Ep 55: Psychedelics, Plant Medicine and Healing with Family

Episode Transcript
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Meg O'Neill (00:04):
Hey beautiful humans. Welcome to sex, love and
everything in between.

Jacob O'Neill (00:12):
You're here with Jacob and my wife, Meg. And this

is the place where we have all them very, very real
role and extremely unfilteredconversations about sex, love
and everything in between.

It's here you get a behind the scenes look into
our relationship. And we willnot be holding back well, we
might not know.

You don't know how to do that. Not at all. So
beautiful ones. Thank you forbeing here. Enjoy this episode.

Hey, lover.

Hi. Hi.

How you doing?

I am feeling great today. That's

what I'd like to hear everybody. What up lovers
lovers. Welcome back. Thank you.
To you. Yes,

we had two weeks without you.

Yeah, you guys have been hanging out without
me. I've felt a little left out.

How much did you miss Jacob?

Please shower me with validation say

that just be my podcast now.

Pick a size. Now it's good to be back my love.
You had a couple of awesomeepisodes with Eleanor and
everyone's been loving

those episodes went off. If you're listening and you
haven't listened to either ofthose episodes, just pause this
and go back. They're reallyfucking good. I can guarantee
those are good. I don't knowwhere this one's going.

I think

they're about there's a blow job 10101. And
then there's looking pussy one Ionce are very dive in. Lots of
practical tips await you.

I think it's really fun when you're met, like
what I saw, like we've beentalking about season two, which
is coming up shortly. Right.
We're talking about havingguests on more and more guests.
I'm so excited. And one of ourparameters for having guests on
is like, am I fucking excited tospeak to these people? Like, do
these people like, excite me?
Yeah, and it doesn't matter.
Like for me, it doesn't matterhow good you are at what you do,
or what accolades orachievements you've had. But if

(02:05):
I'm excited to speak to you, ifI feel a vibe, then that's the
parameter for how I'm going tobe choosing to, like, bring
people on. Come on people thathave that energy that want to
like jam and vibe and bringsomething to the space.

Yeah, we're never gonna have someone on just
because they have 100,000followers and like, we're not
sellouts. But truly, I need tobe able to, like sit in front of
someone and be you know howcurious I am. If I'm having a
conversation with someone, Iwant to be genuinely curious. I
want to be so excited andinspired by what they stand for.
So we have a big list. We'reactually doing a really epic

(02:42):
podcast interview tomorrow withanother couple. So yes, yes,
that'll be on the podcast nextweek. I'm so fucking excited for
that conversation. And then wehave a whole lot of other
guests. Django,

Django, you are not a guest and

goes in the podcast room right now and is no, no

this is this is training. We're going to talk a
little bit about parenthood andhow this little dog is teaching
me so much.

Unknown (03:12):
Oh

he usually just lives down chill. I think it's
because we haven't been on awalk today. Anyway, guys, he
nearly beat the court and wewould have dropped out so yeah,

he nearly chewed the audio cord. Surprise
surprise Django. We love you.

We love you. And I did not understand like I was
not. I liked dogs, but I'venever owned a dog. Yeah, so I
used to find it. Strange notstrange, but I didn't really
fully get when people have a doghow much you love a fucking dog?
And now I'm like, what is itgoing to feel like to Love A
Child that you and I bothcreated? Yeah, it's gonna be

(03:50):
wild. I just love watching himsleeper in the car like turning
behind and just constantlywatching him when we drive
places and just watching himadventure. That's my favorite
thing. Like watching him new.
Learn new skills.

Like this one right here. Yeah,

he's playing with a bottle. This is now just an
episode devoted to

Unknown (04:11):
our dog to tell you how good our dog is. That and I get

so excited and just like, I'm so bursting with love
and just like oh, and I'm like,What the fuck is going to like
having a child going to feellike that's going to be out of
this fucking world. Amen.

So out of this fucking world. Yeah, it
terrifies me to hear that levelof like, holy shit, is my heart
gonna, like explode out of mychest? Probably.

And then the vulnerability that also comes
with and I think we can evenbring this back into do we need
to actually have him leave thespace

and actually get him to leave the space. So if
you keep talking my love, we'regoing to do it.

Django is no longer he usually just lives down under
On shares, but he's being a bitof a menace right now. And he's
wanting to chew chords and dothings. So I think if we bring
this into like the context ofrelationships, too, it's like
very risky and vulnerable tolove someone. And I think it's

(05:18):
the same way that we have a dogor a child like when when we
expand our capacity to love,we're also signing up to expand
our potential capacity to feeldeep pain, with loss with death
with breakups with all of it.
Yeah. And again, I can'timagine, like, we've been

(05:42):
talking about the dog that, youknow, he will most likely have a
smaller lifespan than us. Andthere will one day be a time
where he's no longer walkingthis earth and we are and he's
gonna die. He's gonna die.

He's not gonna walk is he's gonna there's gonna
be a point where we have to say,so yeah, forever, and it's gonna
be fucking tragic.

Yeah, and that. And I think it's the same. Well,
hopefully we outlet our childrenoutlive us. But that same like,
I was actually thinking of thisyesterday, we took a bit of
mush. It was your birthday.
Happy birthday.

Thank you. Thank you.

And we took a little bit of mushrooms, which
is journey Davonne.

For the amount that you took you You did well,

it was Do you mean it was like a small Yeah, it
wasn't a big guys. Yeah. But wewere at these beautiful rock
pools for Jacob's birthday. Andthere was no one there. And it
was so stunning, and I was like,half naked, and we took a little
bit of mushrooms, and we're justreally enjoying ourselves, and
just with Django, then nextminute, within five minutes, 20

(06:52):
other people rocked up. Yeah.
And it was just as the mushroomsare really hitting. So I, you
reminded me later that I feelvery deeply. So my, what I was
feeling, I just began to feelreally anxious. And really, I
was just like, feeling reallyexposed. And I was feeling a
lot. And this kid got rusheddown this little waterfall and I
was really close to it. And hewas in he wouldn't have died.

(07:13):
But he was like screaming, itwas like a three year old and
his dad had to chase him downthese rapids, it was really
intense. And I'm on mushrooms,it was just a lot. So I started
to feel a lot. But then we endedup moving deeper into, into the
rock pools and the waterfalls.
And we were alone again. Butyeah, I was going through my

(07:33):
deep process. And something thatcame out of that was like this,
this remembering, and this islike, how I fucking live and
what I teach. But if we want abeautiful life, or our ability,
or our capacity to experiencebeauty is directly proportionate
to our capacity to feel awillingness to feel. Yeah, and

(07:57):
we cannot like, you know, if wewant to experience more love, or
more joy, more beauty, orwhatever it is, and will ecstasy
or more, you know, pleasure. Wecan't just sign up for that end
of the spectrum. We're actuallyjust signing up to being more
sensitive and attuned to thefull spectrum of our human

(08:18):
emotions. And I think that'sthat's a huge thing that
psychedelics and plant medicineteach me it's like, look at your
capacity to feel and when youwillingly go deep into the
shadow into the dark, that likeliberates you huge amount of

(08:38):
ecstasy, a huge amount of whatwe would say is like desirable
emotions. And then what are theone in the fucking same? We
can't just sign up for one?
Totally. I agree. And I got allthe way there from talking about
how much I love my dog. Yes.

