August 29, 2025 • 32 mins
Embracing Vulnerability
In this episode of Real Men Feel, host Andy Grant speaks with Dawud Wallace, a speaker, entrepreneur, and advocate for emotional wellness rather than suppressing them, and advocates for creating safe spaces for men to share and support one another, especially among Black men. They discuss themes such as caregiving, grief, mental health, and masculinity. Dawud shares his personal experiences of caring for his sick mother from a young age, dealing with grief, and the importance of vulnerability.
They explore the societal 'man box' that restricts men's emotional expressions and how Black men face even tighter constraints. Dawud emphasizes that true strength lies in facing and understanding one's emotions, not suppressing them, and advocates for creating safe spaces for men to share and support each other.
They also touch on the importance of accountability, the value of fun and joy, and how to break free from societal expectations. Dawud's book, 'When a Brother Needs a Friend Too,' serves as a guide for those navigating similar challenges.
00:00 Introduction to Real Men Feel
00:21 Meet Dawud Wallace: A Journey of Emotional Wellness
01:15 The Importance of Vulnerability and Emotional Expression
04:57 Navigating the Man Box
06:20 The Role of Self-Reflection and Spirituality
09:42 The Impact of Emotional Isolation on Black Men
14:57 Redefining Masculine Strength
17:06 Understanding Vulnerability and Fatherhood
17:24 Prioritizing Mental Health in Black Men
19:50 The Importance of Accountability
22:32 Legacy and Principles
24:05 Embracing Fun and Joy
25:03 Handling Grief and Tough Times
26:23 Takeaways from the Book
29:19 Connecting and Spreading the Message
30:01 Final Thoughts and Gratitude
Connect with Dawud
Dawud Wallace — https://www.whenabrotherneeds.com/
Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/whenabrotherneeds
Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/whenabrotherneeds
Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:
Join me and connect with other like-minded men in the
Authentic AF Community | http://realmenfeel.org/group
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant
Andy Grant Website | https://theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Real Men Feel Website | http://realmenfeel.org
YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel
#RealMenFeel ep 368
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You you have emotion. Why would you then none of it
have any emotions. You know in the hip hop world,
we like to say this thing y'all keeping it real.
That's not keeping it real, saying you don't have any
emotions. You don't want to talk about
them. That's fairly that's we don't do
that. You got to talk about them.
Hello and welcome to Real Midfield, the show where we
remind men that it's OK to be human.
(00:21):
I'm your host, Andy Grant, and today I'm honored to welcome
Dawood Wallace, a speaker, entrepreneur, and powerful voice
for emotional Wellness, especially among Black men.
Dawood's story is 1 of courage, caregiving, loss, and healing.
He's someone who's lived the heartbreak of grief and the
isolation that can come with being the strong one in the
family, but he also knows the freedom that comes from the
(00:42):
vulnerability. His book, When a Brother Needs a
Friend too, is more than a book.It's a lifeline for the men who
feel unseen, unheard, or alone. This episode is all about being
real. We talk about caregiving, grief,
mental health, masculinity, and what it means to truly be there
for one another. And if you're looking for a safe
space to be real, to be heard, to connect with other men on the
(01:05):
journey, I invite you to join the authentic AF community at
realmenfeel.org/group. It's free and it's built for men
like you. Let's do it.
Would you write and speak with areal, raw honesty?
When did you first realize that your own emotional Wellness
needed attention? You know, it was, it was a it's
(01:27):
a strange long road. Like I said, the whole kind of
premise of the whole book was mymom got sick when I was 14.
And you know, at that age you don't know what you're doing,
right? You're 14, you're in 7th, 8th
grade and you just want to play video games.
Back then, I'm dating myself, but we was just heavy into like
Mortal Kombat and NBA Live and stuff like that.
(01:49):
NBA Jam. So when you see a you see a
mother getting sick, you don't realize the back story, right?
But then you see your dad, who'ssuper strong, super smart and
really a loving guy, really go through some wild things, right?
And, and, and he's trying to process stuff.
Now Fast forward 30 years later,I have a buddy that's going
(02:10):
through something similar, but one of his parents has
Alzheimer's dementia, another parent had cancer, and I saw him
take care of both parents and itwas so gripping, moving, and
troubling to see that he couldn't get his emotions out
'cause he was basically felt like he was all alone.
So now as I got older, I'm trying to chronicle.
(02:32):
Chronicleize those moments and situations and understanding
prospects, my feelings and emotions at those times.
And and what made you want to Share your story, not just for
your own healing, but to help? Other brothers, you know, it's
guys in itself, right? Just by nature is to keep stuff
(02:52):
bottled in, right? That's just the whole nature.
We're told to just sit down, be tough, be emotionless and all
that BS. And I saw that we needed some
healing. I needed healing.
I knew my story wasn't unique. I'm not that special.
There's a lot of people going out there going through these
tough, traumatizing times and they need a guide.
And if I can help them, if podcasters like you and other
(03:14):
people can help, especially men learn how to adapt, adjust and
kind of get their footing in these trauma traumatic moments,
I think it could help. I, I really do.
I think talking helps. I think books helps.
I think podcasts help. There's a lot of resources out
there. We just need to, you know, get
in tune with them. And how has your own experience
(03:36):
with grief and caregiving shapedwhat you see as what a real man
is today? Yeah.
And you know, as a real man is, it's of course, built off of
strength. That's our foundation as men.
But the strength isn't hiding, right.
The strength isn't putting that mask on.
As I talk in my book, that mask is corny.
It's weak. It it's phony.
(03:57):
Really, it's a fake. It's hiding head in the sand, if
you will. The real strength is facing your
stuff. The real strength is
understanding your emotions to it.
Not running from your emotions, but controlling your emotions
and getting, getting arms aroundyour emotions.
Understanding that trauma happens.
It happens to me, it happens to you.
(04:18):
It's going to happen to Billy Bob, Raheem, Tanami, all of
them. So but how do we adapt to them?
How do we adjust them? How do we get our arms around
them so it doesn't make us sick,it doesn't make us upset,
doesn't make us hard to be around.
You know, I find when you're going through trauma and going
through drama, you become like, you know, people don't really
(04:39):
want to be around you, All right?
Your girl, your spouse, whoever,your homeboys, whoever, they
don't want to be around you because they can feel that
negative energy that's coming off you.
So I, I just wanted to get my point out there and help as many
people as I can. You help one of them, you help
1000, right? So.
In, in our first conversation, we, we talked a bit about the
(05:00):
man box and I've heard lots of guys.
So the the man box for anyone not familiar with the term, it's
just that that constriction of the rules of society, which says
a man should be. And you said you believe that
black men have an even tighter man box.
The regular box is 6 feet. Ours is like 2 1/2 feet.
It's, you know, and it's, it's normal.
(05:21):
It's just the reality of the situation.
There's no drama. There's no, you know, beef or
anything. It's a drama situation that
black men have a a different flow on a different vibe in a
different way. We have to navigate this society
and it becomes very constrictive.
