November 13, 2025 • 18 mins
"𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗙𝗨𝗡𝗡𝗜𝗘𝗦𝗧 𝗘𝗣𝗜𝗦𝗢𝗗𝗘 𝗦𝗢 𝗙𝗔𝗥!!"
That's what was said about Episode 55 when it came out about a year ago. These nurses tell the best stories! Like...
What song was playing on the hospital stereo for their first deliveries as midwives 😂
The biggest baby they've delivered 😳
And how some husbands handle being there 😂
This is a quick 20 minute version that's ALL laughs! To hear the full episode it came from, just search for Episode 55 of the Podvan Podcast!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
Quick fix with Rabbit in this episode 2 seasoned nurses I
think they said in the end 65 years of nursing between them,
nurses now midwives and Oh my goodness the stories.
I think this is possibly the funniest episode so far.
Enjoy it and let me know afterwards with Rabbit.
(00:25):
This is a bit mildly dodgy. We just pulled up in a car park,
it's dark outside and I said getin the van and you did.
I've been wanting to do a nursesepisode for so long.
It's one of the first ones that I thought about because I
thought two things. You'll have funny stories no
doubt. I was because I was talking to a
nurse and she started telling merandom things.
(00:45):
She told me about a code Brown is.
That like a Poonami Sophie. Says to me, you know what, we
should get Robin in there 'causeRobin will give you good stuff.
And her first words on here are Is that like a Poonami?
I don't work in A&E and I haven't for a really long time,
(01:06):
but I suspect it's a Poonami. Yeah, otherwise.
I don't know someone that works in Med for a a big Poonami
experience. Yeah, that's great.
Like in childbirth and and maternity, we have baby
Poonamis. So much stuff comes out of this
little tiny baby and the poor parents push the emergency
buzzer and you go running in there and there's this little
baby with just in a sea of excrement.
(01:29):
OK, parents. Look there and they go, I don't
know what to do. And you go, yeah, that's just to
grab it by the ankles and run itunder the tap.
Don't bother with your wet wipes, they'll be useless to
you. This is funny.
Hey, you brought her I. Told you, I warned you.
There is no filter on you, is there?
And and probably on most nurses.I use my filter all day so when
(01:53):
knock off time comes you can getunfiltered.
That was the same with radio people.
I think when you're on air, you can't swear and then you get out
of there and pull. All right, So background.
How long have you both been nursing?
30 years this year. Wow.
Yeah, so I've actually, I've done originally my nursing,
(02:13):
yeah. And then I did a diploma of
midwifery on top of that. And then I did a master's in
clinical nursing, majoring in Child and family and community
health. Wow.
So yeah, if you use uni and yeah.
And here I am currently working in child and family health,
which is an area I love. What about you, Robin I?
Started out doing nursing as well, general nursing, and then
(02:34):
about three years after I'd graduated I did maternity in in
those days. I don't know about you Fiona.
You did yours in Victoria? Yes, Victoria.
So was hospital based or? No.
University, yeah. So mine was hospital based
training 'cause I'm a little older than Fiona.
Oh yeah. A lot.
Older OH. It's a lot.
Sorry, it's a lot older. No, it's just a little bit
(02:56):
older. She's doing fact checking as we
go. Anyway, however much older I am,
yeah. So I did it hospital based.
So that was probably I finished uni in 19. 801920. 1987 started
work in 1988 I. Was only in Europe.
Oh, shut up. Yeah, so it's been a long time
(03:19):
since. I wasn't even born if.
It was midwifery and then about 1213 years ago I went into Child
and Family Health, so I've been doing that since.
OK. So no more shift work, Pretty
much a nine to 5K. You've both done midwifery, Yes,
that's a funny word. And do you?
Do you know what that means, Rabbit?
Well, it's a midwife. And what does that mean?
(03:39):
It's a wife that's in the middleof something, in the middle of
giving birth. Funny enough, it means with
woman. With woman.
Oh. So the atte, the attendant to
the woman when she's in pregnancy and in birth and in
her postpartum period. So that's kind of a very broad
(04:00):
summary of what midwives do too.Right, give me the funniest
stuff from birth stories. Well, actually I was thinking
about this today. Good.
Back in 1998, Yeah, my first year graduate, mid midwifery, I
was in labour with these people and people in labour families
like to play music. Oh, OK.
You know, it's relaxing and whatnot.
What sort of stuff is relaxing is or pretty?
Much anything like it depends onthe people.
