March 29, 2024 • 20 mins
When Lachlan Stuart, founder of The Man That Can Project, graced our podcast with his presence, we didn't just chat; we unearthed the raw and compelling facets of men's mental health. Through his transformative narrative, he brings to light the essence of vulnerability and the monumental impact of community support. As a man who's walked through the fires of personal adversity, Lachlan exemplifies the journey from struggle to strength, and how sharing these experiences can forge better husbands, fathers, and individuals.
This episode is a reservoir of practical advice, offering a roadmap for those navigating the rough seas of life's challenges. It's about the muscle we build through physical trials, like rowing marathon after marathon, and the courage we muster to ask for professional help when the weights of life become too heavy to lift alone. From the importance of self-awareness to the power of a strong support network, we dissect how men can articulate their emotions and establish a network where growth and healing aren't just possibilities—they're expectations. Listen for a conversation that doesn't just aim to move the needle on men's mental health but seeks to break the cycle and create a new narrative.
Applications are Open for the Strong Men Of Value Academy
Intake starts July 1.
If you need help setting goals & creating a vision. Start with the Self-Discovery program
My Online Course For High Performing Men:
💻 💻 Self Discovery Program: https://www.themanthatcanproject.com/selfdiscoverycourse
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https://www.themanthatcanproject.com
Follow Lachlan:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lachlanstuart/
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@lachlanstuart91
Website: https://themanthatcanproject.com/
Newsletter: https://lachlan-stuart-tmtcp.ck.page/profile
Do Something Today To Be Better For Tomorrow
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back, gents.
I have just arrived back inNashville and on Monday I was on
ABC Radio, interviewed byRebecca Levingston, and it was
an awesome chat.
It's always a privilege to beable to speak with people with
such large platforms, so beingon the ABC was awesome.
I managed to have a roughly 15or so 20 minute interview
(00:24):
talking about the man that CanProject and men's mental health,
which is something that we'reso focused on is giving you guys
tools, resources and havingconversations to help you
improve your quality of life,and this episode is no different
.
So, just before we dive intothe episode, I do want to remind
you on Monday morning, the IronCowboy is on the show.
(00:47):
So if you haven't heard of theIron Cowboy, he originally, back
in 2014, completed 50 fulllength Ironman in 50 days across
50 states of America.
Then, in 2021, he did 101Ironman consecutively.
So really inspiring story aboutgrit, mindset and community.
(01:07):
That will be going live onMonday.
But let's dive into my episode,or interview with Rebecca from
ABC Radio.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
ABC Radio Brisbane and Queensland.
This is Rebecca Livingston Onair and streaming on the ABC
Listen app.
When was the last time you hada decent, deep and meaningful
chat with a man, or even betweentwo blokes?
Improving men's mental healthis good for everyone, and one
(01:37):
man who was on a mission toempower blokes through
conversation on his podcast isLachlan Stewart.
It's all part of the man thatCan Project.
Hello, lachy.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Rebecca, thanks for having me on.
I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
What is the man that Can Project?
Speaker 1 (01:53):
So we're a men's performance organization where
we've really prioritized andfocusing on helping men live
inspired lives, and we've brokenthat down into frameworks to
give men more certainty in thethings that they can develop in
order to be better husbands,better fathers, better men and
just maximize what's availablefor them in life.
So we started that in 2017 withmen's groups, where we
(02:14):
literally were bringing men fromall walks of life together to
have conversations and sharechallenges, and then it's
continually evolved.
After that, it's like, okay,well, we're now opening up and
we're building relationshipsexpressing vulnerability.
What's continually evolvedafter that?
It's like, okay, well, we'renow opening up and we're
building relationshipsexpressing vulnerability.
What's the next thing that wecan do to help move people to
where they want to get to?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
What was the catalyst for it in the first place?
Speaker 1 (02:33):
My own desire to learn and grow and fulfill some
needs that I had in my own life.
I finished rugby and I didn'tknow what was next for me.
I felt if sport didn't work outand I never did well at school,
I was going to be a failure andI didn't really like the idea
of that.
I felt like deep inside I hadthis idea that I could do
something great, and I wasn'tsure what that was.
(02:54):
So being able to learn from menfrom all walks of life who were
successful in their marriages,who were successful in business,
who had great health orlifestyles and I wanted them to
tell me not only what it took tobe successful, but the
sacrifices, maybe theirconversations with their
families or the heartache thatthey went through in order to do
that, so I could make betterdecisions, because I felt like I
(03:16):
was the only one who had thestruggles.