And I think that's what you see in a lot of the the anger, the
(05:44):
fear, the doubts sometimes come with those constrictions.
And it starts very young. That just started 303525, it
starts at 8-9. And when you put in those boxes,
you either, you know, kind of adapt to those boxes or you
fight those boxes. And that's what you see
sometimes when you see those emotions come out.
(06:06):
So we need to loosen those boxesup.
And for all men, those boxes are, they're just there.
So we need to find a way to navigate those boxes if you
will. And what are some ways that that
men can can break out of that box or at least loose?
Yeah. So first thing is having a
moment of self reflection, knowing the situation that
(06:26):
you're in, knowing that it's going to be a tough battle.
So anyone who thinks it's going to be easy battle, anyone that
thinks, you know, I can just, you know, if I won the Powerball
tomorrow, my battle's going to be easier.
And it's not going to. This battle was, you know, the
toughest, this man versus man that's inside of us, right?
So you got to first of all, knowwho you are, self reflect,
(06:49):
realize the battle that you're in, keep a level head.
And I'd like to always think youshould gain some spirituality,
foundational stuff. And I start talking about my
religion. Whatever you believe in, Muslim,
Christian, Jewish, whatever, whatever you believe in, there's
a foundational spiritual base. And once you get that, you can
(07:11):
probably navigate many things inlife because you'll, you'll be
able to submit, you'll be able to also understand your power.
But those, these take time and these take lessons.
There's no class in learning howto navigate the man box, right?
There's no, you know, there's geometry class, there's PE, but
there's no how to, you know, navigate that man box.
(07:32):
So we got to start teaching this, especially even younger
high school, middle school. It's tough to learn this at 30
when you should be learning thisat 8-9, you know?
It's tragic that an 8-9 year oldis already being molded to be
smaller than they really are. Yeah, no.
And and it's and it that's type of stuff is perpetual.
(07:52):
So it keeps going. So you carrying that from 8-9
and you're 17 now and you like and you really starting to
become an adult into the real world.
And you, you got these artists wait on you.
It's like a albatross. It's like a anchor and some
people, it's tough to get over. They never get over that.
And that they're just, you know,the fall by the wayside will
never get over that part. Did your father raise you in the
(08:17):
box? My.
Father is super like he's, he's super interesting because he is
first of all, he's brilliant. And I'm not saying that
brilliant because he's my dad. Like I'm biased a little bit,
right? But no, he's actually an Ivy
League, right? And he got like 80°.
He's a PhD, he's brilliant in that part, but he's, he's one of
the rare people that actually cares about others.
(08:41):
Like he, some of my friends, youknow, they might not have had
fathers in the household. And he would take all of us in
and I would ask him as I got older like that, why did you
take a liking or take a, a, a point to bring all my friends
in? He was like, I didn't just see
them as friends, I saw them as people who needed that type of
father figure influence. It wasn't about them being your
(09:04):
friend or your buddy. I mean, not help, but it's about
helping others. It's about caring about each
other. And like I said, so in instance,
my dad wrote a manual in 2001, I'm kind of piggybacking off
that flow, but I'm updating it for my generation, updating for
what I've seen in my experiences.
(09:25):
But he is just, he's brilliant. He's super great.
He's just strong and just, well,he told me that I could be
anything, but he wanted me. He wanted me the major in
economics, so that I had the major in economics.
That was his only one caveat when I went to college, so.
I I wonder what emotional isolation looks like for black
(09:47):
men. Well, how much time do you have?
Such a weird thing because blackmen are super unique to this
experience and not unique, in fact, that a lot of black men
are taking care of spouses, are taking care of parents.
And we don't see anything, especially in the media that
(10:08):
that goes over that part of it. And isolation is real.
The isolation is, it's troubling.
It's, it's scary and it's, it's a lot of fear and doubt, right?
Like I, I know it's cliche to think about just how black men
interact with the police officers, right?
And that's, that's a weird, that's a, that's a real thing,
(10:31):
but it's, it's a real thing on both sides.
It's a real thing that there needs to be classes taught on
how to interact with law enforcement and vice versa on on
their end, too. There needs to be interactions
on how to involve how to interact with teachers and when
you're in public in a certain way.
(10:52):
And it's, it's just so layered it, it really is layered.
There's many different avenues and schools of thought on that,
but it's just layered and it's not going to be a book.
It's not going to be a person todo it.
It just takes small steps, very small steps of being in control
of your emotions and understanding where your
(11:13):
emotions are coming from. Yeah, being being black in
America is still challenging. And so I imagine that at
especially at the young ages that a lot of that that man box
having you keep control of your emotions, keep things to
yourself is really passed on to keep them alive.
The fear, that doubt, that fear that it's generational, right?
(11:35):
Like that fear and stuff is generationally passed down from
your great grandparents all the way to you and you see these
things and that trauma is passeddown.
I think it's studies show that trauma can be passed down
through that mean the DNA and all that stuff.
So it's, it's extremely tough, but you have to just wrap your
arms around it, really control your emotions.
(11:59):
And I think you can help by knowing where your emotions are
coming from, right? When we're, when we're hearing
that fear and that doubt, that anxiety, that stress, we got to
kind of wrap our arms around andtake a step back and say, why am
I feeling these things? Like, why am I so stressed out?
Why am I not a happy person to be around?
Right? Why, why am I not moving,
(12:21):
getting the exercise that I need?
Why am I move it to chemical dependencies and stuff like
that? So it's, it's, it's a process.
It's truly a process and we musttrust the process.
So your book is called When a Brother Needs a Friend too.
What would have been the ideal friend for you growing up that
would have perhaps made caregiving or watching sick
(12:44):
parents? What a friend that would have
possibly could have made that easier.
That's a great, that's a super great question, Mr. Grant.
Just a friend that will listen. You know, as men, a lot of times
we try to solve problems. That's part of our, you know,
our, our DNA is to solve problems.
This is, this is not about solving problems.
It's about listening. It's about understanding.
(13:06):
It's about getting out of your own personal ego and
understanding the other person, what they're going through.
And that's kind of the situationI had with my, my, my buddy
Mikey, who I interviewed for my book.
I just wanted to like be a friend to them, not trying to
know the answer. I have no idea how to take care
of a mother with dementia, right?
(13:26):
That that's there's, like I said, once again, there's no
class in that. All right?
I don't go after social studies class and didn't go to how to
care for an aging parent, right?So just being there for them,
getting out of your own ego and listening, which is a skill and
most people I know I didn't learn to listen to much later in
life. We just want to talk, we want to
(13:48):
help people, We want to give youmy opinion about stuff.
No, just be a friend for them. Listen.
Listen. What would you say to someone
that says it's you know, it's just not cool to talk about my
feelings? I would say, you know, that's
wack, that's super wack and you need to get out your own
feeling, get out your ego and that's corny.
