October 29, 2024 • 46 mins
Kevin Berthia is an adoptee, suicide survivor, advocate, and speaker. Kevin pours his heart into sharing his powerful story of growing up in silence, always feeling the need to hide the unbearable pain he was in.
Through high school and into his early twenties, Kevin was known as the life of the party… until his very public suicide attempt at the Golden Gate Bridge changed everything.
Since 2013, Kevin has captivated his audiences with his candidness about how he was able to overcome his pain and fully embrace himself in order to live his best life. He lives to inspire others to break their own silence and know that help is available.
Kevin’s story of HOPE has touched a diverse group of audiences all around the world, including several magazine outlets, along with local and national news stations. Kevin’s story was also featured on the Steve Harvey Show, Red Table Talk, and the Dr. Phil Show.
The photo of him standing on the 32-inch-wide beam, known as “the chord,” was on the front page of the San Francisco Chronicle and placed on the 75 most iconic photos of the 21st Century.
Kevin believes that having survived an attempted suicide plays a major role in the prevention of additional suicides. No one knows more about the darkness that surrounds suicide than those who have walked in its shadow.
Kevin Berthia
Suicide Prevention Advocate
www.kevinberthiafoundation@gmail.com
510.414.8662
Kevin Berthia Foundation: kevinberthiafoundation.org
Link to donate $5 Friday: https://fotolanthropy.com/give/
92 Minutes Trailer: https://vimeo.com/1006439436
Beth Syverson of Unraveling Adoption email: Unravelingadoption@gmail.com
Connect With Melissa:
-Email Melissa here: mindyourownkarma@gmail.com
-Click here for the Mind Your Own Karma Website
-Click here for Somatic Mindful Guided Imagery
-Find Mind Your Own Karma on Facebook
-Find Mind Your Own Karma on Instagram
-Find Mind Your Own Karma on YouTube
-Click here for a comprehensive list of adoptee/adoptee trauma-informed practitioners.
Dial 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
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Mind Your Own Karma – The Adoption Chronicles Podcast educates listeners on the realities of adoption through the stories of adoptees, birth paren
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hey there, it's Melissa Brunetti, and welcome to the
Mind Your Own Karma podcast. Hey there, Karma crew.
Thanks for joining me for this episode of Mind Your Own Karma,
(00:20):
The Adoption Chronicles. With Adoptee Remembrance Day on
October 30th approaching, I wanted to take a moment to honor
the lives we've lost adoptees who often struggled in silence,
unseen and unheard. If you're struggling, please
know you are not alone. Today I'm revisiting an
(00:41):
important story, Kevin Berthea, who was on the show in March
2024. He has been working to bring his
film 92 Minutes to life. This powerful film recounts
Kevin's suicide attempt at the Golden Gate Bridge and speaks to
the deep pain many adoptees carry.
It's not just his story, it's our story too.
(01:04):
With the potential to break the silence around adoptee mental
health, Kevin has dedicated his life to helping others through
the Kevin Berthea Foundation, which supports anyone struggling
with suicide. As adoptees, we have an
opportunity to help Kevin bring 92 minutes to reality.
(01:26):
He needs $700,000 to make this film and so far has over a
little bit over $128,000. That's why I'm challenging you
to donate $5 every Friday for the rest of the year.
That's just 9 Fridays, $45.00 total can help make a big
(01:46):
difference. A new study shows adoptees are
38 times more likely to attempt suicide than non adoptees.
These are real lives in our community and Kevin's film can
bring much needed awareness to this issue.
So stand with me and with Kevin and with the adoptee community.
(02:07):
Let's help this film come to life.
The donation link is in the shownotes and your contribution, big
or small, will make a difference.
Thank you for listening and caring today and being part of
this journey. Let's dive into the episode.
So we are welcoming Kevin Berthia on the show today.
(02:28):
Welcome, Kevin. Thank you.
I'm grateful to be here. Yeah, I spent hours on your
website after I heard you were coming on the show.
So much great content and resources on there.
And I did watch the movie MovingAmerica's Soul and Suicide.
And I just wanted to say that you're doing such important work
and I really do feel like you'reliving your purpose in doing
(02:50):
this. And I especially want to thank
you from the adoptee community because the statistics are that
adoptees are four times more likely to attempt suicide than
non adoptees, which is just huge.
So I just want to thank you for coming on the show and educating
us on this topic. Absolutely.
Thank you for having me. Yeah.
So let's just start, tell us what you know about the
(03:12):
circumstances of you being put up for adoption.
Do you know anything? I was adopted at six months old.
Not, not too much many, not too many answers to the questions I
have. I just know my mom.
She was young, 17, just not in asituation to take after me.
(03:33):
My dad was kind of running the streets.
Just the failure of communication back then.
I've heard probably two different sides.
So still kind of really unsure as to why.
I mean, you know, and it's different for me and it's just
coming from a black community and being black and adopted is
just because I, I look at, you know, other families and I'm
(03:55):
look at somebody in the family picks the fat, the, the child
up, you know, somebody, an aunt,an uncle.
So it took me years to realize that, you know, being as, as an
African American man, being adopted, I'm not alone in that
aspect because that was a huge struggle for me.
Yeah. So what was it like growing up
(04:15):
not having that mirroring, not looking like anyone in your
family? How did you feel growing up
about that it? Was it was single handedly
probably the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with because
I'm constantly triggered going outside.
See, my biggest thing is I didn't look like my adoptive
mom. I didn't look like my adoptive
dad. I didn't look like my two
adoptive sisters. And I always went into the world
and watched people that matched,you know, moms look like
(04:37):
daughters, dads look like, I mean, it was just people that
matched. Cousins looked alike, people
look alike. And to go and live in a world
where you don't look like anybody.
I don't think anybody realizes you're around people that are
your blood relation, people thatyou come from, you know, so you
don't have this, you have this distinct idea of who you belong
to. And, and, and just to not have
(04:59):
that, it was, it was a struggle for me and I had to go into the
world, I mean, and, and, and be triggered every single day.
And that could cause its own depression.
Yeah. So you had two siblings, sisters
that were also adopted? No, they were.
They were MY2, my two older sisters.
They they were my mom and dad's kids and so I was youngest and
(05:20):
only adopted only boy. Yeah.
So how was that? How did that feel being the only
adopted child? And honestly, it kind of felt
different. I mean, you know, I would shower
with love pretty much part and, and, and, and, you know,
youngest and only boy. So it was, it was great until my
parents divorced, to be honest. I mean, it was, it was, it
wasn't. It never felt weird until until
(05:41):
my parents separated and then that's when things start feeling
weird. And in what way do you would you
say? It was the first time I felt
alone, the first time I felt adopted.
I think that everybody handled the divorce differently.
Everybody took different pieces of it.
Everybody had different painful moments.
As I look back, I was a child and I don't think nobody really
took the time to check on me. And I think that way as we go
through our own divorces and, and, and, and separations as as
(06:04):
adults, we have to take the timeto, to check on our kids,
Especially when I'm an adoptive,You know, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm
already, I'm a separate piece already in my eyes into this
family, you know, so I'm still trying to find my peace and
notice family got separated. I never got the idea that it, it
wasn't me. So I took on the blame like I
took on blame for everything. And that's too much of A that's
(06:26):
too much ownership to take on asa as a child.
Yeah, another loss. I mean, the loss of your
biological family, whether you realized it at that age or not,
but another loss of family, thatfamily unit right there, Yeah.
Yeah, it was it was hard. I mean, I've I've never had to
really talk about how hard it was growing up adopt like with
(06:48):
that of that word of idea of growing up in the world, knowing
that in my eyes, somebody lookedat me and gave me up.
That's that I can't get past that.
The idea that even as A and it'sand then you would think as you
get older, you get better. I mean, I've gotten a little
better as I got older, but when I become a when I became a
father, didn't really, I really didn't get.
(07:09):
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, You're not alone there.
So the feelings that you were having as a child when you grew
up, how do you think those manifested in your early
adulthood being adopted? I never, I never, I never
accessed it even to this day. I'll be 42 years old this year
(07:30):
and I still, I still, I'm betterwith it, but it's a struggle of
understanding because I, it, it,some days it does define me.
Some days it, it, it is, you know, that voice creeps up in my
head and says, you, you aren't good enough.
And if you were, then I wouldn'thave gave up on like, you know,
it's just, it's that you're, you're constantly battling you
(07:53):
every single day. And my biggest enemy is me.
It's not the world. The world has never been able to
stop me. Anything I would ever want to do
in my life. See, I don't get a day off from
being me. And see, that's the difference.
And people that have to strugglewith themselves is different
because there is no day off and looking at myself in the mirror,
I hate it. Growing up, growing up, I hated
looking in the mirror. So it was hard for me accepting
(08:13):
who I was. So when I grew up and I had to
become an adult and deal with adult responsibilities, I'm
still processing the fact that Ihate myself.
So I'm I'm trying to live in a world trying to get through
day-to-day when I'm still, I'm not understanding why I hate
myself. And it took me a long time to to
love myself and start loving myself because of how I felt
(08:35):
about myself. Did you feel growing up that you
could talk about being adopted with your family or was that
taboo? Absolutely not.
I I felt I probably could, but it was just me.
I am probably one of the most empathetic people on the face of
this planet. So I always go into every
conversation thinking about how you feel and how words will make
(08:58):
you feel. And if I say this, what will
make how will? How will what kind of situation
would have put you in? So I never wanted to make
anybody or look like I was in unappreciative of the fact that
somebody took the time and choseme.
