April 8, 2026 • 39 mins
Have you ever found yourself thinking, “Nothing is technically wrong… so why do I feel this way?” Depression doesn’t always come from a clear trigger — and that confusion can be one of the hardest parts.
In this episode of Normalize The Conversation, host Francesca Reicherter is joined by therapist and author Brittany Bennett. for an honest, grounding conversation about depression, burnout, boundaries, and the quiet ways emotional exhaustion builds over time.
Together, they explore how seasonal changes, holiday pressure, grief, isolation, and “autopilot living” can impact mental health — even years after major life events. Brittany breaks down why depression doesn’t always need a dramatic cause, and how guilt, productivity culture, and blurred work-life boundaries can slowly drain our emotional reserves.
This episode is especially for:
Anyone feeling overwhelmed, numb, or emotionally exhausted
People who live alone, work remotely, or struggle with isolation
Those questioning their support system or feeling unsure who to lean on
Listeners navigating the holidays with grief, loss, or changed traditions
You’ll hear practical, compassionate guidance on how to recognize burnout, create realistic boundaries, and reconnect with yourself through small, attainable changes. Brittany also shares how to identify safe support — and why the people we love aren’t always the ones best equipped to support us emotionally.
Rather than pushing drastic self-improvement, this conversation emphasizes permission: permission to rest, to choose yourself, to stop explaining your feelings, and to honor what actually feels good for you.
If you’ve been moving through life on autopilot, feeling disconnected from your needs, or questioning why you’re struggling when things “should” be okay — this episode offers validation, clarity, and relief.
🎧 Listen now, and if this episode resonates, follow Normalize The Conversation or share it with someone who might need the reminder that they’re not broken — they’re human.
Listen
Watch
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
It's so frustrating because there's part of me that's like,
you know, it's been so many years since like the main
traumas happened, and it feels like my life for the most part.
Like there's no reason for me toreally feel this depressed right
now, for it to constantly come back to this place.
(00:20):
And yet here I am feeling like everything is so overwhelming,
like, what's wrong with me? And she just looked to me and
was like, nothing's wrong with you, Like, you're a human being.
Welcome to normalize the conversation by inspiring my
generation. I'm your host, Francesca
Reicheter. Today, I'm joined by Brittany
(00:42):
Bennett, a licensed mental health counselor, author and
Wellness advocate known for having the conversations many
people avoid. In this episode, we hold space
for one of the hardest but most necessary topics in mental
health, suicidality and support.We talk about what it's like to
reach your breaking point, why those feelings are often so
(01:03):
hidden, and how the right support can change everything.
This is an honest, compassionateconversation rooted in survival
and hope. If you've ever felt alone in
your darkest moments or want to better support someone who might
be, join us in this conversation.
Asking for help can save lives. Brittany, thank you so much for
(01:24):
joining me today. I'm really excited about our
conversation. Before we begin, I want to check
in. How are you really?
Well, you know, it's, it's interesting the time of year
that you and I are meeting. There's a lot of changes.
It's it's winter here in New York State.
The holidays are around the corner and it can bring up a lot
(01:45):
of different feelings, experiences, memories and
traditions. So I'm just taking it, you know,
one day at a time and enjoying the moments that feel really
good. And also really, really
intentionally choosing to balance my time so that I'm not
so overwhelmed with the hustle and the bustle of this season.
So as of right now, I, I think I'm doing, I'm doing pretty well
(02:06):
honoring that for myself. Thank you for saying that
because this time of year feel so hard.
And I mean, maybe it's the side of the algorithm that I'm on,
but all the pictures online, everyone just seems so happy and
like they hang all these really big traditions and everything is
so great and they have all thesethings with their family.
(02:27):
And then I had a lot of losses afew years ago around this time
and all of my family's traditions have really shifted
and we don't have traditions anymore.
We kind of do something different every year and try to
figure it out. Like we're still trying to
figure out what we're going to do for Christmas Eve and
Christmas dinner this year. Like we are playing it by ear
(02:48):
and it feels really overwhelming.
I've been start Christmas shopping because I feel so
overwhelmed by the idea of it because it doesn't feel like the
holidays anymore. I still haven't adjusted.
It still feels overwhelming. It still feels like too much
this time of year. It feels so heavy.
And yet when I go online everyone seems so happy.
So I always feel like I'm the only one who's like this time of
(03:11):
year. It feels hard.
And just hearing you say that, Iwas like, OK, again, such a
great reminder that this is a really hard time for so many of
us, and that's OK. And we can take it that one
moment at a time. Well said.
I agree it's. I was so funny.
I so I just restarted therapy and I was sitting in the
(03:35):
therapist. I was like the Zoom room and I
was like, you know, it's so frustrating because there's part
of me that's like, you know, it's been so many years since
like the main traumas happened. And it feels like my life for
the most part. Like there's no reason for me to
really feel this depressed rightnow, for it to constantly come
(03:58):
back to this place. And yet here I am feeling like
everything is so overwhelming, like, what's wrong with me?
And she just looked at me and was like, nothing's wrong with
you, like you're a human being. And like, we just forget that
because these aren't the conversations that are being
(04:19):
held all the time. I just feel so isolated.
That's so right. That's so true.
You know, yes, being human is isabsolutely one thing.
And I think a lot about, you know, this, this thought around
what is depression and what doesit look like and how it can be
for different people. And I think that you hit the
(04:42):
nail on the head just a little bit ago when you you reference,
I won't say your words exactly the way you had said them, but
from what I heard is if things are going OK or things are
somewhat, what's the word? Just kind of go in through the
days where nothing major or significant is impacting us and
we still feel off. Or maybe we do have a down day
(05:05):
or maybe we're in a little bit of a slump of depression that
sometimes nothing major significant does have to happen
for us to feel down or sad or ina little bit of a of, of maybe a
depressed mood. And really it's just kind of
taking an inventory of what really is going on or what might
be making me feel this way. And sometimes it's just the
(05:26):
simple things. How are we spending our time?
And if we don't have a commitment, such as maybe a job
or an outing that we have to go to, how are we spending the
downtime? And can we spend it differently?
Can we choose to spend it differently if we need to just
sit back and relax and if that means just quiet time or if that
(05:47):
means even if it's something as simple as scrolling on your
phone, which might be some, it might be negative in in some
regards to some people. But sometimes just that downtime
to just do nothing, just to think or do something mindless
can really alter the mood in a way where it's giving yourself a
break. And that that's totally
acceptable and reasonable and something we should consider.
(06:09):
How do we want to spend that downtime when we have it?
Yes, and that's something so as.Someone who?
Lives alone and then works virtually and on my own as an
entrepreneur, right? A lot of times I spend my days
(06:29):
kind of isolated behind a computer screen.
And when you work for me, when Iwork from home and my work is so
accessible from the computer allthe time, it can be very hard to
want to rest because it's right here with me at home all the
time. My home is also my office,
(06:51):
right? So I really struggle with
creating a space for downtime and creating space to also be
around other people because it'sso easy to just not go out.
It's so easy to just stay in my bubble.
It's so easy to just work a couple more hours, just do a
(07:13):
little bit more. And when I don't give myself
that rest, I start to feel more exhausted and burned out.
And then I sit there and I'm like, but I'm doing what I love.
I love things that I'm very grateful for.
I'm living somewhere that I'm sograteful for.
I got to move across the countryand I was so excited for that
(07:34):
something I really wanted. And yet I still feel like, how
am I still in this place where I'm getting to feel depressed?
Or I can even feel like, oh, I don't want to be here sometimes.
How do I get to that point without acknowledging that I'm
not even giving myself space to rest, to breathe, to enjoy life?
