You Should Be Your Partner's Biggest Fan, Not Their Biggest Critic

S5 Episode 8: You Should Be Your Partner’s Biggest Fan, Not Their Biggest Critic

 

Episode Summary

Romantic relationships are unique in the sense that it is the one interpersonal relationship where you get to choose your partner.  There must be a reason why you want to spend time with this person and share the most intimate parts of your life with them.  The idea that you would not be their biggest fan or source of emotional support is counterintuitive and counterproductive.

When two people form a partnership, they become a unit that should work together, not tear each other down.  No person is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.  There is a difference between criticizing your partner and being critical.  When there is a trust and respect between two people, they should be able to communicate in a healthy way.  When one partner behaves in a way that is detrimental to the partnership, it needs to be addressed in a productive and thoughtful manner.

A strong partnership recognizes each person’s strengths and works as a unit to shore up any deficiencies.  Knowing that your partner has your back and is your biggest cheerleader builds intimacy, empathy and a sense of security.  It allows you to take risks, display vulnerability and gives you the space to evolve.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how unfair it is when one partner is sick and the other is expected to pick up all the slack, but the favor is never returned.

 

Show Notes

You should be your partner’s biggest fan, not their biggest critic. Why would anyone choose to spend time, or especially build a life with, a person who does nothing but criticize them? You don’t love everything your partner does, but you should always bring your partner up more than you put them down.

 

If your partner feels the need to be critical often, especially in front of other people, it’s a big red flag. You may not always approve of what your partner does, but there’s a time and place to have those conversations. Generally, you should be each other’s cheerleaders and teammates. You can even be their coach by being critical without criticizing. 

 

The way you support your partner reinforces a strong foundation in your relationship. You should be a united front to friends, family members, and anybody you interact with. This kind of relationship is powerful, freeing, and lets you fly high. It also gives you space to make mistakes and be vulnerable.

 

You don’t have to cover up how you really feel about your partner. But the fact is you should understand and support your partner when they do make mistakes. Show them grace rather than going on the attack. Remember all the positive reasons you picked this person and keep that in focus in your relationship.

 

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner gets away with doing nothing when they’re sick, but you still have to work when you’re sick. If one partner is temporarily out of commission, the other has to step up. This agreement should go both ways. When it doesn’t, it’s infuriating. If you take care of everyone else regardless of how you’re feeling, it’s a problem.

 

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