Like I've always looked at that and said, well, Dang, you know,
I'm glad you. But it still didn't in highs.
I didn't take away the pain. Yeah, it's still.
(09:20):
I had to live with it every day.I'm even to this day, I am
astronomically grateful to be chosen to fact that somebody
took the time out and and and chose me out of all these kids
and saw everything in me that I'm trying to instill into the
world. I I love all of that, but it's a
piece of me that just does what will will always have a power.
(09:43):
I'll keep saying I won't say never.
I will always have a problem with the idea.
I will. It's just, and I have had to
accept it, that I've had to accept that for me.
Yeah, so common. So common.
So being an adoptee yourself that struggled with attempted
suicide, why do you think adoptees have that higher
percentage in particular? I think that now that I look at
(10:08):
it, the world struggles with trying to figure out who they
are. You throw in the identity of of
trying to figure out not only who we are, whose we are, where
do we belong? It's just too much.
And I think that we it it, it, you know, it, it, it puts this,
it puts this, this our lives in in a bigger, more perspective
(10:31):
because we always trying to figure out the why everybody's
life is always trying to figure out why when we're adopted, It's
like why times 10 like because now I got to figure out why life
and then why I'm here. Why was I giving up?
What was my parents? Is it something about me?
Was it something about it's justtoo much?
And then my most dreadful, you know, my most dreadful thing
(10:52):
that I hate doing. I hate going to the doctor, the
questions that they ask. I don't know anything about my
family history. So I cry internally every single
time I have to go because it's atrigger.
Everything about us is a triggerbecause we don't know where we
(11:13):
belong. We don't know where we come
from. So everything is it.
Every time we go into the world,we live in a world where
everything belongs and and puts simple into place in the
structure. That's how the world is
structured because everything belongs to something or
everything belongs in place of something.
Fast food, everything has a place.
(11:34):
So we we look at this and so in our eyes, internally we
understand this, but externally to live in a world that has a
place and internally we struggletrying to figure out where we
belong. I can see it.
I never thought about it like this until now.
Yeah. Yeah, so in that movie Moving
America's Soul and Suicide, you talked about a moment where you
(11:55):
got angry and you walked out thedoor with a huge kitchen knife
and you said that you felt like you finally had some control
over your life. In that moment, what were what
was happening? What?
What were you thinking? And I think, and I always, I'm
glad you explained it asked me that, because I always try to
explain that because see from, from from the outside looking
in, people will say, what, what do you mean?
(12:17):
Control? But see when you're in the mind
of somebody in a dark place, control meaning that.
And I'm adopting control, meaning that I've, I've never
been in control of anything. Everything in my life has been
dictated for me. I've never been able to choose
from from, in my eyes, from birth, from the moment that I
(12:42):
entered into the world, a decision was made for me that
has changed the complexion of myentire life.
So in that moment when I had that knife to my neck, it was
the first time in my life that Ifelt like I dictated what was
going to happen in the next couple of seconds.
And for the first time in my life, I was in control.
(13:04):
I needed that control. It may not have been a good
control for somebody on the House I looking in, but for me I
needed to know that I was in control of my situation.
Yeah. Wow.
So you describe yourself as the life of the party type of guy,
and I'm guessing that really nobody that was close to you
(13:25):
suspected that you were struggling as much as you were.
What fears did you have in telling the people around you
about what was going on internally?
We have this unders you have to understand how how how people
work. People, especially people that
love you, have this built in expectation of who how they want
(13:46):
you to how they who they want you to be.
Yeah. And you have a built in
expectation of who you want, whoyou want to show what, who you
want to show them. Only it's like things just have
to match. I have an expectation of who you
are and, and I have an expectation of who I want to
show you. So I was afraid that it wouldn't
(14:07):
match and I would and it will incorrect 'cause this other big
dilemma in my life. And I couldn't afford that.
I couldn't afford for people to really see, to meet, to meet for
who I really was. If they knew that I cried every
single night, If they knew that that I hated everything about
me. If they knew that I looked in
the mirror and I hated the reflection.
If they knew that that I couldn't understand why these
(14:30):
voices were telling me that I was insignificant, that I was,
that I was, that I was would dieone day, that that I would make
it, never make it to be in the If they knew all these things
and how would they see me? I wanted them to see my light
and not see my darkness, so I never felt the in in a period of
time where I was comfortable enough to talk about these
things. Yeah, so let's go back to March
(14:53):
11th, 2005. Tell us what was going on that
day. March 11th, 2522 years old.
It was the day. I will always say that the worst
day of my life is not, It's not my first attempt.
It wasn't my last attempt, but it was my it was my attempt at
the world saw me at my most darkest and vulnerable moment.
(15:16):
And I had been used to keeping my moments to myself and being
the king at keeping those vulnerable moments to myself so
that nobody would ever see me And, and, and you know, in that
state of mind, but that that morning I woke up and every see,
I spent every, every moment of my life internalizing every
painful moment. Anytime something happened to
(15:36):
me, I would internalize it. I would open up a door on the
inside of me, put whatever emotion and pain and throw it in
that door I have. I've been successful with that
my whole life to where I never had to process anything.
No matter whatever happened to me, I always just got in the
habit of just opening the door and put it in there.
March 11th, 2005 when I woke up,every door was open and I was
(16:00):
stuck would unresolve issues that I had when I was five.
I'm 22 years old and I'm sittinghere feeling painful moments
from when I was five. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm feeling
moments from feeling left out and lonely from when I was
seven. I mean, all these moments I felt
in one morning and I got tired of being my own, you know,
motivational speaker Every day Itell myself, Kevin, you got
(16:21):
this. You can get through this.
I know I think I didn't have it.I lost my hope.
You know, when you lose that, you know, you can, you can go
without air. You can go without food.
You know, it's the hope. It's the hope you lose that
that's the one thing that that you cannot lose.
And I lost it. And I lost my way that day.
I lost that day, that morning. And I had no idea what I was
(16:42):
going to do. But I'd already been as
unsuccessful 10 times, you know,10 times in my life that I, you
know, and that made me feel likea failure that I couldn't even
take my own life. So I had to find something.
And I always thought to myself, I needed something.
I didn't know what I was going to do, how I was going to do it,
where I was going to go. I had any plans.
You know, this is 2005. We didn't have Google back then,
(17:02):
you know, we didn't have YouTube.
All these different things we have now.
Information is not was not readily to our disposal.
I didn't know that this bridge behind me was even iconic for
suicide attempts. That morning, March 11th, 2005,
I decided to drive myself to theGolden Gate Bridge, not even
knowing where it was. Wow.
Wow, So what happened when you got to the bridge?
(17:25):
I got out there and then then I was trying to find one reason I
lift my keys by the time I got out there.
Honestly, when before I got there, I was hoping that
somebody would stop me and engage with me because I always
had in my brain, you know, I wanted to tell somebody why I
wanted to go, but that didn't happen.
So by the time I got out there, I, I was in go mode.
I was in nothing about me wantedto to talk at this point and I
(17:47):
wasn't going to talk because if I I felt like if I was going to
if destiny was going to stop me,it would have stopped me before
I got into here and got a park right in front.
Just left the keys in the car and I started walking and now
I'm 1015 minutes. I was trying to find one reason
to live. I scanned my whole database on
my whole life and I couldn't find one reason not to jump.
(18:09):
And it makes me sad and sick in court to my stomach that I'm not
the only person in the world that feels like that that can
scan the whole database in your core memories.
See, the most important memoriesare your core ones.
When you're adopted, your core memories aren't happy.
(18:31):
Yeah. And I don't think people get
that. So when I was on that bridge, I
was trying to look for one reason, and I couldn't find it.
So I looked over the railing finally.
And when I looked over the railing and I didn't see any
deterrent, I looked over the railing and I saw the water.
And when I looked in the water, it was the first time in my life
that I saw peace. Wow.
It was the first time in my life.
(18:52):
And the peace wasn't the water. The peace was the idea that I
didn't have to wake up and be a burden.
I didn't have to wake up in a day and pretend to be something
that I wasn't. 22 years of my life, I have lied every moment
about who I am, what I am, to live in a world that that I
hate. Yeah.
(19:13):
And I would say that we're award-winning actors in our own
lives and adoptee. It, it, it is, it's, it's, it
was, it's, it was, it's been a, the, the hardest struggle
pretending in a world where everybody's pretending.
But it's a different pretend foryou, You know, it's a different
mask for you because you don't get a break from your mask.
(19:35):
You don't get life. Life channels you differently.
And so when I looked in that water, I said, OK, I got to do
it. And I, I braced myself an impact
and I could protect the steps back.
The miracle started happening then because a lot of people
when they see my photo they think that I somehow climbed
over the cold and Gate Bridge and ended up on that ledge.
(19:55):
No, Kevin Berthy on March 11th, 2005 jumped off the Golden Gate
Bridge and mid airborne my my first responder Sergeant Briggs
yelled something at the top of his Liamx that we don't even
know what he said. But it was enough to get my
attention and Take Me Out of thedark place that I was in and I
grabbed the railing on the way down.
(20:17):
With my left arm and I slammed myself into the into the railing
and I'm on now I'm on this 4 inch cord.
If I pick any other spot on the Golden Gate Bridge, it doesn't
have that cord for me to land on.
You go out to the Golden Gate Bridge.
You can't even see the cord fromthe top.
Officer Briggs doesn't even knowthat I'm there.
Only reason why he unders he thinks that I'm gone because you
(20:38):
can't see me. I'm under like I'm you know
below. The only reason why he's able to
see me is because through the railings you can see my white
T-shirt. Now I'm upset, there's nothing
holding me. There's no, this is not a
training, this is not, there's no stuntman.
