August 4, 2024 • 36 mins
Is it possible to find joy and gratitude throughout the process of making lemonade with all the lemons God gives you? Kelli opens up about her faith journey, one marked by both profound hardships and extraordinary revelations. She shares how growing up in a loving Christian household set a strong spiritual foundation, deeply influenced by her mother who brought God's presence into their daily lives. At the heart of her story is a pivotal moment at age 13 when she embraced James 1:2-4 as her guiding scripture, a passage that would carry her through the joy of marriage, the anguish of divorce, and beyond.
This episode sheds light on the privilege of maintaining faith amidst life's darkest times, and how divine love can provide solace even during battles with anxiety and depression. Kelli's reflections underscore the transformative power of feeling accompanied by God's unwavering kindness and assurance that we are enough in His eyes.
Our conversation then goes deeper into the purpose of suffering and the unique strength it brings to our spiritual journeys. Kelli passionately speaks about seeing trials as opportunities for growth, resilience, and deeper empathy for others. We also celebrate the diversity within the body of Christ, emphasizing that each person's faith journey is uniquely valuable. This episode is a heartfelt reminder that true joy is rooted in hope and God's ever-present love, offering transformative peace and fulfillment no matter the circumstances. Join us for an uplifting exploration of faith, resilience, and the profound impact of remembering Jesus Christ in our personal stories.
Please reach out to me if you are interested in sharing your story! I would LOVE to hear from you. :)
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Episode Transcript
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Lily (00:06):
Hello everyone and welcome to.
More Than CoincidenceRemembering Jesus Christ in your
Story as the author andfinisher of our faith, our
Savior writes personalexperiences into each of our
lives which can later strengthen, empower and bring us peace
upon reflection.
This podcast is dedicated tosharing these anchoring memories
(00:26):
from everyone's unique storiesin order to collectively
remember and testify of thereality of Jesus Christ and his
presence in our lives.
I'm your host, lily, and I'mvery excited to share these
experiences together.
All right, everybody, welcometo the podcast.
Tonight we have Kelly.
Kelly, how you doing?
Kelli (00:45):
I'm doing so good.
I'm so excited to be here.
Thank you so much for having meLily.
Lily (00:50):
Hey, I am so happy that I get to talk to you and we've
been able to catch up and thishas just been.
It's just been so much fun sofar.
Kelli (00:59):
So do you mind introducing yourself for the
audience?
Absolutely Okay.
So I'm Kelly, I am 28 years old, I am a mom and I'm a wife.
I have two incredible kids.
We live in Utah, super great.
I grew up in a Christianhousehold, so I was always kind
of serving or doing ministry insome kind of aspect, and I'm so
lucky that that is my story,because I had parents that love
(01:25):
me, I had siblings that loved meand I got to be in churches
where I felt loved and takencare of and really was
introduced to God from a really,really young age and my mom
just really made it a tangiblething for me from early on.
So I feel really lucky, so yeah, that's so awesome.
Lily (01:42):
Well, Kelly, I'll ask you the question then what memories
do you have in your life thatyou reflect on, that prick your
heart and remembrance of ourSavior Jesus Christ and anchor
you to him?
Oh my gosh Lily.
Kelli (01:54):
I love this question.
I love that you're doing thispodcast, just in general.
Oh, thank you.
Love this question specificallybecause I feel like it's very,
it's very open-ended.
I feel like the older I'vegotten, the more that I've like
realized and seen that he's beenin everything right, like he's
(02:15):
been in it all.
It's like it's hard to narrowdown just one specific memory or
one specific instance, becauseit's like man, every instance
he's been in and everything, allof the hard things, all of the
good things he's, he's had hishands in.
You know it's, if I'm lookingback throughout the duration of
my life, it's funny I I will trynot to go through each
(02:36):
individual of the 28 years.
I will try not to do thatbecause we could be here for a
while.
So when I was younger right, wegrew up in this Christian
household God was always talkedabout.
My mom did such a good job, lily, of making God this tangible,
real thing and really bringinghim into the everyday of our
(02:59):
lives, and so I never questioned, you know, if he was real or if
he was there or if he heard meor anything, because she just
made it so evident that that hewas.
Yeah, yeah, um, so early on inmy life I really felt like I
kind of had a life verse thatwas given to me, not not by
anybody.
I was just reading through thebible and I really felt like
this was early on.
I was probably 13, 14 when thiswas when I felt like this
(03:22):
really jumped off the page.
But it it was James one, twothrough four, which says counted
all joy, my brethren, when youfall into various trials,
knowing that the testing of yourfaith produces patients,
letting patients have itsperfect work in you, that you
may be perfect and complete,lacking nothing, right.
So that was given to me whenI'm like 13, 14 years old.
Yeah, I'm going to be realhonest with you.
(03:43):
I had been through nothing at13 or 14 years.
I know, compared to now, you'relike that was easy, junior high
was nothing back then I was likeoh, yes, oh, the trials that
I'm going through, yes, I'm suchan anxious angsty teen little.
(04:04):
Did I know, man, the scope ofimpact that that would have
throughout the course of my life?
Right, it's funny because it'sactually.
It's even like my instagramhandle, like from when I was
like 13 or 14 years old.
I'm like, oh, this is it, likethis is going to be the motto of
my life.
I did not realize that, um, itwas going to be kind of
difficult to count it all.
Joy, that's right, all is a bigword and there's a lot that
(04:26):
happens in a life to have tocount it all joy.
So as I got older, met a boy.
We were best friends, typicallittle boy down the street
situation.
We fell in love.
We got married.
We got married really young andthings just didn't work out and
I was so devastated, reallyLike I was.
(04:50):
I was beside myself.
It was the first time in my lifethat I really felt like God,
where are you?
What are you doing?
Like, what are you doing?
Am I just a joke to you?
Like, I really felt like I hadheard from him to you, know,
accept the proposal and to moveforward in marriage.
(05:10):
We knew each other from church.
Like we served together atchurch.
Like this, like I was, like thisis, this is all I ever dreamed
of.
Like, what do you?
Like?
I felt completely literallylike the rug had been ripped out
from under me and it wasdevastating.
I was devastated.
I didn't know what I was goingto do.
I didn't know where I was goingto go.
I didn't know who would.
My dream was always to be awife and a mom and after that I
(05:34):
honestly, lily, did not know whowas going to want me.
I'm like sick.
I have a divorce on my record.
And who's going to want that ofthis little like 20 year old
girl?
Like nobody wants a divorce,say it at 20 years old.
Like you, nobody wants thislike oh, which is not true.
Lily (05:51):
You can always start over, of course, not true now?
I know this.
Kelli (05:55):
Now, the little little baby, 20 year old, kelly didn't
know any better.
Lily (06:00):
I'm so sorry.
I want to give her a hug.
Kelli (06:02):
Dude, same, same, oh my gosh, same.
There's a lot I want to do toher, I swear, but it was crazy,
dude, the way that the word metme in that space.
So I have distinctive memoriesof driving around in my car
right after everything had comeout and like I was so devastated
and I was so sad and I was sojust brokenhearted.
And I'm driving around in mycar and, lily, I am screaming at
(06:25):
God like a psychopath, like Iam cursing him, I'm saying where
are you?
Why did you do this to me?
I've spent my whole lifeserving you, I've spent my whole
life showing up for you, andthis is what you do to me.
This is what you do to me.
I've been there you look like afool, like I just was losing it
on him and I, as I'm sittingthere and I'm sitting in my car
(06:52):
and I'm punching my steeringwheel and I'm crying and I'm
screaming and I just I'm it'sthe type of pain that, like you
feel at such a level that youthink you're never going to come
back from, like the soul, soulcrushing, body aching right
right, just devastation, right,yeah, and as I'm sitting there
and I'm so mad at God and I'm somad at everything, I'm just so
sad all of a sudden, like I have.
(07:14):
I had this one spot in thevalley that I would drive to and
it just was like this overlookwhere I could just kind of see
the entire Utah valley.
And it was night, it was darkand all the lights were on, you
know, and I'm just like staringoff over there, I, I'm so mad,
I'm so upset and all of a sudden, like, just like a still small
voice, right, just like he talksabout it's almost like I could
hear him just be like Kel, look,look out, look at all these,
(07:36):
look at all these lights.
Think about all those peoplethat are out there.
And I started thinking aboutthat.
Right, all of these people thatare out there living their
lives, doing their thing, right,each one of them is going
through something, every singleone.