Yeah, I think feeling is the key for so many
people in this modern world.
Like, most of the stuff that Italk to men about is them trying
to understand something beforethey feel it. Like, oh, what's
wrong with me? How do I do this?
I'm like, what if you could justlike let the feeling be here?
What's the feeling? Can youallow it and quite often it has

(09:16):
to do with like, not wanting tobecome a hot mess or not wanting
to let go? Like letting go issuch a is such a tormenting
thing for the modern person, Ibelieve. And what I you know,
what I witnessed in you is likeyou almost like surrendering to
this, this layer of grief thatyou hadn't yet felt. And for me
grief is like the the ultimateLiberator is that it is really

(09:41):
it's an embodied letting go.
It's an embodied surrender toactually expose yourself to the
feeling of grief is to truly letgo off.

And I believe when we give ourselves over to grief,
it is actually one of the mostbeautiful experiences we can
pull simply have the human likethat, that one of my favorite
experiences when I'm notresisting grief, that's where
the suffering is. When we resistanything there is suffering. But
when we truly, like you said,surrender into it, uh, let let

(10:16):
ourselves go into it, giveourselves over to it. We give
ourselves over to the beauty offeeling the beauty of letting
life move through us.

I think I've said this before, but I'll say it
again. Parang Lee, who's aincredible musician, and I heard
this on another podcast he wasspeaking on was he talks about
how the veil between grief andjoy is like paper thin. And when
we access grief, it gives usaccess to like this depth of joy
that is really unbridled, it'sreally, something is not just

(10:53):
happiness, it's like this, thisinsatiable, joyous thing that
like comes from a deep part ofus. That is, that really is
infinite. And that, for me islike, when we go through the
portal of grief, when we gothrough the feelings that we
haven't felt it gives us accessto something that doesn't mean
that we don't have to rely onour partner being happy, we
don't have to rely on a certainamount of money in the bank

(11:13):
account, we'd have to rely onwhether we did well this month
in our business, or whether wewon that football match on the
weekend, all of these differentthings is and none of that
becomes the determinant, thething that determines my joy, my
joy comes from within becauseI've been willing to go through
what was in fog in the road orin front of it, or blocking it

(11:34):
rather.

And I think and I'd love to hear your perspective on
this. But for me, plant medicineand psychedelics has been such a
huge part of that embodiedexperience. I don't think it's
the only way and I don'tactually think it's everyone's
path to do plant medicine orpsychedelics, no fucking way.
But to have that embodiedexperience of being met with

(12:00):
your grief, the grief that'sbeen locked up in your body, or
whatever it is that's beenlocked up and to come face to
face with it. And on plantmedicine or psychedelics, you
must choose to feel that themedicine doesn't do it for you,
you must be an activeparticipant, or as our one of
our teachers says, You must meetthe medicine halfway or like
5050. But yeah, that experienceof like feeling that and then

(12:28):
the liberation, like theliberation of like, wow, I've
met that grief and it felt soicky and sticky while I'm on
plant medicine. And then there'slike this point of liberation
was suddenly I just feel suchecstasy and joy. And I've moved
from wailing with snoteverywhere on the ground, like
crying, to suddenly just likedancing and circling my hips and

(12:51):
laughing and just being in like,the deepest state of ecstasy
I've ever felt. And so for me, Ithink those experiences that,
you know, we've, I think I'vealmost been, I think my first
plant medicine ceremony wasalmost 10 years ago now, which
is wild. But I think that forme, that path has really given
me that blueprint for what it islike to how interconnected and

(13:15):
like how much the veil is. Sopaper thin, like you said,

100%. And whatever. ngModel. Like we've
worked with the plants, like yousaid, for so many years, and the
modality that you choose, it'sthe one that gets the thing that
won't actually back down. That'swhat I've noticed with plant
medicine, it's like it's notgoing to back away from the hard
stuff, it's going to call youdeeper into it. And then you
have to choose to admit itthere. Because you know, I've
spent hours in ceremonyresisting only to like,

(13:43):
actually, like, go into it withthe medicine and have my you
know, my moment of release andthen accessing the liberation
like fuck, why was I? Why didyou spend six hours rolling
around fighting it? And yeah,it's taught me a lot around
receiving. And one of the thingsthat I I always remind myself is

(14:04):
I can't can I find? Can I findgrace in letting go? Can I find
the grace in letting go? Can Ibe graceful in this? Can I like
let myself have have to, like begraceful? Because normally I
just it's a fucking dogfight forme and anything because I'm
really headstrong, and I reallystruggled to receive and that
has been a massive, massive,recurring theme in my life

(14:25):
across all areas is like, do Ifeel worthy of receiving this?
And quite often the answer isno. And then I have to face off
with what feeling is isaccompanying that belief. And
that's where I've found likemost of my liberation is like,
knowing that I am actuallyfucking worthy knowing that I do

(14:45):
have value to offer the worldknowing that I am able to
receive in a way that has meliving a life that is not only
inspiring for myself butinspiring for others and allows
me to do good work.

Would you say that's one of the biggest pieces
that arises for you on plantmedicine journeys, the
unworthiness piece.

Yeah. Yeah. The the unworthiness. And also, I
think that's coupled with, Idon't want, I'm scared of the
responsibility. I'm scared tofuck it up. So I don't feel
worthy number one, number two,if I fuck it up, people won't
love me. So therefore, I won'tfeel good enough, then I'll go

(15:25):
back into the unworthiness. Soit's like a, it's this. It's
this paradox, I always findmyself at a paradox of like,
well, you can stay where youare. And you can manage this.
You can be in control of yourunworthiness, or you can believe
you're worthy. And then let lifereflect back all of the areas
where you don't believe that andmeet them, and break through

(15:45):
them. So regardless of what youdo, you're going to be at the
mercy of some form of some formof initiation, just depends on
whether or not you want to, likego deeper, or whether you want
to just stay at the surface. Andwhat

would you say the medicine like in those moments?
Because I feel like when youtalk about the unworthiness, I
feel like plant medicine oftenilluminates the shadow. And I
think plant medicine also showsus the truth of like, the
interconnectedness of life andthe the shimmy that one of the
biggest learnings from medicine,all the embodied experiences I

(16:21):
have is like, I am God, I am Godis like I'm not separate from
anything else. And that thattrue, we can know that you can
read a fucking book, and knowthat from the shoulders up, but
to have a visceral embodiedexperience of that is a
completely different thing. ButI'm wondering what like so that
shadow that gets illuminated oflike, I'm not worthy, or I'm

(16:43):
scared of that responsibility offucking it up, what would you
say then the medicine shows youdoes the medicine like then take
you into, like the truth orilluminate so

it shows me all the times where I've judged
myself or not loved myself inmoments of, in moments of where
I've essentially not, wereessentially falling short of
what I believed I needed to do.
So where I haven't done what Isaid I was going to do, or I
haven't achieved what I thoughtI wouldn't have judged myself or
I've been really harsh onmyself, rather than offering

(17:13):
myself kind of compassion. Andit's showing me all the time to
Hey, like, all these otherpeople who you think have all
these other people and thingsthat you think are affecting you
is actually you judging andbeing really harsh on yourself
and telling yourself that you'restupid that you fucking you've
got nothing. Why the fuck didyou do that was this and all
it's all of those, all of thatself talk all of that. Almost

(17:34):
like collapsing in on myselfwith all of this. negativity and
yeah, just this, which thenegativity comes from an
inability to feel the the actualgrief of my humaneness that I'm
not fucking perfect that I'm notin control. And, and when I go
into that, it's just like, it'sjust like tearing back layers of

(17:56):
fucking. I liken it to beinglike, just covered in fucking,
like dirt caked up mud. And I'mliterally just like, trying to,
and part of that is almost like,I'm trying to rip it off before
I actually like, wet it unless Ineed to learn how to like,
breathe it through my body andlike slowly, like let it
dissolve rather than trying tolike just like, just rip it off.

