November 14, 2025 • 37 mins
Transformational Healing: A Journey Through Trauma
In this episode of 'Real Men Feel,' host Andy Grant engages in a profound conversation with Kerry Blaser, a mother, shaman, and author who has transformed her life from academic and corporate settings to profound healing work following her struggles with pain and trauma. Kerry shares her journey from a suicide attempt to embracing her psychic gifts and using them to heal herself and others.
She discusses the critical role men, such as Andrew Tate and Justin Waller, have played in her personal growth and offers insights on how both men and women can navigate their wounds towards wisdom and self-love. Kerry emphasizes the importance of monogamy—the unique bond between specific men and women—and how staying true to one's emotions can lead to authentic, fulfilling relationships.
00:00 Introduction to Real Men Feel
00:32 Meet Kerry Blaser: A Journey of Healing
01:31 Kerry's Turning Point: A Suicide Attempt
02:49 Psychic Awakening in the Psych Ward
05:17 Embracing Psychic Gifts and Healing
09:05 The Power of Yoga and Medicine Journeys
11:46 Healing Through Relationships
15:24 Mirroring and Healing with Men
17:28 Facing Fears and Attracting Unusual Relationships
18:06 Emotional Pain and Growth
19:03 Challenges with Men and Their Vulnerabilities
20:25 Connections to Childhood and Trauma
22:28 Healing and Self-Reflection
23:12 The Role of Women in Society
26:09 Monogamy and Enlightenment
28:33 The Importance of Self-Love and Healthy Relationships
32:37 The Need for a Healthy Nuclear Family
36:47 Final Thoughts and Resources
Connect with Kerry
Website — https://www.kerryblaser.com
Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/kerryblaserofficial
Tiktok — https://www.tiktok.com/@kerryblaserofficial
YouTube — https://www.youtube.com/@kerryblaser
Resources
My Inner Heroine by Kerry Blaser — https://amzn.to/44dqg0H
Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:
Join me and connect with other like-minded men in the
Authentic AF Community | http://realmenfeel.org/group
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant
Andy Grant Website | https://theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Real Men Feel Website | http://realmenfeel.org
YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel
#RealMenFeel ep 379
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
And the parents have no clue what they're actually doing to
the child. You know, of course, our souls
plan our lives for us, for us totake on these wounds.
It's like a, our wounds are likecoal.
And then like a deep coal, just,you know, they press them hard
enough. And then when you find the
wisdom, the diamond appears, right?
And that's the shadow work. We go in there, dig through the
(00:20):
coal to find the diamonds. And and that's what I've been
doing the past 10 years. Hello and welcome to Real Men
Feel. I'm your host, Andy Grant.
This is the show where we explore the many sides of
masculinity and remind men that it's OK to feel.
Today, I'm joined by Carrie Blazer, a mother, shaman and
author whose path has taken her from academic studies and
corporate work to the depths of pain, suicide, and ultimately,
(00:41):
profound healing and enlightenment.
She's learned to turn emotional wounds into wisdom, and she's
here to share how men, especially through their role as
mirrors, played a vital part in that journey.
And hey, if you're looking for aspace to connect with other men
on this journey of authenticity and growth, join us in the
authentic AF community at realmenfield.org/group is for
(01:02):
men like you. Now let's do it.
Hello Carrie, and welcome to Real Men Feel.
Thanks for having me. I really appreciate the
opportunity to talk about my book and learn more about you,
so I'm glad to be here. So your journey includes
academic study, corporate life, motherhood, divorce, and
eventually embracing psychic andshamanic gifts.
(01:22):
Looking back, what was the firstthing that spoke to you and
said, all right, I meant to do this sort of deeper healing
work? Oh, that was in the psych ward
after my suicide attempt six years ago.
So I'll start a little bit before that. 10 years ago, my
mom passed away in my 45th birthday.
And then my intuition told me it's time to heal from my
(01:44):
childhood trauma, which is severe, and it's time to accept
my psychic gifts. So I started working with
healers and then four years later my youngest daughter, who
was 16 at the time, had an eating disorder and I went to
the first family therapy sessionand she was at rehab and she
blamed me for her eating disorder.
And the whole kind of therapy session was around how I'm the
(02:06):
culpable parent. You know, that my ex-husband was
there. I'm the problem.
And I'm like, hang on a second. I don't live in a vacuum.
He's got problems. I got problems, the family
issue, but I didn't feel heard, so I went home.
And the way home I started internalizing all of that.
My worlds are getting darker anddarker and darker.
And then when I got home my brain told me that my kids are
(02:27):
better off with the death motherthan the Wise 1.
So I took all the pills that I had, the Trazodone, the
klonopin, the soma, the Ambien, and went upstairs and just let
go. And I went right to sleep, which
I never did. And my oldest daughter found me
the next morning and saved my life.
So then after a few days of the hospital, I was intubated for a
few days. I went transferred to the psych
(02:48):
ward. And so along with the the
wisdom, the universe is a mirrorshowing us ourselves in every
moment. There was an 18 year old young
lady there whose mom had passed away when she was 11 and she had
a severe eating disorder. So here's another way I can kind
of see myself and start to kind of believe in myself.
(03:09):
I have the capability to do better as a parent because
that's more important. Yeah.
Yeah. My kids are more important than
anybody else. Right.
Like, so I got to start at home.So the last night there, we
shared a room and we became veryclose.
And her mom soul came through and gave me a message to give
her. It was like the first time I
knowingly did that and felt confident that that was what was
(03:31):
happening. And her mom's soul told me her
childhood nickname that we had never discussed.
So I gave her the mass of the nicknames.
Oh, you know, she's freaking out, We're freaking out.
We're so excited. And then we're sleeping in the
same room. And so her mom's soul approached
me in the middle of the night because I, I've always had a
hard time sleeping now and better.
But you know, sleep and, and mental illness and trauma or
(03:51):
lack of sleep, that all goes together, right?
So I, I told her mom's soul. I said well, but if your tent is
loved, intent being the important part here, then you
can't go wrong. You know your soul.
So when your intent is love, youwill always connect well to your
daughter. So Shay had not had any hunger
cues, the 18 year old girl for three years.
(04:15):
And that's typical of eating disorder.
You stop eating, your body stopstelling you to eat.
It's like your body adjusts to your beliefs because our body is
a mirror of the soul as well. So she woke up with hunger cues
and ate a Full breakfast. So I was like, I think I'm a
healer, but I just attempted suicide.
(04:36):
So now what, you know? So it was like that was like the
beginning of this kind of snowball of self belief.
When I got out of the hospital, I had told my older daughter and
I said, I'm bringing healing thewhole family, and we're not
leaving your dad behind. And that's exactly what
happened. And I just kept going and
believing in myself. I sent it for four medicine
journeys to open myself so I could see how much trauma I had
(04:59):
in my childhood that I didn't love myself, how there were like
thousands of souls lining up to be my kids.
But I chose my kids because I needed there.
It's, you know, some very special gifts.
And so I just, there's a whole process of me going, wow, I'm a
pretty great person when I really hated myself my whole
life. Prior to that psychic experience
(05:19):
in the hospital, had you had other experiences or was that
the first? No, I've been psychic my whole
life. I just didn't believe in myself
because I was rejected so severely as a child.
So I recently could really connected to the statue.
It's called Emptiness about a grieving parrot.
And initially I thought, you know, well, the universe is a
mirror, right? But I hadn't connected to my
(05:39):
trauma about why I would be a grieving parrot yet, right?
I hadn't opened myself up because it was so painful for me
to see. Why would I resonate with a
statue about a grieving pair? I got 3 live kids.
I I only remember 3 pregnancies.What's it showing me?
Right. And it's like you see the head
(06:00):
and the arms and the legs and the whole center is empty.
And you can see the landscape behind which is the ocean view.
And that was me and my whole life.
Like I could never make friends.And all I remember is it's hard
to make friends. I never know what to say and I
just stay alone my whole life. And so I've kind of been insular
and I'm always my kids. Why are you talking to yourself?
(06:21):
But I was talking to souls. I just didn't know I was talking
to souls. So.
So did you think you were just talking to yourself?
I could see that I would like talk to people and then problems
would get solved. I just kept doing it.
But I would also would know whenpeople were calling.
I would know when things were happening.
I'd have prophetic dreams. I had a lot of, you know, you
(06:42):
know, supernatural experiences and my mom was very intuitive
and into astrology and, and so, but, you know, I, I didn't
believe in myself. So my dad, he stopped spending
the nights at the house when I was 11.
And then he would lie and say that he was there.
And I'm a kid. So I'm like, well, he must know.
So I internalize that that I can't trust what I see.
