The Myth of "Trying Harder Will Fix It"

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In our premiere episode, we confront one of the most exhausting myths that keeps many men trapped: “If I just try harder, things will get better.” But what happens when effort alone isn’t enough? When trying harder leads to burnout, emotional distance, and quiet resentment?

Drawing from my personal leadership journey — including my battles with PTSD — I break down why leadership isn’t about trying harder, but trying differently. We explore how misalignment in emotional leadership silently erodes relationships, how presence matters more than performance, and how both men and women experience emotional connection differently.

You’ll walk away with practical tools to start leading your relationship with emotional presence, not just physical provision.

In this episode:

✔️ The danger of performance-based intimacy

✔️ How trauma complicates emotional leadership

✔️ The role of discernment in real leadership

✔️ Why emotional presence is the leadership move you haven’t been taught

🎧 Living Beyond Average Podcast is where we challenge oversimplified clichés and simplify overcomplicated ideas — grounded in truth, not opinion.

🔗 Resources and full show notes in the episode description.

🎙️ Subscribe, share, and leave a review if this episode speaks to you.

Disclaimer: This episode includes personal discussions of PTSD and emotional leadership. It is not a substitute for clinical or professional counseling.

References

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). American Psychiatric Publishing.

Fincham, F. D., & Beach, S. R. H. (2010). Marriage in the new millennium: A decade in review. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72(3), 630-649. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2010.00722.x

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. Crown Publishers.

Johnson, S. M. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. Little, Brown and Company.

Kerr, M. E., & Bowen, M. (1988). Family evaluation: An approach based on Bowen theory. Norton.

Monson, C. M., Fredman, S. J., Macdonald, A., Pukay-Martin, N. D., Resick, P. A., & Schnurr, P. P. (2012). Effect of cognitive-behavioral couple therapy for PTSD on relationship satisfaction in military and veteran couples: A randomized controlled trial. JAMA, 308(7), 700-709. https://doi.org/10.1001/jama.2012.9307

Murphy, L. K. (2025). Experiential leadership theory: Leadership development through horsemanship. BAE Publications.

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🔎 About Living Beyond Average Podcast

Join host Lionel Murphy — veteran, rancher, leadership coach — as we challenge oversimplified clichés and simplify overcomplicated leadership and relationship myths. Weekly episodes blend lived experience, leadership insight, and biblical truth to help you lead with integrity, ride with confidence, and live beyond average.

✅ Leadership

✅ Emotional Intelligence

✅ Marriage & Relationships

✅ Personal Growth

✅ Veteran & PTSD Perspective

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📩 Contact: [e-mail]

Disclaimer: Content is for informational purposes only. Not a substitute for professional counseling, therapy, or medical care.