127: 50 Ways to Eat Cock - 5 Star Review - Review That Review with Chelsey and Trey

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
VOICEOVER (00:01):
Everybody's got an opinion, Every Californian and Virginian, It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore, Someone's to Review That Review!

Chelsey Donn (00:30):
Hello,

Trey Gerrald (00:32):
Hi there, and welcome to Review That Review.
We are the podcast that isdedicated to reviewing you.
Well, don't you know, that's Chelsey Donn!

Review, and don't you know that, Trey Gerrald,

And when we come together, don't you know it, we are,

VOICEOVER (00:52):
Review Queens,

Don't you know it?

don't you know it, it is your turn, my queen, do you have something you'd like to get off your chest, would you like to,

VOICEOVER (01:04):
lodge a complaint,

Well, don't you know it, I sure do.
Well, I told you this off mic yesterday,actually, or, yeah, yesterday.
I just had a litany of complaintscome to me over the last week, so I am ready for the next several months.
Queen's cuz I got a bunch and today I'm gonnastart with one of the most annoying of all mixing and stirring organic peanut butter.

(01:29):
God, I hate it.
I, I don't know.
It's like, you know when you get a bag ofpotato chips and like Half of it is air.
I feel like when you get an organic

half of it's

tub of peanut butter, half of it is that droopy, sticky oil that like, I can't even, and I like to mix with a regular butter knife, so I can't even Get the knife into the center and stir it around without it splooging all over the top, dripping down my hand.
And it's like, it is like syrup to wherelike, once that oil touches you, you, it's there, no matter how much soap you

there goes

to be there seven hours later.
And you have to be really methodicalabout the mixing because inevitably, Once you get to the very bottom of that container in a month, it is so crusty dry.
I, how has someone not, and I know that like welove to like segue by saying like shark tank, but how has someone not created like a handheld mixing blender type thing that stirs up the oil?

(02:36):
into that peanut butter because

it, it would have to be like a peanut butter cover, so it would have to like cover it almost completely, so that, yeah, so that there's no splatter

like a french press

yes, Trey,

if you could do that it just is so maddening to me and i even get to the point to where i'm like i gotta get another thing of peanut butter Ugh.
Like, I will stretch out my peanutbutter consumption because it's that upsetting to me because I can't master it.

I know.

Do you have this issue with peanut butter?

I do, and I gotta say, like, I do think that there's, like, an organic 365 no stir, and I know that, like, there's probably something in it that I'm not supposed to eat, like how the shredded cheese has, like, plastic in it or something, but I agree.
I just, I was so over it.
I was personally, because I was so fed upjust pouring the oil out because I couldn't even deal with it, but then, I Yeah.

(03:35):
Cause it was just like, get out of here.
I can't with you, but then you're right.
Then it gets dry and crusty and itdoesn't really have the right moisture.
And it's, it is.
It's very annoying.
I think that, like, it just is supposedto show us that it's natural because I guess that's what naturally happens to the nuts is they separate from the oil.

(03:57):
I don't freaking know, but

but I will tell you that I tried Jif recently, which is like what I grew up on, and it is so foul.
It is.

think it's foul because you've become so accustomed to, like, a better peanut butter.

Well, it just doesn't taste like peanut butter to me.
It tastes like weird...
Artificial.
It tastes artificial to me.

What about, like, Justin's?
Like, I feel like Justin's is a good, like,doesn't really require much of a stir.

Did they have normal peanut butter or is it all almond?
Is it all

No, they have normal peanut

Oh, they do.
Oh, I don't know.
Cause even like you, I have foundlike a generic organic peanut butter that isn't really stir necessary.
But I also really, I might need tomention this as a clarification.
I think we've talked about this,but I love crunchy peanut butter.

Mm hmm.
Me too.

love extra crunchy.
So that's even harder because there'sdifferent size texture clumps throughout and it

Oh, yeah, just stir with the clumps.
Uh

It's really hard.

it's a challenge.

very upsetting to me.
It's similar to you.
I thought of this when you said youpoured the oil out in the past Did you know that when you get yogurt?
You're supposed to stir that water inbecause that's the separation of the like nutrients You have to because I used to always pour it out, but that's actually the

out too.

