Beyond Libido: Reclaiming Your Sexual Power in Midlife with Susan Bratton SUMMER REBOOT - Episode 278 - Sandy K Nutrition - Health & Lifestyle Queen

Episode Transcript
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Sandy Kruse (00:02):
Hi everyone, it's me, Sandy Kruse of Sandy K
Nutrition, health and LifestyleQueen.
For years now, I've beenbringing to you conversations
about wellness from incredibleguests from all over the world.
Discover a fresh take onhealthy living for midlife and

(00:25):
beyond, one that embracesbalance and reason, without
letting only science dictateevery aspect of our wellness.
Join me and my guests as weexplore ways that we can age
gracefully, with in-depthconversations about the thyroid,

(00:48):
about hormones and otheralternative wellness options for
you and your family.
True Wellness nurtures ahealthy body, mind, spirit and
soul, and we cover all of theseessential aspects to help you
live a balanced, joyful life.

(01:10):
Be sure to follow my show, rateit, review it and share it.
Always remember my friendsbalanced living works.
Friends, balanced living works.

(01:31):
Hi everyone, welcome to Sandy KNutrition, health and Lifestyle
Queen.
Today I have a repeat guestshe's just so lovely.
I welcomed her to come back tomy show and her name is Susan
Bratton, and she is the intimacyexpert to millions.
She teaches people how toachieve ageless passion and
unlock the secrets to lifelongvitality, which is what we all

(01:54):
want, right?
Susan is a champion andadvocate for all those who
desire intimacy and passiontheir whole life long.
She's the co-founder and CEO oftwo corporations Personal Life
Media and the 20.
Susan is the best-sellingauthor and publisher of 34 books

(02:15):
and programs.
She has been featured in theNew York Times and on CNBC and
the Today Show, and as well asfrequent appearances on ABC, cbs
.

Susan Bratton (02:29):
The.

CW, fox and NBC, and today, susan and I are going
to be discussing sexualvitality and how to keep the
loving alive beyond menopauseand andropause.
For those of you who don't know, andropause male menopause they
go through it too, guys, in adifferent way, but they do go

(02:52):
through it, and so this is goingto be a very important
conversation.
Susan is an absolute wealth ofinformation.
So with that, welcome, susan.
Thank you for coming ofinformation.

So with that, welcome, susan.
Thank you for coming.
Sandy, it's so good to see you.
I'm so happy to be back withyou again.
We had so much fun the firsttime we got together.
That was such a great episode,and so I've really been looking
forward to seeing you again.
It's just so great to be onyour show.
One of the things that I loveabout what you do is you really
help people, stitch together thebasics but then get beyond them

(03:26):
.
I kind of think about youraudience as being like the
superheroes of health andvitality.
They're like tell me all thethings and because I'm a nerd
around ageless sexuality andwhat it actually takes to have
great sex until the day you die,instead of feeling super
frustrated, beating up, beatingyourself up, feeling guilty,

(03:51):
feeling like you're you have toperform, feeling like you don't
really want to but you're doingit mercy sex.
There's so many things thathappen to us in midlife that we
take on as kind of our oh, we'rejust doing this wrong, we're
bad, you know, we should bebetter.
We have all this stuff, and I'mhoping that you and I can kind

(04:13):
of clear the path for yourlisteners to have a whole new
approach to their sexuality.
Because, in all honesty, thepeople who've given up on their
sexuality aren't even going tobe listening to us today or
watching us today.
They're not even going to.
They're like I could take it orleave it.
I'm not doing it anymore, I'vegiven up on that.
So we're really speaking.

(04:34):
I think, almost all the timewhen we do a segment about
sexuality to people who are likethere's a flicker of hope.
Tell me or hey, you know, I'mfinally making up for the lost
time, or I want to have a bettersex life.
Tell me what to do.
So that's what I'm hoping we'llget into today together.

I think that sounds really good because I think you
know, speaking from a woman'sperspective, we go through such
phases in our lives and then oursex life changes.
With those phases, you know,like if you're a parent, you
remember those days when thattoddler would crawl into bed

(05:19):
with you and then right, andthen there's moments on one hand
, sex life killer on the other.
Right.
But then there's the timeswhere you are suffering, and
I've been there and I'm stillthere with a snoring husband.
I actually did a show aboutthis, susan.

(05:39):
Can you have intimacy and ahealthy marriage without
sleeping in the same bed?
Because, you know, as you know,as we get older, for me my
sleep takes precedence overanything.
I have to sleep well, otherwiseI'd look like crap recording
with you, wouldn't I?
And I would also feel like crapand wouldn't want to do all

(06:00):
this stuff.
So you know, there's a lot ofchanges.
We go through our lives andthen we end up at menopause and
there's more changes.
So I first want to ask you whatyour story is and how you
became an expert in this area.

Yeah, I've been a sexpert for the last two
decades and, like you mentioned,I've written.
I've actually written 44 booksand programs.
Now that must have been an oldbio.
I added them all up and went oh, it's bigger than I thought Was
.
12 years into my marriage and Ididn't want to sleep with my
husband anymore.

(06:40):
It wasn't pleasurable for me.
I'd been giving him mercy sexfor years.
He was like super mad at me andchecked out emotionally.
In our relationship we werevery platonic.
I would relent to mercy sexwith him when I felt like I had
to, and it's not that I didn'twant to have good sex.
I just had never had an orgasmfrom intercourse and I've been

(07:00):
having intercourse with him fora dozen years and I just was
like I don't know, it's just notdoing anything for me.
And he said, ok, well, let'ssee if we can figure it out.
And we went to marriagecounseling and I worked on some
trauma that I'd had and did alot of that kind of stuff.

(07:21):
We did a lot of personal growthdevelopment.
We started getting very honestwith each other.
That was one of the biggestthings.
But what really made thedifference for us was going to
some sex, love and intimacyworkshops and actually learning
how to make love andorgasmically, how to have very
pleasurable lovemaking and notjust intercourse, have very

(07:47):
pleasurable lovemaking and notjust intercourse.
But you know touch and oralpleasuring and holding each
other, and you know arousal,understanding arousal and things
like that and it so instantlytransformed our relationship.
We had this renaissance in ourrelationship where we just
totally fell in love againtogether.
We had all this newrelationship, energy, the sex
was finally good for both of usand we just kept getting better

(08:09):
and better and pursuing more andmore knowledge.
And my husband and I were bothSilicon Valley executives and
he's the original inventor ofthe Rhapsody online music
service, the first you know likenow we're at Spotify and
Pandora, but he was the inventor, he was the cat beyond the
category inventor of that and mycompany invented the cable
modem and we, you know like wewere really Silicon Valley 1.0

(08:34):
web people and we said we needto.
People aren't going to spendthe money that we spent to go to
these workshops and get nakedand learn techniques in a room
full of people.
Why don't we bring theworkshops to people at home?
Why don't we create programs,online programs?
And this was still very early20 years ago.

(08:56):
That has now.
I've been married for 33 yearsand I'm having the best sex of
my life.
It just has kept getting betterand better and I've never run
out of new things I've wanted todo or try.
My orgasms are incredible.
I have different kinds oforgasms.

(09:18):
I teach orgasmic cross-training, orgasmic activation.
I teach orgasmic intercourseskills, orgasmic oral skills.
This is what I actually do andI worked.
I launched a publishing companyand I published the work of
these experts who were workingwith you know 20 to 60 people at
a time and it basically createdexperiences that partners could

(09:40):
have wherever they were in theworld, digitally, direct to
consumer, and I've been doingthat for 20 years.
Now.
I have a team of about 20 andmy other company that's my
company called Personal LifeMedia and the brand is called
the Better.
It's called Better Lover, andthen I have another brand called
the 20, because one of thethings that I realized about 10

(10:03):
years into teaching people howto have great sex is that there
are three legs to the stool ofhaving sex.
That serves you for the rest ofyour life and when you have good
sex and by sex I don'tnecessarily mean intercourse, I
mean all the things.
I really make a distinctionbetween what people say when

(10:25):
they say foreplay and sex, assex is intercourse and like
that's what you're going forwhen they leave all the other
goodies on the table and rushthrough them.
I try to correct that becausethere are skill sets
communication skill sets,technique skill sets and then
there's that third leg of agreat sex life, which is and
it's, an ageless sexuality.

(10:46):
You know you want to have it aslong as you can because it
makes you literally live longer,healthier and happier than
someone who gives up on it.
And that is what I wouldconsider to be intimate wellness
, or what I call either sexualregenerative therapies and
treatments Everything fromacoustic wave to
photobiomodulation, red lighttherapy to supplementation to

(11:11):
vacuum erection devices, allkinds of things.
I also call that sexualbiohacking.
That's a popular term and Ispeak from the stage.
Frequently, like in the nextmonth, I'm speaking on three
stages about sexual biohacking.
It's another word for the samething, really, but that's very
important because your body isgoing to go through atrophy and

(11:34):
the atrophy can be reversed.
So all your parts are working,because you can have all the
techniques and communicationskills in the world, but if it
hurts, you're not going to do it.
So that's where I got into thewhole health side of things and
started my second company calledthe 20, which is sexual
vitality supplements and bloodflow supplements.

