March 28, 2024 ā¢ 24 mins
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Ever wondered how some people seem to bounce back from setbacks like they're made of rubber? That's the power of resilience, and in our landmark 10th episode, we're cracking the code to that inner superhero strength. I'm Steph, your guide through the highs and lows of personal growth, and together we'll chart a course through the stormy seas of criticism without losing our luster. I'm laying down some truth about affirmations and how they can be the armor in your arsenal against the naysayers. Picture yourself, cape billowing in the wind of change, as we tackle how to stay true to yourself even when the world tries to knock you down a peg.
This isn't just about weathering the storm; it's about learning to dance in the rain of feedback. I'll be pulling back the curtain on a friend's story, a testament to the transformative power of self-compassion and a healthy ego in the face of tough love. We're drawing lines in the sand to keep the negative vibes at bay and using self-awareness to differentiate constructive feedback from harmful criticism. And for those of you wrestling with perfectionism, get ready to embrace your beautifully flawed humanity with the "gift of seven mistakes" exercise that promises to nurture growth and self-forgiveness. So, strap on your headphones and join us; it's time to flex those resilience muscles and grow stronger together.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Hello and welcome to your new favorite podcast,
pocket Full of Mojo, whereyou're, you and I'm Steph, your
Mojo Maven, and we tune in hereto tap into some mojo.
You see, I think I've crackedthe code of being happy.
I'm happy every single day Notto brag, but no jokes.
(00:33):
Maybe not all day, every day,but most days and most of the
days and I've built thistoolshed of amazing stuff to
help me out of and avoid gettinginto life's more sticky and
stressful situations and I'm nothere to gatekeep.
So settle in, take some notesand welcome to where your mojo
(00:55):
hits the road.
Each and every episode you hearis made just for you.
It's all about you and mojo.
And wait, what's mojo?
Well, it's that feeling you getwhen the wind is at your back
and your self-confidence is offthe charts and you just feel
unstoppable.
Now imagine feeling that allthe time.
(01:18):
That's what we're here to do.
So saddle up Buttercup.
We're about to tune into somemojo.
In today's episode, I'm goingto review today's mantra and
then we're going to dig intotoday's main topic, and that
topic is resilience.
Baby, we're going to unlocksome of that power you've been
(01:41):
sitting on and get you back upon your feet.
I know you've got a goodjillion pods to choose from, so
I'm real glad you're here.
So stick around and I'll makesure you're glad you did.
Let's get started with today'smantra and get tuned in, tapped
in and turned on.
All right, hello and welcome tothe 10th episode of Pakaful
(02:12):
Emojo.
We made double digits, myfriends and once again I'm Steph
, I'm going to be the hostess,you're Mojo Maven and I'm super
pumped you're here.
Now we've officially broken thepodcast Curse.
Once upon a time, I had adifferent podcast and just
before releasing the thirdepisode, my mom died and
(02:33):
everything just stopped andground to a halt.
So, doing some years later,here I am back, broken the curse
.
We're still producing.
Ladies and gentlemen, thank youfor being here.
So this is actually going to bea really empowering podcast
episode.
So let's get right into it.
Let's start by digging intotoday's mantra, as we do, and it
(02:57):
is my inner strength andresilience increase every day.
Word, okay, let's crack thisone open.
My inner strength andresilience increase every day.
When I speak this mantra, Imean like, really affirm this
mantra, say it like it's true.
(03:18):
It builds this powerful feelingof empowerment.
Powerful Like my head goes backand forth, thinking like today
I'm stronger than yesterday andI'll be stronger even tomorrow.
Yes, and like every time I sayit, it brings more determination
and more confidence.
(03:38):
But like on the inside, I likethis because it works to meet
you from wherever you are andlife will continue to come at us
.
So there's no bad time to havethis mantra in your pocket.
My inner strength andresilience increase every day.
Really, visualize yourselfovercoming challenges with that
(03:59):
saucy grace and chest out kindof confidence, like becoming
stronger with every obstacle.
You know, like that gall to getin your way.
How dare that obstacle?
I want you to picture how youwould want to respond in tough
situations, like I picturemyself wearing a cape, with my
(04:19):
hands on my hips and just likeready for battle.
You know, my inner strength andresilience increase every day.
Mm, lean into that idea thatyou have inherent strength
within you.
Period, it came with a packagewhen you were born.
It's just in you, it's part ofyou and you can access it
(04:41):
anytime.
And I want you to know like youknow, like you know that you
have power to kick ass in anysituation.
It's just a matter of whetheror not you're gonna pull that
trigger and tap into that sourceof you, Because if you look
back, I'm sure you'll findplenty of evidence to support
that you're already strong andyou already have overcome
(05:02):
obstacles in your life.
