May 2, 2024 ā¢ 21 mins
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Feeling like you're constantly chasing the company of others can be exhausting, can't it? This episode offers a fresh perspective on why finding joy in your own company isn't just a break from the noise, but a profound journey to empowerment. We've all felt the sting of loneliness, yet there's a fine line where it morphs into a liberating state of solitude. I take you on a personal voyage through the once murky waters of solo time, transforming what many view as a negative into a treasure trove of self-discovery and validation from within. Through heartfelt stories and guided introspection, we uncover the hidden strength in our quiet moments and confront the urge to people-please that has long held us back from true happiness.
Get ready to redefine alone time in a way that exhilarates your spirit and bolsters your self-esteem. This isn't about escaping from the world ā it's about reconnecting with the heart of who you are. As we navigate the spaces between our breaths and the silence of our thoughts, we find clarity and purpose. I invite you to share your own experiences of embracing solitude on Instagram, because when we validate ourselves, the need for external approval fades into the background. Let's celebrate the art of being alone together; after all, it's in these moments we often find our most fabulous selves.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
welcome to your new favorite podcast pocket full of
mojo, where you're, you and I'mstuff, and we tune in here to
tap into some mojo.
You see, I think I've crackedthe code to being happy.
I'm happy every single day, nojokes.
(00:31):
Now, I wasn't always this way.
Trust and believe.
I've had breakdowns on multiplecontinents, but I'm not
bragging.
But by paying attention andliving with more intention, I've
curated a wellness first aidkit full of amazing tools that
help me out of and avoid gettinginto life's most sticky and
(00:52):
stressful situations.
And I'm not here to gatekeep,so settle in.
We're here for some positivechange.
So let's explore together whereyour mojo meets the road.
Let's explore together whereyour mojo meets the road.
In today's episode, I'm goingto review our mantra for the
week and we're going to dig intotoday's main topic, and that
(01:14):
topic is the power and joy ofsolitude.
I know you've got 7 trillionpodcasts to choose from and I'm
super excited that you'vedecided to be here.
So stick around, and I'll superexcited that you've decided to
be here.
So stick around and I'll makesure that you're glad you did.
Let's get started with today'smantra and get tuned in, tapped
(01:35):
in and turned on.
Hello and welcome to the 15thepisode of Pocketful of Mojo.
Once again, I'm Steph, I'm yourhostess, I'm your Mojo Maven
and I'm so pumped you're here.
Today's going to be a reallysoulful episode, so let's get
right to it.
Let's start by digging intotoday's mantra.
(01:58):
And today's mantra is I knowthat being alone is powerful.
Okay, we're coming out gunsblazing today.
Let's dive in.
I know that being alone ispowerful.
Now, if this causes you alittle discomfort at first,
maybe, yeah, you're in the rightplace.
(02:20):
When we're young, we are tinyhumans who can't fend for
themselves.
So being alone is scary andit's filled with unknowns.
But nowhere along the way do weget this rite of passage that
pats us on the head and saysyou're good to go, being alone
won't hurt you anymore.
So sometimes we continue tobelieve that fear and discomfort
(02:42):
are part and parcel of beingalone, so we push it away.
Let's figure out where thispower comes from.
I know that being alone ispowerful.
This mantra starts with I know.
So.
This mantra is anchored inthought and not so much feeling,
and it's designed to reallyanchor you in the knowledge and
(03:04):
the truth that being alone ispowerful and can act as a
reminder of how far you've comeand how exciting it is to be
able to find the power in thisnew state.
You may not be there yet, butyou're reprogramming your mind
to associate solitude withempowerment.
What a great place to groundyourself.
Associate solitude withempowerment what a great place
(03:25):
to ground yourself.
I know that being alone ispowerful.
Repeating this mantra can beuseful when I don't know, faced
with indecision, or when you'reunexpectedly alone and feel
maybe somewhat adrift, if yourinstincts are to escape your
current discomfort and distractyourself by helping others, or
you're tempted to look outsidefor answers, when the answers
(03:49):
you're really looking for arefound within.
I know that being alone ispowerful, powerful.
What does that look like foryou?
You get to spend your time withyourself, really defining what
that looks like on you, and thepower in solitude can bring so
many gifts.
And having the strength andpositive relationship with
(04:12):
yourself allows you to get to aplace where you not only enjoy
your own company, but you thriveas a result of connecting with
yourself more often, with lessfear.
A result of connecting withyourself more often, with less
fear, because it's totallynormal to not want to have to be
alone, because maybe there'sjust some thoughts you'd rather
not face or confront, but whenyou do, that's when you discover
(04:34):
how powerful you really are.