The difference is you get tohave hope for this thing that
you're going through.
You get to have me in thisthing that you're going through
(07:56):
and immediately, dude, it hit melike a ton of bricks where I
was like whoa, you're absolutelylike.
I get to have hope, like I getto have hope, like I get to have
the Lord to walk through.
This there's, there's a wholeValley of people out here that
might not know him, that mightnot have him, that have to go
through hard things Like I atleast I have hope.
Like, at least I have the Lord,like I have someone.
(08:19):
I'm not alone, I have someone.
Right, exactly, it was just andit was.
It was so mind blowing to methat he met me with such
kindness, right, and such suchsoftness when I was so angry,
lily, and I was so mad and I wasso harsh and mean, and yet he
still met, met me with thissoftness and this kindness and
(08:42):
this gentleness.
Right, I mean, it's like in theword, right, it talks about how
his kindness is what leads usto repentance.
Whoa, it was true for me, right?
I was like, oh, my gosh, lord,I'm sorry that I've been such a
spoiled brat.
Lily (08:55):
Like it's not about me and what I do for you, it's about
you and what you've already donefor me like just, and what you
can do for me in the future,like you know my future and I
don't know it and I can stilland I think it's still okay for
us to to grieve and to feel thatpain.
But I love how you bring up thehope.
(09:15):
It's like I'm grieving and he'ssitting here with me, grieving
with me, but he says don't worry, kelly.
Don't worry, kelly don't worry,lily, I have a plan for you.
You might not know it, but putyour faith in me and hope, and
let's go together and startagain.
Exactly how beautiful is thatwe actually get to have that
because of jesus christ oh it's,it's unreal, dude, it's, it's
(09:40):
so it feels almost unfair.
Kelli (09:42):
I'm like, oh, oh, my God, like this is so special, like,
oh my God, right, it's crazy.
It's like in that dude.
It's been such a journey.
This has been the constanttheme I feel like throughout my
life of like me finding myselfin these positions of just deep
sadness.
I guess, like I said, this lifeverse was given to me of
(10:05):
counted all joy and I wasn'tever expecting my life to be
filled with a lot of loss.
I feel like even at 28 rightnow, looking back, my life's
been marked with a lot of loss,and that's not something you
expect when you're 14 years oldand you're being given a life
verse about joy, like you know,right, but looking back.
(10:29):
These benchmarks in my life havebeen marked with a lot of loss,
the divorce being one of them,but there's a lot of other
things in addition to that.
Yet, every time, the Lord hasshown up, every single time, and
it hasn't ever been dependenton how I'm doing, like, or what
(10:49):
I'm doing, or like where I'm ator or anything.
He's just always been there,like it's just, even, even as of
recently.
So I've struggled with anxietyand depression for a for a long
time.
Anxiety since I was a teenager,um, teenager.
Depression, definitely in thelast five years.
And these lows that I will gothrough, lily, are so dark.
(11:10):
They're so dark, it's just.
I mean, there was situationsjust a couple years back where I
, in all total transparency,total honesty, I did not think I
was going to make it.
I was very ready to end it all.
I was very ready to be done.
I was very I did not think, Ihonestly thought that my being
(11:34):
here in life on earth madepeople's lives worse and I
needed to be done.
And it was totally thedepression talking Like it was
totally I was.
It was spiraling to a placethat the things were so dark
that that was literally what my,what I was believing.
Yeah, even there, even there,as I'm sitting on my bathroom
(11:55):
floor and I'm weeping and I'm,and I'm, you know, contemplating
this and I'm doing this andwhatever, even there, the Lord
sat beside me and met me andsaid I got you.
I got you Like I want you, I,you are actually enough.
I, I, I do want you Like I, youdo actually make things better
because I made you like youbecause I made you.
Lily (12:19):
Because I made you, you are literally divine.
Kelli (12:21):
Like, yes, like that's exactly, dude, like it's just
been so insane to me that he'snever asked me to be any certain
way or come to him in anycertain way or show up in my
Sunday best with my perkiestattitude and my happiest heart
(12:43):
he's just looking for therose-colored glasses.
And as long as I come to himwith a thankful heart, then he's
going to bless me and he'sgoing to meet me.
And it's just not been that way, dude.
I can be at my very lowest, myvery most difficult to be around
, and he's still there and hestill wants me and he still
wants to hang out.
Like it's been so spectacularlyamazing.
(13:08):
I can't even it's hard to putit into words the way that he's
been so real to me and sosufficient, like more than
sufficient.
He's been so good to me evenwhen I don't deserve it, like
(13:30):
even when I've done nothing forhim, even when I can't do
anything for him, even when Ican't give anything back.
I physically, my depression, myanxiety, whatever is physically
causing me to not be able togive him anything.
He still wants me, he stillwants to be by me.
He still wants to hang out Likeit's just it's, it's absolutely
incredible, yeah, like it's.
It's mind-blowing and so the tothink about.
(13:51):
You know the ways that he has.
You know areas in my life thathe's pricked my heart, memories
that I have.
It's like god.
All of them, all of them, allof them prick my heart.
All of them remind me that he'sbeen there.
All of them remind me that,like he's shown up, because he's
never left, like he's alwaysbeen there.
I can't get him to leave.
(14:16):
Sometimes I get so stuck in mydepravity that it does feel like
I'm pushing him away, like itfeels like I'm actively being
like.
You don't want to see I'munclean, I'm dirty.
I'm pushing him away Like itfeels like I'm actively being
like you don't want to see melike this.
I'm unclean, I'm dirty, I'm sosinful Like I don't deserve you,
like all of yeah, exactly, Ifeel like it's so easy for me to
get stuck in that loop and thatspiral of thinking well, I
(14:40):
don't want to be around me.
I don't think anybody elsewants to be around me, right.
Lily (14:44):
Therefore, god does not want to be around me.
I don't think anybody elsewants to be around me, right?
Therefore, god does not want tobe around me, right?
Kelli (14:48):
Exactly.
And yet he does.
And yet there, there it is, andyet there it is, just
consistently there, waiting forme to turn around, waiting for
me to just open my eyes and justaccept it.
Right, it's just, it'sbeautiful.
Lily (15:03):
I love it.
So I really, really love howyou're bringing up this idea of
counting it all joy and I feellike right now it's so I don't
want to say impossible to dokind of in life and I just I
feel like there are so manythings going on in the world and
going on in our lives that itis so hard to to feel that joy
(15:27):
and to have that and to havethat hope you know yeah it is.
And so how do you?
I guess my question to youwould be, how have you been able
to kind of hold on to that andand have that faith and that
trust in Christ and in God, toand and hold on to it Like, why
(15:47):
is that even something?
When you're in your dark, youryour lowest of lows and stuff.
Why do you, why do you choosehim?
Kelli (15:55):
You know, dude, such a good question, such a good
question.
Thank you so much for asking it.
I honestly, it's because he'sbeen the constant, he's been the
thing that hasn't left.
Yeah, he's been the thing thatI know that I can always count
on, um, so it makes it easierfor me to run to him because
he's been the thing that'salways been consistent, that
(16:18):
hasn't gone anywhere.
You know, right, that's alwaysbeen, it's always been and
always will be.
So that I mean that's, I knowthat at the root.
That's the reason why, rightNow, practically every day in
regular life, right, it's superhard, dude, it's super hard to
remember those things, becauselife does get heavy.
(16:40):
Trials are hard, like, they'renot called trials for nothing,
like, like going throughdifficulties is not fun being
refined, is not fun, it's notenjoyable at all.
Right, it's very difficult tocount it joy, right?
Yeah, I feel like, even just asa recently right, I mean even
(17:03):
in the last like six months thisis something that's really been
like an eyeopening idea thatI've tried to like hold onto.
Is that I am tried to like holdon to?
Is that I am privileged tosuffer, which sounds actually
insane?
Oh, please no expound on that.
Lily (17:16):
I love that.
Kelli (17:16):
No, expound on that but I am privileged to suffer like.
The Lord trusts me enough tostay close to him to, to spread
his name, to continue to worshiphim.
He trusts me enough to do that,that he would give me this
heart thing, whatever.
Whatever the hard thing mightbe Right, we all have different
(17:37):
hard things.
But to come at it from aperspective of like, I'm
actually blessed that he wouldtrust me enough to carry this
hard thing, to carry this heavything, like I am honored among
saints, that he would trust meenough to carry this, that he
would trust me enough to, to, tobear his name and also carry
this heavy Right.
