124: Virgin Voyages - 1 vs. 5 Stars - Review That Review with Chelsey and Trey

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
VOICEOVER (00:01):
Everybody's got an opinion, Every Californian and Virginian, It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore, Someone's gotta settle the score., Trey and Chelsey will help you choose, Whose views win which ones lose, Online haters are coming for you, Baby, it's time to Review That Review!

CHELSEY DONN (00:30):
Hello,

TREY GERRALD (00:32):
Well, hello, and welcome to Review That Review, sailors.
This is the podcast thatis dedicated to reviewing.

Review,

That's Chelsey Donn.

and that's Trey Gerrald.

But when we come together, we are the dynamic duo known as

VOICEOVER (00:51):
The Review Queens!

Chelsey.
I gotta know.
I'm just itching and scratching to know.
Is there something that you want to

VOICEOVER (01:01):
Ledge a complaint.

about today?

Trey, your segues are always just so perfect, even though, you know, we don't plan this out, but they always are because my complaint, listen, guys, I know I've been complaining about bugs a lot.
I complained about flies, but todayI'm going to complain about ants.
Okay,

Oh,

so, I don't really know what the deal is around specifically where my desk is that I record this podcast, but I'm telling you guys, I don't eat food here, there's not like an abundance of food, the only thing is that this Where my desk is facing is right next to a door that faces outside, and I have like an ant infestation on my desk, okay, to the point where, you guys know I don't really drink coffee, but every once in a while when Trey and I are recording and I've had a long week, I'll get a coffee, so I got this like mixed, girly, fruity, whatever,

I know that purple straw.

from Coffee Bean and I literally could not put it down on my desk because I knew if I did that it would be infested with fucking ants okay and I just can't get rid of them I've like I don't like to spray it with like a weird chemically, but I know they die from like hand sanitizer or like alcohol.

(02:19):
So I've been like spraying them with that.
And it's definitely gotten better.
Like it's gotten way better,but the problem isn't gone.
And it just feels like one of thosethings like, do I let my landlord know?
Like there's other problems Iwant to deal with in the house.
So I don't know how high up on the prioritylist this is, but like, it's really.
F ing annoying.
Like, I want to be able to put a beveragedown that maybe has a little bit of sugar in it or something that it's going to be attracted to down for a second without having to worry about things like this.

(02:47):
Like, what the hell?
And they do bite.

Really?

Yeah.
And then I'm all itchy,scratchy, like you were saying.
That was the, the whole, the whole circle.
But yeah, it's annoying.

interesting that you've brought this up because David and I have been having an ant infestation

Really?

and I actually have heard that the ants are just going crazy because of global warming.

Oh, and the ants go marching.
Da

Pa dum, pa dum, pa dum, pa dum, pa dum, go marching.
And they have so many legs, theycan just really scurry fast.
I hear you, it does feel affrontingwhen suddenly ants are taking over your life, because we have not invited them.
As Atlantis would say, they're uninvited.

yeah, and it's not ironic,

Also, one other thing is like, I recognize like, we could just go get Raid, but I always get nervous

that's it, it's like, I don't, Same, that's why I've been using a hand sanitizer,

right.
Yeah, I get it.
And I'm sorry you're dealing withthat because it's really frustrating.
Why don't we sail away to a

sail away,

Ants really can't get.
Can ants swim or do they just drown?

I don't know, I think they drown, Cause they, when you like put them in the puddle of a hand sanitizer, they don't fare well,

Right, I don't think they, I don't think I have

They're not, they're not trying to take a swim out, you know.

Well, Chelsey, it is a very special episode.
Are you ready to go hand to hand?

I am...

Well, then why don't you and I,

VOICEOVER (04:16):
Assess that kvetch.
Review That

Queens, today is another Versus episode, we cover both a one star and a five star review up against each other to try to find the truth.
And today, we are going to dothis truth hunting mission.
On the same topic, Virgin Voyages,

Cruisin For this versus episode, I selected the five star, And Trey has selected the one star, So, to determine who reads first, We gotta flip that quarter.
All right, Trey, I think it's yourturn to flip and your turn to guess.

I'm gonna say Tails,

Okay.

it's Tails,

Okay.
Today, as Trey mentioned, we're covering both endsof the spectrum on TripAdvisor for Virgin Voyages Cruise Line, which Trey would know nothing about.

get on the boat, the banana boat,

At the time of this recording there are you guys 2051 reviews on TripAdvisor with an average score of four out of five?
Not too shabby, honestly.
Yeah, pretty good version.
Voyages official debut had originallybeen scheduled April 1st, 2020.

(05:36):
Not a great time for a debut.
Oh man.
With the maiden voyage of.
Scarlet Lady, but clearly the COVID 19pandemic delayed the cruises launch, right?
Having had to initially postpone thevoyage until August 7th of 2020, which that's sooner than I would have thought, honestly, I remember when COVID happened.