Unknown (18:19):
That's such a beautiful like visual.

And I imagined, like, the way that I see you
know, that I see myself workingwith the medicine in those
moments is like, yeah, myheart's caked in this, like,
these layers of, of unfeltemotions. And if I liken it to
being like mud, it's like, can Iactually let myself feel
normally grief, which will betears or Watering Can the water
reg rundown and actually softenthe walls and actually let them

(18:42):
just like a slide off, ratherthan me trying to like bang on
my heart and rip these thingsoff and trying to force my way
into my own self love?

Yeah, I think that's such a beautiful point.
Because I think so often in theembodiment space, or plant
medicine space, that can be thislike, real celebration around
like, cathartic experiences andexperiences where there's like,
yelling and screaming, and it'sloud. And it's, and I believe in
that I'm here for fullexpression. I've had a lot of

(19:13):
powerful experiences in my ownbody, when with, you know, a
cathodic style, you know,expression or embodiment, and
then I've witnessed that andguided a lot of women through
that. But I think there's adifference between that there's
such medicine, in knowing thatit doesn't, that's not the only
way to get to the place of love.
And in fact, can we be gentlewith ourselves? It doesn't

(19:36):
always have to be this Yeah,like, let's get to the shadow
and Let's scream our way throughand let's like force our way
into, you know, remembering itcan be gentle and subtle. And
yeah. I also think sometimespeople can get stuck in the
plant medicine space, becausethey're like, hooked on that.
They're hooked on that like,massively big like boom like

(19:57):
that. where I believe the worklike we were really deep in the
plant medicine space forprobably three or four years and
doing many, many ceremonies in ayear and traveling to Peru with
that teacher and you still Ilove your Yeah, but I haven't
you know, we, I like to do myown journeys at home with the

(20:19):
mushrooms. But yeah, I feel likethere's not an expiry date
necessarily on that on thatworld. But I believe that there
is a many people the journeyshould be then to move more into
the subtleties of life as apractice. And this is a reliance

(20:39):
on Sorry, I was just sayingwithout a reliance on like, and
you say this beautifully, it'slike, you can't stay on the
fucking mountain, you've got togo down the mountain into the
marketplace into themarketplace. And it's like, if
you had just feel like goingplant medicine off to plant
medicine ceremony, but then youstill, you know, there's no
shifts in your life or you'restill having these like shitty

(21:01):
relationships, you're notactually bringing any of that
down into your day to day life.
If, if the medicine isn'timproving your relationship with
your family, the people aroundyou your work any of it or
taking you into a different pathor more enlivened path, like

Unknown (21:20):
I would say,

sums up and not necessarily that it should
immediately do that. But yeah, Ifeel like what I'm saying,

Yeah, Get off the fucking roller coaster. Yeah,
that's it like this, this is amatter of the the fact of the
matter is, people go there andfucking escape. Yeah, and then
they hide up on the mountaintop,and they fucking wear their
white linen pants, and theyfucking play their flutes, and
then they never come back downand fucking chop wood and carry
water, they don't come down andhave the conversation they need

(21:48):
to have with the mother, theydon't come down and like speak
about the responsibilities thattheir father had, and how you
know, one day they're gonna haveto step into being responsible
for family and there's all thesefucking, floaty, uncommitted
people, especially men fuckingannoying me who do this, and
float around in these fuckingtransient communities. They
don't actually. And they talkabout this new earth. But the

(22:10):
truth is that change comes fromwithin. So for you to change the
system, or to change society, orto shift cultural values, you
need to be within it, you needto change it from within, you
can't sit on the sidelines, andtry to create his whole New
Earth and your little fuckingcommunity. That's not how it
works if you want to, if youwant to be a true medicine

(22:31):
carrier, and this isn't aboutserving medicine, like this is
my true belief. You carry themedicine in your heart in your
body, you come down and you youspeak on behalf of the wisdom of
the medicine that you you'vereceived. And, you know, for me,
that's called becoming themedicine. Like, I don't need to
take my parents to go and doayahuasca, I can come down and I
can open my heart and speakvulnerably because I've had my

(22:53):
experience with the grandmother,I can hold my I can straighten
my spine because I've sat withwhat tumor the cactus and like
stand in my power and speak onbehalf of what I truly believe.
I don't need to tell people togo and do that and have their
own experience. And no, I don'tneed to force them into the path
that I've walked. And this isthe this is the truth of the of

(23:14):
any initiatory path is that thatyour initiation is your
initiation. Part of theinitiation is integration. And
if you don't integrate it intoyour life where you can sit down
at the table and have dinnerwith the people that raised you
or go back and show compassionto people that aren't yet where
you're you're at in the areathat you've exposed yourself to.

(23:37):
Then you've got some fuckingwork to do. Oh, and I see this
you know, I see this with peoplewho go and do breath work non
stop and they doing the bigcathodic Holotropic breathwork
and don't get me wrong I fuckingadore breath work. It's been you
know, it's been one of thethings that I've led many, many
fucking I've led hundreds of menthrough breath work. I've done a
lot of breath work myself. Andsome of the most some of the

(24:00):
most deepest journeys that I'veled men through actually the
most softest. So we've done thebig cathodic staff Bumblebee and
then I'll hit them with thissoft gentle almost like this.
bathe them in their own theirown fucking their own breath and
they've like just cracks USOpen. It's like ah, this is
actually teaching me to breatheevery single day like life is

(24:24):
breath work. It's not somefucking 30 rounds of no three
rounds a 30 year you know highintensity breathwork is life.
You breathe every single fuckingsecond. So, for me, the work
that you do on the mountain isonly as good as the way that you
integrate it back into yourlife.

Unknown (24:42):
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Yes. That wasn't

the intention of this. This This podcast was a
bit of a rant but it's

I feel like it's I feel like this is it. This is
really fucking powerful. I feelreally. Yeah, this feels right
talking about this right now.

And one more thing with like, one of the
things that like you said, likethe you know, you work with the
medicine like that's a verymuch, you know, I, I forget, and
I've probably forgotten the lastcouple of months I've been like
really in my head and reallyfocused on how I can create all
these things that I need for thefuture. But one thing that I've
been reminded by many of myteachers is like, can you walk

(25:20):
with the medicine? Can you walkwith all the ancestors, all the
guides all of the the beingsthat are in your corner wanting
you to do the work that you'rehere doing? How often do you,
you know, say hello to them? Howoften do you stop and ask for
support from something that youdon't fully understand. Because
if you keep consulting anotherbook or another human, you're

(25:42):
trying to access the divinethrough all these different
ways. When in actual fact,you've got all that you need
here, all you have to do is openyourself to something beyond
what your mind can comprehend.
And one of my teachers, he's sofunny, he's like, we get to a
mountain. He's like, okay, noblesilence from now. But first, we
actually introduce ourselves tothe mountain. Hello, mountain.