So the proof is there, despitethat little voice in your head,
remind yourself of this power,keep it close, and the bonus
here is that tomorrow, mm,you're gonna be even stronger.
My inner strength andresilience increase every day.
So when you repeat this mantra,you're tapping into that
(05:22):
limitless reserve, limitlessreserve of strength that's
already inside you.
You access all of itstransformational energy just by
tapping into that thought.
So with each and everyrepetition, you're stepping like
a badass into the future, afuture that you're creating.
It doesn't exist yet.
You get to do this knowing thatyour resilience can and will
(05:47):
carry you through any storm andthen cue the rainbows.
My inner strength andresilience increase every day.
Now let's get real for a moment, as people pleases.
Criticism yeah, it can feel likea dagger to the heart, am I
(06:12):
right?
We want to avoid it so badlythat it's like we're walking on
eggshells, constantly seekingvalidation and approval from
other people.
But here's the thing criticismis inevitable.
Opinions are like assholeseverybody has one and it's a
part of life like the sunshineand the rainbows.
(06:32):
So if we make changes torelease ourselves from the
people-pleasing cycle, how do wenavigate it with grace and
resilience?
Now you're in the right place,my darling, because today we're
going to get our grace on andlearn how to take it like a
champ, because we're what?
Resilient masterpieces.
That's right.
(06:52):
I said what I said.
Let's start by unpacking howcriticism feels to a people
pleaser.
So, to put it mildly, it's likea punch to the gut, leaving us
feeling shaken and insecure andunworthy, and we spend so much
time and effort to bend overbackwards trying to please
everyone.
Then, to be met withdisapproval or judgment can be
(07:16):
soul-crushing, and instead ofgetting good at taking criticism
, we get good at hiding how muchit pains us, and it's a vicious
cycle that can wreak havoc onnot only our self-esteem but our
nervous system if we're notprepared Now.
As the gorgeous people-pleasersthat we are, we tend to have
very high standards forourselves, so when we receive
(07:40):
criticism, it's like we failedsomehow.
We didn't do our job aspeople-pleaser, or at least
that's how it cuts Deep.
Our fear of failure has beenrealized by somebody else, which
is even worse, and our purposefeels all for nothing.
Cue the spiral.
Now, before we do, let's talkabout the traps, because if we
(08:03):
can see them coming, we're atleast prepared.
So trap number one we take itpersonally.
We internalize criticism as areflection of our worth and jump
to the conclusion that theymust be right.
We suddenly dissolve all ourown credit in the delusion that
everyone else is the expert.
A tell-tale sign that we needto shore up our self-confidence
(08:27):
and turn down the self-duct.
If we're not careful, we canend up forgetting that it's just
someone else's opinion.
And remember one of my favoritesayings sometimes other people's
opinions are what, None of mybusiness.
Now you may be thinking how canI not take it personally?
It's a direct comment on mybehavior or my performance or
(08:49):
whatever.
And I hear you.
It's sometimes impossible tothink that criticism can be
processed in any other way.
But what if it could beprocessed in a way that didn't
make you feel like a big sack ofhot garbage?
Now you've managed to get thisfar by taking it personally and
taking it on the chin andbucking up and powering through.
(09:10):
But that just might be holdingyou back at this point.
Now you're older, you're wiserand you're way more good-looking
, and it's time to replace allthe people pleasing and the
living small with some moreConstructive and helpful ways to
process someone's criticism,because it's going to happen and
(09:30):
if you're doing it right it'llhappen often and it can even be
helpful if we're ready toreceive it.
So from here on out, you do notown someone else's criticism
that they have given you.
Let me repeat that you do notown someone else's criticism.
It's not a part of you.
You don't have to carry itaround.
(09:50):
If you don't want to, you canput it down there.
You should be feeling lighteralready.
So let's move on to trap numbertwo.
When we seek validation fromothers, instead of trusting your
own judgment, we look to thepeople around us for approval,
which only perpetuates the cycleof people pleasing.
(10:11):
Because here's the thingSomeone can only make you feel
small if you give thempermission.
A boom, and this is your cue totake back some of that power.
That's all.
It takes that decision.
And remember your value, yourworth.
It's determined first and onlyby you.
No one else gets a vote.
(10:33):
Just like yesterday, I had towrite a pretty serious tone text
message to my two brothersAbout some family stuff and I
swear this text message was tenlines long and took me about 40
minutes to write and Edit andrewrite and edit and so on.
Then I sat there and I staredat it and I had this thought To
(10:54):
send it to a gal pal of mine whojust has like an extra set of
eyes to validate what I wasexpressing and to make sure that
I was doing it properly.
And did you hear what I justsaid?
I was asking someone else tovalidate me being me.
So that's just unnecessary andthat's how our brains work
(11:14):
sometimes.