(05:59):
I was like, that's the end of cruises forever.
And ultimately, October 16th, 2020.
So they did have to postpone it twice.
But even so, honestly,

sounds early to me still,

right, which is interesting because then they say that the first sailing with paying guests commenced on August 6th, 2021.

went on that October

I guess they must've done like a soft launch, right?

I guess it was Richard Branson, he was just on his

Like Richard Branson and his friends and maybe like all the people that were going to work on the boat.
I heard that sometimes when they dothese soft launches, it's with like crew.

that would make the most sense honestly.

As of May 2023, Virgin Voyages has three ships in the fleet with one more on order.
I wonder what that means.
When are we going to see that one?
All with an expected capacity ofapproximately 2, 700 passengers.
each.
Think about all those peopleto please, my goodness.

(07:02):
Virgin also has many distinctions thatseparate them from traditional cruise lines in the spirit of capturing younger demographics, including 18 and older rules.
Banning all single use plastics on board.
That's cool.
And a resident drag performer on each ship.

(07:23):
I'm going, Oh my God.
That's so cool.
Okay.
So with all that background of mine, I'm shockedto know that someone could have a one star experience because it sounds like sign me up, but should we jump into that online review, Trey?

I say, let's go for it!
Ahoy there, mateys!

VOICEOVER (07:46):
Review.

So, full disclosure, this will come up, but I have recently, a couple of months back, returned from cruising on Virgin Voyages, and this specific ship, the Scarlet Lady.
So, it's very ironic I was tasked withfinding the One Star, because I'm sure you will begin to hear my experience, but I'm not gonna tell you up front.

I'm going to say, which to be honest, Trey and I haven't even really unpacked.
So I'm going to hear all the tea in real time too.

Yeah, and also, I feel like I haven't even discussed it on the podcast at all.

Yeah.
I think we were saving it for this moment.

All right, well here we go.
So today I will be sharing I'mgonna be sharing Shte 45 70 sevens.

Whoa.

star TripAdvisor review.

Okay.
Shorty

45 77.

Do you think that means they're the 4577th person to try to claim the name Shorty on Drip Advisor?

That's funny 'cause that's where you go.
But I just always think digits aresomeone's birthday, like April 5th of 77.

or their address, I feel like that scene in um, You've Got Mail, where they're trying to figure out why he's like, NY, and then they're like, his address, and she's like, he'd never be that stupid, and then it was,

I've never seen it, but I

oh my god, okay, alright, anyway,

All right, so Shorty, they are from Coral Springs, Florida.

okay,

They have written two reviews.
This has received one helpful vote.
And, um, this review waswritten in July of this year.
And their subject is...
Don't waste your money,

ooh,

Rant Warning!

uh oh,

First off, we were so excited that we finally got a cruise without kids!
A few days to reconnect and recharge.
We got past all the customs, immigration,when all systems went down, dot, dot, dot.
A process that should take us 5 minutes max.
Some people were waiting 40 minutes in line.

(09:58):
We were lucky.
We probably waited 10 minutesor so to get our wrist fob.
Once, on the cruise, we went to eatand my husband got food poisoning,

ay,

We were literally in our cabin for three days straight, He couldn't leave the cabin, When I went to the clinic, it was closed until 4pm, dot, dot, dot, The IV hydration hydration station, This is day two at sea!

(10:32):
When he finally felt a buttbetter, we went to eat.
He wanted something easy to the stomach, andstood by the counter at the noodle place.
Nobody!
Not a single employee!
Asked him, quote, What can I help you with?,parentheses, question mark?, parentheses.

(10:57):
Employees kept passing him by and pickingup orders, and not one told him anything.
Five to seven minutes had passed by, andfinally, the person behind the counter told him he had to order at the table.
Really?
Everyone saw him, standing at the counter,waiting to order, feeling sick, dot dot dot, and not a single employee could have directed him to sit down?, question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark.

(11:33):
Seriously?
Question mark, question mark, questionmark, question mark, question mark.
The nightclub options were ridiculously late.
11.
45pm the quote unquote party started, dot a dot.
Remember, we are parents, slash, adults,slash, workers, slash, We are not teenagers that stay up late for a nightclub.

(11:57):
Why we have to wait until midnight to go dancing?
Absolutely.
Ridiculous!
Exclamation, exclamation,exclamation, exclamation, exclamation.
The lineups of shows are really bad, dot dot dot.
The same artists, the whole cruise, dot dot dot.
Okay, I can go to the show ONCE.

(12:19):
But every night?
Um, really?
Other cruise lines change artists when youreach a destination, dot dot dot dot dot.
Not this one!
You are stuck with the same thingevery other night, dot dot dot dot.
The food, dot dot dot dot dot, semicolon.

(12:42):
Well, dot dot dot, the options of restaurantsyou have if you don't get a reservation is almost impossible to get to eat there, what?, the options of restaurants you have if you don't get a reservation is almost impossible to get to eat there, and the food, dot dot dot, bleh, dot dot dot, we went to the wake and the extra virgin, dot dot dot, at the wake, My food was undercooked, and I had to wait for a brand new order to come out, parenthesis, another 10 minutes or so, at Extra Virgin, the quote unquote Italian place, there is no chicken parm, dot, dot, dot, dot, really?

