May 7, 2025 • 30 mins
Have you ever thought, “Why can’t I just get over this food thing already?” You’re not alone—I’ve been there too. In this honest conversation, we unpack why making peace with food and your body can feel so frustratingly out of reach. Christina and I share our personal journeys, from restrictive diets in our teens to obsessing over “good” and “bad” foods, and how early experiences shaped the way we view food and ourselves. It’s a layered struggle that many people face, and there’s so much more behind it than just willpower.
We dig into how the brain forms patterns around control and comfort, and how real change starts by addressing our thoughts, not just our behaviors. With insights from both neuroscience and Scripture—like Jesus’ reminder to “clean the inside of the cup first”—we explore what healing can truly look like. You’re not broken or weak; there’s a path forward grounded in gratitude, truth, and community. No matter how long you’ve wrestled with this, there is real hope for freedom and peace—with food, with your body, and with yourself.
Learn more about our Revelation Within Community: https://www.revelationwithin.org
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi and welcome to our podcast Revelation Within on
the go.
I'm Heidi Biles-Maepperson, oneof your hosts and the owner and
lead coach of theRevelationWithinorg ministry.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
And I'm Christina Motley, your other host, also a
Revelation Within coach andHeidi's partner in all things
Revelation Within.
We're so happy to invite you tojoin us for this episode of
Revelation Within On the go.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Come on in, we are so glad you're here, yes pull up a
chair, get ready to laugh withus because we're in a giggly
mood.
Yes, which?
Speaker 2 (00:44):
is not unusual for our podcast recording time.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Right, that's true.
Well, if you have ever thought,why can't I just get over this,
this food, this eating, thisbody image thing, you're not
alone.
We hear this from everybody.
I mean so many women, beautiful, jesus loving women, who have
spent decades stuck in thiscycle of dieting, overeating,
(01:12):
overexercising, restricting,condemning themselves, just
plain thinking too much aboutfood in their bodies.
If you can identify with that,you are not alone, you're in the
right place girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Yes, yes, yes.
And if that's driving you crazy, yeah, we want to be in the
opposite place that list thatyou just described, heidi.
I was thinking what would bethe opposite of that.
That's where we want to be,okay, so today we want to
lovingly explore why this hasbeen so hard for so long.
(01:48):
Are we just crazy?
What could possibly be sodifficult about this?
I mean, many of us, you know,we've met all kinds of goals in
our lives.
You know educational goals andall of this in the relationship
and these different things atchurch and whatever, but this
one, this one, is so hard.
(02:10):
Okay, so there are real reasonsbehind this.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
No, we're not, we're not crazy.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
We're not crazy and we're not hopeless either.
Okay, so there are real reasonsfor this.
There are real reasons.
So breathe a sigh of relief andjust know, yes, there's a good
reason here, and it's notbecause you're lazy or crazy and
it's not because you lackwillpower, but because this is a
(02:39):
layered journey, and God is notsurprised by any of it.
It's layered, there's layerafter layer, and that's where we
want to go.
We want to get into that.
Let's unpack it together andalso share the hope that we have
, because, no matter how longthis has been your story, it
isn't too late for it to berewritten.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Amen, I love that.
I love that.
I need my story to be rewritten.
I have memories of food, myearliest memories of food, my
youngest childhood memories.
Food was not my friend ever,ever, no, not ever.
There was this setup.
Certain foods were elevated anddesirable, but you know, for me
(03:27):
I was like oh, yum, yum, yum.
But I had to earn the right toeat those foods by eating foods
that tasted nasty.
How else to put it?
How else to put it?
The good foods, good foods, theones that my parents put on the
good food list tasted awful.
(03:48):
Their texture was bad.
They were soggy.
Well, my mom didn't know how tocook either, but she had to eat
those to get rewarded with thefoods that tasted really good.
Awesome, how about you?
Can you relate to that,christina?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Yes, you know what, when I was a little girl, I feel
like it was all fine and dandy.
It just feels like a happylittle blur as a little girl,
especially eating at mygrandma's.
But then, as I got into myearly teens, I realized that my
mom was overeating all the timeand I thought, yeah, you know
(04:28):
what, this is what you do.
And I realized that she wasspeaking negatively about her
body all the time.
And you know, you get to acertain age where you're kind of
aware of those things for thefirst time.
Yeah, also, I became very, veryaware that there was a good
foods list and a bad foods listin our house.
(04:50):
Yeah, like mine, huh Well,similar, but not quite, because
my mom couldn't cook at all andI don't think we even really ate
vegetables.
I don't know.
We ate vegetables at mygrandma's, so I actually love
those, so it's a little bitdifferent.
Yeah, the good foods quoteunquote were what you would call
(05:12):
nutritious, but they weren'tnecessarily vegetables.
And then the bad foods listincluded all the foods that my
mom binged on, and so I learnedthat the forbidden foods are the
ones that I really wanted and Iwas drawn to them more and more
because they were what I wasn'tsupposed to eat.
(05:35):
So all that to say and you know,I keep mentioning my mom she
was an amazing person and I loveher and I miss her.
So my mom was a disorderedeater, and it makes sense
because of what she went throughin her own childhood, and so I
don't blame her at all.
But yeah, there was a lot ofstuff going on in my house that
(05:56):
was extremely confusing aroundfood and eating.
By the time I was a teenager, Iwas full swing into the cycle
of overeating, overexercising,over everything.
