March 5, 2025 • 59 mins
Can a children's book change a life? In this inspiring episode, author Sasha Saidman reveals how stories about adoption, differences, and self-acceptance meet kids exactly where they are—sparking empathy, imagination, and confidence. From celebrating adoptive families to embracing learning differences like dyslexia, Sasha’s books empower young readers to see their unique stories reflected on every page.
🎧 Listen now and discover why her books belong on every child's shelf!
Children's author Sasha Saidman joins us for an engaging and heartfelt discussion on the multifaceted themes of adoption, dyslexia, and embracing differences. Sasha's narratives have a unique way of bridging the gap between adults and children, offering insights into the joys and challenges of fostering and adopting. Her stories illuminate the deep connections between adoptive parents and children and emphasize the importance of inclusive family traditions that honor diverse backgrounds. By sharing her experiences and those of countless others, Sasha aims to spread positivity and awareness about the complexities and beauty of adoption, underscoring that love and family go beyond blood ties.
Our conversation takes a deeper look into the support structures necessary for young adults aging out of the foster care system, drawing parallels with media portrayals like "Instant Family." We reflect on the innate bonds formed with adopted children through humorous and touching moments that define family life. Sasha shares anecdotes that reinforce the idea that family is built on love and time, not just genetics. This episode also touches on the unique journey of self-discovery for adopted children and the crucial role of adoptive parents in providing a supportive environment, especially during the tumultuous teenage years.
Sasha’s journey goes beyond storytelling as she opens up about her personal experiences with dyslexia, highlighting the importance of self-acceptance and the celebration of learning differences. We explore the power of imagination through childhood adventures and the joy of seeing the world through a child's eyes. This episode emphasizes fostering self-confidence and compassion in young readers, as well as the vital role of parents and educators in supporting diverse learning styles. Sasha’s insights remind us that personal growth is a continuous journey, and embracing one's unique strengths can lead to a fulfilling life.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
This is part two with children's author Sasha Sedman.
We will explore her books andtalk adoption, living with
dyslexia and differences, andher books that even deal with
just everyday moments.
I just love Sasha's uniquestorytelling and her ability to
reach adults and kids with herstorytelling.
She has allowed parents andkids to reach adults and kids
with her storytelling.
She has allowed parents andkids to create their own
narratives within her pages.
(00:29):
The beautiful illustrationsallow kids to see themselves in
the pages.
Don't miss our conversation aswe talk parenting, living with
disabilities, adoption and evenbeing a parent of biological
children.
Make sure you check out partone on Real Talk with Tina and
Ann.
But here is part two BecauseI'm really into like American
Idol and when the Olympics wereon and those stories were, and
(00:52):
they always go into thesebackstories of adoptions and I
owe my life to this person whotook me in and raised me as
their own and they really arethe most beautiful stories.
So, and I really connect withthem.
And you know, talk about thesmile my dad and I have.
(01:13):
We had a picture of me and apicture of him and we had the
exact same smile.
Oh, I love that we both hadlike this, you know one-sided
smile and it was both on thesame side.
So I still keep them togetherbecause it just means so much to
me that, even though he wasgone when I was 11 years old, so
much of him still lives insideof me.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Oh, definitely, yeah, that's so special and I love
that.
Like it's like you said, likehearing adoption stories,
hearing success, family stories,creating bigger families.
I follow these people thatfoster to adopt on social media
and I'm just like so, like I'mlike, oh my gosh, like it's so
beautiful.
They have like three differentSantas to make sure that each of
(01:54):
their children's races arerepresented within.
And I'm just like, oh my gosh,like they're just thinking so
deeply about what their childrenneed and want and even if their
children aren't asking for it,they're just they're thinking so
deeply about like, what can Ido to connect with my child so
that they feel connected with me?
And I'm like, oh yes, likethat's so awesome it is, it's,
(02:16):
it's beautiful.
How do we do that?
Like it's and we're all tryingto figure it out.
Like you said, we could be doingit all wrong, but it's like
we're trying our best, you know,and that's all we can do, and I
absolutely love that.
And even just like on socialmedia with my books, like just
being out in the world, puttingthat positivity, putting those
stories out there, their storiessaying that adoption is these
(02:44):
terrible things and it isterrible what these people go
through and there is a light anda dark.
There is a bad and a good.
There's always bad people inthe world, there's always bad
things happening, but there'salso good and it's a good love.
(03:05):
It's good to make families andI see stories of 16, 17 year
olds about to age out and yourheart just breaks because you're
like who are they going to gohome to?
Like who are what's going tolike?
You just start having all thesethoughts like as an adoptee.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
I ended up having some at my house for Christmas
and things like that.
I mean it was a really greatexperience, but I felt really
bad for them.
And one of them showed up on mydoorstep when he did age out.
I mean he was 18.
He had nowhere to go.
I mean, lots of times back thenand it might be different now,
I'm not really sure, but youknow, the shelter door opens,
you're 18.
(03:43):
Bye, really sure.
But you know, the shelter dooropens, you're 18, bye, and they
still don't have anywhere to go.
So there were a lot of gapsback then and I hope that they
have more services now for kidsthat because they have no skills
a lot of them and most peoplerely on their parents to help
them to that next step.
You know we all do.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Oh yeah, college tuition jobs, helping even write
a resume, getting a resume,planning for that, having
internships.
I worked at my mom's job.
Over the summer I'd help filepaperwork at my dad's.
I mean these are little things,but they prepared me for the
workforce.
They prepared me, boosted myresume, spell check.
(04:21):
All those little things, allthose little things that end up
being the big things that createhome and create families.
And when a child doesn't havethat and they age out, it's an
unimaginable loss for people whodo not have the family to come
home to the mom to call whenthey're having a hard day, the
dad to lean on.
That's it.
(04:42):
That's it, yeah.
I mean I know they have eachother and I know I've seen a lot
of these children who do ageout.
They really stay connected totheir foster siblings and to
other children and they justthey band together and that is
their family and I mean they'vecreated that their own family.
They deserve that mother-fatherfigure, that mom figure, dad,
(05:04):
aunt, uncles I mean, every childdeserves that.
They deserve to be tucked in atnight, they deserve to know
where home is.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
I say all the time family is not blood, it's not.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Oh my gosh, if it was , I mean then oops.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
I want to talk a little bit about my kids just
for a couple minutes.
I mean, I knew the moment thatI held my youngest son that he
was mine.
Before he was mine officially,I knew he was.
It was just this innate feelingand there is nothing like
seeing your child and knowing.
(05:44):
This child is mine.
You know, no matter how oldthey are really, and I don't
think that you can explain it ifyou've never experienced it.
I say that because I say all ofthis, because he was born and
handed to me.
I didn't get him until he wastwo months, handed to me.
(06:09):
I didn't get him until he wastwo months.
I still really just knew thatthis was going to happen.
That bond was just establishedlike right there.
Now my older ones they tooktime because four and three, and
then my other one was 18 months, months and my other one was a
nonverbal, almost four year old,and you have to be a lot more
(06:31):
cautious in how you handle thechild that is being adopted and
coming into your home.
I can remember and this isreally funny my now 29-year-old,
(06:55):
the one that I'm mom and that'sit.
She was so funny.
We had just gotten her and shewas playing in the other room
and I was in the kitchen, sheruns up to me and she says you
took me without saying please.
And I said well, will youplease live with us, will you
(07:23):
please let me be your mom?
And she just went, yep, andthen she ran off and played.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
It was so funny.
I love that.
Have you seen the movie InstantFamily with Mark Wahlberg?
Speaker 1 (07:39):
No, I have not.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Okay, this is something that I'm going to
recommend to any adoptee adopter, adopt, adoptive family connect
um it is about.
It is a true story about acouple who adopted three
children out of foster care ateenager and two younger
children and it you know, youhad this mom moment.
I remember you were saying withyour dad, and they had that
(08:01):
depicted in the movie, where thelittle girl walks up to her,
her foster father, and says canyou help me with my dolly?
My dolly needs help.
And he helped her and she saysthanks, daddy.
And both parents looked at eachother and the mom followed her
and said I want some of that, doyou need any of it?
And it's just, it's so real.
I showed my mom and my mom'slike eyes were watering the
(08:23):
whole movie where she's like,it's's so real, the issues you
have, like you know, an olderchild wanting to paint their
room black.
It's like, okay, not what Iwould have thought, but that's
you Like, whatever works.
It's like the first timedisciplining your child,
especially when they're a littleolder.
It's like I don't want them tohate me, but also I need to
(08:46):
discipline them because that'smy job as their parent is to
teach them right and wrong.
And I have to do these thingsand it's hard and you have
self-doubt.
And my mom told me one timethat parents of a child came in
and he was 13 and they said ourchild hates us.
He says he wished he was neveradopted.
What do we do?
And she said I was not adoptedand I always told my parents
(09:08):
that I wish I was.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
She said some days your teenager is not going to
like you and that's okay.
It's true, that's normalparenting.
He's like I did not like myparents and my parents were not
my adopted parents.
She goes that's normal.
It's normal for your child tohave questions and to use
buttons that they have, and hisbutton is the adoption button,
so that's going to be used somedays when he's really mad
(09:33):
because he doesn't want to dohis homework or clean his room
or he's grounded from playingvideo games.
It's okay and it's like it'svalidating that feeling of it's
okay to be scared and you're hismom and dad.
It's okay.
Like this is, you have a verynormal mother-son relationship.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
And some days it's really hard yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I mean, I've heard the words from one of my kids
older kids well, you know,you're not my mom, you know, and
those are words that reallysting.
I knew I was, so that was a mething that I had to work out and
I had to be secure enough toreally, you know, take it,
because there were going to bedays that were hard for you and
(10:39):
you were young and you had bigemotions and big words and I, to
this day, I'm still in awe thatshe took those because they
were such blows, I know, to herand to my dad.
And I had a lot of issues likeyou were saying, like similarly,
where I dropped out of highschool, I took random paths that
weren't safe.
I did bad things.
I did all the stuff.
I lived a very full young lifeand I'm very grateful that I
(10:59):
came out of the other sidesafely and healthy, without a
rap sheet came out of the otherside safely and healthy without
a rap sheet.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
I say that too, and I did all the twists and turns
and went on a lot of roads Ishould not have and I don't know
, do you?
This is an interestingconversation, actually, because
I know a lot of adoptive itdoesn't matter when you've been
adopted of adoptive feeling itdoesn't matter when you've been
adopted.
I wonder if there is like thislittle thing that we feel, that
(11:29):
disconnect, connection, thatlittle gap that happened in our
life that takes us down thatavenue.
I'm not sure.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
I'm not sure.
I have friends who are adoptedwho've definitely done very
straight narrow what the kind ofexpectation of adolescence was.
But I've also seen a lot ofindividuals who really are
eccentric with their choices ofyoung life and I don't know.
(11:59):
I'm kind of I don't know whatto expect with my own children.
I'm assuming they're going tokind of run wild, similarly to
my husband and I, and I don'tknow if that's biological or if
they're just being nurtured bypeople who did that.
But I think that, no matter what, when you're being raised,
whether it's your biologicalparents or your adoptive parents
(12:22):
, I think there's always thisfeeling of have I been doing
what they want me to do or am Idoing what I want to do?
And so sometimes, especiallywith adoption, we have that I
wonder who I would have been, Iwonder what would have happened.
I need to find myself a littlebit more and go off the deep end
occasionally.
(12:43):
But again, having those parentswho are in your corner, having
your mom, having your dad inyour corner, unlike those
children that age out to bethere as your safety net, you
know, and almost knowing thatit's like I can only explain it
as like you're just testingboundaries, where you're like do
you still love me if I do this?
Will you still be my parents ifI do that?
(13:05):
And having that almostreassurance, and then getting
through it, you're like, okay, Ican literally do just about
anything and I can still comehome because you're mom and dad,
and so maybe it's that it'sanother level of finding
ourselves.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
I think, and I think with the adoption process, you
know, we are trying to findourselves and there is an
identity and all those thingsthat come with it and who am I?
But yeah, I think that thatadds a different, a more complex
level.
