August 17, 2025 • 29 mins
Have you ever felt like your creativity started to feel like a performance instead of a passion?
In this episode of Shift Happens with Shay, we’re exploring what it means to protect your spark—your joy, your energy, your sacred creative rhythm—in a world that constantly asks for more.
Whether you’re a healer, a feeler, a creator, or a woman who simply gives a lot… this is your reminder that your energy is a sacred resource, and you’re allowed to pause, protect, and pour back into you first.
🎙 In this soul-nourishing episode:
- How to know when your spark is dimming
- Signs you’re overgiving emotionally or creatively
- Ways to honor your natural rhythm without guilt
- Affirmations and journal prompts to reconnect with your joy
Let this be your permission slip to create from fullness, not pressure—and to reclaim your magic on your own terms. ✨
Continue the conversation with Shay on her Instagram, Facebook page, Youtube, website, and linkedIn! You can also email Shay at shay@shifthappenswithshay.com if you are looking for insight about your life, send your stories, or request topics you would like to address.
Please note this podcast is not a substitution for therapy, if you require assistance with exploring trauma, deeper relationship issues, or more please reach out to establish care.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey there and welcome to ShiftHappens with Shay.
I'm Shay, your host and licensedmarriage and family therapist.
This podcast is where we diveinto all the shift life throws
our way, whether it'srelationships, mental health,
personal growth, or justfiguring out this crazy journey
of adulting here.
We're all about honestconversation, real stories, and
a whole lot of laughs as wetackle life's challenges
(00:22):
together.
This is your space to grow,explore, and feel seen.
So grab a cozy spot, maybe a cupof coffee or wine, and let's get
ready to shift through it all.
Thanks for tuning in, andremember, no matter what life
brings us, we're in thistogether.
Hi everyone.
Welcome back to another sessionwith muah so this week.
(00:48):
I'm excited.
I'm always excited every timeI'm talking to you guys to be
quite honest because hey.
It's like we're all getting cozyon the couch with our tea or
coffee or wine.
However you're feeling wheneveryou're listening to this, and
we're just going to get intosome deep, playful, validating,
soul nurturing, groundedconversation.
(01:09):
What your favorite licensedmarriage and family therapist.
Right.
Okay.
So today we're talking aboutprotecting your spark.
Have you ever felt like yourcreativity started to feel more
like a chore than joy, like youwere pouring from an empty cup
just to stay visible orvaluable.
(01:32):
Well, today we're gonna talkabout it.
Protecting that beautiful sparkof yours, your joy, your
creative energy, your emotionalbandwidth.
And remember we talked a lotabout that in previous sessions
about emotional labor and howimportant it is for us to
preserve that.
And when I say preserve, I meanmore that you're not doing all
(01:54):
the work in this connection andvulnerability with everybody
else, and nobody's givingenough.
So this is definitely, again,kind of going off of that one,
but deeper into creativity.
Because if you're someone whogives a lot to others, this is
for you my love.
This is definitely for you.
So, Shea, tell me, girl, how amI?
(02:16):
How is over giving dimming myspark?
Well, overgiving doesn't alwayslook like caretaking.
And if you were here for myre-parenting episode, we talked
a little bit about caretaking,and if I did not mention in
that, I'm telling you right now,caretaking is one of our
protective strategies for whenwe pretty much had to take care
(02:40):
of ourselves.
I know that can sound like hyperindependence.
But this is more when you takeon that nurturing role because
no one gave it to you.
And there's a lot of longing inthis one.
This is the person thattypically feels very lonely.
Not that any of all the otherone protective strategies, like
you feel lonely there too.
But this one is definitelyengaged in loneliness, longing,
(03:02):
needing that security.
Overgiving doesn't always looklike that you're caretaking or
that I'm just caring for others.
Like I just love to be motherlyand naturally to everybody else,
but it can look like postingwhen you're not inspired.
Oh my goodness.
Can I tell you how that feelsover here on this side?
(03:24):
Because.
Being out here and being atherapist and I love talking to
people and being in the room andholding space for others, but
this content stuff on the otherside.
It can be draining anddefinitely not inspiring, but
that's overgiving because I'mover here trying to make sure
that you guys are getting whatyou need from me.
Getting that psychoeducation,getting that relatability,
(03:47):
having that connection with aprovider who is trained in this
stuff, or just a provider andseeing the humanness, you know?
So I definitely get that, if yourelate to that.
Saying yes to projects out ofguilt.
How many of us can relate tothat?
Yes, I can do that.
Yes, I can do that.
Oh, yeah, no worries.
I can take that tool off yourplate.
(04:07):
Yeah I can do that.
Because you feel saying no wouldbe rude.
It's not polite, it's not right.
Or maybe you'll be shut downfrom other offers and
opportunities and also peoplepleasing in your creative work.
This goes back to still sayingyes to projects here.
Instead of talking about whatyou love and what you wanna do
(04:28):
and share with the world or yourloved ones and whatnot.
You just go with the trend.
And I understand that that'shard depending on what you do.
But if it doesn't align withyou, it feels more like a
burden.
It leads to more burnout.
And then creativity again, leadsto not feeling like joy.
That is a chore, my love.
I mentioned before, we're gonnatalk about creative energy has
(04:51):
felt when it felt sacred versuswhen it feels stretched and
going into this.
Like I said, kinda like withthis, I love what I do as a
therapist.
I love doing couples therapy.
I love relational therapy.
I love connecting with my women.
I love sitting across fromy'all, my young girls that are
looking for some guidance.
(05:12):
I love it.
Because like when I'm in theroom, the sparks are going.
The sparks are flying.
I'm off the script as atherapist clearly, because I
don't know what you're coming into talk about, and that space
and that energy that I have foreach of you is very sacred.
I'm planning out this time togive pieces of myself in there
(05:33):
with you as you're giving pieceswith me, but sometimes we can
also feel stretched becausethough I love being in the room
with people.
Content creating is not reallythe same thing when you're over
here being a therapist and youwanna put your all into other
things well, you wanna give,just like I'm doing on this
(05:53):
podcast.