(17:57):
Right, it's been, it's beenpretty game changing for me,
dude, to like, think about,actually, I'm privileged to
suffer, not just because of like, oh, it's so awesome that he
would trust me with it, which isa huge part of it, but also I
know that the suffering bringsdepth.
The suffering is where theroots take, like, that's where
(18:20):
they go.
Lily (18:20):
Yes, and that's the purpose right.
Kelli (18:22):
Like it gives purpose.
Exactly Like he doesn't allowthese things for nothing.
It's not just.
It's not just for nothing, it'snot just.
It's not just for for nothing,it's not.
so he can sit back and watch usbe in pain and be like oh yikes,
or it's not just for thesetests or for these, these,
whatever, like he's not just apuppet master in the sky
watching us suffer and laughingabout it.
Right, you guys, he is activelyinvolved, he's actively there
(18:47):
and it's all so that we can havea deeper relationship with him
and a deeper love for otherpeople.
Like, because of this suffering, because of these hard things,
right, because of my strugglewith depression, I now get to
minister to people who havedepression.
Exactly, that's so sick, that'sso rad, because they need
somebody.
(19:07):
Everybody needs somebody rightRight.
So the fact that not only wouldthe lord trust me to to carry
this suffering right, but hewould also trust me to use it
for his glory, that's, that'srad, it's just, it's, it's
incredible.
I I do honestly and and somedays are better than others
right yeah, there still daysthat I'm like God.
(19:28):
Why, what are you doing?
For sure, days like that.
And then there's grace, right,then there's grace to get me
through that.
Then there's grace to hold on tome through that.
But I can honestly say that mygo-to at least what I always try
to plant myself back into isthe fact that this is bringing a
(19:52):
depth in me that can only comethrough the suffering, it can
only come through the hardthings, it can only be brought
out through that, you know, andthat's encouraging.
Lily (20:04):
Yeah, and it makes me think about when he was in the
Garden of Gethsemane and when hewas hanging on the cross right,
like if we didn't, if we didn'tknow the good from the bad, if
we didn't experience horriblethings, how would we know the
joy of our redemption?
How would we know?
How we know how amazing if wedidn't know sickness?
How could we know health likewe wouldn't?
(20:25):
We wouldn't truly be able tounderstand and comprehend.
At the end of the day, when weget to see him again and
everyone's together again, it'slike we won't understand the
majesty of the resurrection andthe majesty of what he did in
Gethsemane until we can feelthis Exactly.
(20:48):
And it sucks, but at least atthe same time, I love how you
say it gives you depth and itgives you roots, because that
that is what it is, and I thinkI and I also love how you bring
up though, like we're human andit is okay for us to still kind
of be like I'm so angry.
And I, and I'm even even, evenanger towards god I think
(21:09):
absolutely I think sometimes atleast I know for me I get so I
beat up on myself a lot and I'mlike, oh, if I was like a better
, a better disciple of christ,then I wouldn't be angry that
this is happening or sad thatthis is happening or feeling
yeah, or feeling like this, but.
But I love how you say like no.
Literally in my darkest moments, christ came and sat next to me
(21:32):
, even when I was literally inthe process of pushing him away.
He was like no, worries, I'llbe back, I'll just be standing
over here if you need somethingexactly, and that is that's
literally him and that'sliterally his purpose is to be
able to minister to us.
So in our darkest times, sothat we can also have him as
that example and minister toothers.
(21:54):
And I just, I love that man.
Kelli (21:57):
I love that Dude.
That's the thing I mean.
Like I think it's so beautiful.
I love that you bring up likethe struggles that Jesus went
through right, because it makeshim real.
Lily (22:07):
It makes him tangible.
Kelli (22:08):
It shows us so clearly that this is not.
We do not serve a God whocannot sympathize with our
weaknesses.
Right.
He has felt the pain, he hasfelt the suffering.
He knows this well.
This is not like talking toyour friend who doesn't know
anything about mental illness orwho doesn't know anything, dude
.
You are talking to someone whohas experienced it all and loves
(22:33):
you through it.
And going back to this right,because I'm just like you, I am
the same way, especially, Ithink being raised in church.
It's very easy for me to feelincredible amounts of guilt when
I do not respond to situationsappropriately, when I don't
respond to situations with thisjoy, or when I don't respond to
situations appropriately, when Idon't respond to situations
with this joy, or when I don'trespond with this peace or this.
Lily (22:53):
You know this, I feel like it's like there's a right way
to Jesus, there's a right way todisciple, exactly, exactly, and
we kind of get wrapped up inthat sometimes, which I do think
that you know he gives uscommandments so, yes, keep, you
know, like there are right waysin that sense of keep his gospel
, live his laws, but there's noright way to come to him.
(23:14):
No, you know there's no rightway to communicate with him and
to sit with him Right.
Kelli (23:20):
He died on the cross for this like, for us.
I have to remind myself of thatall the time.
He didn't die on the cross sothat I could be perfect and I
could get to heaven and not needhim anyway.
Like he died on the cross forthis specific reason.
And I keep coming back to thisplace of like because I again
growing up in church, right,there's kind of this stigma
(23:42):
between having negative feelingsand negative emotions and
negative thoughts.
You're kind of expected to behappy and just like woo, the
Lord is so good, like we,everything's good, like whatever
, all the time.
Lily (23:54):
And.
Kelli (23:55):
I think, as I'm getting older, I'm realizing more and
more that he created even thebad feelings too Like these are
these.
He created those too.
He created us asmultidimensional humans who feel
everything.
It's not wrong, it's not bad,like it's not even the anger
(24:17):
right, even this frustration,even when it's directed at him,
right.
We're not talking to a God whois so small that he can't handle
that.
Lily (24:28):
Right or he doesn't like want to deal with it no, right.
Kelli (24:32):
No, he's not like that dude, he's just simply not.
He wants to pull us in closerduring those times, during those
times of he.
He already knows we're feelingthat way, like he knows
everything he creates right, heknows better than I know myself
he knows how I'm going torespond to things.
The fact that, like, he justwants us to allow him to be
(24:53):
close, isn't that Because healready knows we're going
through it anyway, like healready knows, right, right, I'm
surprised to him, right?
He just wants to be a lot ofthe opportunity to come close to
us and then ultimately be ourpiece anyway, like he's where it
comes from.
So it's like I have had toreally work through in myself
(25:15):
even the last couple years, likenot making myself feel guilty
for feeling sad or for feelingnegatively or feeling angry or
whatever, because the lord meetsyou in that spot too, dude.
He created you, he alreadyknows, you, knows you're going
to.
He knows those things.
It's not a surprise to himwhenever we don't respond to
everything exactly the way thatwe're supposed to or should or
(25:38):
whatever.
That's what grace is for my man.
That's why he did it, that'swhy he's there, that's why he
wants us is because he knowsthat we're not perfect, like,
and he never asked us to be.
He never asked us to be.
These are quick notions that weput on ourselves, I know and I
don't know why we do that.
Lily (25:54):
I feel like that's just kind of one of the devil's like
little tricks, right he's likeyou have you have to be perfect,
and I feel like it's evencliche bringing it up because
we're like, oh yeah, that'stotally something that the devil
just does a hundred percent.
We don't seriously, becauseit's like, no, like that,
literally, is one of the biggestthings that drags us down is we
feel so wrapped up in the what,the what.
(26:17):
We're not exactly whatever, andwhatever flavor that is of
whoever that is, and so, and sowe allow that to distance to.
I think that in a way, wedistance us from him, agreed.
Kelli (26:32):
Agreed, he never walked.
Agreed, agreed, he's neverpulling away.
I completely agree.
And that is the thing right.
I feel like I at least for mepersonally, and maybe for you
too I get so caught up in thisidea that, like you're not
enough, you're not enough, I'mnot enough, I'm not enough, like
I'm not doing enough, I'm notsaying enough, I'm not being
enough, I'm not loving enough,I'm not what, I'm not whatever,
(26:53):
enough Right.
And he never asked us to beenough.
He said that he's enough.
He said that he's me so like Idon't know what I'm doing over
here, trying to be enough Do allthe things and like be a
certain way and, and you know,try to try to do whatever.
It's all for not, dude, becausehe never asked that of us.