I had a very distorted view.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Yeah, yeah, and then you know, for me too.
So I had this issue going onwith my perspective on food.
I didn't even know it was aproblem, I just knew it was life
for me, where these foods werethe desirable foods to me, that
I had to earn the right to eatby eating all of the yucky foods
that literally made me gag.
I couldn't and I got punishedand all of that for that.
(06:34):
But I also had some things goingon with my sense of my body
image and I remember in fifthgrade there was a friend of mine
who looked a certain way andshe received so much teasing.
You know, I look back at it nowand I think she just developed
a little earlier than the restof the girls, but I would do
(06:57):
anything not to be the object ofthe classmates teasing and
seeing the way they treated herand how it affected her made me
scared to death that they woulddo the same to me.
Wow, and then later on in highschool, my mom met.
(07:18):
Well, she put me on a diet whenI was 14, a liquid diet.
Oh my gosh, I was super active,I couldn't do that.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Wow, 14.
Yeah, I mean.
And then I remember afterschool, sometime during around
that same time, I would havebasketball practice after school
, lots of running for that, andthen I would get on my bike
which I had ridden to school andI would bike seven miles to a
gym to work out some more yeah.
(07:48):
It was crazy.
How about you, christina?
What was your relationship likewith your body?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Yeah, oh, my goodness .
Well, I've mentioned beforethat I grew up in the Los
Angeles area and so growing upthere, there's just this
tremendous pressure to look acertain way and at that time,
also to be very tan and very fit.
And there was no such thingreally as like tanning beds.
(08:15):
Nobody did that.
We all just got out in the sunand tried to get tan.
So which, you know, I meaneverybody my age is now worried
about skin cancer, of course,but I had a very, very distorted
view of my body in comparisonto what the world said I should
(08:36):
look like.
You know, I lived just half anhour away from Hollywood, and so
all the billboards, all thecommercials, all the messages,
everybody was at the gym all thetime.
There was this pressure to lookvery thin and very fit and
muscular and tan, and all ofthis and I just thought it was
(08:59):
normal.
I didn't realize that I livedin such a strange place until we
moved, and when we moved toColorado, I was absolutely
floored by the difference.
I mean I was living in a bodyimage pressure cooker in LA,
yeah, and I have to say myfriends that are still there are
(09:22):
very much entrenched in that.
Even still, the pressure it'sreal, it's real.
But from the age of 14, um or15, something like that, I was
overeating, overexercising, likeI said.
So I was already getting biggerand bigger and then by the time
I was 16, I was going to thegym with my mom.
(09:45):
She invited me to come with herand I thought that was normal
to be 16 and spending all thistime at the gym and we had to
weigh ourselves every time wewalked in.
I was constantly aware of myweight and I did so many
(10:09):
aerobics classes in purplespandex I can't even tell you,
shiny spandex is what we hadback then Deep blues and purples
and pinks, oh my gosh.
But the thing is, you know, theminute I wasn't able to do that
, the minute I was too busy, ormy college classes were
(10:30):
demanding, or I had three jobsat the time.
The minute I wasn't able tokeep up, my overeating took over
and I got bigger again.
So I was in this.
It felt like like a pressurecooker, like okay, I have to do
this or this is going to happen.
I have to do this.
Oh no, oh no, ah.
(10:52):
You know like I couldn't manageit.
It was unsustainable,unmanageable, and it felt awful
and I never, ever feltcomfortable in my own skin, ever
.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Right, you know it's interesting, I was just thinking
that.
So, both of us having commonthat this started for us, you
know, decades ago of course yes.
And chances are many of thelisteners have felt that way too
.
But then I fast forward intomore recent history.
Even as an adult, you know, Iplayed competitive tennis and
(11:25):
was very fit and I remembergoing to one doctor for a
general, you know, checkup,whatever, and she was new to me,
she didn't know me and herlooking at the numbers.
She didn't even look at me, shelooked at the numbers and she
was very disapproving of thenumber on the of the scale and I
(11:46):
had been looking for a doctoranyway.
This lady was just assigned tome in the meantime and I found a
new doctor soon after that.
I went to him, which was a bigdeal for me.
To go to a a man doctor was abig deal.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Well, yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
And first look at me.
He said whatever you've beentold, you clearly are physically
fit and healthy.
Wow, I just read about this theother day because I had posted
in the blog years ago about thisand oh, wow, it's like I wish
there could be more people whocared about the whole picture
(12:25):
rather than just a stupid number.
That's really arbitrary.
Anyway, clearly for all of us,or many of us, certainly this
isn't a recent struggle.
It started when we were reallyyoung.
It might've been 13.
It might've been younger, ormaybe you, listener, can't
remember a time that you weren'tthinking about food, about your
(12:46):
weight, about good foods, badfoods, food about your weight,
about good foods, bad foods,about how your body looked.
As we know, it has saturatedour culture and our lives,
pretty much all our lives.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Yes, yes, that is so true.
And we've heard stories aboutpeople who everything kind of
started in their twenties orthirties or when they started
having babies.
Things like that, too, startedin their 20s or 30s or when they
started having babies.
Things like that, too.
Our stories are all really sosimilar in so many ways.
So, and when you've repeatedsomething over and over and over
, for years and decades, thosethoughts and behaviors, I mean,
(13:25):
they become deeply wired.