But then, when you starthearing from all walks of life,
you realize it's a lot morecommon than you first thought.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
And is that a big part of how you get other men to
connect and relate, is thatyou're vulnerable in the first
place.
So take us to, I guess, if notthe lowest point, but a point in
your life where you werethinking I'm not really sure how
to run with the ball here.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Yeah, so in 2000, or just before I met my wife, amy,
was sort of the rock bottommoment, as I call it.
It's like you're either goingto stay down here and life's
sort of done.
And I did have moments where Ididn't want to wake up and the
fact that I knew I had a greatfamily, I went to a great school
.
I was like I've got to reallyfind a way out of this and I had
(04:01):
a good support network aroundme at the time.
I had just met Amy and I waslike I want to be better.
And then I'd also had a matewho gave me a book of all things
I'd never really read but forwhatever reason, I read the book
and it changed my life.
And that book was the FourAgreements and it was more so
the fact that one.
I was proud I read the book andthere's a few simple best.
And from that I startedlearning and I started using
(04:28):
social media Instagram to sharethe things that I was learning.
I was excited that I waschanging and I was challenging
beliefs and just doing thingsthat I didn't think a bloke like
me was capable of.
I never excelled at speaking.
My mom always says I mumbled alot.
I was very angry.
My response to criticism oranything was alcohol or
(04:49):
aggression.
And when I started realizingthat that could change, I was
genuinely excited.
So I was like this is myjourney.
And as a result of that, I hadpeople messaging me and they're
like how have you done that?
Or some ladies were like oh, youneed to talk to my husband or
my partner.
I was like cool, and eventuallyI got to this crossroads where
I didn't want to continue in thecareer that I was doing at the
(05:10):
time, which was building, and Iwanted to be able to have a
flexible career so I couldtravel with Amy.
And as a result of that, and Iwas like well, I love helping
people and it's what I am doingfor myself anyway, so I'm just
practicing what I preach, andthat sort of evolved and it
created a space or a place forother men to go oh, man, bucky's
been through that or I've beenthrough this.
(05:31):
And we just shared experiencesand really opened up avenues for
more men to start communicatingand putting their own thoughts
into, I guess, structure,because a lot of men really
struggle with being able toarticulate how they're feeling
or what they're going through,so they bottle it up until they
just erupt.
So being able to help themunderstand that and make sense
(05:52):
of it then allows the next stepsto happen.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Lachlan Stewart, the man that can project on ABC
Radio Brisbane and Queensland.
My name is Rebecca Levingston,so Lachy, that's a big shift
from alcohol, angry, not reallyknowing how to express yourself,
to be impeccable with your word.
What specific practicalstrategies did you put into
(06:16):
place?
Because I get the conversations, but how do you actually commit
to that?
Speaker 1 (06:20):
A lot of it is journaling and as a bloke.
When people say journaling,you're like no, that's really
spiritual, you need to go dosome yoga.
But for me, the practice ofjournaling just allowed me to
unpack what was going on in myhead.
So if I was struggling withsomething or if I could not
explain it, I'd write it downand I'd be like that's not quite
what I mean.
So let's play around with somemore words or really structure
(06:42):
it and give meaning to it.
And when I did that, I was ableto feel more certain and more
confident in what I wanted tosay or how I wanted to express
myself.
And when you become confidentand certain, a lot of the
overwhelm disappears and youreally start to feel like you
have value and you have purpose.
And from that it just leadsfrom one step to the other.
So the practical step and itdoes sound quite easy is
(07:04):
literally just startbrain-dumbing, writing down, and
people get stuck with the wholewhat do I journal?
Do I need to say Dear Diary, orwhatever it is?
But it could literally be.
There's some days, even to thisday, where I might have nothing
to write.
So I'll just start with thedate and I'll start it and then
some days I'll have an awesomebrain dump.
Other days it's just literallylike this is what I'm doing
today, but it just is reallyunpacking and making sense of
(07:27):
what's going on in your head,because if you just leave it up
there, it's like throwing in somuch information.
We listen.
We've got social media, peopleare listening to this.
Now, we're constantly consuming.
It'd be like throwing all yourfavorite ingredients into a
blender plus some stuff that youdon't want to be in there,
turning it on and trying to likepull out an apple.
It's not possible unless youturn it off and slow things down
.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
I love that you journal because I think as well
to make a sort of a genderstereotype.
I think a lot of women, right,a lot of women, I think more so,
keep gratitude journals.
You don't hear blokes talkingabout it so much In your builder
rugby circles.
How did your mates andacquaintances respond to some of
(08:10):
the changes that I guess theystarted to see in you?