And as you've noticed, I thinkyou can tell I felt a bit
stretched.
Also going through my own mentalhealth.
Not mental health actually beenmuch better on that, but more of
my health issues.
Like I've mentioned, I haveHashimoto, so.
Thyroid.
I'm on the pill for life now.
But no, I don't need therapy.
I have a life coach, myspiritual coach, she's, she'd be
(06:14):
there for me.
It's okay guys, I think you guyscan tell I'm stretch when
content is not coming out backto back, or you don't really
hear from me as much.
You don't see me as much,whether that's on Instagram,
LinkedIn, or maybe even lovedones not hearing from you on the
phone or calling.
That's when I am feelingstretched and what used to be
(06:35):
fun and I'm enjoying it.
Like my podcast, I love doingthis, but that biweekly almost
felt like another client.
And I guess essentially that'swhat I set this up as, that we
are doing sessions, so it's likeanother client I need to show up
for, but then it became like myjob, not something fun and that
I usually would love to do withpassion.
(06:58):
That made it just more, justanother chore, another TA task
on the checklist.
And I never want you guys tofeel like that to me.
Just like I wouldn't want thatto feel to many people that I
see in person or virtual.
That's just one thing about it.
Right now I'm feeling a littlebit more creative.
I'm getting a spark back aftersome breaks, and hopefully we
(07:20):
can get back to our biweeklyfrequency and not this monthly
thing I'm doing, but that's whatit can look like.
That's just for me.
Your designed to guide notgrind.
Your insight is valuable, butonly when you're nourished,
please take that intoconsideration.
(07:41):
I take that for myself.
I'm here to guide.
I'm not here to be a part of thehustle, trend and movement.
I've never been a hustler inthat aspect.
I've had to hustle in schoolbecause you trying to get your
degree.
Isn't that what we came here todo?
If I finish this really quickly,then I can go ahead and do
everything else I wanna do, likeplay games.
But here in this work.
(08:02):
Same goes for you.
We're here to guide.
We don't wanna be part of thehustle mentality.
You don't wanna be burnt out.
We still wanna be a part of softliving because we enjoy it.
We're soft girlies here.
Be a part of our femininity, andthen engage in our masculinity
healthily.
Not in a toxic way thatoverworking, that over grind is
(08:24):
toxic.
Masculinity, that whole thoughtthat you need to do more than
others because, or else youwon't be noticed or seen, but
that's, you overgiving you andyour cup is empty, boo.
But here are some signs.
You're overgiving, you dreaddoing what you once loved.
Mm-hmm.
(08:45):
You feel invisible even thoughyou're showing up.
I think it is.
It is almost like a almost likea depersonalization.
Like you just don't feel likeyou're there.
Like, who is this person?
That's like a shell of me here.
Nobody sees who I am, eventhough I'm here.
Nobody sees me.
And you're more tired aftercreating than energized.
(09:05):
When you are working onsomething you love your
projects, whatnot, hobbies, youshould feel energized and
excited for the next step andthe next creative brainstorm
that comes your way instead ofdreading that, there's another
project that requires yourattention.
You're overgiving my love, andthat is dimming your spark.
(09:29):
Let's reclaim ourselves asalways, I'm always a big fan and
a big advocator that you neverhad, you never did not have any
of these skills, these traits,any of this, like they were
always within you.
It is a natural flow.
It is your own magic.
(09:50):
So when you honor your naturalflow, you protect your magic.
Think about it.
Let's sit for a second.
What's your natural rhythm forcreating, connecting and
expressing?
Think about it for a little bit.
How do I normally expressmyself?
How am I normally connecting?
(10:10):
Is it natural for me to bereaching out to a whole bunch of
people?
Is it natural for me to be outhere texting?
Is it natural for me to be inconferences or is it natural for
me to be on social media?
However you connect, however youexpress, however you create,
whether that's crocheting andknitting and all the above.
Whatever your medium is, what isthe natural rhythm?
(10:33):
How do you naturally do that?
Then I want you to then go andthink about how you give
yourself permission to breathe,take breaks without
disappearing.
That is something I'm working onand I'm human just'cause I'm a
therapist and I have all theseresources to me and toolbox.
(10:56):
I always tell my clients thatI'm human too.
I went to school, got all ofthis stuff, have the life
experience of being there andguiding you guys, and I still.
Mess up here and there.
So we have to give ourselvespermission to take breaks
without disappearing.
We're allowed to take a littlebreak here and there, maybe take
(11:18):
a day or two off, take a coupleof hours to yourself and get
right back into it.
Let yourself reset.
Remember your plans, yourpurpose, your intention, and
then jump back in feeling good.
Give ourselves permission tosay, not right now without
guilt, it's okay.
(11:39):
You are not letting down thosepeople.
You're not letting down yourboss, your partner, your
friends, this committee, whoeveryou are committing to that isn't
you.
You are not doing a bad thing.
You don't need to feel guilty.
Say not right now, and that'sokay.
(11:59):
Right time is when you feelaligned and also give yourself
permission to create foryourself first.
That's also what it means whenyou feel aligned, you are
creating for you.
First.
When we were in school andresidency, we're taught about
visualizing our trigger client.
(12:23):
There'll be times where, ofcourse we're human, we'll be
triggered.
And my trigger client is someonelike me.
And when I say that, I sayanother sexual assault survivor.
Very hyper independent, havingdifficulties reconnecting with
the body and emotions, and thatis dangerous to be vulnerable,
(12:47):
but then in relationships, yourhead over heal and it's just
like, what the heck?
I have no control over myself.
I value the other person'sopinion more than mine.
Yeah, that's my trigger clientand I form my therapeutic
modality, who I am as a personbased off of that trigger client
(13:09):
who is me.
I became a therapist for myselffirst.
You are creating for yourselffirst.
So when I'm out here doing thesereels, doing this podcast, or
even presentations and whatnot,I have to remember I'm doing
this for me because it makes mehappy.
(13:30):
I love sharing these gems withyou all.
I love hearing your feedback.
I love being there for otherpeople.
I love supporting other people.
I love being a part of thejourney.