(14:10):
You you have emotion. Why would you then none of them
have any emotions. You know, in the hip hop world,
we like to say this thing, y'allkeeping it real.
That's not keeping it real, saying you don't have any
emotions, you don't want to talkabout them.
That's fairly that's we don't dothat.
You got to talk about them because what happens is you'll
find out your buddy has the sameemotions, he's going through the
(14:31):
same thing or you find out this guy, that guy, that guy, and
we're all kind of going through the same thing and many hands
make life work, right? That's in the Bible, I believe.
So if your emotions are going through that, maybe, you know,
this person can help you get through that.
And it's it's like you said, that man box, that whole ego
that, you know, I don't, I don'tneed to talk about this and this
(14:53):
and that it it's so phony. It's corny.
Very. So if vulnerability is strength
and the real strength is taking off that mask, are there any
current kind of role models of that new sense of masculine
strength that you see I. Mean it's a great question.
You know, it's tougher in today's world with the social
(15:14):
media aspect of people can't be themselves, right?
And the people who are themselves get ostracized for
being themselves. So they they almost look that
like, yo, you're too much, You know, you need to you need to
fall back a little bit. But I'm sure there's many people
out there. Let me think of a couple a
person who shows great strength.That's a that's a really good
(15:38):
question. You got to get there's there's
many of them because yeah, I'm, I'm huge into sports.
I'm thinking about like my all kind person is Muhammad Ali and
it's so I I wasn't, you know, I wasn't around for Muhammad Ali's
heyday, but I've read every single book.
Me and my buddy collect his posters.
I even have his comic book when he fought Superman, really
thought so. But the strength you write, the
(16:00):
strength of valor, the the ability to be emotional but not
be over the top with it. His strength was incredible,
especially when he's going through a situations.
And I always tell people Muhammad Ali lost 3 or 4 times.
So it wasn't that he was undefeated.
(16:20):
That's not what you remember about him.
You remember him getting back up.
You remember him fighting again.You know, and always tell people
when my favorite quotes is you know why Muhammad Ali's the
greatest? Because he told you he was.
It's a message in. There yeah the so the example I
my go to example is is the raw. Dwayne.
(16:41):
Johnson right, 'cause there's, there's no doubt he's a man,
he's huge, he's tough, he's all the traditional stuff.
But he also feels and he emotes and he talks about the pain of
losing his dad and you see his letting his daughters covering
him in makeup and stuff. And you know, he's, he's not
living in a box. He's totally not living in a box
and that is one of my favorites.He's he's awesome.
(17:01):
He's Did you watch the TV show he had?
Oh yeah. Yeah.
And that showed like, like you said, the vulnerability with his
dad, who maybe they didn't have the greatest traditional
relationship, but it was love there.
And now as he's got old, he's probably understanding where his
dad was coming from, right. And no, Dwayne Johnson is he's
(17:22):
he's he's a beast man. He's a beast.
And a culture that kind of can glorify hustling.
How can Black men make their mental health, their emotional
well-being, a priority? It's a great question.
It all starts internal and I'd like you said, I would love to
start it much younger in life. I just, I, I feel that a lot of
(17:43):
these things happen in vacuums. When you're 3025, I just think
it's too late then I think you're already formed.
I would love to see mental health.
I would love to see mentorship. I would love to see just growth
and understanding at a very young age and, and started the
(18:04):
church. If you started school, if you
started after school programs, right?
If if we played a lot of sports,right, and you know, we played a
lot of sports where I'm from, the DC area, we played
basketball. It's like the greatest
basketball hotbed in the whole world.
Why couldn't we have mental health classes?
Why can't we do peer reviews andand stuff where we're teaching
(18:25):
each other how to be in control of our emotions?
I think, I think there are programs out there that are
starting and I think that shouldbe a more national initiative.
I really do. And I can say they can start a
church. You can start a sports leagues
that started school. There needs to be way more hands
on at a younger age about wrapping out arms around mental
(18:47):
health and not making that stigma, though.
This is corny. This is you know, you're, you're
being weak by saying you're emotional.
No, you build your stink off of vulnerability, right?
Like keeping it rivolous, keeping it right, and being in
control of your emotions. You shouldn't be upset at the
everything that happens, right? That's not strength.
(19:07):
Strength is knowing why you're upset.
Focus on that and fixing that. So controlling your emotions
doesn't mean not feeling. That doesn't mean denying.
You I'm, I'm gonna get that tattooed on my forehead because
I think a lot of people confuse being emotionless.
That's why that's not real, right?
Yeah. We have emotions in everything.
(19:29):
If I'm, you know, we get emotional about football games,
we get emotional about everything.
But you can't get emotional about some really major stuff
that's happening. You just want to, I'm cool, you
I'm good. I don't care about that.
That's wack. It's super corny.
And you got to keep that energy away.
That's that's not good energy tohave around you.
(19:51):
So how do you think we as men can help each other to to open
up, to share, to be strength, tobe strong and vulnerability?
Yeah, accountability. And it's so tough.
I know, it's so tough, 'cause we're taught this from day one
that we're born to be strong, toto, to, to bottle our emotions
(20:12):
up. Super corny.
I hate it. We have to held each other
accountable. We have to.
My father holds me accountable. My friends hold me accountable.
My brothers hold me accountable,right When they say, yo, you,
you, you're doing the wrong thing.
You bugging out, tripping right now.
I have to take that as no, they're not hating on me.
(20:33):
They love me. They care about me.
I need to relook in the mirror and understand what's going on,
control myself. It starts with accountability
and that's, it's a small word, but it's huge.
It's massive. And a lot of people just in
general, people don't have a lotof accountability.
We hide from that accountabilitypart of it whether this friends
(20:57):
men need to hold each other accountable, right.
We need to just talk more too. There needs to be more talking.
And then I think I've read a study right now is the most
loneliest time. And did you did you read this
before this? It's like, I guess with the
Internet and all this stuff, like people are aren't talking
(21:17):
like they're not hanging out. They're extremely lonely.
And when you lonely, you're going to do some crazy wild
things. You gotta really get a nice
collection of friends and hold each other accountable and maybe
go out and have a cigar. Maybe go out and talk.
Just talk to your brothers, talkto your friend, talk to people.
I'm huge on talking as you can see.
(21:40):
You know, and one thing about accountability, I always shunned
it. I didn't.
I didn't want accountability because to me that meant blame,
right? Right, but but we can't fix or
change anything if we don't takeaccountability for it first.
And it's such a like you said, like you said, Mr. Grant, it's
such an easy step, but such a long step too.
We got to be accountable. And it's man, it it it's almost
(22:04):
like humans are anti account accountability.
We're just we're so we're so bramish.
Yeah, so, but like you said, andI guess it has to start younger.
It has to start younger. It's, it's tough to get that
when you're 3525. It's because you, you've already
made fun of form, right? And you've already starting to
(22:25):
think that accountability is like someone's blaming me and
I'm blaming myself. And it's not bad, you know.
