Ep 59: Fatherhood, Personal Growth and Designing your Life with Lino Hola

Episode Transcript
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Unknown (00:00):
unwilling to build something always thinking that

(00:03):
it is them, or it's too hard,right? Doesn't matter what you
do. It's hard. The job that youhate is hard. Yep. Right. You
know, the job that you love ishard. It doesn't matter what you
do so you might as well choosewhat you want. And I think that
that's possibly the thing thatpeople fail to realize is you

(00:24):
can actually design a lifeHi, lovers, welcome to sex, love
and everything in between thepodcast. We are the O'Neill's.
I'm Meg, and I'm here with myhusband, Jacob. And

Jacob O'Neill (00:42):
the conversations we have here are real, raw, and
very uncensored. They willchange the way that you
experience sex, intimacy andrelationships for ever. We

Unknown (00:53):
are stoked you're here.
Enjoy this episode.

Yo, yo lovers, welcome. Welcome to another bro
episode mag is out of the house.
And I've got someone that Iabsolutely fucking adore sitting
next to me today. Welcome to theshow. Lino. Thank you, brother.
Man, it's like, for me, it's sobeautiful to have someone
sitting here that I've witnessedsince the start of my journey

(01:23):
grow and grow and grow in, in away that I'm constantly inspired
by man in all areas of life. Andthe thing that I love about you
most bro is your authenticity,like you are fucking you. And
you don't let that you don't letthat authenticity force anyone
else to try and be like you aswell, which is what I really, I

(01:46):
feel like man, and this is justfull honestly, like, you feel
like the big brother that I'vealways wanted, you know, I feel
like you've ever and like theway that you've loved me and
supported me and championed meyou know, we're in a Business
Mastermind together. But evenbefore that, man just the just
the the few comments or, or evenjust the just the feeling that I
get from you, bro is like youwant me to win. You want me to

(02:08):
have you want me to have all thethings that I desire. And that
isn't going to stop you fromhaving all the things that you
want and desire from your life,which is men in this modern
world where competition is whatdrives a lot of men. And winning
or getting one over another mancan be the default, especially
here in Australia. Man it's sucha refreshing feeling to have

(02:30):
from another man. So thank you,bro,

Unknown (02:33):
thank you brother things that I'm grateful to know
that that's how you feel in mypresence.

I am I first met you I first came across you bro
ages ago feels like maybe fouryears ago, which doesn't feel
like that long, maybe it wasfour or five. I'm not too sure.
But it was at a thing calledConscious leaders, which was a
networking event. And this waswhen men's medicine was really
starting to gain momentum. Thisis your, your, your business
that you run. And I rememberjust being in complete, fucking,

(03:06):
or I didn't want to go to thisconscious leaders because I had
a lot of comparison to people.
And it was safe for me to stayat home and make up the stories
about how I'm hardly done by andhow I'm the best when I don't
have to actually expose myselfto other people. And what I took
from meeting you and seeing youin that that place where I was
like you were just a force ofyou were a force to be reckoned

(03:30):
with. But it wasn't a force thatneeded power over others. It was
a force that was in service tolike, to every one it was it was
it was a humble fucking service.
And it really, really showed mewhere I was still wanting to be
seen as the, the, the center ofattention where I was still
focusing on how can I make moneyrather than be of service. So

(03:52):
man like that. That was such amoment of calibration for me to
see you in service. And for meto like be like, Fuck, man, this
is what it's about. This is notabout the money. It's not about
the fucking lights. It's notabout the comments. It's about
showing up and being of service.
And that was a beautiful eveningthat I got to witness a man in
his element.

Unknown (04:12):
Thank you. Bye. It was that was our first talk that
night. And there was about 130people there that night. And do
you remember when you knowconsidering my first talk,
thinking about what are we goingto do? How are we going to do
this? Right? And I just said tomy business partner at the time.

(04:35):
I said we just got to tell ourstory. That's it. I told my
story. He told his story. And wejust shared a little bit of what
we did and if you remember afterwe'd finished that I guys yeah
and that holy that the womenstarted belly. Right. And that
was like nothing that had everhappened before. So all of the
men were in the middle and thewomen were on the on the outside

(04:59):
and Typical to a lot of thesekinds of events, there was
always going to be more womenthan what they were men, of
course, right? So when thathappened, and I sort of looked
around, and they starteddropping one by one, I was like,
Whoa, this is we don't everreally realize the impact of
what we're doing.

Incredible man, I remember I gazed with an eye I
don't know whether it was Maorior Islander, but he was a man of
color, like a different cultureto me. And he just brought me in
for the homie. And dude, I wasjust like, Oh, I feel so I think
for me, growing up physicaltouch with men and affection
with men wasn't very, I didn'tplay footy. So I didn't have

(05:42):
that kind of deep connectionphysically with men, I was
always quite awkward. And whenhe just brought me in, and I
felt that that connection, I wasjust like, Man, this is and then
to feel the women honoring thatwomen wanting to see men be
vulnerable in a powerful way, ina strong way. I felt like that
vulnerability isn't aboutlosing, losing and being

(06:04):
chaotic. It's about being ableto feel what you're feeling,
and, and stand in it. And thatfor me was like, it was a real
defining moment in my journeymanbecause I was just getting
started with my men's groups.
And I was starting to do a fewevents here and there and yeah,
man, I was just like, wow, thisis I want more of this. Yeah,
and here we are. He did here.

(06:26):
Yeah.

Unknown (06:26):
Who? Yeah, that was five years ago. Yep. So he was
2019.

A ZAN? Yeah, it's been a it's been a big journey.
It's been a big journey. And theother thing that I just wanted
to just to frame all this, youknow, we're gonna have some
great conversations today. Theother thing that I love about
you, man, is that you are in atits core, a family man. And I
come from a small country townwhere my dad really even though

(06:51):
he's, we disagree on a lot ofthings. One of the things that
I'm really grateful for is hissense of community and family.
And one of the short story justto lead us in, I think it's
going to be great. As Iremember, when we were setting
up the skatepark back at wewill, we'd organized and got
some funding, we got these,these metal ramps, which weren't

(07:12):
the best, but they were ours.
And I remember one, another manwent, who had a Sunday, went
over to the takeout, and gothimself a burger and came back,
and sat down in front of his twosons and ate a hamburger for
lunch. And his sons are sittingthere with no food. And I
remember my dad, seeing that andbe like, but that's not how we
do this. We don't if, if one ofus eats, we all eat. And he's

(07:36):
like, that's not how you do it.
And like, I remember him justnot making it, he didn't go out
and make it make a scene, hejust went and bought a whole
heap of hot chips, came back,put it in the middle opened it
up, and we all ate. And that tome, you know, that's not that
wasn't men's work. But that wasmen's work, you know, that was a

(07:57):
form of men's work, then I lookback, I'm like, Oh, he was
teaching me that. We, we ifwe're here working together, we
also eat together, we do thingstogether, we all get to
experience, you know, the lowstogether, but we get to
experience the highest together.
And that really, really is whatI love about you, man is like
you, you care deeply and takeresponsibility for community and
family, which at times could beto your own detriment, I'm sure

(08:21):
there's times where you'veprobably given more than you
should. But at the end of theday, that's a value that you're
willing to uphold, aboveeverything else, man. So I'd
love to hear from you how thatdeveloped in you know, from your
culture in your background, butalso how that served you in
building the formidable forcethat is man's medicine and the
the beautiful people that wouldyou know, that trust you to lead

(08:44):
them

Unknown (08:47):
know when you as your thank you for that. And when
you're sharing that story, youknow, what's coming to my mind
is the thoughts that are comingto me is that that's not what
men do. As men, we take care ofpeople. But these kids are not
being taken care of. You know,and so when your dad did that,

(09:08):
we don't do that because it'sunfair or anything, it's doesn't
matter who it is. As men when wesee people that need help, what
we do is we help them if you canhelp you help. Right, and for
those that don't know, me or mystory, I'm the third author, 12
kids that come from a very bigfamily of six brothers, five

(09:31):
sisters, two older brothers,five younger sisters, four
younger brothers. I am thefather of two my daughter is 17
She just finished high school.
She is a videographerenthusiast. She has come on
board as our videographer. She'sbeen doing it for the last six
months. And my son is three. Mydaughter is the oldest of about

(09:52):
36 grandchildren. To my parents.
Well, my mom had two childrenbefore us. She's got 14 Kids, my
dad had one child. So he's got13 kids. My mom is the oldest of
13. My dad is the third oldestof like, 11 to my grandfather,
and there's about 26 of them alllove. So family is a big part of

(10:14):
who I am. And sharing is justwhat I know. That's it,
nothing's mine. It's always us.
What's mine is yours, and what'syours is yours. And we don't
really own anything. On top ofthat there's enough to go
around. Right? There's neverbeen a day where I've gone
without food ever, ever. Everyday, one of us went down to the
shop, bought some bread, webought bread and milk every

(10:38):
single day, you know, imaginehow much food kids go through a
group in the three bedroomHousing Commission home till
there was about 10 of us. Thenwe moved to 100 acre farm when I
was in year seven, and myyounger two brothers were born
when we were out on the farm. SoI guess, how do you feed 12?
Kids? Well, I guess you takeinto a farm, and you grow your

(10:59):
own food. Right? It gets alittle bit expensive if you only
buy from the shop. And so familyvalues have been the way that
I've grown up. It's all I know,it's the thing I know, that's
not all I know, it's the thing Iknow the most is the thing that
I value the most. And the waythat I look at family values and
why family is so important iswhen you finish working, what do

(11:23):
you do? What do you want to do?
After you've been to your men'sevents? Where do you want to go
next?

I can't wait to get home to go.

Unknown (11:32):
Back in the days before you did this. What was your
profession before

I was a salesperson?

Unknown (11:38):
And when you finished?
What did you want to do? On theKelheim? Everyone wants to go
home? My my the story, the waythat I look at it is if we don't
take care of home, we're gonnago home to nobody, Ryan, and I
believe that if my belief isthat, if life was not made to be
shared, then what's the point ofall these other people? We live
in a world of 8 billion people.