(26:02):
How are you today? We're comingto do some ceremony on your on
you today. Thank you forallowing us to be here. Oh, and
then we walk up the mountain,it's like, it's that fucking
simple. It can be that simple.
And it's all about having arelationship with something
greater than yourself. Andtrusting that and then bringing

(26:25):
that back into your life where,you know, when you're washing
the dishes, it can be aspiritual practice, when you're,
you know, and this is, you know,a specific that in his book is
about like stripping the copperwith my dad, or whether it's a
conversation with my mom on thephone. And it's like, oh, you
know, like my birthday, my momrang me last night, and I. And
she's so excited about shefucking loves birthdays. And I

(26:46):
think part of me, like, I stillhave a, I think there's a part
of me that doesn't fully trustthe feminine. I think that would
be the truth for me. Like, I'mjust I was sitting with that
last night, after we tried torecord a podcast. And I think
there's a part of me doesn'tfully trust the feminine, and
I'm scared of it. And that'sokay. But I realized on the

(27:06):
phone last night, my mom wastalking to me, I was like,
instead of just like, yeah,thanks for the presence, I was
like, hey, I really appreciateall the effort that you put in.
Like, it made me quiteemotional, like actually
thanking her for something thatshe loves to do. I was like, I
don't have to push her away. Andmy tendency when I'm receiving
is to push people away, or todownplay my magnificence, or try

(27:30):
to pretend like it's not, Idon't need anything, when in
actual fact, I, I love receivingand it's a big part of my life
that I feel I am going to workon this year. And once again,
bring a level of grace to it.
But yeah, remember, like momcalled me to see how my day was.
And I was like, thank you somuch. And I really appreciate
all the effort that you put in,you know, to the presence and
thank you so much for giving meexactly what I wanted. And thank

(27:51):
you for always making an effortaround these times. He like
always you you always You'realways the one that you know
believes in the in the in thespecial in how special these
moments are these, these are herceremonies, you know, these are,
and this is this made me a bitemotional. But like for Mother,
I think that a child's birthdayis a ceremony because it reminds

(28:13):
them of the initiation that theywent through to bring you into
this world.

And your mom had quite an initiation. Yeah. And

like I wasn't meant Yeah, that's yeah.
Yeah, I think I'm terrifiedright now. Of like, yeah, what

(28:41):
becoming a parent means Hey, Isee how much my mom loves me and
how much like how much I'mterrified of what that what
that's gonna do to me. I'mterrified of how codependent and
attached and overbearing I'mgonna be covering how I'm scared
that I'm not gonna be able tofall asleep. I'm scared that I'm
not going to be able to fuckingfunction because I'm so in love

(29:02):
with something that I can'tfucking function. And that
terrifies me. Yeah, and I'mYeah, I think yeah, I'm scared
and there's been so much I'vejudged my mum for so long around
certain things and my biggestyou know, I've had a huge
journey with coming back tolove. After like, yeah,
detaching from my mom andfeeling angry and hating her and

(29:25):
being filled with rage to comingback to a place of love and
understanding her a lot more andI think like becoming apparent
is going to really show me theparts of her that are within me.
And yeah, that terrified thatterrifies me because, you know,
she's, yeah, she is a fiercewoman. And she loves fiercely

(29:45):
and she, like you said with thespectrum. She's got to she's got
a fiery. She can spit poison.
But um, yeah, it was reallybeautiful last night to just
yeah, just and I think I've donethis really well with my dad
over the last year. Are to likereally honoring him for the role
that he's played and reallydeepening my connection with
him. And yeah, I think lastnight just say, Hey, I

(30:06):
appreciate the effort that youput in and thank you for holding
it down at this, you know, notonce have I ever felt. And I
think to like, not once have Iever felt like, like, I've
always my birthdays like there'snever been one where I haven't
got got a present. I've never,you know, and maybe I feel
guilty for that because I seeother I've I've had friends who

(30:29):
weren't as well off, you know,we weren't rich or anything but
I remember feeling terrible whenChristmas because I got this
bike and one of my friends youknow, got a got this really
shitty toy. And I was likeriding around this brand new
bike and I remember feelingfucking horrible. About You
know, I was like fuck well. Andlike in my head, it's and I

(30:49):
don't know whether this isprobably what makes me really
good at what I am. But also maymakes me probably a bit of a
motto that yeah, I was likebuckle. I want you to have what
I've got, I want I want you tofeel it, I want you to feel the
love that I'm receiving from it.
And I felt bad for receiving atthe level that I did. And you
know, every year I you know, Igot to my mom baked a cake.

(31:12):
There'll be presents for me.
When I woke up they'd be youknow, however old I was to be
that many balloons on thefucking table. You know, it was
it was a ceremony for her andshe would set the set the scene
and make it make it sacred. Andeverything's just all of a
sudden making sense right nowaround why birthdays mean a lot
to her and why they are acelebration of creation, or
creation. Yeah, I feel so muchbetter right now.

Yeah, we were never meant to record the night off
last night.

And yeah, I think that's I think that's simple.
Yeah, I think I'm just having areal deep understanding of you
had the other I've really feltstuck struggling last couple of
weeks with like, what's, what'swhat's not moving here, and it's
been locked up in my chest andthe I just feel a whole lot
better around that. And yeah,I'm just realizing, Oh, yeah.

(32:02):
When I receive on my birthday, Iget terrified that other people
aren't receiving as much as Iam. And then I'm like, Well, you
deserve just as much as me. Youdeserve. I want everyone to have
I want and I want it all to beequal. I want it you know, don't
want to get too much. And thenhave someone else feel like go
home and feel like oh, I don'thave as much. Which is ironic,

(32:22):
because I'd never ever feel thatway when someone else is getting
in present. I feel like I shouldbe getting that. So um, yeah.
Birthdays are big for me. Theyare. I don't know where I was
going with that. But thank youfor allowing it.

We went from plant medicine to that. I loved that.

Unknown (32:41):
Thanks so much. That was really beautiful to witness.
Yeah. And thanks, everyonelistening for being thanks for
being here. Being here. Theprocess

can I circle back to what we were what it's, it's
the conversation you were justhaving as well but expanding on
like, bringing the energy downfrom the mountain. And I think
so often and this was my path isthat when we get into whatever
the fuck you want to call it,personal development, plant

(33:15):
medicines, spirituality,whatever kind of space, we can
suddenly make everyone outsideof that space wrong, like
suddenly see life as like thishierarchy. Like you don't know
yet you haven't, you haven'tstepped into this world yet,
you're lesser than you don't getit. And you can start to make
them wrong. And then we can alsoreally begin to conditionally

(33:42):
put a lot of conditions on therelationships we have in the
love that we're giving. Andagain, I did this definitely it
was like, I'm, I want you tochange and be more like me, I
want you to be more spiritual, Iwant you to eat different food.
I want you to do all thesethings. And then I can love you.
I used to do this with my mom sodeeply as well, my mom

(34:04):
specifically. But I think I alsojust used to look through that
lens of life. It's like, Oh, youhaven't done the plant medicine
ceremony. You haven't done this.
You still don't eat organically.
And my relationship with my momwas challenging during that
time. I remember, just like youshare and I know from your
experience of your mom to like,my mom would call me and I would

(34:26):
see her name put come up on myphone and I would literally get
like repulsed. I'd be like oh,like, I don't want to fucking
talk to her and I used to getreally triggered by now I see
the parts of her that also in mebut I used to just like think
she was all consuming and askedhim any like questions and was
too like strict like just allthese things. And yeah, there