There's no I'm 4 seconds from mydeath.
I'm 220 feet, there's nothing but water behind me.
There's nothing to to, to stop me.
(21:00):
And now I'm upset. So for the next 10 minutes, I'm
yelling at him at the top of my lungs because he stopped me
from, from my destiny, stopped me from my peace.
He stopped me from the one moment that I was waiting on
that I didn't have to pretend anymore.
I didn't have to get up and and live this lie anymore and you
stopped me. Now I'm now I'm in in in the
worst situation possible becauseit's two things I hate.
(21:22):
I hate being cold. It's freezing, it's marching San
Francisco and I hate heights. Oh my God, 220 feet of air now I
didn't put myself in. All I'm trying to do is get
myself out of pain for the next.Literally he was able to get
close to me and I remember something on the inside of me
said, why do you even care? Because his voice, it wasn't
(21:47):
like my voice. See, I hated everything about
me. I hated, I hated everything,
every inch of me. And if his voice matched my
voice in any capacity in that moment, I wouldn't be here.
His voice was compassionate. It was the complete opposite.
(22:07):
And it made me think, well, how could you?
How, how would you love me? Like these are the questions
that I'm asking myself on the inside.
I'm not externally saying this. And it was enough for him to get
close to me. I never, I kept my head down.
I kept my eyes closed because I'm afraid for the next 92
(22:28):
minutes in this position on thiscord with me holding on to
nothing, I had one of the most powerful conversations of my
life. It was the first time in my life
that I talked about me. I kept my head down, eyes
closed. I never knew he was white.
I never knew he was a cop. I thought he was a human.
(22:50):
And if I opened my eyes and saw that he was a white or a cop, I
wouldn't be in front of you because I'm a black man.
I come from Oakland, CA and I'venever, up until that point, I
hadn't had one great run in withlaw enforcement.
I never in a million years wouldhave told my most vulnerable
things to anybody in law enforcement uniform.
(23:12):
I always tell my truth because Iwant people to understand how
powerful connection is. I never even knew who this man
was. It was his voice, it was the
compassion, it was the empathy, it was the understanding, it was
the caring. He let me talk.
Everybody say what? What is it that he said?
It's about what he didn't say. I told myself enough for 22
(23:37):
years. I said enough to myself for 22
years. I didn't need any more, any more
advice from anybody else. I needed somebody to just listen
to me. I needed to hear myself.
I needed to get out of that painthat I was in, in that dark
place that I was in. I needed to be able to get out
of that place. And that only was going to
(23:58):
happen if I was able to be listened to.
Yeah. That was going to be my
question. What did he say that day?
But you want to know? Yeah, yeah, It started at the
age. Of what is that magic thing that
he said? He just, I, honestly, it was my
first conversation about me in my life.
(24:19):
It took me 22 years to talk about me.
It took me to go to the bridge and all these painful things
that I had to endure to talk about me.
So I didn't go to the bridge just for me.
I went to the bridge for the millions of people that want to
go went I, I, I am a representation of you like I and
(24:42):
I and I want people to get this.I went there for you already.
You, you never have to endure that pain.
Yeah. So kind of backing up a little
bit when because you know, it's one thing to walk up to the
bridge and, you know, say that you're going to jump, but it's
(25:03):
another thing to go over the side of that rail.
You know, there's a lot of people I'm sure that get on the
Golden Gate Bridge probably every day and they're like, I'm
going to do this and they don't.So what is the difference there?
What actually makes somebody go over the edge?
And I tell people it's a culmination of a lot of
different things. We all have that dark moment and
(25:24):
sometimes we just can't get out of there.
Sometimes we lose our way. We go too far in.
And you figure, remember when, when hikers, they go on trail,
they drop pebbles so they can find their way back.
Sometimes we go in that, that dark place and we forget to drop
the pebbles. And I think that those of us who
have lost our way and who have succumbed to our, to our, to our
battle, we just forgot our way back.
(25:47):
We got too far in and we, when we got our way back.
So I think the people that actually get to that point is
that that idea that in that moment I did lose complete hope.
In that moment, I did lose my why of understanding my purpose
in life. In that life, life got too much
for me. So let's talk about those
(26:09):
pebbles. So you finally they they help
you back over the railing. And what were you thinking in
that moment when you allowed them to help you?
Honestly, I got, I was so exhausted prior to that I spent
weeks, days and months trying toprepare myself for death.
(26:29):
So by the time I had got all that out of me, that 92 minutes
of talking and after getting outof me, I was out of my mind.
And it took me a long time to really realize everything that
happened. I went to the psychiatric
evaluation hospital in San Francisco General.
Then I went to psychiatric hospital for about a good 11/12
day, like for a good 12 days. So it took me a while to get
(26:52):
home and then when I got home, Istill took me a minute to
realize everything happened. And then I and then I went into
denial mode once I found out that that picture was front page
of the San Francisco Chronicle defining moment in my life.
Because we all I was an athlete growing up and you know, you
ball player, you always want to be front page of the paper.
That's just a dream of yours. But not like this, not for the
(27:14):
world to see me at most most vulnerable weakest moment.
I spent my whole life, every second, every minute, every
hour, making the world believe that I had it together and I was
the king of it. You have to realize I had
people, you know, waiting in line to be my friend.
I mean, I'm not bragging about this, just the reality of it
because I represented, you know,a person who everybody, you
(27:36):
know, thought was was had it together, who was the life of
all parties, who, you know, was just, you know, this just just
light in this. Nobody could ever see my
darkness. So I spent every second, every
minute and every hour building up this mold that I had it
together. And then when I saw myself on
that bridge and I saw that the world could see me on that
bridge, that the people that knew that were closest to me
(27:57):
knew that was me, I didn't know who I was going to go back to.
I spent my whole life poured into him.
Yeah. So what did did people treat you
differently after that? Your loved ones?
Your family. Friends, I went away from
everybody, to be honest with you.
I, I, I, I left. I went under a rock for about 80
years. For eight years, I didn't talk
(28:19):
to family and friends. I, I didn't talk to people.
I didn't, you know, I went back to a day in a relationship and
just kind of just went under my rock and just was like, you
know, eventually I'll die out one day.
And I've never, and I told my mom I'll never deal with the
bridge. I'm never going to deal with
this day. I think it was, you know,
literally the worst day of my life.
(28:40):
And I couldn't explain it because now the world knew like
I, I just, I couldn't get past the idea that the world knew my
secret. I couldn't get, I couldn't, I
couldn't get past it. And I just was like, that's not
me on that's not me. So for years by 8 years it was
about me, but telling myself that it wasn't me.
So my question for you is, if somebody comes to us, anybody
(29:05):
and tells us that they're struggling with suicide, what
should we do or not do? Because I mean, if someone did
that to me, I would feel this huge responsibility to do it
right? Because I would feel like it
would be my fault if they went ahead and did it anyway and I
didn't do something the way I should do.
(29:26):
And, you know, if it was my daughter coming to me, I'd
panic. And that's probably not the best
thing to do either. So what advice would you give to
those that if someone does come to them and and tell them that
they're struggling with? First of all, you got to realize
they're in a dark place. You're not.
So the first thing you have to do is is that panic button.
That panic will put you in that dark place with them.
(29:48):
They're in there, you're out of there.
Your idea is to just just createstability at this point.
So you're offsetting the things they're already saying have this
negative idea them. So you're the positive energy.
And I think that people don't understand it's not about what
you say. Sometimes support is going to be
silent. You cannot fix people's
(30:11):
problems. I don't care who you are as a
parent, we can't fix our kids. A lot of parents don't realize
we can't fix all our kids problems.
They are their own individual. They got to go through their own
things in life just just like wehave to.
And our parents had to struggle with the idea that they can
solve our problems. So worst thing you have to
(30:31):
realize is that you have to not go into their dark place with
them. They have to learn you have your
job is to make them comfortable in their dark place.
We get into the idea that our job is to take people from their
dark place. The moment you take them from
(30:52):
there, they haven't learned the tools necessary, and all they're
going to do is when you're not around, they're going to keep
going back there. We wonder why people go back and
keep going back and keep becausethey haven't learned you.
You, you do have. People have to learn what their
own tools are in their own dark place.
Everybody's dark place is different.
Everybody's life is different. You can't say what you'll do in
somebody else's dark place because you're not them.
(31:14):
We're strategically different. Nobody on the face of this
planet is the same. We all look different at
different reactive things. You can put 100 people in a room
and, and, and show them the samething and it's going to be 100
different reactions. You will never have the same
reaction. You will never have the same
never. So understanding this, when
people come to you and they're in this dark, suicidal place,
(31:37):
you, you, you normalize. It doesn't matter what they say.
First and foremost, anybody in the world can feel how you feel.
Anybody you make them understandthat it's not just them in the
world. Part of being in the dark
places, you do feel alone. You do feel like you're the only
(31:58):
person in the world feeling thisway.
You're not. There's not nobody in the world
that's dealing with something that nobody else in the world is
not dealing with it to. It's now that is humanly
impossible. We are humanly and we humanly
don't look alike, but the thingsthat we endure are the same.
Yeah. Diane in California is dealing
(32:20):
with the same thing that Jennifer on the other side of
the world is dealing with. It's the same thing.
But if we don't talk and communicate, then that's what
that's what defines us. That's what keeps the world a
certain way. And I think that until we get an
idea that it's not about fixing,it's about creating safe places
so people can talk, so it's safeplaces so people can
communicate, we are not problem solvers.