Yeah, they do you know, ourbrains literally create neural
pathways, well-worn trailsreally, that say control is
safety, food is the enemy, ormaybe food is comfort.
It's the only way I know how tocope.
Boy, that is exactly how I felt.
(13:49):
I remember just feelingpanicked when I didn't have
certain foods in the house and Ithought how am I going to cope?
And you know what, changingthat takes time.
It does, but it can happen andit's worth the time it's worth
it.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Yeah, it really is.
And this is where you knowJesus speaks right to the heart
of this, which is so awesome.
You know it's true.
The word of God has so manyanswers, all the answers we need
, in Matthew 23, verse 26, jesuscalls out to the religious
(14:29):
people.
He says blind Pharisee, firstclean the inside of the cup and
dish, and then the outside alsowill be clean.
Think about this for a minute.
How often have we tried toquote clean the outside of the
cup?
We've tried to fix the cup wemight knuckle our way into a
(14:50):
behavior change of some sort,some new diet, a new workout
plan, a new food rule, but whatremains absolutely unchanged is
the inside of the cup, is ourheart.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Yeah, yes, yes.
But if the inside, which youknow, is our thoughts and our
beliefs and our fears, if theinside hasn't changed, we end up
right back where we started.
And I know, heidi, you and Ihave experienced that a
bazillion times oh my gosh, I'mright back here again.
(15:25):
I can't believe it.
After all of that, after allthat work and challenge and
struggle and that's why ourministry focuses so much on the
renewing of the mind.
Romans 12, too, tells us do notconform to the pattern of this
world, but be transformed by therenewing of your mind.
Be transformed by the renewingof your mind, and that's where
(15:49):
the real change happens, notjust at the table or on the
scale, but in our minds.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
That's where it begins?
It begins in our thoughts.
Well, let's continue to bepractical here.
Our brains are not justemotional, they are biological.
Anyway, the part of your brainthat's responsible for survival,
the amygdala, learns quicklyand reacts fast.
So when you restrict food orstep away from your usual
(16:20):
pattern, your nervous systempanics.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Yes, it panics and it says danger, even if you're
making a healthy change, yourbody isn't sure yet, and that's
why old patterns can feel safer,even if they're destructive, oh
okay.
Well, here's the good news Justlike those old neural pathways
were built, new ones can bebuilt too, and this wasn't
(16:48):
something that was known for areally long, long time.
So we have all this new hopethat's even rooted in science.
Now, that's what mind renewalis literally creating a new way
of thinking, a new way of living.
Yay, that is so hopeful, isn'tit?
It is, it's like yes, andscience is finally catching up
(17:12):
to what God's been talking aboutin the Bible all along, all
along.
Yeah, so for so many of us, wewere taught, sometimes subtly,
sometimes directly oh and thisjust grieves me to say it, but
this is so true we're notlovable unless we look a certain
way.
Oh my gosh, it's horriblereally when you think of it.
(17:35):
Maybe your mom made comments,or another family member.
Maybe the church made it soundlike thinness was next to
godliness.
That happens with a lot ofpeople.
Maybe it was just the cultureand it seeped in and you took a
hold of it.
You bought the lie.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
It's interesting.
Yesterday I got to spend sometime with my son and we ran
different errands and he wasjust talking he doesn't often
just visit with me aboutsomething, but he was talking
about he streams a game that heplays and he's got followers on
YouTube and dah, dah, dah dah.
I don't really get it all, butanyway, he said he's noticed
(18:19):
that when he uses a profilepicture that, um, he has touched
up and you can't see the acnescars um from his upbringing
that he gets more clicks andmore responses.
And you know this.
I told him.
I said I can relate.
I have been thin and fit and Ihave been morbidly obese I've
(18:39):
been everything in between and Ihave been treated differently,
depending upon my size, at least.
I don't know what else toattribute it to, because
everything else stays the same.
So you know, it's true, we feelwe're not lovable unless we
look a certain way, butsometimes it's because of the
way others have treated us andwe.
(19:00):
It's real, it's.
The problem is real, theheartache is real, and the lies
that go along with it.
They go so deep.
They do, they do.
And this is again where thescriptures have such beautiful
ways of encouraging our hearts.
Zephaniah 317, of course, saysthe Lord, your God, is with you.
(19:21):
He's the mighty warrior whosaves.
He will take great delight inyou, in his love.
He will no longer rebuke youbut will rejoice over you with
singing Our God friend, he isnot ashamed of you, he's not
ashamed of me.
He rejoices over you right now,just as you are.
(19:47):
Yes, your body is not a barrierto God's love, and your peace
with food does not determineyour worth.
Oh, thank God.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Why hasn't anyone told us this before?
I know right.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
I love it.
Okay, so now we've exploredsome of the why, let's do a full
shift to the hope part.
Yes, it's been hard.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
It's taken years.
Yes, and it feels like thelocusts have done a lot of
eating.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Yes, we want the years back.
It's like whoa, it's been mywhole life.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
For many of us, yeah, but here's the really good news
you are not stuck.
The enemy wants us to thinkwe're stuck.
We're not stuck, you haven'twasted a bunch of time.
That's a lie too, because Godwill waste nothing.
And so if you feel like, oh, Iwish I could have done this
(20:42):
years and years ago, okay,that's great to wish that, but
don't let it hang you up,because God isn't bound in any
way or form by the fact thatwe're just getting it now.
