May 21, 2025 • 19 mins
Marriage is built on truth, and believing lies about relationships can undermine even the strongest unions. We examine seven common misconceptions about marriage and provide biblical wisdom for developing realistic expectations that lead to flourishing relationships.
• Lie #1: You will change your partner. The truth: Only God can truly change people
• Lie #2: Your spouse will complete you. The truth: They should complement you, but only Jesus completes you
• Lie #3: Your spouse will be your source of happiness. The truth: Only God should be your ultimate source of joy
• Lie #4: Marriage will solve all your problems. The truth: Marriage often reveals problems...so seek solutions as a couple
• Lie #5: A good marriage just happens. The truth:Great marriages require intentionality and consistent work
• Lie #6: Marriage is boring. The truth: Keeping relationships vibrant takes creativity and planning
• Lie #7: Healthy marriages are conflict-free. The truth: Constructive conflict can actually strengthen your bond
If you like what you heard, be sure to share this episode with a few friends that could benefit from this content too. Until next time, go be all that God has called you to be.
Related Episodes
- "Dating Ideas You Must Try" https://www.buzzsprout.com/1113380/episodes/12454042
- "10 Secrets to a Successful Marriage" https://www.buzzsprout.com/1113380/12405128
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Welcome and thanks for tuning in, to Real People,
real Talk.
Relevant conversations thattake you from surviving to
thriving.
This is the podcast that goesthere.
My name is Paul Calcoat and I'myour host.
Now let's talk.
Well, hello, thriver, andwelcome to Real People, real
(00:33):
Talk.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
The podcast ministry that equips you to thrive
spiritually, relationally andmentally.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Today's episode is all about thriving relationally.
We're calling this one theseven lies that we believe about
marriage.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
We're keeping it real today, as our goal is to offer
wisdom about marriage and pointyou in the right direction.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
And also I want to pause and say, for the very
first time for this year welcomeback to the podcast, bae, thank
you.
So let's begin with God's wordand hear what he has to say
about marriage.
And so from the Old Testamentwe have Proverbs 18, 22.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains
favor from the Lord.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Amen to that and from the New Testament.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Matthew 19,.
4 through 6, he answered haveyou not read that he who created
them from the beginning madethem male and female and said
Therefore, a man shall leave hisfather and mother and hold fast
to his wife, and the two shallbecome one flesh, so they are no
longer two, but one flesh.
What, therefore, God has joinedtogether?
(01:38):
Let no man separate.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Amen to the word of God and everything that we do.
We want to point you to Christ.
We want to point you to God'sword and not just our opinion
and our perspective.
So lie number one, talk to us,babe.
What is it?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Lie number one you will change your partner.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
And that, my friend, I hate to break it to you is a
lie.
Please don't go into yourmarriage thinking that you are
going to change your partner.
Yes, you should communicateyour feelings, communicate your
expectations, pray for them,pray with them, encourage them
to be better.
But at the end of the day, yougot to realize that you are not
(02:17):
God and only God can changepeople, Because if you do it the
wrong way, you may come off asnagging and they may feel like
you're trying to parent them.
So I would encourage you tospeak your piece, take it to God
in prayer and love them anyway.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Let God do the work.
Here's a quote from Marriagecom.
It is never wise to go into arelationship thinking you can
change your partner.
Positive changes come over time, not by force come over time,
not by force, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
And on the flip side of that, if you are the spouse
that needs changing, then by allmeans do your part to be better
amen amen.
So this is more so for thosethat are dating um.
Don't marry potential, marryreality that's good lie.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Number two your spouse will complete you.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Yeah, that's, that's not true.
I mean, if you look to anybodyoutside of our Lord and Savior,
jesus Christ to complete you,then you will always be
disappointed, because we humansmake mistakes.
Relying solely on your partnerfor emotional fulfillment, for
happiness, for intellectualengagement and all the other
(03:28):
needs of life, that's a one wayticket to resentment and really
going to place a burden on yourmarriage.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
That's good, that's good.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I know, thank you.
Did you know that the phraseyou complete me gained a lot of
popularity after the movie JerryMaguire?