(32:44):
Yeah, like that's not helping anybody.
When you suggest what a person should do, you are helping them
live in the problem. When you listen, you are
figuring out and allowing them to help and live in the
solution. Listening creates solutions.
(33:06):
Talking creates problems. It's already enough chaos going
on in my brain. I don't need you adding extra
thoughts to my thought process. You don't think I've haven't
thought about that, right? I think too, you know, same
thing with the adoptees. It's like if you, if you tell
that person that's struggling, you know, you have a great life.
(33:27):
Why, what's what's wrong? Like you shouldn't be feeling
that way, you know, totally not validating, totally not
listening. That is probably not what you.
Should do You have to take the time to listen so you can get
it. Take the time to really
understand my whole life, everything about me from the
(33:48):
time that I've been born, I promise you, I have been
fascinated by everybody's why. It's just who I am.
I can't get past it. When I look at somebody, I see
their the why I want to know thewhy.
I don't I don't care about what they've got going on.
When I go downtown and I see that homeless man who's who
(34:10):
smells like everything that thatnobody wants to be around and,
and yelling at the top of his lungs.
You know what? I look at him and I say I first,
I'm an empathetic and I look at him and I understand because
I've made worse decisions than he's made in his life.
That's the first thing that separates me from everybody.
(34:32):
I wait a minute. I don't look at him as as this.
I look at him as as a man who, who, who has a why.
He has a why, like, like the woman has AY that's out there or
anybody else that's struggling in the world.
They have a why. See, it's different for me.
Yeah, I know. I always wonder that too.
It's like there's a story there.I always wonder, what's your
(34:55):
story? There's a story that got you
where you're at. And it's always kind of in my
head too. Is that why as well?
Well, let's talk about your foundation and tell me about it.
And what if somebody was struggling and contacted you?
What would that look like for them?
(35:15):
Levy years of speaking, I have been blessed with the
opportunity to travel to a lot of places, meet a lot of people,
and in meeting a lot of people, you hear the need.
And what I realized that in thisworld, maybe we don't have in
place what we need. And so I created the Kevin
(35:37):
Berthea Foundation for people that look like me, not only
people that are African American, people that are
struggling internally and struggling in silence, like
really to give you a voice of hope.
So reaching out to the foundation, literally I have,
I'm connected to so many different resources.
If I can't connect you with a resource, if I can't personally
(36:00):
help you, if I can't, my whole job is to, is to connect the
pieces and be a connection pieceas an advocate.
People don't know how much information is out there.
People don't know how much help is out there.
It's because we don't have the connection pieces.
So my job from traveling and, and being all, being talking to
all these different peoples is just connect people.
I, I, I am connected to somebodyin every state.
(36:21):
So people reach out to me. I do my best, you know, to
figure out your why, you know, and, and I don't get overwhelmed
by because the real people that people that really need me and
really want me, they reach out. I don't have a million people.
I wish I had a million people that reached out, but it's not
like that. The right people reach out.
And so I don't never have a problem.
(36:42):
Put my number out there and, andsaying this is what, because
lives are that important to me. When I learned the numbers, when
I got into suicide prevention, that was enough for me to give
my life to this. It it was enough for me to say
no. I, I, I will, I will, I will, I
won't, I won't stop die. I will die fighting this fight.
I, I will never, I, I, I talked to, I've talked to too many
(37:05):
mothers, I've talked to too manyfathers.
I've talked to too many grandmothers.
I've talked to too many people who have lost.
And I, I refuse that look on their face, that emptiness.
I'm, I'm fighting for, for the, for the, for the billions of
people that are struggling, you know, and the millions of people
that don't, don't understand what this, what this dark place
looks like. It's my job to to to shine a
(37:27):
light and make people get it. Yeah.
And not only get it, but have the empathy so that they can
handle it. Yeah, I can't tell you how huge
it is that you're an adoptee andtalking about this because
there's a lot of adoptees that won't reach out to even
therapists or things unless theyknow that they're adoptees.
(37:48):
Because if you're not an adoptee, there's no way that you
can 100% understand all the intricacies of how we're
thinking and how we how we move in the world.
You just, yeah, you don't get it.
So that. Like, people will never, they
will never get it. You have to be it.
(38:08):
You have to be this. Yeah, You know, and I and I and
I, I lived in a world alone until I've realized people, I
wasn't alone. I, I got into an adult adoption
support group and it's probably was life changing for me
because, you know, I found it onFacebook, somebody mentioned it
and it kind of was a life changing for me.
And it was like to know that it was other people, just the
hearing, looking at people and listening to them, knowing that
(38:31):
they're still struggling with this.
It was a, it was a lady 72 yearsold on there.
And it was just like, it made meunderstand that Kevin, you know,
it's OK. Like you're going to, this is
going to be one of those things that's that, that you're going
to deal with. You got to deal with this.
It's going to, you know, becauseit's a piece of me that never,
it's a piece of me that will just never be OK with it, you
(38:52):
know. Yeah.
And it's like you were just saying that getting in those
groups is so helpful because youcan see that you're not alone
and other people feel the same way.
And that's huge. That's huge.
In fact, I love the quote that Isaw on your website.
The moment we feel heard, we feel healed 'cause I kind of say
(39:13):
the same thing, you know, being validated and heard is so huge.
Just being an adoptee, you know,we're told how lucky we are.
We were chosen and you know, allthese things.
And so someone actually listening, like you were saying
and validating and hearing is, is huge in the community.
And I want everyone listening tohear you and your heart right
(39:36):
now. I'm just going to give you the
mic and I want you to speak fromyour heart.
What do you want other adoptees that might be struggling with
attempting to end their life? What do you want them to know?
Yeah, from, from my heart, like from somebody.
(39:57):
A lot of people could say they get it, but they don't.
And I get it. I I need you to love you.
I need, I need you to love you in a way that that.
When you was in love, it it, it doesn't define you.
And when you aren't loved and when you aren't appreciated, it
doesn't define you and you aren't triggered.
(40:19):
I mean, I need you to love yourself in a way that it
doesn't matter who didn't love you when they didn't love you.
You got to love yourself becauseyou're not defined by who didn't
love you, who gave you up, who didn't want you, who didn't see
that your light. You only define for the moments
(40:41):
that you love you in them. Like it's got to be a you
moment. I I've had to understand this
about me. It's got to be you.
You got to love you. You got to love you.
No warranty. We got this thing in California.
We buy a car as is no warranty. That means you can't take that
car back. You cannot take you back.
(41:02):
You got to love you. All flaws, however you were
created, whatever color you are,however your hair looks,
whatever your body size is, you got to love you.
You got to love you. Like, you got to start there.
Because as long as you don't love you, you will always be
defined by somebody else's decision.
And that decision doesn't defineyou.
(41:24):
I, I, I I've lived in it for years.
I've lived in that shadow tryingto understand why for years.
Yeah, She doesn't define me. He didn't define me.
It didn't define me. I'm only defined by what I say.
I I'm building this life. I've made a lot of decisions
because I was hurt. And I know you've made a lot of
(41:46):
decisions because you've been hurt, You've been misunderstood.
But today is your chance to get better.
You know, today is your chance to accept who you are.
And you can do it right now in this moment, and you don't need
validation from anything or anybody.
And I love you. And I mean that I do.
(42:07):
So if I can tell you anything isthat you're perfect the way you
are. Flaws and all the things that
everything you've been through, I wouldn't change anything.
The worst day of my life, The bridge has taken me to places
that I never would have been able to go if I was in a great
state of mind. Love yourself.
(42:28):
We're all born with a purpose, and if you don't come back to
yourself and fulfill that purpose, not only are you
missing out, but I'm missing outand the world is missing out on
what you were here to do. Absolutely.
Yeah, Kevin, how can we find you?
(42:49):
Socials, websites? Yes, all the all the things.
I am, you know, I'm, I'm on, youknow, you Google my name, Kevin
Birthday. I'm on every social media.
I made it like that because I want to be accessible or
reachable to the public. Facebook Kevin Berthea
foundation suicide survivor regular Facebook is Kevin
Berthea. I'm on Kevin Berthea foundation
(43:11):
on Instagram. TikTok.
I'm Kevin Berthea. Pretty much if you Google Kevin
Berthea, everything claps up. YouTube Kevin Berthea
www.kevinbertheafoundation.org for the website.
A lot of great things coming up,just a lot of big things
happening. Like I say, I'm 40, I'm about to
be 42 this year and I'll give mylife to this.
So if you want to join the mission, join the fight, let me
(43:32):
know how I can help you be your best you.
Yeah, I can't thank you enough for coming on today and telling
your story. So important.
So thank you so much. Means a lot.
I appreciate you. I wonder how many people have
already been saved because Kevindecided to live and be a light
(43:57):
for those struggling with suicidality.
He'll probably never know what an impact he has had, and now we
have the opportunity to help. So before we wrap up, I want to
remind you about the $5 Friday challenge.
I think we should make a goal toraise his donations from
128,000. Let's see if we can get that to
(44:19):
200,000 by the end of the year. Let's dream big because this is
a huge issue for the adoptee community.
If you head over to the Mind Your Own Karma or my personal
Melissa Brunetti Facebook page, you'll find a $5 Friday promo.
All you have to do is scan the QR code to donate there or the
(44:40):
donation link will also be in the show notes.
If you're taking the challenge, I'd love for you to comment.
Hashtag I committed to show yoursupport.
Together we can help bring Kevin's film 92 Minutes to life
and make a difference in our community.
And to anyone struggling with suicidality, please feel free to
(45:01):
share this challenge with your friends and family as well.
