May 12, 2025 • 34 mins
You’ve probably heard the term “inner child,” but what does it really mean to reparent yourself as an adult?
In this episode of Shift Happens with Shay, we take a deep dive into what reparenting looks like—why it’s essential for breaking old patterns, building radical self-love, and nurturing the parts of you that didn’t get what they needed growing up. 💜
We explore:
🌀 What the inner child actually is and how it shows up in your adult life
🔄 Common wounds we carry from childhood
✨ How to start reparenting yourself with compassion and intention
💬 Real-life practices for offering your inner child the love, validation, and safety you’ve always deserved
If you’ve ever felt stuck in self-sabotage, people-pleasing, or low self-worth—this episode is your invitation to start healing from the inside out.
🎧 Listen now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts & more.
#Reparenting #InnerChildHealing #RadicalSelfLove #EmotionalHealing #ShiftHappensPodcast #HealingJourney #MentalWellness
Continue the conversation with Shay on her Instagram, Facebook page, website, and linkedIn! You can also email Shay at shifthappenswithshay@gmail.com if you are looking for insight about your life, send your stories, or request topics you would like to address.
Please note this podcast is not a substitution for therapy, if you require assistance with exploring trauma, deeper relationship issues, or more please reach out to establish care.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey there, and welcome to ShiftHappens with Shay.
I'm Shay, your host and licensedmarriage and family therapist.
This podcast is where we diveinto all the shift life throws
our way, whether it'srelationships, mental health,
personal growth, or justfiguring out this crazy journey
of adulting here.
We're all about honestconversation, real stories, and
a whole lot of laughs as wetackles life's challenges
(00:22):
together.
This is your space to grow,explore, and feel seen.
So grab a cozy spot, maybe a cupof coffee or wine, and let's get
ready to shift through it all.
Thanks for tuning in, andremember, no matter what life
brings us, we're in thistogether.
Hey guys, and welcome back toShift Happens with Shay.
(00:43):
I'm so excited for this nexttopic that we're about to get
into because this is gonna keepgoing with our Embracing Change
and Embracing You series.
So last session we talked aboutsoft life versus strong friends.
And we all could relate withthat, that at some point in time
we have either met that strongfriend or are the strong friend.
(01:06):
And we talked about some ways torelease yourself.
From that role and to embrace asoft life.
We talked about boundaries.
We talked about ways toreinforce this new mindset, ways
to let go, ways to take care ofyourself, what radical self-love
was, and we're gonna keep goingwith that.
And along with the radicalself-love I mentioned for you
(01:28):
guys to do inner childself-reflection work check-ins
with yourself.
And I do wanna take this momentand for you to take this moment
for yourself.
How'd you do with that in thesepast two weeks?
Did you find it challenging?
Did you find it maybe just a bitstill confusing or unclear?
And I know that sometimeshearing inner child work is a
(01:50):
little bit hard'cause it's justso do I just imagine my younger
self or what does that looklike?
Is what if nothing happened tome at five, and that's okay.
It doesn't need to be like that.
And.
We're gonna go deeper.
We're going to really talk aboutwhat it means to check in on our
inner child, what is an innerchild who is an inner child?
And we're really gonna betalking about re-parenting
(02:13):
ourselves.
And you know what that means?
Because essentially when you'redoing inner child work, you are
being the parent that yourparent wasn't to you
essentially.
So we're going to take thistime.
Um, really think about it.
I'll first reflection prompt.
When was the last time you feltsmall or vulnerable in a way
(02:34):
that surprised you?
Uh, that there was just thistime where you were just out and
about and somebody saidsomething, somebody did
something, and you just werelike, whoa, why did I have this
adverse reaction?
For me personally, those adversereactions, like physical
sensations are usually what Iwould call chills, like if you
(02:55):
were cold, but they're kind ofviolent in the fact that I could
feel it like in my backsometimes, or the pit of my
stomach.
It's like a violent shake in asense, and it just surprised you
at how much that you know hurtor didn't make you feel good.
So think about that time becausethat actually could be your
(03:17):
inner child saying something toyou.
So we'll get into it by breakingit down about what is an inner
child, and in definition, it's apart of your subconscious.
That holds childhood memoriesand beliefs.
These are the internal messagesthat you have heard, you've
learned about, and they'resometimes unspoken.
(03:39):
Not everything we learned fromour parents was told to us.
We observed it, we watched it.
So how others were treated, howyour parents manage their big
emotions, how they dealt withconflict, what relationships
look like between your parents.
It kind of told you these.
Unspoken expectations of whatlife should look like.
(04:02):
Thinking a little bit aboutthat, this is where you hold all
of that.
You're holding all of thesememories, these feelings and
these beliefs.
Childhood is where we take thattime to really form who we are.
That's when we start to reallythink about or form our
personalities, and we all areliving with one.
All of us have our own innerchild, even if we're not aware
(04:24):
of him or her, or they.
And this is the part of you thatis innocent and it's all about
feelings and primal needs like.
Pretty much that's that time,because remember, when we're
younger, we are looking to feelsecure.
We're looking to feel loved.
We're looking to have our basicneeds such as food, your roof
(04:45):
over your head, warmth, the bed,all these survival basic needs
met because we're not able to doit.
It is our most vulnerable timefor us as children because we
have no choice but to rely onthe adults around us to.
Fulfill those needs to get itdone.
And sometimes unfortunately, itdoesn't get met.
(05:10):
So then we find out that, hey,our childhood experiences are
hurtful when we look back on it.
And this is where for your innerchild, this is where your trauma
is stored, where neglect, joys,disappointment that you've
experienced as a child.
Remember?
(05:30):
Your inner child matters becausethis is where you sh like these
experiences shape how you love,trust, and show up as an adult.
And these are signs that yourinner child is, we'll call it
active because sometimes triggeris strong for everybody and not
everybody likes that word, soBig T, little T if it should be,
(05:54):
we're going to call it active.
Here, you're having emotionalflashbacks.
Those are some, some of those,like you might be thinking about
a period in time when you werea.
Child or adolescent, or even ayoung adult where is just heavy
feelings.
For some reason, this moment intime always comes back when you
(06:14):
feel hurt, offended, or any typeof reminder.
So we're having thoseflashbacks, we're reliving the
experience through yourfeelings.
Your body's going through itagain.
Sometimes it can look likeyou're craving approval.
This can look like that we'reoverreacting to certain events
or interactions that arehappening with us because.
(06:36):
We didn't think it was that bigof a deal when it was said, but
our body said otherwise.
So either we're getting reallymad or we're feeling really the
cha or we might disassociate orwe're feeling very, I don't
wanna say sensitive, but we'rejust feeling very hurt.
Like for some reason this istaking on a, it's just personal
(06:58):
for us.
It's taking on a life of its ownfor us.
