August 4, 2025 • 52 mins
Brayden Ainsworth shares his powerful journey from AFL footballer to mental health advocate after being hospitalized with anorexia. His story reveals how losing his athletic identity forced him to discover his true self and rebuild a life with deeper meaning and purpose.
• Being delisted from West Coast Eagles led to a complete loss of identity and control
• Struggled with the transition as football had been his entire purpose and self-definition
• Developed anorexia as a way to maintain control when everything else felt uncertain
• Hospitalisation became the turning point for self-discovery and redefining personal values
• Found new purpose helping others through mental health advocacy and connection
• Learned to value kindness, empathy and genuine connection over traditional success metrics
• Now setting new goals in endurance sports while maintaining a healthier perspective
• Most meaningful realization: "You're more than your title"
• Key questions for anyone feeling empty despite success: Why are you doing what you're doing? Is it worth what it's costing you?
If you're struggling with identity or purpose, remember you are more than what you do. Focus on being an A-grade person rather than just achieving A-grade performance in your field.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lachlan Stuart (00:00):
There comes a moment in every man's life when
the dream ends and the nextlevel of work begins.
Today's guest, braydenAinsworth, drafted to the AFL,
living the childhood dream, andthen it all disappeared.
But what followed wasn't just asetback.
It was a complete unraveling ofidentity, control and purpose.
(00:21):
Brayden didn't just losefootball, he lost himself.
In this episode, we're going tobe talking about what it means
to fall apart sometimes publicly, sometimes privately and then
build something far morepowerful in its place, from
being hospitalized with anorexiato becoming one of the
strongest voices for men'smental health in Australia.
(00:42):
Brayden's story is about somuch more than sport.
It's about resilience,self-leadership and learning to
let go of who you thought youwere so that you can become who
you're meant to be.
This one's for anyone who'sfelt like they've had it all but
still felt empty.
Let's dive in.
Brayden, welcome to the show.
Brayden Ainsworth (01:03):
Thank you.
It's a pleasure, very, veryhonored to be on.
Lachlan Stuart (01:06):
It's been a long time coming, that's for sure.
When you were delisted and leftthe club for the last time,
what did you feel you werewalking away from, and where
were you most afraid, or whatwere you most afraid of in that
moment?
Brayden Ainsworth (01:19):
Walking away for the last time.
It was actually a funny periodbecause I sort of found out like
if I will get a contract or notget a contract in an exit
meeting and then either thatthat wouldn't know for another
two or three weeks.
So it was a bit weird because Iwas still going to club and
doing some like gym and thingslike that with a few boys, like
not knowing if I'm going to geta contract or not.
(01:40):
Then I, yeah, I find out thatI've been delisted.
It was sort of like packed upall my stuff, but it wasn't like
a goodbye sort of thing.
So I'd sort of already donethat and I'd all I had there was
, you know, made up a singletand a pair of shorts for when we
were gyming in that sort of twoweeks.
When I look back it was a bit oflike there wasn't really an
(02:00):
ever a goodbye.
It was more just like I walkedout of the club and then I
assumed my fob just startedworking.
I wouldn't have been able toget back in and um, so that that
was.
There was never been like agoodbye moment, which probably
may have.
I don't know if that would havehelped, like in the, in the
struggles and the acceptance ofit.
(02:21):
But, yeah, from when I got theuh, the final call that I'd been
delisted and let go, it took along time to, I guess, accept
and acknowledge that that wasactually what happened, like I
don't know if it actuallyhappened, until probably six
months later, which was probablythe hardest thing, because I
(02:41):
always just thought like, no,I'm going to get, gonna get back
, I'm gonna play for anotherteam, I'm gonna get drafted
again.
That's my identity, that's mypurpose, that's all I am.
So that's all I focused on andeverything else sort of was out
and I just full tunnel, visioned, um, which probably is what
happened and sent me down thewrong path.
But, yeah, that's probably thelast sort of thing that I can
(03:04):
remember around west coast isgetting that phone call and then
, yeah, sort of hard to accept,if that makes any sense yeah,
they could probably use you now,I reckon at the moment that's,
that's my, that's my joke.
I would have played 100 games bynow if I was still there.
Lachlan Stuart (03:19):
But but it is interesting.
One thing you said, like nothaving that goodbye.
I think in life we love havingthe start, middle and end, the
closing of the tabs, and somepeople do it on their computers
where there's a milliondifferent tabs open and there's
still like a part of you that'ssitting in there and it doesn't
really allow you to move forward.
So for you to, I guess, moveinto that acceptance piece, how
(03:43):
did that work?
Obviously you're not going backinto the workplace, so to speak
.
But you also said when you'retalking about footy and your
identity, that's all that I am.
So when you're losing something, that is all that you are, or
you felt that it was all thatyou are.
What did the next I guess nextcouple of months or years look
like for?
Brayden Ainsworth (04:02):
you.
Well, yeah, it was exactly thatclosure that you talked about
and it's like relationships andthings like that.
I just didn't have that and Ithink that was really hard.
And then when I started torealize that, okay, well, I'm
sort of done at West Coast is Ithen get recalled through COVID
to play a filling game becauseWest Coast has injuries.
And then COVID, and then I hadto be a top-up player when I
(04:25):
wasn't even on the list, andthen that was the moment that I
really fell into a hole, afterthat game in a dark place.
But when you wake up and allyou've ever known is you have to
be here at this time or in theoff-season, you've got running
to do gym, to do like you've gotto train, and your schedule's
down wide to a T, and when thatall goes, I was waking up like
(04:48):
what am I meant to do with mylife?
Because I don't know what I'mgoing to do.
What should I do?
What am I without football?
And that was a hard question.
It was a scary question to ask.
I never really answered itbecause I was lucky enough to
live with a good mate of mine,Oscar Allen.
I was living with him at thetime and there was me and, as
you know, zachy Langdon was onthe list at the time and Connor
(05:08):
West.
There was the four of us and Iwould just train with them in
the morning, get up, sameroutine as what they would Like.
I was still living that lifebecause I was like the draft's
in November, I'm going to getdrafted.
If I don't get drafted again,well, I'll get drafted in the
mid-season draft or I'll get anSSP like a top-up player.
That's all I was thinking.
And in the back of my head Iwas like okay, what's going to
(05:28):
help me to then get to that?
And I was like, oh, I'll justdo a PT course.
I'll do my PT course, signed upto that because I'll do that
and then that will help me thenbecome a better athlete.
To then get drafted Like it wasncourse.
(05:51):
To then help other people isI'll do a pt course because my
only identity is football, likeeverything was around that and
and that's where I really likestruggled to the point where the
only other things I was reallydoing was I started working at
happiness code, dabbling, lotsof work experience and things
like that.
Outside of that it waseverything was okay.
Would this help me get drafted?
What?
What if I do a nutrition coursethat might help me put on more
muscle or whatever it was.
It was all around that identityLiterally the day I got that
(06:12):
phone call in October for thenext six months was just chasing
that again.
Lachlan Stuart (06:18):
What do you feel like?
Do you remember the time whereyou stopped introducing yourself
as a footballer?
Do you remember that moment,and was that a tough period?
Brayden Ainsworth (06:27):
It wasn't a tough the hardest thing actually
.
It was a tough period once Irealized it was gone, because it
was hard for others to notintroduce me that way.
Like I've been out of thesystem for well I think it's
probably my fourth or fifth yearnow, I can't remember and I
still get introduced when I docertain things, as Braden,
(06:47):
ex-west Coast Eagles player.
Like I was there for four yearsand played a handful of games.
It wasn't like I was a Hall ofFamer.
You know that was hard,especially when I'd accepted it.
But I was still gettingreferred to as ex-AFL player,
not Braden from this place orBraden that does this.
So that was probably thehardest bit.
But yeah, like people are likeoh, what do you do now?
(07:10):
But in that six months and Iwas like March, I'm lucky I was
like, oh, I'm just studyingpersonal training, because
that's all I'd sort of signed upfor and I didn't really know
what to say.
That question is like what was Iwithout football?
Like I couldn't answer thatquestion.
It was football.
(07:30):
I'm an AFL player for WestCoast, that was it.
And it was like okay, I'm a PT,I play footy at Perth Footy
Club.
Like that was what it was atthe time there was no genuine
kind, empathetic, like whatevertype of guy.
It was just football wasidentity and I was my job and
without it I was like can'tanswer the question.
Lachlan Stuart (07:53):
So I just didn't know.
Do you remember the first timeyou did answer that differently,
where you, as some of thethings you labeled off there,
kind empathetic, et cetera.
What was that process for youto start viewing yourself more
than what you did, more thanyour job?
Brayden Ainsworth (08:06):
It was probably three days into
hospital and was the first time,because it was the first time I
realized that I've accepted.
Okay, I'm actually in troublehere, I need to fix some things
and through certainconversations I had with doctors
and what they were telling me,which we can get into, and that
sort of thing, but that wasabout three days in.
On the Monday morning, you know, being in hospital, that was my
(08:28):
third morning waking up andyeah, that was when I realized,
okay, you're without football,if you don't get drafted again,
you need to work out who you are.
And there's a book that I sortof got given that I sort of
worked on through that sort ofstuff and then, yeah, just
started to, I guess, work outwho do I want to be, where do I
(08:48):
start from, and it was likecoming back to those things like
what's my personal CV, likevalues, characteristics, traits,
passions, hobbies, away fromfootball, and I just had to
re-remember all those sort ofthings.
Lachlan Stuart (09:01):
Yeah, that's such a powerful experience and
obviously for you, getting closeto that rock bottom period
gives you two options.
You either sit in that and thatjust defines the rest of your
life and it's not a fun place tobe, or you bounce back.
Can you give us a lead up on tohow you ended up in hospital
and, I guess, what took you downthat path?
Brayden Ainsworth (09:29):
Yeah, so it was literally it's a lot of self
self-sabotage, that sort ofthing.
Through the period of, like Isaid, I ended up filling in this
west coast, maybe like aroundtwo or three 2022.
So it was against northmelbourne.
I remember it.
I got subbed up at half timeand, um, I was probably the
healthiest and fittest I'd everbeen.
I was weighing like 82 kilos,felt fit, felt free.
And then after that game, on theway home on the plane, I
(09:52):
realized like, mate, you'reprobably not going to get
drafted again after today, maybeyour career is over.
You could be done.
And I just hated it.
I hated being back in theenvironment as well, and when I
realized that I fell into oldhabits in the space of literally
three days, I built all thesegood habits, got told I was
going to play and I just wentback into I have to do this, I
(10:13):
have to do that, this is myroutine, this is what I got to
eat, timing, sleep, everythingand I was like this is
controlling me again.
And then after that, it justslipped away because I was like,
well, your purpose is literallygone if you're not going to get
drafted.
And then, basically from Marchto August, it just went downhill
with just I didn't know how tofill my time.
(10:35):
I was just over-exercising,under-eating, just didn't really
.
I was just lost in a spiral andthat's it.
It just went so quick, so fast,with just not eating, not
fueling, but still exercising,and then I didn't ever believe
that I had a condition, eventhough I was losing weight so
fast.
You still don't accept it andcan't acknowledge it even like.
(10:58):
I look back at photos andvideos now and I'm just like how
did you not see any of this?
Like it was.
So it got so bad, so quick andthat's why everything started to
shut down internally.
But it was just literally likeday after day after day of
making poor choices that justcompounded and ended up hitting
rock bottom.
(11:18):
Whatever, however long that isJanuary through April, may, june
, july, august are like fourmonths.
Lachlan Stuart (11:24):
Wow, that is fast.
Yeah, if you were to know, likelooking back with the hindsight
lens and just having spoken toexperts and just even thinking
about it a lot more, why do youfeel you couldn't see it in that
moment?
Do you think there's an answerfor that, or is it just
(11:44):
something that, in the moment,you just can possibly not see?
That's a tough question.
Brayden Ainsworth (11:48):
I've actually never been asked if I could.
I just I never thought it wasas bad as what it was.
So I could see the weight goingdown and the weird thing was it
was like, okay, well, tomorrow,like I wonder, if I get to this
certain weight, then I'll fixit, eat, get better.
(12:09):
But then, like healthcomplications came with that, so
bloating, like can't eat, pain,stomach pains, like no appetite
, and it was like, oh well, likeI'm not hungry, I'm not going
to eat.