It's time to stop hiding the fact that adoptees struggle with
these issues and do something. If anyone out there needs
immediate help, please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline
AT988. If you're looking for more
support, I encourage you to reach out to the Kevin Berthea
(45:24):
Foundation at kevinbertheafoundation.org.
Kevin and his team are doing incredible work for anyone
battling thoughts of suicide. Another resource I highly
recommend is the newly publishedbook Adoption and Suicidality,
available on Amazon. And if you're feeling alone in
(45:45):
your adoption journey and want to connect with others who
understand, reach out to me or Beth Syverson from the
Unraveling Adoption Podcast for information on our monthly
meetings where you can find resources and know that you are
not alone in these struggles. The links to everything I've
(46:05):
mentioned are in the show notes or find me on my socials or my
website, mindyourownkarma.com ifyou have questions or need more
information. Thank you all so much for
listening today. As always, take what you need
and leave what you don't. And always remember to mind your
(46:26):
own karma. I'll see you next time.
And don't forget to join the $5 Friday Challenge.
Hey there, it's Melissa Brunetti, and welcome to the
Mind Your Own Karma podcast. Hey there, Karma crew.
Thanks for joining me for this episode of Mind Your Own Karma,
(00:20):
The Adoption Chronicles. With Adoptee Remembrance Day on
October 30th approaching, I wanted to take a moment to honor
the lives we've lost adoptees who often struggled in silence,
unseen and unheard. If you're struggling, please
know you are not alone. Today I'm revisiting an
(00:41):
important story, Kevin Berthea, who was on the show in March
2024. He has been working to bring his
film 92 Minutes to life. This powerful film recounts
Kevin's suicide attempt at the Golden Gate Bridge and speaks to
the deep pain many adoptees carry.
It's not just his story, it's our story too.
(01:04):
With the potential to break the silence around adoptee mental
health, Kevin has dedicated his life to helping others through
the Kevin Berthea Foundation, which supports anyone struggling
with suicide. As adoptees, we have an
opportunity to help Kevin bring 92 minutes to reality.
(01:26):
He needs $700,000 to make this film and so far has over a
little bit over $128,000. That's why I'm challenging you
to donate $5 every Friday for the rest of the year.
That's just 9 Fridays, $45.00 total can help make a big
(01:46):
difference. A new study shows adoptees are
38 times more likely to attempt suicide than non adoptees.
These are real lives in our community and Kevin's film can
bring much needed awareness to this issue.
So stand with me and with Kevin and with the adoptee community.
(02:07):
Let's help this film come to life.
The donation link is in the shownotes and your contribution, big
or small, will make a difference.
Thank you for listening and caring today and being part of
this journey. Let's dive into the episode.
So we are welcoming Kevin Berthia on the show today.
(02:28):
Welcome, Kevin. Thank you.
I'm grateful to be here. Yeah, I spent hours on your
website after I heard you were coming on the show.
So much great content and resources on there.
And I did watch the movie MovingAmerica's Soul and Suicide.
And I just wanted to say that you're doing such important work
and I really do feel like you'reliving your purpose in doing
(02:50):
this. And I especially want to thank
you from the adoptee community because the statistics are that
adoptees are four times more likely to attempt suicide than
non adoptees, which is just huge.
So I just want to thank you for coming on the show and educating
us on this topic. Absolutely.
Thank you for having me. Yeah.
So let's just start, tell us what you know about the
(03:12):
circumstances of you being put up for adoption.
Do you know anything? I was adopted at six months old.
Not, not too much many, not too many answers to the questions I
have. I just know my mom.
She was young, 17, just not in asituation to take after me.
(03:33):
My dad was kind of running the streets.
Just the failure of communication back then.
I've heard probably two different sides.
So still kind of really unsure as to why.
I mean, you know, and it's different for me and it's just
coming from a black community and being black and adopted is
just because I, I look at, you know, other families and I'm
(03:55):
look at somebody in the family picks the fat, the, the child
up, you know, somebody, an aunt,an uncle.
So it took me years to realize that, you know, being as, as an
African American man, being adopted, I'm not alone in that
aspect because that was a huge struggle for me.
Yeah. So what was it like growing up
(04:15):
not having that mirroring, not looking like anyone in your
family? How did you feel growing up
about that it? Was it was single handedly
probably the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with because
I'm constantly triggered going outside.
See, my biggest thing is I didn't look like my adoptive
mom. I didn't look like my adoptive
dad. I didn't look like my two
adoptive sisters. And I always went into the world
and watched people that matched,you know, moms look like
(04:37):
daughters, dads look like, I mean, it was just people that
matched. Cousins looked alike, people
look alike. And to go and live in a world
where you don't look like anybody.
I don't think anybody realizes you're around people that are
your blood relation, people thatyou come from, you know, so you
don't have this, you have this distinct idea of who you belong
to. And, and, and just to not have
(04:59):
that, it was, it was a struggle for me and I had to go into the
world, I mean, and, and, and be triggered every single day.
And that could cause its own depression.
Yeah. So you had two siblings, sisters
that were also adopted? No, they were.
They were MY2, my two older sisters.
They they were my mom and dad's kids and so I was youngest and
(05:20):
only adopted only boy. Yeah.
So how was that? How did that feel being the only
adopted child? And honestly, it kind of felt
different. I mean, you know, I would shower
with love pretty much part and, and, and, and, you know,
youngest and only boy. So it was, it was great until my
parents divorced, to be honest. I mean, it was, it was, it
wasn't. It never felt weird until until
(05:41):
my parents separated and then that's when things start feeling
weird. And in what way do you would you
say? It was the first time I felt
alone, the first time I felt adopted.
I think that everybody handled the divorce differently.
Everybody took different pieces of it.
Everybody had different painful moments.
As I look back, I was a child and I don't think nobody really
took the time to check on me. And I think that way as we go
through our own divorces and, and, and, and separations as as
(06:04):
adults, we have to take the timeto, to check on our kids,
Especially when I'm an adoptive,You know, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm
already, I'm a separate piece already in my eyes into this
family, you know, so I'm still trying to find my peace and
notice family got separated. I never got the idea that it, it
wasn't me. So I took on the blame like I
took on blame for everything. And that's too much of A that's
(06:26):
too much ownership to take on asa as a child.
Yeah, another loss. I mean, the loss of your
biological family, whether you realized it at that age or not,
but another loss of family, thatfamily unit right there, Yeah.
Yeah, it was it was hard. I mean, I've I've never had to
really talk about how hard it was growing up adopt like with
(06:48):
that of that word of idea of growing up in the world, knowing
that in my eyes, somebody lookedat me and gave me up.
That's that I can't get past that.
The idea that even as A and it'sand then you would think as you
get older, you get better. I mean, I've gotten a little
better as I got older, but when I become a when I became a
father, didn't really, I really didn't get.
(07:09):
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, You're not alone there.
So the feelings that you were having as a child when you grew
up, how do you think those manifested in your early
adulthood being adopted? I never, I never, I never
accessed it even to this day. I'll be 42 years old this year
(07:30):
and I still, I still, I'm betterwith it, but it's a struggle of
understanding because I, it, it,some days it does define me.
Some days it, it, it is, you know, that voice creeps up in my
head and says, you, you aren't good enough.
And if you were, then I wouldn'thave gave up on like, you know,
it's just, it's that you're, you're constantly battling you
(07:53):
every single day. And my biggest enemy is me.
It's not the world. The world has never been able to
stop me. Anything I would ever want to do
in my life. See, I don't get a day off from
being me. And see, that's the difference.
And people that have to strugglewith themselves is different
because there is no day off and looking at myself in the mirror,
I hate it. Growing up, growing up, I hated
looking in the mirror. So it was hard for me accepting
(08:13):
who I was. So when I grew up and I had to
become an adult and deal with adult responsibilities, I'm
still processing the fact that Ihate myself.
So I'm I'm trying to live in a world trying to get through
day-to-day when I'm still, I'm not understanding why I hate
myself. And it took me a long time to to
love myself and start loving myself because of how I felt
(08:35):
about myself. Did you feel growing up that you
could talk about being adopted with your family or was that
taboo? Absolutely not.
I I felt I probably could, but it was just me.
I am probably one of the most empathetic people on the face of
this planet. So I always go into every
conversation thinking about how you feel and how words will make
(08:58):
you feel. And if I say this, what will
make how will? How will what kind of situation
would have put you in? So I never wanted to make
anybody or look like I was in unappreciative of the fact that
somebody took the time and choseme.
Like I've always looked at that and said, well, Dang, you know,
I'm glad you. But it still didn't in highs.
I didn't take away the pain. Yeah, it's still.
(09:20):
I had to live with it every day.I'm even to this day, I am
astronomically grateful to be chosen to fact that somebody
took the time out and and and chose me out of all these kids
and saw everything in me that I'm trying to instill into the
world. I I love all of that, but it's a
piece of me that just does what will will always have a power.
(09:43):
I'll keep saying I won't say never.
I will always have a problem with the idea.
I will. It's just, and I have had to
accept it, that I've had to accept that for me.
Yeah, so common. So common.
So being an adoptee yourself that struggled with attempted
suicide, why do you think adoptees have that higher
percentage in particular? I think that now that I look at
(10:08):
it, the world struggles with trying to figure out who they
are. You throw in the identity of of
trying to figure out not only who we are, whose we are, where
do we belong? It's just too much.
And I think that we it it, it, you know, it, it, it puts this,
it puts this, this our lives in in a bigger, more perspective
(10:31):
because we always trying to figure out the why everybody's
life is always trying to figure out why when we're adopted, It's
like why times 10 like because now I got to figure out why life
and then why I'm here. Why was I giving up?