So I found

is it?
Okay.

that but at least

Yeah, cuz I was like, ew, what's that water in my yogurt?
Boom.

Oh, that's the good stuff, like, that's the probiotics or whatever, I'm making that up, I don't know science, but, it is the good, like, you are supposed to whip it back in, anyway,

Whip.

I, I mean, once that came to me the other day when I was, Cause I prepared, so I had, I bought two things of peanut butter at once, so once I was finishing the first one I was like, oh my god, I have to

There we go again.

cause I am dreading that the next time I want peanut butter, I'm gonna have to stir it, cause I'm not gonna pre stir it, I even tried

I know you need like You need gloves and a smock or something.
I don't know what you need.

I need like, a larger can or

cloth?

yeah, it's obnoxious, I hate it, that's my complaint, I wish everyone

Adding it to the ledger.

peanut butter ease in the future, okay?

Yeah.
I really like that peanut butter at, um, WholeFoods where you can, like, make it yourself.
I don't know if that

done that.

Maybe you could try that.
Yeah, I recommend.
Yeah.
Especially if you're a frequent peanutbutter eater and you love that, like, kind of natural, ooh, I can taste the nuts moment.
Speaking of tasting nuts, Shouldwe jump in to an online review?

If this is somehow related, I'm literally gonna scream and the microphone's gonna peak out.
Okay, let's do it.

VOICEOVER (06:44):
Review That Review,

As you know, we are your trusty review queens.
We bring in reviews from the internetthat we feel need to be inspected.

Don't you know we read you that review and we break it down, rating the impact of that review on a scale from zero to five crowns.
It's a very regal process that we call,

VOICEOVER (07:09):
Assess That Kvetch,

and I'm a little concerned.
So, Chelsey, or as I wrote, Whathave you got for us today, Chelsey, Bo Belsey, Banana Fana, Fo Felsey,

Me, my,

Melsey,

my, Melsy, Chelsey.
Okay, Trey, I love us so much.
So, what I have brought in today...
This is a five star review for acookbook called, 50 Ways to Eat Cock, Healthy Chicken Recipes with Balls.

wait, oh god, this is a lot of penis puns, Five

You started it,

to eat cock,

Ways to Eat Cock, Healthy Chicken Recipes with Balls.
Paperback, 8.
05 overall rating, 4.
7,

it's only 8.
50,

989 reviews, that's right.

who wrote this?

Okay, it was written by Adrian N.
Hugh, comma, CN, which I believemeans like Certified Nutritionist.
This is what the little like blurb.
It's actually kind of a long blurb, says, Don'tsettle for limp imitations, Get the original cock book everyone is raving about, Often imitated but never duplicated, We don't pay for reviews.

(08:42):
Let's face it, anyone can copy and paste chickenrecipes from the internet, but 50 Ways to Eat Cock is for the serious epicurean who's tempted by the exquisite taste of well prepared cock.
Cooking cock is harder than most people think.
Unlike everyday chicken, itcan be tough, stringy, and dry.

(09:04):
Learn to slay this beast from someonewho has trained at the breast of some of Europe's sauciest moms and grandmas.
You'll be sure to put a smile on everyone'sface with these lip smacking recipes.
With healthy chicken recipes like RisottoCockballs and Cock Os, 50 Ways to Eat Cock is a contagiously humorous chicken cookbook that takes a revealing look at the folklore, history, culinary culture, and nutritional benefits of this well endowed ingredient.

(09:37):
With tongue in cheek descriptions andclearly written instructions, these playful cock recipes are bulging with everything from the quintessential to the quick and easy to the downright quirky.
You'll learn how to tame this tough bird meatinto succulent and finger licking gourmet meals.
Finally, the noble cock retakes hisrightful place at the head of the table.

I feel like we should purchase this book

Yes,

and do a recipe as a live show.

Okay.
Oh my god.
I'm so should we make the risotto balls?
That sounds delicious.

well, I'm assuming that every recipe is titled something cock, cockos, so we could do a drinking game as we're cooking,

oh yeah,

the word cock comes up, we have to,

yeah, we may or may not end up in the hospital at the end of it

Woo!

like alcohol poisoning.