What sort of legacy do you hope?Not just your book, but the way
you live and lead what? What sort of legacy do you hope
that is leading by? That's a great question, Mr.
Grant. I hope I was the three FS like I
really do. I hope I was firm.
(22:47):
I hope I was fair. You know, I, I, I, I mean,
you're firm meaning like you stick to your guns, you stick to
your principles, right? You don't, you don't get, you
don't get lost off your principles, which can easily
happen, right? You know, and I, and I hope I
was firm. I hope I was fair.
I, I really do. I, I think one of the things I
study is stoicism. And I think Marcus really says
(23:12):
be firm with yourself, but be lenient with others and
basically saying other people make mistakes and that's not up
to you to judge them, but you need to stick to your
principles, stick to your firmness.
And the last FI hope I'm fun like I I don't I don't take
myself so serious where I can't make fun of myself and I can't
(23:34):
make fun of someone else. Right.
But it's not meant that a malicefun.
It's just meant to lighten the mood.
I think when the mood's lighten,I think people open up more.
I think their shield comes down a little bit.
So yeah, I just want to be firm,fair and fun.
And if I could have those legacies, if I can be
accountable, if I could be a positive person and create
(23:56):
positivity with people. And I think I I've done good, I
think I can live with myself. I do those things.
Yeah, fun is definitely underrated for all adults, but I
think especially men. Like I would love to see fun and
joy become more of the more of athe foundation of masculinity.
No, 100% we, you know, especially today's time, so much
(24:19):
drama stuff going on and you know, you read the paper well, I
don't know people read papers anymore.
I'm dating myself again. But you read Twitter then you
know, all the social media sitesand everything is so doom and
gloom and it's like it's it's a wild time, but it's still a fun
time. Figure out where you're fun is.
Like I said, I enjoy cigars, right?
(24:39):
So am I getting my buddies wherever we go, get a cigar,
just catch up, just, you know, shoot the breeze.
Hey, what's going on? How's the family?
What's this going on? How's the job?
How you feeling about this? How's your parents?
Right? As we get older and our parents
are all aging, we got to figure out that aspect of it.
So fun is super important and I think people need to have more
(25:03):
fun. If you could go back and talk to
yourself during your times of heaviest grief, what would you
say? Hey, he going, hey, he going
deep for me, man, going deep forme.
I would say, yo, everything's going to be fine.
This moment, like anything else will pass.
(25:23):
But you have to embrace that. You have to really embrace that
this moment is a tough moment and you're you're built tough.
You can handle this. It's going to be some sad days,
you know, and unfortunately, oneof my, I lost my grandmother
during COVID and my grandmother was super important to me.
You know, back then with COVID, she couldn't even have a
(25:45):
funeral, right? Like the funeral was literally
on video, like, you know, 5 or 10 people could show up.
When I think about those momentsthat that's tough.
It's still tough for me today, 5-6 years later.
But you got to, you know, you, you're built for this, you're
built for this. You have the vulnerability and
you have the accountability and just, you know, stay firm what
(26:10):
you believe in your principles, have your spiritual foundation
face what you're facing and it'll all it, it, it'll, it'll
crystallize and real galvanizingyou will be a better person for
going through these situations. What do you hope people take
away from reading your book? The I I hope they would take
away. Here's a guy, right?
(26:31):
I'm, I'm no doctor, I'm no MD, I'm no PhD.
I'm like Doctor J. That's the only doctor that I,
you know, know, but he's a real person, just a real dude who is
trying to tell you about his situation and just give me some
pointers and tips on how to dealwith your situation.
At some point, we all will have to help a friend out who was
(26:52):
sick, a spouse out, a parent. We're all going to go through
these situations. These situations aren't unique
to me, you, him or her. So these are just steps, tips,
right? I interviewed two people who I,
I have so much respect for and honor and they had to go through
it and they came through on the other side and they're beautiful
and they're moving forward in life.
(27:14):
Just the just the perspective ofa real dude who's right in his
perspective and trying to help the little bit that he can.
This, this book isn't going to, it's not a cure all.
It's not a Band-Aid, it's not surgery, just a small mental
step to help you get through your journey.
What's one thing you wish more men knew?
(27:35):
Geometry. No, I think.
No. One has ever said that that's
great. I always thought this joke
because I took geometry at 10th grade and I failed it.
And so my dad sat me down and realized like he taught me how
to think about geometry and likein steps, like, you know, we
doing proofs and stuff, don't just think of it how to get to
(27:56):
the answer, how to think about understanding what you're doing.
And I think that's in life. That's actually a good point of
how to not just get to an answer, but how to understand
how you got to the answer. But I think more men just need
to know how to that that word again, accountability, being
vulnerable. It is all right to be
(28:16):
vulnerable, yo. No one's going to be tripping
and hating on you. And if they do, you probably
don't even need to be around them.
But I don't care who it is. If someone doesn't respect your
vulnerability, someone doesn't respect your pace and your space
of how you move it through life,and someone doesn't give you
room to grow and adapt, yo, you probably don't need to be around
(28:39):
them because they aren't even respecting you, not as a man,
but just as a human. They want to inject their
personal and ego on you. So I would just tell men it's OK
to be vulnerable. Yo, it's, it's actually OK.
So it's all right to strength isin the vulnerability.
Strength isn't in, you know, popping off and talking, talking
(29:02):
ish all day. That's that's weak.
Strength is in being strong and vulnerable and knowing you can
handle situation, knowing you'regoing to go through that storm.
You're going to get wet a littlebit, but at the end you'll be
all dry and you'll you'll get through that storm.
Dawood, what's the best way for people to connect with you to to
(29:22):
get the book? Yeah, definitely go.
So go to winnerbrotherneedsafriend.com.
It's everywhere. It's blowing up.
Go buy 4000 copies and just givethem out to people for Christmas
gifts, Kwanzaa gifts, Hanukkah gifts, whatever gift you want to
give them. So it's a great book for all.
It's read through my perspective, but all of us are
(29:43):
going to go through some tough times.
We're going to deal with, like you said, caregiving, sick
parents, drama all day. And I'm on all socials.
So just and I, I'll, I'll put the I'll give you the
information to post it for our BIOS and all that good stuff.
And yeah, I'm available to speak.
No doubt. Mr. Grant, before we get going,
I just want to say thank you fordoing all the work you do.
(30:05):
And real men do fail. And it's, it's a we're raging.
We're raising the consciousness of the world that needs to be
raised right. Like our grandparents probably
thought one way, but they had togo through the Depression and
they had to go to World War 2. They had real drama to go
through. And maybe they had to have those
Shields up to protect themselvesfrom all that stuff that was
(30:28):
going on. But they did that so we could be
free and more vulnerable and andmore have more accountability.
And we were just squandering that away.
So thank you for all the work you're doing, Sir.
Yeah, all, all of our masks and Shields serve the purpose.