(11:54):
And the blood flow supplement Imake it's called Flow Nitric
Oxide Booster, and what'sinteresting about that, as an
example of kind of my ethos ofholistic health and as much
natural healing as possible,staying away from
pharmaceuticals and keeping yourbody working, is that the
nitric oxide booster that Ipretty much say anybody over 40

(12:17):
should be on a booster and youshould be upping your leafy
greens and your beetroot andeating your dills and your
cabbages and things like that toget the nitric oxide.
But our soils are depleted andso you can't get the nitrogen to
turn it into the nitrates thatturn to nitrites, that turn to
nitric oxide that pump the bloodto your genital systems if you

(12:37):
don't have enough of theseprecursors.
And so I have a food derivedsupplement that's made from
organic watermelon rind, spinach, sour cherries, instead of
things that I think aboutsupplements, and I think there's
two dimensional and threedimensional supplementation, and

(12:57):
two dimensional supplements isthey made it in a lab and three
dimensional is this is somethingthat came from the earth, from
nature, and it's always going tohave things in it that are much
more synergistic and morebioavailable than lab-based
things.
Now, some of that stuff, likevitamin C studies show you that

(13:20):
you know, ascorbic acid is justas good as you know the vitamin
C derived from sour cherries.
But I'll still go with thewhole food oriented
supplementation when available.
It's not always, but there's afew things I've found that are
quite interesting, that reallyhelp keep your all your

(13:41):
biological systems working verywell as you age.
So that's kind of my story.
And at 63, like I said, mygenitals are more.
They're more lubricated, moreresponsive, more orgasmic.
I have more kinds of orgasms.
They're longer, they're morepleasurable, they're more
intense.
I have sexual confidence.

(14:02):
It's just a joyful part of mylife, my sexuality, and that's
available to everyone.
It's just thank God forpodcasts like yours, sandy,
where you are intrepid enough tohave somebody like me come on
and talk about.
Okay, what do I need to knowand do?
Where's my thinking been skewedfrom the misinformation that's

(14:22):
in the world today?
That's basically lack ofknowledge, censorship and
religious and culturalrepression and a patriarchal
view of what sex is.
How do we correct that?
What is female-centricsensuality, and how does that
serve me?
And so I think I've obviouslybeen quite popular with this

(14:44):
category of conversation and I'mso happy people are eager to
know these things yeah.

So here's the thing you and I are definitely in
agreement on this.
I know because you justmentioned nitric oxide.
I just released a show aboutnitric oxide, like with Nathan.

Yeah, oh yeah, I've taken all Nathan's classes.
He is the world's thoughtleader in nitric oxide
production.

Yes, and it's interesting because this will be
an interesting segue.
I know you'll have something toadd to this but men immediately
jump to Viagra versus thinkingabout why is this happening to
me in the first place and theroot cause?

(15:33):
Well, there's a couple ofpossible causes.
There's atherosclerosis,exactly Right.
Or there's a nitric oxide, orright.
So there's a few.
So at my age I'm a big believerin nutraceuticals that are
really really therapeutic, likeproteolytic enzymes, like

(15:56):
natokinase, right, natokinase,seropeptase we're on that
protocol and then on a nitricoxide protocol.
But then also for me, for mespecifically, I have to really
be cognizant of my HbA1c.
So there's so many factors thatcan affect our vitality, our

(16:20):
sexual vitality, and peopleimmediately go to the drugs
versus kind of doing moreexplorative work and thinking,
hmm, what could possibly becausing this lull in my sex life
?

Yeah, the atrophy and the loss of firmness, the
loss of blood flow which makesthem not have a firm erection.
Can you talk about that?
Sure, oh, my God, this is oneof my cause.

that's one of your specialties, like what are the?

what are some of the causative factors?
Okay, I mentioned a few, butwell, I think you hit the
greatest ones and, honestly, Ithink it's better to talk about
what are the solutions and whathappened and what are the
solutions, and so the otherinteresting thing that I think
needs to be said before we talkabout the solutions to the
problem, because it doesn'treally matter why your penis
isn't getting hard.
It does, because then you've gota root cause issue you need to
deal with.
But the big ones areatherosclerosis and insulin

(17:13):
dysregulation, which are, youknow, due to lack of movement
and poor nutrition.
So it's just that simple, SandyKay.

I mean listen, if you're eating McDonald's and all
kinds of garbage, start there.

If it comes out of a box, you're killing
yourself clean that up yes.
So, um, the thing that doesn'tget said, because everything's
focused on the male member andwhether or not that's working is
that if you pretended that apenis was a banana, you can
imagine that 50% of that bananasticks out of a male body, but

(17:53):
50% actually goes in and downtowards his testicles.
It's twice as long as thevisual that you see, and the
penis is basically spongy tissuecovered by a thin membrane
called the tunica albuginea andthe penile skin, and there's the
pudential arteries, there's thecapillaries, there's the nerves

(18:16):
, there's things like that, butit's basically 90% of it or more
is erectile tissue, spongytissue, and so men have what's
called fast acting hemodynamics.
When they get turned on whichis very easy for them because
they're testosterone dominantthe blood quickly flows into the
penis and has to flow in enoughto lock off, to close the blood

(18:38):
vessels so that it holds theblood in to create the erection.
What nobody ever talks about isthat women have.
If I took all the erectiletissue out of the banana and I
put it on your hand, it wouldfill up your hand.
If I took all the erectiletissue out of the vulvovaginal

(19:00):
complex and put it in your hand,it would fill up your hand too.
We women have as much erectiletissue as our male-bodied
partners.
The thing is that it's also inthree erectile tissue chambers,
if you will.
One is the clitoral structure,which we know the most about.

(19:22):
Most women are aware of that.
The little nub is just the tip,the glands.
It's their little penis.
It has a shaft, it has arms, ithas legs.
It wraps around the vagina.
But they don't really know that.
The second sponge is called theurethral sponge and people call
it a G-spot.
But it's not a spot, it's along tube of spongy tissue that

(19:45):
wraps around the urethral canal.
The men have exactly the samething.
It's called the corpusspongiosum and literally their
urethral canal comes down theirpenis and out.
They ejaculate and they urinateout of that tube and it has
sponge around it.
We have the same exact tube.
We also ejaculate and urinateout of our tube, but ours is

(20:08):
inside, but ours comes, ours isin.
If you open up your little labia, your inner labia, what's
inside there is the exit of yoururine and your vaginal opening
and that's the tip of yoururethral sponge, right there and
it actually likes to bepleasured.
That little spot, just like theentrance to your vagina, likes

(20:31):
light touch and pleasuring.
That's called the introitalsphincter.
These are sphincter muscles,sphincter system.
So what's interesting is there'sa third spongy tissue, just
like the male body, and it'scalled the perineal sponge, and
it's this little spongy thingbetween the bottom of the vagina
and the rectum sandwiched inthere.

(20:52):
And all three of those tissuestructures have to get flooded
with blood.
But for the male partner ittakes two or three minutes for
him to achieve an erection.
For the female partner it takesher 10, 20, maybe even 30
minutes, depending on frequencyof sex, how often she becomes
engorged, et cetera.

(21:12):
So our female bodies, we needour lady boner, our clitoral
erection, our engorgement, ourtumescence.
We need that as much as ourmale body partners.
But everything's focused on themale erection and women are
getting left behind, which islike malarkey to me.
So this is why I think it'svery important to understand,
because it leads to womenthinking that they don't have a

(21:38):
libido and it must be hormonal,when in actual fact what has
happened is they have beenhaving sex before they're fully
erect their whole lives, becausethey don't understand these
mechanisms.
And what happens is that whenthose little bags of tissue

(21:59):
don't fill up and deflate andfill up and deflate, and fill up
and deflate from blood flow.
They atrophy, they shrink.
And when they atrophy andshrink, the same thing happens
to the penis.
They atrophy, and then theblood vessels and then the
capillaries retract, anddiabetes exacerbates that, by

(22:21):
the way.
Right right, diabetes makesyour nerves retract and your
capillaries retract and so whenthey retract, it shrinks the
tissue even more and the tissuekeeps shrinking and shrinking
and shrinking, to the pointwhere a lot of women, by the
time they're 40 or 50 or 60,they can barely achieve a single

(22:43):
orgasm because they'veliterally never had the blood
constantly flowing completely toall that tissue, because they
didn't know that they needed 20minutes.
For most couples, when 20minutes is up, he's already
snoring.
By the way, snoring is aninteresting thing because

(23:06):
testosterone replacementexacerbates snoring.
So here you are living with aman who's already snoring and
then you get him on testosteronebecause he's turning into your
grandmother and you know you'retrying to get him to work out
and build muscle.
But you got to do somethingbecause you don't want to be
living with your grandma, andthen he starts using
testosterone and then hissnoring goes through the roof.

(23:28):
Then your sleep goes down evenworse and you got to kick him
out into the other bedroom.
So it's an imperfect situationand I wanted to address that
because you talked about thatearlier.
Around you know, uh, husband'ssnoring and you're sleeping.
So important, important it is.
What you ultimately do have todo is you have to go into
separate rooms when your partnercan't solve their snoring

(23:49):
issues, and there are a lot ofthings that can be done to solve
snoring issues, but not allpartners are motivated to fix
things you know.
So you have to deal with what isin your marriages and your
relationships as well.
But I think that, if women, oneof the reasons why women give
up on their sexuality is thatwe've been having sex with a
flaccid erectile tissuestructure and we've and here's

(24:14):
how this works.
Okay, so just to finish it off,because I think this is like.

So I find this really helpful for people but
it's also very new, I will saysay because the majority, you
know how we always talk about,how foreplay is so important.
Yeah, this is one of the mainreasons why it is so important
for women.
You need the time Right Causewe need that time, but most

(24:41):
women listen.
The reality is, Susan, you seewomen my age, our age, who
either stop having sex or do themercy sex thing.
Yeah, and they're done that.