Did you?
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Yeah, I kind of figured it out along the way,
okay, okay.
Well, jerry, played by TomCruise in a dramatic fashion,
declares his love for Dorothy.
I remember that scene, yeah,with that phrase.
And of course Hollywoodportrayed it in such a romantic
way.
That phrase is cute, but it'snot correct, but rather
misleading.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yeah, our thing is this your spouse is meant to
compliment you, not necessarilycomplete you, because only Jesus
can fully satisfy, only Jesuscan fulfill you and only Jesus
can complete you.
Like my wife, I don't completeher, she don't complete me, but
(04:34):
we add to one another'shappiness, we add to one
another's joy and we complementone another as a couple.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Yeah, and we have to realize that power and life and
death is in our tongues.
So, us saying that somebodyelse completes us other than God
is then giving them a head overGod?
We also have to understand thatif you're saying that somebody
completes you, you're physicallysaying that you are not whole.
(05:00):
Question mark Are you whole?
Yeah, hmm, think about it thatway Think about that Now the
difference between complimentand complete.
Compliment means that you'readding to something, something
is being enhanced, something isimproving.
(05:22):
Complete means that you'retrying to make it perfect.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Yeah, so just a slight difference there, some
nuance.
We want to break that down,because when you think that your
spouse is going to complete youI mean having that mindset that
your spouse is completing youcan put some unfair expectations
on your spouse, no matter howgood of a husband that I aim to
be.
I won't complete my job, so Iwon't complete her.
I won't fulfill all of herneeds, but I will do my best and
(05:52):
I, with the help of god, and Iwill compliment her.
Where she's weak, I'm strong.
Where I'm ineffective, shesteps in and helps.
So as spouses, we complimentone another, but only god
completes us.
I may I rest my case okay, restwhat's lie?
Speaker 2 (06:09):
number three lie number three your spouse will be
your source of happiness allright, once again, kind of
similar to number number two.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
I do believe that, especially in our marriage, my
wife contributes to my happinessand she contributes to my joy,
but she is not my single sourceof happiness.
That's unfair to put thatexpectation and that burden on
her.
Jesus Christ is, and should be,our source of happiness, and
(06:41):
this is more about keeping Godas the highest priority and on
the throne of our hearts, evenbefore your spouse.
Yes, marriage is good and Iwant you to be in love with your
spouse, I want you to have ahappily ever after, but don't
make your spouse your idol.
We want God to be the highestpriority and he is the source of
our joy.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Yeah, and it's a very dangerous thing to get those
things out of order.
Speak on it.
You know, we got to be carefulthat even in marriage which is
of course a good thing that wedon't idolize our spouse.
God should always be first, andwhen he is first, everything
else falls in the rightfulplaces.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
You preaching now, so day in and day out, to put that
expectation and that heavyburden of your spouse to be the
ultimate soul source of joy.
It's not right Don't get mewrong A spouse as a spouse,
please do all that you can tomake your significant other
(07:46):
happy and positively contributeto his or her life.
So at the end of the day, I'mjust placing a higher emphasis
on God being your ultimatesource of joy and, yes, your
spouse will contribute to that.
But don't put that all thatpressure and unfair burden on
them.
Once again, I rest.
My case was number four.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Number four marriage will solve all of your problems
that's.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
That's not true.
I heard it said like thismarriage won't fix your problems
, but rather it will reveal them?
Yes indeed just because you saythose words at the altar I do
that doesn't magically andautomatically make all of your
problems and issues and baggagejust disappear.
The debt doesn't disappear ifyou don't deal with it.
(08:34):
The lust won't leave if youdon't deal with it.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
So there's some things that need to be dealt
with in dating before you get tomarriage right and you also got
to realize that whenever youget into marriage, you are
getting into not only a covenantwith your spouse, but covenant
with god at the center, and thedevil don't like that.
So outside of marriage, yeah,he gonna come at you, but you
(08:57):
and your godly spouse togetheras one, oh yeah, he gonna really
try to bring you down then.
But marriage can be a verybeautiful, satisfying and happy
thing.