(12:03):
Brian, that's a lot as finite aslife is. It is still a long
time. Yeah, that is a long timeto spend by yourself. And
something that I've beenthinking about for the last 12
months is building. If we're notbuilding something, then what
are we building? Right? Like,what are you building in your

(12:23):
life, as a man as a woman,whether you're building
relationship, whether you'rebuilding a community, a
business, right? If you're notbuilding something, let's say
you're in a relationship, andyou've been in multiple
relationships, but long termrelationships. Now, you're 50,
and you've been through half adozen long term relationships.
Right? What does life look likeat the end of your life? I don't

(12:47):
know if people ever askthemselves the question, what
does it take to live old andgray with somebody?

So many people tap out by the tribe,

Unknown (12:57):
right? Unwilling to build something always thinking
that it is them? Or it's toohard, right? Doesn't matter what
you do? It's hard. The job thatyou hate is hard. Yep. Right.
You know, the job that you loveis hard. It doesn't matter what
you do. So you might as wellchoose what you want. And I

(13:19):
think that that's possibly thething that people fail to
realize is you can actuallydesign a life. There is no
perfect family, there is noperfect relationship, there is
no perfect circle of friends.
But if you're willing, and weall know that we're willing to
get into the trenches withsomebody, right? And we're
actually willing to cometogether to work on something to
build on something. There's agreat sense of fulfillment and

(13:41):
achievement that comes out ofthat. So like my daughter, on
the way here talking to one ofmy friends who's also one of my
team, telling her I said I thinkI think my daughter might have
made 1000 bucks last week.
Right? That was her first weekon the job with me. Ryan doing
what she loves. She's a schoolLea, that was her first week

(14:02):
with us. She finished highschool last year. Yeah, where
today is, you know, we're at thebeginning of the new year, like
right now. And this has been herfirst job and doing what she
actually loves. She got the payfrom us. She had a few private
jobs. She made more in that weekthan what she did in a month of
working her normal casual job.
Right? I cannot tell you theamount of joy that it brings me

(14:26):
to see that my daughter from youknow from birth to now is doing
something that she loves andshe's not doing a nine to five
job that is sure she can learn alot of skills there. But her
passion isn't there yet, right?

100% man do you do you know when you chose to
start shooting, we've all gotour story, right? And I love the
fact that you have like youcould not have family as one of
your core values, right? Andthat's really shone through in
the way that you lead andfacilitate your flavor of men's
work. Here's what I love aboutit. And it's why, you know, if
anyone's looking to go and do,I'm like, you gotta go do a walk

(15:05):
with Lena, if you're if you're,if you're struggling to feel the
cape, you know, responsibility,and you want to step up, and you
need to see, you know, go and bewith a man that's got the family
that's got the kids, it's gotthe things that I can't give
you, you're gonna go walk withLena, because he's gonna He's
gonna drop some knowledge on youabout that, that which you're
stepping into. So was there atime where you, you know, what

(15:28):
was the defining moment whereyou're like, I haven't designed
my life, it's time for me to getdesigning on what I actually
want, because I'm eitherchoosing hardship that I don't
enjoy, or I could use hardshipthat I do enjoy. Do you remember
when that happened for you, bro,it was

Unknown (15:42):
around 2014. And I had I had a falling out with my
daughter's mother earlier thatyear. And then that changed my
world. You know that thatbreakdown that went between us,
changed me. And I told myself, Inever want to feel like that
ever again. Yeah, right. So thatchanged me and I dedicated every

(16:04):
weekend after that to mydaughter, I removed him with
some friends. And it turned outone of the friends that I lived
with, he had like, he had threekids. But his partner didn't
like it. So I couldn't work outwhy it was weird every time my
daughter come over, and Istarted to realize, well, the
solution is very easy. Iactually need to move out. Yep,
I'm like, I'm a father. Why do Ihave housemates? Right I'm just

(16:28):
like, grow up Lena.

Well, that's that's like you had to you had
to probably look at me likeyou're a fucking father man.
Yeah, you need to create theenvironment that's suitable for
you to be the father. You wantto be right. Rather than just
playing it playing the easygame. cheaper to live with
people. It's easier, easier,easier. Such an easy.

Unknown (16:47):
Go to for a lot of men.
Brian, it's a trap. I,

I talked to this.
Yeah, I talked about you know,when you go from being the
knight to the prince, I thinktester paralysis that a lot of
guys want to sleep in thebarracks with their bros. Yes.
And have sleepovers every day,every week in the share house.
When it's actually when youchoose to take ownership of your
own domain, you have says thatoh, man, I have to buy a couch,
I have to be responsible for theyou know what's in the fridge.

(17:15):
I'm no longer being able to kindof lean on this, this type of
brotherhood anymore because I'mI'm choosing to step up and
create my own. So that wouldhave been when

Unknown (17:27):
he was I guess, when you when you're talking about
his ownership when you take fullownership of your life, not just
paying your bills. Yeah, Ryan.
So it was having to move out ofthat place. So I put the entity
out there the intention outthere to the universe, and I set
the date. I'm like, by January2015, I need to be in my own
place. And within a couple ofdays or weeks, I was I sort of

(17:48):
shared it with my, with abuilding manager. And then he
told me this place was coming upand let's get out. Right. So I
moved into this place by the endof January. And by the beginning
of February, there was thisstrange thing that had happened.
And I'm sitting there and Ididn't have my daughter at like,
two weeks into our new place.

(18:09):
sitting in on my bed by myselfin this apartment. And I was
thinking to myself, Oh, well. Ihave to go find a life don't.
Otherwise I become that parentthat lives their life through
their kids. Brian Oh, so thatnight I actually met my wife. Is

(18:30):
that what you meant? That's whenI met Sarah. Brian. You don't
like about? infestation? No. SoI went downstairs cuz I used to
live upstairs shooters? Yeah.
Ryan, I lived on the Strip.
Right? Because a man ofconvenience. We talked about
this prior to this ride. So Idon't like I don't like the idea
of being in a car for longerthan what's justifiable, like an

(18:53):
hour to drive to work in an hourto drive back and like that's
No, no offense to anyone thatdoes that I've been there.
Right. I've sat in the car forthree hours. Sometimes, if
you're going from Brisbane toNorth Brisbane, but Sunshine
Coast, like on a daily basis,you could be doing like a six
hour commute. Yeah, I've donethat. Right. And the intention
as we grow is that we start tobecome a little bit smarter. So

(19:15):
I just started to make thedecision. Well, if I live closer
to where I work, I don't evenhave to jump in the car. So I
lived above shooters or went outone night with some friends.
Here I am trying to find a lifeand I meet like this woman. I
invite her to come over the nextday. And prior to that I had
made a fair few poor decisionswhen it came to partners. And I

(19:38):
said to a friend of mine, we'redoing cardio one morning, and I
said What am I even looking forand I put out to the universe
what I'm looking for. Right? I'mlike, I'm just gonna say this is
what I'm looking for God. I'mlooking for someone who's kind
who is who's not, has nosubstance use no alcohol, no
smoking all of this. She doesn'thave to come to church, but I

(19:58):
don't need her to be antiChrist. Give him giving me crap
because I go to church needs toget along my daughter, that's a
deal breaker, I have to be ableto take her home to my family.
That's a deal breaker. Anyway, Imet this girl, she comes over my
house, we are talking becausewhen I thought about it, I was
like, I don't even know thisgirl. We live on the Gold Coast.

(20:19):
I personally don't know thisperson. So I'm talking about a
stranger. Yes. And I'm like,That person doesn't sound like
they're from the city. So it'sprobably a country person,

statue, all the things you say, I'm like this
person, you need to get outwest.

Unknown (20:32):
We're sitting on a chair, right? And I've made her
dinner. And we're watching mycat face the balcony. We're
looking over the full moon. AndI said, Hey, where you from? And
she goes, Oh, you wouldn't know.
And I was like, just try me. Andshe said odd from a small
country town in New South Wales.
And I was like, and I wasthinking to myself, God, I

(20:54):
didn't ask, like, Did I ask forthis woman? And I looked at it
and remembered, I didn't ask forlooks. Right. And she's a
beautiful woman. Right. But whatI asked was for values and
qualities and characteristics.
And one, one thing I didacknowledge in that moment was,
well, you don't give back to theuniverse. And God what he's
given you. Let's see where thisgoes. And as of next month,
we've been married for sevenyears. Oh, right. Yes. So

(21:17):
getting back to when you kind ofyou know, when you asked him,
when did I know? What happenedwas she were dating for three
months? I said, Look, it mademore sense that she moved in. I
said, but I'm not telling mydaughter till we've been come
back from Tonga. Yep, I wantedto go do dedicate and devote
some time to my daughter's look,I owe that to her as a father to

(21:40):
have these experiences, took herto Hawaii with Disney Land. We
went to Thailand with my mom.
And after all of that, I said,So daddy's that his friends
actually his girlfriend? She'slike, What do you mean that?
Following that, around thattime, people were saying, Why

(22:00):
don't you say to her? Why doeshe never tag you? What does he
never post about you? And intoday's world, this is a typical
thing that women might say, ofcourse, right. So I said to her
look, I think it's important togive people what they've earned
and what they deserve. Right?
I'm not hiding you. But I'm notlooking to be in a relationship.
And I'm not in a relationship.
I'm not interested in anythingtemporary. So what I want you to

(22:23):
know is that around the 12 monthmark on that, I'll put up a
post, Ryan, because I'm lookingfor something long term. When
that time happened. I did that.
And I said, How about let'scelebrate it with the holiday
ride. Anyway, she'd never beenoverseas before. It comes to
January 2016. I'm sitting thereand I'm writing my plans. And I
plan to go spend Easter inThailand and live the laptop

(22:47):
lifestyle. As you do, yeah. SoI'm making these plans and I'm
thinking, what am I going to dowith this relationship? She was
hanging out the washing and Ithought to myself, What if I
could actually build a life withthis woman? What if she can
actually come with me? I do likeher. I do get along with her. So
bad. Come in. She said, Yeah,what's going on? I said, What do

(23:10):
you think about? We think aboutmarriage? She said, Yeah, I
said, What do you think aboutkids? She's like, Yeah, so cool.
Okay. And I made my plans.

