S3E48 - ADOPTEE-FEELING STUCK? HOW TO BREAK FREE, REFRAME FEAR AND FOLLOW YOUR PURPOSE

Adoptees can have a hard time breaking away from fear to embrace the life they really want. In this episode of Mind Your Own Karma: The Adoption Chronicles, Melissa Brunetti dives into the often-overwhelming feeling of being stuck that many adoptees experience.

Fear, shaped by rejection, loss, and uncertainty, can hold adoptees back from embracing the lives they truly desire. Melissa shares how to reframe fear, turn it into a source of strength, and take courageous steps toward living a life of purpose and authenticity.

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Mind Your Own Karma – The Adoption Chronicles Podcast educates listeners on the realities of adoption through the stories of adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents. We delve into their journeys, exploring identity, the emotional impacts of adoption, and the complexities that are involved when a child is removed from their biology.



We also tackle tough topics like transracial adoption and adoption ethics, featuring experts and advocates. By sharing these diverse perspectives we hope to not only educate the world, but also give ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠hope and healing⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to those deeply affected by adoption trauma.



*** This podcast's mission is on adoption education. If you have an expertise that you think would be beneficial to anyone touched by adoption and would like to be on the podcast, get in touch with me.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey there, it's Melissa Brunetti, and welcome to the
Mind Your Own Karma podcast. Hey there, Karma crew.
Thanks for joining me for this episode of Mind Your Own Karma,
The Adoption Chronicles. I'm Melissa Brunetti, your host.

(00:24):
Today's episode is deeply personal for me.
It's one of the main reasons I started this podcast before I
even started talking about adoption.
I wanted to explore the feeling of being stuck and how it can
paralyze us. Whether you're an adoptee, a
birth parent, or an adoptive parent, we've all faced moments

(00:46):
where we feel trapped, like we're floating without
direction. But here's the good news.
You can take back that control. First, let me ask, did you make
a New Year's resolution for 2024or set a goal for the year?
And if you did, did you achieve it?
And if not, what held you back from achieving it?

(01:10):
Now, what I'm about to say is myopinion.
But as they say, if the shoe fits, OK, so here goes.
Often the reasons that we feel stuck aren't reasons at all.
They're excuses. Money, education, fear of
change, fear of failure, or justfeeling like we don't have the

(01:32):
right resources. And do any of those sound
familiar to you? These feelings are super common,
but for those of us touched by adoption, they can run even
deeper than a non adoptee. They can be tied to identity
loss, unworthiness, and not feeling like we belong anywhere.

(01:53):
I want to share a story about a time I felt deeply stuck and you
may have heard it before. I was in a really long marriage
and when it began I was about 19with super low self esteem.
At the time I believed that thisrelationship was the best I
could do and it wasn't because he was a bad person but because

(02:15):
I didn't believe I deserved more.
For adoptees or anyone in the triad, this might resonate with
you. The stories that we tell
ourselves about being unwanted and worthy and lovable, all
those things can shape our choices in profound ways.
And I made a choice I knew wasn't right, but I ignored the

(02:39):
red flags. Why?
Because I was afraid of being rejected again.
And I wanted to be picked. I wanted to be wanted.
So Fast forward 20 years, I was super unhappy, very depressed
and filled with anxiety. Things I had never ever
struggled with before. But I felt stuck.

(03:02):
My life was so intertwined with his, you know, finances,
children, a house, a shared community.
The idea of walking away seemed unbelievably impossible.
You know, I also worried about judgment.
Would people think I was selfish, irresponsible, a
failure? Was I going through midlife
crisis? In the adoption community, we

(03:25):
often carry the burden of societal expectations.
Adoptees may feel pressure to begrateful for everything that we
get, and these expectations can keep us stuck, afraid to
disappoint others. That was me.
Over time, I realized that I couldn't stay stuck anymore.

(03:45):
It was as if I was floating in the ocean, far from shore.
I could barely see the land, andmy sense of self was the shore.
But I knew if I didn't start swimming back to it right now,
I'd lose myself completely and maybe even forever.
For adoptees, that shore might be your true identity.

(04:07):
For birth parents, it might be healing from the grief of giving
up a child. For adoptive parents, it might
be recognizing and addressing the challenges adoption brings
to your family. Whatever it is, the first step
is admitting that something needs to change.
For me, the universe eventually pushed me off a Cliff.

(04:32):
I hit rock bottom mentally and physically, and I cried out for
help. And while the answers weren't
immediate, I have to tell you I eventually realized something
really important. I needed to stop looking outward
for validation. As adoptees, we sometimes let

(04:53):
others opinions define us, but we don't need anyone's
permission to take our control back for our own lives.
It's up to us to find happiness,even if that means pruning the
branches in our lives that no longer bear fruit.
I share this story because I want you to know that it's OK to

(05:15):
let go. Let go of relationships, let go
of expectations or self limitingbeliefs that no longer serve
you. And that doesn't mean you're
giving up. It means you're growing up.
If you're feeling stuck, ask yourself this.