And also your inner child can beactive if you are noticing
you're engaging inself-sabotaging patterns.
As children, when we do wrong,oftentimes society tells us we
need to grow up and put childjust things behind us.
(07:19):
We should know better, youshould do better.
And that's not necessarily.
The case.
It's not always that way.
And really as a society, we needto step back from that because
we should be allowing childrento be children for as long as
they can a course while teachingthem independence and skills to
help them navigate life.
Because hey, we get it.
(07:39):
They gotta learn to take care ofthemselves one day.
But childhood is so importantbecause this is the time where
you get to discover joys and youhave the capacity for wonders
and innocence and playfulnessand.
Unfortunately, neglect andtrauma and all this other things
stifle that.
And sometimes it feels hard toeven know what joy feels like
(08:00):
for us.
So let's get into our childhoodwounds.
Like what are these wounds?
And they can look verydifferent, but some common ones
for us are abandonment,rejection, neglect, and shame.
And at some point in time.
We have experienced this, someof us have experienced it in a
(08:24):
more severe manner than others,so.
But these come up, abandonmentlike your parents were never
there for you, or they withheldtheir love, revoking it.
It always had to be earned.
Um, rejection, it's hard to hearrejection because again, I.
(08:45):
You didn't feel loved, youdidn't feel like you were
enough.
You didn't feel that like this.
It was always accompanied bylike, humiliation to feel
rejection, felt like an actualpain, like it hurt neglect not
getting any of your needs doneor met, no matter how much you
(09:05):
begged or plead, or then maybeyou acted up out of it.
It's.
That stuff is hard because thenwell who will do it?
And it puts, it forces you to bein a role where you have to grow
up faster than you should.
And then shame.
Shame for things that we love.
Shame for our ideas, shame forbeing different.
(09:27):
Shame for going against the,against the grain in our
families.
And that part just.
Sucks.
It hurts because all of thesecan lead to us feeling lonely,
emotionally abandoned it.
We feel isolated.
Sometimes we get stuck incertain patterns, abusive
(09:48):
patterns that we may have gonethrough.
It's makes it really difficultfor us, think about this, like
how these show up in your adultlife says a lot because it can
show up as people pleasing, itcan show up as low self-esteem,
low self-worth, relationshipproblems, you having lack of
(10:09):
boundaries, you not knowing howto communicate in a
relationship, or maybe feeling.
Out of touch with yourselfbecause we don't know how to
manage these emotions.
Who do these belong to?
What are they?
I don't even feel comfortablehaving these or experiencing
these.
Some of us are blunted where wejust don't know how to feel or
(10:31):
connect at all with emotions inthemselves.
But these wounds show up in ouradult life in so many ways and.
Let's think about whichchildhood message do you still
find yourself believing today?
Out of everything that you'vegone through as a child,
(10:54):
adolescent, young adult, whatwas the message that you still
hold onto that you believe eventoday?
Sometimes these messages arehard.
My childhood message that Istill have and I fight
constantly is that I have tocarry it all.
I have to protect my family,like my mother and my sister, as
(11:18):
if they're not capable ofprotecting themselves just
because of my dad's failure tobe there as the protector or the
provider in a sense.
I still have that and I'm stillworking through that in my own
way and learning that I don'thave to have it all figured out
that it's okay to have help,that it's okay to trust people.
(11:39):
So what are, what is the messagethat you're still believing
today?
Okay, so moving on, pretty muchto us three reparenting
ourselves because we gotta healourselves.
We gotta get into this timewhere.
We wanna get away from thesethings like, oh my God, Shay,
(11:59):
now I'm thinking about it.
And dang, I got a lot of woundsshowing up for myself.
I got a lot of things likerejection or neglect, oh my God,
shame is here, left and right.
I feel it when I meet new peopleand I say my interests.
I feel ashamed to even tellpeople what I love to do or what
I'm interested in because I'vealways been made fun of, or I
feel it's hard for me to go outand get the things that I want
(12:22):
or.
I need things that I wanna do.
Maybe I wanna go skydiving,maybe I wanna actually take that
promotion, but I'm afraid thatI'm gonna be rejected and no
one's gonna want me.
No one's gonna understand me.
They're gonna think everything Isay is just dumb.
Or I'm afraid to really gofurther in my relationship
because I'm afraid to reallyopen up.
(12:43):
I've been abandoned beforeemotionally.
So who's to say it won't happenagain?
I, it's that feeling ofloneliness and feeling that you
always tend to push people away.
You're emotionally frozen intime when you were pushed away
and left behind.
So how do we get this together?
And that's where reparentingyourself comes in.
(13:05):
It's therapeutic.
'cause that's when we use in thetherapy room, it's, it's a
therapeutic approach to reparentour inner child.
And this is where you will learnto meet your own needs.
Your, your emotionally unmetneeds, mental, physical, and any
of them.
(13:25):
This is where you learn.
To help yourself.
This is where you take the timeto go to your inner child inside
of you, taking this moment tocheck in on them, hear them what
they need, soothe them, comfortthem, because you know there's a
reason why it's feeling reallyactive while it's showing up.
(13:48):
During this time when you'rereparenting yourself, you're
becoming the nurturing,protective, and validating
figure you needed at that time.
For your inner child, for thatmoment in time, that always
comes up for you, thatemotional, well emotionally
active time for you, whatevertime period that may be, and
(14:09):
this is where you'll be shiftingfrom self-criticism to
self-compassion.
Because reparenting isn't aboutblaming our parents, it's about
claiming our healing.
Unfortunately, we're notresponsible, of course, we're
not responsible for our trauma.
We are responsible for ourhealing, and there are some
(14:29):
signs that you may need, somereparenting, like I mentioned
before, poor self-esteem, poorboundaries, extremely
competitive sometimes.
And not in a good way, like youhave to be the best in order to
be seen and loved andacknowledged.
Maybe you have obsessivetendencies because you can't
trust others to really followthrough.
(14:51):
So you obsess over the smalldetails or things that are going
on around you because theslightest thing out of whack
means you no longer havecontrol.
Difficulties, like I mentioned,handling your emotions.
Maybe you struggle withaddiction, isolation of avoiding
people, rebelliousness, justgoing against people who were
trying to be helpful for you,and just being anxious around
(15:13):
new experiences because you werenever taught how to adapt to
change.
Because any change that happenedmeant, oh, no, life's about to
get worse.
Change means worse, but that'snot always the case.
So, but re-parenting, there arevery different things that we
(15:36):
can do over here.
This is a time that we're gonnaconfront any pain or fear from
our past and validate all theemotions you felt.
Yes, even the not so great ones,we have to acknowledge them
because they've been suppressedso long and they show up when
you are feeling that you arebeing violated again by that
(16:00):
experience.
So this is when we have torecognize our inner child.