But then it again was like, oh,I got down to this weight.
I wonder what it would be likewhen I get to this weight.
What would I look like if I getto this weight?
(12:30):
It was a real weird mind framethat I can't explain and I don't
know how to explain it.
But it was also, I guess, a waythat I still had control over
something, because I felt like Iwas losing control over every
other aspect of my life and Ican't control control if I, you
know, get drafted or do this ordo certain things again but I
can control what I put in, howmuch I exercise and basically I
(12:52):
can control how quickly theweight goes off.
So I think it was the sense ofcontrol that I wanted and that
was, in my life, the only thingI could really see that I could
control.
Lachlan Stuart (13:02):
That's huge.
Like looking at it from a senseof control, do you think there
could have been anything elsethat anyone could have said or
intervened?
Or you were just obviously sofocused on controlling what you
felt you had control over youjust weren't prepared to listen
or look at anything else.
Brayden Ainsworth (13:18):
I feel like I was also and, as you know, in
this space of masculinity andtraditional masculinity and all
that sort of thing, I stillnever felt that I was a real man
and I never felt like I wasliving up to that, and that was
with football.
But I also didn't understandwhat strength meant to me as
(13:38):
well, and not knowing like it'snot just physical and all this
sort of thing, and not havinglike good, positive male role
models in my life, because I hadsome experience with
psychologists and things likethat that I didn't really enjoy.
But for me, I feel and and nowis what I do in this space is I
would would have loved likesomeone like yourself or dan
(14:01):
prince be I don't know if youknow him or like you know, yeah,
people like you guys that Icould have connected or heard
you guys talk.
I think that would haveresonated with me more, which is
why I love seeing more and moreof this sort of thing.
But it was also the control.
And then it was the respect ofmy dad, like because I was like
(14:25):
he loves me, he respects me, hecares for me because I play
football, like that.
That's what was in my head.
It was the story that I wastelling myself and I'm like, if
I don't play football, then hewon't love me, he won't respect
me.
So then in my head, when I'vestarted to think about it, it's
like well, maybe if I just keepdoing this to myself, that I
(14:48):
can't play football anymorephysically, then he might love
me for some other reason thanfootball, if that makes sense,
which is a weird like.
It's like, bro, what's going onin your head?
But it's just these thoughtsthat were happening.
Lachlan Stuart (15:03):
It's real.
I'm sure there are so manypeople who can resonate to that
because, firstly, you said it'sjust these thoughts that were
happening.
What's real, like that?
I'm sure there are so manypeople who can resonate to that.
Because, firstly, you said it'slike it's my identity I could
imagine, because you were sogood growing up, you got
validated, and, whether it wasintentional or not, my view is
that most people do itunintentionally, but that's the
only time they really go out oftheir way to recognize you or
(15:24):
put their hand on your back.
So then you go.
If I do more of that, then I'llget more of that, and then it
becomes the only way you knowhow to get it.
So, therefore, we don't everask.
Did you ever ask your dad if helike what he thought of you
outside of football, or anythinglike that?
Brayden Ainsworth (15:40):
Most freeing moment was I remember dropping
him off at the airport.
The whole way in the car I wassitting there, my palms were
sweating, I was driving to theairport and then I get out and
he's like oh, don't need to comeand sit with me, mate all good.
He's like Dad, I got to tellyou something.
And he's like you're all good.
And I'm like I've got to tellyou something.
And he's like you're good.
And I'm like I'm not playingfooty anymore.
(16:01):
I might in a couple of years,but right now I'm stepping away
from football.
And he goes oh, cool, like whatare you going to do?
And I was like I'm just goingto step away and get back to
being, you know, healthy,enjoying running again, and then
just dive into Happiness Co.
He goes oh, sick, sick, like youalways love talking about that,
like that's.
And I was like whoa, what doyou mean?
Like you don't care.
And he's like no, mate, likewhy would I care?
(16:22):
Did your brother play football?
Did your sister like?
And I was like no, and he goesI love them and I respect them.
So why wouldn't I love andrespect you?
Why?
Because you're not going toplay football anymore.
He's only like I was proud ofyou, that you played football,
but it's not why I loved orrespected you.
And I was like, oh, we couldhave told me that four years ago
.
But you know, I said, oh,you're sure I'm off the list.
(16:44):
But now like, and then if I'dcommunicate?
And that's what I realized, Iwas like, well, what if I
actually communicated that to mydad and you know, and asked him
that questions.
And I think that we get socaught up in these stories we
tell ourselves, then we believethem, and it's like, well, like
you don't even know what someoneelse is thinking or why they
(17:04):
respect you or why they love you.
So that was, that was one ofthe most freeing conversations
that I've had thanks for sharingthat.
Lachlan Stuart (17:13):
man like that's.
It's huge because, as you said,we build these stories up in
our mind but quite often we'venever asked the question, which
is the simplest thing to do.
But also, as you said, yourhands were sweating and to say
something that was on your mind.
So we don't do it because we'relike, oh, it's easier just to
avoid it and I'll just keepbeating myself up with the story
that is in my head.
(17:34):
But the moment that you can aska question, you're going to get
some clarity around it and itdoesn't always work out the way
we want where your situation orresult from your dad.
Your dad sounds like an absolutechampion, but at least you were
able to get clarity right andget that support and validation.
Was there a moment, even ifit's like a tiny one, where you
(17:55):
felt the shift from, I guess,that rock bottom or surviving
and just trying to control thatone little moment, to where you
felt like all right now I wantto reset you started looking at
yourself or identifying as happy, kind, all of those things to
rebuilding.
Was there a moment that you canremember that led to that?
Brayden Ainsworth (18:17):
Yeah, like I said on that Monday morning,
remember that led to that.
Yeah, like I said on thatMonday morning, my mom was like
up at hospital every day becausemy mom and dad split and dad's
back in Esperance and mom's justdown here in Perth, and she
would like we used to send voicemessages like every morning.
And because she'd work, shestarts work at like you know,
she's up at like 3.30 for work.
So when I was going through itbefore I went to hospital, I
(18:40):
remember getting on the phonesometimes and I'd just be crying
Like Mom, I don't know what'sgoing on, I don't know what to
do, and she would just sit thereand listen.
But this Monday that, you know,a couple of days in, she sent
me a voice message.
She was sending them every dayand this one message just
(19:08):
resonated with me and I was like, like maybe I am kind, like
maybe I am caring, maybe I ammore than football.
And that's when I was like,okay, well, why don't I actually
work out what I do stand for asa person?
What do I want to be?
Because maybe I've valueddiscipline, respect and
resilience in football for solong.
Why don't I change that andstart to value, how kind I am,
how caring, how empathetic andgenuine I can be, and then dive
into that.
(19:28):
And that's when I just went on.
Mate, you talk about self-help.
I dove into it for the nextfour weeks like crazy, because
you get a bit of spare time whenyou're not occupied in hospital
.
And I was researching, I wasdoing all this stuff on like
different things, how toself-help and what does it even
mean, and self-discovery andbooks and podcasts.
Yeah, I just went down therabbit hole, which is probably
(19:49):
good at the time to distractmyself.
But it was the little voicemessage from mom where I was
like okay, you know, I'm goingto be a kind, caring sort of
type of dude, and that's justwhere it come out and I wasn't
scared to probably acknowledgethat.
You know what I'm a more, ifyou're going to go traditional
men, masculine, feminine I'm amore caring, kind, soft,
nurturing type of guy and I'mjust going to lean into that and
(20:11):
I did.
I love it.
Lachlan Stuart (20:12):
It's fantastic how we always get redirected in
life and we look at that and athing that I took away from that
as well as just the power ofletting people you care about
know that you care, rather thanjust assuming that they know A
voice note, even though it'sfrom your mum.
But we can do it to our mates,people that we care about,
colleagues, and just drop them aline and let them know how we
(20:34):
feel about them If they've donesomething that's inspired us or
impressed us, which is reallycool.
So I'm really grateful that youshared that story From the
rebuilding phase.
You went down that rabbit holeof self-help, which I'm sure a
lot of people have done.
What were some of the other keytakeaways that you took away in
(20:54):
that initial block, like thatfour-week binge mode?
I love how you said that bingemode.
Brayden Ainsworth (20:59):
That's probably the the different to
what people think of binging.
Doesn't that like, say, thebinge netflix or something?
yeah so, um, there was probablythe other two things were like
meaningful connections that Iactually had in my life.
You know, I felt like I hadn'tbut I realistically, when I
actually sat back in and thatwas scary too to like realize do
(21:21):
people actually like me for me?
Do they like me for what I did?
But also, do they actually likewho I believe I was, or the
mask or the persona and I guess,person I was actually putting
out to the world, which wasn'tactually who I wanted to be?
So I was like, well, do theyconnect with me because of me or
because of the person that I'mactually faking?
(21:42):
And when I realized you knowwho likes me for me, that was
big.
So it was like who's themeaningful connections I have in
my life, that I can share thehard times and that.
And I really realized in that,because I felt so much shame,
guilt and embarrassment forbeing a 23-year-old male in
hospital for anorexia, I waslike no one's finding out about
this, I'm not telling anyone.
And then I realized like whohave you told?
(22:03):
And I was like what mates haveyou told they're your boys?
And that's when I realized that, okay, who are those?
And then you know they're mysix or seven best mates.
And then I was like what do youwant to do?
How do you want to contributeback to the world Realistically?
Yes, you've lived your dreamand you may not have lived it
for as long as you want, but inyour next phase, how do you want
(22:26):
to contribute back to the worldor other people and what's your
purpose now?
And that were the next twothings that I really dove into
and worked on and I was like,well, I don't have to get paid
for this purpose either, or thispassion or this contribution,
but how can I make the world orsomeone else's day better?
And how can I do it withconnecting with the people that
I really want to connect with?
(22:46):
And you know, those best matesare the blokes that I literally
call and tell them what we justtalked about, like I'm proud of
you, I love you, like that sortof thing.
Lachlan Stuart (22:54):
What do you feel would be the initial questions?
If someone's listening alongand you've lived your dream a
lot of people never get theopportunity to do that the
challenge with when you liveyour dream, and especially in
sports, it doesn't last foreverand you do have like that
redirectional moment For you totalk about purpose and
(23:16):
experiencing what was next forsome people.
Even I remember for myself likeit was extremely overwhelming
at certain points.
If you were to pass on a littlebit of advice to anyone
listening who is finding thatoverwhelming, what would be?
I guess a process or one or twothings that you would have done
that could help someone withthat.
Brayden Ainsworth (23:36):
So like our purposes.
As you probably know, it's aword that gets thrown out all
the time and like said you don'thave to get.
I don't believe you have to getpaid for it.
Everyone's different, but I waspretty lucky that I was getting
paid to play football, like tobe healthy, to be fit, to hang
out with mates and kick aleather ball around, and that
(23:56):
was my purpose, because that'swhat I was waking up for.
And now like, like.
I was like well, how do I wantto wake up?
And why do I want to wake up?
And what's the reason?
I was like I just want to wakeup to be a genuine, kind,
empathetic dude that just wantsto make the world or someone
else's day better.
And I was like if I live bythat, then truly I think I'm
living my purpose, which is justto be, like I said, a genuine,
(24:18):
kind, empathetic dude.
That's all I want to do.
And I was like because I canget money, I can get status, I
can get cars, I can get a house,all this sort of thing, and I
can have a family and still beupset, sad and feel alone.
So that was as simple as it wasfor me and it's what do I
believe when I go to bed that Icould be happy and fulfilled
(24:40):
about?
And that was as simple as itsort of was for me, and I know
that might not sort of answerthe question, but it's how can
you go to bed and feel fulfilled, knowing that you've done what
you wanted to do?
And you know that's how I livemy day and I think that's the
purpose of my life is just to dothose three things, because I
believe that those three thingscan change the world through,
(25:01):
you know, a butterfly effect anda flow on effect.
If you're genuine with someone,kind and show empathy, then I
truly deep down believe they'regoing to do that to someone else
and that's going to eitherchange someone else's day or
hopefully, it'll end up changingthe world and have more kind
and caring people.
So that's that's.
It's pretty simple for me andyeah, I love it, mate.
