November 14, 2023 • 56 mins
Warning: this episode includes conversation about suicide. This episode may not be appropriate for anyone sensitive to the topic of suicide. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please know, SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER, help is available. A super easy way to get help in the United States is the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, Just TEXT or CALL 988. Please get help. This world needs each and every one of you.
HELP. IS. AVAILABLE. Text 988 or Call 988.
The is the 2nd of our 2 part series with O.G. BMX pro Dusty Horton. In this episodes Dusty shares his mental health journey including his childhood experiences, struggle with perfectionism, numerous serious injuries, alcohol abuse, incarceration, losing his driver's license, thoughts of suicide, and thankfully for Dusty (and all of us) his path to recovery and balance through trauma work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy.
Dusty also takes us through how cycling is playing a role in his path to recovery and how his relationship with his bike has changed.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/988
Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy: https://ifs-institute.com/
Somatic Therapy: Harvard Medical School
Yin Yoga: https://yinyoga.com/yinsights/what-is-yin-yoga/
How to manage your perfectionism: Harvard Business Review (HBR)
Dusty Horton's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dustyhorton/
Listen to Mountain Cog
Apple Podcasts
Spotify
Other Podcast Sites
Socials
Instagram
Facebook
Email
mountaincog@gmail.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Josh (00:00):
Greetings to the Mountain Cog podcast audience.
I hope you're having a greatday.
What we're about to delve intohere is part two of our two-part
series with the OG BMXprofessional rider, dusty Horton
, and in the first episode,which we very much enjoyed and
hope you did too we get intoDusty's, or got into Dusty's
background.
(00:20):
In BMX the cool bike citiesriding these days, some cool new
bike companies we learn aboutthe 22, have lots of jokes, fun
stories, got to know Dusty alittle bit and it was a really
fun episode.
We definitely enjoyed recordingit.
Hope you enjoyed it as well.
In this second part, we delveinto some more serious content,
(00:41):
and that content really is.
Dusty shares with us his mentalhealth journey, and so there's
a warning that comes along withthat.
This podcast does include adiscussion of suicide, with the
intention of aiming to helppromote understanding and
support.
However, it can be sensitivefor some listeners.
So if suicide is a topic thatis sensitive to you or anyone
(01:02):
that's in the earshot of thispodcast, suggest that maybe you
don't listen to this podcast,and if you need help or if
you're thinking about suicide,it's not the right answer.
There's plenty of options to gethelp.
One of the key ones is you cancontact, if you're in the United
States, a crisis hotline andall you have to do is either
(01:23):
call or text 988.
Once again, call or text 988.
Suicide is not the answer.
Please reach out and get thehelp that you need by calling or
texting 988, if you're havingthose thoughts, and we'll go
ahead and dive into this parttwo and we're going to learn all
(01:44):
about Dusty's mental healthjourney, which is quite
interesting and quite inspiring.
So thank you all for listeningand I hope you're having a great
day.
We're going to calm down on thejokes here.
(02:09):
Let us tell you or let uslisten to your story.
Back story.
Mike (02:12):
Sure yeah, what do?
Josh (02:14):
we add time wise, so we're about 50 minutes, but we
usually go about an hour.
But we can go as long as you'recomfortable.
Dusty Horton (02:19):
We're at 50.
50.
Josh (02:21):
Perfect.
Dusty Horton (02:22):
Okay.
So yeah, I mean I think youknow I'd like to talk a little
bit about my history, just as itrelates to cycling and how
we're not in any hurry man, justtake your time.
Thank you.
In whatever way I can, thatwould hopefully help some other
(02:42):
people.
Yeah, provide some hope, reallyideally, to some other people.
And so you know, just in theinterest of that, you know a
little bit more candid historyand kind of where I came from
and how I ended up in Tucson andhow I ended up riding bicycles
in the first place and just sortof.
I've had a prettytransformational last year and
(03:06):
I'd like to talk a lot aboutthat kind of journey and shift
for me which has really put meinto a space that I hope
everybody who goes throughanything like I've gone through
can feel someday.
Josh (03:20):
You can get into.
Yeah, exactly so.
Dusty Horton (03:22):
I grew up as we talked about in Milwaukee and I
want to be clear.
I'm going to talk about thingsthat happen like in my family,
but there's no blame.
This is just stuff thatoccurred and, to be super clear,
like I don't hold any of thesepeople.
Josh (03:41):
You know how many grudges.
Dusty Horton (03:42):
Yeah, I don't.
Thankfully, I've been able towork through a lot of that stuff
.
Josh (03:46):
Right on.
Dusty Horton (03:47):
Yeah, but you know I grew up or, excuse me, let me
back up so my parents met inrehab, didn't date.
My mom wanted a child, didn'twant anybody involved.
Finds a cute guy in rehab,sleeps with him, doesn't tell
(04:10):
him he's pregnant.
He finds out later, tries to beinvolved.
She cuts him out.
Okay, so I grew up just with amom and the understanding that
like well, things just didn'twork out with my dad and so like
that's why you just have a mom,right, and so so you had no
(04:31):
relationship with your dadgrowing up at that point.
Josh (04:33):
No relationship you didn't know that he had tried to at
that point, didn't know that hehad tried to be involved and
wasn't allowed to Right Okay.
Dusty Horton (04:39):
Yeah, and so that's how I grew up, and so you
know, your normal is yournormal right.
And so I grew up with just amom and what I felt like was a
relatively loving family, like agrandmother who cared for me
and a grandfather and aunts anduncles and cousins and all this
(04:59):
stuff and, you know, feltrelatively grateful for my
situation.
But what I didn't realize isthat my mom, who was drinking,
you know, in and out of rehaband drank for the first five
years of my life, wasn'tphysically or emotionally
available to me at times,especially early, early.
Josh (05:20):
You know early childhood times, when you needed it,
exactly, exactly.
Dusty Horton (05:24):
And so what I realized through the years is
like oh, that set me on thispath of like figuring out that I
need to get a connection.
You know, the way that I cangenerate attention from my mom
is by excelling, and that's youknow what.
It took me a few years tofigure that out, but, like, by
(05:47):
third, fourth grade, I was astraight A student all the way
through high school.
Oh well, and that that was justhow I knew to operate, because
that was effective, right, right, yeah, and so that that sort of
set the standard for, like howyou operate.
And I had a grandmother who wasvery OCD, so, like, you clean
(06:08):
things a certain way and you,you know, you wash the floors on
Tuesday and you wash thewindows on Thursday, and you
know, is my office driving youcrazy?
Josh (06:16):
right now?
Not at all.
Dusty Horton (06:17):
No, like I, thankfully like the.
The stuff everywhere was nevera problem for me it was like how
you clean things?
Was important, Like how youyeah exactly and so so, for
whatever reason, right, likethese things that you pick up
from childhood, right and so.
So I had this essentially ideaor belief.
(06:44):
I mean, really belief is likecore belief, sort of even beyond
consciousness, right, like asubconscious belief that to be
worthy, to get the connection,the, the, the the television
that I needed.
Josh (06:58):
You need to excel.
Dusty Horton (06:59):
I got, I got to perform right, and so, and, and,
is that a perfectionist kind ofoutcome?
Then it's part of it.
Josh (07:05):
Yeah, for sure it's the opposite of what you and I have.
I'm sorry I got to stop.
Mike (07:12):
No jokes is great man.
Some of this stuff is heavy.
Josh (07:16):
So it's it's it's important to have balance for
sure.
Dusty Horton (07:19):
Right, and that's if.
If there's anything I'velearned that I want to impress
upon anybody, it's it's balance,for sure.
So, so, yeah, and and so, inthat, like growing up in this
environment, with you know, insuburban white America, in the
middle of west, with a middleclass household, and you had
(07:39):
every toy that you wanted, andyou know, I got a Nintendo on my
10th birthday and a 13 inch TVfor my bedroom.
Mike (07:46):
Nice, it's so sweet.
Yes, yeah, exactly.
Dusty Horton (07:50):
But I didn't have, like, a parent who is
emotionally available, right,and so so you're living in this
life, that stuff people all overthe world idolize, and you're
miserable and you don't know it,right.
Mike (08:03):
It's your normal.
Dusty Horton (08:04):
That's my normal Right and so I.
And the other thing is I wasalways and this is probably
related to that rambunctiouslike bouncing off the walls
energy every day ADHD styleprobably.
Mike (08:19):
I don't know I wasn't given it a name.
Josh (08:21):
It used to be childhood, now they call it ADHD.
Yeah, childhood.
Mike (08:25):
I didn't get diagnosed but maybe I was too old but
rambunctious, that was a wordrambunctious for sure.
Dusty Horton (08:31):
So so by five.
And my mom actually grew up.
She was a gymnast and a diver.
Josh (08:36):
And so.
Dusty Horton (08:37):
So she threw me into gymnastics at five years
old.
She's like you're jumping offthe couch and landing on your
head.
You need to learn how to crash.
So she throws me intogymnastics, and so so, from five
to 12, I did gymnastics, and asa gymnast, right, because now
you give me an identity and Ineed to perform seven years
Right, and so I'm yeah, I meanyou're going to state and
(08:58):
regionals and you know you're,you're competing and you're
doing all this stuff.
Josh (09:01):
Right, that's a heavy, that's a heavy lift.
Dusty Horton (09:02):
Yeah, I mean it's at the end of it by 12, it was
five days a week, five nights aweek right yeah at 12, right.
And so I had this weird geneticknee disease called Osgood
schlotters.
And you know growth spurt.
And so when I was going throughpuberty I couldn't do
(09:23):
gymnastics anymore.
And the doctor said you knowwhat?
You should ride a bicycle.
Bicycle, be really good for you.
They're almost therapeutic.
Mike (09:30):
Yeah, be therapeutic, right, you can't do gymnastics
anymore.
Dusty Horton (09:34):
But you should ride a bicycle and you take a 13
year old, 12 year old kid who'sa gymnast, that's used to
flying off stuff and doing flipsand jumps and you put him on a
bicycle right.
Josh (09:46):
What's going to happen?
Mike (09:49):
What's going to happen?
Wow, what a good combination.
Dusty Horton (09:52):
So that's, that's how I got into BMX.
I mean, I like thought it wascool as a kid and, like I said,
was jumping off curbs and stuff.
But at that point I was like,oh, this is my new identity
really, this is my new career,right?
Josh (10:04):
And 13, like this is who I'm going to be.
Dusty Horton (10:06):
I'm going to be a good student and I'm going to
ride BMX, yeah, and thank Godfor the community, because there
was, like, I mean, bmx in theearly 90s was relatively dead
and there was a community in mysuburb of Milwaukee of kids that
rode BMX and without that, like, I probably would have been in
jail at 17 instead of 27.
(10:28):
So, like, without that, I wouldhave had a much rougher
childhood.
So that's that's what drives meto continue to promote cycling
in general, but specifically,like the action sports
communities are so supportiveand such a good community and
that was where I found really aconnection that I just didn't
(10:50):
have that at home in the sameway, and so it was like this,
really rewarding, you know,passion, right, and so it just
took off for me and so I startedriding BMX you know, 12, 13
years old and and rode for yearsand through that time really
damaged my body, like you know,from from 13 and I quit.
(11:15):
I'm doing air quotes here forthe people that can't see I quit
quit riding BMX professionallywhen I was 24.
So I made it from like, really,13 to 24 were my good years and
then, like, my body gave up atthat point.
So so, just in that shortperiod of time, I had had three
knee surgeries, two rupturedspleen, ruptured kidney, broken
(11:37):
back.
Oh, all from BMX to right anklesurgeries.
Well, foot I shattered mycalcaneus, had to have a plate
put in the hell.
Mike (11:49):
What's the hell's?
Dusty Horton (11:49):
the calcaneus Sorry heel bone.
Mike (11:52):
You break it both, you have a hurt.
Josh (11:54):
Shatter yeah, how do you shatter a heel bone, jesus?
What to tell me about thatcrash?
Dusty Horton (12:03):
I was trying to get my key chain here, which is
the plate that was in my that'swhat holding my heel bone
together.
Josh (12:10):
That was the plate.
That's awesome.
You still have it, yeah, yeah.
Dusty Horton (12:14):
So it's, you've taken it out of it and it's a
key chain.
Now you take it out.
Mike (12:17):
I just made it a key chain , I just put it on my key ring,
but that's what was holding justeverything in your heel while
it was healing my heel bonetogether.
Dusty Horton (12:24):
Yeah, it was literally never seen a piece of
titanium calcaneus.
Josh (12:30):
I got to take a rabbit hole real quick when I was
learning Arabic.
I was, I used to chew on guitarpicks all the time.
I always had a guitar pick inmy mouth and I was taking a
listening test and the and thelistening test started faster
than I expected and it surprisedme.
And you swallow the guitar pick, and I swallow the guitar pick
(12:51):
Yep, so like this guy.