And sit with them and honorthem, and this will take some
practice.
You're not just going to do thisall great.
And in the beginning it'sdifferent.
People think like, oh, innerchild work is woo, woo woo, but
like woo woo magic.
(16:20):
But it's not like this is a timewhere we're doing internal
strategies, like we're learningto become conscious of our inner
self and communicate with them.
If you're acting up and thechild is showing up in the front
and it's not your wise adultself that's here, that means
your inner child does not trustyou and you're taking this time
to parent them and teach themhow to trust again.
(16:43):
To trust you.
This is pretty much using you,don't trust you to come through
for you, and we're gonna changethat.
We're gonna be more nurturing,and we're gonna shift from that
self-criticism toself-compassion.
Ways we can reparent ourselves,the inner child check-ins.
This is regularly pretty muchsitting with yourself and
saying, what does my inner childneed right now?
(17:05):
Literally just sit there withyourself what am I needing right
now?
What is, what am I experiencing?
What am I lacking?
What, what is going on for me?
And you do this by not shamingyourself.
You are a supportive ally toyourself, and you're
acknowledging all thoseemotional wounds because
sometimes, okay, if you'reemotional wound of abandonment
(17:26):
is showing up, why am I feelingthat?
If I'm feeling lonely, then thatmust mean I need comfort.
But where am I seeking comfortfrom?
What has caused me to feelabandoned, left behind,
neglected?
We're taking that time forourselves, and it's very
important that you communicatewith yourself as you would a
(17:48):
child during that time and keepcontact with yourself daily
throughout the day.
As you're going through this youneed to regularly ask yourself
this.
Okay, so remember, what does myinner child need right now?
This can also look likeaffirmations.
I know there's a cringe, butthey are so vital.
(18:11):
They're needed, they're reallygood for you.
Think about it.
Sometimes we have to reassureourselves and teach ourselves to
accept comforting, nurturing,protective tones from our own
voice.
We gotta get comfortable withprotecting ourselves, protecting
our hearts, and filling it.
(18:31):
With love and nurture and allthe ooey, ooey, giness that we
didn't get from before, and it'sso powerful hearing it from you,
your voice, becoming the newnarrative and overriding the
inner critic.
So saying things to yourselfsuch as you are safe, your
(18:51):
feelings matter.
I'm here for you.
We have to.
Take control of that.
We gotta instill more of thatfor us and reassure ourselves
that we're truly here forourselves at this time.
Nurturing rituals.
So think about your favoritechildhood comforts or whatnot.
(19:12):
It could be a blanket, it couldbe music, a playlist.
'cause I mean, let's, let's bereal like we love ourselves.
Some music as millennials, musictakes you back to a certain time
and you could recall all thedetails that was coming on from
when that song was there.
Like you don't even necessarilyneed to know the year the song
came out, but as soon as itcomes on, you're taken back
immediately.
(19:34):
Music can take us to a timewhere we felt comfort, where we
felt we needed this.
Embrace more music is just a wayof embracing.
So I love me some music.
So I mean, definitely get yourchildhood playlist home creative
play, just allowing yourself tobe free with that.
I don't care if you're out heredancing in the rain or playing
(19:54):
with slime, building Legos.
Painting, dancing, have this foryourself so that when you're
feeling active and you'refeeling unsafe or you just need
a little bit of reassurance, youknow, your go-to to help you.
This is gonna be so importantbecause that empowers you and
you no longer feel out ofcontrol.
(20:16):
And you're teaching your innerchild and you're pretty much
that they can trust.
You can trust you.
And you're gonna give them thetools that they need whenever
they're feeling this way.
Boundaries, they always willcome up.
So there are boundaries withreparenting.
You have to teach yourself.
It's okay to say no and toprotect your peace.
(20:38):
I'm always about saying, no, no,no, no.
If it's not for you, no.
If it doesn't help you grow.
No.
If it doesn't take you to yournext level, no.
It's just no to all of it.
And there's no point in sayingyes to something that's not
gonna benefit you.
I get we wanna help everybodyand from time to time, that's
okay, but if helping causes usto be in pain, we don't want it.
(21:03):
Such as if you need to suspendcontact with people who caused
you the pain in your childhood,young adulthood, whoever caused
the pain to your inner child,that's fine.
You can do that because I.
Liberation from unhealthy rolesand relationships starts from
within us.
We get to choose who we wanna bearound, how much we wanna give,
(21:24):
and we get to set those limits.
There's nothing selfish aboutit.
Boundaries are not selfish.
It is an act of self-love.
So regardless of how thosepeople feel, unfortunately we
really don't care at this pointbecause we're taking time to
actually care about our feelingsthis time'cause so for so long
it's been overlooked.
You're doing this to helpyourself.
This helps you developdiscernment.
(21:45):
This helps you recognize what'sunhealthy or maybe what's just
non-existent with yourboundaries.
These really just help you withwhere you're at and give you the
safety that you're needing andyour adult self.
The wise adult side here.
Needs to be clear with internalboundaries and what is healthy
in all areas of our lives.
(22:05):
We're teaching ourselves ourchild that this is not right,
and this is why.
And when we put the boundaries,these boundaries are here to
protect us.
So when you're making yourboundary statements, they're not
to be like unfeeling oruncaring, like saying oh, you
shouldn't have did that.
You need to just stop talking topeople like.
No, we don't give a fuck aboutpeople.
We kind of don't to a degree,but it can still sound,
(22:29):
connecting to your full selfbecause you wanna fully, well,
actually, if it sounds like thatto you, I don't know, whatever
uncaring to you or unfeeling dowhat's best for you.
If it feels warm, fuzzy, ooeygooey, say it in that way that
it makes you feel thosefeelings.
If it's not making you feel thatit's not caring is all I'm
(22:52):
saying, but teach yourself tosay, no.
Protect your peace.
This is why we're here.
Journaling, it helps.
I'm not saying you gotta do itevery day, but.
It helps.
If you could say anything toyour younger self, what would it
be?
Write letters to that self.
Give the words that you wantedto hear at that time.
(23:13):
Go ahead and fill yourself withthat.
That is cathartic.
I love that.
And instead of calling like ajournal prom, I mean like, it is
more, hmm.
Letter writing.
I mean, I guess journaling isthat, but you're sending this to
yourself, and I think it'simportant when we write to
ourselves because we know thewords we needed to hear because
(23:36):
we wanted to hear them.
We prayed and begged and hopedone day somebody would say it to
us.
Sometimes we were just waitingfor ourselves to be that person.
So be the person who finallysays the words you needed at
that time in your life.
Where you felt most alone?
Most hurt, most unseen.
(23:58):
Write to yourself, dear Youngerself.
Dear little, you dear little me.
Hey Shehe, whatnot.
Take that time to say anythingthat you younger self wanted to
hear or needs to hear.