(25:02):
Do you think that women and men, or can you stay in a marriage
that has no sex at all?
Because I this is totally myopinion I can't imagine being in
a marriage with no sex or thatmercy sex that happens once

(25:25):
every six months or whatever.

Yeah, lots of people are in marriages that
they don't have any sex andthey've given up on it.
A lot of people cheat, haveaffairs on the side.
A lot of people have a don'task, don't tell.
A lot of people are too sick tohave sex.
I mean, if you want to talkabout libido, desire and arousal
, libido is your physical health, desire is your mental and

(25:49):
emotional health, and arousal ishow your body works compared to
your partner.
And most women have been havingsex and being treated like men,
like even the whole notion offoreplay is bullshit.
Foreplay, no, I need you toplay with my boobs, make out
with me, rub my feet, go down onme.
That's sex.
Sex isn't intercourse.

(26:10):
That comes from religiouspatriarchy.
You know, the only reason youshould have sex is because we're
making more babies for our cult.
Some people don't find thatopinion very popular, but if you
think about it in a broadspectrum, you might.

Handmaid's tale people Handmaid's tale.

I want to go back to the biggest sex organ for a
second too, because I think it'sa really important part that
stitches this whole thinkingtogether, because I want to
rewire your thinking completelyabout your approach to your
sexuality.
At this point, you know your,your midlife, and you're like
I'm listening to you suze, I'mlistening to you, sandy.
What do I need to do?
And one of the most importantthings to understand and this is

(26:51):
the work of my friend, dr NanWise.
She's a neuroscientist,sexologist, and she's the person
and I'd love to introduce youto her.
She'd be fun to have on theshow.
Yeah, she, she wrote a bookcalled why Good Sex Matters,
which is excellent, butbasically she's the person that
worked with Beverly Whipple andDr Barry Komisarek to put people

(27:15):
into MRI machines and look atwhere their brain lit up when
they had orgasms and where theywere touched in different
locations.
And so most people think aboutsexual pleasure as either being
intravaginal or clitoral, ormaybe both, and different people
feel different sensation intheir vulva and their vagina

(27:40):
depending on culturalprogramming, how they've been
touched, when they've been to.
All these different thingsaffect our pleasure states and
often women feel pain, numbness,shame, not pleasure, being
stimulated in their vulvovaginalregions, and that can be fixed.

(28:00):
Because it's your brain that isyour biggest sex organ and the
reason that it is is because itprocesses sensations.
It lets you know when somethingfeels good.
And, going back to the erectiletissue, I want to close the
loop on this because it's veryimportant.
Thinking it's a whole new wayof thinking about your body and
your sexuality is that if yourerectile tissue, if your lady

(28:25):
penis, which is all these nooksand crannies inside you that
takes 20 minutes to get anerection, penis, which is all
these nooks and crannies insideyou that takes 20 minutes to get
an erection, if your lady penisis already, if your partner's
already snoring and you haven'teven achieved your erection yet,
then you have a flaccid.
Let's call it a yoni this isthe word I like, y-o-n-i like my

(28:48):
little yoni.
Yoni is the tantric lovemakingword for the female genital
system.
It's emotion, it's spirituality, it's a multi-dimensional word
for your feminine pleasurecenter and it includes all the

(29:09):
erectile tissue structures thelabia minora, majora, the mons,
the urethral sponge, theperineus, all the parts, plus
how you feel about them and howthey need honoring and they need
patience and they needreverence and appreciation.
They are the seat of creationand that's why your sex life is

(29:29):
a part of your creativity.
It can fuel your vitality.
It can actually superchargeyour vitality when it's given
what it needs.
And what it needs is not whatwe've learned, seen in the
movies, watched on porn or beentold by anyone.
What it needs is 20 to 30minutes of concentrated

(29:49):
attention and pleasure so thatit starts to get used to filling
up with blood.
Once those tissue structuresare plump from blood flow, they
have more surface area.
They're literally bigger, justlike an erect penis is bigger

(30:09):
than a flaccid penis.
It's our penis, basicallyinside us, all in these nooks
and crannies, and when it'splump and it has more surface
area, when it is touched itsends more pleasure signals to
our brain.
Our neural pathways getenlarged, extended, expanded and

(30:33):
we can literally feel morepleasure.
So once you start and thesolution to getting this is yoni
massage, vulval pleasuringusing vibrators I've got certain
ones I highly recommend foryoni massage.
One of them is called the Leia3.

(30:55):
And it is like a cupping handand the vibrations actually
penetrate into the erectiletissue to stimulate your brain,
bring it online and send thesignals to your body to fill it
with blood, to plump it up sothat your everything starts to

(31:15):
feel good.
Women who've never had orgasmsfrom intercourse after all of
their lives will start to dothese yoni massage practices
with their partner.
Their partner will begin tounderstand their body better.
They will slow down and drop in.
They will stop rushing topenetrate us, they will see our
pleasure, we will begin to havemore orgasms more easily, that

(31:36):
last longer and have moreintensity, and we will finally
begin for many women to do whatI call crossing the gasm chasm,
closing the orgasm gap betweenhow easy it is for him to have
his ejaculatory orgasm and howhard it is for us to have
orgasms from intercourse.
So and you can be orgasmic theentire time your partner is

(31:57):
inside you having intercoursewith you.
You literally can work your wayup to that through practice,
but not without a lady boner andthe lady boners are a funny
little thing that take longer.
And you must be patient withyourself because you've been
playing by men's rules and yougot to break it.
You got to stop it becauseyou're not doing yourself any

(32:19):
you know any service by notliving in the body that you're
actually in.
And even I to this day, knowingall the things I know, get
impatient with myself sometimeslike damn, this is taking me
forever to get really turned onlike I'm deaf, and then all of a
sudden be like oh, I'm nowthinking about my husband's
penis.
Oh, oh no, I'm thinking abouthaving in my mouth.
Oh no, I'm thinking abouthaving in my yoni, oh okay, I

(32:41):
think I'm ready to go to thenext phase and he's so patient
with me, okay.
But we?

yeah, he's.
You just said the word.
He's patient with you, you, hehas learned that this pays off,
okay.
Okay, I was going to ask youbecause, listen, I'm 54.
I've been married a long timetoo, and you know, with men

(33:06):
typically, patience is notcommon, susan, yeah but what men
?

it comes to sex?
Yeah, but what men love is togive us incredible pleasure.
They want us to love having sexwith them.
And even if we won't initiatesex generally it's just not a
thing most women do You're luckyif you initiate sex as a woman.
I mean, I'm a sexpert and Ihave great sex.
And I will say to my husbandI'm a sexpert and I have great

(33:31):
sex.
And I will say to my husband,I'm open to having a date later.
And then I got to leave all theheavy lifting to him until I
get going, and then I'm a realtiger in bed.
But I learned how to be a tiger.
I'm like the latest bloomer inthe universe in almost
everything that I do.
And I don't even think that I'mthat late a bloomer.

(33:52):
I just think we are latebloomers.
Everybody expects everythingthey think.
You know, the twenties is yourbest time for sex, and after
that it's downhill.
It's like, oh, au contraire,your sexual maturation is just
like your personal maturation.
I mean, I am wiser, I am abetter lover.
I'm, you know, the mostincredible person I've ever been
in my life at 63.

(34:13):
I just keep getting better andmore amazing, and we all do if
we have that state of mind andthe appreciation for our wisdom
and our journey and ourexperience and our mastery.
Sex is a mastery level game.
There's a never ending amountof things you can learn and that
is why last year and I don'tthink you know about this I

(34:36):
wrote one of my latest, one ofmy latest offerings and it's,
it's free, it's a download isthe sex life bucket list.
It's at sexlifebucketlistcom andit's basically a 40 minute
video couples experience where Iwalk you through.
You download a PDF and it has48 erotic play dates on it, and

(34:59):
these erotic play dates peopledon't want to have sex and they
don't want to schedule sex,because that means I have to
schedule screwing my husband andI don't feel like it.
And so, like all these expertsthat are like you just need to
schedule, I'm like, uh, nobody'sdoing that, please, no, queen,

(35:21):
no.
So.
But what people will do oncethey get started is they will be
like okay, on Thursday nightswe're getting a sitter or
whatever we need to do to carveout the time.
We're getting takeout, we'redoing whatever and we're going
to learn a new thing, we'regoing to try something new
together.
That's the variety, the noveltythat keeps your sex life

(35:44):
becoming more and more funinstead of swirling down the
toilet.
And the sex life bucket listhas these 48 fun ideas and
nothing is gross.
There's no like let's pee oneach other or weird shit like
that.
It's all stuff you would not beembarrassed to do in front of
your husband and he wouldn't beembarrassed to do it in front of

(36:05):
you.
And you watch my video togetherin bed, crack your phone open
or your laptop and you watch inbed and you have two printouts.
You print them out at home andit has A, b and C next to each
thing and the A's are oh, thisis definitely going on my bucket
list.
I've always wanted to find my Gspot or learn to have orgasms
from intercourse, or try avibrator while we're having

(36:26):
intercourse, or do a lingeriefashion.
You know photo shoot or youknow videotape ourselves having
sex or something like that.
And some women are like I wouldnever do that and that's fine.
You can mark that as a B, likeokay, I'd do it if you really
want to.
Or a C it's not for me rightnow.
Never say never, because whenyou start having fun, you get

(36:47):
over your body issue, body imageissues because you're starting
to have fun and you don't carewhat you look like.
Your judgment flies out thedoor because you're too busy
having fun.
You start getting juicy becauseit's exciting and it's new
again.
You start trying new things,you have laughs, you have some
failures.
You're fun, you know it's justmore pleasurable.
It's not just the old in andout thing again that I don't

(37:11):
really like and I'm kind of sickof anyway, and I think that and
and one of the things thatcould be top on your list is I'd
like to start having yonimassages.
I'd like to have a yoni massagepractice with you.
I heard Susan Bratton on SandyK Nutrition's podcast and she
said that if we want to keephaving great sex for the rest of
our lives, the thing the numberone thing she recommends is

(37:33):
that we start having a yonimassage practice.