(07:58):
Rest and recover for sure. And Francesco, even just
listening to you talk about how,especially since I, I can't
believe I'm going to say this and take us back there, but when
COVID had first started and everything had been adjusted and
now we're working from home and some of us have continued to
work from home. And just hearing you say that
trying to separate the, the personal space with the
(08:19):
workspace like so many people are are doing on, on that, that
daily or weekly basis. If you still work from home, how
important it is to be able to atleast it acknowledge and and be
aware of that, which you totallyare.
You say, hey, I know I'm all in this space and it's so easy to
just continue working or it's soeasy to go back to jot and note
(08:40):
down. But if we were still in the
workplace and we were home, we wouldn't be doing that.
And I think that there's so muchvalue and just kind of taking a
look at when is the cut off going to be for me?
Or can I set, can I set the tonefor myself up after a certain
hour during the day that I let it rest?
I keep it there because if I'm working tomorrow, I can leave
(09:02):
visit that back tomorrow. But it really truly takes some
serious acknowledgement and commitment to at least put it
into practice. But there's nothing wrong with
putting it into practice and doing a trial and error and see
what works for ourselves. So if we say, hey, you know, for
the next few days, I'm going to try to say after 5:15 PM, I'm
(09:24):
done. And I'm giving myself the
permission to put it behind me because I'm going to be there
tomorrow. And now I am going to focus on
the other things that I want to do for myself for the rest or
the remainder of the day. Yeah, that's something I've
definitely, it's so funny because in the beginning I had
these roles of no electronics inbedroom, right?
(09:47):
Like work at the desk and that'sit.
Even like my phone, TV, not in the bedroom.
There is no, the bedroom is for rest and that's it.
Like very, very strict on that. And then slowly over time, it
was like, well, I just like lay in bed and work on the computer,
(10:09):
right. And it just suddenly it's 2:00
AM and I'm on my phone answeringemails in bed.
Like it just completely shifted in.
I could still be working right? There's no reason I shouldn't.
And it became this feeling of guilt that I should be doing
more. I could be doing more.
Why am I not doing more? And I totally let this idea of I
(10:32):
need to be working all the time to have value take over instead
of just, I deserve rest too. Like I'm worthy just as a human
being and it makes such a difference on my mental health.
And then I get to therapy and I'm like, I don't know why I'm
here. Like I everything seems like it
should be great. I'm shaming myself for feeling
(10:54):
depleted while I'm doing everything in my life to deplete
myself, thinking, well this is how it should be.
Yes, I mean, you have some greatinsights there.
And really what's what's remarkable to me is being able
to have that insight and awareness around it and those
things. If that's, but that's common for
(11:15):
you, that it keeps coming up, you know, sometimes I think
it's, it's worthwhile to kind ofchallenge it on the other end of
choosing how to make space or commit to moments that actually
feel good. But the the thing about that
though, is to what degree, because we also don't want to be
unrealistic and say something like, you know, once a week I'm
(11:38):
going to go out and meet a friend.
Like you would mention how easy it can be like once you're home
to stay home. And that's so true.
So being realistic and true to ourselves are what are things
that truly are realistic, obtainable and things that I
might be willing to do within within the home, right?
So all of those things for work,they're always going to be
(11:59):
there. But putting into that trial and
error of just simply trying different things of how you want
to be able to spend that time ortry something new that is
realistic and obtainable within the home that you'd like to like
to do. I like that because that's the
thing, right, Is that I have that insight awareness, and then
(12:21):
you would think I would do something about it.
Most of my don't problem, but and then it's like you create, I
create these big goals to try tocounter them that are not
realistic, that are not sustainable.
But I'll maybe hold on to for like a week or two and I'm like,
Oh, this is not me. Like I can't do this.
I can't keep doing this. I don't have the energy to and
(12:44):
I'm the kind of person who's like, well, if my issue is that
I don't go out and socialize enough and then I self isolate,
I'm going to go out every singlenight and talk to people.
It's it's just not, it's not going to happen.
It's not going to last, but I completely go from zero to 100.
And if I just learn to take small baby steps, one thing I
love is hosting. I'm a whole body like I really
(13:07):
am, but I love hosting. So like having people come over
here, right? That's a good way to socialize
and not have to like go. I sound like I never want to
leave the house. I leave the house.
Sometimes I go for walks. Does that count?
Yes, Oh my gosh, it's so great going for a walk.
What a great change in physical sensation too.
(13:30):
Yeah, so this counts, right? I like the house, but I'm very
much someone who gets anxious and oversimulated so.
But I love having people over. So like that's a great goal.
Maybe once a month hosting people.
That way I'm still having peopleover and people around and I'm
not totally self isolating. But I'm also not putting myself
(13:51):
in a situation where I'm making myself feel really anxious and
overwhelmed and then feeling worse about it and then not
wanting to do it and then self isolating.
And then she made myself work. Yeah, I know that makes a lot of
that makes a lot of sense and even just kind of thinking about
what is, what is realistic or what is it obtainable.
(14:12):
I'm talking about even just things small like let's say the
evening or having a meal or having a dinner, you know,
thinking ahead of time of how doyou want to do that?
Do you want to make dinner? Do you want to have leftovers?
Do you want to take something out and have it delivered?
But things that you truly look forward to that you're choosing
to do because it's what you want.
(14:35):
Even as far as communication, ifyou just don't feel like picking
that phone call or being on the phone that you can choose when
you're going to respond or take that phone call, call or call
somebody back. And I love what you had said.
If you wanted to plan an outing,you feel most comfortable at
home and choosing to say, hey, if I want to have people over,
then maybe I can choose this date and then put that out there
(14:57):
and then plan accordingly. And then you have enough time to
be able to prepare for that, both mentally and physically,
really. OK, I like this.
Like just what do you want to do?
Like on a day-to-day, I think about that really what do I want
to do all the way down to something as simple as dinner.
(15:18):
I can't tell you how I like for breakfast today.
I totally, I think I had a pair and some cheese.
Like I didn't even think about what I wanted.
It was whatever it was like really easily accessible in the
fridge. I sometimes don't plan, don't
think it's just whatever I have or I just like on my walk, I
stop and pick something up that's easy.
(15:39):
At the store, sometimes I don't even think about what I want.
I just live in autopilot. And I think that happens to so
many of us, right? We just kind of live in this
autopilot. And then I know for me, when I
do that, I'm not really enjoyinganything that I'm doing.
(15:59):
I'm just existing to exist. And then I don't, I get like
kind of into that kind of numb state where it's like everything
is just the same all the time. Autopilot.
What a what a awesome describingword.
Not that it's awesome. Maybe I should change that a
little bit, but an awesome acknowledgement to to take a
(16:20):
look at because the autopilot isthe daily doings we just do
because we have to do. And even thinking about you
mentioning you ate what was there and you know, that's
totally average, right? And we, we experience that.
It's what's convenient, it's what's accessible.
But there is a difference between putting into practice of
(16:41):
mindful decision making, if you've heard that word
mindfulness, being present or being aware and experiencing the
moment for what it is. And if we can put into practice
and dedicate some time to maybe you have a full work week Monday
through Friday and you know thatthere's a few days that might be
a little bit less busy. And maybe those are the days
that you're going to commit to choosing how it is that you want
(17:04):
to spend. Maybe that lunch hour.
Maybe you choose ahead of time. You look at your schedule and
you say, you know, Tuesday and Wednesday this week on my
calendar, I actually don't have something scheduled between
12:00 and 1:00. Let me take a look at and decide
is that a time that I can spend for myself in the way that I
want to, whether it's a meal that I look forward to having,
(17:25):
something already pre planned, if you will.
And how do I want to spend that lunch hour?