Another one is mirror work.
(24:19):
Mirror work.
Allows you to pretty much lookat you, really see yourself for
the first time, you'll lookyourself in the eyes and give
yourself an encouraging message,such as, I love you.
I've got you.
You're the most beautiful thinghere.
You are so precious.
(24:39):
You are such a gift.
You are I not just saying thatjust because I am like your,
girly best friend or bestie ortherapist or whatnot, but
because you truly are a gift,you are.
So mirror work also can feellike affirmations where it just
(24:59):
feels cringe.
But we feel discomfort becauseno one has truly seen us, looked
at us that deeply or loved usthat deeply sometimes, and it's.
Intimidating to do so.
It's so intimate mirror work.
So try it out maybe like once aweek at least, to look yourself
(25:21):
in the eye and build up on thatafterwards.
Do it about like twice, maybeonce in the morning and once at
night.
So when you wake up, you saysomething beautiful to yourself
and when you lay down, you endthe day on a beautiful note with
yourself.
It's nice.
We wanna be nice to ourselves.
(25:41):
Yeah, so I say definitely do it.
Do it.
So of course there are somechallenges with everything.
Like I mentioned, sometimes itjust feels weird at first and
it's okay.
Anything new is weird.
Anything new.
Sometimes it's scary, but you'reteaching your younger self, it's
okay.
New doesn't always mean bad.
And new in this regards isactually really great for us.
(26:06):
And you may have a lot ofemotions.
You may find yourself that youmight be crying a lot, maybe
you're a little bit suen, butwe're releasing these feelings,
these emotions, these thoughtsthat have been clinging to us
for so long that are no longerours.
We don't wanna carry themanymore because they were
others.
People's reflections of us, andwe never gave ourselves a chance
(26:29):
to truly see who we are.
You might find unexpected griefbecause we're grieving possibly
a childhood.
That at first we didn't evenrealize it was that bad until we
looked back.
So we're grieving what we usedto think what we had.
We're grieving apart of ourhistory, our story.
(26:50):
So don't limit yourself.
Let yourself grieve for lettinggo of these things and.
There may be some difficultieswhen navigating family dynamics
while you're healing because youmight feel a bit active a lot
from certain things when theyshow up.
Certain wordings, phrases maybebody languages and cues that
(27:11):
used to set you off.
Take time for yourself.
Be easy, be compassionate, bekind.
You're allowed to take a break,you're allowed to step back.
Just know.
Just because you react tosomething doesn't mean that you
threw away your whole healing orthat, oh my God, my inner child,
I didn't do better to protect mylittle me.
It's okay.
(27:31):
It's a learning experience.
We are literally reparentingourselves.
Give yourself grace, okay?
Healing is not linear.
Every step is worthy.
So I am getting close to closingthis out with you and.
With all this being said, I justwant you to know you deserve the
(27:55):
love, you deserve the protectionand validation you're learning
to give yourself.
You truly deserve all of that.
And I'm sorry that once again,it feels like you have to be the
trailblazer.
I'm sorry that this pain was.
(28:18):
Given to you.
I'm sorry, that little you feltthat they had to carry that pain
for you because it was sounfair.
You didn't have to grow up fast.
You just needed to be loved andnurtured.
You just needed to be encouragedto grow and to blossom into the
beautiful flower you are now.
And this way, even though itcan't come from mom or dad or
(28:40):
whomever you were raised by orwhat, whoever lets you down at
whatever age your inner childis.
This is the time for you to bethat person for you, and you
were always able to be thatperson.
She was always here.
You are the one who could giveyourself what you need the best,
better than anybody else.
(29:00):
It was always within you.
So I invite you this week andnext, and hopefully the rest of
your life, whenever you need it.
Do small inner child check-insthis week.
Check in with your little minime, and I would say even before
doing that, take time todescribe your inner child.
(29:22):
I've mentioned before my innerchild is my 21 22 self.
It's not like my ity bityyounger self.
maybe with some of therevelations I've had about my
upbringing, maybe they might bemy 7-year-old self, both, but,
um, 7-year-old self.
But the one who shows up most isreally my 21 and 22-year-old
(29:44):
self, because that's when I feltmy dad failed me by calling me
disrespectful when I wasexpressing myself.
Mind you, my expression was notthe cleanest and clearest as it
is now, but I was a angry childand it just came out and I
didn't realize how angry I wasand who knows, maybe that was my
(30:07):
little seven, 7-year-old self orwhatnot.
But it's very clear at 21, 22, Iwas hurting the most is when I
felt abandoned and shamed aboutmy feelings and what I was going
through.
And the two male figures in mylife, being my ex I was with for
four years.
And my father just kind ofleaving me and that hurts
(30:31):
clearly.
So just spiraling and I do haveto check in with her from time
to time and I notice whenever Iwanna play video games a little
bit more or I'm feeling acreative spark, that's my
younger self saying she wants torelease.
And instead of raging, she wantsto make something that's fun or
exciting or just something soft.
(30:54):
And I do take time for herbecause she deserves it and
she's so worthy of it.
And, she comes up every now andthen as you can, uh, kind of,
probably can hear it in myvoice.
Um, it's hard work, but it's so.
Necessary, and I invite you guysto really do it.
(31:15):
Do this work for you, and don'tbe hard on yourself.
Some of it's gonna be reallyhard.
So really take that time tothink about who is your inner
child?
What's their name?
What were you feeling that day?
Do they wanna play?
How old were you?
(31:37):
What do they need?
What didn't you like?
What did you like most?
When did you feel most alone?
What are your most favoritethings to do?
Reacquaint yourself with you nolonger suppress them.
I will be sharing.
(31:59):
Some of the reparentingpractices we talked about here.
I'll put them up on my ig sothat you guys can see them and
tag me and let me know whichones were helpful for you.
Which ones spoke out to you themost?
Which ones felt a little fear,let's share about it.
(32:20):
We'll share one reparentingpractice that's working for us
and it's always good to share,because you're helping somebody
in need, someone who probablydidn't know.
Yeah.
So if you felt like this was agood one, share with your
friends.
Share with your sisters, yourfamily, all your loved ones,
(32:41):
coworkers, whoever share,everybody needs to do some inner
child work from time to time.
Nothing wrong with that.
So I leave you guys with this.
I hold space.
For all parts of me with love,patience, and care.
(33:02):
Okay.
Hold all the space for all theparts of me with love, patience,
and care.
I hope you hold some space foryourself and you're a little
kinder to yourself as youcontinue to do your inner child
work.
'cause it's really powerfulrealizing what has been holding
us back.
(33:22):
What's been in control of us andrealizing we do have the power
and always have to take backcontrol in a more helpful,
nurturing way than what wasbefore.
At this point, you're notteaching your younger inner self
to grow up.