I guess you can say on tryingto find ourselves, and it also
depends on when you were adopted.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Yeah.
So, the experience you hadbefore your adoption, absolutely
the baggage you bring with you,the stories, the connections I
have.
I know people who were adopteda little bit older and they have
foster siblings that they stillare connected with today and
they're adults and they wereadopted by different families.
They had different situationsbut they stayed pen pals, video
(14:03):
chats, I mean.
They were for lack of a betterword siblings their entire life,
just raised by differentparents at that point, because
they had such a strongconnection as young children in
foster care.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
So when you sat down, I mean what made you just say
you know what?
I am going to write this bookfor the masses with your such?
You have such a beautifuladoption story.
So what made you want to dothat and spread this for all?
Because one of my favoriteparts is that you do get to
write your own story.
(14:35):
In fact, I think I'm going todo that with my kids.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Actually, we've added 10 more pages to that, so it's
much.
Oh, because I didn't, once Igot the first copy, I'm like, oh
, we need to add like at least10 more, so it's much longer now
.
I my first book I wrote wasFirst Night and it was about my
connection to my biologicalchildren and that was really
special to me and it was aconnection that I had with my
daughter while she was sleepingon my chest and my mom was
(15:03):
actually here and my daughterwould not settle for her and I
was trying to do dishes oranything else not baby related,
because I was burnt out and Iremember walking in the room,
picking her up from my mom andshe immediately settled and my
mom said oh, she knows yourheartbeat, she just that's what
she knows.
She knows you, your mom and Iremember thinking to myself did
my mom have that experience, oryou know, because she was mom
(15:26):
from day one, but did I?
Was that a fear that she had?
That she wouldn't be enougheven for the infant, that the
smell wouldn't be the same, thatthe heartbeat, you know, were
those thoughts that she had.
I wrote First Night.
I knew that I wanted to writeanother book that depicted my
(15:47):
story, but I was an adoptedparent, so I sent this out.
It probably took me.
Over this whole year I've beendoing research and connecting
with people and figuring out theart, and originally the cover
was going to be three hands ofdifferent races making the
adoption symbol, and I wastalking to my artist about it
and actually the front cover wason the internal pages and when
(16:09):
we came up with the sketches andshe sent me the first copy of
everything, I said, oh, thisneeds to be the cover, that's
the cover.
And so we completely changed itbecause I said I want children
to see this book and say that'sme, that's me, that's my sister,
that's my brother, that's whatmommy looks like, that's what
daddy looks like, and I reallywanted that to encompass every
child, not just three differentskin tones or three different
(16:31):
age groups to figure out a way.
How do I do this?
How do I make it so that morestories are spoken for, are said
, are advocated for?
And this was how.
(16:52):
And I remember talking to mymom and we talked about the
journeys that she went throughand how they had a very short
journey but they were trying toadopt from Asia at the time and
they had said there was afive-year waiting list, so they
were prepared for that.
And so I remember dyslexic, soI'm very visual, and so I
remember visualizing this pathwhere the forest is just full of
(17:13):
clocks because you have no ideaand you're kind of going into
this, going down this path whereyou have no idea where it's
going to take you.
It maybe feels a little bitscary and it's just there's no
amount of time, you never know.
Like you said, you held yourbaby and then it was two months
and then it took eight years andit's hard and it's this path
that's traveled and soeverything really allowed for
(17:35):
analogies, where there's a boatand a plane and hiking and a
train and it's like you knowsome people.
It's just flying down toFlorida to meet an olive garden,
other people.
It's flying around the worldand taking buses through unknown
areas that they've never beento meet their children, and so
allowing for those stories andto create those analogies and I
(17:56):
remember the handprint one wasreally difficult for me because
I said how do I and how do Icreate an imagery that is a more
perfect laugh, like, how do Ivisualize a laugh?
And it's like what do you dowith your kids about laughing?
You're doing art with them,you're playing with them, you're
getting dirty and muddy andgetting fingerprints everywhere.
And so we had that page of kidscan see their hands and it
(18:18):
again allows just for any childof any age, because every parent
I know has taken their kids'handprints, has done their
footprints, have donefingerprinting, and it's just,
it's as universal as we could doon a paperback book from Amazon
, but I have so many Verybeautifully illustrated.
Yeah, I absolutely love myartist.
I've used her for five out ofmy six books and we're
(18:39):
continuing to work together onother books and she's just.
We visualize each other so welland we can just really bounce
off of each other and she has aspecial connection to adoption
and so it really was a specialbook for both of us.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Well, it is very special because I think I think
adopted kids are very specialand I mean come on.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
We are, we're chosen.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Yeah, this is really funny a little bit about
choosing, because our caseworkersat down with us and painted
this absolute worst casescenario.
You know, we're sitting infront for the first time wanting
to be parents, and they haveyou go to parenting classes and
all these things.
And they have you go toparenting classes and all these
things.
And it almost feels likethey're trying to talk you out
(19:26):
of it in a way, because they'relike well, you could end up with
kids who are you know, and justthe worst, and they could have
alcoholism in their backgroundand all these different things.
And I'm just sitting there andI'm okay, okay, all right.
And then she says are you stillsure that you want to do this?
(19:48):
And I'm like, well, if theywere born for me, they would
have the same background.
So what's the difference?
Speaker 2 (19:57):
I know that's like the craziest thing is like I've
asked people where I'm like areyou what your parents wanted you
to be?
And you're biological Like Iknow I know plenty of people who
are biological children andthey are not at all.
You know dad's a lawyer and nowchild is an artist and dad
doesn't approve and it's likeyou don't know.
You never know what you'regoing to get at all.
(20:26):
Like there's no, you might getthem a little bit older, but you
don't know.
You have no idea.
I I love my children and I canonly hope.
I always say that I want themto live a life worth living and
I have no idea what that lookslike right now.
A life worth living to mychildren are dinosaurs and hulk,
and that is their, that is whatthey love, and oh, if life
could always be like thatexactly, if it could only ever
be that simple, and ibuprofenfor all of the ear infections.
(20:46):
But you know, it's that's all Icould want for them.
So it's like you know, do youhope they do this?
Do you want them to do this?
It's like I hope they're happy,I hope they're completed, I
hope they find love.
I hope they love themselves.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
All the things.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
All the things Like if they want to do.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Whatever.
I hope they're safe, I hopethey're loved, I hope they're
living this amazing life thatthey love and I will be proud of
them honestly because hestruggles so much.
But we believe in exposure,just everything.
And he's 11, but he'semotionally probably like five.
But he can drum and he justperformed last weekend with the
(21:39):
quads and he's up there just bam, bam, bam, bam and I am the
biggest, proudest mama.
You know, I am just so happyfor him because he said to me he
said the words it makes me feelimportant.
There it is, that's it, that'sall you want for your books.
(22:20):
And actually I sat with themfor a while because they hit me
so deeply.
And plus, I love children'sbooks and I actually gravitate
to them when I'm in a bookstore.
There's nothing like thepictures and the storytelling in
childlike form, for me anyway.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
And I think a lot of adults could admit that too,
because I love reading to mykids.
I just love the children'sbooks.
I was scribbling down thingsthat I was seeing while I was
cleaning up.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Saw that.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
I just was like this is what they see.
And it's like, how do we createthis mundane thing like picking
up after our kids at night wheneveryone's asleep?
And we start thinking like dothey see like this huge tugboat
in the kitchen?
Do they see a cow with socksflopping over their ears?
Because there's a cow in thelaundry basket?
You know, I remember as a kidwith my dollhouse.
(23:23):
I mean, I thought of mydollhouse as this huge thing
that was like was differentstories and each room was
different.
And now, looking at like thesedollhouses, I'm like, oh,
they're like this big, likethey're so tiny, but as a kid,
they're life size.
They're.
You know, there's worlds goingon that we don't see as adults.
And so, appreciating thatimagination and then also
(23:45):
talking to your kids and makingit into fun of like well, what
do you see?
What is there?
Is there a shark in our bathtubright now?
Like is it taking a bubble bathwith you?
Do you have a full-size sharkhanging out with you?
Is there a scuba diver going on?
Like are they searching forlost treasure under the bubbles?
Speaker 1 (23:59):
like that's so cool that you're trying to see it
from their perspective andtalking about a boat.
In the kitchen we clean up.
I've never looked at it thatbeautifully or that much.
You just put it on paper socool.
It's like you're reallyexperiencing it in a completely
different way.
I think because of that book Iwill clean up and look at it
(24:23):
differently.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
It's really fun because we have an elf in our
house right now named Opie, andso I like to remember how my
children see him and what he'sdoing and all of the mischief
that he gets into in our house.
And it really does kind of putus into a little child role of
like remembering this littlemagic that happens in our house.
And it really does kind of putus into a little child role of
like remembering this littlemagic that happens in our house.
(24:46):
And so sometimes, you know, youget exhausted, you get
overwhelmed, you getoverstimulated and that's really
like the all out of ducks book.
But you just you remember like,okay, like they're seeing this
whole world.
So when they want to play, it'snot, they want to play with this
little stuffed animal, theywant to play with a donkey and
they want you to eat all like adonkey and they want you to
(25:07):
neigh like a horse, because youare the horse and they have a
farm in their bedroom and welive, you know, on a ranch and
that's what we're doing rightnow.
And to them that is theplaytime, that is the world.
We're not sitting here in ourthree-day-old sweatpants with
our five-day-old unwashed hair.
We are the animals that we'replaying.
And so how do we try andremember that on the exhaustion
(25:32):
days, on the days that are justoverstimulating, and just like
your son saying that he feltimportant when he was drumming,
it's like he was center stagewith his drums, it's like that.
That's a core memory rightthere.
He's going to have that therest of his life and it's like
larger than life moments andthey can happen in your kitchen,
(25:52):
apparently.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Yeah, because I've honestly never looked at some of
the things that you have lookedat in such a childlike way, so
that was so well done.
I want to talk about Melanade.
It is so good and I'm dyslexicyou say that you have dyslexia
so thank you for this book,because Melanade is a beautiful
(26:17):
story of how our differences canbe our superpowers, and I talk
about that all the time here.
We talk about superpowers Ithink it's an autism thing, I'm
not sure but how you can justtake all of our differences and
make them our strengths.
And this is a picture book tosupport each young reader in
(26:41):
their own journey toself-confidence, pride and
compassion.
I read your blog onSashaSedmancom and you write a
letter to yourself.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
I do.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
And you say, as I've been discussing my most recent
book, melanade, a lot ofmemories and big emotions have
come back to me from mychildhood.
So I wanted to write a littlenote to my younger self.
Dear younger self which I thinkis amazing by the way that you
did this you just love takingthe road less traveled, don't
(27:17):
you?
You're strong-willed, you'rekind, you're compassionate,
you're artistic and you're goingto be okay.
When I read that, I sat in thatfor a minute or more, because
what I would have done, what I'dneed to do, is go back to that
(27:37):
11-year-old and say you knowwhat?
Speaker 2 (27:40):
you're going to be okay and say you know what
you're going to be okay.
I think a lot of us need thatand would benefit from that.
And I think that if we can takethose moments when they feel
really heavy and look at thereally big picture of how far
we've come and everything we'vebeen through and try and look at
(28:01):
it as a half full moment ofevery trauma, every hard moment,
every completelyheart-wrenching moment is
something that taught us,something that gave us strength,
that made us dig ourselves outof these holes that sometimes we
dug for ourselves and sometimeswe fell miles into, I think is
is really.
And so, talking to my youngerself and being like we made it,
(28:24):
we're okay, like it's okay thatwe went through these things,
because that's how we became theperson we are today and that's
how we're able to parent and howwe're able to be a friend and a
partner and a spouse, and thoseexperience really made us.
That's the again, the nurturepart.
You know, our life, our worldthat has been created around us
(28:48):
created us today, and we canlook at ourselves today and say
I'm really proud of who we are.
I'm really proud of the familythat we're creating and the life
that we're creating for ourfamily and ourselves.