You can build new thoughts now.
You can renew your mind now.
You can rewire your neuralpathways now, and you can do it
(21:07):
one moment at a time.
It doesn't have to be all ornothing.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Yes, and we have seen this again and again and again
in the people that come to ourcommunity, in ourselves.
We have seen this.
This really is happening.
This is God's design, and it'snot just food and eating, it's
really anything, anything.
(21:30):
Yeah, god's design, and it'snot just food and eating, it's
really anything, anything thatis challenging you.
But we are focusing on food andeating at this time, certainly,
and for so many of us, that'sbeen our issue for so long.
Okay, so it starts small, sodon't get overwhelmed.
You know it starts small and itstarts with gratitude.
(21:51):
First Thessalonians 5.18 saysgive thanks in all circumstances
, for this is God's will for youin Christ Jesus.
Gratitude, gratitude is amazing.
Gratitude is one of the fastestways to calm the nervous system
and shift your thinking, andit's something that God tells us
(22:15):
to do all over his word Givethanks, give thanks, give thanks
because he knows that it willfeel so good for us and it turns
our hearts around, away fromourselves and toward him.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Yeah, it's so interesting.
Summer before last I did a lotof research on gratitude in
preparation for our month longtheme.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yes, which I loved.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yeah, we did it last August as well, and we'll
probably do it this comingAugust.
So if you're interested in amonth of focus?
Yeah, join us for that.
But anyway, it's so interesting.
So much of the research andwhat it indicates about how our
nervous systems respond togratitude.
It is so cool.
We were wired by God to givehim praise and thanks and give
(23:04):
gratitude, and so it makes sensethat our bodies would respond
really well to itphysiologically.
I love that.
You know, another way that wecan rewire neural pathways is
through community.
I know that sounds kind ofcrazy, but being with others who
believe truth, who speak life,who remind you of who you really
(23:27):
are, that is one of the mostvital things we could possibly
do.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Yes, it is.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
With people who you know get it, they get it and
they know that we're not stuckand they know Jesus is the
answer for us.
And, to be honest with you,that's kind of what we've been
creating in our new course.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Yes, I'm going to do a little bit of transforming
grace, discovering peacefuleating.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
It's not just going to be a class, though.
I really believe it's going tobe so much more than that.
It starts June 2nd and it's agathering of people who are
learning to walk in truth and webelieve together that freedom
is possible.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
I just got my book.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Yes, there's a workbook available on Amazon, so
if you're interested inlearning more, navigate your
browser to teamlifeisgoodcom.
Forward slash rest because,that's what we're doing when it
comes to this whole topic offood eating, body image.
Blah the Lord, yes.
Second Corinthians 318 says andwe all are being transformed
(24:36):
into his image with everincreasing glory.
I love this.
This is clearly a process.
We can be transformed, it'songoing and he's the one doing
the transforming.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Yeah, you know what I'm going to throw in a little
story here.
I've been thinking so muchabout the girls that have been
living in our house for a yearOne of them is my daughter and
two are her best friends, andthey recently moved out, but
just a few weeks ago they hadkind of this try on clothes
party and kind of like a dressup party.
(25:15):
They have thrown their entirewardrobes together in one, which
is so much fun, and it's notthey're not all the same size or
body shape, but a lot of theclothes work, and so I just had
so much fun watching them,watching them put outfits
together and try on things.
(25:35):
But this is what I really,really loved.
I loved the way they weretalking to each other and I
loved the way they wereencouraging each other.
Oh, you look slay and they havethis whole nother language,
which is so, so fun.
You know they're all 19, butthe way they were talking to
(25:58):
each other, basically in theirown language, they were saying
you are beautiful, you areamazing, you look so good.
This is so fun, like they wereenjoying, and to me that is so
foreign.
It is so foreign and sodifferent from my own experience
at 19.
(26:19):
And I'm fascinated by it and Ilove to see the peace and the
joy that they feel when they'retogether.
It's not like with other.
You know, it's their bestiesfor sure, and how fun it is for
them to just enjoy their bodiesLike this is just, it's just
normal for them and I just Ilove that and I thought this,
(26:43):
that is it.
That is a body image thatreally shines God's love, god's
peace.
Do they have perfect bodies?
No, not by Hollywood standardsor whatever, and they're not all
shaped the same, not at all.
But they are beautiful, all ofthem, just beautiful, and it's
(27:06):
inspiring to me really, I loveto see the way they talk to each
other and share experienceslike that.
So I just wanted to share thatbecause I just thought, oh my
gosh, I just love what'shappening with these girls.
So Jesus is walking with us inthis long and often painful
journey.
(27:26):
We're not alone in this.
He is with us every step.
He sees every neural pathway,every fear, every lie.
We've believed, oh, so manylies, and yet he calls us by
name, he rejoices over us, heinvites us to be transformed,
(27:47):
not by pressure, not by pressure, but by his love.
Oh, that's good news, isn'tthat good news?
Jesus gives us grace for theprocess.
He gives us eyes to see, hopeand helps us to keep renewing
our minds, one thought at a time.
I love that.
I love how hopeful that is.
(28:09):
We would love to encourage younow, here as we close.
We'd love to encourage you togo to the Lord.
Invite him into this, invitehim into your food, eating, body
, image, all of it.
Invite him into the confusion,the pain, everything that you
have struggled with for so long,and dream with him for a few
(28:33):
minutes.