Right? Like, that's the fucking that's the
masculine magic there, bro. Youlike you like you plant a few
seeds you like get a bit ofIntel, but you don't be like you
don't just then give away thefull the full plan. You're like,
Okay, I've got the information.
This is more data for me to keepmoving forward in my life.
That's fucking like

Unknown (23:41):
you are now part of my plans. Now, Brian, we're going
to go because, you know, when wetravel with people, especially
partners, we get to know, like,whether we're compatible or not.
Yeah, right. So we've celebratedthe 12 months, I booked the
flights to Thailand. We wentover to Thailand. We had a great
time. She was great to go withand I'm like, after my

(24:04):
daughter's 10th birthday, I'mgoing to propose to this woman.
Ryan, my daughter had a birthdaywe've been to a few weddings
still great to go take her meetmy friends. It's all working out
well, and then I proposed to herafter my daughter's 10th
birthday. I guess that familyvalue my my daughter deserve to
celebrate a 10th birthdaywithout the overshadowing of my

(24:26):
engagement. Ryan as her father Iwanted her to have

that. That's awareness guys, if and I was
listening, that's a that's a manwho is aware of what he's
responsible for. Like that is aman that is aware of what he is
responsible for. He's not justthinking about what is best for
him. He's thinking what's bestfor the family unit, the
community and it's what I loveabout you, bro,

Unknown (24:49):
please. Okay, we're well after that are proposed.
And six months later, we gotmarried. Right? I'm like, at
this point we all get to a pointin our life where, like I was
32. At that time, we should do acouple of things. Yes, Brian, if
we don't know a couple of thingsby that time, we're clearly not

(25:11):
paying attention to anything. Byhim. We're just choosing to stay
in that night. We're

playing into it.
It's ignorant. We're in denial alittle bit, I believe. Yeah.

Unknown (25:21):
Right. And we're talking like, and I've been
talking about this a lot lately,like you just live in in boy
psychology. Right? You just wantto hang out with the boys. And
I'm like, Look, hanging out withthe boys is really, really
important. But unless you planon marrying them and going to
bed with those fellas, right,you should probably learn to go
home. Yes,

amen. I say this to say guys, and like, the boys.
And there's, there's there's a,there is a we call them the
boys. Because when we're aroundand we act like fuck boys,
we're, quite often we know thatquality is important. Right?
Yeah. I would say that itbecomes an a part of your life,
not all of your life. So don't Iyou know, for me, I chose the

(26:00):
relationship. And I overcommitted to the point where I
lost my crew. Yes. And that wasmy biggest challenge. But I
believe the same thing guys getstuck in boys psychology. And
they never leave the barracks oror the share house to go and
build. Like you said, like youwent and you created your your
kingdom, your grow it you know,this is what I'm going to start
with. Yes. And it's my domain.
Yes. And within, then I mightactually write down or, you

(26:22):
know, think about what I wouldlove in a partner, you created
the space for that to actuallyWell,

Unknown (26:29):
that's what the design the law sort of came from. All I
did was I just wrote down, itwas the beginning of the year.
And the concept I had in my mindwas a couple of things. It was
like, if you want to know whereyou're going, you know, then
you'll have some kind of an ideaof those next 235 years of your
life. And that if you want toknow where you're going as a

(26:51):
woman, ask him where he's going.
Yes. So if I'm going to committo this relationship with this
woman, right, where am I takingher? And I can't take her
anywhere where I don't knowwhere I'm going either. So I'm
just making this up where I go,I'm Laura. Okay, cool. Well,
it's only 12 months of the year.
I know how old I am this year onhow old she is. I know that this

(27:11):
year is 2016, which means nextyear, I'll be a year older and,
and I ended up going projectingtill I was 40. I just turned 40
last year. And then I actuallyprojected 20 years. And I was
like okay, this how old I'll be20 years, my partner, my
daughter, I was like, Oh, if wehave kids, we kind of need to

(27:31):
have kids like here. Oh, weactually don't have as much
time. That's what I thought. Iwas like, oh, okay, and I write
down a list of things that Iwanted to do. And all I did was
take them, then I put them whereI wanted to do them. And when I
looked over it last year, inDecember, we exceeded far beyond
what I had written down. And Ihear I say all the time, it's

(27:53):
really hard to hit a goal thatyou haven't set, right?

It's really hard to hit a goal that you haven't
set yet. Fuck man. Right? So

Unknown (28:04):
I don't like when I look at this. Essentially, what
I was looking at was my life.
Look, this is all it is. No, no,this is my time. What do I want
to do with my time, and the factthat we were able to raise the
money and save the money fromover that six months to propose
to her have the engagement ring?

(28:25):
Get married, go on a honeymoon.
Right? The way that I set thosegoals out. I was like, it gave
me such a great sense of beliefthat I hadn't had before. So if
you're wondering where I'dlearned how to design the life,
it was from that time, you're

such a this is it's fucking Simple, isn't it?
It's your life.

Unknown (28:47):
What would you like to do that?

But it's in there, like you just did it.
Like you got to a point like I'mgonna choose, I'm going to make
a choice. And this is what Isee. And I think, you know, I'd
love to hear your take on forme, like so many men are scared
to sit down and be like, What doI want the next 20 years to look
like? What do I want the next 12months to look like? And for me,

(29:09):
like a lot of guys that I I gotcaught up in the spiritual world
a little bit too. And I got Icaught this this bug as well,
which was like, I'm just goingto live in the moment. Yeah,

Unknown (29:19):
well, I never thought I was very wild as a young man.
Yeah. And and I guess, comingfrom a big family. I feel like
when the numbers get bigger,they were always going to be
cracks. Yeah. Right. So in myculture, the oldest and
especially if you're the males,you're always going to have the
most responsibility. Yes. Right.
So that and I don't know ifyou've ever seen the movie once

(29:44):
were warriors. I haven't. No.
That's what my home was like.
Right? It's a

pretty it's a pretty

Unknown (29:52):
violent, it's very violent run. Now many years on
like things have definitelychanged but growing up in the
90s in the US Ladies, that'swhat my upbringing was like,
right? So my teenage years in my20s was me just being reckless.
And when I say reckless, I mean,like, horribly reckless. Right?

(30:14):
And, you know, becoming who, whoI am now and who I was at that
time was the end result of mebeing exhausted of my own shit.
Title myself, you get to a pointwhere you realize you're the
common denominator. I'm the I amthe reason why everything has
worked, but also why everythingfailed as well.

It sounds like you weren't really focused on
building. No,

Unknown (30:39):
I was building nothing.
What but what I learned was, Icould actually build things. But
I also had a really horriblehabit of distracting breaking
things down to Yeah. Right. AndI had this little concept of
Alright, so you know, let's sayyou've had a big night before
Ron. Yes. And you are aenthusiastic human? Yes. Right.

(31:00):
When we are under the influence,do you ever find you

have a lot of great ideas? Massively great
ideas?

Unknown (31:09):
And do you ever notice how the week after they all
disappear? Right, yeah. I had athought. A concept for that was,
what if I could hold on to thoseideas? Is there a world is there
a reality, where I couldactually be really great is if
all those ideas that I have whenI'm under the influence? Right?
If I could just have them andactually make them come to life?

(31:33):
I probably actually need to letgo of the substance and the big
nights in the wild partying,I've got a gut feel I can make
it happen. Without it. Turns outyou can surprise right? And it
turns out, you can actuallybuild things, right. And
normally, in your right mind.
And I recently went to afestival and my mate said to me,

(31:54):
bro, do you ever get you gettempted? And I just said, No, my
normal life is far betterwithout alcohol. I can have a
celebratory drink. But afterthat, I start to notice how it
disorientated me. Yes. Right.
And that disorientation takes meout of my higher self. And that

(32:18):
version of myself is like is agreat guy. J Yes. But he's
awesome, right? But thedisorientated version of me is
clouded. Right, he getsconfused, right? And his vision
gets blurry words get slurry,right? And all of a sudden, it

(32:40):
starts to get carried away andit gets muddy. And I'm like,
man, I've been here before.
Although it didn't amount toanything it did. And then it did
it. And it didn't it didn't. AndI couldn't build a damn thing.

Man, I have a, because I have a lot of guys
that wrestle with copingmechanisms, one of them being
alcohol. And, you know, I say,alcohol for me isn't bad. It's
not good. It's not bad. It'salcohol. It's our relationship
to it. Right? And we, you and Iare big on the relationships,
whether it's with family, withour goals with our what we put
in our body. So I have thissaying that I I live by with

(33:19):
alcohol, which is I enjoy adrink. But I don't need to drink
to enjoy myself. And just likeyou said, a celebratory drink I
can. I'll have a beer in thefridge and it could sit there
for three months. Yep. And thenthere'll be a night where I cook
a really beautiful roast. Andthe music will be just right.
Yep. And we've had one of thoseweeks where everything's gone

(33:41):
beautifully and Megale. And I'llopen a bottle of wine and maybe
I'll have a glass of wine andI'll have I'll crack a beer and
we'll eat a meal together. AndI'll drink. I'll drink the beer.
And it'll be a moment ofcelebration. And it will not I
won't need it to get meanywhere. Yes. And that's my
relationship now with alcohol.
Yeah, we're in the past it washow many can I drink to get to
the state that I need to to feelfree? But at the cost of the

(34:02):
thing that I've built?

Unknown (34:06):
Yes. Yep. And it's just sort of it just never stacks up.
It

doesn't matter.
It doesn't never stacks up ifyou want to be responsible. If
you want to be responsible forbuilding something long term. I
don't believe it. It stacks upat all. And for me, my 20s was
start stop, start stop. Greatidea. A little bit of momentum,
and then self destruct.

Unknown (34:28):
Yep. And it just the amount of pain that it comes
with and hurt and destruction.
And that sort of comes with, youknow, with allowing yourself to
get carried away. I just I justcan't see how it stacks up.
Nothing good ever happenedreally after midnight? After 2am
You know, and all I know is likethe results like stand for

(34:50):
themselves. You know, and I'm somuch more integral without it.
No when I have a celebratorydrink with or it's my birthday.
Whether it is a milestone,achievement, right? That one
drink means it means so much tome, because I'm celebrating and
it tastes so much better. Butit's only that first drink. Yes.

