116: King Spa & Sauna: 1 vs. 5 Stars

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
VOICEOVER (00:01):
Everybody's got an opinion.
Every Californian and Virginian.
It's so hard to tell whoto trust and who to ignore.
Someone's gotta settle the score.
Trey and Chelsey will help you choose.
Who's views win?
Which ones lose?
OnIine haters are coming for you!

(00:26):
Baby, it's time to Review That Review!

Chelsey Donn (00:30):
Hello.

Trey Gerrald (00:31):
Hello and welcome to Review That Review.
We are the podcast that is dedicated to reviewing,

Reviews!
That's Trey Gerrald.

and that is Chelsey Donn.
But when we come together,we're the dynamic duo known as.

VOICEOVER (00:51):
The review Queens.

Chelsey 'I.
Gotta know what's going on overthere in your land of Lala.
Are you ready too?

VOICEOVER (01:01):
A, Complaint.

Yeah.
So much is always happening in the land of law.
Law.
Um, yeah, of course.
I'm ready to Lodge A.
Complaint 'I.
Come ready, 'I.

it up?

You know it's the end of summer, but it's still Summer.
'I got this nice sort of beige lighter purse.
'I wanted A' lighter purse, I'mA' Black Purse kind of gal and 'I.
Just thought A' lighter momentwith my sun dresses was maybe nice.
So 'I went and 'I did that.
And 'I guess like I'm 'I 'I whenever 'I gosomewhere and 'I give A' promotional pen, I'm always like, 'I want the pen, right?

(01:32):
You gotta have A' pen on you.
So like 'I get.
'I had A' promotional pen from this restaurant.
Was very excited about it.
They were like, take it.
Yeah.
'I was like, okay, amazing.
And then 'I went to my purse the other day and'I guess it was like one of those clickable pens.
And the click had clicked and ithad drawn inside the purse all over.
And because it was light, itwas like very, very visible.

(01:56):
And I'm just like, Irritated and annoyed'cause thank goodness it didn't get on the outside of it, that would've been really bad.
But like now, 'I know every time 'I openit that it's there and it's bothering me.
And 'I have yet to figure out how to get it out.
'I.
Shout it out.
'I don't know what I'm gonna do withit, but we gotta make pens better.
Guys.
Like you can't just have A' pen that's gonnaclick on and then write all over my stuff.

(02:21):
'I mean be like the Review.
Queen.
Okay, this pen, it's A' Twist.
As long as 'I have this pen twisted off,as long as I've done my due diligence, this pen's not going anywhere in my purse.
All right.
A' brand new purse.
It's like written in like as if there was somelike graffiti artist that decided to make A'.
Little doodle uhuh.

(02:41):
'I don't like

You know, 'I don't, 'I don't have A' Man purse, but 'I can totally see like how obnoxious that is, especially when you get burned by something that was free and fun that you

right?
Exactly.

Oh, 'I, hear it.
That is so maddening.

A' cap.
Gimme A' twist.
You know,

Mm-hmm.

Or Pen on the bed.
Pen on the comforter 'I.
Know that that's A' whole notherdiscussion, but that's A' nightmare.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

And what is ink like?
Is ink oil?
Like,

Oh, Donn.
Don't know.
That's A'.
Good question.

of ink?

'I.
Don't know.

Well, 'I hear the Complaint.
Very frustrating.
Dinu?

That's right.
Thank you for catching that.

Well, speaking of getting things out, ChelseyBD, are you interested in going head to head?

'I.
Would love to go head to head.
'I have so much to get outtoday and uh, let's do it.

Let's do it.

VOICEOVER (03:34):
Assess, That, Kvetch.

Queens today is another versus episode.
And today ChelseyBD and 'I aregonna cover both A' one star and A' five star review on the same topic.
Today's topic, king Spa and Sauna in Illinois.

For this verse episode that is unofficially sponsored by Grether Pastilles, the biggest box of Grether Pastilles you've ever seen in your entire life.
Trade selected the one starand 'I selected the five star.

(04:12):
So to determine who goes first,we gotta flip that brothers.