(04:22):
Yeah. But this particular labour and
birth, they quite like their popmusic at the time.
And she was about to come into second stage.
That means pushing the baby out.Yeah.
And what comes on. But Sultan I.
Knew it. I knew I was just going please
let this bee push it. Push it real good it.
(04:43):
Real good. Oh.
That's great. So we're having a little boogie
while you know, the the baby this.
Really happened it. Really happened.
That's so good. Yeah, it was great.
And yeah, all went well. And it was, yeah, it was great,
Yes. Fiona's theme film ever since.
(05:03):
Bullshit. What about the dads at that
time? You've had any pass out or?
Tree falls in a forest. I can remember in my early
midwifery days, I had a mum comein having her first baby and her
husband was a really big guy. He was a tall, solidly built
guy. I think he played rugby or
something like that. Yeah.
And he spent a fair bit of her labour looking green and sat
(05:26):
down a couple of times. And, you know, a couple of times
we said, you know, maybe you need to go and get a sweet
drink. You need to go and splash some
water on your face. And when it got to the crucial
point where the head was birthing, yeah, we were all sort
of really caught up. There's only when I say we're
all. There was myself and one other
midwife in the room with this couple, turned my back.
And I heard this thud. And he had just, he just
(05:48):
literally was like a tree that fell in the forest, man down.
No other trees to stop him. And he split his head open.
Oh. No, we.
Weren't really. I stopped laughing.
We weren't really sure whether he'd just fainted and that's why
he was unconscious or whether he'd knocked himself out.
So he ended up after the baby was born, we had to put him in a
chair and take him down to egg. Oh he will never live that down.
(06:09):
Cool. Bugger.
So yeah. Oh.
But that story comes out at thatchild's birthday every year.
Oh. Man, yes.
I don't know how he went with any subsequent children or if
they had any subsequent children.
Yeah. And then it was all about his
stitches above his eye. Never mind that his wife had
just passed. Boy.
Yeah, Goods. It's like, Oh my God, look at my
stitches. I'm sorry, White.
Goods, you know, like a fridge or a dishwasher or.
(06:33):
He's a big baby, he's. Just worried about a little cut
above his eye. Have you seen what's like some
big babies? Oh yeah.
Yeah, yeah, huge. And some really little.
Ones and some tiny ones. Yeah, it's all sorts.
What's a big baby? I think when I I actually worked
in Mildura and there was a really big Tongan.
Oh yeah, Asian, yeah. And they seem to have quite
(06:56):
large babies. Some of those boys will come out
with beards and and tats. And, and I'm talking vaginal
birth, yeah. And I, I'm pretty sure I'm talk,
I'm going back in pounds now, but I'm pretty sure this baby
was like 14 or 15 LB. And it was, yeah, it was
(07:17):
absolutely massive. I remember.
Kilos or? Something.
Yep, it was even in the paper. There you go for the biggest
baby. So.
Did that one come out vaginally?Yeah.
Yeah, and it, mind you, with an intact perineum.
Oh my God. Sorry, Rabbit.
Do you know what that is? I, I, I tuned out a while ago,
the kind of conversations the two of you would have, I can
(07:39):
just imagine and it's just shop chat for you guys.
Oh, you should see us get together.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, my goodness.
Oh, one of our friends who's actually at this moment up on
Root Islet, we'll say that's north of Darwin.
Yeah. Tracy.
Hi, Tracy. She's up there doing AA12 week
stint up there in midwifery. Oh, wow.
(08:01):
So just doing something completely different
contractually. Yeah.
Wait, so she doesn't, she doesn't choose to go there?
I don't. I did.
She chose to go there, OK? Yeah, the experience.
Wow. Yeah.
So we, we the three of us have all worked together and worked
together in maternity. So, you know, all of our stories
when we get together and my be the same one sometimes, but we
also, yeah, hilarious. I was just reminding me going
(08:22):
back to the man thing. Yeah, where I worked, they had
these beautiful baths. And there was this woman who
decided to get in the bath this this day when she was in labour.
And anyway, so she's getting in and and the husband starts
taking off his clothes. Hang on a second, now it's a
party. Oh my.
God, hang on a second. What?
(08:43):
No, no, no, no. He thinks he's hopping in He.
Was gonna hop in the bath naked with her and I'm like no no you
cannot do that. You need to keep your pants on.
Why? Was he going?
To 'cause I just think he thought it was OK.
So often partners might get in the bath with their with their
wife. Oh, do you?
