July 23, 2025 • 59 mins
What if a penny could change your life?
Deborah Weed, creator of The Luckiest Penny musical and founder of the Self-Worth Initiative, went from being bedridden and broken to becoming a fierce advocate for self-worth. After learning that a rare 1943 copper penny was worth over a million dollars, she had a powerful realization: even things we overlook hold tremendous value—and so do we.
In this inspiring episode, Deborah shares how she turned personal trauma into purpose through storytelling, including the creation of Paisley the Porcupine and the Quills Up movement. Her message is clear: self-worth isn’t given—it’s claimed.
We talk about the difference between self-esteem and self-worth, reclaiming our “quills,” and learning to stand tall in our truth. If you’ve ever felt like you’re not enough, this episode is your reminder that you are.
🎧 Visit selfworthinitiative.net to learn more and support this movement.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to Real Talk with Tina and Anne.
I am Anne.
What do we get with acouture-loving porcupine, a
million-dollar penny and afearless visionary have in
common?
They're all part of DeborahWeed's mission to help kids and
the kid inside us all toremember their worth, even when
the world tries to make usforget.
(00:29):
From Broadway dreams tocreative DIYs, deborah's not
just writing stories, she'sbuilding a movement.
Today's guest is bringingglitter, grit and porcupine with
a dream and Porcupine with aDream.
Deborah Weed is the founder ofthe Self-Worth Initiative and
the creative genius behindPaisley's Last Quill, the
(00:49):
Luckiest Penny and the upcomingPaisley the Musical.
She's an author, illustrator,musical producer and former
marketing executive who turnedher pain into purpose, creating
a movement that helps kidsreclaim their confidence and
creativity.
Her mission is to fosterself-worth for children through
books, interactive musicals andinnovative programs.
(01:13):
Get ready to fall in love withPaisley, porcupines, pennies and
the power of believing inyourself.
Deborah, thank you so much forreaching out to me and wanting
to be on the show.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Wow, and that was beautiful.
Thank you so much.
I really appreciate it.
Putting all that together, youmade it magical.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Well, it is magical.
I looked at everything thatyou've done.
It is very magical, so I reallyappreciate you being on.
I read your books and you notonly wrote them, but illustrated
them.
These illustrations are some ofthe most beautiful storytelling
pictures that I've ever seen ina children's book, because they
are vibrant and each charactertells their own story.
(01:53):
I'm not kidding Each charactercould probably have their own
book.
I found myself really studyingthe characters.
There is so much detail andeach character could stand by
itself in its own story.
Where did you get this idea ofreaching children and giving
them a purpose and the tools tobelieve in themselves through
these beautiful books?
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Well, thank you for asking, and actually it started
with trauma, which sometimesredirects us.
So I had been the director ofmarketing for Citibank 19
branches.
So I had been the director ofmarketing for Citibank 19
branches and I had also workedon a $26 million pavilion with
Disney and Universal consultantsfor Kia Motors in Daejeon,
(02:33):
korea, and I was at the top ofmy game.
But then, physically, I hadsomething happen to me, a
misdiagnosis that kept me in bedfor three years.
And while you're thinking andyou really don't have answers,
sometimes the littlest thing inthe world can make all the
(02:55):
difference, and for me it wasliterally a penny that changed
my life.
So I heard about a 1943 purecopper penny that could be worth
a million dollars.
Now, like I don't know aboutyou or the listeners out there,
(03:17):
but to think that something thatwe hardly ever pick up could be
worth that much.
But it was made by mistake.
It was made by mistake becausethey didn't put.
They put usually they put steelinside a penny and then wrap it
in copper, and for thisparticular penny it was pure
(03:40):
copper and there was only 15 ofthem that got through the system
, if you will, and that's whatmade them so rare and worth a
million, right, yeah.
So that penny represented to mewhen I felt tremendously
worthless and not able to doanything anymore.
(04:00):
It was a beacon and actually myhero.
And I started thinking oh mygosh, how do you teach young
children about self-worth?
How do you?
What can you say to a child?
You know, if you say well, youmust believe in yourself and
love yourself.
If they're being picked on ortortured in any way from the
(04:24):
viral bullying that's going onthese days, right, how do they
know what they're worth?
So, through this process of myown misdiagnosis, being in bed
for three years not knowingwhat's going to happen, being in
tremendous physical pain,emotional pain, for a variety of
reasons, I changed myperspective of trying to solve
(04:48):
the problem, which you know.
I was literally desperate totaking some time to have
creativity.
I had been producing shows eversince I was 16 because my mom
was a talent agent and she hadan agency in Miami.
So it was like natural for meto do and I created my first
book.
(05:08):
The first book was actuallyillustrated by Ernest Sokoloff,
and then we started doingmusicals.
As soon as I got back up on myfeet, figured out what had gone
wrong, why the trauma was there.
And we did shows in New Yorkand Miami and the best part
about it is the storyline isabout two pennies who are going
(05:33):
to find out how much they'reworth and why at an auction.
And Alistair, he feels likehe's all that because he's never
been touched, he's perfect andhe knows how much he's worth or
you know, money-wise.
But Henry felt like me andmaybe many of us he was on the
street alone, he was somebody'slucky penny, he was in the
(05:57):
garbage can, he went on a wildroller coaster ride, and so
they're going to find out howmuch they're worth and why.
And that was the musical theLuckiest Penny that I put out
that inspired so many familiesand made the kids really start
to talk about what self-worthmeant to them, with a talkback
(06:17):
there is so much need for this.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
You know, I mean I've got three littles.
I have two olders and threelittles and so much has changed
in the 20 years that I've raisedmy kids and I cannot believe
how much our kids are hopeless.
They don't feel that much worthand there is so much that's
(06:48):
coming at them that these typesof things need to be louder than
those other voices.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Wow, I had never heard it put that way.
That is a t-shirt, ann.
You should start that, you know, because I had never heard it
put that way.
But that's so eloquent.
It must be louder.
There must be a counterbalanceto what kids are feeling.
So for years, this is somethingwhere we were doing it in New
(07:11):
York and Miami.
And the fascinating part, thebest part of the show, wasn't
the show, it was the talkback,because I would ask the kids
afterwards, who's worth more,alistair or Henry?
And some kids would be oh,alistair, he's got all the money
.
Yeah, but if you were in a roomfor the rest of your life with
(07:34):
all these toys but you couldnever get out, what would that
feel like?
And then they would talk aboutthat.
And then another kid would beno, no, no, it's not Alistair,
it's Henry.
Because, look, henry ended upwith love and how valuable that
is.
So for me, this was such a wayback from despair, trauma, to
(07:55):
actually get out there, learnwhat I learned through those
three years in bed where I feltworthless.
Because here's the biggestthing that a lot of people don't
know Self-esteem is differentthan self-worth.
Okay, talk about thatSelf-esteem is like I did
(08:20):
something great.
I put this musical on.
People-worth is not based onanything I do.
It's what I say I'm worth andonly I can say it.
And so many of us, so many ofus right.
We're looking for other peopleto love us so that we can love
ourselves.
We're looking to the outsideworld to validate us before we
(08:43):
can determine our worth.
And if we're not getting thatfrom the outside, guess what
happens?
Our self-worth plummets andkeep on trying to do something
to get the self-esteem, but welose the point and we lose
ourselves.
And I'm so passionate aboutsharing the difference.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Well, you can tell, so passionate about sharing the
difference.
Well, you can tell, I mean, ineverything that you're doing
from you know, the musical thatyou just talked about, the books
, the illustrations, everythingyour whole heart is on the page.
And I'm so sorry that you wentthrough that, with what you went
through for those three years.
You know, I always believe thateverybody has a purpose and
(09:24):
that's what we talk about hereon the podcast.
And it's so amazing that youturned your pain into purpose
and you were able to get out ofbed.
And I'm not sure what happenedwith you, what happened during
those three years.
But I would imagine, if anybodyand there's many different
forms of brokenness, there's allkinds, I mean it could be
(09:46):
physical, emotional, spiritual,whatever and if you're down and
out and you feel like you aren'tmaking a difference in the
world, I can see how that wouldhave really brought you to the
point where, hey, this littlepenny is what brought you out.
And that's how I actually feltabout Paisley as well.
I mean the storyline kind ofcontinues right into Paisley.
(10:09):
I mean you have an entiremovement with Paisley.
The quill power movement helpsgirls stand tall in the world
that often try to shrink them.
So let's talk about Paisley,because she is this beautiful
porcupine.
How did Paisley's last quillcome about, and how did a
porcupine meet fashion?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Well, here we go again.
I think in my life I don't knowwhy I've had so many mystery
diagnosis or health situations,but every time I've had them it
redirects me.
So I had another one, anotherbig scenario, where I was given
gadolinium for an MRA.
But gadolinium is like mercury,I mean, it's like it's like
(10:52):
that toxic thing, it'sradioactive.
They missed my vein and theyput it in my arm.
My arm swole up really, reallybig and that almost took me down
.
But every time these kind ofthings happen and that's three
times it seems like I go in adifferent direction.
And so what I learned from thisexperience was what it feels
(11:16):
like to have one's power takenaway and how excruciating that
can be, whether it be from themedical industry.
That's like not knowing what todo with you and you're just
like begging.
It's almost like you want tobecome the best friend to the
doctor so that they'll save you,but you have no strength to
even have a personality.
What do you do?
(11:37):
Talk about feeling like you'regiving your power away, or a
relationship, no matter what itis.
We give away our power so manytimes.
So I needed a character, ann.
I needed a character thatreally represented protection.
And a porcupine is supposed touse their quills to protect
(12:00):
themselves, protect themselves.
So I imagined this beautifullittle porcupine who didn't
listen to her momette.
She didn't listen to her, youknow who was saying use your
quills to protect yourself.
Instead, she dreamed of being afashion designer.
(12:24):
Because, when you know, Iimagine this whole thing.
When she was little, she wouldput flowers on her quills and be
like you know, like that.
But in the animal fashion worldshe runs into Zivana, and
Zivana is a couture diva whoonly cares.
She doesn't care about how anyof the animals feels, she's
concerned with how they look.
(12:44):
And in her world, porcupinesmust use their quills as pins
and give them away so that shecan use them to pin up her.
You know, over-the-top designs.
So with Paisley, it was thiswhole thing of watching her, or
(13:04):
creating her, so that she wouldgive away her quills to the
animals, the top models, so thatthey would feel better about
what they were wearing and feelinside better, until she was
down to her last quill.
And what happens with her lastquill is where the magic of
(13:25):
reclaiming one's power comesinto fruition.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Oh, yeah, I mean I loved that.
I loved that she got down toher last quill, because actually
I feel like that's when webecome most beautiful.
You know, all she wanted to dowas help.
You know, hang up the clothes.
She wanted to do was help.
You know, hang up the clothes,and I love the message.
Never become smaller to fitsomeone else's definition of you
(13:51):
.
And I have to say that I lovedZavanna, if that's how you say
it.
You know, the diva boss.