What?
You've lost it, 'I.
Think you've officially lost your fucking mind.
Wait.
Why is that box so big?
It looks like, wait, it looks likethose like jewelry boxes that little girls have where the ballerina pops up,

this is so 'I Love Brothers 'I.
Use them whenever we recordto help me lubricate my voice.
'I, use them before auditions.
'I use them when 'I have to sing.
'I, use them all the time.
And 'I was at A' Pharmacy, like one of thosefancy pharmacies recently, and they had this and it was like $75, but it's humongous

ChelseyBD.

so many brothers in it.
And it, and then inside of it, it's so bigthat it has like A', baby gress inside of it.

Oh,

Should 'I flip the GREs.

'I mean if you want.
How are we gonna know?

There's A' heads and there's A' toes.
So GREs on one side,

did you say?
Toes?
You said heads and toes.

'I did.

Are you drunk right now?

No, I'm not.
Okay.
Heads and tails.
Heads and tails.
So there's A' on the heads, there'sA' GP for Grether, pastilles, and then on the tails it's flat.
So I'll know.
And it's your turn.
So I'm gonna flip that GREs,

You flip it.

or you tell me it heads or tails.
'I know which is which.

Okay.
'I.
Amm gonna say tails.

Oh no, it fell the.

Oh fuck.

That's A'.
Redo.

Okay.
Flip

said tails right?
It's it's heads.
It's heads.
It came up.
Heads 'I mean You gotta read the GREs as it lies.
Do you see that?
Re

That is so weird.
Don't eat that.
Don't suck.
That one.
It fell on the
ground.

to.
I'm gonna throw it out.
We lost A' G Brothers in theprocess, but it was worth it.

Okay, so that means ChelseyBD is gonna share the five star in today's main episode, breaking our Streak of only One Stars on the main.

That's

So at the time of this recording, king Spa and Sauna has 1,216 reviews on Yelp with an average score of four out of five.
So that's pretty good.

That is pretty good.

So according to the, from the business section on Yelp, king Spa and Sauna's, purpose is to de-stress detoxify and enhance the body's self-healing abilities by combining with earth's natural elements like salt, crystals, mud, and gold.

(06:45):
They have A' total of eight whirlpools in themen and women's spa, and 10 different dry saunas.
In the common lounge.
So wait, do you think that meansthere's four in each gendered side?

That's what 'I would think, right?

That's what 'I think too.
Yeah.
We also provide body scrubs, massages,acupressure, and A', full service restaurant to make your state even more convenient and worthwhile.
So basically they just explainedwhat happens in every spa in sauna.
So Chicago King Spa and Sauna opened in early Mayof 2010, and there was also another location in Dallas, Texas, which 'I thought was interesting.

(07:26):
So with all of that background info, 'I,let's go ahead and jump right on in and consider the reviews for Kings Spa and Sauna.

VOICEOVER (07:36):
Review, That, Review.

All right.
This review was written by Garrett y.
It's A' Yelp Review.
Garrett y is an elite Yelp as 'I like to consult.
And this is Garrett W's five starreview of King Spa and Sauna.
'I am writing this review as 'I Lounge in one ofthese asterisk, ugly asterisk Rococo vinyl chairs.

(08:11):
They're quite comfortable.
This is my second time here and 'I amstarting to grow A' liking to this place.
'I.
If you've never been to Kings Spa before, checkout the introductory video that you can watch before committing yourself for the next few hours.
They do not give tours, sothis is the next best thing.

(08:33):
Short of just going in.
If you decide to take this adventure, headto the front desk and they'll check you in.
You're given A' bracelet that has A'key to your locker, as well as A' FOB on which you can scan for in-house purchases.
When you check out, they scan yourfob and then let you know your bill.

(08:55):
After entering, you must take off yourshoes and place them into the shoe locker.
There's A' separate locker for your clothes.
They don't want your street clothes trekkingaround the locker room, which is very clean.
Okay.
Next you grab one of their uniformsthat you must wear in the co-ed areas.
At this point, 'I decide to hitthe wet areas, which consists of Whirlpool tubs and A' steam room.