Speaker 1 (08:12):
It definitely challenged them and that was one
of the hardest parts.
If I didn't have Amy there tosupport me, I probably would
have gone back to the same poorbehaviors in the way that I was
living my life.
But because I really wanted tochange, because I had Facebook
pages made about me where peoplewere just, I had a hashtag in
the beginning calledunrestricted living, because I
(08:33):
wanted to create this awesomelife and people didn't quite
like that.
But knowing what I know now ismore so the change of how I used
to show up in their life, likeI was the guy that would party
with them.
I'd always be there on a Friday, saturday, sunday, whenever
they needed me.
But now all of a sudden, I'm notdoing that.
I'm putting some boundaries inmy life so I can create better
things, and that's uncomfortablefor everyone as much as it was
(08:55):
for me.
It's also you know, Iexperience it now where you sort
of grow apart from friends, andit's not because anyone's
better or worse, it's just wewant different things and that's
completely okay.
And I think, because people areso uncomfortable with change,
that challenges people and youdo what you know find a way to
make yourself feel comfortable.
So you're like I'll bring themback down to my level or I'll
(09:16):
make them feel bad about it.
So hopefully I get the Lockieback that I know and I love.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Sport has remained an important part of your life,
but more so marathons, is it?
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Is it running?
It's running or is it rowing?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
I mean, how do I keep up with?
I've got here 30 marathons in30 days.
What did?
Speaker 1 (09:37):
you do Decided to row 30 marathons in 30 days.
Amy was jetting off toNashville, so I was like I've
got a whole month by myself.
What can we do to bring thecommunity together but also get
to challenge myself?
Because one of my, I guess,things that I love is you learn
a lot from sport, whether it'steam or individual.
You can learn a lot about yourmindset.
You've got a plan, You've gotto train.
(09:57):
Things go wrong All things thathappen in life and so by doing
this, I was like let's put thisout to the community.
We'll get people together andpeople can do whatever distance
they'd like.
So we had some guys or somepeople, we had men and women
joining, people who were doingtheir first five kilometers or
two kilometers, or Amy rode amarathon.
People were doing all thesekinds of things and the
(10:19):
breakthroughs that they had wasincredible.
But they then also got to go oh, next time I'd probably train a
little bit more, or I gotblisters on my hand, so I'd
probably tape my hands up.
So they were learning thesethings and the hidden message in
that was like hey, that's life.
If you're setting a goal,something that you would love to
achieve, you have to create aplan.
(10:43):
Plan will change.
Probably things will go wrong.
You need good people around you, but if you can start to learn
that when you are faced withadversity or when you do want to
grow, you know you've got thesekey foundations that you can
build upon the man that canproject.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
you are listening to Lachlan Stewart and he got a
plan and life has changed.
He has gone from a time and aspace where perhaps he didn't
like himself too much to beingvery much in love with Amy
Shepard, his wife.
You hear him mention.
You've probably heard her music.
This is ABC Radio Brisbane.
My name is Rebecca Levingston,so let's go to some of the
(11:12):
specific podcast episodesOvercoming heartbreak as a man,
how to stop overthinking, how tomake friends when you're over
30.
I mean, these are just greattools for life.
Who do you talk to and how doyou navigate those challenges?
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Yeah, I think the journey's unique to everyone.
I feel you know there's timeswhere you'll need professional
help psychologists,psychiatrists, counselors to
navigate a lot of those things.
But then there's also timeswhere you can just lean on your
buddies, depending on whereeveryone's at.
And once again, that's why Ithink it's really important for
us, as men and as individuals,to be self-aware and have a good
(11:53):
understanding of how we'refeeling emotionally, have some,
I guess, checkpoints to be like.
I can't handle this by myself.
I do need some people.
But if we were to then moveover to if I'm overthinking, is
it chronic or is it, you know,is it short or has it been going
on for a long time?
And if it is long time, youprobably do really need some
support and some help with that,to navigate that, because no
(12:14):
one wants to be overwhelmed allthe time or overthinking.
And once again, that's where,looking at the whole yin and
yang approach, if we bring itback to health and fitness, it's
like when you're building acareer or raising a family or
doing anything that requires youto do something new, you will
overthink because you're tryingto piece together a brand new
puzzle.
So if you know you're doingthat, you also need to balance
(12:34):
it out with some time where youcan just sort of sit, reflect
and ease along.
Same with relationships, it'sone of the biggest reasons why
men will join our program is arelationship breakdown, and
everyone's trying to do the bestthat we can with the
information that we have.