I really liked the movie theDevil Wears Prada and I would
say that this was pretty spot on.
She was the diva boss for sure.
Can you talk about her?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Yes, I can, because she is, you know, like I think
that healing.
Healing I looked it up, itmeans whole, and so we have to
love every aspect of ourselves.
And when I created all thecharacters, they're every aspect
of me, right, it's like amirror image.
So Zivana, to me, representsevery person out there, every
(14:37):
bully, every person that youcome across who wants your power
.
They want it, but underneath it, I had always imagined that
she's so vulnerable.
I could imagine she's ageronuke.
It's a real animal, and ageronuke has these crazy ears
that are kind of like, at leastto me.
They look like a designer.
You know, it took me a long timeto find her and I imagined that
(15:01):
she was bullied as a youngJarenuk and the only thing that
she could come up with is let meappear bigger and the biggest
and best couture that naturecould make.
Yeah, and that's who she reallyis.
She really is this like little,little scared animal who's
(15:25):
creating something so big andtaking away from others so that
they wouldn't ever see hervulnerabilities.
So she's like, so, so importantto the storyline.
In fact, the most interestingthing about this whole process,
anne, is the mothers wouldcontact me and they'd say, oh,
my God, my little daughter.
She loves Paisley and she'sbelieving in herself.
(15:47):
She loves it so much she'ssleeping with it.
But, but the book?
But the thing is is that weneed this.
This story was just asimportant for me as it was for
my little girl or boy, and sonow I'm creating a full-scale
musical based on Paisley's lastquill, called Paisley the
(16:10):
Musical, because I wanteverybody to go on a journey
with these characters, so thatthey will feel not just words.
They'll feel the experience ofbeing a creative or being
someone who has a dream, givingaway your power and then how we
(16:32):
reclaim it.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
And I think that people will have no trouble
feeling your books and I'm soglad that you're turning it into
a musical, because that'sreally beautiful.
I love musicals, but I alsojust I want to tell you where I
connected with Paisley.
I connected with her when shewas the most broken, when she
only had that one quill.
Know, we have done nothing,when we only have a small tiny
(17:02):
spark left, when that's where weare, there's just a tiny spark
and we could quit or we couldtry to fire up that last little
bit that we have left.
That's where I connected withher in that very moment.
Can you talk about that momentfor her?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Yes, I mean, like I can.
In the musical too, that's likethe one of the biggest moments,
like in Wicked I love Wickedand when she's singing about
gravity and I mean we reallyfeel her passion.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
I cry every time.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
I do too.
I do too, and, like you know,anyways, when Paisley is down to
her last quill, I have the songthat I've created is no One
Stood, and that is going to bethat.
I'm hoping that that has thatsame emotion for theater goers,
because she gives away so much.
(17:55):
But really, who's there for her?
Now, in the book, you know, shedoes have Batik.
Her friend does come through,but some of the other animals
don't.
I think that when we are down,like you said, so spot on, when
we're down to just a spark,that's all we have.
How do we transform that?
(18:17):
And this is what, for me, inthis storyline, this was so
important because I needed togive her something magical, and
yet something that everybodycould do.
And so you know it actuallytook.
You know, it took me a year toto create those illustrations,
even though I had beenaward-winning artist for you.
I've had many incarnations inmy life of different things to
(18:40):
do those images and to actuallymake the outfit and to express
her sadness, profound sadness,in the forest, when she's all
alone.
She's done good all the waythrough and now she's just left
with this one thing to discoverhow powerful she really is.
(19:03):
And like it was my dream and mypassion to hope that that one
quill would be a symbol to havewomen, children everywhere say
quills up, man.
Nobody can take your power away.
You don't have to give awayyour quills to anyone.
That's our choice.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Yeah, one of my other favorite parts of it is when
all the other animals come outto help.
I mean, isn't that really whatwe all want?
I mean, yeah, we can try topick it up and go on and do it
ourselves, but it's really nicewhen people really do step up
and realize that there's a needin us and they want to help.
(19:49):
And it really did help herbelieve in herself.
And when we do that, our dreamscome true.
And if we just keep going, evenif we have those Zavanas in our
life and we all do like we said,you know, we have those who
want us to succeed and thosethat make it harder for us to
(20:11):
succeed, and that's true foreverybody.
True for everybody.
It could be your three-yearmisdiagnosis or it could be a
real person, and I've had someof those in my life,
unfortunately, that try to holdme back.
But this is about believing inourselves and not looking
outward when someone is tryingto make us question our worth.
(20:33):
And I want to reach out to allthe listeners here because I
think that every single one ofus can relate when there's times
that we have those avanas inour life that just don't want us
to succeed.
And it could be some of thosekids out there who have somebody
that's putting things out therein social media about some
other child and it's reallybeating them up emotionally,
(21:01):
really beating them upemotionally, and it just sickens
me how people feel that theyhave the ability, the right, to
be able to put somebody elsedown and make them feel less
than it's so sad.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
It is beyond sad.
I mean, like I am a grandmotherof four little grandkids and
seeing what this world is nowcompared to when we were kids.
I mean, you know, being a babyboomer it was a whole different
dynamic.
There were words that were mean, but nothing like the gang
mentality that is going on, andwhen somebody spots that
(21:33):
weakness, they really, really,you know, go for it.
The one thing is is that youcannot teach your child like
there's nothing you can say whenthey're getting bullied and
bullied and bullied, unless they, unless you can spark their
worth, their sense of worth,right.
And that is such a challengefor parents out there.
(21:57):
That's such a challenge for usas adults, because we do get
those slings.
Take a lot of thought from mystandpoint of like wow,
(22:22):
sometimes the characters ormagical story or song can be the
thing that makes us hang onwhen it feels like we can't step
another step.
And I'm not just saying words,I have experienced it firsthand.
I know how it feels and Isometimes think that well, at
least for me, creativity hasbeen my superpower.
(22:43):
Everybody has a gift, Everybodyhas a divine gift that they've
been given and if they cansomehow move the trauma, let's
call it a boulder that's insidethem and use the creativity
that's coming through them orthe gift that they have.
Right, there's a lot of healingin that.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
well, I want to talk about that for a minute with my
three littles, because I want tosay that you are spot on when
it comes to creativity and beingable to feel important, and you
, I think that that's what musicand anything creative does art
and putting things on paper andcreating anything really.
(23:25):
I have a son that's autisticand he has DeGeorge syndrome and
he's 12, but he's pretty lowerfunctioning and he is not, and
he has been bullied, he has beenput down.
You know, you name it, this kidstruggles.
He has been put down.
You know you name it.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
this kid struggles and he's in drumline now and he
is amazing at it, he's reallyconnected with it and he said to
me Mama, it makes me feelimportant, right, I love that
yes, or seen, yes, seen, forexactly who they are.
Because when we were doing theLuckiest Penny, we worked a lot
(24:02):
with SUNY University and we hadkids that were on the spectrum,
older kids that were actuallyperforming the Luckiest Penny.
Okay, and here's what I learnedwhen they were doing the songs,
like if you get an actor or anactress, you know they do the
songs and it's like, okay,enough of that.
Not these kids or adults, theywere amazing.
(24:23):
They just loved it and the joy,the joy that they shared, like
blew my mind.
It was like, wow, this is sorefreshing.
And they got it.
They really, really got thewhole concept that if a penny,
something that was potentiallyworthless, could be worth that
(24:44):
much, then what are they worth?
So I understand exactly whatyou're saying with your son, you
know, because there'sbrilliance in everybody.
We just have to uncover whereit's at Right.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Yeah, I mean when you are somebody who has
disabilities, or when you justfeel down and out, whatever it
is.
It could be from a moment, itcould be for years and years, of
feeling not any self-worth andthere could be a divorce in your
family.
There could be all kinds oftragedy or trauma that's going
on and sometimes it is thoselittle sparks.
(25:18):
It is that picking up thatPaisley book and seeing that
Paisley just has one quill leftand she could do it too, you
know, and it's seeing that some.
It's just feeling thatconnectedness with somebody,
something that went through theexact same thing and you're
hurting.
It could be any kind of hurt,you know, that's what I really
(25:39):
like about your books.
They're very transformationaland it's not just for kids, it's
also for adults.
I really did connect with them.
And you're also doing somethingreally cool that I thought
you're creating, not just astage show but an animated
project, because you have thisDIY project and also a fashion
(26:01):
closet.
So I wanted to know more aboutthat.
How did the vision grow so big?
And I want to know all aboutthat.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Wow, thank you so much.
Well, I am looking for theperfect place for Paisley, and
so, because I'm so passionate, Ilearned how to do AI animation,
turn the characters into that,so that I could create songs
that really touched children'shearts, and that's where I
(26:29):
started.
However, and this is where itgets even more interesting, I
had so many of my adult friendswho I respect and we're talking.
We're talking lawyers, ceos,you know, just across the board
and they're like we need this,and it got me thinking beyond
the animation, even for children, and it was like wait a minute.
(26:50):
When I grew up on musicals, Igrew up on Carousel and you know
South Pacific and all thesethings, and I would sing those.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
I did, too, all these things and I would sing those
songs.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
I did too, you did too.
I would sing those songs withglee and they meant something to
me, because if I was sad, I'dsing a song that picked me up.
If I was happy, I'd sing a songthat went along with that, and
they were like Deborah.
Go for it, even if you have nobudget and this is just heart.
(27:20):
Go for that musical, becausewhen I watched the Lion King and
when I watched Wicked on stage,oh my gosh, those characters
spoke to me.
I seem to love magical realismand there's so many plays and
productions out there that arethe same, the same kind of thing
(27:42):
, and this is totallyimaginative and different.
So now I am literally not onlyworking on the animated aspect
for kids and a potential TV showfor them, I'm also working on
the full-scale musical foradults, where we come in and
what you see behind me is likemy concept of what the
(28:06):
characters would be wearing andit will just.
I mean, it might take a lot oftime and I'm even looking for
singers, dancers, producers.
So if there's anybody out therewho's listening, who has these
talents and these gifts andthey're looking for the perfect
vehicle and they actually havethose abilities, please look me
(28:27):
up, contact me.
It feels like it is being givento me from above as a mission
where I must get out there anddo the best I can to make this
happen, because my goal is notto watch the show but to watch
the audience and feel like I'vetouched hearts.
(28:48):
And when people have listenedto the first couple of songs
I've had tears.
I mean like right from the song, nothing else, just the song.
So I know that the whole ideaof giving one's power away, told
through magical realism, haslegs and I've proved that this
(29:10):
concept works through the bookand the passion that I put into
that.
And I must share this, becauseanybody listening I think this
is important.
The reason I'm doing this isbecause I have been broken down
so many times that I havenothing to lose Sometimes.
(29:32):
Sometimes we get so broken andwe hurt so much.
It's almost like that lastquill in us.