I know that being alone ispowerful was that powerful, or
what?
So let's ride that train, andthis is the part where we dive
deeper into today's topic, whichis how to savor your solitude.
(04:56):
So let's talk a little bitabout the joy of solitude, shall
we?
And I know what you're thinkingYou're like.
That's where boredom lives,that's where I feel lonely,
that's where all my thoughts, ofall the things I'm not doing,
come to play.
Well, today we're going to flipthe script, because if there's
even a chance that you'refeeling I don't know tired of
(05:18):
constantly bending over backwardto meet everyone else's needs
while neglecting your own, ormaybe you're daydreaming of a
moment of peace and quiet, justto get a break from the chaos of
your daily life, well, myfriends, then it's time to learn
how to find the joy in solitude, and that's going to reconnect
you with the most importantperson in your life, and that's
(05:40):
you.
But let's get real for a moment.
Being a people pleaser can beexhausting, right?
We do it so habitually that weend up just getting good at
being tired and getting it alldone anyway, and we should
probably get a gold star forthat.
When we're constantly worryingabout what others think, trying
to keep everyone happy, thatkeeps the peace for sure, but it
(06:03):
ends up being at the expense oftaking care of yourself and
being able to find time to dothings that fill your cup.
This is where a little bit ofalone time can come and save the
day.
Let's unpack what all of thisreally means and how you can
integrate this into your lifeand give you the feeling of
being more balanced, moreintentional and more connected
(06:25):
to yourself.
Sound good.
Let's go Now.
Before we dive into the magicalworld of solitude, let's address
the elephant in the room, andthat's loneliness.
Many people confuse solitudewith loneliness, but they're two
completely different beasts.
Let's first expose theloneliness monster and look at
(06:46):
it for what it is.
Loneliness is that sinkingfeeling that you get when you're
alone and feeling disconnected.
Maybe it feels like there's avoid or a hole that should be
filled in your heart, but it'snot.
You don't feel seen.
Your feelings of beingunappreciated are at an all-time
high.
Why is nobody calling me?
(07:07):
Why does nobody want to hangout?
Why don't people pick up thephone when I need them?
How is nobody picking up on myfeelings that exclusively live
in my head?
Well, there's like a dissonanceand a really low vibration that
comes with loneliness, and it'sless about the who and more
about the what.
Loneliness is an alarm thatsounds off from our head to our
(07:29):
heart that we're missingsomething, and it leaves us
feeling incomplete.
And if we're not careful, theself-talk can get nasty.
When you're lonely, we startthinking about why we're lonely
and then we drum up a list ofthings that we don't like about
ourselves to validate thisfeeling of being alone.
And the worst part is that notonly is it all made up, and in
(07:53):
your imagination, it's thatyou're the author of that story.
So let's change the narrative,because solitude, on the other
hand, is a conscious choice.
It's a choice to spend timealone and revel in the joy of
your own fabulous company.
Remember choices.
It's that permission that wegive ourselves to get off the
(08:15):
rinse and repeat and makemindful, thoughtful decisions.
And decisions are not contracts.
We can change our minds andchange our thoughts and our
habits.
So, when it comes to solitude,let's rebrand it to fit in with
your goals of self-love andpersonal development.
That's why we're here andthat's exactly what we're going
(08:35):
to do.
So how do we turn solitude froma dreaded foe into a bestie?
Well, it's kind of simple, butnot necessarily easy.
But by using it as a tool toreconnect with ourselves and
build up our self-love andself-esteem, we become
unstoppable.
Let's go through this step bystep, and it'll help you tap
(08:57):
into the power of solitude andfind the joy you deserve.
Now I hear you.
It's hard to find calm andchaos.
I think we can all agree onthat.
So it's time to get the mindfree and clear of all the
clutter and tap into your zen.
I want you to start to thinkabout the perfect place where
you'd be able to sit in somequiet.
I want you to start to thinkabout the perfect place where
(09:18):
you'd be able to sit in somequiet, undistracted, where you
can be alone with your thoughts.
This could be a cozy corner ofyour home or a peaceful park, or
even just a quiet room with adoor closed.
I live with my 85-year-old dad,who listens to the TV loud
enough that the neighbors canhear, so if noise-canceling
headphones are the way to go,then we just got to do what we
got to do.
So you've got your spot.
(09:40):
Get your body cozy, turn offall your phone notifications and
you're off to the races, eyesopen or eyes closed.
There's no wrong way to do this.
Just do what feels right.