You know that's a reallypowerful thing and so,
remembering that and being likeit's okay, it's okay that all
the spells, all the, all thetimes that you feel like it's
(29:08):
just too heavy and too much,like okay, like you're going to
have those and there's alsogoing to be these really
beautiful moments, like when youhold your son for the first
time or you watch your son onstage drumming and feeling full,
like those are, it's worth it.
Like it's so hard to say whenyou're in those moments, but it
is worth it.
I wish I could have been therejust to give myself a hug and,
(29:31):
you know, just be like it's cool, like we're we got this, like
you're so strong yeah, you gotthis.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Like you're so strong-willed Probably won't
believe me, but yeah, whenyou're talking about the
adoption story and you have thepages that are blank, it really
doesn't matter how you start it.
Really you know it's abeautiful story, but even if
we're adopted or if we're notadopted and we're going to be
(30:00):
okay, when we're older, we canrewrite those pages.
You know it's all aboutrewriting and we can become
whatever we want to be, and Ithink adoption gives us such a
great chance in life.
It can I mean, not foreverybody, but it can and I
(30:24):
always call them mile markerswhere something in our life has
drastically changed, good or bad, but we're not going back.
This is who we are now andwe're moving forward, and that
space and time is marked.
And now what are we going to dowith it?
What are we going to become?
(30:49):
You've been given thisopportunity, so you know, I look
at it as opportunity and one ofthe things that you also wrote
in your blog.
When you're sitting in thosereading circles with little
plastic chairs and a round tablewith a book full of stories
that your brain cannot dissect,you'll be okay.
Your word count may feel likethe biggest deal right now and
(31:10):
it will get better, a lot better, but there is so much more to
you than how efficiently youread a sentence and that's, you
know, that's your person withdisabilities, with differences.
However you want to say it,that's talking right there and
you want to like go back and sayyou know what you got this.
That's so cool.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
It's so.
It needs to be said more oftenbecause you know it's the
education system, parents,everyone in children's lives.
You know we all have theseideas of what success is
supposed to look like, wherewe're supposed to be, you know
markers we're supposed to behitting, at what age and at what
grade level.
And it puts so much pressure.
Even if it's unknown, even ifwe're saying it's okay, there's
(31:56):
still this kind of invisibleforce, field of like I'm not
where I'm supposed to be.
The other students are doingthis and I'm not like, and so I
did that.
Oh yeah, we.
I think that children withdyslexia, with learning
differences, like it's, it'ssomething that we do, that we're
just constantly holding ourselfto a standard that we might not
be able to reach, but we haveso many things that are our
(32:17):
strengths and so talking aboutthose strengths and figuring
them out, like for me it'svisual and being like this is
how I learn and this is how Ilearn best.
So going into college, goinginto my careers, it's saying
like I'm visual.
If you hand me a book and tellme to read it, I will not
understand the context.
I can read, I can read muchbetter, but I will not
understand and I will not intakethat.
(32:38):
If you have a tape, if you havea video, if there's a YouTube,
I can do an oil change.
No problem, I got it.
I am woman.
Hear me, roar, I will take careof myself.
I will Google how to change mytire real fast and I will figure
it out.
You give me the manual on thecar.
Not a hope in the world.
(32:58):
I will not.
Unless there's pictures, thenanother story.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Well, when I was a kid and I knew, my kindergarten
teacher went to my parents andsaid something's not right, just
something's not right, and yeah, I wasn't learning like the
other kids, and things like that.
And then the neurologists andeverything and they're like,
yeah, no, she probably won'tgraduate high school is what we
(33:25):
heard.
And you know, when you hearthings like that and I think my
parents did a good job of thistoo I mean you just don't let
educators and medical peopledefine your path and let you
know hey, I mean you got a GED,which is absolutely amazing, and
your path was a littledifferent, but I think that that
(33:46):
is so great that you did that.
I mean that really touched meand it's an amazing feat that
you took on being a writer, bythe way, with dyslexia.
And it is so interestingbecause I had someone on my
podcast recently and she saidthat our hard things become our
heart things, and that is sotrue.
(34:09):
The things I have struggledthrough the most are the very
things that I use now to help meand others go through life's
journeys no-transcriptsuperpower and one of them one
(34:50):
of those is one word and one ofthem is two, and I said well,
they're both correct.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
So that's just a little dyslexic moment where I
didn't have them completelyperfect.
They both are spelled correctly.
One is just together and one isnot.
But we will just leave.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
No, I think that that's great because I'm a
writer and Tina and I often youknow well, we work together a
lot of times on the podcast, ofcourse, but she'll send me, I'll
put something out and she'llsay, well, do you know that this
was wrong?
Or this was?
And I'm like well, there you go, I'm allowed to have these mess
(35:30):
ups and I, as you are, I'm sure, very proud of where I am and
if I have a word or two wrong, Idid amazing and I am proud that
because I mean, I put togetherall these amazing things, as you
have, and we have all theseneurological differences that
(35:54):
really do stand in our way, butwe created this tool belt of
things to be able to figure itout.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
Exactly, yeah, and it is such an accomplishment to be
able to say I did this, we'redoing it Like this is awesome,
it's something that I neverthought I would do.
I sent it to my English teacher, my 10th grade English teacher.
Oh, that's great.
And so I actually reconnectedwith my high school, who I
previously did not have thegreatest you know adios with
(36:22):
when I was in 11th grade, butwe're now on great terms and
they actually have the book intheir library.
Oh, that's so awesome.
I was so excited about it.
Yes and I also had a sixth gradeteacher who works at a
completely different school, andI actually made a video
responding to her students aboutmy dyslexia for them, about my
(36:42):
book with dyslexia, and it wassuch a full circle moment with
education.
That's so great.
You know, I wasn't voted to be,you know know, an author or the
next president of the unitedstates.
I was voted for a lot less and,uh, I was grateful that I
overcame those things.
But also it was a little bit oflike a look at me now, like
(37:05):
absolutely don't underestimateever, and I don't know if you
ever watch Miss Rachel.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
She's a mother, she has a YouTube, she had a child
who was speech delayed and she'srecently where she said never
underestimate a mother trying tohelp their children.
And I was like oh, love that.
Never underestimate a mother ingeneral, like we will.
You know my kids, my husbandwas undiagnosed but he's ADHD
and most likely dyslexic.
And I'm dyslexic andbiologically that means that my
(37:41):
children have almost a 100%chance of being dyslexic,
because with one parent it's 55%and with two it's almost a
hundred.
So I was like, well parent,it's 55% and with two it's
almost 100.
So I was like, well, I guess weneed to write a book for my
children Because, you know, evenif they're the smartest little
Alex and they don't havedyslexia, I'm sure they will
have friends that are dyslexicand their mom and dad are
(38:02):
probably dyslexic.
So we need to spread awareness.
And I think, again, that goesback to adoption, where if you
make something normal in yourhouse, it's normal, and so if
you talk about learningdifferences, if you talk about
big emotions, if you talk aboutadoption, it's normal, it's not
this crazy, weird afterthought,you know.
(38:24):
And so I think, as parents,that's our job is to make these
things normal for our children,so that even if you're raising
biological children, if you talkabout adoption with them, when
they have a friend that'sadopted in school or they meet
someone at the park, they knowand they're like, oh, that's
your mom and dad, because I hadso many friends ask me well, do
you know your real mom and dad?
(38:44):
I'm like that is my real mom anddad.
My biological parents.
Yes, I know them, but that's myreal mom and dad.
So it's like just talking aboutthem and letting them know,
even at a young age, being like,hey, like you know, mom's
biological mom or she lives hereand this is mom, this is
grandma.
But it's like making it normaland it's like having these
(39:06):
normal conversations.
It's dust bunnies, it's hey, weclean up, we're going to find
the dust bunnies.
It's boats in the kitchen.
It's postpartum depression it's.
You know, mommies and daddiesare superheroes and superheroes
have big feelings sometimes andthat's OK.
And you have big feelingssometimes and nothing will ever
(39:26):
like make it so I don't love youor I don't accept you, or that
I'm not your mom, and that's,you know, a universal thing for
adoptive parents, for biologicalparents, it's just I'm your mom
.
You can do nothing that makesme that I'm not your mom anymore
.
There'll be times when mommy isangry, there's times when mommy
is sad, but I am your mom andyou are mine and I love you and
I am here and I'm holding yourhand as we walk through the door
(39:48):
and nothing will change that.
So feel all the feels, ask allthe questions like I'm here.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
You might be dyslexic , but you speak very eloquently
and you put your words togethervery well.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
Thank you.
I had a lot of therapy when Iwas younger, so I think that has
a lot to do with it.
My parents were very concernedabout my emotional growth so
they had me in DBT therapy,which gave me a lot of skills
that I've taken into adulthoodand have also shared with my
husband, and whether he sayshe'll use them or not, he is
(40:24):
using them regularly.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
But I think that that's great, that you have all
those skills and you can tellthat you do Thank you, and it
sounds like your parents did anamazing job, that they're really
beautiful people.
Speaker 2 (40:39):
They are.
They are really really great,really selfless people and I
just they did their best, justlike you are, and that's all I
can ask of them.
And I can look back and saythat they did their best.
And there are things that wetalk about today that my mom
says I wish I would have donebetter with this.
Or I wish I said well, youdidn't know what I was going to
(41:00):
do, you didn't know how I wasgoing to turn out, you didn't
know that a trip to DC wouldalter my you know way to college
.
You know Right, if there was amanual, I'm sure we would all
buy it, but there's not.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
Yeah, I mean, we just do our best.
We do so and I do really lovethat.
You don't know what the path isgoing to be.
You know what it is.
It's our path to make and wemight mess up along the way, but
here we are and everything is astepping stone to where we're
going.
I say that all the time andthey told me that I wouldn't be
(41:34):
able, like I said, to learn, andI can remember my 10th grade
teacher.
When you were talking aboutteachers.
I remember my 10th gradeteacher telling me she stopped
me.
She's like Ann, wait a second.
So I stood there before I leftthe classroom.
She's like why does everybodyin the classroom take notes, but
you and I'm just like I don'tknow.
(41:58):
But I didn't know at the time.
You know, in hindsight I reallyunderstand everything that I
became in school and why I wasso complicated and why I didn't
have it.
I had a teacher at a reunionshow up decades later and I was
like, oh hi.
And they said, oh yeah, you hada lot of problems.
Speaker 2 (42:26):
Thanks.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
I know.
I'm so glad that I could bethat memory for you.
I know I'm so happy but you knowit, he wasn't wrong and I had a
really bad relationship with alot, with my education system, I
guess you could say andspeaking of what we want for our
kids, because I know my kidstoo, you know, are on a
(42:51):
different path and I'm glad thatI had that.
I'm glad that I had thatBecause now I know what it feels
like to be that kid in thatsystem and to be lost, not
understand what's going on inthe classroom, having to look
around to understand even thebasic directions and not
(43:11):
understanding the text on thepage.
And I'm not doing it on purpose, no.
And I want my kids to have thatfreedom, to be able to advocate
for themselves, be able to say,look, I don't get it, I need
more helps here, or whatever,and that we get to, as parents
come to the table with thesemeetings, with these educators,
(43:34):
and now we get to advocate forthem.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
Yeah, and it's so true and there's so many things
that we learn from our ownexperiences, like for me, audio
books were really big, so I'malready in my head like okay,
instead of, you know, watching amovie or TV or whatever while
mom makes dinner, we're going tolisten to your book, because
that's how we're going to intakeinformation and, if that's what
(43:56):
you need to do, we're going toread these stories together and
we're going to listen to themand we have conversations.
Where they really stay and likethat's what I used to do in
college is I would listen to mybooks to and from school, and I
even took a class at a fartherlocation.
It was like 45 minutes for meversus the 20 minute, because it
gave me more time to listen.
See what we do.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
Because I would get a tape recorder, read into it,
listen to it, take notes fromwhat I was hearing, and because
I needed all the things I neededto see it, hear it, write it in
order for me to be able tocomprehend.
And it would take me hours todo what my roommates and you
know, friends, it would takethem an hour to do.
(44:38):
But I, just I was willing to doit because it was really
important.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
It was, and that's all we can do.
Is we figure out those waysaround of how to figure it out
and figure out what works bestfor us?
I mean, I know the educationsystem is working.