I need a link for that.

Yeah, the yoni.
All my yoni massage videos arefree and they're at
betterlovercom, and that's alsowhere you can Sorry, yeah, go
ahead.

You talked about.
You talked about a specialvibrator as well.

So layer three, Sorry, you talked about.
You talked about a specialvibrator as well.

So we will.
Anybody who's listening, wewill have a bunch of links,
because Susan will get me abunch of links that we talk
about in this and more and more,so you can explore.

Well, I might, as well, tell you about one more
thing too while we're at it, andthat is this pleasure protocol.
So one of the things that I amvery, very careful about is
toxin taking on.
Toxins I try to use.
I try to pick and choose mybeauty products.
I try to eat organic.

(38:25):
I cook my food at home.
I you know, I just do whateverI can do.
I've got an air doctor cleaningthe air.
I filter my food at home.
I just do whatever I can do.
I've got an air doctor cleaningthe air.
I filter my water.
I just try to do everything Ican do to keep toxins and I
don't drink out of plastic.
I just tell me what to do andI'll probably try and do it kind

(38:46):
of thing around toxins.
But I was really frustrated fordecades around lubricants,
because I like it slippy, slideyand even though, because I have
done my gains wave for her,which is the acoustic wave and I
do want to talk about that withyou it is so good I still like

(39:08):
to put lube on.
And lubricants are an FDA classtwo you know regulated industry
and so they have to havepreservatives and the problem is
they're like the ultraprocessed food of sex stuff.
It's basically nothing good.
All horrible stuff in itbecause it just sits on shelves

(39:31):
and it's all chemically and it'sreally gross, like KY and all
this stuff.
Compound organic fluorine,which is a halide that screws up
your thyroid, and all the stuffin the drugstores have it.

(39:56):
All the stuff in the grocerystores, the Walmarts, the
Targets have these kinds ofchemicals in them.
So I found a company calledPhoria and I've worked with them
now I'm literally their companyspokesperson, because I talk
about this so much and I createdsomething with their products
called the pleasure protocol andI really recommend this for

(40:18):
women.
Now this has CBD in it what I'mabout to talk about but there
is a non CBD version availableto some.
Women can't do it.
They're drug tested, they don'twant to, they're living in
states where they can't get it.
But generally, cbd is aphytocannabinoid from the our
organs in our tissue and,interestingly enough, a lot of

(40:42):
endocannabinoid receptors in ourgenital structures.
And going back to the signal tothe brain, when those are

(41:02):
stimulated by thephytocannabinoids they start
sending pleasure signals to thebrain.
The brain loves it.
Sending pleasure signals to thebrain.
The brain loves it.
And the other ingredient thatis in here is MCT oil, which is
basically fuel for your brain,and botanicals.
So they have these melts, whichare these little kind of like

(41:22):
trochies, these little tabletsthat look like a little tiny
thumb or a little tip of yourpinky finger that are made of
cocoa butter.
They have ones with jojoba init that are booty melts.
So if you like anal pleasuringwhich it took me to my 60s to
start loving it, but I love itnow because the thing with sex

(41:44):
is, practice makes perfectEverything feels good once you
know what to do and you'rerelaxed and you have pleasure.
So the phoria melts can go inyour vagina and they coat your
vagina so you don't have to tryto get lube up in there.
It has this wonderful, lusciouskind of coating in the vaginal

(42:07):
mucosal lining.
Great, if you have lowlubrication, painful sex etc.
Then you put on the AwakenArousal Oil, just a couple drops
on the outside of the vulva andthat starts to send the signals
Because, remember, yourclitoral structures are under
your labia, your big clitorallegs, literally are right under

(42:30):
your outer labia and so thatstarts feeling really good and
starting to get that skin going.
And then there's the sex oil.
Can I?

ask you a question.
Yeah, so do those products helpwith the engorgement that you
were talking about?
So it helps that whole processExactly.

Okay, okay, yes.
What it does is it helps.
It's almost likepre-lubrication.
It starts getting everythinggoing, it gets the brain
connected to the yoni, it getsthe letdown happening, so that
the blood starts getting out ofyour brain, your heart, your
butt, your legs, your feet andstarts coming into your pelvic

(43:09):
bowl.
And then the last thing is thesex oil for all the slide and
glide that you want, you canreapply as much as you want, and
this combination is absolutelyincredible clean.
They were one of only threebrands that Mama Vonna, mama
Vision I forget what they'recalled found that didn't have

(43:30):
all this gunk in it, and theother two brands.
One of them was one I used torecommend, but it has a couple
things I didn't love.
And the third one that theyrecommend has multiple things
that I don't like, and so thisis the cleanest clean.
I'm going to send you the wholekit so you can have it and try
it.
I love it.
They also have a breast oilbecause, if you want to start

(43:54):
getting the blood flowing almostfrom the inside out, breast
pleasuring, nipple pleasuringand kissing are a lock system
with your clitoral erectilefunction.
So if you want to, yes, so thatyou get engorged and you get
your lady boner faster when youreally get things going.

(44:20):
So the pleasure protocol that'sat pleasureprotocolcom and I'll
give you links.
I'll give you a discount codethat I will introduce you to
them so that you can giveeverybody a discount code for
yourself, which will be nice.
Introduce you to them so thatyou can give everybody a
discount code for yourself,which will be nice.
I think they'll do a gooddiscount code for you too, which
is really nice.
I love the company, I lovetheir products and they make sex

(44:40):
feel even better.
So between now you understandingthat you need to have time, you
need to have genital massage,you need to get the blood flow
in, you need to focus on eatingyour leafy greens and drinking
your beetroot juices or eatingyour beets, and then maybe
taking your nitric oxideboosters and then giving
yourself time.

(45:00):
Husband doesn't have to do allthe work for you.
You can give yourself yonimassages with that.
You can run that all around andget things going, and you can
go up inside the vestibule withthat vibrator.
You can put it right on yourclitoral structures and give

(45:22):
yourself some orgasms.
You're allowed to have as manyorgasms as you want, as often as
you want.
Every single one of them is very, very good for you.
It sends oxygen to your brainto get rid of cognitive
dysfunction.
It really helps with that.
It releases neurotransmitters,it releases hormones.

(45:42):
It's good vascularization goodfor your vascularization and
it's calming to your nervoussystem.
And it really helps because,especially if you're with a
partner, you're creatingoxytocin and the oxytocin is

(46:02):
kind of the counterweight tocortisol, adrenaline.
So you're stressed all day andyou've got all this cortisol
which can disrupt nighttimesleep.
One of the best things you cando is give yourself a couple of
orgasms before you go to bed anddon't feel like it's out of the
question to solo pleasure inparallel with your partner.

(46:25):
That can be nice too.
Or maybe have your partner holdyou, play with your breasts,
tell you how sexy you are whileyou use the vulva massager on
yourself and when I say vulvamass know I'm sure that a lot of
women are going to go.

Yeah, my husband wouldn't be into that.
So this is where, where, wheremy brain is kind of thinking.
I'm thinking with thatstimulator that you're talking
about and the lube and all ofthat, if you started on your own
, your husband will get into itwhen he sees how turned on you

(47:16):
are and then maybe, you know, bemore conjoined in the whole
process.
Right, like I'm just saying, alot of women, I'm sure, who have
been married for a long timeand I'm sure you know this too
would maybe have a partner thatwould be like, yeah, whatever,
like I'm not into it, and theyjust want the whole wham bam.

(47:38):
Thank you, ma'am.
That's what they've been doingtheir whole life.

Well, there's two things about that.
One is that every partner isdifferent and you want to
approach them differently.
I often use the people code asan easy reference for thinking
about different approaches todifferent kinds of partners.
Like, some partners areoriented toward power and these
tools these think about them astools.
I want to get some toolsthat'll give you the ability to

(48:04):
give me even more pleasure.
I'm going to empower you togive me more pleasure.
I want to try some new things.
You already give me pleasureand I want to have some more and
do some fun things.
That'd be one way.
Another way would be intimacy.
This is going to bring uscloser and I want to try this
together because I feel like itcould really bring us closer.
Another partner might beoriented toward peace.