(27:14):
Yeah, he asked us to, he askedus to be close to him, like he
asked us to let him love us, andthat's all I have to do, right
right, exactly, and that thatliterally is.
Lily (27:26):
And it's funny that I think you bring that up, because
I've had so many conversationswith my husband where I'm just
like in my, in the depths oflike, oh, I'm such a horrible
person, oh, I'm not doing enough, I have to be at this X amount
of spiritual level to whateveryou know.
But.
But he asked me.
He's like okay, lily, but like,can you actually quantify that?
Like, how will you, how willyou know when you've arrived?
Kelli (27:50):
can you actually quantify that like?
How will you, how will you knowwhen you've arrived exactly,
how will you know?
Lily (27:52):
and I'm like I don't know.
I just I just know I'm not thereexactly and it's so far away
and then he's, and then he'slike lily, you're, you're being
silly and it's, but it's true,it it really is like, even
looking back and in thescriptures and stuff, other like
, like we said, other than likethe strict commandments and
stuff, or and even in our church, you know, we, in our temples,
(28:15):
we make covenants, so we make,we make other additional
promises with god, you know, andwhen we but those promises
they're not necessarily hard,they're consecrate your life to
him.
You know there are things thatare kind of like already aligned
with his laws.
You know and it's all, and it'sall based off of how much are
(28:35):
you consecrating to me of yoursoul, of your heart?
Do you have a broken heart anda contrite spirit that you're
giving to me?
There is no line of, okay, youhave to do x amount of good
deeds and all of this and all ofthis.
There is no hard line that inyou know that he says you have
to be this tall to get intoheaven.
Exactly.
Kelli (28:56):
There's none of that, but we put that on ourselves.
Lily (28:59):
And I think that it's important to remember that in
this life, through the ups andthe downs, we have to count it
all joy and just remember thathe is, he is there and because
he's there we can be happy inthis life and it doesn't have to
be us.
We can be stressed out and wecan feel these, these negative
emotions because, like we said,it's just a part of life, of
(29:20):
course, part of being mortal,right, absolutely we're falling
exactly right, we're fallingexactly.
Kelli (29:27):
You can't help it, yeah no, this is it.
Lily (29:29):
But it's because of him that we can feel that joy and
know like no, my heart is faced,like my heart and my eyes and
my soul is towards you and evenif I'm just like crawling there
which is how it feels he wantsthat he's there and he's like
I'm crawling with you.
Let's just crawl together, ormaybe he's like I can help you
(29:49):
up if you want, but if you wantto keep crawling, like you know,
there's so many differentflavors of it that I think, yeah
, that I think I've at leastseen in my life and that and
through these interviews thatI've seen with everybody else,
which is just so encouraging tosee, like no matter no matter
what, like he literally is there.
Kelli (30:07):
And when we turn, turn to him.
Lily (30:08):
Even in the darkest times, we might not feel like, yay,
peppy, it's joy but just likethis peace.
Kelli (30:15):
You know there's a piece that passes understanding dude a
hundred percent and I feel likejoy.
Lily (30:19):
I feel like sometimes we even I don't know even
mischaracterize joy, that itdoes have to be this like super,
super peppy, like energeticlike but it's not.
I think it's.
I think joy is just knowingthat, that you are enough.
It is this calm, quiet thing.
Kelli (30:39):
Joy is rooted in hope.
I think joy is rooted in hope.
Dude.
I think that's where joy comesfrom is having hope and like so,
even when you know life is hardand it sucks and it's whatever,
like if you're rooted in hope,you have joy, because there's
hope that things will get better, or not even the things will
get better.
Maybe it won't ever get better,right, but there's hope that
(31:00):
you have someone in the firewith you that you're not alone.
It's huge dude, it's really gamechanging, I mean, I think.
I think I think back on all thetimes that I've fallen short
right, all the times that Ihaven't lived up to the 10
commandments or lived up tothese, these cultural norms that
we have in society.
There's been so many dudes.
There's been so many times thatI've fallen short.
(31:20):
It's just silly honestly.
It's just silly in big ways andsmall ways.
I'm like whoa, dude, like, yeah, um, I think back on all those
times and then I still come backto the place of the cross,
right, I still come back to theplace of actually, your grace is
enough, yeah, and your gracecovers that.
(31:41):
Like whoa, your grace coversthat too, and I think it's easy
to get caught up in this idea oflike it has to look a certain
way or be a certain way, or weall have to think a certain way.
Or, like whoa, your gracecovers that too, and I think
it's easy to get caught up inthis idea of like it has to look
a certain way or be a certainway, or we all have to think a
certain way.
But at the end of the day, dude, it's like being a Christian,
being someone who follows Christ, who is in love with Christ, is
not one size fits all.
It's not.
(32:02):
It's going to look differentand it's supposed to look
different.
And it's supposed to lookdifferent, like it's good that
it looks different.
Yeah, because one person's wayof loving god and following him
is going to minister to 10 otherpeople's ways that look like
that.
My way of loving and servinggod is going to minister to 10
other people that look and actand want well, it's the body of
christ right.
Lily (32:22):
The body of christ right we can't have.
The hand isn't the differentthan the foot we can't exactly,
dude, we can't only what it isexactly.
Kelli (32:30):
We can't all be hands, we can't all be feet, we can't all
be whatever.
That's.
It's the beauty of thisdiversity.
It's the beauty in the way thatwe all serve and love him
differently right they can cometogether in just this.
Oh yeah, it's outstanding whatthe lord can do with that.
When we're just leaning into itand we're just letting him take
the reins right, we're lettinghim lead the way, oh, it's mind
(32:52):
blowing what he can do.
Lily (32:53):
It's mind blowing, it'll change everything, it'll change
everything.
I love it.
I totally agree.
I love it and, honestly, Iactually don't have any other
questions or anything for you.
Do you have any other finalthoughts or things you'd like to
bring up?
I really I've seriously enjoyedour conversation.
This has been.
It's been so fun and, honestly,it's been really uplifting,
because I feel like I've beenreally struggling to find joy.
(33:16):
You know, and you don't get joyoutside of things other than
christ.
Right then, it's through christthat it's the focus of our lives
and when your life is focusedon jesus christ, then that is
truly where your joy comes fromand I think exactly, I think
I've even lost I think I've lostsight of that a little bit too,
because I just sit here and Ijust kind of get.
(33:38):
I get caught up in the dailygrind of the, of course the
running around and yeah, and amI doing enough.
But it is so comforting to hearyou testify and say like no,
even in the trials and even inthe things that you know, you
can find that joy and that joyis that hope.
Kelli (33:55):
And I think that's something that.
Lily (33:56):
I've been lacking recently is the hope of the hope of I
can be better, the hope of I canchange, the hope of you know we
can think, good things canhappen and it's through him,
through this dude, and yeah,exactly, and it's through him
that these things can happen.
Kelli (34:12):
So thank you so much for like yeah for bringing that up
like that's.
Lily (34:16):
That was powerful and I really appreciate you bringing
that up.
Kelli (34:19):
Oh, dude of course I mean it's, it's all the lord, right,
it's, it's all the lord, he's.
He's the one doing all the work.
I just get to be the mouthpiece.
But no, dude.
I mean God is so ridiculouslygood, he is so good in
everything.
Dude, he's going to pull youthrough the day to day.
(34:39):
He's going to pull you throughthe daily grind.
Right, he does all the time.
He's got a plan, even in this,even in the day to day.
Lily (34:45):
He's got a plan for it time.
Kelli (34:46):
He's got a plan even in this, Even in the day-to-day.
He's got a plan for it.
Dude, he's not using it fornothing.
He hasn't just left you off tosee, to fend for yourself, to do
your own thing?
Lily (34:52):
I sure hope so.
When I'm raising these rugratsI'm like come on, baby, it feels
like that some days right, itfeels like it's like hello.
Does anyone hear me?
Kelli (35:11):
what is happening?
Yeah, right, right, it doesfeel like that.
Yeah, it is a wilderness man itis a wilderness, like if I can,
if I can leave you and leaveanybody who happens to be
listening, with anything, it'sthat he is with you in the
wilderness man.
He's with you, even when youdon't feel like he is, he's
there, he's, he's right there.
I guarantee you he has not leftyou, he hasn't left you and he
won't ever Lean into him.
Lean into him.
Lily (35:31):
It's worth it 100%.
Well thank you so much, Kelly,for your time.
I really appreciate it.
Oh, Lily, thank you so much.