(34:49):
was like this repulsion thatwould come up in me. And I in my
head. I probably wasn'tconscious about it at the time.
But I have this story that Ineeded her to change and be less
of who she was and less of allof these things. And then I
could love her and have a goodrelationship with her. And I

(35:11):
remember around this time, sothis is probably like five years
ago now maybe even longer, or atleast five years ago and before
that, that you would sometimestell me that I was like my mum.
And it would feel like thebiggest

Unknown (35:28):
what, what am I looking for? Trigger

trigger, but also like, what's opposite of a
compliment? or insult? Yeah, itfelt like the biggest insult
ever. Yeah, felt like thebiggest insult for you to call
me like my mom, especially thethings that I was super
triggered by her and, and a hugepart of my journey with this was
actually beginning to and thisis my whole journey of full

(35:53):
spectrum moment, like actually,to stop denying the parts of
myself that I was seeing andher. And when I began to own the
part of me that that was a crazymotherfucking bitch. When I
started to own the part of methat was like, controlling when
I started to own the part of methat just like I needed to know

(36:13):
what was just like, superintense. Right? When I started
to own all those parts of myselfand be compassionate and loving
to those parts of myself.
Suddenly, my whole entirefucking relationship with my mom
shifted. And I could this makeme emotional. I like No longer
would she call like, I feelrepulsed. I was like, excited,
like the love that I like,liberated from my mother. And

(36:37):
she didn't fucking change. Shedidn't change at all. She didn't
change. It's still crazy asfuck. But my perception of her
changed. And I liberated herfrom the conditions that I was
putting on her. And I just freedthe love that I had. And that

(36:59):
was like, fucking everything.
That was fucking everything.

Makes me think of Steven straight. Yeah, I

was thinking that to the really healing time in.
Gosh,

Unknown (37:16):
this is one of the we do one of these podcasts,

like, at least once every few months where we don't
talk about anal. We don't talkabout sex. We just have a good
cry.

Thank you for being our group therapy.

Unknown (37:29):
I'm sure there's some people here that like, Don't
five these ones and other peoplethat are like, this is my
fucking favorite. Yeah.

But there was a time. It's probably five years
ago. Geez. Yeah. See, it may becoming up to six because I think
it was 2018. Yeah, 2019.

I can't remember.
It would have been 2018. Becausethen 2019 was the next year, I
think. As it goes, and I'm justthinking about when we move back
to the Gold Coast. Yeah.

Okay. So it was either Yeah, it was probably
about five or six years ago. AndJacob and I had moved from the
Gold Coast, we'd packed up allthe things we'd actually we
hadn't packed up a lot ofthings, we'd sold a lot of
stuff. We would financially notvery well off. We moved to Bali
for a few months. And our planwas to travel and then we had no
money so we came home and welived with my parents for four

(38:20):
months. And I had so much shamearound that just where we were
at financially and or at thetime we're in we were working on
my network marketing business,which we soon after finished but
there was a lot of shame for youin that and like where you're at
in your life and work and allthe things and yeah, just felt

(38:41):
like a fucking failure. Likethere was a lot of shame around
failing and yeah, feeling likewe weren't where we wanted to
be. You will probably like clue.
What would you have been? Like?
Probably 30 Yeah,

I was not at all where I wanted to be. Yeah. And
then living with my parents, mymy girlfriend's parents. In
Brisbane, no fucking job, nomoney coming in, trying to get
some get my business off theground. I'm pretty sure I had
depression or some form of like,I was definitely down in the
dumps. Yeah. But that's not whywe were there. I don't believe
we were there to make, you know,to we went there to get the you

(39:17):
know, to be highly successfulthere to like, almost like,
heal. Yeah. So

what went down in that time? My, my little sister
moved home as well. Yeah. And soit was my little sister Jacob
and I and my mom and dad in thishouse. And my mind I had also
just sold our family home. Yeah,they lived in for my entire
life. And so they just sold thatwe were living in this rental
and they were there other placeswas being built. Yeah. And so

(39:43):
there was so much moving forthem. And I had that was I
looked back at that and I'mlike, Thank fuck, because that
time really transformed myrelationship with my mom and my
dad. But yeah, there was what Iwant to say On that there was
conversations that were had thathad never been spoken before.

(40:06):
Particularly with my mom, sheshared things that she'd never
shared with anyone before. Andit was like we needed to be in
that space for the healing ofus, but also the healing of my
mother and the healing of ourfamily. Yeah.

Like it was, it wasn't a big house. So we're all
like on top of each other, like,you couldn't not deepen. We
couldn't not deepen intoconversations. And I believe
like, some we definitely

could have. But that, like, that's what that
was. I think that was ourdeepest practice of, can you
bring the motherfucking medicinedown from the mountain into the
marketplace? How are you whenyou're living when you're going
through a really fucking roughpatch, and you're living in your
mom and dad's house with yourboyfriend and your says, like,
things aren't going to plan whenpeople are probably looking at

(40:50):
you like you failed? Like, whothe fuck are you in those
moments? How are you lovingpeople? How you showing up each
day? Like, that was such thatwas life going? This is the
fucking medicine journey? Yes,don't go fucking drink another
cup of ayahuasca, sit here andbe with this. And I'm so fucking
proud of that medicine journey.
And for

what I would say is like, sometimes we can just
go and see our parents once amonth and sit down and have
dinner and the conversation canonly really go as far as in an
hour, we'll let you Yeah, or youknow, there's there's different
things going on or the foot ison TV or, you know, there's
something else to talk about, orsomething new that's happening
in the family. In the widerfamily that you talk about, you
don't actually get that ongoing,like you say like, like I say,

(41:34):
with the medicine, like itdoesn't go anywhere. When you're
in ceremony, it stays with youall the way until you meet your
point of liberation. And samewith that we were in a house for
four months, we couldn't goanywhere. We didn't have money
to travel, we could not putenough fuel in the car to maybe
get to fucking Gold Coast for aday. But we didn't have money to
leave, we had to sit and be withwhat was there for ourselves.

(41:56):
And in that we then got tocreate a deeper relationship
with your parents and like that,that really solidified my
relationship with them deeply.
And like it's what gave me thethe understanding and the deep
respect that I have for bothyour parents. And like, yeah, my
family is very fuckingdifferent. And we both have
beautiful aspects. But um, yeah,I used to be really triggered by

(42:17):
the how organized your familywas. And then when I got to
actually like experience thejust how what that organizer
organization afforded your yourfamily and seeing how well you
guys could go on holidays, howgreatly everything like it was
like a well oiled machine, I gotto be like, Fuck this. There's
value in this in the way thatthese guys do it. And I'm
really, you know, the fact thatyour dad's held it down and he's

(42:37):
been able to provide for fuckingthree daughters in a way that
I'd never seen anyone do. I waslike, Fuck, this is cool. Like
I've got I'm learning to respectyour father, but also like,
learn like I'm learning torespect him for what he's done.
But I'm also taking on thingslike wow, like that's valuable.
It's a valuable skill. I want tocultivate that in myself.