Take a deep breath and let thesilence wash over you.
Allow yourself to let go fromthe outside world and be fully
(10:01):
present right there in thatmoment.
Drop into your body and out ofyour head and focus just on your
breath.
Take three giant breaths allthe way in, all the way out.
Then simply settle back intoyour body and let your breath
return to its normal rhythm.
And then be ready, because herecome the thoughts.
(10:21):
You'll notice that you'll havesome thoughts that start popping
up, and that's totally normaland fine.
That's what the brain does.
So we just notice them.
We do it without judgment andcatch yourself before the
thoughts take over.
Whenever you find yourselfdrifting back into your head,
just turn your thoughts rightback to your breath.
The first part is to justvisualize the breath entering
(10:43):
and leaving your body.
Just focus on that, and whenyou're focused on that, there's
no room for distraction.
The mind will wander, becausethat's what the mind wants to do
, but you're in charge here.
Go back to the breath, whetherthis is your first time doing an
exercise like this, or your100th, there is never a bad time
(11:04):
to take 10 minutes for yourself, and if 10 minutes is too much,
go for five.
If you don't have five, go forthree.
But you see what I'm getting athere.
So today, what I want you to dois to try this.
Find some minutes where you canpractice finding your breath
and quiet the noise, and ifyou're new to this, maybe 10
minutes feels like 45.
(11:25):
So I recommend setting a timerso that you're not tempted to be
distracted by how long you'vebeen doing the exercise.
When your thoughts come up,that's not a bad thing.
Just notice them, be gentlewith yourself and simply observe
the thought, and what I like todo is take the thought and set
it on a raft and watch it floataway.
(11:46):
The next step is to think aboutwhat you need.
Now that you're comfy with thesilence and that timer goes off,
slowly and gently, come backinto your body and take some
time to reflect on somethingthat you may not be able to
answer off the top of your headwhat are your needs and desires?
You weren't ready for the popquiz, right?
(12:07):
When you're constantlyconnecting with everyone else's
needs, it's easy to disconnectfrom your own.
So if you're feeling challengedto be able to list what your
needs and desires are, here area few thought starters to help
you find out how to articulatewhat those needs are, because
you know you have needs anddesires.
It's just not always at ourfingertips, right.
(12:30):
So try this.
What brings you joy?
What activities make you feelalive and fulfilled?
What were you doing the lasttime you were super happy?
Who were you with?
Make a list of these things andtap into how it's going to make
you feel when you're doingthese things.
It makes it easier to commit towhen you put them high on your
(12:51):
list of priorities as youorganize your life.
What can you do daily?
What can you do this week?
What do you want to do moreoften?
Who can support you while youmake these changes?
What habits are no longerserving you that can go away to
make space for these new, cool,enriching things to be part of
your life and your new routine?
(13:12):
So throughout this process,it's really important to
remember step number threeself-compassion, aka be nice to
yourself.
Being a people pleaser has beenknown to have the side effect of
being overly critical of ourown selves Harsh.
We hold ourselves to reallyhigh standards, and the
(13:34):
self-talk can get nasty when wedon't meet that high bar.
And how's that working out?
So let's try something new.
It's time to show yourself somegood old fashioned love and
compassion.
You know, compassion, it's thatthing you show everyone else
while you're empathizing anddialing into how other people
feel.
(13:55):
So now it's your turn.
Remind yourself that it's okayto put your needs first
sometimes and that you're worthyof love and respect just as you
are.
Like when was the last timethat you stood in front of a
mirror and just stared atyourself?
What do you see?
What do you love?
How do you feel?
Now stand in front of themirror and repeat I'm a gorgeous
(14:18):
human being and I'm superworthy of love and respect.
And I'm going to show it tomyself.
Prioritizing myself feels goodand helps me show up better in
the world.
And if you can't find that placewhere you love your whole self,
look, that's okay.
You gotta start somewhere.
Find one thing that you love.
Maybe you struggle withself-love, but deep down you
(14:41):
know you've got I don't knowamazing eyes.
Then stare at your eyes.
Go off about how much you loveyour eyes.
Get into the detail about whatyou love about them.
This kind of thinking doesbecome contagious and with time,
time and practice, you willstart to see other parts of
yourself that you love and thatwill start to come through, and
(15:03):
you'll see more and more thingsabout yourself to love.
Bonus points for striking thesuperhero pose with your hands
on your hips for a little extraboost of empowerment.
Is this exercise silly and maybea little cringy?
Sure, but it's also totallytransformational in how we see
ourselves and genuinely feelabout ourselves.