Do I want to have it in peace and quiet and turn those
electronics over and just mindful eating, if you will, and
just enjoy the moment setting myalarm clock for when that lunch
hour ends. Or do I want to, you know, go on
my phone and take a look at something that's meaningful to
(17:47):
me? Or maybe I want to read or do
something that's meaningful to me.
But I think the most important thing is to acknowledge that
when we're human 2, it's very difficult.
It's hard, it's hard to make a change.
But three, there is nothing wrong and it is still worthwhile
to just try to just put it into practice because we won't know
if it's doable or if it feels realistic or if it feels good to
(18:12):
us unless we actually just give it a go.
Just give it. AI always say trial and error.
And there can be so many good things that that come from that.
Yeah, and this is like the perfect reminder that my time,
my life, my actions, my choices,they all belong to me.
I think it's so easy to forget that I used to have this thing
(18:33):
where I don't know where I lost,like all of my practices where I
used to be. I felt like I used to be so good
with these boundaries that I would have on my calendar.
I would schedule me time, right?And like it was non negotiable.
I would go around and I would tell everyone I was like, sorry,
I have a date with myself on thecalendar.
I love that. I love that.
I was so like proud of it, proudof it and adamant about it and
(18:56):
my friends would make fun of me.I'm like, sorry, are you on my
calendar? No, but me time is and I would
not cancel that me time would not like.
I was very, very adamant about it and it felt so good to have
that time, whether it was makingsure I got my walk in.
And then like yesterday I moved a meeting up to 4:30 in the
(19:21):
morning because it was with someone on a different coast.
It was on the they were on the East Coast of 7:30 to them
whether to me on the West Coast go me wow.
So I could accommodate like a friend later on so I could spend
time with them. And I never in a million years
would have done that. Like 6 months ago there got this
place where it was so easy to just start sacrificing myself
(19:43):
again. And I noticed that when I enter
into more of these kind of living in autopilot, more of the
depressive states, more of like everything's just fine, whatever
kind of like mindset. I stopped putting myself even
into consideration and I stoppedthinking that my time matters
(20:04):
for me. I stopped thinking that I even
have a choice. It's just do whatever to make
everyone else happy. My time, my energy, my actions,
everything belongs to everyone around me instead of.
Like hey, I matter too in this. The, the thing that comes up for
me listening to you talk, Francesca, is just being able to
(20:26):
ask ourselves the why. The why am I doing this or the
why do I feel this way? To me is is we can start to pick
apart and identify what it is that's taking away from us to
feel better or our best or relaxor calm or balanced just to kind
of use more meaningful words. The why is something that allows
(20:52):
us to decide if we're going to make a change or put into
practice something new. And just hearing you talk about
that, it just, it's so refreshing to be able to hear
that you're, whether you know that you're actively doing it,
but you are, you're, you're recognizing the why you made
those decisions. And if we allow ourselves the
time to think about that and howwe might be able to make small
(21:15):
changes for ourselves, that really is the beginning stages
of honoring, taking care of ourselves better and putting
ourselves 1st to take care of our mind, our body and our
spirit, which directly impacts our availability to others.
It directly impacts our mood. It directly impacts our feel
(21:36):
good moments or our energy level.
So there's so how much that goesinto that and asking yourself
why is the perfect place to start.
Your response just made me feel like I was getting an A+ in
therapy. OK, OK.
So for people listening who werelike, maybe I am kind of doing
(21:59):
this, what kind of questions canmaybe they ask themselves to
begin to identify, to begin to Iguess I yeah, identify that why
like you said. There's so much that can go into
that and I really like to encourage thinking about even
(22:23):
just starting with with basic, who are we around?
And really, just really asking ourselves, who do I enjoy being
around and what does enjoy mean?Again, there's so much that's
just in in that alone, which is,who do I feel comfortable
around? Who do I feel calm around?
(22:46):
Who do I not feel frustrated around?
And equally as important, who doI feel frustrated around?
Who do I feel on edge around? Where do I feel my most
comfortable? Where do I feel my most?
Where do I feel myself? Who are these people and where
are these places? Because the picking the, the
(23:08):
time to identify and say who is it that I enjoy being around and
and why, why, why do we feel good around that person?
Do they make us feel calm? Do we feel like we can be
ourselves around them? Do we trust them?
Why do we trust them? Why do we feel good in their
present? And on that other hand, of being
able to identify people in places that maybe we don't feel
(23:31):
so, so great around or maybe we feel unsettled around, you know,
what types of changes can we make in our own environment or
how often we spend time with these people?
And if we are, let's say, in thesame home, depending on life
circumstances, how else can we spend our time where it is more
(23:52):
enjoyable and making time to spend time with the people that
do bring us the calm and the comfort or the being ourselves?
So that's really where I like tojust kind of start with who are
those people and why? And from there it'd be it.
It's amazing how you can actually start to identify what
really is a support, who really is a support in my life.
(24:14):
Because oftentimes we fall in this natural, this natural place
of thinking that our supports inour life, our family that we
either live with or talk to the most often.
Because just out of whether it'spressure or obligation or just
natural, just natural experience, we think that the
(24:35):
people that we either see the most or talk to the most or live
with are the 1st people that we have to talk to or tell what's
going on in our lives. But really we get to choose who
deserves to know the good, the bad and the ugly.
And there's so much work and saying, hey, just because I live
with this person, do I need to share this with them?
(24:56):
Or is this something that I wantto keep to myself?
Or who's the person that I want to pick up the phone and send a
text or give a phone call to to tell them about something that
just happened in my life? Again, the good, the bad or the
ugly. And before you make those
decisions, really ask yourself, who is the person I want to
share this with and why? And who do I might, who might I
(25:17):
not want to share something withand why?
And even though it's natural andit can come up, we might feel a
little unsettled, we might feel a little guilty if we don't
share something with someone. But it's all about the timing
and honoring what's best for us.Is this good for me?
Will this bring me COM? Will this bring me comfort?
(25:39):
And if not, can I choose to holdoff or can I choose not to share
something that's going on with somebody?
A lot to unpack there. I kind of hit both sides at the
same time. But you know, I think that it's,
it's, it's all worthwhile to explore.
Yes, wait, I love this because that is something I've really
(25:59):
been trying to learn lately is who's my support system?
Because some people you can loveso much and really want in your
life and have them in your life and they can also make you feel
drained. And maybe you don't spend as
much time with them as you did in the past.
(26:21):
You set boundaries around what that time looks like so that you
don't feel as drained. That made a big difference for
me, right? Realizing who brings me joy in
what context, because some people, they're really great
when you're going out to dinner,right?
And you're having fun conversations.
(26:43):
But when things are serious, maybe they just don't know how
to offer you the support that you need.
They're a friend that's there for fun.
You're not the friend that's there for that support.
And that's OK. And being able to distinguish
made such a difference for me. The friends that could really
listen and offer me the support,those are the ones that I could
reach out to, the friends that made it about them and they
(27:06):
needed the attention and focus. Those are the friends that I
could be a support to, not the person that I could reach out to
and lean on. And being able to identify where
those roles were just made such a difference.
Realizing that I love my parents, love them, I tried to
(27:30):
teach some validation statementsand like anything about mental
health and they try to learn, they do.
And they're sometimes they are so great.
And I know I've had to learn when to call mom and dad and
when not to call mom and dad, when to call my best friends.
Like I learned different people to call for different things and
(27:51):
had conversations on when they can call me for different things
and it made such a difference. But learning who your support
system is and what those worlds are changed the game.
Because for so long I was like, you're calling.
It was like calling someone who couldn't be that support for you
and then feeling like, OK, I have no one and then convincing
(28:13):
myself all the time why I have no one because I called this one
person and they couldn't be there for me the way that I
needed them. So now I'm all alone and it's
never going to get better. And then I would just stay in
that same cycle over and over again.