(09:21):
Now here's the kicker.
Unlike at the gym or other spaswhere one can wear swimsuits or robes around, one must be entirely naked.
In this area?
Yep.
All one has is his or her birthday suit.

(09:42):
Men and women are separated at this point,so no worries about seeing the other gender.
One can also get the missed,have King's Spa scrub.
It is quite an experience and is done inA', semi secluded corner 'I, the wet area.

(10:06):
They take you to A' vinyl or plastic coveredtable, and the therapist who is in his underwear basically takes A' Brillo pad and scrubs.
You clean from head to toe, front and back.
It's basically A' bath on A' table.
After the scrub, you're given A' massage.

(10:29):
The treatment is definitely worth it.
After having my fill of the wet area, 'I puton my uniform and head into the co-ed area.
There's lounging areas and all the saunasas well as A' dining area and massage rooms.
On my first trip, 'I tried each of therooms to see which ones 'I liked the best.

(10:52):
All of them purport to have somesort of special or healing property.
Eeg, salt, amethyst.
Gold rooms, but 'I findthem to be all very similar.
There is an ice room to cool off in.
I've had two types of massagetreatments the two times I've been here.

(11:16):
The first time 'I got the footreflexology, which was okay.
Today 'I got the acupressure deeptissue massage, which was okay as well.
It was not deep tissue.
Even though 'I asked the guy for morepressure, it ended up being more of A' relaxation massage than anything.
Next time 'I would skip the massagesafter having checked them out.

(11:39):
They're also rather pricey.dot A'hundred and 30 for 90 minutes plus dip.
Now the food is A'.
Different story.
It's pretty good.
I've had the sun.
I've had the sun do boo soup.
Chache and Curry Kat Sudan, 'I woulddefinitely recommend the sun do boo.

(12:03):
Perfect for A' cold day like today andafter A' few hours in the heat rooms.
Again, dishes are pricey, butyou're A' captive audience and you can't bring outside food and drink.
There's also A' lounge area upstairs withTVs, napping areas, and A' movie theater.

(12:23):
There's so much to do here and manyfamilies come here and spend the day.
The clientele is diverse.
There seems to also be A'.
Lot of students that come as A' group,girl groups, couples, and even bros.
This is definitely the place to come for A'Chill afternoon, especially when it's cold out.

(12:49):
And then quickly, I'm just gonna share my screen.
They did of course add A' photoas most, uh, elite reviewers do.
I'm just gonna share my entire screen.
So this is one of the dishes,this is the curry tongue cut.
Katsu.
No, katsu is like, like A' chicken cutlet.
Like A' fried chicken cutlet with this curry sauceand scallions and some sliver almonds on top.

(13:14):
It actually looks delicious, I'm not gonna lie.
It looks really

It does look good, but that is like A'.
Lot of curry.
It's like, looks like A' soup.

Yeah.
It's kind of swimming and curry, butat least the chicken's, not all S 'I.
Think it looks good

'I.
Don't think it's swimming.
'I think it's drowning.

Oh, you think it's adding?
Okay.
All right.
Well anyway, let's talk aboutGarrett y first impressions, Trey.

Well, all right, so it's interesting because Garrett is really sort of leaning in, in my opinion, A' little too hard with the minute details, but 'I also recognize Garrett shares that they don't allow tours.
So 'I think Garrett is taking it on themselvesto like say, and then 'I walked over here and did this, and then 'I did this.

(13:58):
It's like A' little.
Much in my opinion, but my, my pressing questionis, what is Garrett's initial for their last name?

Why?

So it's not M or W for Miriam Webster, because Garrett goes on to define what A' FOB does

Yeah.

detail.
Also, Garrett goes on to explain anexplicit detail what naked means.
Then Garrett goes into such great detail aboutthe materials that are used inside of the spa

Yes.

first sentence about the ugly chair, then explaining the scrub where you're on A', plastic vinyl.

Right.
You're right.

but, and all of that.
Miriam Westering Garrett doesn't explainwhat the actual uniform looks like.
And as someone who's never been here,what do you think the uniform is?
'I thought it would just be A' robe.