So like three days later I lookdown and there's the guitar
pick Yep, yep, nice.
And so I'm like, well, I can'tjust let it.
Mike (13:02):
So yeah, so you washed it off and I watched it now, josh.
Josh (13:05):
So I wore it for like, for like a decade.
I wore it as a necklace.
Mike (13:14):
I don't have it anymore, but you wore the digested guitar
pick and I was like that wentthrough my whole body.
Josh (13:20):
Sorry, it just reminded me of that story.
Mike (13:22):
I don't know why, but it's something that was in your body
.
Dusty Horton (13:28):
Yeah, that you now have again.
It came out All right, keepgoing.
Josh (13:34):
I didn't mean to tell a great story and worth the rabbit
hole.
Mike (13:38):
So you broke a lot of your .
You did a lot of damage to yourbody.
Dusty Horton (13:41):
A lot of damage.
Mike (13:43):
Nine years.
Dusty Horton (13:43):
Yeah, and, and I 11, whatever.
Mike (13:45):
Yeah, amazing, you had time to ride because you were
healing half that time.
Dusty Horton (13:48):
A lot of the time I was healing, yeah, and so so
you know what, what I can nowlook back and say, like, why do
I do that Right?
And thanks to the work I'vedone recently and identifying
and healing some of this trauma,I can say, oh, like that's I
(14:09):
was.
You know, if I didn't pull thetrick, I wasn't worthy right, or
somebody wasn't going to loveme or somebody was pushing the
same thing, the same thing thatdrove you to get straight.
Josh (14:17):
A's the same thing that drove you to clean a specific
way drove you on the bikeExactly exactly, even to the
point of bad injuries.
Dusty Horton (14:26):
Exactly exactly Right.
And so, and in the culture andthis is, you know, in a lot of
our culture and I don't want tolike demonize BMX or action
sports or anything, but we havethis mindset, especially in
America, of like, tough it out,man up, and so you'd have an
(14:47):
injury and you'd have two monthsoff because you're doing PT and
rehab and all this stuff, andlike your friends are like, are
you riding soon?
And you know, like you pushright.
And even if, like I remember,for years I worked at DK while I
was riding for them and hadknee surgery while I was working
(15:07):
there, and even there, like andit wasn't them, but it was me
like they'd get a container ofbikes to unload and I'd be
hobbling, like you know, tryingto get bikes out of the
container with my jacked up knee, like pushing myself because
that's what you're supposed todo.
In my mind, right, that's whatI'm thinking.
Is I got to do this or thesepeople won't love me?
Josh (15:29):
Man up, get back on the ice.
Dusty Horton (15:31):
Right.
And so we have this push rightto not honor what our body needs
, right.
We have this push to honor whatsociety wants us to do, or even
like these things that we thinkwe need to do, which are made
up from childhood because wedidn't get the shit we needed
(15:52):
then right.
And so we're operating often inthis, you know, very
unconscious way.
And so that's what it was, waslike I just would if my body
would keep moving, I'd try thetrick again and it worked.
It was relatively successful.
I got sponsored and I certainlywasn't like X Games level pro,
but you know I rode localcontests and got paid to ride
(16:16):
for DK doing shows and a coupleother small companies doing
shows.
Josh (16:20):
If you got paid to ride a bike, you were doing well yeah.
Dusty Horton (16:23):
Yeah it was.
I mean I was grateful to haveall the opportunities I had.
For sure it was yeah, and hadmy body not sort of really tried
to give out then at 24.
When I was 24, I had my thirdknee surgery and carpal tunnel
surgery on the same day and atthat point my doctor, my
orthopedic doctor, was like ifyou keep doing this, like you're
(16:45):
going to have knee replacementswhen you're 35.
And if you quit now, you mightmake it to 40 before you have
your knee replaced.
You know, and the mindset thenwas like you can't heal this
stuff right, like you're justyou're ruining it and it's
screwed forever right, whichthankfully I now know is not the
case and you know.
Josh (17:03):
so a few the science has advanced since then a little bit
, right, yeah.
Dusty Horton (17:08):
Well, it's more about even the people
recognizing like the body'sability to ability to heal on
its own right.
And that's you know.
You think so much about doctors, right, like, is them getting
you the hell out of your own way?
Mike (17:25):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Josh (17:25):
Like they're not healing a bone.
Dusty Horton (17:27):
They're putting a cast on there, so you don't mess
with it.
Josh (17:29):
Putting a cast on there so the body can heal it.
Dusty Horton (17:30):
Exactly.
Mike (17:31):
Exactly Right.
Stays in one place.
Dusty Horton (17:33):
Yeah and so so what happened for me?
I was, I was really grateful tolike have those experiences and
ride and and and get to travel.
I mean I like got to see bothcoasts the same summer, like
touring across the country,really incredible times.
And yeah, I'm so grateful,especially DK like did so much
(17:53):
for me Even when I quit ridingprofessionally.
Dk continued to support me for15 years like given you know,
send me frames when I neededthem, or send me, you know
whatever.
Josh (18:04):
So yeah, really really incredible team.
Dusty Horton (18:07):
Yeah, like I love those guys and to see them still
doing well and supporting likeTucson BMX and you know there's
a lot of a lot of love for thoseguys.
Mike (18:17):
Shout out to the DK.
So you're in the van.
Like you know, you hear aboutthe pros in the van doing the
tours, so you're.
You're one of those guys.
Had the bike and making thetour and the rounds with DK.
Dusty Horton (18:28):
Yeah yeah.
The biggest, like most wellknown tour I went on was there's
a company called Props in thenineties and 2000s that did BMX
videos and they had a thing thatthey spoofed road rules from
MTV and they made a thing calledroad fools.
It took like 13 guys and putthem in a bus and like King of
(18:50):
the what's this?
Mike (18:52):
What's the skate one, now King of the road?
I'm not familiar, sorry, okay.
Dusty Horton (18:57):
Yeah.
So this was like, you know,just put a bunch of guys in the
van and film, like, and so itwas like this introduction to
like seeing what BMXers looklike not just on the park but
also traveling.
And so they did a continuationof that called megatur, and in
that they had a like groups ofteams go and then they were like
meet up at different places.
(19:17):
So I got, I got to be on thefirst megatur, which was like
really amazing, you know, for meat that time like that's really
cool and, yeah, super awesome,so that that was like really
great part of my life, but alsowas sort of the start of, like,
(19:38):
this continual downhill, of likenot listening to my body right,
continuing to let itdeteriorate.
And so I was.
I was really making a lot ofsacrifices to live that life in
that way and not to say that,like to live that life, you have
to make the sacrifices I made.
I was making those because ofthe trauma that I had, right.
Josh (20:00):
I mean to draw a parallel that our listeners might
recognize.
You know we had the AirAwareness podcast and we talked
about Gracia and Scander leavingscootering.
Yeah, you know, part of it wasjust the.
I mean, these kids were flying30 feet in the air and if they
didn't land right on a scooterwith, you know wheels, this big
right?
You know the boys are bothriding BMX now and then they've
transitioned very successfully,I think, to BMX and they're like
(20:20):
oh my God, this is so mucheasier.
Yeah, you got a 20 inch wheelversus like a two inch wheel or
three inch wheel, but it was, Imean, gracia was getting hurt,
like, like, seriously hurt a lot, and he was like 13 years old,
right, and so he was like dude,I can't keep doing this to my
body.
I'm done.
Mike (20:37):
So he stopped, whereas you kept going yes, I didn't have
that thought, yeah.
Dusty Horton (20:42):
Right, that thought of like I should stop
this is hurting my body and Ihad a lot of friends like that
and I was like you guys areidiots, Like BMX is awesome.
Josh (20:50):
I'm on the megator.
We're talking about totallyyeah.
Dusty Horton (20:52):
Yeah, whatever ideas you got.
So so that was it was.
It was also a time where Ireally just was not listening to
my body and, and you know, quit, quit riding 2004, when I was
24 or 25, something like thatand took about four years off
(21:12):
and I might.
My weight when I was riding wasprobably like I don't know, 180
, 175, something like that, likeback then, and and in four
years I went to 235.
Josh (21:24):
Oh, wow, Wow.
And you're like what?
511?
Dusty Horton (21:26):
510.
510.
Yeah.
Josh (21:28):
Yeah, just to put it in context.
Dusty Horton (21:30):
Yeah, so I went right, right Gained you know 50,
that's heavy.
Yeah, 55 pounds.
Mike (21:36):
For not riding.
Dusty Horton (21:38):
Well okay, all right, yeah, you know, and, and
so what?
What happened was when I didn'thave riding Right, what?
I didn't know this then, but Ican look back, you know.
Josh (21:49):
Hindsight, hindsight's always 20s one.
Dusty Horton (21:51):
Right, I can look back now and see like, oh, I
didn't have that outlet, and sothe thing I love about BMX, and
like that I think every cyclistknows, is that it's creative
right.
Like, even riding a bicycledown the sidewalk is creative
right.
And so I didn't have a creativeoutlet and I didn't have an
(22:11):
exercise outlet, and so I'msitting on the couch eating
pizza and drinking because mymind is going crazy, right, and
so I used to demonize thedrinking and think like, oh well
, like I got alcoholic parentsand so I must be alcoholic and
you know all these, you knowstories and whatever, and at the
(22:32):
end of the day, like myexistence was like miserable,
you didn't have an outlet.
Yeah, and so without an outletand living in this space of just
being relatively miserable andlike getting heavier and heavier
and more and more uncomfortableand like for me, with bad knees
already, bad back like theextra weight just kills you,
(22:53):
Just awful, awful.
So it really got to a spot whereit was bad.
I mean, I ended up in, like Imentioned earlier, jail at 27.
So I quit riding at 25 and by27, you know DUI and multiple
assault charges and you knowdrinking nonsense, right?
Josh (23:12):
And.
Dusty Horton (23:12):
I ended up spending 10 days in tent city
and like a month in Tucson, yeah, so it was really, which is not
a fun place to be.
Josh (23:22):
No, a tent city.
That was not a good experience.
Was it a summer or a winter?
Dusty Horton (23:27):
It was summer.
I lucked out and was on so manypsych meds at the time that
they wouldn't let me in generalpopulation.
So I got put in the infirmarywhich actually had like an
adjustable bed and airconditioning.
Yeah, it was.
I got better.
Josh (23:43):
Lucky.
Mike (23:44):
Yeah, yeah.
Dusty Horton (23:46):
Lucky going to jail.
Josh (23:47):
I was in jail, but it was a good.
It was a good jail.
Dusty Horton (23:51):
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as the worst jail right.
Josh (23:53):
Yeah, for sure.
Dusty Horton (23:54):
Right Comparison, anyway.
So so, yeah, just reallystruggled during that period of
time and eventually, likesomething in my mind said you
need, you have to.
Well, you know what it was thelosing your license and having
to be on a bicycle, you knowthat was Like you didn't have an
option.
Yeah, yeah, so I had a bicycleand I was like wait, I used to
(24:15):
ride these things and like, dotricks.
You know it's four years ago,right, but like in your mind,
100 years ago 100 years ago.
Yeah, 27,.
Whatever I was thinking, anyway.
So, yeah, so I was ridingbicycle because I didn't didn't
have a license and so so then Ilike called up DK and they sent
me a 26 inch dirt jumper,because they made dirt jumpers
for a couple of years, right.
(24:36):
So they sent me a 26 inch dirtjumper and I was like this is
perfect.
And I still had my old, likecontest BMX bike, right?
Yeah, like I'd never gotten ridof that thing.
I was still in the garage.
But I got this dirt jumper and Istarted riding around, jumping
off stairs and stuff like that,and slowly, over the next couple
of years now you know it's beenover a decade like just kept
riding more and more and moreand more and more.
(24:57):
So I had this experience ofgetting back on the bike and
movement right, and movement isso key.
So just doing that like reallyradically changed my life.
Already I was still strugglingwith all of this childhood stuff
and you know, years of drinkingand all these other things that
(25:19):
were going on, but I started tofeel a lot better with movement
and, thankfully, like was ableto quit drinking for a few years
, on and off, with different,different modalities, and so
that was always helpful,basically getting me to a spot
where I could function insociety again, right, not ending
up in jail Netflix has got thisnew series called Blue Zones.
Josh (25:42):
It's four one hour episodes and I can't remember
the guy's name.
You can look it up.
It's been out for a couple ofmonths now, maybe longer, but it
looks at, he goes and analyzeswhere there are populations of
Centurions so those are peoplethat have lived to 100 years old
and like high populations ofCenturions and like one of the
(26:06):
common threads between all ofthe.
There's four different sitesOne's in, one's in California,
one's in Costa Rica, one's inJapan, one's in one's in.
Italy, and the common threadbetween all of them is movement
Totally.
Dusty Horton (26:21):
Oh really.