(15:23):
The more you practice this, theless cringy it will feel, and
that is definitely a promise,which takes us to step number
four tapping into yourcreativity.
Solitude is really the perfecttime to explore your creative
side.
Maybe it's painting or writing,or dancing or playing music.
(15:43):
Find a way to express yourselfthat brings you joy and allows
you to really express yourself.
Does it bring a smile to yourface?
That's pretty much a good ruleto follow.
Is it something that you coulddo uninterrupted for hours?
Does it light you up?
Look, you don't have to be thenext Picasso or Ernest Hemingway
for this activity to be ofvalue.
(16:05):
The end result is unimportant.
The process is the key, andfeeling the flow is the benefit
of the exercise.
This is about doing somethingfor you and letting yourself
express yourself in a way thathonors what makes you tick.
We are all different, so thereis no prescription here that I
(16:27):
could give you per se.
Only you know what activityunlocks that creative side of
you, and if you don't know whatthat is, that's totally fine too
.
You get to try tons ofdifferent ones until you find
the one that clicks, which takesus to step number five Get into
your attitude of gratitude.
So gratitude is a powerful toolfor generating joy and kicking
(16:51):
up the contentment in our lives.
Take some time every day, everyday, to reflect on the things
that you love, that you'regrateful for, no matter how big
or small.
You can do this in a journal,on your way to work or even just
as you're falling asleep.
There's no wrong way topractice gratitude.
It's a list of what makes youhappy and thankful, things that
(17:15):
you appreciate, things in yourlife that you want more of,
things in your life that upliftyou People, nature, ice cream.
You know the great things inlife.
Your list is your own and thereare no wrong answers, and
there's no such thing as a list.
That's too long, but I dochallenge you to set a timer and
(17:37):
give yourself five minutes tolist as many things as you can,
and you know what it's going tobe amazing, what you're going to
discover.
Which takes us to step sixprotect your peace, aka set up
some boundaries.
Babe, as a people pleaser, youmay struggle with setting
boundaries and saying no toothers.
(17:59):
For me, this was a foreignconcept for very much of my life
.
I mean, I'd heard of boundariesbut I couldn't name three of
their albums.
But remember, saying no toothers means saying yes to
yourself.
When you practice settinghealthy boundaries, you're
actually prioritizing your ownneeds and well-being, and
(18:20):
doesn't that sound like theright thing to do?
So here's a little exercisePractice saying no to one thing
that doesn't align with yourpriorities or values.
Remember, it's okay toprioritize yourself.
Just start there.
You can do it.
Find that one thing that you'restruggling to feel excited
about and just get it off yourlist.
(18:42):
Delegate it, say no, saveyourself.
That's what boundaries do.
Which takes us to step numberseven Master some mindfulness.
You see, mindfulness is thepractice of being fully present
in the moment, without judgment.
It's the act of dialing intoyour thoughts and actively
(19:02):
choosing what thoughts you'regoing to think.
Mindfulness is beingintentional with where you put
your thoughts you're going tothink.
Mindfulness is beingintentional with where you put
your thoughts, your energy, yourfocus.
Mindfulness is giving yourselfpermission to actively and
purposefully tune into yourthoughts, feelings and
sensations, and in solitude,this is where mindfulness gets
(19:22):
to take center stage.
It's just up to you and yourbrain baby, and the volume is up
stage.
It's just up to you and yourbrain baby, and the volume is up
.
If you're not making time forsolitude, then your mindfulness
practice.
It becomes infinitely harderand clarity is harder to achieve
.
So this is your call out to usesolitude as an opportunity to
(19:42):
adopt mindfulness into yourdaily life and become more
attuned to your thoughts, yourfeelings and the sensations of
life.
A good exercise to practicemindfulness is to get out in
nature.
There is no better substitute.
Take an awareness walk which isjust like a regular walk, but
you pay attention to the sights,the sounds, the smells around
(20:04):
you.
Notice how it feels in yourbody.
Let go of any judgments ordistractions.
Leave the podcasts and themusic for another time.
Instead, use this walkintentionally to connect with
your own thoughts and your ownrhythm.
So congratulations, my fellowpeople pleasers.
You've officially embarked onthe journey of self-love and
(20:25):
inner joy.
Remember, solitude is notsomething to be feared or
avoided.
It is a powerful tool forreconnecting with yourself and
discovering the joy that liesinside of you.
So embrace the silence,practice serving up some
self-compassion and watch asyour inner light starts to shine
(20:49):
bright.
You deserve it.
And that wraps up today'sepisode.
Thank you so much for beinghere and remember alone time and
me time.