Lachlan Stuart (25:22):
Super simple, I think that's the key, though we
as human beings have gone towork to complicate everything to
the point where any diagnosisor any problem in our life it
must be the most complex thingto solve.
If we look at, in my opinion,once again, the fundamentals or
the foundations of what makessomeone fit, happy, healthy,
(25:44):
wealthy, are very simpleprocesses and quite often
they're intrinsic things that wecan focus on and we can control
.
That we just need to doconsistently over a long period
of time.
That can often seem boring, orwhat's the purpose?
Because they don't deliverinstantaneous result, but over a
long period of time they do.
Much like to your point I saidif I can just show up in this
(26:08):
way, this way and this way everysingle day, which you have
control over because it's allperception, then that's going to
make your life better becauseof the ripple effect, and I
think that's phenomenal becausemost people, we're doing it
every single day.
We have positive or negativethoughts, and when you're in a
bad spot, I call it the winter.
When you're in winter, you tendto gravitate more to the
(26:30):
negative thoughts, the negativethings that are happening, and
you just skew everything asopposed to going.
I just want to really focus onbeing compassionate and making
someone's day, as opposed togoing.
Hey, I just want to reallyfocus on being compassionate and
making someone's day.
You make someone's day, youfeel good, they feel good.
It's hard to be sad.
It really is.
Brayden Ainsworth (26:47):
I do call it.
It's not a selfish thing, butit is.
It makes you feel good, itmakes them feel good and it's so
small and simple, but I guess,on your point, you do.
It's the things that I do havecontrol over and I can't imagine
some of the thoughts you wouldhave had and I know you shared
this before.
You can control if you go andfly into WA and go and run at
(27:08):
midnight after two hours ofsleep because of being on red
eyes and all this sort of thing,knowing that you've got to do
this in the space of five hoursbecause if you don't, then
you're not getting on the plane.
You would be tired, tired,you'd be sore, your feet are
killing you, your head, bodyaching, starving, whatever.
But you can still show up andbe like you know what, like I
(27:28):
can still do this.
So I can't imagine some of thethoughts you were having and, um
, it's a credit to you and it'sjust the power of also like
seeing that stuff in action,like you're showing
determination, grit and I knowthat, unlike every other person
that was following, your journeywas on, like you know, on
(27:48):
Instagram, and you were gettingpeople from the couch to 5K.
You were getting people goingout in the rain and the wind and
, just you know, even justmoving their body off the back
of doing things you can control.
And yeah, I think it was verypowerful, obviously what you did
and what you're continuing todo now.
But it's just the little thingsthat we can control that
(28:09):
sometimes we forget and then weget so stressed about the things
we can't control.
Lachlan Stuart (28:13):
Thanks for the kind words as well.
Three things I took away fromthere was how do I want to wake
up?
I think it's an awesomequestion, setting your intention
super powerful.
Why do I want to wake up?
What's the bigger purpose?
Something bigger than yourselfit could be.
You know, religion, nature,wanting to leave the world a
better place, wanting to providefor your family.
(28:33):
There's, you know, everyone hastheir own answers and there's
no right or wrong.
As long as it's compellingenough for you to get out of bed
.
I think it's a great one.
The final one, which Iabsolutely loved, because I used
to say this every night, butit's when you put your head on
the pillow.
Did you contribute to the worldin a better way?
For me, when I put my head onthe pillow, I just want to know
that I've given life a crackevery single day.
(28:55):
If I can put my head on thepillow, then it's been a good
day, and that's why I never wantto waste a minute.
I never want to waste aninteraction, I never want to
waste an opportunity, becauselife it feels like we got time,
but at the same time, it's goingso fast.
So make the moments count.
Brayden Ainsworth (29:13):
Yeah, I couldn't agree anymore with that
.
And I love when people say,like what they're, you know,
give life a crack.
Or you know I want to do this,or I want to do that, or this is
how I want to live my life, orthis is what I value.
It's like, yeah, cool, they'reall words or sentences until you
show them in action.
Mate, you saying that?
I'm thinking like I'm tryingnot to interrupt you.
(29:33):
I'm just like, bro, you'reliving that, You're having a
crack.
You don't have a crack by, youknow, going and running 54, but
50, yeah, 50 yeah yeah sure over50
yeah, marathons in the sameamount of days across all these
states, like, if you're not,you're not having a crack like
you are doing that and you'reliving that every single day.
(29:56):
And now it's coaching andmentoring and helping others.
So I love when people talkabout that and especially you
can tell when their like facelights up and that's what yours
just did when you're talkingabout that.
So you know like, oh, they'renot just making this up, like
this is.
This is real, which I love tosee as well appreciate it, man,
and so talk to us about now.
Lachlan Stuart (30:14):
So the rebuild came back.
You mentioned you were doingsome speaking and some work with
the happiness care, but butgive us a, I guess, a rundown
onto the journey.
It was how do I want to wake upand why do I want to wake up,
like those questions that ledyou to where you are now.
So can you give us a bit of arundown on that?
Brayden Ainsworth (30:30):
Yeah.
So once I sort of worked thatout over that, you know, four
weeks like, firstly, like my youknow he's my boss but he's like
one of my you know those sevenor eight best mates he's my man
and you know I had to.
I felt like I owed him becausehe sort of saved my life.
You know he was there.
He's seen everything, from goodto bad, everything, and I just
(30:54):
wanted to help him in hismission because I also felt like
, well, if I can help him in hismission, that's actually
helping mine and the reason whyI want to get up as well.
So we just combined and we justlaunched into it and I guess
the next bit was like you've gotto get, because I wasn't, my
weight was on but I still wasn'thappy with everything else
(31:15):
going on.
I still had some physical andmental struggles but I also then
had to rebuild connections thatI'd like, because I lied to
people, you know, gotmanipulative, all that sort of
thing to hide everything.
So I had to sort of rebuildthat and that's once I got out
of hospital.
That was the next sort of sixmonths was mainly focused on
rebuilding health, rebuildingconnections and then really, you
(31:39):
know, diving into this passionof helping other people and it
started off.
For me now it's working with alot of youth running school
workshops but learning anddeveloping and understanding the
other knowledge and that sortof aspect.
And the other thing was fallingback in love with the one thing
that I always loved to do,which was running as well, which
(32:01):
I know you've got a passion fortoo, and once I actually fell
back into the love of that, likemy passion just came back for
that and it was just living lifehappy because I was just doing
the things that I really enjoyed.
I cut out as hard as it was, Icut out certain people, I cut
out certain activities and goinginto certain places and just
focused on honestly getting fitand healthy again through diets
(32:24):
and then training, but taking itstep by step.
But also the main one was justgetting back to connecting and
feeling alive and enjoyingthings, away from vices that I
had had in my life.
Lachlan Stuart (32:36):
Did you ever feel yourself getting pulled
back to wanting to proveyourself at football or wanting
to prove yourself in other areasafter?
Because, obviously, when youare a high performer, to the
level that you are and foranyone listening, even in the
USA and other places like theAFL is like the NFL Very few
people get drafted.
So you're still among some ofthe most elite athletes in the
(32:59):
country and in order to getthere, the sacrifices that you
made, the ability that you have,the level that you perform at,
you don't just lose that.
I don't believe so.
Do you still have an underlyingurge, in different avenues, to
want to perform at a high level?
Brayden Ainsworth (33:18):
Yeah, big time.
And it got to the point wherewhen was it Might have been like
2020, what are you now?
25?
Yeah, 24, easter sort of Aprillast year, when I, over the
summer period, I was like thefittest I'd been, but I started
to get really lean and sort offall back into old ways, old
habits, old thinking patterns.
(33:40):
And then I was pretty luckythat a close mate and one of
those mates just hit me betweenthe eyes and said mate, like
this, this and this, and he goes.
Otherwise, you're falling backinto it.
And it was like one of the mostrawest, honest, like hard
hitting conversations I've hadand he goes.
But he also, at the end of allof this what he said, he goes.
Mate, like you need to work outwhat you're training for and
(34:03):
what you want to train for,because I know you love to do
this stuff, but at the momentit's consuming you for no reason
.
There's no purpose with it,there's no, you're just going
for the sake of going.
And then, from there, I waslike what I you know, you're
right like what I love to do andwhat's that competition?
Because I was still running andI was trying to like beat times
, but it was also okay.
What's this person doing onsocial media?
(34:24):
What's this person doing?
Can I beat their time, can I?
And I was just like no, no, no,what do you really want to do?
And then I just mapped it out.
There's three things that I'mworking towards.
And that's to run a sub threemarrow, which I guess is
everyone's sort of goal.
That's into running, whichunfortunately was meant to be
goal codes.
We got a stress fracture andwas out for seven weeks, so I
(34:45):
only would have had a seven weeklead up, which would have
killed me.
But that's the first one.
And then I want to run a hundredK ultra or a hundred miler.
I'd love to do a hundred milerand then do an Ironman.
And they're just the threethings I want to do from from
there.
Um, those are my three big, Iguess endurance, like athletic
goals and pursuits, and thenfrom there it's hopefully, you
(35:08):
know, go on to.
You know, there's obviously somany different things.
Like Leadville, I'd love to dothat, which I probably know, you
know all those sort of thingswhich would be pretty cool.
And like I actually went to thelottery and didn't get it for
the Bpn ultra, like yeah, likeI'd be like things like that I'd
love to eventually get into.
But now it's, yeah, lockinginto the mara, and then, uh,
(35:31):
yeah, the other two after Icomplete the first one that's
exciting.
Lachlan Stuart (35:36):
What is it for you like setting some of those
goals?
Because I can.
All three of them are on mygoal list the iron I'm probably
pushing like five to six yearsaway, but the others are like in
the next 12 months.
What is it that excites youabout that stuff?
Brayden Ainsworth (35:51):
I think, just the competitive nature of it's,
you know, you versus you.
I just, you know, I just wantto see how far I can, you know,
push myself and that reallyexcites me.
But also, along that journey, Ithink I'm going to meet so many
cool people and I'm going toconnect with so many cool people
just from the fact of thepassion of running.
(36:12):
Or I'm going to have to reachout to some people about, hey,
how do you run this certain time?
Or what's your swimming stroke?
Or how do I?
Because I can't swim and that'sgoing to kill me.
But it's like, what are yourtips for that?
Or like I've got no power onthe bike, like where should I
start?
You know, and that's whatexcites me too, it's the, you
(36:34):
know, the you versus you battleof being in your own head and
going on a long run and notlistening to anything and you're
just in your thoughts for, youknow, two plus hours, like how
do you cope with that?
But also, you know, then you getto go for a nice little
recovery run or with a few matesand enjoy that and connect with
new people.
And you know, I don't know if Iever would have connected with
yourself.
If you know, we didn'tobviously share the same
(36:55):
interests or passions, but thenthere's running on top of that
as well.
So the same interests orpassions, but then there's
running on top of that as well.
Yeah, that's what I'm reallyexcited for.
I've got a list of people thatI would love to meet, and the
cool thing is, I don't want tojust go and have a coffee with
you, like I do, but I want tohave a run first, then have a
coffee, and there's certainpeople that yeah, that's what
actually excites me as well isthe people I'm going to meet
(37:16):
along the journey of hopefullycompleting these goals.
Lachlan Stuart (37:20):
Man.
I love.
That Huge thing that I hopeeveryone took away from that is
you're humble enough to want toask for help as well.
I think you're.
Once again.
You're an elite athlete already, but you're also someone who
still asks for help and askspeople how can I improve these
things?
One of the biggest reasons whypeople get stuck or stagnant in
(37:41):
life is we try too hard and fortoo long to figure things out
ourself, rather than realizingnow, because of our phones,
there are incredible people whoare experts in things that we're
not and maybe we want to bethat all we have to do is drop
them a message Like how cool isthat that we can have someone
who's done what we wanted toachieve and we can ask them hey,
(38:01):
what did it take in order toachieve that?
And then we can fast track ourown success.
I did it with my 58 marathons.
I was reaching out to all kindsof people, just trying to pick
their brain and essentiallycreate an environment where it
was impossible for me to fail.
Had I not had the help of allthe people that I did, it
(38:23):
wouldn't have been possible, andso I hope people take that away
because, once again, you're anelite across so many different
areas, and not just because ofsport, but even in your ability
to ask great questions and toput your hand up and say, hey, I
need help, but also to leadyourself and take ownership and
responsibility for the man thatyou want to become.