What would it look like to be apeaceful eater?
What would it look like to beat peace with your body, to be
comfortable in your own skin?
What would that look like?
And I don't mean perfectly byany means, but dream with the
Lord a little bit, because it'spossible.
It's absolutely possible, andwe're going to be talking more
(28:57):
about that, and we would love toinvite you to our next episode
of Revelation Within On the go.
We'll see you next time.
Thanks for joining us.
Bye.
Hi and welcome to our podcast Revelation Within on
the go.
I'm Heidi Biles-Maepperson, oneof your hosts and the owner and
lead coach of theRevelationWithinorg ministry.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
And I'm Christina Motley, your other host, also a
Revelation Within coach andHeidi's partner in all things
Revelation Within.
We're so happy to invite you tojoin us for this episode of
Revelation Within On the go.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Come on in, we are so glad you're here, yes pull up a
chair, get ready to laugh withus because we're in a giggly
mood.
Yes, which?
Speaker 2 (00:44):
is not unusual for our podcast recording time.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Right, that's true.
Well, if you have ever thought,why can't I just get over this,
this food, this eating, thisbody image thing, you're not
alone.
We hear this from everybody.
I mean so many women, beautiful, jesus loving women, who have
spent decades stuck in thiscycle of dieting, overeating,
(01:12):
overexercising, restricting,condemning themselves, just
plain thinking too much aboutfood in their bodies.
If you can identify with that,you are not alone, you're in the
right place girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Yes, yes, yes.
And if that's driving you crazy, yeah, we want to be in the
opposite place that list thatyou just described, heidi.
I was thinking what would bethe opposite of that.
That's where we want to be,okay, so today we want to
lovingly explore why this hasbeen so hard for so long.
(01:48):
Are we just crazy?
What could possibly be sodifficult about this?
I mean, many of us, you know,we've met all kinds of goals in
our lives.
You know educational goals andall of this in the relationship
and these different things atchurch and whatever, but this
one, this one, is so hard.
(02:10):
Okay, so there are real reasonsbehind this.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
No, we're not, we're not crazy.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
We're not crazy and we're not hopeless either.
Okay, so there are real reasonsfor this.
There are real reasons.
So breathe a sigh of relief andjust know, yes, there's a good
reason here, and it's notbecause you're lazy or crazy and
it's not because you lackwillpower, but because this is a
(02:39):
layered journey, and God is notsurprised by any of it.
It's layered, there's layerafter layer, and that's where we
want to go.
We want to get into that.
Let's unpack it together andalso share the hope that we have
, because, no matter how longthis has been your story, it
isn't too late for it to berewritten.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Amen, I love that.
I love that.
I need my story to be rewritten.
I have memories of food, myearliest memories of food, my
youngest childhood memories.
Food was not my friend ever,ever, no, not ever.
There was this setup.
Certain foods were elevated anddesirable, but you know, for me
(03:27):
I was like oh, yum, yum, yum.
But I had to earn the right toeat those foods by eating foods
that tasted nasty.
How else to put it?
How else to put it?
The good foods, good foods, theones that my parents put on the
good food list tasted awful.
(03:48):
Their texture was bad.
They were soggy.
Well, my mom didn't know how tocook either, but she had to eat
those to get rewarded with thefoods that tasted really good.
Awesome, how about you?
Can you relate to that,christina?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Yes, you know what, when I was a little girl, I feel
like it was all fine and dandy.
It just feels like a happylittle blur as a little girl,
especially eating at mygrandma's.
But then, as I got into myearly teens, I realized that my
mom was overeating all the timeand I thought, yeah, you know
(04:28):
what, this is what you do.
And I realized that she wasspeaking negatively about her
body all the time.
And you know, you get to acertain age where you're kind of
aware of those things for thefirst time.
Yeah, also, I became very, veryaware that there was a good
foods list and a bad foods listin our house.
(04:50):
Yeah, like mine, huh Well,similar, but not quite, because
my mom couldn't cook at all andI don't think we even really ate
vegetables.
I don't know.
We ate vegetables at mygrandma's, so I actually love
those, so it's a little bitdifferent.
Yeah, the good foods quoteunquote were what you would call
(05:12):
nutritious, but they weren'tnecessarily vegetables.
And then the bad foods listincluded all the foods that my
mom binged on, and so I learnedthat the forbidden foods are the
ones that I really wanted and Iwas drawn to them more and more
because they were what I wasn'tsupposed to eat.
(05:35):
So all that to say and you know,I keep mentioning my mom she
was an amazing person and I loveher and I miss her.
So my mom was a disorderedeater, and it makes sense
because of what she went throughin her own childhood, and so I
don't blame her at all.
But yeah, there was a lot ofstuff going on in my house that
(05:56):
was extremely confusing aroundfood and eating.
By the time I was a teenager, Iwas full swing into the cycle
of overeating, overexercising,over everything.
I had a very distorted view.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Yeah, yeah, and then you know, for me too.
So I had this issue going onwith my perspective on food.
I didn't even know it was aproblem, I just knew it was life
for me, where these foods werethe desirable foods to me, that
I had to earn the right to eatby eating all of the yucky foods
that literally made me gag.
I couldn't and I got punishedand all of that for that.
(06:34):
But I also had some things goingon with my sense of my body
image and I remember in fifthgrade there was a friend of mine
who looked a certain way andshe received so much teasing.