So the uniform at A', lot of these hips of spas is usually shorts and A' and A' top.

Oh, interesting.
'I.
Wonder why it's not A' robe

Yeah,

yourself.

maybe.
But that is true.
It's like why omit that detail whenwe're going to such lengths here?

Why do you think ugly is an asterisk

'I was gonna ask you about that as well.
'I think it's super, like one of thefirst things that drew me actually to this review, 'I saw A' five star and then 'I.
The really, because of theasterisks ugly, really pops out.
And it's not often that you get A'five star review that you're like ugly.
But like when you look at Garrett'sreview, I'm gonna show you and Patreon and anyone watching right now on YouTube.

(15:33):
Like when you look at this review,it's the first thing you see.

It, it really does pop.
Why

'I feel like the asterisks as 'I can never say this word,

hard to say it

asterisks.

Yeah.
Donn don't know.
Astri 'I.

Astro could be replacing like quotes like ugly, like maybe ugly subjective.

What does Rococo mean?

Rococo is like A' type of, um, which one?
'I think it's like A'.
What do you call it?

Rotan.

Thank you.
That's the word 'I was

Oh, really?
Oh, 'I totally made that up.
But that's what 'I was imagining.
This like patio

exactly.

wicker or whatever,

'I.
Think that's what 'I was picturing.
'I mean.
'I can look it up, but Roco

'I think that that's Garrett's opinion, right?
That they're ugly.

wait.
Rococo is like an art form.
Wait, Rococo.
It's A'.
More formal or cocoa Vinyl.
Anyway, continue,

That's what this was, right?
Rococo vinyl chair,

'I know.
That's why 'I am saying like, what?
It doesn't matter.
Okay, continue.

A'.
Very interesting detail to lead

It is

Also 'I saw when you shared the screen that this was in 2018, which to me that sort of explains why they're saying that for A' 90 minute massage, it was A' hundred $30, and they're calling that expensive because today, God 'I wish that that would be A' hundred $30.

'I.

'I think that it would be unfair to label this as anything other than valuable information.
'I mean they really spellout all that it has to offer.
They do tend to constantly interjecttheir opinion about how, like the Garrett can't tell the difference between the healing properties of each room, although that doesn't mean that it, they aren't.

(17:17):
True.
You know, like 'I just sort of waslike, well, why are you sharing that?
You couldn't tell the difference.
Like, are you A', healer?
'I don't know.
But 'I do think that there isA' lot of information here.
And as someone who has not enteredone of these spas, it does help to know like you are required to be nude.

Yeah, 'I mean 'I love that because 'I went to A' Korean spot for the first time without knowing any of that, and 'I was super uncomfortable when 'I was like, what do you mean 'I need to be naked?
'I can't wear A' bathing suit,but they're like, you cannot 'I.
And so 'I think that this review is reallyinteresting, like if I've never done this before, like it really breaks down the whole pro, even down to like at the spa that's near you in Fort Lake, it's the same thing.

(17:57):
Like you go and you take off your shoes andyou put your shoes in A' shoe locker and that's like, that's before you go to the regular locker and put your clothes in the regular locker.
Like that's A' very specific detail.
But yeah, so 'I do think there's like A'.
Lot of good information here.
But then what do you think about thewhole therapist in their underwear?

'I was literally waiting to ask this question, so I'm so like, of course, we're that in sync.
Justin and JC 'I was gonna ask, whyis the therapist in their underwear?

'I know, like you would think of anything.
They would be in the uniform, like,and 'I would think they'd be wearing the shorts in the, in the t-shirt or

The
shirt.
So as someone who has not been to A' Koreanspa, 'I do know that like Russian spas, like they're very famous for like that really harsh like mitten scrubbing where it's like,

yeah.
They

It all gets ripped off of you.
Yes.
Yeah.
They hit you and stuff, but 'I feellike I'm appreciative that Garrett has included that they're in their underwear so that 'I don't feel like I'm about to be assaulted or something, but 'I think it is.
A', very odd

It is, what do we think that Garrett does for A' living?
And they, they always tend to sayone does this and one does that.

'I think that they write children's books.