And once it just shifted, it shifted it.
Makes great sense to me. I mean, you really explored such
(28:34):
a such an awesome, again, just an awesome cycle of thinking for
everyone to hear and connect to.And it seems so relatable.
And I just think that there's somuch worthwhile value just to
kind of acknowledge that out loud that, you know, it's almost
kind of like finding your, your people.
(28:54):
You know, it's, it's, it would be like if someone invites you
to go see a concert with them and if you're not a huge fan of
that musician, you want that ticket to go to somebody else.
You know, it's, it's like, it's choosing like just because you
like that person, that person isa is a part of your life that
it's OK and acceptable. You know, thanks, but no thanks
(29:15):
or choosing. If you're going to commit to
something, it's a little bit offthe beaten path of what we were
just talking about, but just extending it beyond that.
Yes, we have people in our liveswhere we connect with some
things and not other things. And that's, that's, that is part
of life. And that is that is the, the,
the weight of having, you know, connection with others in
(29:36):
different, different ways. Yes, exactly.
You know, I have this one friendwho I was talking to her about
being really upset about not being invited to something.
And she looked at me and I thought the response at first I
was like, that was kind of harsh.
And then I was like, you know what, Actually, you're right.
(29:58):
So I was like, you know, I was really upset that I was invited
to this. And she looked at me and was
like, well, did you even want togo?
Like, would you have been happy going?
And I was like, what's not the point?
I want to be included. Like I was like, I'm hurt that
I'm not included. Like, why are you not hearing
me? And she's like, you like, she
(30:19):
knew I wouldn't have wanted to go, that I probably would have
tried to find an excuse not to go.
I would have been miserable if Iwent.
So like for her, she's like you're upset about something you
don't want to go to. You have an excuse to not go.
You were invited like this is exactly what you wanted.
Like hello. And she was right.
Like they knew that this is not something Francesca wants to do.
(30:43):
Why invite her? Like we'll do something else,
Francesca, like that she'll wantto do that we'll want to do with
her that we'll all enjoy, you know, and it just when you kind
of get to know like where you belong and fit in and what you
want to do, it just it makes a difference.
But I, I think that was really interesting when she said it to
(31:06):
me, like, do you would you you wouldn't want to be there?
Like, why are you upset? You know, I was like, I was
upset with an idea in my head that like, that's not the
support that I wanted, right? I think you just have people
there who know what you want andthat you're seeing, right, but
also in a way that you need, I think, interesting.
(31:30):
Yeah, absolutely. One thing that kind of came up
when you were talking in my mindwas, for example, if somebody
really enjoys reading books and somebody doesn't read books at
all, you would talk to your friend who reads books about the
book. She wouldn't try talking about
the book that somebody who does have no interest in in reading,
(31:52):
but they're still your friend oryour family member, right?
So it's just kind of just kind of just, I really think it's
more so just being mindful and being intentional about, you
know, what we share and who we share it with kind of full
circle going back to that. And really just kind of
acknowledging that it's not necessarily it's not, it's not
really not necessarily negative.It's just about choosing how we
(32:13):
spend our time and with who and doing in a way where we connect
with with people and we might connect with family and friends
with, with one area that somebody else might not.
And if we are just acknowledgingthat, it can really bring a
little bit of validation, acceptance humor, if you will.
I love humor too. You know, there's like, of
(32:35):
course, that's not something I would, I would want to do.
So humor can can have some really good benefits as well.
And just being able to laugh. And I love the example.
Like you wouldn't talk about books or someone who doesn't
want to talk about books. And then I'm over here as
someone who wants to talk about like Taylor Swift at all times
(32:56):
with everyone, especially peoplewho don't want to talk about it.
So really haven't gotten the memo on that phone.
Talk about everything all the time with everyone and just
annoy them. I love this conversation because
I just, this is what I was missing growing up.
(33:16):
I spent so long feeling like I was the only one feeling this
way, feeling like I didn't have anyone turned to because I
didn't know how to find support.And I thought support had to be
the people immediately around you, and that was the only
support that you've had. So for people listening, we're
like, OK, I get it. Maybe my support isn't the
(33:38):
people immediately around me. How do I do I start having
conversations? Like how do I begin to find that
support? Who is The Who are the people I
can meet? How can people maybe go about
that? Yeah, you know, that's that's an
excellent question. And I think it really starts
with really just kind of thinking about going back to who
(34:02):
you feel comfortable around and the why behind that.
And there's so many different people that we might come in
contact with, whether we know them very well or just a little
bit or let's even say with with Co workers.
You know, it's, it's interestingbecause if, if we, if for those
who might work like a full time job or a part time job, you
spend a lot of time at work. If you're working with Co
(34:25):
workers or in the office and yousee these people, you know,
day-to-day. But then typically when the work
day is done, you or if it's the weekend, you don't talk to some
of them again until the next work week.
But what's really interesting isthat sometimes we feel very
comfortable talking with Co workers because they don't know
our family and we can share things with them or get their
(34:48):
opinion or quote UN quote vent to to someone.
And it feels more comfortable because we don't have I, I don't
want to use the word consequence, but for lack of a
better word, we don't have the consequence or the pressure of
being challenged by somebody because they don't know that
other family member that maybe we're talking something through
(35:10):
about something at home or something like that.
So, you know, I just think that just being able to kind of ask
ourselves, you know, are there people in my life that if I want
to share something with, who arethose people?
And if they're not, if they're not family, is it a friend that
I have? Could it even be a Co worker?
And sometimes what's really interesting is some people find
(35:32):
the most support from the peoplethat they know the least.
And it really can be because they don't know as much about us
as other people who've seen different seasons of life,
different stages of life, ups and downs.
And when all that stuff is takena way where you don't know the
extended family members, you haven't met them, or you don't
know all of the ups and downs and changes in life, that person
(35:56):
that we're talking to who doesn't know that stuff really
is so present and just listeningin the moment to what you're
sharing. And they don't have anything to
compare it to. So if you're thinking about
wanting to share something with someone, just who is that person
that you feel comfortable aroundthat you think deserves to know
or deserves to be a part of thatconversation?
And if you start to share and itdoesn't feel comfortable or you
(36:20):
don't feel connected anymore to sharing what you intended to or
what you wanted to, it just, youknow, take a pause and use to,
you know, stop sharing. And that's OK too.
It can be, you know, I just feellike I need to think about this
a little bit, a little bit more.Thanks for listening to what I
did share, right? Like you can always stop.
You don't have to keep going. You can trial it out, see how it
(36:41):
feels. I.
Love that advice, I really love to try it out and see how it
feels. Because.
You don't know until you know, right?
See how it goes. And you might talk to someone
and realize like, hey, that wasn't the right person for me
or Oh my goodness, this was exactly what I needed.
(37:01):
You don't know until you try. And giving yourself the space to
figure out who makes you feel safe, who makes you feel
comfortable, gives you that support that you need.
And again, it's OK if it's not who you thought it would be.
I think we have all these expectations in our mind who is
(37:22):
going to be that person. And it usually, really,
oftentimes it's not who we thinkit's going to be.
And that's what makes really beautiful relationships happen,
right? It's in that we can get support
in so many different places. Brittany, you've been absolutely
amazing. As we are wrapping up, tell
(37:44):
people more about you, your book, how they can find you,
connect with you. Well, that's very nice.
Well, thank you, thank you. Yes, I am a I'm a therapist in
New York State and I have a little self-care book that's
called selfish is the new selfless.
And it's truly a guide that encourages thinking around are
(38:04):
we making decisions that are in our best interest?