(35:14):
Anything after that one feelsindulgent. Yeah, I'm not having
because it means something tome. I'm just having it because I
can well

often think about this. I put it into our standard
like trying to put it intoperspective with myself around
this. I'm like, okay, becausealcohol was my kind of access to
my distort distorted freedom. Icould do anything on alcohol,
talk to any woman. get cheeky.
Do any man climb any tree doanything reckless, but I wasn't
responsible. I was reckless. Butthen I asked myself, I was like,

(35:47):
Would you drink 15 Gatorade?
Yeah, would you drink? 15? Andthen would you drink 15 green
smoothies in a night? I'm like,no, no. Why are you drinking? 15

Unknown (35:58):
that I need. And I was always the last man standing.
Yeah, right. So it's like, Icould just go for days. Yeah.
Right. And I'm like, that's nota sense. That's not an
achievement now, right. But wewent I went to Queenstown about
two years ago with a group offriends and like, I'd got about
a half dozen drinks. And I'mlike, I know exactly where this

(36:22):
goes. Yeah, Ryan. So I haven'tbeen I haven't had a big night
out since 2018. Wow, that wasthe last time. And after that,
like, I just I just let it bethat and it's just life has
progressed so much each year.
There's no real place for it inmy life. But when it happened,
and I sort of shared it with myfriends, and I just said, I'm

(36:42):
gonna go home. Like at thispoint, I could just stay out all
night. Yeah, right. And I'mlike, it doesn't go anywhere. So
I just was like, It's ice creamtime. So it's time Yes, I'm off
to the convenience store. I getthe same ice cream every single
time I get a dairy free Magnumice cream. Magnum. Right, you
know? Yeah. And then and thenI'm like, I'll buy two, because

(37:06):
I'll finish one before I'vewalked out the door. I need the
other one to take care of me inthe car home. Yep. Yeah, so it
just a same thing on mybirthday. Like I thought I
actually reserved I'm gonna havea big night. I ended up like,
two drinks in I'm like, What doyou reckon about pizza? We
jumped on a lime bike, orordered a pizza. And then got

(37:31):
home in time for the pizza to bethere. And I just think life
itself that the Hi, Ryan, myson, my daughter, my wife, our
life. Progress,

man. And it sounds like your priorities have
changed, right? It's likealcohol is no longer the thing
is like I actually want to feelI enjoy it that makes it so
funny. You say that because I'llbuy that to ice cream thing. I
always like to ask him thingslike why are you buying it? I'm
like, You don't understand one'sgone before we're back in the
car like made the second one if

Unknown (38:05):
you're in the car thinking to yourself, I really
should have gotten

definitely that like that choice that you made
man is like the Hey guys, I'mgonna go home to ice cream time.
I'm done. Like that is ashifting like that's a shift
like that's it. I'm, I'm nolonger going to do what I've
done. Because it's not going totake me to where I want to go.

Unknown (38:24):
For me. That's that's the mistake the magician run.
That's yeah, that's the part ofyou, that is helping support you
to make better decisions.

I can see where you want to go. And I've got the
answer. There it is. Yeah. Andthen it's your, your free will
to choose that. That's right.
It's such a man like for methat's I feel so many men could
value like if they actually actlike if they had the ability to
listen to that inner mystic thatwas trying to show them what's
behind the veil. Hey, man, ifyou if you choose this, let's

(38:55):
look what's on the other side.
Yeah, you know, I, I'm I'm I'mdefinitely in that camp of like,
oh, man, like, I'm, I'm lookingat the next 10 years of my life.
You know, I got married a yearand a bit ago, I wanted to
become a father, I look to youand a couple of other really
powerful men in the industrythat I'm in and I'm like, Wow,
you guys are doing it likeyou're doing. And what I hear is

(39:16):
like you have made a decision toprioritize the responsibility of
family of business and anythingthat isn't serving that and the
longevity of that. Yeah, youknow, I know a lot of men that
can plant seeds, but they don'tknow how to water a garden. Yep.
And unfortunately, I've seensome family members do this.

(39:36):
I've seen close friends do thiswhere they get it they fall into
responsibility before they'vechosen it. And they reject it.
They resent it and it leads tothem choosing the safe job
because they have to choosingthe the the alcohol because they
can't find freedom in otherways. And man like yeah, just

(39:58):
that idea of making thatdecision. Asian and then finding
ways to cultivate, cultivate theconnection without the mechanism
of alcohol. I saw that you andSarah went to a festival the
other day. Yes. What did it feellike to go and have a fucking
ball with your wife at afestival listening to music that
you love without needinganything? Well,

Unknown (40:18):
it's been 12 years since I've been to a music
festival. So for me it was, itwas liberating in the sense
that, you know, there was nodrugs there was no alcohol.
Yeah, we had one we should westopped so he jumped on the
line. But understanding that thecue from Main Beach down to the
spirit is going to be long. It'sgonna be a long walk, and he's
extremely hot. So what we'regoing to do is when it's mine

(40:40):
box, I'm going to ride thehallway down. You know,
beachside, we'll stop, we'll geta martini. Yeah. And then we'll
keep going that way. We're inthat festive sort of, you know,
mode. Yeah, we'll, we'll getmatching shoes. But really, this
isn't the first time my wife andI've been to a festival. And let
me also just like, say, my wifeand I, we've never been drunk

(41:01):
together. Brian, so she has beena big influence in my life, in
the sense of, she's never takena drug she's never had. She's
never, we've never been drunktogether. And she's never had a
cigarette in her life. Wow. Soshe was a big influencing factor
on why I would make some smarterdecisions with my life. And I

(41:22):
married her to be with her notto be without her.

And so many men that, that they fuck and realize
that

Unknown (41:34):
in like, what happened, there's one thing happened one
time we went to a wedding. Thosekick on after someone said to
me, when Sarah and I said, and Ilooked around, and she was like,
in the corner. And she was justlike to announce, right? So it's
a little bit sleeping, like,it's probably time to go home.
We're at a housewarming, acouple months later, it's what

(41:55):
asleep in the spare room? AndI'm like, Who am I gonna choose
to be? And why is this what ourlives going to be where I'm
having a wild time, and my wifeis like, waiting for me to stop.
And I'm like, you know, andthat's I'm talking about, you
know, right now. That's what mychildhood was like, with my
father. Because my mother, I'venever seen my mother drink ever,

(42:16):
ever, ever in my life, right? SoI was grateful that I was able
to have enough awareness. I'mlike, okay, you know, what, the
days are numbered? Right? AndI'll tell you, I remember
telling my best friend at thattime, at a bucks party. And I
said, You know what, bro, thisis probably our last hurrah,
hey, and he goes, what you foundGod. And I was like, Brian, I

(42:36):
grew up going to church, Ryan, Isaid, but I've got things that I
want to do in my life, rightthat don't, that aren't
associated with any of this sortof stuff. And I'll be out of
integrity. And I'd be ahypocrite, right to go to a
whole bunch of things and notlet go of this life. Right. And
I've shared this a couple oftimes in the sense that when I

(42:58):
told them how I know, they're myfriends, my real friends is
because we still have afriendship to these days. But
they don't ask me to come outanymore. So when we went to that
festival, it was so many thingsthat have been overcome. 12
years later, I was comfortableto go to this festival. You

(43:18):
know, it's the first festivalever been with my wife, she
deserves to be able to have thisfirst time experience. So we go,
I bought them those tickets forher birthday, along with a whole
bunch of other things. And we'vegone there, and I've been to a
festival so long, for so long.
So I'm standing there. And we'restanding like in the GA, and
what I'd forgotten was, I'm notused to GA, I'm used to like

(43:40):
being part of the crew or in theVIP or being right up the front.
And I'm standing there and I'mlike watching Bone Thugs and
harmony. And I'm like, this isnice. And I'm thinking to
myself, I don't know how longI'm gonna last year. I'm like, I
think I'm gonna be lucky lasttwo hours. And I said, let's get
get some water. So we got to getsome water. I see my cousin. He
is running like the security ofthe place. Right? And I said,

(44:03):
Look, can I get an upgrade? Andhe was weird. He's gonna
conversation anyway, later on, Irun into another friend. And I
get it gets taken care of. Yeah,right. So we get to so my wife
gets to get to have thatexperience. Yeah. Right. And we
get up and I'm like, I want tomake sure she gets the full
experience I've got on myshoulders now. Part of the full

(44:24):
festival. Yeah. And we're up atthe front. People are finding us
because they can see us that Isaw Sarah up on the TV. Right
and she's up there and we'reseeing all her favorite artists,
all the rest of it, but wecompletely sober with dancing.
We're having a great time. Allthe rest of that. And a lesson I
actually took away from thatthat day was the lesson of

(44:44):
understanding to let go of goodto get the great because I get
home and I'll put up the post.
We had a great time. I get amessage from my friend you left.
Now he's he can't walk up was aworkshop of mine many, many
years ago. Brian, any and Isaid, yeah, sorry, bro, my sober

(45:06):
buddy. You know when we feellike we've disappointed someone?
Yep. And I could feel thatcoming. And I was just like,
What do I tell him? Right? AndI'm pretty sure he's one of the
agents too many of these artistsis actually my Tyson's agent.
Wow. Yeah, Brian. Anyway, we'vebuilt a friendship over the last

(45:27):
couple of years. Yeah. Ryan? No,he said, bro, I would have got
you backstage with me. And whatthe penny dropped in that
moment. Like I said before, I'vehad the ability to build things,
but break them down. I alsorealized in that moment, there
are always opportunities comingmy way. Here I am being super,

(45:47):
super grateful to get VIP to bethere in the VIP section, giving
my wife this experience that wasgrateful that she she absolutely
loves. But I completely forgot,right? That I always have more
opportunity, right. And thisopportunity of actually being
able to be there, meet artistsbe backstage, all the rest of

(46:07):
that. And here I am thinkingthat I'm trying to get out of
the heat way up front stageback, front, back, front, back,
super, super hot. Probably begoing through a bit of a
heatwave could have been at theback with the icon. Right. And
I'm just like, this happens allthe time. You know, they were
always great opportunities thatcome your way, if you could only

(46:30):
just pause for a moment, justfor a moment, to have an
awareness of what's alsoavailable. Ryan, I was just
grateful with that. And I'm gladthat she had a great time. And I
had a great time. But that was alesson I took away from it. And
I'm like, Okay, well, next time,I'll be aware of these these
things. Yeah,

man. But beyond that, we

Unknown (46:51):
had a great time. I

love it. It's like, you wouldn't have had that
awareness of like, Oh, you haveto go and do these things. Like
if you had to say, oh, no, Idon't go to festivals anymore.
Yeah, you wouldn't have had theawareness like, oh, there's our
next time when we do go, wegotta wait. You know, I know
these people I can I can buildthese. I can open myself to
these opportunities and choosethem. But I just love that
because I remember when Istarted to, you know, ease off I

(47:15):
definitely didn't stop. But Ieased off drinking. And I'd go
to some of these experiences.
And I would I'm a dancer like Ilove to dance. I love music that
music is a big thing for me. AndI remember dancing one night we
went to a whole festival in inNewcastle. I remember it was
called but we went to it. Andthen afterwards, we went out and
I just danced and I danced likeI was on. I was on drugs. People

(47:38):
were like, you're fucked. And Iwas I was driving. Yes. So I
literally I danced for like fourhours straight to this DJ that
was just playing music. I don'teven remember what the music
was. But we were just dancing,having a bowl with the crew. And
then I drove home.