(07:05):
If I can't trust what I see in the physical world, how am I
going to trust what I'm hearing in the spiritual world?
I mean, it was just a whole conundrum for me.
So like, I don't trust when I see so much.
I developed a visual processing disorder that my visual
processing is in the 4th percentile, while my analytical
skills are in the 96th percentile.
(07:26):
But there's the counterbalance, right?
Like we're going to challenge Carrie so much.
She has to learn to listen to herself.
That's in my challenge. I resonate so much.
I had that same experience. So when I was like 5 to 8 years
old, my parents had divorced. My mom was seeing somebody.
And anytime I woke up hearing him, seeing him in the house, I
(07:47):
was told, no, that was just the TV.
Yeah, like, oh, so yeah, I'm allright.
I guess. I can't believe what I see and
hear. What a mind fuck for a child.
Like what in the parents have noclue what they're actually doing
to the child. You know, of course our souls
plan our lives for us, for us totake on these wounds, for us to
(08:08):
kind of it's like a, our wounds are like coal and then like a
deep coal, just, you know, they press them hard enough.
And then when you find the wisdom, the diamond appears,
right? And that's the shadow work.
We go in there, dig through the coal to find the diamonds.
And, and that's what I've been doing the past 10 years.
But see, I thought my whole lifewas coal.
I was like, I had 35 years of debilitating lower back pain and
(08:29):
and I was like, is, is everything Valley of darkness?
Is there any mountaintop here? Like what the hell you know so
but now I experience enlightenment all the time and
so I what I realize is that we take on an equal amount of
wounds to gain an equal amount of wisdom.
And so now is my wisdom time. So in in your book My Inner
(08:50):
Heroin you talk about 6 powerfulmen that were mirrors for your
deepest wounds. So can you expand on that?
Yeah, so that was what, you know, was amazing to me.
So I basically worked at home and went to yoga and that was my
life. And so 2019 I attempted suicide.
And then in October of 2019, I, I, I went to a yoga studio for
(09:12):
the first time. I'm like, OK, I'll try hot yoga.
Everybody says hot yoga. And I was like hot yoga and I
went like, oh, now I get it. OK, like love me some hot yoga.
But anyway, I went there and like, I was so nervous.
Like I had granny panties on under my yoga pants.
Like I'm like, oh, nervous, you know, freaking out.
And so the the yoga studio said,oh, start with the yen class.
(09:34):
And they told me where to sit. Like I made no decisions.
I just said, I'm going to this yoga studio tell me what to do.
So I sat right in front of my first hero, who I called Tim in
the book, and I started talking to the woman next to me because
our daughters went to high school together with my oldest
daughter. And I just opened, which I don't
usually do because I'm all nervous.
And now all of a sudden I'm opening.
(09:54):
And me being totally unaware about that there's a man behind
me or I had no awareness that that was my femininity coming
out because his masculinity was right behind me.
And so at the end of class, I got up and he talked to me.
He's like, oh, offer to take my props for me.
You know, he was trying to run with me and I just, I just shot.
(10:16):
I was just fear shut down. So I didn't talk to him for
another year. But that's what I in 2020 did 4
medicine journeys. It was COVID.
And then in December 30th of 2020, we had our first
conversation and he's Jewish andspeaks Hebrew and knows my
ex-husband. And so he had a conversation
about Israel and then we spoke alittle Hebrew and I jumped into
(10:38):
the conversation. Then I use my feminine voice
that had been suppressed and where I was like, you know, my
whole life, no friends, like no voice.
Can't trust myself, can't trust what I see, nothing.
And here I had, you know, four years earlier, suicide attempt,
you know, I was like medicine journeys, you know, right,
finally ready to speak my truth,right and be a healthy feminine
(11:01):
counterbalance to his masculinity.
And so when I loved myself like that, when I loved my womb like
that, in that moment, that's andI already knew it was emotional
pain stored as physical pain, which happens is, you know, our
bodies reflect our souls pain and and our souls wisdom.
And it went away. My lower back pain went away
because I finally found my feminine voice and it was, it
(11:24):
was amazing. Like, and I was like, OK, who's
this guy? Like he's got to be the one.
Like he saved me, you know, because I had a hard time
cooking and cleaning and walkingand exercise.
It was just like painful. So that that relationship lasted
2 1/2 years and and I went from when we first had our
conversation at that time, I still didn't even know every
(11:44):
time I was being psychic. 18 months later, I had an
opportunity to help Andrew Tate through a personal relationship
with Justin Waller right after he had been cancelled on social
media, had a payment processing center disconnected.
Because Tim, by the next year, like I never want to date with
any of these guys. I just would talk to their soul
at home and then see them at yoga.
And then Tim and I texted a lot.So he left the yoga studio the
(12:09):
next year. And so I'm like, what the fuck?
Oh my God, he's the one. And what am I doing?
And how am I? And I messed up.
And, you know, I figured myself out.
And then my interest was just like, well, because he had
multiple women, right? So I was like one man.
Well, this is the way it's supposed to be.
Like, what are you talking about?
Like, how can this what you know?
(12:30):
But these are the men I'm attracting into my life, right?
So my intuition says reach out to Justin Waller because I saw
him on Fresh and Fit a couple times and Justin got right back
to me and then we dammed on and off for a couple months.
Like I slowly but surely maneuvered and opened his heart
Because opening the heart of like a Justin Waller and Andrew
Tate, you know, 2 fire Academy instructors.
(12:52):
This is not an easy task. These men have wounds and these
men get women. And now here I am.
I'm 16 years older than Justin opening his heart, you know what
I mean? Like it's, it's I have to
appreciate myself on π that I was capable of such a feat, you
know, to get him that comfortable with me, that he
(13:14):
would open his heart to me. And that's how I accessed
Andrew. So because all of our energy
bodies, our souls are connected.We communicate through our heart
space. That's why the universe
communicates in coy ways because, you know, be direct
with the mind and coy with the heart.
That's why signs and synchronicities are so important
to show you that you're doing well and you're on your soul's
(13:34):
path, right? It's like you see 1111 and
that's a sign. It's not direct, but it's close
enough. Keep going.
I'm doing well. So this is what it was for me is
like, OK, well, who am I right that I'm able to like not even
know I'm a healer. And then all of a sudden I'm,
you know, called to help the most Googled man on the planet.
(13:54):
And then I felt resonance with him when Andrew was in solitary
confinement because I, you know,resonated with that statue
emptiness, right? Been alone my whole life.
So I sit in my dark garage and my recliner talking to Andrew
Sol for four months to help himself reflect in solitary
confinements and help me self reflect and kind of accept.
That's why I resonate with a manin solitary confinement because
(14:15):
one of the questions I asked himlike, OK, so Andrew, you know
that your external reality is reflection of your internal
reality and how you feel about yourself.
He's like, yeah, I'm like, so from that perspective, why are
you in solitary confinement? And I had to ask myself the same
question, you know, which is like, wow, you know, his soul.
(14:39):
That's how that's how isolated and just individual and singular
Andrew felt, which for me that totally makes sense.
I mean, no one can say there's 2Andrew Tates.
There is one Andrew Tate, which go Andrew like I love Andrew.
He just does himself. He just that's why it's like I
have affinity for Andrew. Like, there was everything
sexual to me and Andrew, but it was just like, love the guy
(15:01):
because he's just authentic. You know, he shows his wounds
and his wisdom. And his dad's a Grand Master at
chess. Like, my first guy, he's a
national master at chess and theyoungest winner in his state,
his home state. So like, chess is in, you know,
my thing, too. So, yeah, that's how those men
came in. And they all led me back to my
original hero from my childhood.So this mirroring, healing, it
(15:26):
wasn't just one way, it was going both ways.
Yeah, so yeah, because I would give them opportunities to heal.
And me. So like Tim, the first guy when
we first met, like he was super anxious too and couldn't even
talk to me every time and come in mad at yoga, overweight a
little bit. A year later, he's stacked,
right? Could get girls.
He was calm, cool and collected,stoic.
(15:48):
Like after a year, they all healtoo.
Because I kind of became like Tim's.
I called the book his soul wife.So nine months after we started
talking, there was lots of turbulence and up hills and
fights and I and I could, I one point was able to see inside my
heart that I feared all men. Then I exposed for him how he
fears women. So what happened was five months
(16:10):
into after we started talking, we got in a fight and he told me
never to talk to him again. So a week later I went for a
drive and he's got a house in, I'm already in Rincon.
I'm in Ventura. So Rincon is a very affluent
area and there's a gate there and I would go for a drive and I
didn't know he lived there. I knew he lived N but I didn't
(16:32):
know where. And so it's a common drive.
It's right there along the oceanand you could just get right off
the free ramp. Rin call.