You know, to be better andbetter every single year to
accommodate and to have betteraccommodation services and have
classrooms.
But I mean teachers are justexhausted.
I have so much respect forteachers.
(45:05):
I mean they're with ourchildren 30 plus hours a week.
I mean, could not ask for more.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
And our school system opened a school within the
public school just for kids inthe gap, like my kids, wow.
So two of my kids go to thisschool where there's like three
teachers, six kids per classroom.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
That's phenomenal.
Speaker 1 (45:31):
And they are working on that with them one-on-one,
because they don't want them toget lost in a bigger environment
, and I so appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
Yeah, I went to the Lab School of Washington, which
is specifically for dyslexia,and so we had very small
classrooms as well.
Oh, like nine to 12 studentsper two teachers, you know,
teacher and a teacher's aide.
But they are extraordinary withvisuals and with learning
differences.
I remember in history, insteadof learning about the Mona Lisa,
(46:02):
we painted it, and that's sucha memory because I don't exactly
remember every single detailabout him, but I remember
painting the Mona Lisa and Iremember dressing up, like they
would dress up in their cloaksand in their robes, and I just
think if I had read that in abook I would have no idea.
But because I physically did itand it's so much fun, I would
(46:26):
love to paint the Mona Lisa withmy kids when they get older.
I would love to do that versusreading a history book.
It just sounds so much moreenjoyable.
It's like, instead of learningwhat measurements are on a piece
of paper, it's like let's bakea cake, let's measure that,
let's do things for memories.
And then let's put a half cupscoop in each cupcake.
And what happens if we put acup?
(46:47):
What happens if we put a fourthcup?
And it's like what does thatlook like?
And now we can eat cupcakes.
Like, yeah, yeah, ways to learn, and there are things we can do
, and educators, and but astheir parents, we're just
advocating for them as best aswe can.
And you know, even in with yourchildren's school, I'm sure
there's so much advocating.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
We went to 16 states this summer and we, you know, I
want my kids to go into themuseums.
I want that we took them toNASA.
They got in the rockets, theysaw all the launching pad
firsthand.
You know, I mean we do all thethings because my kids are very
(47:28):
visual, they are very hands-onlearning and we went to this one
museum where and we have onehere locally, but this was
really something where they goand there was like a fake
restaurant and there's a fakekitchen and there's a fake fire
truck and there's a and.
But I mean they're real.
You know, it's as real as realcould be for them and they're
(47:52):
making the food and we'resitting there and they're
serving us and they're, like youknow, going in the fire truck
and all that stuff.
So and going in the supermarketand they're going shopping and
checking out, and I mean it'sjust so fun.
Speaker 2 (48:08):
And those are the things that they're going to
remember out and I mean it'sjust so fun and those are the
things that they're going toremember.
Oh, definitely, yeah, we didtrips this summer.
We drove from Virginia toVermont, we went to North
Carolina.
We drove all the way through,you know, museums.
There were like boats that wereon land that we were able to
walk around, that were from theearly 1900s, that had all of the
gold and you know you couldsteer the ship and go to the
(48:30):
aquarium with the huge sharkteeth.
You know my son was in awe atthe sharks.
I mean nothing else.
It's being like tactilelearners where they can really
get into.
It is just, it's so crazybecause you know, when you hear
these stories of children andeven like myself, I don't know
if you experience it where youjust feel stupid or you feel
dumb, like like you can't learn,and most of my life children
(48:53):
that have these thoughts, orthat the teachers are coming at
you like with, oh well, maybethey're not going to graduate,
maybe they're not.
But then you see them in theseother environments where they're
intaking so much knowledge andthey're so smart and they, oh,
this is this, this is this, thisis this type of dirt, this is
sedimentary, like this is.
These are where the work andit's like how did you just learn
(49:13):
all that?
They're just they're smart.
And it's like just because youlearn in a different way, in a
different environment does notmean anything.
Speaker 1 (49:26):
Well, I homeschool my one.
I homeschool one of my kidsbecause this is just what he
needs and that's what we have todo is meet them where they are.
But I mean his favorite thingis the Titanic.
So we went to the TitanicMuseum and we've been to three,
actually, but the one especiallywhere he got to steer the ship
and you try to avoid the icebergand you know they do all the
things, but you just can't havea regular conversation with this
kid.
(49:46):
I mean he would not make it inthe school system, but he can
have a very adult conversationwith any adult and he can tell
you all the facts abouteverything.
So I mean, yeah, it's so fun.
Speaker 2 (50:01):
I love that.
Yeah, every child I've met witha learning disability or
disability of some kind alwayshave like their thing that
they're so good at.
And I love talking to parentsabout their children's thing
because people who aren't asexposed are sometimes unaware.
So I've met people at theplayground and my son's been
playing with a child who isclearly either on the spectrum
(50:23):
and you know they'll come up tome and they'll say, oh well,
they're nonverbal.
I'm like, oh well, what's liketheir thing they're great at.
And they're like, oh well, theyreally love history and then
they'll just get into it andit's like you see them light up
because their child is beingheard and their needs are being
met and it's like that's okay,like thank you for for letting
me know.
I'll make sure my son knows thathe might not verbally respond,
(50:45):
but like they're playing,they're.
They're playing in the sandbox.
They got boats.
They're playing.
They're playing in the sandbox.
They got boats.
They're hanging out Likethey're having a grand old time.
Like love it, like exposure,make it normal, make it, yeah,
make it normal.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
You said that earlier and I love that If you make it
normal.
I mean it's just normal.
Speaker 2 (51:04):
It's just normal.
It's just the world.
People are different.
People look different, sounddifferent, act act different.
Some people need wheelchair,some people don't have a leg.
It's like you know.
It's okay like it's there'snothing wrong you know, it's
what was it um, there's a quotethat says you could be the
juiciest peach in the world, andthere's someone out there that
(51:25):
doesn't like peaches, but it'slike it's.
There's no perfect, there's no,there's no normal.
It's we're all.
We're all different and that'swhat's normal, that we're
different and that's beautiful,and that all families are
different and that's beautiful.
Like some people have a nicehouse with their one dog and
their one cat and their gerbiland two kids, and a fence white
(51:47):
picket fence yard, and you don'tknow what's going on inside
that house.
You have no idea what mom does,what dad does, what's going on,
how they got the relationship,the raves that mom went to, the
corporate events.
You have no idea and it's likestop trying to act like everyone
else.
Just be you.
Do you be unique?
Be cool.
The world needs more of it andmake it normal.
Speaker 1 (52:09):
I love that.
I love your words, witheverything that you say.
Do you have anything elsecoming up?
How can?
Speaker 2 (52:18):
people contact you.
Yeah, I am.
I'm currently working on a bookactually about divorce.
I'm a child of divorce and Ithink that it's another
important topic that I want totalk about, as well as like
advocating for children.
So I'm writing a book that hasa child that has parents going
through a divorce in differentsituations, but at the end of
(52:40):
the book it has questions thatthat child has, that your child
might have, so that it canprompt conversations that
parents might not be thinkingabout or that can open up
communication with theirchildren during the adoption
process or during the divorceprocess.
And my hope is that bothfamilies would have the book
because it ends with sayinggoodnight to their other parents
(53:01):
so that when they're separatedfrom them, there's this unified
front of it's okay to talk aboutyour other parent, just like in
adoption.
It's okay Like just because wedidn't work out doesn't mean
that they're not your mom andnot your dad anymore.
It's okay.
And so it's been difficultbecause it is such a heavy, hard
topic and it is a little bitmore of a glass half empty.
(53:21):
So it's been a struggle to makeit a half full with while still
allowing for those difficultemotions to be represented, and
that it is a difficult situationbut that will be coming out in
2025.
And so I'm looking forward toit.
It's been hard, but I have,again, a lot of input from my
family, from friends who are,you know, children of divorce,
(53:49):
who are divorced themselves withchildren, and so I just I want
to make it normal, I want tomake the conversations normal in
households, and if I can helpstart those conversations, then
that's all I could ask for, andso that's what I'm doing next
year.
That's the beginning.
(54:25):
And so I loved how you put ittogether and just like with the
divorce thing or with beingadopted you know there's so much
shame and blame that goesaround's going to be animals.
That way different familydynamics can be represented,
that way it can tell a story ofthese animals going through this
divorce but it, you know,anyone can see themselves in
them.
So again can be a little bitmore of a universal thing with
(54:45):
universal situations.
And I have gotten input becauseI have siblings.
I have a.
My dad biologically had childrenbefore him and my mom adopted
me, and so I've talked to themabout their experience, which
was very different from mine,with their divorce with their
mom and dad and the divorce ofmy mom and dad.
So it's really a beautifulthing that I've been given the
(55:08):
gift to be able to experienceother people's experiences,
because it really has opened upmy world as well, where I was
aware of other people'ssituations.
But it's connected me more withmy siblings, seeing where they
came from and seeing how ourfather maybe wasn't present with
them but was with me and howthat made them feel as his
biological children.
And even though there was anawareness, I had never heard it
(55:32):
from them.
So I think that's been a reallypowerful thing.
That's come from writing thesebooks and hearing other people's
stories and meeting you andhearing your stories and your
children, and I think it's just,it's a really beautiful gift
that these books have given me.
Speaker 1 (55:46):
Yeah, I think it's great that you're so open to
everybody where they are.
You're just okay with it andthat's.
I think that that's a hugemessage in this podcast and
speaking with you is just howbeautifully you're able to meet
with everybody right where theyare and you're okay, and you
(56:09):
don't need them to change to besomething else to be able to
have a connection with them.
You're just okay with thembeing them.
That is so great.
What a great message that wecould all have right now, right.
Speaker 2 (56:22):
It is.
It's so great and it's alsothat it's okay if the world
doesn't love you.
You know the people in yourlife love you.
You love yourself.
You have to be really securewith yourself.
There'll be days that you'renot, but it's okay to let go of
relationships.
It's okay to have newrelationships, it's okay to
outgrow ones or grow in adifferent direction with people,
and it is a loss and you canfeel that loss, but that's part
(56:44):
of growing.
You know, I know there arepeople in my life who have come
into my life and then left it.
But they left their mark, theyleft part of their journey with
me.
I'm grateful for that and Ithink that that's something that
, like you said, it's acceptingpeople where they're at.
That's an acknowledgement whereI want people to meet me where
I'm at, and so that means that Ihave to be able to do the same
(57:06):
and that's like a reflection inof you know, if I'm having a
hard day, I need to acknowledgethat to my husband, to my
friends of right now.
I'm here and I'm sorry, it'snot about you, this is a me
thing, but I'm letting you know.
This is where I am.
And so today, this is I'm at a,I'm at a 20, I'm not at a
hundred.
And then the next day, okay,I'm at an 80 and maybe you're at
(57:28):
a 30, and I'm going to meet youwhere you are and I got you.
And it's acknowledging that andbeing aware of that.
And then, if people aren't,it's okay to say, okay, well, I
understand you can't meet mewhere I'm at, but that's what I
need in my life right now,because I'm a mom and I'm
working and I'm exhausted andI'm doing all these things, and
that's okay, and you're going tohave your life and I'm going to
have mine, and that's okay.
(57:49):
There's no ill will, there's noanything.
It's just we have two differentlives that don't seem to
intermesh the way our lives needto right now, and maybe they
will one day and maybe theywon't, and that's okay.
It's okay, we have full livesand you don't have to be a
people pleaser all the time.
You can do what's best for youand your family and the people
(58:13):
that are meant to be a part ofthat journey fall into place and
you'll put the work in whereother people put the work in,
and you'll meet each other whereyou need to, and so forth,
giving yourself permission, youknow.
Speaker 1 (58:24):
I mean I think that's so great.
I don't think that that littlegirl that sat in those circles,
not being able to read the wayeverybody else could in the
classroom, could see herselfdoing these things today.
So I just think, you know thatis a testament to, and that
should allow any other kid thatis out there right now, or even
(58:45):
an adult who's having some ofthe same struggles that look you
can do it too, who's havingsome of the same struggles that
look you can do it too.
Look what Sasha has done andyou're doing absolutely amazing.