You know, I look back at it nowand I think she just developed
a little earlier than the restof the girls, but I would do
(06:57):
anything not to be the object ofthe classmates teasing and
seeing the way they treated herand how it affected her made me
scared to death that they woulddo the same to me.
Wow, and then later on in highschool, my mom met.
(07:18):
Well, she put me on a diet whenI was 14, a liquid diet.
Oh my gosh, I was super active,I couldn't do that.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Wow, 14.
Yeah, I mean.
And then I remember afterschool, sometime during around
that same time, I would havebasketball practice after school
, lots of running for that, andthen I would get on my bike
which I had ridden to school andI would bike seven miles to a
gym to work out some more yeah.
(07:48):
It was crazy.
How about you, christina?
What was your relationship likewith your body?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Yeah, oh, my goodness .
Well, I've mentioned beforethat I grew up in the Los
Angeles area and so growing upthere, there's just this
tremendous pressure to look acertain way and at that time,
also to be very tan and very fit.
And there was no such thingreally as like tanning beds.
(08:15):
Nobody did that.
We all just got out in the sunand tried to get tan.
So which, you know, I meaneverybody my age is now worried
about skin cancer, of course,but I had a very, very distorted
view of my body in comparisonto what the world said I should
(08:36):
look like.
You know, I lived just half anhour away from Hollywood, and so
all the billboards, all thecommercials, all the messages,
everybody was at the gym all thetime.
There was this pressure to lookvery thin and very fit and
muscular and tan, and all ofthis and I just thought it was
(08:59):
normal.
I didn't realize that I livedin such a strange place until we
moved, and when we moved toColorado, I was absolutely
floored by the difference.
I mean I was living in a bodyimage pressure cooker in LA,
yeah, and I have to say myfriends that are still there are
(09:22):
very much entrenched in that.
Even still, the pressure it'sreal, it's real.
But from the age of 14, um or15, something like that, I was
overeating, overexercising, likeI said.
So I was already getting biggerand bigger and then by the time
I was 16, I was going to thegym with my mom.
(09:45):
She invited me to come with herand I thought that was normal
to be 16 and spending all thistime at the gym and we had to
weigh ourselves every time wewalked in.
I was constantly aware of myweight and I did so many
(10:09):
aerobics classes in purplespandex I can't even tell you,
shiny spandex is what we hadback then Deep blues and purples
and pinks, oh my gosh.
But the thing is, you know, theminute I wasn't able to do that
, the minute I was too busy, ormy college classes were
(10:30):
demanding, or I had three jobsat the time.
The minute I wasn't able tokeep up, my overeating took over
and I got bigger again.
So I was in this.
It felt like like a pressurecooker, like okay, I have to do
this or this is going to happen.
I have to do this.
Oh no, oh no, ah.
(10:52):
You know like I couldn't manageit.
It was unsustainable,unmanageable, and it felt awful
and I never, ever feltcomfortable in my own skin, ever
.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Right, you know it's interesting, I was just thinking
that.
So, both of us having commonthat this started for us, you
know, decades ago of course yes.
And chances are many of thelisteners have felt that way too
.
But then I fast forward intomore recent history.
Even as an adult, you know, Iplayed competitive tennis and
(11:25):
was very fit and I remembergoing to one doctor for a
general, you know, checkup,whatever, and she was new to me,
she didn't know me and herlooking at the numbers.
She didn't even look at me, shelooked at the numbers and she
was very disapproving of thenumber on the of the scale and I
(11:46):
had been looking for a doctoranyway.
This lady was just assigned tome in the meantime and I found a
new doctor soon after that.
I went to him, which was a bigdeal for me.
To go to a a man doctor was abig deal.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Well, yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
And first look at me.
He said whatever you've beentold, you clearly are physically
fit and healthy.
Wow, I just read about this theother day because I had posted
in the blog years ago about thisand oh, wow, it's like I wish
there could be more people whocared about the whole picture
(12:25):
rather than just a stupid number.
That's really arbitrary.
Anyway, clearly for all of us,or many of us, certainly this
isn't a recent struggle.
It started when we were reallyyoung.
It might've been 13.
It might've been younger, ormaybe you, listener, can't
remember a time that you weren'tthinking about food, about your
(12:46):
weight, about good foods, badfoods, food about your weight,
about good foods, bad foods,about how your body looked.
As we know, it has saturatedour culture and our lives,
pretty much all our lives.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Yes, yes, that is so true.
And we've heard stories aboutpeople who everything kind of
started in their twenties orthirties or when they started
having babies.
Things like that, too, startedin their 20s or 30s or when they
started having babies.
Things like that, too.
Our stories are all really sosimilar in so many ways.
So, and when you've repeatedsomething over and over and over
, for years and decades, thosethoughts and behaviors, I mean,
(13:25):
they become deeply wired.
Yeah, they do you know, ourbrains literally create neural
pathways, well-worn trailsreally, that say control is
safety, food is the enemy, ormaybe food is comfort.
It's the only way I know how tocope.
Boy, that is exactly how I felt.
(13:49):
I remember just feelingpanicked when I didn't have
certain foods in the house and Ithought how am I going to cope?
And you know what, changingthat takes time.
It does, but it can happen andit's worth the time it's worth
it.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Yeah, it really is.
