February 1, 2024 ā¢ 25 mins
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When the echo of my mother's laughter began to fade after her passing, I found solace in the power of mantras, particularly the one that whispers, "My feelings are an important part of me." Our latest episode is a tender exploration of the profound impact that accepting and honoring our emotions can have on personal growth. We delve into how mantras can become instruments of self-discovery and love, guiding us to a place of resilience and peace. Together, we'll navigate the journey of healing, demonstrating that emotions are not merely fleeting visitors but core components of our being, offering insights and inviting us to embrace the full spectrum of our human experience.
Have you ever felt trapped in the endless cycle of pleasing others, losing sight of your own needs and worth? You're not alone, and our conversation aims to illuminate the path to reclaiming your authentic self. From untangling the web of seeking validation to learning the art of setting compassionate boundaries, we map out practical steps for unwinding the people-pleaser paralysis. Discover how to reconnect with that inner voice that guides you toward self-compassion and how to rewrite the internal scripts that keep you chained to others' expectations. It's time to step into your truth and experience each day with a newfound sense of peace, love, and mojo. Join us, and let's embark on this transformative journey together.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to your new favorite podcast, pocket Full
Emojo, where you're you and I'mSteph, and we tune in here to
tap into some mojo.
Each and every episode you hearis made with love and good
intention to share with you somedelicious nuggets of
inspiration and insights, withsome wit and wisdom to help you
(00:31):
stay connected to your very bestmojo.
In today's episode, we're goingto start at the top.
I'm going to dig into somedefinitions of mojo mantras and,
I don't know, maybe introducemyself a little and I'm going to
tell you why listening to thispodcast is going to be your new
(00:52):
favorite thing.
Hey look, I know you've got agazillion pods to choose from
and my heart bursts withgratitude that you're here.
So you stick around and I'llmake sure you're glad you did.
Let's get started with today'smantra and get tuned in, tapped
in and turned on.
Hello and welcome to the veryfirst episode of Pocket Full
(01:24):
Emojo.
I'm Steph, I'm your hostess andmojo maven, and I'm so glad
you're here and I love thatoutfit.
You're looking fabulous today,my friend.
So today's mantra is whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold up, what's a mantra?
Let's maybe start there.
(01:45):
First, a lesson I got from mygrade nine volleyball coach,
practice does not make perfect.
Perfect practice makes perfect.
So let's get this right.
A mantra is a sacred utterance,that's right.
Words are power and you, myfriend, are so powerful.
And whatever your dogma, it issomewhat universally believed
(02:08):
that when we use our words, wegive them power, and when
repeated frequently anddeliberately, they work their
way into our truth.
And guess what?
They have power even when we'renot deliberate.
So stop talking shit aboutyourself, okay?
So, without going too far downthat rabbit hole, let's save
(02:28):
some for the future podcast anddig into today's mantra.
Here's how this is going to godown.
I've got this.
I am widget on my phone thatfeeds me mantras and
(02:49):
affirmations throughout my day,and what I want to do with this
podcast is pull up one randomantra while I'm taping and
we're going to unpack the mantratogether and then I can riff
and share with you my genuine,in the moment reaction, maybe
share a story or set anintention on how we can use it
(03:09):
that day.
We want to keep it real, andthen we can dig into the podcast
, sound cool, fabulous, and ifit's not jiving, then we'll do
something different, becauseit's my podcast and I can do
what I want.
So now for today's mantra.
It is drum roll, please.
My feelings are an importantpart of me.
(03:31):
Okay, so for some reason, Ireally want to say my feelings,
and you know what it's kind of,what sets this apart?
And feelings are a centralreason why I'm here.
It is important to have a goodrelationship with all your
feelings.
My feelings are an importantpart of me.
A couple of years ago, I hadall kinds of feelings and I had
(03:54):
a lot of them and I did not feelgood.
But when I let myself trulyfeel them and allow them to be
and not judge them as good orbad, but really love them as a
part of me, it completelychanged my life.
My feelings are an importantpart of me.
I started Mojo Mastery so thatyou could have a friend to talk
(04:16):
to you Even in your life, thatyou can talk about feelings with
, and also to help you have agood relationship with your
feelings.
All of them, my feelings, arean important part of me.
We are, at our essence,energetic beings, living a
physical experience, and there'sa lot we have to figure out.
(04:39):
While we're here and when wehave a great relationship with
our feelings, we have moreresiliency, more capacity for
love and, best of all, more lovefor number one, that's you.
My feelings are an importantpart of me.
An important note is thatfeelings are not facts, my
friends.
They do give us clues as towhat's up with the whole human
(05:02):
experience that we're dealingwith, but we also have brains,
and that allows us to take abreath, step back and evaluate
where we are, how we got hereand where we want to go, and we
can do that anytime.
My feelings are an importantpart of me.
Notice how it's not the mostimportant part of me, or the
(05:26):
best part of me, or the worstpart of me, or the only part of
me.