Unknown (47:54):
Yeah. People don't realize this is accessible to I,

you know, I and then through like a lot of the
spiritual stuff and like anecstatic dance. Yes. Now Meg and
I rather than you know, and I'venever, I've never been drunk
with Meg either. You know, I'vebeen drunk. But Megan, I haven't
been drunk together. I'vedefinitely, you know, made some
silly decisions and gotten alittle too loose for my own
good. And learn through that.
But, you know, now for us, wewill go to an ecstatic dance and

(48:19):
we'll dance for three or fourhours. And then what time is it?
It's ice cream time back to bepeachy. Again, a couple of ice
creams, coconut water. And thenwhat happens? Everyone else
comes in and the kick ons isorganic ice cream. Yeah, coconut
water and having a laugh withour friends, man conversations
and conversations. And thenbefore we know it, the plans to

(48:40):
go surfing the next morning. Andwe're all you know, we've built
this culture of activities thatdon't require us to lose
ourselves. Yep. And that onlybecame available because I did
end up making a choice. I waslike, You know what, alcohol
doesn't serve me. I'm not gonnaI'm no longer continuing to
choose alcohol as a determiningfactor in my happiness.

Unknown (49:01):
That was a that was a takeaway from that festival that
I that I took was if youactually keep the toxins out of
your body, you could doanything. You could do
absolutely any day. I woke upthe next morning, feeling so
grateful for that night. Becausewe were in bed with our kids and
showered by nine o'clock thatnight. Yes. Ryan goals wake up

(49:23):
in the morning and I just feltso much energy with inside of
me. I wanted to run. So I justput my shoes my joggers on, and
I went for a 6k run in themorning. And I was just like,
man, you just did somethingyou've never done before you
went to a festival, not underthe influence. And you had a
phenomenal time. Right? I'm likethis is accessible to you in

(49:46):
your life you can enjoy likeunlimited amounts of
experiences. If you take care ofyour body. If I take care of my
body, the the amount that I canexperience in life is completely
Unlimited.

Oh, bro, I love it, I want to sort of segue into
this idea of, because it's likeyou've had to make some serious
decisions like black and whitedecisions, I'm a yes to this,
which means I'm a no to that.
And to me that's, that is amasculine trait that is a
healthy masculine trait, whichis to take out the gray, and put
put the put things into astructure of the army yes to

(50:22):
this, I'm a note of this. Andthat, to me is missing in a lot
of men's lives because they aresaturated by choice, and
convenience, and all of thesethings. But I want to sort of
shifted into the concept aroundbrotherhood and what it's like
to actually know when arelationship is no longer
serving your path or their path.

(50:45):
And I know you know, you've hadthis experience with with one of
your brothers that you wererunning men's medicine with,
I've had this experience with mybro. He's, you know, we spoke
about this Jackie brazier we rana men's group every Saturday,
and I started running retreats.
And I he and I ran themtogether. And due to a you know,
not him being bad, me being gooddue to the fact that we had a

(51:06):
different invalid differentsense of values. And I wanted to
create it in this way. And hewasn't he didn't want to and he
didn't want it as much as I did.
I had to sit down and saylisten, bro, I'm taking this on.
And we're we're no longer doingthis together. Yeah. And we had
to separate and it was, it feltlike a breakup man, like I was
nervous, I was sweating. BeforeI had the conversation, he was

(51:28):
really anxious as well. And wewere really worried about what
it was going to mean. Andbecause we both had some form of
like, anxious attachment to theto the relationship, we'd built
a bit of an identity, it waslike we do this together. It was
really hard for me to do that.
And I know a couple of otherprominent movements where guys
have had to go through this aswell. But for you, man, like

(51:49):
having to make that decision.
What was that like for you? Andhow was that I guess, played out
in in different areas of yourlife.

Unknown (51:58):
You know, I think coming from a big family, that
one of the things that I'velearned is sometimes in life,
things don't work out,especially separating from my
daughter's mother. Sometimes wewere engaged. And you know, that
didn't work out. So when thisbreakdown happened, and I guess
that having that sense ofknowing of who I am, like,

(52:19):
definitely helped me at thattime, but keep 100 Men, like it
was a traumatic experience forme. And I've never said that
actually on the podcast before.
Right? It was a deeply traumaticexperience to me, and I breathed
every day for three monthsstraight, to help process all of
those emotions around that, youknow, and I had a small handful
of people that were supportiveof me, you know, through that

(52:43):
time. And, you know, you thinkabout the enormity of what it
was, and I spoke to you beforethis, you know, my we've rebuilt
our relationship over that timeand time has allowed us to heal.
And that the last time I raninto him, you know, he expressed
to me maybe we should jump on apodcast, Ryan and share our
story because it was the theskyrocketing of men's medicine

(53:08):
at that time. Like there was noone doing anything at that time.
No, no one was doing in thattime. And I didn't do it because
I'm like, Oh, we want to do, youknow, create this thing for
men's mental health or whateverit was right at the time. Like I
was predominantly coachingwomen. And I was coaching online
as well. And what happened was,I had this thought I shared it

(53:28):
with him, I shared it with withone of my clients as well. And
she was she's also you know, wasin the space as well. And
because I shared it with him,that was like we that's where it
sort of was birthed from. Right.
And I shared with him what mythoughts were over the months.

(53:49):
Eventually, we created it. Andwe did this one walk and that
video went viral. It had likeover 100,000 views within 24
hours. It was a powerful video,man. Yeah. And still to this
day, it's still that that video,right? And I guess what people
were looking at was they werelooking at very masculine men,
very masculine men, that werebeing vulnerable. And as we went

(54:11):
into the beginning of that, whatI said to him was better if you
were gonna get you to prime themfor that warrior energy, you
know, with the haka, and thenI'm gonna show them the primal
scream, and then they will getin the water and they'll do it
themselves. Right. That's whatwas captured was four minutes of
video that was captured bybrother Jay Godfrey from impact

(54:32):
media. He is yeah, you know, heis a master behind the lens. And
he captured turn that fourminutes of footage into a one
minute video and the thing wentviral. People were like, can you
walk with us in our city? Sothat's what we did. You know, we
traveled through Sydney,Melbourne over to New Zealand as

(54:52):
well. We went to his hometownwent to, you know, three cities
in New Zealand and we built thiscommunity These bases in all of
these cities, and we call themcore groups, so anyone that
wanted to connect with us couldconnect with the core group that
was in that city. So we'vecalled 1000s of people now,
right, that are part of thiscommunity. And within 24 hours,

(55:14):
it comes crumbling down. Right?
There's one video that goes on,was just like this domino
effect, you know, he had sharedthat it was, you know, and I'm
not sharing anything that's,that's hidden. You know, he
expressed that he was, it was nolonger for him. And, and then
just like, one by one, by, comescrumbling down, falling apart,

(55:34):
and I'm watching this, but I'mup at the Sunshine Coast with my
mum and my dad. And, you know, Iremember, like, I feel ill, you
know, like, in my physiology,right now, I'm walking my son
with my mother. And she's going,Son, what's going on? And I sort
of told her, and, you know, andit just was just comforting to
be with my mother at that time.
And I just watched everythingfall down. And it was literally

(55:58):
left her with, like, pretty muchto us. Right, me and my
housemate right, was actuallyfor, right. And so we had two
other brothers that, you know,chose to align with us. But
we're talking about, like, 1000sof people across two different
countries, multiple citiescrumbled down to essentially
four people. Right? So we had torebuild again. So it was an

(56:20):
extremely, I still hadn't, youknow, forgotten who I was,
right? I'm just like, I know whoI am. I'm not confused by that.
Right. So I had to navigatemyself through that. And, you
know, never once did I ever geton, and, you know, judge or

(56:40):
abuse him, you know about itall? You know, my understanding
around it all was local, we aretwo different people. Right? And
I'm like, How can I judge himfor not being like me? I can't,
right. And I don't desire forhim to do the same towards me
either. Right? I don't wantanyone to be like that towards

(57:01):
me. So I'm not going to be likethat towards anyone else. So
what's been the next threemonths, breathing every single
morning, processing thoseemotions that came to me every
single day, because I still hada community of people that still
wanted to be part of it. Right?
Like, I still have to show up,right? I still want to show up.

(57:21):
I still choose this. But notice,for me, I still choose to be a
stem for the people. I stillchoose to be who I am in my
family. But I'm not confusedabout what I see and what I feel
and what I envision. Ryan, it isgoing to be a hard road back.
And I was fried. But I stillchose that road. And over time.

(57:45):
Bit by bit, we'd kind of we'vekind of ran into each other, you
know, because our daughters wentto school together. Right now
they've finished high school.
And he's built his movement aswell. And my experience of our
interactions is each year, youknow, that we're actually

(58:07):
interacting better. You know,and I, the last time I ran into
him, I was walking down thestreet and I could see him from
afar. And it was like us from amovie, because it was golden
hour and the sun was shiningdown. And he's a six foot three
man about 110 kilos. And thelight was shining on him, right?

