Life May Not Be Fair, But Your Relationship Can Be

S5 Episode 12: Life May Not Be Fair, But Your Relationship Can Be

 

Episode Summary

A healthy relationship always has an underlying sense of fairness to everything the couple does.  Whether it is the division of labor, the respect of boundaries or the joint economic decisions.  Fairness means treating people according to their needs, therefore it will not always be equal.  Equality is treating everyone the same; something that is very difficult to achieve in a romantic partnership.

Each member of the relationship needs to take responsibility for communicating their individual needs and expectations to their partner.  In turn, their partner should be empathetic and accountable. For a relationship to feel fair, both people need to be realistic about what will be most mutually beneficial to the relationship.

Moreover, it is up to you to advocate for yourself if you feel there is a double-standard or your boundaries are being violated.  As relationship evolve, what would be considered fair can change as well.  It is important to check in with your partner and make sure that they are feeling respected and appreciated for their contributions to the partnership.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how frustrating it is when your partner refuses to clean up after themselves.

 

Show Notes

Fair is not the same as equal. While you can strive for equality in a relationship, it’s unrealistic to believe it can be equal at all times. That said, it doesn’t mean your relationship can’t be fair. Equal means getting the exact same treatment. Fair means respect, appreciation, and a feeling of being heard. 

 

How do you make a relationship fair? You have to be able to communicate, empathize, and listen. You have to set appropriate boundaries with each other and be clear about them. Don’t allow your partner to treat you unfairly—you are the one who needs to set and enforce your boundaries.

 

When it comes to division of labor, it’s very important to be fair about it. It’s not just about the physicality of the labor, it’s about the emotional toll and the time commitment, too. It helps to play to each person’s strength when you’re tackling tasks, so you can be efficient. This helps bring balance to the relationship or family unit.

 

The fairer your relationship is, the greater your trust and intimacy will be. Showing appreciation for your partner and acknowledging them, especially in those periods where the relationship isn’t fair, goes a long way. When people feel their time is valued and respected, a sense of fairness permeates the relationship.

 

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner makes a mess and doesn’t clean up after themselves. It’s childish, selfish, and creates instant resentment. It’s disrespectful to the partner’s space and energy. It also sets a poor example for children. Your relationship is a partnership—not a complimentary service. 

 

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