Oh, okay.
Interesting.

See Dick.
Run.
Run dick.
Run.

That's funny.
'I had, 'I had Yiddish withDick and Jane and it was like,

Oh yeah.
Uh, K.
Fetch.

Jane k fetch.

What do you think Garrett does?

'I think that Garrett ran the newspaper at his high school, maybe college too.
They're used to having an editor becauselike everything is written really well.
But then we have like A', few little thingsthat 'I think would've been caught by an editor.
But 'I, 'I do think there's an academic ness here.

'I do think that Garrett trained at the Margaret Mitchell School of Writing where you only get paid based on the number of words you include.
'cause there is too much.
There's just too much word.
'I.
Think the length is really long.

The length is very long.
It's definitely, but that's 'I also kindof feel like that's good in A' sense for these type of reviews, because what 'I would hope is like if you don't want all this information, that you would skip

You just skip it.
Right?
That's true.
'I mean that is, that is interesting.
One last clarifying question before'I ask you about the spelling grammar, even though we sort of touched on it.
What do you think the films arethat are screened at Kings Spa?

Oh, 'I know 'I thought that was super curious.
Like, do you think that it'slike up or is it Korean or is it

Yeah, 'I don't know.

know.
'I.
Mean 'I kind of hope.
It's like how style got A' groove back.
You know what 'I mean?

Can you imagine?
All right, so there were somespelling, grammar errors, and 'I.
Imagine they're being truthful.
'I mean the constant opinion throwingin is A' little, like obnoxious to me.
But, but 'I don't think that's being shady.
'I mean if Garrett thinks it's anugly Rococo, vinyl, okay, fine.

right.
Or if they think that the food is pricey and thatyou're A' captive audience and all of that, that's

The King spa scrub is A' must, or as they say, A' Mist.

Right, right, right,

You think this is common fluke or typical?

'I think this is pretty common.
'I think, well 'I, think it's just like verynerdy, you know, in an almost endearing way.
Like you can watch the promotional videoon the, the website where it's like how many people are actually doing that,

A'.
Good question.

you know, but maybe they're the Garretts of the world are.

it, it's curious to me, 'I 'I appreciate that.
Garrett spells out they had foot reflexologyand it was just, okay, which 'I agree.
I've had it once before in my life andI'm like, 'I don't really ever need to do that again, which is about to contradict the statement I'm about to make.
But then they got this massage that theyasked for it to be harder and then it wasn't.
So they just feel like theywould just skip massages.

(21:49):
But don't you think that there areA' varied list of massage therapists?
Like.
'I mean 'I get, they hadtwo and they were just fine.
And also it's an added cost to the entry.
But do you think that that's saying like,do you think that you can sum up all of the parts because they've had two massages?
Like don't you think there'shundreds of therapists Do.

think that there are 'I.
Don't think we're that used to seeing 'Imean it happens, but like the opposite of the compliment sandwich, right?
Like 'I like to say, which is like the insultsandwich or whatever, where it's like I'm gonna give these sort of insulting comments but they weren't insulting enough to keep me from giving it A' five star rating.

(22:31):
Like, I'm still gonna go back.
'I might not, you know, get this masseuseor something like that, or this service.

which honestly is pretty queenly, not very humorous.

No, it's not humorous.
It's like an article or somethinglike A' kind of boring article.

Yeah, it's like A', boring Vulture article.

Yeah.

'I think 'I can Crown.
Garrett, how do you feel?

'I.
Think we can go into the crowning.
Let's do it.

All right.
So ChelseyBD and 'I each have ourown set of zero to five crown cards.
Now, in an effort to be fair and notinfluenced by one another, we will simultaneously reveal our ratings.
'I.

VOICEOVER (23:06):
Queens are Tabulating
school.

Okay.
Very interesting.
Trey is holding up three and A' half crowns.
'I am holding up four crowns.
Trey, go.
First, let us know why Garrett is onlyworth three and A' half crowns to you.