But I stopped and I noticed it,I observed it and I trusted my
gut.
By taking that beat and doing abit of reflection, I recognized
that I needed to get thatvalidation from Myself.
Ooh, and the tone of the voicein my head then tapped into my
inner confidence To remind methat I said what I said and if
(11:37):
my brothers have questions as towhat I said, they have
everything they need to askthose questions, period send,
and they can have their opinions.
Sure, we'll dig into how todeconstruct their criticism to
find the value, but you canhonestly take it or leave it.
You have that permission, youhave that control.
You just need to remindyourself that you're in the
(12:00):
driver's seat.
So fear not, my dear listener,because there is a way out of
this tangled web.
It's your new bestie, and theirname is resilience the ability
to bounce back from criticismwith grace and self-love.
So how do we get more of thisresilience in the face of
criticism?
Well, let me break it down foryou.
(12:20):
First and foremost, we mustseparate our self-worth from
criticism.
Repeat after me I am worthy,amazing and gorgeous, regardless
of what others think or sayabout me.
Let that sink in, friends.
Your worth is not determined bysomeone else's opinion.
(12:41):
Your worth is intrinsic, innateand untouchable.
So, next up, let's reframecriticism as constructive
feedback, and that's just notcorporate speak.
It can actually make adifference.
So, instead of by taking it toheart as a personal attack which
, like I said earlier, is normaland natural we can observe it,
(13:03):
pin it and see it as anopportunity for a new insight
and maybe even someself-improvement.
Maybe this is a gift, maybethey have some perspective that
you haven't thought about, maybeyou've got a blind spot in your
own personal or professionaldevelopment, and this quote,
unquote rejection can actuallyhelp you shore up your skill set
(13:23):
, simply by asking yourself whatcan I learn from this?
How can I use this to becomebetter?
Now, this is not about beingwhat someone else is looking for
.
It's about being a betterversion of you for you, and
that's a key distinction that weneed to make while we're
(13:44):
rewiring our brains like this.
Criticism feels emotional, itfeels personal, it can feel like
an attack.
But if we rebrand it andemotionally remove ourselves and
our worth tied to it from thetransaction, we can detach the
feelings that get bruised andapproach criticism with more of
(14:05):
our head than our heart, whichis why I love the term
constructive feedback, like inthe construction of your thought
or your idea or your whateveryou've put it out into the world
and this is what you're gettingback, as in the feedback, all
in the interest of goodconstruction.
Now, that doesn't feel so bad,does it?
(14:26):
I remember a friend of minewho's an amazing professional
and an incredible leader and anincredible human.
She told me the story about howthey were leading a group of
executives through this workshopand they could tell that the
content wasn't landing and theroom just really wasn't engaged
and what was being presentedjust they weren't buying it and
(14:49):
it was really taking the air outof the room.
Now that experience alone wouldtest anyone.
But my friend had suchresilience that at the end of
the workshop she took a coupleof people aside and she actively
solicited criticism, but framedas constructive feedback, and
she took it from this group andthey were met immediately with
(15:12):
complaints and criticism, and itwas harsh.
Now this was a workshop that mybrilliant, experienced,
knowledgeable, professionalfriend had built from scratch
with their expertise, theirexperience, their wisdom, and to
get that back could have beensoul crushing, and maybe it was
a little bit.
But you know what they did theylistened, they nodded, they
(15:36):
responded with okay, great, helpme understand what you need
instead.
What did I miss?
How can I deliver this betterfor you?
I want this to work.
And when they told me the story, I was so impressed with their
ability to rise above and avoidthose pangs of hurt feelings and
really sift through thecomplaints to get to the gold.
(15:57):
It takes a really healthy egoto be able to take an
interrogation like that and thento polish that stone into a gem
, and this is achievable for youtoo, moderino, and that is why
we're here.
So the next key to all of thisis to practice some
self-compassion.
Be gentle with yourself, myloves.
Remember that it's okay to makemistakes and that you're
(16:21):
deserving of love and acceptance.
Flaws and all, no matter what.
None of this is going on yourpermanent record.
Now another player on your teamis boundaries, my friends,
setting those healthy boundariesis a game changer when it comes
to separating your self-worthfrom the criticism.
It's really important to learnto discern between constructive
(16:44):
criticism, which comes from aplace of genuine care, and
downright negativity, whichserves no one and can suck it
and go away.
Ain't nobody got time for that?
Because it's important to knowthe difference, to be able to
spot the Debbie Downer andprotect your energy.
And not all feedback iscriticism and not all criticism
(17:05):
is hurtful.
It takes some time and someself-awareness to really be able
to distinguish the two, and Ihope that you give yourself some
time, grace and practice to beable to sift and sort between
the two.
