You Cannot Change the Rules of the Relationship Just Because You're Losing

S5 Episode 10: You Cannot Change the Rules of the Relationship Just Because You’re Losing

 

Episode Summary

As a relationship evolves, the power dynamic can shift between the two partners.  Sometimes this shift in power produces positive outcomes like increased trust, empathy or teamwork.  Unfortunately, the more common outcome is the dominant partner feeling threatened by the change.  

Instead of embracing the power shift, they attempt to maintain the upper hand in the relationship by changing the relationship rules. This type of behavior is counter-productive and detrimental to the relationship. It creates instant feeling of resentment in your partner and will end up creating conflict.  

Issuing ultimatums as a way of getting what you want is another thoughtless way to approach your partner.  It signals desperation and will not get you what you ultimately want.  Unless you are willing to follow through with a threat or demand, it is foolish and short-sighted to force your partner into a corner.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how quickly a work spouse can wreak havoc in a relationship.

 

Show Notes

As new elements are added to your relationship, it’s normal to see a shift in the rules. They are meant to be dynamic, so they evolve. But the reality is that in almost all relationships, one member tends to have a little more power. But when this person starts to lose power, they may feel inclined to change the rules. This is detrimental to a relationship.

 

Rules and boundaries can be altered, but it has to be communicated and agreed upon from both sides. Making unilateral decisions that serve only you is an unfair move. People who do this might think it helps them keep their power, but in reality, it will breed anger and resentment while souring your relationship.

 

Giving ultimatums and demands is trying to force another person’s behavior, and if you aren’t willing to follow through with the consequences or the outcome, you’ll lose your credibility. This signals something desperate is going on in the relationship, and it’s an unhealthy play for power.

 

Before you try to shift the rules in your relationship, ask yourself if you’re willing to follow through. By showing your dissatisfaction, you may be letting more out than you think, and there’s no telling what the situation might become. People can be very unpredictable when you try to change the rules on them.

 

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner has a work spouse. It’s a common occurrence—many people end up with a work spouse in the workplace. However, when a work spouse’s emotional support exceeds that of the actual partner, trouble almost always ensues. Appropriate boundaries need to be established with the work spouse before it evolves into an emotional affair.

 

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