Why You Keep Watching What Hurts: Breaking the Trauma Loop Behind Your Scroll

Send us a text

That silent scroll through your ex's profile at 2 AM? It's not just curiosity – it's your nervous system seeking a hit of familiar pain. Welcome to a raw exploration of the hidden trauma patterns lurking beneath our seemingly innocent social media habits.

When we catch ourselves "just checking" someone's Instagram story after choosing not to attend an event, or clicking through profiles that trigger our deepest insecurities, we're not merely gathering information. We're often reopening wounds that were trying to heal, creating what I call a "self-soothing trauma loop." This episode dives deep into why we sometimes unconsciously seek controllable pain rather than unpredictable joy, and how comparison rarely empowers us to see possibilities – instead, it whispers "look how small you are."

This conversation isn't about shame or judgment. It's about bringing awareness to these patterns so we can interrupt them with compassion. I guide listeners through a mindful moment to reconnect with themselves, share personal insights about breaking these digital trauma loops, and introduce the concept of emotional sobriety – the ability to feel our emotions without being ruled by them. Because true healing isn't proving you've recovered by repeatedly exposing yourself to what hurt you; it's building new neural pathways that prioritize presence over pain.

Ready to transform your relationship with social media and your emotions? The Emotional Sobriety Workshop might be exactly what you need. Find the link in the show notes or visit liftoneselfcom to learn more about breaking these cycles together.

Support the show

💛 Support the Show

If you’ve been moved by this episode and want to support the work, you can do so here:
👉 buymeacoffee.com/liftoneself

Your support helps me keep sharing honest conversations, healing tools, and reminders that we are not alone.

Remember, the strongest thing you can do for yourself is to ask for help.
Please help us grow by subscribing to and sharing the Lift OneSelf podcast with others.
The podcast intends to dissolve the stigmas around Mental Health and create healing spaces.
I appreciate you, the listener, for tuning in and my guest for sharing.

Our website
LiftOneself.com
email: [e-mail]

Find more conversations on our Social Media pages
www.facebook.com/liftoneself
www.instagram.com/liftoneself

Want to be a guest on the Lift OneSelf podcast message here on Podmatch:
https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/liftoneself

Music by NaturesEye

Opening Music "Whip" by kontraa
Opening music Prazkhanal
Opening music SoulProdMusic
Meditation music Saavane

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
We're talking about social media, creeping Instagram
story, watching silent scrollsdown rabbit holes that somehow
lead us right into our own ache,and I want to say this up front
this isn't a call out, it's acall in, because I've been doing
it too and I want to explorewhat's really underneath it.

(00:22):
Let's begin by arriving heretogether.
Welcome back to the Lift OneSelf podcast.
I'm your host, nat.
Nat, if this is your first timehere, welcome home If you're
continuing to come back.
Thank you so much.
Please take a moment to like,subscribe and share this podcast

(00:42):
.
Also, leave it a review.
It helps us grow this communityand these conversations matter.
Today's episode is one of thoseraw ones, the kind that catches
you in the small choices wedon't often name out loud, the
ones we make when no one'swatching except us.
I want to invite you into amindful moment so you can start

(01:06):
to interrupt these patterns inreal time, wherever you are
right now.
Pause, notice the way yourbreath is moving through your
body.
Don't try to control it, justbe aware.
Let your shoulders soften, letyour jaw unclench, let your eyes

(01:29):
land somewhere.
Still, if it's safe, close them.
Bring your attention inward,not to judge or fix, but to feel
You're not looking out at theworld, you're not performing,

(01:49):
you're not watching anyone'sstory but your own Land in that
You're not watching anyone'sstory but your own and you're
allowed to be here with you,take a few deep breaths in and

(02:17):
remind yourself you're safe tobe you If you close those eyes
gently, open them back up whenyou're ready.
You ever notice yourselfavoiding Instagram, not because
you're too busy, but because,deep down, you made a choice not
to go to an event.

(02:38):
You chose safety.
You chose yourself.
You chose integrity.
You chose yourself, you choseintegrity.
And still there's this subtleache of missing out and there's
this part of you that wants topeek, that little voice that
whispers just check.
But here's what I've learnedthat's not healing, that's
reenactment.

(03:07):
There's a fine sacred linebetween exposing yourself and
self-inflicting pain.
Most of us don't recognize itfor what it is.
We think we're just scrolling,but really we're picking at a
scab, reopening a wound that wastrying to close, and pain,
predictable pain.
It can feel soothing.
It becomes a kind of numbingagent, a self-soothing trauma
loop, and I know that loopbecause I've walked it.

(03:27):
I've seen myself scrolling, notfor joy, but to touch a pain I
thought I'd outgrown.
Sometimes we're not seeking joy, we're seeking pain we can
control.
We try to pre-feel abandonmentor rejection because it feels
safer to choose the pain than tobe surprised by it.
That curiosity, it's not alwaysinnocent.

(03:51):
Sometimes it's your nervoussystem craving a hit of control.
So ask yourself Are youscrolling to feel connected or
are you preparing for pain?
You ever caught yourselfclicking into someone's profile,
even though you already knowyou're in a tender place,
feeling jealousy, envy,insecurity.

(04:13):
And still you go looking,looking for evidence to match
the emotion already bubbling inyour body.
But that's not harmless.
That's your nervous systemseeking familiar discomfort.
And let's be real, comparisondoesn't usually empower us.
It doesn't say, look what'spossible.

(04:33):
It says look how small you are.
And still, this isn't aboutshame, it's not about blame.
It's about being honest.
This is where emotionalregulation begins.
This is where self-awarenessbecomes self-compassion.
You're not bad for looking.
Yet be honest with why you are.

(04:56):
Think about the breakup scroll,the silent creeping after a
falling out with a friend, thestory watching through a mutual
profile because you blockedsomeone or they blocked you.
It's all just your nervoussystem searching for something
familiar.
The work is to mature thenervous system, to build new

(05:16):
pathways, to create newdefinitions of safety and to
choose again and again to feelyour own emotions rather than
grasping someone else's story.
And if this is landing for you,if you're noticing the pain
behind the pattern, I want tosay this gently you are not

(05:38):
broken.
Your nervous system is doingexactly what it was trained to
do.
But there is another way agrounded, compassionate, fully
embodied way.
That's what emotional sobrietyis about.
Emotional sobriety is theability to feel our emotions
without being ruled by them.
It's nervous system healing inreal time.

(06:02):
It's breaking trauma loops andchoosing presence instead of
pain.
And if this feels familiar toyou, the emotional sobriety
workshop might be the shiftyou've been seeking.
You can find the link to joinin the show notes or head to
lift oneselfcom and look for theemotional sobriety workshop.
Let's break the loop together.

(06:23):
So the next time you feel thepull to check, pause, breathe,
ask gently what am I hoping tofeel by watching this?
Am I soothing or reopeningsomething I've already outgrown?
You don't need to prove you'vehealed by looking at the thing

(06:45):
that hurt.
Until next time, pleaseremember to be kind to yourself.
I'm Nat, nat, and I'll meetback with you soon.