We are complex and we deservesome grace.
My feelings are an importantpart of me.
So what do we know?
(05:46):
We know that mojo is thatmagical charm that we have when
all our cylinders are firing,and we know that mantras can
help us tap into and connectwith whatever part of our selves
we want to align with in thatmoment.
And one more tool in the toolbelt Sitting with a mantra for a
minute in your day can be agame changer, a mood booster, a
(06:08):
conflict avoider.
It has many, many applications,and with everything in this
podcast.
I want you to take whatresonates with you and just
leave the rest.
No need to resist anything.
Just go with what feels rightfor you.
That's all part of developing abetter relationship with
yourself.
(06:30):
Mantras and affirmations havebeen around forever, but for me
they took the spotlight a coupleyears ago, right after my mom
died.
You see, my mom was my hero andin all the ways someone can be,
she occupied an enormous placein my life and in my heart, and
the day she died she went forcoffee with her best friend, she
(06:51):
did the crossword, she mademeatloaf for dinner and was
feeling tired, so she took a napand then she didn't wake up.
And as tragic and asheartbreaking as that is, I have
to tell you I took greatcomfort in knowing how
peacefully she died, and I thinkif I asked a hundred people on
the street how they want to go,the majority of them would
(07:13):
probably describe somethingsimilar.
So, having said that, I washalfway around the world, living
in France, and got completelyshattered by this news.
The world ceased to make anysense and I just didn't
understand a world without herin it, and I had to start
figuring out fast how I wasgoing to find my place.
(07:35):
One thing I did know was that myhead was a mess Scrambled
thoughts, the thousand yardsthere was my specialty, and just
struggling to wrap my headaround the idea that she was
gone.
I knew I needed help and thatin that moment I did not have
the capacity to pull myself outof this ocean of grief and
(07:56):
friends.
One simple act helped mereprogram my very scrambled
brain.
Turns out there's an app forthat, and it was flooding my
brain with positive affirming,healing affirmations.
It's an app called I Am andit's on my phone and I'm not a
sponsor or anything like that,but it gave me this regular
(08:18):
messages of positivity,perspective, and I swear every
time my phone chimed I wouldturn my attention towards these
messages.
Finally using my phone for goodand not evil, and these words
of healing and positivity andtruth just kicked out the
doomsday, the fear and the lossdriven thoughts right out of my
(08:38):
head.
They were simply visitors.
They had the right to be therebut not to stay.
And these good thoughts, thosewere the ones that got the
permanent resonance.
So, look, it was no overnightoperation.
But I remember, at the end ofthat first year of grief,
(08:59):
looking back and seeing how farI had come in processing all of
it.
Well, I had geographically comea long way because I moved back
to Canada to be with my family,and I had emotionally come a
long way because I gave myselfpermission to feel my way
through the grief.
It felt bad, I let myself feelbad and if I wanted to cry, I
(09:23):
cried.
If I wanted to do nothing, Idid absolutely nothing.
I'm presenting these to you asmy victories because, if you're
anything like me, you have a lotof shoulds in your life.
I used to do what I thought wasright.
By an external definition,there's a lot of pressure to get
over it or just move on or healon your own time.
(09:46):
So I did.
I took all the time and I feltall the feelings.
I didn't get over it.
I went through it.
I am coming to you from theother side so much stronger,
with so much more clarity, andgetting stronger every damn day.
So all that and so much morehas led me here to you.
(10:13):
I know we don't all havefriends that we can talk
feelings with.
I come from a very waspy family, so talking about our feelings
is not something I learned athome, self-taught, right here,
and we don't all have friends wecan get deep with.
So I got you and so I want allthings Mojo Mastery to be that
(10:39):
place where you can come to feelseen, to feel understood and,
more importantly, feel empoweredto use all the power that you
already have inside of you toget through absolutely anything
that comes your way Grief,depression, limiting beliefs,
low self-esteem, impostersyndrome, self-neglect these are
(11:01):
all enemies of the humanexperience, and they are
realities all the same.
So I want to create a space forus to come together, to share
in our experience, to getstronger together, to offset the
hardships of life with lightand love and some killer Mojo.
So wherever you are on yourpath through this crazy human
(11:27):
experience, I invite you tostick around and make some space
for yourself as we wade throughall the feelings.
As we go, we'll figure it outtogether.
On the topic of feelings, Iwanted to step away from my own
personal jam for a bit and talkabout people pleasers.
It's a thing and something thatused to absolutely be my
(11:50):
operating system.
Now I like to say that I'm arecovering people pleaser, but
it's true that tests come up allthe time, and unraveling this
part of me that feels hardwiredis definitely a process, to say
the least.
In my research, I've found thatthere's a lot of different ways
that this shows up in life, andI hope to use this podcast to
(12:12):
tackle a lot of the insightsthat I've gleaned from digging
into this topic.
So this may resonate with you.