Allows you to kind of think about it out loud, jot things
down. And yeah, it's it's it's, it's
available. I'm on social media on Instagram
at Britt Hana B and my book can be looked at on there as as
well. Thank you so much for listening
(38:26):
to Normalize the Conversation. Don't forget to subscribe, rate,
and review. This podcast is an initiative of
Inspiring My Generation, focusing on normalizing the
conversation, bringing educationand awareness to the forefront,
and amplifying global voices to spark change and hope.
Inspiring My Generation is a 501-C3 nonprofit organization on
(38:51):
a mission towards suicide prevention through awareness,
conversation, education, and support.
Connect with us on Instagram at Inspiring My Generation and
visit our website inspiringmygeneration.org to
learn more about our work and how you can make a difference.
It's so frustrating because there's part of me that's like,
you know, it's been so many years since like the main
traumas happened, and it feels like my life for the most part.
Like there's no reason for me toreally feel this depressed right
now, for it to constantly come back to this place.
(00:20):
And yet here I am feeling like everything is so overwhelming,
like, what's wrong with me? And she just looked to me and
was like, nothing's wrong with you, Like, you're a human being.
Welcome to normalize the conversation by inspiring my
generation. I'm your host, Francesca
Reicheter. Today, I'm joined by Brittany
(00:42):
Bennett, a licensed mental health counselor, author and
Wellness advocate known for having the conversations many
people avoid. In this episode, we hold space
for one of the hardest but most necessary topics in mental
health, suicidality and support.We talk about what it's like to
reach your breaking point, why those feelings are often so
(01:03):
hidden, and how the right support can change everything.
This is an honest, compassionateconversation rooted in survival
and hope. If you've ever felt alone in
your darkest moments or want to better support someone who might
be, join us in this conversation.
Asking for help can save lives. Brittany, thank you so much for
(01:24):
joining me today. I'm really excited about our
conversation. Before we begin, I want to check
in. How are you really?
Well, you know, it's, it's interesting the time of year
that you and I are meeting. There's a lot of changes.
It's it's winter here in New York State.
The holidays are around the corner and it can bring up a lot
(01:45):
of different feelings, experiences, memories and
traditions. So I'm just taking it, you know,
one day at a time and enjoying the moments that feel really
good. And also really, really
intentionally choosing to balance my time so that I'm not
so overwhelmed with the hustle and the bustle of this season.
So as of right now, I, I think I'm doing, I'm doing pretty well
(02:06):
honoring that for myself. Thank you for saying that
because this time of year feel so hard.
And I mean, maybe it's the side of the algorithm that I'm on,
but all the pictures online, everyone just seems so happy and
like they hang all these really big traditions and everything is
so great and they have all thesethings with their family.
(02:27):
And then I had a lot of losses afew years ago around this time
and all of my family's traditions have really shifted
and we don't have traditions anymore.
We kind of do something different every year and try to
figure it out. Like we're still trying to
figure out what we're going to do for Christmas Eve and
Christmas dinner this year. Like we are playing it by ear
(02:48):
and it feels really overwhelming.
I've been start Christmas shopping because I feel so
overwhelmed by the idea of it because it doesn't feel like the
holidays anymore. I still haven't adjusted.
It still feels overwhelming. It still feels like too much
this time of year. It feels so heavy.
And yet when I go online everyone seems so happy.
So I always feel like I'm the only one who's like this time of
(03:11):
year. It feels hard.
And just hearing you say that, Iwas like, OK, again, such a
great reminder that this is a really hard time for so many of
us, and that's OK. And we can take it that one
moment at a time. Well said.
I agree it's. I was so funny.
I so I just restarted therapy and I was sitting in the
(03:35):
therapist. I was like the Zoom room and I
was like, you know, it's so frustrating because there's part
of me that's like, you know, it's been so many years since
like the main traumas happened. And it feels like my life for
the most part. Like there's no reason for me to
really feel this depressed rightnow, for it to constantly come
(03:58):
back to this place. And yet here I am feeling like
everything is so overwhelming, like, what's wrong with me?
And she just looked at me and was like, nothing's wrong with
you, like you're a human being. And like, we just forget that
because these aren't the conversations that are being
(04:19):
held all the time. I just feel so isolated.
That's so right. That's so true.
You know, yes, being human is isabsolutely one thing.
And I think a lot about, you know, this, this thought around
what is depression and what doesit look like and how it can be
for different people. And I think that you hit the
(04:42):
nail on the head just a little bit ago when you you reference,
I won't say your words exactly the way you had said them, but
from what I heard is if things are going OK or things are
somewhat, what's the word? Just kind of go in through the
days where nothing major or significant is impacting us and
we still feel off. Or maybe we do have a down day
(05:05):
or maybe we're in a little bit of a slump of depression that
sometimes nothing major significant does have to happen
for us to feel down or sad or ina little bit of a of, of maybe a
depressed mood. And really it's just kind of
taking an inventory of what really is going on or what might
be making me feel this way. And sometimes it's just the
(05:26):
simple things. How are we spending our time?
And if we don't have a commitment, such as maybe a job
or an outing that we have to go to, how are we spending the
downtime? And can we spend it differently?
Can we choose to spend it differently if we need to just
sit back and relax and if that means just quiet time or if that
(05:47):
means even if it's something as simple as scrolling on your
phone, which might be some, it might be negative in in some
regards to some people. But sometimes just that downtime
to just do nothing, just to think or do something mindless
can really alter the mood in a way where it's giving yourself a
break. And that that's totally
acceptable and reasonable and something we should consider.
(06:09):
How do we want to spend that downtime when we have it?
Yes, and that's something so as.Someone who?
Lives alone and then works virtually and on my own as an
entrepreneur, right? A lot of times I spend my days
(06:29):
kind of isolated behind a computer screen.
And when you work for me, when Iwork from home and my work is so
accessible from the computer allthe time, it can be very hard to
want to rest because it's right here with me at home all the
time. My home is also my office,
(06:51):
right? So I really struggle with
creating a space for downtime and creating space to also be
around other people because it'sso easy to just not go out.
It's so easy to just stay in my bubble.
It's so easy to just work a couple more hours, just do a
(07:13):
little bit more. And when I don't give myself
that rest, I start to feel more exhausted and burned out.
And then I sit there and I'm like, but I'm doing what I love.
I love things that I'm very grateful for.
I'm living somewhere that I'm sograteful for.
I got to move across the countryand I was so excited for that
(07:34):
something I really wanted. And yet I still feel like, how
am I still in this place where I'm getting to feel depressed?
Or I can even feel like, oh, I don't want to be here sometimes.
How do I get to that point without acknowledging that I'm
not even giving myself space to rest, to breathe, to enjoy life?
(07:58):
Rest and recover for sure. And Francesco, even just
listening to you talk about how,especially since I, I can't
believe I'm going to say this and take us back there, but when
COVID had first started and everything had been adjusted and
now we're working from home and some of us have continued to
work from home. And just hearing you say that
trying to separate the, the personal space with the
(08:19):
workspace like so many people are are doing on, on that, that
daily or weekly basis. If you still work from home, how
important it is to be able to atleast it acknowledge and and be
aware of that, which you totallyare.
You say, hey, I know I'm all in this space and it's so easy to
just continue working or it's soeasy to go back to jot and note
(08:40):
down. But if we were still in the
workplace and we were home, we wouldn't be doing that.
And I think that there's so muchvalue and just kind of taking a
look at when is the cut off going to be for me?
Or can I set, can I set the tonefor myself up after a certain
hour during the day that I let it rest?