Mike (26:22):
So I didn't mean to take you off track, but it's like
there's something about that.
Josh (26:25):
Like you have to keep moving your body.
Dusty Horton (26:28):
It's one of the most fundamental things for sure
at this point.
Yeah, so I'll get into that injust a second.
But the basic premise was likeoh okay, I can't be static,
right?
I had this idea that I was sobroken, that my body was so
broken.
Josh (26:45):
I shouldn't.
You were done, I couldn't run.
Sit on the couch, no movement,yeah.
Dusty Horton (26:51):
I'm walking the dog, you know, once a day, and
that's it right For half a mileor something and that's yeah,
I'm not doing anything elsebecause my body's broken, right.
And well, it turns out you'vegot to move a broken body to get
it to heal.
So that's what happened.
And so I had some really goodsort of physical success there,
right Started, feeling better inthe body, ended up going back
(27:12):
to college for a couple years,pursued a couple degrees,
dropped out again like justcouldn't figure out what I
wanted to do.
But I worked in IT my whole life, on and off, you know, working
with computers, and so got a jobat Apple, actually at the local
Apple store in Tucson, andworked there on and off for
almost eight years.
The problem there was the sameproblem that I had in BMX, which
(27:41):
was the same problem that I hadin high school, which was the
same problem that I had at home,which is that if you don't
perform, you're not worthy.
And so it was this intensestruggle to compete and to be
the best and to win and to dothe most sales and to do the
fastest repairs and to be thebest, you know, leader.
Mike (28:02):
Exactly.
Dusty Horton (28:03):
So I spent eight years like killing myself and no
, you know, I don't blame Apple,right, that's their culture and
I chose to be a part of it andfelt, you know, miserable after
eight years.
You know, like didn't know thatI wouldn't have like said it
that way, but really was likejust not honoring what I needed
(28:24):
for sure and was thinking likethis is the way you provide
value to yourself.
Yeah, it is that you killyourself at your job, right Yep.
Josh (28:33):
You're not supposed to do that.
Dusty Horton (28:36):
Shit.
So so, thankfully, I threw along series of events, decided I
wanted a more regular scheduleand got in with another company
and I did the same thing there.
And this is working for a smallcompany online IT company and
(28:58):
had the same drive.
You know, I'm like, okay, I'mgonna be a leader, I'm gonna be
the boss, I'm gonna be thedirector, I'm gonna be whatever.
Right.
And so within I mean a couple ofyears.
I was senior director of theentire customer success
department.
Like you know, half the companyreported to me like and I was
making more money than I've evermade.
(29:19):
Like bought a house, had twodogs, got a girlfriend.
Like my life is everything itshould be.
I'm successful.
I have a senior director title,right, and I wanna kill myself
still right, which is, you know,and I haven't mentioned that
(29:43):
this session and I, you know Ishouldn't have.
Josh (29:46):
Just dropped an honest like that.
Yeah, said that out of the blueCause somebody else listening,
you know it's a serious topic.
Yeah, for sure.
Dusty Horton (29:54):
And I should have mentioned like that's been part
of my life, like my whole lifehas been suicidal ideology at
times, right, like when thingsget bad enough, right.
That's the answer, you know inthe back of your head.
Yeah, yeah, and so I'mconstantly.
Josh (30:10):
Just for listeners.
That's not the answer.
There's lots of options forhelp and we'll put some links in
the show notes.
If you're feeling that way,contact one of the links in our
show notes and they can talk youthrough it and help you through
the time that you're goingthrough.
Dusty Horton (30:23):
Yeah, I think no.
Thank you, josh, that's yeah.
It's so important because it'sit's.
It does feel like the answer inthe moment.
It feels like your only truth.
It feels like you're normal,right, like that.
This is the only thing thatcould be the answer, and that's
the truth, there's always betteranswers.
It's just in that moment rightand so you, you do get through
(30:46):
it.
But you know, I had spent, youknow, most of my life on and off
, feeling like that's an answer,that if everything else
continues to go the way it'sbeen going right, that's.
That's always an answer at theend of the road, and so,
especially being presented withthat in my own mind, as a
(31:10):
solution when my life externallyis the best it's ever been,
broke me.
I mean, there's there's noother way to say it Like I
really was in this spot where,okay, I've done it, like I'm the
American dream right, I don'thave a kid or a picket fence or
(31:32):
whatever but like I got.
I got all the other stuff I'msupposed to have.
Right that I grew up.
Josh (31:37):
And I don't feel complete.
Dusty Horton (31:39):
That is such a wild thought and I feel like I
want to die yeah yeah, right,wow.
And so one night I like noteven an argument with my
girlfriend, but I had.
I was feeling miserable and Iasked her to leave and locked
myself in my walk-in closet andjust felt miserable.
(32:02):
And and I had.
I have, thankfully, a lot ofgreat friends and some super
incredible supportive people inmy life, and always have, and so
you know that if I didn't haveall those people in my life, you
know that's that's the supportthat's that's kept me here, and
so I had been talking to thisguy that had been doing this
(32:25):
particular modality of therapycalled internal family systems,
or they call it IFS for short,and I'd like looked into a
little bit and I you know theidea is that you have an
internal system of parts thatcomprise you, the entity right,
(32:46):
and so, rather than it's aradical shift from the idea of
mono mind, I'm dusty, I am thisbrain.
Right Now you're saying, well,no, really dusty, it's like a
lot of these little differentparts and these parts you know,
let me say it this way, have youever felt like somebody asked
you to go out?
It's eight o'clock on a Fridaynight.
(33:07):
I mean, this is maybe, you know, middle-aged men talk here, but
you know it's eight o'clock ona Friday night.
Mike (33:13):
And you're like it's eight o'clock man.
Dusty Horton (33:15):
Eight o'clock.
I'm not going out right now,but there's a part of you.
Josh (33:20):
It's like hell, yeah, that's like let's go right,
let's pre-game.
Dusty Horton (33:25):
And that that's if I would encourage anybody to
explore that for yourself.
Josh (33:31):
Yeah, you have different mental states.
Dusty Horton (33:33):
Yeah, yeah, if you've got parts right.
And so I had like heard alittle bit about this.
And so I'm sitting in my closet, miserable, and had this sort
of like, struck with a thoughtand it basically I was feeling
like very angry and very upsetthat I had cultivated the world
(33:58):
I was supposed to have, and itdidn't make me feel okay.
And I'm sitting on the floor inthe closet and this thought
strikes me who's angry?
Like out of the blue, thatthought came into my head.
Josh (34:13):
Which part of dusty is angry?
Dusty Horton (34:15):
Yeah, but I didn't like have that language even
then.
I'd sort of heard about thisthing but I didn't know anything
about it.
And this thought came in who'sangry?
And something in that miseryand willingness to like look for
any answer.
There was this separation in me.
It felt like from the angrypart, yeah.
(34:39):
And so I was able to like seethis part of me that was very
angry and felt very hurt and Iintuitively sort of just said,
well, why are you angry?
And it told me that the worldis scary right, like the world
isn't gonna necessarily give youwhat you need.
You gotta do stuff right to getwhat you need.
(35:01):
And so it's like constantlyworried that I'm not gonna do
something correctly and then youwon't love me.
Josh (35:10):
So we've talked about this in a different context.
Right, I tell you, like somedays at work, like on Monday I'm
pretty sure I'm gonna get fired, and on Tuesday I'm pretty sure
I'm gonna be the CEO, and thenWednesday I'm gonna get fired
again, and hopefully on Fridayend at the CEO.
Mike (35:24):
So I could have a good weekend.
Josh (35:26):
A good weekend.
On Friday I left thinking I wasgetting fired, so I had a
shitty weekend.
But I can definitely relatewith the and you can play some
days.
I think I'm the best dad in theworld, the best husband in the
world and some days.
I'm like Jesus, I got some workto do.
The world is ghostly Exactlyright.
That's the different parts ofme.
Dusty Horton (35:42):
And totally right, and we have like dad parts and
we have work parts and we havelike friend parts, right so?
There's yeah, I really like Ican't say enough about this
particular modality.
For me it was really lifechanging.
But that thought that came inand just said who's angry?
And giving me that separationlike immediately enabled me to
(36:06):
have compassion For the part ofyou that was hurting, for the
part of me that was hurting Wow,that's fascinating, that's
super cool.
Josh (36:12):
I've never heard this concept before, so that was
really like I hope, which to meis the key right.
Dusty Horton (36:17):
And so you know, the more I've studied this and I
mean having grown up the way Idid and haven't been in and out
of AA for years, and havingstudied a lot of spiritual
approaches and I found this andit was like oh, this explains
everything, so much, so muchyeah.
Right, like in a way that'ssuper succinct and really
(36:39):
approachable and it'sexperiential.
It's not like a therapy, youjust it's not talk therapy, it's
experiential therapy.
So it's very visceral for me.
Very much in your body, and sothat basically was the shift
that happened for me, and thatwas New Year's Eve of 2022.
(37:03):
So that was almost a year ago.
Josh (37:05):
Oh, that was not that long ago, Right right.
Dusty Horton (37:09):
And so, just in this last year, started like
didn't know, I was traumatized,like I was like until if you had
asked me a year ago what mychildhood was like, I'd be like
oh, my mom did her best.
Yeah, like she did, that's true, yeah, for sure.
And that's also an insufficientanswer.
Like I, was severely damaged bythe situation.
(37:32):
The situation right and not.
There's no fault in that.
That's just the truth of thesituation right.
Like she couldn't do anydifferent because of her
upbringing right.
Josh (37:42):
So there's no, there's no blame.
Dusty Horton (37:44):
But that's where I ended up and I didn't know it,
and so until this year, right.
And then I'm finding out like,oh, okay, so like I really did
have a pretty traumaticchildhood and I didn't have the
support that I needed then andnow I can look at these really
maladaptive behaviors that I'vegenerated over the years and
(38:05):
actually have compassion forthem and know that they come
from a place of, like me, tryingto feel safe in the world right
To feel connected with the restof humanity, and so all that
work basically opened up aconnection to the body, and so
through IFS, that really a bigpart of the prompt is like okay,
(38:27):
you might be, you're feelingthe part that feels like it's
gonna get fired, right, yeah,right, where do you feel that in
your body?
is the prompt right?
That's the question, yeah, andso you get quiet and still, I
know exactly where I feel it andyou say okay, I feel it right
here right, and so well, you canactually, and the idea in IFS
(38:48):
is that you could just talk tothat part, so you can ask that
part like hey part, why do youfeel like you're gonna get fired
, what?
And?
And my experience is, whenyou're still, it will talk back
to you, it will tell you what itneeds and what it feels like,
and so that's how I figured outlike, oh, I was really
(39:08):
traumatized as a kid because Ididn't have that connection that
I needed, because when I wouldask those parts, those questions
, I would get clear answers oftimes when I didn't have kind of
support that I needed.
I have this memory of, maybewhen I was three years old, my
mom had a party at our houseapartment and she passed out in
(39:29):
the party and the neighbors putme to bed.
She had passed out in my bedand the neighbors put me to bed
in her bed.
Yeah, yeah, and I I rememberGoing into my room to shake her
to like wake her up, and shewouldn't wake up.
Yeah and I, and then I, you know, went back into her bedroom and
I remember like the bed washuge and scary and the neighbors
(39:52):
weren't nice and you know, it'sjust.
It was a very unsettling,unsettling experience, right,
and like that's continued tolike be in my mind, like why
Would I, why would I have tokeep living through that?
Yeah right, well, because ithasn't been processed by my body
(40:12):
.
So that memory lived in my bodyfor years and years and years,
decades.
Yeah right, because I nevercould process it.
Nobody at that time who isemotionally regulated came to me
and said hey, I realize this isa really terrible situation.
Your mom is really sick andshe's got so.
(40:33):
You know, I know this isn'tideal, but let me be with you
and, yeah, with you while you'recrying like I didn't have that
right and that's again, there'sno blame on that, but that's
just the situation.
And so you end up with thisstuff stored in your body.
Yeah, it's effectively where itcomes.
And then you have things likeIBS and arthritis and you know
(40:55):
all these ailments that manifestbased on the chronic illnesses
right are mostly all based intrauma, and so so as soon as I
started the trauma work, I hadbeen IBS, ocd, irritable balsam
irritable bowel syndrome yeah,ocd, anxiety, depression, ptsd
(41:18):
right, like you, any.
Yeah.
Yeah, arthritis right, all ofthem.
Degenerative disc disease.
Gluten intolerance not celiacbut couldn't eat gluten without
feeling super sick.
I started trauma healing thisyear and within like three or
four months I stopped wearingglasses.
My vision wasn't terrible, butit like got way better.
(41:40):
No kidding, yes, Could starteating gluten, hadn't been able
to eat spicy things my entirelife, like I used to make the
joke that mild sauce a Taco Bellwas too spicy, or like ketchup
is too spicy.