But if you have unaddressedissues while dating, those
issues will of course resurfacein your marriage.
Yeah you have to do the work,make adjustments, seek solutions
(09:19):
, maybe even seek help andcounseling, but don't ignore the
issues, expecting them tosimply disappear when you get
married you get married, yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
So the heart behind this is I don't want you to have
a lot of problems while you'redating and just think that as
soon as we sign the papers, allthese things are going to
disappear.
That's not the case.
You take time to work throughthe baggage and try not to bring
as much of it into the holymatrimony, and so I want those
of you that are single andhoping to be married one day,
those that are dating and eventhose that are engaged, to have
a healthy perspective and ahealthy expectation of this
(09:55):
thing that we call marriage.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Yeah, and marriage is not like a magic wand Whenever
you say I do everything, justmagically disappears.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
You got to, you got to work on it.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
And don't get us wrong Once again, we are happily
married.
Marriage is a beautiful thing.
It will take work.
We just want you to have theproper view and perspective of a
healthy marriage.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Right, and you can always like you're never truly
inside of somebody's marriage,like not even your parents
marriage One hundred percent,like you see from your
perspective.
You see from your perspective.
So, going into marriage, youmight not see all of the behind
the scenes stuff, even with yourparents or grandparents or
whoever it is, you might not seeall the other stuff, and so you
(10:38):
might have a skewed view ofmarriage just because it's
coming from your perspective.
And so we just want you to gointo marriage.
Go into it knowing that you canhave a beautiful, long, lasting
, amazing marriage.
But it's going to take somework.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Yeah, and that's OK, because marriage is worth it and
it's going to take work, justlike other things.
I mean having a good physiqueand being in good health.
It's worth it, it's going totake some, take some work.
So, yeah, what's?
A lot of number five, numberfive number five a good marriage
just happened.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Now it was fawn weaver that said a great
marriage isn't something thatjust happens, is something that
must be created.
She also once said that thegreatest marriages are built on
teamwork, mutual respect, ahealthy dose of admiration and a
never-ending portion of loveand grace.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Man Fawn Weaver out here dropping bars man.
So marriage was and is God'sidea.
It's a beautiful thing, but itwill take work, it will take
intentionality.
If you don't put work into yourmarriage, you can't just expect
the great marriage to justhappen just like that.
Yeah, If you don't plant theright seeds in your marriage,
(11:56):
you can't expect to have a happyand healthy marriage.
And so here are just someexamples of good seeds that you
can plant and that are going toproduce a positive harvest in
your marriage.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Number one prayer Pray for each other and pray
with each other often.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
Most definitely.
Prayer is one of the ways thatwe make and keep Christ at the
center of our marriage.
The second thing I wouldencourage you to do is to invest
in your marriage.
That could be also a marriageenrichment event or some
marriage ministry at your churchor listening to marriage
related podcasts together.
That's another way.
What's another C, babe?
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Using your words to build up instead of break down.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Yes, your words have power.
As my wife already said, lifeand death is in the power of the
tongue.
When you speak to your spouse,are you speaking life into them
or are you speaking death intothem?
And then fourthly and we'vedone an episode on this and
talked about this but be quickto forgive.
So those are just a few waysthat you can plant some good
(13:01):
seeds, but my point is this Inorder to have a great marriage,
you both have to be willing tomake it happen and put in the
work.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
I work, work Exactly.
I love work, Exactly.
I love that commercial Lienumber six marriage is boring.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
The devil is a lie.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
I am.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Marriage can be boring if you let it, but it
doesn't have to be boringCommunicate often and make plans
to have fun with one another.
So my wife and I, we meetweekly and we use that time to
pray, to read God's word, totalk about our schedule, to
review the budget.
We don't do all of those thingsevery time, but make sure we
(13:42):
pray and read God's word.
And then we also meet monthlyto kind of review the previous
month and one of the questionsthat we ask is this did we have
fun together this month?
Because we place a high valueon having fun and while we own
this topic, we also ask thefollowing questions when we have
our weekly meeting how did wedo spiritually?