I think that's so powerful andsomething that if anyone takes
just one thing away from it,that would be it for me.
Brayden Ainsworth (38:45):
I think, taking responsibility, yeah,
100%, for your own life and whatyou want to do.
I can't imagine the people thatyou would have, you know,
connected with or like,especially when you're in the
States.
Like you're like, hey, we needsome help, this, this and this,
and you know people followingthe journey, you would have met
some incredible people that youwould never have met in your
life.
And now you probably, if you goback to that certain state you
(39:07):
know, you could be like, hey,what are you up to do?
You want to grab a coffee andyou've got someone to connect
and chat with that you neverwould have had before, all off
the back of doing thisincredible journey.
So, yeah, that's that's what Ilove.
And again, you would have beenlike, and you did.
You're like, I need some help.
Is there a physio?
Can I please have some physio?
Does anyone know anyone like youknow it's a small thing, but
then you connect with thatperson.
Then, if you've got a matethat's over there, like it's
(39:29):
just, like it just.
This is the connection piecethat I love about you know um,
space and anytime x.
So you go to the gym, you meetpeople, you connect, you go for
a walk along here in South Perth, like you connect with other
people.
Yeah, I just love that.
That's probably my favoritepart about it all and asking for
help, because you can't getanywhere if you don't ask for
(39:49):
help, or it's a lot easier toget where you want to get to and
if you're willing just to askthe question.
Lachlan Stuart (39:55):
For sure.
Could not agree more.
What would be something thatyou're most excited about with
the work that you're doing, nowthat maybe you didn't get from
footy?
Brayden Ainsworth (40:03):
Think actually seeing certain impact
that you're having to helppeople just change a thought in
their head or spark something.
Because footy is amazing, don'tget me wrong.
I love it, like, and I stillget jealous of mates that are
still playing because it's it'sa great thing.
I love the game and I love that.
(40:23):
But when you think about it,like you know, have an impact on
people's lives.
Sometimes if you win it's good.
If you lose, then sometimes it'sa pretty negative effect, like
I think just being able toactually help people and see the
help that you can have, I thinkthat's probably the thing that
I never expected to understandand realize and how one
(40:43):
conversation can really help andchange people's lives.
I think that's pretty coolbecause it's happened to me in
the people that I've connectedwith and have sparked thoughts
and ideas or shifts in focus orhabits and change.
I think that's something that Inever really expected would
ever happen and that's with somelike close family and friends.
You know in my life that itstill happened to, so I think
(41:07):
that's probably been.
You know, the exciting thing is,like, how many people can you
just spark a thought?
Because you're not going tochange everyone's life and
impact everyone, because somepeople won't like you, just like
you don't like everyone else.
But can you just get a littlespark in their eye or a little
thought to maybe help them seethe world in a happier,
(41:27):
healthier, a better place?
Solid man, I love it and alsosorry, just to touch on that and
what excites me is the morepeople I keep coming back to
connection, because I just loveit, but I just love being able
to meet new people.
That's what's cool for me isyou really start to see and
connect with more people thatare like you, or that you see
(41:49):
parts of yourself in them, whichis pretty cool too.
Lachlan Stuart (41:53):
Yeah, connection has got to be one of the
greatest things.
I just always go back to thebook the Five Regrets of the
Dying by Bronnie Warr and justthink about the things that she
said and it's just I wish Ispent more time with my friends
and family.
And for me it's just connection, because anyone can have money.
I know a lot of people with alot of money and they're
(42:14):
miserable, but they're alsoamplified dickheads.
I think it amplifies who youare, but if it's not something
that drives you, that's alsocompletely okay, because there's
so much more around it After.
I guess, the success of the runI don't talk about necessarily
the money and the opportunities,it's more so the people that I
met and the experiences that wehad.
That's what I find awesome.
(42:35):
That's what I rate my life onis just like what experiences
can I have and who can I havethem with?
Brayden Ainsworth (42:40):
Yeah, which I think is amazing.
And to double down on what yousort of just said there like,
yes, you raised money and youwould have got massive
sponsorships from differentpartners and organizations and
all that sort of thing, but younever oh.
You're like, oh, thanks to LSKDor thanks to these people, but
it wasn't like it was agratitude and thankful thing,
(43:01):
but it wasn't like the thingthat you were doing it for.
You weren't just doing all thisto oh, if I do this, then I can
go viral and then I can then,you know, make a story and a
book off the back of it to thenget more money.
It's like, no, I'm doing thisfor me, but showing other people
that you can do this and ithelps other people in a
different way, and now I'm goingto go and talk about it to then
spark some thought or somechange and help other people.
(43:24):
I'm going to go and do thisbecause now so many people are
going to pay for this to get memore money, and I think that's
where the real power comes from.
Lachlan Stuart (43:33):
Definitely the impact, for sure, because I've
seen once again so many peoplecome and go and especially in
the coaching space, like I'vebeen in the men's space for
since 2016-17 and just peoplecome and go, which is fine
because it's a season I justlove.
You know, the reason is I wantmen to stop taking their lives
(43:54):
and I want men who are doing,you know, high performers to
realize that there's more thanthe title, the job and the house
, like there's family, there'sconnections, there's experiences
, there's your own well-being,and all of them matter.
Like I just I truly believethat at the end of my life, I'm
not going to give a crap aboutthe titles, the awards or the
(44:15):
money.
I just believe that.
So, if I believe that I'm goingto make the most of, as I was
saying earlier, the things, nowwhat would you say to the guy
listening, braden, who has thetitle, they have the job, they
have the house, but they feelcompletely empty inside?
Brayden Ainsworth (44:31):
First, I would say why are you doing what
you're doing?
I'd ask that question What's'sthe reason you're doing it?
Like, why are you doing this?
And I think, if you can sitwith that and actually answer
that as truthfully as youpossibly can, which is so hard
to do, and because that's justwhat, what I did with football,
like why was I doing it?
Like I said I think it was toearn my dad's respect and that
sort of stuff, but like, why?
(44:53):
Why?
What's the real reason?
And then, if it's this, this,this, is that worth costing me
what it's costing me right now,which may be time with family,
time with, you know, friends,relationship, financial stress,
burden, loneliness, depression,anxiety, whatever it is Is the
cost of what I'm doing worth it?
And nine times out of ten, Ithink that most people, if
(45:15):
they're in that spot, they'relike no, it's not.
Nine times out of ten, I thinkthat most people, if they're in
that spot, be like no, it's not.
And I sort of realized, and youhave to like, if you get to the
worst spot, you can get a job.
Pretty like, you can goyourself, people are going to
help you, you're going to beable to go on if you're lucky
enough which I am lucky enough Icould jump on people's couch to
couch things like that.
So money is money is not theend of the world.
And if that's that's whatyou're chasing, I don't think
(45:37):
it's ever going to fulfill you.
So me it's like why am I doingthis and is it costing?
Is it worth the cost that it'shaving?
Lachlan Stuart (45:44):
Love.
That it's something to thinkabout is what is what I'm
currently doing costing me andthat goes not just for work, I
could imagine for me running the58 marathons.
It cost me time with my wife,it cost probably health to a
degree.
It cost me elements of mybusiness, but to me it was worth
(46:05):
what I was building towards.
So when you know what you'rebuilding towards, you have an
idea of who you want to becomeand you can start asking
yourself those next questions,because there are far too many
men in the statistics show whoare in roles and they've adopted
the responsibility of whatever,whether it's dependents, it's
the mortgages, it's the title orthe reputation that they're
(46:27):
worried about, and they're justwaking up every day miserable.
And if we can take somethingaway from this, there's so many
great questions that you've saidgoing back to how do I want to
wake up?
Why do I want to wake up?
What does it look like when Iput my head on the pillow at
night?
Who am I outside of my titlesand my career Like?
There's so many questions thatI would encourage anyone
(46:49):
listening to just write thosequestions down, listen to it
back and just start writing,like answering those questions
that Brayden asked himself,because you'll be able to come
up with your own answers, andsome of the responses you get
there may allow you to changethe course of your life, which
is exciting.
Brayden Ainsworth (47:06):
Yeah, and I guess I'm not a man that has
kids and all that sort of thingas well and all that sort of
thing as well.
But to me, if you're talkingabout men in general, I think,
like you said, we're sort ofwired to think that, you know,
we have to be the one thatprovides and that's dominant and
puts the food on the table andbe the breadwinner and all these
(47:27):
sort of things.
But you know, I can probablyspeak from experience and the
people that I've talked to, andespecially women that I've
talked to, they're just like,yeah, like I think that's
awesome and they want to do that, like that's powerful and I
respect it, but why can't I?
I want to be someone that isalso, you know, strong and
powerful and embraces both sidesof masculine and feminine, but
(47:49):
just to be a whole person and Iwant to be able to put you know
my kids through what they wantto do and give them experiences
as well.
I don't want to just have to dothis, this and this, because
stereotypically I'm labelled tobe able to do that and I think
it's trying to change and tryingto get men to understand.
Well, everyone's different,everyone's got their own.
I don't want to get into thestereotypes of all this stuff,
(48:11):
because you don't know whatcould happen after that.
But I just think if we canunderstand that we're all whole,
like can you embracevulnerability and strength at
the same time, embrace youremotions but also be stoic in
certain situations that's bothfemale and male, and I think
when you can start to expressall that sort of thing, I think
that's when you can actuallyunderstand you've got more
support and, um, you know youdon't have to be alone and get
(48:35):
through this by yourself 100%.
Lachlan Stuart (48:37):
You got to learn to dance with the dance with
what's you know.
Like football, you play what'sin front of you.
Sometimes you have set piecesand every relationship is
different, but if you can dancewith the polarity and find out
what you know, the way, I evensaid it with the 58 marathons,
like I'm someone who's veryvulnerable, I talk about a lot
of things.
But with the 58 marathons, likeI'm someone who's very
(48:59):
vulnerable, I talk about a lotof things, but when I'm in, for
example, 58 marathons, it wasn'treally the opportunity, it
wasn't the right time for me tojust break down and cry while
I'm trying to get the marathonsdone.
I had to, like hold it togetherto get through the injuries and
the pain, because I knew on theother side I could.
Then, you know, on day 50, onday 50, that's when that
happened, when I had theopportunity to have a breather.
(49:22):
But in the lead up, I thinkyou've got to play what's in
front of you and do what's goingto best serve the marriage and
the relationship Life.
Essentially, the simplest formis don't be a dick, be a good
person.
Exactly right.
You need to be strong and stoic, and other times you need to in
our relationship.
I say to my wife wife, it'slike there's times for me to
lead and there's times for me tosupport and that's yeah,
completely fine.
100, couldn't agree anymorebrother, it's been an absolute
(49:45):
pleasure having you on.
I've literally taken on so manynotes, which I always love when
I get just questions that I getto think about for myself.
If you could give and this is acommon question but if you
could give your younger self the22 or 2022-year-old version?
Guy version guy version ofyourself.
(50:06):
What advice would you give tohim?
Brayden Ainsworth (50:08):
You're right.
I'm trying to structure this ina way that it's a great
question, probably for mebecause of what I was going
through around it.
For me, it stems back toidentity and job.
You're more than your title.
Your title doesn't define whoyou are as a person.
(50:33):
For me, because I think, I'vemet a lot of people that are
like you said.
They're caught up in you know,whatever their role is, or
they're chasing the next role orthe next promotion or the next
title, or to be.
If they're a millionaire, theywant to then become a
billionaire.
But, like you know, you know alot of people that have probably
got those titles but are stillunhappy and don't know who they
are.
And for me, my title waseverything, and when I lost it
(50:56):
is when I fell apart.
So, um, yeah, you're more thanyour title and it's more
important to be an a-gradeperson than a a-grade, whatever
that might be.
And for me, it was more than ana-grade athlete.
It's more important for me tobe an a-grade person love it.
Lachlan Stuart (51:11):
Where can people follow your journey and
everything that you're up to?
Brayden Ainsworth (51:15):
I I guess, yeah, well, instagram just
brings Braden underscoreAinsworth potentially.
Yeah, just actually don't, butBraden Ainsworth, yeah, that's
just where mainly I postanything to do with my stuff.