(58:28):
And he has this big, joyfulsmile, right? He just always
does, right? A very photogenicman. He's a good looking man.
And he's walking towards me. SoI guess like, maybe this is for
me, with my wife and my son. Andwe made and we connect and we
hug and it was just like any wehad that conversation. You know,

(58:49):
and as I'm sharing and we'rebefore and I said I could feel
this in my physiology. As I'msharing this moment right now. I
can feel the settling of myphysiology. Brian, I don't know
if people are willing, willingto allow time to heal. Tom has
been a healer for us, which hasbeen really great because we
always know, you know, like whenwe just click it with people.

(59:10):
That's just the nature of youknow, him who Him and I are, as
well as you know, my lastbusiness partner as well, who
was my housemate, bro, we justhave these relationships. So I'm
grateful to be able to be inthat energy in that space with
him again. But if you want toknow what it was, for me, it's
what everything I've shared. Itwas a very challenging, very
traumatic experience for me. I'mgrateful that I was able to

(59:32):
navigate my way through it. I'vedefinitely had people that have
gone through what we're talkingabout right now. asked me for
advice about how to navigatetheir way through it. Never gone
on and slanted online. Socialmedia isn't where you air your
laundry. Right up brother's orride, where you can unpack and

(59:53):
process and we lean on eachother to be able to support us
to shine a light Ryan on whatthere is to learn from this, we
don't get into mob mentality andall of a sudden get our
pitchforks out and go, you know,eff them and all the rest of
that sort of stuff. Yeah, man.
That is not what we do.

Jacob O'Neill (01:00:13):
Not at all, man.
And, you know, that's, that'sthe beauty of responsibility.
And what it teaches you is thatyou, you don't project your your
pain or you don't find you don'tgo back to the old ways. You
know, you've got your practices,you've got your breath, you've
got your brothers thatunderstand the vision, they
understand the goals, and theyhold you to that. And then

(01:00:34):
anything that's, you know, inthe way of that they'll support
you in addressing and that'sbeen the biggest, biggest lesson
for me is the right people, theright practices, and the right
connection to spirit or God tobe able to say, Listen, I don't
know how this is going to workout, but I'm willing, I'm
willing to trust and have faith.
And that's it. And like yousaid, time, if you give

(01:00:55):
something time, it will heal. Iam I sat down after my cousin's
wedding with my grandfather andwho I haven't had the best
relationship with. But I'mlearning to be better at asking
questions. Like if I want abetter relationship, maybe it's
about me leaning in and bitmore, you know, maybe I have to
do some work isn't about himcoming and giving me everything
that I just want in my head.
He's not a mind reader. But hesat down and he just shared some

(01:01:17):
of his regrets around like nothaving a great relationship with
my mother is like a wish wish.
He's like, I wish it could havebeen another way because hate
takes a long time to heal.
Sometimes it takes too long. Andwhat I heard in your share them
was that you didn't let hateovercome you. You said yes. It
was challenging. Yes, it wastraumatic, but was almost like

(01:01:40):
you're willing to feel what wasbeneath the hate, which was
grief.

Unknown (01:01:44):
Yeah, it was there was a point and and I just want to
also mentioned, you know, someof the brothers that did help me
support that did help support meat that time was Luke hacker.
Yeah, he became my businesspartner after that. And he's
gone on to, you know, bigger andbetter things for himself now.
Yeah. You know, and he's beenliving a very successful life

(01:02:04):
now. Brother. Ah, yeah. In theArchie, Jared Grantham.

Oh, yeah,

Unknown (01:02:11):
right on, right. That he helped me immensely, Ryan.
And there was definitely a timewe were in a container. And no,
I actually access that grief,Brian. And it was the first time
I actually allowed I had thespace and took the time and had
the awareness to process thegrief around the relationship

(01:02:31):
breakdown between wire and Iwrite, and what I experienced
was, there was joy on the otherside of my grandma. Whoa. I
didn't know that Ryan. Icouldn't have experienced that
joy without accessing andfeeling that grief. But I didn't
even know that that's what wasneeded. I didn't even know that

(01:02:51):
that's what you could experiencefrom feeling grief. And the
grief wasn't negative. Brian, itwas an allowing. And as I
allowed, right, I got toexperience all the sadness, all
the hurt, you know, that camewith that and let go, that
breakdown. Because it definitelyfelt like a relationship. Right.

(01:03:13):
You know, and we were so deepwhen I ran into him the other
week, he said, I said, you know,we it was only six months we
were together. He goes what? AndI said, I understand it might
have felt really good, but Ithought it was like two, three
years. I said no, we fit so muchlife into that six months, and
we did things that most peoplewouldn't have done. When they

(01:03:33):
when we walked in New Zealand. Idid the recon, I drew from
Wellington, up to Hawke's Bay,did that walk drove to Hamilton.
After that drift drift toAuckland, someone met me there.
Then we came from them and backto Hamilton. They flew in, they
had landed at like one in themorning, we were actually
started walking or driving offat three so that it stayed up.

(01:03:57):
Right. So we would we wouldoperate off maybe like two hours
sleep.

You would have been awakened you would have
been feeling more alive thanever man would have been one of
the things solid life so

Unknown (01:04:07):
like all the time,

dude, I love it.
One of the guys that I reallylove learn a lot from his name's
Michael Gurion. He runs thegreen Institute in America. He's
an old school dude. And he Iread a book called The wonder of
boys. And one of the core needsone of the core desires of young
boys is an adventure and a bestfriend to have it with. Yep,
that's what it was. And that'swhat it sounds like you got your
own adventure with your bestfriend. And then when the

(01:04:31):
adventure is finished, and youboth had to go home, the breakup
happened. It's your grieving oneof the one of the core fucking
desires. And I'm sure ifanyone's listening, has anyone
ever had a sleepover or been ona school excursion or been on
camp? And you don't want to gohome? There's a point of like, I
want this to last forever. So

Unknown (01:04:50):
that's what we would do. Right? We would also sleep
like in the same place we'd havethe mattresses out. Yep. Like we
wouldn't sleep in rooms now.
Right? And then even when wewould travel a lot of the time,
they would actually give me aroom because I lead all the
walk. Yeah. Right. So they justlike to make sure they would
call me. You know, in Mali, youknow, today our language, they
would say, greet Koro. Like,that's Grandfather, I would call

(01:05:13):
me. Right, because I gotta givethem the like a good sleep,
right? So I would just go offand I would like, go asleep, but
we would all sleep on the floortogether. Yeah. You know. And
because no one was doing what wewere doing at the time. We were,
there was no blueprint. No, Ryanmaking it up. I'm just the coach

(01:05:34):
who's leading what we're doing.
And we're just all in thistogether. Yeah. But so, you
know, at the time, like sacredsons were starting at the same
time.

I'd come across them around the same time like
men's medicine, sacred sounds.
I'm like, I need to get Yeah, Iremember feeling so I can fuck I
want to do some more stuff ofthis. And I was Yes, still on my
journey. But you guys werepopping at the same time? They
Yeah,

Unknown (01:05:59):
it was like, because no one was sort of doing it. The
amount of energy that was comingnot only towards us, but also
with inside of us. Right? Like,every day, there was plenty of
times where the boys had to turntheir socials off. Because it
was just every single daymessages every single day, turn
the WhatsApp group off becauseevery single day messages, and

(01:06:22):
I'm sure you can understand whatI'm talking about. But it was
like a wildfire. So I guess I'malso of the belief Speed Kills.
We were moving at such a rapidrate, the speed wobbles were
eventually going to kick in.
Yep, it was inevitable that itwas going to break down. Yeah,
Ryan. And what I've learnedsince then, is the importance of
structure. Frameworks,foundations, models, models.

(01:06:44):
Yes. We all know that model'sbrother Cody, and you know, the
importance of having this stuff,especially as a man if you want
to build, right and if you wantlongevity, these things have to
be part of what you're puttingtogether.

Yes. 100% Man, you're so right. And that's part
of the, you know, the what Iwhat I feel bonds you and I is
that we're like, let's go on theadventure. Let's figure it out.
You know,

Unknown (01:07:15):
I think the adventure is so super important for for
men to help keep us youthful.
Yeah, right to help keep usalive, feeling like we're alive.
Because the truth is, I believethat men will never stop
working. That will always work.
Yeah, Ryan. And if your man isunwilling to work, well,
unfortunately, what you've gotis actually a boy. Correct?

(01:07:35):
Right. He might be in a man'sbody, but he's thinking like a
boy. Correct, right? Becauseboys are the only ones that
don't want to get their handsdirty.

That's him. And I just want to play in the sandpit
or they want to build Lego anddo all the things that don't
require any kind ofresponsibility, responsibility
or skin in the game, man. Andthat's what I love about you, as
you, you know, it's so easy toget wrapped up in the spiritual
aspect of personal developmentand push away all of those
normal world things like theword work. Yes, the word

(01:08:06):
responsibility. It's like no,I'm here to be a sovereign
being. But what's the point ofbeing, you know, sovereign and
whole and then not connectingwith others? Like you said it so
beautifully. I'm here to be withher. Not without her I remember
exactly what you said. But thatlanded for me because I'm like,
people you know, I put a post uparound open relating and, and

(01:08:28):
monogamy and I'm an I'mmonogamous? Yes. I'm in a sacred
union with a woman that I willchoose over anyone else, because
you want to build something withher because I want to create my
kingdom. Yeah. And, and I wantto, I want to just reflect back
to you what you said aboutSarah's, like, you chose a
woman, that, that, in my eyes issimilar to what I've experienced

(01:08:48):
with Megan's like this woman cangrow with me, and helped me
actualize the potential that Iknow I'm capable of accessing.
And that is such a lot of menwill look for the easy woman or
the pretty woman or the womanthat's going to give them a
quick hit, instead of looking,you know, at what are the
qualities, values and traitsthat are going to allow me to

(01:09:09):
create more value in the world,and also give and receive in a
way that I've never everexperienced before?