(13:36):
Question mark, question mark,question mark, question mark, question mark, The menu is very limited.
The quote unquote pool, well, dot a dot a dot,if you can call it a pool, dot a dot a dot, is a joke, is tiny, and when I say tiny, I really mean it, two exclamation marks, please check out the pictures, two exclamation marks, not a single place to lay down on a lounge chair, on the shade,

oh god,

like, dot dot dot dot dot, Do you really want me to die of sunburn?,
question mark, question mark, Our room stewardwas AMAZING!, four exclamation marks, He was always available when needed, and always visible, Kudos to him, The gym was great, though, co.
uk Many machine options, classes, yoga, HIIT, etc.

(14:35):
And you have a track at the very top ofthe cruise, which I found interesting!
Not a fan of this cruise, dot a dot a dot.
Not recommended at all in so many aspectsand never coming back to this cruise line.
I honestly rather not take my kidsand enjoy the other accommodations that other cruise lines offer.
Dash, more pool room with shade options, Dash,more restaurants and able to sit and have a real meal, not a panini or a cheeseburger,

I don't know what that put me in,

Dash, more variety of shows, Dash, adult entertainment at reasonable hours, Dash, more attentive crew members.
Overall, not recommended and not returning.

Wow, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark, dot, dot, dot, dot, question mark, question mark,

dot dot dot dot dot.

jeez Louise Shorty, Shorty,

name is Dot?
Dot dot dot

I mean Shorty's name must be dot or question mark or something because first of all, Shorty, are you short of breath after writing that review?
Because

dot.

I mean, that was a lot.
I don't know why, like, first of all,there were a lot of things that shorty brought up that I was like, oof.
Right?
Like starting with the foodpoisoning, like let's be honest.

What a terrible way to start.

There is nothing that can knock you out like food poisoning and to start your entire trip that way,

Awful.

bad, like bad, bad, bad, like there's norovirus and things that go around on cruises, so I thought maybe that's where we were going because I thought the wife was going to get sick, clearly it wasn't, like clearly this really was food poisoning because the wife never got sick,

How quickly does food poisoning kick in?

Fast, like within hours, it's definitely possible that they went and they like had lunch or they had whatever and then like a couple hours later or whatever, it's, it's quite, it's very like fast,

Okay.
Okay.
Okay.

I've been on a cruise when like we all got norovirus and I've actually spent some time in the like underbelly, you know, infirmary, It's not like, listen, you do not want to spend your cruise time doing this.
I do find it appalling thatit was closed on day two.

Yeah, that's weird, right?

That seems very strange.

seem like an issue.

Yeah, very real.
Now, I have like a logistics question.
So, you can't go on Virginif you're not 18, right?

Right, you have to be at least 18 years old.

So then why do they keep bringing up the whole thing of like, with kids, and then like, I think what she, what Shorty meant to say is they'd rather go on a cruise with their kids than go on an adult cruise without their kids and have this experience, but that wasn't really the wording that they used,

Yeah, it, it sounds to me like they did Virgin because you can't bring your kids and she's, and they're saying like, well, I might as well just do the regular cruise line and just not bring my kids.

Oh, copy.
Okay.
I was, I was very confused by that.
I thought that that,

But on that point, It does seem to me like that is what Shorty should do, because it seems like Shorty is not, and this is really the general conversation around Virgin Voyages, is that it is not a traditional cruise line, right?

even though I feel like, yeah, you were burned.
Like, I don't really like you shorty.
And I just don't think that youshould have signed up for this cruise, like the 1145 bedtime and whatever.
I would imagine if I'm going on this This like18 plus whatever thing, I'm going to be there with like college students, I'm going to be there with people that want the late night club.

(18:39):
What do you think?

Well, I do hear that there's an actual critique, maybe you should have the infirmary and you should have the IV station open if passengers are on the ship, like maybe that is something that a virgin should take to heart.

definitely.

And I can also hear, because I do know, because I was on Scarlet Lady, they have one movable space that can become a thrust theater, it can become like a cabaret venue, and then that becomes the dance

Okay.
Makes

don't have one general dance club space, they have this multi purpose venue,

So they have to wait for the shows to be completed to open.
Okay.
That makes a lot of sense.

but there is an additional theater space that is just a theater, although it did, they, they were able to make it like, tennis court seating like they were able to like move that around too but it's fully like a proscenium space generally so there there is no option to dance before all of the scheduled programming is done for the day that every evening ends with dance parties so i'm hearing that i think is

But like, are, there's not like a DJ by the pool or something like that?

Well, there are a bunch of musical artists, like, there's one bar that's like the jazz room and they have live musicians, I don't, I mean, I guess you could sort of dance and there's other people, but yes, but, but if you wanted like a club at

If you want to like an oomph, oomph, oomph situation, you're 1145.

830, but where would you get that in the real world too?
Like, don't clubs open at night?
Like, you're not going to be able togo to a club at eight o'clock, are you?