If you're feeling like yourdecisions run through a filter
first, that sounds like is thisokay with everyone or how will
this impact other people?
So this can happen on multiplelevels of your consciousness.
(12:33):
So if your inclinations toplease others is getting in the
way of showing the world yourbest stuff, then you're in the
right place.
If you feel like you're stuckand wanting to move forward with
some of those goals thathaven't been collecting dusts,
then this is for you.
So today I'm diving deep into atopic that might hit close to
(12:54):
home People pleaser paralysis.
It's like getting caught in aweb of pleasing everyone else
while your own needs take abackseat.
Ew, gross.
We can do better.
So fear not.
We're about to dig into amission to break free from the
paralysis and by the end of it,we're gonna unleash the
(13:14):
incredible, the gorgeous, theauthentic you.
So let's dig in.
So let's unravel people pleaserparalysis.
What is it so?
Imagine standing in acrossroads, unable to make a
move, because every directionseems tangled in the
expectations of other people.
That's the essence of peoplepleaser paralysis.
(13:35):
It's feeling stuck, unable toprioritize your own needs and
constantly chasing the approvalof others.
Why does it happen?
Well, here's three reasons.
I came up with Number one theapproval addiction loop.
So people pleasers often findthemselves trapped in a loop of
seeking approval, unable tobreak free.
(13:57):
The fear of disappointingothers becomes this paralyzing
force keeping you stuck in thecycle of pleasing.
So if you're feeling dizzy bythe amount of things on your
plate, this may be something youface.
Coming in at number two, theguilt trip express Guilt, oh
sweet guilt.
It's an unwelcome constantcompanion for those caught in
(14:21):
the people-pleaser paralysis.
The fear of seeing no anddisappointing others can leave
you feeling glued to a spot,afraid to move, and there's
nothing actually expressed aboutit In sweet number three.
Ignoring your internal compassSoon to be a thing of the past.
People-pleasers often losetouch with their own needs and
(14:45):
desires, letting outsideexpectations dictate their
choices.
It's kind of like having a GPSbut you ignore it and follow
someone else's directions whoisn't even going to the same
place as you and doesn't knowhow to get there.
No one will come and make sureyou're on your path.
So this is up to us 100%.
So let's dig into theconsequences of staying stuck.
(15:09):
This is what happens if we'renot ready to do a bit of
changing.
Three signs that you're on thisparalysis pathway could include
the following.
So number one, decisiondilemmas.
Choosing can become an Olympiclevel event.
From what to wear to major lifedecisions, the fear of making
(15:29):
the wrong choice can lead todecision paralysis.
So if you're feeling in yourhead about the small stuff, then
there's something bigger tryingto get your attention, bouncing
your way to burnout.
Constantly bouncing between theneeds of others and your own can
lead to emotional and physicalburnout.
It's like playing thisnever-ending game of emotional
(15:50):
ping pong.
You can't spend energy in twoplaces at once.
It's just physics or something.
I'm no scientist, but make sureyou're filling your batteries
first.
That's right.
I said first we want to believethat we can do it all.
We've been told that, but wedon't have to do everything, and
(16:10):
certainly not all at once.
And while I'm all forself-confidence and dismantling
limiting beliefs, there's animportant adage that I want you
to remember you can do anything,just not everything.
And the third sign is theauthenticity abyss.
So if you ever feel like you'relosing touch with your true
(16:32):
self, that's people please aparalysis.
It can push you into thisauthenticity abyss where your
own wants and needs become thisdistant echo.
You might even struggle withbeing able to list what your
wants and needs actually are,and if so, that's okay.
Just take a beat, observe howyou got here and commit to
(16:54):
taking action and taking time,time to reflect, time to
physically write down whatevercomes to mind and schedule more
time to do it again.
The world needs you to be youand we can't wait another minute
.
Well, that's some great doomand gloom there.
Steph, what the heck are wesupposed to do with all this?
(17:14):
Well, I'm so glad you asked.
I'm happy to announce that I'mabout to share with you the
step-by-step guide to combatingpeople.
Please a paralysis.
Step one be you.
Yeah, it's that simple.
Begin by reconnecting with yourmojo, rock and self.
(17:37):
Sit with that version ofyourself for a bit.
Might take some time, but ifyou need help, you can journal
your thoughts, explore yourpassions, rediscover what makes
your heart sing.
It's time to befriend theincredible person that you are,
so that you can introduce her tothe rest of the world.
When you find out how awesomeyou are, you're not going to
(17:59):
want to spend time with anybodyelse and you'll understand why
you're in such high demand.
But being the you that servesyou has a whole new sparkle and
shine to it.
Did you know that people seeyou as more attractive when
you're talking about somethingthat you love and inspires you.
Isn't that amazing?
Nature knows, and that's how weget rewarded for being our very
(18:21):
best self.
So what better hobby thangrowing into the amazing person
you're capable of being?