I do. But yeah, you know, I'll bail
wherever your tummy. Behind them?
(09:04):
Yep. Yeah, OK.
Often behind them. Yeah, but they were kind of.
And he was like, oh, but you guys are midwives.
I thought you were all kind of. Yeah, yeah.
She can have her clothes off. You need to have pants on.
You're midwives, you're nurses, you've seen it all.
Yeah. We don't choose to if we don't
have to. That's right, just get your
pants on mate. How?
(09:24):
What have you got here in your hands?
Is this notes written out notes?I mean, I did.
I did send some questions through to you to go just to
give an idea of the sort of stuff I want to talk about.
I've now forgotten all of those questions.
I do have a funny story, and funny enough, it's actually
about Robin and I Oh yeah. So I was lucky enough to have
Robin as a support person for mytwo children, Ryan and Luke.
(09:47):
Wait, hang on. I'm not sure what she's gonna
say. Yeah, OK.
Wait, so you were the midwife for?
No, not exactly. I was, I was a midwife, but I
went in as her support person. What's that?
Just like a cheerleader. The friend, Jackie friend.
Like she was the one to tell, totell the doctor to get that back
away from me when I didn't want anything done.
(10:07):
OK. So.
So you know us midwives, you know, we're pretty, we know what
we want. Right.
So yeah, it was like, don't you ever bring those scissors near
me? Robin would chop their hands
off. Anyway, everything went well.
And afterwards, I mean the nitrous oxide gas if if you
haven't tried any, it's wonderful, did.
(10:29):
You bring any? I didn't.
Oh, that. Could answer that.
It would have been a laugh, wouldn't it?
It would have been laugh and 1/2.
And so that's all I used during my labour.
And then afterwards, without going into too much detail, I
had to have some suturing done. Oh yes, I was sucking away on
the gas while I was doing that. And I'm kept saying turn it up,
turn it up. And then I don't know why, but I
(10:50):
thought my husband had just knocked the obstetrician who was
so like suturing. Yeah.
And I've just come out and said what are you doing?
Don't knock the Doctor Who's sewing up your wifes vagina.
She started to get really snaky.Did she and.
She and she yanked the nitrous oxide out of my hand.
(11:13):
Nice. Alright, you've had enough.
Yeah, it's, it was just something I'd never forget.
And no, it was, Yeah, it was pretty big.
Are you? With it at that time, like you
remember doing that or you're told afterwards.
I sort of no, no, I do remember,but I couldn't stop myself.
(11:34):
Disinhibiting the Gasset, is it like she just not have a lot of
inhibition? Yeah.
Yeah, are they a very pranky lot?
Nurses and Dr. Not doctors. Doctors be too serious.
A bit straight laced, a bit straight.
Laced, are they? But the nurses, I mean, my
sister's a nurse, yeah. Nowadays it's a little bit hard
to prank because the world's changed a little bit.
(11:55):
HR would probably turn over in their grave.
Yeah, you can't put those old, you know, posters on the back of
the dunny door, you know, like those kinds of things that
might, might be offended by these days.
Well, I don't know what what what ones you're talking.
I mean, I it's probably not the same as the ones as the
mechanics when you present the posters on the doors, I'm
(12:15):
thinking. Political correct.
You guys put those ones up? Political correctness doesn't
let us do it as as many things as we used to do.
Yeah. In the day, it was kind of a bit
of a rite of passage, I suppose,when you were the newbie on the
block that people did stuff to you to, I don't know, you could
think of it as welcoming you to the profession or.
Sure. Or, and I'm sure things like
(12:35):
that happen to apprentices in mechanics workshops and things
like that. But when you're a nurse, it took
a bit of a different slant. Like what?
When I first came out, I worked at a smallish hospital, and
given that there was probably mein one another new graduate
there, they didn't have a very organized program for welcoming
newbies in. So it was kind of like trial by
(12:57):
fire. You just learned as you went
along and hoped you didn't kill anyone on the way.
But one of the particular pranksthat they played was because it
was quite a small hospital, theydidn't have a very big Mortuary
and they had like a a little fridge that could only hold 4
deceased people. So what that meant is that if
more than four people had passedaway overnight, they needed to
(13:21):
be stored until the next day when the contractors would come
and take them. That's the people from the
Funeral Home. OK.
So if there were 5 or 6 people that had to be stored in the
Mortuary, that would mean that somebody had to go down with the
wardsman on duty that night and take someone out of a fridge and
pop someone in. And they'd get rotated a couple
(13:42):
of times during no? Yep.