There's power in that.
Be sure to find me on Insta andlet me know how you're coming
along with your solo endeavors,and you can find my handle and a
(21:10):
few fun links in the show notes.
So make sure you check that out.
Come back next time, wherewe're going to explore self
validation and how to get yourown damn approval and start
stepping away from seeking thatapproval from the window when
everything you need is right inthat mirror.
So until then, stay fabulousand keep spreading those
(21:31):
positive vibes.
Be kind out there.
Take care, my lovelies,toodaloo kangaroo.
welcome to your new favorite podcast pocket full of
mojo, where you're, you and I'mstuff, and we tune in here to
tap into some mojo.
You see, I think I've crackedthe code to being happy.
I'm happy every single day, nojokes.
(00:31):
Now, I wasn't always this way.
Trust and believe.
I've had breakdowns on multiplecontinents, but I'm not
bragging.
But by paying attention andliving with more intention, I've
curated a wellness first aidkit full of amazing tools that
help me out of and avoid gettinginto life's most sticky and
(00:52):
stressful situations.
And I'm not here to gatekeep,so settle in.
We're here for some positivechange.
So let's explore together whereyour mojo meets the road.
Let's explore together whereyour mojo meets the road.
In today's episode, I'm goingto review our mantra for the
week and we're going to dig intotoday's main topic, and that
(01:14):
topic is the power and joy ofsolitude.
I know you've got 7 trillionpodcasts to choose from and I'm
super excited that you'vedecided to be here.
So stick around, and I'll superexcited that you've decided to
be here.
So stick around and I'll makesure that you're glad you did.
Let's get started with today'smantra and get tuned in, tapped
(01:35):
in and turned on.
Hello and welcome to the 15thepisode of Pocketful of Mojo.
Once again, I'm Steph, I'm yourhostess, I'm your Mojo Maven
and I'm so pumped you're here.
Today's going to be a reallysoulful episode, so let's get
right to it.
Let's start by digging intotoday's mantra.
(01:58):
And today's mantra is I knowthat being alone is powerful.
Okay, we're coming out gunsblazing today.
Let's dive in.
I know that being alone ispowerful.
Now, if this causes you alittle discomfort at first,
maybe, yeah, you're in the rightplace.
(02:20):
When we're young, we are tinyhumans who can't fend for
themselves.
So being alone is scary andit's filled with unknowns.
But nowhere along the way do weget this rite of passage that
pats us on the head and saysyou're good to go, being alone
won't hurt you anymore.
So sometimes we continue tobelieve that fear and discomfort
(02:42):
are part and parcel of beingalone, so we push it away.
Let's figure out where thispower comes from.
I know that being alone ispowerful.
This mantra starts with I know.
So.
This mantra is anchored inthought and not so much feeling,
and it's designed to reallyanchor you in the knowledge and
(03:04):
the truth that being alone ispowerful and can act as a
reminder of how far you've comeand how exciting it is to be
able to find the power in thisnew state.
You may not be there yet, butyou're reprogramming your mind
to associate solitude withempowerment.
What a great place to groundyourself.
Associate solitude withempowerment what a great place
(03:25):
to ground yourself.
I know that being alone ispowerful.
Repeating this mantra can beuseful when I don't know, faced
with indecision, or when you'reunexpectedly alone and feel
maybe somewhat adrift, if yourinstincts are to escape your
current discomfort and distractyourself by helping others, or
you're tempted to look outsidefor answers, when the answers
(03:49):
you're really looking for arefound within.
I know that being alone ispowerful, powerful.
What does that look like foryou?
You get to spend your time withyourself, really defining what
that looks like on you, and thepower in solitude can bring so
many gifts.
And having the strength andpositive relationship with
(04:12):
yourself allows you to get to aplace where you not only enjoy
your own company, but you thriveas a result of connecting with
yourself more often, with lessfear.
A result of connecting withyourself more often, with less
fear, because it's totallynormal to not want to have to be
alone, because maybe there'sjust some thoughts you'd rather
not face or confront, but whenyou do, that's when you discover
(04:34):
how powerful you really are.
I know that being alone ispowerful was that powerful, or
what?
So let's ride that train, andthis is the part where we dive
deeper into today's topic, whichis how to savor your solitude.
(04:56):
So let's talk a little bitabout the joy of solitude, shall
we?
And I know what you're thinkingYou're like.
That's where boredom lives,that's where I feel lonely,
that's where all my thoughts, ofall the things I'm not doing,
come to play.