Step number two sit boundaries,not barriers.
So try this.
This one was scary for me atfirst and was a very foreign
concept.
So boundaries right, they areyour best friends.
(18:41):
They are not barriers.
This part is about learningwhen to say no when needed, and
to communicate your limits withkindness.
That was the part that trippedme up.
It's like creating thisprotective bubble that
safeguards your well-being, andno one will notice if you don't
do it, but you'll feel a worldof difference when you do.
(19:03):
And step number three rewritethe approval script.
Just try giving this a shot.
Reign the approval addictionscript in your mind.
Remind yourself that your worthis not tied to pleasing others,
and yes, does not have to beyour default setting.
It's like switching from an old, worn out record to a fresh,
(19:26):
empowering tune.
You are the composer, you knowwhat words feel right.
It just takes some practice.
You may not get it right everytime, but when you do, you've
shown yourself some solid andwell-deserved respect.
Feel free to thank yourself.
You deserve it.
Step four cultivate someself-compassion, and this can be
(19:48):
an everyday practice.
Treat yourself with the samecompassion that you extend to
others.
Acknowledge to yourself, firstand foremost, that it's okay to
prioritize your needs and again,no one's going to give you
permission to do this, but youget to make that call.
What I like to do is, at theend of my day, I'd like to close
(20:09):
my eyes and go over my day likeit was a movie.
I observe my day and I do itwith grace, and I pull at the
moments I'm grateful for.
I observe the moments wheremaybe I could have done better
and I think about what I dodifferently, and I actually go
through the act of forgivingmyself and I know that sounds
weird, but you'd be surprised athow often we shit on ourselves.
(20:33):
So why not show ourselves alittle compassion and try that
on for size?
It won't hurt, it'll fit like aglove, I promise.
Which leads perfectly into stepfive.
Celebrate small victories.
Remember every step towardsbreaking free from
people-pleaser paralysis is avictory worth celebrating,
(20:55):
whether it's saying no tosomething you'd usually agree to
or just honoring your owndesires.
Celebrate those wins, and I'llgo even further.
When you observe or reflect onsomething that you did wrong,
celebrate the fact that you aretaking time to reflect In the
bank account of self-compassion.
One can never be too rich.
(21:15):
So, to wrap this all up, thesenext steps are game changers.
The more you put into thesetenets, the more you will see
your life shift and all thatenergy you used to give away
will come back to you in spades.
So what are we going to do?
We're going to prioritizeself-love as what.
Here's an example.
(21:36):
So imagine self-love as a dailypractice.
It's not woo-woo, it's not aregime, it's not a routine, it's
not homework, it's just whatyou do.
You live a life filled withactivities that bring joy.
Maybe it's reading morningdance parties to get the mojo
started, or just having that cupof tea and a little moment of
(21:59):
quiet.
You are deserving of love,especially from yourself.
First from yourself, becausewho knows you better?
Which is why I'm going to lista bunch of things for you to do.
You already know what thosethings are.
I'm just here to remind you todo those things.
Next, we're going to embrace ourbeautiful, our gorgeous
(22:21):
imperfections.
That's right, becauseperfection is what An illusion.
Perfection, it's an illusion.
Embrace your imperfections.
In fact, we're going to changewhat word we use there, because
they're not imperfections,they're your trademark, they're
your secret ingredient, they'reyour secret spice.
(22:42):
That's right.
We're rebranding.
What used to be a flaw is now ahighlight.
So lean into it.
It's what makes you you, andnobody does you like you, so
strut.
So, my dear mojo master, it'stime to break free from the web
of people, please, theirparalysis.
This part of the path is aboutreclaiming your authenticity,
(23:06):
setting those boundaries andbuilding a loving relationship
with the incredible person thatyou are.
Are you ready to embark on thistransformative adventure?
I say, yay, you've got this.
And with that, mojarrinos, Iwill leave you to go.
Take on the world as your best,gorgeous self.
So, if you're hearing me forthe first time, welcome you,
(23:27):
gorgeous human.
I'm Steph, and it's been reallynice to meet you.
So if this is your jam, you canget even more of this good
stuff, starting with my mojoreboot one pager game changer
I'm just going to call it waterand you can get that.
On my Instagram page.
I've got a link tree with awhole bunch of tips, tricks,
treats and all fun things,because I want to be here to
(23:50):
bring you all the love right toyour inbox, right to your
Instagram, right to your podcast.
You know wherever you want tofind it, but you should really
get that email.
It's the best part and fromthere you'll be signed up for my
weekly magazine that will bringyou all the love and the joy
right to your inbox.
I know email that you actuallywant to open.
(24:12):
That is my mission, and justask my subscribers.
It's their favorite email everyweek, so you can check the
links in my show notes and snooparound, check out the cute
journals or even sign up for theseven day mojo makeover and
you'll probably have the bestweek of your life.
No jokes.