I don't know what, I mean, when I think of clubs, I do think of being in college and like, we definitely were not there before like 11.

And I also think in the same conversation, like, I can just see both sides, I think is what I'm saying, but like, I also hear Like, remember, we are parents and adults and workers.
We're not teenagers, but you're onvacation and you're stuck on a ship and you like are drinking like it did feel in

And if, if the way that Virgin is built is that everything really happens at night and you can just sort of chill during the day, then it's like, if you're up until 4am at the club, then lay at the pool until noon.
Like, you know, like whatever.

that's exactly my point.
Cause in my experience, it's sort of like.
Like, you're on the vacation, like, you'rejust, you're gonna be acting the way you don't on land, because you're just in this little megaplex that's moving, so, that seems a little odd to me, I, I really need your point of view on, there's no chicken parm,

Okay, my point of view on that is that I love Chicken Parm, and that I order Chicken Parm almost every single time I go to an Italian restaurant, so I'm, I get it, like, I'm on shorty side, like, personally, if I got the Italian menu, I would immediately be looking for the Chicken Parm, and there would be, like, a part of me that would be disappointed by it, but at the same time, if the restaurant's called Extra Virgin, It's maybe more of like a extra version all of what I don't know.

(21:48):
I just feel like they maybe they have.

Voyageous,

Yeah, no, I got the

okay,

but I'm just saying, like, maybe they're just maybe they're putting their own spin on it.
Right.
And I think that, like, when you're on a cruise,you have to kind of be a little bit open minded.
To be like, Oh, I'm goingto try something different.
Right?
I'm sure that if it's an Italian restaurant,there's like pasta or other things you could get that are pretty universally liked.

(22:15):
So even as a chicken parm lover, it wouldn'tbe like the worst thing in the world.

It's a really an interesting thing to like harp on like why did you hate your crews cuz they didn't make me

they didn't make me a chicken parm.

I Mean it really made the review.
I mean that's like that was reallyimportant to shorty, which I think is

which again, love a chicken parm, so I, I understand the passion, But I think there are a lot of things that happened along the way that made us lose faith in Shorty.
For example, at the top, we got the rant,first of all, rant warning, then it's we, we got through customs, everything was fine.

right

Some people waited 40 minutes.
We only waited 10.
Everything went downhill from there.
We waited 10 minutes whileeveryone else waited 40.
How is that downhill?

because they said it should have only taken us five minutes And we had to

Okay, so it took you 5 extra minutes.

I mean, to me, that's an absurd.
Like I don't, I think Shorty's insane.
It's the same with the whole thing aboutthey had to remake my meal and I had to wait

10 minutes!

I thought that was really fast.

I was like that so fast and actually kind of queenly that they're just like not taking your dish and throwing it in the microwave.
They're like making you

They were restarting.

dish.

about the, my husband waited five to seven minutes.

Oh my god.
Listen, this is what I was thinking, and Iknow that like, you and I are always gonna be on the side of the servers, so in my mind, I'm thinking, he's standing there Awkwardly in the way and then the servers are running food.
This cruise ship has thousands of people.
So I just think they're like,focus, focus, focus, focus, focus.

(23:59):
And then, yeah, maybe it did take five minutesfor somebody like after catching up from running all their food to be like, Hey, just you order from where you're sit, you're seated.
Everybody else on the cruiseknew that that was what you did.
Nobody else was standing in line.

I mean, so this happened to me and Mark, actually, because, who was a guest on our podcast, because I would also say it could be clearer.
We were like looking at the food, youknow, it's like every, it's like all these eateries, there's like 20 eateries, so it's like we're looking at the,

Does it look like one of those like fancy food court things?

so yeah, they, basically it's like a mess hall, sort of, but it's like a bunch of different eateries, and they're all near each other, and then like there's hundreds of tables everywhere, and they have little like, Things that have little flags that you flip

Like a run for us, run, uh, stop for us, stop.

Yeah.
So it's like a hoy sailor,

Okay.
Okay.

but we had to have the person that was running the like machines to be like, you order at the table.
So

Okay.
Okay.
So maybe it's a more fair complaint.

yeah.
I mean, it is interesting that like so manypeople didn't say anything, but like, I also don't think that when they, when shorty is saying like he's standing there sick,

Yeah, I just circled assumption.
Like, you really think that, like,everybody is like, Oh, this guy is clearly sick and, like, weak and standing here.
Let me ignore him.
Like, I just don't,

Well, it is the eateries are set up like glass partitions and you see all of the food So people do sort of stand around and they're looking at like the 12 different options that you

right.
So you're saying you might be standing there for areason other than you're waiting to take an order.

exactly, but your point about how there's like thousands of people on the ship like What a self centered point of

right,

that they can't notice that I'm sick and I'm standing here But I also had the experience of needed to be told how it works.
So

So, okay.
So how many cruises have you been on?
A lot?

this was my third cruise

I've probably been on like four.
I don't recall ever being on a cruise.
Where the, maybe I'm wrong and maybemy memory doesn't serve because I was a little bit younger on some of these, Where the artists changed at every port?

