Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:52):
My guest today, Dr.
Laura Grabyau, is a physician,researcher and author of Common Wisdom.
She has published extensivelyin scientific journals and a reviewer
for the many high impactreviewer for many high impact journals.
She's also an engaging speakerand has given speeches to audiences
of 1 to 5,000 individuals.
(01:12):
She attended UCLA for college,medical school residency and fellowship
where she gained additionalskills in research.
She's a two time valedictorianof both high school and college and
tackles all pursuits with apassion to succeed.
We welcome her to the podcast.
Well, Dr.
Laura, welcome to the podcast.
How are you doing this fine day?
(01:33):
I'm great.
Thank you for having me.
It's good to have you on.
So I'm going to ask you myfavorite question.
I ask all my podcast guests,what's the best piece of advice you've
ever.
Received that I've received orI have found in my work?
I my advice or advice.
What I after talking to seepeople is things will work out.
(01:58):
Don't worry.
I love that.
Kind of like the, the oldBobby McFerrin song.
Don't worry, it'll work out.
Oh, actually don't worry.
Be happy.
I guess.
That's cool.
You know, I looked at your bioand you've had an extensive and very
impressive history.
(02:19):
I'm curious along yourjourney, who are some people that
serve to inspire you or maybementor you along the way?
I don't know if there wassomeone that inspired me to do what
I did.
It just everything kind offell into what.
For example, I knew I wantedto be a physician.
I was a girl, I grew up in theMiddle east and women often didn't
(02:41):
do that.
Sure.
Then medicine.
I pursued research because ofall the physicians, the ones most
respected were the ones whodid research.
So it just all kind of likedepending on the environment.
I decided to pursue that, thatwhatever it was.
And then I wrote the bookafter I did the research about wisdom
(03:04):
and I found these eightelements and I'm like, wow, this
can really improve people's lives.
So I wrote the book Common Wisdom.
Afterwards, but you actuallystole my next question.
What inspired you to writeCommon Wisdom?
But you know, I looked at yourbook and there are some, you know,
really interesting parts to it.
(03:25):
And I'm going to kind of readthe eight elements and we can, I'm
going to ask you kind of maybepick some of those that really resonated
maybe more with you than others.
You talk about kindness,emotional regulation, empathy, self
reflection, open mindedness,decisiveness, perspective and altruism.
Is there one of those eightthat you think is maybe I know they're
(03:47):
all important, but is thereone that you would say this is really
the.
One of the most important ofthose wisdoms to kind of master?
Well, I think you mentionedthe sub themes.
The thing.
The elements that I found wereresilience, kindness, positivity,
spirituality, humility,tolerance, creativity and curiosity.
(04:10):
And of those eight, I really,I feel like they're all connected.
Right.
But I really connect with moreor positivity, humility and curiosity.
And the reason is, is becausepositivity is.
(04:30):
It helps you be resilient.
It helps you kind of live abetter life, have a good life, and
we all deserve to be happy.
And humility is a great way toconnect with others.
They don't need to know any ofthe degrees or whatever you've accomplished.
That's not going to changeyour interaction with others.
(04:50):
So it shouldn't make you feelbig to make others feel small.
All it does have a majorproblem and curiosity is the foundation
for a lot of it of all the daybecause it's, it's a way to wonder
about, you know, what's outthere, what's going on, what is not
taking things at face value.
(05:12):
Right.
I just had a.
My podcast today, I releasedtoday actually is about a guy who
talks about curiosity andleadership and, and how if you want
to be a good leader, you haveto always remember, be curious because
it makes you a better leader.
So it's funny that you.
You talk about that becausethat was the release of my podcast
today was on curiosity.
Well, I feel like the eightelements I discovered, resilience,
(05:37):
kindness, positivity,spirituality, humility, tolerance,
creativity, anchor.
They're all great treats of aphenomenal leader.
Right.
I.
I love for you to define forme humility.