Kelli (35:38):
I feel so lucky to get to talk about my favorite thing
with you this is so cool theword is so good.
I just really appreciate it,man.
He's just been so good and justthank you for having me on.
This has really been a gift.
Lily (35:51):
Hey, no worries, we'll talk to you later.
Kelli (35:53):
Yay, you're awesome.
See you later.
Lily (35:57):
Thanks again for tuning into More Than Coincidence,
remembering Jesus Christ in yourstory.
Please follow us on socialmedia or share us with a friend.
If you have an experience you'dlike to share, feel free to
reach out to more thancoincidence.
Dot remember him at gmailcom.
I can't wait to hear all of theamazing memories you all have
of our savior.
(36:17):
See you next time.
Hello everyone and welcome to.
More Than CoincidenceRemembering Jesus Christ in your
Story as the author andfinisher of our faith, our
Savior writes personalexperiences into each of our
lives which can later strengthen, empower and bring us peace
upon reflection.
This podcast is dedicated tosharing these anchoring memories
(00:26):
from everyone's unique storiesin order to collectively
remember and testify of thereality of Jesus Christ and his
presence in our lives.
I'm your host, lily, and I'mvery excited to share these
experiences together.
All right, everybody, welcometo the podcast.
Tonight we have Kelly.
Kelly, how you doing?
Kelli (00:45):
I'm doing so good.
I'm so excited to be here.
Thank you so much for having meLily.
Lily (00:50):
Hey, I am so happy that I get to talk to you and we've
been able to catch up and thishas just been.
It's just been so much fun sofar.
Kelli (00:59):
So do you mind introducing yourself for the
audience?
Absolutely Okay.
So I'm Kelly, I am 28 years old, I am a mom and I'm a wife.
I have two incredible kids.
We live in Utah, super great.
I grew up in a Christianhousehold, so I was always kind
of serving or doing ministry insome kind of aspect, and I'm so
lucky that that is my story,because I had parents that love
(01:25):
me, I had siblings that loved meand I got to be in churches
where I felt loved and takencare of and really was
introduced to God from a really,really young age and my mom
just really made it a tangiblething for me from early on.
So I feel really lucky, so yeah, that's so awesome.
Lily (01:42):
Well, Kelly, I'll ask you the question then what memories
do you have in your life thatyou reflect on, that prick your
heart and remembrance of ourSavior Jesus Christ and anchor
you to him?
Oh my gosh Lily.
Kelli (01:54):
I love this question.
I love that you're doing thispodcast, just in general.
Oh, thank you.
Love this question specificallybecause I feel like it's very,
it's very open-ended.
I feel like the older I'vegotten, the more that I've like
realized and seen that he's beenin everything right, like he's
(02:15):
been in it all.
It's like it's hard to narrowdown just one specific memory or
one specific instance, becauseit's like man, every instance
he's been in and everything, allof the hard things, all of the
good things he's, he's had hishands in.
You know it's, if I'm lookingback throughout the duration of
my life, it's funny I I will trynot to go through each
(02:36):
individual of the 28 years.
I will try not to do thatbecause we could be here for a
while.
So when I was younger right, wegrew up in this Christian
household God was always talkedabout.
My mom did such a good job, lily, of making God this tangible,
real thing and really bringinghim into the everyday of our
(02:59):
lives, and so I never questioned, you know, if he was real or if
he was there or if he heard meor anything, because she just
made it so evident that that hewas.
Yeah, yeah, um, so early on inmy life I really felt like I
kind of had a life verse thatwas given to me, not not by
anybody.
I was just reading through thebible and I really felt like
this was early on.
I was probably 13, 14 when thiswas when I felt like this
(03:22):
really jumped off the page.
But it it was James one, twothrough four, which says counted
all joy, my brethren, when youfall into various trials,
knowing that the testing of yourfaith produces patients,
letting patients have itsperfect work in you, that you
may be perfect and complete,lacking nothing, right.
So that was given to me whenI'm like 13, 14 years old.
Yeah, I'm going to be realhonest with you.
(03:43):
I had been through nothing at13 or 14 years.
I know, compared to now, you'relike that was easy, junior high
was nothing back then I was likeoh, yes, oh, the trials that
I'm going through, yes, I'm suchan anxious angsty teen little.
(04:04):
Did I know, man, the scope ofimpact that that would have
throughout the course of my life?
Right, it's funny because it'sactually.
It's even like my instagramhandle, like from when I was
like 13 or 14 years old.
I'm like, oh, this is it, likethis is going to be the motto of
my life.
I did not realize that, um, itwas going to be kind of
difficult to count it all.
Joy, that's right, all is a bigword and there's a lot that
(04:26):
happens in a life to have tocount it all joy.
So as I got older, met a boy.
We were best friends, typicallittle boy down the street
situation.
We fell in love.
We got married.
We got married really young andthings just didn't work out and
I was so devastated, reallyLike I was.
(04:50):
I was beside myself.
It was the first time in my lifethat I really felt like God,
where are you?
What are you doing?
Like, what are you doing?
Am I just a joke to you?
Like, I really felt like I hadheard from him to you, know,
accept the proposal and to moveforward in marriage.
(05:10):
We knew each other from church.
Like we served together atchurch.
Like this, like I was, like thisis, this is all I ever dreamed
of.
Like, what do you?
Like?
I felt completely literallylike the rug had been ripped out
from under me and it wasdevastating.
I was devastated.
I didn't know what I was goingto do.
I didn't know where I was goingto go.
I didn't know who would.
My dream was always to be awife and a mom and after that I
(05:34):
honestly, lily, did not know whowas going to want me.
I'm like sick.
I have a divorce on my record.
And who's going to want that ofthis little like 20 year old
girl?
Like nobody wants a divorce,say it at 20 years old.
Like you, nobody wants thislike oh, which is not true.
Lily (05:51):
You can always start over, of course, not true now?
I know this.
Kelli (05:55):
Now, the little little baby, 20 year old, kelly didn't
know any better.
Lily (06:00):
I'm so sorry.
I want to give her a hug.
Kelli (06:02):
Dude, same, same, oh my gosh, same.
There's a lot I want to do toher, I swear, but it was crazy,
dude, the way that the word metme in that space.
So I have distinctive memoriesof driving around in my car
right after everything had comeout and like I was so devastated
and I was so sad and I was sojust brokenhearted.
And I'm driving around in mycar and, lily, I am screaming at
(06:25):
God like a psychopath, like Iam cursing him, I'm saying where
are you?
Why did you do this to me?
I've spent my whole lifeserving you, I've spent my whole
life showing up for you, andthis is what you do to me.
This is what you do to me.
I've been there you look like afool, like I just was losing it
on him and I, as I'm sittingthere and I'm sitting in my car
(06:52):
and I'm punching my steeringwheel and I'm crying and I'm
screaming and I just I'm it'sthe type of pain that, like you
feel at such a level that youthink you're never going to come
back from, like the soul, soulcrushing, body aching right
right, just devastation, right,yeah, and as I'm sitting there
and I'm so mad at God and I'm somad at everything, I'm just so
sad all of a sudden, like I have.
(07:14):
I had this one spot in thevalley that I would drive to and
it just was like this overlookwhere I could just kind of see
the entire Utah valley.
And it was night, it was darkand all the lights were on, you
know, and I'm just like staringoff over there, I, I'm so mad,
I'm so upset and all of a sudden, like, just like a still small
voice, right, just like he talksabout it's almost like I could
hear him just be like Kel, look,look out, look at all these,
(07:36):
look at all these lights.
Think about all those peoplethat are out there.
And I started thinking aboutthat.
Right, all of these people thatare out there living their
lives, doing their thing, right,each one of them is going
through something, every singleone.
The difference is you get tohave hope for this thing that
you're going through.
You get to have me in thisthing that you're going through
(07:56):
and immediately, dude, it hit melike a ton of bricks where I
was like whoa, you're absolutelylike.
I get to have hope, like I getto have hope, like I get to have
the Lord to walk through.
This there's, there's a wholeValley of people out here that
might not know him, that mightnot have him, that have to go
through hard things Like I atleast I have hope.
Like, at least I have the Lord,like I have someone.
(08:19):
I'm not alone, I have someone.
Right, exactly, it was just andit was.
It was so mind blowing to methat he met me with such
kindness, right, and such suchsoftness when I was so angry,
lily, and I was so mad and I wasso harsh and mean, and yet he
still met, met me with thissoftness and this kindness and
(08:42):
this gentleness.