Yeah, I don't know what that means

I don't, I know, like, I feel like on every, and I don't know, you can speak to the entertainment factor here, but, I feel like every cruise I've ever been on, yeah, maybe there's four shows, and it's like, oh, I'm gonna go see Rock of Ages on Tuesday, and then I'm gonna go see the, yeah, Hairspray on Wednesday, like,

barbershop

And the barbershop quartet on Thursday and it's like, maybe I could have seen the barbershop quartet on Tuesday, but I just couldn't get in.
So I like, that's my, you rotate, right?
So like, I don't understand,what are they talking about?
Like, are they like the sameentertainment every time?
Like, aren't there just basically enough showsor enough things to go to where you could go to in any order, one of the things every night?

(27:00):
Isn't that just the way it is?

Yes, and There is so much programming on the ship that like your steward for your room Helps you make reservations and stuff.
So like there's so much to do that it issurprising to me I know from performers and actors like you get hired by like Royal Caribbean and you like are on that ship for a year performing so I don't know I do know that headliners sometimes come on and off like maybe Jerry Seinfeld would sit on the cruise for a week Subs

Yeah.
My grandma, my grandmother did a few, did

Right.
I think comedians,

So like,

And I will say that the crews that I went on, I think these people are gigged on the ship for like six months.
Like, I don't think they're switchingin and out, but I don't know.
Like, it never occurred to me like, Oh, Ihave to sit through the same show again.
I felt like there was an abundance of shows.
There wasn't enough time to see everything.
That's how I felt.

exactly.
That's how I feel like I usuallyfeel side quick side note.
I'm going to tell like a kind of funnystory about my grandmother doing stand up on a cruise ship on the after show.
So just remind me.
Um, it's a fun one.
Footnote.
Okay.
But I agree.
Like I don't, I don't trust Shorty likeimmediately off the bat with some of the things that they're complaining about.

(28:16):
Then the show section.
I'm just like, what are you talking about?
Like, I don't know where you're gettingthese facts from that you're supposed to get new entertainment at every port.
Like just doesn't make any fucking sense to me.
Reservation impossible.
I mean, what were the, Which maybe it is,but again, I think that this is like one of those things kind of reminds me of the sandals

Yes.

review that we did where Cause it's all inclusive and like, listen, you gotta be in the know, right?
Or Disney World.
You're not gonna just go there and expectto get reservations at the best restaurants.
If you haven't, ahead of time, calledthe Disney hotline and made those reservations, called the Sandals, you know, concierge and made those reservations.

(28:59):
If you're not gonna do that, you kind of haveno one to blame, even though it's annoying.
I understand it's annoying, right?
It's one of those things I'm sure they got emails.
I'm sure you don't, you can speak to that,but I'm sure that there was correspondence ahead of time being like, you got to make your reservations, like get, get ready.
Right.
And people take cruises so seriously.

(29:21):
People book cruises years in advance.
It's, or people just cruise every year, right?
Cruise multiple times a year.

So this is another distinction of Virgin Voyages.
They actually have tiers, which are,it's kind of like a cast system, but, so they have three different tiers.
There's like a standard sailor, and then you havea rock star, and then you have the mega rock star.
The mega rock star are like the largest rooms.
There is a suite that has like three bedroomsand it's literally 20, 000 for a five day cruise.

(29:54):
So like, no one's renting that,

That's crazy.

And there's also a front area on the ship that is exclusive to Rockstars and Mega Rockstars, and it has hot tubs and its own bar and its own menu.

okay, were you in the commoners area?

we were in the middle, so we were Rockstars because we wanted access to that Richard's Rooftop place.
And then also the other distinction,Rockstar, the middle tier, you have a bar in your room, a personal bar,

okay,

And then if you're a mega rock star, they replenish the bottles in the bar when you finish

wow, okay,

Right.
So that's real crazy.
Also, when you are a rock star,you get to board the ship earlier.
You also get a personalized reservationist.
That you can communicate with

who you're talking, right, so that's who you're making your dinner reservations through, okay,

and you get access like almost a month before the cruise.
So if you are not a rock star ora mega rock star, if you're just a

by the time you're making reservations,

of them are taken already and you can't make reservations until you're on the

Is it clear when you're on the ship that there's this like cast?
Okay, because I then I almost

bands.

then I almost wish that they would have brought that up in their review Like if you're gonna go and be sort of a commoner expect to wait in line Expect to not be able to make reservations.
Like I think that would bekind of queenly information.
This is feeling very Woe isme Personal like I don't know.
It's just it's just feeling a little whiny

it feels whiny to me, it feels, and I do even question, like, can you confirm for me that the food poisoning is from the ship, but I'm just gonna assume that it is from the ship, but, and that is proof and the infirmary open and the IV hydration, like, immediately,

100%.
Now, okay, you were in the Rockstar.
Did you have a pool?

no,

So is that, is it true that the, the pool is very small?

