27):
they're going to, your resultsare just going to be so
significantly different, andthat's why I tell people you can
go the slow route if you want,but I don't suggest doing that
route.
Honey, grab someone's handwho's got the results that you
you want, and, um, pay them what, what they're worth, and I
promise you you'll never regretit, because you're going to get
(37:48):
those results, like you.
Just, it's just law, you know.
And so, yeah, I highly adviseanyone to find someone that they
resonate with and hire them towalk them through, because they
will take you places that youwon't go alone.
Yeah, because because of fear.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Yeah, exactly that elephant that mind plays such
tricks to stop you.
And it's again.
It's the protective mechanismsof the unknown and uncertainty
and not really understandingpossibility.
Possibility, Like a lot ofpeople don't realize they could
have fear of success as much asthey want success.
There's a fear of success, ofbeing able to receive it.
(38:27):
It's very easy to give.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
That's a big one for me too.
It's a big one.
Every time that I'm, I grow alittle bit about, oh, that fear
sets in and sometimes I'll gainlike 20 pounds so fast and I'll
be like what the heck?
And I have to dig into the fear.
What is the fear underneath it?
And it's like this fear ofbeing seen or this fear of
failure or this, like it's sillystuff.
(38:51):
But you have to remember thatmost of this stuff is not
conscious.
You have to dig into it becauseit's so much more like the.
Our subconscious is 95%.
That means just that little bitthat's on top of the surface.
So you're not, you're notreally going to find it until
you go deep, deep, deep, um, andso even with myself, um, yeah,
(39:13):
no one is above fear, becausethat is the part of our human
self that keeps us alive.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Exactly.
It has one function Don't die.
It's a one function.
So you know, feeling like youmight lose money feels like
death.
Like you said, abandonment,rejection feels like death
because you're not getting love.
A breakup in a relationshipfeels like death because it is a
type of death You're losing apart of who you were in this.
So it's a psychological thingand the nervous system doesn't
(39:44):
know the difference betweenwhat's real and what you're
thinking feels real.
So it's, you know, reallyhaving radical compassion for
yourself, radical kindness foryourself.
And you know, allowing context.
I think the biggest thing ispeople really still get stuck in
black and white and don't allowthe context of explaining well,
(40:05):
you did this because of this,this, this.
Yeah, sure, the action may nothave been a proper one, yeah,
give yourself some context ofwhy you were doing it.
It's not an excuse, it's justbeing able to give you some more
information so that when youget triggered or activated, you
can remember wait, context, wait, there's a different way.
I can take a pause for a minuteand come out of this train that
(40:29):
I'm on and understanding thatbiology that you are in and
everything else, that biologythat you are in and everything
else.
I'm mindful of time and, boy, Ithink we could talk for hours
and dig, you know, dive deep.
I want to ask you what is onequestion I haven't asked that
you think would be of value tothe listeners?
Speaker 2 (40:55):
I think so many of us really contemplate whether or
not we can change.
You know, I think a lot ofpeople are stuck because they
have this underlying like Ican't change.
And I will tell you this thereis nothing about yourself or
your life circumstance that youcannot change.
(41:17):
I have changed so many thingsabout my personality.
You know, we think these thingsare like concrete, they're hard
and fast.
I can't change that aboutmyself.
This is just who I am.
This is just who I am.
This is just who I am.
And it's like that's so bogus.
There is nothing you can'tchange about your life and
there's nothing you can't changeabout you.
(41:38):
So please don't subscribe tothat belief system.
Beliefs are so malleable.
Yes, it takes some practice tolearn what they are, where they
come from, how to change them,but they are changeable.
So don't get in thatclosed-minded space and think
that there is nothing you can doabout your circumstances,
(42:01):
because there always is.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
Yeah, thank you for that, and thank you for the
reminder, for myself and alsofor the listeners, to remember a
change is possible.
It's just you need to have yourwillingness.
Yeah, you have to unleash yourcuriosity to go into that
unknown and uncertainty, becauseyou know staying the same is
it's predictable.
(42:23):
Change is scary because you'regoing into the unknown even
though intellectually you wantsomething different.
To allow yourself to walk intothat unknown, it's like whew,
that's too vast, that's too big,I don't know what.
Speaker 2 (42:38):
And yet here we are.
We've shed so many of our oldskins and yet, you know totally,
we have more shifts to have andall that.
And it still gets scary to goup the next level.
Even though we've done it manytimes, you know it's still.
Each rung is scary and I thinkit's just about embracing the
(42:58):
fear.
I like to talk to the fear,almost like the little girl
inside of me.
I'm like come on, get in theback seat.
You know you're going to befine, I'm going to drive for a
little bit, don't worry, we'resafe, let's go.
You know, it's like I've alsobeen with a lot of people on
their deathbed and when they'retransitioning and it's like they
(43:20):
never say, oh, I wish I didn'tgo for that.
They never say like they'remore disappointed at the things
that they didn't go for and whatthey didn't experience, because
they were so scared.
So I think about that often.
It's like on my deathbed I wantto be like hey, I came, I saw,
I conquered, cool, see y'all,later I'll be back.
(43:41):
You know, I want to have thatattitude and if I, if I take it
that way, it's like I alwaysthink how much better can I get?
How much bigger can it get?
How many more people can Itouch?
How many?
How many more can I heal?
It's like how can it get bigger?
Because I don't want to thinkso small in that little fearful
box of like, oh, I just got tostay safe and make just enough
(44:03):
money.