It's almost like we have achoice Either lay down and die
or stand up and give it over tosome bigger divine plan and see
(29:55):
what happens, see if ourintention of what we want to do
in the world is bigger than us,and one day I'll be able to come
back and report to you, yes, itwas, or I gave it my best try
and I got out there and I made adifference everywhere that I
could, and that was the best Icould do I have no words, and I
(30:20):
always do.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Oh my gosh, I mean you can't tell because of my
rose-colored glasses that wetalked about earlier, but I
teared up when you said all that.
That was really amazing.
I mean, what do you have tolose?
Everybody out there can relateto that comment, whether they
(30:45):
want to admit it or not, butevery single one of us can
relate to being that broken, andthat's how I felt about this
podcast.
You know, covid had happened,all these things happened.
It got to the point I've gotthese three littles, all these,
and I was like my purpose hadchanged and I didn't know what I
(31:08):
was going to be doing next orif I even had a way to have an
outlet, if I could make adifference in the world.
I didn't even know if I couldanymore, and so there I was, and
so we started the podcast, andI can so relate to what it feels
like, to that moment whenyou're like, well, what do I
(31:28):
have to lose?
That was beautifully said.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
It's the truth.
It is the truth.
Sometimes I think that.
Sometimes I think, gosh, whydid I get knocked down so many
times?
But every single time has mademy dream bigger, although,
although wait, I must say thatthere was a space of being
broken and not being able tomove and feeling as if my life
(31:55):
would no longer mean anything,or at least I wanted to.
You know, contribute as much asI can while I can.
So it's never been a quick thing.
There's been sometimes months,years of slogging through trying
to find my way, but yet everytime I come up for air or
(32:19):
whatever you want, a spiritual,divine intervention, whatever
you would want to call it, it'salmost as if the ante goes up.
It's like, okay, well, yeah,you did the book Great.
You did the musicals for kidsGreat, all right.
Now we're going to keep ongoing and going and going and I
would have no problem contactinganyone, because when you've
(32:40):
lived with that kind of fear forall of your listeners, for when
you live with it, you have achoice then of like it doesn't
matter anymore.
I've met fear.
I've met the worst of the worst.
I've stared it in the face andit almost took me down, and
every time I've realized thatlove is the answer.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
And everything is a stepping stone to where we're
going.
You know, that's what I hear inyour story too.
There could be a no, therecould be a door closed.
No matter what it is, it leadsyou to the next chapter, and
sometimes we don't even reallyrealize that that wasn't the
direction we were supposed to goanyway.
So now we pivot and it'sactually going to be better than
(33:23):
it ever was before.
So that's what I've had to holdon to, and I really do believe
that, if I look back and I'msure, if you turn around and
look in hindsight in your lifethat everything has led you to
where you are right now.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
Not even a question.
And I think you said somethingthat I really want to emphasize
Not even a question.
And I think you said somethingthat I really want to emphasize
Pivot, pivot, pivot, pivot islike such a key word.
So many people do not want topivot because they feel like
they will fail at something Like, let's say that you're moving
in a direction and you're sortof like you're going there and
(33:57):
you want to do it and it's like,but then you're, you're banging
your head against the wall toprove something to who?
And then you know, life has away of saying, yeah, not, not
there over here.
Because, like you said, I wasdoing the animation for kids.
Sure, absolutely Sure, I wasgoing to get that TV show
(34:19):
because, you know, I've alreadygot the pilot, I've already got
13 segments written, ready to go.
But what I realized is I wasable to do the music, but I
can't alone you know beingtrying to do all this myself I
can't get the characters tospeak.
So how can I actually do that?
The series, which then, ofcourse, then it leads me into
(34:42):
the bigger thing, the musical.
And who knows, who knows what'sgoing to come first and how
it's going to manifest.
But you also said somethingreally, really important.
I don't, sometimes I don't knowwhat the next step is, until it
appears, I take a step and Ihit a big, gigantic roadblock.
It's like, well, what do I donow?
And then I'll be scrolling onFacebook and there's the ad
(35:06):
right there that says you knowthat, exactly what that has the
thing that I need to go to thatnext step.
But if I hadn't been on thatpath or that road, I'd never
know.
And it's so easy, it's so easyto give up.
And I do want to share somethingwith you.
I want to hear if you have anyfeedback, but I do want to share
(35:27):
something that my dad, who'slike a Yoda dad, shared with me
that I think will be helpful.
He told me, like there's a timewhere, oh man, I was just going
through so much.
And he says I want to tell youwhat the quasi emotion, I
believe, brings people downevery time.
I'm like, okay, my dad was kindof, he's a very interesting man
(35:49):
, tons and tons of advice, buthe said that he thought
disappointment was the worst ofthe worst, and I'm going to tell
you why.
He said, like, if you areexcited that something's going
to happen, like right now.
I'm really excited about themusical, but then you hit a wall
.
Right, what's happening insideyour body before you hit the
(36:12):
wall is you've got theendorphins going, you've got the
adrenaline going, you've gotoxytocin, you've got chemicals
in your body that are making youmove forward and get excited.
You hit a wall.
Guess what happens to thosechemicals?
They dissipate and you say toyourself oh, wait a minute, I
(36:35):
really want this, I want to keepon going.
So you try again.
Once again you turn up.
It's almost like you'remanufacturing these chemicals.
You're manufacturing thesechemicals of joy.
And again you've got a lot ofgood things going on.
And you hit another wall.
And guess what happens?
The chemicals dissipate Withoutyou knowing or being conscious
(36:59):
of the chemical factory that'sin your body.
You are now having this drop,and this drop feels so bad that
a lot of people including myselfmany times never want to try
again, but they don't know why.
They don't know why.
I mean they know that it feltbad.
(37:19):
They feel like a failure.
But what's really happening isthat drop feels so bad that why
try again and have the drop?
They flatline for the rest oftheir lives and they don't try
because it hurts so much, and Iguess that's where the fake it
until you make it comes in.
(37:40):
Oh my gosh.
You know, it's kind of likethat, where you do it anyways
even though you're feeling sobad, and this has been one of my
greatest challenges and one ofmy greatest blessings to at
least have a dad that was sosage and gave me so much advice
(38:02):
about so many things because Ithink that this is really
important for our conversationtoday.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Your dad sounds very wise and your mom also.
You know, with the creativeaspect of it, you must have had
a really amazing childhood.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
It sounds like that's led you to this point.
Well, my mother and I actuallymy mother and I had a lot of
things going on.
It was not the closestrelationship at all, because in
her day she believed that famewas much more important, or
that's where she felt love.
Let's call it that.
That's where she felt love.
But in the end, right now, Ithink she's one of my biggest
(38:43):
angels of all.
And my dad, on the other hand,oh my gosh.
We could have, we could talkhours and hours, and the advice
and suggestions he gave me wereso rich, so rich.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
You know, it sounds like, though I mean, and I, we
learn from our parents, even ifit's the negative aspect of it,
and your mom, as she keptlooking outward, it sounds to me
that you're looking more inward, and that's interesting,
because we often, you know, dothat from what we learn from our
parents, and it's we have toour self-worth.
(39:22):
You're a self-worth ambassador.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Right, because I had to learn it.
They always say that we becomewhat we need to learn, and that
was the thing I needed to learnmore than anything.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
It's interesting that she kept looking for that
applause.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
Always and she would take for me, which was the part
that would like.
You know, she probably modelsmy Zivana more than anybody, oh
but, but I learned somethinghuge.
You know, this is a story thatI don't tell, but I do feel
called to tell it for anybodywho has a Zivana in their life,
(39:59):
because my mom kind of was mine,and when she was in hospice she
broke my heart there's so manytimes I would try to love her
and she'd shut me down, shut meout, you know, or whatever would
happen.
And during hospice I was tryingto get her a bed, a comfortable
(40:19):
bed, and for whatever reason,we went into one of our fights
because I'm trying to dosomething positive for her and
she's rejecting, rejecting,rejecting.
And then one day her nursecalls up to me and she says your
mom's not going to be here muchlonger.
You really need to reach out.
And part of me was like, ah,I've been trying with this woman
my whole life and really tryingto be there right now.
I've been trying with thiswoman my whole life and really
(40:40):
trying to be there right now.
But I did.
I reached out to her and youknow what she said to me.
She said you must be so angryat me and I'm like angry at you.
Why, mom?
And she goes.
Because here you are trying todo something for me and I can't
(41:07):
get it right.
And all of a sudden, thismother, who was like you know
who, her personality, a very,very big personality, she
actually looked like QueenElizabeth and she went, she had
a look, she had lookalikes thatwere Queen.
She was Queen Elizabeth too andactually went to England and
her personality was like thisfor real.
Okay.
But when I heard her say that,she sounded like this little
(41:31):
girl who was so hurt her wholelife, and you know my heart,
just like at the end of her life, she must've told me cause I
was with her, holding her hand,and she must've told me 20 times
I love you, I love you.
She could only whisper, so itwas like I love you so many
(41:51):
times.
She was trying to impart in herlast breath everything that she
missed while she was alive.
And I learned even the personwho can sound or be cold, can be
rejecting, can take from youthe quills.
She just, she just probablyjust felt so unloved her whole
(42:14):
life, and you know, and yet inher last breath she was trying
to finally impart to me how muchI meant to her.
And I got it.
I got it and that's why I saythat she's still my angel.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
You know, maybe she just didn't know how to show it.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
She didn't.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
And it sounds to me like she just kept putting those
quills back on you before sheleft this earth.
Speaker 2 (42:38):
Oh my gosh, ann, that's so beautiful.
That's exactly what she was.
I mean, it was so strong thatshe was trying to do that in her
last breath and it really didmake all the difference in the
world where everything I do nowshe believed in that penny.
She kept on saying, devin,that's the luckiest penny,
that's it, that's it, that'swhat you were born to do.
So she would have these momentsof you know, I'm right behind
(43:01):
you and I love you witheverything.
And sometimes I'll find penniesand I'm like yeah, mom, I know
you got me, and sometimes it'sat the time that I need it the
most.
So I do believe that's anotherthing.
We do have our angels around usthat are trying to guide us and
trying to be there even when weget so broken down guide us and
(43:24):
trying to be there even when weget so broken down.
Speaker 1 (43:25):
What I love about this is so visual for me, and I
love that visual of is somebodygoing to be plucking your quill
out?
Are they going to be putting itback in?
You know, and adding to yourstrength?
You know, there's so manysubtle ways that we can give our
power away.
How can we start taking it back?
Speaker 2 (43:43):
The first thing that and this is the most important
thing that I've learned throughthis whole process I've got this
movement called Quills Up andessentially it just all it means
is just take your power back.
I thought people took our power.
It's not true.
We give away our powerwillingly.
(44:04):
We want something so badly.
For my mom, it was to be seen.
You know, she wanted to familyto really understand and be
behind me, but they couldn'tbecause of the misdiagnosis and
(44:25):
everything that transpired.
There's so many things thathappen to us where it's like
I'll give you part of myself,will you love me now?
I mean, I hate to say it thatway, but that's the truth.
And so we willingly take thosequills, take our power and say
here, I'll do this, do you letme now?