A relationship breakdown putsyou in a position where your
biggest support system isgenerally gone and you're like
(12:58):
oh bugger, what do I do here now?
I don't know how to navigatewhat I'm feeling.
We haven't grown up and this isa stereotype but to express or
understand how we processemotion.
So it's overwhelming, it feelshorrible.
The only way we generally knowhow to deal with that is through
alcohol.
It's numbing that pain, butalcohol is a depressant.
(13:19):
So while it may help you feelgood for a couple of hours, the
next day you feel worse.
And so if we don't pullourselves out of that rut or if
we don't have a good supportnetwork to help be like hey,
lucky, I've noticed that you'redrinking a little bit much since
you split up with Amy, forexample.
Not that we have, but we maybeneed to talk to someone or come
hang out with us, let's go for awalk.
(13:40):
It's why we, instead ofcatching up with our mates for
beers and stuff like that, it'slike let's go for a hike or go
for a run or go for a sauna,like there's so many
alternatives that can add morevalue to your life.
And I'm not saying that goingfor a beer or wine don't,
because I do enjoy that.
There's definitely benefits.
But if you're sort of in atough position, it's when you
sort of need to start thinkingabout the decisions and the
(14:01):
impacts of that.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
What about Lachlan?
You know there may be a blokein particular who's listening
tonight and your words areresonating with him.
I know there will be partners,parents, maybe even children or
mates of blokes who they wouldlove to open up a bit more and
maybe make some differentchoices.
(14:23):
What's your advice to blokeswho are feeling things and just
can't figure out how to get itout and, as you say, it is that
bottleneck internally?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
It's a great question .
If you don't have supportaround you where you feel
comfortable doing that, I wouldonce again go back to the
journal or even filming.
I've found and this is reallyweird, but found filming myself
to be a great tool because I canjust express myself how I am
and then if I want to watch backor for feedback or go see
(14:57):
professional help, if you dohave friends or family that you
feel comfortable opening up toreach out to them and start that
conversation, and how you couldstart that could be, for
example, to Amy.
It's like I've been stressedout the last couple of weeks.
This is why I'm feelingstressed.
I'm noticing my mood becomemore anxious or I'm snapping,
and that's not how I want totreat you or how I feel like
(15:21):
doing that.
And right now all I'm lookingto do is vent or all I'm looking
for is some feedback, statewhat you would like from the
individual.
But also, I guess, anotherpoint to note with that is a lot
of ladies will reach out to meand say I just wish my husband
would open up to me or dowhatever it is, and I've also
had a lot of feedback from men.
When they have actually openedup, they've caught their partner
(15:44):
or wife off guard and they'veshut them down again.
So it's sort of not ruined Iwouldn't say ruined, but it's
closed that door for the moment.
So make sure that you set theenvironment up to have those
conversations.
A lot of people come home fromwork and just unload where it's
like hey, amy, do you mind if wehave 10 minutes tonight where I
can you know, maybe having aglass of red or having a cup of
(16:07):
tea, and I can just, you know,unload what I've been stressed
about today, or vice versa, ifyou notice your partner's
feeling the same way.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Not at a time where, perhaps you know, mum's trying
to put the kids to bed or findthe other shoe to go to
athletics or whatever.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Yeah, that makes total practical sense.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
You have done over 550 podcast episodes.
Now have you had feedback frompeople where they've said you
have really changed my life.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Yeah, it's quite nice to hear that because, as you
probably experience here, youdon't always get the feedback or
know what people are goingthrough when they're listening
to it.
But whether they'll come to aworkshop or they'll shoot you a
message on Instagram, and evenif it's a wife of someone who's
listened to it, it's a reallycool feeling to know that just
(16:59):
words that are coming out of mymouth, from experiences that
I've had or things that I'veunderstood, have had a potential
impact on people's lives.
But I truly believe that bylistening to people's
experiences, it's not alwaysadvice or perspective that maybe
resonates, but you can startpiecing together information to
improve your own life and ithelps you realize and recognize
(17:21):
that you're not alone.
Everyone's going through stuff,and some people's stories are
able to provide you with toolsto better improve your own life
or trigger a thought.
And we don't have children yet,but we've got a men's group,
like a dad's group in ourcommunity that are always doing
dad's chats, and I'm stilljumping on there because I'm
like one day I'll have kids.
So I might as well start beingprepared for what could
(17:42):
potentially happen, and I justthink the power of conversation
is so undervalued.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
I wish you every success with this, because so
many of the big challenges thatwe have in society around men's
mental health in particularsuicide, domestic violence, I
mean so much of what you'retouching on here feeds in to
those relationships which weneed to be strong and healthy,
and perhaps that strength isreally so much more about
(18:12):
vulnerability.