(24:34):
But before I go, I want you toremember your feelings are an
important part of you.
Feelings are your BFF.
Consider your feelings likeyour trusty sidekicks Always
there, always valid, andtogether, you and your emotions
are an unstoppable duo creatingthis journey.
Be sure to tune into the nextepisode, where we're going to
(24:57):
dig into how to put ourselvesback in top spot, focus on our
own personal development andexamine the adage If you're
green, you grow and if you ripeyou rot.
So until next time, stayawesome, and with that, I
definitely wish you a magicalday Peace, love and mojo
toodaloo kangaroo Mwah.
Welcome to your new favorite podcast, pocket Full
Emojo, where you're you and I'mSteph, and we tune in here to
tap into some mojo.
Each and every episode you hearis made with love and good
intention to share with you somedelicious nuggets of
inspiration and insights, withsome wit and wisdom to help you
(00:31):
stay connected to your very bestmojo.
In today's episode, we're goingto start at the top.
I'm going to dig into somedefinitions of mojo mantras and,
I don't know, maybe introducemyself a little and I'm going to
tell you why listening to thispodcast is going to be your new
(00:52):
favorite thing.
Hey look, I know you've got agazillion pods to choose from
and my heart bursts withgratitude that you're here.
So you stick around and I'llmake sure you're glad you did.
Let's get started with today'smantra and get tuned in, tapped
in and turned on.
Hello and welcome to the veryfirst episode of Pocket Full
(01:24):
Emojo.
I'm Steph, I'm your hostess andmojo maven, and I'm so glad
you're here and I love thatoutfit.
You're looking fabulous today,my friend.
So today's mantra is whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold up, what's a mantra?
Let's maybe start there.
(01:45):
First, a lesson I got from mygrade nine volleyball coach,
practice does not make perfect.
Perfect practice makes perfect.
So let's get this right.
A mantra is a sacred utterance,that's right.
Words are power and you, myfriend, are so powerful.
And whatever your dogma, it issomewhat universally believed
(02:08):
that when we use our words, wegive them power, and when
repeated frequently anddeliberately, they work their
way into our truth.
And guess what?
They have power even when we'renot deliberate.
So stop talking shit aboutyourself, okay?
So, without going too far downthat rabbit hole, let's save
(02:28):
some for the future podcast anddig into today's mantra.
Here's how this is going to godown.
I've got this.
I am widget on my phone thatfeeds me mantras and
(02:49):
affirmations throughout my day,and what I want to do with this
podcast is pull up one randomantra while I'm taping and
we're going to unpack the mantratogether and then I can riff
and share with you my genuine,in the moment reaction, maybe
share a story or set anintention on how we can use it
(03:09):
that day.
We want to keep it real, andthen we can dig into the podcast
, sound cool, fabulous, and ifit's not jiving, then we'll do
something different, becauseit's my podcast and I can do
what I want.
So now for today's mantra.
It is drum roll, please.
My feelings are an importantpart of me.
(03:31):
Okay, so for some reason, Ireally want to say my feelings,
and you know what it's kind of,what sets this apart?
And feelings are a centralreason why I'm here.
It is important to have a goodrelationship with all your
feelings.
My feelings are an importantpart of me.
A couple of years ago, I hadall kinds of feelings and I had
(03:54):
a lot of them and I did not feelgood.
But when I let myself trulyfeel them and allow them to be
and not judge them as good orbad, but really love them as a
part of me, it completelychanged my life.
My feelings are an importantpart of me.
I started Mojo Mastery so thatyou could have a friend to talk
(04:16):
to you Even in your life, thatyou can talk about feelings with
, and also to help you have agood relationship with your
feelings.
All of them, my feelings, arean important part of me.
We are, at our essence,energetic beings, living a
physical experience, and there'sa lot we have to figure out.
(04:39):
While we're here and when wehave a great relationship with
our feelings, we have moreresiliency, more capacity for
love and, best of all, more lovefor number one, that's you.
My feelings are an importantpart of me.
An important note is thatfeelings are not facts, my
friends.
They do give us clues as towhat's up with the whole human
(05:02):
experience that we're dealingwith, but we also have brains,
and that allows us to take abreath, step back and evaluate
where we are, how we got hereand where we want to go, and we
can do that anytime.
My feelings are an importantpart of me.
Notice how it's not the mostimportant part of me, or the
(05:26):
best part of me, or the worstpart of me, or the only part of
me.
We are complex and we deservesome grace.
My feelings are an importantpart of me.
So what do we know?
(05:46):
We know that mojo is thatmagical charm that we have when
all our cylinders are firing,and we know that mantras can
help us tap into and connectwith whatever part of our selves
we want to align with in thatmoment.
And one more tool in the toolbelt Sitting with a mantra for a
minute in your day can be agame changer, a mood booster, a
(06:08):
conflict avoider.
It has many, many applications,and with everything in this
podcast.
I want you to take whatresonates with you and just
leave the rest.