(44:47):
And you know what A lot oftimes we get the opposite.
We give so much and instead ofthem being there, it's like ah,
I've got somebody there that's awilling participant, let me
take more.
Until one day we wake up and werealize, looking to somebody
else to give me love, as I hadmentioned before, so that I can
(45:10):
love myself, let me fill myself,let me find it some way, some
shape, some form to love myselfenough where I don't need
anybody to fill me up.
I'm full and this, you know,might take us a lifetime to
learn these techniques, to do it, and for everybody I think it's
a little bit different.
(45:31):
But creativity and finding ourgift, I think that's our
superpower.
Speaker 1 (45:36):
So many times we want other people to define us.
Isn't that crazy that we wantothers to define who we are and
we allow their definitions tomake us feel good or bad instead
of just own who we are?
I really appreciate yourmessage.
You know, when I talked earlier, we all have to start somewhere
(45:58):
and when I started the podcast,when you're doing this and it's
scary, it can be very scary youleft corporate to become your
own voice in the movement andpouring your passion into kids
in these musicals and I'm surethat that was a scary leap.
We talked about pivoting.
Can you talk about pivoting andtaking that leap, no matter how
(46:21):
scary it is?
Speaker 2 (46:22):
When I started corporate, ann, I was such a
sensitive little girl and so Iwas kind of like, I'll show you,
let me show you what I can do.
And that's why I got intocorporate, and even with the
Universal and Disney people,although I did love that.
But one of the things that Irealized, I never smiled when I
(46:44):
was in corporate.
It wasn't my gift, my gift Iwent to in college, I went to
school for art and got a D, a Din art, and I became an
award-winning artist, by the way, but I got a D and I got an A
in marketing.
So it was like what?
That's the direction thatsociety told me that I could
(47:06):
achieve.
Because art is, you know, likeif you look at a Picasso, I mean
, and think that that's worthmillions of dollars, but if you
went to your child's school andyou saw that on the wall, you
would say, oh yeah, that's nice.
It's worth millions.
Who said that Picasso is worthmillions?
So I think with me, I just keepon getting redirected by these
(47:35):
health challenges and I thinkthat when I really go to my
heart.
Another thing my dad said to meis he said, when you're little,
that's when you know who youare, that's when you know what
you should be doing.
Whatever you're doing naturallyis who you are supposed to be
in the world.
So for me, I was a naturalsocial worker, always concerned
(47:56):
with my friends, you know,making sure they were okay.
I loved that.
I absolutely loved that.
And I was an artist.
And so here I am in corporatetrying to mold myself and show
everybody hey, look at howimportant I am, because I had
learned that from my mom.
And then everything thatredirected me, made me pivot,
(48:20):
brought me closer to who I wasreally, really meant to be.
And I know that there's so manyyou know people out there, and
potentially your listeners, whoare doing what they, that
society, has defined for them,because it's too scary to be
themselves and to get out thereand to like, like for you to
(48:42):
take the chance with the podcast, but sometimes it is beyond, uh
, uh, it's almost like you'rerequired to move in that
direction.
You have no other choice, onceagain, because you don't want to
look at your life at the end ofyour life and regret it.
(49:02):
There's a story that I love,love, love to tell, and it was
done by the Angel movie Now Ican't even think of the name of
it Touched by an Angel, okay,okay, there's this guy that has
Lou Gehrig's and he just feelslike well, he is going to die.
And the angel comes.
And the angel says he is goingto die.
And the angel comes and theangel says you're going to die
(49:24):
tonight.
And he was an artist and hecreated these magnificent
artwork that was going to feedhis family for the rest of their
lives.
And she said on the night hewas going to die.
You have a choice you canfinish the painting that you
created so that your family cansurvive, or you can read a story
(49:46):
to your two little children.
So it's really a quandary.
So he decides to read the book,of course, for his children,
and so he does that.
The next day the agent comes andthe painting has a tarp over it
and the agent is like, okay,well, let me see the finished
(50:06):
painting, because I know thatthat will mean so much to your
family.
And the wife, who's liketotally grieving, is like I'm so
sorry he wasn't able to finishit.
And the agent's like, well, letme see it, you never know,
Maybe there's something we canstill do.
So she takes the tarp and pullsit off and of course, it's
(50:28):
touched by an angel and so thepainting is all completed.
And they say whatever youstarted, God will complete for
you.
And that segment has stayed withme.
I share it all the time becauseit actually gives me hope that,
(50:49):
no matter what I start, it'snot my job to complete it, it's
just my job to put as much lovein it as I possibly can.
And that's what you're doingwith your podcast.
And that's what I're doing withyour podcast and that's what
I'm doing with my musical.
It's like I don't know how farI'm going to get with this dream
of having something to thescale of Wicked, but I'm on the
(51:11):
road and God will complete it.
Speaker 1 (51:13):
That is amazing because he will be faithful to
complete it.
Speaker 2 (51:16):
That's what it says right, yes, that's what it says.
Speaker 1 (51:20):
And all we have to do is trust.
We have to do the work.
I used to work in a jail andthe women would sit.
I was one of the ministers inthe jail and they would say you
know well, your God isn't doinganything for me.
Nothing is happening.
I'm doing everything I can, I'mpraying and praying and nothing
is happening.
(51:41):
And I'm like I'm doingeverything I can, I'm praying
and praying and nothing ishappening.
And I'm like, well, what areyou doing?
What are you doing?
And if we get it started and ifwe meet him halfway at least,
you know he will go the rest ofthe way and he will give us the
tools.
I actually know somebody in mylife right now who keeps trying
to go to get help and she keepssaying you know well, nothing is
(52:04):
helping me.
We are given the tools.
We are, but it's up to us topick them up and use them.
Speaker 2 (52:30):
I mean, it is just so powerful.
He will always be there, beable to sit with that and really
hear people that are thatdespondent and just really
feeling like you know, hey, butI'm not being hurt, and that I
think that of all things hurtsthe most, right, because it's
(52:50):
sort of like I'm doing all thisand I don't see how it's coming
together.
I have one more, one morefavorite story that I could
share.
Okay, so this story, all theselittle stories I guess I love
stories because they're thethings that touch my heart the
most and I carry with me andshare everywhere that I can.
I heard this story about thislittle girl who watches her
(53:14):
mother, who's doing this needlepoint, and she's watching her
mother, but she can only seefrom underneath, right.
So she's looking from her sideand she's looking at the
needlepoint and she sees likeall these knots and dark colors,
like black, and you knowthreads from it.
She's like, mom, what are youdoing?
(53:35):
Why are you spending so muchtime on this?
And she's like don't worry,I'll show you, it's going to be
beautiful.
And the daughter comes back alittle bit later and she sees
more knots and more you knowreally dark colors and she's
like but Mom, I don't get it.
And she's like well, just comeback, I'll show you.
(53:58):
So finally, the little girlcomes back and the mother takes
the needlework and she revealsit to her daughter.
And her daughter sees thisbeautiful image of a lake or a
pond and mountains and all thesebeautiful colors, and she's
like oh, and so this is what wesee from underneath.
(54:22):
We look up and we go God, whathave you done with my life?
It's a mess.
Look at all the dark colors andthe knots.
It's a freaking mess.
But one day we sit on the lapof God and we see what has been
(54:43):
created and we go that's what mylife was, why that's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (54:50):
Thank you for sharing that.
It's really special.
I love that you're full ofstories.
Speaker 2 (54:54):
Full.
Speaker 1 (55:04):
Well, they're very touching.
I just want to ask you and thenwe'll close, but I am really
curious.
I mean, so you write the songs,right, and you illustrate and
you write all of the books andeverything.
Write all of the books andeverything.
I mean it just must be thiscreative dance in your brain all
the time, am I right?
I mean, are you just constantlycreating?
(55:25):
I mean this, you are sotalented.
Speaker 2 (55:28):
Thank you.
But I truly believe and I thinkany real creative person will
tell you this it's channeledthrough me, when the clearer I
am, the more of the trauma thatI move out of me, out of my body
.
It's just channeled through andsometimes, like with some of
the music I'm working, you know,with some of the stories I do
(55:48):
work with artists and with someof the music I do work with
musicians.
So it's not all me, it's just.
Maybe the intention is sostrong that sometimes things
will just drop in.
For the luckiest penny I'm nota musician and yet the melodies
would drop in, the lyrics woulddrop in, it would just like be.
And there they arecollaborating with people For
(56:19):
the musical.
The musical is such that I don'tknow that I could come up with
the kind of brilliance that Isee with the songs in Wicked.
But I have all of the piecesthat I'm putting together and
bringing together, and that'swhy I'm still looking for the
perfect collaborators for that.
But I think that I was bornthis way.
I was born to be a storyteller,whether it's my stories or
(56:41):
somebody else's, or a storycollector.
I'm a story collector.
I collect those stories thathave changed my life or
everything that I've sharedtoday has been at a pivotal
point where maybe I didn't knowhow to hold on.
And then I heard that story andit was enough, because it
wasn't somebody just saying getover it, think positive.
(57:01):
It was something that I couldbelieve, and anytime I can
believe something, that's power.
Speaker 1 (57:07):
Yeah, every single.
When we were talking earlierabout getting to where we are in
pivots and all that other stuffand what you just said,
everything arrives just on time,and that's what it's all about,
and just moving forward.
When we're ready, when we'reready, the next step will arrive
, we'll be able to see it andthat's when we'll be able to
take it, because it's right ontime.
(57:29):
Before we close, I want to askyou how people can get a hold of
you.
Speaker 2 (57:33):
The best way is, if you have kids, the best way is
through theselfworthinitiativenet, so it's
wwwselfworthinitiativenet andthat has all my books and a lot
about me.
If you're interested in themusical, you're a singer, you're
a dancer, you're a producer,you're an investor, anything the
(57:56):
best way to get in touch withme is paisleysfashionforestcom
and I actually have a page onthere where you can.
If you're a singer, just putdown.
I'm a singer, I'm interested inwhat you're doing.
Boy am I talented and this hasbeen a dream of mine and I will
definitely get back to you orwhoever you are, or just
(58:18):
somebody who's really interestedin musicals and wants to see.
Can she make it?
Follow me, you know, I reallydo respond to everybody.
And then, of course, on socialmedia, just look up Deborah Weed
and you can find me on Facebookand Instagram.
Speaker 1 (58:34):
I believe in your mission, so hopefully people can
help come on board if somebodyfeels led to definitely do that.
Deborah Weed is part dreamer,part dream weaver, part
self-worth warrior and 100%magic.
Whether you're down to yourlast quill or wondering if your
(58:55):
worn edges still shine, letpaisley and that lucky little
penny remind you your worthisn't up for negotiation.
So quills up, friends.
The world needs your sparkleand, as we always say on real
talk with tina and ann, there ispurpose in the pain and hope in
the journey.
Thank you for listening and wewill see you next time you are
(59:15):
such a wordsmith.
Speaker 2 (59:16):
I love what you say.
You really capture the heart ofwhat I'm trying to do.