So thank you so absolutely much.
Can anybody get in contact?
Speaker 2 (59:01):
with you on your website, or how would you like
people?
Yeah, my website,sashasedmancom.
And then I have an Instagram,facebook and TikTok that are all
under Sasha Sedman, so peoplecan always message me there.
My email is Sasha atSashaSedmancom, so people can
always email me there and we canchat, we can connect, we can,
you know, meet each other wherewe're at.
Speaker 1 (59:20):
That's so beautiful.
Well, thank you so much.
I've really enjoyed thisconversation with you, Sasha.
Speaker 2 (59:26):
Thank you.
No, this was great.
I had such a great time hearingyour story and sharing mine.
Speaker 1 (59:36):
And for our listeners .
Thank you so much for joiningus and listening to her story.
And I get out there and readher books because they are
absolutely amazing and theillustrations are, so they're
put together so beautifully withthis story.
So, anyway, thank you so muchfor listening and we will see
you next time.
This is part two with children's author Sasha Sedman.
We will explore her books andtalk adoption, living with
dyslexia and differences, andher books that even deal with
just everyday moments.
I just love Sasha's uniquestorytelling and her ability to
reach adults and kids with herstorytelling.
She has allowed parents andkids to reach adults and kids
with her storytelling.
She has allowed parents andkids to create their own
narratives within her pages.
(00:29):
The beautiful illustrationsallow kids to see themselves in
the pages.
Don't miss our conversation aswe talk parenting, living with
disabilities, adoption and evenbeing a parent of biological
children.
Make sure you check out partone on Real Talk with Tina and
Ann.
But here is part two BecauseI'm really into like American
Idol and when the Olympics wereon and those stories were, and
(00:52):
they always go into thesebackstories of adoptions and I
owe my life to this person whotook me in and raised me as
their own and they really arethe most beautiful stories.
So, and I really connect withthem.
And you know, talk about thesmile my dad and I have.
(01:13):
We had a picture of me and apicture of him and we had the
exact same smile.
Oh, I love that we both hadlike this, you know one-sided
smile and it was both on thesame side.
So I still keep them togetherbecause it just means so much to
me that, even though he wasgone when I was 11 years old, so
much of him still lives insideof me.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Oh, definitely, yeah, that's so special and I love
that.
Like it's like you said, likehearing adoption stories,
hearing success, family stories,creating bigger families.
I follow these people thatfoster to adopt on social media
and I'm just like so, like I'mlike, oh my gosh, like it's so
beautiful.
They have like three differentSantas to make sure that each of
(01:54):
their children's races arerepresented within.
And I'm just like, oh my gosh,like they're just thinking so
deeply about what their childrenneed and want and even if their
children aren't asking for it,they're just they're thinking so
deeply about like, what can Ido to connect with my child so
that they feel connected with me?
And I'm like, oh yes, likethat's so awesome it is, it's,
(02:16):
it's beautiful.
How do we do that?
Like it's and we're all tryingto figure it out.
Like you said, we could be doingit all wrong, but it's like
we're trying our best, you know,and that's all we can do, and I
absolutely love that.
And even just like on socialmedia with my books, like just
being out in the world, puttingthat positivity, putting those
stories out there, their storiessaying that adoption is these
(02:44):
terrible things and it isterrible what these people go
through and there is a light anda dark.
There is a bad and a good.
There's always bad people inthe world, there's always bad
things happening, but there'salso good and it's a good love.
(03:05):
It's good to make families andI see stories of 16, 17 year
olds about to age out and yourheart just breaks because you're
like who are they going to gohome to?
Like who are what's going tolike?
You just start having all thesethoughts like as an adoptee.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
I ended up having some at my house for Christmas
and things like that.
I mean it was a really greatexperience, but I felt really
bad for them.
And one of them showed up on mydoorstep when he did age out.
I mean he was 18.
He had nowhere to go.
I mean, lots of times back thenand it might be different now,
I'm not really sure, but youknow, the shelter door opens,
you're 18.
(03:43):
Bye, really sure.
But you know, the shelter dooropens, you're 18, bye, and they
still don't have anywhere to go.
So there were a lot of gapsback then and I hope that they
have more services now for kidsthat because they have no skills
a lot of them and most peoplerely on their parents to help
them to that next step.
You know we all do.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Oh yeah, college tuition jobs, helping even write
a resume, getting a resume,planning for that, having
internships.
I worked at my mom's job.
Over the summer I'd help filepaperwork at my dad's.
I mean these are little things,but they prepared me for the
workforce.
They prepared me, boosted myresume, spell check.
(04:21):
All those little things, allthose little things that end up
being the big things that createhome and create families.
And when a child doesn't havethat and they age out, it's an
unimaginable loss for people whodo not have the family to come
home to the mom to call whenthey're having a hard day, the
dad to lean on.
That's it.
(04:42):
That's it, yeah.
I mean I know they have eachother and I know I've seen a lot
of these children who do ageout.
They really stay connected totheir foster siblings and to
other children and they justthey band together and that is
their family and I mean they'vecreated that their own family.
They deserve that mother-fatherfigure, that mom figure, dad,
(05:04):
aunt, uncles I mean, every childdeserves that.
They deserve to be tucked in atnight, they deserve to know
where home is.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
I say all the time family is not blood, it's not.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Oh my gosh, if it was , I mean then oops.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
I want to talk a little bit about my kids just
for a couple minutes.
I mean, I knew the moment thatI held my youngest son that he
was mine.
Before he was mine officially,I knew he was.
It was just this innate feelingand there is nothing like
seeing your child and knowing.
(05:44):
This child is mine.
You know, no matter how oldthey are really, and I don't
think that you can explain it ifyou've never experienced it.
I say that because I say all ofthis, because he was born and
handed to me.
I didn't get him until he wastwo months, handed to me.
(06:09):
I didn't get him until he wastwo months.
I still really just knew thatthis was going to happen.
That bond was just establishedlike right there.
Now my older ones they tooktime because four and three, and
then my other one was 18 months, months and my other one was a
nonverbal, almost four year old,and you have to be a lot more
(06:31):
cautious in how you handle thechild that is being adopted and
coming into your home.
I can remember and this isreally funny my now 29-year-old,
(06:55):
the one that I'm mom and that'sit.
She was so funny.
We had just gotten her and shewas playing in the other room
and I was in the kitchen, sheruns up to me and she says you
took me without saying please.
And I said well, will youplease live with us, will you
(07:23):
please let me be your mom?
And she just went, yep, andthen she ran off and played.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
It was so funny.
I love that.
Have you seen the movie InstantFamily with Mark Wahlberg?
Speaker 1 (07:39):
No, I have not.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Okay, this is something that I'm going to
recommend to any adoptee adopter, adopt, adoptive family connect
um it is about.
It is a true story about acouple who adopted three
children out of foster care ateenager and two younger
children and it you know, youhad this mom moment.
I remember you were saying withyour dad, and they had that
(08:01):
depicted in the movie, where thelittle girl walks up to her,
her foster father, and says canyou help me with my dolly?
My dolly needs help.
And he helped her and she saysthanks, daddy.
And both parents looked at eachother and the mom followed her
and said I want some of that, doyou need any of it?
And it's just, it's so real.
I showed my mom and my mom'slike eyes were watering the
(08:23):
whole movie where she's like,it's's so real, the issues you
have, like you know, an olderchild wanting to paint their
room black.
It's like, okay, not what Iwould have thought, but that's
you Like, whatever works.
It's like the first timedisciplining your child,
especially when they're a littleolder.
It's like I don't want them tohate me, but also I need to
(08:46):
discipline them because that'smy job as their parent is to
teach them right and wrong.
And I have to do these thingsand it's hard and you have
self-doubt.
And my mom told me one timethat parents of a child came in
and he was 13 and they said ourchild hates us.
He says he wished he was neveradopted.
What do we do?
And she said I was not adoptedand I always told my parents
(09:08):
that I wish I was.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
She said some days your teenager is not going to
like you and that's okay.
It's true, that's normalparenting.
He's like I did not like myparents and my parents were not
my adopted parents.
She goes that's normal.
It's normal for your child tohave questions and to use
buttons that they have, and hisbutton is the adoption button,
so that's going to be used somedays when he's really mad
(09:33):
because he doesn't want to dohis homework or clean his room
or he's grounded from playingvideo games.
It's okay and it's like it'svalidating that feeling of it's
okay to be scared and you're hismom and dad.
It's okay.
Like this is, you have a verynormal mother-son relationship.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
And some days it's really hard yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I mean, I've heard the words from one of my kids
older kids well, you know,you're not my mom, you know, and
those are words that reallysting.
I knew I was, so that was a mething that I had to work out and
I had to be secure enough toreally, you know, take it,
because there were going to bedays that were hard for you and
(10:39):
you were young and you had bigemotions and big words and I, to
this day, I'm still in awe thatshe took those because they
were such blows, I know, to herand to my dad.
And I had a lot of issues likeyou were saying, like similarly,
where I dropped out of highschool, I took random paths that
weren't safe.
I did bad things.
I did all the stuff.
I lived a very full young lifeand I'm very grateful that I
(10:59):
came out of the other sidesafely and healthy, without a
rap sheet came out of the otherside safely and healthy without
a rap sheet.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
I say that too, and I did all the twists and turns
and went on a lot of roads Ishould not have and I don't know
, do you?
This is an interestingconversation, actually, because
I know a lot of adoptive itdoesn't matter when you've been
adopted of adoptive feeling itdoesn't matter when you've been
adopted.
I wonder if there is like thislittle thing that we feel, that
(11:29):
disconnect, connection, thatlittle gap that happened in our
life that takes us down thatavenue.
I'm not sure.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
I'm not sure.
I have friends who are adoptedwho've definitely done very
straight narrow what the kind ofexpectation of adolescence was.
But I've also seen a lot ofindividuals who really are
eccentric with their choices ofyoung life and I don't know.
(11:59):
I'm kind of I don't know whatto expect with my own children.
I'm assuming they're going tokind of run wild, similarly to
my husband and I, and I don'tknow if that's biological or if
they're just being nurtured bypeople who did that.
But I think that, no matter what, when you're being raised,
whether it's your biologicalparents or your adoptive parents
(12:22):
, I think there's always thisfeeling of have I been doing
what they want me to do or am Idoing what I want to do?
And so sometimes, especiallywith adoption, we have that I
wonder who I would have been, Iwonder what would have happened.
I need to find myself a littlebit more and go off the deep end
occasionally.
(12:43):
But again, having those parentswho are in your corner, having
your mom, having your dad inyour corner, unlike those
children that age out to bethere as your safety net, you
know, and almost knowing thatit's like I can only explain it
as like you're just testingboundaries, where you're like do
you still love me if I do this?
Will you still be my parents ifI do that?
(13:05):
And having that almostreassurance, and then getting
through it, you're like, okay, Ican literally do just about
anything and I can still comehome because you're mom and dad,
and so maybe it's that it'sanother level of finding
ourselves.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
I think, and I think with the adoption process, you
know, we are trying to findourselves and there is an
identity and all those thingsthat come with it and who am I?
But yeah, I think that thatadds a different, a more complex
level.
I guess you can say on tryingto find ourselves, and it also
depends on when you were adopted.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Yeah.
So, the experience you hadbefore your adoption, absolutely
the baggage you bring with you,the stories, the connections I
have.
I know people who were adopteda little bit older and they have
foster siblings that they stillare connected with today and
they're adults and they wereadopted by different families.
They had different situationsbut they stayed pen pals, video
(14:03):
chats, I mean.
They were for lack of a betterword siblings their entire life,
just raised by differentparents at that point, because
they had such a strongconnection as young children in
foster care.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
So when you sat down, I mean what made you just say
you know what?
I am going to write this bookfor the masses with your such?
You have such a beautifuladoption story.
So what made you want to dothat and spread this for all?
Because one of my favoriteparts is that you do get to
write your own story.
(14:35):
In fact, I think I'm going todo that with my kids.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Actually, we've added 10 more pages to that, so it's
much.
Oh, because I didn't, once Igot the first copy, I'm like, oh
, we need to add like at least10 more, so it's much longer now
.