That's a term that we don'twrap our minds around easily.
(05:58):
I know in my, my sphere as apastor, we talk about humility.
Humility comes from.
From us looking at it as.
As we compare ourselves to God.
We have only one posture thatis humility.
I'm curious how you definehumility in your book.
I think it's in the idea forso C S Lewis said something by Millie
(06:20):
that has made me think that,you know, it's not about who, like
your place in the world is notas important as it is about your
essentially the world itself.
So similar to you the wayyou're perceiving a person's place
place compared to God.
But it's the idea that, youknow, it's more important to understand
(06:44):
the people around you.
And I don't know if I defineit, but I definitely.
I have A quote from C.S.
lewis in my book.
Sure.
It'd be great.
Yeah, let me find it.
And it's.
It's such a great.
Here it is.
Hold on.
Okay.
It's.
(07:05):
It's humility is not thinkingless of yourself, but thinking of
yourself less.
Oh, I love that.
And.
And the idea is you areconfident, you are grounded.
What you know, you are asubstantial person, and you don't
need people to hear that orknow that because you're secure in
(07:28):
who you are.
And that's the idea of humility.
You don't need to tell othersabout it just because you are who
you are.
I love that.
So tell us about the researchyou did to write this book, because
I'm curious.
I.
I just got done my doctoraldissertation, so I spent a lot of
time, last little bit doing research.
(07:48):
I'm curious, as you think,about the research you did, what
surprised you in the researchfor this book?
Well, the reason I did it wasbecause my body started to get all
these symptoms, and Iessentially fell apart.
And the people I.
I pursued, I was reallyinterested in their medicine, kind
(08:11):
of was ready to label me.
And so they didn't thinkoutside the box.
The wise did.
And so I pursued wisdom.
And what surprised me the mostwas the second element of kindness,
and that was because I'mMiddle Eastern.
Kindness is viewed as weaknesswhere I come from.
Sure.
And it's not respected.
(08:32):
So I.
And it's something I didn'tgrow up with.
So I.
It was never something Ithought about.
But yet the.
Of the 60 people Iinterviewed, you know, kindness was
so important to them.
It was not only how theytreated others, what they did for
mankind, but also how theytreated themselves.
(08:56):
I love that.
And I think we live in an ageright now.
I think the last year or so,kindness has also kind of been something
that's kind of gone out thewindow in our daily interaction with
people.
And it so much impacts ourinner being and spirit if we're always
dealing with so muchnegativity in our life.
Well, you know, I always tellpeople that people will always remember
(09:20):
how you feel, but not what you did.
And I know Maya Angelou talkedabout that a lot.
And if you're kind, they'regonna remember that.
They'll remember that way morethan they'll remember you.
The people.
Yeah, they're nasty to eachother, definitely.
So I look at your book and you've.
(09:41):
How do you combine the fieldsof psychology Neuroscience and psych
and sociology into explainingthe meaning of life and the work
that you've done.
So to do any research projector anything, you have to see what's
out there to begin with.
So I actually use psychology,sociology, Andrea's journals to kind
(10:05):
of arrive at the people Ispoke with.
That's when I realized thatwisdom has an inversity relationship
with age.
And that's why I only spokewith people who are 50, 50s, 60s,
and 70s.
And, and that's where I alsofound the wisdom is not related gender,
race or, or ethnicity.
(10:27):
It is related to region.
And that's why I only spokewith people who were in North America,
the US And Canada.
And, and, and it's funnybecause someone mentioned, how did
you find these six Z?
I'm like, first of all, I hadnothing to do with picking them.
That would mean I am the wisest.
(10:49):
And that's not how you do research.
Right.
You have nothing to do withwho the your substitutes are.
And so I, I just advertisethat we're looking for wise individuals
and that's.
And one person to another, andthey just grew.
I love that you talk aboutyour sample size and how diverse
(11:10):
it was.