It's a tiny little off ramp because there's no other housing
there. I get right back on.
Takes like 3 or 4 seconds to getoff the freeway and get back on
the freeway. And I'm not exaggerating or
underestimating. That's how long it takes.
It's time. So I go for a drive in the
(16:52):
middle of working one day, you know, and it takes about 20
minutes to get up there. I get off the freeway and right
when I get to the place to get back on the freeway, which is
right in front of the gate there, his car pulls up to the
gate, right? And so it looks like I'm
stalking, but I'm not stopping. I'm not a stalker.
I cried my bed at home. A lot of these men have thought
(17:13):
that I stalked them. Why?
Because they're super avoided and so because I have a very
anxious attachment style. So I tracked in a very avoided
attachment style with a likely sex addiction.
Because I'm sexually repressed, so I attract men who are
sexually overexpressed as a counterbalance so we can both
see ourselves. You know, I had a fear of men,
so I stayed home. Like you saw that my first
reaction to him was, and he has multiple women and the yo
(17:35):
instructor he's close to is alsoa dominatrix.
And you know, so like I'm like, BDSM is in my life.
I'm like, what the hell, you know, I don't know all this
stuff, but these are the men I'mattracting.
So I had to learn it. And like, so he called, he sees
me and I just I, my interest is like, get on the freeway, go
home. He never called me.
And he called my ex-husband in Israel to see, does he need a
(17:56):
restraining order against me? Because I was worried I would
climb over the fence, break intohis house when the kids are home
and be so violent he might need to shoot me.
But those were his fears. I mean, when I initially
interacted with his mom's soul, because when you initially
interact with the soul, like there's an energy exchange.
It's kind of like dogs sniffing each other's butts, you know?
It's like this is how we understand each other.
(18:17):
A lightning rod of pain went down my right side of my back
and I could barely move for two days.
That's how much emotional pain she had.
She was like a cement block of stuck energy.
And I wouldn't let her even talkto him for five months.
The first time she was able to even give him a message was the
day after his dad passed away. And I didn't even know his dad
(18:38):
had passed away till a week and a half later.
So yeah, there's a lot of growthon both sides.
And, you know, visible growth that I could see because three
of these guys and I could see Justin too.
He would read my texts and I'd see him on a video that day.
OK, well, I got to be honest. Oh my gosh.
Like, you know, I see how much I'm impacting him because I'm
just raw and honest and authentic with him, you know?
(18:59):
So, So yeah, they really helped too.
And that the mirror and teachingthe self reflection.
Because what I learned from these men, their challenge is,
you know, they go for breath because there's so much pain.
They can't go for debts. Like Justin is a prime example.
His mom has a YouTube channel where she talks crap about him
and gives out her phone number so people can call her so she
(19:20):
can talk crap about him, record it and then put more videos on
YouTube. When I saw that, like, OK, I'm
clear, clear, clear, clear, clear.
Like, whoa, whoa, OK. And and when I was talking to
Justin when I first met him, like he wouldn't even talk about
his kids. And he, you know, was full
player and full player when I saw his videos a week, a year
(19:43):
and a half later, at the end of one of his videos, his two year
old daughter came in and he was all grounded.
And he would, he was showing howhe cleans up the mobile home
parks that he owns because he was raised in one.
So he doesn't want the people there to be raised and get rid
of mattresses and clean this. He's like a super hard working
man. And he was finally like, it
opened his heart enough to sharethat I was like, I'm not talking
(20:06):
to these guys because you know, it's a hard thing.
So. It's hard with with men of this
caliber because the vulnerability is not something
they're used to or comfortable with because their mother not
never taught them help. And you said all these men
pointed you back to someone elsefrom your childhood, So who is
that? Well, I'm starting to say his
(20:28):
name and so that he is a former assistant Special agent in
Shard, the FBI, currently the head of global security at
GoDaddy. So that's important because she
got that job one month before I reached out to Justin.
And so because it felt like I'm like, I came to Justin's life
two months before Andrew's takedown and then Andrew to
(20:48):
solitary confinement. It's like it felt like I'm
working at a lockstep with someone who's powerful enough to
do that to Andrew. FBI engages in Internet
censorship all the time. You know, so, I mean, I don't
have confirmation, but that's who it is.
And through a lot of kind of research this year and reaching
out last year to him, and, you know, it's in the book as well.
(21:09):
You know, his house from childhood, I know now is in the
same school district as where I went to kindergarten.
Then my dad didn't sleep at homeat night.
My when I was 12, my dad moved back to that school district.
So I was a quarter mile from hishouse.
His dad was a surgeon and I don't remember much of my
childhood. In the fall, I had to heal from
(21:30):
a hysterical pregnancy with three, with three kids and face
my fear of being and saw multiple images of him breaking
into my house and throwing me over like, you know, over 6 feet
tall. And so I don't know what
happened, but I was shown that in December and I called the
police like to report because I was like, I got to tell someone,
(21:51):
but I couldn't get it out of me yet.
Like that's when I was shown it.And then nine months later, a
week and a half ago, in early September, I was finally able to
call the police and say, look, this happened 40 years ago.
I don't know what to do. Like we're going to take the
report, you know, it's passed the statute of limitations.
I'm like, I don't, you know, I, I'm not coming after this guy
legal. Like, I don't think this is it
(22:13):
Like, but I need to make the report.
And so I made the report. And so I, this is what was
really hard. So I'm talking to the police
officer. I had to mention the two fire
Academy instructors who I've helped as well, because Andrew
Tate was warm up for the fire department.
And I'm facing my fears of beingraped and fearing then, you
(22:33):
know, and So what does that say about the fire department?
And then the fire department waswarm up for the FBI and
executives. So what does it say about them?
And I know that all these men have severe wounds.
And in my book, I have the quotefrom Winston Churchill, right?
And he said that instead that famous men are often the product
(22:54):
of an unhappy childhood. I'm like, oh, well, that makes a
lot of sense because they want to accomplish.
They want to climb Mount Everest.
So they got to take on an equal amount of wounds.
And it's the women's job to helpthem process their wounds.
But as women, we don't know how to occupy the center because
we're so busy being boss babes. The centre of that's the stay at
home mom, that's the white, that's the emotional centre that
(23:17):
where mental health is created and sustained.
That's the self love like femininity, nurturing,
compassion, forgiveness, self reflection.
Those are all right brained activities.
But women, we don't have time for those right brained
activities because we're so busyproviding for ourselves.
So we basically set up a societywhere, you know, for failure of
the family because we haven't acknowledged what makes a woman
(23:40):
hormonally balanced physiologically lounds and uses
her Physiology to meet her biological imperatives to
survive, procreate and community.
And you know, we're at we're 20 years from population collapse
for a reason. Women have been hating on their
femininity. And so my enlightenment
experiences were all around how I hated on my femininity.
(24:01):
I didn't value my ability to create human life and how that
showed up in my life. Like after my second child was
born, I went right back to work 3 weeks later.
And then I got bacterial pneumonia and I spent two weeks
in the hospital on a ventilator,5 days on 100% oxygen, almost
died because I didn't value thatI needed to rest and care for
(24:21):
myself and care for my infant. I was too worried.
Oh, we don't have, we don't havemoney.
Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money,
money. We didn't pray on, you know,
what kind of good parent who cares for the mother and the
child doesn't plan financially for a child.
Oh, messed up parents. That's, you know the answer.
We were, you know, flied by the seat of our pants and all of
(24:44):
them, you know, we, we were messed up.
What do you say to men that are carrying their wounds, burying
it, not facing it? What?
What would you say to them? We'd say find your girl because
what, you know, So what happenedwith me and Jason as I reached
out in in in November, like 2 days before the election and
when he is immediately opening me.
(25:04):
It was the most avoided by the Times 10.
So the last guy before him, the 305, was a fire captain, 6 foot
7 fire captain turned out to be married.
I also chased another girl at yoga, which happens all three of
the guys at yoga. But I was like gnarly avoided.
And so I was like, oh, because it was, yeah, I don't even know
(25:27):
how to describe it. It was like things I've never
seen that It's like it was like the soul had churned and unwind.
All of his emotional pain was like times 10 of the other guys.
But I'm the one who needs. And why is that?
And I was shown that too. So after I reached out to him,
like, God, this is crazy. It's so much more powerful than
(25:48):
all the other guys. Like what's so special about the
two of us? And I asked the universe and I
said, you know, how are masculine and feminine souls
created? And this is what I was told that
the intent to create the masculine soul creates the
feminine soul and the feminine soul tears on half of our heart
chakra to create the masculine soul.
And so I've also downloaded a monogamy as the path to
enlightenment because basically my one of my challenges is how
(26:11):
do I communicate to these men that monogamy is the best for
them physiologically, spiritually, emotionally, being
with their girl, the one girl, you know, that I tore up half of
my heart chakra to create his soul.