Unknown (01:09:17):
And like, you know, don't get me wrong, like we've
definitely had, you know, likeour moments of challenges. As
great as our relationship isbecause life will bring you
those challenges. Marriage afterwe got married, I made sure we
moved into a different house.
And like, I don't want to comeback home to the same energy. We
need new energy. Yeah. When wehad a child. You know, I'm sure
a lot of parents can resonate,that, especially men, that once

(01:09:42):
you've had a kid, many thingschange, Brian, so I had to have
a conversation with my wife, onethat I didn't want to have about
when our sex life startedchanging. Yes, I'm sorry, man.
So there was a time we startedmaking love again about six
weeks after our son. And thenabout a month later it stopped,

(01:10:04):
right? And then what happenedwas I was like, You know what
I'm going to do? I'm going toturn with him, right? And I'm
going to transmute that energyup and turn it into something
else. Yeah, Ryan, and I'll useit for creativity and the rest
of the but what I started tonotice was it was actually
starting to create a gap betweenus. Because what she was doing
is being mom, she's got a childon her boob, you know, all day,

(01:10:28):
every day, and the kid justwould never stop eating. He
still doesn't, right. And I'mlike, she's like, barely awake.
Because she's feeding day andnight. And I'm like, if I just
keep on take care of myself, Idon't think she's actually going
to know. She's not going to knowthat this is actually creating a
gap. I'm

like, I think I have to tell her, you have to
take responsibility, right?
Yeah,

Unknown (01:10:51):
I think I have to tell her what's going on. Right. And
I was like, this is where thepivotal moment was, I was on the
edge of my bed, because it wasalso co sleeping with us. And I
felt these feet. And I'm like, Islept on the edge. And I felt
these feet pushed me in theback. It was his feet. And I'm
like, the next step for me isthe couch. And I'm like, I

(01:11:13):
either say something, or move tothe couch and I become
resentful. And on my car, man,do I really have to say
something I'm like, but if youdon't, I told her. And she had
no idea why? Because she'sfocusing on feeding the child.
Right? That also highlighted afew other things, that I'm
always the initiator. Right. Sonow that we've come across this

(01:11:37):
predicament, it was time for herto initiate. But this hadn't
happened before yet. So I'm justsitting back. And I'm just like,
feels like we're teenagerswaiting for something to happen
to thread the right part, likethese difficult conversations,
like they're so necessary. Andif you really want to actually
share a life with somebody, youknow, we have to be willing to

(01:12:00):
have these conversations, wewant someone who's going to
reflect things back to us thatwe will have the courage to lean
into. Yes,

I think that's one of the biggest things I see
men walk out or shy away from intheir relationship is they'll
know something needs to change.
They'll know the conversationthey need to have, but because
they're scared of what of theconflict, or they're scared of
what's out there, of hurtingtheir partner or making their
partner feel wrong, that theywon't actually have that they'll
go and lay on the couch. They'llget resentful to the point where

(01:12:29):
they'll then choose a copingmechanism like porn, or
something else, you know,they'll they'll sit there on
Instagram, and they'll scrollthrough women in bikinis. It's
not porn. So it's okay. Right?
Yes, zooming in. And those stillchoose ways to take the edge
off, which then only exacerbatesthe separation. And the it

(01:12:52):
especially with a baby, thewoman is going to be focused on
nurture, right? Yeah. And if youwant to be responsible for the
quality of your relationship,that is the masculine role,
because you're holding the fieldof awareness. You're, you're
conscious of what's going on.
And that's that's yourresponsibility to then bring it
to your partner in a loving way.
Hey, you know, we need to createsome space for for some love and

(01:13:14):
we need to create the space forfor lovers the role of lover
because being parents with youis fucking awesome. Yes, growing
business and growing slothful,he was fucking awesome. But I
also want to take all of thatoff, and focus on just you and I
hearts connected, and andexperiencing intimacy. And it's
not that at the end of day, it'snot about I say this to guys,
I'm like, it's not just aboutrubbing genitals together. It's

(01:13:36):
not about the physical, just thephysical. That's great. I enjoy
sex myself, Megan, I have, yeah,we we love that aspect of our
life, but it's about theconnection.

Unknown (01:13:46):
And I think, you know, a lot of men, especially
fathers, and I guess I'm gonnareally talk to fathers later, is
that, you know, that this isprobably going to fall, this
responsibility is going to fallupon us more more often than
not, right, because mothers arefocusing on the children. Yes,
Ryan? So if they're focusing onthe children, and I guess it

(01:14:07):
doesn't, you we have to be awareof the children. Yes, but it
doesn't need both of us to focuson children the whole time. Now,
we're just helicopter parentsyet, right? The kids don't have
the space need to moms. Now wedon't. Right. And also like with
micromanaging, but it's there'snothing effective about that
whatsoever, as well. And in myexperience, most like we have

(01:14:27):
different roles. So most kidsare generally connected to their
moms. Right. So as you're tryingto come in and try and be a
parent as well. It's that's notteamwork. Right? So if mom's
always focusing on on the kids,and you you will generally have
awareness before mom will run,that hard conversation generally

(01:14:48):
will fall upon you. It is whatit is, but you can cry about it.
You can be frustrated by it.
Allow the frustration to happen.
That's not the problem. Yeah,Brian Oh, then I guess like the
amount of times that theconversation will happen, you
know, majority of the time itwill be you. And I guess
hopefully, you know, ourpartners, get the awareness that

(01:15:10):
every now and then it will bethem.

Yes. Build a culture in your relationship of
having hard conversations, yourpartner is going to feel safe to
bring one to you. If you feelthat if you choose that building
run responsibility. I am I foundthat having solid a solid inner
circle of men around me that Icould air some of this stuff
with rather than resenting itlike, you know, fuck man makes

(01:15:32):
Meg and I are in this position,fuck man struggling Fuck this,
this this. And the gospel thatwell, what are you? What are
you? What are you? What are yougoing to do about it? What's
What? What act of courage? Areyou going to show? Like, you're
right? You're right, you know, Ihad a huge one come up, sitting
in the car with the mains, like,when are you? When are you gonna
have the conversation? Like outof the blue? She's like, I feel
like you need to have thatconversation. I'm like, You're

(01:15:54):
fucking right. Need to have thatconversation. And it was one of
the biggest conversations MeganI had, prior to our wedding, and
it was a big sort of big one ofthose make or break
conversations, you know, whenthat happens, and you're like,
Fuck, this needs to arms, I'mscared to have it. So I was
obviously gonna, it could goeither way. And when I finally
opened up and had thatconversation, what it allowed,

(01:16:16):
what level of understanding andcompassion and love came from
that. It showed me that ourrelationship can handle
anything. And this thing thatI'm building with her, is what
I'm here to build for the restof my life. And it showed me
why. Or show me the power oflike, we can use sacred union to

(01:16:38):
show me the power of choosingsomeone and giving all of you to
that someone. And I think thatman, like the way that you show
up, I'm always inspired by theway that you show up. And, and,
and you don't shy away from anypart of the responsibility that
comes with being a fucking man.
This is this is our life, right?
This is our life, it doesn'thave to be confusing if we

(01:16:59):
choose it. When

Unknown (01:17:00):
you said before about, you know, choosing all of her,
you know, reminded me of youknow, prior to my relationship
with Sarah was, you know, myenergy was with my partner, but
it was also elsewhere as well.
And I asked myself the question,what would it look like if I
just gave one person all of myattention, all of my energy? And

(01:17:20):
I thought to myself, probably beawesome. Guess what? Turns out,
it's awesome. Right? Becausewe're building something. And I
think that people don't realizethat this is what's available to
you. You can build somethingwith people and as you were
sharing right then I could feelthe passion with inside of you.
It's just like, man, with insideof you got this this far. I love

(01:17:42):
that woman. When we buildsomething for people to such a
high level of fulfillment, thatwe get out of that sense of
achievement, Ryan? Yeah, I just,it's worth the effort. Like it
just really is.

I am. This is a this is such a random set aside
side note, but I remember my mygreat art, she's a she's an
incredible mentor of mine. Ilove her dearly. Her name is
Arne Joan, everyone in my lifeknows about because I'm
constantly telling stories.
She's 94 or five. She's apowerful businesswoman. She's
never had kids. And I've kind ofslotted in there and learn a lot
from her. And she's been able tolike almost like, be of a

(01:18:22):
teacher of mine. But her herbusiness partner and her
partner, Frank, who died abouttwo years ago, I remember going
into his house and he had a frypan that he bought for his so
that he was married before andhe was married before. So this
was with his wife, and they bothlost their partners and they,
you know, spend time togetherand nurture each other. Yeah,

(01:18:44):
walked each other home. Yes. Andhe pulled out this frying pan,
and it was the first frighten heever bought his wife. And he
spent a week's wages on a frypan. And that was when he was in
his late 20s. And he's in his90s using the same fry pan to
cook eggs. And I said that is aman that has saw the value in

(01:19:09):
investing in something for theduration of his life. And I
learned more from that fry panand his relationship with fry
pan than I have in you know, inall of the books that I've read,
like this man have valuessomething and sees a
relationship with it for therest of his life. And I think
that that scares a lot of themodern men who have grown up

(01:19:33):
with plastic cups and takeoutfood and prepackaged meals and
all these things that we canjust buy and throw away and get
a new one tomorrow.

Unknown (01:19:43):
Yeah, this is why I believe that women are so
important to us right becausewithout them we would have one
couch, one spoon, right not evena knife and fork right on top of
where we'd be still be eatingout of Tupperware containers.
Yeah, right Loper when we'vebeen coming into our life
flocked my wife. When we shemoved in with me. That was my

(01:20:04):
first place I've ever lived. Butwhen I moved out when I
separated, I didn't havefurniture. I always lived in
furnished apartments. So when wemoved out of there into our new
apartment, we had to buyfurniture. Yep. And I was like,
this is the first time we'veever had to buy furniture. First
time I've ever had to buyfurniture for an actual home.

(01:20:24):
Yep. Right. And I'm so like,just because he's turned 18 He
can go clubbing doesn't meanyou're a man. Nope. Just because
you can pay your share of therent, doesn't mean you're a man.
You're in the building. You'rein a phase. You're in a PA. This
is part of the journey. Right?

But I call it the fuck fight feast. It's the
knighthood. It's you know, I getto go out to battle I get to
come home and celebrate. Andthen I all I'm doing is I'm
waking up looking for the nextbattle.