Sorry, I was looking my friend is then I just
wanted to read what my mom, I'veput out that question box. Right
what they loved about y'all. Mymom wrote it on Instagram she
wrote. So I had the question boxthat said, What do you love
about Jacob like, help mecelebrate him and my mom, right?
My mom doesn't even really knowhow to use Instagram. So I love
that she did this she write thesupport he shows for family and
close friends always there forthe humans he loves and loves

(43:23):
that she said humans too,because we use that word humans.
But no, I really agree with youin that around that solidifying
of the relationship with myparents and I feel that is and
I'm assuming I'm not gonnaassume this but I'm sure there's
people listening to this andmaybe you're one of them

(43:44):
listening that you do desire,like family is important to you.
deepening your relationshipswith your family is important to
you, your mother, your father,your sisters, your brothers,
your whatever it is, but youwant to deepen and if that is
you my invitation to you wouldbe let go of who you think they

(44:04):
need to be for you to have therelationship with them.
Obviously, this is nuanced ifthey are abusive, it isn't safe
to be around them all of thosethings you know, boundaries are
so welcome and important. Butyou know, we're talking about
this from a place of like, whatwhat are you what cages are you
holding in them that's actuallypreventing you from just

(44:26):
experiencing the depth and lovethat you truly desire? And the
relationship we have with ourfamilies like you with my
family, me with my family, youwith your family? Me I'm so
proud of the relationships Ihave with it's gonna make me
emotional again. Like I'm soproud of the relationship I have
with like your dad and like yourmom and like your sisters and

(44:50):
yeah, even like a brother in lawand like yeah, it just yeah, I'm
so beyond what we fuckin evencreated here in the podcast in
our business. is no matter howmuch money I make, that will
always be what I am most proudof my relationship with you and
family.

(45:18):
And I think if we again, circleit back, it's like, that's the
work like your work, go have theplant medicine journeys, go

Unknown (45:25):
to the psychedelics, if you feel the call that

then bring that back to life like, you become
the transmission. And can youoffer yourself as the
transmission to your family,instead of taking a different
path, which many of you aredoing if you're listening to
this, you're most likely like, asome people would call it the
rainbow sheep of your family,you're probably the weirdo,

(45:49):
you're probably the one atChristmas that people what is he
or she doing now? Like what arethey? They don't really
understand you? Like, if that'syou? Can you actually not create
deeper separation of like, I'mdifferent? I'm not like them?
You know, I'm breaking thechains and which is powerful you
are? But also can you bring? Canyou actually be the medicine for

(46:12):
your family and not from thisegoic kind of like, I'm
different from you. And I'mbetter and I'm healing us all.
But just from this, like, canyou share your appreciation with
your mom, when she celebratesyou on your birthday? Can you
sit and look your dad in theeyes and tell him you love him
like? And can you lean into thediscomfort of changing your

(46:34):
related relationships. Like forme, this was huge. And I
actually remember the verymoment that this happened. It
was probably three years agonow. And I was really I'd really
deepened with my mom and Iwanted to deepen with my dad.
And that's still a relationship.
I have a great relationship withmy dad, but it's still one that
I'm like, hey, I want to callhim more. And I want to just

(46:54):
like, connected more deeply.
Like that's yeah.

Unknown (47:02):
And I remember just like feeling this yearning or a
few years ago of like, oh, Iwant to feel really seen by him.
And I don't feel seen by him andlike, in the way that you know,
like, Idon't think he gets what I do
when I don't think he's like,yeah, and

then I realize like, oh, like, can I be the one
to lean into that? Can Iactually like excitedly instead
of waiting for him to be the onethat goes, I'm proud of you? Can
I actually be vulnerable first?
Can I actually be vulnerable,and, you know, share, and then
let be the doorway for hisvulnerability too. And it was so

(47:39):
fucking beautiful. being sonervous to share my excitement
around something. And yeah, itwas so beautiful. And even a
conversation that I had to havewith my dad earlier. Maybe this
time last year, which I feltlike throwing up having to have
a particular conversation withmy dad asking for something. And
I thought he was going to like,berate me, and treat me like a

(48:02):
naughty little girl. And it wasthe most healing thing for me.
Like, he just, like, was soproud of me. And like,

Unknown (48:15):
yeah, just spoke to me all the things that you'd like,
I think my inner child, like asa kid wanted to hear and didn't
and he like, I got that as anadult. And I didn't go into that
conversation knowing that thatwas going to happen.

But it didn't it was so beautiful. And again,
it's like if you desiredeepening with anyone, but let's
specifically talk family, it'sso easy to be like, they're my
parents, they should do thisfirst. They should be vulnerable
first. They they wouldn't beable to handle my vulnerability.
They wouldn't be it theywouldn't get it. We'll just
fucking try it. Like can you? Ifit makes you giddy and feel like

(48:53):
you're gonna throw up do it likethat sack actually, that's your
leadership. That's how you healyour family. That's how you
bring the medicine off themountain. You lean into those
really like scary Oh my god, amI going to be rejected? What are
they gonna think of me? Like canI tell this man I love him when
we don't really say that. Likeyou've done that with your dad.

Unknown (49:16):
Turn talk about that.
But you're saying wailing

how are we going for time?

49 minutes. Go.
Hold it will actually by thetime this podcast would have
come out we would have

we will go to the place. Where

Yeah, it's 10 plus one right now timing wise.
Awesome. Awesome.

Thank you for sharing all that. My love. That
was beautiful. Thank you. Ithink this is this. Whilst we're
also going through a deephealing process in sharing about
our relationships with ourfamily. I think this is a real
good in like indicator forwhat's possible when you do
bring the medicine down off themountain or when you do go into
your breathwork journey or youstart going to sound healing So

(50:00):
you're doing all this new stufflike that is there to prepare
you for the actual initiation,which is to open your heart and
expose yourself to those thatyou actually want to have a
deeper relationship with. Yeah.
And yeah, that's been my, youknow, I think back to like, I
went to shout out, I'm actuallyyeah, we're gonna be chatting to

(50:20):
blaze. He's gonna be one of theguests. He's a, he was one of my
first men's coaches. And he'ssomeone that I look up to. And I
deeply respect, I went along tohis men's retreat on the sunny
coast or three days one, and Iremember like going through the
most painful initiation aroundmy anger towards my mother. And
that wasn't even the initiationthat was me clearing out my

(50:43):
vessel. So I could go into theconversation with my mom without
blaming her and opening my heartto her. Yeah. And I remember
coming home, and a couple ofweeks later, I said, I'm ready
to have a call with you. And Icalled her and I just opened my
heart and just shared that,like, all of my deep grief, and
pain and sorrow and everythingthat was moving through me from

(51:04):
from just such a beautifulplace. And it was so cathartic,
and so deeply healing. I'm like,oh, that, that retreat prepared
me for the initiation, like theinitiation was the preparation
for the real life thing. And

yeah, and you can't just want to jump in here. You
can't bypass what life is askingof you in a plant medicine
ceremony. Yes, plant medicinemight prepare you, there's some
things that can be felt andliberated in a plant medicine
ceremony that might notnecessarily have to be in life.
But if there's a motherfuckingconversation you need to have
with your father, with yourmother, with your partner with

(51:40):
your, you know, boss, with withyourself or like, if there is
action, if there is aconversation that life is deeply
inviting you into. You cannot nomatter how many cups of iOS Do
you have? Life is gonna continueto ask you to have that
conversation. You can't bypassthat correct.