So wait, is three and A' half, half

No baby three and A' half is one more than half

Something is so wrong with her brain.
'I.
Don't know why anyway.
Okay, but three and A', half, threeand A' half is appropriate 'cause.
Okay.
'I think it's better than middle of the road.
'I.
'I don't understand many things here.
'I don't understand the things Garrettlatches onto to like overly robustly explain.
'I was gonna say 'I wish theywere more photos of the interior.
But 'I, imagine you're not allowed to have photos.

(23:53):
And cameras if everyone's naked.
So maybe that, but 'I thought it was justbizarre that the one photo is of the food.
Absolutely no humor here, but'I find it to be valuable.
And 'I also think the insult sandwich iskind of queenly when it is A' five star.
'cause like you said,they're not being saccharine.
It's not just like I'm.
Pollyanna like it is sort of like 'I havediscovered the things that 'I find valuable here.

(24:18):
And honestly, 'I feel like 'Icould walk into King Spa today.
Armed with having read thisand feel like 'I know that the,

Know what you're in for.

scrubber is gonna be in A' undies and that's fine.
So three and A' half.
Very interesting.
ChelseyBD, why did you doA' half more and say four?

'I went with four 'cause 'I think this is generally A' pretty queenly.
Review 'I.
Do think there is A' A' audience that'sgonna be alienated and not want to read Garrett's review because it is so long.
And so that's why 'I couldn'tmake Garrett A', Review Queen.
'cause 'I just don't thinkGarrett is everyone's cup of tea.
But 'I do think there was A'.
Lot of really.
Thorough information here.

(24:58):
Even though it wasn't funny.
'I did see A' little bit of personalityin the fact that Garrett only uses multiple exclamation points.
'I found, found that funny.
Um, even the ugly and the ashes like that.
I've never seen that before.
And 'I believe that Garrett takes hisjob as A' elite reviewer for Yelp, very seriously and 'I wanna honor that.

(25:19):
Nearly A', Review Queen, but fourcrowns from this Review Queen.

All right, Garrett.
Shortly we will find out ifyou have A' leg to stand on.
But in the meantime, ChelseyBD, youbetter get y'all king spa and sauna pants and uniform on because it is game time

uh oh.
Okay.

Listeners, 'I have created A'.
Very special.
Game in honor of today's theme.
ChelseyBD, are you ready to play?
Is it A' Rub or A'?
Snub.

my God.
A' rubber snub.
Oh my God, that sounds like A' porn.

So can you guess what this means?

Is it the name of like A' A' scrub that you can buy at A' store or is it something you made up?

Very close.
Okay, so this game, I'm going to read you the nameof A' Spa Treat Nut, and you're gonna tell me if it exists, it's A' Rub, or if Trey made it up.
It's A' Snub.

Okay.
Got it.
Okay.

All right, so here we go.
There's 10 of them, and here we are.
ChelseyBD.
'I.
Want you to tell me.

Okay.
Okay.

Is the sriracha, exfoliating scrub, A' Rub or A' Snub?

Oh my God.
God.
'I.
Hope that's A'.
Snub.
'cause it sounds like it would burn 'I.
Woo.
Okay.

'I made that up.
All right.
ChelseyBD is the kittenmassage, A' Rub or A' snub.

gonna say rub, but 'I feel like 'I could have different meanings.
So Donn.
Don't know.
Rob, Rob.
Rob.
What?

Oh,

so can 'I tell you what 'I thought it was?
'I thought.
A'.
Kitten could scrub, could either be likethis, like for A' child, like it's like really like gentle, or it could be the

like the bunny slope.

like the bunny slip.
Or it could be the opposite,which is like very dirty.
So that was sort of like just disturb my mind.
A' little bit, but

Well, 'I love where your brain went.
'I, A', 'I made that up because there actuallyis A' Snake massage where they literally put 70 snakes on top of you and they just wiggle around and their little bodies and the bumps like so.
'I thought instead of that 'cause 'Ithought you might know about that.

(27:55):
So 'I said A' kitten

No, I've never heard of that.
That sounds like an absolute nightmare.

Okay, here we go.

Okay.

ChelseyBD is the sperm lotion treatment A' Rub or A' snub.

Oh my God.
'I am gonna say snub, but ifit's rub like what the fuck?
It's A' Rub.
Where?