What was my parents? Is it something about me?
Was it something about it's justtoo much?
And then my most dreadful, you know, my most dreadful thing
(10:52):
that I hate doing. I hate going to the doctor, the
questions that they ask. I don't know anything about my
family history. So I cry internally every single
time I have to go because it's atrigger.
Everything about us is a triggerbecause we don't know where we
(11:13):
belong. We don't know where we come
from. So everything is it.
Every time we go into the world,we live in a world where
everything belongs and and puts simple into place in the
structure. That's how the world is
structured because everything belongs to something or
everything belongs in place of something.
Fast food, everything has a place.
(11:34):
So we we look at this and so in our eyes, internally we
understand this, but externally to live in a world that has a
place and internally we struggletrying to figure out where we
belong. I can see it.
I never thought about it like this until now.
Yeah. Yeah, so in that movie Moving
America's Soul and Suicide, you talked about a moment where you
(11:55):
got angry and you walked out thedoor with a huge kitchen knife
and you said that you felt like you finally had some control
over your life. In that moment, what were what
was happening? What?
What were you thinking? And I think, and I always, I'm
glad you explained it asked me that, because I always try to
explain that because see from, from from the outside looking
in, people will say, what, what do you mean?
(12:17):
Control? But see when you're in the mind
of somebody in a dark place, control meaning that.
And I'm adopting control, meaning that I've, I've never
been in control of anything. Everything in my life has been
dictated for me. I've never been able to choose
from from, in my eyes, from birth, from the moment that I
(12:42):
entered into the world, a decision was made for me that
has changed the complexion of myentire life.
So in that moment when I had that knife to my neck, it was
the first time in my life that Ifelt like I dictated what was
going to happen in the next couple of seconds.
And for the first time in my life, I was in control.
(13:04):
I needed that control. It may not have been a good
control for somebody on the House I looking in, but for me I
needed to know that I was in control of my situation.
Yeah. Wow.
So you describe yourself as the life of the party type of guy,
and I'm guessing that really nobody that was close to you
(13:25):
suspected that you were struggling as much as you were.
What fears did you have in telling the people around you
about what was going on internally?
We have this unders you have to understand how how how people
work. People, especially people that
love you, have this built in expectation of who how they want
(13:46):
you to how they who they want you to be.
Yeah. And you have a built in
expectation of who you want, whoyou want to show what, who you
want to show them. Only it's like things just have
to match. I have an expectation of who you
are and, and I have an expectation of who I want to
show you. So I was afraid that it wouldn't
(14:07):
match and I would and it will incorrect 'cause this other big
dilemma in my life. And I couldn't afford that.
I couldn't afford for people to really see, to meet, to meet for
who I really was. If they knew that I cried every
single night, If they knew that that I hated everything about
me. If they knew that I looked in
the mirror and I hated the reflection.
If they knew that that I couldn't understand why these
(14:30):
voices were telling me that I was insignificant, that I was,
that I was, that I was would dieone day, that that I would make
it, never make it to be in the If they knew all these things
and how would they see me? I wanted them to see my light
and not see my darkness, so I never felt the in in a period of
time where I was comfortable enough to talk about these
things. Yeah, so let's go back to March
(14:53):
11th, 2005. Tell us what was going on that
day. March 11th, 2522 years old.
It was the day. I will always say that the worst
day of my life is not, It's not my first attempt.
It wasn't my last attempt, but it was my it was my attempt at
the world saw me at my most darkest and vulnerable moment.
(15:16):
And I had been used to keeping my moments to myself and being
the king at keeping those vulnerable moments to myself so
that nobody would ever see me And, and, and you know, in that
state of mind, but that that morning I woke up and every see,
I spent every, every moment of my life internalizing every
painful moment. Anytime something happened to
(15:36):
me, I would internalize it. I would open up a door on the
inside of me, put whatever emotion and pain and throw it in
that door I have. I've been successful with that
my whole life to where I never had to process anything.
No matter whatever happened to me, I always just got in the
habit of just opening the door and put it in there.
March 11th, 2005 when I woke up,every door was open and I was
(16:00):
stuck would unresolve issues that I had when I was five.
I'm 22 years old and I'm sittinghere feeling painful moments
from when I was five. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm feeling
moments from feeling left out and lonely from when I was
seven. I mean, all these moments I felt
in one morning and I got tired of being my own, you know,
motivational speaker Every day Itell myself, Kevin, you got
(16:21):
this. You can get through this.
I know I think I didn't have it.I lost my hope.
You know, when you lose that, you know, you can, you can go
without air. You can go without food.
You know, it's the hope. It's the hope you lose that
that's the one thing that that you cannot lose.
And I lost it. And I lost my way that day.
I lost that day, that morning. And I had no idea what I was
(16:42):
going to do. But I'd already been as
unsuccessful 10 times, you know,10 times in my life that I, you
know, and that made me feel likea failure that I couldn't even
take my own life. So I had to find something.
And I always thought to myself, I needed something.
I didn't know what I was going to do, how I was going to do it,
where I was going to go. I had any plans.
You know, this is 2005. We didn't have Google back then,
(17:02):
you know, we didn't have YouTube.
All these different things we have now.
Information is not was not readily to our disposal.
I didn't know that this bridge behind me was even iconic for
suicide attempts. That morning, March 11th, 2005,
I decided to drive myself to theGolden Gate Bridge, not even
knowing where it was. Wow.
Wow, So what happened when you got to the bridge?
(17:25):
I got out there and then then I was trying to find one reason I
lift my keys by the time I got out there.
Honestly, when before I got there, I was hoping that
somebody would stop me and engage with me because I always
had in my brain, you know, I wanted to tell somebody why I
wanted to go, but that didn't happen.
So by the time I got out there, I, I was in go mode.
I was in nothing about me wantedto to talk at this point and I
(17:47):
wasn't going to talk because if I I felt like if I was going to
if destiny was going to stop me,it would have stopped me before
I got into here and got a park right in front.
Just left the keys in the car and I started walking and now
I'm 1015 minutes. I was trying to find one reason
to live. I scanned my whole database on
my whole life and I couldn't find one reason not to jump.
(18:09):
And it makes me sad and sick in court to my stomach that I'm not
the only person in the world that feels like that that can
scan the whole database in your core memories.
See, the most important memoriesare your core ones.
When you're adopted, your core memories aren't happy.
(18:31):
Yeah. And I don't think people get
that. So when I was on that bridge, I
was trying to look for one reason, and I couldn't find it.
So I looked over the railing finally.
And when I looked over the railing and I didn't see any
deterrent, I looked over the railing and I saw the water.
And when I looked in the water, it was the first time in my life
that I saw peace. Wow.
It was the first time in my life.
(18:52):
And the peace wasn't the water. The peace was the idea that I
didn't have to wake up and be a burden.
I didn't have to wake up in a day and pretend to be something
that I wasn't. 22 years of my life, I have lied every moment
about who I am, what I am, to live in a world that that I
hate. Yeah.
(19:13):
And I would say that we're award-winning actors in our own
lives and adoptee. It, it, it is, it's, it's, it
was, it's, it was, it's been a, the, the hardest struggle
pretending in a world where everybody's pretending.
But it's a different pretend foryou, You know, it's a different
mask for you because you don't get a break from your mask.
(19:35):
You don't get life. Life channels you differently.
And so when I looked in that water, I said, OK, I got to do
it. And I, I braced myself an impact
and I could protect the steps back.
The miracle started happening then because a lot of people
when they see my photo they think that I somehow climbed
over the cold and Gate Bridge and ended up on that ledge.
(19:55):
No, Kevin Berthy on March 11th, 2005 jumped off the Golden Gate
Bridge and mid airborne my my first responder Sergeant Briggs
yelled something at the top of his Liamx that we don't even
know what he said. But it was enough to get my
attention and Take Me Out of thedark place that I was in and I
grabbed the railing on the way down.
(20:17):
With my left arm and I slammed myself into the into the railing
and I'm on now I'm on this 4 inch cord.
If I pick any other spot on the Golden Gate Bridge, it doesn't
have that cord for me to land on.
You go out to the Golden Gate Bridge.
You can't even see the cord fromthe top.
Officer Briggs doesn't even knowthat I'm there.
Only reason why he unders he thinks that I'm gone because you
(20:38):
can't see me. I'm under like I'm you know
below. The only reason why he's able to
see me is because through the railings you can see my white
T-shirt. Now I'm upset, there's nothing
holding me. There's no, this is not a
training, this is not, there's no stuntman.
There's no I'm 4 seconds from mydeath.
I'm 220 feet, there's nothing but water behind me.
There's nothing to to, to stop me.
(21:00):
And now I'm upset. So for the next 10 minutes, I'm
yelling at him at the top of my lungs because he stopped me
from, from my destiny, stopped me from my peace.
He stopped me from the one moment that I was waiting on
that I didn't have to pretend anymore.
I didn't have to get up and and live this lie anymore and you
stopped me. Now I'm now I'm in in in the
worst situation possible becauseit's two things I hate.
(21:22):
I hate being cold. It's freezing, it's marching San
Francisco and I hate heights. Oh my God, 220 feet of air now I
didn't put myself in. All I'm trying to do is get
myself out of pain for the next.Literally he was able to get
close to me and I remember something on the inside of me
said, why do you even care? Because his voice, it wasn't
(21:47):
like my voice. See, I hated everything about
me. I hated, I hated everything,
every inch of me. And if his voice matched my
voice in any capacity in that moment, I wouldn't be here.