To keep him chilled. Yes, to keep him chilled.
So it wasn't a common thing. It didn't happen often, but
occasionally it would happen. Wait and so.
And this is the for real bit. This isn't a pranky bit, this is
actually something that would have.
To that's for real. Whoa.
So what they would do on night, Judy, is they would say, OK,
someone has to volunteer to helpthe wardsman swap the bodies
(14:04):
during the night. And I got volunteered.
So the wardsman said don't worry, I'll come round and I'll
grab you and we'll go down. We'll just do the swap over.
They have like a trolley there so it's roll the body out, slip
it onto the trolley, put the other one in, you know.
Yeah, it'll only be till the morning when some of them will
be taken away to wherever they need to go.
So I've gone down with the wardsman.
(14:24):
It was probably about 3:00 in the morning.
He comes around and collects me and says, OK, we got you, need
to come down, give me a hand. We go down to the Mortuary,
lights are all off except for the nightglow lights.
And he's tried to switch the line and goes, oh, no, they're
not working. That's all right.
Sometimes they turn the power off down here to keep it a
little bit dim. And we go into the Mortuary room
and near the fridge is the Mortuary trolley.
(14:44):
And usually they're a stainless steel trolley and they have like
a manufactured fitted cloth thatgoes over them.
Oh, yeah. And he goes, I'll just go and
get the trolley and he goes overand somebody was on the trolley
and that person jumped up and screamed and I wet my pants.
I like fully wet my pants. I don't think I've ever.
(15:08):
And I was and I just thought it was the funniest thing and.
I. Just heard about it.
Look, it was weeks. It was weeks but I heard about
it. Oh, that's.
Great. Be a good sport about it.
You couldn't say it was bullying.
The other thing that used to happen, which was really typical
when you were a newbie, I was ona medical ward and, and you
(15:30):
know, you'd have to help a lot of these older people shower.
Showering was a big part of the day.
It was it was busy. You might have quite a number of
patients that you've got to get through.
You get them shower, you get them back to bed, you get the
next one in there. And so I learned early on that
everybody had their own gum boots.
So for morning showering, you had a pair of gum boots.
You take your nursing shoes off and you pop them in the change
(15:50):
room and you pop your gum boots on to do showering to keep your
good shoes. Oh, OK.
Anyway, and when you were the newbie, which I didn't realize
at the time, after my first day of showering with my brand new
gum boots on, I came back, took my gum boots on off, dried my
feet, and put my feet back in mynursing shoes.
And somebody had squeezed a tubeof KY Jelly in the toes of each
(16:12):
of my shoes. Like a whole tube.
A whole tube. No one ever confessed to that.
These were the. Days, but you just went.
Great, great. And at some point after about, I
don't know, three months of that, I'll be like, guys, am I
one of you? Now, are we done?
Is, are we finished or what elseis gonna happen?
Anything else? So, and, and another practical
(16:34):
joke that I can remember in those days you might have two or
four bedded rooms and if you hadto do a dressing or something
on, on a patient to give them privacy, pull the curtains
around beside the bed. You have your dressing trolley
set up there. And I was doing this man's
dressing on his upper thigh had a really nasty skin graft and.
And I had to dress it. And I'm standing there so you
could see that I was there from the other side of the room
(16:56):
because you could see my legs underneath the curtains.
Oh, OK Yeah. And.
Not a lot of space. Around the bed.
So I'm standing there with my dressing trolley next to me
doing his dressing, which meant my back was right up against the
curtains that pulls around the bed.
And one of my colleagues who I don't know who it was because I
couldn't see them, came with what we call a tummy syringe.
Now a tummy syringe is the biggest syringe you can get.
(17:16):
Big sucker about that fat about that long and it holds about
maybe, I don't know, 50 mils. 50mils in a tummy that about
cucumber. Size.
That's about. We're talking, OK.
That's a big syringe. Maybe about I don't.
Know 1/4 of your coffee cup Uh huh full of water yeah and they
reach underneath the curtain between my legs and and depress
(17:37):
the plunger of the tumi syringe so that the 50 mil of water
squirts right up my Hoo ha whileI'm.
Doing this man. 'S dressing oh and I didn't
mention that they make sure thatthe water in the tumi syringe is
chilled so so. In every episode I try and get
just a little quote as the titlefor the episode.
(17:59):
I believe this episode is calledRight up me Hoo ha, Right up my
Hoo ha. I don't know how to.
Spell it HOOHAI think. I'll have to do that.