You'll get better at it,because it's not always easy or
obvious, but there's gold inthat time that you take to
(17:26):
reflect.
So be sure to give yourselfsome space and some time to
process If you're ever unsure.
What's important to remember isthat only you decide your worth
and only let in what servesyour highest good.
You're free to leave whatdoesn't serve you.
It's too heavy to carry aroundopinions that just don't matter.
(17:46):
So, to recap, boundaries areour besties when it comes to
dealing with criticism.
Learn to discern betweenconstructive criticism and
downright negativity, and don'tbe afraid to protect your energy
from toxic people andinfluences.
Whether it's feedback orcriticism, we are always in
charge to decide if we're goingto take it or leave it.
(18:09):
Capiche, capiche Now.
We touched on it a bit earlier,but I want to talk a little bit
more about practicingself-compassion when it comes to
resilience.
This is so key.
That voice in your head, whatkind of tone does it have?
Is it a taskmaster, an ambitionmonster, the sweetheart, best
friend?
(18:29):
You get to choose.
They may all be in there, andyou get to turn up and down the
volume.
The best recipe is to treatyourself with the same kindness
and love and understanding andforgiveness that you would give
your favorite person in theworld or someone you respect
greatly.
You should feel those thingsabout yourself as well.
(18:51):
First and foremost, something weare told as children, and hear
less and less as we grow up, isthat it's okay to make mistakes.
That's how we grow, that's howwe evolve.
That's how we learn Embraceyour humanity and love yourself
fiercely flaws and all.
We tell this to children allthe time, but we kind of forget
(19:12):
somewhere along the way.
When I was first trying toclimb this particular mountain,
I did a simple exercise I made alist of all the people who I
admire and who inspire me.
I really looked at how theywalked into a room, how they
responded to failure inparticular, and also how they
(19:32):
spoke about themselves.
It really offered me a templateto follow on what a healthy
self-image can really look likewhen it's strong, when it's
powerful and when it's areflection of something that I
aspire to feel.
Another trick I learned thathelped me get over the
perfectionism part of me was thegift of seven mistakes.
(19:53):
The idea is that I wake upevery day with seven mistakes.
This is totally an arbitrarynumber, by the way.
You can give yourself as manyor as little as you want.
They're in my pocket and I getto spend them as I go throughout
the day.
They're free, so to speak.
Like any transaction, I spendmy mistake and I get something
(20:14):
in return A lesson, an idea, acourse correction on my path you
name it If I have any left over.
At the end of the day, I canspend them on the next day free
of charge, no tax.
This is all just a concept, anidea.
This act of grace is free, ittakes up no space, it spends no
extra time, but it takes afreight container of weight off
(20:37):
my mind.
When it comes to how I show upin the world, I'm lighter, I'm
more free and confident, and Iknow that the mistakes will come
and that that's okay, and so Ihighly recommend that you try
this sometime.
Next, it's time to celebrateyour uniqueness, my darlings,
you are a divine masterpiece, aone of a kind, a creation from
(20:59):
heaven, and you've got infinitepotential.
Let me say that again.
Infinite potential and I'm nomathematician, but infinite is a
lot.
And facts are facts.
America, and don't let anyonedim your light or dull your
sparkle.
No one has the right orprivilege.
Your job here on this earth isto stand tall, embrace who you
(21:24):
are and shine brightly for theworld to see.
And if you're not feeling yourfab, it's time to spend some
time with self-compassion.
It's that gentle practice oftreating yourself with kindness
and understanding and acceptance, especially when times are hard
or you're in the middle of astruggle.
And to get that self-compassionit's you got to start by
(21:46):
recognizing and acknowledgingthat you're human and we are all
imperfect beings, trying ourbest, including the person
handing out opinions andcriticisms.
They're just not doing it verywell.
And you can practicemindfulness by tuning into your
thoughts and your feelings anddoing so without judgment,
(22:07):
allowing yourself to experiencethem fully, even the bad ones.
Being your own best friendoffers you words of
encouragement, support, andthat's what you need as your own
bestie.
So, finally and always,remember to prioritize your
self-care and do some nurturingactivities that fill your cup,
(22:30):
feed your spirit and your soul.
When you're feeling the sting,that's your signal to tune into
yourself.
Take some deep breaths andremember that this is a learning
moment and this too shall passA time where you can actively
choose to be gentle withyourself and offer yourself some
love.
Whatever that looks like foryou, you'll know what to do.
(22:52):
You just got to listen.
And there you have it, myfellow mojo masters the keys to
resilience in the face ofcriticism.
Remember you're strong, you'reworthy and you're capable of
weathering any storm that comesyour way.
So stand tall, take on yourpower and keep shining that
(23:14):
light so the world can see.