But the point of the point of maturing is to realize, oh,
(30:49):
they've outlived their purpose. And that's a that's a tough
paper to do that. That's a tough concept for
people to grasp. Yeah, 'cause you got to live it.
Like you can read a good book and get that idea in your head,
but if you don't live it. Nothing's going to change, as my
dad would say. Every day the rents do.
Every day you'll get evicted if you don't pay that rental time.
(31:14):
Also, dude, thanks for your timeand thanks for not just writing
your message, but then I really thank you for living your
message. Thank you, Sir.
That's what that's what the world needs.
More men on mission with purpose.
Open sharing. Big thanks to the Wood Wallace
for his honesty, wisdom and heart.
You know, his message is clear. There is strength and
vulnerability. It is not a weakness, and every
(31:36):
man deserves the kind of brotherhood that holds him up
through life's toughest moments.If this conversation spoke to
you, please share it with another man that you care about
and don't let this be the end ofyour journey.
Join us inside the authentic AF community at
realmenfield.org/group where real men show up, speak up, and
help each other. Up until next time, be good to
(31:58):
yourself.
You you have emotion. Why would you then none of it
have any emotions. You know in the hip hop world,
we like to say this thing y'all keeping it real.
That's not keeping it real, saying you don't have any
emotions. You don't want to talk about
them. That's fairly that's we don't do
that. You got to talk about them.
Hello and welcome to Real Midfield, the show where we
remind men that it's OK to be human.
(00:21):
I'm your host, Andy Grant, and today I'm honored to welcome
Dawood Wallace, a speaker, entrepreneur, and powerful voice
for emotional Wellness, especially among Black men.
Dawood's story is 1 of courage, caregiving, loss, and healing.
He's someone who's lived the heartbreak of grief and the
isolation that can come with being the strong one in the
family, but he also knows the freedom that comes from the
(00:42):
vulnerability. His book, When a Brother Needs a
Friend too, is more than a book.It's a lifeline for the men who
feel unseen, unheard, or alone. This episode is all about being
real. We talk about caregiving, grief,
mental health, masculinity, and what it means to truly be there
for one another. And if you're looking for a safe
space to be real, to be heard, to connect with other men on the
(01:05):
journey, I invite you to join the authentic AF community at
realmenfeel.org/group. It's free and it's built for men
like you. Let's do it.
Would you write and speak with areal, raw honesty?
When did you first realize that your own emotional Wellness
needed attention? You know, it was, it was a it's
(01:27):
a strange long road. Like I said, the whole kind of
premise of the whole book was mymom got sick when I was 14.
And you know, at that age you don't know what you're doing,
right? You're 14, you're in 7th, 8th
grade and you just want to play video games.
Back then, I'm dating myself, but we was just heavy into like
Mortal Kombat and NBA Live and stuff like that.
(01:49):
NBA Jam. So when you see a you see a
mother getting sick, you don't realize the back story, right?
But then you see your dad, who'ssuper strong, super smart and
really a loving guy, really go through some wild things, right?
And, and, and he's trying to process stuff.
Now Fast forward 30 years later,I have a buddy that's going
(02:10):
through something similar, but one of his parents has
Alzheimer's dementia, another parent had cancer, and I saw him
take care of both parents and itwas so gripping, moving, and
troubling to see that he couldn't get his emotions out
'cause he was basically felt like he was all alone.
So now as I got older, I'm trying to chronicle.
(02:32):
Chronicleize those moments and situations and understanding
prospects, my feelings and emotions at those times.
And and what made you want to Share your story, not just for
your own healing, but to help? Other brothers, you know, it's
guys in itself, right? Just by nature is to keep stuff
(02:52):
bottled in, right? That's just the whole nature.
We're told to just sit down, be tough, be emotionless and all
that BS. And I saw that we needed some
healing. I needed healing.
I knew my story wasn't unique. I'm not that special.
There's a lot of people going out there going through these
tough, traumatizing times and they need a guide.
And if I can help them, if podcasters like you and other
(03:14):
people can help, especially men learn how to adapt, adjust and
kind of get their footing in these trauma traumatic moments,
I think it could help. I, I really do.
I think talking helps. I think books helps.
I think podcasts help. There's a lot of resources out
there. We just need to, you know, get
in tune with them. And how has your own experience
(03:36):
with grief and caregiving shapedwhat you see as what a real man
is today? Yeah.
And you know, as a real man is, it's of course, built off of
strength. That's our foundation as men.
But the strength isn't hiding, right.
The strength isn't putting that mask on.
As I talk in my book, that mask is corny.
It's weak. It it's phony.
(03:57):
Really, it's a fake. It's hiding head in the sand, if
you will. The real strength is facing your
stuff. The real strength is
understanding your emotions to it.
Not running from your emotions, but controlling your emotions
and getting, getting arms aroundyour emotions.
Understanding that trauma happens.
It happens to me, it happens to you.
(04:18):
It's going to happen to Billy Bob, Raheem, Tanami, all of
them. So but how do we adapt to them?
How do we adjust them? How do we get our arms around
them so it doesn't make us sick,it doesn't make us upset,
doesn't make us hard to be around.
You know, I find when you're going through trauma and going
through drama, you become like, you know, people don't really
(04:39):
want to be around you, All right?
Your girl, your spouse, whoever,your homeboys, whoever, they
don't want to be around you because they can feel that
negative energy that's coming off you.
So I, I just wanted to get my point out there and help as many
people as I can. You help one of them, you help
1000, right? So.
In, in our first conversation, we, we talked a bit about the
(05:00):
man box and I've heard lots of guys.
So the the man box for anyone not familiar with the term, it's
just that that constriction of the rules of society, which says
a man should be. And you said you believe that
black men have an even tighter man box.
The regular box is 6 feet. Ours is like 2 1/2 feet.
It's, you know, and it's, it's normal.
(05:21):
It's just the reality of the situation.
There's no drama. There's no, you know, beef or
anything. It's a drama situation that
black men have a a different flow on a different vibe in a
different way. We have to navigate this society
and it becomes very constrictive.
And I think that's what you see in a lot of the the anger, the
(05:44):
fear, the doubts sometimes come with those constrictions.
And it starts very young. That just started 303525, it
starts at 8-9. And when you put in those boxes,
you either, you know, kind of adapt to those boxes or you
fight those boxes. And that's what you see
sometimes when you see those emotions come out.
(06:06):
So we need to loosen those boxesup.
And for all men, those boxes are, they're just there.
So we need to find a way to navigate those boxes if you
will. And what are some ways that that
men can can break out of that box or at least loose?
Yeah. So first thing is having a
moment of self reflection, knowing the situation that
(06:26):
you're in, knowing that it's going to be a tough battle.
So anyone who thinks it's going to be easy battle, anyone that
thinks, you know, I can just, you know, if I won the Powerball
tomorrow, my battle's going to be easier.
And it's not going to. This battle was, you know, the
toughest, this man versus man that's inside of us, right?