(05:35):
What story am I telling myself that's keeping me here?
And what small step can I take to move forward?
Remember, you don't have to see the whole path, you just have to
take the first step. Starting this podcast was a huge
leap of faith, but it wasn't fear that held me back, it was

(05:58):
excitement. Why?
Because I didn't tie any expectations to it, I wasn't
worried about downloads or listeners.
And honestly, if my mom had beenmy only listener, that would
have been OK. This podcast was something I
felt called to do, and that's where the joy came in.

(06:20):
Without expectations, without fear, without loss.
When you're doing something aligned with your purpose, what
is there to fear? It's not about a win or a loss
outcome. It's about growth and
self-expression. And when you're in flow, only

(06:43):
good things can come because you're in alignment with
yourself and the universe. Here's the thing, we get to
decide how we label things. Everything is about perspective.
Labels define our truth. So if you call something bad,
that becomes your reality. Take the holidays for example.

(07:07):
Some people dread the endless ToDo List and the gift shopping.
But what if you reframed it? What if you reframed it to you
get to give gifts to people you love?
Some people don't have anyone tobuy for and that can be
heartbreaking. Feeling overwhelmed?

(07:27):
Maybe it's time to cut back on the list.
Only give when it feels right and when it aligns with you.
This concept applies to everything in life.
When you say I can't because of XYZ, you're already deciding the
outcome. The abundance is there.

(07:49):
It's there waiting for you to take it.
But fears and stories that we tell ourselves, whether ones
you've created or ones others have placed on you, block that
abundance. Fear isn't the enemy.
It can be a signal for growth. When I started this podcast,
sure, there was a lot of uncertainty, but I reframed that

(08:12):
fear into excitement. Something good was coming.
I didn't know what, but I trusted it and that shift in
mindset made all the difference.Let me share a funny story to
illustrate this. I recently joined a Zoom call
with a group of podcasters and Iwas late, frazzled, makeup free

(08:33):
and sweats definitely not feeling or looking my best.
And then to top it off, my screen showed me upside down and
I panicked at first 'cause I don't really know these girls.
And I was thinking, what are they going to think?
Should I leave? And then I decided to own it.
And I just joked and I said thisis how my weakest felt.

(08:55):
Totally upside down. And you know what?
But he cared. If anything, I gave him a good
laugh. And that experience reminded me
of an important lesson. People aren't as focused on us
as we think they are. I could have wasted my energy
trying to fix it, but instead I just rolled with it.

(09:17):
Why waste my precious energy on worrying about their opinions?
So now this brings me to something that I do care about.
Why do we treat hobbies or passions that we have as things
we can only give away for free? Why can't they be our source of
income? We've really been conditioned to

(09:38):
think that work has to be a grind.
But I believe that we're meant to love what we do.
And if you don't, then you aren't doing the thing that you
were brought here to do. And that's just a fact.
That's why I've been working toward building my dream job as
a somatic mindful guided imagerypractitioner.
I know the transformative power of this work, how it can help

(10:04):
people heal and find alignment in their lives, and that's
deeply fulfilling to me, to helpothers reconnect with themselves
on a soul deep level. This is the work that I love
doing, that I've been brought here to do, and it doesn't feel
like a job to me. It's my calling and every time I
help someone experience a breakthrough or find clarity, it

(10:26):
reminds me why I'm pursuing thispath.
My goal is to make this my full time reality.
To spend my days doing what I love while helping others find
their peace and purpose. And that's the life that I'm
creating and I can't wait to seewhere this journey takes me.
I believe that we all deserve tolive a life that feels aligned

(10:49):
with our passions and purpose. For me, that's being a somatic
mindful guided imagery practitioner.
It's not just about making a living, it's about making a
difference, helping others heal while staying true to myself.
So if you've been holding back on pursuing your dream, job or

(11:09):
passion, take this as your sign.Life is too short to settle.
Go after what sets your soul on fire.
What are your gifts? What are you passionate about?
That's where you're going to find the clues to doing
something fulfilling. If you are feeling stuck or

(11:30):
searching for the next step in your journey, somatic, mindful,
guided imagery can be the key tounlocking what's holding you
back. It's a gentle yet powerful
approach to reconnect with your inner wisdom and align with your
true self. So as we explore how to follow

(11:51):
our dreams on this show, I invite you to take the first
step towards yours, adoptee. Whether it's pursuing a new
passion, finding peace, or discovering your purpose, let's
uncover the possibilities. Don't wait for New Year's and
January 1st resolutions to startyour confirmation.

(12:15):
You can learn more about SomaticMindful guided imagery at my
website somatichealingjourneys.com.
There is a ton of information there and you can also book a
free phone consultation with me where we can discuss your
specific needs and explore how smgi can help you.

(12:37):
That's it for today, short and sweet, but seriously, what are
you waiting for? Your dream life isn't going to
come knocking on your door. Go out and get it.
And if you feel that something'sholding you back, get in touch
with me and let's see what that is.
What's keeping you from living alife that you love.

(12:59):
Thanks for listening today, Karma crew.
And as always, take what you need and leave what you don't.
And always remember to mind yourown karma.
I'll see you next time.