(14:05):
in other words, were weconsistent in bible study and
reading god's word on our ownand as a couple were?
Were we consistent in prayer?
So that's what we mean when wesay how did we do spiritually?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
How did we do financially?
Speaker 1 (14:19):
And this can be a tough one because we got to you
know, be real, like how much didwe save?
What areas did we overspend?
Did we eat that Whataburger andChick-fil-A too much, who knows
?
That's for me and my wife todiscuss all right discuss, all
right.
So we devoted an entire episodeto date ideas and I want to
leave that link in thedescription below so you can
check it out.
But here are a few ways to avoidboredom number one please don't
(14:41):
get stuck in a routine, orrather, don't get stuck in a rut
.
Be spontaneous from time totime, and one way that we have
more spontaneity and just evenkind of plan it too, is that we
don't save our fun for theweekend only.
From time to time we'll go outand even have fun on the
weekdays, and we love that.
We'll go and have a date on aMonday and it hardly be anybody
(15:02):
in the restaurant and we lovethat.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
So yeah, Yay, yay, Number two we surprise each
other.
We take Chris and lunch to eachother's job.
We bring home a just becausegift on a random night.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
Yeah, just give me some ideas to kind of spice
things up.
And number three if you keepdoing things to make your spouse
feel love, feel cherished andappreciated, you can keep
boredom away.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Another way to keep boredom away is to set goals
together, as that can keep y'allconnected, engaged and aiming
at the same thing.
But now I rest my case.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Not you resting your case too.
So I'll say this and we'll moveon.
Marriage is meant to be enjoyed, not merely endured.
Keep having fun and keep makingmemories with your spouse, no
matter how long you've beenmarried.
Be intentional.
Do what you can to keep thathoneymoon phase coming back and
back and back.
Have some fun.
(16:04):
So that is a lie, that marriageis boring.
And for the final lie, at leastfor our current list, what is
it, bae?
Speaker 2 (16:12):
healthy marriages are conflict free oh, let's talk
about it now, a marriageconsists of two imperfect humans
sharing a life together.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Obviously, there there will be conflicts and
disagreement yeah, man, we youknow sometimes it's not gonna
always get along, yep, but weshould always keep forgiving,
keep communicating and keeploving one another, regardless.
Um, as a matter of fact, youknow if you don't have any
conflict at all.
I would encourage you to take acloser look at your
(16:45):
relationship.
Maybe one of you tend to justlet everything go and you avoid
conflict and you sweepeverything under the rug.
But if you sweep everythingunder the rug, but if you sweep
everything under the rug,eventually you're going to trip
over it.
Let me break this down.
I am all for extending graceand being quick to forgive and
keeping the peace, but you can'thold everything in, because an
(17:07):
explosion or implosion mayhappen later.
So my point is this conflict isnormal, but in a healthy way.
You may disagree with yourspouse, but you can disagree
with them without belittlingthem.
You can do so without yelling.
You definitely can do sowithout calling them out of
their names.
(17:28):
So speak the truth and love,but also seek to find a solution
together speak the truth inlove, but also seek to find a
solution together.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
That is so true and, in actuality.
Conflict is important and it'san opportunity to grow and
improve as a couple.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Yeah, most definitely , and I saw this quote on
LinkedIn and it said healthyconflict allows couples to
express their thoughts andfeelings and can help them to
work through their problems.
When handled constructively,conflict can actually bring
couples together.
That's good, that is good.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
But we also have to realize that so many of us have
seen unhealthy conflict that weare afraid to go into conflict.
But you can't be afraid to gointo a little conflict because
that's what's going to get youbetter.
That's how you're.
You and your spouse are goingto get on the same page because,
clearly there was a disconnectand that's where the conflict
(18:22):
came from.
So it's going to help you inthe long run.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
You just might have to truck through it to get to
the other side and I like thatyou brought that up because
really, when you look at it froma different perspective, a
different lens, conflict can bean opportunity for growth.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
As you're like.
Okay, so we didn't see eye toeye on this.
How can we get on the same page?