Josh (41:55):
We live in Tucson, by the way.
Right, we live in Tucson.
Dusty Horton (41:57):
Yeah, I've been here 20 years.
Yeah, so, and that's Now.
Now I can eat that stuff likeit's just like I'm not gonna eat
it.
I'm not gonna eat that stuff.
Like it just doesn't in a yearin a year doesn't aggravate my
system.
Now it there's.
I want to like Lay this on I'mnot well, right, like I'm still,
and, and we had, yeah, I'mstill healing, right, and we had
(42:19):
this conversation earlier,right, we've got these mic
stands, yep, and, and we'renavigating around the mic stands
and I lean towards the micRather than articulating the
articulated arm towards my.
I'm like, hey, duffy.
Josh (42:34):
You can move that towards you to be comfortable and you're
like no, no, no, I can't becomfortable, right?
Dusty Horton (42:38):
Like I need to accommodate everybody else,
right?
That's the mindset your wholelife.
Mike (42:42):
Your whole life, right yeah, so 40 plus years so 40
plus years.
Dusty Horton (42:46):
So there's a lot of that and it still comes up
all the time and and, andthere's still, definitely, times
where it feels completelyoverwhelming.
Um, in the last few months, Ilost a girlfriend, the
girlfriend that I had last year.
Um, we broke up and she movedout.
My dog died.
Josh (43:04):
Oh, jesus 14, and you know old and whatever, but you still
gotta put him down.
Mike (43:09):
Yeah, it's still your dog.
Dusty Horton (43:10):
Yeah, totally.
And then I I bought a, my firstcondo ever last year and I
bought a new air conditionerthis year because I didn't want
it to go out in the middle ofsummer, and so I got one
installed in like May, and thenin August it died.
Josh (43:24):
That's a big deal in Tucson, by the way.
For y'all it's like a hundredthis year was especially Right
gnarly super hot.
Yeah, how do you buy a brandnew air conditioning.
It died in like four months.
Yeah, four months.
Hopefully that's not a warranty, but yeah it was yeah, I didn't
have to pay anything.
Mike (43:37):
But I still pay me.
Dusty Horton (43:38):
I have to have like four or five days with a
Like window, air conditioner andlike block rooms off.
You know which it's.
Josh (43:47):
First world problems.
Dusty Horton (43:49):
My problems are very minor these days, but but
comparatively 110 degreesoutside.
Like all these things going onin the last few weeks and you
know, and I get to like be inthis space where it's really
tough and also I don't want todie like I'm grateful for the
experiences I'm having andgetting to like be present with
(44:12):
them and actually live throughthe grief of the dog passing and
and that kind of stuff, and soso it's it's just a very Very
this.
This whole year has been such adifferent experience with life
and and cycling has been so keyin that because I've gotten to
(44:33):
change my relationship with mybike in the last year and even
when I switched to a 22, a bigmotivation was also, in addition
to the reducing pain was toliterally slow me down.
It was actually a method tomake things harder, so I
wouldn't want to do as manytricks, because tricks are
(44:54):
harder on a 22.
And I'm still getting hurt.
So even this year I've stillgotten hurt.
Josh (45:05):
I can see it on your thumb right now.
Dusty Horton (45:07):
Yeah, I've got a lot better my relationship with
the bike, so I'm not throwingmyself on the ground like I used
to.
I'll go to the skate park I'mgoing every week and go have a
game of bike with the kids andthey're doing all this crazy
stuff and I'm like, oh, I got todo the crazy stuff because
they're doing it and I can'tlose the game of bike.
I'm 40 something years old andsmashing myself on the ground,
(45:30):
which is fine if my body feltokay, but with my history, my
body doesn't feel okay gettingthrown on the ground.
Josh (45:37):
Just for our listeners bike is kind of like horse if
you're playing basketball, youdo a trick.
If the other guy can't do thetrick, he gets a letter in the
first one to spell the word bikeloses.
Dusty Horton (45:45):
Exactly.
Thank you so much.
Mike (45:49):
When you're at the park, though, you are riding big, and
there's consequences for thosebig tricks.
Dusty Horton (45:56):
Sure.
Mike (45:56):
So you're still like OG, I guess, and still throwing down
these awesome tricks.
So that's cool, thank you.
Dusty Horton (46:02):
I appreciate that.
Mike (46:03):
Where is your head now?
If you've, you know, back tothe walking closet locked in.
You seem like you are in agreat place, mind and body, and
I don't want to put words inyour mouth, but in a better
place, like because of this.
Josh (46:16):
You're speaking openly and try to help others on this
podcast right now, so that's gotto say something.
Dusty Horton (46:22):
Yeah, I mean I'm really in the best spot I've
ever been in my life, by leapsand bounds, like all the other.
I mean, I've done talk therapysince I was 13 years old and
I've done, you know, all othermodalities of like different
kinds of recovery and addictionstuff and all sorts of different
(46:42):
stuff and all of it helped andall of it gave me additional
pieces of information.
Mike (46:49):
Sure.
Dusty Horton (46:50):
But none of it addressed the trauma recovery,
the core root stuff that Ireally needed to address, and it
was IFS, internal familysystems and somatics, which is
really just the, you know,accessing the body.
So so today my routine is, youknow, I have an IFS therapist
(47:13):
that I see regularly, I have asomatic experiencing
practitioner that I seeregularly that helps him process
stuff through the body, andthen I do yen four times a week.
Yeah, yeah, yen is the mostincredible thing.
If your body is sore or achy ortight, yen is just incredible.
Josh (47:33):
This is long form where you hold I do yen sometimes, or
you hold the poses for three,four minutes three to five
minutes.
Mike (47:38):
Yeah, and, by the way, will Bissell that's the type of
yoga that he's doing.
Josh (47:43):
Yeah.
Dusty Horton (47:43):
He's teaching.
Yeah, he's teaching yen.
I just saw him this weekend andhe said he's still teaching
classes about once a month.
Good for him.
Mike (47:51):
Yeah, very cool.
So those three things.
Dusty Horton (47:54):
You mentioned the IFS, somatics and yen yoga.
Yeah, and that's that's, likeyou know, after a year of doing
these different things I alsodid earlier this year I did
ketamine therapy, like I've done, a number of different
modalities to like try to boostthe processes of going along.
Mike (48:11):
But you have to put the work in.
I mean, this is not justsitting there, but you take the
initiative and to do this workRight and therapy.
Dusty Horton (48:19):
Right, and that's, that's what's generated this
thing that works for me now.
Right, like through a year ofon and off and trying different
things Like these are the thingsthat work, and it's not.
I shouldn't say a year, right,it's been like 30 years of
trying to figure out what'swrong with me and not knowing
and going to doctors and themsaying like, oh, you're anxious,
(48:42):
you're depressed here, takethis pill Right.
Mike (48:45):
Yeah, so I have a friend who yeah, those are excellent
points.
Over 30 years you've developedthat and now just recently kind
of honed it in yeah.
So, going back to, I have afriend who called it's not a
blue and he said hey, how areyou doing?
I'm like good, I'm justchecking in and you know it's
his brother's checking on otherpeople.
(49:05):
You know what?
Dusty Horton (49:06):
I mean yeah.
Mike (49:06):
And I think that's really it was really special for him.
He took the time to you know,and he did, and like he's like
yeah, I do this every Friday.
I call five people, make surethey're good.
Dude, that's awesome.
I thought that was really cool.
Dusty Horton (49:17):
Yeah.
Mike (49:18):
And so do you have any thoughts for people who might be
sitting in a walk-in closet,locked in you know what?
What's the first step theycould take?
Dusty Horton (49:27):
Yeah, it's.
It's tough because everybody'sin a different spot, right?
So I I spent years in in groupsand recovery programs and
therapy and stuff like that, soit was relatively easy for me to
go out of the closet and likestart to get connected with
people.
For a lot of people Cause I hadI had intermittent care when I
(49:52):
was a kid and so sometimespeople were safe and sometimes
they weren't.
There are people who grew upwhere people weren't safe, never
had.
Yeah, good point and so so, like, what worked for me was working
on building community.
You know, I had this girlfriendand my job and that was my
whole life, right, and I didn'thave, I wasn't connecting to.
(50:14):
I mean, I was your job was astressor.
Well, sure, but I mean in termsof community, right, and so so
you know, we talked about,talked about this before the
show, yeah, a little bit abouttribe and and how important that
is, and so, and that's thetruth, right?
So, other than movement, right,like tribe is the other thing
that our, our systems reallycrave, and so creating community
(50:36):
was, was a key piece for me.
So getting out of that closetand getting connected with, in
my case, my buddies who had, youknow, talked to on and off for
years, and then getting backinto group spaces where those
kinds of things were beingtalked about, was what was key,
(51:01):
and that's what I would tellanybody is that there are group
spaces where people are talkingabout these things.
Mike (51:10):
They're not alone.
Dusty Horton (51:11):
All over the place .
Go on Instagram, look up TraumaRecovery, like.
There's thousands of accountsof people talking about this and
sharing and I started to lookat that stuff and see how much
of my own experience they weresharing.
And they were.
They were like telling mystories you know you can relate,
yeah, and so you could reallytell that they had gone through
(51:33):
the same things.
And so so it's out there andmore and more people are talking
about it and there's, there'sjust so much support and and
that whole community knows thatcommunity is what's needed.
So they're so welcoming.
That's yeah, I my.
I'm on Instagram, dusty Horton.
It's a public account.
Mike (51:54):
We'll put the link, of course, for sure.
Yeah.
Dusty Horton (51:57):
Like, if yeah, anybody's got questions, I'm
happy to, so they can reach outto you.
Mike (52:01):
Absolutely, yeah, for sure , thank you.
Josh (52:03):
This has been awesome, man , you've like opened my eyes,
I'm gonna.
I'm gonna, you know for sure.
Semantics and and and IFSthinking about the different
parts of me, I've never heardthat concept before, so that's
something that fascinating youknow, maybe I can get through
those days where I'm the boss.
Dusty Horton (52:17):
I'm gonna get fired.
I'm gonna get fired.
Josh (52:19):
I really appreciate you, you know.
So we started out this podcasttalking bikes and laughing and
joking and and talking mentalhealth and healing and and some
real serious topics.
I really appreciate you.
You're you sharing your story?
You know, if there's one personthat listens to this that it
like makes a difference for them.
This was absolutely worth it.
Yeah Right, If we were able toimpact, if you were able to
(52:42):
impact one life, that's a that'sa huge deal.
So thank you for beingvulnerable and open with us and
sharing this part.
I think that's awesome.
Do you have any final thoughtsfor us?
Dusty Horton (52:52):
Oh, thank you so much.
I appreciate that and I feelthe same way.
The sentiment is shared, forsure.
There's been so many peoplethat have helped me through the
years at different crucialpoints, and so you know, if this
happens to be a crucial pointfor somebody and they hear the
right thing, I'm, I'm supergrateful.
The the only thing I want toshare is um, listen to your body
(53:16):
.
So your, your body's constantlytelling you stuff you got to
ache, you got to don't ignoreirritation yeah.
Pay attention to it, Listen toit Um and and I just want to
thank uh all, all the peoplethat have supported me over the
years, um DK for years and anduh recently ditto um and
premises park.
(53:36):
I mean, I just can't say enoughabout Ian and premises.
I was fortunate enough to knowIan before premises got created.
Yeah, and then uh getting towatch them go through three
different buildings and thedifferent different versions
within each building.
And yeah, it's like so amazingand I there's a different, uh, a
different alternate realitywhere I uh have run skate parks.
(54:00):
Like that's been sort of thisidea of like I always want to
run a skate park but Ian's beendoing it in premises for so long
and and when you look at thenumbers, like it just doesn't
make any sense financially.
So like I never went too fardown the path, but I'm so
grateful that there is a skatepark and indoor wooden skate
park that you can go when theweather's terrible and the ramps
(54:22):
can change because they're woodand so it's it's always fresh.
They're always building newstuff.
Um, ian is just so incrediblewith kids.
Like you just literally leaveyour kids there for the whole
summer day and they're welltaken care of.
Like all of his staff is alwaysincredible with kids, so
they're just.
I can't say enough about himand and how much he does for the
(54:43):
community.
Like he works a full time joband also does premises full time
.
Josh (54:49):
Yeah, it's incredible, and puts on events.
Dusty Horton (54:52):
He does like all the maintenance on the building
Like he's.
He's so mechanic, like just soincredible.
Josh (54:57):
He gives back.
Yeah, shout out to Ian, and ifyou haven't, been go go to
premises.
Dusty Horton (55:03):
Talk to Ian come hang out with me on Saturday
days, yeah Right up, right up,man.
Josh (55:09):
Well, again, thank you so much for for your, your openness
, your vulnerability, forspending some time with us.
It has been super educationaland fun.
Um, I've learned a ton and, uh,I really appreciate you, man.