Thank you so much, Anne.
Speaker 1 (59:23):
Oh well, thank you, and it's beautiful what you're
doing.
Speaker 2 (59:27):
I believe in it.
It's interesting to be a gueston podcasts because you know a
lot of them haven't come out yet, but meeting different hosts.
But, man, when I look at youI'm like you're the real deal.
You know, like real talk.
You're the real deal.
Your heart is showing.
Welcome to Real Talk with Tina and Anne.
I am Anne.
What do we get with acouture-loving porcupine, a
million-dollar penny and afearless visionary have in
common?
They're all part of DeborahWeed's mission to help kids and
the kid inside us all toremember their worth, even when
the world tries to make usforget.
(00:29):
From Broadway dreams tocreative DIYs, deborah's not
just writing stories, she'sbuilding a movement.
Today's guest is bringingglitter, grit and porcupine with
a dream and Porcupine with aDream.
Deborah Weed is the founder ofthe Self-Worth Initiative and
the creative genius behindPaisley's Last Quill, the
(00:49):
Luckiest Penny and the upcomingPaisley the Musical.
She's an author, illustrator,musical producer and former
marketing executive who turnedher pain into purpose, creating
a movement that helps kidsreclaim their confidence and
creativity.
Her mission is to fosterself-worth for children through
books, interactive musicals andinnovative programs.
(01:13):
Get ready to fall in love withPaisley, porcupines, pennies and
the power of believing inyourself.
Deborah, thank you so much forreaching out to me and wanting
to be on the show.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Wow, and that was beautiful.
Thank you so much.
I really appreciate it.
Putting all that together, youmade it magical.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Well, it is magical.
I looked at everything thatyou've done.
It is very magical, so I reallyappreciate you being on.
I read your books and you notonly wrote them, but illustrated
them.
These illustrations are some ofthe most beautiful storytelling
pictures that I've ever seen ina children's book, because they
are vibrant and each charactertells their own story.
(01:53):
I'm not kidding Each charactercould probably have their own
book.
I found myself really studyingthe characters.
There is so much detail andeach character could stand by
itself in its own story.
Where did you get this idea ofreaching children and giving
them a purpose and the tools tobelieve in themselves through
these beautiful books?
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Well, thank you for asking, and actually it started
with trauma, which sometimesredirects us.
So I had been the director ofmarketing for Citibank 19
branches.
So I had been the director ofmarketing for Citibank 19
branches and I had also workedon a $26 million pavilion with
Disney and Universal consultantsfor Kia Motors in Daejeon,
(02:33):
korea, and I was at the top ofmy game.
But then, physically, I hadsomething happen to me, a
misdiagnosis that kept me in bedfor three years.
And while you're thinking andyou really don't have answers,
sometimes the littlest thing inthe world can make all the
(02:55):
difference, and for me it wasliterally a penny that changed
my life.
So I heard about a 1943 purecopper penny that could be worth
a million dollars.
Now, like I don't know aboutyou or the listeners out there,
(03:17):
but to think that something thatwe hardly ever pick up could be
worth that much.
But it was made by mistake.
It was made by mistake becausethey didn't put.
They put usually they put steelinside a penny and then wrap it
in copper, and for thisparticular penny it was pure
(03:40):
copper and there was only 15 ofthem that got through the system
, if you will, and that's whatmade them so rare and worth a
million, right, yeah.
So that penny represented to mewhen I felt tremendously
worthless and not able to doanything anymore.
(04:00):
It was a beacon and actually myhero.
And I started thinking oh mygosh, how do you teach young
children about self-worth?
How do you?
What can you say to a child?
You know, if you say well, youmust believe in yourself and
love yourself.
If they're being picked on ortortured in any way from the
(04:24):
viral bullying that's going onthese days, right, how do they
know what they're worth?
So, through this process of myown misdiagnosis, being in bed
for three years not knowingwhat's going to happen, being in
tremendous physical pain,emotional pain, for a variety of
reasons, I changed myperspective of trying to solve
(04:48):
the problem, which you know.
I was literally desperate totaking some time to have
creativity.
I had been producing shows eversince I was 16 because my mom
was a talent agent and she hadan agency in Miami.
So it was like natural for meto do and I created my first
book.
(05:08):
The first book was actuallyillustrated by Ernest Sokoloff,
and then we started doingmusicals.
As soon as I got back up on myfeet, figured out what had gone
wrong, why the trauma was there.
And we did shows in New Yorkand Miami and the best part
about it is the storyline isabout two pennies who are going
(05:33):
to find out how much they'reworth and why at an auction.
And Alistair, he feels likehe's all that because he's never
been touched, he's perfect andhe knows how much he's worth or
you know, money-wise.
But Henry felt like me andmaybe many of us he was on the
street alone, he was somebody'slucky penny, he was in the
(05:57):
garbage can, he went on a wildroller coaster ride, and so
they're going to find out howmuch they're worth and why.
And that was the musical theLuckiest Penny that I put out
that inspired so many familiesand made the kids really start
to talk about what self-worthmeant to them, with a talkback
(06:17):
there is so much need for this.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
You know, I mean I've got three littles.
I have two olders and threelittles and so much has changed
in the 20 years that I've raisedmy kids and I cannot believe
how much our kids are hopeless.
They don't feel that much worthand there is so much that's
(06:48):
coming at them that these typesof things need to be louder than
those other voices.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Wow, I had never heard it put that way.
That is a t-shirt, ann.
You should start that, you know, because I had never heard it
put that way.
But that's so eloquent.
It must be louder.
There must be a counterbalanceto what kids are feeling.
So for years, this is somethingwhere we were doing it in New
(07:11):
York and Miami.
And the fascinating part, thebest part of the show, wasn't
the show, it was the talkback,because I would ask the kids
afterwards, who's worth more,alistair or Henry?
And some kids would be oh,alistair, he's got all the money
.
Yeah, but if you were in a roomfor the rest of your life with
(07:34):
all these toys but you couldnever get out, what would that
feel like?
And then they would talk aboutthat.
And then another kid would beno, no, no, it's not Alistair,
it's Henry.
Because, look, henry ended upwith love and how valuable that
is.
So for me, this was such a wayback from despair, trauma, to
(07:55):
actually get out there, learnwhat I learned through those
three years in bed where I feltworthless.
Because here's the biggestthing that a lot of people don't
know Self-esteem is differentthan self-worth.
Okay, talk about thatSelf-esteem is like I did
(08:20):
something great.
I put this musical on.
People-worth is not based onanything I do.
It's what I say I'm worth andonly I can say it.
And so many of us, so many ofus right.
We're looking for other peopleto love us so that we can love
ourselves.
We're looking to the outsideworld to validate us before we
(08:43):
can determine our worth.
And if we're not getting thatfrom the outside, guess what
happens?
Our self-worth plummets andkeep on trying to do something
to get the self-esteem, but welose the point and we lose
ourselves.
And I'm so passionate aboutsharing the difference.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Well, you can tell, so passionate about sharing the
difference.
Well, you can tell, I mean, ineverything that you're doing
from you know, the musical thatyou just talked about, the books
, the illustrations, everythingyour whole heart is on the page.
And I'm so sorry that you wentthrough that, with what you went
through for those three years.
You know, I always believe thateverybody has a purpose and
(09:24):
that's what we talk about hereon the podcast.
And it's so amazing that youturned your pain into purpose
and you were able to get out ofbed.
And I'm not sure what happenedwith you, what happened during
those three years.
But I would imagine, if anybodyand there's many different
forms of brokenness, there's allkinds, I mean it could be
(09:46):
physical, emotional, spiritual,whatever and if you're down and
out and you feel like you aren'tmaking a difference in the
world, I can see how that wouldhave really brought you to the
point where, hey, this littlepenny is what brought you out.
And that's how I actually feltabout Paisley as well.
I mean the storyline kind ofcontinues right into Paisley.
(10:09):
I mean you have an entiremovement with Paisley.
The quill power movement helpsgirls stand tall in the world
that often try to shrink them.
So let's talk about Paisley,because she is this beautiful
porcupine.
How did Paisley's last quillcome about, and how did a
porcupine meet fashion?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Well, here we go again.
I think in my life I don't knowwhy I've had so many mystery
diagnosis or health situations,but every time I've had them it
redirects me.
So I had another one, anotherbig scenario, where I was given
gadolinium for an MRA.
But gadolinium is like mercury,I mean, it's like it's like
(10:52):
that toxic thing, it'sradioactive.
They missed my vein and theyput it in my arm.
My arm swole up really, reallybig and that almost took me down
.
But every time these kind ofthings happen and that's three
times it seems like I go in adifferent direction.
And so what I learned from thisexperience was what it feels
(11:16):
like to have one's power takenaway and how excruciating that
can be, whether it be from themedical industry.
That's like not knowing what todo with you and you're just
like begging.
It's almost like you want tobecome the best friend to the
doctor so that they'll save you,but you have no strength to
even have a personality.
What do you do?
(11:37):
Talk about feeling like you'regiving your power away, or a
relationship, no matter what itis.
We give away our power so manytimes.
So I needed a character, ann.
I needed a character thatreally represented protection.
And a porcupine is supposed touse their quills to protect
(12:00):
themselves, protect themselves.
So I imagined this beautifullittle porcupine who didn't
listen to her momette.
She didn't listen to her, youknow who was saying use your
quills to protect yourself.
Instead, she dreamed of being afashion designer.
(12:24):
Because, when you know, Iimagine this whole thing.
When she was little, she wouldput flowers on her quills and be
like you know, like that.
But in the animal fashion worldshe runs into Zivana, and
Zivana is a couture diva whoonly cares.
She doesn't care about how anyof the animals feels, she's
concerned with how they look.
(12:44):
And in her world, porcupinesmust use their quills as pins
and give them away so that shecan use them to pin up her.
You know, over-the-top designs.
So with Paisley, it was thiswhole thing of watching her, or
(13:04):
creating her, so that she wouldgive away her quills to the
animals, the top models, so thatthey would feel better about
what they were wearing and feelinside better, until she was
down to her last quill.
And what happens with her lastquill is where the magic of
(13:25):
reclaiming one's power comesinto fruition.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Oh, yeah, I mean I loved that.
I loved that she got down toher last quill, because actually
I feel like that's when webecome most beautiful.
You know, all she wanted to dowas help.
You know, hang up the clothes.
She wanted to do was help.
You know, hang up the clothes,and I love the message.
Never become smaller to fitsomeone else's definition of you
(13:51):
.
And I have to say that I lovedZavanna, if that's how you say
it.
You know, the diva boss.
I really liked the movie theDevil Wears Prada and I would
say that this was pretty spot on.
She was the diva boss for sure.
Can you talk about her?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Yes, I can, because she is, you know, like I think
that healing.
Healing I looked it up, itmeans whole, and so we have to
love every aspect of ourselves.
And when I created all thecharacters, they're every aspect
of me, right, it's like amirror image.
So Zivana, to me, representsevery person out there, every
(14:37):
bully, every person that youcome across who wants your power
.