All right, so there is A' London Salon that combines pedigree, Aberdeen Angus Bull sperm.
Katera root from an Iranian plant thatforms A' protein packed powerhouse.
That's recommended for anyone who hasfine over-processed hair or frizzy hair.

(28:45):
So it's A' hair treatment and it's A' $100.
Isn't that disgusting?

That is so gross.
Oh, my 'I almost choked on my brothers.

Oh no.
Well, you have 9 million others.
Okay, ChelseyBD.
Is the garlic an onion sauna, A' rub, or A' snub?

'I am gonna say, rub what?
Trey.
How'd you get so good at tricking me?

Unfortunately that one is fake.
Can you imagine how bad that would.

It would be bad, but the thing is that you can put like onions and garlic in your socks and it's like really detoxifying.

Mm.

So that's why 'I thought maybe it was real.

Maybe we're onto something, you and 'I.

Check out your Queenly, garlic and onion spa coming your way soon.
Brought to you by GREs.
Yep.

is the Fecal Facial A' Rub, or A' Snub.

Trey Gerrald.
Trey Gerrald.

That's my name.

Everything in me wants to say no.
But do 'I say yes?
'cause I've been getting so many wrong.
I'm gonna say yes, but that's thegrossest thing I've, that's even grosser than the cu Oh my God, that is so

you are correct.
So there is A' Santa Fe Spa

What?

that offers the Nightingale cleansing mask, which includes A' powder that is composed of quote unquote.
Sanitized droppings from these tinylittle bird called the Wonder Bird.

Oh my God.
Okay.

The high nitrogen content draws out bacteria from the skin and breaks down dead skin cells more gently than an acid peel.
This has been used actually forcenturies by Geisha and Japan.

Okay.
Okay.
But still 'I.

um, quote unquote, an all natural way to brighten and smooth your skin.
The cost is A' hundred $15 for themto smear bird shit on your face.
All right, so here we go.
We're halfway ChelseyBD is thebeer bath, A' rub or A' snub?

Ooh, 'I.
Hope it's A' rub.
That sounds good.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.

All right.
Now you're tied.

tied it up.
She tied it up.
All right.

So the beer bath, they exist in many places.
There are vitamins inside of the beerbath that were popularized in the Czech Republic, and they just rejuvenate your pores and relieve tension in your

Okay.
All right.
That sounds not as bad as the come or the do-do.

Exactly.
And hilariously the beer bath is 40 bucks.

Oh, okay.
That's pretty cheap.

All right, ChelseyBD is the Ramen bath, A' Robber, A' snub.

Ooh.
I'm gonna say A' snub.
Even though that sounds delicious.
That's A' Rub.

Yes.

You could just swim in Ramen

There are Japanese spas that offer bathing in the broth of ramen, replete with noodles, collagen, and garlic extracts that can improve one's skin and metabolism.
And that cost is 35 bucks.

When 'I can swim in Ramen

Isn't that so crazy?

like, that's like A' dream.
Like 'I always wanted to swim in likemeatballs and spaghetti or something.
'I don't know.

'I.
Mean 'I.
Guess if you can like the benefitsof bone broth, like why not swim in

'I know 'I like that.
Okay.
That's interesting.
'I would do that one.
'I would do that.
One 'I would do the beer one so

Okay, so we have three more.
Here we go.
ChelseyBD is the golf ball,massage A' Rub, or A' Snub.

God.
A' rub.
Woo.

Tied again.
All right, so this was developed inthe golf capital of the southwest of the United States of America.
This massage uses warmed golf ballsthat they roll along the large muscles on either side of your spine.

Honestly, 'I bet you that would feel freaking great.

'I know the effect of this treatment is purported to help diminish tension, and this is $210 for 80

Wow.
That's A'.
That's A' hefty price tag.

Okay, last two ChelseyBD is the nails on A' Chalkboard Sound Bath,

No.

or A' Snub.

that's gotta be A' Snub.
That's gotta be A' snub.
That's gotta be, I'm like so uncomfortable.
Just even you saying that.
Please let there be A' snub.
Oh

are right.