Well, today we're going to flipthe script, because if there's
even a chance that you'refeeling I don't know tired of
(05:18):
constantly bending over backwardto meet everyone else's needs
while neglecting your own, ormaybe you're daydreaming of a
moment of peace and quiet, justto get a break from the chaos of
your daily life, well, myfriends, then it's time to learn
how to find the joy in solitude, and that's going to reconnect
you with the most importantperson in your life, and that's
(05:40):
you.
But let's get real for a moment.
Being a people pleaser can beexhausting, right?
We do it so habitually that weend up just getting good at
being tired and getting it alldone anyway, and we should
probably get a gold star forthat.
When we're constantly worryingabout what others think, trying
to keep everyone happy, thatkeeps the peace for sure, but it
(06:03):
ends up being at the expense oftaking care of yourself and
being able to find time to dothings that fill your cup.
This is where a little bit ofalone time can come and save the
day.
Let's unpack what all of thisreally means and how you can
integrate this into your lifeand give you the feeling of
being more balanced, moreintentional and more connected
(06:25):
to yourself.
Sound good.
Let's go Now.
Before we dive into the magicalworld of solitude, let's address
the elephant in the room, andthat's loneliness.
Many people confuse solitudewith loneliness, but they're two
completely different beasts.
Let's first expose theloneliness monster and look at
(06:46):
it for what it is.
Loneliness is that sinkingfeeling that you get when you're
alone and feeling disconnected.
Maybe it feels like there's avoid or a hole that should be
filled in your heart, but it'snot.
You don't feel seen.
Your feelings of beingunappreciated are at an all-time
high.
Why is nobody calling me?
(07:07):
Why does nobody want to hangout?
Why don't people pick up thephone when I need them?
How is nobody picking up on myfeelings that exclusively live
in my head?
Well, there's like a dissonanceand a really low vibration that
comes with loneliness, and it'sless about the who and more
about the what.
Loneliness is an alarm thatsounds off from our head to our
(07:29):
heart that we're missingsomething, and it leaves us
feeling incomplete.
And if we're not careful, theself-talk can get nasty.
When you're lonely, we startthinking about why we're lonely
and then we drum up a list ofthings that we don't like about
ourselves to validate thisfeeling of being alone.
And the worst part is that notonly is it all made up, and in
(07:53):
your imagination, it's thatyou're the author of that story.
So let's change the narrative,because solitude, on the other
hand, is a conscious choice.
It's a choice to spend timealone and revel in the joy of
your own fabulous company.
Remember choices.
It's that permission that wegive ourselves to get off the
(08:15):
rinse and repeat and makemindful, thoughtful decisions.
And decisions are not contracts.
We can change our minds andchange our thoughts and our
habits.
So, when it comes to solitude,let's rebrand it to fit in with
your goals of self-love andpersonal development.
That's why we're here andthat's exactly what we're going
(08:35):
to do.
So how do we turn solitude froma dreaded foe into a bestie?
Well, it's kind of simple, butnot necessarily easy.
But by using it as a tool toreconnect with ourselves and
build up our self-love andself-esteem, we become
unstoppable.
Let's go through this step bystep, and it'll help you tap
(08:57):
into the power of solitude andfind the joy you deserve.
Now I hear you.
It's hard to find calm andchaos.
I think we can all agree onthat.
So it's time to get the mindfree and clear of all the
clutter and tap into your zen.
I want you to start to thinkabout the perfect place where
you'd be able to sit in somequiet.
I want you to start to thinkabout the perfect place where
(09:18):
you'd be able to sit in somequiet, undistracted, where you
can be alone with your thoughts.
This could be a cozy corner ofyour home or a peaceful park, or
even just a quiet room with adoor closed.
I live with my 85-year-old dad,who listens to the TV loud
enough that the neighbors canhear, so if noise-canceling
headphones are the way to go,then we just got to do what we
got to do.
So you've got your spot.
(09:40):
Get your body cozy, turn offall your phone notifications and
you're off to the races, eyesopen or eyes closed.
There's no wrong way to do this.
Just do what feels right.
Take a deep breath and let thesilence wash over you.
Allow yourself to let go fromthe outside world and be fully
(10:01):
present right there in thatmoment.
Drop into your body and out ofyour head and focus just on your
breath.
Take three giant breaths allthe way in, all the way out.
Then simply settle back intoyour body and let your breath
return to its normal rhythm.
And then be ready, because herecome the thoughts.
(10:21):
You'll notice that you'll havesome thoughts that start popping
up, and that's totally normaland fine.
That's what the brain does.
So we just notice them.