Okay, I'm excited for this review, because it's a five star.

This is a five star review from Amazon, not Goodreads, even though it's a book,

Big

and although I don't know if this is, I don't know if this is Goodreads appropriate, so Seth A.
R., this is the subject, Seth A.
R.
Rawr.
Okay.
A whole new look at the meat aisle.
Here we go.
50 seems like a lot of ways, doesn't it?

(11:12):
I'm sure there are lots of people out therewho have no intention of eating cock 50 times, much less eating it 50 different ways.
Most people probably couldn't come upwith 10 different ways to eat cock without the help of a Cosmo magazine, but then, Isn't that the whole purpose of the book?

(11:37):
You don't have to loveeating cock to buy this book.
Maybe you had it once and didn't like it.
Surely you can find one of the 49 remainingmethods that is more to your liking, no?
Or maybe you've loved cock your whole lifeand are looking for new ways to enjoy it.
In which case, a book of 50 different techniquesis bound to have something new inside.

(12:03):
Honestly, 50 Ways to Eat Cock is a greatbook for the entire range of cock gobblers,

Oh

white cock, dark cock, moist or dry.
The book covers many different waysto enjoy the variety of cock you find in the average supermarket.
Seriously though, it is actually a very usefulcookbook with a nice range of recipes that provide a relief from the simple ways most people cook chicken, but the shock value of the name is worth the purchase price alone.

How did you find this review today?

I honestly don't know.
I'm sure it was a part of my gag gift revolution.
I was thinking we're coming up toThanksgiving, so it felt like an appropriate time to dabble in the cock.
Thank Humor.
I do think it's sort of funny that you talkedabout nuts on the day that I decided to bring in this review, but anyway, it has 187, like, helpful votes, so I'm not sure if it ended up on one of those lists and that's how I found it, but I think I just saw the title of the book and I was like, this has got to have something.

I'm looking at the cover of the book, and it is like a rooster, like, Like, mid, like,

Cacaw!

yeah, c cock.

Mick Cacaw, Cacawk.

And, just a little update, it is on Goodreads,

Oh, okay.

so there are 178 ratings, and their average is 3.
93.

I just saw that because I guess on Amazon, I'm looking at the screenshot now, it tells you the overall on Amazon and then underneath it, the overall on Goodreads.
So that's super interesting thatthe Amazon community was a 4.
7 and then underneath it, it says 3.
9 on Goodreads.
So the Goodreads community.

more highbrow,

they're a little more highbrow.

so, I, I

I imagine you're buying this as a gag gift, right?

think you have to be.
I mean, I don't know much about recipes and,like, cookbooks, so, to me, I'm intrigued, I think it's very funny, I also am thinking about Key West culture, where there's, like, roosters everywhere, like, this would be very funny to have, like, in your vacation rental, if you're, like, in Key West, you

oh my god, yeah, like if you were Airbnb ing out your place, just like have this on the coffee

Yes, so it is interesting because in that, you know, very lengthy parenthetical, Seth A.
R.
really does say, like, they, like, haveinteresting takes to, like, relieve you from the pains of the same sort of way of always cooking chicken, which I thought was interesting.
And I also thought it was tellingthat Seth really went on the cock pun.

(14:58):
tongue in cheek description train because I'm

yeah.

the book itself is very much littered with that

Well, even the description of the book that I read prior to the review was very leaning in.
I do think it's fascinating to me thatthis author is a certified nutritionist.
And yet, they, they still went for the,the humor of it all, but maybe that's a good tactic, I mean it makes it stand out,

Well, I am, I'm also thinking, Adrian, the writer, is smart, because they knew, you gotta get a gimmick, they, Mazepa told us,

yeah,

a little gimmick, then everyone's gonna buy it, cause this is a much more interesting, Spin than

then if you were just like, 50 ways to cook chicken,

Right.

yeah,

I really was, um, I was arrested and, um, I sat up in my seat when Seth R used the phrase cock gobbler.
Have you, Chelsey, ever been called a

range of cock a blurs, I don't believe I've ever been called one, no,

know, I'm from Columbia, South Carolina and, and USC, University of South Carolina, where I'm from.
They're a mascot is a game cock.
And, um, His name is Cocky, and so peoplelove to say, Go Cox, and there's a lot of branded merchandise that's like, I love

very tongue in cheek,

Go Cox, I feel like this would sell really well there,

yeah.
Oh,

I'm a huge cock.