You're teaching them, it's okay.
(33:43):
You're allowed to be hard.
I love you guys and I can't waitto chat with you guys again.
I'll see you on Instagram,LinkedIn, YouTube, TikTok,
wherever you follow me.
Wherever you listen to podcasts.
If you're just jumping off forthe first time, go ahead and
start from the beginning or.
Start from wherever you want,wherever your heart calls you
(34:05):
to, whatever title.
Happy to have you here.
And if you need a friend, goahead.
Reach out to me on Instagram andmy dms.
Happy to hear from you all.
I love you.
If you ever need a friend, I amhere.
All right, love you guys.
Bye.
Hey there, and welcome to ShiftHappens with Shay.
I'm Shay, your host and licensedmarriage and family therapist.
This podcast is where we diveinto all the shift life throws
our way, whether it'srelationships, mental health,
personal growth, or justfiguring out this crazy journey
of adulting here.
We're all about honestconversation, real stories, and
a whole lot of laughs as wetackles life's challenges
(00:22):
together.
This is your space to grow,explore, and feel seen.
So grab a cozy spot, maybe a cupof coffee or wine, and let's get
ready to shift through it all.
Thanks for tuning in, andremember, no matter what life
brings us, we're in thistogether.
Hey guys, and welcome back toShift Happens with Shay.
(00:43):
I'm so excited for this nexttopic that we're about to get
into because this is gonna keepgoing with our Embracing Change
and Embracing You series.
So last session we talked aboutsoft life versus strong friends.
And we all could relate withthat, that at some point in time
we have either met that strongfriend or are the strong friend.
(01:06):
And we talked about some ways torelease yourself.
From that role and to embrace asoft life.
We talked about boundaries.
We talked about ways toreinforce this new mindset, ways
to let go, ways to take care ofyourself, what radical self-love
was, and we're gonna keep goingwith that.
And along with the radicalself-love I mentioned for you
(01:28):
guys to do inner childself-reflection work check-ins
with yourself.
And I do wanna take this momentand for you to take this moment
for yourself.
How'd you do with that in thesepast two weeks?
Did you find it challenging?
Did you find it maybe just a bitstill confusing or unclear?
And I know that sometimeshearing inner child work is a
(01:50):
little bit hard'cause it's justso do I just imagine my younger
self or what does that looklike?
Is what if nothing happened tome at five, and that's okay.
It doesn't need to be like that.
And.
We're gonna go deeper.
We're going to really talk aboutwhat it means to check in on our
inner child, what is an innerchild who is an inner child?
And we're really gonna betalking about re-parenting
(02:13):
ourselves.
And you know what that means?
Because essentially when you'redoing inner child work, you are
being the parent that yourparent wasn't to you
essentially.
So we're going to take thistime.
Um, really think about it.
I'll first reflection prompt.
When was the last time you feltsmall or vulnerable in a way
(02:34):
that surprised you?
Uh, that there was just thistime where you were just out and
about and somebody saidsomething, somebody did
something, and you just werelike, whoa, why did I have this
adverse reaction?
For me personally, those adversereactions, like physical
sensations are usually what Iwould call chills, like if you
(02:55):
were cold, but they're kind ofviolent in the fact that I could
feel it like in my backsometimes, or the pit of my
stomach.
It's like a violent shake in asense, and it just surprised you
at how much that you know hurtor didn't make you feel good.
So think about that time becausethat actually could be your
(03:17):
inner child saying something toyou.
So we'll get into it by breakingit down about what is an inner
child, and in definition, it's apart of your subconscious.
That holds childhood memoriesand beliefs.
These are the internal messagesthat you have heard, you've
learned about, and they'resometimes unspoken.
(03:39):
Not everything we learned fromour parents was told to us.
We observed it, we watched it.
So how others were treated, howyour parents manage their big
emotions, how they dealt withconflict, what relationships
look like between your parents.
It kind of told you these.
Unspoken expectations of whatlife should look like.
(04:02):
Thinking a little bit aboutthat, this is where you hold all
of that.
You're holding all of thesememories, these feelings and
these beliefs.
Childhood is where we take thattime to really form who we are.
That's when we start to reallythink about or form our
personalities, and we all areliving with one.
All of us have our own innerchild, even if we're not aware
(04:24):
of him or her, or they.
And this is the part of you thatis innocent and it's all about
feelings and primal needs like.
Pretty much that's that time,because remember, when we're
younger, we are looking to feelsecure.
We're looking to feel loved.
We're looking to have our basicneeds such as food, your roof
(04:45):
over your head, warmth, the bed,all these survival basic needs
met because we're not able to doit.
It is our most vulnerable timefor us as children because we
have no choice but to rely onthe adults around us to.
Fulfill those needs to get itdone.
And sometimes unfortunately, itdoesn't get met.
(05:10):
So then we find out that, hey,our childhood experiences are
hurtful when we look back on it.
And this is where for your innerchild, this is where your trauma
is stored, where neglect, joys,disappointment that you've
experienced as a child.
Remember?
(05:30):
Your inner child matters becausethis is where you sh like these
experiences shape how you love,trust, and show up as an adult.
And these are signs that yourinner child is, we'll call it
active because sometimes triggeris strong for everybody and not
everybody likes that word, soBig T, little T if it should be,
(05:54):
we're going to call it active.
Here, you're having emotionalflashbacks.
Those are some, some of those,like you might be thinking about
a period in time when you werea.
Child or adolescent, or even ayoung adult where is just heavy
feelings.
For some reason, this moment intime always comes back when you
(06:14):
feel hurt, offended, or any typeof reminder.
So we're having thoseflashbacks, we're reliving the
experience through yourfeelings.
Your body's going through itagain.
Sometimes it can look likeyou're craving approval.
This can look like that we'reoverreacting to certain events
or interactions that arehappening with us because.
(06:36):
We didn't think it was that bigof a deal when it was said, but
our body said otherwise.
So either we're getting reallymad or we're feeling really the
cha or we might disassociate orwe're feeling very, I don't
wanna say sensitive, but we'rejust feeling very hurt.
Like for some reason this istaking on a, it's just personal
(06:58):
for us.
It's taking on a life of its ownfor us.
And also your inner child can beactive if you are noticing
you're engaging inself-sabotaging patterns.
As children, when we do wrong,oftentimes society tells us we
need to grow up and put childjust things behind us.
(07:19):
We should know better, youshould do better.
And that's not necessarily.
The case.
It's not always that way.
And really as a society, we needto step back from that because
we should be allowing childrento be children for as long as
they can a course while teachingthem independence and skills to
help them navigate life.
Because hey, we get it.
(07:39):
They gotta learn to take care ofthemselves one day.
But childhood is so importantbecause this is the time where
you get to discover joys and youhave the capacity for wonders
and innocence and playfulnessand.