As I tell my clients, I am thepassenger.
Your car.
We are driving.
Boo.
You are driving it.
And I am in the passenger seat.
I'm a passenger princess here.
(13:51):
But I love being here.
I love being your guide and Ihave to remember that.
I love it.
So same for you.
Reclaim yourself.
Reclaim what's yours?
Create for yourself first.
For me personally, I have tolearn to let alignment guide me
(14:11):
and not urgency.
And a lot of us have to slowdown slowness.
Doesn't mean I'm falling behind.
Doesn't mean you're fallingbehind.
It means we're listening toourselves.
What more beautiful can thingcan we do for ourselves?
But to sit and listen toourselves, you need time to tap
in.
So tap into you so that you canactually protect your magic and
(14:34):
then share it with the rest ofthe world.
As a reminder, there's nocreativity in burnout, but
there's magic in rest, right?
Crazy.
I don't wanna rest.
The world says it's wrong, butthe world, the world is wrong.
There is magic in your rest.
You have power within you, butyou need to recuperate.
(14:56):
You need to recalibrate.
You need to lay down and giveyourself a moment.
So reflection time.
Let's take a moment.
Safely.
'cause if you're in your car, donot do this.
Just talk out loud about youropinions.
Do not close your eyes andwhatnot.
Please pay attention to whateveryou're doing.
But if you are sitting on thecouch walking around your house
(15:18):
or in a safe place, I want youto take a moment and ask
yourself, where am I giving morethan I'm receiving?
Where am I giving more than I'mreceiving?
I feel when we hear thisquestion, a lot of us can think.
Of actually plenty of places andpeople that we're pouring into
more than we're pouring intoourselves.
(15:41):
And I feel that way.
If you are in high leadership,high levels of corporate,
whether that's in motherhood,whether that's you taking care
of your family, if you don'thave children, whether that's
your elderly parents or you'realways the go-to for your
siblings or whatnot, or evenyour friends, you're the mother
of the group, the caretaker.
(16:03):
Think about it, like those arejust examples.
But where in your life right noware you giving more than you're
receiving?
And hold on to that.
That's okay.
Don't judge yourself and don'tridicule yourself.
That's not what we're here for.
We always explore withcuriosity.
Curiosity is a beautiful thing.
So Shea, I thought about it.
(16:24):
I'm overgiving in so many otherplaces that have taken from me
and it feels like my spark isdim.
But if I get it back up a littlebit, how do I protect it?
Or how do I not allow this tohappen again?
Well, think about yourboundaries.
You know, I love me someboundaries.
Your boundaries are a creativeaction.
(16:46):
They are here to protect all ofthat for you.
Protect your peace, your energy,your space, your mind.
Like we said before, saying nois fine.
It's okay.
Every, no, that doesn't alignwith you and it doesn't feel
like it's in the right space andright time for you is you
(17:07):
filling your cup right back up.
Because if we are saying yes toevery single thing and
everything is more urgent thanwe are, you are continuing to
empty your cup.
There is nothing to give.
So those boundaries arenecessary.
I've talked about them plenty oftimes on here.
Your time boundary, youremotional boundary, your
(17:28):
physical boundary, your mentalboundary.
These all need to be in thereand respect it.
And it has to start with theyou.
You have to respect yourboundaries first.
'cause if you don't respect it,who will?
I'm going to, of course,'causeyou know I'm your favorite
therapist.
I'm gonna sit here, I'm gonnalisten to you and I'm gonna
respect it, but I'm gonna pointit out to you that you're not
respecting yourself.
(17:49):
That's not right.
So here are some rituals, sometime and what we can do to
refill ourselves.
And sometimes that looks likesilence.
That looks like solitude.
And it looks like saying no.
It's and maybe that's hard.
Like Shay, where am I supposedto get silence?
We are always able to getsilence.
(18:10):
Do you guys shower?
It's my favorite place.
It is quiet in the shower.
Besides the water.
I'm not saying you gotta be indarkness.
If that's what you prefer,please do, do your thing.
But there are places that youcan definitely find time for
yourself.
Always make some time foryourself.
Find it any way you can, and noalso making something just for
(18:33):
you.
Because remember, we're bringingthis back into creativity.
Make something for you, whether,I don't know, a bath bomb or
aami, a drawing.
Just anything that you love todo, creating music, song,
karaoking.
Something that fills you backup.
Think about that younger you andthink about what they enjoyed
(18:55):
most.
What gave them joy, what's andthat warm feeling in their heart
and their chest, and oh my gosh,every time I do this, this is so
much fun.
Find your creative spark.
I don't know why I said it likethat, but find your creative
spark.
(19:16):
It's there for you.
Think about it, and if you don'thave the answer right now,
that's okay.
That means we are just gonna doa lot of reflection after this
episode, after the session, andthat's fine.
We don't come to therapy to haveall the answers.
We come to therapy to find theanswers within ourselves, with
(19:38):
people like me being your guide,so you don't owe constant access
to anyone.
Nope, you don't.
You don't owe it.
Everyone doesn't deserve, orshould already assume that they
can access you at any time,anywhere, any place.
(19:59):
There is a criteria.
There are rules.
There are standards to gettingon this expensive vehicle that
you are, and everybody don't geta chance to open the door and
have the keys.
You have the keys.
There is a gate here or there'sa bouncer because you know
you're driving.
So there's a bouncer up in here,and you have told that bouncer,
(20:20):
everybody don't get to be inhere only X, Y, and Z.
And even when X, Y, and Z don'twork for you no more, you're
allowed to change that to A, B,C, Andy.
You don't owe nobody access toyou.
They don't owe, they don't ownyou.
So your creative energy issacred.
You get to choose where itflows.
(20:42):
No one else but you.
My love.
So, you know, I always want usto take home, well, you know,
I'm not a big homework person,but I do love me some
reflections.
General prompts are beautifulthings, and I think we should
take some of these home withourselves because I think it's
important for us to know whereare we being performative, such
as what part of my creativityhas started to feel performative
(21:06):
wearing your creative drive andprocess.
Have it?
Has it started to feel fake?
Disingenuous.