You know, I trained his soul to provide and protect for me.
(26:32):
But what I found in the fall is like he had no idea.
And I'm going to call it, he didn't know how to sit, stay and
heal. And I'm not trying to be
disrespectful. You know, I didn't know how to
occupy the center and is as the emotional center, a healthy
emotional center that he can bring his wounds to and I can
help him heal. Then he goes back out to work
and he didn't know how to stay in orbit around me because if
(26:53):
I'm out, then he's way out, right?
So that's now my, but I'm the perfect mirror to his soul.
I understand him the best because he is the masculine to
my feminine. You know, other feminine souls
are not as complex enough, don'thave the wherewithal enough to
ground him and then like appreciate all of his complexity
(27:15):
in all of his challenge and emotional depth and
intelligence, expecting that he's going to heal outside of
the relationship with the woman that is the other half of his
soul, so to speak, right? Like you'll hear a man say, you
know, I got to meet my maker means his wife, right?
And that's kind of that has comeout of so many men that that's
(27:37):
the truth. And that, that it's also in that
wisdom, you know, so how beautiful is that though?
And it's that wound that we're, that we're healing.
And now, you know, in 2012, the Mayan calendar showed us that
now is it there was like end of that time cycle, new time cycle
is self healing. So now is the time for this self
healing. Now is the time for all this
(27:58):
wisdom to come out. And you know, there's so much
talk about rapture and 2nd coming and you know, heaven on
earth, well, heaven on earth isn't going to land here.
But that's not you accepting howreality works.
Heaven on earth is created when we have heaven in our hearts,
when we love ourselves and we project that externally, then
that love is protected back to us.
(28:18):
That's what Charlie Kirk was doing to try to communicate with
people in nonviolent ways to love themselves, look inside
themselves, find, you know, Christ consciousness inside of
their own heart because that's where it's located.
So, you know, that's what men could do is love themselves, you
know, work. I say men work out healthy, you
(28:40):
know, so they get lifting weights is testosterone
producing a diet That's testosterone producing, you
know, walk barefoot in nature, get in nature and develop a
spiritual practice and keep opening your heart and never
working on yourself enough. And if you know who your girl
is, I know men will know what I'm talking about.
That is the one you need to heal.
(29:01):
But you're not saying that men and women need each other.
It's really a specific man needsa specific woman to heal each
other. Yeah, I mean, they're kids.
So the reason? So I can, you know, make
progress with other men, so men can make some progress, other
women. But to get, like, get everything
out, I needed to come back to him.
(29:22):
Like, to face, like, the world of everything, like first
enlightenment experience, I had to face my fear that my children
have been sexually abused by their dad, which they weren't.
But that fear comes from my original fear because I was
raped as a child. You know, I was sexually abused
with my dad as a child as to sleep in his bed.
So then I was like, abandoned. He like, left me to sleep with
(29:43):
his, you know, now my stepmom and then potentially left me
open to a guy breaking into my house because, you know, his
dad's a surgeon and has tons of influence.
Yeah. But I would say that's what you
can do. But yeah, I am committed.
There is a one. And how beautiful.
It's like Swans, you know, or, or wolves.
So one thing I've been shown is that my life is kind of an
(30:03):
organized like a Wolf Pack because so with, you know, with
Tim and I at the front, like we were 2 1/2 years, like we were,
I was messed up. So it's Tim.
And so you put the the weakest at the front because they set
the pace. They're right behind them.
They have the younger ones you can run fast and do providing,
do protecting. OK, There's Justin and Andrew
and then you have the with the the female wolves and the
(30:26):
younger wolves in the center. And you know, and there I am
with my heart. And then behind me are the 2
fire Academy instructors, you know, like more protection
behind me. And then there's a lone wolf in
the back watching over everything.
Like if you watch Prince Williamand and and Kate, she walks in
front of her. She doesn't have her back on a
(30:46):
personal level because his institution doesn't allow it.
But when I was kept teaching Jason soul in the fall with the
like the sit, stay and heal. I'm like, you keep letting go of
me to connect with other women. How am I provided, protected for
You need to stay. You need stay here.
I think, you know, I need to learn how to retain a man and he
needed to learn how to sit, stayand heal, how to orbit around me
(31:09):
and only me, You know, not in all the fears of letting go.
This fear, this fear and this fear.
It's it's, you know, very kind of complicated process.
But we're all, you know, our souls take on darkness to make
it conscious for ourselves and then to share that wisdom with
the collective. And every time I experience
enlightenment, which is like allthe time, like couple times a
week now, like I'm, it's an emotion I just go into and I'm
(31:32):
out of it and I'm talking to thecollective.
Every time it happens, I open upa tractor energy cells in my
soul so that I can connect and influence all of humankind.
So, you know, I'm not deciding what the wisdom is.
I didn't decide that monogamy ismore wise than polygamy.
I open my heart, wisdom came outand I aligned with it.
(31:54):
So I don't want people to think,oh, she's just deciding this and
she's just no, no, there's a wayof things like 1 + 1 will always
equal 2. There's a, you know, the, the
table of elements is there's certain math equation that they
just are like, you know, Einstein would download
universal knowledge. He's a man.
So of course universal knowledgemakes sense.
Universal wisdom is more about relationships, relationship with
(32:14):
self, relationship with others. That's more feminine, you know,
So This is why I think is comingis that, you know, we've tried
the alternatives, you know, can does it, does it work out?
And with a lot of the LGBTQ kindof religion, well, we don't
procreate and the family's destroyed.
So we all know that we need a healthy nuclear family to have a
(32:36):
healthy society. There's time to sign to the data
proving that. So, OK, we got to bring back the
family. What does that mean?
You know, it means, you know, women need to accept that we
have a goal and we have a woman for a reason.
But I understand why women are afraid.
Like, I live in California, right?
And in California, if I have a kid and that kid wants to
transition to be trans and cut off their genitals, and I don't
(33:00):
agree the state can take that child away, how is that safe?
Like, no matter what, I mean, itmakes sense that women aren't
having kids. We're afraid to bring children
into this environment. So it's really great that, you
know, Trump asked, what can we do for the kids?
OK, boundaries, the border. Get rid of MS13, Get the drugs
out, address the schools. You know, create an economy
(33:24):
where men can make enough money for the woman to stay home.
You know, encourage women to be humble and modest and feminine
and healthy. You know, stop encouraging the
sexual promiscuity and the boss babe stuff that takes a woman
out of hormonal balance and awayfrom the center of the family
where they are physiologically designed to be.
(33:44):
So we kind of, you know, have lost this traditionalism worked
for so long because it kept our hormones balanced.
That does, you know, you know, reflecting our internal reality.
Externally it more balanced than, you know, a woman could be
a man and a man could be a woman.
So we have a lot of work to do, but yeah, it's time for it.
(34:04):
You've shared a lot of information thus far.
What is one thing you wish more men knew?
One thing I wish more men knew. There I am innocence wrapped in
valor. As a woman, I wield my sort of
compassion, cutting open emotional wounds to reveal
hidden wisdom within. That's the feminine, OK,
(34:27):
masculine valor wrapped in innocence.
I don't that the Anderson civil mobility, you know, it's the
it's the, it's the romance. It's the acknowledging the
feminine and getting on a knee to this one woman who is just
everything. That's what like, women really
(34:48):
need that and men need that. Like women are complaining that
men will express their emotions.Oh, yes, they do.
When they're chivalrous. That's expressing emotion
because men act women talk and when they're not chivalrous,
like there's a lot of that rightnow that is men talking clear as
day and giving feedback to womenclear as day all day long.
But women don't want to hear it that way because women don't
(35:09):
want to take accountability. So I would say men embrace that
you are Val or wrapped in innocence and you in that build
yourself the the the working out, the diet that the business
and love on yourself so profoundly that the only woman
who could earn the privilege of being in bed with you and you're
(35:32):
providing and protection is thisone woman.
Value yourself that much that all these women taking this
money and this problem and, you know, pulling you this way and
that way just, well, just do this for me and just pay for
this. They do not value you.
All those women, those men are sleeping with.
And I asked Justin that why do you value yourself so little?
Just give your body away. Why don't those women have to
(35:54):
earn the privilege of making love to you?
And are they really making love to you or just turning around
and fucking up the ass? Like what the hell?
Why are these men not valuing themselves that they think they
need multiple women that you know, and all this crazy that
comes in our life because of it.And they Justin has at least
three families. How can he show up for those
(36:16):
kids in a healthy way? He can't be at the dinner table
at night. Be that guy.