No need to resist anything.
Just go with what feels rightfor you.
That's all part of developing abetter relationship with
yourself.
(06:30):
Mantras and affirmations havebeen around forever, but for me
they took the spotlight a coupleyears ago, right after my mom
died.
You see, my mom was my hero andin all the ways someone can be,
she occupied an enormous placein my life and in my heart, and
the day she died she went forcoffee with her best friend, she
(06:51):
did the crossword, she mademeatloaf for dinner and was
feeling tired, so she took a napand then she didn't wake up.
And as tragic and asheartbreaking as that is, I have
to tell you I took greatcomfort in knowing how
peacefully she died, and I thinkif I asked a hundred people on
the street how they want to go,the majority of them would
(07:13):
probably describe somethingsimilar.
So, having said that, I washalfway around the world, living
in France, and got completelyshattered by this news.
The world ceased to make anysense and I just didn't
understand a world without herin it, and I had to start
figuring out fast how I wasgoing to find my place.
(07:35):
One thing I did know was that myhead was a mess Scrambled
thoughts, the thousand yardsthere was my specialty, and just
struggling to wrap my headaround the idea that she was
gone.
I knew I needed help and thatin that moment I did not have
the capacity to pull myself outof this ocean of grief and
(07:56):
friends.
One simple act helped mereprogram my very scrambled
brain.
Turns out there's an app forthat, and it was flooding my
brain with positive affirming,healing affirmations.
It's an app called I Am andit's on my phone and I'm not a
sponsor or anything like that,but it gave me this regular
(08:18):
messages of positivity,perspective, and I swear every
time my phone chimed I wouldturn my attention towards these
messages.
Finally using my phone for goodand not evil, and these words
of healing and positivity andtruth just kicked out the
doomsday, the fear and the lossdriven thoughts right out of my
(08:38):
head.
They were simply visitors.
They had the right to be therebut not to stay.
And these good thoughts, thosewere the ones that got the
permanent resonance.
So, look, it was no overnightoperation.
But I remember, at the end ofthat first year of grief,
(08:59):
looking back and seeing how farI had come in processing all of
it.
Well, I had geographically comea long way because I moved back
to Canada to be with my family,and I had emotionally come a
long way because I gave myselfpermission to feel my way
through the grief.
It felt bad, I let myself feelbad and if I wanted to cry, I
(09:23):
cried.
If I wanted to do nothing, Idid absolutely nothing.
I'm presenting these to you asmy victories because, if you're
anything like me, you have a lotof shoulds in your life.
I used to do what I thought wasright.
By an external definition,there's a lot of pressure to get
over it or just move on or healon your own time.
(09:46):
So I did.
I took all the time and I feltall the feelings.
I didn't get over it.
I went through it.
I am coming to you from theother side so much stronger,
with so much more clarity, andgetting stronger every damn day.
So all that and so much morehas led me here to you.
(10:13):
I know we don't all havefriends that we can talk
feelings with.
I come from a very waspy family, so talking about our feelings
is not something I learned athome, self-taught, right here,
and we don't all have friends wecan get deep with.
So I got you and so I want allthings Mojo Mastery to be that
(10:39):
place where you can come to feelseen, to feel understood and,
more importantly, feel empoweredto use all the power that you
already have inside of you toget through absolutely anything
that comes your way Grief,depression, limiting beliefs,
low self-esteem, impostersyndrome, self-neglect these are
(11:01):
all enemies of the humanexperience, and they are
realities all the same.
So I want to create a space forus to come together, to share
in our experience, to getstronger together, to offset the
hardships of life with lightand love and some killer Mojo.
So wherever you are on yourpath through this crazy human
(11:27):
experience, I invite you tostick around and make some space
for yourself as we wade throughall the feelings.
As we go, we'll figure it outtogether.
On the topic of feelings, Iwanted to step away from my own
personal jam for a bit and talkabout people pleasers.
It's a thing and something thatused to absolutely be my
(11:50):
operating system.
Now I like to say that I'm arecovering people pleaser, but
it's true that tests come up allthe time, and unraveling this
part of me that feels hardwiredis definitely a process, to say
the least.
In my research, I've found thatthere's a lot of different ways
that this shows up in life, andI hope to use this podcast to
(12:12):
tackle a lot of the insightsthat I've gleaned from digging
into this topic.
So this may resonate with you.
If you're feeling like yourdecisions run through a filter
first, that sounds like is thisokay with everyone or how will
this impact other people?
So this can happen on multiplelevels of your consciousness.
(12:33):
So if your inclinations toplease others is getting in the
way of showing the world yourbest stuff, then you're in the
right place.
If you feel like you're stuckand wanting to move forward with
some of those goals thathaven't been collecting dusts,
then this is for you.
So today I'm diving deep into atopic that might hit close to
(12:54):
home People pleaser paralysis.
It's like getting caught in aweb of pleasing everyone else
while your own needs take abackseat.