I my first book I wrote wasFirst Night and it was about my
connection to my biologicalchildren and that was really
special to me and it was aconnection that I had with my
daughter while she was sleepingon my chest and my mom was
(15:03):
actually here and my daughterwould not settle for her and I
was trying to do dishes oranything else not baby related,
because I was burnt out and Iremember walking in the room,
picking her up from my mom andshe immediately settled and my
mom said oh, she knows yourheartbeat, she just that's what
she knows.
She knows you, your mom and Iremember thinking to myself did
my mom have that experience, oryou know, because she was mom
(15:26):
from day one, but did I?
Was that a fear that she had?
That she wouldn't be enougheven for the infant, that the
smell wouldn't be the same, thatthe heartbeat, you know, were
those thoughts that she had.
I wrote First Night.
I knew that I wanted to writeanother book that depicted my
(15:47):
story, but I was an adoptedparent, so I sent this out.
It probably took me.
Over this whole year I've beendoing research and connecting
with people and figuring out theart, and originally the cover
was going to be three hands ofdifferent races making the
adoption symbol, and I wastalking to my artist about it
and actually the front cover wason the internal pages and when
(16:09):
we came up with the sketches andshe sent me the first copy of
everything, I said, oh, thisneeds to be the cover, that's
the cover.
And so we completely changed itbecause I said I want children
to see this book and say that'sme, that's me, that's my sister,
that's my brother, that's whatmommy looks like, that's what
daddy looks like, and I reallywanted that to encompass every
child, not just three differentskin tones or three different
(16:31):
age groups to figure out a way.
How do I do this?
How do I make it so that morestories are spoken for, are said
, are advocated for?
And this was how.
(16:52):
And I remember talking to mymom and we talked about the
journeys that she went throughand how they had a very short
journey but they were trying toadopt from Asia at the time and
they had said there was afive-year waiting list, so they
were prepared for that.
And so I remember dyslexic, soI'm very visual, and so I
remember visualizing this pathwhere the forest is just full of
(17:13):
clocks because you have no ideaand you're kind of going into
this, going down this path whereyou have no idea where it's
going to take you.
It maybe feels a little bitscary and it's just there's no
amount of time, you never know.
Like you said, you held yourbaby and then it was two months
and then it took eight years andit's hard and it's this path
that's traveled and soeverything really allowed for
(17:35):
analogies, where there's a boatand a plane and hiking and a
train and it's like you knowsome people.
It's just flying down toFlorida to meet an olive garden,
other people.
It's flying around the worldand taking buses through unknown
areas that they've never beento meet their children, and so
allowing for those stories andto create those analogies and I
(17:56):
remember the handprint one wasreally difficult for me because
I said how do I and how do Icreate an imagery that is a more
perfect laugh, like, how do Ivisualize a laugh?
And it's like what do you dowith your kids about laughing?
You're doing art with them,you're playing with them, you're
getting dirty and muddy andgetting fingerprints everywhere.
And so we had that page of kidscan see their hands and it
(18:18):
again allows just for any childof any age, because every parent
I know has taken their kids'handprints, has done their
footprints, have donefingerprinting, and it's just,
it's as universal as we could doon a paperback book from Amazon
, but I have so many Verybeautifully illustrated.
Yeah, I absolutely love myartist.
I've used her for five out ofmy six books and we're
(18:39):
continuing to work together onother books and she's just.
We visualize each other so welland we can just really bounce
off of each other and she has aspecial connection to adoption
and so it really was a specialbook for both of us.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Well, it is very special because I think I think
adopted kids are very specialand I mean come on.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
We are, we're chosen.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Yeah, this is really funny a little bit about
choosing, because our caseworkersat down with us and painted
this absolute worst casescenario.
You know, we're sitting infront for the first time wanting
to be parents, and they haveyou go to parenting classes and
all these things.
And they have you go toparenting classes and all these
things.
And it almost feels likethey're trying to talk you out
(19:26):
of it in a way, because they'relike well, you could end up with
kids who are you know, and justthe worst, and they could have
alcoholism in their backgroundand all these different things.
And I'm just sitting there andI'm okay, okay, all right.
And then she says are you stillsure that you want to do this?
(19:48):
And I'm like, well, if theywere born for me, they would
have the same background.
So what's the difference?
Speaker 2 (19:57):
I know that's like the craziest thing is like I've
asked people where I'm like areyou what your parents wanted you
to be?
And you're biological Like Iknow I know plenty of people who
are biological children andthey are not at all.
You know dad's a lawyer and nowchild is an artist and dad
doesn't approve and it's likeyou don't know.
You never know what you'regoing to get at all.
(20:26):
Like there's no, you might getthem a little bit older, but you
don't know.
You have no idea.
I I love my children and I canonly hope.
I always say that I want themto live a life worth living and
I have no idea what that lookslike right now.
A life worth living to mychildren are dinosaurs and hulk,
and that is their, that is whatthey love, and oh, if life
could always be like thatexactly, if it could only ever
be that simple, and ibuprofenfor all of the ear infections.
(20:46):
But you know, it's that's all Icould want for them.
So it's like you know, do youhope they do this?
Do you want them to do this?
It's like I hope they're happy,I hope they're completed, I
hope they find love.
I hope they love themselves.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
All the things.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
All the things Like if they want to do.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Whatever.
I hope they're safe, I hopethey're loved, I hope they're
living this amazing life thatthey love and I will be proud of
them honestly because hestruggles so much.
But we believe in exposure,just everything.
And he's 11, but he'semotionally probably like five.
But he can drum and he justperformed last weekend with the
(21:39):
quads and he's up there just bam, bam, bam, bam and I am the
biggest, proudest mama.
You know, I am just so happyfor him because he said to me he
said the words it makes me feelimportant.
There it is, that's it, that'sall you want for your books.
(22:20):
And actually I sat with themfor a while because they hit me
so deeply.
And plus, I love children'sbooks and I actually gravitate
to them when I'm in a bookstore.
There's nothing like thepictures and the storytelling in
childlike form, for me anyway.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
And I think a lot of adults could admit that too,
because I love reading to mykids.
I just love the children'sbooks.
I was scribbling down thingsthat I was seeing while I was
cleaning up.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Saw that.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
I just was like this is what they see.
And it's like, how do we createthis mundane thing like picking
up after our kids at night wheneveryone's asleep?
And we start thinking like dothey see like this huge tugboat
in the kitchen?
Do they see a cow with socksflopping over their ears?
Because there's a cow in thelaundry basket?
You know, I remember as a kidwith my dollhouse.
(23:23):
I mean, I thought of mydollhouse as this huge thing
that was like was differentstories and each room was
different.
And now, looking at like thesedollhouses, I'm like, oh,
they're like this big, likethey're so tiny, but as a kid,
they're life size.
They're.
You know, there's worlds goingon that we don't see as adults.
And so, appreciating thatimagination and then also
(23:45):
talking to your kids and makingit into fun of like well, what
do you see?
What is there?
Is there a shark in our bathtubright now?
Like is it taking a bubble bathwith you?
Do you have a full-size sharkhanging out with you?
Is there a scuba diver going on?
Like are they searching forlost treasure under the bubbles?
Speaker 1 (23:59):
like that's so cool that you're trying to see it
from their perspective andtalking about a boat.
In the kitchen we clean up.
I've never looked at it thatbeautifully or that much.
You just put it on paper socool.
It's like you're reallyexperiencing it in a completely
different way.
I think because of that book Iwill clean up and look at it
(24:23):
differently.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
It's really fun because we have an elf in our
house right now named Opie, andso I like to remember how my
children see him and what he'sdoing and all of the mischief
that he gets into in our house.
And it really does kind of putus into a little child role of
like remembering this littlemagic that happens in our house.
And it really does kind of putus into a little child role of
like remembering this littlemagic that happens in our house.
(24:46):
And so sometimes, you know, youget exhausted, you get
overwhelmed, you getoverstimulated and that's really
like the all out of ducks book.
But you just you remember like,okay, like they're seeing this
whole world.
So when they want to play, it'snot, they want to play with this
little stuffed animal, theywant to play with a donkey and
they want you to eat all like adonkey and they want you to
(25:07):
neigh like a horse, because youare the horse and they have a
farm in their bedroom and welive, you know, on a ranch and
that's what we're doing rightnow.
And to them that is theplaytime, that is the world.
We're not sitting here in ourthree-day-old sweatpants with
our five-day-old unwashed hair.
We are the animals that we'replaying.
And so how do we try andremember that on the exhaustion
(25:32):
days, on the days that are justoverstimulating, and just like
your son saying that he feltimportant when he was drumming,
it's like he was center stagewith his drums, it's like that.
That's a core memory rightthere.
He's going to have that therest of his life and it's like
larger than life moments andthey can happen in your kitchen,
(25:52):
apparently.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Yeah, because I've honestly never looked at some of
the things that you have lookedat in such a childlike way, so
that was so well done.
I want to talk about Melanade.
It is so good and I'm dyslexicyou say that you have dyslexia
so thank you for this book,because Melanade is a beautiful
(26:17):
story of how our differences canbe our superpowers, and I talk
about that all the time here.
We talk about superpowers Ithink it's an autism thing, I'm
not sure but how you can justtake all of our differences and
make them our strengths.
And this is a picture book tosupport each young reader in
(26:41):
their own journey toself-confidence, pride and
compassion.
I read your blog onSashaSedmancom and you write a
letter to yourself.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
I do.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
And you say, as I've been discussing my most recent
book, melanade, a lot ofmemories and big emotions have
come back to me from mychildhood.
So I wanted to write a littlenote to my younger self.
Dear younger self which I thinkis amazing by the way that you
did this you just love takingthe road less traveled, don't
(27:17):
you?
You're strong-willed, you'rekind, you're compassionate,
you're artistic and you're goingto be okay.
When I read that, I sat in thatfor a minute or more, because
what I would have done, what I'dneed to do, is go back to that
(27:37):
11-year-old and say you knowwhat?
Speaker 2 (27:40):
you're going to be okay and say you know what
you're going to be okay.
I think a lot of us need thatand would benefit from that.
And I think that if we can takethose moments when they feel
really heavy and look at thereally big picture of how far
we've come and everything we'vebeen through and try and look at
(28:01):
it as a half full moment ofevery trauma, every hard moment,
every completelyheart-wrenching moment is
something that taught us,something that gave us strength,
that made us dig ourselves outof these holes that sometimes we
dug for ourselves and sometimeswe fell miles into, I think is
is really.
And so, talking to my youngerself and being like we made it,
(28:24):
we're okay, like it's okay thatwe went through these things,
because that's how we became theperson we are today and that's
how we're able to parent and howwe're able to be a friend and a
partner and a spouse, and thoseexperience really made us.
That's the again, the nurturepart.
You know, our life, our worldthat has been created around us
(28:48):
created us today, and we canlook at ourselves today and say
I'm really proud of who we are.
I'm really proud of the familythat we're creating and the life
that we're creating for ourfamily and ourselves.
You know that's a reallypowerful thing and so,
remembering that and being likeit's okay, it's okay that all
the spells, all the, all thetimes that you feel like it's
(29:08):
just too heavy and too much,like okay, like you're going to
have those and there's alsogoing to be these really
beautiful moments, like when youhold your son for the first
time or you watch your son onstage drumming and feeling full,
like those are, it's worth it.
Like it's so hard to say whenyou're in those moments, but it
is worth it.
I wish I could have been therejust to give myself a hug and,
(29:31):
you know, just be like it's cool, like we're we got this, like
you're so strong yeah, you gotthis.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Like you're so strong-willed Probably won't
believe me, but yeah, whenyou're talking about the
adoption story and you have thepages that are blank, it really
doesn't matter how you start it.
Really you know it's abeautiful story, but even if
we're adopted or if we're notadopted and we're going to be
(30:00):
okay, when we're older, we canrewrite those pages.
You know it's all aboutrewriting and we can become
whatever we want to be, and Ithink adoption gives us such a
great chance in life.
It can I mean, not foreverybody, but it can and I
(30:24):
always call them mile markerswhere something in our life has
drastically changed, good or bad, but we're not going back.