Good on you, lockie.
It's so good to hear theavenues you are opening up and
congratulations.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Thank you very much and I think a final message is
for the men who are looking forsupport as well, as if you don't
resonate with my message.
There are so many other men'sgroups or opportunities
available and I think it'sreally important to find what
you resonate with and use thatas a path or a vehicle to be the
best version of yourselfBecause, to your point, like the
(18:42):
suicide, domestic violence andstuff, a lot of helping you
become more aware of youremotions and your thoughts and
feelings and behaviors can beimproved by being around the
right people and environment.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
So well said.
Thank you, mate.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Lachlan Stewart, the man that Can Project.
You can check him out online.
Welcome back, gents.
I have just arrived back inNashville and on Monday I was on
ABC Radio, interviewed byRebecca Levingston, and it was
an awesome chat.
It's always a privilege to beable to speak with people with
such large platforms, so beingon the ABC was awesome.
I managed to have a roughly 15or so 20 minute interview
(00:24):
talking about the man that CanProject and men's mental health,
which is something that we'reso focused on is giving you guys
tools, resources and havingconversations to help you
improve your quality of life,and this episode is no different
.
So, just before we dive intothe episode, I do want to remind
you on Monday morning, the IronCowboy is on the show.
(00:47):
So if you haven't heard of theIron Cowboy, he originally, back
in 2014, completed 50 fulllength Ironman in 50 days across
50 states of America.
Then, in 2021, he did 101Ironman consecutively.
So really inspiring story aboutgrit, mindset and community.
(01:07):
That will be going live onMonday.
But let's dive into my episode,or interview with Rebecca from
ABC Radio.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
ABC Radio Brisbane and Queensland.
This is Rebecca Livingston Onair and streaming on the ABC
Listen app.
When was the last time you hada decent, deep and meaningful
chat with a man, or even betweentwo blokes?
Improving men's mental healthis good for everyone, and one
(01:37):
man who was on a mission toempower blokes through
conversation on his podcast isLachlan Stewart.
It's all part of the man thatCan Project.
Hello, lachy.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Rebecca, thanks for having me on.
I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
What is the man that Can Project?
Speaker 1 (01:53):
So we're a men's performance organization where
we've really prioritized andfocusing on helping men live
inspired lives, and we've brokenthat down into frameworks to
give men more certainty in thethings that they can develop in
order to be better husbands,better fathers, better men and
just maximize what's availablefor them in life.
So we started that in 2017 withmen's groups, where we
(02:14):
literally were bringing men fromall walks of life together to
have conversations and sharechallenges, and then it's
continually evolved.
After that, it's like, okay,well, we're now opening up and
we're building relationshipsexpressing vulnerability.
What's continually evolvedafter that?
It's like, okay, well, we'renow opening up and we're
building relationshipsexpressing vulnerability.
What's the next thing that wecan do to help move people to
where they want to get to?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
What was the catalyst for it in the first place?
Speaker 1 (02:33):
My own desire to learn and grow and fulfill some
needs that I had in my own life.
I finished rugby and I didn'tknow what was next for me.
I felt if sport didn't work outand I never did well at school,
I was going to be a failure andI didn't really like the idea
of that.
I felt like deep inside I hadthis idea that I could do
something great, and I wasn'tsure what that was.
(02:54):
So being able to learn from menfrom all walks of life who were
successful in their marriages,who were successful in business,
who had great health orlifestyles and I wanted them to
tell me not only what it took tobe successful, but the
sacrifices, maybe theirconversations with their
families or the heartache thatthey went through in order to do
that, so I could make betterdecisions, because I felt like I
(03:16):
was the only one who had thestruggles.
But then, when you starthearing from all walks of life,
you realize it's a lot morecommon than you first thought.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
And is that a big part of how you get other men to
connect and relate, is thatyou're vulnerable in the first
place.
So take us to, I guess, if notthe lowest point, but a point in
your life where you werethinking I'm not really sure how
to run with the ball here.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Yeah, so in 2000, or just before I met my wife, amy,
was sort of the rock bottommoment, as I call it.
It's like you're either goingto stay down here and life's
sort of done.
And I did have moments where Ididn't want to wake up and the
fact that I knew I had a greatfamily, I went to a great school
.
I was like I've got to reallyfind a way out of this and I had
(04:01):
a good support network aroundme at the time.
I had just met Amy and I waslike I want to be better.
And then I'd also had a matewho gave me a book of all things
I'd never really read but forwhatever reason, I read the book
and it changed my life.