His voice was compassionate. It was the complete opposite.
(22:07):
And it made me think, well, how could you?
How, how would you love me? Like these are the questions
that I'm asking myself on the inside.
I'm not externally saying this. And it was enough for him to get
close to me. I never, I kept my head down.
I kept my eyes closed because I'm afraid for the next 92
(22:28):
minutes in this position on thiscord with me holding on to
nothing, I had one of the most powerful conversations of my
life. It was the first time in my life
that I talked about me. I kept my head down, eyes
closed. I never knew he was white.
I never knew he was a cop. I thought he was a human.
(22:50):
And if I opened my eyes and saw that he was a white or a cop, I
wouldn't be in front of you because I'm a black man.
I come from Oakland, CA and I'venever, up until that point, I
hadn't had one great run in withlaw enforcement.
I never in a million years wouldhave told my most vulnerable
things to anybody in law enforcement uniform.
(23:12):
I always tell my truth because Iwant people to understand how
powerful connection is. I never even knew who this man
was. It was his voice, it was the
compassion, it was the empathy, it was the understanding, it was
the caring. He let me talk.
Everybody say what? What is it that he said?
It's about what he didn't say. I told myself enough for 22
(23:37):
years. I said enough to myself for 22
years. I didn't need any more, any more
advice from anybody else. I needed somebody to just listen
to me. I needed to hear myself.
I needed to get out of that painthat I was in, in that dark
place that I was in. I needed to be able to get out
of that place. And that only was going to
(23:58):
happen if I was able to be listened to.
Yeah. That was going to be my
question. What did he say that day?
But you want to know? Yeah, yeah, It started at the
age. Of what is that magic thing that
he said? He just, I, honestly, it was my
first conversation about me in my life.
(24:19):
It took me 22 years to talk about me.
It took me to go to the bridge and all these painful things
that I had to endure to talk about me.
So I didn't go to the bridge just for me.
I went to the bridge for the millions of people that want to
go went I, I, I am a representation of you like I and
(24:42):
I and I want people to get this.I went there for you already.
You, you never have to endure that pain.
Yeah. So kind of backing up a little
bit when because you know, it's one thing to walk up to the
bridge and, you know, say that you're going to jump, but it's
(25:03):
another thing to go over the side of that rail.
You know, there's a lot of people I'm sure that get on the
Golden Gate Bridge probably every day and they're like, I'm
going to do this and they don't.So what is the difference there?
What actually makes somebody go over the edge?
And I tell people it's a culmination of a lot of
different things. We all have that dark moment and
(25:24):
sometimes we just can't get out of there.
Sometimes we lose our way. We go too far in.
And you figure, remember when, when hikers, they go on trail,
they drop pebbles so they can find their way back.
Sometimes we go in that, that dark place and we forget to drop
the pebbles. And I think that those of us who
have lost our way and who have succumbed to our, to our, to our
battle, we just forgot our way back.
(25:47):
We got too far in and we, when we got our way back.
So I think the people that actually get to that point is
that that idea that in that moment I did lose complete hope.
In that moment, I did lose my why of understanding my purpose
in life. In that life, life got too much
for me. So let's talk about those
(26:09):
pebbles. So you finally they they help
you back over the railing. And what were you thinking in
that moment when you allowed them to help you?
Honestly, I got, I was so exhausted prior to that I spent
weeks, days and months trying toprepare myself for death.
(26:29):
So by the time I had got all that out of me, that 92 minutes
of talking and after getting outof me, I was out of my mind.
And it took me a long time to really realize everything that
happened. I went to the psychiatric
evaluation hospital in San Francisco General.
Then I went to psychiatric hospital for about a good 11/12
day, like for a good 12 days. So it took me a while to get
(26:52):
home and then when I got home, Istill took me a minute to
realize everything happened. And then I and then I went into
denial mode once I found out that that picture was front page
of the San Francisco Chronicle defining moment in my life.
Because we all I was an athlete growing up and you know, you
ball player, you always want to be front page of the paper.
That's just a dream of yours. But not like this, not for the
(27:14):
world to see me at most most vulnerable weakest moment.
I spent my whole life, every second, every minute, every
hour, making the world believe that I had it together and I was
the king of it. You have to realize I had
people, you know, waiting in line to be my friend.
I mean, I'm not bragging about this, just the reality of it
because I represented, you know,a person who everybody, you
(27:36):
know, thought was was had it together, who was the life of
all parties, who, you know, was just, you know, this just just
light in this. Nobody could ever see my
darkness. So I spent every second, every
minute and every hour building up this mold that I had it
together. And then when I saw myself on
that bridge and I saw that the world could see me on that
bridge, that the people that knew that were closest to me
(27:57):
knew that was me, I didn't know who I was going to go back to.
I spent my whole life poured into him.
Yeah. So what did did people treat you
differently after that? Your loved ones?
Your family. Friends, I went away from
everybody, to be honest with you.
I, I, I, I left. I went under a rock for about 80
years. For eight years, I didn't talk
(28:19):
to family and friends. I, I didn't talk to people.
I didn't, you know, I went back to a day in a relationship and
just kind of just went under my rock and just was like, you
know, eventually I'll die out one day.
And I've never, and I told my mom I'll never deal with the
bridge. I'm never going to deal with
this day. I think it was, you know,
literally the worst day of my life.
(28:40):
And I couldn't explain it because now the world knew like
I, I just, I couldn't get past the idea that the world knew my
secret. I couldn't get, I couldn't, I
couldn't get past it. And I just was like, that's not
me on that's not me. So for years by 8 years it was
about me, but telling myself that it wasn't me.
So my question for you is, if somebody comes to us, anybody
(29:05):
and tells us that they're struggling with suicide, what
should we do or not do? Because I mean, if someone did
that to me, I would feel this huge responsibility to do it
right? Because I would feel like it
would be my fault if they went ahead and did it anyway and I
didn't do something the way I should do.
(29:26):
And, you know, if it was my daughter coming to me, I'd
panic. And that's probably not the best
thing to do either. So what advice would you give to
those that if someone does come to them and and tell them that
they're struggling with? First of all, you got to realize
they're in a dark place. You're not.
So the first thing you have to do is is that panic button.
That panic will put you in that dark place with them.
(29:48):
They're in there, you're out of there.
Your idea is to just just createstability at this point.
So you're offsetting the things they're already saying have this
negative idea them. So you're the positive energy.
And I think that people don't understand it's not about what
you say. Sometimes support is going to be
silent. You cannot fix people's
(30:11):
problems. I don't care who you are as a
parent, we can't fix our kids. A lot of parents don't realize
we can't fix all our kids problems.
They are their own individual. They got to go through their own
things in life just just like wehave to.
And our parents had to struggle with the idea that they can
solve our problems. So worst thing you have to
(30:31):
realize is that you have to not go into their dark place with
them. They have to learn you have your
job is to make them comfortable in their dark place.
We get into the idea that our job is to take people from their
dark place. The moment you take them from
(30:52):
there, they haven't learned the tools necessary, and all they're
going to do is when you're not around, they're going to keep
going back there. We wonder why people go back and
keep going back and keep becausethey haven't learned you.
You, you do have. People have to learn what their
own tools are in their own dark place.
Everybody's dark place is different.
Everybody's life is different. You can't say what you'll do in
somebody else's dark place because you're not them.
(31:14):
We're strategically different. Nobody on the face of this
planet is the same. We all look different at
different reactive things. You can put 100 people in a room
and, and, and show them the samething and it's going to be 100
different reactions. You will never have the same
reaction. You will never have the same
never. So understanding this, when
people come to you and they're in this dark, suicidal place,
(31:37):
you, you, you normalize. It doesn't matter what they say.
First and foremost, anybody in the world can feel how you feel.
Anybody you make them understandthat it's not just them in the
world. Part of being in the dark
places, you do feel alone. You do feel like you're the only
(31:58):
person in the world feeling thisway.
You're not. There's not nobody in the world
that's dealing with something that nobody else in the world is
not dealing with it to. It's now that is humanly
impossible. We are humanly and we humanly
don't look alike, but the thingsthat we endure are the same.
Yeah. Diane in California is dealing
(32:20):
with the same thing that Jennifer on the other side of
the world is dealing with. It's the same thing.
But if we don't talk and communicate, then that's what
that's what defines us. That's what keeps the world a
certain way. And I think that until we get an
idea that it's not about fixing,it's about creating safe places
so people can talk, so it's safeplaces so people can
communicate, we are not problem solvers.
(32:44):
Yeah, like that's not helping anybody.
When you suggest what a person should do, you are helping them
live in the problem. When you listen, you are
figuring out and allowing them to help and live in the
solution. Listening creates solutions.
(33:06):
Talking creates problems. It's already enough chaos going
on in my brain. I don't need you adding extra
thoughts to my thought process. You don't think I've haven't
thought about that, right? I think too, you know, same
thing with the adoptees. It's like if you, if you tell
that person that's struggling, you know, you have a great life.
(33:27):
Why, what's what's wrong? Like you shouldn't be feeling
that way, you know, totally not validating, totally not
listening. That is probably not what you.
Should do You have to take the time to listen so you can get
it. Take the time to really
understand my whole life, everything about me from the
(33:48):
time that I've been born, I promise you, I have been
fascinated by everybody's why. It's just who I am.
I can't get past it. When I look at somebody, I see
their the why I want to know thewhy.
I don't I don't care about what they've got going on.
When I go downtown and I see that homeless man who's who
(34:10):
smells like everything that thatnobody wants to be around and,
and yelling at the top of his lungs.