Set your life up. If you're young enough, you have
in your family in a way that youcan provide through your girl,
your wife, the mother of your children well enough that she
can stay home. And that you value yourself so
much that you won't settle for awoman that will do anything less
(36:37):
that her wife is her man and herchildren and anything less.
Don't settle. I guess that's when I have some
men Don't settle. Carrie, what's the best way for
people to connect with you find the book?
So I have a website, www.carrieblazer.com that's
getting redone. It'll a new version will come
out next week and then my book is on Amazon.
(37:00):
My inner heroine exploring feminine paint.
Awesome, well fed, quite a journey.
I'm glad we're going and I appreciate your your openness
and your authenticity and the way that you're sharing your
journey so we can positively impact even more people.
Thanks again to Carrie Blazer for reminding us that within
(37:21):
every wound there is wisdom and within every shadow there is
light. If today's conversation
resonated with you, I encourage you to take the next step and
surround yourself with other mencommitted to living
authentically. Join me in the authentic AF
community. It's a safe space where men
connect, heal, and grow together.
Visit realmenfeel.org/group and until next time, be good to
(37:41):
yourself.
And the parents have no clue what they're actually doing to
the child. You know, of course, our souls
plan our lives for us, for us totake on these wounds.
It's like a, our wounds are likecoal.
And then like a deep coal, just,you know, they press them hard
enough. And then when you find the
wisdom, the diamond appears, right?
And that's the shadow work. We go in there, dig through the
(00:20):
coal to find the diamonds. And and that's what I've been
doing the past 10 years. Hello and welcome to Real Men
Feel. I'm your host, Andy Grant.
This is the show where we explore the many sides of
masculinity and remind men that it's OK to feel.
Today, I'm joined by Carrie Blazer, a mother, shaman and
author whose path has taken her from academic studies and
corporate work to the depths of pain, suicide, and ultimately,
(00:41):
profound healing and enlightenment.
She's learned to turn emotional wounds into wisdom, and she's
here to share how men, especially through their role as
mirrors, played a vital part in that journey.
And hey, if you're looking for aspace to connect with other men
on this journey of authenticity and growth, join us in the
authentic AF community at realmenfield.org/group is for
(01:02):
men like you. Now let's do it.
Hello Carrie, and welcome to Real Men Feel.
Thanks for having me. I really appreciate the
opportunity to talk about my book and learn more about you,
so I'm glad to be here. So your journey includes
academic study, corporate life, motherhood, divorce, and
eventually embracing psychic andshamanic gifts.
(01:22):
Looking back, what was the firstthing that spoke to you and
said, all right, I meant to do this sort of deeper healing
work? Oh, that was in the psych ward
after my suicide attempt six years ago.
So I'll start a little bit before that. 10 years ago, my
mom passed away in my 45th birthday.
And then my intuition told me it's time to heal from my
(01:44):
childhood trauma, which is severe, and it's time to accept
my psychic gifts. So I started working with
healers and then four years later my youngest daughter, who
was 16 at the time, had an eating disorder and I went to
the first family therapy sessionand she was at rehab and she
blamed me for her eating disorder.
And the whole kind of therapy session was around how I'm the
(02:06):
culpable parent. You know, that my ex-husband was
there. I'm the problem.
And I'm like, hang on a second. I don't live in a vacuum.
He's got problems. I got problems, the family
issue, but I didn't feel heard, so I went home.
And the way home I started internalizing all of that.
My worlds are getting darker anddarker and darker.
And then when I got home my brain told me that my kids are
(02:27):
better off with the death motherthan the Wise 1.
So I took all the pills that I had, the Trazodone, the
klonopin, the soma, the Ambien, and went upstairs and just let
go. And I went right to sleep, which
I never did. And my oldest daughter found me
the next morning and saved my life.
So then after a few days of the hospital, I was intubated for a
few days. I went transferred to the psych
(02:48):
ward. And so along with the the
wisdom, the universe is a mirrorshowing us ourselves in every
moment. There was an 18 year old young
lady there whose mom had passed away when she was 11 and she had
a severe eating disorder. So here's another way I can kind
of see myself and start to kind of believe in myself.
(03:09):
I have the capability to do better as a parent because
that's more important. Yeah.
Yeah. My kids are more important than
anybody else. Right.
Like, so I got to start at home.So the last night there, we
shared a room and we became veryclose.
And her mom soul came through and gave me a message to give
her. It was like the first time I
knowingly did that and felt confident that that was what was
(03:31):
happening. And her mom's soul told me her
childhood nickname that we had never discussed.
So I gave her the mass of the nicknames.
Oh, you know, she's freaking out, We're freaking out.
We're so excited. And then we're sleeping in the
same room. And so her mom's soul approached
me in the middle of the night because I, I've always had a
hard time sleeping now and better.
But you know, sleep and, and mental illness and trauma or
(03:51):
lack of sleep, that all goes together, right?
So I, I told her mom's soul. I said well, but if your tent is
loved, intent being the important part here, then you
can't go wrong. You know your soul.
So when your intent is love, youwill always connect well to your
daughter. So Shay had not had any hunger
cues, the 18 year old girl for three years.
(04:15):
And that's typical of eating disorder.
You stop eating, your body stopstelling you to eat.
It's like your body adjusts to your beliefs because our body is
a mirror of the soul as well. So she woke up with hunger cues
and ate a Full breakfast. So I was like, I think I'm a
healer, but I just attempted suicide.
(04:36):
So now what, you know? So it was like that was like the
beginning of this kind of snowball of self belief.
When I got out of the hospital, I had told my older daughter and
I said, I'm bringing healing thewhole family, and we're not
leaving your dad behind. And that's exactly what
happened. And I just kept going and
believing in myself. I sent it for four medicine
journeys to open myself so I could see how much trauma I had
(04:59):
in my childhood that I didn't love myself, how there were like
thousands of souls lining up to be my kids.
But I chose my kids because I needed there.
It's, you know, some very special gifts.
And so I just, there's a whole process of me going, wow, I'm a
pretty great person when I really hated myself my whole
life. Prior to that psychic experience
(05:19):
in the hospital, had you had other experiences or was that
the first? No, I've been psychic my whole
life. I just didn't believe in myself
because I was rejected so severely as a child.
So I recently could really connected to the statue.
It's called Emptiness about a grieving parrot.
And initially I thought, you know, well, the universe is a
mirror, right? But I hadn't connected to my
(05:39):
trauma about why I would be a grieving parrot yet, right?
I hadn't opened myself up because it was so painful for me
to see. Why would I resonate with a
statue about a grieving pair? I got 3 live kids.
I I only remember 3 pregnancies.What's it showing me?
Right. And it's like you see the head
(06:00):
and the arms and the legs and the whole center is empty.
And you can see the landscape behind which is the ocean view.
And that was me and my whole life.
Like I could never make friends.And all I remember is it's hard
to make friends. I never know what to say and I
just stay alone my whole life. And so I've kind of been insular
and I'm always my kids. Why are you talking to yourself?
(06:21):
But I was talking to souls. I just didn't know I was talking
to souls. So.
So did you think you were just talking to yourself?
I could see that I would like talk to people and then problems
would get solved. I just kept doing it.
But I would also would know whenpeople were calling.
I would know when things were happening.
I'd have prophetic dreams. I had a lot of, you know, you
(06:42):
know, supernatural experiences and my mom was very intuitive
and into astrology and, and so, but, you know, I, I didn't
believe in myself. So my dad, he stopped spending
the nights at the house when I was 11.
And then he would lie and say that he was there.
And I'm a kid. So I'm like, well, he must know.
So I internalize that that I can't trust what I see.
(07:05):
If I can't trust what I see in the physical world, how am I
going to trust what I'm hearing in the spiritual world?
I mean, it was just a whole conundrum for me.
So like, I don't trust when I see so much.
I developed a visual processing disorder that my visual
processing is in the 4th percentile, while my analytical
skills are in the 96th percentile.
(07:26):
But there's the counterbalance, right?
Like we're going to challenge Carrie so much.
She has to learn to listen to herself.
That's in my challenge. I resonate so much.
I had that same experience. So when I was like 5 to 8 years
old, my parents had divorced. My mom was seeing somebody.
And anytime I woke up hearing him, seeing him in the house, I
(07:47):
was told, no, that was just the TV.
Yeah, like, oh, so yeah, I'm allright.
I guess. I can't believe what I see and
hear. What a mind fuck for a child.
Like what in the parents have noclue what they're actually doing
to the child. You know, of course our souls
plan our lives for us, for us totake on these wounds, for us to
(08:08):
kind of it's like a, our wounds are like coal and then like a
deep coal, just, you know, they press them hard enough.
And then when you find the wisdom, the diamond appears,
right? And that's the shadow work.