What surprised you about thepeople you interviewed as you kind
of dug deeper into this?
I know when I did my research,there were always some aha.
Moments that came out of the research.
Did something surprise youfrom all these interactions?
You know, what surprised mewas how much difficulty they had
gone through.
And even resilience was theirfirst thing.
(11:33):
Meaning was most common.
And people had gone through somuch difficulty, so much, you know,
one woman lost two husbandsand she was like, all you can do
is laugh.
What am I going to.
What can I do?
And, and yet despite that,they were at such peace.
(11:55):
They were not bitter, they'renot angry.
There's just such peace.
Wow.
So besides kindness, whatelement do you think of wisdom is
most overlooked in our society today?
Well, humility.
I, the problem is we have theInternet with social media, and it's
all about how, how you canshow off to others, how you can be
(12:21):
your Facebook page, how you.
You wish you lived yourFacebook life.
And I'm like, like people areall about, you know, what others
think.
And that's not what humilityis about either.
So, so it's, I feel likethat's definitely something that
has taken a back seat.
So let's dig a little deeperbecause I'm curious, as you look
(12:44):
at these case studies, can youshare a case study that illustrates
each of the eight Elements of wisdom.
Because I'm just kind of thatI think help us to kind of unpack
some of the discoveries you made.
Well, each one.
It's funny, I don't know ifI've taught.
I sprinkled it into my book.
But the first I woulddefinitely say being resilient with
(13:08):
the two husbands she's lost was.
Was thing that her perspective.
Kindness.
One guy won't forget.
You know, kindness was soimportant to him towards living being
that after he saw his sisterpassed away he became a vegetarian
(13:31):
and he does not touch any animals.
And he also started tovolunteer in a hospice because her
last months were in a hospiceas well.
And so kindness was such animportant part to him.
Positivity.
It's funny, I had the one man.
(13:51):
So we assigned these.
Everyone most had two to fiveof the elements.
Only one person had all six.
Had all eight of the 60.
Only one person that had all eight.
And.
And his name was Larry.
And when I spoke to him about.
I have a set of 10 questions.
(14:12):
Everyone looked at or answeredfor me open ended questions.
And when I asked Larry abouthow do you deal with difficulties
in life?
And he.
Larry is the one that had always.
And he goes well, I never callanything a difficulty.
I would reframe it right away.
And I'm like interesting.
(14:32):
So he's like I never.
And then he said somethinglike, you know, I would never be
in the weeds.
I would go to the mountaintops and.
And that was his philosophy iseven from the get go.
That's not how you perceive it.
Spirituality.
I don't know if there was.
I definitely felt like mostfelt like there was something bigger
(14:57):
than themselves.
They didn't know what thatwas, but they definitely did.
I don't know if there was an instance.
I mean there was one person totalk about how she every morning
has breakfast with God and inthat breath.
Because it's not, you know,prayer is importanter and it's not
the idea that she communicateswith God.
(15:19):
It's her kind of hopes andwishes that she puts out there.
And so prayer was a big one inspirituality and, and humility.
You know it's funny because I.
I interviewed many andhumility was my fifth element.
But it was fascinating.
I spoke with one guy who solda hundred million copies.
(15:44):
He's a record producer.
Wow.
He sold 100 million copies ofrecord before the age of the Internet.
And.
And a news.
He had a, you know, you know anational news network went to his
home.
He had awards about doingSaturday Night Fever and The Bee
(16:08):
Gees and Barbara Streisand alllike in a corner.
He could care less about that.
And I was just fascinated.
And that was humility.
So, and then after humilitywas tolerance.
And I think the idea oftolerance is again being open minded.
As scientists, it's veryimportant to me that you are unbiased
(16:31):
and open minded and nonjudgmental in whatever you pursue.
And that was really, you know,something I found.
And the next two last two,creativity and curiosity.
Those are elements that peopledon't realize that we all have in
us.
Think about what you, you wereas a kid, you created.