Dusty Horton (55:19):
Yeah, Thanks for being here.
Thanks Josh, Thanks Mike.
Josh (55:21):
Yeah, hello again, audience.
Uh, we hope that you foundDusty's mental health journey as
inspiring as we did.
Um, thanks for listening andagain, as a reminder, suicide is
(55:43):
not the answer.
Please, if you need help, reachout by texting or calling the
national crisis lifeline at 988.
Text or call the nationalcrisis lifeline at 988.
That number will work insidethe United States.
So, um, thanks a lot forlistening.
(56:04):
Get help if you need it and, uh, until next time.
This is Josh signing off.
Greetings to the Mountain Cog podcast audience.
I hope you're having a greatday.
What we're about to delve intohere is part two of our two-part
series with the OG BMXprofessional rider, dusty Horton
, and in the first episode,which we very much enjoyed and
hope you did too we get intoDusty's, or got into Dusty's
background.
(00:20):
In BMX the cool bike citiesriding these days, some cool new
bike companies we learn aboutthe 22, have lots of jokes, fun
stories, got to know Dusty alittle bit and it was a really
fun episode.
We definitely enjoyed recordingit.
Hope you enjoyed it as well.
In this second part, we delveinto some more serious content,
(00:41):
and that content really is.
Dusty shares with us his mentalhealth journey, and so there's
a warning that comes along withthat.
This podcast does include adiscussion of suicide, with the
intention of aiming to helppromote understanding and
support.
However, it can be sensitivefor some listeners.
So if suicide is a topic thatis sensitive to you or anyone
(01:02):
that's in the earshot of thispodcast, suggest that maybe you
don't listen to this podcast,and if you need help or if
you're thinking about suicide,it's not the right answer.
There's plenty of options to gethelp.
One of the key ones is you cancontact, if you're in the United
States, a crisis hotline andall you have to do is either
(01:23):
call or text 988.
Once again, call or text 988.
Suicide is not the answer.
Please reach out and get thehelp that you need by calling or
texting 988, if you're havingthose thoughts, and we'll go
ahead and dive into this parttwo and we're going to learn all
(01:44):
about Dusty's mental healthjourney, which is quite
interesting and quite inspiring.
So thank you all for listeningand I hope you're having a great
day.
We're going to calm down on thejokes here.
(02:09):
Let us tell you or let uslisten to your story.
Back story.
Mike (02:12):
Sure yeah, what do?
Josh (02:14):
we add time wise, so we're about 50 minutes, but we
usually go about an hour.
But we can go as long as you'recomfortable.
Dusty Horton (02:19):
We're at 50.
50.
Josh (02:21):
Perfect.
Dusty Horton (02:22):
Okay.
So yeah, I mean I think youknow I'd like to talk a little
bit about my history, just as itrelates to cycling and how
we're not in any hurry man, justtake your time.
Thank you.
In whatever way I can, thatwould hopefully help some other
(02:42):
people.
Yeah, provide some hope, reallyideally, to some other people.
And so you know, just in theinterest of that, you know a
little bit more candid historyand kind of where I came from
and how I ended up in Tucson andhow I ended up riding bicycles
in the first place and just sortof.
I've had a prettytransformational last year and
(03:06):
I'd like to talk a lot aboutthat kind of journey and shift
for me which has really put meinto a space that I hope
everybody who goes throughanything like I've gone through
can feel someday.
Josh (03:20):
You can get into.
Yeah, exactly so.
Dusty Horton (03:22):
I grew up as we talked about in Milwaukee and I
want to be clear.
I'm going to talk about thingsthat happen like in my family,
but there's no blame.
This is just stuff thatoccurred and, to be super clear,
like I don't hold any of thesepeople.
Josh (03:41):
You know how many grudges.
Dusty Horton (03:42):
Yeah, I don't.
Thankfully, I've been able towork through a lot of that stuff
.
Josh (03:46):
Right on.
Dusty Horton (03:47):
Yeah, but you know I grew up or, excuse me, let me
back up so my parents met inrehab, didn't date.
My mom wanted a child, didn'twant anybody involved.
Finds a cute guy in rehab,sleeps with him, doesn't tell
(04:10):
him he's pregnant.
He finds out later, tries to beinvolved.
She cuts him out.
Okay, so I grew up just with amom and the understanding that
like well, things just didn'twork out with my dad and so like
that's why you just have a mom,right, and so so you had no
(04:31):
relationship with your dadgrowing up at that point.
Josh (04:33):
No relationship you didn't know that he had tried to at
that point, didn't know that hehad tried to be involved and
wasn't allowed to Right Okay.
Dusty Horton (04:39):
Yeah, and so that's how I grew up, and so you
know, your normal is yournormal right.
And so I grew up with just amom and what I felt like was a
relatively loving family, like agrandmother who cared for me
and a grandfather and aunts anduncles and cousins and all this
(04:59):
stuff and, you know, feltrelatively grateful for my
situation.
But what I didn't realize isthat my mom, who was drinking,
you know, in and out of rehaband drank for the first five
years of my life, wasn'tphysically or emotionally
available to me at times,especially early, early.
Josh (05:20):
You know early childhood times, when you needed it,
exactly, exactly.
Dusty Horton (05:24):
And so what I realized through the years is
like oh, that set me on thispath of like figuring out that I
need to get a connection.
You know, the way that I cangenerate attention from my mom
is by excelling, and that's youknow what.
It took me a few years tofigure that out, but, like, by
(05:47):
third, fourth grade, I was astraight A student all the way
through high school.
Oh well, and that that was justhow I knew to operate, because
that was effective, right, right, yeah, and so that that sort of
set the standard for, like howyou operate.
And I had a grandmother who wasvery OCD, so, like, you clean
(06:08):
things a certain way and you,you know, you wash the floors on
Tuesday and you wash thewindows on Thursday, and you
know, is my office driving youcrazy?
Josh (06:16):
right now?
Not at all.
Dusty Horton (06:17):
No, like I, thankfully like the.
The stuff everywhere was nevera problem for me it was like how
you clean things?
Was important, Like how youyeah exactly and so so, for
whatever reason, right, likethese things that you pick up
from childhood, right and so.
So I had this essentially ideaor belief.
(06:44):
I mean, really belief is likecore belief, sort of even beyond
consciousness, right, like asubconscious belief that to be
worthy, to get the connection,the, the, the the television
that I needed.
Josh (06:58):
You need to excel.
Dusty Horton (06:59):
I got, I got to perform right, and so, and, and,
is that a perfectionist kind ofoutcome?
Then it's part of it.
Josh (07:05):
Yeah, for sure it's the opposite of what you and I have.
I'm sorry I got to stop.
Mike (07:12):
No jokes is great man.
Some of this stuff is heavy.
Josh (07:16):
So it's it's it's important to have balance for
sure.
Dusty Horton (07:19):
Right, and that's if.
If there's anything I'velearned that I want to impress
upon anybody, it's it's balance,for sure.
So, so, yeah, and and so, inthat, like growing up in this
environment, with you know, insuburban white America, in the
middle of west, with a middleclass household, and you had
(07:39):
every toy that you wanted, andyou know, I got a Nintendo on my
10th birthday and a 13 inch TVfor my bedroom.
Mike (07:46):
Nice, it's so sweet.
Yes, yeah, exactly.
Dusty Horton (07:50):
But I didn't have, like, a parent who is
emotionally available, right,and so so you're living in this
life, that stuff people all overthe world idolize, and you're
miserable and you don't know it,right.
Mike (08:03):
It's your normal.
Dusty Horton (08:04):
That's my normal Right and so I.
And the other thing is I wasalways and this is probably
related to that rambunctiouslike bouncing off the walls
energy every day ADHD styleprobably.
Mike (08:19):
I don't know I wasn't given it a name.
Josh (08:21):
It used to be childhood, now they call it ADHD.
Yeah, childhood.
Mike (08:25):
I didn't get diagnosed but maybe I was too old but
rambunctious, that was a wordrambunctious for sure.
Dusty Horton (08:31):
So so by five.
And my mom actually grew up.
She was a gymnast and a diver.
Josh (08:36):
And so.
Dusty Horton (08:37):
So she threw me into gymnastics at five years
old.
She's like you're jumping offthe couch and landing on your
head.
You need to learn how to crash.
So she throws me intogymnastics, and so so, from five
to 12, I did gymnastics, and asa gymnast, right, because now
you give me an identity and Ineed to perform seven years
Right, and so I'm yeah, I meanyou're going to state and
(08:58):
regionals and you know you're,you're competing and you're
doing all this stuff.
Josh (09:01):
Right, that's a heavy, that's a heavy lift.
Dusty Horton (09:02):
Yeah, I mean it's at the end of it by 12, it was
five days a week, five nights aweek right yeah at 12, right.
And so I had this weird geneticknee disease called Osgood
schlotters.
And you know growth spurt.
And so when I was going throughpuberty I couldn't do
(09:23):
gymnastics anymore.
And the doctor said you knowwhat?
You should ride a bicycle.
Bicycle, be really good for you.
They're almost therapeutic.
Mike (09:30):
Yeah, be therapeutic, right, you can't do gymnastics
anymore.
Dusty Horton (09:34):
But you should ride a bicycle and you take a 13
year old, 12 year old kid who'sa gymnast, that's used to
flying off stuff and doing flipsand jumps and you put him on a
bicycle right.
Josh (09:46):
What's going to happen?
Mike (09:49):
What's going to happen?
Wow, what a good combination.
Dusty Horton (09:52):
So that's, that's how I got into BMX.
I mean, I like thought it wascool as a kid and, like I said,
was jumping off curbs and stuff.
But at that point I was like,oh, this is my new identity
really, this is my new career,right?
Josh (10:04):
And 13, like this is who I'm going to be.
Dusty Horton (10:06):
I'm going to be a good student and I'm going to
ride BMX, yeah, and thank Godfor the community, because there
was, like, I mean, bmx in theearly 90s was relatively dead
and there was a community in mysuburb of Milwaukee of kids that
rode BMX and without that, like, I probably would have been in
jail at 17 instead of 27.
(10:28):
So, like, without that, I wouldhave had a much rougher
childhood.
So that's that's what drives meto continue to promote cycling
in general, but specifically,like the action sports
communities are so supportiveand such a good community and
that was where I found really aconnection that I just didn't
(10:50):
have that at home in the sameway, and so it was like this,
really rewarding, you know,passion, right, and so it just
took off for me and so I startedriding BMX you know, 12, 13
years old and and rode for yearsand through that time really
damaged my body, like you know,from from 13 and I quit.
(11:15):
I'm doing air quotes here forthe people that can't see I quit
quit riding BMX professionallywhen I was 24.
So I made it from like, really,13 to 24 were my good years and
then, like, my body gave up atthat point.
So so, just in that shortperiod of time, I had had three
knee surgeries, two rupturedspleen, ruptured kidney, broken
(11:37):
back.
Oh, all from BMX to right anklesurgeries.
Well, foot I shattered mycalcaneus, had to have a plate
put in the hell.
Mike (11:49):
What's the hell's?
Dusty Horton (11:49):
the calcaneus Sorry heel bone.
Mike (11:52):
You break it both, you have a hurt.
Josh (11:54):
Shatter yeah, how do you shatter a heel bone, jesus?
What to tell me about thatcrash?
Dusty Horton (12:03):
I was trying to get my key chain here, which is
the plate that was in my that'swhat holding my heel bone
together.
Josh (12:10):
That was the plate.
That's awesome.
You still have it, yeah, yeah.
Dusty Horton (12:14):
So it's, you've taken it out of it and it's a
key chain.
Now you take it out.
Mike (12:17):
I just made it a key chain , I just put it on my key ring,
but that's what was holding justeverything in your heel while
it was healing my heel bonetogether.
Dusty Horton (12:24):
Yeah, it was literally never seen a piece of
titanium calcaneus.
Josh (12:30):
I got to take a rabbit hole real quick when I was
learning Arabic.
I was, I used to chew on guitarpicks all the time.
I always had a guitar pick inmy mouth and I was taking a
listening test and the and thelistening test started faster
than I expected and it surprisedme.
And you swallow the guitar pick, and I swallow the guitar pick
(12:51):
Yep, so like this guy.
So like three days later I lookdown and there's the guitar
pick Yep, yep, nice.
And so I'm like, well, I can'tjust let it.
Mike (13:02):
So yeah, so you washed it off and I watched it now, josh.
Josh (13:05):
So I wore it for like, for like a decade.
I wore it as a necklace.
Mike (13:14):
I don't have it anymore, but you wore the digested guitar
pick and I was like that wentthrough my whole body.
Josh (13:20):
Sorry, it just reminded me of that story.
Mike (13:22):
I don't know why, but it's something that was in your body
.
Dusty Horton (13:28):
Yeah, that you now have again.
It came out All right, keepgoing.