And then, yeah, like HappinessCo, but yeah, mainly my stuff is
just Braden underscoreAinsworth on Instagram.
I haven't branched out too muchwith content or anything, but
(51:37):
yeah, that's my only real space.
To be honest, I've got thatmuch else.
I love it, mate.
Lachlan Stuart (51:44):
The world's a better place for all the work
that you're doing, mate, andyou've been on a journey, but
it's so inspiring and powerfulthat you're using some of your
darkest moments to bring peopleto their better moments.
Brayden Ainsworth (51:56):
Thank you, mate, I really, really
appreciate.
There comes a moment in every man's life when
the dream ends and the nextlevel of work begins.
Today's guest, braydenAinsworth, drafted to the AFL,
living the childhood dream, andthen it all disappeared.
But what followed wasn't just asetback.
It was a complete unraveling ofidentity, control and purpose.
(00:21):
Brayden didn't just losefootball, he lost himself.
In this episode, we're going tobe talking about what it means
to fall apart sometimes publicly, sometimes privately and then
build something far morepowerful in its place, from
being hospitalized with anorexiato becoming one of the
strongest voices for men'smental health in Australia.
(00:42):
Brayden's story is about somuch more than sport.
It's about resilience,self-leadership and learning to
let go of who you thought youwere so that you can become who
you're meant to be.
This one's for anyone who'sfelt like they've had it all but
still felt empty.
Let's dive in.
Brayden, welcome to the show.
Brayden Ainsworth (01:03):
Thank you.
It's a pleasure, very, veryhonored to be on.
Lachlan Stuart (01:06):
It's been a long time coming, that's for sure.
When you were delisted and leftthe club for the last time,
what did you feel you werewalking away from, and where
were you most afraid, or whatwere you most afraid of in that
moment?
Brayden Ainsworth (01:19):
Walking away for the last time.
It was actually a funny periodbecause I sort of found out like
if I will get a contract or notget a contract in an exit
meeting and then either thatthat wouldn't know for another
two or three weeks.
So it was a bit weird because Iwas still going to club and
doing some like gym and thingslike that with a few boys, like
not knowing if I'm going to geta contract or not.
(01:40):
Then I, yeah, I find out thatI've been delisted.
It was sort of like packed upall my stuff, but it wasn't like
a goodbye sort of thing.
So I'd sort of already donethat and I'd all I had there was
, you know, made up a singletand a pair of shorts for when we
were gyming in that sort of twoweeks.
When I look back it was a bit oflike there wasn't really an
(02:00):
ever a goodbye.
It was more just like I walkedout of the club and then I
assumed my fob just startedworking.
I wouldn't have been able toget back in and um, so that that
was.
There was never been like agoodbye moment, which probably
may have.
I don't know if that would havehelped, like in the, in the
struggles and the acceptance ofit.
(02:21):
But, yeah, from when I got theuh, the final call that I'd been
delisted and let go, it took along time to, I guess, accept
and acknowledge that that wasactually what happened, like I
don't know if it actuallyhappened, until probably six
months later, which was probablythe hardest thing, because I
(02:41):
always just thought like, no,I'm going to get, gonna get back
, I'm gonna play for anotherteam, I'm gonna get drafted
again.
That's my identity, that's mypurpose, that's all I am.
So that's all I focused on andeverything else sort of was out
and I just full tunnel, visioned, um, which probably is what
happened and sent me down thewrong path.
But, yeah, that's probably thelast sort of thing that I can
(03:04):
remember around west coast isgetting that phone call and then
, yeah, sort of hard to accept,if that makes any sense yeah,
they could probably use you now,I reckon at the moment that's,
that's my, that's my joke.
I would have played 100 games bynow if I was still there.
Lachlan Stuart (03:19):
But but it is interesting.
One thing you said, like nothaving that goodbye.
I think in life we love havingthe start, middle and end, the
closing of the tabs, and somepeople do it on their computers
where there's a milliondifferent tabs open and there's
still like a part of you that'ssitting in there and it doesn't
really allow you to move forward.
So for you to, I guess, moveinto that acceptance piece, how
(03:43):
did that work?
Obviously you're not going backinto the workplace, so to speak
.
But you also said when you'retalking about footy and your
identity, that's all that I am.
So when you're losing something, that is all that you are, or
you felt that it was all thatyou are.
What did the next I guess nextcouple of months or years look
like for?
Brayden Ainsworth (04:02):
you.
Well, yeah, it was exactly thatclosure that you talked about
and it's like relationships andthings like that.
I just didn't have that and Ithink that was really hard.
And then when I started torealize that, okay, well, I'm
sort of done at West Coast is Ithen get recalled through COVID
to play a filling game becauseWest Coast has injuries.
And then COVID, and then I hadto be a top-up player when I
(04:25):
wasn't even on the list, andthen that was the moment that I
really fell into a hole, afterthat game in a dark place.
But when you wake up and allyou've ever known is you have to
be here at this time or in theoff-season, you've got running
to do gym, to do like you've gotto train, and your schedule's
down wide to a T, and when thatall goes, I was waking up like
(04:48):
what am I meant to do with mylife?
Because I don't know what I'mgoing to do.
What should I do?
What am I without football?
And that was a hard question.
It was a scary question to ask.
I never really answered itbecause I was lucky enough to
live with a good mate of mine,Oscar Allen.
I was living with him at thetime and there was me and, as
you know, zachy Langdon was onthe list at the time and Connor
(05:08):
West.
There was the four of us and Iwould just train with them in
the morning, get up, sameroutine as what they would Like.
I was still living that lifebecause I was like the draft's
in November, I'm going to getdrafted.
If I don't get drafted again,well, I'll get drafted in the
mid-season draft or I'll get anSSP like a top-up player.
That's all I was thinking.
And in the back of my head Iwas like okay, what's going to
(05:28):
help me to then get to that?
And I was like, oh, I'll justdo a PT course.
I'll do my PT course, signed upto that because I'll do that
and then that will help me thenbecome a better athlete.
To then get drafted Like it wasncourse.
(05:51):
To then help other people isI'll do a pt course because my
only identity is football, likeeverything was around that and
and that's where I really likestruggled to the point where the
only other things I was reallydoing was I started working at
happiness code, dabbling, lotsof work experience and things
like that.
Outside of that it waseverything was okay.
Would this help me get drafted?
What?
What if I do a nutrition coursethat might help me put on more
muscle or whatever it was.
It was all around that identityLiterally the day I got that
(06:12):
phone call in October for thenext six months was just chasing
that again.
Lachlan Stuart (06:18):
What do you feel like?
Do you remember the time whereyou stopped introducing yourself
as a footballer?
Do you remember that moment,and was that a tough period?
Brayden Ainsworth (06:27):
It wasn't a tough the hardest thing actually
.
It was a tough period once Irealized it was gone, because it
was hard for others to notintroduce me that way.
Like I've been out of thesystem for well I think it's
probably my fourth or fifth yearnow, I can't remember and I
still get introduced when I docertain things, as Braden,
(06:47):
ex-west Coast Eagles player.
Like I was there for four yearsand played a handful of games.
It wasn't like I was a Hall ofFamer.
You know that was hard,especially when I'd accepted it.
But I was still gettingreferred to as ex-AFL player,
not Braden from this place orBraden that does this.
So that was probably thehardest bit.
But yeah, like people are likeoh, what do you do now?
(07:10):
But in that six months and Iwas like March, I'm lucky I was
like, oh, I'm just studyingpersonal training, because
that's all I'd sort of signed upfor and I didn't really know
what to say.
That question is like what was Iwithout football?
Like I couldn't answer thatquestion.
It was football.
(07:30):
I'm an AFL player for WestCoast, that was it.
And it was like okay, I'm a PT,I play footy at Perth Footy
Club.
Like that was what it was atthe time there was no genuine
kind, empathetic, like whatevertype of guy.
It was just football wasidentity and I was my job and
without it I was like can'tanswer the question.
Lachlan Stuart (07:53):
So I just didn't know.
Do you remember the first timeyou did answer that differently,
where you, as some of thethings you labeled off there,
kind empathetic, et cetera.
What was that process for youto start viewing yourself more
than what you did, more thanyour job?
Brayden Ainsworth (08:06):
It was probably three days into
hospital and was the first time,because it was the first time I
realized that I've accepted.
Okay, I'm actually in troublehere, I need to fix some things
and through certainconversations I had with doctors
and what they were telling me,which we can get into, and that
sort of thing, but that wasabout three days in.
On the Monday morning, you know, being in hospital, that was my
(08:28):
third morning waking up andyeah, that was when I realized,
okay, you're without football,if you don't get drafted again,
you need to work out who you are.
And there's a book that I sortof got given that I sort of
worked on through that sort ofstuff and then, yeah, just
started to, I guess, work outwho do I want to be, where do I
(08:48):
start from, and it was likecoming back to those things like
what's my personal CV, likevalues, characteristics, traits,
passions, hobbies, away fromfootball, and I just had to
re-remember all those sort ofthings.
Lachlan Stuart (09:01):
Yeah, that's such a powerful experience and
obviously for you, getting closeto that rock bottom period
gives you two options.
You either sit in that and thatjust defines the rest of your
life and it's not a fun place tobe, or you bounce back.
Can you give us a lead up on tohow you ended up in hospital
and, I guess, what took you downthat path?
Brayden Ainsworth (09:29):
Yeah, so it was literally it's a lot of self
self-sabotage, that sort ofthing.
Through the period of, like Isaid, I ended up filling in this
west coast, maybe like aroundtwo or three 2022.
So it was against northmelbourne.
I remember it.
I got subbed up at half timeand, um, I was probably the
healthiest and fittest I'd everbeen.
I was weighing like 82 kilos,felt fit, felt free.
And then after that game, on theway home on the plane, I
(09:52):
realized like, mate, you'reprobably not going to get
drafted again after today, maybeyour career is over.
You could be done.
And I just hated it.
I hated being back in theenvironment as well, and when I
realized that I fell into oldhabits in the space of literally
three days, I built all thesegood habits, got told I was
going to play and I just wentback into I have to do this, I
(10:13):
have to do that, this is myroutine, this is what I got to
eat, timing, sleep, everythingand I was like this is
controlling me again.
And then after that, it justslipped away because I was like,
well, your purpose is literallygone if you're not going to get
drafted.
And then, basically from Marchto August, it just went downhill
with just I didn't know how tofill my time.
(10:35):
I was just over-exercising,under-eating, just didn't really
.
I was just lost in a spiral andthat's it.
It just went so quick, so fast,with just not eating, not
fueling, but still exercising,and then I didn't ever believe
that I had a condition, eventhough I was losing weight so
fast.
You still don't accept it andcan't acknowledge it even like.
(10:58):
I look back at photos andvideos now and I'm just like how
did you not see any of this?
Like it was.
So it got so bad, so quick andthat's why everything started to
shut down internally.
But it was just literally likeday after day after day of
making poor choices that justcompounded and ended up hitting
rock bottom.
(11:18):
Whatever, however long that isJanuary through April, may, june
, july, august are like fourmonths.
Lachlan Stuart (11:24):
Wow, that is fast.
Yeah, if you were to know, likelooking back with the hindsight
lens and just having spoken toexperts and just even thinking
about it a lot more, why do youfeel you couldn't see it in that
moment?
Do you think there's an answerfor that, or is it just
(11:44):
something that, in the moment,you just can possibly not see?
That's a tough question.
Brayden Ainsworth (11:48):
I've actually never been asked if I could.
I just I never thought it wasas bad as what it was.
So I could see the weight goingdown and the weird thing was it
was like, okay, well, tomorrow,like I wonder, if I get to this
certain weight, then I'll fixit, eat, get better.
(12:09):
But then, like healthcomplications came with that, so
bloating, like can't eat, pain,stomach pains, like no appetite
, and it was like, oh well, likeI'm not hungry, I'm not going
to eat.
But then it again was like, oh,I got down to this weight.
I wonder what it would be likewhen I get to this weight.
What would I look like if I getto this weight?
(12:30):
It was a real weird mind framethat I can't explain and I don't
know how to explain it.
But it was also, I guess, a waythat I still had control over
something, because I felt like Iwas losing control over every
other aspect of my life and Ican't control control if I, you
know, get drafted or do this ordo certain things again but I
can control what I put in, howmuch I exercise and basically I
(12:52):
can control how quickly theweight goes off.