(16:54):
You know, you took the mostrandom things a sheet and you turned
to fort and you were curious,you asked why all the time.
And we tend to forget thatabout ourselves or we take it out
of ourselves that we let lifeget in the way.
And I, I get it, we have responsibilities.
(17:15):
But it, it doesn't mean thatyou still can't be curious and creative.
Sure, you talked a little bitabout how your background made some
of those elements harder foryou to have, like kindness.
I'm curious.
Did you study how culturaldifferences and perceptions impact
(17:36):
those wisdoms in different societies?
I did not, but I, the onlything I found, as I mentioned, is
how, how wisdom is defined differently.
Different regions.
For example, wisdom in, inAsia is different than wisdom in
the Middle East.
And that's why I stuck to onlyNorth America.
(17:59):
Right.
It seems as if people maybring, you know, their teachings
with them if they move somewhere.
So a culture can beinfluenced, influential, but at the
end of the day they end upacting, assimilating whatever is
the region they're in.
That makes sense.
(18:20):
Since you did study NorthAmerica, what trends have you noticed
here in America that move useither closer to the eight wisdoms
or and ones that move usfarther away from the eight wisdoms?
I don't know if there's any, Imean, the how I defined it were the
eight based on North America.
I don't think anyone else hasdone a look into what they are anywhere
(18:44):
else and how they differ.
My work was probably theworst, the first that looked at even
wisdom.
And, and the reality is, andthis is why I believe that things
happen for you and not to you.
I mean, think about it.
We had Covid a few years ago, right.
And the only reason I was ableto do this was because my interviewees
(19:07):
were very comfortable withzoom or just comfortable with, you
know, having Internet interviews.
They would not have been likethis had it been five years before.
So I, so that's why I believethat things just happen in your favor
and people don't realize thatfever is not necessarily a good thing
(19:29):
in every situation.
You know, I'm sure, you know,I had one moment in my interview
is who lost a child and a grandchild.
Wow.
And she was divorced and Ithink ex husband tried to kill her
a few times.
She had really gone through a lot.
And it was not that thosethings are happy events in any way
(19:54):
are beneficial, but shelearned a lot from them.
Yeah, that's, that's amazing.
As you think about where weare today in our society, do you
see that people are more opento embracing those wisdoms or are
they more.
Because you're doing somethingthat's kind of on the cutting edge?
(20:15):
How do you get people tounderstand that these eight basic,
these eight common wisdoms aresomething that is kind of beneficial
for their spirit and for theirwhole being?
Well, wisdom is not reallyrelevant, I think, because we are
all.
Life's difficult, difficult.
We're all trying to get by.
And so the last thing peoplethink about is, oh, let me improve
(20:40):
my ex.
Yeah, right.
I think if, if what I havefound is that, okay, so these do
define wisdom, but in realitythey're the keys to be living a very
successful life, mastering life.
So again, I apologize, but ifI, if I slur my speeches because
(21:01):
of my health problem.
Oh, no problem.
And so I just feel like theeight are.
You can think of them in a wayto, you know, eat elements to master
life and you read about them.
Yes, they happen to be thedefinitions of wisdom.
But I think if you embracethose eight, you will leave more,
(21:26):
live a more meaningful life.
That makes sense.
So you said that your researchis probably on the cutting edge of
this.
I always thought my.
So if someone were to try topick up where you started, what do
you see as the next step inthis research?
No, it's funny because someonein the research world, you know,
(21:46):
whenever you publish papers,the last program is the author's
kind of future vision.
Right.
What is the next step?
And I have written plenty ofthat and I, you know, everything
has next step.
But I don't thinkunderstanding this topic has next
up.
(22:06):
I think it's really justhelping people develop these that,
I mean, I, I did suchextensive work and it was so hard
to find them.
So hard, you know.
You know, people talk aboutdefine intervention.
I'm like, that was the final invention.