Yes, exactly.
Yeah, okay.
So in terms of, clearly there'sa little hanging fruit, right?
Like we're going for The humor.
Do we think that Seth delivered in the humor?
Clearly, that was the main goal,

yeah, especially like, I think so.
And especially when we're talking about thesereviews that are probably comedy reviews as a five star, cause you're really not hurting anyone.
Like it's meant.
With humor and, and

Like, do we think Adrian would be like seal of approval?

I think so, I would imagine.

I

They're like taking the same, um, what, what would you say?
The same sort of,

like cut from the same cloth in terms of their comedic approach.

yes.
But I do have a question, up top, Seth A.
R., Make a very declarative statement saying noone wants to eat this much chicken like you who would be interested in 50 ways to eat chicken Well, I don't eat fish and I eat chicken a lot.
So I'm actually very intrigued.

very, same, you know, I eat chicken almost every night, I eat cock like almost nightly, so I would be interested in 50 different

so you might

call me a cock gobbler, yeah, that's true,

that's Cock Goblin Don,

yeah, just cop gobbling Donn over here.
Yeah,

So I did see on Goodreads, that this is published by an independent publishing platform.
So

that makes sense.

not like Maxwell

Yeah, but you know what?
A lot of people are not doing

Simon

Simon Schuster anymore because you can make way more money if you self publish.
So even like legit, you know, books like, youknow, I don't know if you guys know this, but Trey may or may not be now or in the future a ghost writer for some romance novels.
Disgusting, Trey,

Oh.

and if, if he were to go down that,

Quiet day.

if that were to happen or had happened, I'm sure that Trey would have to self publish those books.
And so I do think self publishing, like therap of self publishing has changed over, I would say the past decade, especially.
If not, you know, longer than that, Idon't really think that with the advent of Amazon and especially with a gag gift like this, like, why wouldn't I?

(19:10):
Like, if I'm the author ofthis book, absolutely, I'm

I want all the profits.

publish, independently publish.

That's actually, that's a really good point, actually.
Because for some reason I do think...
It must be lesser than, but I think that that'sreally not the case anymore and especially to your point like if this is like a silly gag book then like yeah that's perfect like who cares Simon and Schuster wouldn't want to

that's right, yeah, exactly,

so like given Seth AR's comedy review I think we can well but but they do do this very long parenthetical so I think they even are like winking at like Okay, I've made the stand up set, now let me just say, like, it actually is interesting, like, worth the 8.

exactly,

So that, I think, is valuable to me, cause they're, like, sort of, like, pausing the shtick to be like, it's 8, just get it.

do we think the ratio of shtick to review is appropriate or do you think we stayed in the shtick for too long?

You know, I don't know, cause I'm, I am generally not a lover of fake, like, funny reviews, but I think it's funny enough, Cock Gobbler really, like, really got me, and But I think it's appropriate, I mean, I, I do find it queenly that they do this long parenthetical, maybe they could have had more punctuation, but like, I do think it's a, I appreciate that they're sort of giving you a little bit of value, could there have been a little more value and less humor?

(20:42):
Sure, sure,

Yeah.
Okay.
I think I tend to agree with that.
Do we feel like there's useful information here?
We said, I guess there was in the parenthetical,the spelling and grammar was good.
I don't think it's shady at all.
I mean, it's a five star review.

wait, what about the parenthetical?
Is that all a run on sentence?
Or no, there is punctuation in there,

No, I think it is a run on.
No, there is punctuation.
I think I just read it like

so but then, okay, so

No, no.
Spelling and grammar is pretty good.
Yeah.
Generally speaking, obviouslywe were going for humor.
I think that this probably is common.