This is who we are now andwe're moving forward, and that
space and time is marked.
And now what are we going to dowith it?
What are we going to become?
(30:49):
You've been given thisopportunity, so you know, I look
at it as opportunity and one ofthe things that you also wrote
in your blog.
When you're sitting in thosereading circles with little
plastic chairs and a round tablewith a book full of stories
that your brain cannot dissect,you'll be okay.
Your word count may feel likethe biggest deal right now and
(31:10):
it will get better, a lot better, but there is so much more to
you than how efficiently youread a sentence and that's, you
know, that's your person withdisabilities, with differences.
However you want to say it,that's talking right there and
you want to like go back and sayyou know what you got this.
That's so cool.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
It's so.
It needs to be said more oftenbecause you know it's the
education system, parents,everyone in children's lives.
You know we all have theseideas of what success is
supposed to look like, wherewe're supposed to be, you know
markers we're supposed to behitting, at what age and at what
grade level.
And it puts so much pressure.
Even if it's unknown, even ifwe're saying it's okay, there's
(31:56):
still this kind of invisibleforce, field of like I'm not
where I'm supposed to be.
The other students are doingthis and I'm not like, and so I
did that.
Oh yeah, we.
I think that children withdyslexia, with learning
differences, like it's, it'ssomething that we do, that we're
just constantly holding ourselfto a standard that we might not
be able to reach, but we haveso many things that are our
(32:17):
strengths and so talking aboutthose strengths and figuring
them out, like for me it'svisual and being like this is
how I learn and this is how Ilearn best.
So going into college, goinginto my careers, it's saying
like I'm visual.
If you hand me a book and tellme to read it, I will not
understand the context.
I can read, I can read muchbetter, but I will not
understand and I will not intakethat.
(32:38):
If you have a tape, if you havea video, if there's a YouTube,
I can do an oil change.
No problem, I got it.
I am woman.
Hear me, roar, I will take careof myself.
I will Google how to change mytire real fast and I will figure
it out.
You give me the manual on thecar.
Not a hope in the world.
(32:58):
I will not.
Unless there's pictures, thenanother story.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Well, when I was a kid and I knew, my kindergarten
teacher went to my parents andsaid something's not right, just
something's not right, and yeah, I wasn't learning like the
other kids, and things like that.
And then the neurologists andeverything and they're like,
yeah, no, she probably won'tgraduate high school is what we
(33:25):
heard.
And you know, when you hearthings like that and I think my
parents did a good job of thistoo I mean you just don't let
educators and medical peopledefine your path and let you
know hey, I mean you got a GED,which is absolutely amazing, and
your path was a littledifferent, but I think that that
(33:46):
is so great that you did that.
I mean that really touched meand it's an amazing feat that
you took on being a writer, bythe way, with dyslexia.
And it is so interestingbecause I had someone on my
podcast recently and she saidthat our hard things become our
heart things, and that is sotrue.
(34:09):
The things I have struggledthrough the most are the very
things that I use now to help meand others go through life's
journeys no-transcriptsuperpower and one of them one
(34:50):
of those is one word and one ofthem is two, and I said well,
they're both correct.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
So that's just a little dyslexic moment where I
didn't have them completelyperfect.
They both are spelled correctly.
One is just together and one isnot.
But we will just leave.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
No, I think that that's great because I'm a
writer and Tina and I often youknow well, we work together a
lot of times on the podcast, ofcourse, but she'll send me, I'll
put something out and she'llsay, well, do you know that this
was wrong?
Or this was?
And I'm like well, there you go, I'm allowed to have these mess
(35:30):
ups and I, as you are, I'm sure, very proud of where I am and
if I have a word or two wrong, Idid amazing and I am proud that
because I mean, I put togetherall these amazing things, as you
have, and we have all theseneurological differences that
(35:54):
really do stand in our way, butwe created this tool belt of
things to be able to figure itout.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
Exactly, yeah, and it is such an accomplishment to be
able to say I did this, we'redoing it Like this is awesome,
it's something that I neverthought I would do.
I sent it to my English teacher, my 10th grade English teacher.
Oh, that's great.
And so I actually reconnectedwith my high school, who I
previously did not have thegreatest you know adios with
(36:22):
when I was in 11th grade, butwe're now on great terms and
they actually have the book intheir library.
Oh, that's so awesome.
I was so excited about it.
Yes and I also had a sixth gradeteacher who works at a
completely different school, andI actually made a video
responding to her students aboutmy dyslexia for them, about my
(36:42):
book with dyslexia, and it wassuch a full circle moment with
education.
That's so great.
You know, I wasn't voted to be,you know know, an author or the
next president of the unitedstates.
I was voted for a lot less and,uh, I was grateful that I
overcame those things.
But also it was a little bit oflike a look at me now, like
(37:05):
absolutely don't underestimateever, and I don't know if you
ever watch Miss Rachel.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
She's a mother, she has a YouTube, she had a child
who was speech delayed and she'srecently where she said never
underestimate a mother trying tohelp their children.
And I was like oh, love that.
Never underestimate a mother ingeneral, like we will.
You know my kids, my husbandwas undiagnosed but he's ADHD
and most likely dyslexic.
And I'm dyslexic andbiologically that means that my
(37:41):
children have almost a 100%chance of being dyslexic,
because with one parent it's 55%and with two it's almost a
hundred.
So I was like, well parent,it's 55% and with two it's
almost 100.
So I was like, well, I guess weneed to write a book for my
children Because, you know, evenif they're the smartest little
Alex and they don't havedyslexia, I'm sure they will
have friends that are dyslexicand their mom and dad are
(38:02):
probably dyslexic.
So we need to spread awareness.
And I think, again, that goesback to adoption, where if you
make something normal in yourhouse, it's normal, and so if
you talk about learningdifferences, if you talk about
big emotions, if you talk aboutadoption, it's normal, it's not
this crazy, weird afterthought,you know.
(38:24):
And so I think, as parents,that's our job is to make these
things normal for our children,so that even if you're raising
biological children, if you talkabout adoption with them, when
they have a friend that'sadopted in school or they meet
someone at the park, they knowand they're like, oh, that's
your mom and dad, because I hadso many friends ask me well, do
you know your real mom and dad?
(38:44):
I'm like that is my real mom anddad.
My biological parents.
Yes, I know them, but that's myreal mom and dad.
So it's like just talking aboutthem and letting them know,
even at a young age, being like,hey, like you know, mom's
biological mom or she lives hereand this is mom, this is
grandma.
But it's like making it normaland it's like having these
(39:06):
normal conversations.
It's dust bunnies, it's hey, weclean up, we're going to find
the dust bunnies.
It's boats in the kitchen.
It's postpartum depression it's.
You know, mommies and daddiesare superheroes and superheroes
have big feelings sometimes andthat's OK.
And you have big feelingssometimes and nothing will ever
(39:26):
like make it so I don't love youor I don't accept you, or that
I'm not your mom, and that's,you know, a universal thing for
adoptive parents, for biologicalparents, it's just I'm your mom
.
You can do nothing that makesme that I'm not your mom anymore
.
There'll be times when mommy isangry, there's times when mommy
is sad, but I am your mom andyou are mine and I love you and
I am here and I'm holding yourhand as we walk through the door
(39:48):
and nothing will change that.
So feel all the feels, ask allthe questions like I'm here.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
You might be dyslexic , but you speak very eloquently
and you put your words togethervery well.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
Thank you.
I had a lot of therapy when Iwas younger, so I think that has
a lot to do with it.
My parents were very concernedabout my emotional growth so
they had me in DBT therapy,which gave me a lot of skills
that I've taken into adulthoodand have also shared with my
husband, and whether he sayshe'll use them or not, he is
(40:24):
using them regularly.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
But I think that that's great, that you have all
those skills and you can tellthat you do Thank you, and it
sounds like your parents did anamazing job, that they're really
beautiful people.
Speaker 2 (40:39):
They are.
They are really really great,really selfless people and I
just they did their best, justlike you are, and that's all I
can ask of them.
And I can look back and saythat they did their best.
And there are things that wetalk about today that my mom
says I wish I would have donebetter with this.
Or I wish I said well, youdidn't know what I was going to
(41:00):
do, you didn't know how I wasgoing to turn out, you didn't
know that a trip to DC wouldalter my you know way to college
.
You know Right, if there was amanual, I'm sure we would all
buy it, but there's not.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
Yeah, I mean, we just do our best.
We do so and I do really lovethat.
You don't know what the path isgoing to be.
You know what it is.
It's our path to make and wemight mess up along the way, but
here we are and everything is astepping stone to where we're
going.
I say that all the time andthey told me that I wouldn't be
(41:34):
able, like I said, to learn, andI can remember my 10th grade
teacher.
When you were talking aboutteachers.
I remember my 10th gradeteacher telling me she stopped
me.
She's like Ann, wait a second.
So I stood there before I leftthe classroom.
She's like why does everybodyin the classroom take notes, but
you and I'm just like I don'tknow.
(41:58):
But I didn't know at the time.
You know, in hindsight I reallyunderstand everything that I
became in school and why I wasso complicated and why I didn't
have it.
I had a teacher at a reunionshow up decades later and I was
like, oh hi.
And they said, oh yeah, you hada lot of problems.
Speaker 2 (42:26):
Thanks.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
I know.
I'm so glad that I could bethat memory for you.
I know I'm so happy but you knowit, he wasn't wrong and I had a
really bad relationship with alot, with my education system, I
guess you could say andspeaking of what we want for our
kids, because I know my kidstoo, you know, are on a
(42:51):
different path and I'm glad thatI had that.
I'm glad that I had thatBecause now I know what it feels
like to be that kid in thatsystem and to be lost, not
understand what's going on inthe classroom, having to look
around to understand even thebasic directions and not
(43:11):
understanding the text on thepage.
And I'm not doing it on purpose, no.
And I want my kids to have thatfreedom, to be able to advocate
for themselves, be able to say,look, I don't get it, I need
more helps here, or whatever,and that we get to, as parents
come to the table with thesemeetings, with these educators,
(43:34):
and now we get to advocate forthem.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
Yeah, and it's so true and there's so many things
that we learn from our ownexperiences, like for me, audio
books were really big, so I'malready in my head like okay,
instead of, you know, watching amovie or TV or whatever while
mom makes dinner, we're going tolisten to your book, because
that's how we're going to intakeinformation and, if that's what
(43:56):
you need to do, we're going toread these stories together and
we're going to listen to themand we have conversations.
Where they really stay and likethat's what I used to do in
college is I would listen to mybooks to and from school, and I
even took a class at a fartherlocation.
It was like 45 minutes for meversus the 20 minute, because it
gave me more time to listen.
See what we do.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
Because I would get a tape recorder, read into it,
listen to it, take notes fromwhat I was hearing, and because
I needed all the things I neededto see it, hear it, write it in
order for me to be able tocomprehend.
And it would take me hours todo what my roommates and you
know, friends, it would takethem an hour to do.
(44:38):
But I, just I was willing to doit because it was really
important.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
It was, and that's all we can do.
Is we figure out those waysaround of how to figure it out
and figure out what works bestfor us?
I mean, I know the educationsystem is working.
You know, to be better andbetter every single year to
accommodate and to have betteraccommodation services and have
classrooms.
But I mean teachers are justexhausted.
I have so much respect forteachers.
(45:05):
I mean they're with ourchildren 30 plus hours a week.
I mean, could not ask for more.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
And our school system opened a school within the
public school just for kids inthe gap, like my kids, wow.
So two of my kids go to thisschool where there's like three
teachers, six kids per classroom.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
That's phenomenal.
Speaker 1 (45:31):
And they are working on that with them one-on-one,
because they don't want them toget lost in a bigger environment
, and I so appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
Yeah, I went to the Lab School of Washington, which
is specifically for dyslexia,and so we had very small
classrooms as well.
Oh, like nine to 12 studentsper two teachers, you know,
teacher and a teacher's aide.
But they are extraordinary withvisuals and with learning
differences.