I keep it there because if I'm working tomorrow, I can leave
(09:02):
visit that back tomorrow. But it really truly takes some
serious acknowledgement and commitment to at least put it
into practice. But there's nothing wrong with
putting it into practice and doing a trial and error and see
what works for ourselves. So if we say, hey, you know, for
the next few days, I'm going to try to say after 5:15 PM, I'm
(09:24):
done. And I'm giving myself the
permission to put it behind me because I'm going to be there
tomorrow. And now I am going to focus on
the other things that I want to do for myself for the rest or
the remainder of the day. Yeah, that's something I've
definitely, it's so funny because in the beginning I had
these roles of no electronics inbedroom, right?
(09:47):
Like work at the desk and that'sit.
Even like my phone, TV, not in the bedroom.
There is no, the bedroom is for rest and that's it.
Like very, very strict on that. And then slowly over time, it
was like, well, I just like lay in bed and work on the computer,
(10:09):
right. And it just suddenly it's 2:00
AM and I'm on my phone answeringemails in bed.
Like it just completely shifted in.
I could still be working right? There's no reason I shouldn't.
And it became this feeling of guilt that I should be doing
more. I could be doing more.
Why am I not doing more? And I totally let this idea of I
(10:32):
need to be working all the time to have value take over instead
of just, I deserve rest too. Like I'm worthy just as a human
being and it makes such a difference on my mental health.
And then I get to therapy and I'm like, I don't know why I'm
here. Like I everything seems like it
should be great. I'm shaming myself for feeling
(10:54):
depleted while I'm doing everything in my life to deplete
myself, thinking, well this is how it should be.
Yes, I mean, you have some greatinsights there.
And really what's what's remarkable to me is being able
to have that insight and awareness around it and those
things. If that's, but that's common for
(11:15):
you, that it keeps coming up, you know, sometimes I think
it's, it's worthwhile to kind ofchallenge it on the other end of
choosing how to make space or commit to moments that actually
feel good. But the the thing about that
though, is to what degree, because we also don't want to be
unrealistic and say something like, you know, once a week I'm
(11:38):
going to go out and meet a friend.
Like you would mention how easy it can be like once you're home
to stay home. And that's so true.
So being realistic and true to ourselves are what are things
that truly are realistic, obtainable and things that I
might be willing to do within within the home, right?
So all of those things for work,they're always going to be
(11:59):
there. But putting into that trial and
error of just simply trying different things of how you want
to be able to spend that time ortry something new that is
realistic and obtainable within the home that you'd like to like
to do. I like that because that's the
thing, right, Is that I have that insight awareness, and then
(12:21):
you would think I would do something about it.
Most of my don't problem, but and then it's like you create, I
create these big goals to try tocounter them that are not
realistic, that are not sustainable.
But I'll maybe hold on to for like a week or two and I'm like,
Oh, this is not me. Like I can't do this.
I can't keep doing this. I don't have the energy to and
(12:44):
I'm the kind of person who's like, well, if my issue is that
I don't go out and socialize enough and then I self isolate,
I'm going to go out every singlenight and talk to people.
It's it's just not, it's not going to happen.
It's not going to last, but I completely go from zero to 100.
And if I just learn to take small baby steps, one thing I
love is hosting. I'm a whole body like I really
(13:07):
am, but I love hosting. So like having people come over
here, right? That's a good way to socialize
and not have to like go. I sound like I never want to
leave the house. I leave the house.
Sometimes I go for walks. Does that count?
Yes, Oh my gosh, it's so great going for a walk.
What a great change in physical sensation too.
(13:30):
Yeah, so this counts, right? I like the house, but I'm very
much someone who gets anxious and oversimulated so.
But I love having people over. So like that's a great goal.
Maybe once a month hosting people.
That way I'm still having peopleover and people around and I'm
not totally self isolating. But I'm also not putting myself
(13:51):
in a situation where I'm making myself feel really anxious and
overwhelmed and then feeling worse about it and then not
wanting to do it and then self isolating.
And then she made myself work. Yeah, I know that makes a lot of
that makes a lot of sense and even just kind of thinking about
what is, what is realistic or what is it obtainable.
(14:12):
I'm talking about even just things small like let's say the
evening or having a meal or having a dinner, you know,
thinking ahead of time of how doyou want to do that?
Do you want to make dinner? Do you want to have leftovers?
Do you want to take something out and have it delivered?
But things that you truly look forward to that you're choosing
to do because it's what you want.
(14:35):
Even as far as communication, ifyou just don't feel like picking
that phone call or being on the phone that you can choose when
you're going to respond or take that phone call, call or call
somebody back. And I love what you had said.
If you wanted to plan an outing,you feel most comfortable at
home and choosing to say, hey, if I want to have people over,
then maybe I can choose this date and then put that out there
(14:57):
and then plan accordingly. And then you have enough time to
be able to prepare for that, both mentally and physically,
really. OK, I like this.
Like just what do you want to do?
Like on a day-to-day, I think about that really what do I want
to do all the way down to something as simple as dinner.
(15:18):
I can't tell you how I like for breakfast today.
I totally, I think I had a pair and some cheese.
Like I didn't even think about what I wanted.
It was whatever it was like really easily accessible in the
fridge. I sometimes don't plan, don't
think it's just whatever I have or I just like on my walk, I
stop and pick something up that's easy.
(15:39):
At the store, sometimes I don't even think about what I want.
I just live in autopilot. And I think that happens to so
many of us, right? We just kind of live in this
autopilot. And then I know for me, when I
do that, I'm not really enjoyinganything that I'm doing.
(15:59):
I'm just existing to exist. And then I don't, I get like
kind of into that kind of numb state where it's like everything
is just the same all the time. Autopilot.
What a what a awesome describingword.
Not that it's awesome. Maybe I should change that a
little bit, but an awesome acknowledgement to to take a
(16:20):
look at because the autopilot isthe daily doings we just do
because we have to do. And even thinking about you
mentioning you ate what was there and you know, that's
totally average, right? And we, we experience that.
It's what's convenient, it's what's accessible.
But there is a difference between putting into practice of
(16:41):
mindful decision making, if you've heard that word
mindfulness, being present or being aware and experiencing the
moment for what it is. And if we can put into practice
and dedicate some time to maybe you have a full work week Monday
through Friday and you know thatthere's a few days that might be
a little bit less busy. And maybe those are the days
that you're going to commit to choosing how it is that you want
(17:04):
to spend. Maybe that lunch hour.
Maybe you choose ahead of time. You look at your schedule and
you say, you know, Tuesday and Wednesday this week on my
calendar, I actually don't have something scheduled between
12:00 and 1:00. Let me take a look at and decide
is that a time that I can spend for myself in the way that I
want to, whether it's a meal that I look forward to having,
(17:25):
something already pre planned, if you will.
And how do I want to spend that lunch hour?
Do I want to have it in peace and quiet and turn those
electronics over and just mindful eating, if you will, and
just enjoy the moment setting myalarm clock for when that lunch
hour ends. Or do I want to, you know, go on
my phone and take a look at something that's meaningful to
(17:47):
me? Or maybe I want to read or do
something that's meaningful to me.
But I think the most important thing is to acknowledge that
when we're human 2, it's very difficult.
It's hard, it's hard to make a change.
But three, there is nothing wrong and it is still worthwhile
to just try to just put it into practice because we won't know
if it's doable or if it feels realistic or if it feels good to
(18:12):
us unless we actually just give it a go.
Just give it. AI always say trial and error.
And there can be so many good things that that come from that.
Yeah, and this is like the perfect reminder that my time,
my life, my actions, my choices,they all belong to me.
I think it's so easy to forget that I used to have this thing
(18:33):
where I don't know where I lost,like all of my practices where I
used to be. I felt like I used to be so good
with these boundaries that I would have on my calendar.
I would schedule me time, right?And like it was non negotiable.
I would go around and I would tell everyone I was like, sorry,
I have a date with myself on thecalendar.