Unfortunately, neglect andtrauma and all this other things
stifle that.
And sometimes it feels hard toeven know what joy feels like
(08:00):
for us.
So let's get into our childhoodwounds.
Like what are these wounds?
And they can look verydifferent, but some common ones
for us are abandonment,rejection, neglect, and shame.
And at some point in time.
We have experienced this, someof us have experienced it in a
(08:24):
more severe manner than others,so.
But these come up, abandonmentlike your parents were never
there for you, or they withheldtheir love, revoking it.
It always had to be earned.
Um, rejection, it's hard to hearrejection because again, I.
(08:45):
You didn't feel loved, youdidn't feel like you were
enough.
You didn't feel that like this.
It was always accompanied bylike, humiliation to feel
rejection, felt like an actualpain, like it hurt neglect not
getting any of your needs doneor met, no matter how much you
(09:05):
begged or plead, or then maybeyou acted up out of it.
It's.
That stuff is hard because thenwell who will do it?
And it puts, it forces you to bein a role where you have to grow
up faster than you should.
And then shame.
Shame for things that we love.
Shame for our ideas, shame forbeing different.
(09:27):
Shame for going against the,against the grain in our
families.
And that part just.
Sucks.
It hurts because all of thesecan lead to us feeling lonely,
emotionally abandoned it.
We feel isolated.
Sometimes we get stuck incertain patterns, abusive
(09:48):
patterns that we may have gonethrough.
It's makes it really difficultfor us, think about this, like
how these show up in your adultlife says a lot because it can
show up as people pleasing, itcan show up as low self-esteem,
low self-worth, relationshipproblems, you having lack of
(10:09):
boundaries, you not knowing howto communicate in a
relationship, or maybe feeling.
Out of touch with yourselfbecause we don't know how to
manage these emotions.
Who do these belong to?
What are they?
I don't even feel comfortablehaving these or experiencing
these.
Some of us are blunted where wejust don't know how to feel or
(10:31):
connect at all with emotions inthemselves.
But these wounds show up in ouradult life in so many ways and.
Let's think about whichchildhood message do you still
find yourself believing today?
Out of everything that you'vegone through as a child,
(10:54):
adolescent, young adult, whatwas the message that you still
hold onto that you believe eventoday?
Sometimes these messages arehard.
My childhood message that Istill have and I fight
constantly is that I have tocarry it all.
I have to protect my family,like my mother and my sister, as
(11:18):
if they're not capable ofprotecting themselves just
because of my dad's failure tobe there as the protector or the
provider in a sense.
I still have that and I'm stillworking through that in my own
way and learning that I don'thave to have it all figured out
that it's okay to have help,that it's okay to trust people.
(11:39):
So what are, what is the messagethat you're still believing
today?
Okay, so moving on, pretty muchto us three reparenting
ourselves because we gotta healourselves.
We gotta get into this timewhere.
We wanna get away from thesethings like, oh my God, Shay,
(11:59):
now I'm thinking about it.
And dang, I got a lot of woundsshowing up for myself.
I got a lot of things likerejection or neglect, oh my God,
shame is here, left and right.
I feel it when I meet new peopleand I say my interests.
I feel ashamed to even tellpeople what I love to do or what
I'm interested in because I'vealways been made fun of, or I
feel it's hard for me to go outand get the things that I want
(12:22):
or.
I need things that I wanna do.
Maybe I wanna go skydiving,maybe I wanna actually take that
promotion, but I'm afraid thatI'm gonna be rejected and no
one's gonna want me.
No one's gonna understand me.
They're gonna think everything Isay is just dumb.
Or I'm afraid to really gofurther in my relationship
because I'm afraid to reallyopen up.
(12:43):
I've been abandoned beforeemotionally.
So who's to say it won't happenagain?
I, it's that feeling ofloneliness and feeling that you
always tend to push people away.
You're emotionally frozen intime when you were pushed away
and left behind.
So how do we get this together?
And that's where reparentingyourself comes in.
(13:05):
It's therapeutic.
'cause that's when we use in thetherapy room, it's, it's a
therapeutic approach to reparentour inner child.
And this is where you will learnto meet your own needs.
Your, your emotionally unmetneeds, mental, physical, and any
of them.
(13:25):
This is where you learn.
To help yourself.
This is where you take the timeto go to your inner child inside
of you, taking this moment tocheck in on them, hear them what
they need, soothe them, comfortthem, because you know there's a
reason why it's feeling reallyactive while it's showing up.
(13:48):
During this time when you'rereparenting yourself, you're
becoming the nurturing,protective, and validating
figure you needed at that time.
For your inner child, for thatmoment in time, that always
comes up for you, thatemotional, well emotionally
active time for you, whatevertime period that may be, and
(14:09):
this is where you'll be shiftingfrom self-criticism to
self-compassion.
Because reparenting isn't aboutblaming our parents, it's about
claiming our healing.
Unfortunately, we're notresponsible, of course, we're
not responsible for our trauma.
We are responsible for ourhealing, and there are some
(14:29):
signs that you may need, somereparenting, like I mentioned
before, poor self-esteem, poorboundaries, extremely
competitive sometimes.
And not in a good way, like youhave to be the best in order to
be seen and loved andacknowledged.
Maybe you have obsessivetendencies because you can't
trust others to really followthrough.
(14:51):
So you obsess over the smalldetails or things that are going
on around you because theslightest thing out of whack
means you no longer havecontrol.
Difficulties, like I mentioned,handling your emotions.
Maybe you struggle withaddiction, isolation of avoiding
people, rebelliousness, justgoing against people who were
trying to be helpful for you,and just being anxious around
(15:13):
new experiences because you werenever taught how to adapt to
change.
Because any change that happenedmeant, oh, no, life's about to
get worse.
Change means worse, but that'snot always the case.
So, but re-parenting, there arevery different things that we
(15:36):
can do over here.
This is a time that we're gonnaconfront any pain or fear from
our past and validate all theemotions you felt.
Yes, even the not so great ones,we have to acknowledge them
because they've been suppressedso long and they show up when
you are feeling that you arebeing violated again by that
(16:00):
experience.
So this is when we have torecognize our inner child.
And sit with them and honorthem, and this will take some
practice.
You're not just going to do thisall great.
And in the beginning it'sdifferent.
People think like, oh, innerchild work is woo, woo woo, but
like woo woo magic.
(16:20):
But it's not like this is a timewhere we're doing internal
strategies, like we're learningto become conscious of our inner
self and communicate with them.
If you're acting up and thechild is showing up in the front
and it's not your wise adultself that's here, that means
your inner child does not trustyou and you're taking this time
to parent them and teach themhow to trust again.
(16:43):
To trust you.
This is pretty much using you,don't trust you to come through
for you, and we're gonna changethat.