I remember in history, insteadof learning about the Mona Lisa,
(46:02):
we painted it, and that's sucha memory because I don't exactly
remember every single detailabout him, but I remember
painting the Mona Lisa and Iremember dressing up, like they
would dress up in their cloaksand in their robes, and I just
think if I had read that in abook I would have no idea.
But because I physically did itand it's so much fun, I would
(46:26):
love to paint the Mona Lisa withmy kids when they get older.
I would love to do that versusreading a history book.
It just sounds so much moreenjoyable.
It's like, instead of learningwhat measurements are on a piece
of paper, it's like let's bakea cake, let's measure that,
let's do things for memories.
And then let's put a half cupscoop in each cupcake.
And what happens if we put acup?
(46:47):
What happens if we put a fourthcup?
And it's like what does thatlook like?
And now we can eat cupcakes.
Like, yeah, yeah, ways to learn, and there are things we can do
, and educators, and but astheir parents, we're just
advocating for them as best aswe can.
And you know, even in with yourchildren's school, I'm sure
there's so much advocating.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
We went to 16 states this summer and we, you know, I
want my kids to go into themuseums.
I want that we took them toNASA.
They got in the rockets, theysaw all the launching pad
firsthand.
You know, I mean we do all thethings because my kids are very
(47:28):
visual, they are very hands-onlearning and we went to this one
museum where and we have onehere locally, but this was
really something where they goand there was like a fake
restaurant and there's a fakekitchen and there's a fake fire
truck and there's a and.
But I mean they're real.
You know, it's as real as realcould be for them and they're
(47:52):
making the food and we'resitting there and they're
serving us and they're, like youknow, going in the fire truck
and all that stuff.
So and going in the supermarketand they're going shopping and
checking out, and I mean it'sjust so fun.
Speaker 2 (48:08):
And those are the things that they're going to
remember out and I mean it'sjust so fun and those are the
things that they're going toremember.
Oh, definitely, yeah, we didtrips this summer.
We drove from Virginia toVermont, we went to North
Carolina.
We drove all the way through,you know, museums.
There were like boats that wereon land that we were able to
walk around, that were from theearly 1900s, that had all of the
gold and you know you couldsteer the ship and go to the
(48:30):
aquarium with the huge sharkteeth.
You know my son was in awe atthe sharks.
I mean nothing else.
It's being like tactilelearners where they can really
get into.
It is just, it's so crazybecause you know, when you hear
these stories of children andeven like myself, I don't know
if you experience it where youjust feel stupid or you feel
dumb, like like you can't learn,and most of my life children
(48:53):
that have these thoughts, orthat the teachers are coming at
you like with, oh well, maybethey're not going to graduate,
maybe they're not.
But then you see them in theseother environments where they're
intaking so much knowledge andthey're so smart and they, oh,
this is this, this is this, thisis this type of dirt, this is
sedimentary, like this is.
These are where the work andit's like how did you just learn
(49:13):
all that?
They're just they're smart.
And it's like just because youlearn in a different way, in a
different environment does notmean anything.
Speaker 1 (49:26):
Well, I homeschool my one.
I homeschool one of my kidsbecause this is just what he
needs and that's what we have todo is meet them where they are.
But I mean his favorite thingis the Titanic.
So we went to the TitanicMuseum and we've been to three,
actually, but the one especiallywhere he got to steer the ship
and you try to avoid the icebergand you know they do all the
things, but you just can't havea regular conversation with this
kid.
(49:46):
I mean he would not make it inthe school system, but he can
have a very adult conversationwith any adult and he can tell
you all the facts abouteverything.
So I mean, yeah, it's so fun.
Speaker 2 (50:01):
I love that.
Yeah, every child I've met witha learning disability or
disability of some kind alwayshave like their thing that
they're so good at.
And I love talking to parentsabout their children's thing
because people who aren't asexposed are sometimes unaware.
So I've met people at theplayground and my son's been
playing with a child who isclearly either on the spectrum
(50:23):
and you know they'll come up tome and they'll say, oh well,
they're nonverbal.
I'm like, oh well, what's liketheir thing they're great at.
And they're like, oh well, theyreally love history and then
they'll just get into it andit's like you see them light up
because their child is beingheard and their needs are being
met and it's like that's okay,like thank you for for letting
me know.
I'll make sure my son knows thathe might not verbally respond,
(50:45):
but like they're playing,they're.
They're playing in the sandbox.
They got boats.
They're playing.
They're playing in the sandbox.
They got boats.
They're hanging out Likethey're having a grand old time.
Like love it, like exposure,make it normal, make it, yeah,
make it normal.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
You said that earlier and I love that If you make it
normal.
I mean it's just normal.
Speaker 2 (51:04):
It's just normal.
It's just the world.
People are different.
People look different, sounddifferent, act act different.
Some people need wheelchair,some people don't have a leg.
It's like you know.
It's okay like it's there'snothing wrong you know, it's
what was it um, there's a quotethat says you could be the
juiciest peach in the world, andthere's someone out there that
(51:25):
doesn't like peaches, but it'slike it's.
There's no perfect, there's no,there's no normal.
It's we're all.
We're all different and that'swhat's normal, that we're
different and that's beautiful,and that all families are
different and that's beautiful.
Like some people have a nicehouse with their one dog and
their one cat and their gerbiland two kids, and a fence white
(51:47):
picket fence yard, and you don'tknow what's going on inside
that house.
You have no idea what mom does,what dad does, what's going on,
how they got the relationship,the raves that mom went to, the
corporate events.
You have no idea and it's likestop trying to act like everyone
else.
Just be you.
Do you be unique?
Be cool.
The world needs more of it andmake it normal.
Speaker 1 (52:09):
I love that.
I love your words, witheverything that you say.
Do you have anything elsecoming up?
How can?
Speaker 2 (52:18):
people contact you.
Yeah, I am.
I'm currently working on a bookactually about divorce.
I'm a child of divorce and Ithink that it's another
important topic that I want totalk about, as well as like
advocating for children.
So I'm writing a book that hasa child that has parents going
through a divorce in differentsituations, but at the end of
(52:40):
the book it has questions thatthat child has, that your child
might have, so that it canprompt conversations that
parents might not be thinkingabout or that can open up
communication with theirchildren during the adoption
process or during the divorceprocess.
And my hope is that bothfamilies would have the book
because it ends with sayinggoodnight to their other parents
(53:01):
so that when they're separatedfrom them, there's this unified
front of it's okay to talk aboutyour other parent, just like in
adoption.
It's okay Like just because wedidn't work out doesn't mean
that they're not your mom andnot your dad anymore.
It's okay.
And so it's been difficultbecause it is such a heavy, hard
topic and it is a little bitmore of a glass half empty.
(53:21):
So it's been a struggle to makeit a half full with while still
allowing for those difficultemotions to be represented, and
that it is a difficult situationbut that will be coming out in
2025.
And so I'm looking forward toit.
It's been hard, but I have,again, a lot of input from my
family, from friends who are,you know, children of divorce,
(53:49):
who are divorced themselves withchildren, and so I just I want
to make it normal, I want tomake the conversations normal in
households, and if I can helpstart those conversations, then
that's all I could ask for, andso that's what I'm doing next
year.
That's the beginning.
(54:25):
And so I loved how you put ittogether and just like with the
divorce thing or with beingadopted you know there's so much
shame and blame that goesaround's going to be animals.
That way different familydynamics can be represented,
that way it can tell a story ofthese animals going through this
divorce but it, you know,anyone can see themselves in
them.
So again can be a little bitmore of a universal thing with
(54:45):
universal situations.
And I have gotten input becauseI have siblings.
I have a.
My dad biologically had childrenbefore him and my mom adopted
me, and so I've talked to themabout their experience, which
was very different from mine,with their divorce with their
mom and dad and the divorce ofmy mom and dad.
So it's really a beautifulthing that I've been given the
(55:08):
gift to be able to experienceother people's experiences,
because it really has opened upmy world as well, where I was
aware of other people'ssituations.
But it's connected me more withmy siblings, seeing where they
came from and seeing how ourfather maybe wasn't present with
them but was with me and howthat made them feel as his
biological children.
And even though there was anawareness, I had never heard it
(55:32):
from them.
So I think that's been a reallypowerful thing.
That's come from writing thesebooks and hearing other people's
stories and meeting you andhearing your stories and your
children, and I think it's just,it's a really beautiful gift
that these books have given me.
Speaker 1 (55:46):
Yeah, I think it's great that you're so open to
everybody where they are.
You're just okay with it andthat's.
I think that that's a hugemessage in this podcast and
speaking with you is just howbeautifully you're able to meet
with everybody right where theyare and you're okay, and you
(56:09):
don't need them to change to besomething else to be able to
have a connection with them.
You're just okay with thembeing them.
That is so great.
What a great message that wecould all have right now, right.
Speaker 2 (56:22):
It is.
It's so great and it's alsothat it's okay if the world
doesn't love you.
You know the people in yourlife love you.
You love yourself.
You have to be really securewith yourself.
There'll be days that you'renot, but it's okay to let go of
relationships.
It's okay to have newrelationships, it's okay to
outgrow ones or grow in adifferent direction with people,
and it is a loss and you canfeel that loss, but that's part
(56:44):
of growing.
You know, I know there arepeople in my life who have come
into my life and then left it.
But they left their mark, theyleft part of their journey with
me.
I'm grateful for that and Ithink that that's something that
, like you said, it's acceptingpeople where they're at.
That's an acknowledgement whereI want people to meet me where
I'm at, and so that means that Ihave to be able to do the same
(57:06):
and that's like a reflection inof you know, if I'm having a
hard day, I need to acknowledgethat to my husband, to my
friends of right now.
I'm here and I'm sorry, it'snot about you, this is a me
thing, but I'm letting you know.
This is where I am.
And so today, this is I'm at a,I'm at a 20, I'm not at a
hundred.
And then the next day, okay,I'm at an 80 and maybe you're at
(57:28):
a 30, and I'm going to meet youwhere you are and I got you.
And it's acknowledging that andbeing aware of that.
And then, if people aren't,it's okay to say, okay, well, I
understand you can't meet mewhere I'm at, but that's what I
need in my life right now,because I'm a mom and I'm
working and I'm exhausted andI'm doing all these things, and
that's okay, and you're going tohave your life and I'm going to
have mine, and that's okay.
(57:49):
There's no ill will, there's noanything.
It's just we have two differentlives that don't seem to
intermesh the way our lives needto right now, and maybe they
will one day and maybe theywon't, and that's okay.
It's okay, we have full livesand you don't have to be a
people pleaser all the time.
You can do what's best for youand your family and the people
(58:13):
that are meant to be a part ofthat journey fall into place and
you'll put the work in whereother people put the work in,
and you'll meet each other whereyou need to, and so forth,
giving yourself permission, youknow.
Speaker 1 (58:24):
I mean I think that's so great.
I don't think that that littlegirl that sat in those circles,
not being able to read the wayeverybody else could in the
classroom, could see herselfdoing these things today.
So I just think, you know thatis a testament to, and that
should allow any other kid thatis out there right now, or even
(58:45):
an adult who's having some ofthe same struggles that look you
can do it too, who's havingsome of the same struggles that
look you can do it too.
Look what Sasha has done andyou're doing absolutely amazing.
So thank you so absolutely much.
Can anybody get in contact?
Speaker 2 (59:01):
with you on your website, or how would you like
people?
Yeah, my website,sashasedmancom.
And then I have an Instagram,facebook and TikTok that are all
under Sasha Sedman, so peoplecan always message me there.
My email is Sasha atSashaSedmancom, so people can
always email me there and we canchat, we can connect, we can,
you know, meet each other wherewe're at.
Speaker 1 (59:20):
That's so beautiful.
Well, thank you so much.
I've really enjoyed thisconversation with you, Sasha.
Speaker 2 (59:26):
Thank you.
No, this was great.
I had such a great time hearingyour story and sharing mine.
Speaker 1 (59:36):
And for our listeners .
Thank you so much for joiningus and listening to her story.
And I get out there and readher books because they are
absolutely amazing and theillustrations are, so they're
put together so beautifully withthis story.
So, anyway, thank you so muchfor listening and we will see
you next time.
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