Oh. And that was like that, for me was like the
first real experience of like, aone one on ones that I was
conscious of like, oh, wow, thisis me doing the work and then
applying the work to real life.
Yeah. So, you know, so manypeople like Well was it was it
called work because bucket andTodd, you do the work, and then
you apply it to your real life.

(52:18):
You know, and this is where oneof my teachers he calls, he
goes, you know, like ceremonythere, life is ceremony. And
ceremony is life. This is just alittle reminder. When we come
out of a deep, deep not workingwith it with the medicines, it's
like, Ah, this is just a littlereminder of what's possible.

(52:40):
When I bring when I see life, aceremony when I apply this, this
work to real life situations.
And yeah, like that's affordedme, you know, and one of the
things that a lot of men got towitness it at the gathering of
man was like, my father beingthere, and me getting to, like,
be seen by him, you know, andit's like, that was huge. That
was massive. And that's beenyears in the making, that has

(53:00):
been years in the making. And Ithink a lot of people will know,
a lot of people got to look atthe back end of my business and
see how you know, what the, whatthe numbers look like, it
probably wouldn't look like themost successful business. Well,
I know it wouldn't. And that'snot to say that I'm not doing
well, because I am, but it's,you know, I definitely could
have capitalized morefinancially, but I'm not going

(53:21):
to bypass or chase $1 When whatI truly deeply desire is these
healing, healing moments thatallow me to have the the
experiences that I will carrywith me for the rest of my life.

And I think that's where this is something that is
important to us. And there'sbeen moments I think probably
more for me than you where I'velike chased money in my business
and had that is been reallyconnected or reliant on that
metric of success. Yeah, butprobably in the last year. I

(53:58):
think for both of us, like yes,we want we we we do financially
thriving businesses, but we wantto scale and expand into that.
But that is not the only metricof success for us it is I would
never sacrifice any part of ourrelationship to expand and
succeed No, and growing ourrelationships with our you know,

(54:21):
our community the people in ouryou know, inner circle, you
know, family like that, that isso important to us. And that's
that's such an important metricof of the work I feel.

And this might seem a little silly, but like
there's been so many moments inthe past I'd say year and a half
with family that I've justlooked at looked at you playing
with your your sisters like yournephew, our nephews on the beach
just over Christmas, and Iwatched you and I was just like,
This is enough. Yeah, this islike this is a moment like I'm

(54:55):
fucking Gods here right now. Ican feel the divine feel great
to feel like oh, We FOC we'rehere. Yeah, we're doing it.
There's been times, you know,when we went down and we're,
it's show away with my familyfor that weekend will dancing. I
was like, oh my

god dancing on the country turned off. You know,
God's

here, the gods arrived, this is fucking This is
ceremony. This is a moment oflike, pure joy. And there's been
more of those moments that I cancount the last 18 months with
friends with family, and thepeople that will Yeah, in
general, the people that welove, and that's because we've
been able to apply the work toreal life. And that's been

(55:34):
beautiful. You know, we had outyou know, we had our wedding and
that was such a beautiful, youknow, I just got off the phone
to my my, one of my best mates,Jay Rozier. Shout out to Jay and
we were just roomies out man.
That wedding he's like, that wasone of the best weekend's of my
life, you know, and my

mom was always telling me, she caught up with
all her friends the other day,and one of the women was a
friend of a friend. So shewasn't at the wedding. And all
mom's friends were like, bestwedding we've ever been to,
nothing will ever talk. That,like we had the most phenomenal
time. But the fact that that wasa transformational experience

(56:14):
for so many humans that we lovedas well. And I think this is,
this is our medicine. And thisis something that we have done
very fucking well for years. Andwhat we've been devoted to is,
and it's why we have such deeprelationships with the humans
around us now, despite, youknow, years of feeling
disconnected and feeling notseen and all of these things is

(56:34):
that we're unapologeticallydevoted to being ourselves and
we don't change ourselves. Whenwe come into our family. We
don't dilute you know, we're notgoing and probably talking about
all our opinions all the time.
Because I think that's anotherthing too. It is say that you
had a particular opinion aboutthe vaccine, like you don't,
some people would then want togo down on their family to be

(56:55):
like, You should do this or you.
Or maybe it's eating organicfood and like shaming their
family for eating organic foodor still putting perfume on it.
It's like, I don't do I let go.
I will never ever, ever, evertell anyone in my family. What
the fuck to do. Sometimes Ijokingly do it with your dad

(57:16):
around sugar. I think I did it afew times at home. But it's
hilarious that because your daddidn't give a filelinked do that
to him because he doesn't wantgive a fuck. More banter. Yeah,
so I think that's another thing.
We don't make someone feel notenough for their current
lifestyle. We make people feelsafe, because it's not like, oh,

(57:38):
just because I don't eat glutenor just because I don't drink a
lot alcohol. It's still safe tobe around me. And we're going to
shame you because you have a fewdrinks. I'm not going to shame
you for X, Y and Zed. Yeah, andyeah, I think that's a huge part
of of we even a wedding likepeople we had such a we everyone
was in a circle for our wedding.
And we had a dispatch you wantto fire in the center and like

(58:00):
all of these things that peepand we had people rubbing their
hands together and praying overus and majority of the people
apart from our friends, majorityof the people and winning like,
you know our family and thatnobody was they didn't know. But
there's so many came upafterwards being like, that was
so powerful and I loved thehands thing. I love doing that.
Oh my gosh, that was I've neverfelt so much love. Even moms for

(58:22):
my Lesley Ann Alexa talkingabout he'd never felt so much
love in his life. This is like a65 year old man who spent his
working life as like atradesman.

So fucking magical, you hit the nail on the
head. And I think this is kindof the summation is I think he
got it and now that using a wordthat I've never used before,
take risks people, the summationof what we're speaking about is
be yourself around those thatyou you want a deeper connection
with but don't project yourbeliefs or your opinions onto

(59:00):
them. In doing so, be yourselfbut don't project how you think
other people should be just sothey're more like you. Yeah, and
this you know, I was down withmy grant I went dropped you off
to our friend Christmas for herbut her birthday was earlier
this week or over the weekend.
And I went and and crashed downwith my granny and pappy and I
got there and when I get there,I just say listen, all of my

(59:22):
rules that I have at home nolonger exist. There's no rules.
So we

like fully organic here. Yeah, I'm like very
complete obviously. I

prioritize organic whole foods when I'm in
in my home. And when I'm mostlyout and about when I go to my
grandparents I just take thethrow I throw away the rulebook
and I just say listen, receivewhatever is in his house,
whatever you're offered, likejust receive it don't you don't
need to like let them love you.
I think this is this my wholefucking my whole fuckin theme

(59:57):
right now is like well Let letlet people love me. That should

Meg O'Neill (01:00:02):
be the blood sorry to interrupt you but that should
be your blueprint forreceivership. Let people love
you like your grant and givingyou food. I'm just gonna pretend
that it's a Yeah, like more eatthe rest of it. See the rest of
this? Okay, okay,

Jacob O'Neill (01:00:14):
I went over and she pulls out this fucking
Teflon pan. And she's like, thisis a good pair feel her and
she's like, she's huge. And I'mlike, Oh, this to her is good.
Like, okay, like if I believe inintention and belief you know,
if I'm truly like a spiritualbeing then like, this is good.
According to her then I musttrust. Like, can you trust that
this is good, okay. But to fuckthe science you're in your
grandparents house she wants togive to you let her love you.