I love that. I love that.
I was so like proud of it, proudof it and adamant about it and
(18:56):
my friends would make fun of me.I'm like, sorry, are you on my
calendar? No, but me time is and I would
not cancel that me time would not like.
I was very, very adamant about it and it felt so good to have
that time, whether it was makingsure I got my walk in.
And then like yesterday I moved a meeting up to 4:30 in the
(19:21):
morning because it was with someone on a different coast.
It was on the they were on the East Coast of 7:30 to them
whether to me on the West Coast go me wow.
So I could accommodate like a friend later on so I could spend
time with them. And I never in a million years
would have done that. Like 6 months ago there got this
place where it was so easy to just start sacrificing myself
(19:43):
again. And I noticed that when I enter
into more of these kind of living in autopilot, more of the
depressive states, more of like everything's just fine, whatever
kind of like mindset. I stopped putting myself even
into consideration and I stoppedthinking that my time matters
(20:04):
for me. I stopped thinking that I even
have a choice. It's just do whatever to make
everyone else happy. My time, my energy, my actions,
everything belongs to everyone around me instead of.
Like hey, I matter too in this. The, the thing that comes up for
me listening to you talk, Francesca, is just being able to
(20:26):
ask ourselves the why. The why am I doing this or the
why do I feel this way? To me is is we can start to pick
apart and identify what it is that's taking away from us to
feel better or our best or relaxor calm or balanced just to kind
of use more meaningful words. The why is something that allows
(20:52):
us to decide if we're going to make a change or put into
practice something new. And just hearing you talk about
that, it just, it's so refreshing to be able to hear
that you're, whether you know that you're actively doing it,
but you are, you're, you're recognizing the why you made
those decisions. And if we allow ourselves the
time to think about that and howwe might be able to make small
(21:15):
changes for ourselves, that really is the beginning stages
of honoring, taking care of ourselves better and putting
ourselves 1st to take care of our mind, our body and our
spirit, which directly impacts our availability to others.
It directly impacts our mood. It directly impacts our feel
(21:36):
good moments or our energy level.
So there's so how much that goesinto that and asking yourself
why is the perfect place to start.
Your response just made me feel like I was getting an A+ in
therapy. OK, OK.
So for people listening who werelike, maybe I am kind of doing
(21:59):
this, what kind of questions canmaybe they ask themselves to
begin to identify, to begin to Iguess I yeah, identify that why
like you said. There's so much that can go into
that and I really like to encourage thinking about even
(22:23):
just starting with with basic, who are we around?
And really, just really asking ourselves, who do I enjoy being
around and what does enjoy mean?Again, there's so much that's
just in in that alone, which is,who do I feel comfortable
around? Who do I feel calm around?
(22:46):
Who do I not feel frustrated around?
And equally as important, who doI feel frustrated around?
Who do I feel on edge around? Where do I feel my most
comfortable? Where do I feel my most?
Where do I feel myself? Who are these people and where
are these places? Because the picking the, the
(23:08):
time to identify and say who is it that I enjoy being around and
and why, why, why do we feel good around that person?
Do they make us feel calm? Do we feel like we can be
ourselves around them? Do we trust them?
Why do we trust them? Why do we feel good in their
present? And on that other hand, of being
able to identify people in places that maybe we don't feel
(23:31):
so, so great around or maybe we feel unsettled around, you know,
what types of changes can we make in our own environment or
how often we spend time with these people?
And if we are, let's say, in thesame home, depending on life
circumstances, how else can we spend our time where it is more
(23:52):
enjoyable and making time to spend time with the people that
do bring us the calm and the comfort or the being ourselves?
So that's really where I like tojust kind of start with who are
those people and why? And from there it'd be it.
It's amazing how you can actually start to identify what
really is a support, who really is a support in my life.
(24:14):
Because oftentimes we fall in this natural, this natural place
of thinking that our supports inour life, our family that we
either live with or talk to the most often.
Because just out of whether it'spressure or obligation or just
natural, just natural experience, we think that the
(24:35):
people that we either see the most or talk to the most or live
with are the 1st people that we have to talk to or tell what's
going on in our lives. But really we get to choose who
deserves to know the good, the bad and the ugly.
And there's so much work and saying, hey, just because I live
with this person, do I need to share this with them?
(24:56):
Or is this something that I wantto keep to myself?
Or who's the person that I want to pick up the phone and send a
text or give a phone call to to tell them about something that
just happened in my life? Again, the good, the bad or the
ugly. And before you make those
decisions, really ask yourself, who is the person I want to
share this with and why? And who do I might, who might I
(25:17):
not want to share something withand why?
And even though it's natural andit can come up, we might feel a
little unsettled, we might feel a little guilty if we don't
share something with someone. But it's all about the timing
and honoring what's best for us.Is this good for me?
Will this bring me COM? Will this bring me comfort?
(25:39):
And if not, can I choose to holdoff or can I choose not to share
something that's going on with somebody?
A lot to unpack there. I kind of hit both sides at the
same time. But you know, I think that it's,
it's, it's all worthwhile to explore.
Yes, wait, I love this because that is something I've really
(25:59):
been trying to learn lately is who's my support system?
Because some people you can loveso much and really want in your
life and have them in your life and they can also make you feel
drained. And maybe you don't spend as
much time with them as you did in the past.
(26:21):
You set boundaries around what that time looks like so that you
don't feel as drained. That made a big difference for
me, right? Realizing who brings me joy in
what context, because some people, they're really great
when you're going out to dinner,right?
And you're having fun conversations.
(26:43):
But when things are serious, maybe they just don't know how
to offer you the support that you need.
They're a friend that's there for fun.
You're not the friend that's there for that support.
And that's OK. And being able to distinguish
made such a difference for me. The friends that could really
listen and offer me the support,those are the ones that I could
reach out to, the friends that made it about them and they
(27:06):
needed the attention and focus. Those are the friends that I
could be a support to, not the person that I could reach out to
and lean on. And being able to identify where
those roles were just made such a difference.
Realizing that I love my parents, love them, I tried to
(27:30):
teach some validation statementsand like anything about mental
health and they try to learn, they do.
And they're sometimes they are so great.
And I know I've had to learn when to call mom and dad and
when not to call mom and dad, when to call my best friends.
Like I learned different people to call for different things and
(27:51):
had conversations on when they can call me for different things
and it made such a difference. But learning who your support
system is and what those worlds are changed the game.
Because for so long I was like, you're calling.
It was like calling someone who couldn't be that support for you
and then feeling like, OK, I have no one and then convincing
(28:13):
myself all the time why I have no one because I called this one
person and they couldn't be there for me the way that I
needed them. So now I'm all alone and it's
never going to get better. And then I would just stay in
that same cycle over and over again.
And once it just shifted, it shifted it.
Makes great sense to me. I mean, you really explored such
(28:34):
a such an awesome, again, just an awesome cycle of thinking for
everyone to hear and connect to.And it seems so relatable.
And I just think that there's somuch worthwhile value just to
kind of acknowledge that out loud that, you know, it's almost
kind of like finding your, your people.
(28:54):
You know, it's, it's, it would be like if someone invites you
to go see a concert with them and if you're not a huge fan of
that musician, you want that ticket to go to somebody else.
You know, it's, it's like, it's choosing like just because you
like that person, that person isa is a part of your life that
it's OK and acceptable. You know, thanks, but no thanks
(29:15):
or choosing. If you're going to commit to
something, it's a little bit offthe beaten path of what we were
just talking about, but just extending it beyond that.
Yes, we have people in our liveswhere we connect with some
things and not other things. And that's, that's, that is part
of life. And that is that is the, the,
the weight of having, you know, connection with others in
(29:36):
different, different ways. Yes, exactly.