Alright, that'll do us for this quick fix.
Remember, if you ever wanna hearthe full conversation it comes
(18:21):
from, just match the number in the title of this quick fix to
the full episode number. And don't forget, if you turn on
the notifications in Spotify andApple Podcast, you won't miss
any episodes or extras the job.
Quick fix with Rabbit in this episode 2 seasoned nurses I
think they said in the end 65 years of nursing between them,
nurses now midwives and Oh my goodness the stories.
I think this is possibly the funniest episode so far.
Enjoy it and let me know afterwards with Rabbit.
(00:25):
This is a bit mildly dodgy. We just pulled up in a car park,
it's dark outside and I said getin the van and you did.
I've been wanting to do a nursesepisode for so long.
It's one of the first ones that I thought about because I
thought two things. You'll have funny stories no
doubt. I was because I was talking to a
nurse and she started telling merandom things.
(00:45):
She told me about a code Brown is.
That like a Poonami Sophie. Says to me, you know what, we
should get Robin in there 'causeRobin will give you good stuff.
And her first words on here are Is that like a Poonami?
I don't work in A&E and I haven't for a really long time,
(01:06):
but I suspect it's a Poonami. Yeah, otherwise.
I don't know someone that works in Med for a a big Poonami
experience. Yeah, that's great.
Like in childbirth and and maternity, we have baby
Poonamis. So much stuff comes out of this
little tiny baby and the poor parents push the emergency
buzzer and you go running in there and there's this little
baby with just in a sea of excrement.
(01:29):
OK, parents. Look there and they go, I don't
know what to do. And you go, yeah, that's just to
grab it by the ankles and run itunder the tap.
Don't bother with your wet wipes, they'll be useless to
you. This is funny.
Hey, you brought her I. Told you, I warned you.
There is no filter on you, is there?
And and probably on most nurses.I use my filter all day so when
(01:53):
knock off time comes you can getunfiltered.
That was the same with radio people.
I think when you're on air, you can't swear and then you get out
of there and pull. All right, So background.
How long have you both been nursing?
30 years this year. Wow.
Yeah, so I've actually, I've done originally my nursing,
(02:13):
yeah. And then I did a diploma of
midwifery on top of that. And then I did a master's in
clinical nursing, majoring in Child and family and community
health. Wow.
So yeah, if you use uni and yeah.
And here I am currently working in child and family health,
which is an area I love. What about you, Robin I?
Started out doing nursing as well, general nursing, and then
(02:34):
about three years after I'd graduated I did maternity in in
those days. I don't know about you Fiona.
You did yours in Victoria? Yes, Victoria.
So was hospital based or? No.
University, yeah. So mine was hospital based
training 'cause I'm a little older than Fiona.
Oh yeah. A lot.
Older OH. It's a lot.
Sorry, it's a lot older. No, it's just a little bit
(02:56):
older. She's doing fact checking as we
go. Anyway, however much older I am,
yeah. So I did it hospital based.
So that was probably I finished uni in 19. 801920. 1987 started
work in 1988 I. Was only in Europe.
Oh, shut up. Yeah, so it's been a long time
(03:19):
since. I wasn't even born if.
It was midwifery and then about 1213 years ago I went into Child
and Family Health, so I've been doing that since.
OK. So no more shift work, Pretty
much a nine to 5K. You've both done midwifery, Yes,
that's a funny word. And do you?
Do you know what that means, Rabbit?
Well, it's a midwife. And what does that mean?
(03:39):
It's a wife that's in the middleof something, in the middle of
giving birth. Funny enough, it means with
woman. With woman.
Oh. So the atte, the attendant to
the woman when she's in pregnancy and in birth and in
her postpartum period. So that's kind of a very broad
(04:00):
summary of what midwives do too.Right, give me the funniest
stuff from birth stories. Well, actually I was thinking
about this today. Good.
Back in 1998, Yeah, my first year graduate, mid midwifery, I
was in labour with these people and people in labour families
like to play music. Oh, OK.
You know, it's relaxing and whatnot.
What sort of stuff is relaxing is or pretty?
Much anything like it depends onthe people.
(04:22):
Yeah. But this particular labour and
birth, they quite like their popmusic at the time.
And she was about to come into second stage.
That means pushing the baby out.Yeah.
And what comes on. But Sultan I.
Knew it. I knew I was just going please
let this bee push it. Push it real good it.
(04:43):
Real good. Oh.
That's great. So we're having a little boogie
while you know, the the baby this.