And you know, see, just it'slike I don't want that.
That sounds, that soundsuncomfortable to me.
Now I won't say that I'vealways felt that way, but from
where I sit now, that would beso uncomfortable to say in the
damn box.
Speaker 1 (44:19):
Yeah, you know, I want to ask you, now that we're
speaking about this and notstaying small right now, you
know the way that the world isand you're in America right now
there's a lot of heightened fear, a lot of uncertainty.
That's going on.
What would be a message forthose that are filled with
(44:41):
anxiety and fear?
What would you want to feedinto them and fuel into them
about you know, regulatingthemselves and feeling an
openness?
Speaker 2 (44:52):
Well, fear is fake.
For one.
Fear is just such a bogus ideathat I and after I already said
the other part, there's so manyparts to it.
But uh, fear is completelybogus, uh, it's not real.
And you get to choose youremotional state.
Like.
One thing that I do with myclients that makes the biggest
difference for them is empowerthem to see that they get to
(45:15):
choose their own emotional state.
Especially as we trim off thepain in the body, as we start to
really pull it out of the body,it frees up the space, like we
were talking about.
But they also discover thatthey have the ability to choose
their emotions.
So it's true that we don't havecontrol over the entire earth
(45:37):
or whatnot, but we do havecontrol over our emotional state
.
And for you to take fulldominion over your emotional
state is to say it doesn'tmatter what happens externally,
within, I'm guarding my peace.
That's what I tell my clients.
I guard my peace overeverything, every decision I
(45:58):
make and every thought that Iallow to take.
You know to take in and tobelieve.
It's like I command what'sgoing to come in.
I take command over myemotional state, and so if the
fear comes in, grab ahold of thebelief, flush it down the damn
toilet If it's not serving you.
(46:19):
Don't think it.
The whole world could endtomorrow.
I will never end.
I'm eternal.
So it doesn't really matterwhat it looks like on a physical
level, because I'm not supertied to this meat suit, like, oh
, when this meat suit goes, I'llbe no more.
I don't believe that.
So it's like just embrace thefact that you're eternal number
(46:42):
one.
And also we live in a mentaluniverse.
So your thoughts are creatingthings.
Take your thoughts captive.
Stop thinking these bogusthoughts.
Put fear in the back seat.
Tell her it's okay, it's allgoing to be fine.
Buckle up, sweetie.
I'm taking this.
And then take full control ofyour emotional state because you
do not have to live like that.
(47:06):
We all have people in our lifethat I don't take those calls
anymore, but that want to callyou up and tell you all that I
don't watch the news, I don'ttake in all that stuff.
That is not part of my reality.
That I choose.
You can have it, have fun withit.
That's just not my reality.
So, and and two people livingin the exact same house no, two
(47:28):
people have the same samereality.
So we're all choosing it and itand it comes via your thoughts,
via your beliefs.
It and it comes via yourthoughts, via your beliefs, via
your emotions.
So choose carefully, and that'sall I got to say about that.
Speaker 1 (47:42):
It's very powerful.
It's very powerful.
Now, tammy, can you let thelisteners know where they can
find you, because I'm sure manyof them are like, okay, where
can I find this woman and letthem know about the podcast,
your services and everythingthat you have to offer.
Speaker 2 (47:59):
Yes, so I will provide you with my link tree,
which has all of my platforms.
I'm more dominant on myInstagram, but I'm on all the
platforms I also have in my linktree.
You could book a schedulediscovery call free discovery
call.
That's about 20 minutes.
(48:20):
And also, if you want to applyto be on my podcast, the link is
also on the link tree.
And, yeah, I appreciate so much.
You having me on thisconversation was delicious.
It was so powerful and I'llprobably be high all day off
(48:45):
this conversation.
Speaker 1 (48:50):
I want to thank you for doing the alchemy in your
life of taking those impuritiesand turning them into gold, yet
not just keeping the gold foryourself.
You're sharing it with theworld.
So I want to thank you for that, and I also want to thank you
for giving me the most valuablething you have in life, which is
your time.
So spending your time andsharing your lived experience
with myself and the listeners Iam eternally grateful for that.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
Oh, I hold all that in my heart because, yes, time
is valuable and yet there'snothing I'd rather be doing with
it than sharing it with you.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (49:25):
So listeners, at any time, if you had tingles, if you
had aha or you felt like youknow we were in your thoughts,
that is your signal to reach outto Tammy.
So her link tree will be in theshow notes Click.
Get in contact with her,because your nervous system is
letting you know she hassomewhere else to bring you even
(49:46):
deeper and for you to thriveeven more into your life and
take more power over you know,your dominion, your autonomy,
your joy, your peace.
So again, thank you so much,tammy, for being here and please
remember to be kind to yourself.
Hey, you made it all the wayhere.
(50:07):
I appreciate you and your time.
If you found value in thisconversation, please share it
out.
If there was somebody thatpopped into your mind, take
action and share it out withthem.
It possibly may not be themthat will benefit.
It's that they know somebodythat will benefit from listening
to this conversation.
(50:27):
So please take action and shareout the podcast.
You can find us on social mediaon Facebook, instagram and
TikTok under Lift One Self, andif you want to inquire about the
work that I do and the servicesthat I provide to people, come
over on my website, come into adiscovery?
(50:48):
Call liftoneselfcom.
Until next time, pleaseremember to be kind and gentle
with yourself.
You matter.
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