Josh (13:34):
I didn't mean to tell a great story and worth the rabbit
hole.
Mike (13:38):
So you broke a lot of your .
You did a lot of damage to yourbody.
Dusty Horton (13:41):
A lot of damage.
Mike (13:43):
Nine years.
Dusty Horton (13:43):
Yeah, and, and I 11, whatever.
Mike (13:45):
Yeah, amazing, you had time to ride because you were
healing half that time.
Dusty Horton (13:48):
A lot of the time I was healing, yeah, and so so
you know what, what I can nowlook back and say, like, why do
I do that Right?
And thanks to the work I'vedone recently and identifying
and healing some of this trauma,I can say, oh, like that's I
(14:09):
was.
You know, if I didn't pull thetrick, I wasn't worthy right, or
somebody wasn't going to loveme or somebody was pushing the
same thing, the same thing thatdrove you to get straight.
Josh (14:17):
A's the same thing that drove you to clean a specific
way drove you on the bikeExactly exactly, even to the
point of bad injuries.
Dusty Horton (14:26):
Exactly exactly Right.
And so, and in the culture andthis is, you know, in a lot of
our culture and I don't want tolike demonize BMX or action
sports or anything, but we havethis mindset, especially in
America, of like, tough it out,man up, and so you'd have an
(14:47):
injury and you'd have two monthsoff because you're doing PT and
rehab and all this stuff, andlike your friends are like, are
you riding soon?
And you know, like you pushright.
And even if, like I remember,for years I worked at DK while I
was riding for them and hadknee surgery while I was working
(15:07):
there, and even there, like andit wasn't them, but it was me
like they'd get a container ofbikes to unload and I'd be
hobbling, like you know, tryingto get bikes out of the
container with my jacked up knee, like pushing myself because
that's what you're supposed todo.
In my mind, right, that's whatI'm thinking.
Is I got to do this or thesepeople won't love me?
Josh (15:29):
Man up, get back on the ice.
Dusty Horton (15:31):
Right.
And so we have this push rightto not honor what our body needs
, right.
We have this push to honor whatsociety wants us to do, or even
like these things that we thinkwe need to do, which are made
up from childhood because wedidn't get the shit we needed
(15:52):
then right.
And so we're operating often inthis, you know, very
unconscious way.
And so that's what it was, waslike I just would if my body
would keep moving, I'd try thetrick again and it worked.
It was relatively successful.
I got sponsored and I certainlywasn't like X Games level pro,
but you know I rode localcontests and got paid to ride
(16:16):
for DK doing shows and a coupleother small companies doing
shows.
Josh (16:20):
If you got paid to ride a bike, you were doing well yeah.
Dusty Horton (16:23):
Yeah it was.
I mean I was grateful to haveall the opportunities I had.
For sure it was yeah, and hadmy body not sort of really tried
to give out then at 24.
When I was 24, I had my thirdknee surgery and carpal tunnel
surgery on the same day and atthat point my doctor, my
orthopedic doctor, was like ifyou keep doing this, like you're
(16:45):
going to have knee replacementswhen you're 35.
And if you quit now, you mightmake it to 40 before you have
your knee replaced.
You know, and the mindset thenwas like you can't heal this
stuff right, like you're justyou're ruining it and it's
screwed forever right, whichthankfully I now know is not the
case and you know.
Josh (17:03):
so a few the science has advanced since then a little bit
, right, yeah.
Dusty Horton (17:08):
Well, it's more about even the people
recognizing like the body'sability to ability to heal on
its own right.
And that's you know.
You think so much about doctors, right, like, is them getting
you the hell out of your own way?
Mike (17:25):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Josh (17:25):
Like they're not healing a bone.
Dusty Horton (17:27):
They're putting a cast on there, so you don't mess
with it.
Josh (17:29):
Putting a cast on there so the body can heal it.
Dusty Horton (17:30):
Exactly.
Mike (17:31):
Exactly Right.
Stays in one place.
Dusty Horton (17:33):
Yeah and so so what happened for me?
I was, I was really grateful tolike have those experiences and
ride and and and get to travel.
I mean I like got to see bothcoasts the same summer, like
touring across the country,really incredible times.
And yeah, I'm so grateful,especially DK like did so much
(17:53):
for me Even when I quit ridingprofessionally.
Dk continued to support me for15 years like given you know,
send me frames when I neededthem, or send me, you know
whatever.
Josh (18:04):
So yeah, really really incredible team.
Dusty Horton (18:07):
Yeah, like I love those guys and to see them still
doing well and supporting likeTucson BMX and you know there's
a lot of a lot of love for thoseguys.
Mike (18:17):
Shout out to the DK.
So you're in the van.
Like you know, you hear aboutthe pros in the van doing the
tours, so you're.
You're one of those guys.
Had the bike and making thetour and the rounds with DK.
Dusty Horton (18:28):
Yeah yeah.
The biggest, like most wellknown tour I went on was there's
a company called Props in thenineties and 2000s that did BMX
videos and they had a thing thatthey spoofed road rules from
MTV and they made a thing calledroad fools.
It took like 13 guys and putthem in a bus and like King of
(18:50):
the what's this?
Mike (18:52):
What's the skate one, now King of the road?
I'm not familiar, sorry, okay.
Dusty Horton (18:57):
Yeah.
So this was like, you know,just put a bunch of guys in the
van and film, like, and so itwas like this introduction to
like seeing what BMXers looklike not just on the park but
also traveling.
And so they did a continuationof that called megatur, and in
that they had a like groups ofteams go and then they were like
meet up at different places.
(19:17):
So I got, I got to be on thefirst megatur, which was like
really amazing, you know, for meat that time like that's really
cool and, yeah, super awesome,so that that was like really
great part of my life, but alsowas sort of the start of, like,
(19:38):
this continual downhill, of likenot listening to my body right,
continuing to let itdeteriorate.
And so I was.
I was really making a lot ofsacrifices to live that life in
that way and not to say that,like to live that life, you have
to make the sacrifices I made.
I was making those because ofthe trauma that I had, right.
Josh (20:00):
I mean to draw a parallel that our listeners might
recognize.
You know we had the AirAwareness podcast and we talked
about Gracia and Scander leavingscootering.
Yeah, you know, part of it wasjust the.
I mean, these kids were flying30 feet in the air and if they
didn't land right on a scooterwith, you know wheels, this big
right?
You know the boys are bothriding BMX now and then they've
transitioned very successfully,I think, to BMX and they're like
(20:20):
oh my God, this is so mucheasier.
Yeah, you got a 20 inch wheelversus like a two inch wheel or
three inch wheel, but it was, Imean, gracia was getting hurt,
like, like, seriously hurt a lot, and he was like 13 years old,
right, and so he was like dude,I can't keep doing this to my
body.
I'm done.
Mike (20:37):
So he stopped, whereas you kept going yes, I didn't have
that thought, yeah.
Dusty Horton (20:42):
Right, that thought of like I should stop
this is hurting my body and Ihad a lot of friends like that
and I was like you guys areidiots, Like BMX is awesome.
Josh (20:50):
I'm on the megator.
We're talking about totallyyeah.
Dusty Horton (20:52):
Yeah, whatever ideas you got.
So so that was it was.
It was also a time where Ireally just was not listening to
my body and, and you know, quit, quit riding 2004, when I was
24 or 25, something like thatand took about four years off
(21:12):
and I might.
My weight when I was riding wasprobably like I don't know, 180
, 175, something like that, likeback then, and and in four
years I went to 235.
Josh (21:24):
Oh, wow, Wow.
And you're like what?
511?
Dusty Horton (21:26):
510.
510.
Yeah.
Josh (21:28):
Yeah, just to put it in context.
Dusty Horton (21:30):
Yeah, so I went right, right Gained you know 50,
that's heavy.
Yeah, 55 pounds.
Mike (21:36):
For not riding.
Dusty Horton (21:38):
Well okay, all right, yeah, you know, and, and
so what?
What happened was when I didn'thave riding Right, what?
I didn't know this then, but Ican look back, you know.
Josh (21:49):
Hindsight, hindsight's always 20s one.
Dusty Horton (21:51):
Right, I can look back now and see like, oh, I
didn't have that outlet, and sothe thing I love about BMX, and
like that I think every cyclistknows, is that it's creative
right.
Like, even riding a bicycledown the sidewalk is creative
right.
And so I didn't have a creativeoutlet and I didn't have an
(22:11):
exercise outlet, and so I'msitting on the couch eating
pizza and drinking because mymind is going crazy, right, and
so I used to demonize thedrinking and think like, oh well
, like I got alcoholic parentsand so I must be alcoholic and
you know all these, you knowstories and whatever, and at the
(22:32):
end of the day, like myexistence was like miserable,
you didn't have an outlet.
Yeah, and so without an outletand living in this space of just
being relatively miserable andlike getting heavier and heavier
and more and more uncomfortableand like for me, with bad knees
already, bad back like theextra weight just kills you,
(22:53):
Just awful, awful.
So it really got to a spot whereit was bad.
I mean, I ended up in, like Imentioned earlier, jail at 27.
So I quit riding at 25 and by27, you know DUI and multiple
assault charges and you knowdrinking nonsense, right?
Josh (23:12):
And.
Dusty Horton (23:12):
I ended up spending 10 days in tent city
and like a month in Tucson, yeah, so it was really, which is not
a fun place to be.
Josh (23:22):
No, a tent city.
That was not a good experience.
Was it a summer or a winter?
Dusty Horton (23:27):
It was summer.
I lucked out and was on so manypsych meds at the time that
they wouldn't let me in generalpopulation.
So I got put in the infirmarywhich actually had like an
adjustable bed and airconditioning.
Yeah, it was.
I got better.
Josh (23:43):
Lucky.
Mike (23:44):
Yeah, yeah.
Dusty Horton (23:46):
Lucky going to jail.
Josh (23:47):
I was in jail, but it was a good.
It was a good jail.
Dusty Horton (23:51):
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as the worst jail right.
Josh (23:53):
Yeah, for sure.
Dusty Horton (23:54):
Right Comparison, anyway.
So so, yeah, just reallystruggled during that period of
time and eventually, likesomething in my mind said you
need, you have to.
Well, you know what it was thelosing your license and having
to be on a bicycle, you knowthat was Like you didn't have an
option.
Yeah, yeah, so I had a bicycleand I was like wait, I used to
(24:15):
ride these things and like, dotricks.
You know it's four years ago,right, but like in your mind,
100 years ago 100 years ago.
Yeah, 27,.
Whatever I was thinking, anyway.
So, yeah, so I was ridingbicycle because I didn't didn't
have a license and so so then Ilike called up DK and they sent
me a 26 inch dirt jumper,because they made dirt jumpers
for a couple of years, right.
(24:36):
So they sent me a 26 inch dirtjumper and I was like this is
perfect.
And I still had my old, likecontest BMX bike, right?
Yeah, like I'd never gotten ridof that thing.
I was still in the garage.
But I got this dirt jumper and Istarted riding around, jumping
off stairs and stuff like that,and slowly, over the next couple
of years now you know it's beenover a decade like just kept
riding more and more and moreand more and more.
(24:57):
So I had this experience ofgetting back on the bike and
movement right, and movement isso key.
So just doing that like reallyradically changed my life.
Already I was still strugglingwith all of this childhood stuff
and you know, years of drinkingand all these other things that
(25:19):
were going on, but I started tofeel a lot better with movement
and, thankfully, like was ableto quit drinking for a few years
, on and off, with different,different modalities, and so
that was always helpful,basically getting me to a spot
where I could function insociety again, right, not ending
up in jail Netflix has got thisnew series called Blue Zones.
Josh (25:42):
It's four one hour episodes and I can't remember
the guy's name.
You can look it up.
It's been out for a couple ofmonths now, maybe longer, but it
looks at, he goes and analyzeswhere there are populations of
Centurions so those are peoplethat have lived to 100 years old
and like high populations ofCenturions and like one of the
(26:06):
common threads between all ofthe.
There's four different sitesOne's in, one's in California,
one's in Costa Rica, one's inJapan, one's in one's in.
Italy, and the common threadbetween all of them is movement
Totally.
Dusty Horton (26:21):
Oh really.
Mike (26:22):
So I didn't mean to take you off track, but it's like
there's something about that.
Josh (26:25):
Like you have to keep moving your body.
Dusty Horton (26:28):
It's one of the most fundamental things for sure
at this point.
Yeah, so I'll get into that injust a second.
But the basic premise was likeoh okay, I can't be static,
right?
I had this idea that I was sobroken, that my body was so
broken.
Josh (26:45):
I shouldn't.
You were done, I couldn't run.
Sit on the couch, no movement,yeah.
Dusty Horton (26:51):
I'm walking the dog, you know, once a day, and
that's it right For half a mileor something and that's yeah,
I'm not doing anything elsebecause my body's broken, right.