And as you work through that,on the other side of it, you'll
be closer to one another, in myhumble opinion.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
I agree, I agree.
Yeah, I think this also helpsto avoid, like suppression and
deep rooted bitterness, becauseconflict is going to be
inevitable.
But we just want to encourageyou to seek for solutions in a
loving and healthy way.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Yeah.
So, all in all, we just wantedyou to be aware of these seven
lies that some of us believeabout marriage.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
And we hope you found value in today's episode, and
we also wanted to say thank youso much for tuning in.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
If you like what you heard, be sure to share this
episode with a few friends thatcould benefit from this content
too.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
And until next time go be all that god has called
you to be and we out.
Welcome and thanks for tuning in, to Real People,
real Talk.
Relevant conversations thattake you from surviving to
thriving.
This is the podcast that goesthere.
My name is Paul Calcoat and I'myour host.
Now let's talk.
Well, hello, thriver, andwelcome to Real People, real
(00:33):
Talk.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
The podcast ministry that equips you to thrive
spiritually, relationally andmentally.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Today's episode is all about thriving relationally.
We're calling this one theseven lies that we believe about
marriage.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
We're keeping it real today, as our goal is to offer
wisdom about marriage and pointyou in the right direction.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
And also I want to pause and say, for the very
first time for this year welcomeback to the podcast, bae, thank
you.
So let's begin with God's wordand hear what he has to say
about marriage.
And so from the Old Testamentwe have Proverbs 18, 22.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains
favor from the Lord.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Amen to that and from the New Testament.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Matthew 19,.
4 through 6, he answered haveyou not read that he who created
them from the beginning madethem male and female and said
Therefore, a man shall leave hisfather and mother and hold fast
to his wife, and the two shallbecome one flesh, so they are no
longer two, but one flesh.
What, therefore, God has joinedtogether?
(01:38):
Let no man separate.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Amen to the word of God and everything that we do.
We want to point you to Christ.
We want to point you to God'sword and not just our opinion
and our perspective.
So lie number one, talk to us,babe.
What is it?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Lie number one you will change your partner.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
And that, my friend, I hate to break it to you is a
lie.
Please don't go into yourmarriage thinking that you are
going to change your partner.
Yes, you should communicateyour feelings, communicate your
expectations, pray for them,pray with them, encourage them
to be better.
But at the end of the day, yougot to realize that you are not
(02:17):
God and only God can changepeople, Because if you do it the
wrong way, you may come off asnagging and they may feel like
you're trying to parent them.
So I would encourage you tospeak your piece, take it to God
in prayer and love them anyway.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Let God do the work.
Here's a quote from Marriagecom.
It is never wise to go into arelationship thinking you can
change your partner.
Positive changes come over time, not by force come over time,
not by force, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
And on the flip side of that, if you are the spouse
that needs changing, then by allmeans do your part to be better
amen amen.
So this is more so for thosethat are dating um.
Don't marry potential, marryreality that's good lie.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Number two your spouse will complete you.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Yeah, that's, that's not true.
I mean, if you look to anybodyoutside of our Lord and Savior,
jesus Christ to complete you,then you will always be
disappointed, because we humansmake mistakes.
Relying solely on your partnerfor emotional fulfillment, for
happiness, for intellectualengagement and all the other
(03:28):
needs of life, that's a one wayticket to resentment and really
going to place a burden on yourmarriage.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
That's good, that's good.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I know, thank you.
Did you know that the phraseyou complete me gained a lot of
popularity after the movie JerryMaguire?
Did you?
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Yeah, I kind of figured it out along the way,
okay, okay.
Well, jerry, played by TomCruise in a dramatic fashion,
declares his love for Dorothy.
I remember that scene, yeah,with that phrase.
And of course Hollywoodportrayed it in such a romantic
way.
That phrase is cute, but it'snot correct, but rather
misleading.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yeah, our thing is this your spouse is meant to
compliment you, not necessarilycomplete you, because only Jesus
can fully satisfy, only Jesuscan fulfill you and only Jesus
can complete you.