And that book was the FourAgreements and it was more so
the fact that one.
I was proud I read the book andthere's a few simple best.
And from that I startedlearning and I started using
(04:28):
social media Instagram to sharethe things that I was learning.
I was excited that I waschanging and I was challenging
beliefs and just doing thingsthat I didn't think a bloke like
me was capable of.
I never excelled at speaking.
My mom always says I mumbled alot.
I was very angry.
My response to criticism oranything was alcohol or
(04:49):
aggression.
And when I started realizingthat that could change, I was
genuinely excited.
So I was like this is myjourney.
And as a result of that, I hadpeople messaging me and they're
like how have you done that?
Or some ladies were like oh, youneed to talk to my husband or
my partner.
I was like cool, and eventuallyI got to this crossroads where
I didn't want to continue in thecareer that I was doing at the
(05:10):
time, which was building, and Iwanted to be able to have a
flexible career so I couldtravel with Amy.
And as a result of that, and Iwas like well, I love helping
people and it's what I am doingfor myself anyway, so I'm just
practicing what I preach, andthat sort of evolved and it
created a space or a place forother men to go oh, man, bucky's
been through that or I've beenthrough this.
(05:31):
And we just shared experiencesand really opened up avenues for
more men to start communicatingand putting their own thoughts
into, I guess, structure,because a lot of men really
struggle with being able toarticulate how they're feeling
or what they're going through,so they bottle it up until they
just erupt.
So being able to help themunderstand that and make sense
(05:52):
of it then allows the next stepsto happen.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Lachlan Stewart, the man that can project on ABC
Radio Brisbane and Queensland.
My name is Rebecca Levingston,so Lachy, that's a big shift
from alcohol, angry, not reallyknowing how to express yourself,
to be impeccable with your word.
What specific practicalstrategies did you put into
(06:16):
place?
Because I get the conversations, but how do you actually commit
to that?
Speaker 1 (06:20):
A lot of it is journaling and as a bloke.
When people say journaling,you're like no, that's really
spiritual, you need to go dosome yoga.
But for me, the practice ofjournaling just allowed me to
unpack what was going on in myhead.
So if I was struggling withsomething or if I could not
explain it, I'd write it downand I'd be like that's not quite
what I mean.
So let's play around with somemore words or really structure
(06:42):
it and give meaning to it.
And when I did that, I was ableto feel more certain and more
confident in what I wanted tosay or how I wanted to express
myself.
And when you become confidentand certain, a lot of the
overwhelm disappears and youreally start to feel like you
have value and you have purpose.
And from that it just leadsfrom one step to the other.
So the practical step and itdoes sound quite easy is
(07:04):
literally just startbrain-dumbing, writing down, and
people get stuck with the wholewhat do I journal?
Do I need to say Dear Diary, orwhatever it is?
But it could literally be.
There's some days, even to thisday, where I might have nothing
to write.
So I'll just start with thedate and I'll start it and then
some days I'll have an awesomebrain dump.
Other days it's just literallylike this is what I'm doing
today, but it just is reallyunpacking and making sense of
(07:27):
what's going on in your head,because if you just leave it up
there, it's like throwing in somuch information.
We listen.
We've got social media, peopleare listening to this.
Now, we're constantly consuming.
It'd be like throwing all yourfavorite ingredients into a
blender plus some stuff that youdon't want to be in there,
turning it on and trying to likepull out an apple.
It's not possible unless youturn it off and slow things down
.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
I love that you journal because I think as well
to make a sort of a genderstereotype.
I think a lot of women, right,a lot of women, I think more so,
keep gratitude journals.
You don't hear blokes talkingabout it so much In your builder
rugby circles.
How did your mates andacquaintances respond to some of
(08:10):
the changes that I guess theystarted to see in you?
Speaker 1 (08:12):
It definitely challenged them and that was one
of the hardest parts.
If I didn't have Amy there tosupport me, I probably would
have gone back to the same poorbehaviors in the way that I was
living my life.
But because I really wanted tochange, because I had Facebook
pages made about me where peoplewere just, I had a hashtag in
the beginning calledunrestricted living, because I
(08:33):
wanted to create this awesomelife and people didn't quite
like that.
But knowing what I know now ismore so the change of how I used
to show up in their life, likeI was the guy that would party
with them.
I'd always be there on a Friday, saturday, sunday, whenever
they needed me.
But now all of a sudden, I'm notdoing that.
I'm putting some boundaries inmy life so I can create better
things, and that's uncomfortablefor everyone as much as it was
(08:55):
for me.