We go in there, dig through the coal to find the diamonds.
And, and that's what I've been doing the past 10 years.
But see, I thought my whole lifewas coal.
I was like, I had 35 years of debilitating lower back pain and
(08:29):
and I was like, is, is everything Valley of darkness?
Is there any mountaintop here? Like what the hell you know so
but now I experience enlightenment all the time and
so I what I realize is that we take on an equal amount of
wounds to gain an equal amount of wisdom.
And so now is my wisdom time. So in in your book My Inner
(08:50):
Heroin you talk about 6 powerfulmen that were mirrors for your
deepest wounds. So can you expand on that?
Yeah, so that was what, you know, was amazing to me.
So I basically worked at home and went to yoga and that was my
life. And so 2019 I attempted suicide.
And then in October of 2019, I, I, I went to a yoga studio for
(09:12):
the first time. I'm like, OK, I'll try hot yoga.
Everybody says hot yoga. And I was like hot yoga and I
went like, oh, now I get it. OK, like love me some hot yoga.
But anyway, I went there and like, I was so nervous.
Like I had granny panties on under my yoga pants.
Like I'm like, oh, nervous, you know, freaking out.
And so the the yoga studio said,oh, start with the yen class.
(09:34):
And they told me where to sit. Like I made no decisions.
I just said, I'm going to this yoga studio tell me what to do.
So I sat right in front of my first hero, who I called Tim in
the book, and I started talking to the woman next to me because
our daughters went to high school together with my oldest
daughter. And I just opened, which I don't
usually do because I'm all nervous.
And now all of a sudden I'm opening.
(09:54):
And me being totally unaware about that there's a man behind
me or I had no awareness that that was my femininity coming
out because his masculinity was right behind me.
And so at the end of class, I got up and he talked to me.
He's like, oh, offer to take my props for me.
You know, he was trying to run with me and I just, I just shot.
(10:16):
I was just fear shut down. So I didn't talk to him for
another year. But that's what I in 2020 did 4
medicine journeys. It was COVID.
And then in December 30th of 2020, we had our first
conversation and he's Jewish andspeaks Hebrew and knows my
ex-husband. And so he had a conversation
about Israel and then we spoke alittle Hebrew and I jumped into
(10:38):
the conversation. Then I use my feminine voice
that had been suppressed and where I was like, you know, my
whole life, no friends, like no voice.
Can't trust myself, can't trust what I see, nothing.
And here I had, you know, four years earlier, suicide attempt,
you know, I was like medicine journeys, you know, right,
finally ready to speak my truth,right and be a healthy feminine
(11:01):
counterbalance to his masculinity.
And so when I loved myself like that, when I loved my womb like
that, in that moment, that's andI already knew it was emotional
pain stored as physical pain, which happens is, you know, our
bodies reflect our souls pain and and our souls wisdom.
And it went away. My lower back pain went away
because I finally found my feminine voice and it was, it
(11:24):
was amazing. Like, and I was like, OK, who's
this guy? Like he's got to be the one.
Like he saved me, you know, because I had a hard time
cooking and cleaning and walkingand exercise.
It was just like painful. So that that relationship lasted
2 1/2 years and and I went from when we first had our
conversation at that time, I still didn't even know every
(11:44):
time I was being psychic. 18 months later, I had an
opportunity to help Andrew Tate through a personal relationship
with Justin Waller right after he had been cancelled on social
media, had a payment processing center disconnected.
Because Tim, by the next year, like I never want to date with
any of these guys. I just would talk to their soul
at home and then see them at yoga.
And then Tim and I texted a lot.So he left the yoga studio the
(12:09):
next year. And so I'm like, what the fuck?
Oh my God, he's the one. And what am I doing?
And how am I? And I messed up.
And, you know, I figured myself out.
And then my interest was just like, well, because he had
multiple women, right? So I was like one man.
Well, this is the way it's supposed to be.
Like, what are you talking about?
Like, how can this what you know?
(12:30):
But these are the men I'm attracting into my life, right?
So my intuition says reach out to Justin Waller because I saw
him on Fresh and Fit a couple times and Justin got right back
to me and then we dammed on and off for a couple months.
Like I slowly but surely maneuvered and opened his heart
Because opening the heart of like a Justin Waller and Andrew
Tate, you know, 2 fire Academy instructors.
(12:52):
This is not an easy task. These men have wounds and these
men get women. And now here I am.
I'm 16 years older than Justin opening his heart, you know what
I mean? Like it's, it's I have to
appreciate myself on π that I was capable of such a feat, you
know, to get him that comfortable with me, that he
(13:14):
would open his heart to me. And that's how I accessed
Andrew. So because all of our energy
bodies, our souls are connected.We communicate through our heart
space. That's why the universe
communicates in coy ways because, you know, be direct
with the mind and coy with the heart.
That's why signs and synchronicities are so important
to show you that you're doing well and you're on your soul's
(13:34):
path, right? It's like you see 1111 and
that's a sign. It's not direct, but it's close
enough. Keep going.
I'm doing well. So this is what it was for me is
like, OK, well, who am I right that I'm able to like not even
know I'm a healer. And then all of a sudden I'm,
you know, called to help the most Googled man on the planet.
(13:54):
And then I felt resonance with him when Andrew was in solitary
confinement because I, you know,resonated with that statue
emptiness, right? Been alone my whole life.
So I sit in my dark garage and my recliner talking to Andrew
Sol for four months to help himself reflect in solitary
confinements and help me self reflect and kind of accept.
That's why I resonate with a manin solitary confinement because
(14:15):
one of the questions I asked himlike, OK, so Andrew, you know
that your external reality is reflection of your internal
reality and how you feel about yourself.
He's like, yeah, I'm like, so from that perspective, why are
you in solitary confinement? And I had to ask myself the same
question, you know, which is like, wow, you know, his soul.
(14:39):
That's how that's how isolated and just individual and singular
Andrew felt, which for me that totally makes sense.
I mean, no one can say there's 2Andrew Tates.
There is one Andrew Tate, which go Andrew like I love Andrew.
He just does himself. He just that's why it's like I
have affinity for Andrew. Like, there was everything
sexual to me and Andrew, but it was just like, love the guy
(15:01):
because he's just authentic. You know, he shows his wounds
and his wisdom. And his dad's a Grand Master at
chess. Like, my first guy, he's a
national master at chess and theyoungest winner in his state,
his home state. So like, chess is in, you know,
my thing, too. So, yeah, that's how those men
came in. And they all led me back to my
original hero from my childhood.So this mirroring, healing, it
(15:26):
wasn't just one way, it was going both ways.
Yeah, so yeah, because I would give them opportunities to heal.
And me. So like Tim, the first guy when
we first met, like he was super anxious too and couldn't even
talk to me every time and come in mad at yoga, overweight a
little bit. A year later, he's stacked,
right? Could get girls.
He was calm, cool and collected,stoic.
(15:48):
Like after a year, they all healtoo.
Because I kind of became like Tim's.
I called the book his soul wife.So nine months after we started
talking, there was lots of turbulence and up hills and
fights and I and I could, I one point was able to see inside my
heart that I feared all men. Then I exposed for him how he
fears women. So what happened was five months
(16:10):
into after we started talking, we got in a fight and he told me
never to talk to him again. So a week later I went for a
drive and he's got a house in, I'm already in Rincon.
I'm in Ventura. So Rincon is a very affluent
area and there's a gate there and I would go for a drive and I
didn't know he lived there. I knew he lived N but I didn't
(16:32):
know where. And so it's a common drive.
It's right there along the oceanand you could just get right off
the free ramp. Rin call.
It's a tiny little off ramp because there's no other housing
there. I get right back on.
Takes like 3 or 4 seconds to getoff the freeway and get back on
the freeway. And I'm not exaggerating or
underestimating. That's how long it takes.
It's time. So I go for a drive in the
(16:52):
middle of working one day, you know, and it takes about 20
minutes to get up there. I get off the freeway and right
when I get to the place to get back on the freeway, which is
right in front of the gate there, his car pulls up to the
gate, right? And so it looks like I'm
stalking, but I'm not stopping. I'm not a stalker.
I cried my bed at home. A lot of these men have thought
(17:13):
that I stalked them. Why?
Because they're super avoided and so because I have a very
anxious attachment style. So I tracked in a very avoided
attachment style with a likely sex addiction.
Because I'm sexually repressed, so I attract men who are
sexually overexpressed as a counterbalance so we can both
see ourselves. You know, I had a fear of men,
so I stayed home. Like you saw that my first
reaction to him was, and he has multiple women and the yo
(17:35):
instructor he's close to is alsoa dominatrix.
And you know, so like I'm like, BDSM is in my life.