Right, I mean, it's like in theword, right, it talks about how
his kindness is what leads usto repentance.
Whoa, it was true for me, right?
I was like, oh, my gosh, lord,I'm sorry that I've been such a
spoiled brat.
Lily (08:55):
Like it's not about me and what I do for you, it's about
you and what you've already donefor me like just, and what you
can do for me in the future,like you know my future and I
don't know it and I can stilland I think it's still okay for
us to to grieve and to feel thatpain.
But I love how you bring up thehope.
(09:15):
It's like I'm grieving and he'ssitting here with me, grieving
with me, but he says don't worry, kelly.
Don't worry, kelly don't worry,lily, I have a plan for you.
You might not know it, but putyour faith in me and hope, and
let's go together and startagain.
Exactly how beautiful is thatwe actually get to have that
because of jesus christ oh it's,it's unreal, dude, it's, it's
(09:40):
so it feels almost unfair.
Kelli (09:42):
I'm like, oh, oh, my God, like this is so special, like,
oh my God, right, it's crazy.
It's like in that dude.
It's been such a journey.
This has been the constanttheme I feel like throughout my
life of like me finding myselfin these positions of just deep
sadness.
I guess, like I said, this lifeverse was given to me of
(10:05):
counted all joy and I wasn'tever expecting my life to be
filled with a lot of loss.
I feel like even at 28 rightnow, looking back, my life's
been marked with a lot of loss,and that's not something you
expect when you're 14 years oldand you're being given a life
verse about joy, like you know,right, but looking back.
(10:29):
These benchmarks in my life havebeen marked with a lot of loss,
the divorce being one of them,but there's a lot of other
things in addition to that.
Yet, every time, the Lord hasshown up, every single time, and
it hasn't ever been dependenton how I'm doing, like, or what
(10:49):
I'm doing, or like where I'm ator or anything.
He's just always been there,like it's just, even, even as of
recently.
So I've struggled with anxietyand depression for a for a long
time.
Anxiety since I was a teenager,um, teenager.
Depression, definitely in thelast five years.
And these lows that I will gothrough, lily, are so dark.
(11:10):
They're so dark, it's just.
I mean, there was situationsjust a couple years back where I
, in all total transparency,total honesty, I did not think I
was going to make it.
I was very ready to end it all.
I was very ready to be done.
I was very I did not think, Ihonestly thought that my being
(11:34):
here in life on earth madepeople's lives worse and I
needed to be done.
And it was totally thedepression talking Like it was
totally I was.
It was spiraling to a placethat the things were so dark
that that was literally what my,what I was believing.
Yeah, even there, even there,as I'm sitting on my bathroom
(11:55):
floor and I'm weeping and I'm,and I'm, you know, contemplating
this and I'm doing this andwhatever, even there, the Lord
sat beside me and met me andsaid I got you.
I got you Like I want you, I,you are actually enough.
I, I, I do want you Like I, youdo actually make things better
because I made you like youbecause I made you.
Lily (12:19):
Because I made you, you are literally divine.
Kelli (12:21):
Like, yes, like that's exactly, dude, like it's just
been so insane to me that he'snever asked me to be any certain
way or come to him in anycertain way or show up in my
Sunday best with my perkiestattitude and my happiest heart
(12:43):
he's just looking for therose-colored glasses.
And as long as I come to himwith a thankful heart, then he's
going to bless me and he'sgoing to meet me.
And it's just not been that way, dude.
I can be at my very lowest, myvery most difficult to be around
, and he's still there and hestill wants me and he still
wants to hang out.
Like it's been so spectacularlyamazing.
(13:08):
I can't even it's hard to putit into words the way that he's
been so real to me and sosufficient, like more than
sufficient.
He's been so good to me evenwhen I don't deserve it, like
(13:30):
even when I've done nothing forhim, even when I can't do
anything for him, even when Ican't give anything back.
I physically, my depression, myanxiety, whatever is physically
causing me to not be able togive him anything.
He still wants me, he stillwants to be by me.
He still wants to hang out Likeit's just it's, it's absolutely
incredible, yeah, like it's.
It's mind-blowing and so the tothink about.
(13:51):
You know the ways that he has.
You know areas in my life thathe's pricked my heart, memories
that I have.
It's like god.
All of them, all of them, allof them prick my heart.
All of them remind me that he'sbeen there.
All of them remind me that,like he's shown up, because he's
never left, like he's alwaysbeen there.
I can't get him to leave.
(14:16):
Sometimes I get so stuck in mydepravity that it does feel like
I'm pushing him away, like itfeels like I'm actively being
like.
You don't want to see I'munclean, I'm dirty.
I'm pushing him away Like itfeels like I'm actively being
like you don't want to see melike this.
I'm unclean, I'm dirty, I'm sosinful Like I don't deserve you,
like all of yeah, exactly, Ifeel like it's so easy for me to
get stuck in that loop and thatspiral of thinking well, I
(14:40):
don't want to be around me.
I don't think anybody elsewants to be around me, right.
Lily (14:44):
Therefore, god does not want to be around me.
I don't think anybody elsewants to be around me, right?
Therefore, god does not want tobe around me, right?
Kelli (14:48):
Exactly.
And yet he does.
And yet there, there it is, andyet there it is, just
consistently there, waiting forme to turn around, waiting for
me to just open my eyes and justaccept it.
Right, it's just, it'sbeautiful.
Lily (15:03):
I love it.
So I really, really love howyou're bringing up this idea of
counting it all joy and I feellike right now it's so I don't
want to say impossible to dokind of in life and I just I
feel like there are so manythings going on in the world and
going on in our lives that itis so hard to to feel that joy
(15:27):
and to have that and to havethat hope you know yeah it is.
And so how do you?
I guess my question to youwould be, how have you been able
to kind of hold on to that andand have that faith and that
trust in Christ and in God, toand and hold on to it Like, why
(15:47):
is that even something?
When you're in your dark, youryour lowest of lows and stuff.
Why do you, why do you choosehim?
Kelli (15:55):
You know, dude, such a good question, such a good
question.
Thank you so much for asking it.
I honestly, it's because he'sbeen the constant, he's been the
thing that hasn't left.
Yeah, he's been the thing thatI know that I can always count
on, um, so it makes it easierfor me to run to him because
he's been the thing that'salways been consistent, that
(16:18):
hasn't gone anywhere.
You know, right, that's alwaysbeen, it's always been and
always will be.
So that I mean that's, I knowthat at the root.
That's the reason why, rightNow, practically every day in
regular life, right, it's superhard, dude, it's super hard to
remember those things, becauselife does get heavy.
(16:40):
Trials are hard, like, they'renot called trials for nothing,
like, like going throughdifficulties is not fun being
refined, is not fun, it's notenjoyable at all.
Right, it's very difficult tocount it joy, right?
Yeah, I feel like, even just asa recently right, I mean even
(17:03):
in the last like six months thisis something that's really been
like an eyeopening idea thatI've tried to like hold onto.
Is that I am tried to like holdon to?
Is that I am privileged tosuffer, which sounds actually
insane?
Oh, please no expound on that.
Lily (17:16):
I love that.
Kelli (17:16):
No, expound on that but I am privileged to suffer like.
The Lord trusts me enough tostay close to him to, to spread
his name, to continue to worshiphim.
He trusts me enough to do that,that he would give me this
heart thing, whatever.
Whatever the hard thing mightbe Right, we all have different
(17:37):
hard things.
But to come at it from aperspective of like, I'm
actually blessed that he wouldtrust me enough to carry this
hard thing, to carry this heavything, like I am honored among
saints, that he would trust meenough to carry this, that he
would trust me enough to, to, tobear his name and also carry
this heavy Right.
(17:57):
Right, it's been, it's beenpretty game changing for me,
dude, to like, think about,actually, I'm privileged to
suffer, not just because of like, oh, it's so awesome that he
would trust me with it, which isa huge part of it, but also I
know that the suffering bringsdepth.
The suffering is where theroots take, like, that's where
(18:20):
they go.
Lily (18:20):
Yes, and that's the purpose right.
Kelli (18:22):
Like it gives purpose.
Exactly Like he doesn't allowthese things for nothing.
It's not just.
It's not just for nothing, it'snot just.