They want it, but underneath it, I had always imagined that
she's so vulnerable.
I could imagine she's ageronuke.
It's a real animal, and ageronuke has these crazy ears
that are kind of like, at leastto me.
They look like a designer.
You know, it took me a long timeto find her and I imagined that
(15:01):
she was bullied as a youngJarenuk and the only thing that
she could come up with is let meappear bigger and the biggest
and best couture that naturecould make.
Yeah, and that's who she reallyis.
She really is this like little,little scared animal who's
(15:25):
creating something so big andtaking away from others so that
they wouldn't ever see hervulnerabilities.
So she's like, so, so importantto the storyline.
In fact, the most interestingthing about this whole process,
anne, is the mothers wouldcontact me and they'd say, oh,
my God, my little daughter.
She loves Paisley and she'sbelieving in herself.
(15:47):
She loves it so much she'ssleeping with it.
But, but the book?
But the thing is is that weneed this.
This story was just asimportant for me as it was for
my little girl or boy, and sonow I'm creating a full-scale
musical based on Paisley's lastquill, called Paisley the
(16:10):
Musical, because I wanteverybody to go on a journey
with these characters, so thatthey will feel not just words.
They'll feel the experience ofbeing a creative or being
someone who has a dream, givingaway your power and then how we
(16:32):
reclaim it.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
And I think that people will have no trouble
feeling your books and I'm soglad that you're turning it into
a musical, because that'sreally beautiful.
I love musicals, but I alsojust I want to tell you where I
connected with Paisley.
I connected with her when shewas the most broken, when she
only had that one quill.
Know, we have done nothing,when we only have a small tiny
(17:02):
spark left, when that's where weare, there's just a tiny spark
and we could quit or we couldtry to fire up that last little
bit that we have left.
That's where I connected withher in that very moment.
Can you talk about that momentfor her?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Yes, I mean, like I can.
In the musical too, that's likethe one of the biggest moments,
like in Wicked I love Wickedand when she's singing about
gravity and I mean we reallyfeel her passion.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
I cry every time.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
I do too.
I do too, and, like you know,anyways, when Paisley is down to
her last quill, I have the songthat I've created is no One
Stood, and that is going to bethat.
I'm hoping that that has thatsame emotion for theater goers,
because she gives away so much.
(17:55):
But really, who's there for her?
Now, in the book, you know, shedoes have Batik.
Her friend does come through,but some of the other animals
don't.
I think that when we are down,like you said, so spot on, when
we're down to just a spark,that's all we have.
How do we transform that?
(18:17):
And this is what, for me, inthis storyline, this was so
important because I needed togive her something magical, and
yet something that everybodycould do.
And so you know it actuallytook.
You know, it took me a year toto create those illustrations,
even though I had beenaward-winning artist for you.
I've had many incarnations inmy life of different things to
(18:40):
do those images and to actuallymake the outfit and to express
her sadness, profound sadness,in the forest, when she's all
alone.
She's done good all the waythrough and now she's just left
with this one thing to discoverhow powerful she really is.
(19:03):
And like it was my dream and mypassion to hope that that one
quill would be a symbol to havewomen, children everywhere say
quills up, man.
Nobody can take your power away.
You don't have to give awayyour quills to anyone.
That's our choice.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Yeah, one of my other favorite parts of it is when
all the other animals come outto help.
I mean, isn't that really whatwe all want?
I mean, yeah, we can try topick it up and go on and do it
ourselves, but it's really nicewhen people really do step up
and realize that there's a needin us and they want to help.
(19:49):
And it really did help herbelieve in herself.
And when we do that, our dreamscome true.
And if we just keep going, evenif we have those Zavanas in our
life and we all do like we said,you know, we have those who
want us to succeed and thosethat make it harder for us to
(20:11):
succeed, and that's true foreverybody.
True for everybody.
It could be your three-yearmisdiagnosis or it could be a
real person, and I've had someof those in my life,
unfortunately, that try to holdme back.
But this is about believing inourselves and not looking
outward when someone is tryingto make us question our worth.
(20:33):
And I want to reach out to allthe listeners here because I
think that every single one ofus can relate when there's times
that we have those avanas inour life that just don't want us
to succeed.
And it could be some of thosekids out there who have somebody
that's putting things out therein social media about some
other child and it's reallybeating them up emotionally,
(21:01):
really beating them upemotionally, and it just sickens
me how people feel that theyhave the ability, the right, to
be able to put somebody elsedown and make them feel less
than it's so sad.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
It is beyond sad.
I mean, like I am a grandmotherof four little grandkids and
seeing what this world is nowcompared to when we were kids.
I mean, you know, being a babyboomer it was a whole different
dynamic.
There were words that were mean, but nothing like the gang
mentality that is going on, andwhen somebody spots that
(21:33):
weakness, they really, really,you know, go for it.
The one thing is is that youcannot teach your child like
there's nothing you can say whenthey're getting bullied and
bullied and bullied, unless they, unless you can spark their
worth, their sense of worth,right.
And that is such a challengefor parents out there.
(21:57):
That's such a challenge for usas adults, because we do get
those slings.
Take a lot of thought from mystandpoint of like wow,
(22:22):
sometimes the characters ormagical story or song can be the
thing that makes us hang onwhen it feels like we can't step
another step.
And I'm not just saying words,I have experienced it firsthand.
I know how it feels and Isometimes think that well, at
least for me, creativity hasbeen my superpower.
(22:43):
Everybody has a gift, Everybodyhas a divine gift that they've
been given and if they cansomehow move the trauma, let's
call it a boulder that's insidethem and use the creativity
that's coming through them orthe gift that they have.
Right, there's a lot of healingin that.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
well, I want to talk about that for a minute with my
three littles, because I want tosay that you are spot on when
it comes to creativity and beingable to feel important, and you
, I think that that's what musicand anything creative does art
and putting things on paper andcreating anything really.
(23:25):
I have a son that's autisticand he has DeGeorge syndrome and
he's 12, but he's pretty lowerfunctioning and he is not, and
he has been bullied, he has beenput down.
You know, you name it, this kidstruggles.
He has been put down.
You know you name it.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
this kid struggles and he's in drumline now and he
is amazing at it, he's reallyconnected with it and he said to
me Mama, it makes me feelimportant, right, I love that
yes, or seen, yes, seen, forexactly who they are.
Because when we were doing theLuckiest Penny, we worked a lot
(24:02):
with SUNY University and we hadkids that were on the spectrum,
older kids that were actuallyperforming the Luckiest Penny.
Okay, and here's what I learnedwhen they were doing the songs,
like if you get an actor or anactress, you know they do the
songs and it's like, okay,enough of that.
Not these kids or adults, theywere amazing.
(24:23):
They just loved it and the joy,the joy that they shared, like
blew my mind.
It was like, wow, this is sorefreshing.
And they got it.
They really, really got thewhole concept that if a penny,
something that was potentiallyworthless, could be worth that
(24:44):
much, then what are they worth?
So I understand exactly whatyou're saying with your son, you
know, because there'sbrilliance in everybody.
We just have to uncover whereit's at Right.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Yeah, I mean when you are somebody who has
disabilities, or when you justfeel down and out, whatever it
is.
It could be from a moment, itcould be for years and years, of
feeling not any self-worth andthere could be a divorce in your
family.
There could be all kinds oftragedy or trauma that's going
on and sometimes it is thoselittle sparks.
(25:18):
It is that picking up thatPaisley book and seeing that
Paisley just has one quill leftand she could do it too, you
know, and it's seeing that some.
It's just feeling thatconnectedness with somebody,
something that went through theexact same thing and you're
hurting.
It could be any kind of hurt,you know, that's what I really
(25:39):
like about your books.
They're very transformationaland it's not just for kids, it's
also for adults.
I really did connect with them.
And you're also doing somethingreally cool that I thought
you're creating, not just astage show but an animated
project, because you have thisDIY project and also a fashion
(26:01):
closet.
So I wanted to know more aboutthat.
How did the vision grow so big?
And I want to know all aboutthat.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Wow, thank you so much.
Well, I am looking for theperfect place for Paisley, and
so, because I'm so passionate, Ilearned how to do AI animation,
turn the characters into that,so that I could create songs
that really touched children'shearts, and that's where I
(26:29):
started.
However, and this is where itgets even more interesting, I
had so many of my adult friendswho I respect and we're talking.
We're talking lawyers, ceos,you know, just across the board
and they're like we need this,and it got me thinking beyond
the animation, even for children, and it was like wait a minute.
(26:50):
When I grew up on musicals, Igrew up on Carousel and you know
South Pacific and all thesethings, and I would sing those.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
I did, too, all these things and I would sing those
songs.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
I did too, you did too.
I would sing those songs withglee and they meant something to
me, because if I was sad, I'dsing a song that picked me up.
If I was happy, I'd sing a songthat went along with that, and
they were like Deborah.
Go for it, even if you have nobudget and this is just heart.
(27:20):
Go for that musical, becausewhen I watched the Lion King and
when I watched Wicked on stage,oh my gosh, those characters
spoke to me.
I seem to love magical realismand there's so many plays and
productions out there that arethe same, the same kind of thing
(27:42):
, and this is totallyimaginative and different.
So now I am literally not onlyworking on the animated aspect
for kids and a potential TV showfor them, I'm also working on
the full-scale musical foradults, where we come in and
what you see behind me is likemy concept of what the
(28:06):
characters would be wearing andit will just.
I mean, it might take a lot oftime and I'm even looking for
singers, dancers, producers.
So if there's anybody out therewho's listening, who has these
talents and these gifts andthey're looking for the perfect
vehicle and they actually havethose abilities, please look me
(28:27):
up, contact me.
It feels like it is being givento me from above as a mission
where I must get out there anddo the best I can to make this
happen, because my goal is notto watch the show but to watch
the audience and feel like I'vetouched hearts.
(28:48):
And when people have listenedto the first couple of songs
I've had tears.
I mean like right from the song, nothing else, just the song.
So I know that the whole ideaof giving one's power away, told
through magical realism, haslegs and I've proved that this
(29:10):
concept works through the bookand the passion that I put into
that.
And I must share this, becauseanybody listening I think this
is important.
The reason I'm doing this isbecause I have been broken down
so many times that I havenothing to lose Sometimes.
(29:32):
Sometimes we get so broken andwe hurt so much.
It's almost like that lastquill in us.
It's almost like we have achoice Either lay down and die
or stand up and give it over tosome bigger divine plan and see
(29:55):
what happens, see if ourintention of what we want to do
in the world is bigger than us,and one day I'll be able to come
back and report to you, yes, itwas, or I gave it my best try
and I got out there and I made adifference everywhere that I
could, and that was the best Icould do I have no words, and I
(30:20):
always do.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Oh my gosh, I mean you can't tell because of my
rose-colored glasses that wetalked about earlier, but I
teared up when you said all that.
That was really amazing.
I mean, what do you have tolose?