We do it without judgment andcatch yourself before the
thoughts take over.
Whenever you find yourselfdrifting back into your head,
just turn your thoughts rightback to your breath.
The first part is to justvisualize the breath entering
(10:43):
and leaving your body.
Just focus on that, and whenyou're focused on that, there's
no room for distraction.
The mind will wander, becausethat's what the mind wants to do
, but you're in charge here.
Go back to the breath, whetherthis is your first time doing an
exercise like this, or your100th, there is never a bad time
(11:04):
to take 10 minutes for yourself, and if 10 minutes is too much,
go for five.
If you don't have five, go forthree.
But you see what I'm getting athere.
So today, what I want you to dois to try this.
Find some minutes where you canpractice finding your breath
and quiet the noise, and ifyou're new to this, maybe 10
minutes feels like 45.
(11:25):
So I recommend setting a timerso that you're not tempted to be
distracted by how long you'vebeen doing the exercise.
When your thoughts come up,that's not a bad thing.
Just notice them, be gentlewith yourself and simply observe
the thought, and what I like todo is take the thought and set
it on a raft and watch it floataway.
(11:46):
The next step is to think aboutwhat you need.
Now that you're comfy with thesilence and that timer goes off,
slowly and gently, come backinto your body and take some
time to reflect on somethingthat you may not be able to
answer off the top of your headwhat are your needs and desires?
You weren't ready for the popquiz, right?
(12:07):
When you're constantlyconnecting with everyone else's
needs, it's easy to disconnectfrom your own.
So if you're feeling challengedto be able to list what your
needs and desires are, here area few thought starters to help
you find out how to articulatewhat those needs are, because
you know you have needs anddesires.
It's just not always at ourfingertips, right.
(12:30):
So try this.
What brings you joy?
What activities make you feelalive and fulfilled?
What were you doing the lasttime you were super happy?
Who were you with?
Make a list of these things andtap into how it's going to make
you feel when you're doingthese things.
It makes it easier to commit towhen you put them high on your
(12:51):
list of priorities as youorganize your life.
What can you do daily?
What can you do this week?
What do you want to do moreoften?
Who can support you while youmake these changes?
What habits are no longerserving you that can go away to
make space for these new, cool,enriching things to be part of
your life and your new routine?
(13:12):
So throughout this process,it's really important to
remember step number threeself-compassion, aka be nice to
yourself.
Being a people pleaser has beenknown to have the side effect of
being overly critical of ourown selves Harsh.
We hold ourselves to reallyhigh standards, and the
(13:34):
self-talk can get nasty when wedon't meet that high bar.
And how's that working out?
So let's try something new.
It's time to show yourself somegood old fashioned love and
compassion.
You know, compassion, it's thatthing you show everyone else
while you're empathizing anddialing into how other people
feel.
(13:55):
So now it's your turn.
Remind yourself that it's okayto put your needs first
sometimes and that you're worthyof love and respect just as you
are.
Like when was the last timethat you stood in front of a
mirror and just stared atyourself?
What do you see?
What do you love?
How do you feel?
Now stand in front of themirror and repeat I'm a gorgeous
(14:18):
human being and I'm superworthy of love and respect.
And I'm going to show it tomyself.
Prioritizing myself feels goodand helps me show up better in
the world.
And if you can't find that placewhere you love your whole self,
look, that's okay.
You gotta start somewhere.
Find one thing that you love.
Maybe you struggle withself-love, but deep down you
(14:41):
know you've got I don't knowamazing eyes.
Then stare at your eyes.
Go off about how much you loveyour eyes.
Get into the detail about whatyou love about them.
This kind of thinking doesbecome contagious and with time,
time and practice, you willstart to see other parts of
yourself that you love and thatwill start to come through, and
(15:03):
you'll see more and more thingsabout yourself to love.
Bonus points for striking thesuperhero pose with your hands
on your hips for a little extraboost of empowerment.
Is this exercise silly and maybea little cringy?
Sure, but it's also totallytransformational in how we see
ourselves and genuinely feelabout ourselves.
(15:23):
The more you practice this, theless cringy it will feel, and
that is definitely a promise,which takes us to step number
four tapping into yourcreativity.
Solitude is really the perfecttime to explore your creative
side.
Maybe it's painting or writing,or dancing or playing music.
(15:43):
Find a way to express yourselfthat brings you joy and allows
you to really express yourself.
Does it bring a smile to yourface?
That's pretty much a good ruleto follow.
Is it something that you coulddo uninterrupted for hours?
Does it light you up?
Look, you don't have to be thenext Picasso or Ernest Hemingway
for this activity to be ofvalue.