It's not just for for nothing,it's not.
so he can sit back and watch usbe in pain and be like oh yikes,
or it's not just for thesetests or for these, these,
whatever, like he's not just apuppet master in the sky
watching us suffer and laughingabout it.
Right, you guys, he is activelyinvolved, he's actively there
(18:47):
and it's all so that we can havea deeper relationship with him
and a deeper love for otherpeople.
Like, because of this suffering, because of these hard things,
right, because of my strugglewith depression, I now get to
minister to people who havedepression.
Exactly, that's so sick, that'sso rad, because they need
somebody.
(19:07):
Everybody needs somebody rightRight.
So the fact that not only wouldthe lord trust me to to carry
this suffering right, but hewould also trust me to use it
for his glory, that's, that'srad, it's just, it's, it's
incredible.
I I do honestly and and somedays are better than others
right yeah, there still daysthat I'm like God.
(19:28):
Why, what are you doing?
For sure, days like that.
And then there's grace, right,then there's grace to get me
through that.
Then there's grace to hold on tome through that.
But I can honestly say that mygo-to at least what I always try
to plant myself back into isthe fact that this is bringing a
(19:52):
depth in me that can only comethrough the suffering, it can
only come through the hardthings, it can only be brought
out through that, you know, andthat's encouraging.
Lily (20:04):
Yeah, and it makes me think about when he was in the
Garden of Gethsemane and when hewas hanging on the cross right,
like if we didn't, if we didn'tknow the good from the bad, if
we didn't experience horriblethings, how would we know the
joy of our redemption?
How would we know?
How we know how amazing if wedidn't know sickness?
How could we know health likewe wouldn't?
(20:25):
We wouldn't truly be able tounderstand and comprehend.
At the end of the day, when weget to see him again and
everyone's together again, it'slike we won't understand the
majesty of the resurrection andthe majesty of what he did in
Gethsemane until we can feelthis Exactly.
(20:48):
And it sucks, but at least atthe same time, I love how you
say it gives you depth and itgives you roots, because that
that is what it is, and I thinkI and I also love how you bring
up though, like we're human andit is okay for us to still kind
of be like I'm so angry.
And I, and I'm even even, evenanger towards god I think
(21:09):
absolutely I think sometimes atleast I know for me I get so I
beat up on myself a lot and I'mlike, oh, if I was like a better
, a better disciple of christ,then I wouldn't be angry that
this is happening or sad thatthis is happening or feeling
yeah, or feeling like this, but.
But I love how you say like no.
Literally in my darkest moments, christ came and sat next to me
(21:32):
, even when I was literally inthe process of pushing him away.
He was like no, worries, I'llbe back, I'll just be standing
over here if you need somethingexactly, and that is that's
literally him and that'sliterally his purpose is to be
able to minister to us.
So in our darkest times, sothat we can also have him as
that example and minister toothers.
(21:54):
And I just, I love that man.
Kelli (21:57):
I love that Dude.
That's the thing I mean.
Like I think it's so beautiful.
I love that you bring up likethe struggles that Jesus went
through right, because it makeshim real.
Lily (22:07):
It makes him tangible.
Kelli (22:08):
It shows us so clearly that this is not.
We do not serve a God whocannot sympathize with our
weaknesses.
Right.
He has felt the pain, he hasfelt the suffering.
He knows this well.
This is not like talking toyour friend who doesn't know
anything about mental illness orwho doesn't know anything, dude
.
You are talking to someone whohas experienced it all and loves
(22:33):
you through it.
And going back to this right,because I'm just like you, I am
the same way, especially, Ithink being raised in church.
It's very easy for me to feelincredible amounts of guilt when
I do not respond to situationsappropriately, when I don't
respond to situations with thisjoy, or when I don't respond to
situations appropriately, when Idon't respond to situations
with this joy, or when I don'trespond with this peace or this.
Lily (22:53):
You know this, I feel like it's like there's a right way
to Jesus, there's a right way todisciple, exactly, exactly, and
we kind of get wrapped up inthat sometimes, which I do think
that you know he gives uscommandments so, yes, keep, you
know, like there are right waysin that sense of keep his gospel
, live his laws, but there's noright way to come to him.
(23:14):
No, you know there's no rightway to communicate with him and
to sit with him Right.
Kelli (23:20):
He died on the cross for this like, for us.
I have to remind myself of thatall the time.
He didn't die on the cross sothat I could be perfect and I
could get to heaven and not needhim anyway.
Like he died on the cross forthis specific reason.
And I keep coming back to thisplace of like because I again
growing up in church, right,there's kind of this stigma
(23:42):
between having negative feelingsand negative emotions and
negative thoughts.
You're kind of expected to behappy and just like woo, the
Lord is so good, like we,everything's good, like whatever
, all the time.
Lily (23:54):
And.
Kelli (23:55):
I think, as I'm getting older, I'm realizing more and
more that he created even thebad feelings too Like these are
these.
He created those too.
He created us asmultidimensional humans who feel
everything.
It's not wrong, it's not bad,like it's not even the anger
(24:17):
right, even this frustration,even when it's directed at him,
right.
We're not talking to a God whois so small that he can't handle
that.
Lily (24:28):
Right or he doesn't like want to deal with it no, right.
Kelli (24:32):
No, he's not like that dude, he's just simply not.
He wants to pull us in closerduring those times, during those
times of he.
He already knows we're feelingthat way, like he knows
everything he creates right, heknows better than I know myself
he knows how I'm going torespond to things.
The fact that, like, he justwants us to allow him to be
(24:53):
close, isn't that Because healready knows we're going
through it anyway, like healready knows, right, right, I'm
surprised to him, right?
He just wants to be a lot ofthe opportunity to come close to
us and then ultimately be ourpiece anyway, like he's where it
comes from.
So it's like I have had toreally work through in myself
(25:15):
even the last couple years, likenot making myself feel guilty
for feeling sad or for feelingnegatively or feeling angry or
whatever, because the lord meetsyou in that spot too, dude.
He created you, he alreadyknows, you, knows you're going
to.
He knows those things.
It's not a surprise to himwhenever we don't respond to
everything exactly the way thatwe're supposed to or should or
(25:38):
whatever.
That's what grace is for my man.
That's why he did it, that'swhy he's there, that's why he
wants us is because he knowsthat we're not perfect, like,
and he never asked us to be.
He never asked us to be.
These are quick notions that weput on ourselves, I know and I
don't know why we do that.
Lily (25:54):
I feel like that's just kind of one of the devil's like
little tricks, right he's likeyou have you have to be perfect,
and I feel like it's evencliche bringing it up because
we're like, oh yeah, that'stotally something that the devil
just does a hundred percent.
We don't seriously, becauseit's like, no, like that,
literally, is one of the biggestthings that drags us down is we
feel so wrapped up in the what,the what.
(26:17):
We're not exactly whatever, andwhatever flavor that is of
whoever that is, and so, and sowe allow that to distance to.
I think that in a way, wedistance us from him, agreed.
Kelli (26:32):
Agreed, he never walked.
Agreed, agreed, he's neverpulling away.
I completely agree.
And that is the thing right.
I feel like I at least for mepersonally, and maybe for you
too I get so caught up in thisidea that, like you're not
enough, you're not enough, I'mnot enough, I'm not enough, like
I'm not doing enough, I'm notsaying enough, I'm not being
enough, I'm not loving enough,I'm not what, I'm not whatever,
(26:53):
enough Right.
And he never asked us to beenough.
He said that he's enough.
He said that he's me so like Idon't know what I'm doing over
here, trying to be enough Do allthe things and like be a
certain way and, and you know,try to try to do whatever.
It's all for not, dude, becausehe never asked that of us.
(27:14):
Yeah, he asked us to, he askedus to be close to him, like he
asked us to let him love us, andthat's all I have to do, right
right, exactly, and that thatliterally is.
Lily (27:26):
And it's funny that I think you bring that up, because
I've had so many conversationswith my husband where I'm just
like in my, in the depths oflike, oh, I'm such a horrible
person, oh, I'm not doing enough, I have to be at this X amount
of spiritual level to whateveryou know.
But.
But he asked me.
He's like okay, lily, but like,can you actually quantify that?
Like, how will you, how willyou know when you've arrived?
Kelli (27:50):
can you actually quantify that like?
How will you, how will you knowwhen you've arrived exactly,
how will you know?
Lily (27:52):
and I'm like I don't know.