Everybody out there can relateto that comment, whether they
(30:45):
want to admit it or not, butevery single one of us can
relate to being that broken, andthat's how I felt about this
podcast.
You know, covid had happened,all these things happened.
It got to the point I've gotthese three littles, all these,
and I was like my purpose hadchanged and I didn't know what I
(31:08):
was going to be doing next orif I even had a way to have an
outlet, if I could make adifference in the world.
I didn't even know if I couldanymore, and so there I was, and
so we started the podcast, andI can so relate to what it feels
like, to that moment whenyou're like, well, what do I
(31:28):
have to lose?
That was beautifully said.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
It's the truth.
It is the truth.
Sometimes I think that.
Sometimes I think, gosh, whydid I get knocked down so many
times?
But every single time has mademy dream bigger, although,
although wait, I must say thatthere was a space of being
broken and not being able tomove and feeling as if my life
(31:55):
would no longer mean anything,or at least I wanted to.
You know, contribute as much asI can while I can.
So it's never been a quick thing.
There's been sometimes months,years of slogging through trying
to find my way, but yet everytime I come up for air or
(32:19):
whatever you want, a spiritual,divine intervention, whatever
you would want to call it, it'salmost as if the ante goes up.
It's like, okay, well, yeah,you did the book Great.
You did the musicals for kidsGreat, all right.
Now we're going to keep ongoing and going and going and I
would have no problem contactinganyone, because when you've
(32:40):
lived with that kind of fear forall of your listeners, for when
you live with it, you have achoice then of like it doesn't
matter anymore.
I've met fear.
I've met the worst of the worst.
I've stared it in the face andit almost took me down, and
every time I've realized thatlove is the answer.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
And everything is a stepping stone to where we're
going.
You know, that's what I hear inyour story too.
There could be a no, therecould be a door closed.
No matter what it is, it leadsyou to the next chapter, and
sometimes we don't even reallyrealize that that wasn't the
direction we were supposed to goanyway.
So now we pivot and it'sactually going to be better than
(33:23):
it ever was before.
So that's what I've had to holdon to, and I really do believe
that, if I look back and I'msure, if you turn around and
look in hindsight in your lifethat everything has led you to
where you are right now.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
Not even a question.
And I think you said somethingthat I really want to emphasize
Not even a question.
And I think you said somethingthat I really want to emphasize
Pivot, pivot, pivot, pivot islike such a key word.
So many people do not want topivot because they feel like
they will fail at something Like, let's say that you're moving
in a direction and you're sortof like you're going there and
(33:57):
you want to do it and it's like,but then you're, you're banging
your head against the wall toprove something to who?
And then you know, life has away of saying, yeah, not, not
there over here.
Because, like you said, I wasdoing the animation for kids.
Sure, absolutely Sure, I wasgoing to get that TV show
(34:19):
because, you know, I've alreadygot the pilot, I've already got
13 segments written, ready to go.
But what I realized is I wasable to do the music, but I
can't alone you know beingtrying to do all this myself I
can't get the characters tospeak.
So how can I actually do that?
The series, which then, ofcourse, then it leads me into
(34:42):
the bigger thing, the musical.
And who knows, who knows what'sgoing to come first and how
it's going to manifest.
But you also said somethingreally, really important.
I don't, sometimes I don't knowwhat the next step is, until it
appears, I take a step and Ihit a big, gigantic roadblock.
It's like, well, what do I donow?
And then I'll be scrolling onFacebook and there's the ad
(35:06):
right there that says you knowthat, exactly what that has the
thing that I need to go to thatnext step.
But if I hadn't been on thatpath or that road, I'd never
know.
And it's so easy, it's so easyto give up.
And I do want to share somethingwith you.
I want to hear if you have anyfeedback, but I do want to share
(35:27):
something that my dad, who'slike a Yoda dad, shared with me
that I think will be helpful.
He told me, like there's a timewhere, oh man, I was just going
through so much.
And he says I want to tell youwhat the quasi emotion, I
believe, brings people downevery time.
I'm like, okay, my dad was kindof, he's a very interesting man
(35:49):
, tons and tons of advice, buthe said that he thought
disappointment was the worst ofthe worst, and I'm going to tell
you why.
He said, like, if you areexcited that something's going
to happen, like right now.
I'm really excited about themusical, but then you hit a wall
.
Right, what's happening insideyour body before you hit the
(36:12):
wall is you've got theendorphins going, you've got the
adrenaline going, you've gotoxytocin, you've got chemicals
in your body that are making youmove forward and get excited.
You hit a wall.
Guess what happens to thosechemicals?
They dissipate and you say toyourself oh, wait a minute, I
(36:35):
really want this, I want to keepon going.
So you try again.
Once again you turn up.
It's almost like you'remanufacturing these chemicals.
You're manufacturing thesechemicals of joy.
And again you've got a lot ofgood things going on.
And you hit another wall.
And guess what happens?
The chemicals dissipate Withoutyou knowing or being conscious
(36:59):
of the chemical factory that'sin your body.
You are now having this drop,and this drop feels so bad that
a lot of people including myselfmany times never want to try
again, but they don't know why.
They don't know why.
I mean they know that it feltbad.
(37:19):
They feel like a failure.
But what's really happening isthat drop feels so bad that why
try again and have the drop?
They flatline for the rest oftheir lives and they don't try
because it hurts so much, and Iguess that's where the fake it
until you make it comes in.
(37:40):
Oh my gosh.
You know, it's kind of likethat, where you do it anyways
even though you're feeling sobad, and this has been one of my
greatest challenges and one ofmy greatest blessings to at
least have a dad that was sosage and gave me so much advice
(38:02):
about so many things because Ithink that this is really
important for our conversationtoday.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Your dad sounds very wise and your mom also.
You know, with the creativeaspect of it, you must have had
a really amazing childhood.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
It sounds like that's led you to this point.
Well, my mother and I actuallymy mother and I had a lot of
things going on.
It was not the closestrelationship at all, because in
her day she believed that famewas much more important, or
that's where she felt love.
Let's call it that.
That's where she felt love.
But in the end, right now, Ithink she's one of my biggest
(38:43):
angels of all.
And my dad, on the other hand,oh my gosh.
We could have, we could talkhours and hours, and the advice
and suggestions he gave me wereso rich, so rich.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
You know, it sounds like, though I mean, and I, we
learn from our parents, even ifit's the negative aspect of it,
and your mom, as she keptlooking outward, it sounds to me
that you're looking more inward, and that's interesting,
because we often, you know, dothat from what we learn from our
parents, and it's we have toour self-worth.
(39:22):
You're a self-worth ambassador.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Right, because I had to learn it.
They always say that we becomewhat we need to learn, and that
was the thing I needed to learnmore than anything.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
It's interesting that she kept looking for that
applause.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
Always and she would take for me, which was the part
that would like.
You know, she probably modelsmy Zivana more than anybody, oh
but, but I learned somethinghuge.
You know, this is a story thatI don't tell, but I do feel
called to tell it for anybodywho has a Zivana in their life,
(39:59):
because my mom kind of was mine,and when she was in hospice she
broke my heart there's so manytimes I would try to love her
and she'd shut me down, shut meout, you know, or whatever would
happen.
And during hospice I was tryingto get her a bed, a comfortable
(40:19):
bed, and for whatever reason,we went into one of our fights
because I'm trying to dosomething positive for her and
she's rejecting, rejecting,rejecting.
And then one day her nursecalls up to me and she says your
mom's not going to be here muchlonger.
You really need to reach out.
And part of me was like, ah,I've been trying with this woman
my whole life and really tryingto be there right now.
I've been trying with thiswoman my whole life and really
(40:40):
trying to be there right now.
But I did.
I reached out to her and youknow what she said to me.
She said you must be so angryat me and I'm like angry at you.
Why, mom?
And she goes.
Because here you are trying todo something for me and I can't
(41:07):
get it right.
And all of a sudden, thismother, who was like you know
who, her personality, a very,very big personality, she
actually looked like QueenElizabeth and she went, she had
a look, she had lookalikes thatwere Queen.
She was Queen Elizabeth too andactually went to England and
her personality was like thisfor real.
Okay.
But when I heard her say that,she sounded like this little
(41:31):
girl who was so hurt her wholelife, and you know my heart,
just like at the end of her life, she must've told me cause I
was with her, holding her hand,and she must've told me 20 times
I love you, I love you.
She could only whisper, so itwas like I love you so many
(41:51):
times.
She was trying to impart in herlast breath everything that she
missed while she was alive.
And I learned even the personwho can sound or be cold, can be
rejecting, can take from youthe quills.
She just, she just probablyjust felt so unloved her whole
(42:14):
life, and you know, and yet inher last breath she was trying
to finally impart to me how muchI meant to her.
And I got it.
I got it and that's why I saythat she's still my angel.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
You know, maybe she just didn't know how to show it.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
She didn't.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
And it sounds to me like she just kept putting those
quills back on you before sheleft this earth.
Speaker 2 (42:38):
Oh my gosh, ann, that's so beautiful.
That's exactly what she was.
I mean, it was so strong thatshe was trying to do that in her
last breath and it really didmake all the difference in the
world where everything I do nowshe believed in that penny.
She kept on saying, devin,that's the luckiest penny,
that's it, that's it, that'swhat you were born to do.
So she would have these momentsof you know, I'm right behind
(43:01):
you and I love you witheverything.
And sometimes I'll find penniesand I'm like yeah, mom, I know
you got me, and sometimes it'sat the time that I need it the
most.
So I do believe that's anotherthing.
We do have our angels around usthat are trying to guide us and
trying to be there even when weget so broken down guide us and
(43:24):
trying to be there even when weget so broken down.
Speaker 1 (43:25):
What I love about this is so visual for me, and I
love that visual of is somebodygoing to be plucking your quill
out?
Are they going to be putting itback in?
You know, and adding to yourstrength?
You know, there's so manysubtle ways that we can give our
power away.
How can we start taking it back?
Speaker 2 (43:43):
The first thing that and this is the most important
thing that I've learned throughthis whole process I've got this
movement called Quills Up andessentially it just all it means
is just take your power back.
I thought people took our power.
It's not true.
We give away our powerwillingly.
(44:04):
We want something so badly.
For my mom, it was to be seen.
You know, she wanted to familyto really understand and be
behind me, but they couldn'tbecause of the misdiagnosis and
(44:25):
everything that transpired.
There's so many things thathappen to us where it's like
I'll give you part of myself,will you love me now?
I mean, I hate to say it thatway, but that's the truth.
And so we willingly take thosequills, take our power and say
here, I'll do this, do you letme now?
(44:47):
And you know what A lot oftimes we get the opposite.
We give so much and instead ofthem being there, it's like ah,
I've got somebody there that's awilling participant, let me
take more.
Until one day we wake up and werealize, looking to somebody
else to give me love, as I hadmentioned before, so that I can
(45:10):
love myself, let me fill myself,let me find it some way, some
shape, some form to love myselfenough where I don't need
anybody to fill me up.