(16:05):
The end result is unimportant.
The process is the key, andfeeling the flow is the benefit
of the exercise.
This is about doing somethingfor you and letting yourself
express yourself in a way thathonors what makes you tick.
We are all different, so thereis no prescription here that I
(16:27):
could give you per se.
Only you know what activityunlocks that creative side of
you, and if you don't know whatthat is, that's totally fine too
.
You get to try tons ofdifferent ones until you find
the one that clicks, which takesus to step number five Get into
your attitude of gratitude.
So gratitude is a powerful toolfor generating joy and kicking
(16:51):
up the contentment in our lives.
Take some time every day, everyday, to reflect on the things
that you love, that you'regrateful for, no matter how big
or small.
You can do this in a journal,on your way to work or even just
as you're falling asleep.
There's no wrong way topractice gratitude.
It's a list of what makes youhappy and thankful, things that
(17:15):
you appreciate, things in yourlife that you want more of,
things in your life that upliftyou People, nature, ice cream.
You know the great things inlife.
Your list is your own and thereare no wrong answers, and
there's no such thing as a list.
That's too long, but I dochallenge you to set a timer and
(17:37):
give yourself five minutes tolist as many things as you can,
and you know what it's going tobe amazing, what you're going to
discover.
Which takes us to step sixprotect your peace, aka set up
some boundaries.
Babe, as a people pleaser, youmay struggle with setting
boundaries and saying no toothers.
(17:59):
For me, this was a foreignconcept for very much of my life
.
I mean, I'd heard of boundariesbut I couldn't name three of
their albums.
But remember, saying no toothers means saying yes to
yourself.
When you practice settinghealthy boundaries, you're
actually prioritizing your ownneeds and well-being, and
(18:20):
doesn't that sound like theright thing to do?
So here's a little exercisePractice saying no to one thing
that doesn't align with yourpriorities or values.
Remember, it's okay toprioritize yourself.
Just start there.
You can do it.
Find that one thing that you'restruggling to feel excited
about and just get it off yourlist.
(18:42):
Delegate it, say no, saveyourself.
That's what boundaries do.
Which takes us to step numberseven Master some mindfulness.
You see, mindfulness is thepractice of being fully present
in the moment, without judgment.
It's the act of dialing intoyour thoughts and actively
(19:02):
choosing what thoughts you'regoing to think.
Mindfulness is beingintentional with where you put
your thoughts you're going tothink.
Mindfulness is beingintentional with where you put
your thoughts, your energy, yourfocus.
Mindfulness is giving yourselfpermission to actively and
purposefully tune into yourthoughts, feelings and
sensations, and in solitude,this is where mindfulness gets
(19:22):
to take center stage.
It's just up to you and yourbrain baby, and the volume is up
stage.
It's just up to you and yourbrain baby, and the volume is up
.
If you're not making time forsolitude, then your mindfulness
practice.
It becomes infinitely harderand clarity is harder to achieve
.
So this is your call out to usesolitude as an opportunity to
(19:42):
adopt mindfulness into yourdaily life and become more
attuned to your thoughts, yourfeelings and the sensations of
life.
A good exercise to practicemindfulness is to get out in
nature.
There is no better substitute.
Take an awareness walk which isjust like a regular walk, but
you pay attention to the sights,the sounds, the smells around
(20:04):
you.
Notice how it feels in yourbody.
Let go of any judgments ordistractions.
Leave the podcasts and themusic for another time.
Instead, use this walkintentionally to connect with
your own thoughts and your ownrhythm.
So congratulations, my fellowpeople pleasers.
You've officially embarked onthe journey of self-love and
(20:25):
inner joy.
Remember, solitude is notsomething to be feared or
avoided.
It is a powerful tool forreconnecting with yourself and
discovering the joy that liesinside of you.
So embrace the silence,practice serving up some
self-compassion and watch asyour inner light starts to shine
(20:49):
bright.
You deserve it.
And that wraps up today'sepisode.
Thank you so much for beinghere and remember alone time and
me time.
There's power in that.
Be sure to find me on Insta andlet me know how you're coming
along with your solo endeavors,and you can find my handle and a
(21:10):
few fun links in the show notes.
So make sure you check that out.
Come back next time, wherewe're going to explore self
validation and how to get yourown damn approval and start
stepping away from seeking thatapproval from the window when
everything you need is right inthat mirror.
So until then, stay fabulousand keep spreading those
(21:31):
positive vibes.
Be kind out there.
Take care, my lovelies,toodaloo kangaroo.
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