It's lacking that authenticity.
So what parts of my creativityhave started to feel
performative next?
Where do I over give out of fearof being forgotten or unseen?
(21:30):
Hmm.
That's a big one.
Where do I overgive out of fearof being forgotten or unseen?
And lastly, what does Joy ledcreating look like and feel like
for me?
What does Joy led creating lookand feel like to me, think about
(21:55):
those and I don't know, justthink about that question.
Just I get like tingly and myarm hands, and it's funny
because outside of doingcreativity with my words.
Like I'm doing right now orexpressing myself using my words
as expressions.
I use my hands.
I'm not sure if many of youknow, I think I've mentioned it
(22:15):
before.
I love to create my hands.
I love making shower steamers.
I love how it feels in my hands.
Like when you're getting closeto molding, it feels like wet
sand.
Honestly, I'm not even a beachperson, but I love that feeling.
It is so exciting and maybe it'sbecause you think about when
you're a kid and they have thesandboxes and you are just
(22:38):
playing around in there.
It just fills me up with joy.
I think you can hear it in myvoice right now.
I love creating with my hands,so whether that's candles,
diffusers, I am loving it.
Shower, steamers, bath bombs,coming back like I enjoy.
And oh, it's so wonderful.
(22:59):
So think about what does Joy ledcreating look like and feel like
to you?
Okay.
And I always love to give yousome affirmations because we
deserve'em.
And I'm always gonna affirm you.
I'm always gonna reassure youthat you got this and that you
can do this.
And nobody can stop your flow,your magic, just who you are.
(23:23):
Nobody.
And so here are some lovelyaffirmations from me for your
shift.
I protect my energy and createfrom overflow, not obligation.
I protect my energy and createfrom overflow, not obligation.
(23:44):
My joy is my compass.
My joy is my compass.
I release the need to beconstantly available in order to
be valuable.
I release the need to beconstantly available in order to
(24:06):
be valuable.
I hope you're releasing thattoday because you're valuable
already, my dear.
You are so worthy.
You're so amazing.
Anybody would be happy andgrateful to have a person like
you in their life, but that'sit.
(24:32):
So with that being said, youdon't have to be everything for
everyone to be meaningful.
You don't have to post every dayto be powerful, protect your
spark.
Because your light is meant tolast.
It's meant to burn bright, shinebright, and be here for many
years to come.
(24:53):
Protect that beautiful lightwithin you, that heart, that
spark, whatever that flame,however you wanna describe it,
what you should do in yourjournaling.
Elaine protected.
Protect her.
She deserves to be protected.
(25:13):
So my loves.
I hope you enjoy today's episodeor session.
I hope you got what you neededfrom me.
I adore you as always, and I'mgonna have some of these prompts
up on social media, my ig, andmost likely my LinkedIn if these
are not already a part of thejournal prompts I created.
(25:36):
For the week that led up tothis.
If you don't see it on there, Idon't see it on there.
I'm gonna post these prompts onthere too for you guys as a
reminder, and I love to hearsome feedback.
I love to hear what you foundout about yourselves, the
insights you developed.
I love to just be a part of thisjourney and hear what you've
gotten so far.
(25:57):
Okay, so updates.
Yes, I will.
Be finishing my website, that'sgonna be done 100%.
That's gonna be done before theend of August.
I'm on it.
I want you guys to see my ownmagic because I've been putting
it off that for a while, and Iam not in a place of scarcity
right now.
I'm not stretched.
(26:17):
My creative juice is flowing andshe is going.
So I wanna get that out for youguys so that you can see all
that.
And you can see my beautifulmagic with my red diffusers and
car diffusers.
'cause you know me I'm a girlythat loves scent and touch.
So diffusers give me that scentthat I love, that brings me to
pleasant places and showersteamers, and candles.
(26:39):
Give me that sense of touch thatgrounds me and brings me back
here with you guys.
It's really important for thoseof us who are sexual assault
survivors or those thatdisconnect and numb ourselves
from reality because we areoverstimulated and the world has
just taken so much of us, it canlook like burnout.
But yeah, so I'm really excitedto put that out there for you
(27:01):
guys.
And I got something cooking up,looking up.
I'm working on me and speakingand doing presentations, so I
hope.
Soon I will be providing youguys workshops and I would love
for you guys to attend or maybelet someone you feel that it
(27:22):
would be great for, share thatinformation.
I'm looking to do somethinghonestly next month to be quiet.
Real with you all and it's gonnabe juicy because it is for my
black and brown girls.
My, I love y'all.
I have a special place becauseof course I am an African
American woman myself, goingthrough life and trying to make
(27:43):
it through and anytime that Icould bring the community
together is beautiful.
Of course, if you are an ally,cool beans, tell your favorite
black person to come through andthen of course I will do some
more.
Open women presentations rightnow.
I do feel I want to get back tomy community.
(28:04):
And I guess if you were justpeople who, like I said, if
you're an ally, it's reallymostly for my black and brown
people.
If you show up, I am not goingto deny you, but hopefully you
take some of those teachings andyou are standing, besides your
black and brown friends.
And now hold able to hold morecompassion and grace for them as
(28:27):
you move forward.
But I will talk more about that,of course, in my next episode.
I can't wait to let you guysknow and I'll talk about it more
as it gets closer.
And also if you have any ideasthat you would like for me to do
for future workshops orpresentations, whatnot.
I would love to hear'em.
I'm always happy to speak onthings, especially with my own
(28:48):
knowledge lived experience.
And then I guess whatever youwanna know from a therapist.
Point of view.
So always happy to do that withyou guys.
So look out for my websitecoming soon.
Look out for my productsdropping soon, and look out for
my events coming soon.
(29:08):
Shift happens with Shay iscoming to you.
I mean, I'm already coming toyou through here, but you know,
in other capacities that I love.
So any who.
I love you guys.
I hope you're doing amazing,keep being you, keep being
great, protect that beautifulspark.
You are so worthy.
Until next time.
Hey there and welcome to ShiftHappens with Shay.
I'm Shay, your host and licensedmarriage and family therapist.