the pool is surprisingly small.
It is surprisingly small.
I think my in laws pool is bigger.
That's an exaggeration.
The pool,

it's like, it's, it's, someone could have this pool in their home.
Like, this is not like,

we walked out to the, like, the main area and saw how many people were crammed into the pool, we were like, holy shit, thank God we got rock

right, like, I feel like if I went and saw the pool and it was so crowded and it was small and I was a rock star, I would like, not even go to the pool, I'd be like, screw

You know,

to the hot tub

well, I do imagine that this new fourth ship that they're building will have a bigger pool because it is the

be a common mistake, common complaint.

complaint.
Yeah, the pool is surprisinglytiny like it is sort of odd.
So that

what do we think of like, we weirdly throw these compliments in the end, like, the room stewart was amazing, the gym was great, there was a track at the cruise, which was interesting,

it's really ping pong back and

it's, it's very weird, and then, and then again, like, everything that we say in the end,

Are the things that other ships do more successfully.

and it's just sort of like a reiteration of everything we've already said, like, you already said all that, we don't need to repeat it, you said it already, like, what do

end with the cliff notes.

Yeah, they end with the cliff notes of the review.
It's like,

And if they started with the cliff notes, I think it would have a better impact,

Yeah, start with the cliff notes and be like, if you care to hear more of my rant, continue.
Otherwise, I'm not going back.
It just was like weird theway that they structured it.
Oh, okay.
Do we think that this is funny at all?

I think the chicken parm is a funny point of view.
I don't think that Shortyis intending to be funny.

but we're entertained by the point of view.

Yeah, I think I was entertained, I, but I don't trust them, I don't, it might be common, I think like if you are a traditionalist when it comes to cruises, Virgin is not for you, cause I also want to share that one of their main performers in this like main show that we saw is like, I don't know what their pronouns are, but they present as a male, and in the show, there's like a half drag, like half man, half woman, and then they're like, topless a lot, and they're wearing heels the whole show, and even I like, I looked around a couple times because I was like, wow, this is like really woke and like really gender as a

and you are like triggered like, are there people that are gonna like judge these people?
Are there people that are

I mean, I was honestly trying to find a one star that talked about like the liberal agenda because, because it made me feel like people must be being uncomfortable, right?
Because that's like the culture I grew up in.
So I felt uncomfortable thinkingthat people would be uncomfortable.
So that's just like.
That's present.
Like Virgin is all inclusive and they're like

I mean, I guess so.
I just feel like, again, if you're gonnago virgin, if you're gonna like take this experience, you gotta know, like, I would never, and again, my parents are liberal guys, very, but I would never recommend my parents going on a cruise like this, right?

know,

It's just, it's not going to be their bag.
It's going to be all the frills that this kind ofcruise is going to offer are not going to really be the frills that my parents would want, right?
They would want more luxury.
They would want a huge poolthat they could sit around.
They would, you know, they just wouldwant different things, which is what is so great, I think about Virgin is like, if you're in this demographic, it's not cheap, this is what you want to do.

(35:34):
And that's what I'm like, I guessthat's like the value that I'm getting

I think so too.

A roundabout way is that it's really not for everyone.
And if I were going to go on this cruise orif I was going to consider it, I should do my due diligence and make sure that I am that person because maybe truthfully, maybe I'm not, and I do think that that's impactful.

I do too.
I, yeah.
Let's crown shorty.
Let's

I'm ready.
Let's do

Okay.
So Chelsea and I each have our ownset of zero to five crown cards.
Now, in an effort to be fair andnot influence one another, we will simultaneously reveal our ratings.

VOICEOVER (36:09):
The Queens are tabulating.
Time for
school.

I'm so torn between two.
Oh my God, really?
Okay, they're very interesting.
So I'm holding up two and a half crowns.
Trey is holding up, is thatfour and a half crowns?

Yeah,

I'm shocked.
Can't wait to hear more about that.
But guys, I was stuck betweentwo and two and a half.
And I, I decided to go with Two and a halfbecause I do feel like there's information here.
I do feel like I'm coming away with, like Isaid, like I gotta do some research or like maybe I would ask them about the infirmary.
I don't know.
Like there, I, I feel like I'm armedwith some information here, but at the same time, I can't shy away from the fact that I just don't trust Shorty.

(36:55):
I just feel like Shorty.
It's a little bit of a complainer.
Really, it's hard for me when you mixin legitimate complaints with things that aren't, then I don't know what I believe and what I don't believe, right?
Because like we started this whole reviewwith one, I'm admitting that I'm ranting, which I'm like, okay, and then we started complaining about the 10 minute wait, like, you know, we just, we started complaining about things that like weren't complaints.

(37:21):
So, there were some legitimate complaints inhere, but they got kind of muddied by all of these complaints that maybe weren't valuable and just really because I just don't know if I can trust Shorty as a narrator and I don't believe I would be able to full stop here and not read more reviews, I decided to go with Trey's favorite, middle of the road, two and a half crowns.

(37:43):
And I just couldn't award Shorty more than that.
But Trey, you almost made Shorty yourReview Queen, which after our whole conversation, I got to say, I'm shocked.
So I want to hear, what are you thinking?