Unknown (01:20:53):
And for the men that are listening to this, and we
talk about, you know, the Knightand the Prince and the king. You
know that a great book thattalks about that is Allison
Armstrong

outside said Esther Perel, right, Allison
Armstrong and Esther Perel,she's

Unknown (01:21:05):
great. Yeah, right.
Love Esther Burrell. I cameacross her around her TED talk
around infidelity. Thatdefinitely helped me support
people other relationshipsthrough infidelity. Yeah. You
know, and as I said before, whatdoes it take to live your life
to your gray and all of that,you know, healthy, successful
relationship? And no one's beenthrough more problems than them?
Yeah, but no one solve moreproblems, either. Yes. You know,

(01:21:28):
like you just lost the bestsharing is about giving. You
know, if you think it's known,well, let me know what it feels
like at the top by yourself.
Yeah,

man has a mountain top when you're on your
own. Yeah. It's funny. You saidthat man. Because like, when I
have something awesome happenedin my life, you know, you spoke
about what do you do? I can'twait to get home until make
makes me emotional. I can't waitto come home and say, Hey,
lover, guess what? Look at this.
Look what I did. I want to sharethis with you. And, and if I
feel like crying, you cry. Like,and I think that's the you know,

(01:22:10):
that if you have that in yourrelationship, you can have that
with other people as well. Youknow, it's my relationship has
been so healing for me to learnhow to let people in. Like I
can, like the way you've lovedme, man like him, you know,
we've been in rooms togetherwhere I'm frustrated. And I'm, I
can feel like, you'd like, yougot a bro. He's like, Don't
worry about him. And let's justdo this, just do what's next.

(01:22:32):
And you like you got this. Andjust like that, just being able
to let people in after alifetime of trying to control
and sort of worry so much aboutnot being loved. Like my
relationship has taught me somuch about that. And because of
that, I'm able to come home withexcitement and share things that
I would normally just sweepunder the rug. Oh, yeah. Okay,

(01:22:53):
next, what's next? What's next,I never, ever get the time to
stop and smell the roses. And Ithink when you build a life with
someone, you get to you get tobuild a Book of Memories that
you can revisit and share. Andlike you said, with the
breakdown with in business earlyon, like if you hadn't have had
that you wouldn't have the storyto share to add value to other

(01:23:15):
people who are going through andI think there's a lot of people
that are reading the samechapter of their life over and
over again. And then they wonderwhy when they get to the end of
their life that they don't haveany value to add. Because they
haven't had the courage to stepinto the next season of their
life and i i say this you know,I don't want to tell stories
about false you know, the aboutthese gods that are exist in

(01:23:38):
another world. I want to tellstories about fucking lino, I
want to tell I want to I want toshare stories about my
grandfather's honestly a storyabout my old bosses that taught
me things I want to share astory about Frank and his and
his fry pan, you know, I want toknow these men that that will be
coming mortal to the storiesthat I tell my children and then
they tell their children'schildren and that's legacy man.
And you know, I look to you as apowerful leader as a beautiful

(01:24:00):
husband. And as a father whichis what I'm moving toward
hopefully this year that's whatI'm wanting and that that's what
I love man is that you don't shyaway from any of those those
roles. And you don't let any ofthose roles take away from the
other roles that you play inyour life man. So you're you're
a formidable force and anamazing capacity for for love to

(01:24:20):
exist in this world. Man, I'm sograteful for you.

Unknown (01:24:25):
Thank you, brother.

Is there anything that you want to share about
about fatherhood or anythingthat you'd want to leave some of
the some of the listeners withbefore we close up?

Unknown (01:24:33):
I did remember. Danny Morell familiar with Danny
Monroe. Yeah, they talked aboutyou know, how you know how to
show up as a man when yourpartner with your partner, but
not only with your partner like,you know, our partners go
through that they go throughmenstruation, they go through
pregnancy, all these sorts ofthings and a penny drops with me

(01:24:53):
that when we having children,Ryan, I don't know. The penny
that dropped with me was I'm notsure if men are aware of how
much time you're actually goingto have to take the backseat.
But there's the time from themoment you decide you're going
to have kids or if not, isn'tplanned, there is the pregnancy
period, then there is after Ryanuntil they're walking, talking,

(01:25:19):
right can feed themselvesprobably out of nappies, we're
talking anywhere from three tofive years. Right? If you're
having children have hadchildren, and if you think the
sex is changes, because it has,if you think the relationship
has changed, it is because ithas an all I want to do is just
bring to awareness that in thattime, that is the nature of the

(01:25:42):
beast. That is part of thejourney, Brian, and there is a
different level of manhood andleadership that is going to have
to be come out of you in thattime. Do not think that that is
forever. But a lot of men mightthink that that is a death

(01:26:02):
sentence. There's very few womenthat I've ever experienced that
have not gone through postnataldepression, it is going to be a
challenging time. But if it waseasy, everybody would do it. But
greatness was not formed throughcomfort. If you won the legacy,

(01:26:23):
Ryan, the mortality and themortality is the fact that
people still talk about you evenfar after you've gone. Yes,
Ryan, that doesn't happenbecause you're ready to leave
when it gets tough. But therewas a look in your feet,
children's faces that happensbecause of the man that you
became, in that time of buildinga family. Family isn't easy, but

(01:26:49):
it is worth it. If you are allin, I will look at the camera on
that. I put up a post yesterday,what does it take to raise a
child? It takes everythingyou've got. As they change, you
change as you grow. They grow,you must grow by one. And this
will build the character of aman and help develop and Cole

(01:27:11):
Potts view right forward thatyou didn't know that you needed
Ryan. But trust me when I saythe man that you look you're
looking for is in there. I havethat helps. Man, I'm

ready to jump through. I'm ready to jump
through that wall. Man. I'mfeeling powerful. I'm feeling
inspired. Thank you, man. Likethat's that. I know that
listeners get a lot out of that.
But that was that was just forme. What you said Man, I felt
that deeply and I'm lookingforward to meeting that version
of myself, you know, soonerrather than later. So I look
forward to the challenge. Iwelcome it and I know that I

(01:27:46):
have for me I know I've got theright men around me and I've got
the right woman beside me. I'vegot the right practices to meet
my edge and then see what comesafter it. Because I know that at
the end of the day andinitiation is an initial isn't
an initiation if I know what'sgoing to happen. Yep. So this is
part of this is that this is apart of life and it will change

(01:28:08):
because things have to have

Unknown (01:28:13):
to It's like doesn't matter how much you know, Brian,
like it when you're in it, youactually don't even own things
all the notice and informationin the world and I'm here and
it's like it's not what it saysin the brochure that it's far

(01:28:35):
beyond

that's what I get so many guys are like oh but
David data said this I was likeyeah David data's is living his
own life you just read a fuckingbook

Unknown (01:28:46):
was said on a call yesterday and that was you know,
being said and I've read thisbook and read that book. And I
said look, nothing will impactyou more than being in the
arena. Oh,

yeah, man. I just want to say thank you. Thank you
so much. The it just brings meback to you know humble service
humble service as a man I'm hereto be of service to that which I
choose to be responsible for.
And you show me what's possible.
You show me what you show mewhat I I want and what I know

(01:29:18):
I'm capable of creating so thankyou for leading the way for me
and so many other men here onthe Gold Coast bro. I know I
wouldn't be doing the work thatI am doing if it wasn't for what
you chose to do. And yeah, man,I look forward to many more
conversations and I no doubtwe'll we'll have a have to come
back when when I do have alittle one. Eventually we'll
have to do volume two. Yes, sir.
I come back and I tell you thatyou are right about everything.

(01:29:42):
I

Unknown (01:29:45):
do have one last question. Please. What does
becoming a father meaning toyou?

Man, it means that I get to I get to give love
to something in a way that I'venever, never given love before.
Oh, it's gonna it's gonna, likefor me, I, I, I've never, I've
had dogs before. And I'm theeldest of four. And I remember

(01:30:11):
how much it meant to be likethat level of responsibility
brings brings forth a part of methat I want more of an eye. You
know, I'm, when I'm in, I'm allin. And I remember what it was
like when I made the decision topropose to mag. I've never felt
so much grief, which gave meaccess to joy. And I said this

(01:30:34):
to Meg. I said, I'm terrified onother podcasts of what I'm going
to become because I've neverloved something like this
before. And I watched you know,I see your posts, and I saw that
you and your little man. Yeah,ocean, were at the beach today,
and you guys were hanging out asand I'm like, oh, man, I just
want to love a little version ofme, man, I want to teach you
things I want to share you bethe things I want. I want to I

(01:30:56):
want to help you grow. And Ithink that's, you know, what you
said, You know what, it meansthat I get to impart some of the
lessons I've learned and beresponsible for someone's growth
in a way that allows me to, youknow, when I am gray and old,
and I'm laying there, and I'mready to you know, they're ready
to carry me up the mountain andleave me up there so I can

(01:31:18):
become an ancestor. It's likethat I've got my lineage to do
that with me with my son cancome and, and, and let me go, I
want that. I want that kind ofrelationship. I want that long
term. I want that family aroundme, man. And I'm ready. I'm
ready to I'm ready to ready todo that. So thank you.

Unknown (01:31:35):
I just want to say bro, I absolutely love you. And I
always love how you light upabout conversation. I love
having a conversation with you.
And thank you for having thisconversation. Sounds like it's
my podcast. That's how much lovewill go for this man.

Thank you, bro.
Appreciate you my man.

Unknown (01:31:53):
Thank you so much for big

love everyone.
Hope you enjoyed this episode.
All of Leno's details will be inthe show notes. We'll have his
Instagram website and like Isaid if you're a man or a woman
he does couples workshops hedoes. He's incredible walks out
the back of the Gold Coast and afew other areas. But I'll let
you guys go and explore hiscontent. Bless up big love and
we'll see you next week. Yo yoyo, thank you so much for tuning

(01:32:16):
in to another episode of Sexlove and everything in between.
Now if you'd like to stayconnected with Megan i You can
head on over to Instagram andfollow me at the Jacob O'Neill
and where can people find youlover

Unknown (01:32:29):
at the dot mag dot o

amazing and yeah guys, check out the show notes
for all other information inregards to what we've got coming
up. And yeah, we're super supergrateful that you guys for
taking the time to listen in tothis podcast. If you do have any
topics or any questions, like Isaid, hit us up on Instagram and
we'll see what we can do. Apartfrom that have a beautiful,
beautiful rest of your day.
Thanks for being here. Big BigLove.

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