And this is where you knowJesus speaks right to the heart
of this, which is so awesome.
You know it's true.
The word of God has so manyanswers, all the answers we need
, in Matthew 23, verse 26, jesuscalls out to the religious
(14:29):
people.
He says blind Pharisee, firstclean the inside of the cup and
dish, and then the outside alsowill be clean.
Think about this for a minute.
How often have we tried toquote clean the outside of the
cup?
We've tried to fix the cup wemight knuckle our way into a
(14:50):
behavior change of some sort,some new diet, a new workout
plan, a new food rule, but whatremains absolutely unchanged is
the inside of the cup, is ourheart.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Yeah, yes, yes.
But if the inside, which youknow, is our thoughts and our
beliefs and our fears, if theinside hasn't changed, we end up
right back where we started.
And I know, heidi, you and Ihave experienced that a
bazillion times oh my gosh, I'mright back here again.
(15:25):
I can't believe it.
After all of that, after allthat work and challenge and
struggle and that's why ourministry focuses so much on the
renewing of the mind.
Romans 12, too, tells us do notconform to the pattern of this
world, but be transformed by therenewing of your mind.
Be transformed by the renewingof your mind, and that's where
(15:49):
the real change happens, notjust at the table or on the
scale, but in our minds.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
That's where it begins?
It begins in our thoughts.
Well, let's continue to bepractical here.
Our brains are not justemotional, they are biological.
Anyway, the part of your brainthat's responsible for survival,
the amygdala, learns quicklyand reacts fast.
So when you restrict food orstep away from your usual
(16:20):
pattern, your nervous systempanics.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Yes, it panics and it says danger, even if you're
making a healthy change, yourbody isn't sure yet, and that's
why old patterns can feel safer,even if they're destructive, oh
okay.
Well, here's the good news Justlike those old neural pathways
were built, new ones can bebuilt too, and this wasn't
(16:48):
something that was known for areally long, long time.
So we have all this new hopethat's even rooted in science.
Now, that's what mind renewalis literally creating a new way
of thinking, a new way of living.
Yay, that is so hopeful, isn'tit?
It is, it's like yes, andscience is finally catching up
(17:12):
to what God's been talking aboutin the Bible all along, all
along.
Yeah, so for so many of us, wewere taught, sometimes subtly,
sometimes directly oh and thisjust grieves me to say it, but
this is so true we're notlovable unless we look a certain
way.
Oh my gosh, it's horriblereally when you think of it.
(17:35):
Maybe your mom made comments,or another family member.
Maybe the church made it soundlike thinness was next to
godliness.
That happens with a lot ofpeople.
Maybe it was just the cultureand it seeped in and you took a
hold of it.
You bought the lie.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
It's interesting.
Yesterday I got to spend sometime with my son and we ran
different errands and he wasjust talking he doesn't often
just visit with me aboutsomething, but he was talking
about he streams a game that heplays and he's got followers on
YouTube and dah, dah, dah dah.
I don't really get it all, butanyway, he said he's noticed
(18:19):
that when he uses a profilepicture that, um, he has touched
up and you can't see the acnescars um from his upbringing
that he gets more clicks andmore responses.
And you know this.
I told him.
I said I can relate.
I have been thin and fit and Ihave been morbidly obese I've
(18:39):
been everything in between and Ihave been treated differently,
depending upon my size, at least.
I don't know what else toattribute it to, because
everything else stays the same.
So you know, it's true, we feelwe're not lovable unless we
look a certain way, butsometimes it's because of the
way others have treated us andwe.
(19:00):
It's real, it's.
The problem is real, theheartache is real, and the lies
that go along with it.
They go so deep.
They do, they do.
And this is again where thescriptures have such beautiful
ways of encouraging our hearts.
Zephaniah 317, of course, saysthe Lord, your God, is with you.
(19:21):
He's the mighty warrior whosaves.
He will take great delight inyou, in his love.
He will no longer rebuke youbut will rejoice over you with
singing Our God friend, he isnot ashamed of you, he's not
ashamed of me.
He rejoices over you right now,just as you are.
(19:47):
Yes, your body is not a barrierto God's love, and your peace
with food does not determineyour worth.
Oh, thank God.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Why hasn't anyone told us this before?
I know right.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
I love it.
Okay, so now we've exploredsome of the why, let's do a full
shift to the hope part.
Yes, it's been hard.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
It's taken years.
Yes, and it feels like thelocusts have done a lot of
eating.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Yes, we want the years back.
It's like whoa, it's been mywhole life.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
For many of us, yeah, but here's the really good news
you are not stuck.
The enemy wants us to thinkwe're stuck.
We're not stuck, you haven'twasted a bunch of time.
That's a lie too, because Godwill waste nothing.
And so if you feel like, oh, Iwish I could have done this
(20:42):
years and years ago, okay,that's great to wish that, but
don't let it hang you up,because God isn't bound in any
way or form by the fact thatwe're just getting it now.
You can build new thoughts now.
You can renew your mind now.
You can rewire your neuralpathways now, and you can do it
(21:07):
one moment at a time.
It doesn't have to be all ornothing.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Yes, and we have seen this again and again and again
in the people that come to ourcommunity, in ourselves.
We have seen this.
This really is happening.
This is God's design, and it'snot just food and eating, it's
really anything, anything.
(21:30):
Yeah, god's design, and it'snot just food and eating, it's
really anything, anything thatis challenging you.