So I think it was the sense ofcontrol that I wanted and that
was, in my life, the only thingI could really see that I could
control.
Lachlan Stuart (13:02):
That's huge.
Like looking at it from a senseof control, do you think there
could have been anything elsethat anyone could have said or
intervened?
Or you were just obviously sofocused on controlling what you
felt you had control over youjust weren't prepared to listen
or look at anything else.
Brayden Ainsworth (13:18):
I feel like I was also and, as you know, in
this space of masculinity andtraditional masculinity and all
that sort of thing, I stillnever felt that I was a real man
and I never felt like I wasliving up to that, and that was
with football.
But I also didn't understandwhat strength meant to me as
(13:38):
well, and not knowing like it'snot just physical and all this
sort of thing, and not havinglike good, positive male role
models in my life, because I hadsome experience with
psychologists and things likethat that I didn't really enjoy.
But for me, I feel and and nowis what I do in this space is I
would would have loved likesomeone like yourself or dan
(14:01):
prince be I don't know if youknow him or like you know, yeah,
people like you guys that Icould have connected or heard
you guys talk.
I think that would haveresonated with me more, which is
why I love seeing more and moreof this sort of thing.
But it was also the control.
And then it was the respect ofmy dad, like because I was like
(14:25):
he loves me, he respects me, hecares for me because I play
football, like that.
That's what was in my head.
It was the story that I wastelling myself and I'm like, if
I don't play football, then hewon't love me, he won't respect
me.
So then in my head, when I'vestarted to think about it, it's
like well, maybe if I just keepdoing this to myself, that I
(14:48):
can't play football anymorephysically, then he might love
me for some other reason thanfootball, if that makes sense,
which is a weird like.
It's like, bro, what's going onin your head?
But it's just these thoughtsthat were happening.
Lachlan Stuart (15:03):
It's real.
I'm sure there are so manypeople who can resonate to that
because, firstly, you said it'sjust these thoughts that were
happening.
What's real, like that?
I'm sure there are so manypeople who can resonate to that.
Because, firstly, you said it'slike it's my identity I could
imagine, because you were sogood growing up, you got
validated, and, whether it wasintentional or not, my view is
that most people do itunintentionally, but that's the
only time they really go out oftheir way to recognize you or
(15:24):
put their hand on your back.
So then you go.
If I do more of that, then I'llget more of that, and then it
becomes the only way you knowhow to get it.
So, therefore, we don't everask.
Did you ever ask your dad if helike what he thought of you
outside of football, or anythinglike that?
Brayden Ainsworth (15:40):
Most freeing moment was I remember dropping
him off at the airport.
The whole way in the car I wassitting there, my palms were
sweating, I was driving to theairport and then I get out and
he's like oh, don't need to comeand sit with me, mate all good.
He's like Dad, I got to tellyou something.
And he's like you're all good.
And I'm like I've got to tellyou something.
And he's like you're good.
And I'm like I'm not playingfooty anymore.
(16:01):
I might in a couple of years,but right now I'm stepping away
from football.
And he goes oh, cool, like whatare you going to do?
And I was like I'm just goingto step away and get back to
being, you know, healthy,enjoying running again, and then
just dive into Happiness Co.
He goes oh, sick, sick, like youalways love talking about that,
like that's.
And I was like whoa, what doyou mean?
Like you don't care.
And he's like no, mate, likewhy would I care?
(16:22):
Did your brother play football?
Did your sister like?
And I was like no, and he goesI love them and I respect them.
So why wouldn't I love andrespect you?
Why?
Because you're not going toplay football anymore.
He's only like I was proud ofyou, that you played football,
but it's not why I loved orrespected you.
And I was like, oh, we couldhave told me that four years ago
.
But you know, I said, oh,you're sure I'm off the list.
(16:44):
But now like, and then if I'dcommunicate?
And that's what I realized, Iwas like, well, what if I
actually communicated that to mydad and you know, and asked him
that questions.
And I think that we get socaught up in these stories we
tell ourselves, then we believethem, and it's like, well, like
you don't even know what someoneelse is thinking or why they
(17:04):
respect you or why they love you.
So that was, that was one ofthe most freeing conversations
that I've had thanks for sharingthat.
Lachlan Stuart (17:13):
man like that's.
It's huge because, as you said,we build these stories up in
our mind but quite often we'venever asked the question, which
is the simplest thing to do.
But also, as you said, yourhands were sweating and to say
something that was on your mind.
So we don't do it because we'relike, oh, it's easier just to
avoid it and I'll just keepbeating myself up with the story
that is in my head.
(17:34):
But the moment that you can aska question, you're going to get
some clarity around it and itdoesn't always work out the way
we want where your situation orresult from your dad.
Your dad sounds like an absolutechampion, but at least you were
able to get clarity right andget that support and validation.
Was there a moment, even ifit's like a tiny one, where you
(17:55):
felt the shift from, I guess,that rock bottom or surviving
and just trying to control thatone little moment, to where you
felt like all right now I wantto reset you started looking at
yourself or identifying as happy, kind, all of those things to
rebuilding.
Was there a moment that you canremember that led to that?
Brayden Ainsworth (18:17):
Yeah, like I said on that Monday morning,
remember that led to that.
Yeah, like I said on thatMonday morning, my mom was like
up at hospital every day becausemy mom and dad split and dad's
back in Esperance and mom's justdown here in Perth, and she
would like we used to send voicemessages like every morning.
And because she'd work, shestarts work at like you know,
she's up at like 3.30 for work.
So when I was going through itbefore I went to hospital, I
(18:40):
remember getting on the phonesometimes and I'd just be crying
Like Mom, I don't know what'sgoing on, I don't know what to
do, and she would just sit thereand listen.
But this Monday that, you know,a couple of days in, she sent
me a voice message.
She was sending them every dayand this one message just
(19:08):
resonated with me and I was like, like maybe I am kind, like
maybe I am caring, maybe I ammore than football.
And that's when I was like,okay, well, why don't I actually
work out what I do stand for asa person?
What do I want to be?
Because maybe I've valueddiscipline, respect and
resilience in football for solong.
Why don't I change that andstart to value, how kind I am,
how caring, how empathetic andgenuine I can be, and then dive
into that.
(19:28):
And that's when I just went on.
Mate, you talk about self-help.
I dove into it for the nextfour weeks like crazy, because
you get a bit of spare time whenyou're not occupied in hospital
.
And I was researching, I wasdoing all this stuff on like
different things, how toself-help and what does it even
mean, and self-discovery andbooks and podcasts.
Yeah, I just went down therabbit hole, which is probably
(19:49):
good at the time to distractmyself.
But it was the little voicemessage from mom where I was
like okay, you know, I'm goingto be a kind, caring sort of
type of dude, and that's justwhere it come out and I wasn't
scared to probably acknowledgethat.
You know what I'm a more, ifyou're going to go traditional
men, masculine, feminine I'm amore caring, kind, soft,
nurturing type of guy and I'mjust going to lean into that and
(20:11):
I did.
I love it.
Lachlan Stuart (20:12):
It's fantastic how we always get redirected in
life and we look at that and athing that I took away from that
as well as just the power ofletting people you care about
know that you care, rather thanjust assuming that they know A
voice note, even though it'sfrom your mum.
But we can do it to our mates,people that we care about,
colleagues, and just drop them aline and let them know how we
(20:34):
feel about them If they've donesomething that's inspired us or
impressed us, which is reallycool.
So I'm really grateful that youshared that story From the
rebuilding phase.
You went down that rabbit holeof self-help, which I'm sure a
lot of people have done.
What were some of the other keytakeaways that you took away in
(20:54):
that initial block, like thatfour-week binge mode?
I love how you said that bingemode.
Brayden Ainsworth (20:59):
That's probably the the different to
what people think of binging.
Doesn't that like, say, thebinge netflix or something?
yeah so, um, there was probablythe other two things were like
meaningful connections that Iactually had in my life.
You know, I felt like I hadn'tbut I realistically, when I
actually sat back in and thatwas scary too to like realize do
(21:21):
people actually like me for me?
Do they like me for what I did?
But also, do they actually likewho I believe I was, or the
mask or the persona and I guess,person I was actually putting
out to the world, which wasn'tactually who I wanted to be?
So I was like, well, do theyconnect with me because of me or
because of the person that I'mactually faking?
(21:42):
And when I realized you knowwho likes me for me, that was
big.
So it was like who's themeaningful connections I have in
my life, that I can share thehard times and that.
And I really realized in that,because I felt so much shame,
guilt and embarrassment forbeing a 23-year-old male in
hospital for anorexia, I waslike no one's finding out about
this, I'm not telling anyone.
And then I realized like whohave you told?
(22:03):
And I was like what mates haveyou told they're your boys?
And that's when I realized that, okay, who are those?
And then you know they're mysix or seven best mates.
And then I was like what do youwant to do?
How do you want to contributeback to the world Realistically?
Yes, you've lived your dreamand you may not have lived it
for as long as you want, but inyour next phase, how do you want
(22:26):
to contribute back to the worldor other people and what's your
purpose now?
And that were the next twothings that I really dove into
and worked on and I was like,well, I don't have to get paid
for this purpose either, or thispassion or this contribution,
but how can I make the world orsomeone else's day better?
And how can I do it withconnecting with the people that
I really want to connect with?
(22:46):
And you know, those best matesare the blokes that I literally
call and tell them what we justtalked about, like I'm proud of
you, I love you, like that sortof thing.
Lachlan Stuart (22:54):
What do you feel would be the initial questions?
If someone's listening alongand you've lived your dream a
lot of people never get theopportunity to do that the
challenge with when you liveyour dream, and especially in
sports, it doesn't last foreverand you do have like that
redirectional moment For you totalk about purpose and
(23:16):
experiencing what was next forsome people.
Even I remember for myself likeit was extremely overwhelming
at certain points.
If you were to pass on a littlebit of advice to anyone
listening who is finding thatoverwhelming, what would be?
I guess a process or one or twothings that you would have done
that could help someone withthat.
Brayden Ainsworth (23:36):
So like our purposes.
As you probably know, it's aword that gets thrown out all
the time and like said you don'thave to get.
I don't believe you have to getpaid for it.
Everyone's different, but I waspretty lucky that I was getting
paid to play football, like tobe healthy, to be fit, to hang
out with mates and kick aleather ball around, and that
(23:56):
was my purpose, because that'swhat I was waking up for.
And now like, like.
I was like well, how do I wantto wake up?
And why do I want to wake up?
And what's the reason?
I was like I just want to wakeup to be a genuine, kind,
empathetic dude that just wantsto make the world or someone
else's day better.
And I was like if I live bythat, then truly I think I'm
living my purpose, which is justto be, like I said, a genuine,
(24:18):
kind, empathetic dude.
That's all I want to do.
And I was like because I canget money, I can get status, I
can get cars, I can get a house,all this sort of thing, and I
can have a family and still beupset, sad and feel alone.
So that was as simple as it wasfor me and it's what do I
believe when I go to bed that Icould be happy and fulfilled
(24:40):
about?
And that was as simple as itsort of was for me, and I know
that might not sort of answerthe question, but it's how can
you go to bed and feel fulfilled, knowing that you've done what
you wanted to do?
And you know that's how I livemy day and I think that's the
purpose of my life is just to dothose three things, because I
believe that those three thingscan change the world through,
(25:01):
you know, a butterfly effect anda flow on effect.
If you're genuine with someone,kind and show empathy, then I
truly deep down believe they'regoing to do that to someone else
and that's going to eitherchange someone else's day or
hopefully, it'll end up changingthe world and have more kind
and caring people.
So that's that's.
It's pretty simple for me andyeah, I love it, mate.
Lachlan Stuart (25:22):
Super simple, I think that's the key, though we
as human beings have gone towork to complicate everything to
the point where any diagnosisor any problem in our life it
must be the most complex thingto solve.
If we look at, in my opinion,once again, the fundamentals or
the foundations of what makessomeone fit, happy, healthy,
(25:44):
wealthy, are very simpleprocesses and quite often
they're intrinsic things that wecan focus on and we can control
.
That we just need to doconsistently over a long period
of time.
That can often seem boring, orwhat's the purpose?
Because they don't deliverinstantaneous result, but over a
long period of time they do.