Really happened it. Really happened.
That's so good. Yeah, it was great.
And yeah, all went well. And it was, yeah, it was great,
Yes. Fiona's theme film ever since.
(05:03):
Bullshit. What about the dads at that
time? You've had any pass out or?
Tree falls in a forest. I can remember in my early
midwifery days, I had a mum comein having her first baby and her
husband was a really big guy. He was a tall, solidly built
guy. I think he played rugby or
something like that. Yeah.
And he spent a fair bit of her labour looking green and sat
(05:26):
down a couple of times. And, you know, a couple of times
we said, you know, maybe you need to go and get a sweet
drink. You need to go and splash some
water on your face. And when it got to the crucial
point where the head was birthing, yeah, we were all sort
of really caught up. There's only when I say we're
all. There was myself and one other
midwife in the room with this couple, turned my back.
And I heard this thud. And he had just, he just
(05:48):
literally was like a tree that fell in the forest, man down.
No other trees to stop him. And he split his head open.
Oh. No, we.
Weren't really. I stopped laughing.
We weren't really sure whether he'd just fainted and that's why
he was unconscious or whether he'd knocked himself out.
So he ended up after the baby was born, we had to put him in a
chair and take him down to egg. Oh he will never live that down.
(06:09):
Cool. Bugger.
So yeah. Oh.
But that story comes out at thatchild's birthday every year.
Oh. Man, yes.
I don't know how he went with any subsequent children or if
they had any subsequent children.
Yeah. And then it was all about his
stitches above his eye. Never mind that his wife had
just passed. Boy.
Yeah, Goods. It's like, Oh my God, look at my
stitches. I'm sorry, White.
Goods, you know, like a fridge or a dishwasher or.
(06:33):
He's a big baby, he's. Just worried about a little cut
above his eye. Have you seen what's like some
big babies? Oh yeah.
Yeah, yeah, huge. And some really little.
Ones and some tiny ones. Yeah, it's all sorts.
What's a big baby? I think when I I actually worked
in Mildura and there was a really big Tongan.
Oh yeah, Asian, yeah. And they seem to have quite
(06:56):
large babies. Some of those boys will come out
with beards and and tats. And, and I'm talking vaginal
birth, yeah. And I, I'm pretty sure I'm talk,
I'm going back in pounds now, but I'm pretty sure this baby
was like 14 or 15 LB. And it was, yeah, it was
(07:17):
absolutely massive. I remember.
Kilos or? Something.
Yep, it was even in the paper. There you go for the biggest
baby. So.
Did that one come out vaginally?Yeah.
Yeah, and it, mind you, with an intact perineum.
Oh my God. Sorry, Rabbit.
Do you know what that is? I, I, I tuned out a while ago,
the kind of conversations the two of you would have, I can
(07:39):
just imagine and it's just shop chat for you guys.
Oh, you should see us get together.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, my goodness.
Oh, one of our friends who's actually at this moment up on
Root Islet, we'll say that's north of Darwin.
Yeah. Tracy.
Hi, Tracy. She's up there doing AA12 week
stint up there in midwifery. Oh, wow.
(08:01):
So just doing something completely different
contractually. Yeah.
Wait, so she doesn't, she doesn't choose to go there?
I don't. I did.
She chose to go there, OK? Yeah, the experience.
Wow. Yeah.
So we, we the three of us have all worked together and worked
together in maternity. So, you know, all of our stories
when we get together and my be the same one sometimes, but we
also, yeah, hilarious. I was just reminding me going
(08:22):
back to the man thing. Yeah, where I worked, they had
these beautiful baths. And there was this woman who
decided to get in the bath this this day when she was in labour.
And anyway, so she's getting in and and the husband starts
taking off his clothes. Hang on a second, now it's a
party. Oh my.
God, hang on a second. What?
(08:43):
No, no, no, no. He thinks he's hopping in He.
Was gonna hop in the bath naked with her and I'm like no no you
cannot do that. You need to keep your pants on.
Why? Was he going?
To 'cause I just think he thought it was OK.
So often partners might get in the bath with their with their
wife. Oh, do you?
I do. But yeah, you know, I'll bail
wherever your tummy. Behind them?
(09:04):
Yep. Yeah, OK.
Often behind them. Yeah, but they were kind of.
And he was like, oh, but you guys are midwives.
I thought you were all kind of. Yeah, yeah.
She can have her clothes off. You need to have pants on.
You're midwives, you're nurses, you've seen it all.