We're gonna be more nurturing,and we're gonna shift from that
self-criticism toself-compassion.
Ways we can reparent ourselves,the inner child check-ins.
This is regularly pretty muchsitting with yourself and
saying, what does my inner childneed right now?
(17:05):
Literally just sit there withyourself what am I needing right
now?
What is, what am I experiencing?
What am I lacking?
What, what is going on for me?
And you do this by not shamingyourself.
You are a supportive ally toyourself, and you're
acknowledging all thoseemotional wounds because
sometimes, okay, if you'reemotional wound of abandonment
(17:26):
is showing up, why am I feelingthat?
If I'm feeling lonely, then thatmust mean I need comfort.
But where am I seeking comfortfrom?
What has caused me to feelabandoned, left behind,
neglected?
We're taking that time forourselves, and it's very
important that you communicatewith yourself as you would a
(17:48):
child during that time and keepcontact with yourself daily
throughout the day.
As you're going through this youneed to regularly ask yourself
this.
Okay, so remember, what does myinner child need right now?
This can also look likeaffirmations.
I know there's a cringe, butthey are so vital.
(18:11):
They're needed, they're reallygood for you.
Think about it.
Sometimes we have to reassureourselves and teach ourselves to
accept comforting, nurturing,protective tones from our own
voice.
We gotta get comfortable withprotecting ourselves, protecting
our hearts, and filling it.
(18:31):
With love and nurture and allthe ooey, ooey, giness that we
didn't get from before, and it'sso powerful hearing it from you,
your voice, becoming the newnarrative and overriding the
inner critic.
So saying things to yourselfsuch as you are safe, your
(18:51):
feelings matter.
I'm here for you.
We have to.
Take control of that.
We gotta instill more of thatfor us and reassure ourselves
that we're truly here forourselves at this time.
Nurturing rituals.
So think about your favoritechildhood comforts or whatnot.
(19:12):
It could be a blanket, it couldbe music, a playlist.
'cause I mean, let's, let's bereal like we love ourselves.
Some music as millennials, musictakes you back to a certain time
and you could recall all thedetails that was coming on from
when that song was there.
Like you don't even necessarilyneed to know the year the song
came out, but as soon as itcomes on, you're taken back
immediately.
(19:34):
Music can take us to a timewhere we felt comfort, where we
felt we needed this.
Embrace more music is just a wayof embracing.
So I love me some music.
So I mean, definitely get yourchildhood playlist home creative
play, just allowing yourself tobe free with that.
I don't care if you're out heredancing in the rain or playing
(19:54):
with slime, building Legos.
Painting, dancing, have this foryourself so that when you're
feeling active and you'refeeling unsafe or you just need
a little bit of reassurance, youknow, your go-to to help you.
This is gonna be so importantbecause that empowers you and
you no longer feel out ofcontrol.
(20:16):
And you're teaching your innerchild and you're pretty much
that they can trust.
You can trust you.
And you're gonna give them thetools that they need whenever
they're feeling this way.
Boundaries, they always willcome up.
So there are boundaries withreparenting.
You have to teach yourself.
It's okay to say no and toprotect your peace.
(20:38):
I'm always about saying, no, no,no, no.
If it's not for you, no.
If it doesn't help you grow.
No.
If it doesn't take you to yournext level, no.
It's just no to all of it.
And there's no point in sayingyes to something that's not
gonna benefit you.
I get we wanna help everybodyand from time to time, that's
okay, but if helping causes usto be in pain, we don't want it.
(21:03):
Such as if you need to suspendcontact with people who caused
you the pain in your childhood,young adulthood, whoever caused
the pain to your inner child,that's fine.
You can do that because I.
Liberation from unhealthy rolesand relationships starts from
within us.
We get to choose who we wanna bearound, how much we wanna give,
(21:24):
and we get to set those limits.
There's nothing selfish aboutit.
Boundaries are not selfish.
It is an act of self-love.
So regardless of how thosepeople feel, unfortunately we
really don't care at this pointbecause we're taking time to
actually care about our feelingsthis time'cause so for so long
it's been overlooked.
You're doing this to helpyourself.
This helps you developdiscernment.
(21:45):
This helps you recognize what'sunhealthy or maybe what's just
non-existent with yourboundaries.
These really just help you withwhere you're at and give you the
safety that you're needing andyour adult self.
The wise adult side here.
Needs to be clear with internalboundaries and what is healthy
in all areas of our lives.
(22:05):
We're teaching ourselves ourchild that this is not right,
and this is why.
And when we put the boundaries,these boundaries are here to
protect us.
So when you're making yourboundary statements, they're not
to be like unfeeling oruncaring, like saying oh, you
shouldn't have did that.
You need to just stop talking topeople like.
No, we don't give a fuck aboutpeople.
We kind of don't to a degree,but it can still sound,
(22:29):
connecting to your full selfbecause you wanna fully, well,
actually, if it sounds like thatto you, I don't know, whatever
uncaring to you or unfeeling dowhat's best for you.
If it feels warm, fuzzy, ooeygooey, say it in that way that
it makes you feel thosefeelings.
If it's not making you feel thatit's not caring is all I'm
(22:52):
saying, but teach yourself tosay, no.
Protect your peace.
This is why we're here.
Journaling, it helps.
I'm not saying you gotta do itevery day, but.
It helps.
If you could say anything toyour younger self, what would it
be?
Write letters to that self.
Give the words that you wantedto hear at that time.
(23:13):
Go ahead and fill yourself withthat.
That is cathartic.
I love that.
And instead of calling like ajournal prom, I mean like, it is
more, hmm.
Letter writing.
I mean, I guess journaling isthat, but you're sending this to
yourself, and I think it'simportant when we write to
ourselves because we know thewords we needed to hear because
(23:36):
we wanted to hear them.
We prayed and begged and hopedone day somebody would say it to
us.
Sometimes we were just waitingfor ourselves to be that person.
So be the person who finallysays the words you needed at
that time in your life.
Where you felt most alone?
Most hurt, most unseen.
(23:58):
Write to yourself, dear Youngerself.
Dear little, you dear little me.
Hey Shehe, whatnot.
Take that time to say anythingthat you younger self wanted to
hear or needs to hear.
Another one is mirror work.
(24:19):
Mirror work.
Allows you to pretty much lookat you, really see yourself for
the first time, you'll lookyourself in the eyes and give
yourself an encouraging message,such as, I love you.
I've got you.
You're the most beautiful thinghere.
You are so precious.
(24:39):
You are such a gift.
You are I not just saying thatjust because I am like your,
girly best friend or bestie ortherapist or whatnot, but
because you truly are a gift,you are.
So mirror work also can feellike affirmations where it just
(24:59):
feels cringe.
But we feel discomfort becauseno one has truly seen us, looked
at us that deeply or loved usthat deeply sometimes, and it's.