And well, it turns out you'vegot to move a broken body to get
it to heal.
So that's what happened.
And so I had some really goodsort of physical success there,
right Started, feeling better inthe body, ended up going back
(27:12):
to college for a couple years,pursued a couple degrees,
dropped out again like justcouldn't figure out what I
wanted to do.
But I worked in IT my whole life, on and off, you know, working
with computers, and so got a jobat Apple, actually at the local
Apple store in Tucson, andworked there on and off for
almost eight years.
The problem there was the sameproblem that I had in BMX, which
(27:41):
was the same problem that I hadin high school, which was the
same problem that I had at home,which is that if you don't
perform, you're not worthy.
And so it was this intensestruggle to compete and to be
the best and to win and to dothe most sales and to do the
fastest repairs and to be thebest, you know, leader.
Mike (28:02):
Exactly.
Dusty Horton (28:03):
So I spent eight years like killing myself and no
, you know, I don't blame Apple,right, that's their culture and
I chose to be a part of it andfelt, you know, miserable after
eight years.
You know, like didn't know thatI wouldn't have like said it
that way, but really was likejust not honoring what I needed
(28:24):
for sure and was thinking likethis is the way you provide
value to yourself.
Yeah, it is that you killyourself at your job, right Yep.
Josh (28:33):
You're not supposed to do that.
Dusty Horton (28:36):
Shit.
So so, thankfully, I threw along series of events, decided I
wanted a more regular scheduleand got in with another company
and I did the same thing there.
And this is working for a smallcompany online IT company and
(28:58):
had the same drive.
You know, I'm like, okay, I'mgonna be a leader, I'm gonna be
the boss, I'm gonna be thedirector, I'm gonna be whatever.
Right.
And so within I mean a couple ofyears.
I was senior director of theentire customer success
department.
Like you know, half the companyreported to me like and I was
making more money than I've evermade.
(29:19):
Like bought a house, had twodogs, got a girlfriend.
Like my life is everything itshould be.
I'm successful.
I have a senior director title,right, and I wanna kill myself
still right, which is, you know,and I haven't mentioned that
(29:43):
this session and I, you know Ishouldn't have.
Josh (29:46):
Just dropped an honest like that.
Yeah, said that out of the blueCause somebody else listening,
you know it's a serious topic.
Yeah, for sure.
Dusty Horton (29:54):
And I should have mentioned like that's been part
of my life, like my whole lifehas been suicidal ideology at
times, right, like when thingsget bad enough, right.
That's the answer, you know inthe back of your head.
Yeah, yeah, and so I'mconstantly.
Josh (30:10):
Just for listeners.
That's not the answer.
There's lots of options forhelp and we'll put some links in
the show notes.
If you're feeling that way,contact one of the links in our
show notes and they can talk youthrough it and help you through
the time that you're goingthrough.
Dusty Horton (30:23):
Yeah, I think no.
Thank you, josh, that's yeah.
It's so important because it'sit's.
It does feel like the answer inthe moment.
It feels like your only truth.
It feels like you're normal,right, like that.
This is the only thing thatcould be the answer, and that's
the truth, there's always betteranswers.
It's just in that moment rightand so you, you do get through
(30:46):
it.
But you know, I had spent, youknow, most of my life on and off
, feeling like that's an answer,that if everything else
continues to go the way it'sbeen going right, that's.
That's always an answer at theend of the road, and so,
especially being presented withthat in my own mind, as a
(31:10):
solution when my life externallyis the best it's ever been,
broke me.
I mean, there's there's noother way to say it Like I
really was in this spot where,okay, I've done it, like I'm the
American dream right, I don'thave a kid or a picket fence or
(31:32):
whatever but like I got.
I got all the other stuff I'msupposed to have.
Right that I grew up.
Josh (31:37):
And I don't feel complete.
Dusty Horton (31:39):
That is such a wild thought and I feel like I
want to die yeah yeah, right,wow.
And so one night I like noteven an argument with my
girlfriend, but I had.
I was feeling miserable and Iasked her to leave and locked
myself in my walk-in closet andjust felt miserable.
(32:02):
And and I had.
I have, thankfully, a lot ofgreat friends and some super
incredible supportive people inmy life, and always have, and so
you know that if I didn't haveall those people in my life, you
know that's that's the supportthat's that's kept me here, and
so I had been talking to thisguy that had been doing this
(32:25):
particular modality of therapycalled internal family systems,
or they call it IFS for short,and I'd like looked into a
little bit and I you know theidea is that you have an
internal system of parts thatcomprise you, the entity right,
(32:46):
and so, rather than it's aradical shift from the idea of
mono mind, I'm dusty, I am thisbrain.
Right Now you're saying, well,no, really dusty, it's like a
lot of these little differentparts and these parts you know,
let me say it this way, have youever felt like somebody asked
you to go out?
It's eight o'clock on a Fridaynight.
(33:07):
I mean, this is maybe, you know, middle-aged men talk here, but
you know it's eight o'clock ona Friday night.
Mike (33:13):
And you're like it's eight o'clock man.
Dusty Horton (33:15):
Eight o'clock.
I'm not going out right now,but there's a part of you.
Josh (33:20):
It's like hell, yeah, that's like let's go right,
let's pre-game.
Dusty Horton (33:25):
And that that's if I would encourage anybody to
explore that for yourself.
Josh (33:31):
Yeah, you have different mental states.
Dusty Horton (33:33):
Yeah, yeah, if you've got parts right.
And so I had like heard alittle bit about this.
And so I'm sitting in my closet, miserable, and had this sort
of like, struck with a thoughtand it basically I was feeling
like very angry and very upsetthat I had cultivated the world
(33:58):
I was supposed to have, and itdidn't make me feel okay.
And I'm sitting on the floor inthe closet and this thought
strikes me who's angry?
Like out of the blue, thatthought came into my head.
Josh (34:13):
Which part of dusty is angry?
Dusty Horton (34:15):
Yeah, but I didn't like have that language even
then.
I'd sort of heard about thisthing but I didn't know anything
about it.
And this thought came in who'sangry?
And something in that miseryand willingness to like look for
any answer.
There was this separation in me.
It felt like from the angrypart, yeah.
(34:39):
And so I was able to like seethis part of me that was very
angry and felt very hurt and Iintuitively sort of just said,
well, why are you angry?
And it told me that the worldis scary right, like the world
isn't gonna necessarily give youwhat you need.
You gotta do stuff right to getwhat you need.
(35:01):
And so it's like constantlyworried that I'm not gonna do
something correctly and then youwon't love me.
Josh (35:10):
So we've talked about this in a different context.
Right, I tell you, like somedays at work, like on Monday I'm
pretty sure I'm gonna get fired, and on Tuesday I'm pretty sure
I'm gonna be the CEO, and thenWednesday I'm gonna get fired
again, and hopefully on Fridayend at the CEO.
Mike (35:24):
So I could have a good weekend.
Josh (35:26):
A good weekend.
On Friday I left thinking I wasgetting fired, so I had a
shitty weekend.
But I can definitely relatewith the and you can play some
days.
I think I'm the best dad in theworld, the best husband in the
world and some days.
I'm like Jesus, I got some workto do.
The world is ghostly Exactlyright.
That's the different parts ofme.
Dusty Horton (35:42):
And totally right, and we have like dad parts and
we have work parts and we havelike friend parts, right so?
There's yeah, I really like Ican't say enough about this
particular modality.
For me it was really lifechanging.
But that thought that came inand just said who's angry?
And giving me that separationlike immediately enabled me to
(36:06):
have compassion For the part ofyou that was hurting, for the
part of me that was hurting Wow,that's fascinating, that's
super cool.
Josh (36:12):
I've never heard this concept before, so that was
really like I hope, which to meis the key right.
Dusty Horton (36:17):
And so you know, the more I've studied this and I
mean having grown up the way Idid and haven't been in and out
of AA for years, and havingstudied a lot of spiritual
approaches and I found this andit was like oh, this explains
everything, so much, so muchyeah.
Right, like in a way that'ssuper succinct and really
(36:39):
approachable and it'sexperiential.
It's not like a therapy, youjust it's not talk therapy, it's
experiential therapy.
So it's very visceral for me.
Very much in your body, and sothat basically was the shift
that happened for me, and thatwas New Year's Eve of 2022.
(37:03):
So that was almost a year ago.
Josh (37:05):
Oh, that was not that long ago, Right right.
Dusty Horton (37:09):
And so, just in this last year, started like
didn't know, I was traumatized,like I was like until if you had
asked me a year ago what mychildhood was like, I'd be like
oh, my mom did her best.
Yeah, like she did, that's true, yeah, for sure.
And that's also an insufficientanswer.
Like I, was severely damaged bythe situation.
(37:32):
The situation right and not.
There's no fault in that.
That's just the truth of thesituation right.
Like she couldn't do anydifferent because of her
upbringing right.
Josh (37:42):
So there's no, there's no blame.
Dusty Horton (37:44):
But that's where I ended up and I didn't know it,
and so until this year, right.
And then I'm finding out like,oh, okay, so like I really did
have a pretty traumaticchildhood and I didn't have the
support that I needed then andnow I can look at these really
maladaptive behaviors that I'vegenerated over the years and
(38:05):
actually have compassion forthem and know that they come
from a place of, like me, tryingto feel safe in the world right
To feel connected with the restof humanity, and so all that
work basically opened up aconnection to the body, and so
through IFS, that really a bigpart of the prompt is like okay,
(38:27):
you might be, you're feelingthe part that feels like it's
gonna get fired, right, yeah,right, where do you feel that in
your body?
is the prompt right?
That's the question, yeah, andso you get quiet and still, I
know exactly where I feel it andyou say okay, I feel it right
here right, and so well, you canactually, and the idea in IFS
(38:48):
is that you could just talk tothat part, so you can ask that
part like hey part, why do youfeel like you're gonna get fired
, what?
And?
And my experience is, whenyou're still, it will talk back
to you, it will tell you what itneeds and what it feels like,
and so that's how I figured outlike, oh, I was really
(39:08):
traumatized as a kid because Ididn't have that connection that
I needed, because when I wouldask those parts, those questions
, I would get clear answers oftimes when I didn't have kind of
support that I needed.
I have this memory of, maybewhen I was three years old, my
mom had a party at our houseapartment and she passed out in
(39:29):
the party and the neighbors putme to bed.
She had passed out in my bedand the neighbors put me to bed
in her bed.
Yeah, yeah, and I I rememberGoing into my room to shake her
to like wake her up, and shewouldn't wake up.
Yeah and I, and then I, you know, went back into her bedroom and
I remember like the bed washuge and scary and the neighbors
(39:52):
weren't nice and you know, it'sjust.
It was a very unsettling,unsettling experience, right,
and like that's continued tolike be in my mind, like why
Would I, why would I have tokeep living through that?
Yeah right, well, because ithasn't been processed by my body
(40:12):
.
So that memory lived in my bodyfor years and years and years,
decades.
Yeah right, because I nevercould process it.
Nobody at that time who isemotionally regulated came to me
and said hey, I realize this isa really terrible situation.
Your mom is really sick andshe's got so.
(40:33):
You know, I know this isn'tideal, but let me be with you
and, yeah, with you while you'recrying like I didn't have that
right and that's again, there'sno blame on that, but that's
just the situation.
And so you end up with thisstuff stored in your body.
Yeah, it's effectively where itcomes.
And then you have things likeIBS and arthritis and you know
(40:55):
all these ailments that manifestbased on the chronic illnesses
right are mostly all based intrauma, and so so as soon as I
started the trauma work, I hadbeen IBS, ocd, irritable balsam
irritable bowel syndrome yeah,ocd, anxiety, depression, ptsd
(41:18):
right, like you, any.
Yeah.
Yeah, arthritis right, all ofthem.
Degenerative disc disease.
Gluten intolerance not celiacbut couldn't eat gluten without
feeling super sick.
I started trauma healing thisyear and within like three or
four months I stopped wearingglasses.
My vision wasn't terrible, butit like got way better.
(41:40):
No kidding, yes, Could starteating gluten, hadn't been able
to eat spicy things my entirelife, like I used to make the
joke that mild sauce a Taco Bellwas too spicy, or like ketchup
is too spicy.
Josh (41:55):
We live in Tucson, by the way.
Right, we live in Tucson.
Dusty Horton (41:57):
Yeah, I've been here 20 years.
Yeah, so, and that's Now.
Now I can eat that stuff likeit's just like I'm not gonna eat
it.
I'm not gonna eat that stuff.
Like it just doesn't in a yearin a year doesn't aggravate my
system.
Now it there's.
I want to like Lay this on I'mnot well, right, like I'm still,
and, and we had, yeah, I'mstill healing, right, and we had
(42:19):
this conversation earlier,right, we've got these mic
stands, yep, and, and we'renavigating around the mic stands
and I lean towards the micRather than articulating the
articulated arm towards my.