We're dying to see it.
Thank you so much for tuninginto today's episode of Pocket
Full of Mojo.
If you loved what you heard,make sure you subscribe, leave a
review, share with your friends.
So until next time, keepshining bright, keep mastering
(23:34):
that mojo and be sure to tuneinto the next episode, where we
spend some time uncovering thepower and the impact of
gratitude and self-reflection.
More on that next time.
So be sure to come back nextweek and find out more on our
next episode.
So until next time, stayawesome, stay mindful, stay
(23:55):
fabulous and keep shining bright.
Definitely wishing you amagical day.
Hello and welcome to your new favorite podcast,
pocket Full of Mojo, whereyou're, you and I'm Steph, your
Mojo Maven, and we tune in hereto tap into some mojo.
You see, I think I've crackedthe code of being happy.
I'm happy every single day Notto brag, but no jokes.
(00:33):
Maybe not all day, every day,but most days and most of the
days and I've built thistoolshed of amazing stuff to
help me out of and avoid gettinginto life's more sticky and
stressful situations and I'm nothere to gatekeep.
So settle in, take some notesand welcome to where your mojo
(00:55):
hits the road.
Each and every episode you hearis made just for you.
It's all about you and mojo.
And wait, what's mojo?
Well, it's that feeling you getwhen the wind is at your back
and your self-confidence is offthe charts and you just feel
unstoppable.
Now imagine feeling that allthe time.
(01:18):
That's what we're here to do.
So saddle up Buttercup.
We're about to tune into somemojo.
In today's episode, I'm goingto review today's mantra and
then we're going to dig intotoday's main topic, and that
topic is resilience.
Baby, we're going to unlocksome of that power you've been
(01:41):
sitting on and get you back upon your feet.
I know you've got a goodjillion pods to choose from, so
I'm real glad you're here.
So stick around and I'll makesure you're glad you did.
Let's get started with today'smantra and get tuned in, tapped
in and turned on.
All right, hello and welcome tothe 10th episode of Pakaful
(02:12):
Emojo.
We made double digits, myfriends and once again I'm Steph
, I'm going to be the hostess,you're Mojo Maven and I'm super
pumped you're here.
Now we've officially broken thepodcast Curse.
Once upon a time, I had adifferent podcast and just
before releasing the thirdepisode, my mom died and
(02:33):
everything just stopped andground to a halt.
So, doing some years later,here I am back, broken the curse
.
We're still producing.
Ladies and gentlemen, thank youfor being here.
So this is actually going to bea really empowering podcast
episode.
So let's get right into it.
Let's start by digging intotoday's mantra, as we do, and it
(02:57):
is my inner strength andresilience increase every day.
Word, okay, let's crack thisone open.
My inner strength andresilience increase every day.
When I speak this mantra, Imean like, really affirm this
mantra, say it like it's true.
(03:18):
It builds this powerful feelingof empowerment.
Powerful Like my head goes backand forth, thinking like today
I'm stronger than yesterday andI'll be stronger even tomorrow.
Yes, and like every time I sayit, it brings more determination
and more confidence.
(03:38):
But like on the inside, I likethis because it works to meet
you from wherever you are andlife will continue to come at us
.
So there's no bad time to havethis mantra in your pocket.
My inner strength andresilience increase every day.
Really, visualize yourselfovercoming challenges with that
(03:59):
saucy grace and chest out kindof confidence, like becoming
stronger with every obstacle.
You know, like that gall to getin your way.
How dare that obstacle?
I want you to picture how youwould want to respond in tough
situations, like I picturemyself wearing a cape, with my
(04:19):
hands on my hips and just likeready for battle.
You know, my inner strength andresilience increase every day.
Mm, lean into that idea thatyou have inherent strength
within you.
Period, it came with a packagewhen you were born.
It's just in you, it's part ofyou and you can access it
(04:41):
anytime.
And I want you to know like youknow, like you know that you
have power to kick ass in anysituation.
It's just a matter of whetheror not you're gonna pull that
trigger and tap into that sourceof you, Because if you look
back, I'm sure you'll findplenty of evidence to support
that you're already strong andyou already have overcome
(05:02):
obstacles in your life.
So the proof is there, despitethat little voice in your head,
remind yourself of this power,keep it close, and the bonus
here is that tomorrow, mm,you're gonna be even stronger.
My inner strength andresilience increase every day.
So when you repeat this mantra,you're tapping into that
(05:22):
limitless reserve, limitlessreserve of strength that's
already inside you.
You access all of itstransformational energy just by
tapping into that thought.
So with each and everyrepetition, you're stepping like
a badass into the future, afuture that you're creating.
It doesn't exist yet.
You get to do this knowing thatyour resilience can and will
(05:47):
carry you through any storm andthen cue the rainbows.