This podcast is where we diveinto all the shift life throws
our way, whether it'srelationships, mental health,
personal growth, or justfiguring out this crazy journey
of adulting here.
We're all about honestconversation, real stories, and
a whole lot of laughs as wetackle life's challenges
(00:22):
together.
This is your space to grow,explore, and feel seen.
So grab a cozy spot, maybe a cupof coffee or wine, and let's get
ready to shift through it all.
Thanks for tuning in, andremember, no matter what life
brings us, we're in thistogether.
Hi everyone.
Welcome back to another sessionwith muah so this week.
(00:48):
I'm excited.
I'm always excited every timeI'm talking to you guys to be
quite honest because hey.
It's like we're all getting cozyon the couch with our tea or
coffee or wine.
However you're feeling wheneveryou're listening to this, and
we're just going to get intosome deep, playful, validating,
soul nurturing, groundedconversation.
(01:09):
What your favorite licensedmarriage and family therapist.
Right.
Okay.
So today we're talking aboutprotecting your spark.
Have you ever felt like yourcreativity started to feel more
like a chore than joy, like youwere pouring from an empty cup
just to stay visible orvaluable.
(01:32):
Well, today we're gonna talkabout it.
Protecting that beautiful sparkof yours, your joy, your
creative energy, your emotionalbandwidth.
And remember we talked a lotabout that in previous sessions
about emotional labor and howimportant it is for us to
preserve that.
And when I say preserve, I meanmore that you're not doing all
(01:54):
the work in this connection andvulnerability with everybody
else, and nobody's givingenough.
So this is definitely, again,kind of going off of that one,
but deeper into creativity.
Because if you're someone whogives a lot to others, this is
for you my love.
This is definitely for you.
So, Shea, tell me, girl, how amI?
(02:16):
How is over giving dimming myspark?
Well, overgiving doesn't alwayslook like caretaking.
And if you were here for myre-parenting episode, we talked
a little bit about caretaking,and if I did not mention in
that, I'm telling you right now,caretaking is one of our
protective strategies for whenwe pretty much had to take care
(02:40):
of ourselves.
I know that can sound like hyperindependence.
But this is more when you takeon that nurturing role because
no one gave it to you.
And there's a lot of longing inthis one.
This is the person thattypically feels very lonely.
Not that any of all the otherone protective strategies, like
you feel lonely there too.
But this one is definitelyengaged in loneliness, longing,
(03:02):
needing that security.
Overgiving doesn't always looklike that you're caretaking or
that I'm just caring for others.
Like I just love to be motherlyand naturally to everybody else,
but it can look like postingwhen you're not inspired.
Oh my goodness.
Can I tell you how that feelsover here on this side?
(03:24):
Because.
Being out here and being atherapist and I love talking to
people and being in the room andholding space for others, but
this content stuff on the otherside.
It can be draining anddefinitely not inspiring, but
that's overgiving because I'mover here trying to make sure
that you guys are getting whatyou need from me.
Getting that psychoeducation,getting that relatability,
(03:47):
having that connection with aprovider who is trained in this
stuff, or just a provider andseeing the humanness, you know?
So I definitely get that, if yourelate to that.
Saying yes to projects out ofguilt.
How many of us can relate tothat?
Yes, I can do that.
Yes, I can do that.
Oh, yeah, no worries.
I can take that tool off yourplate.
(04:07):
Yeah I can do that.
Because you feel saying no wouldbe rude.
It's not polite, it's not right.
Or maybe you'll be shut downfrom other offers and
opportunities and also peoplepleasing in your creative work.
This goes back to still sayingyes to projects here.
Instead of talking about whatyou love and what you wanna do
(04:28):
and share with the world or yourloved ones and whatnot.
You just go with the trend.
And I understand that that'shard depending on what you do.
But if it doesn't align withyou, it feels more like a
burden.
It leads to more burnout.
And then creativity again, leadsto not feeling like joy.
That is a chore, my love.
I mentioned before, we're gonnatalk about creative energy has
(04:51):
felt when it felt sacred versuswhen it feels stretched and
going into this.
Like I said, kinda like withthis, I love what I do as a
therapist.
I love doing couples therapy.
I love relational therapy.
I love connecting with my women.
I love sitting across fromy'all, my young girls that are
looking for some guidance.
(05:12):
I love it.
Because like when I'm in theroom, the sparks are going.
The sparks are flying.
I'm off the script as atherapist clearly, because I
don't know what you're coming into talk about, and that space
and that energy that I have foreach of you is very sacred.
I'm planning out this time togive pieces of myself in there
(05:33):
with you as you're giving pieceswith me, but sometimes we can
also feel stretched becausethough I love being in the room
with people.
Content creating is not reallythe same thing when you're over
here being a therapist and youwanna put your all into other
things well, you wanna give,just like I'm doing on this
(05:53):
podcast.
And as you've noticed, I thinkyou can tell I felt a bit
stretched.
Also going through my own mentalhealth.
Not mental health actually beenmuch better on that, but more of
my health issues.
Like I've mentioned, I haveHashimoto, so.
Thyroid.
I'm on the pill for life now.
But no, I don't need therapy.
I have a life coach, myspiritual coach, she's, she'd be
(06:14):
there for me.
It's okay guys, I think you guyscan tell I'm stretch when
content is not coming out backto back, or you don't really
hear from me as much.
You don't see me as much,whether that's on Instagram,
LinkedIn, or maybe even lovedones not hearing from you on the
phone or calling.
That's when I am feelingstretched and what used to be
(06:35):
fun and I'm enjoying it.
Like my podcast, I love doingthis, but that biweekly almost
felt like another client.
And I guess essentially that'swhat I set this up as, that we
are doing sessions, so it's likeanother client I need to show up
for, but then it became like myjob, not something fun and that
I usually would love to do withpassion.
(06:58):
That made it just more, justanother chore, another TA task
on the checklist.
And I never want you guys tofeel like that to me.
Just like I wouldn't want thatto feel to many people that I
see in person or virtual.
That's just one thing about it.
Right now I'm feeling a littlebit more creative.