I'm like, what the hell, you know, I don't know all this
stuff, but these are the men I'mattracting.
So I had to learn it. And like, so he called, he sees
me and I just I, my interest is like, get on the freeway, go
home. He never called me.
And he called my ex-husband in Israel to see, does he need a
(17:56):
restraining order against me? Because I was worried I would
climb over the fence, break intohis house when the kids are home
and be so violent he might need to shoot me.
But those were his fears. I mean, when I initially
interacted with his mom's soul, because when you initially
interact with the soul, like there's an energy exchange.
It's kind of like dogs sniffing each other's butts, you know?
It's like this is how we understand each other.
(18:17):
A lightning rod of pain went down my right side of my back
and I could barely move for two days.
That's how much emotional pain she had.
She was like a cement block of stuck energy.
And I wouldn't let her even talkto him for five months.
The first time she was able to even give him a message was the
day after his dad passed away. And I didn't even know his dad
(18:38):
had passed away till a week and a half later.
So yeah, there's a lot of growthon both sides.
And, you know, visible growth that I could see because three
of these guys and I could see Justin too.
He would read my texts and I'd see him on a video that day.
OK, well, I got to be honest. Oh my gosh.
Like, you know, I see how much I'm impacting him because I'm
just raw and honest and authentic with him, you know?
(18:59):
So, So yeah, they really helped too.
And that the mirror and teachingthe self reflection.
Because what I learned from these men, their challenge is,
you know, they go for breath because there's so much pain.
They can't go for debts. Like Justin is a prime example.
His mom has a YouTube channel where she talks crap about him
and gives out her phone number so people can call her so she
(19:20):
can talk crap about him, record it and then put more videos on
YouTube. When I saw that, like, OK, I'm
clear, clear, clear, clear, clear.
Like, whoa, whoa, OK. And and when I was talking to
Justin when I first met him, like he wouldn't even talk about
his kids. And he, you know, was full
player and full player when I saw his videos a week, a year
(19:43):
and a half later, at the end of one of his videos, his two year
old daughter came in and he was all grounded.
And he would, he was showing howhe cleans up the mobile home
parks that he owns because he was raised in one.
So he doesn't want the people there to be raised and get rid
of mattresses and clean this. He's like a super hard working
man. And he was finally like, it
opened his heart enough to sharethat I was like, I'm not talking
(20:06):
to these guys because you know, it's a hard thing.
So. It's hard with with men of this
caliber because the vulnerability is not something
they're used to or comfortable with because their mother not
never taught them help. And you said all these men
pointed you back to someone elsefrom your childhood, So who is
that? Well, I'm starting to say his
(20:28):
name and so that he is a former assistant Special agent in
Shard, the FBI, currently the head of global security at
GoDaddy. So that's important because she
got that job one month before I reached out to Justin.
And so because it felt like I'm like, I came to Justin's life
two months before Andrew's takedown and then Andrew to
(20:48):
solitary confinement. It's like it felt like I'm
working at a lockstep with someone who's powerful enough to
do that to Andrew. FBI engages in Internet
censorship all the time. You know, so, I mean, I don't
have confirmation, but that's who it is.
And through a lot of kind of research this year and reaching
out last year to him, and, you know, it's in the book as well.
(21:09):
You know, his house from childhood, I know now is in the
same school district as where I went to kindergarten.
Then my dad didn't sleep at homeat night.
My when I was 12, my dad moved back to that school district.
So I was a quarter mile from hishouse.
His dad was a surgeon and I don't remember much of my
childhood. In the fall, I had to heal from
(21:30):
a hysterical pregnancy with three, with three kids and face
my fear of being and saw multiple images of him breaking
into my house and throwing me over like, you know, over 6 feet
tall. And so I don't know what
happened, but I was shown that in December and I called the
police like to report because I was like, I got to tell someone,
(21:51):
but I couldn't get it out of me yet.
Like that's when I was shown it.And then nine months later, a
week and a half ago, in early September, I was finally able to
call the police and say, look, this happened 40 years ago.
I don't know what to do. Like we're going to take the
report, you know, it's passed the statute of limitations.
I'm like, I don't, you know, I, I'm not coming after this guy
legal. Like, I don't think this is it
(22:13):
Like, but I need to make the report.
And so I made the report. And so I, this is what was
really hard. So I'm talking to the police
officer. I had to mention the two fire
Academy instructors who I've helped as well, because Andrew
Tate was warm up for the fire department.
And I'm facing my fears of beingraped and fearing then, you
(22:33):
know, and So what does that say about the fire department?
And then the fire department waswarm up for the FBI and
executives. So what does it say about them?
And I know that all these men have severe wounds.
And in my book, I have the quotefrom Winston Churchill, right?
And he said that instead that famous men are often the product
(22:54):
of an unhappy childhood. I'm like, oh, well, that makes a
lot of sense because they want to accomplish.
They want to climb Mount Everest.
So they got to take on an equal amount of wounds.
And it's the women's job to helpthem process their wounds.
But as women, we don't know how to occupy the center because
we're so busy being boss babes. The centre of that's the stay at
home mom, that's the white, that's the emotional centre that
(23:17):
where mental health is created and sustained.
That's the self love like femininity, nurturing,
compassion, forgiveness, self reflection.
Those are all right brained activities.
But women, we don't have time for those right brained
activities because we're so busyproviding for ourselves.
So we basically set up a societywhere, you know, for failure of
the family because we haven't acknowledged what makes a woman
(23:40):
hormonally balanced physiologically lounds and uses
her Physiology to meet her biological imperatives to
survive, procreate and community.
And you know, we're at we're 20 years from population collapse
for a reason. Women have been hating on their
femininity. And so my enlightenment
experiences were all around how I hated on my femininity.
(24:01):
I didn't value my ability to create human life and how that
showed up in my life. Like after my second child was
born, I went right back to work 3 weeks later.
And then I got bacterial pneumonia and I spent two weeks
in the hospital on a ventilator,5 days on 100% oxygen, almost
died because I didn't value thatI needed to rest and care for
(24:21):
myself and care for my infant. I was too worried.
Oh, we don't have, we don't havemoney.
Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money,
money. We didn't pray on, you know,
what kind of good parent who cares for the mother and the
child doesn't plan financially for a child.
Oh, messed up parents. That's, you know the answer.
We were, you know, flied by the seat of our pants and all of
(24:44):
them, you know, we, we were messed up.
What do you say to men that are carrying their wounds, burying
it, not facing it? What?
What would you say to them? We'd say find your girl because
what, you know, So what happenedwith me and Jason as I reached
out in in in November, like 2 days before the election and
when he is immediately opening me.
(25:04):
It was the most avoided by the Times 10.
So the last guy before him, the 305, was a fire captain, 6 foot
7 fire captain turned out to be married.
I also chased another girl at yoga, which happens all three of
the guys at yoga. But I was like gnarly avoided.
And so I was like, oh, because it was, yeah, I don't even know
(25:27):
how to describe it. It was like things I've never
seen that It's like it was like the soul had churned and unwind.
All of his emotional pain was like times 10 of the other guys.
But I'm the one who needs. And why is that?
And I was shown that too. So after I reached out to him,
like, God, this is crazy. It's so much more powerful than
(25:48):
all the other guys. Like what's so special about the
two of us? And I asked the universe and I
said, you know, how are masculine and feminine souls
created? And this is what I was told that
the intent to create the masculine soul creates the
feminine soul and the feminine soul tears on half of our heart
chakra to create the masculine soul.
And so I've also downloaded a monogamy as the path to
enlightenment because basically my one of my challenges is how
(26:11):
do I communicate to these men that monogamy is the best for
them physiologically, spiritually, emotionally, being
with their girl, the one girl, you know, that I tore up half of
my heart chakra to create his soul.
You know, I trained his soul to provide and protect for me.
(26:32):
But what I found in the fall is like he had no idea.
And I'm going to call it, he didn't know how to sit, stay and
heal. And I'm not trying to be
disrespectful. You know, I didn't know how to
occupy the center and is as the emotional center, a healthy
emotional center that he can bring his wounds to and I can
help him heal. Then he goes back out to work
and he didn't know how to stay in orbit around me because if
(26:53):
I'm out, then he's way out, right?
So that's now my, but I'm the perfect mirror to his soul.
I understand him the best because he is the masculine to
my feminine. You know, other feminine souls
are not as complex enough, don'thave the wherewithal enough to
ground him and then like appreciate all of his complexity
(27:15):
in all of his challenge and emotional depth and
intelligence, expecting that he's going to heal outside of
the relationship with the woman that is the other half of his
soul, so to speak, right? Like you'll hear a man say, you
know, I got to meet my maker means his wife, right?