So you got to first of all, knowwho you are, self reflect,
(06:49):
realize the battle that you're in, keep a level head.
And I'd like to always think youshould gain some spirituality,
foundational stuff. And I start talking about my
religion. Whatever you believe in, Muslim,
Christian, Jewish, whatever, whatever you believe in, there's
a foundational spiritual base. And once you get that, you can
(07:11):
probably navigate many things inlife because you'll, you'll be
able to submit, you'll be able to also understand your power.
But those, these take time and these take lessons.
There's no class in learning howto navigate the man box, right?
There's no, you know, there's geometry class, there's PE, but
there's no how to, you know, navigate that man box.
(07:32):
So we got to start teaching this, especially even younger
high school, middle school. It's tough to learn this at 30
when you should be learning thisat 8-9, you know?
It's tragic that an 8-9 year oldis already being molded to be
smaller than they really are. Yeah, no.
And and it's and it that's type of stuff is perpetual.
(07:52):
So it keeps going. So you carrying that from 8-9
and you're 17 now and you like and you really starting to
become an adult into the real world.
And you, you got these artists wait on you.
It's like a albatross. It's like a anchor and some
people, it's tough to get over. They never get over that.
And that they're just, you know,the fall by the wayside will
never get over that part. Did your father raise you in the
(08:17):
box? My.
Father is super like he's, he's super interesting because he is
first of all, he's brilliant. And I'm not saying that
brilliant because he's my dad. Like I'm biased a little bit,
right? But no, he's actually an Ivy
League, right? And he got like 80°.
He's a PhD, he's brilliant in that part, but he's, he's one of
the rare people that actually cares about others.
(08:41):
Like he, some of my friends, youknow, they might not have had
fathers in the household. And he would take all of us in
and I would ask him as I got older like that, why did you
take a liking or take a, a, a point to bring all my friends
in? He was like, I didn't just see
them as friends, I saw them as people who needed that type of
father figure influence. It wasn't about them being your
(09:04):
friend or your buddy. I mean, not help, but it's about
helping others. It's about caring about each
other. And like I said, so in instance,
my dad wrote a manual in 2001, I'm kind of piggybacking off
that flow, but I'm updating it for my generation, updating for
what I've seen in my experiences.
(09:25):
But he is just, he's brilliant. He's super great.
He's just strong and just, well,he told me that I could be
anything, but he wanted me. He wanted me the major in
economics, so that I had the major in economics.
That was his only one caveat when I went to college, so.
I I wonder what emotional isolation looks like for black
(09:47):
men. Well, how much time do you have?
Such a weird thing because blackmen are super unique to this
experience and not unique, in fact, that a lot of black men
are taking care of spouses, are taking care of parents.
And we don't see anything, especially in the media that
(10:08):
that goes over that part of it. And isolation is real.
The isolation is, it's troubling.
It's, it's scary and it's, it's a lot of fear and doubt, right?
Like I, I know it's cliche to think about just how black men
interact with the police officers, right?
And that's, that's a weird, that's a, that's a real thing,
(10:31):
but it's, it's a real thing on both sides.
It's a real thing that there needs to be classes taught on
how to interact with law enforcement and vice versa on on
their end, too. There needs to be interactions
on how to involve how to interact with teachers and when
you're in public in a certain way.
(10:52):
And it's, it's just so layered it, it really is layered.
There's many different avenues and schools of thought on that,
but it's just layered and it's not going to be a book.
It's not going to be a person todo it.
It just takes small steps, very small steps of being in control
of your emotions and understanding where your
(11:13):
emotions are coming from. Yeah, being being black in
America is still challenging. And so I imagine that at
especially at the young ages that a lot of that that man box
having you keep control of your emotions, keep things to
yourself is really passed on to keep them alive.
The fear, that doubt, that fear that it's generational, right?
(11:35):
Like that fear and stuff is generationally passed down from
your great grandparents all the way to you and you see these
things and that trauma is passeddown.
I think it's studies show that trauma can be passed down
through that mean the DNA and all that stuff.
So it's, it's extremely tough, but you have to just wrap your
arms around it, really control your emotions.
(11:59):
And I think you can help by knowing where your emotions are
coming from, right? When we're, when we're hearing
that fear and that doubt, that anxiety, that stress, we got to
kind of wrap our arms around andtake a step back and say, why am
I feeling these things? Like, why am I so stressed out?
Why am I not a happy person to be around?
Right? Why, why am I not moving,
(12:21):
getting the exercise that I need?
Why am I move it to chemical dependencies and stuff like
that? So it's, it's, it's a process.
It's truly a process and we musttrust the process.
So your book is called When a Brother Needs a Friend too.
What would have been the ideal friend for you growing up that
would have perhaps made caregiving or watching sick
(12:44):
parents? What a friend that would have
possibly could have made that easier.
That's a great, that's a super great question, Mr. Grant.
Just a friend that will listen. You know, as men, a lot of times
we try to solve problems. That's part of our, you know,
our, our DNA is to solve problems.
This is, this is not about solving problems.
It's about listening. It's about understanding.
(13:06):
It's about getting out of your own personal ego and
understanding the other person, what they're going through.
And that's kind of the situationI had with my, my, my buddy
Mikey, who I interviewed for my book.
I just wanted to like be a friend to them, not trying to
know the answer. I have no idea how to take care
of a mother with dementia, right?
(13:26):
That that's there's, like I said, once again, there's no
class in that. All right?
I don't go after social studies class and didn't go to how to
care for an aging parent, right?So just being there for them,
getting out of your own ego and listening, which is a skill and
most people I know I didn't learn to listen to much later in
life. We just want to talk, we want to
(13:48):
help people, We want to give youmy opinion about stuff.
No, just be a friend for them. Listen.
Listen. What would you say to someone
that says it's you know, it's just not cool to talk about my
feelings? I would say, you know, that's
wack, that's super wack and you need to get out your own
feeling, get out your ego and that's corny.
(14:10):
You you have emotion. Why would you then none of them
have any emotions. You know, in the hip hop world,
we like to say this thing, y'allkeeping it real.
That's not keeping it real, saying you don't have any
emotions, you don't want to talkabout them.
That's fairly that's we don't dothat.
You got to talk about them because what happens is you'll
find out your buddy has the sameemotions, he's going through the
(14:31):
same thing or you find out this guy, that guy, that guy, and
we're all kind of going through the same thing and many hands
make life work, right? That's in the Bible, I believe.
So if your emotions are going through that, maybe, you know,
this person can help you get through that.
And it's it's like you said, that man box, that whole ego
that, you know, I don't, I don'tneed to talk about this and this
(14:53):
and that it it's so phony. It's corny.
Very. So if vulnerability is strength
and the real strength is taking off that mask, are there any
current kind of role models of that new sense of masculine
strength that you see I. Mean it's a great question.
You know, it's tougher in today's world with the social
(15:14):
media aspect of people can't be themselves, right?