I'm getting a spark back aftersome breaks, and hopefully we
(07:20):
can get back to our biweeklyfrequency and not this monthly
thing I'm doing, but that's whatit can look like.
That's just for me.
Your designed to guide notgrind.
Your insight is valuable, butonly when you're nourished,
please take that intoconsideration.
(07:41):
I take that for myself.
I'm here to guide.
I'm not here to be a part of thehustle, trend and movement.
I've never been a hustler inthat aspect.
I've had to hustle in schoolbecause you trying to get your
degree.
Isn't that what we came here todo?
If I finish this really quickly,then I can go ahead and do
everything else I wanna do, likeplay games.
But here in this work.
(08:02):
Same goes for you.
We're here to guide.
We don't wanna be part of thehustle mentality.
You don't wanna be burnt out.
We still wanna be a part of softliving because we enjoy it.
We're soft girlies here.
Be a part of our femininity, andthen engage in our masculinity
healthily.
Not in a toxic way thatoverworking, that over grind is
(08:24):
toxic.
Masculinity, that whole thoughtthat you need to do more than
others because, or else youwon't be noticed or seen, but
that's, you overgiving you andyour cup is empty, boo.
But here are some signs.
You're overgiving, you dreaddoing what you once loved.
Mm-hmm.
(08:45):
You feel invisible even thoughyou're showing up.
I think it is.
It is almost like a almost likea depersonalization.
Like you just don't feel likeyou're there.
Like, who is this person?
That's like a shell of me here.
Nobody sees who I am, eventhough I'm here.
Nobody sees me.
And you're more tired aftercreating than energized.
(09:05):
When you are working onsomething you love your
projects, whatnot, hobbies, youshould feel energized and
excited for the next step andthe next creative brainstorm
that comes your way instead ofdreading that, there's another
project that requires yourattention.
You're overgiving my love, andthat is dimming your spark.
(09:29):
Let's reclaim ourselves asalways, I'm always a big fan and
a big advocator that you neverhad, you never did not have any
of these skills, these traits,any of this, like they were
always within you.
It is a natural flow.
It is your own magic.
(09:50):
So when you honor your naturalflow, you protect your magic.
Think about it.
Let's sit for a second.
What's your natural rhythm forcreating, connecting and
expressing?
Think about it for a little bit.
How do I normally expressmyself?
How am I normally connecting?
(10:10):
Is it natural for me to bereaching out to a whole bunch of
people?
Is it natural for me to be outhere texting?
Is it natural for me to be inconferences or is it natural for
me to be on social media?
However you connect, however youexpress, however you create,
whether that's crocheting andknitting and all the above.
Whatever your medium is, what isthe natural rhythm?
(10:33):
How do you naturally do that?
Then I want you to then go andthink about how you give
yourself permission to breathe,take breaks without
disappearing.
That is something I'm working onand I'm human just'cause I'm a
therapist and I have all theseresources to me and toolbox.
(10:56):
I always tell my clients thatI'm human too.
I went to school, got all ofthis stuff, have the life
experience of being there andguiding you guys, and I still.
Mess up here and there.
So we have to give ourselvespermission to take breaks
without disappearing.
We're allowed to take a littlebreak here and there, maybe take
(11:18):
a day or two off, take a coupleof hours to yourself and get
right back into it.
Let yourself reset.
Remember your plans, yourpurpose, your intention, and
then jump back in feeling good.
Give ourselves permission tosay, not right now without
guilt, it's okay.
(11:39):
You are not letting down thosepeople.
You're not letting down yourboss, your partner, your
friends, this committee, whoeveryou are committing to that isn't
you.
You are not doing a bad thing.
You don't need to feel guilty.
Say not right now, and that'sokay.
(11:59):
Right time is when you feelaligned and also give yourself
permission to create foryourself first.
That's also what it means whenyou feel aligned, you are
creating for you.
First.
When we were in school andresidency, we're taught about
visualizing our trigger client.
(12:23):
There'll be times where, ofcourse we're human, we'll be
triggered.
And my trigger client is someonelike me.
And when I say that, I sayanother sexual assault survivor.
Very hyper independent, havingdifficulties reconnecting with
the body and emotions, and thatis dangerous to be vulnerable,
(12:47):
but then in relationships, yourhead over heal and it's just
like, what the heck?
I have no control over myself.
I value the other person'sopinion more than mine.
Yeah, that's my trigger clientand I form my therapeutic
modality, who I am as a personbased off of that trigger client
(13:09):
who is me.
I became a therapist for myselffirst.
You are creating for yourselffirst.
So when I'm out here doing thesereels, doing this podcast, or
even presentations and whatnot,I have to remember I'm doing
this for me because it makes mehappy.
(13:30):
I love sharing these gems withyou all.
I love hearing your feedback.
I love being there for otherpeople.
I love supporting other people.
I love being a part of thejourney.
As I tell my clients, I am thepassenger.
Your car.
We are driving.
Boo.
You are driving it.
And I am in the passenger seat.
I'm a passenger princess here.
(13:51):
But I love being here.
I love being your guide and Ihave to remember that.
I love it.
So same for you.
Reclaim yourself.
Reclaim what's yours?
Create for yourself first.
For me personally, I have tolearn to let alignment guide me
(14:11):
and not urgency.
And a lot of us have to slowdown slowness.
Doesn't mean I'm falling behind.
Doesn't mean you're fallingbehind.
It means we're listening toourselves.
What more beautiful can thingcan we do for ourselves?
But to sit and listen toourselves, you need time to tap
in.
So tap into you so that you canactually protect your magic and
(14:34):
then share it with the rest ofthe world.
As a reminder, there's nocreativity in burnout, but
there's magic in rest, right?
Crazy.
I don't wanna rest.
The world says it's wrong, butthe world, the world is wrong.
There is magic in your rest.
You have power within you, butyou need to recuperate.
(14:56):
You need to recalibrate.
You need to lay down and giveyourself a moment.
So reflection time.
Let's take a moment.
Safely.
'cause if you're in your car, donot do this.
Just talk out loud about youropinions.
Do not close your eyes andwhatnot.
Please pay attention to whateveryou're doing.