(48:27):
A lot of men like peace, and soin that way, you could say to
them I really want to try thesethings and I'm going to go off
and do them and just let youknow how it goes and I'll let
you know if I get more turned onright.
It could be just leave me aloneand tell me about it.
If it affects me.
That could be another way, andso, really, it's just thinking

(48:49):
about these different styles ofpartners and what it is that's
going to be right for them.
For many men they like achallenge.
Hey, I want to do a 30 daypleasuring challenge and I'm
going to do it, sometimes myself, and sometimes I want you to
help me with it and let's seehow it goes.
Would you be down forsupporting me through something

(49:10):
like that?
A lot of men like a challenge.
Other men, they really likeritual.
I would like to know if wecould have a yoni massage
practice and I can't guaranteeyou that I'm always going to
want to have intercourse after,but if I do have the glimmer of
it, we're going to haveintercourse and I think it'll

(49:30):
make us have more intercourse.
But I'd like you to try thismassager on me and put these
oils on me and I'm going toteach you how to do it in the
order that I learned from SusanBratton, and you know it's
called a pleasure protocol andit sounds really fun and I want
to try it.
Will you try it with me and canwe experiment and just see how
it goes and learn together?
Like there's a millionapproaches that you can take

(49:52):
with your partner and what Idon't want you to do is discount
them out.
Basically, you know how men are.
I love them dearly, but theyneed training and they think
that they know more than they doand you have to let them
believe that they do.
And what they want to do isthey want to be respected and

(50:13):
they want to win.
So you have to set them, youhave to approach them as you
respect them.
You're already we're already sogood.
I was thinking this could makeit even better.
I wanted to have more fun timeswith you.
You know, like respecting themfor a job well done is the most
important thing to men.
And then, when they do thingsright oh my God, you did such a

(50:33):
fantastic job with that.
I love how I told you one timethat I put the melt in and then
you rub the awaken on and just acouple drops then you use the
sexo.
That was really good.
Oh, I loved how, when youreally heard me when I said rub
it up and down the labia, butalso across the mons, and then

(50:53):
not until you've done that andI'm ready, go inside the
vestibule.
You know, I really love how youfollowed the plan so well and
you really heard what I said,because this is what they want,
and they want us to love, tohave sex with them and by sex I
mean all the things and theywant to to love, to have sex
with them and by sex I mean allthe things.
And they want to do a great job.
And so your job is to empowerthem and lift them up behind.

(51:16):
Every good man is a good woman,it's so true.
We make them feel competent,capable, happy, loved, respected
, that they're winners.
That's how we love them.
That's what they need from us.
We need safety, security,caretaking, encouragement,

(51:40):
adoration.
That's what we need from men.
We need different things.
I mean, I am a true believer insparkle, rainbow
self-expression.
I am as masculine as I amfeminine.
I run two companies.
I you know like.
I manage a team of 20 people.
I am a badass bitch, but I'malso a woman who loves my man to

(52:07):
hold me and keep me safe, andwe can be all those things.
And so understanding what weboth want and kind of moving
toward that for each otherreally, really helps a lot.
And he doesn't know.
Those are the things that youneed.
You have to tell him what youneed so he can give it to you.

So I want to get back into this.
What did you call it?
Games wave?
I want to get into what you'redoing now.
Okay, great, because you dosome pretty spectacular things.
You're 63.
You're very vibrant and aliveand you look young, you act

(52:43):
young, you know you're, you're I.
I would say you're very andI've talked about this before,
susan that when we just letthings go around midlife,
sometimes men can seem morefeminine and women can seem more
masculine.
And you know you, you have allthe things of.

(53:07):
You know somebody who I trulylike.
I want to be 63 and be likethat, like vibrant, alive.
Talk to us about what you'redoing, because you mentioned
gains weight, like there's somany things.
I know you probably can't sayit all in, you know the next 15
minutes, but I will.

Okay, let's go, yeah, so biohackers use a
construct called the stack,where it's basically a series of
things that you do that add upto greater than the sum of the
parts that they're, that theywork really well together.
They're very synergistic.
And my sexual biohacking stackis muscle.

(53:49):
I am focused on strength.
I want my body to be slabs ofmuscle.
That's what I focus on, and ifI have a pooch on my tummy or an
extra roll or whatever, I don'tstress about that either.
I'm not worried about my bodyfat, I'm worried about my muscle

(54:09):
strength.
So that's my number one thing.
And high intensity intervaltraining to get my
cardiovascular pumping, becauseyou can't get the blood to flow
where you want it to go if youcan't get the blood, if you
don't have a good vascularsystem.
Vascular system will carrystrength and vascular system
will carry you through the lowtoxin thing I talked about and
cooking my own foods, and nowI'm a great cook in my 60s.

(54:33):
I've just been doing it for solong, so you get better and
better at it, and cooking isvery easy once you learn how.
So I want to encourage anyonewho's still, you know, eating
out of containers to try andlearn some really simple cooking
.
It's one of the best things youcan do for your health.
The next thing that I do is Itake bioidentical hormone
replacement therapy.
I take bi-est estrogen, estrioland estradiol compounded and I

(54:56):
put it in my vagina.
I also take progesterone orallyand I also take testosterone.
The testosterone is also in acream and I put it on my
clitoris and labia and I havetestosterone level blood of
about 250.
It's good I back off on it if Istart to get like a mustache

(55:19):
hair and but I, working out, Ican feel my testosterone surge
as well.
So, even though I dotestosterone replacement therapy
, I also generate a lot of myown testosterone too, and I
think that's fantastic.
I also use topical estrogen.

(55:39):
There's a serum I like Do youknow about Michelle Sands, glow
Below?
No, oh, this I love, so GetGlow Below is a biased dual
estrogen.
They also have a DHEA versionfor women who are like I don't
do estrogen and it's a vaginalserum.
I use it on my vagina as well,but I also use it on my face and

(56:03):
my neck and my decolletage, mychest and my hand, back of my
hands, my arms.

I've been using estrogen on my face for years
now.

I love it on my face.
This is like my night cream.

Yeah, yes, yes, but not that kind.
But I am a massive believer inthat too.
That's look so long.
Yeah, look at you girl.

Oh, I've had two facelifts.
I've also had facelifts.
I had one at 52 and I had oneat 61.
And so you know, I've hadfacelift neck lift.
I are very similarly aligned.

Like I'm, like I would much rather do that
personally than other stuff,Like I didn't mind having the
the saggy skin cut off.

That was that was right.
For me it's not right foreverybody.
I respect everybody's choices.

Me too, me too, me too.
Yeah, you just asked me what Ido.

So I use the Get Glow Below on my vagina and my
skin and then I also go in everycouple of years and I do Gaines
Wave for her Gaines Wave.
I've been associated withGaines Wave for five years now
and they started out doing men'sregenerative erectile

(57:30):
dysfunction reversal usingacoustic wave treatments for the
penis.
And now they have also launchedthe vulval version and it's
better, way better than thestuff I used to have to do with
lasers and rf devicesintravaginally right, because
the gains wave goes all the wayaround everything.
It goes on the whole outervulva, mons, outer labia, inner

(57:55):
labia, vestibule, clitoralstructure, perineal area and
then toward the entrance to thevagina.
But it penetrates from theoutside in and so it
reconstitutes saggy labia,reconstitutes the three erectile
tissue chambers of the vulva,it reconstitutes that clitoral

(58:18):
structure.
You get a nice big juicyclitoris again.
That is atrophying as you ageand your blood flow is
diminished.
So I love it.
It's a series of six treatmentsand let me give you a promo
code better B-E-T-T-E-R Betterwill get you a seventh treatment
free, which is a fantastic.

(58:39):
Definitely get the seventhtreatment free.

Sorry, Susan, so you have to go in somewhere to
get it done.

You go to Gaines.
You go to GainesWavecom slashSusan.
There's a directory.
I don't make any money off ofthat, by the way.
It's just that I can give awaythe seventh for free I don't get
paid by the doctors and you gothere and you do.
Usually you do two treatments aweek for three weeks, but I

(59:06):
personally space it out.
The doctors are afraid that ifyou only do a couple and then
you don't come back, and itdoesn't hurt, but if you get
busy or you don't come back orwhatever, then you're gonna be
like it didn't work.
But it takes 90 days to get tofull effect because you're
literally regenerating tissue.

(59:26):
That shit doesn't growovernight.
It took you 50 years for it tobe all shriveled up.
It's not going to reconstituteby tomorrow.
And so you go in and you do two.
You know two a week.
I personally would do one everytwo weeks.
I'm very delicate, verysensitive.
For me, my gains wave scheduleis more like one every 10 days

(59:49):
to two weeks, and I get theseventh one free, believe you me
.
And then that lasts me for afew years and then I'll notice.
For me I chase incontinence.
That's my biggest issue, and soI get that what they call my
girlfriend calls keyholeincontinence, where I pull into
the garage and I'm like, oh God,I got to take a pee, and then

(01:00:11):
by the time I get the key in thehole in my door I've peed my
pants.
Or before I get into thebathroom and I'm pulling my
pants down, pee's coming out.
It drives me crazy.
And so the Gaines Wave fixesincontinence, loss of
lubrication, vaginal laxity,clitoral atrophy, genital
atrophy, labia atrophy.
It does like the whole thing.
Can I ask you, it's for men too.

(01:00:33):
You take your husband with you,because if you've got atrophy,
dude's got atrophy, and itreverses erectile dysfunction on
anyone but the worst cases, andworst cases like diabetics or
people with a lot overweight,heavy atheroscosclerosis.
They might have to go in for amultiple times through their

(01:00:55):
health rejuvenation to get theirfunction back.
And then they also should beusing a penis pump, a vacuum
erection device.
They should also besupplementing their testosterone
.
Both of you should be takingyour nitric oxide booster.
So you know, this is the stack.
It's like all that stuff.
And then there's one last thing.
There's a lot of women who arelike I'm not sure I'm ready for

(01:01:17):
Gaines Wave yet I don't haveincontinence.
I don't think I have any of the.
You know, I don't really haveloss of lubrication yet, but
maybe I'm starting to get alittle vaginal laxity.
Maybe my tissue is thinning.
Now I'm on estrogen and I'mthickening the tissue, which is
great, but it may not be quiteenough.
I'm having a little lubricationloss.