Like my wife, I don't completeher, she don't complete me, but
(04:34):
we add to one another'shappiness, we add to one
another's joy and we complementone another as a couple.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Yeah, and we have to realize that power and life and
death is in our tongues.
So, us saying that somebodyelse completes us other than God
is then giving them a head overGod?
We also have to understand thatif you're saying that somebody
completes you, you're physicallysaying that you are not whole.
(05:00):
Question mark Are you whole?
Yeah, hmm, think about it thatway Think about that Now the
difference between complimentand complete.
Compliment means that you'readding to something, something
is being enhanced, something isimproving.
(05:22):
Complete means that you'retrying to make it perfect.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Yeah, so just a slight difference there, some
nuance.
We want to break that down,because when you think that your
spouse is going to complete youI mean having that mindset that
your spouse is completing youcan put some unfair expectations
on your spouse, no matter howgood of a husband that I aim to
be.
I won't complete my job, so Iwon't complete her.
I won't fulfill all of herneeds, but I will do my best and
(05:52):
I, with the help of god, and Iwill compliment her.
Where she's weak, I'm strong.
Where I'm ineffective, shesteps in and helps.
So as spouses, we complimentone another, but only god
completes us.
I may I rest my case okay, restwhat's lie?
Speaker 2 (06:09):
number three lie number three your spouse will be
your source of happiness allright, once again, kind of
similar to number number two.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
I do believe that, especially in our marriage, my
wife contributes to my happinessand she contributes to my joy,
but she is not my single sourceof happiness.
That's unfair to put thatexpectation and that burden on
her.
Jesus Christ is, and should be,our source of happiness, and
(06:41):
this is more about keeping Godas the highest priority and on
the throne of our hearts, evenbefore your spouse.
Yes, marriage is good and Iwant you to be in love with your
spouse, I want you to have ahappily ever after, but don't
make your spouse your idol.
We want God to be the highestpriority and he is the source of
our joy.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Yeah, and it's a very dangerous thing to get those
things out of order.
Speak on it.
You know, we got to be carefulthat even in marriage which is
of course a good thing that wedon't idolize our spouse.
God should always be first, andwhen he is first, everything
else falls in the rightfulplaces.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
You preaching now, so day in and day out, to put that
expectation and that heavyburden of your spouse to be the
ultimate soul source of joy.
It's not right Don't get mewrong A spouse as a spouse,
please do all that you can tomake your significant other
(07:46):
happy and positively contributeto his or her life.
So at the end of the day, I'mjust placing a higher emphasis
on God being your ultimatesource of joy and, yes, your
spouse will contribute to that.
But don't put that all thatpressure and unfair burden on
them.
Once again, I rest.
My case was number four.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Number four marriage will solve all of your problems
that's.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
That's not true.
I heard it said like thismarriage won't fix your problems
, but rather it will reveal them?
Yes indeed just because you saythose words at the altar I do
that doesn't magically andautomatically make all of your
problems and issues and baggagejust disappear.
The debt doesn't disappear ifyou don't deal with it.
(08:34):
The lust won't leave if youdon't deal with it.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
So there's some things that need to be dealt
with in dating before you get tomarriage right and you also got
to realize that whenever youget into marriage, you are
getting into not only a covenantwith your spouse, but covenant
with god at the center, and thedevil don't like that.
So outside of marriage, yeah,he gonna come at you, but you
(08:57):
and your godly spouse togetheras one, oh yeah, he gonna really
try to bring you down then.
But marriage can be a verybeautiful, satisfying and happy
thing.
But if you have unaddressedissues while dating, those
issues will of course resurfacein your marriage.
Yeah you have to do the work,make adjustments, seek solutions
(09:19):
, maybe even seek help andcounseling, but don't ignore the
issues, expecting them tosimply disappear when you get
married you get married, yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
So the heart behind this is I don't want you to have
a lot of problems while you'redating and just think that as
soon as we sign the papers, allthese things are going to
disappear.
That's not the case.