But if you are sitting on thecouch walking around your house
(15:18):
or in a safe place, I want youto take a moment and ask
yourself, where am I giving morethan I'm receiving?
Where am I giving more than I'mreceiving?
I feel when we hear thisquestion, a lot of us can think.
Of actually plenty of places andpeople that we're pouring into
more than we're pouring intoourselves.
(15:41):
And I feel that way.
If you are in high leadership,high levels of corporate,
whether that's in motherhood,whether that's you taking care
of your family, if you don'thave children, whether that's
your elderly parents or you'realways the go-to for your
siblings or whatnot, or evenyour friends, you're the mother
of the group, the caretaker.
(16:03):
Think about it, like those arejust examples.
But where in your life right noware you giving more than you're
receiving?
And hold on to that.
That's okay.
Don't judge yourself and don'tridicule yourself.
That's not what we're here for.
We always explore withcuriosity.
Curiosity is a beautiful thing.
So Shea, I thought about it.
(16:24):
I'm overgiving in so many otherplaces that have taken from me
and it feels like my spark isdim.
But if I get it back up a littlebit, how do I protect it?
Or how do I not allow this tohappen again?
Well, think about yourboundaries.
You know, I love me someboundaries.
Your boundaries are a creativeaction.
(16:46):
They are here to protect all ofthat for you.
Protect your peace, your energy,your space, your mind.
Like we said before, saying nois fine.
It's okay.
Every, no, that doesn't alignwith you and it doesn't feel
like it's in the right space andright time for you is you
(17:07):
filling your cup right back up.
Because if we are saying yes toevery single thing and
everything is more urgent thanwe are, you are continuing to
empty your cup.
There is nothing to give.
So those boundaries arenecessary.
I've talked about them plenty oftimes on here.
Your time boundary, youremotional boundary, your
(17:28):
physical boundary, your mentalboundary.
These all need to be in thereand respect it.
And it has to start with theyou.
You have to respect yourboundaries first.
'cause if you don't respect it,who will?
I'm going to, of course,'causeyou know I'm your favorite
therapist.
I'm gonna sit here, I'm gonnalisten to you and I'm gonna
respect it, but I'm gonna pointit out to you that you're not
respecting yourself.
(17:49):
That's not right.
So here are some rituals, sometime and what we can do to
refill ourselves.
And sometimes that looks likesilence.
That looks like solitude.
And it looks like saying no.
It's and maybe that's hard.
Like Shay, where am I supposedto get silence?
We are always able to getsilence.
(18:10):
Do you guys shower?
It's my favorite place.
It is quiet in the shower.
Besides the water.
I'm not saying you gotta be indarkness.
If that's what you prefer,please do, do your thing.
But there are places that youcan definitely find time for
yourself.
Always make some time foryourself.
Find it any way you can, and noalso making something just for
(18:33):
you.
Because remember, we're bringingthis back into creativity.
Make something for you, whether,I don't know, a bath bomb or
aami, a drawing.
Just anything that you love todo, creating music, song,
karaoking.
Something that fills you backup.
Think about that younger you andthink about what they enjoyed
(18:55):
most.
What gave them joy, what's andthat warm feeling in their heart
and their chest, and oh my gosh,every time I do this, this is so
much fun.
Find your creative spark.
I don't know why I said it likethat, but find your creative
spark.
(19:16):
It's there for you.
Think about it, and if you don'thave the answer right now,
that's okay.
That means we are just gonna doa lot of reflection after this
episode, after the session, andthat's fine.
We don't come to therapy to haveall the answers.
We come to therapy to find theanswers within ourselves, with
(19:38):
people like me being your guide,so you don't owe constant access
to anyone.
Nope, you don't.
You don't owe it.
Everyone doesn't deserve, orshould already assume that they
can access you at any time,anywhere, any place.
(19:59):
There is a criteria.
There are rules.
There are standards to gettingon this expensive vehicle that
you are, and everybody don't geta chance to open the door and
have the keys.
You have the keys.
There is a gate here or there'sa bouncer because you know
you're driving.
So there's a bouncer up in here,and you have told that bouncer,
(20:20):
everybody don't get to be inhere only X, Y, and Z.
And even when X, Y, and Z don'twork for you no more, you're
allowed to change that to A, B,C, Andy.
You don't owe nobody access toyou.
They don't owe, they don't ownyou.
So your creative energy issacred.
You get to choose where itflows.
(20:42):
No one else but you.
My love.
So, you know, I always want usto take home, well, you know,
I'm not a big homework person,but I do love me some
reflections.
General prompts are beautifulthings, and I think we should
take some of these home withourselves because I think it's
important for us to know whereare we being performative, such
as what part of my creativityhas started to feel performative
(21:06):
wearing your creative drive andprocess.
Have it?
Has it started to feel fake?
Disingenuous.
It's lacking that authenticity.
So what parts of my creativityhave started to feel
performative next?
Where do I over give out of fearof being forgotten or unseen?
(21:30):
Hmm.
That's a big one.
Where do I overgive out of fearof being forgotten or unseen?
And lastly, what does Joy ledcreating look like and feel like
for me?
What does Joy led creating lookand feel like to me, think about
(21:55):
those and I don't know, justthink about that question.
Just I get like tingly and myarm hands, and it's funny
because outside of doingcreativity with my words.
Like I'm doing right now orexpressing myself using my words
as expressions.
I use my hands.
I'm not sure if many of youknow, I think I've mentioned it
(22:15):
before.
I love to create my hands.
I love making shower steamers.
I love how it feels in my hands.
Like when you're getting closeto molding, it feels like wet
sand.
Honestly, I'm not even a beachperson, but I love that feeling.
It is so exciting and maybe it'sbecause you think about when
you're a kid and they have thesandboxes and you are just
(22:38):
playing around in there.
It just fills me up with joy.
I think you can hear it in myvoice right now.
I love creating with my hands,so whether that's candles,
diffusers, I am loving it.
Shower, steamers, bath bombs,coming back like I enjoy.
And oh, it's so wonderful.
(22:59):
So think about what does Joy ledcreating look like and feel like
to you?