And the people who are themselves get ostracized for
being themselves. So they they almost look that
like, yo, you're too much, You know, you need to you need to
fall back a little bit. But I'm sure there's many people
out there. Let me think of a couple a
person who shows great strength.That's a that's a really good
(15:38):
question. You got to get there's there's
many of them because yeah, I'm, I'm huge into sports.
I'm thinking about like my all kind person is Muhammad Ali and
it's so I I wasn't, you know, I wasn't around for Muhammad Ali's
heyday, but I've read every single book.
Me and my buddy collect his posters.
I even have his comic book when he fought Superman, really
thought so. But the strength you write, the
(16:00):
strength of valor, the the ability to be emotional but not
be over the top with it. His strength was incredible,
especially when he's going through a situations.
And I always tell people Muhammad Ali lost 3 or 4 times.
So it wasn't that he was undefeated.
(16:20):
That's not what you remember about him.
You remember him getting back up.
You remember him fighting again.You know, and always tell people
when my favorite quotes is you know why Muhammad Ali's the
greatest? Because he told you he was.
It's a message in. There yeah the so the example I
my go to example is is the raw. Dwayne.
(16:41):
Johnson right, 'cause there's, there's no doubt he's a man,
he's huge, he's tough, he's all the traditional stuff.
But he also feels and he emotes and he talks about the pain of
losing his dad and you see his letting his daughters covering
him in makeup and stuff. And you know, he's, he's not
living in a box. He's totally not living in a box
and that is one of my favorites.He's he's awesome.
(17:01):
He's Did you watch the TV show he had?
Oh yeah. Yeah.
And that showed like, like you said, the vulnerability with his
dad, who maybe they didn't have the greatest traditional
relationship, but it was love there.
And now as he's got old, he's probably understanding where his
dad was coming from, right. And no, Dwayne Johnson is he's
(17:22):
he's he's a beast man. He's a beast.
And a culture that kind of can glorify hustling.
How can Black men make their mental health, their emotional
well-being, a priority? It's a great question.
It all starts internal and I'd like you said, I would love to
start it much younger in life. I just, I, I feel that a lot of
(17:43):
these things happen in vacuums. When you're 3025, I just think
it's too late then I think you're already formed.
I would love to see mental health.
I would love to see mentorship. I would love to see just growth
and understanding at a very young age and, and started the
(18:04):
church. If you started school, if you
started after school programs, right?
If if we played a lot of sports,right, and you know, we played a
lot of sports where I'm from, the DC area, we played
basketball. It's like the greatest
basketball hotbed in the whole world.
Why couldn't we have mental health classes?
Why can't we do peer reviews andand stuff where we're teaching
(18:25):
each other how to be in control of our emotions?
I think, I think there are programs out there that are
starting and I think that shouldbe a more national initiative.
I really do. And I can say they can start a
church. You can start a sports leagues
that started school. There needs to be way more hands
on at a younger age about wrapping out arms around mental
(18:47):
health and not making that stigma, though.
This is corny. This is you know, you're, you're
being weak by saying you're emotional.
No, you build your stink off of vulnerability, right?
Like keeping it rivolous, keeping it right, and being in
control of your emotions. You shouldn't be upset at the
everything that happens, right? That's not strength.
(19:07):
Strength is knowing why you're upset.
Focus on that and fixing that. So controlling your emotions
doesn't mean not feeling. That doesn't mean denying.
You I'm, I'm gonna get that tattooed on my forehead because
I think a lot of people confuse being emotionless.
That's why that's not real, right?
Yeah. We have emotions in everything.
(19:29):
If I'm, you know, we get emotional about football games,
we get emotional about everything.
But you can't get emotional about some really major stuff
that's happening. You just want to, I'm cool, you
I'm good. I don't care about that.
That's wack. It's super corny.
And you got to keep that energy away.
That's that's not good energy tohave around you.
(19:51):
So how do you think we as men can help each other to to open
up, to share, to be strength, tobe strong and vulnerability?
Yeah, accountability. And it's so tough.
I know, it's so tough, 'cause we're taught this from day one
that we're born to be strong, toto, to, to bottle our emotions
(20:12):
up. Super corny.
I hate it. We have to held each other
accountable. We have to.
My father holds me accountable. My friends hold me accountable.
My brothers hold me accountable,right When they say, yo, you,
you, you're doing the wrong thing.
You bugging out, tripping right now.
I have to take that as no, they're not hating on me.
(20:33):
They love me. They care about me.
I need to relook in the mirror and understand what's going on,
control myself. It starts with accountability
and that's, it's a small word, but it's huge.
It's massive. And a lot of people just in
general, people don't have a lotof accountability.
We hide from that accountabilitypart of it whether this friends
(20:57):
men need to hold each other accountable, right.
We need to just talk more too. There needs to be more talking.
And then I think I've read a study right now is the most
loneliest time. And did you did you read this
before this? It's like, I guess with the
Internet and all this stuff, like people are aren't talking
(21:17):
like they're not hanging out. They're extremely lonely.
And when you lonely, you're going to do some crazy wild
things. You gotta really get a nice
collection of friends and hold each other accountable and maybe
go out and have a cigar. Maybe go out and talk.
Just talk to your brothers, talkto your friend, talk to people.
I'm huge on talking as you can see.
(21:40):
You know, and one thing about accountability, I always shunned
it. I didn't.
I didn't want accountability because to me that meant blame,
right? Right, but but we can't fix or
change anything if we don't takeaccountability for it first.
And it's such a like you said, like you said, Mr. Grant, it's
such an easy step, but such a long step too.
We got to be accountable. And it's man, it it it's almost
(22:04):
like humans are anti account accountability.
We're just we're so we're so bramish.
Yeah, so, but like you said, andI guess it has to start younger.
It has to start younger. It's, it's tough to get that
when you're 3525. It's because you, you've already
made fun of form, right? And you've already starting to
(22:25):
think that accountability is like someone's blaming me and
I'm blaming myself. And it's not bad, you know.
What sort of legacy do you hope?Not just your book, but the way
you live and lead what? What sort of legacy do you hope
that is leading by? That's a great question, Mr.
Grant. I hope I was the three FS like I
really do. I hope I was firm.
(22:47):
I hope I was fair. You know, I, I, I, I mean,
you're firm meaning like you stick to your guns, you stick to
your principles, right? You don't, you don't get, you
don't get lost off your principles, which can easily
happen, right? You know, and I, and I hope I
was firm. I hope I was fair.
I, I really do. I, I think one of the things I
study is stoicism. And I think Marcus really says
(23:12):
be firm with yourself, but be lenient with others and
basically saying other people make mistakes and that's not up
to you to judge them, but you need to stick to your
principles, stick to your firmness.
And the last FI hope I'm fun like I I don't I don't take
myself so serious where I can't make fun of myself and I can't
(23:34):
make fun of someone else. Right.
But it's not meant that a malicefun.
It's just meant to lighten the mood.
I think when the mood's lighten,I think people open up more.