You take time to work throughthe baggage and try not to bring
as much of it into the holymatrimony, and so I want those
of you that are single andhoping to be married one day,
those that are dating and eventhose that are engaged, to have
a healthy perspective and ahealthy expectation of this
(09:55):
thing that we call marriage.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Yeah, and marriage is not like a magic wand Whenever
you say I do everything, justmagically disappears.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
You got to, you got to work on it.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
And don't get us wrong Once again, we are happily
married.
Marriage is a beautiful thing.
It will take work.
We just want you to have theproper view and perspective of a
healthy marriage.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Right, and you can always like you're never truly
inside of somebody's marriage,like not even your parents
marriage One hundred percent,like you see from your
perspective.
You see from your perspective.
So, going into marriage, youmight not see all of the behind
the scenes stuff, even with yourparents or grandparents or
whoever it is, you might not seeall the other stuff, and so you
(10:38):
might have a skewed view ofmarriage just because it's
coming from your perspective.
And so we just want you to gointo marriage.
Go into it knowing that you canhave a beautiful, long, lasting
, amazing marriage.
But it's going to take somework.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Yeah, and that's OK, because marriage is worth it and
it's going to take work, justlike other things.
I mean having a good physiqueand being in good health.
It's worth it, it's going totake some, take some work.
So, yeah, what's?
A lot of number five, numberfive number five a good marriage
just happened.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Now it was fawn weaver that said a great
marriage isn't something thatjust happens, is something that
must be created.
She also once said that thegreatest marriages are built on
teamwork, mutual respect, ahealthy dose of admiration and a
never-ending portion of loveand grace.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Man Fawn Weaver out here dropping bars man.
So marriage was and is God'sidea.
It's a beautiful thing, but itwill take work, it will take
intentionality.
If you don't put work into yourmarriage, you can't just expect
the great marriage to justhappen just like that.
Yeah, If you don't plant theright seeds in your marriage,
(11:56):
you can't expect to have a happyand healthy marriage.
And so here are just someexamples of good seeds that you
can plant and that are going toproduce a positive harvest in
your marriage.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Number one prayer Pray for each other and pray
with each other often.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
Most definitely.
Prayer is one of the ways thatwe make and keep Christ at the
center of our marriage.
The second thing I wouldencourage you to do is to invest
in your marriage.
That could be also a marriageenrichment event or some
marriage ministry at your churchor listening to marriage
related podcasts together.
That's another way.
What's another C, babe?
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Using your words to build up instead of break down.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Yes, your words have power.
As my wife already said, lifeand death is in the power of the
tongue.
When you speak to your spouse,are you speaking life into them
or are you speaking death intothem?
And then fourthly and we'vedone an episode on this and
talked about this but be quickto forgive.
So those are just a few waysthat you can plant some good
(13:01):
seeds, but my point is this Inorder to have a great marriage,
you both have to be willing tomake it happen and put in the
work.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
I work, work Exactly.
I love work, Exactly.
I love that commercial Lienumber six marriage is boring.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
The devil is a lie.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
I am.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Marriage can be boring if you let it, but it
doesn't have to be boringCommunicate often and make plans
to have fun with one another.
So my wife and I, we meetweekly and we use that time to
pray, to read God's word, totalk about our schedule, to
review the budget.
We don't do all of those thingsevery time, but make sure we
(13:42):
pray and read God's word.
And then we also meet monthlyto kind of review the previous
month and one of the questionsthat we ask is this did we have
fun together this month?
Because we place a high valueon having fun and while we own
this topic, we also ask thefollowing questions when we have
our weekly meeting how did wedo spiritually?
(14:05):
in other words, were weconsistent in bible study and
reading god's word on our ownand as a couple were?
Were we consistent in prayer?
So that's what we mean when wesay how did we do spiritually?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
How did we do financially?
Speaker 1 (14:19):
And this can be a tough one because we got to you
know, be real, like how much didwe save?
What areas did we overspend?
Did we eat that Whataburger andChick-fil-A too much, who knows
?
That's for me and my wife todiscuss all right discuss, all
right.
So we devoted an entire episodeto date ideas and I want to
leave that link in thedescription below so you can
check it out.