Okay.
And I always love to give yousome affirmations because we
deserve'em.
And I'm always gonna affirm you.
I'm always gonna reassure youthat you got this and that you
can do this.
And nobody can stop your flow,your magic, just who you are.
(23:23):
Nobody.
And so here are some lovelyaffirmations from me for your
shift.
I protect my energy and createfrom overflow, not obligation.
I protect my energy and createfrom overflow, not obligation.
(23:44):
My joy is my compass.
My joy is my compass.
I release the need to beconstantly available in order to
be valuable.
I release the need to beconstantly available in order to
(24:06):
be valuable.
I hope you're releasing thattoday because you're valuable
already, my dear.
You are so worthy.
You're so amazing.
Anybody would be happy andgrateful to have a person like
you in their life, but that'sit.
(24:32):
So with that being said, youdon't have to be everything for
everyone to be meaningful.
You don't have to post every dayto be powerful, protect your
spark.
Because your light is meant tolast.
It's meant to burn bright, shinebright, and be here for many
years to come.
(24:53):
Protect that beautiful lightwithin you, that heart, that
spark, whatever that flame,however you wanna describe it,
what you should do in yourjournaling.
Elaine protected.
Protect her.
She deserves to be protected.
(25:13):
So my loves.
I hope you enjoy today's episodeor session.
I hope you got what you neededfrom me.
I adore you as always, and I'mgonna have some of these prompts
up on social media, my ig, andmost likely my LinkedIn if these
are not already a part of thejournal prompts I created.
(25:36):
For the week that led up tothis.
If you don't see it on there, Idon't see it on there.
I'm gonna post these prompts onthere too for you guys as a
reminder, and I love to hearsome feedback.
I love to hear what you foundout about yourselves, the
insights you developed.
I love to just be a part of thisjourney and hear what you've
gotten so far.
(25:57):
Okay, so updates.
Yes, I will.
Be finishing my website, that'sgonna be done 100%.
That's gonna be done before theend of August.
I'm on it.
I want you guys to see my ownmagic because I've been putting
it off that for a while, and Iam not in a place of scarcity
right now.
I'm not stretched.
(26:17):
My creative juice is flowing andshe is going.
So I wanna get that out for youguys so that you can see all
that.
And you can see my beautifulmagic with my red diffusers and
car diffusers.
'cause you know me I'm a girlythat loves scent and touch.
So diffusers give me that scentthat I love, that brings me to
pleasant places and showersteamers, and candles.
(26:39):
Give me that sense of touch thatgrounds me and brings me back
here with you guys.
It's really important for thoseof us who are sexual assault
survivors or those thatdisconnect and numb ourselves
from reality because we areoverstimulated and the world has
just taken so much of us, it canlook like burnout.
But yeah, so I'm really excitedto put that out there for you
(27:01):
guys.
And I got something cooking up,looking up.
I'm working on me and speakingand doing presentations, so I
hope.
Soon I will be providing youguys workshops and I would love
for you guys to attend or maybelet someone you feel that it
(27:22):
would be great for, share thatinformation.
I'm looking to do somethinghonestly next month to be quiet.
Real with you all and it's gonnabe juicy because it is for my
black and brown girls.
My, I love y'all.
I have a special place becauseof course I am an African
American woman myself, goingthrough life and trying to make
(27:43):
it through and anytime that Icould bring the community
together is beautiful.
Of course, if you are an ally,cool beans, tell your favorite
black person to come through andthen of course I will do some
more.
Open women presentations rightnow.
I do feel I want to get back tomy community.
(28:04):
And I guess if you were justpeople who, like I said, if
you're an ally, it's reallymostly for my black and brown
people.
If you show up, I am not goingto deny you, but hopefully you
take some of those teachings andyou are standing, besides your
black and brown friends.
And now hold able to hold morecompassion and grace for them as
(28:27):
you move forward.
But I will talk more about that,of course, in my next episode.
I can't wait to let you guysknow and I'll talk about it more
as it gets closer.
And also if you have any ideasthat you would like for me to do
for future workshops orpresentations, whatnot.
I would love to hear'em.
I'm always happy to speak onthings, especially with my own
(28:48):
knowledge lived experience.
And then I guess whatever youwanna know from a therapist.
Point of view.
So always happy to do that withyou guys.
So look out for my websitecoming soon.
Look out for my productsdropping soon, and look out for
my events coming soon.
(29:08):
Shift happens with Shay iscoming to you.
I mean, I'm already coming toyou through here, but you know,
in other capacities that I love.
So any who.
I love you guys.
I hope you're doing amazing,keep being you, keep being
great, protect that beautifulspark.
You are so worthy.
Until next time.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Ruthie's Table 4
For more than 30 years The River Cafe in London, has been the home-from-home of artists, architects, designers, actors, collectors, writers, activists, and politicians. Michael Caine, Glenn Close, JJ Abrams, Steve McQueen, Victoria and David Beckham, and Lily Allen, are just some of the people who love to call The River Cafe home. On River Cafe Table 4, Rogers sits down with her customers—who have become friends—to talk about food memories. Table 4 explores how food impacts every aspect of our lives. “Foods is politics, food is cultural, food is how you express love, food is about your heritage, it defines who you and who you want to be,” says Rogers. Each week, Rogers invites her guest to reminisce about family suppers and first dates, what they cook, how they eat when performing, the restaurants they choose, and what food they seek when they need comfort. And to punctuate each episode of Table 4, guests such as Ralph Fiennes, Emily Blunt, and Alfonso Cuarón, read their favourite recipe from one of the best-selling River Cafe cookbooks. Table 4 itself, is situated near The River Cafe’s open kitchen, close to the bright pink wood-fired oven and next to the glossy yellow pass, where Ruthie oversees the restaurant. You are invited to take a seat at this intimate table and join the conversation. For more information, recipes, and ingredients, go to https://shoptherivercafe.co.uk/ Web: https://rivercafe.co.uk/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/therivercafelondon/ Facebook: https://en-gb.facebook.com/therivercafelondon/ For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iheartradio app, apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.