Intimidating to do so.
It's so intimate mirror work.
So try it out maybe like once aweek at least, to look yourself
(25:21):
in the eye and build up on thatafterwards.
Do it about like twice, maybeonce in the morning and once at
night.
So when you wake up, you saysomething beautiful to yourself
and when you lay down, you endthe day on a beautiful note with
yourself.
It's nice.
We wanna be nice to ourselves.
(25:41):
Yeah, so I say definitely do it.
Do it.
So of course there are somechallenges with everything.
Like I mentioned, sometimes itjust feels weird at first and
it's okay.
Anything new is weird.
Anything new.
Sometimes it's scary, but you'reteaching your younger self, it's
okay.
New doesn't always mean bad.
And new in this regards isactually really great for us.
(26:06):
And you may have a lot ofemotions.
You may find yourself that youmight be crying a lot, maybe
you're a little bit suen, butwe're releasing these feelings,
these emotions, these thoughtsthat have been clinging to us
for so long that are no longerours.
We don't wanna carry themanymore because they were
others.
People's reflections of us, andwe never gave ourselves a chance
(26:29):
to truly see who we are.
You might find unexpected griefbecause we're grieving possibly
a childhood.
That at first we didn't evenrealize it was that bad until we
looked back.
So we're grieving what we usedto think what we had.
We're grieving apart of ourhistory, our story.
(26:50):
So don't limit yourself.
Let yourself grieve for lettinggo of these things and.
There may be some difficultieswhen navigating family dynamics
while you're healing because youmight feel a bit active a lot
from certain things when theyshow up.
Certain wordings, phrases maybebody languages and cues that
(27:11):
used to set you off.
Take time for yourself.
Be easy, be compassionate, bekind.
You're allowed to take a break,you're allowed to step back.
Just know.
Just because you react tosomething doesn't mean that you
threw away your whole healing orthat, oh my God, my inner child,
I didn't do better to protect mylittle me.
It's okay.
(27:31):
It's a learning experience.
We are literally reparentingourselves.
Give yourself grace, okay?
Healing is not linear.
Every step is worthy.
So I am getting close to closingthis out with you and.
With all this being said, I justwant you to know you deserve the
(27:55):
love, you deserve the protectionand validation you're learning
to give yourself.
You truly deserve all of that.
And I'm sorry that once again,it feels like you have to be the
trailblazer.
I'm sorry that this pain was.
(28:18):
Given to you.
I'm sorry, that little you feltthat they had to carry that pain
for you because it was sounfair.
You didn't have to grow up fast.
You just needed to be loved andnurtured.
You just needed to be encouragedto grow and to blossom into the
beautiful flower you are now.
And this way, even though itcan't come from mom or dad or
(28:40):
whomever you were raised by orwhat, whoever lets you down at
whatever age your inner childis.
This is the time for you to bethat person for you, and you
were always able to be thatperson.
She was always here.
You are the one who could giveyourself what you need the best,
better than anybody else.
(29:00):
It was always within you.
So I invite you this week andnext, and hopefully the rest of
your life, whenever you need it.
Do small inner child check-insthis week.
Check in with your little minime, and I would say even before
doing that, take time todescribe your inner child.
(29:22):
I've mentioned before my innerchild is my 21 22 self.
It's not like my ity bityyounger self.
maybe with some of therevelations I've had about my
upbringing, maybe they might bemy 7-year-old self, both, but,
um, 7-year-old self.
But the one who shows up most isreally my 21 and 22-year-old
(29:44):
self, because that's when I feltmy dad failed me by calling me
disrespectful when I wasexpressing myself.
Mind you, my expression was notthe cleanest and clearest as it
is now, but I was a angry childand it just came out and I
didn't realize how angry I wasand who knows, maybe that was my
(30:07):
little seven, 7-year-old self orwhatnot.
But it's very clear at 21, 22, Iwas hurting the most is when I
felt abandoned and shamed aboutmy feelings and what I was going
through.
And the two male figures in mylife, being my ex I was with for
four years.
And my father just kind ofleaving me and that hurts
(30:31):
clearly.
So just spiraling and I do haveto check in with her from time
to time and I notice whenever Iwanna play video games a little
bit more or I'm feeling acreative spark, that's my
younger self saying she wants torelease.
And instead of raging, she wantsto make something that's fun or
exciting or just something soft.
(30:54):
And I do take time for herbecause she deserves it and
she's so worthy of it.
And, she comes up every now andthen as you can, uh, kind of,
probably can hear it in myvoice.
Um, it's hard work, but it's so.
Necessary, and I invite you guysto really do it.
(31:15):
Do this work for you, and don'tbe hard on yourself.
Some of it's gonna be reallyhard.
So really take that time tothink about who is your inner
child?
What's their name?
What were you feeling that day?
Do they wanna play?
How old were you?
(31:37):
What do they need?
What didn't you like?
What did you like most?
When did you feel most alone?
What are your most favoritethings to do?
Reacquaint yourself with you nolonger suppress them.
I will be sharing.
(31:59):
Some of the reparentingpractices we talked about here.
I'll put them up on my ig sothat you guys can see them and
tag me and let me know whichones were helpful for you.
Which ones spoke out to you themost?
Which ones felt a little fear,let's share about it.
(32:20):
We'll share one reparentingpractice that's working for us
and it's always good to share,because you're helping somebody
in need, someone who probablydidn't know.
Yeah.
So if you felt like this was agood one, share with your
friends.
Share with your sisters, yourfamily, all your loved ones,
(32:41):
coworkers, whoever share,everybody needs to do some inner
child work from time to time.
Nothing wrong with that.
So I leave you guys with this.
I hold space.
For all parts of me with love,patience, and care.
(33:02):
Okay.
Hold all the space for all theparts of me with love, patience,
and care.
I hope you hold some space foryourself and you're a little
kinder to yourself as youcontinue to do your inner child
work.
'cause it's really powerfulrealizing what has been holding
us back.
(33:22):
What's been in control of us andrealizing we do have the power
and always have to take backcontrol in a more helpful,
nurturing way than what wasbefore.
At this point, you're notteaching your younger inner self
to grow up.
You're teaching them, it's okay.
(33:43):
You're allowed to be hard.
I love you guys and I can't waitto chat with you guys again.
I'll see you on Instagram,LinkedIn, YouTube, TikTok,
wherever you follow me.
Wherever you listen to podcasts.
If you're just jumping off forthe first time, go ahead and
start from the beginning or.
Start from wherever you want,wherever your heart calls you
(34:05):
to, whatever title.
Happy to have you here.
And if you need a friend, goahead.
Reach out to me on Instagram andmy dms.
Happy to hear from you all.
I love you.
If you ever need a friend, I amhere.
All right, love you guys.
Bye.
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