(01:01:39):
Then I recommend thisintravaginal device.
Do you know about the V-Fit?

Sandy Kruse (01:01:44):
I've heard of it.
I think I heard you talk aboutit before.
This is the vagina device.

Susan Bratton (01:01:50):
It's at vaginadevicecom and what it does
is it goes inside for eight to10 minutes every other day and
it has three modalities.
It has red lightphotobiomodulation, it has
warmth for collagen forrecollagenation and it has
vibration for essentially Kegeltoning.

(01:02:13):
So the V-Fit is marketed it'san FDA class two device sold
through gynecologists, doctorsand also direct to consumers.
I think Nordstrom might even becarrying it now and you put it
in and you have this protocoland I just scroll Instagram,
look at your Instagram feedwhile I have it in every other

(01:02:36):
day for like eight to 10 weeksand then it kind of abates my
issues and then when I need todo it again, I do it again and I
like this for things that arenot.
You're not maybe ready to go forgains wave, but you need to do
something.
And one of the nice thingsabout red light therapy
intravaginally is that yourvaginal microbiome is.

(01:02:59):
It needs glycogen to feed thegood bacteria and as your
estrogen dips, your glycogenlevels dip and red light
photobiomodulation inside yourvagina actually increases

(01:03:19):
glycogen and gives the goodbacteria something to eat.
So women have reported to methat they didn't have an
infection but didn't smell asgood as it used to smell and
that was from the loss ofestrogen, the loss of glycogen,
and using the vagina device helpthem actually get that going.

(01:03:42):
So now they're like now I feelcomfortable having my husband go
down on me, and I used to justlike not be able to relax
because it just wasn't right,you know.
So it's pretty amazing what redlight therapy can do.

Oh, very cool.
Oh, my God, you've got so muchinformation, so here's a
question for you you do allthese things to ensure that you
remain, you know, vital and havean enriched sex life and

(01:04:16):
everyday life.

A regular life yeah.

Yeah, it's really all contributing to my whole
life.
Yeah, does your husband do thesame?

Yeah, yeah, he goes and gets, gains waves every
couple of years.
He's 60 and he pumps his penisprobably about once a week.
Okay, maybe twice a weeksometimes yeah, what's this
penis?

pumping of the penis, what's the penis?
Yeah, the reason I'm asking isbecause if you're doing all the
things to improve nitric oxide,do you have to do that?
Um, and you have you good, likewe were talking about good,
clean arteries.
Doing all those things eatingwell, exercising Do you still

(01:04:55):
need to do the penis pump?

Yeah, penis is atrophy, they just do.
You know how?
You look at your grandpa andhe's small.
Yeah, yes, okay, well, hedidn't used to be that small
right yeah, like well, do youthink his penis stayed the same
size?
I mean sorry to talk about mygrandpa's penis, about my

(01:05:18):
grandfather's?

yeah, but I know you do no, I I know what you're
saying.
I do know what you're saying.

Everything shrinks we're shrinking all the
time, yeah, and menopause, bythe way, accelerates the
shrinkage.
For us, I mean, that's ourplanned obsolescence.
As soon as we can't make morehumans, make more reeling earth
worms, we're like boom, destinedto die.
So that's why I like to pushoff menopause personally.

Yeah, what's that?
Talk to me about that.
So let me finish the penis pump.

Okay.
I see I have too many questionsSusan, no, you don't have too
many.
This is once you startrealizing how all this stuff
fits together, you're like, ohwell, shoot, yeah, okay, I can
do this.
And, by the way, if youliterally just start on a nitric
oxide booster, start on someestrogen replacement, estrogen
and progesterone work welltogether and I like testosterone

(01:06:11):
gives you balls, gives youconfidence, and I like that.
It lowers your anxiety, youfeel more capable.
You know those are good thingsto start with.
And then using the layer to getthe blood flowing in.
Or a VIM.
The VIM is also very nice.
That's this one, this is a wand.
I'll give you links to both.

(01:06:33):
Everything that I talk about isthat orgasmic cross training,
all these tools, these pleasuretools, but these are very nice
things to use.
But the pump if you canencourage your husband to use a
vacuum erection device once,twice, even three times a week
to reverse any initial, you know, like a lot of guys, they're
pushing a wet noodle and they'rein total denial.

(01:06:55):
They don't have vascularizationof the penis anymore.
You can't see the veins ontheir penis.
They don't get hard as a rockanymore.
They can't stay that firm overtime.
You know they're flagging, butthey're in denial.
Men are very, very distantlyconnected to their emotional
body, as we know.

(01:07:16):
It's just our physiology.
Some men have more, some menhave less.
Everything's a bell curve, butthey will stay in denial until
that thing is completelyinoperative and then be like I
think I'd be having someproblems.
Maybe I should take Viagra, youknow.
So if you want to, go ahead.

I was going to ask you so because, so that can.
What you're talking about, theatrophy of the penis, that can
happen even if you don't haveheart disease, even if you are
optimizing your testosterone,even if you so, because it just
happens with age.

So testosterone helps a lot, because then you
usually are getting nocturnalerections.
What happens when you stopgetting nocturnal erections in
morning wood your?
It means that your penis isn'tfilling up with blood repeatedly
through the night, and so it'sjust lying there and shrinking.
So what this basically does isit replaces the nocturnal

(01:08:14):
erections and the erectilefunction by the vacuum.
You put your penis in here andyou pump to a certain pressure
and it actually draws blood fromyour body into the cylinder,
because the cylinder has got anegative vacuum pressure.
So the blood has to pull intothe penis and what you're doing
is you're pulling in more bloodslightly more blood than your
penis can get on its own byfilling up with blood, and then

(01:08:37):
that causes the capillaries togrow and it causes tiny little
micro damage.
That then causes tissueregeneration and then, when the
capillaries grow back out and ithas more blood carrying
capacity returned to it, thenthe vascularization comes in,
then the nerves come in.

(01:08:57):
A lot of women are having sexwith husbands who just keep
pumping away, away, away, away,away and struggle to achieve an
ejaculation because their nerveshave retracted, because their
capillaries have retracted andthey just can't feel what they
used to feel.
And so a vacuum erection deviceuh, it's at pumpsworkcom is the

(01:09:19):
pump I recommend, and I onlyrecommend one pump.
Most pumps are garbage or theyhave a fatal flaw of some kind
and, like I said, I really takethe time to to kick the tires on
a lot of stuff and vet thecompanies and their care, and
this is what doctors use fortheir patients.
But it's not expensive, it's179 dollars.

(01:09:41):
So this is a very, very nicesystem for men.
And if you say to your husbandlisten, I want you to pump, I
want you to just go in and pumpand relax and watch a game and
pump your penis or whatever youwant to do, and do it once a
week for me, you know, you caneven prop it up on the desk and

(01:10:02):
do your work while you'resitting at your desk at home.
It's very easy to, and theelectric pump is nice because
it's hands-free and so then itjust automatically keeps the
pressure stable in the pumpbecause it'll leak a little bit,
because it's going around yourskin.
That's why you need to keep it.
You know you have to payattention to it, but the
electric pump is even better.
And when you encourage yourhusband to do what I call

(01:10:22):
self-care down there.
Then it keeps him firm androbust and happy and he loves
his penis and guys like to lovetheir penis.
It's very important to them.

Yes, they do, they do.

It's just like us loving looking good in a
gorgeous outfit and sexy shoesand stuff and our hair done up
and our makeup.
For them, it's when they lookdown and they see their nice,
firm penis and when they don't,they get demoralized.
But they don't know what to dobecause they are still in some
denial about it, and so they'lljust revert to Viagra to

(01:10:56):
band-aid it, instead of doingthe simple thing, which is just
draw some blood into your penisonce a week.

It's like the easiest thing in the world.
How long does that take?
How long?

does that?

take Half an hour yeah you do it.

You pump, release for 10 minutes.
You pump it up, you pump,release for 10 minutes.
You pump it up, hold it for 10minutes, release, pump it up for
10 minutes, hold it and thenrelease, and that takes about a
half an hour and you can do it athird time if you want to.
Because you're already thereand, by the way, these are
dishwasher you put these in thedishwasher, which is great um
and um.
Then at the end you can trapthe blood in the penis for a

(01:11:32):
half an hour after pumping andwhat's nice is that he's going
to be really, really firm andengorged and so often it's nice
to send him in before yourlovemaking and be like, why
don't you go do some pumping andthen I'll meet you in the
bedroom and he's ready to go andhe's doing really well and it
feels extra good to him becausehe's brought all that blood flow
in Brilliant.

(01:11:53):
And get him on nitric oxide.

Yeah, but you're saying nitric oxide boosters,
stuff to help his body make it,yes.

Yeah, yeah, feed him more beets, more greens and
give him a nitric.
I'll give you a link to thiswith.
If you go to buy Flow now thisis my podcast special where it's
like the cheapest.
It's cheaper than Amazon,cheaper than anywhere.
Flow is the one that's madefrom real fruit and vegetables
organic fruit and vegetables.

(01:12:27):
I don't have the organic sealbecause it costs so much money
to get that organic seal, buteverything in it is organic,
which is nice, so I'll send yousome.
If you want some, let me know.

Yeah, yeah, is that for men?
And women.