Yeah, that people would get it and then think it's funny and then you're sort of like, oh, it's an interesting recipe.
I'll try

Exactly.
Or like, oh, I gotta go write a funnyreview about this crazy book and I'm gonna really dig deep into the cock Subs by www.
zeoranger.
co.
uk Metaphor

You're

I'll over and I'm gonna rock out with my cock out and if I'm gonna be reading that like these reviews, I'm probably Expecting this and so maybe me as a Reader of reviews would be happy with the job that Seth A.
R.
did here.

right?

Yeah, I think so And then generally what do we think like the impact is before we go into the crowning?

I mean, honestly, I do feel more inclined to buy it, which

I mean you said that we should do it on the show.

But that was before I even heard

Oh, that's true.

But I think that parenthetical lands pretty strongly for me.
Like, I think that's very queenly.

Yeah, okay, I think that we've given Seth A.
R.
a good shake, haha, should we?

Was that a peeing in a urinal joke?
Wait,

What?

or were you doing a different kind of shake, ma'am?

was doing a different kind of shake, ma'am,

Oh!
Naughty, naughty, cocky.
Alright, yeah, I can crown Seth

a shake weight.
Okay, mm hmm, mm

Mm hmm, mm hmm, mm hmm.
So, Chelsey and I each have our ownset of zero to five crown cards.
Cocky crown cards.
In an effort to be fair and notinfluenced by one another's cocks, we will simultaneously reveal our cock ratings.
Ha!

VOICEOVER (23:06):
The Queens Are Tabulating, Total

wow, sorry, I choked, all right,

too big of a cock, she's choking.

I'm choking, okay, Trey and I are both holding up four and a half crowns, the Queens are unanimous on Seth A.
R., Trey, you go first, let us knowwhy you decided to give Seth A.
R.
four and a half crowns,

I really do think that whole, I really appreciate the compromise of like going for the joke and then also like giving a little bit of information that could encourage someone, you know, I would have loved a little more information about the recipes, a little bit more like specifics about, yes, it's funny, but ultimately like there are some interesting recipes, but like, are they tasty?

(24:02):
Are they good?
Like I want a little more Deep dive intothe actual value of the recipes rather than saying like the value, the recipes are good.
You know what I mean?

like I want to know more about, oh yeah, you continue, sorry, this is yours,

but, but yes, like, I mean, I ultimately, it is almost Review Queen y except it's just missing a little more detail, but I appreciate that there was at least any detail because oftentimes that is lacking from a joke review.
So that's why I really good job, Seth A.
R.
You're a cock star.

(24:37):
Chelsey, why did you say four and a half?

Oh my god, Seth is a cock star.
I said four and a half becausereally no harm, no foul, right?
Four and a half crowns because this isnot hurting the cause of this product at all, even though it's a joke review.
Sometimes these joke reviews kind ofcome at the expense of the product.
In this case, it was veryaligned with the product.

(25:02):
I think somebody that's looking at the reviewsof this, Product would expect to see this kind of Review and probably be pleased with it and maybe be pushed over the edge because of that parenthetical Right, like if I'm gonna just buy a gag gift There's a part of me that wants to know wouldn't it be great if this was also useful so by you telling me That the recipes are good.

(25:25):
It really pushes me to press that buy button.
And for that reason, I did four and a half.
I thought it was funny, but I wasn't likefalling out of my seat laughing, you know, like I have been for some of my other review queens.
And that was really the onlyreason I reserved that half crown.
But I do think it's funny and it's a good review.

(25:46):
And I think Seth did a good job and I dothink that you and I should have a cooking, cooking show, live cooking show, um, where we try to cook a recipe from this book, Trey.
So for that reason, four and a half crowns.

Got it.
I, I'm wondering if there's like acompanion cookbook, like for clams.

Well, I have a shellfish allergy, you know, in more ways than one, so I couldn't do the clams.

If you were to, if maybe this is an after show conversation, but I'm just trying to

I would call it?

I guess it would be clam.

sounds

Yeah.
Or what?

I don't know, a ham sandwich?