You know, I have this one friendwho I was talking to her about
being really upset about not being invited to something.
And she looked at me and I thought the response at first I
was like, that was kind of harsh.
And then I was like, you know what, Actually, you're right.
(29:58):
So I was like, you know, I was really upset that I was invited
to this. And she looked at me and was
like, well, did you even want togo?
Like, would you have been happy going?
And I was like, what's not the point?
I want to be included. Like I was like, I'm hurt that
I'm not included. Like, why are you not hearing
me? And she's like, you like, she
(30:19):
knew I wouldn't have wanted to go, that I probably would have
tried to find an excuse not to go.
I would have been miserable if Iwent.
So like for her, she's like you're upset about something you
don't want to go to. You have an excuse to not go.
You were invited like this is exactly what you wanted.
Like hello. And she was right.
Like they knew that this is not something Francesca wants to do.
(30:43):
Why invite her? Like we'll do something else,
Francesca, like that she'll wantto do that we'll want to do with
her that we'll all enjoy, you know, and it just when you kind
of get to know like where you belong and fit in and what you
want to do, it just it makes a difference.
But I, I think that was really interesting when she said it to
(31:06):
me, like, do you would you you wouldn't want to be there?
Like, why are you upset? You know, I was like, I was
upset with an idea in my head that like, that's not the
support that I wanted, right? I think you just have people
there who know what you want andthat you're seeing, right, but
also in a way that you need, I think, interesting.
(31:30):
Yeah, absolutely. One thing that kind of came up
when you were talking in my mindwas, for example, if somebody
really enjoys reading books and somebody doesn't read books at
all, you would talk to your friend who reads books about the
book. She wouldn't try talking about
the book that somebody who does have no interest in in reading,
(31:52):
but they're still your friend oryour family member, right?
So it's just kind of just kind of just, I really think it's
more so just being mindful and being intentional about, you
know, what we share and who we share it with kind of full
circle going back to that. And really just kind of
acknowledging that it's not necessarily it's not, it's not
really not necessarily negative.It's just about choosing how we
(32:13):
spend our time and with who and doing in a way where we connect
with with people and we might connect with family and friends
with, with one area that somebody else might not.
And if we are just acknowledgingthat, it can really bring a
little bit of validation, acceptance humor, if you will.
I love humor too. You know, there's like, of
(32:35):
course, that's not something I would, I would want to do.
So humor can can have some really good benefits as well.
And just being able to laugh. And I love the example.
Like you wouldn't talk about books or someone who doesn't
want to talk about books. And then I'm over here as
someone who wants to talk about like Taylor Swift at all times
(32:56):
with everyone, especially peoplewho don't want to talk about it.
So really haven't gotten the memo on that phone.
Talk about everything all the time with everyone and just
annoy them. I love this conversation because
I just, this is what I was missing growing up.
(33:16):
I spent so long feeling like I was the only one feeling this
way, feeling like I didn't have anyone turned to because I
didn't know how to find support.And I thought support had to be
the people immediately around you, and that was the only
support that you've had. So for people listening, we're
like, OK, I get it. Maybe my support isn't the
(33:38):
people immediately around me. How do I do I start having
conversations? Like how do I begin to find that
support? Who is The Who are the people I
can meet? How can people maybe go about
that? Yeah, you know, that's that's an
excellent question. And I think it really starts
with really just kind of thinking about going back to who
(34:02):
you feel comfortable around and the why behind that.
And there's so many different people that we might come in
contact with, whether we know them very well or just a little
bit or let's even say with with Co workers.
You know, it's, it's interestingbecause if, if we, if for those
who might work like a full time job or a part time job, you
spend a lot of time at work. If you're working with Co
(34:25):
workers or in the office and yousee these people, you know,
day-to-day. But then typically when the work
day is done, you or if it's the weekend, you don't talk to some
of them again until the next work week.
But what's really interesting isthat sometimes we feel very
comfortable talking with Co workers because they don't know
our family and we can share things with them or get their
(34:48):
opinion or quote UN quote vent to to someone.
And it feels more comfortable because we don't have I, I don't
want to use the word consequence, but for lack of a
better word, we don't have the consequence or the pressure of
being challenged by somebody because they don't know that
other family member that maybe we're talking something through
(35:10):
about something at home or something like that.
So, you know, I just think that just being able to kind of ask
ourselves, you know, are there people in my life that if I want
to share something with, who arethose people?
And if they're not, if they're not family, is it a friend that
I have? Could it even be a Co worker?
And sometimes what's really interesting is some people find
(35:32):
the most support from the peoplethat they know the least.
And it really can be because they don't know as much about us
as other people who've seen different seasons of life,
different stages of life, ups and downs.
And when all that stuff is takena way where you don't know the
extended family members, you haven't met them, or you don't
know all of the ups and downs and changes in life, that person
(35:56):
that we're talking to who doesn't know that stuff really
is so present and just listeningin the moment to what you're
sharing. And they don't have anything to
compare it to. So if you're thinking about
wanting to share something with someone, just who is that person
that you feel comfortable aroundthat you think deserves to know
or deserves to be a part of thatconversation?
And if you start to share and itdoesn't feel comfortable or you
(36:20):
don't feel connected anymore to sharing what you intended to or
what you wanted to, it just, youknow, take a pause and use to,
you know, stop sharing. And that's OK too.
It can be, you know, I just feellike I need to think about this
a little bit, a little bit more.Thanks for listening to what I
did share, right? Like you can always stop.
You don't have to keep going. You can trial it out, see how it
(36:41):
feels. I.
Love that advice, I really love to try it out and see how it
feels. Because.
You don't know until you know, right?
See how it goes. And you might talk to someone
and realize like, hey, that wasn't the right person for me
or Oh my goodness, this was exactly what I needed.
(37:01):
You don't know until you try. And giving yourself the space to
figure out who makes you feel safe, who makes you feel
comfortable, gives you that support that you need.
And again, it's OK if it's not who you thought it would be.
I think we have all these expectations in our mind who is
(37:22):
going to be that person. And it usually, really,
oftentimes it's not who we thinkit's going to be.
And that's what makes really beautiful relationships happen,
right? It's in that we can get support
in so many different places. Brittany, you've been absolutely
amazing. As we are wrapping up, tell
(37:44):
people more about you, your book, how they can find you,
connect with you. Well, that's very nice.
Well, thank you, thank you. Yes, I am a I'm a therapist in
New York State and I have a little self-care book that's
called selfish is the new selfless.
And it's truly a guide that encourages thinking around are
(38:04):
we making decisions that are in our best interest?
Allows you to kind of think about it out loud, jot things
down. And yeah, it's it's it's, it's
available. I'm on social media on Instagram
at Britt Hana B and my book can be looked at on there as as
well. Thank you so much for listening
(38:26):
to Normalize the Conversation. Don't forget to subscribe, rate,
and review. This podcast is an initiative of
Inspiring My Generation, focusing on normalizing the
conversation, bringing educationand awareness to the forefront,
and amplifying global voices to spark change and hope.
Inspiring My Generation is a 501-C3 nonprofit organization on
(38:51):
a mission towards suicide prevention through awareness,
conversation, education, and support.
Connect with us on Instagram at Inspiring My Generation and
visit our website inspiringmygeneration.org to
learn more about our work and how you can make a difference.
Popular Podcasts
Hey Jonas!
Hey Jonas! The official Jonas Brothers podcast. Hosted by Kevin, Joe, and Nick Jonas. It’s the Jonas Brothers you know... musicians, actors, and well, yes, brothers. Now, they’re sharing another side of themselves in the playful, intimate, and irreverent way only they can. Spend time with the Jonas Brothers here and stay a little bit longer for deep conversations like never before.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com