Finding those six all over theUS And Canada.
(22:28):
Just funding them was divine intervention.
Like how they had to gothrough so many loops to Set up a
call with me to have it beinterviewed and I had a research
assistant said that it was, itwas just unbelievable and that I
just don't see it havinganother step to it.
(22:51):
I, I wonder is as you talkedabout that though I, I was thinking
maybe the next step is how doyou help people to foster these eight
wisdoms, how you help themdevelop them.
Is there a process to teachthis or enhance it if you already,
you know, I mean kind of is itmore of a taking these eight things
(23:14):
and how do you make put thoseinto practice in your life?
Well, you know, at the end ofeach chapter I have things to ask
yourself and so I and thosepeople just love them because it
made them more self reflectand think.
I recently, I want to sayearly December came out with a journal
(23:41):
that has more of those thingsto ask yourself based on those eight
elements and that is, that'salso on Amazon.
So there is a common wisdomjournal that's out as well and that's
more of this because peopleloved it.
But at the end of the day Ithink the original is the book.
(24:02):
I think you don't have to havethe book to do the journal.
You can do the journal firstand think to yourself I'll get the
book after.
Right.
I think it helps you thinkabout yourself more.
I love that.
So what do you hope whenpeople pick up this book they get
out of it?
(24:24):
First of all, it's an easy read.
The book is such an easy read.
I was tired of writing suchboring manuscripts that I made sure
that this was simple butpowerful that you, that I got my
points across without it being complex.
And secondly, I'm very to thepoint as a scientist you have to
(24:45):
be what you would write in a paragraph.
You have to write in the likea sentence.
So the book would only takesomeone a few days if that.
I, I really feel, I know intheir views if someone reads my Amazon
reads, they'll see that thebook changes the way they think,
has changed lives, someonesaid, saved their marriage.
(25:06):
I just think it will impactpeople positively and, and that's
what it is done so far.
I love to ask my guests thisquestion as you think about the impact
you're making with this bookand maybe future projects.
What do you want your legacyto be?
I want my legacy.
(25:27):
You know, it's funny becauseI, I, I often say I wish I took my
own advice and my thoughts areto live in faith and not in fear.
And I'm sure I lived in fearmy whole life.
I had to Become doctor I oncehad being dog.
I had to get this at this thatso I'm sure I was always living in
(25:52):
fear.
But I think if you tellsomeone live in faith, have some
faith, you will not it will be okay.
I think that's.
That's the biggest lesson andthat's what I want people to realize.
That's great.
What are you working on next?
What's your next major project?
Oh, I'm not working.
I mean just so no idea.
(26:14):
There's no additional part.
I just feel like there's somuch wisdom in this book, comrades
and there's so much peace and there's.
It can change lives.
There's so much in there that my.
My current goal is get theword out about it.
That's great.
Is there anything I haven'tasked you that I should have asked
(26:36):
you?
No, I think that's it.
Well, as we wrap this up,first of all where can people find
and buy the book common wisdomand connect with you on social media?
So the original website I usedwhen I found my 60 was the wisdom
research project.com thatlinks to my website which is Laura
(26:58):
gan.com and that's the one.
But they people may notremember that Laura.com and the book
and the journal are both soldon Amazon and I think it just changes.
Lives are great.
All the gift is just.
I don't.
(27:18):
I, I just.
There's not enough words ofhow much value it has.
It's priceless and timelessand what these people had to say
was really important.
That's great.
As you wrap up this amazingconversation, what are the key takeaways
you want the audience to walkaway from our.
Discussion with Know thatthings work out and live in faith
(27:43):
and non fear and whatever happens.
Life is difficult but it'shappening for you and not to you.
Well, Dr.
Laura, thanks for taking thetime out in this busy season to share
with us the work that you did,the research you've done and the
words of wisdom that you havefor all of us to kind of start the
new year out.
So thank you for what you didand the research you did.
(28:04):
Thank you.