(01:00:36):
And boom, brings out the camp.
She canola spray canola oil, andI'm just like, alright, we're
doing canola oil. It's good in acandy, isn't it? Yeah, it's
good. Gren wax a steak, youknow, wrapped in Falcon plastic.
And I'm just like, boiling intojust like you went once with
this one. Some that might justgive it to me, Graham, what do
you got? And all of the brandshe pulls out nothing I would

(01:00:56):
ever buy. Yeah, but she fed me.
I had a couple of beers. I had acouple of drumsticks after for
dessert a couple a couple.
Because I had one and she saidgo back and I'm gonna have you
on. Fuck it. And then quarter to12 She's like, you want to get a
cup of tea. And we're watchingthe tennis and I never watched

(01:01:18):
the tennis. But I'm sittingthere in fucking tears of
laughter with my granny justcommentating on this tennis
match, that she doesn't evenknow how to say Rafael Nadal is
named properly. And she's tryingto say it and she's I don't know
how she wouldn't wear thatshirt. I don't like that color.
This is one of the greatesttennis players. These guys are
like, elite athletes and she'sworried about the color of his

(01:01:39):
shirt. And we're laughing andhaving conversations and then,
you know, go and put the jacketon. She's like, I think I'm
gonna have a coffee. I was like,rocking. Yes, I'm in I'm in
right now. I'm like, I'm havinga coffee with your pocket. So we
have black coffee and fruitcakeat midnight. But what what I
what I want people to understandso when you fully give yourself

(01:02:02):
to an experience and you takeoff all the rules and they are
kind of canals pray God,there's, you know, she's got
fucking, she gave me some focus,handset and hand sanitizer in my
car that she'd put in there.
She's like, I'll give you someof these. I've got like a whole
pack of these hands. But whatthat afforded me when we sat
down, we started drinking blackcoffee and eating fruitcake at

(01:02:24):
midnight, we started talkingabout Christmas and how she was
really happy with how everythingwent for her. She's like, Oh, I
felt really connected to yourfamily and had a really good
time with your mom had a reallygood time with your dad and was
just so good to you know, andshe's like, I really I was
really, really happy. They gotto connect with everyone. And
she got to share and we spoke alittle bit about life and
Buddha, I have gotten to thatpoint if I hadn't have let go.

(01:02:47):
Of all the rules. Yeah.

Meg O'Neill (01:02:49):
Would she fail your own stake in your oil in your
own things? Would she have

felt as open to connecting with me if I had
brought all of my conditions andrules into her place? Yes. Could
I have just trusted hercontainer because I did bring
the thing. I took her downbecause I know she loves
sourdough. So I took it down aloaf of sourdough and I took a
couple of results as well. Andyou know, and I left them there

(01:03:14):
and she you know, we had toastthe next morning she said I love
this sourdough and I'm likeyeah, you know, I got to bring
bring an offering. But I didn'tcome in and sabotage her her
sanctuary. You know, this is herplace I'm coming in and
receiving from her. So couldthat conversation at midnight,
having a black coffee andfruitcake happened if I had have
come in and enforced my rule andmy will upon a space that didn't

(01:03:38):
need it. And this is this ispart of letting go that I
believe is important with familyand allows you to have these
deep moments that you'll carrywith you and you know, your your
grandparents are going to behere forever. You know, your
parents aren't going to be herefor fucking ever. Yeah. So can
you actually let go and exist init? Knowing that when you go

(01:03:59):
home you can have your fuckingorganic grass fed butter. Yeah,
you can have your fucking steak.
coffee

Meg O'Neill (01:04:05):
enema. Yeah, get a colonic, jump in the sauna. Just
detox that guy. Yeah.

And I think that's uh, you know, this is
very much about swings androundabouts and just learning
to, to move with life ratherthan force yourself on it.

Meg O'Neill (01:04:17):
And I think also some, like for many of the women
I work with, there is a peoplepleasing aspect as well. So
actually, potentially, yourinvitation is to actually stand
up for what you believe in andto actually own that. Oh, I'm
always saying yes to things thataren't actually my truth. So
maybe that's actually your edgein and around family but we're

(01:04:38):
we're really just speaking tothat, like big pendulum swing.
It'll change your life and thensuddenly, like you said, you're
projecting that and, and lookingat every family member through
that lens and trying to makethem change, and I suddenly know
the WAY and the TRUTH and youneed to know it. Like, no one
fucking likes that. No one everfucking changed. Notice that I

(01:05:01):
don't think anyone ever fuckingchanged a family member through
coercion. No, maybe they did.
But like not they didn't deepentheir relationship for the
better. Yeah, if you want deeprelationships and the thing was,
let's just finish with this.
That time we spent at StephenStreet when we lived in my
parents that ended with my momcoming to a weekend medicine

(01:05:21):
journey with us. And if youwould have told me that even a
month before she decided tocome, I would have said no way
in Fucking hell. No way is mymom ever going to choose that?
My mom has never like she'snever I've always been open that
we've done that but she's neverlike shown an interest she's
never really got it. She's justkind of been like, Okay, you go

(01:05:41):
to Peru and drink something andno, okay. That she came and did
a weekend medicine journey. Hadone of the most transformational
experiences will be mosttransformational experiences of
her life, told her a total ofsix year old friends and then
they all wanted to come. Andlike that wasn't through me
going and being like, you allneed to do plant medicine. That

(01:06:05):
was just me being the fuckingmedicine me being the
transmission. Um, heard someonetalking about mushrooms on a
radio station and then she goeson to sound like what you do and
tell me more and there was anshe had she felt safe to lean in
and she got to choose it. Sodon't try and coerce or project

(01:06:25):
or force anyone to believe whatyou believe. Like that. That
just doesn't feel good to be onthe receiving receiving end just
be fucking you. Be fucking you

bring the medicine down off the mountain
and become it. Yeah. And offeryour offer yourself vulnerably
to those that you love and allowthat to be enough.

Unknown (01:06:47):
Okay, we gotta roll.
All righty. This has been

like probably I say this every time we had one
of these podcasts but this isthis is not at all what we were
going to talk about. I wanted totalk about my birthday and what
we recap of 2023 but this hasbeen the most perfect podcast
and I'm so grateful

Meg O'Neill (01:07:01):
probably been one of my favorite podcasts ever
like the Yeah, I love you feelreally feel really connected to
your getting gooey and just likemy heart so open and just I feel
so yeah, so present and blissfuland relaxed, and I adore you. It

gets to be this good. gets

Meg O'Neill (01:07:21):
to be this good.
Oh, we love you. We'll see younext week. Big Love. Bye,

peace. Yo, yo, yo, thank you so much for tuning
in to another episode of sex,love and everything in between.
Now if you'd like to stayconnected with Megan IE, you can
head on over to Instagram andfollow me at the Jacob O'Neill
and where can people find youlover at

Meg O'Neill (01:07:44):
the dot mag dot o amazing

and yeah, guys, check out the show notes for all
the information in regards towhat we've got coming up. And
yeah, we're super super gratefulthat you guys for taking the
time to listen to this podcast.
If you do have any topics or anyquestions, like I said, hit us
up on Instagram and we'll seewhat we can do. Apart from that
have a beautiful, beautiful restof your day. Thanks for being
here. Big Big Love.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ep 55: Psychedelics, Plant Medicine and Healing with Family

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Ep 55: Psychedelics, Plant Medicine and Healing with Family

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