That would be like that.
That and the snakes.
Oh my, that's, that's how, that's how,

All right, well get ready.
Last but not least, ChelseyBD is the snail'sslime moisturizer, A' rubber A' snub.

That's A' Rub.

She knowingly shakes her head.

That's A' Rub.
And she won.

You've heard of that one.

It sounded like something enough that 'I was like, okay, that sounds like that's real.

So Chilean snail farmers, what A' job noticed that their hands were softer and smoother, and that little small cuts healed more quickly without infection.
That is how snail slime became A' moisturizer.
You can actually purchase snail slimemoisturizer priced at 28.99 for A', 1.3 ounce jar online as A' remedy for dry and flaky skin.

Or you could buy your very own Review That Review snail slime at Review That Review dot com slash shop.

Those will be available as soon as ChelseyBD harvests them.

Oh

All right, Eva, you won.
Congratulations.
Way to kill it.

Thank you.

VOICEOVER (34:55):
Review, That, Review.

All right.
We are back from that rousing game break and try.
It's your turn.

Rousing for those bowls.
Heyo.

right.
Hey.

Yay.
All right, Queens.
So today 'I am covering that onestar flip side review from Yelp.
And today, very interesting.
First time on the show, 'I have sourcedA' review from that not recommended
section on Yelp.
And this was written by someone named Juan e

okay.

Juani.
'I just realized.

20

And this was written in 2012.

'I.
Can't wait to hear that.
'I love that section.
'I.
'I should peruse there

Well get ready because without A' spoiler, you're gonna be exceedingly TreyGerrald and 'I am gonna get exceedingly TreyGerrald 'I.
So Pow, pow Juan is gonnaTreyGerrald both of your hosts.
So if you want to hear the flip side of Garrett'slanguishing five star insult sandwich review, then you gotta go over and join our Patreon to hear it.

That's right.
Join us for the opposite review as well as A'brand new round on the Mel around right now at Review That Review dot com slash patreon.

Yes, sir.
Available only to our members at ReviewThat Review dot com slash patreon.
Well Queen we did it.
That has been another full rotation onthe R Ru A' R Q Ferris Wheel of Ugly Rococo sperm from bulls and fecal facials.

God.
That's right.
Thank you for joining us today.
If you like what you heard, please tell A' friend.

If you did not like what you heard, please tell an enemy

If you'd like to support the production of our show, visit Review That Review dot com slash donate or even A' dollar tip will help me pay off my brother's pastilles.

and help us source those um snails.

Yes,

Join our mailing list at Review That Review dot com to stay up to date with all of the goings on in the queendom

hit up our voicemail, 1 8 5 0 review zero.
You can also follow us on all the socialsat the review Queens 'I am at ChelseyBD

And 'I am at Trey Gerrald.
So to hear or watch that one star reviewfrom Yelp for King Spa and Sauna on this week's after Show Companion podcast.
Then once again, y'all, yougotta go and join our Patreon.
If you haven't yet, you can do that at ReviewThat Review dot com slash patreon so that you can find out what made ChelseyBD say.

Whoa, Trey.
Okay, that is, so you didn't do this onpurpose and to find out what made Tre say.

So again, you can count on the gaze to be in the locker area.
Looking for junk to drool over slash on.

Oh my God.

I'm A' Ball.

Oh my God.

remember

Ignore the haters.
You're A'.
Queen

Agenda, nonspecific Queen.

boy.
'I.

VOICEOVER (38:19):
Review That Review is an independent podcast.
Certain names have been redacted or changed toprotect the guilty executive, produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound design by me with voiceover talents by Eva.
Kaminsky.
Our cover art was designed by LogoVoravra, and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.

'I.
Can't believe you bought that Giant Brothersfor it literally looks like A' jewelry box.
That's how

It's, it's like very heavy as well.
Like, it's not maybe coming acrosson camera, but like, it's humongous.
You guys, it's like when you go to like,it's like you go to one of those ice cream stores and they have like A', uh, sour Patch Kid that's like the size of your head.
It's like the equivalent of that for Brothers 'I.
Love it.

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