Yeah. We don't choose to if we don't
have to. That's right, just get your
pants on mate. How?
(09:24):
What have you got here in your hands?
Is this notes written out notes?I mean, I did.
I did send some questions through to you to go just to
give an idea of the sort of stuff I want to talk about.
I've now forgotten all of those questions.
I do have a funny story, and funny enough, it's actually
about Robin and I Oh yeah. So I was lucky enough to have
Robin as a support person for mytwo children, Ryan and Luke.
(09:47):
Wait, hang on. I'm not sure what she's gonna
say. Yeah, OK.
Wait, so you were the midwife for?
No, not exactly. I was, I was a midwife, but I
went in as her support person. What's that?
Just like a cheerleader. The friend, Jackie friend.
Like she was the one to tell, totell the doctor to get that back
away from me when I didn't want anything done.
(10:07):
OK. So.
So you know us midwives, you know, we're pretty, we know what
we want. Right.
So yeah, it was like, don't you ever bring those scissors near
me? Robin would chop their hands
off. Anyway, everything went well.
And afterwards, I mean the nitrous oxide gas if if you
haven't tried any, it's wonderful, did.
(10:29):
You bring any? I didn't.
Oh, that. Could answer that.
It would have been a laugh, wouldn't it?
It would have been laugh and 1/2.
And so that's all I used during my labour.
And then afterwards, without going into too much detail, I
had to have some suturing done. Oh yes, I was sucking away on
the gas while I was doing that. And I'm kept saying turn it up,
turn it up. And then I don't know why, but I
(10:50):
thought my husband had just knocked the obstetrician who was
so like suturing. Yeah.
And I've just come out and said what are you doing?
Don't knock the Doctor Who's sewing up your wifes vagina.
She started to get really snaky.Did she and.
She and she yanked the nitrous oxide out of my hand.
(11:13):
Nice. Alright, you've had enough.
Yeah, it's, it was just something I'd never forget.
And no, it was, Yeah, it was pretty big.
Are you? With it at that time, like you
remember doing that or you're told afterwards.
I sort of no, no, I do remember,but I couldn't stop myself.
(11:34):
Disinhibiting the Gasset, is it like she just not have a lot of
inhibition? Yeah.
Yeah, are they a very pranky lot?
Nurses and Dr. Not doctors. Doctors be too serious.
A bit straight laced, a bit straight.
Laced, are they? But the nurses, I mean, my
sister's a nurse, yeah. Nowadays it's a little bit hard
to prank because the world's changed a little bit.
(11:55):
HR would probably turn over in their grave.
Yeah, you can't put those old, you know, posters on the back of
the dunny door, you know, like those kinds of things that
might, might be offended by these days.
Well, I don't know what what what ones you're talking.
I mean, I it's probably not the same as the ones as the
mechanics when you present the posters on the doors, I'm
(12:15):
thinking. Political correct.
You guys put those ones up? Political correctness doesn't
let us do it as as many things as we used to do.
Yeah. In the day, it was kind of a bit
of a rite of passage, I suppose,when you were the newbie on the
block that people did stuff to you to, I don't know, you could
think of it as welcoming you to the profession or.
Sure. Or, and I'm sure things like
(12:35):
that happen to apprentices in mechanics workshops and things
like that. But when you're a nurse, it took
a bit of a different slant. Like what?
When I first came out, I worked at a smallish hospital, and
given that there was probably mein one another new graduate
there, they didn't have a very organized program for welcoming
newbies in. So it was kind of like trial by
(12:57):
fire. You just learned as you went
along and hoped you didn't kill anyone on the way.
But one of the particular pranksthat they played was because it
was quite a small hospital, theydidn't have a very big Mortuary
and they had like a a little fridge that could only hold 4
deceased people. So what that meant is that if
more than four people had passedaway overnight, they needed to
(13:21):
be stored until the next day when the contractors would come
and take them. That's the people from the
Funeral Home. OK.
So if there were 5 or 6 people that had to be stored in the
Mortuary, that would mean that somebody had to go down with the
wardsman on duty that night and take someone out of a fridge and
pop someone in. And they'd get rotated a couple
(13:42):
of times during no? Yep.
To keep him chilled. Yes, to keep him chilled.
So it wasn't a common thing. It didn't happen often, but
occasionally it would happen. Wait and so.
And this is the for real bit. This isn't a pranky bit, this is
actually something that would have.
To that's for real. Whoa.