Much like to your point I saidif I can just show up in this
(26:08):
way, this way and this way everysingle day, which you have
control over because it's allperception, then that's going to
make your life better becauseof the ripple effect, and I
think that's phenomenal becausemost people, we're doing it
every single day.
We have positive or negativethoughts, and when you're in a
bad spot, I call it the winter.
When you're in winter, you tendto gravitate more to the
(26:30):
negative thoughts, the negativethings that are happening, and
you just skew everything asopposed to going.
I just want to really focus onbeing compassionate and making
someone's day, as opposed togoing.
Hey, I just want to reallyfocus on being compassionate and
making someone's day.
You make someone's day, youfeel good, they feel good.
It's hard to be sad.
It really is.
Brayden Ainsworth (26:47):
I do call it.
It's not a selfish thing, butit is.
It makes you feel good, itmakes them feel good and it's so
small and simple, but I guess,on your point, you do.
It's the things that I do havecontrol over and I can't imagine
some of the thoughts you wouldhave had and I know you shared
this before.
You can control if you go andfly into WA and go and run at
(27:08):
midnight after two hours ofsleep because of being on red
eyes and all this sort of thing,knowing that you've got to do
this in the space of five hoursbecause if you don't, then
you're not getting on the plane.
You would be tired, tired,you'd be sore, your feet are
killing you, your head, bodyaching, starving, whatever.
But you can still show up andbe like you know what, like I
(27:28):
can still do this.
So I can't imagine some of thethoughts you were having and, um
, it's a credit to you and it'sjust the power of also like
seeing that stuff in action,like you're showing
determination, grit and I knowthat, unlike every other person
that was following, your journeywas on, like you know, on
(27:48):
Instagram, and you were gettingpeople from the couch to 5K.
You were getting people goingout in the rain and the wind and
, just you know, even justmoving their body off the back
of doing things you can control.
And yeah, I think it was verypowerful, obviously what you did
and what you're continuing todo now.
But it's just the little thingsthat we can control that
(28:09):
sometimes we forget and then weget so stressed about the things
we can't control.
Lachlan Stuart (28:13):
Thanks for the kind words as well.
Three things I took away fromthere was how do I want to wake
up?
I think it's an awesomequestion, setting your intention
super powerful.
Why do I want to wake up?
What's the bigger purpose?
Something bigger than yourselfit could be.
You know, religion, nature,wanting to leave the world a
better place, wanting to providefor your family.
(28:33):
There's, you know, everyone hastheir own answers and there's
no right or wrong.
As long as it's compellingenough for you to get out of bed
.
I think it's a great one.
The final one, which Iabsolutely loved, because I used
to say this every night, butit's when you put your head on
the pillow.
Did you contribute to the worldin a better way?
For me, when I put my head onthe pillow, I just want to know
that I've given life a crackevery single day.
(28:55):
If I can put my head on thepillow, then it's been a good
day, and that's why I never wantto waste a minute.
I never want to waste aninteraction, I never want to
waste an opportunity, becauselife it feels like we got time,
but at the same time, it's goingso fast.
So make the moments count.
Brayden Ainsworth (29:13):
Yeah, I couldn't agree anymore with that
.
And I love when people say,like what they're, you know,
give life a crack.
Or you know I want to do this,or I want to do that, or this is
how I want to live my life, orthis is what I value.
It's like, yeah, cool, they'reall words or sentences until you
show them in action.
Mate, you saying that?
I'm thinking like I'm tryingnot to interrupt you.
(29:33):
I'm just like, bro, you'reliving that, You're having a
crack.
You don't have a crack by, youknow, going and running 54, but
50, yeah, 50 yeah yeah sure over50
yeah, marathons in the sameamount of days across all these
states, like, if you're not,you're not having a crack like
you are doing that and you'reliving that every single day.
(29:56):
And now it's coaching andmentoring and helping others.
So I love when people talkabout that and especially you
can tell when their like facelights up and that's what yours
just did when you're talkingabout that.
So you know like, oh, they'renot just making this up, like
this is.
This is real, which I love tosee as well appreciate it, man,
and so talk to us about now.
Lachlan Stuart (30:14):
So the rebuild came back.
You mentioned you were doingsome speaking and some work with
the happiness care, but butgive us a, I guess, a rundown
onto the journey.
It was how do I want to wake upand why do I want to wake up,
like those questions that ledyou to where you are now.
So can you give us a bit of arundown on that?
Brayden Ainsworth (30:30):
Yeah.
So once I sort of worked thatout over that, you know, four
weeks like, firstly, like my youknow he's my boss but he's like
one of my you know those sevenor eight best mates he's my man
and you know I had to.
I felt like I owed him becausehe sort of saved my life.
You know he was there.
He's seen everything, from goodto bad, everything, and I just
(30:54):
wanted to help him in hismission because I also felt like
, well, if I can help him in hismission, that's actually
helping mine and the reason whyI want to get up as well.
So we just combined and we justlaunched into it and I guess
the next bit was like you've gotto get, because I wasn't, my
weight was on but I still wasn'thappy with everything else
(31:15):
going on.
I still had some physical andmental struggles but I also then
had to rebuild connections thatI'd like, because I lied to
people, you know, gotmanipulative, all that sort of
thing to hide everything.
So I had to sort of rebuildthat and that's once I got out
of hospital.
That was the next sort of sixmonths was mainly focused on
rebuilding health, rebuildingconnections and then really, you
(31:39):
know, diving into this passionof helping other people and it
started off.
For me now it's working with alot of youth running school
workshops but learning anddeveloping and understanding the
other knowledge and that sortof aspect.
And the other thing was fallingback in love with the one thing
that I always loved to do,which was running as well, which
(32:01):
I know you've got a passion fortoo, and once I actually fell
back into the love of that, likemy passion just came back for
that and it was just living lifehappy because I was just doing
the things that I really enjoyed.
I cut out as hard as it was, Icut out certain people, I cut
out certain activities and goinginto certain places and just
focused on honestly getting fitand healthy again through diets
(32:24):
and then training, but taking itstep by step.
But also the main one was justgetting back to connecting and
feeling alive and enjoyingthings, away from vices that I
had had in my life.
Lachlan Stuart (32:36):
Did you ever feel yourself getting pulled
back to wanting to proveyourself at football or wanting
to prove yourself in other areasafter?
Because, obviously, when youare a high performer, to the
level that you are and foranyone listening, even in the
USA and other places like theAFL is like the NFL Very few
people get drafted.
So you're still among some ofthe most elite athletes in the
(32:59):
country and in order to getthere, the sacrifices that you
made, the ability that you have,the level that you perform at,
you don't just lose that.
I don't believe so.
Do you still have an underlyingurge, in different avenues, to
want to perform at a high level?
Brayden Ainsworth (33:18):
Yeah, big time.
And it got to the point wherewhen was it Might have been like
2020, what are you now?
25?
Yeah, 24, easter sort of Aprillast year, when I, over the
summer period, I was like thefittest I'd been, but I started
to get really lean and sort offall back into old ways, old
habits, old thinking patterns.
(33:40):
And then I was pretty luckythat a close mate and one of
those mates just hit me betweenthe eyes and said mate, like
this, this and this, and he goes.
Otherwise, you're falling backinto it.
And it was like one of the mostrawest, honest, like hard
hitting conversations I've hadand he goes.
But he also, at the end of allof this what he said, he goes.
Mate, like you need to work outwhat you're training for and
(34:03):
what you want to train for,because I know you love to do
this stuff, but at the momentit's consuming you for no reason
.
There's no purpose with it,there's no, you're just going
for the sake of going.
And then, from there, I waslike what I you know, you're
right like what I love to do andwhat's that competition?
Because I was still running andI was trying to like beat times
, but it was also okay.
What's this person doing onsocial media?
(34:24):
What's this person doing?
Can I beat their time, can I?
And I was just like no, no, no,what do you really want to do?
And then I just mapped it out.
There's three things that I'mworking towards.
And that's to run a sub threemarrow, which I guess is
everyone's sort of goal.
That's into running, whichunfortunately was meant to be
goal codes.
We got a stress fracture andwas out for seven weeks, so I
(34:45):
only would have had a seven weeklead up, which would have
killed me.
But that's the first one.
And then I want to run a hundredK ultra or a hundred miler.
I'd love to do a hundred milerand then do an Ironman.
And they're just the threethings I want to do from from
there.
Um, those are my three big, Iguess endurance, like athletic
goals and pursuits, and thenfrom there it's hopefully, you
(35:08):
know, go on to.
You know, there's obviously somany different things.
Like Leadville, I'd love to dothat, which I probably know, you
know all those sort of thingswhich would be pretty cool.
And like I actually went to thelottery and didn't get it for
the Bpn ultra, like yeah, likeI'd be like things like that I'd
love to eventually get into.
But now it's, yeah, lockinginto the mara, and then, uh,
(35:31):
yeah, the other two after Icomplete the first one that's
exciting.
Lachlan Stuart (35:36):
What is it for you like setting some of those
goals?
Because I can.
All three of them are on mygoal list the iron I'm probably
pushing like five to six yearsaway, but the others are like in
the next 12 months.
What is it that excites youabout that stuff?
Brayden Ainsworth (35:51):
I think, just the competitive nature of it's,
you know, you versus you.
I just, you know, I just wantto see how far I can, you know,
push myself and that reallyexcites me.
But also, along that journey, Ithink I'm going to meet so many
cool people and I'm going toconnect with so many cool people
just from the fact of thepassion of running.
(36:12):
Or I'm going to have to reachout to some people about, hey,
how do you run this certain time?
Or what's your swimming stroke?
Or how do I?
Because I can't swim and that'sgoing to kill me.
But it's like, what are yourtips for that?
Or like I've got no power onthe bike, like where should I
start?
You know, and that's whatexcites me too, it's the, you
(36:34):
know, the you versus you battleof being in your own head and
going on a long run and notlistening to anything and you're
just in your thoughts for, youknow, two plus hours, like how
do you cope with that?
But also, you know, then you getto go for a nice little
recovery run or with a few matesand enjoy that and connect with
new people.
And you know, I don't know if Iever would have connected with
yourself.
If you know, we didn'tobviously share the same
(36:55):
interests or passions, but thenthere's running on top of that
as well.
So the same interests orpassions, but then there's
running on top of that as well.
Yeah, that's what I'm reallyexcited for.
I've got a list of people thatI would love to meet, and the
cool thing is, I don't want tojust go and have a coffee with
you, like I do, but I want tohave a run first, then have a
coffee, and there's certainpeople that yeah, that's what
actually excites me as well isthe people I'm going to meet
(37:16):
along the journey of hopefullycompleting these goals.
Lachlan Stuart (37:20):
Man.
I love.
That Huge thing that I hopeeveryone took away from that is
you're humble enough to want toask for help as well.
I think you're.
Once again.
You're an elite athlete already, but you're also someone who
still asks for help and askspeople how can I improve these
things?
One of the biggest reasons whypeople get stuck or stagnant in
(37:41):
life is we try too hard and fortoo long to figure things out
ourself, rather than realizingnow, because of our phones,
there are incredible people whoare experts in things that we're
not and maybe we want to bethat all we have to do is drop
them a message Like how cool isthat that we can have someone
who's done what we wanted toachieve and we can ask them hey,
(38:01):
what did it take in order toachieve that?
And then we can fast track ourown success.
I did it with my 58 marathons.
I was reaching out to all kindsof people, just trying to pick
their brain and essentiallycreate an environment where it
was impossible for me to fail.
Had I not had the help of allthe people that I did, it
(38:23):
wouldn't have been possible, andso I hope people take that away
because, once again, you're anelite across so many different
areas, and not just because ofsport, but even in your ability
to ask great questions and toput your hand up and say, hey, I
need help, but also to leadyourself and take ownership and
responsibility for the man thatyou want to become.
I think that's so powerful andsomething that if anyone takes
just one thing away from it,that would be it for me.
Brayden Ainsworth (38:45):
I think, taking responsibility, yeah,
100%, for your own life and whatyou want to do.
I can't imagine the people thatyou would have, you know,
connected with or like,especially when you're in the
States.
Like you're like, hey, we needsome help, this, this and this,
and you know people followingthe journey, you would have met
some incredible people that youwould never have met in your
life.