I'm full and this, you know,might take us a lifetime to
learn these techniques, to do it, and for everybody I think it's
a little bit different.
(45:31):
But creativity and finding ourgift, I think that's our
superpower.
Speaker 1 (45:36):
So many times we want other people to define us.
Isn't that crazy that we wantothers to define who we are and
we allow their definitions tomake us feel good or bad instead
of just own who we are?
I really appreciate yourmessage.
You know, when I talked earlier, we all have to start somewhere
(45:58):
and when I started the podcast,when you're doing this and it's
scary, it can be very scary youleft corporate to become your
own voice in the movement andpouring your passion into kids
in these musicals and I'm surethat that was a scary leap.
We talked about pivoting.
Can you talk about pivoting andtaking that leap, no matter how
(46:21):
scary it is?
Speaker 2 (46:22):
When I started corporate, ann, I was such a
sensitive little girl and so Iwas kind of like, I'll show you,
let me show you what I can do.
And that's why I got intocorporate, and even with the
Universal and Disney people,although I did love that.
But one of the things that Irealized, I never smiled when I
(46:44):
was in corporate.
It wasn't my gift, my gift Iwent to in college, I went to
school for art and got a D, a Din art, and I became an
award-winning artist, by the way, but I got a D and I got an A
in marketing.
So it was like what?
That's the direction thatsociety told me that I could
(47:06):
achieve.
Because art is, you know, likeif you look at a Picasso, I mean
, and think that that's worthmillions of dollars, but if you
went to your child's school andyou saw that on the wall, you
would say, oh yeah, that's nice.
It's worth millions.
Who said that Picasso is worthmillions?
So I think with me, I just keepon getting redirected by these
(47:35):
health challenges and I thinkthat when I really go to my
heart.
Another thing my dad said to meis he said, when you're little,
that's when you know who youare, that's when you know what
you should be doing.
Whatever you're doing naturallyis who you are supposed to be
in the world.
So for me, I was a naturalsocial worker, always concerned
(47:56):
with my friends, you know,making sure they were okay.
I loved that.
I absolutely loved that.
And I was an artist.
And so here I am in corporatetrying to mold myself and show
everybody hey, look at howimportant I am, because I had
learned that from my mom.
And then everything thatredirected me, made me pivot,
(48:20):
brought me closer to who I wasreally, really meant to be.
And I know that there's so manyyou know people out there, and
potentially your listeners, whoare doing what they, that
society, has defined for them,because it's too scary to be
themselves and to get out thereand to like, like for you to
(48:42):
take the chance with the podcast, but sometimes it is beyond, uh
, uh, it's almost like you'rerequired to move in that
direction.
You have no other choice, onceagain, because you don't want to
look at your life at the end ofyour life and regret it.
(49:02):
There's a story that I love,love, love to tell, and it was
done by the Angel movie Now Ican't even think of the name of
it Touched by an Angel, okay,okay, there's this guy that has
Lou Gehrig's and he just feelslike well, he is going to die.
And the angel comes.
And the angel says he is goingto die.
And the angel comes and theangel says you're going to die
(49:24):
tonight.
And he was an artist and hecreated these magnificent
artwork that was going to feedhis family for the rest of their
lives.
And she said on the night hewas going to die.
You have a choice you canfinish the painting that you
created so that your family cansurvive, or you can read a story
(49:46):
to your two little children.
So it's really a quandary.
So he decides to read the book,of course, for his children,
and so he does that.
The next day the agent comes andthe painting has a tarp over it
and the agent is like, okay,well, let me see the finished
(50:06):
painting, because I know thatthat will mean so much to your
family.
And the wife, who's liketotally grieving, is like I'm so
sorry he wasn't able to finishit.
And the agent's like, well, letme see it, you never know,
Maybe there's something we canstill do.
So she takes the tarp and pullsit off and of course, it's
(50:28):
touched by an angel and so thepainting is all completed.
And they say whatever youstarted, God will complete for
you.
And that segment has stayed withme.
I share it all the time becauseit actually gives me hope that,
(50:49):
no matter what I start, it'snot my job to complete it, it's
just my job to put as much lovein it as I possibly can.
And that's what you're doingwith your podcast.
And that's what I're doing withyour podcast and that's what
I'm doing with my musical.
It's like I don't know how farI'm going to get with this dream
of having something to thescale of Wicked, but I'm on the
(51:11):
road and God will complete it.
Speaker 1 (51:13):
That is amazing because he will be faithful to
complete it.
Speaker 2 (51:16):
That's what it says right, yes, that's what it says.
Speaker 1 (51:20):
And all we have to do is trust.
We have to do the work.
I used to work in a jail andthe women would sit.
I was one of the ministers inthe jail and they would say you
know well, your God isn't doinganything for me.
Nothing is happening.
I'm doing everything I can, I'mpraying and praying and nothing
is happening.
(51:41):
And I'm like I'm doingeverything I can, I'm praying
and praying and nothing ishappening.
And I'm like, well, what areyou doing?
What are you doing?
And if we get it started and ifwe meet him halfway at least,
you know he will go the rest ofthe way and he will give us the
tools.
I actually know somebody in mylife right now who keeps trying
to go to get help and she keepssaying you know well, nothing is
(52:04):
helping me.
We are given the tools.
We are, but it's up to us topick them up and use them.
Speaker 2 (52:30):
I mean, it is just so powerful.
He will always be there, beable to sit with that and really
hear people that are thatdespondent and just really
feeling like you know, hey, butI'm not being hurt, and that I
think that of all things hurtsthe most, right, because it's
(52:50):
sort of like I'm doing all thisand I don't see how it's coming
together.
I have one more, one morefavorite story that I could
share.
Okay, so this story, all theselittle stories I guess I love
stories because they're thethings that touch my heart the
most and I carry with me andshare everywhere that I can.
I heard this story about thislittle girl who watches her
(53:14):
mother, who's doing this needlepoint, and she's watching her
mother, but she can only seefrom underneath, right.
So she's looking from her sideand she's looking at the
needlepoint and she sees likeall these knots and dark colors,
like black, and you knowthreads from it.
She's like, mom, what are youdoing?
(53:35):
Why are you spending so muchtime on this?
And she's like don't worry,I'll show you, it's going to be
beautiful.
And the daughter comes back alittle bit later and she sees
more knots and more you knowreally dark colors and she's
like but Mom, I don't get it.
And she's like well, just comeback, I'll show you.
(53:58):
So finally, the little girlcomes back and the mother takes
the needlework and she revealsit to her daughter.
And her daughter sees thisbeautiful image of a lake or a
pond and mountains and all thesebeautiful colors, and she's
like oh, and so this is what wesee from underneath.
(54:22):
We look up and we go God, whathave you done with my life?
It's a mess.
Look at all the dark colors andthe knots.
It's a freaking mess.
But one day we sit on the lapof God and we see what has been
(54:43):
created and we go that's what mylife was, why that's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (54:50):
Thank you for sharing that.
It's really special.
I love that you're full ofstories.
Speaker 2 (54:54):
Full.
Speaker 1 (55:04):
Well, they're very touching.
I just want to ask you and thenwe'll close, but I am really
curious.
I mean, so you write the songs,right, and you illustrate and
you write all of the books andeverything.
Write all of the books andeverything.
I mean it just must be thiscreative dance in your brain all
the time, am I right?
I mean, are you just constantlycreating?
(55:25):
I mean this, you are sotalented.
Speaker 2 (55:28):
Thank you.
But I truly believe and I thinkany real creative person will
tell you this it's channeledthrough me, when the clearer I
am, the more of the trauma thatI move out of me, out of my body
.
It's just channeled through andsometimes, like with some of
the music I'm working, you know,with some of the stories I do
(55:48):
work with artists and with someof the music I do work with
musicians.
So it's not all me, it's just.
Maybe the intention is sostrong that sometimes things
will just drop in.
For the luckiest penny I'm nota musician and yet the melodies
would drop in, the lyrics woulddrop in, it would just like be.
And there they arecollaborating with people For
(56:19):
the musical.
The musical is such that I don'tknow that I could come up with
the kind of brilliance that Isee with the songs in Wicked.
But I have all of the piecesthat I'm putting together and
bringing together, and that'swhy I'm still looking for the
perfect collaborators for that.
But I think that I was bornthis way.
I was born to be a storyteller,whether it's my stories or
(56:41):
somebody else's, or a storycollector.
I'm a story collector.
I collect those stories thathave changed my life or
everything that I've sharedtoday has been at a pivotal
point where maybe I didn't knowhow to hold on.
And then I heard that story andit was enough, because it
wasn't somebody just saying getover it, think positive.
(57:01):
It was something that I couldbelieve, and anytime I can
believe something, that's power.
Speaker 1 (57:07):
Yeah, every single.
When we were talking earlierabout getting to where we are in
pivots and all that other stuffand what you just said,
everything arrives just on time,and that's what it's all about,
and just moving forward.
When we're ready, when we'reready, the next step will arrive
, we'll be able to see it andthat's when we'll be able to
take it, because it's right ontime.
(57:29):
Before we close, I want to askyou how people can get a hold of
you.
Speaker 2 (57:33):
The best way is, if you have kids, the best way is
through theselfworthinitiativenet, so it's
wwwselfworthinitiativenet andthat has all my books and a lot
about me.
If you're interested in themusical, you're a singer, you're
a dancer, you're a producer,you're an investor, anything the
(57:56):
best way to get in touch withme is paisleysfashionforestcom
and I actually have a page onthere where you can.
If you're a singer, just putdown.
I'm a singer, I'm interested inwhat you're doing.
Boy am I talented and this hasbeen a dream of mine and I will
definitely get back to you orwhoever you are, or just
(58:18):
somebody who's really interestedin musicals and wants to see.
Can she make it?
Follow me, you know, I reallydo respond to everybody.
And then, of course, on socialmedia, just look up Deborah Weed
and you can find me on Facebookand Instagram.
Speaker 1 (58:34):
I believe in your mission, so hopefully people can
help come on board if somebodyfeels led to definitely do that.
Deborah Weed is part dreamer,part dream weaver, part
self-worth warrior and 100%magic.
Whether you're down to yourlast quill or wondering if your
(58:55):
worn edges still shine, letpaisley and that lucky little
penny remind you your worthisn't up for negotiation.
So quills up, friends.
The world needs your sparkleand, as we always say on real
talk with tina and ann, there ispurpose in the pain and hope in
the journey.
Thank you for listening and wewill see you next time you are
(59:15):
such a wordsmith.
Speaker 2 (59:16):
I love what you say.
You really capture the heart ofwhat I'm trying to do.
Thank you so much, Anne.
Speaker 1 (59:23):
Oh well, thank you, and it's beautiful what you're
doing.
Speaker 2 (59:27):
I believe in it.
It's interesting to be a gueston podcasts because you know a
lot of them haven't come out yet, but meeting different hosts.
But, man, when I look at youI'm like you're the real deal.
You know, like real talk.
You're the real deal.
Your heart is showing.
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