My inner strength andresilience increase every day.
Now let's get real for a moment, as people pleases.
Criticism yeah, it can feel likea dagger to the heart, am I
(06:12):
right?
We want to avoid it so badlythat it's like we're walking on
eggshells, constantly seekingvalidation and approval from
other people.
But here's the thing criticismis inevitable.
Opinions are like assholeseverybody has one and it's a
part of life like the sunshineand the rainbows.
(06:32):
So if we make changes torelease ourselves from the
people-pleasing cycle, how do wenavigate it with grace and
resilience?
Now you're in the right place,my darling, because today we're
going to get our grace on andlearn how to take it like a
champ, because we're what?
Resilient masterpieces.
That's right.
(06:52):
I said what I said.
Let's start by unpacking howcriticism feels to a people
pleaser.
So, to put it mildly, it's likea punch to the gut, leaving us
feeling shaken and insecure andunworthy, and we spend so much
time and effort to bend overbackwards trying to please
everyone.
Then, to be met withdisapproval or judgment can be
(07:16):
soul-crushing, and instead ofgetting good at taking criticism
, we get good at hiding how muchit pains us, and it's a vicious
cycle that can wreak havoc onnot only our self-esteem but our
nervous system if we're notprepared Now.
As the gorgeous people-pleasersthat we are, we tend to have
very high standards forourselves, so when we receive
(07:40):
criticism, it's like we failedsomehow.
We didn't do our job aspeople-pleaser, or at least
that's how it cuts Deep.
Our fear of failure has beenrealized by somebody else, which
is even worse, and our purposefeels all for nothing.
Cue the spiral.
Now, before we do, let's talkabout the traps, because if we
(08:03):
can see them coming, we're atleast prepared.
So trap number one we take itpersonally.
We internalize criticism as areflection of our worth and jump
to the conclusion that theymust be right.
We suddenly dissolve all ourown credit in the delusion that
everyone else is the expert.
A tell-tale sign that we needto shore up our self-confidence
(08:27):
and turn down the self-duct.
If we're not careful, we canend up forgetting that it's just
someone else's opinion.
And remember one of my favoritesayings sometimes other people's
opinions are what, None of mybusiness.
Now you may be thinking how canI not take it personally?
It's a direct comment on mybehavior or my performance or
(08:49):
whatever.
And I hear you.
It's sometimes impossible tothink that criticism can be
processed in any other way.
But what if it could beprocessed in a way that didn't
make you feel like a big sack ofhot garbage?
Now you've managed to get thisfar by taking it personally and
taking it on the chin andbucking up and powering through.
(09:10):
But that just might be holdingyou back at this point.
Now you're older, you're wiserand you're way more good-looking
, and it's time to replace allthe people pleasing and the
living small with some moreConstructive and helpful ways to
process someone's criticism,because it's going to happen and
(09:30):
if you're doing it right it'llhappen often and it can even be
helpful if we're ready toreceive it.
So from here on out, you do notown someone else's criticism
that they have given you.
Let me repeat that you do notown someone else's criticism.
It's not a part of you.
You don't have to carry itaround.
(09:50):
If you don't want to, you canput it down there.
You should be feeling lighteralready.
So let's move on to trap numbertwo.
When we seek validation fromothers, instead of trusting your
own judgment, we look to thepeople around us for approval,
which only perpetuates the cycleof people pleasing.
(10:11):
Because here's the thingSomeone can only make you feel
small if you give thempermission.
A boom, and this is your cue totake back some of that power.
That's all.
It takes that decision.
And remember your value, yourworth.
It's determined first and onlyby you.
No one else gets a vote.
(10:33):
Just like yesterday, I had towrite a pretty serious tone text
message to my two brothersAbout some family stuff and I
swear this text message was tenlines long and took me about 40
minutes to write and Edit andrewrite and edit and so on.
Then I sat there and I staredat it and I had this thought To
(10:54):
send it to a gal pal of mine whojust has like an extra set of
eyes to validate what I wasexpressing and to make sure that
I was doing it properly.
And did you hear what I justsaid?
I was asking someone else tovalidate me being me.
So that's just unnecessary andthat's how our brains work
(11:14):
sometimes.
But I stopped and I noticed it,I observed it and I trusted my
gut.
By taking that beat and doing abit of reflection, I recognized
that I needed to get thatvalidation from Myself.
Ooh, and the tone of the voicein my head then tapped into my
inner confidence To remind methat I said what I said and if
(11:37):
my brothers have questions as towhat I said, they have
everything they need to askthose questions, period send,
and they can have their opinions.
Sure, we'll dig into how todeconstruct their criticism to
find the value, but you canhonestly take it or leave it.
You have that permission, youhave that control.