Yeah, I make everything for gender spectrum
because our bodies work the sameway.

Oh, you're just brilliant.
Okay, there was anotherquestion I was asking you.
Oh, we were talking about howyou still get a period.

Yeah, I do.
Now this is going to triggerwarning for those of you who
have just realized that I'm 63and I still menstruate on
purpose.
I am not saying you should dothis.
I am not saying there'sanything wrong with you being
happy you don't have a periodanymore.

(01:13:16):
Yeah, just me, okay, and I'mdoing it under a doctor's care.
It's completely safe.
There are a lot of us out here.
We just don't talk about it.
But I am very, very much focusedon longevity and I do a lot of

(01:13:36):
things around sustaining myvitality and my energy.
And you know one of the Ididn't get my period until I was
17.
16 and 11 months and I got myperiod.
I was a late menstruator.
I was very thin, tall andskinny girl and I also had a lot

(01:14:01):
of anxiety.
In high school I lived in avery bad living situation and so
I think it delayed menstrualonset.
So that, I think, is part ofwhy I've been able to go so long
and all the bioidenticalhormones I've been taking since
my forties.
I take a lot of estrogen and Ilove it.

(01:14:24):
It makes me feel so good.
I feel so good and I'mmonitored by a doctor and I
still menstruate and I have myperiod right now and I love it.

Is it a normal period, susan, or is it just
every every?
Four weeks or so I have a sixday four to six day bleed so,
and it is like a normal flowperiod well interesting, like
it's always been okay.

And in my in my 40s, in my 30s, I had a lot of
heavy bleeding and it kind ofsubsided.
In my 40s I had a couple ofyears of some heavy bleeding and
it subsided.
And I, in my 50s, I went maybethree months without a period
and it returned.
So it's you know, it's the kindof thing where I'm just like

(01:15:16):
literally going with the flow.
I'm still bleeding and I'mhappy about it Because I feel
like once for me personally, Ihave this thing and you know the
Buck Institute of Longevity isdoing research on this.
There's a researcher there doingthis as well, saying that one
of the ways you can.
You know there's many facets tolongevity, like me wanting to
have big slabs of muscle, mewanting to do HIIT, me wanting

(01:15:40):
to do my own pull-ups andpush-ups and things like that.
Me cooking my own food andwatching all the toxins these
are all things I do thatcontribute to longevity for me.
Running two businesses at 63contributes to longevity for me.
I have to use my brain likecrazy.
You know I do a fair amount ofsupplementation of various kinds
.
I also do senolytics.

(01:16:01):
So I'm taking rapamycin andother senolytics, fisetin,
things like that, that I pulse.
But I feel like once you hitmenopause, you start to go down
toward your inevitable death.
And I'm not afraid of death atall.
I don't have any issues ofmortality.

(01:16:21):
I'm very, very, you know, awareof it.
My mother is in her last years.
I, you know, I'm fine with itall.
It's like I'll live when I livetill I don't.
But I'm going to live ashealthy, as switched on, as
cognitively functional, asenergetic, as flexible, as good
balance as all you know.
Great sex and creativity andmoving around and seeing the

(01:16:46):
world and, you know, being onyour podcast and all of these
things as long as I can, becauseI can tell you that I have
never done better thinking, work, writing, creativity than I'm
doing right now, like I'm doingthe best work of my life.
Everything is just comingtogether in ways that you get a
wisdom in your 60s and I justhave so much vitality right now

(01:17:10):
and I think my periodscontribute to that.
They make me feel young andvibrant and vital and I like the
bleed, I like period sex.
I mean, that's something else alot of women don't like.
It makes my vagina feel good.
I like making a mess and takingup space and I, like you know,
just like the whole thing aboutit being like, ooh, it's a

(01:17:32):
little taboo, and I'm like, yeah, it is, and I'm doing it Like I
just like that whole thing.
That's been like so much shamehas been put on us around our
menstruation, true, and I liketo take that space back for me.

You know it's really interesting and I'm sure
you know this research that oncea woman stops bleeding, that
her.
We know that the research showsthat her risk of heart disease
jumps up to even greater thanmen midlife.
And there's a lot.
Listen, it hasn't been provenbut it kind of makes sense

(01:18:13):
Logically.
I like to put logic in with alot of health stuff.
That's why I'm always likelogic and resonance is big for
me as well.
Does this resonate with you ornot?
And for me, you or not?

(01:18:35):
And for me, what you're sayingactually makes a lot of logical
sense that it actually keeps youyounger and healthier and more
vibrant.
And I get it, I do get it, Itotally get it.
And if it triggers somebodyhere, then I always with
triggers.
I'm always like triggers areusually something that you
should take a look at why itwould trigger you.
It has nothing to do with whatSusan's doing or what Sandy's

(01:18:57):
doing, or we're not dictating todo any of this stuff.
We're just educating.
That's all we do.

I'm really sharing my experience in.
I don't want people to think,well, everything else she just
told me is bullshit, becauseshe's nuts for having her period
at 63.
That's why I don't often sharethat piece, because when, when I
post, I posted that on threadsI'm pretty active on threads and

(01:19:25):
Instagram and I posted onthreads that I sold my period.
It was a pile on Sandy, Shamey,shamey, shamey, angry,
vitriolic pile on and I thought,well, I don't really want to
trigger people, I'm alreadytriggering them around sex you
know, like I don't need totrigger people anymore.

(01:19:50):
Yeah, I don't like to triggerpeople.
I want to be compassionate andhave a gentle heart and so, yeah
, but you're not doing it out.

You're not doing it because you're not
compassionate, you're doing itbecause you're sharing.
It's just like a lot of thisstuff that I talk about.
People think I am nuts If I wasto show you and turn the camera
around and show you my cabinetof nutraceuticals, because I'm a
big believer that because ofour food system, because of our

(01:20:20):
environment, because of all ofthat well, you know, I'm not
living off the land like mygrandmother did.
You know I have to do that tooptimize my aging.
So, but trust me, I have had alot of people get triggered by
stuff that I do or that I say,and I'm like, I'm not saying it

(01:20:42):
to trigger people, I'm saying itbecause, you know, maybe it's
something that resonates withsome people.

That's all, and it might help people.
Well, one of the things youtold me before we started was
when I said tell me about youraudience, because I just want to
speak to your people.
I'm only here.
I'm here for you, I don't.
I don't have anything to.
You know, I don't have anyagenda other than to.
I want to be your favorite showthat you ever made.

(01:21:08):
That's always.
My goal is just to make youhappy and to give your listeners
some new stuff they haven'theard of.
And you said my listeners likeBeyond the Basics yeah, they've
got the basics.
They're here for the nextthings, the interesting things,
the new science, the new ideas,the new concepts.

(01:21:28):
And so that's why I was willingto share that with you today,
because I think that yourlisteners can make a
determination about what's rightfor them, the resonance, what's
right for them and what's not.
And there might be some 40 yearold women listening going oh
shit, I just want to keepbleeding as long as I can too.
That's an interesting thing.
It makes total sense to me thatyou would have more youthful

(01:21:51):
vitality if you're stillbleeding than if you're not,
because I see the women whodon't and I see the women who do
, and I see the differencebetween that, yep.
Okay, what do I need to do todo that?
And all I'm doing is I've beendoing estrogen biased the two,
estriol and estradiol, and I'vebeen doing it for 20 years.
I'm unbiased as well, plusprogesterone, and I like

(01:22:15):
testosterone and oxytocin.
I make my yogurt yeah, right.

Right, we talked about the l ruderi um.
Yeah, and yes, I did recordwith dr um william davis about.

He is a doll, that guy.
He's amazing.
I love him so much.
Super gut weed seed and feed.

That's his thing.
He's amazing, and I did buy oneof the yogurt makers.

I got to perfect it though I got to, I'm going to
try again.

Here's how you do it.

Okay.
Do you take milk or do you tryit with nut milk?

Oh no, I am 100% grass-fed whole milk.

Yeah, I'm a full fat.
I use organic grass-fed halfand half.
Okay, so I start with that.
And then I take his OxysuticsGut to Glow supplement and I
just open eight of them up andstick them in and put some
inulin excuse me, inulin powderin there and then I put it in
the yogurt maker and I set it toa hundred degrees and I

(01:23:15):
incubate it for two days.
He said 36 hours.
I just leave it for two days.
I let it, really I let thecolonization just go crazy and
your first batch is going to beshitty.
First thing that's going tohappen is there's going to be
this kind of like orange stuffon the top.
That's part of whatever else isin the oxycetic.
Skeptical, just pull that off.

(01:23:36):
Take some of that first batch,put the whole thing in the
refrigerator in a separate jarand leave some of it in the
container, put in more half andhalf and the inulin again and
then culture another round.
It takes a couple of batches toget the thick, creamy yogurt and

(01:23:56):
then over time you'll notice,if the taste changes, that you
need to start again with a newbatch because after a while the
bacteria yeah, the newoxyceutics got to glow is the
capsules that he, that, uh, thecompany that he's on the board
of sells, that has thelactobacillus in it.
Okay and um, that I think willmake a big difference is that

(01:24:19):
you re.
It really takes you around you.
And it's funny because I havetwo homes.
I have a main home in SanFrancisco and then I have a
little beach shack down in SanDiego, little beach shack down
in San Diego, and I travel downhere with my ball jar, my little
ball jar full of my yogurtstarter when I come down here

(01:24:40):
and I just use that to make mynext batch down here.
Once you get the thickness, thesubsequent batches make up
really nice.
It takes a couple of shotsright at the beginning to get
the thickness that you want andthe taste that you want.