I think their shield comes down a little bit.
So yeah, I just want to be firm,fair and fun.
And if I could have those legacies, if I can be
accountable, if I could be a positive person and create
(23:56):
positivity with people. And I think I I've done good, I
think I can live with myself. I do those things.
Yeah, fun is definitely underrated for all adults, but I
think especially men. Like I would love to see fun and
joy become more of the more of athe foundation of masculinity.
No, 100% we, you know, especially today's time, so much
(24:19):
drama stuff going on and you know, you read the paper well, I
don't know people read papers anymore.
I'm dating myself again. But you read Twitter then you
know, all the social media sitesand everything is so doom and
gloom and it's like it's it's a wild time, but it's still a fun
time. Figure out where you're fun is.
Like I said, I enjoy cigars, right?
(24:39):
So am I getting my buddies wherever we go, get a cigar,
just catch up, just, you know, shoot the breeze.
Hey, what's going on? How's the family?
What's this going on? How's the job?
How you feeling about this? How's your parents?
Right? As we get older and our parents
are all aging, we got to figure out that aspect of it.
So fun is super important and I think people need to have more
(25:03):
fun. If you could go back and talk to
yourself during your times of heaviest grief, what would you
say? Hey, he going, hey, he going
deep for me, man, going deep forme.
I would say, yo, everything's going to be fine.
This moment, like anything else will pass.
(25:23):
But you have to embrace that. You have to really embrace that
this moment is a tough moment and you're you're built tough.
You can handle this. It's going to be some sad days,
you know, and unfortunately, oneof my, I lost my grandmother
during COVID and my grandmother was super important to me.
You know, back then with COVID, she couldn't even have a
(25:45):
funeral, right? Like the funeral was literally
on video, like, you know, 5 or 10 people could show up.
When I think about those momentsthat that's tough.
It's still tough for me today, 5-6 years later.
But you got to, you know, you, you're built for this, you're
built for this. You have the vulnerability and
you have the accountability and just, you know, stay firm what
(26:10):
you believe in your principles, have your spiritual foundation
face what you're facing and it'll all it, it, it'll, it'll
crystallize and real galvanizingyou will be a better person for
going through these situations. What do you hope people take
away from reading your book? The I I hope they would take
away. Here's a guy, right?
(26:31):
I'm, I'm no doctor, I'm no MD, I'm no PhD.
I'm like Doctor J. That's the only doctor that I,
you know, know, but he's a real person, just a real dude who is
trying to tell you about his situation and just give me some
pointers and tips on how to dealwith your situation.
At some point, we all will have to help a friend out who was
(26:52):
sick, a spouse out, a parent. We're all going to go through
these situations. These situations aren't unique
to me, you, him or her. So these are just steps, tips,
right? I interviewed two people who I,
I have so much respect for and honor and they had to go through
it and they came through on the other side and they're beautiful
and they're moving forward in life.
(27:14):
Just the just the perspective ofa real dude who's right in his
perspective and trying to help the little bit that he can.
This, this book isn't going to, it's not a cure all.
It's not a Band-Aid, it's not surgery, just a small mental
step to help you get through your journey.
What's one thing you wish more men knew?
(27:35):
Geometry. No, I think.
No. One has ever said that that's
great. I always thought this joke
because I took geometry at 10th grade and I failed it.
And so my dad sat me down and realized like he taught me how
to think about geometry and likein steps, like, you know, we
doing proofs and stuff, don't just think of it how to get to
(27:56):
the answer, how to think about understanding what you're doing.
And I think that's in life. That's actually a good point of
how to not just get to an answer, but how to understand
how you got to the answer. But I think more men just need
to know how to that that word again, accountability, being
vulnerable. It is all right to be
(28:16):
vulnerable, yo. No one's going to be tripping
and hating on you. And if they do, you probably
don't even need to be around them.
But I don't care who it is. If someone doesn't respect your
vulnerability, someone doesn't respect your pace and your space
of how you move it through life,and someone doesn't give you
room to grow and adapt, yo, you probably don't need to be around
(28:39):
them because they aren't even respecting you, not as a man,
but just as a human. They want to inject their
personal and ego on you. So I would just tell men it's OK
to be vulnerable. Yo, it's, it's actually OK.
So it's all right to strength isin the vulnerability.
Strength isn't in, you know, popping off and talking, talking
(29:02):
ish all day. That's that's weak.
Strength is in being strong and vulnerable and knowing you can
handle situation, knowing you'regoing to go through that storm.
You're going to get wet a littlebit, but at the end you'll be
all dry and you'll you'll get through that storm.
Dawood, what's the best way for people to connect with you to to
(29:22):
get the book? Yeah, definitely go.
So go to winnerbrotherneedsafriend.com.
It's everywhere. It's blowing up.
Go buy 4000 copies and just givethem out to people for Christmas
gifts, Kwanzaa gifts, Hanukkah gifts, whatever gift you want to
give them. So it's a great book for all.
It's read through my perspective, but all of us are
(29:43):
going to go through some tough times.
We're going to deal with, like you said, caregiving, sick
parents, drama all day. And I'm on all socials.
So just and I, I'll, I'll put the I'll give you the
information to post it for our BIOS and all that good stuff.
And yeah, I'm available to speak.
No doubt. Mr. Grant, before we get going,
I just want to say thank you fordoing all the work you do.
(30:05):
And real men do fail. And it's, it's a we're raging.
We're raising the consciousness of the world that needs to be
raised right. Like our grandparents probably
thought one way, but they had togo through the Depression and
they had to go to World War 2. They had real drama to go
through. And maybe they had to have those
Shields up to protect themselvesfrom all that stuff that was
(30:28):
going on. But they did that so we could be
free and more vulnerable and andmore have more accountability.
And we were just squandering that away.
So thank you for all the work you're doing, Sir.
Yeah, all, all of our masks and Shields serve the purpose.
But the point of the point of maturing is to realize, oh,
(30:49):
they've outlived their purpose. And that's a that's a tough
paper to do that. That's a tough concept for
people to grasp. Yeah, 'cause you got to live it.
Like you can read a good book and get that idea in your head,
but if you don't live it. Nothing's going to change, as my
dad would say. Every day the rents do.
Every day you'll get evicted if you don't pay that rental time.
(31:14):
Also, dude, thanks for your timeand thanks for not just writing
your message, but then I really thank you for living your
message. Thank you, Sir.
That's what that's what the world needs.
More men on mission with purpose.
Open sharing. Big thanks to the Wood Wallace
for his honesty, wisdom and heart.
You know, his message is clear. There is strength and
vulnerability. It is not a weakness, and every
(31:36):
man deserves the kind of brotherhood that holds him up
through life's toughest moments.If this conversation spoke to
you, please share it with another man that you care about
and don't let this be the end ofyour journey.
Join us inside the authentic AF community at
realmenfield.org/group where real men show up, speak up, and
help each other. Up until next time, be good to
(31:58):
yourself.
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