And now you probably, if you goback to that certain state you
(39:07):
know, you could be like, hey,what are you up to do?
You want to grab a coffee andyou've got someone to connect
and chat with that you neverwould have had before, all off
the back of doing thisincredible journey.
So, yeah, that's that's what Ilove.
And again, you would have beenlike, and you did.
You're like, I need some help.
Is there a physio?
Can I please have some physio?
Does anyone know anyone like youknow it's a small thing, but
then you connect with thatperson.
Then, if you've got a matethat's over there, like it's
(39:29):
just, like it just.
This is the connection piecethat I love about you know um,
space and anytime x.
So you go to the gym, you meetpeople, you connect, you go for
a walk along here in South Perth, like you connect with other
people.
Yeah, I just love that.
That's probably my favoritepart about it all and asking for
help, because you can't getanywhere if you don't ask for
(39:49):
help, or it's a lot easier toget where you want to get to and
if you're willing just to askthe question.
Lachlan Stuart (39:55):
For sure.
Could not agree more.
What would be something thatyou're most excited about with
the work that you're doing, nowthat maybe you didn't get from
footy?
Brayden Ainsworth (40:03):
Think actually seeing certain impact
that you're having to helppeople just change a thought in
their head or spark something.
Because footy is amazing, don'tget me wrong.
I love it, like, and I stillget jealous of mates that are
still playing because it's it'sa great thing.
I love the game and I love that.
(40:23):
But when you think about it,like you know, have an impact on
people's lives.
Sometimes if you win it's good.
If you lose, then sometimes it'sa pretty negative effect, like
I think just being able toactually help people and see the
help that you can have, I thinkthat's probably the thing that
I never expected to understandand realize and how one
(40:43):
conversation can really help andchange people's lives.
I think that's pretty coolbecause it's happened to me in
the people that I've connectedwith and have sparked thoughts
and ideas or shifts in focus orhabits and change.
I think that's something that Inever really expected would
ever happen and that's with somelike close family and friends.
You know in my life that itstill happened to, so I think
(41:07):
that's probably been.
You know, the exciting thing is,like, how many people can you
just spark a thought?
Because you're not going tochange everyone's life and
impact everyone, because somepeople won't like you, just like
you don't like everyone else.
But can you just get a littlespark in their eye or a little
thought to maybe help them seethe world in a happier,
(41:27):
healthier, a better place?
Solid man, I love it and alsosorry, just to touch on that and
what excites me is the morepeople I keep coming back to
connection, because I just loveit, but I just love being able
to meet new people.
That's what's cool for me isyou really start to see and
connect with more people thatare like you, or that you see
(41:49):
parts of yourself in them, whichis pretty cool too.
Lachlan Stuart (41:53):
Yeah, connection has got to be one of the
greatest things.
I just always go back to thebook the Five Regrets of the
Dying by Bronnie Warr and justthink about the things that she
said and it's just I wish Ispent more time with my friends
and family.
And for me it's just connection, because anyone can have money.
I know a lot of people with alot of money and they're
(42:14):
miserable, but they're alsoamplified dickheads.
I think it amplifies who youare, but if it's not something
that drives you, that's alsocompletely okay, because there's
so much more around it After.
I guess, the success of the runI don't talk about necessarily
the money and the opportunities,it's more so the people that I
met and the experiences that wehad.
That's what I find awesome.
(42:35):
That's what I rate my life onis just like what experiences
can I have and who can I havethem with?
Brayden Ainsworth (42:40):
Yeah, which I think is amazing.
And to double down on what yousort of just said there like,
yes, you raised money and youwould have got massive
sponsorships from differentpartners and organizations and
all that sort of thing, but younever oh.
You're like, oh, thanks to LSKDor thanks to these people, but
it wasn't like it was agratitude and thankful thing,
(43:01):
but it wasn't like the thingthat you were doing it for.
You weren't just doing all thisto oh, if I do this, then I can
go viral and then I can then,you know, make a story and a
book off the back of it to thenget more money.
It's like, no, I'm doing thisfor me, but showing other people
that you can do this and ithelps other people in a
different way, and now I'm goingto go and talk about it to then
spark some thought or somechange and help other people.
(43:24):
I'm going to go and do thisbecause now so many people are
going to pay for this to get memore money, and I think that's
where the real power comes from.
Lachlan Stuart (43:33):
Definitely the impact, for sure, because I've
seen once again so many peoplecome and go and especially in
the coaching space, like I'vebeen in the men's space for
since 2016-17 and just peoplecome and go, which is fine
because it's a season I justlove.
You know, the reason is I wantmen to stop taking their lives
(43:54):
and I want men who are doing,you know, high performers to
realize that there's more thanthe title, the job and the house
, like there's family, there'sconnections, there's experiences
, there's your own well-being,and all of them matter.
Like I just I truly believethat at the end of my life, I'm
not going to give a crap aboutthe titles, the awards or the
(44:15):
money.
I just believe that.
So, if I believe that I'm goingto make the most of, as I was
saying earlier, the things, nowwhat would you say to the guy
listening, braden, who has thetitle, they have the job, they
have the house, but they feelcompletely empty inside?
Brayden Ainsworth (44:31):
First, I would say why are you doing what
you're doing?
I'd ask that question What's'sthe reason you're doing it?
Like, why are you doing this?
And I think, if you can sitwith that and actually answer
that as truthfully as youpossibly can, which is so hard
to do, and because that's justwhat, what I did with football,
like why was I doing it?
Like I said I think it was toearn my dad's respect and that
sort of stuff, but like, why?
(44:53):
Why?
What's the real reason?
And then, if it's this, this,this, is that worth costing me
what it's costing me right now,which may be time with family,
time with, you know, friends,relationship, financial stress,
burden, loneliness, depression,anxiety, whatever it is Is the
cost of what I'm doing worth it?
And nine times out of ten, Ithink that most people, if
(45:15):
they're in that spot, they'relike no, it's not.
Nine times out of ten, I thinkthat most people, if they're in
that spot, be like no, it's not.
And I sort of realized, and youhave to like, if you get to the
worst spot, you can get a job.
Pretty like, you can goyourself, people are going to
help you, you're going to beable to go on if you're lucky
enough which I am lucky enough Icould jump on people's couch to
couch things like that.
So money is money is not theend of the world.
And if that's that's whatyou're chasing, I don't think
(45:37):
it's ever going to fulfill you.
So me it's like why am I doingthis and is it costing?
Is it worth the cost that it'shaving?
Lachlan Stuart (45:44):
Love.
That it's something to thinkabout is what is what I'm
currently doing costing me andthat goes not just for work, I
could imagine for me running the58 marathons.
It cost me time with my wife,it cost probably health to a
degree.
It cost me elements of mybusiness, but to me it was worth
(46:05):
what I was building towards.
So when you know what you'rebuilding towards, you have an
idea of who you want to becomeand you can start asking
yourself those next questions,because there are far too many
men in the statistics show whoare in roles and they've adopted
the responsibility of whatever,whether it's dependents, it's
the mortgages, it's the title orthe reputation that they're
(46:27):
worried about, and they're justwaking up every day miserable.
And if we can take somethingaway from this, there's so many
great questions that you've saidgoing back to how do I want to
wake up?
Why do I want to wake up?
What does it look like when Iput my head on the pillow at
night?
Who am I outside of my titlesand my career Like?
There's so many questions thatI would encourage anyone
(46:49):
listening to just write thosequestions down, listen to it
back and just start writing,like answering those questions
that Brayden asked himself,because you'll be able to come
up with your own answers, andsome of the responses you get
there may allow you to changethe course of your life, which
is exciting.
Brayden Ainsworth (47:06):
Yeah, and I guess I'm not a man that has
kids and all that sort of thingas well and all that sort of
thing as well.
But to me, if you're talkingabout men in general, I think,
like you said, we're sort ofwired to think that, you know,
we have to be the one thatprovides and that's dominant and
puts the food on the table andbe the breadwinner and all these
(47:27):
sort of things.
But you know, I can probablyspeak from experience and the
people that I've talked to, andespecially women that I've
talked to, they're just like,yeah, like I think that's
awesome and they want to do that, like that's powerful and I
respect it, but why can't I?
I want to be someone that isalso, you know, strong and
powerful and embraces both sidesof masculine and feminine, but
(47:49):
just to be a whole person and Iwant to be able to put you know
my kids through what they wantto do and give them experiences
as well.
I don't want to just have to dothis, this and this, because
stereotypically I'm labelled tobe able to do that and I think
it's trying to change and tryingto get men to understand.
Well, everyone's different,everyone's got their own.
I don't want to get into thestereotypes of all this stuff,
(48:11):
because you don't know whatcould happen after that.
But I just think if we canunderstand that we're all whole,
like can you embracevulnerability and strength at
the same time, embrace youremotions but also be stoic in
certain situations that's bothfemale and male, and I think
when you can start to expressall that sort of thing, I think
that's when you can actuallyunderstand you've got more
support and, um, you know youdon't have to be alone and get
(48:35):
through this by yourself 100%.
Lachlan Stuart (48:37):
You got to learn to dance with the dance with
what's you know.
Like football, you play what'sin front of you.
Sometimes you have set piecesand every relationship is
different, but if you can dancewith the polarity and find out
what you know, the way, I evensaid it with the 58 marathons,
like I'm someone who's veryvulnerable, I talk about a lot
of things.
But with the 58 marathons, likeI'm someone who's very
(48:59):
vulnerable, I talk about a lotof things, but when I'm in, for
example, 58 marathons, it wasn'treally the opportunity, it
wasn't the right time for me tojust break down and cry while
I'm trying to get the marathonsdone.
I had to, like hold it togetherto get through the injuries and
the pain, because I knew on theother side I could.
Then, you know, on day 50, onday 50, that's when that
happened, when I had theopportunity to have a breather.
(49:22):
But in the lead up, I thinkyou've got to play what's in
front of you and do what's goingto best serve the marriage and
the relationship Life.
Essentially, the simplest formis don't be a dick, be a good
person.
Exactly right.
You need to be strong and stoic, and other times you need to in
our relationship.
I say to my wife wife, it'slike there's times for me to
lead and there's times for me tosupport and that's yeah,
completely fine.
100, couldn't agree anymorebrother, it's been an absolute
(49:45):
pleasure having you on.
I've literally taken on so manynotes, which I always love when
I get just questions that I getto think about for myself.
If you could give and this is acommon question but if you
could give your younger self the22 or 2022-year-old version?
Guy version guy version ofyourself.
(50:06):
What advice would you give tohim?
Brayden Ainsworth (50:08):
You're right.
I'm trying to structure this ina way that it's a great
question, probably for mebecause of what I was going
through around it.
For me, it stems back toidentity and job.
You're more than your title.
Your title doesn't define whoyou are as a person.
(50:33):
For me, because I think, I'vemet a lot of people that are
like you said.
They're caught up in you know,whatever their role is, or
they're chasing the next role orthe next promotion or the next
title, or to be.
If they're a millionaire, theywant to then become a
billionaire.
But, like you know, you know alot of people that have probably
got those titles but are stillunhappy and don't know who they
are.
And for me, my title waseverything, and when I lost it
(50:56):
is when I fell apart.
So, um, yeah, you're more thanyour title and it's more
important to be an a-gradeperson than a a-grade, whatever
that might be.
And for me, it was more than ana-grade athlete.
It's more important for me tobe an a-grade person love it.
Lachlan Stuart (51:11):
Where can people follow your journey and
everything that you're up to?
Brayden Ainsworth (51:15):
I I guess, yeah, well, instagram just
brings Braden underscoreAinsworth potentially.
Yeah, just actually don't, butBraden Ainsworth, yeah, that's
just where mainly I postanything to do with my stuff.
And then, yeah, like HappinessCo, but yeah, mainly my stuff is
just Braden underscoreAinsworth on Instagram.
I haven't branched out too muchwith content or anything, but
(51:37):
yeah, that's my only real space.
To be honest, I've got thatmuch else.
I love it, mate.
Lachlan Stuart (51:44):
The world's a better place for all the work
that you're doing, mate, andyou've been on a journey, but
it's so inspiring and powerfulthat you're using some of your
darkest moments to bring peopleto their better moments.
Brayden Ainsworth (51:56):
Thank you, mate, I really, really
appreciate.
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