I'm like, hey, duffy.
Josh (42:34):
You can move that towards you to be comfortable and you're
like no, no, no, I can't becomfortable, right?
Dusty Horton (42:38):
Like I need to accommodate everybody else,
right?
That's the mindset your wholelife.
Mike (42:42):
Your whole life, right yeah, so 40 plus years so 40
plus years.
Dusty Horton (42:46):
So there's a lot of that and it still comes up
all the time and and, andthere's still, definitely, times
where it feels completelyoverwhelming.
Um, in the last few months, Ilost a girlfriend, the
girlfriend that I had last year.
Um, we broke up and she movedout.
My dog died.
Josh (43:04):
Oh, jesus 14, and you know old and whatever, but you still
gotta put him down.
Mike (43:09):
Yeah, it's still your dog.
Dusty Horton (43:10):
Yeah, totally.
And then I I bought a, my firstcondo ever last year and I
bought a new air conditionerthis year because I didn't want
it to go out in the middle ofsummer, and so I got one
installed in like May, and thenin August it died.
Josh (43:24):
That's a big deal in Tucson, by the way.
For y'all it's like a hundredthis year was especially Right
gnarly super hot.
Yeah, how do you buy a brandnew air conditioning.
It died in like four months.
Yeah, four months.
Hopefully that's not a warranty, but yeah it was yeah, I didn't
have to pay anything.
Mike (43:37):
But I still pay me.
Dusty Horton (43:38):
I have to have like four or five days with a
Like window, air conditioner andlike block rooms off.
You know which it's.
Josh (43:47):
First world problems.
Dusty Horton (43:49):
My problems are very minor these days, but but
comparatively 110 degreesoutside.
Like all these things going onin the last few weeks and you
know, and I get to like be inthis space where it's really
tough and also I don't want todie like I'm grateful for the
experiences I'm having andgetting to like be present with
(44:12):
them and actually live throughthe grief of the dog passing and
and that kind of stuff, and soso it's it's just a very Very
this.
This whole year has been such adifferent experience with life
and and cycling has been so keyin that because I've gotten to
(44:33):
change my relationship with mybike in the last year and even
when I switched to a 22, a bigmotivation was also, in addition
to the reducing pain was toliterally slow me down.
It was actually a method tomake things harder, so I
wouldn't want to do as manytricks, because tricks are
(44:54):
harder on a 22.
And I'm still getting hurt.
So even this year I've stillgotten hurt.
Josh (45:05):
I can see it on your thumb right now.
Dusty Horton (45:07):
Yeah, I've got a lot better my relationship with
the bike, so I'm not throwingmyself on the ground like I used
to.
I'll go to the skate park I'mgoing every week and go have a
game of bike with the kids andthey're doing all this crazy
stuff and I'm like, oh, I got todo the crazy stuff because
they're doing it and I can'tlose the game of bike.
I'm 40 something years old andsmashing myself on the ground,
(45:30):
which is fine if my body feltokay, but with my history, my
body doesn't feel okay gettingthrown on the ground.
Josh (45:37):
Just for our listeners bike is kind of like horse if
you're playing basketball, youdo a trick.
If the other guy can't do thetrick, he gets a letter in the
first one to spell the word bikeloses.
Dusty Horton (45:45):
Exactly.
Thank you so much.
Mike (45:49):
When you're at the park, though, you are riding big, and
there's consequences for thosebig tricks.
Dusty Horton (45:56):
Sure.
Mike (45:56):
So you're still like OG, I guess, and still throwing down
these awesome tricks.
So that's cool, thank you.
Dusty Horton (46:02):
I appreciate that.
Mike (46:03):
Where is your head now?
If you've, you know, back tothe walking closet locked in.
You seem like you are in agreat place, mind and body, and
I don't want to put words inyour mouth, but in a better
place, like because of this.
Josh (46:16):
You're speaking openly and try to help others on this
podcast right now, so that's gotto say something.
Dusty Horton (46:22):
Yeah, I mean I'm really in the best spot I've
ever been in my life, by leapsand bounds, like all the other.
I mean, I've done talk therapysince I was 13 years old and
I've done, you know, all othermodalities of like different
kinds of recovery and addictionstuff and all sorts of different
(46:42):
stuff and all of it helped andall of it gave me additional
pieces of information.
Mike (46:49):
Sure.
Dusty Horton (46:50):
But none of it addressed the trauma recovery,
the core root stuff that Ireally needed to address, and it
was IFS, internal familysystems and somatics, which is
really just the, you know,accessing the body.
So so today my routine is, youknow, I have an IFS therapist
(47:13):
that I see regularly, I have asomatic experiencing
practitioner that I seeregularly that helps him process
stuff through the body, andthen I do yen four times a week.
Yeah, yeah, yen is the mostincredible thing.
If your body is sore or achy ortight, yen is just incredible.
Josh (47:33):
This is long form where you hold I do yen sometimes, or
you hold the poses for three,four minutes three to five
minutes.
Mike (47:38):
Yeah, and, by the way, will Bissell that's the type of
yoga that he's doing.
Josh (47:43):
Yeah.
Dusty Horton (47:43):
He's teaching.
Yeah, he's teaching yen.
I just saw him this weekend andhe said he's still teaching
classes about once a month.
Good for him.
Mike (47:51):
Yeah, very cool.
So those three things.
Dusty Horton (47:54):
You mentioned the IFS, somatics and yen yoga.
Yeah, and that's that's, likeyou know, after a year of doing
these different things I alsodid earlier this year I did
ketamine therapy, like I've done, a number of different
modalities to like try to boostthe processes of going along.
Mike (48:11):
But you have to put the work in.
I mean, this is not justsitting there, but you take the
initiative and to do this workRight and therapy.
Dusty Horton (48:19):
Right, and that's, that's what's generated this
thing that works for me now.
Right, like through a year ofon and off and trying different
things Like these are the thingsthat work, and it's not.
I shouldn't say a year, right,it's been like 30 years of
trying to figure out what'swrong with me and not knowing
and going to doctors and themsaying like, oh, you're anxious,
(48:42):
you're depressed here, takethis pill Right.
Mike (48:45):
Yeah, so I have a friend who yeah, those are excellent
points.
Over 30 years you've developedthat and now just recently kind
of honed it in yeah.
So, going back to, I have afriend who called it's not a
blue and he said hey, how areyou doing?
I'm like good, I'm justchecking in and you know it's
his brother's checking on otherpeople.
(49:05):
You know what?
Dusty Horton (49:06):
I mean yeah.
Mike (49:06):
And I think that's really it was really special for him.
He took the time to you know,and he did, and like he's like
yeah, I do this every Friday.
I call five people, make surethey're good.
Dude, that's awesome.
I thought that was really cool.
Dusty Horton (49:17):
Yeah.
Mike (49:18):
And so do you have any thoughts for people who might be
sitting in a walk-in closet,locked in you know what?
What's the first step theycould take?
Dusty Horton (49:27):
Yeah, it's.
It's tough because everybody'sin a different spot, right?
So I I spent years in in groupsand recovery programs and
therapy and stuff like that, soit was relatively easy for me to
go out of the closet and likestart to get connected with
people.
For a lot of people Cause I hadI had intermittent care when I
(49:52):
was a kid and so sometimespeople were safe and sometimes
they weren't.
There are people who grew upwhere people weren't safe, never
had.
Yeah, good point and so so, like, what worked for me was working
on building community.
You know, I had this girlfriendand my job and that was my
whole life, right, and I didn'thave, I wasn't connecting to.
(50:14):
I mean, I was your job was astressor.
Well, sure, but I mean in termsof community, right, and so so
you know, we talked about,talked about this before the
show, yeah, a little bit abouttribe and and how important that
is, and so, and that's thetruth, right?
So, other than movement, right,like tribe is the other thing
that our, our systems reallycrave, and so creating community
(50:36):
was, was a key piece for me.
So getting out of that closetand getting connected with, in
my case, my buddies who had, youknow, talked to on and off for
years, and then getting backinto group spaces where those
kinds of things were beingtalked about, was what was key,
(51:01):
and that's what I would tellanybody is that there are group
spaces where people are talkingabout these things.
Mike (51:10):
They're not alone.
Dusty Horton (51:11):
All over the place .
Go on Instagram, look up TraumaRecovery, like.
There's thousands of accountsof people talking about this and
sharing and I started to lookat that stuff and see how much
of my own experience they weresharing.
And they were.
They were like telling mystories you know you can relate,
yeah, and so you could reallytell that they had gone through
(51:33):
the same things.
And so so it's out there andmore and more people are talking
about it and there's, there'sjust so much support and and
that whole community knows thatcommunity is what's needed.
So they're so welcoming.
That's yeah, I my.
I'm on Instagram, dusty Horton.
It's a public account.
Mike (51:54):
We'll put the link, of course, for sure.
Yeah.
Dusty Horton (51:57):
Like, if yeah, anybody's got questions, I'm
happy to, so they can reach outto you.
Mike (52:01):
Absolutely, yeah, for sure , thank you.
Josh (52:03):
This has been awesome, man , you've like opened my eyes,
I'm gonna.
I'm gonna, you know for sure.
Semantics and and and IFSthinking about the different
parts of me, I've never heardthat concept before, so that's
something that fascinating youknow, maybe I can get through
those days where I'm the boss.
Dusty Horton (52:17):
I'm gonna get fired.
I'm gonna get fired.
Josh (52:19):
I really appreciate you, you know.
So we started out this podcasttalking bikes and laughing and
joking and and talking mentalhealth and healing and and some
real serious topics.
I really appreciate you.
You're you sharing your story?
You know, if there's one personthat listens to this that it
like makes a difference for them.
This was absolutely worth it.
Yeah Right, If we were able toimpact, if you were able to
(52:42):
impact one life, that's a that'sa huge deal.
So thank you for beingvulnerable and open with us and
sharing this part.
I think that's awesome.
Do you have any final thoughtsfor us?
Dusty Horton (52:52):
Oh, thank you so much.
I appreciate that and I feelthe same way.
The sentiment is shared, forsure.
There's been so many peoplethat have helped me through the
years at different crucialpoints, and so you know, if this
happens to be a crucial pointfor somebody and they hear the
right thing, I'm, I'm supergrateful.
The the only thing I want toshare is um, listen to your body
(53:16):
.
So your, your body's constantlytelling you stuff you got to
ache, you got to don't ignoreirritation yeah.
Pay attention to it, Listen toit Um and and I just want to
thank uh all, all the peoplethat have supported me over the
years, um DK for years and anduh recently ditto um and
premises park.
(53:36):
I mean, I just can't say enoughabout Ian and premises.
I was fortunate enough to knowIan before premises got created.
Yeah, and then uh getting towatch them go through three
different buildings and thedifferent different versions
within each building.
And yeah, it's like so amazingand I there's a different, uh, a
different alternate realitywhere I uh have run skate parks.
(54:00):
Like that's been sort of thisidea of like I always want to
run a skate park but Ian's beendoing it in premises for so long
and and when you look at thenumbers, like it just doesn't
make any sense financially.
So like I never went too fardown the path, but I'm so
grateful that there is a skatepark and indoor wooden skate
park that you can go when theweather's terrible and the ramps
(54:22):
can change because they're woodand so it's it's always fresh.
They're always building newstuff.
Um, ian is just so incrediblewith kids.
Like you just literally leaveyour kids there for the whole
summer day and they're welltaken care of.
Like all of his staff is alwaysincredible with kids, so
they're just.
I can't say enough about himand and how much he does for the
(54:43):
community.
Like he works a full time joband also does premises full time
.
Josh (54:49):
Yeah, it's incredible, and puts on events.
Dusty Horton (54:52):
He does like all the maintenance on the building
Like he's.
He's so mechanic, like just soincredible.
Josh (54:57):
He gives back.
Yeah, shout out to Ian, and ifyou haven't, been go go to
premises.
Dusty Horton (55:03):
Talk to Ian come hang out with me on Saturday
days, yeah Right up, right up,man.
Josh (55:09):
Well, again, thank you so much for for your, your openness
, your vulnerability, forspending some time with us.
It has been super educationaland fun.
Um, I've learned a ton and, uh,I really appreciate you, man.
Dusty Horton (55:19):
Yeah, Thanks for being here.
Thanks Josh, Thanks Mike.
Josh (55:21):
Yeah, hello again, audience.
Uh, we hope that you foundDusty's mental health journey as
inspiring as we did.
Um, thanks for listening andagain, as a reminder, suicide is
(55:43):
not the answer.
Please, if you need help, reachout by texting or calling the
national crisis lifeline at 988.
Text or call the nationalcrisis lifeline at 988.
That number will work insidethe United States.
So, um, thanks a lot forlistening.
(56:04):
Get help if you need it and, uh, until next time.
This is Josh signing off.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.