And that's kind of that has comeout of so many men that that's
(27:37):
the truth. And that, that it's also in that
wisdom, you know, so how beautiful is that though?
And it's that wound that we're, that we're healing.
And now, you know, in 2012, the Mayan calendar showed us that
now is it there was like end of that time cycle, new time cycle
is self healing. So now is the time for this self
healing. Now is the time for all this
(27:58):
wisdom to come out. And you know, there's so much
talk about rapture and 2nd coming and you know, heaven on
earth, well, heaven on earth isn't going to land here.
But that's not you accepting howreality works.
Heaven on earth is created when we have heaven in our hearts,
when we love ourselves and we project that externally, then
that love is protected back to us.
(28:18):
That's what Charlie Kirk was doing to try to communicate with
people in nonviolent ways to love themselves, look inside
themselves, find, you know, Christ consciousness inside of
their own heart because that's where it's located.
So, you know, that's what men could do is love themselves, you
know, work. I say men work out healthy, you
(28:40):
know, so they get lifting weights is testosterone
producing a diet That's testosterone producing, you
know, walk barefoot in nature, get in nature and develop a
spiritual practice and keep opening your heart and never
working on yourself enough. And if you know who your girl
is, I know men will know what I'm talking about.
That is the one you need to heal.
(29:01):
But you're not saying that men and women need each other.
It's really a specific man needsa specific woman to heal each
other. Yeah, I mean, they're kids.
So the reason? So I can, you know, make
progress with other men, so men can make some progress, other
women. But to get, like, get everything
out, I needed to come back to him.
(29:22):
Like, to face, like, the world of everything, like first
enlightenment experience, I had to face my fear that my children
have been sexually abused by their dad, which they weren't.
But that fear comes from my original fear because I was
raped as a child. You know, I was sexually abused
with my dad as a child as to sleep in his bed.
So then I was like, abandoned. He like, left me to sleep with
(29:43):
his, you know, now my stepmom and then potentially left me
open to a guy breaking into my house because, you know, his
dad's a surgeon and has tons of influence.
Yeah. But I would say that's what you
can do. But yeah, I am committed.
There is a one. And how beautiful.
It's like Swans, you know, or, or wolves.
So one thing I've been shown is that my life is kind of an
(30:03):
organized like a Wolf Pack because so with, you know, with
Tim and I at the front, like we were 2 1/2 years, like we were,
I was messed up. So it's Tim.
And so you put the the weakest at the front because they set
the pace. They're right behind them.
They have the younger ones you can run fast and do providing,
do protecting. OK, There's Justin and Andrew
and then you have the with the the female wolves and the
(30:26):
younger wolves in the center. And you know, and there I am
with my heart. And then behind me are the 2
fire Academy instructors, you know, like more protection
behind me. And then there's a lone wolf in
the back watching over everything.
Like if you watch Prince Williamand and and Kate, she walks in
front of her. She doesn't have her back on a
(30:46):
personal level because his institution doesn't allow it.
But when I was kept teaching Jason soul in the fall with the
like the sit, stay and heal. I'm like, you keep letting go of
me to connect with other women. How am I provided, protected for
You need to stay. You need stay here.
I think, you know, I need to learn how to retain a man and he
needed to learn how to sit, stayand heal, how to orbit around me
(31:09):
and only me, You know, not in all the fears of letting go.
This fear, this fear and this fear.
It's it's, you know, very kind of complicated process.
But we're all, you know, our souls take on darkness to make
it conscious for ourselves and then to share that wisdom with
the collective. And every time I experience
enlightenment, which is like allthe time, like couple times a
week now, like I'm, it's an emotion I just go into and I'm
(31:32):
out of it and I'm talking to thecollective.
Every time it happens, I open upa tractor energy cells in my
soul so that I can connect and influence all of humankind.
So, you know, I'm not deciding what the wisdom is.
I didn't decide that monogamy ismore wise than polygamy.
I open my heart, wisdom came outand I aligned with it.
(31:54):
So I don't want people to think,oh, she's just deciding this and
she's just no, no, there's a wayof things like 1 + 1 will always
equal 2. There's a, you know, the, the
table of elements is there's certain math equation that they
just are like, you know, Einstein would download
universal knowledge. He's a man.
So of course universal knowledgemakes sense.
Universal wisdom is more about relationships, relationship with
(32:14):
self, relationship with others. That's more feminine, you know,
So This is why I think is comingis that, you know, we've tried
the alternatives, you know, can does it, does it work out?
And with a lot of the LGBTQ kindof religion, well, we don't
procreate and the family's destroyed.
So we all know that we need a healthy nuclear family to have a
(32:36):
healthy society. There's time to sign to the data
proving that. So, OK, we got to bring back the
family. What does that mean?
You know, it means, you know, women need to accept that we
have a goal and we have a woman for a reason.
But I understand why women are afraid.
Like, I live in California, right?
And in California, if I have a kid and that kid wants to
transition to be trans and cut off their genitals, and I don't
(33:00):
agree the state can take that child away, how is that safe?
Like, no matter what, I mean, itmakes sense that women aren't
having kids. We're afraid to bring children
into this environment. So it's really great that, you
know, Trump asked, what can we do for the kids?
OK, boundaries, the border. Get rid of MS13, Get the drugs
out, address the schools. You know, create an economy
(33:24):
where men can make enough money for the woman to stay home.
You know, encourage women to be humble and modest and feminine
and healthy. You know, stop encouraging the
sexual promiscuity and the boss babe stuff that takes a woman
out of hormonal balance and awayfrom the center of the family
where they are physiologically designed to be.
(33:44):
So we kind of, you know, have lost this traditionalism worked
for so long because it kept our hormones balanced.
That does, you know, you know, reflecting our internal reality.
Externally it more balanced than, you know, a woman could be
a man and a man could be a woman.
So we have a lot of work to do, but yeah, it's time for it.
(34:04):
You've shared a lot of information thus far.
What is one thing you wish more men knew?
One thing I wish more men knew. There I am innocence wrapped in
valor. As a woman, I wield my sort of
compassion, cutting open emotional wounds to reveal
hidden wisdom within. That's the feminine, OK,
(34:27):
masculine valor wrapped in innocence.
I don't that the Anderson civil mobility, you know, it's the
it's the, it's the romance. It's the acknowledging the
feminine and getting on a knee to this one woman who is just
everything. That's what like, women really
(34:48):
need that and men need that. Like women are complaining that
men will express their emotions.Oh, yes, they do.
When they're chivalrous. That's expressing emotion
because men act women talk and when they're not chivalrous,
like there's a lot of that rightnow that is men talking clear as
day and giving feedback to womenclear as day all day long.
But women don't want to hear it that way because women don't
(35:09):
want to take accountability. So I would say men embrace that
you are Val or wrapped in innocence and you in that build
yourself the the the working out, the diet that the business
and love on yourself so profoundly that the only woman
who could earn the privilege of being in bed with you and you're
(35:32):
providing and protection is thisone woman.
Value yourself that much that all these women taking this
money and this problem and, you know, pulling you this way and
that way just, well, just do this for me and just pay for
this. They do not value you.
All those women, those men are sleeping with.
And I asked Justin that why do you value yourself so little?
Just give your body away. Why don't those women have to
(35:54):
earn the privilege of making love to you?
And are they really making love to you or just turning around
and fucking up the ass? Like what the hell?
Why are these men not valuing themselves that they think they
need multiple women that you know, and all this crazy that
comes in our life because of it.And they Justin has at least
three families. How can he show up for those
(36:16):
kids in a healthy way? He can't be at the dinner table
at night. Be that guy.
Set your life up. If you're young enough, you have
in your family in a way that youcan provide through your girl,
your wife, the mother of your children well enough that she
can stay home. And that you value yourself so
much that you won't settle for awoman that will do anything less
(36:37):
that her wife is her man and herchildren and anything less.
Don't settle. I guess that's when I have some
men Don't settle. Carrie, what's the best way for
people to connect with you find the book?
So I have a website, www.carrieblazer.com that's
getting redone. It'll a new version will come
out next week and then my book is on Amazon.
(37:00):
My inner heroine exploring feminine paint.
Awesome, well fed, quite a journey.
I'm glad we're going and I appreciate your your openness
and your authenticity and the way that you're sharing your
journey so we can positively impact even more people.
Thanks again to Carrie Blazer for reminding us that within
(37:21):
every wound there is wisdom and within every shadow there is
light. If today's conversation
resonated with you, I encourage you to take the next step and
surround yourself with other mencommitted to living
authentically. Join me in the authentic AF
community. It's a safe space where men
connect, heal, and grow together.
Visit realmenfeel.org/group and until next time, be good to
(37:41):
yourself.
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