Ew, gross.
We can do better.
So fear not.
We're about to dig into amission to break free from the
paralysis and by the end of it,we're gonna unleash the
(13:14):
incredible, the gorgeous, theauthentic you.
So let's dig in.
So let's unravel people pleaserparalysis.
What is it so?
Imagine standing in acrossroads, unable to make a
move, because every directionseems tangled in the
expectations of other people.
That's the essence of peoplepleaser paralysis.
(13:35):
It's feeling stuck, unable toprioritize your own needs and
constantly chasing the approvalof others.
Why does it happen?
Well, here's three reasons.
I came up with Number one theapproval addiction loop.
So people pleasers often findthemselves trapped in a loop of
seeking approval, unable tobreak free.
(13:57):
The fear of disappointingothers becomes this paralyzing
force keeping you stuck in thecycle of pleasing.
So if you're feeling dizzy bythe amount of things on your
plate, this may be something youface.
Coming in at number two, theguilt trip express Guilt, oh
sweet guilt.
It's an unwelcome constantcompanion for those caught in
(14:21):
the people-pleaser paralysis.
The fear of seeing no anddisappointing others can leave
you feeling glued to a spot,afraid to move, and there's
nothing actually expressed aboutit In sweet number three.
Ignoring your internal compassSoon to be a thing of the past.
People-pleasers often losetouch with their own needs and
(14:45):
desires, letting outsideexpectations dictate their
choices.
It's kind of like having a GPSbut you ignore it and follow
someone else's directions whoisn't even going to the same
place as you and doesn't knowhow to get there.
No one will come and make sureyou're on your path.
So this is up to us 100%.
So let's dig into theconsequences of staying stuck.
(15:09):
This is what happens if we'renot ready to do a bit of
changing.
Three signs that you're on thisparalysis pathway could include
the following.
So number one, decisiondilemmas.
Choosing can become an Olympiclevel event.
From what to wear to major lifedecisions, the fear of making
(15:29):
the wrong choice can lead todecision paralysis.
So if you're feeling in yourhead about the small stuff, then
there's something bigger tryingto get your attention, bouncing
your way to burnout.
Constantly bouncing between theneeds of others and your own can
lead to emotional and physicalburnout.
It's like playing thisnever-ending game of emotional
(15:50):
ping pong.
You can't spend energy in twoplaces at once.
It's just physics or something.
I'm no scientist, but make sureyou're filling your batteries
first.
That's right.
I said first we want to believethat we can do it all.
We've been told that, but wedon't have to do everything, and
(16:10):
certainly not all at once.
And while I'm all forself-confidence and dismantling
limiting beliefs, there's animportant adage that I want you
to remember you can do anything,just not everything.
And the third sign is theauthenticity abyss.
So if you ever feel like you'relosing touch with your true
(16:32):
self, that's people please aparalysis.
It can push you into thisauthenticity abyss where your
own wants and needs become thisdistant echo.
You might even struggle withbeing able to list what your
wants and needs actually are,and if so, that's okay.
Just take a beat, observe howyou got here and commit to
(16:54):
taking action and taking time,time to reflect, time to
physically write down whatevercomes to mind and schedule more
time to do it again.
The world needs you to be youand we can't wait another minute
.
Well, that's some great doomand gloom there.
Steph, what the heck are wesupposed to do with all this?
(17:14):
Well, I'm so glad you asked.
I'm happy to announce that I'mabout to share with you the
step-by-step guide to combatingpeople.
Please a paralysis.
Step one be you.
Yeah, it's that simple.
Begin by reconnecting with yourmojo, rock and self.
(17:37):
Sit with that version ofyourself for a bit.
Might take some time, but ifyou need help, you can journal
your thoughts, explore yourpassions, rediscover what makes
your heart sing.
It's time to befriend theincredible person that you are,
so that you can introduce her tothe rest of the world.
When you find out how awesomeyou are, you're not going to
(17:59):
want to spend time with anybodyelse and you'll understand why
you're in such high demand.
But being the you that servesyou has a whole new sparkle and
shine to it.
Did you know that people seeyou as more attractive when
you're talking about somethingthat you love and inspires you.
Isn't that amazing?
Nature knows, and that's how weget rewarded for being our very
(18:21):
best self.
So what better hobby thangrowing into the amazing person
you're capable of being?
Step number two sit boundaries,not barriers.
So try this.
This one was scary for me atfirst and was a very foreign
concept.
So boundaries right, they areyour best friends.
(18:41):
They are not barriers.
This part is about learningwhen to say no when needed, and
to communicate your limits withkindness.
That was the part that trippedme up.
It's like creating thisprotective bubble that
safeguards your well-being, andno one will notice if you don't
do it, but you'll feel a worldof difference when you do.
(19:03):
And step number three rewritethe approval script.
Just try giving this a shot.
Reign the approval addictionscript in your mind.