You know what? I look at him and I say I first,
I'm an empathetic and I look at him and I understand because
I've made worse decisions than he's made in his life.
That's the first thing that separates me from everybody.
(34:32):
I wait a minute. I don't look at him as as this.
I look at him as as a man who, who, who has a why.
He has a why, like, like the woman has AY that's out there or
anybody else that's struggling in the world.
They have a why. See, it's different for me.
Yeah, I know. I always wonder that too.
It's like there's a story there.I always wonder, what's your
(34:55):
story? There's a story that got you
where you're at. And it's always kind of in my
head too. Is that why as well?
Well, let's talk about your foundation and tell me about it.
And what if somebody was struggling and contacted you?
What would that look like for them?
(35:15):
Levy years of speaking, I have been blessed with the
opportunity to travel to a lot of places, meet a lot of people,
and in meeting a lot of people, you hear the need.
And what I realized that in thisworld, maybe we don't have in
place what we need. And so I created the Kevin
(35:37):
Berthea Foundation for people that look like me, not only
people that are African American, people that are
struggling internally and struggling in silence, like
really to give you a voice of hope.
So reaching out to the foundation, literally I have,
I'm connected to so many different resources.
If I can't connect you with a resource, if I can't personally
(36:00):
help you, if I can't, my whole job is to, is to connect the
pieces and be a connection pieceas an advocate.
People don't know how much information is out there.
People don't know how much help is out there.
It's because we don't have the connection pieces.
So my job from traveling and, and being all, being talking to
all these different peoples is just connect people.
I, I, I am connected to somebodyin every state.
(36:21):
So people reach out to me. I do my best, you know, to
figure out your why, you know, and, and I don't get overwhelmed
by because the real people that people that really need me and
really want me, they reach out. I don't have a million people.
I wish I had a million people that reached out, but it's not
like that. The right people reach out.
And so I don't never have a problem.
(36:42):
Put my number out there and, andsaying this is what, because
lives are that important to me. When I learned the numbers, when
I got into suicide prevention, that was enough for me to give
my life to this. It it was enough for me to say
no. I, I, I will, I will, I will, I
won't, I won't stop die. I will die fighting this fight.
I, I will never, I, I, I talked to, I've talked to too many
(37:05):
mothers, I've talked to too manyfathers.
I've talked to too many grandmothers.
I've talked to too many people who have lost.
And I, I refuse that look on their face, that emptiness.
I'm, I'm fighting for, for the, for the, for the billions of
people that are struggling, you know, and the millions of people
that don't, don't understand what this, what this dark place
looks like. It's my job to to to shine a
(37:27):
light and make people get it. Yeah.
And not only get it, but have the empathy so that they can
handle it. Yeah, I can't tell you how huge
it is that you're an adoptee andtalking about this because
there's a lot of adoptees that won't reach out to even
therapists or things unless theyknow that they're adoptees.
(37:48):
Because if you're not an adoptee, there's no way that you
can 100% understand all the intricacies of how we're
thinking and how we how we move in the world.
You just, yeah, you don't get it.
So that. Like, people will never, they
will never get it. You have to be it.
(38:08):
You have to be this. Yeah, You know, and I and I and
I, I lived in a world alone until I've realized people, I
wasn't alone. I, I got into an adult adoption
support group and it's probably was life changing for me
because, you know, I found it onFacebook, somebody mentioned it
and it kind of was a life changing for me.
And it was like to know that it was other people, just the
hearing, looking at people and listening to them, knowing that
(38:31):
they're still struggling with this.
It was a, it was a lady 72 yearsold on there.
And it was just like, it made meunderstand that Kevin, you know,
it's OK. Like you're going to, this is
going to be one of those things that's that, that you're going
to deal with. You got to deal with this.
It's going to, you know, becauseit's a piece of me that never,
it's a piece of me that will just never be OK with it, you
(38:52):
know. Yeah.
And it's like you were just saying that getting in those
groups is so helpful because youcan see that you're not alone
and other people feel the same way.
And that's huge. That's huge.
In fact, I love the quote that Isaw on your website.
The moment we feel heard, we feel healed 'cause I kind of say
(39:13):
the same thing, you know, being validated and heard is so huge.
Just being an adoptee, you know,we're told how lucky we are.
We were chosen and you know, allthese things.
And so someone actually listening, like you were saying
and validating and hearing is, is huge in the community.
And I want everyone listening tohear you and your heart right
(39:36):
now. I'm just going to give you the
mic and I want you to speak fromyour heart.
What do you want other adoptees that might be struggling with
attempting to end their life? What do you want them to know?
Yeah, from, from my heart, like from somebody.
(39:57):
A lot of people could say they get it, but they don't.
And I get it. I I need you to love you.
I need, I need you to love you in a way that that.
When you was in love, it it, it doesn't define you.
And when you aren't loved and when you aren't appreciated, it
doesn't define you and you aren't triggered.
(40:19):
I mean, I need you to love yourself in a way that it
doesn't matter who didn't love you when they didn't love you.
You got to love yourself becauseyou're not defined by who didn't
love you, who gave you up, who didn't want you, who didn't see
that your light. You only define for the moments
(40:41):
that you love you in them. Like it's got to be a you
moment. I I've had to understand this
about me. It's got to be you.
You got to love you. You got to love you.
No warranty. We got this thing in California.
We buy a car as is no warranty. That means you can't take that
car back. You cannot take you back.
(41:02):
You got to love you. All flaws, however you were
created, whatever color you are,however your hair looks,
whatever your body size is, you got to love you.
You got to love you. Like, you got to start there.
Because as long as you don't love you, you will always be
defined by somebody else's decision.
And that decision doesn't defineyou.
(41:24):
I, I, I I've lived in it for years.
I've lived in that shadow tryingto understand why for years.
Yeah, She doesn't define me. He didn't define me.
It didn't define me. I'm only defined by what I say.
I I'm building this life. I've made a lot of decisions
because I was hurt. And I know you've made a lot of
(41:46):
decisions because you've been hurt, You've been misunderstood.
But today is your chance to get better.
You know, today is your chance to accept who you are.
And you can do it right now in this moment, and you don't need
validation from anything or anybody.
And I love you. And I mean that I do.
(42:07):
So if I can tell you anything isthat you're perfect the way you
are. Flaws and all the things that
everything you've been through, I wouldn't change anything.
The worst day of my life, The bridge has taken me to places
that I never would have been able to go if I was in a great
state of mind. Love yourself.
(42:28):
We're all born with a purpose, and if you don't come back to
yourself and fulfill that purpose, not only are you
missing out, but I'm missing outand the world is missing out on
what you were here to do. Absolutely.
Yeah, Kevin, how can we find you?
(42:49):
Socials, websites? Yes, all the all the things.
I am, you know, I'm, I'm on, youknow, you Google my name, Kevin
Birthday. I'm on every social media.
I made it like that because I want to be accessible or
reachable to the public. Facebook Kevin Berthea
foundation suicide survivor regular Facebook is Kevin
Berthea. I'm on Kevin Berthea foundation
(43:11):
on Instagram. TikTok.
I'm Kevin Berthea. Pretty much if you Google Kevin
Berthea, everything claps up. YouTube Kevin Berthea
www.kevinbertheafoundation.org for the website.
A lot of great things coming up,just a lot of big things
happening. Like I say, I'm 40, I'm about to
be 42 this year and I'll give mylife to this.
So if you want to join the mission, join the fight, let me
(43:32):
know how I can help you be your best you.
Yeah, I can't thank you enough for coming on today and telling
your story. So important.
So thank you so much. Means a lot.
I appreciate you. I wonder how many people have
already been saved because Kevindecided to live and be a light
(43:57):
for those struggling with suicidality.
He'll probably never know what an impact he has had, and now we
have the opportunity to help. So before we wrap up, I want to
remind you about the $5 Friday challenge.
I think we should make a goal toraise his donations from
128,000. Let's see if we can get that to
(44:19):
200,000 by the end of the year. Let's dream big because this is
a huge issue for the adoptee community.
If you head over to the Mind Your Own Karma or my personal
Melissa Brunetti Facebook page, you'll find a $5 Friday promo.
All you have to do is scan the QR code to donate there or the
(44:40):
donation link will also be in the show notes.
If you're taking the challenge, I'd love for you to comment.
Hashtag I committed to show yoursupport.
Together we can help bring Kevin's film 92 Minutes to life
and make a difference in our community.
And to anyone struggling with suicidality, please feel free to
(45:01):
share this challenge with your friends and family as well.
It's time to stop hiding the fact that adoptees struggle with
these issues and do something. If anyone out there needs
immediate help, please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline
AT988. If you're looking for more
support, I encourage you to reach out to the Kevin Berthea
(45:24):
Foundation at kevinbertheafoundation.org.
Kevin and his team are doing incredible work for anyone
battling thoughts of suicide. Another resource I highly
recommend is the newly publishedbook Adoption and Suicidality,
available on Amazon. And if you're feeling alone in
(45:45):
your adoption journey and want to connect with others who
understand, reach out to me or Beth Syverson from the
Unraveling Adoption Podcast for information on our monthly
meetings where you can find resources and know that you are
not alone in these struggles. The links to everything I've
(46:05):
mentioned are in the show notes or find me on my socials or my
website, mindyourownkarma.com ifyou have questions or need more
information. Thank you all so much for
listening today. As always, take what you need
and leave what you don't. And always remember to mind your
(46:26):
own karma. I'll see you next time.
And don't forget to join the $5 Friday Challenge.
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