It's also you know, Iexperience it now where you sort
of grow apart from friends, andit's not because anyone's
better or worse, it's just wewant different things and that's
completely okay.
And I think, because people areso uncomfortable with change,
that challenges people and youdo what you know find a way to
make yourself feel comfortable.
So you're like I'll bring themback down to my level or I'll
(09:16):
make them feel bad about it.
So hopefully I get the Lockieback that I know and I love.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Sport has remained an important part of your life,
but more so marathons, is it?
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Is it running?
It's running or is it rowing?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
I mean, how do I keep up with?
I've got here 30 marathons in30 days.
What did?
Speaker 1 (09:37):
you do Decided to row 30 marathons in 30 days.
Amy was jetting off toNashville, so I was like I've
got a whole month by myself.
What can we do to bring thecommunity together but also get
to challenge myself?
Because one of my, I guess,things that I love is you learn
a lot from sport, whether it'steam or individual.
You can learn a lot about yourmindset.
You've got a plan, You've gotto train.
(09:57):
Things go wrong All things thathappen in life and so by doing
this, I was like let's put thisout to the community.
We'll get people together andpeople can do whatever distance
they'd like.
So we had some guys or somepeople, we had men and women
joining, people who were doingtheir first five kilometers or
two kilometers, or Amy rode amarathon.
People were doing all thesekinds of things and the
(10:19):
breakthroughs that they had wasincredible.
But they then also got to go oh, next time I'd probably train a
little bit more, or I gotblisters on my hand, so I'd
probably tape my hands up.
So they were learning thesethings and the hidden message in
that was like hey, that's life.
If you're setting a goal,something that you would love to
achieve, you have to create aplan.
(10:43):
Plan will change.
Probably things will go wrong.
You need good people around you, but if you can start to learn
that when you are faced withadversity or when you do want to
grow, you know you've got thesekey foundations that you can
build upon the man that canproject.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
you are listening to Lachlan Stewart and he got a
plan and life has changed.
He has gone from a time and aspace where perhaps he didn't
like himself too much to beingvery much in love with Amy
Shepard, his wife.
You hear him mention.
You've probably heard her music.
This is ABC Radio Brisbane.
My name is Rebecca Levingston,so let's go to some of the
(11:12):
specific podcast episodesOvercoming heartbreak as a man,
how to stop overthinking, how tomake friends when you're over
30.
I mean, these are just greattools for life.
Who do you talk to and how doyou navigate those challenges?
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Yeah, I think the journey's unique to everyone.
I feel you know there's timeswhere you'll need professional
help psychologists,psychiatrists, counselors to
navigate a lot of those things.
But then there's also timeswhere you can just lean on your
buddies, depending on whereeveryone's at.
And once again, that's why Ithink it's really important for
us, as men and as individuals,to be self-aware and have a good
(11:53):
understanding of how we'refeeling emotionally, have some,
I guess, checkpoints to be like.
I can't handle this by myself.
I do need some people.
But if we were to then moveover to if I'm overthinking, is
it chronic or is it, you know,is it short or has it been going
on for a long time?
And if it is long time, youprobably do really need some
support and some help with that,to navigate that, because no
(12:14):
one wants to be overwhelmed allthe time or overthinking.
And once again, that's where,looking at the whole yin and
yang approach, if we bring itback to health and fitness, it's
like when you're building acareer or raising a family or
doing anything that requires youto do something new, you will
overthink because you're tryingto piece together a brand new
puzzle.
So if you know you're doingthat, you also need to balance
(12:34):
it out with some time where youcan just sort of sit, reflect
and ease along.
Same with relationships, it'sone of the biggest reasons why
men will join our program is arelationship breakdown, and
everyone's trying to do the bestthat we can with the
information that we have.
A relationship breakdown putsyou in a position where your
biggest support system isgenerally gone and you're like
(12:58):
oh bugger, what do I do here now?
I don't know how to navigatewhat I'm feeling.
We haven't grown up and this isa stereotype but to express or
understand how we processemotion.
So it's overwhelming, it feelshorrible.
The only way we generally knowhow to deal with that is through
alcohol.
It's numbing that pain, butalcohol is a depressant.
(13:19):
So while it may help you feelgood for a couple of hours, the
next day you feel worse.
And so if we don't pullourselves out of that rut or if
we don't have a good supportnetwork to help be like hey,
lucky, I've noticed that you'redrinking a little bit much since
you split up with Amy, forexample.
Not that we have, but we maybeneed to talk to someone or come
hang out with us, let's go for awalk.