Well, I was torn between four and four and a half, and all of the points you just made makes me wish I had said four, because I do have some critiques.
Honestly, I think the value here is that I don'tlike Shorty, and all of Shorty's are very clearly not a complaint I would have, I don't care about chicken parm, and I am very delicate around servers, so I wouldn't just have an expectation that like every single one that walked by owes me something, and like I don't really care about a pool necessarily, and you know, I'm not dealing with any of the gym stuff, dancing at 11.

(38:29):
45, I hate fucking dancing, so I don't care ifit's at 2 in the morning, I'm not participating.
And, like, they bring up enough points thatare unapplicable to me that it actually has a lot of value because then I start to think, great, all right, this is useful information because it sounds like Shorty and I probably do not share the same opinion on a lot of things.

(38:52):
So it sort of swayed me to think thisprobably is more for me than it is for Shorty.
The reason I'm torn between the halfcrown and the full crown Taking away is because I hate all the dot to dots.

Yeah.
Oh my God.
We didn't even

this, like, This drooling on, you know, I, I think they could have used an edit.
I, I have, you know, personal opinions aboutthe like, uh, cliff notes at the end versus the top, which is just, you know, my opinion, but I can't really distinguish the truthful shady.
I kind of think it's shady.
I mean, I definitely think it's shady, but I, Idon't know that if it's, I don't know that's true.
I don't know that I believe Shorty,but because of what they say, I think that's so far removed from me.

(39:30):
That I sort of gather a lotof useful information, so,

That's like, fascinating, Trey.
It's like, in a weird roundabout way, this onestar for you pushed you more towards the booking, maybe, than Shorty would've intended, which is a, kind of an interesting fliparoo, right?

yeah, that is how it landed.

That's fascinating to me.
All right.
Love that.

game time!
Wee oo wee oo wee oo wee oo!
Chelsey, I have prepared a game for you.

okay.

It's

Okay.

Is It Tom Cruise or Terry Cruise?

Oh my god,

I'm gonna give you a statement and you're gonna tell me is it Tom Cruise or is it Terry Cruise?

Terry Crews,

Are you googling to see who it is?

yeah, NFL,

I can neither confirm nor deny because I don't want to ruin the game, but But yeah, Terry Crews started as a football player and they're like a television personality and actor.

White Chicks or something I think, I don't know,

Do you see his photo?
You don't know who Terry Crews is?

I mean I know that I've heard the name, he definitely looks familiar,

He like, I think he was a host of like, Ninja Warrior and like, you know, he's like, he became,

body, hello,

yes, and he's married to a woman and he does.
He is a devout Christian and he became morepopular in pop culture because Terry Crews spoke out about being MeToo'd by a very famous male agent and there was a lawsuit and Time Magazine named Terry Crews like the most influential person, male in the MeToo movement.

oh wow, okay,

All right, so here we go.
So this might be funnier since youdon't really know who Terry Crews is.

god, but why Terry Crews, oh Crews, I'm an idiot.
Okay, I was like, what does thathave to do with cruise ships?

So, Tom Cruise, do you know who that is?

I do know who Tom Cruise is.
Risky business, Scientology.

so, Terry Crews is spelled C R E W S.

Right, I got it.

So, is it Cruz or Cruz?
You ready?
Terry or Tom?

Terry or Tom.

Alright, this is gonna be fun.
Alright, Chelsey,

Yes.

Tom Cruz or Terry Cruz?

Okay.

He was born in Flint, Michigan.

Ooh.
I'm gonna go with Terry Cruise.

That's right, Terry

Whew.

was born in Flint,

crazy.
Okay.

Alright, Tom Cruz or Terry Cruz?

Okay.

He has a day named after him in Japan.

Hmm.
I think Tom Cruise?

right.

Okay.

I don't know what he's done with Japan, but there's a Tom Cruise

feel like Tom Cruise is such a, like, international icon type star, that I, that, like, that makes sense to me.

All right, Tom Cruise or Terry Cruise.
His mother was 18 when he was born.

Ooh, I don't know why, but I'm gonna say Tom.
I'm wrong, okay, okay.

it was

That was Terry Crews.
Okay,

Unfortunately, but it's okay.
Okay, here we go.

okay.

Tom Cruise or Terry Cruise.
Attended 15 schools in 14 years.

Oh my god.
Tom?

That's right.

Okay, that's like, that makes sense for how weird he is.
I feel like that, like, sort ofjustifies, like, that's a hard life.

And his dad was like, uh, in the Navy or some, some

yeah, because I thought maybe with Top Gun, maybe there was some sort of a military in the family, you know, I'm really digging deep here.

Okay.
Tom Cruise or Terry Cruise?
Attended college on a full scholarship.

I'm gonna say Terry Crews.

That's right.
And interestingly, Terry Cruisewent to college for performance art

Wow, okay.

and auditioned for art, sorry, tried out for the football team and they offered him a full scholarship.

Wow, that's crazy.