I'm going to try again In the fall.
I'll be more grounded to.
You know we go to a lot ofcottages in the summer, on the
weekends.

Oh, and it lasts in the fridge a long time, so
tell us why we want moreoxytocin and what.

So?
L-reuteri is a strain thathelps produce more oxytocin.
Yeah body, yeah right.
So what's interesting too?

yeah, well, and it's also interesting.
I'll say one more thing aboutmaking your own yogurt.
When you make your own yogurt,um, the yogurt you get in the
store is just kind of like fastprocessed it doesn't have much
bacteria in it, it's very sugary, it's not high quality and it's
in plastic which is leachinginto your body and into your
husband's balls too, and intoyour uterus.

(01:25:39):
And so making your own yogurt,if you can do it, once you get
it going, it lasts a long time.
It's super good for you.
And what's interesting, I don'tknow if you've seen that new
essential fatty acid company,fat fatty 15.
Have you been hearing aboutthem?
Okay, what's interesting isthat when I do my organic acid
tests and I test for myessential fatty acid profile,
it's fantastic, like I haveplenty of fatty 15.

(01:26:01):
And the reason I have it Idon't even need to take that
supplement.
And the reason that I have itis because I eat my own homemade
yogurt every day in my smoothieand that's really interesting
that my EFA, my C15, is justfantastic because it comes from
dairy.
That's where most people get it.
And the reason that people havethis you know, chronic

(01:26:22):
fragility syndrome is that theygrew up in the era of low fat
and non-dairy, and so that'swhat's affected us is the ultra
processed food swap outs thatweren't just real cream from
grass fed cows and things likethat.
And so it's interesting that,like I had mine tested and I'm
like I don't even need to takethis supplement.

(01:26:46):
So oxytocin?
So what happens is thatoxytocin is a hormone that's
made in your gut and it isbasically the counter pain to
cortisol, which is also calledadrenaline in Europe.
It's the same thing, but it'sthe you know, flight or fright
kind of thing, and it's stresscreates cortisol, but oxytocin

(01:27:08):
it lowers, lowers cortisol, itcalms you, and oxytocin is the
hormone of bonding.
So, mothers, there's a lot ofoxytocin in breast milk.
It gets your baby and youbonding, because otherwise
there's such a pain in the assmost of the time.
Little kids are such a hassle.
You know you're like I don'tknow if I want to do this or not

(01:27:30):
, and it gets worse when theyget older.
Let me tell you, I have a 27year old daughter, I she is so
perfect to me.

I love being a mother.
I was really just kidding.
Yes, but me too.
But they are a lot of workthey're worth it.
I enjoyed it.
I've enjoyed motherhood.

I love it still.
But it's interesting that whenwe have antibiotics,
lactobacillus reuteri, which isthe bacteria in our gut that
manufacturers allows us tomanufacture the oxytocin, which
is the calming hormone, it killsit off really fast, like it's

(01:28:06):
super susceptible to antibiotics, and we've all been given
antibiotics and so we're endingup being low oxytocin producers
or no oxytocin producers.
So when our husband holds usand we don't feel anything, uh,
it's probably loss of it's aloss of oxytocin, a loss of
lactobacillus rooter.
You can, by the way, you canjust take the gut to glows four

(01:28:28):
of them a day and fill yoursystem back up too.
You don't have to make theyogurt.

So it's just, it's way more um, um new colonizing
units High.

Yes, yes, yes, you just get way more.

It's way better if you can make it, if you can.

But if you can't, yeah, let's take this, it's
fine.
You know cause, if people arelike, oh, bitch, please, you
know, I don't care what you do.

No, it's true.
It's true, though.

I get it.

You know like.
I'm lucky that way, yeah, andit's just like what you're
saying about cooking.
Like I, I come from a familyEastern European, Croatian.
My mom always cooked Europeanand Croatian.
My mom always cooked Like.
We were taught from a veryyoung age to cook your own food.
So, even though I do my best tocook six days out of seven days

(01:29:19):
, as simple as some of the mealsmight be, it's just like the
same thing what you're sayingabout the yogurt.
If you can make it, try, so Iam going to try and I will let
you know.
Yeah, it is easy, but theoxytocin is that good for?

men too.

Yeah.

Yes, it's helpful .
Yeah, it's not as good as likekefir, kombucha, sauerkraut,
kimchi.
You know you need to keep thosethings in your diet too.
Yes, the interesting thing, too, about oxytocin is that since
I've been doing my yogurt, Ihave become.
It makes you like people more.

(01:29:58):
I am a lot less annoyed bypeople generally oh I need that
Than I was before I started theyogurt, and it took me a few
years of building up to get thisway.
I also have more compassion.
I'm more sympathetic, I'm moreempathetic, I'm more sappy.

(01:30:23):
Things make me cry.
That didn't used to.
I didn't cry about anything.
For most of my life.
I didn't cry Like I washardened Stoic.
And now I am so sappy andsentimental and I mean I'll look
at an internet meme and be like, oh, that's so precious.

(01:30:44):
Look at those little goatsbutting up and I like that me
better.
Yeah, and I noticed that I wastraveling with my husband in New
York for three weeks and then Ihad to go to London and work
with a filmmaker there's adocumentary being made about my
work in my life, which is reallyan incredible thing and I went
to London and I was away for 10days and I noticed that after

(01:31:06):
about three days I had no reasonto be depressed or sad or down
or crash or any of that stuff.
But I was like man, my lifefeels really flat.
I should be like so excitedabout this and I'm just a little
low, like I'm just I'm low, andthen I realized, oh, I'm having
a bit of an oxytocin withdrawal, I'm not getting my regular

(01:31:26):
hugs and snuggles and it'sactually making me feel a little
less bright and happy.
And I think there are a lot ofpeople who feel anxiety and
depression and I think therecould be a lot of it.
That's due to simple thingslike I also have to take SAM-E
every morning.
I have the MTHFR geneticmutation, where I'm a poor

(01:31:48):
methylator, chfr geneticmutation, where I'm a poor
methylator and I don't make, Idon't convert my B6 in or B9
into SAMe very well, and so whenI started taking SAMe in the
morning, it changed my life andI think, gosh, I wish people
knew more about, you know,genetic testing and depression
and anxiety.
Because what if it's like assimple as eating some yogurt and

(01:32:13):
taking a amino acid and youfeel so much happier and in love
with your life and in love withpeople and it's like, oh man, I
wish our health care system hadthis stuff.

I know, but that's why we're talking about this
stuff.
Yeah, exactly so.
Really, for me, it's alwaysabout you know, we talk about it
, and then I'm always saying Ibelieve that people almost lost
that ability to criticallyanalyze whether something's
right for you or not right foryou, because I don't believe in

(01:32:47):
dictating anything to anybody.
And so when we have podcastslike this that are really open
and honest and authentic justreal people talking about our
experience and our research andour education I think it really
helps other people to say I'mgoing to look a little more into

(01:33:08):
this, maybe this is for me andthat's really all we're doing
here, and I love it.
And it's like it's an hour anda half.
Susan, you are just so much funto chat with.
I love our conversations.
We kind of went all over, butreally I would love for you to

(01:33:29):
tell everybody where is the bestplace for someone to start to
look into some of the thingsthat we talked about, and then
you'll send some links for meand all of that.

Yeah, betterlovercom.
Okay, you can get on my emailnewsletter right at the top of
the page.
I send two emails a week thathave a lot of these different
kinds of things.
They're links to all kinds offree things that I have and that
gets you into what you'reinterested in.
You can scroll through and belike, oh, that thing, that's
what I'm interested in today andthat'll get you going on your

(01:33:59):
journey, because sex is such avast landscape that I just like
to meet you where you are andwhat's of interest to you, and
that's what that newsletter does.
It's really nice.
I spend about 30 hours a weekwriting my newsletters.
It's crazy and I have a team ofpeople who helped me produce it
, so it's very much mycontribution to the universe and
it's free.

(01:34:20):
Then you can follow me onInstagram and it's at my name,
susan Bratton,s-u-s-a-n-b-r-a-t-t-o-n.
And um.
That's really the.
That's really the place that,if you want to like learn more
about sex and stuff, if you werelike that chick is cool and I
just like her shit, that wouldbe threads.

(01:34:43):
I um post a lot of just like mylike where I posted about my
period and had the pile on.
You know that was threads.
That's not the kind of stuffthat I post externally very much
, but I have been reallyenjoying threads, mostly because
I've been in just enjoyingwhat's been going on in the
political landscape recently andI'm I'm very, very excited
about, you know, our future, ourfuture of democracy and what,

(01:35:05):
what we're doing in our countryright now to lift people up, and
so I follow all the news onthere, which is fun too.

So that's where I am, that's awesome.
Thank you so so much, Susan.
Such a pleasure.

Thank you, sandy, it was so much fun.
I love you.

Thank you.
I hope you enjoyed this episode.
Be sure to share it withsomeone you know might benefit
and always remember when yourate, review, subscribe, you
help to support my content andhelp me to keep going and

(01:35:45):
bringing these conversations toyou each and every week.
Join me next week for a newtopic, new guest, new exciting
conversations to help you liveyour best life.

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Beyond Libido: Reclaiming Your Sexual Power in Midlife with Susan Bratton SUMMER REBOOT - Episode 278

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Beyond Libido: Reclaiming Your Sexual Power in Midlife with Susan Bratton SUMMER REBOOT - Episode 278