Remind yourself that your worthis not tied to pleasing others,
and yes, does not have to beyour default setting.
It's like switching from an old, worn out record to a fresh,
(19:26):
empowering tune.
You are the composer, you knowwhat words feel right.
It just takes some practice.
You may not get it right everytime, but when you do, you've
shown yourself some solid andwell-deserved respect.
Feel free to thank yourself.
You deserve it.
Step four cultivate someself-compassion, and this can be
(19:48):
an everyday practice.
Treat yourself with the samecompassion that you extend to
others.
Acknowledge to yourself, firstand foremost, that it's okay to
prioritize your needs and again,no one's going to give you
permission to do this, but youget to make that call.
What I like to do is, at theend of my day, I'd like to close
(20:09):
my eyes and go over my day likeit was a movie.
I observe my day and I do itwith grace, and I pull at the
moments I'm grateful for.
I observe the moments wheremaybe I could have done better
and I think about what I dodifferently, and I actually go
through the act of forgivingmyself and I know that sounds
weird, but you'd be surprised athow often we shit on ourselves.
(20:33):
So why not show ourselves alittle compassion and try that
on for size?
It won't hurt, it'll fit like aglove, I promise.
Which leads perfectly into stepfive.
Celebrate small victories.
Remember every step towardsbreaking free from
people-pleaser paralysis is avictory worth celebrating,
(20:55):
whether it's saying no tosomething you'd usually agree to
or just honoring your owndesires.
Celebrate those wins, and I'llgo even further.
When you observe or reflect onsomething that you did wrong,
celebrate the fact that you aretaking time to reflect In the
bank account of self-compassion.
One can never be too rich.
(21:15):
So, to wrap this all up, thesenext steps are game changers.
The more you put into thesetenets, the more you will see
your life shift and all thatenergy you used to give away
will come back to you in spades.
So what are we going to do?
We're going to prioritizeself-love as what.
Here's an example.
(21:36):
So imagine self-love as a dailypractice.
It's not woo-woo, it's not aregime, it's not a routine, it's
not homework, it's just whatyou do.
You live a life filled withactivities that bring joy.
Maybe it's reading morningdance parties to get the mojo
started, or just having that cupof tea and a little moment of
(21:59):
quiet.
You are deserving of love,especially from yourself.
First from yourself, becausewho knows you better?
Which is why I'm going to lista bunch of things for you to do.
You already know what thosethings are.
I'm just here to remind you todo those things.
Next, we're going to embrace ourbeautiful, our gorgeous
(22:21):
imperfections.
That's right, becauseperfection is what An illusion.
Perfection, it's an illusion.
Embrace your imperfections.
In fact, we're going to changewhat word we use there, because
they're not imperfections,they're your trademark, they're
your secret ingredient, they'reyour secret spice.
(22:42):
That's right.
We're rebranding.
What used to be a flaw is now ahighlight.
So lean into it.
It's what makes you you, andnobody does you like you, so
strut.
So, my dear mojo master, it'stime to break free from the web
of people, please, theirparalysis.
This part of the path is aboutreclaiming your authenticity,
(23:06):
setting those boundaries andbuilding a loving relationship
with the incredible person thatyou are.
Are you ready to embark on thistransformative adventure?
I say, yay, you've got this.
And with that, mojarrinos, Iwill leave you to go.
Take on the world as your best,gorgeous self.
So, if you're hearing me forthe first time, welcome you,
(23:27):
gorgeous human.
I'm Steph, and it's been reallynice to meet you.
So if this is your jam, you canget even more of this good
stuff, starting with my mojoreboot one pager game changer
I'm just going to call it waterand you can get that.
On my Instagram page.
I've got a link tree with awhole bunch of tips, tricks,
treats and all fun things,because I want to be here to
(23:50):
bring you all the love right toyour inbox, right to your
Instagram, right to your podcast.
You know wherever you want tofind it, but you should really
get that email.
It's the best part and fromthere you'll be signed up for my
weekly magazine that will bringyou all the love and the joy
right to your inbox.
I know email that you actuallywant to open.
(24:12):
That is my mission, and justask my subscribers.
It's their favorite email everyweek, so you can check the
links in my show notes and snooparound, check out the cute
journals or even sign up for theseven day mojo makeover and
you'll probably have the bestweek of your life.
No jokes.
(24:34):
But before I go, I want you toremember your feelings are an
important part of you.
Feelings are your BFF.
Consider your feelings likeyour trusty sidekicks Always
there, always valid, andtogether, you and your emotions
are an unstoppable duo creatingthis journey.
Be sure to tune into the nextepisode, where we're going to
(24:57):
dig into how to put ourselvesback in top spot, focus on our
own personal development andexamine the adage If you're
green, you grow and if you ripeyou rot.
So until next time, stayawesome, and with that, I
definitely wish you a magicalday Peace, love and mojo
toodaloo kangaroo Mwah.
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