Okay, so far you are in a grand sweep here,

Warren won.

yes.
Okay, Tom Cruise or Terry Crews, their first jobin the arts Was as a courtroom sketch artist.

Ooh, Terry, Terry Crews.

That's right.
That's a job.

I just feel like my rationale there was that I think Tom Crews was like pretty young when he started acting.

Interesting.
Very interesting.

Okay.

This, I don't think this comes up, but Tom was a sports player as well.

Oh, Tom Crews was?
Okay.

Okay.
Chelsea, is this Tom Cruiseor Terry Cruz that said quote.
I have read hundreds ofpersonal development books.

Ooh, this one is tricky, Trey.
God, I'm gonna say Terry just becauseI feel like it could be a Tom trap.

Good job.

Oh God, okay.

Hmm, you know Tom ain't reading more than one

I know, I was just, well, I was

Dianetics.

gonna say, ha ha, I was gonna say maybe like they're all Scientology self help books or something.

Although I know very little about both of these gentlemen, but I did discover that Tom Cruise actually wanted to be a priest, and was like a very devout Christian growing up before they fell into Scientology.
Okay, here we go.
Sued a newspaper?
A magazine and a gay porn actor foralleging that he was a homosexual.

(45:58):
This is three separate lawsuits.

I'm gonna go with Tom.

That's right.
But word on the street is that bothof these gentlemen are homosexuals.
It's

Oh, oh, it's true.

I think if you knew more about Terry Crews, you would, the question would have been harder.

okay, okay.

Chelsey, Tom Crews or Terry Crews had an abusive father.

Tom?

VOICEOVER (46:33):
Ooh, ooh,

Okay, so that was a trick question.
So they both did.

Am I not, oh,

So you get half a point.

okay,

never introduced half

that was definitely a trick question, okay,

Okay, here's our last question.
And then I do have a bonus tiebreaker, which I,you're not going to need, so it'll be a bonus.
Tom Crews or Terry Crews hasthe same Name as their father.

ooh, Terry, Terry Cruz, Tom, there's two Tom Cruises out there,

There's actually four,

he's the fourth,

and this was also a trick question, so you get another half point because they both are named after their father.

my god, Trey, you should have told me at the top that it could be both, but anyway,

Why would I?

oh,

Okay, are you ready?
This is the ultimate test.
This is gonna be worth.
Let's see, you only got one wrong because yourtwo halves ended up being a hole for right.
So,

oh, right, right, okay,

so you got one wrong.
So, if you get this right, then you win.
If you get this wrong,

No, if I get this right, I, wrong, I lose, I win anyway.

how do we up the stakes?
I don't know.
I guess we can't, because you are sweeping.

Okay.
Well, just ask me.

Okay, Chelsey.
Who's older?

Ooh, God.
It's like, I almost want to saythey're the same age, but I think Tom.

Good job.

Woo!

Chelsey!
That was a fucking sweep!
A sweep, Diva!
But you didn't know who Terry Cruise was.
I'm really proud of you, Chelsey.
Good

Thank you!
Woo!
Thank you!
That was fun!

Golly, gee, am I proud of you.

game!
Cruz Cruz, you're reallystarting to think like me.

I'm really surprised you don't know who Terry Crews is, but

I've definitely heard the name, but I, you know, I don't,

Oh, he was a series regular on Brooklyn Nine Nine.

Didn't watch.

Me either.

VOICEOVER (48:45):
Wink!
Review that review!
Wink!

me that I need to work harder.
And it is your turn, Chelsey.
I'm so curious.

That's right.
If you're thinking everything is bad, well,clearly over 1, 000 people disagree because I have a five star review from TripAdvisor that is one of over 1, 000 five star reviews on

Wow.

right?
Just saying.
My review is written by none other thanJasmine J with a subject, I don't think I could risk trying another cruise line.
Mm hmm.

Ooh.
I can't wait to hear that one.

Well, to hear the flip side, then you gotta join our

That is right, Chelsey Queen.
Join us for the opposite review, aswell as some personal antidotes, and a brand new round on the Meryl Go Round.
ReviewThatReview.
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Ding!

Patreon.
Ding!
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review.
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Where, Chelsey?

Review.
review.
com slash Patreon.

Oh, I wasn't sure if I heard it.
I just want to make sure that the listeners knowthat you can hear if you go to reviewthatreview.
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All right.

I don't think we say it enough.

Review.
review.
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Okay, we did it, Queen.
That is another round on the R U A R QFerris Wheel of Where's My Chicken Parm?

Thank you for joining us today and join us on ReviewThatReview.
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If you like what you heardtoday, please tell a friend.

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What is it?
Is it not?
Rub one out?

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yeah, rub one out, is like masturbating, Wait, how do you, we'll lift one to Jimmy Buffett?

we'll raise

you,

a glass

wow, what a gorgeous tease, I'm

Yeah, I wonder why we said that, yeah,

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visit ReviewThatReview.
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124: Virgin Voyages - 1 vs. 5 Stars

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}124: Virgin Voyages - 1 vs. 5 Stars