(13:40):
It's why we, instead ofcatching up with our mates for
beers and stuff like that, it'slike let's go for a hike or go
for a run or go for a sauna,like there's so many
alternatives that can add morevalue to your life.
And I'm not saying that goingfor a beer or wine don't,
because I do enjoy that.
There's definitely benefits.
But if you're sort of in atough position, it's when you
sort of need to start thinkingabout the decisions and the
(14:01):
impacts of that.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
What about Lachlan?
You know there may be a blokein particular who's listening
tonight and your words areresonating with him.
I know there will be partners,parents, maybe even children or
mates of blokes who they wouldlove to open up a bit more and
maybe make some differentchoices.
(14:23):
What's your advice to blokeswho are feeling things and just
can't figure out how to get itout and, as you say, it is that
bottleneck internally?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
It's a great question .
If you don't have supportaround you where you feel
comfortable doing that, I wouldonce again go back to the
journal or even filming.
I've found and this is reallyweird, but found filming myself
to be a great tool because I canjust express myself how I am
and then if I want to watch backor for feedback or go see
(14:57):
professional help, if you dohave friends or family that you
feel comfortable opening up toreach out to them and start that
conversation, and how you couldstart that could be, for
example, to Amy.
It's like I've been stressedout the last couple of weeks.
This is why I'm feelingstressed.
I'm noticing my mood becomemore anxious or I'm snapping,
and that's not how I want totreat you or how I feel like
(15:21):
doing that.
And right now all I'm lookingto do is vent or all I'm looking
for is some feedback, statewhat you would like from the
individual.
But also, I guess, anotherpoint to note with that is a lot
of ladies will reach out to meand say I just wish my husband
would open up to me or dowhatever it is, and I've also
had a lot of feedback from men.
When they have actually openedup, they've caught their partner
(15:44):
or wife off guard and they'veshut them down again.
So it's sort of not ruined Iwouldn't say ruined, but it's
closed that door for the moment.
So make sure that you set theenvironment up to have those
conversations.
A lot of people come home fromwork and just unload where it's
like hey, amy, do you mind if wehave 10 minutes tonight where I
can you know, maybe having aglass of red or having a cup of
(16:07):
tea, and I can just, you know,unload what I've been stressed
about today, or vice versa, ifyou notice your partner's
feeling the same way.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Not at a time where, perhaps you know, mum's trying
to put the kids to bed or findthe other shoe to go to
athletics or whatever.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Yeah, that makes total practical sense.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
You have done over 550 podcast episodes.
Now have you had feedback frompeople where they've said you
have really changed my life.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Yeah, it's quite nice to hear that because, as you
probably experience here, youdon't always get the feedback or
know what people are goingthrough when they're listening
to it.
But whether they'll come to aworkshop or they'll shoot you a
message on Instagram, and evenif it's a wife of someone who's
listened to it, it's a reallycool feeling to know that just
(16:59):
words that are coming out of mymouth, from experiences that
I've had or things that I'veunderstood, have had a potential
impact on people's lives.
But I truly believe that bylistening to people's
experiences, it's not alwaysadvice or perspective that maybe
resonates, but you can startpiecing together information to
improve your own life and ithelps you realize and recognize
(17:21):
that you're not alone.
Everyone's going through stuff,and some people's stories are
able to provide you with toolsto better improve your own life
or trigger a thought.
And we don't have children yet,but we've got a men's group,
like a dad's group in ourcommunity that are always doing
dad's chats, and I'm stilljumping on there because I'm
like one day I'll have kids.
So I might as well start beingprepared for what could
(17:42):
potentially happen, and I justthink the power of conversation
is so undervalued.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
I wish you every success with this, because so
many of the big challenges thatwe have in society around men's
mental health in particularsuicide, domestic violence, I
mean so much of what you'retouching on here feeds in to
those relationships which weneed to be strong and healthy,
and perhaps that strength isreally so much more about
(18:12):
vulnerability.
Good on you, lockie.
It's so good to hear theavenues you are opening up and
congratulations.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Thank you very much and I think a final message is
for the men who are looking forsupport as well, as if you don't
resonate with my message.
There are so many other men'sgroups or opportunities
available and I think it'sreally important to find what
you resonate with and use thatas a path or a vehicle to be the
best version of yourselfBecause, to your point, like the
(18:42):
suicide, domestic violence andstuff, a lot of helping you
become more aware of youremotions and your thoughts and
feelings and behaviors can beimproved by being around the
right people and environment.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
So well said.
Thank you, mate.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Lachlan Stewart, the man that Can Project.
You can check him out online.
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