But here are a few ways to avoidboredom number one please don't
(14:41):
get stuck in a routine, orrather, don't get stuck in a rut
.
Be spontaneous from time totime, and one way that we have
more spontaneity and just evenkind of plan it too, is that we
don't save our fun for theweekend only.
From time to time we'll go outand even have fun on the
weekdays, and we love that.
We'll go and have a date on aMonday and it hardly be anybody
(15:02):
in the restaurant and we lovethat.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
So yeah, Yay, yay, Number two we surprise each
other.
We take Chris and lunch to eachother's job.
We bring home a just becausegift on a random night.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
Yeah, just give me some ideas to kind of spice
things up.
And number three if you keepdoing things to make your spouse
feel love, feel cherished andappreciated, you can keep
boredom away.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Another way to keep boredom away is to set goals
together, as that can keep y'allconnected, engaged and aiming
at the same thing.
But now I rest my case.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Not you resting your case too.
So I'll say this and we'll moveon.
Marriage is meant to be enjoyed, not merely endured.
Keep having fun and keep makingmemories with your spouse, no
matter how long you've beenmarried.
Be intentional.
Do what you can to keep thathoneymoon phase coming back and
back and back.
Have some fun.
(16:04):
So that is a lie, that marriageis boring.
And for the final lie, at leastfor our current list, what is
it, bae?
Speaker 2 (16:12):
healthy marriages are conflict free oh, let's talk
about it now, a marriageconsists of two imperfect humans
sharing a life together.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Obviously, there there will be conflicts and
disagreement yeah, man, we youknow sometimes it's not gonna
always get along, yep, but weshould always keep forgiving,
keep communicating and keeploving one another, regardless.
Um, as a matter of fact, youknow if you don't have any
conflict at all.
I would encourage you to take acloser look at your
(16:45):
relationship.
Maybe one of you tend to justlet everything go and you avoid
conflict and you sweepeverything under the rug.
But if you sweep everythingunder the rug, but if you sweep
everything under the rug,eventually you're going to trip
over it.
Let me break this down.
I am all for extending graceand being quick to forgive and
keeping the peace, but you can'thold everything in, because an
(17:07):
explosion or implosion mayhappen later.
So my point is this conflict isnormal, but in a healthy way.
You may disagree with yourspouse, but you can disagree
with them without belittlingthem.
You can do so without yelling.
You definitely can do sowithout calling them out of
their names.
(17:28):
So speak the truth and love,but also seek to find a solution
together speak the truth inlove, but also seek to find a
solution together.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
That is so true and, in actuality.
Conflict is important and it'san opportunity to grow and
improve as a couple.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Yeah, most definitely , and I saw this quote on
LinkedIn and it said healthyconflict allows couples to
express their thoughts andfeelings and can help them to
work through their problems.
When handled constructively,conflict can actually bring
couples together.
That's good, that is good.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
But we also have to realize that so many of us have
seen unhealthy conflict that weare afraid to go into conflict.
But you can't be afraid to gointo a little conflict because
that's what's going to get youbetter.
That's how you're.
You and your spouse are goingto get on the same page because,
clearly there was a disconnectand that's where the conflict
(18:22):
came from.
So it's going to help you inthe long run.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
You just might have to truck through it to get to
the other side and I like thatyou brought that up because
really, when you look at it froma different perspective, a
different lens, conflict can bean opportunity for growth.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
As you're like.
Okay, so we didn't see eye toeye on this.
How can we get on the same page?
And as you work through that,on the other side of it, you'll
be closer to one another, in myhumble opinion.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
I agree, I agree.
Yeah, I think this also helpsto avoid, like suppression and
deep rooted bitterness, becauseconflict is going to be
inevitable.
But we just want to encourageyou to seek for solutions in a
loving and healthy way.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Yeah.
So, all in all, we just wantedyou to be aware of these seven
lies that some of us believeabout marriage.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
And we hope you found value in today's episode, and
we also wanted to say thank youso much for tuning in.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
If you like what you heard, be sure to share this
episode with a few friends thatcould benefit from this content
too.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
And until next time go be all that god has called
you to be and we out.
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