But we are focusing on food andeating at this time, certainly,
and for so many of us, that'sbeen our issue for so long.
Okay, so it starts small, sodon't get overwhelmed.
You know it starts small and itstarts with gratitude.
(21:51):
First Thessalonians 5.18 saysgive thanks in all circumstances
, for this is God's will for youin Christ Jesus.
Gratitude, gratitude is amazing.
Gratitude is one of the fastestways to calm the nervous system
and shift your thinking, andit's something that God tells us
(22:15):
to do all over his word Givethanks, give thanks, give thanks
because he knows that it willfeel so good for us and it turns
our hearts around, away fromourselves and toward him.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Yeah, it's so interesting.
Summer before last I did a lotof research on gratitude in
preparation for our month longtheme.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yes, which I loved.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yeah, we did it last August as well, and we'll
probably do it this comingAugust.
So if you're interested in amonth of focus?
Yeah, join us for that.
But anyway, it's so interesting.
So much of the research andwhat it indicates about how our
nervous systems respond togratitude.
It is so cool.
We were wired by God to givehim praise and thanks and give
(23:04):
gratitude, and so it makes sensethat our bodies would respond
really well to itphysiologically.
I love that.
You know, another way that wecan rewire neural pathways is
through community.
I know that sounds kind ofcrazy, but being with others who
believe truth, who speak life,who remind you of who you really
(23:27):
are, that is one of the mostvital things we could possibly
do.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Yes, it is.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
With people who you know get it, they get it and
they know that we're not stuckand they know Jesus is the
answer for us.
And, to be honest with you,that's kind of what we've been
creating in our new course.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Yes, I'm going to do a little bit of transforming
grace, discovering peacefuleating.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
It's not just going to be a class, though.
I really believe it's going tobe so much more than that.
It starts June 2nd and it's agathering of people who are
learning to walk in truth and webelieve together that freedom
is possible.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
I just got my book.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Yes, there's a workbook available on Amazon, so
if you're interested inlearning more, navigate your
browser to teamlifeisgoodcom.
Forward slash rest because,that's what we're doing when it
comes to this whole topic offood eating, body image.
Blah the Lord, yes.
Second Corinthians 318 says andwe all are being transformed
(24:36):
into his image with everincreasing glory.
I love this.
This is clearly a process.
We can be transformed, it'songoing and he's the one doing
the transforming.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Yeah, you know what I'm going to throw in a little
story here.
I've been thinking so muchabout the girls that have been
living in our house for a yearOne of them is my daughter and
two are her best friends, andthey recently moved out, but
just a few weeks ago they hadkind of this try on clothes
party and kind of like a dressup party.
(25:15):
They have thrown their entirewardrobes together in one, which
is so much fun, and it's notthey're not all the same size or
body shape, but a lot of theclothes work, and so I just had
so much fun watching them,watching them put outfits
together and try on things.
(25:35):
But this is what I really,really loved.
I loved the way they weretalking to each other and I
loved the way they wereencouraging each other.
Oh, you look slay and they havethis whole nother language,
which is so, so fun.
You know they're all 19, butthe way they were talking to
(25:58):
each other, basically in theirown language, they were saying
you are beautiful, you areamazing, you look so good.
This is so fun, like they wereenjoying, and to me that is so
foreign.
It is so foreign and sodifferent from my own experience
at 19.
(26:19):
And I'm fascinated by it and Ilove to see the peace and the
joy that they feel when they'retogether.
It's not like with other.
You know, it's their bestiesfor sure, and how fun it is for
them to just enjoy their bodiesLike this is just, it's just
normal for them and I just Ilove that and I thought this,
(26:43):
that is it.
That is a body image thatreally shines God's love, god's
peace.
Do they have perfect bodies?
No, not by Hollywood standardsor whatever, and they're not all
shaped the same, not at all.
But they are beautiful, all ofthem, just beautiful, and it's
(27:06):
inspiring to me really, I loveto see the way they talk to each
other and share experienceslike that.
So I just wanted to share thatbecause I just thought, oh my
gosh, I just love what'shappening with these girls.
So Jesus is walking with us inthis long and often painful
journey.
(27:26):
We're not alone in this.
He is with us every step.
He sees every neural pathway,every fear, every lie.
We've believed, oh, so manylies, and yet he calls us by
name, he rejoices over us, heinvites us to be transformed,
(27:47):
not by pressure, not by pressure, but by his love.
Oh, that's good news, isn'tthat good news?
Jesus gives us grace for theprocess.
He gives us eyes to see, hopeand helps us to keep renewing
our minds, one thought at a time.
I love that.
I love how hopeful that is.
(28:09):
We would love to encourage younow, here as we close.
We'd love to encourage you togo to the Lord.
Invite him into this, invitehim into your food, eating, body
, image, all of it.
Invite him into the confusion,the pain, everything that you
have struggled with for so long,and dream with him for a few
(28:33):
minutes.
What would it look like to be apeaceful eater?
What would it look like to beat peace with your body, to be
comfortable in your own skin?
What would that look like?
And I don't mean perfectly byany means, but dream with the
Lord a little bit, because it'spossible.
It's absolutely possible, andwe're going to be talking more
(28:57):
about that, and we would love toinvite you to our next episode
of Revelation Within On the go.
We'll see you next time.
Thanks for joining us.
Bye.
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