So what they would do on night, Judy, is they would say, OK,
someone has to volunteer to helpthe wardsman swap the bodies
(14:04):
during the night. And I got volunteered.
So the wardsman said don't worry, I'll come round and I'll
grab you and we'll go down. We'll just do the swap over.
They have like a trolley there so it's roll the body out, slip
it onto the trolley, put the other one in, you know.
Yeah, it'll only be till the morning when some of them will
be taken away to wherever they need to go.
So I've gone down with the wardsman.
(14:24):
It was probably about 3:00 in the morning.
He comes around and collects me and says, OK, we got you, need
to come down, give me a hand. We go down to the Mortuary,
lights are all off except for the nightglow lights.
And he's tried to switch the line and goes, oh, no, they're
not working. That's all right.
Sometimes they turn the power off down here to keep it a
little bit dim. And we go into the Mortuary room
and near the fridge is the Mortuary trolley.
(14:44):
And usually they're a stainless steel trolley and they have like
a manufactured fitted cloth thatgoes over them.
Oh, yeah. And he goes, I'll just go and
get the trolley and he goes overand somebody was on the trolley
and that person jumped up and screamed and I wet my pants.
I like fully wet my pants. I don't think I've ever.
(15:08):
And I was and I just thought it was the funniest thing and.
I. Just heard about it.
Look, it was weeks. It was weeks but I heard about
it. Oh, that's.
Great. Be a good sport about it.
You couldn't say it was bullying.
The other thing that used to happen, which was really typical
when you were a newbie, I was ona medical ward and, and you
(15:30):
know, you'd have to help a lot of these older people shower.
Showering was a big part of the day.
It was it was busy. You might have quite a number of
patients that you've got to get through.
You get them shower, you get them back to bed, you get the
next one in there. And so I learned early on that
everybody had their own gum boots.
So for morning showering, you had a pair of gum boots.
You take your nursing shoes off and you pop them in the change
(15:50):
room and you pop your gum boots on to do showering to keep your
good shoes. Oh, OK.
Anyway, and when you were the newbie, which I didn't realize
at the time, after my first day of showering with my brand new
gum boots on, I came back, took my gum boots on off, dried my
feet, and put my feet back in mynursing shoes.
And somebody had squeezed a tubeof KY Jelly in the toes of each
(16:12):
of my shoes. Like a whole tube.
A whole tube. No one ever confessed to that.
These were the. Days, but you just went.
Great, great. And at some point after about, I
don't know, three months of that, I'll be like, guys, am I
one of you? Now, are we done?
Is, are we finished or what elseis gonna happen?
Anything else? So, and, and another practical
(16:34):
joke that I can remember in those days you might have two or
four bedded rooms and if you hadto do a dressing or something
on, on a patient to give them privacy, pull the curtains
around beside the bed. You have your dressing trolley
set up there. And I was doing this man's
dressing on his upper thigh had a really nasty skin graft and.
And I had to dress it. And I'm standing there so you
could see that I was there from the other side of the room
(16:56):
because you could see my legs underneath the curtains.
Oh, OK Yeah. And.
Not a lot of space. Around the bed.
So I'm standing there with my dressing trolley next to me
doing his dressing, which meant my back was right up against the
curtains that pulls around the bed.
And one of my colleagues who I don't know who it was because I
couldn't see them, came with what we call a tummy syringe.
Now a tummy syringe is the biggest syringe you can get.
(17:16):
Big sucker about that fat about that long and it holds about
maybe, I don't know, 50 mils. 50mils in a tummy that about
cucumber. Size.
That's about. We're talking, OK.
That's a big syringe. Maybe about I don't.
Know 1/4 of your coffee cup Uh huh full of water yeah and they
reach underneath the curtain between my legs and and depress
(17:37):
the plunger of the tumi syringe so that the 50 mil of water
squirts right up my Hoo ha whileI'm.
Doing this man. 'S dressing oh and I didn't
mention that they make sure thatthe water in the tumi syringe is
chilled so so. In every episode I try and get
just a little quote as the titlefor the episode.
(17:59):
I believe this episode is calledRight up me Hoo ha, Right up my
Hoo ha. I don't know how to.
Spell it HOOHAI think. I'll have to do that.
Alright, that'll do us for this quick fix.
Remember, if you ever wanna hearthe full conversation it comes
(18:21):
from, just match the number in the title of this quick fix to
the full episode number. And don't forget, if you turn on
the notifications in Spotify andApple Podcast, you won't miss
any episodes or extras the job.
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