You just need to remindyourself that you're in the
(12:00):
driver's seat.
So fear not, my dear listener,because there is a way out of
this tangled web.
It's your new bestie, and theirname is resilience the ability
to bounce back from criticismwith grace and self-love.
So how do we get more of thisresilience in the face of
criticism?
Well, let me break it down foryou.
(12:20):
First and foremost, we mustseparate our self-worth from
criticism.
Repeat after me I am worthy,amazing and gorgeous, regardless
of what others think or sayabout me.
Let that sink in, friends.
Your worth is not determined bysomeone else's opinion.
(12:41):
Your worth is intrinsic, innateand untouchable.
So, next up, let's reframecriticism as constructive
feedback, and that's just notcorporate speak.
It can actually make adifference.
So, instead of by taking it toheart as a personal attack which
, like I said earlier, is normaland natural we can observe it,
(13:03):
pin it and see it as anopportunity for a new insight
and maybe even someself-improvement.
Maybe this is a gift, maybethey have some perspective that
you haven't thought about, maybeyou've got a blind spot in your
own personal or professionaldevelopment, and this quote,
unquote rejection can actuallyhelp you shore up your skill set
(13:23):
, simply by asking yourself whatcan I learn from this?
How can I use this to becomebetter?
Now, this is not about beingwhat someone else is looking for
.
It's about being a betterversion of you for you, and
that's a key distinction that weneed to make while we're
(13:44):
rewiring our brains like this.
Criticism feels emotional, itfeels personal, it can feel like
an attack.
But if we rebrand it andemotionally remove ourselves and
our worth tied to it from thetransaction, we can detach the
feelings that get bruised andapproach criticism with more of
(14:05):
our head than our heart, whichis why I love the term
constructive feedback, like inthe construction of your thought
or your idea or your whateveryou've put it out into the world
and this is what you're gettingback, as in the feedback, all
in the interest of goodconstruction.
Now, that doesn't feel so bad,does it?
(14:26):
I remember a friend of minewho's an amazing professional
and an incredible leader and anincredible human.
She told me the story about howthey were leading a group of
executives through this workshopand they could tell that the
content wasn't landing and theroom just really wasn't engaged
and what was being presentedjust they weren't buying it and
(14:49):
it was really taking the air outof the room.
Now that experience alone wouldtest anyone.
But my friend had suchresilience that at the end of
the workshop she took a coupleof people aside and she actively
solicited criticism, but framedas constructive feedback, and
she took it from this group andthey were met immediately with
(15:12):
complaints and criticism, and itwas harsh.
Now this was a workshop that mybrilliant, experienced,
knowledgeable, professionalfriend had built from scratch
with their expertise, theirexperience, their wisdom, and to
get that back could have beensoul crushing, and maybe it was
a little bit.
But you know what they did theylistened, they nodded, they
(15:36):
responded with okay, great, helpme understand what you need
instead.
What did I miss?
How can I deliver this betterfor you?
I want this to work.
And when they told me the story, I was so impressed with their
ability to rise above and avoidthose pangs of hurt feelings and
really sift through thecomplaints to get to the gold.
(15:57):
It takes a really healthy egoto be able to take an
interrogation like that and thento polish that stone into a gem
, and this is achievable for youtoo, moderino, and that is why
we're here.
So the next key to all of thisis to practice some
self-compassion.
Be gentle with yourself, myloves.
Remember that it's okay to makemistakes and that you're
(16:21):
deserving of love and acceptance.
Flaws and all, no matter what.
None of this is going on yourpermanent record.
Now another player on your teamis boundaries, my friends,
setting those healthy boundariesis a game changer when it comes
to separating your self-worthfrom the criticism.
It's really important to learnto discern between constructive
(16:44):
criticism, which comes from aplace of genuine care, and
downright negativity, whichserves no one and can suck it
and go away.
Ain't nobody got time for that?
Because it's important to knowthe difference, to be able to
spot the Debbie Downer andprotect your energy.
And not all feedback iscriticism and not all criticism
(17:05):
is hurtful.
It takes some time and someself-awareness to really be able
to distinguish the two, and Ihope that you give yourself some
time, grace and practice to beable to sift and sort between
the two.
You'll get better at it,because it's not always easy or
obvious, but there's gold inthat time that you take to
(17:26):
reflect.
So be sure to give yourselfsome space and some time to
process If you're ever unsure.
What's important to remember isthat only you decide your worth
and only let in what servesyour highest good.
You're free to leave whatdoesn't serve you.
It's too heavy to carry aroundopinions that just don't matter.
(17:46):
So, to recap, boundaries areour besties when it comes to
dealing with criticism.
Learn to discern betweenconstructive criticism and
downright negativity, and don'tbe afraid to protect your energy
from toxic people andinfluences.