I just I just know I'm not thereexactly and it's so far away
and then he's, and then he'slike lily, you're, you're being
silly and it's, but it's true,it it really is like, even
looking back and in thescriptures and stuff, other like
, like we said, other than likethe strict commandments and
stuff, or and even in our church, you know, we, in our temples,
(28:15):
we make covenants, so we make,we make other additional
promises with god, you know, andwhen we but those promises
they're not necessarily hard,they're consecrate your life to
him.
You know there are things thatare kind of like already aligned
with his laws.
You know and it's all, and it'sall based off of how much are
(28:35):
you consecrating to me of yoursoul, of your heart?
Do you have a broken heart anda contrite spirit that you're
giving to me?
There is no line of, okay, youhave to do x amount of good
deeds and all of this and all ofthis.
There is no hard line that inyou know that he says you have
to be this tall to get intoheaven.
Exactly.
Kelli (28:56):
There's none of that, but we put that on ourselves.
Lily (28:59):
And I think that it's important to remember that in
this life, through the ups andthe downs, we have to count it
all joy and just remember thathe is, he is there and because
he's there we can be happy inthis life and it doesn't have to
be us.
We can be stressed out and wecan feel these, these negative
emotions because, like we said,it's just a part of life, of
(29:20):
course, part of being mortal,right, absolutely we're falling
exactly right, we're fallingexactly.
Kelli (29:27):
You can't help it, yeah no, this is it.
Lily (29:29):
But it's because of him that we can feel that joy and
know like no, my heart is faced,like my heart and my eyes and
my soul is towards you and evenif I'm just like crawling there
which is how it feels he wantsthat he's there and he's like
I'm crawling with you.
Let's just crawl together, ormaybe he's like I can help you
(29:49):
up if you want, but if you wantto keep crawling, like you know,
there's so many differentflavors of it that I think, yeah
, that I think I've at leastseen in my life and that and
through these interviews thatI've seen with everybody else,
which is just so encouraging tosee, like no matter no matter
what, like he literally is there.
Kelli (30:07):
And when we turn, turn to him.
Lily (30:08):
Even in the darkest times, we might not feel like, yay,
peppy, it's joy but just likethis peace.
Kelli (30:15):
You know there's a piece that passes understanding dude a
hundred percent and I feel likejoy.
Lily (30:19):
I feel like sometimes we even I don't know even
mischaracterize joy, that itdoes have to be this like super,
super peppy, like energeticlike but it's not.
I think it's.
I think joy is just knowingthat, that you are enough.
It is this calm, quiet thing.
Kelli (30:39):
Joy is rooted in hope.
I think joy is rooted in hope.
Dude.
I think that's where joy comesfrom is having hope and like so,
even when you know life is hardand it sucks and it's whatever,
like if you're rooted in hope,you have joy, because there's
hope that things will get better, or not even the things will
get better.
Maybe it won't ever get better,right, but there's hope that
(31:00):
you have someone in the firewith you that you're not alone.
It's huge dude, it's really gamechanging, I mean, I think.
I think I think back on all thetimes that I've fallen short
right, all the times that Ihaven't lived up to the 10
commandments or lived up tothese, these cultural norms that
we have in society.
There's been so many dudes.
There's been so many times thatI've fallen short.
(31:20):
It's just silly honestly.
It's just silly in big ways andsmall ways.
I'm like whoa, dude, like, yeah, um, I think back on all those
times and then I still come backto the place of the cross,
right, I still come back to theplace of actually, your grace is
enough, yeah, and your gracecovers that.
(31:41):
Like whoa, your grace coversthat too, and I think it's easy
to get caught up in this idea oflike it has to look a certain
way or be a certain way, or weall have to think a certain way.
Or, like whoa, your gracecovers that too, and I think
it's easy to get caught up inthis idea of like it has to look
a certain way or be a certainway, or we all have to think a
certain way.
But at the end of the day, dude, it's like being a Christian,
being someone who follows Christ, who is in love with Christ, is
not one size fits all.
It's not.
(32:02):
It's going to look differentand it's supposed to look
different.
And it's supposed to lookdifferent, like it's good that
it looks different.
Yeah, because one person's wayof loving god and following him
is going to minister to 10 otherpeople's ways that look like
that.
My way of loving and servinggod is going to minister to 10
other people that look and actand want well, it's the body of
christ right.
Lily (32:22):
The body of christ right we can't have.
The hand isn't the differentthan the foot we can't exactly,
dude, we can't only what it isexactly.
Kelli (32:30):
We can't all be hands, we can't all be feet, we can't all
be whatever.
That's.
It's the beauty of thisdiversity.
It's the beauty in the way thatwe all serve and love him
differently right they can cometogether in just this.
Oh yeah, it's outstanding whatthe lord can do with that.
When we're just leaning into itand we're just letting him take
the reins right, we're lettinghim lead the way, oh, it's mind
(32:52):
blowing what he can do.
Lily (32:53):
It's mind blowing, it'll change everything, it'll change
everything.
I love it.
I totally agree.
I love it and, honestly, Iactually don't have any other
questions or anything for you.
Do you have any other finalthoughts or things you'd like to
bring up?
I really I've seriously enjoyedour conversation.
This has been.
It's been so fun and, honestly,it's been really uplifting,
because I feel like I've beenreally struggling to find joy.
(33:16):
You know, and you don't get joyoutside of things other than
christ.
Right then, it's through christthat it's the focus of our lives
and when your life is focusedon jesus christ, then that is
truly where your joy comes fromand I think exactly, I think
I've even lost I think I've lostsight of that a little bit too,
because I just sit here and Ijust kind of get.
(33:38):
I get caught up in the dailygrind of the, of course the
running around and yeah, and amI doing enough.
But it is so comforting to hearyou testify and say like no,
even in the trials and even inthe things that you know, you
can find that joy and that joyis that hope.
Kelli (33:55):
And I think that's something that.
Lily (33:56):
I've been lacking recently is the hope of the hope of I
can be better, the hope of I canchange, the hope of you know we
can think, good things canhappen and it's through him,
through this dude, and yeah,exactly, and it's through him
that these things can happen.
Kelli (34:12):
So thank you so much for like yeah for bringing that up
like that's.
Lily (34:16):
That was powerful and I really appreciate you bringing
that up.
Kelli (34:19):
Oh, dude of course I mean it's, it's all the lord, right,
it's, it's all the lord, he's.
He's the one doing all the work.
I just get to be the mouthpiece.
But no, dude.
I mean God is so ridiculouslygood, he is so good in
everything.
Dude, he's going to pull youthrough the day to day.
(34:39):
He's going to pull you throughthe daily grind.
Right, he does all the time.
He's got a plan, even in this,even in the day to day.
Lily (34:45):
He's got a plan for it time.
Kelli (34:46):
He's got a plan even in this, Even in the day-to-day.
He's got a plan for it.
Dude, he's not using it fornothing.
He hasn't just left you off tosee, to fend for yourself, to do
your own thing?
Lily (34:52):
I sure hope so.
When I'm raising these rugratsI'm like come on, baby, it feels
like that some days right, itfeels like it's like hello.
Does anyone hear me?
Kelli (35:11):
what is happening?
Yeah, right, right, it doesfeel like that.
Yeah, it is a wilderness man itis a wilderness, like if I can,
if I can leave you and leaveanybody who happens to be
listening, with anything, it'sthat he is with you in the
wilderness man.
He's with you, even when youdon't feel like he is, he's
there, he's, he's right there.
I guarantee you he has not leftyou, he hasn't left you and he
won't ever Lean into him.
Lean into him.
Lily (35:31):
It's worth it 100%.
Well thank you so much, Kelly,for your time.
I really appreciate it.
Oh, Lily, thank you so much.
Kelli (35:38):
I feel so lucky to get to talk about my favorite thing
with you this is so cool theword is so good.
I just really appreciate it,man.
He's just been so good and justthank you for having me on.
This has really been a gift.
Lily (35:51):
Hey, no worries, we'll talk to you later.
Kelli (35:53):
Yay, you're awesome.
See you later.
Lily (35:57):
Thanks again for tuning into More Than Coincidence,
remembering Jesus Christ in yourstory.
Please follow us on socialmedia or share us with a friend.
If you have an experience you'dlike to share, feel free to
reach out to more thancoincidence.
Dot remember him at gmailcom.
I can't wait to hear all of theamazing memories you all have
of our savior.
(36:17):
See you next time.
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