Clam

I don't know,

Why ham sandwich?
Is that a thing?
never heard this.

Trey.

I don't

God, I'm dying.
All right, my queen, we've done it.
We've reached the most regal portion of our show.
Trey, who are you inducting for?

VOICEOVER (26:43):
Score, My Royal Highness.

Today, I am really excited to be inducting a classification, a group of human beings and the group today that I want to nominate as truly five star individuals are all those people that aren't afraid in a moment.
of noticing confrontation,standing up for what's right.

(27:07):
I'm speaking about those people that can seethat something is unbalanced or that something is wrong and they can insert themselves by being like a voice of truth by being like actually you're wrong or actually Wait a second, because I think I am not always that person and I want to be that person.
I am very much afraid of confrontation.

(27:28):
But recently I was at work and I had a co workercome at me sideways and another co worker totally stood up for me and I was like, thank you.
And so that's really what has led me into this.
Induction because it really meant a lot.
I like started spiraling and then I was like,Hey, thank you for saying what you said.

(27:50):
Cause like, I reallyappreciated you having my back.
So that started also making me think like,would I have done that in that situation?
And I might not have.
So I took that as a moment of like,okay, let me be more like that person.
And so I figured today I would inductall of those people that aren't afraid to stand up and say, you know, what is right?

yes,

in the world.
So for that reason, I'm going to inductall of those people that will speak up.
They're the truth tellers.
They're the ones that are not afraid ofa consequence of speaking truth to power.
So if that's you, then I'm inducting you.
And so therefore you are my Royal Highness.

it's true, you could say some people might think it's cocky to stand up say something when you haven't been addressed, but sometimes it's necessary,

Stand up!
Don't clam up.
Be a cock y person.

that's right.

Well, we did a queen.
That is another round on the RU&RQ Ferris Wheel of Cock Gobbling.

That's right.
Thank you for joining us today.
If you like what you heard, please tell a friend.

If you did not like what you heard, we don't care.
Go tell an enemy.
On this week's After Show, Chelsey andI are going to be rating and reviewing a three star Home Depot review for...
A rake.

Oh, okay.

I just thought

A hoe?
Is it a hoe?

not a hoe, a rake.

Okay.
Okay.

You know, it's the season where like, you have to rake up leaves, so I thought, a rake?

I get it.
Let's get rake in there.
And somehow this gets said

Did you ever do the Macarena growing up?

all the time.
Oh, I mean,

Macarena Queen?

yes, for sure.

And to all of our royal listeners,

Ignore the haters, you're a queen,

Gender nonspecific Queen, but

Cocked, clam, and anything else, Queen.

Ditto.

Bye!

The cock gobbling just really, um, got me all flustered.

Oh, God,

VOICEOVER (30:21):
Sign up directly on Apple Podcast to hear our weekly members only after show.
Unlock additional benefits when you become aPatreon member@reviewthatreview.com slash patreon.
Follow us on all the socials at the review queensand join our mailing list@reviewthatreview.com.
Our kvetch line is open 247 at 1 8 5 0 review zero.
You never visit, you never write.

(30:42):
Give us a koala.
No.

Do you think that Adrian's coworkers were like, Are you serious with this book?

I don't know.
I think some of them might have been gobblingfor a free copy of that book, you know?
I was just wondering, like, what is Julia Child?
Like, I know she's passed, butwhat would she think of this book?
Would she be like, Cock avon, you know, or would she,

Cock a doodle doo.

exactly.
I don't know.
I think that Julia Child was kindof a little bit, like, frisky.
If I,

Are you calling Julia Child a cock gobbler?

I think Julia Child would call herself a gobbler, personally.

Oh my!
She kinda sounds like arooster if you think about it.

kind of sounds like she's gobbling a cock.
Ha ha!

Wow.
I don't think she's ever been consideredthat way before, but I'll take it.

Oh,

Wow, Julia Child really sounds like she's gobbling a cock.
Hmm.
We're doing real work over here.

I'm Julia Child, and keep your crowns up, Queens.

Bye!

Bye!
Oh my god.

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127: 50 Ways to Eat Cock - 5 Star Review

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