Whether it's feedback orcriticism, we are always in
charge to decide if we're goingto take it or leave it.
(18:09):
Capiche, capiche Now.
We touched on it a bit earlier,but I want to talk a little bit
more about practicingself-compassion when it comes to
resilience.
This is so key.
That voice in your head, whatkind of tone does it have?
Is it a taskmaster, an ambitionmonster, the sweetheart, best
friend?
(18:29):
You get to choose.
They may all be in there, andyou get to turn up and down the
volume.
The best recipe is to treatyourself with the same kindness
and love and understanding andforgiveness that you would give
your favorite person in theworld or someone you respect
greatly.
You should feel those thingsabout yourself as well.
(18:51):
First and foremost, something weare told as children, and hear
less and less as we grow up, isthat it's okay to make mistakes.
That's how we grow, that's howwe evolve.
That's how we learn Embraceyour humanity and love yourself
fiercely flaws and all.
We tell this to children allthe time, but we kind of forget
(19:12):
somewhere along the way.
When I was first trying toclimb this particular mountain,
I did a simple exercise I made alist of all the people who I
admire and who inspire me.
I really looked at how theywalked into a room, how they
responded to failure inparticular, and also how they
(19:32):
spoke about themselves.
It really offered me a templateto follow on what a healthy
self-image can really look likewhen it's strong, when it's
powerful and when it's areflection of something that I
aspire to feel.
Another trick I learned thathelped me get over the
perfectionism part of me was thegift of seven mistakes.
(19:53):
The idea is that I wake upevery day with seven mistakes.
This is totally an arbitrarynumber, by the way.
You can give yourself as manyor as little as you want.
They're in my pocket and I getto spend them as I go throughout
the day.
They're free, so to speak.
Like any transaction, I spendmy mistake and I get something
(20:14):
in return A lesson, an idea, acourse correction on my path you
name it If I have any left over.
At the end of the day, I canspend them on the next day free
of charge, no tax.
This is all just a concept, anidea.
This act of grace is free, ittakes up no space, it spends no
extra time, but it takes afreight container of weight off
(20:37):
my mind.
When it comes to how I show upin the world, I'm lighter, I'm
more free and confident, and Iknow that the mistakes will come
and that that's okay, and so Ihighly recommend that you try
this sometime.
Next, it's time to celebrateyour uniqueness, my darlings,
you are a divine masterpiece, aone of a kind, a creation from
(20:59):
heaven, and you've got infinitepotential.
Let me say that again.
Infinite potential and I'm nomathematician, but infinite is a
lot.
And facts are facts.
America, and don't let anyonedim your light or dull your
sparkle.
No one has the right orprivilege.
Your job here on this earth isto stand tall, embrace who you
(21:24):
are and shine brightly for theworld to see.
And if you're not feeling yourfab, it's time to spend some
time with self-compassion.
It's that gentle practice oftreating yourself with kindness
and understanding and acceptance, especially when times are hard
or you're in the middle of astruggle.
And to get that self-compassionit's you got to start by
(21:46):
recognizing and acknowledgingthat you're human and we are all
imperfect beings, trying ourbest, including the person
handing out opinions andcriticisms.
They're just not doing it verywell.
And you can practicemindfulness by tuning into your
thoughts and your feelings anddoing so without judgment,
(22:07):
allowing yourself to experiencethem fully, even the bad ones.
Being your own best friendoffers you words of
encouragement, support, andthat's what you need as your own
bestie.
So, finally and always,remember to prioritize your
self-care and do some nurturingactivities that fill your cup,
(22:30):
feed your spirit and your soul.
When you're feeling the sting,that's your signal to tune into
yourself.
Take some deep breaths andremember that this is a learning
moment and this too shall passA time where you can actively
choose to be gentle withyourself and offer yourself some
love.
Whatever that looks like foryou, you'll know what to do.
(22:52):
You just got to listen.
And there you have it, myfellow mojo masters the keys to
resilience in the face ofcriticism.
Remember you're strong, you'reworthy and you're capable of
weathering any storm that comesyour way.
So stand tall, take on yourpower and keep shining that
(23:14):
light so the world can see.
We're dying to see it.
Thank you so much for tuninginto today's episode of Pocket
Full of Mojo.
If you loved what you heard,make sure you subscribe, leave a
review, share with your friends.
So until next time, keepshining bright, keep mastering
(23:34):
that mojo and be sure to tuneinto the next episode, where we
spend some time uncovering thepower and the impact of
gratitude and self-reflection.
More on that next time.
So be sure to come back nextweek and find out more on our
next episode.
So until next time, stayawesome, stay mindful, stay
(23:55):
fabulous and keep shining bright.
Definitely wishing you amagical day.
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