September 7, 2025 • 28 mins
Ever felt like you’re stuck in the middle—not who you used to be, but not quite where you want to be?
In this episode of Shift Happens with Shay, we’re honoring the often-overlooked space of transition: the sacred in-between. It’s the soft, unspoken season between clarity and becoming—where growth is happening, even if it’s not visible yet.
✨ In this episode:
- What it means to be in a “sacred in-between” season
- Why transformation often feels like being lost
- How to honor your current process without rushing it
- Gentle journal prompts and affirmations to support your journey
This is your reminder that you don’t need to “have it all figured out” to be moving forward.
Your pause is sacred. Your softness is valid. Your shift is still happening
Continue the conversation with Shay on her Instagram, Facebook page, Youtube, website, and linkedIn! You can also email Shay at shay@shifthappenswithshay.com if you are looking for insight about your life, send your stories, or request topics you would like to address.
Please note this podcast is not a substitution for therapy, if you require assistance with exploring trauma, deeper relationship issues, or more please reach out to establish care.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey there and welcome to ShiftHappens with Shay.
I'm Shay, your host and licensedmarriage and family therapist.
This podcast is where we diveinto all the shift life throws
our way, whether it'srelationships, mental health,
personal growth, or justfiguring out this crazy journey
of adulting here.
We're all about honestconversation, real stories, and
a whole lot of laughs as wetackle life's challenges
(00:22):
together.
This is your space to grow,explore, and feel seen.
So grab a cozy spot, maybe a cupof coffee or wine, and let's get
ready to shift through it all.
Thanks for tuning in, andremember, no matter what life
brings us, we're in thistogether.
PXL_20250901_191900036 (00:37):
Hey, beautiful soul and welcome to
Shift Happens with Shay Ifyou've been feeling like you're
in the in between, not who youused to be.
Not fully where you wanna beyet.
This one's for you.
This is a place, this is a spacewe don't talk about enough.
(00:58):
The sacred in between, thespace, between chapters, between
versions of yourself, betweenclarity and confusion, where
everything feels very tender,unsteady, and uncertain, and
also deeply sacred.
So welcome to episode 15.
Sacred in between.
(01:20):
So we're gonna talk about whatis the sacred space like, what
is this in-between Shay what'sgoing on?
We're so used to seeking outtransformation only in the
after.
But what about the before?
What about the in between?
We know we don't wanna go backall the way to the beginning
because we know where we'restarting from.
We know pretty much, I don'twanna go back to where I came
(01:43):
from, but.
Too often we always talk aboutthe before and afters, just like
after Thoses pictures.
Yeah.
But what about the journey?
The journey is one of the mostimportant pieces of our journey
to self and reclaimingourselves, reclaiming our body,
getting closer to our goddesshood.
We gotta talk about thosethings.
But what is this?
(02:04):
This is the space where realhealing takes place.
You don't heal in the beginningand you don't heal at the end.
You are healing in between themud, the rain shine.
I mean it happens on all kindsof ways it happens is what goes
on in this between space.
So this is where we're sheddingour old identities.
(02:24):
But we haven't fully stepped inand embody our true new self.
The new narrative that we havestarted to reclaim and refrain
from our old ways, it's whereyou might feel raw.
This is a very raw time.
It's emotional.
We're feeling a little lost.
We're lost in the sauce.
We're walking through it, butit's also our most honest area
for ourselves.
We are not broken.
(02:48):
We're just in the process, and Iactually have an affirmation
here I wanna read, and maybe ifI'm tech savvy enough, I'll just
put it on the screen here andpop it up.
If not, just repeat after me.
You are not broken.
You're in process.
You're not behind.
You're in alignment with asofter timeline.
(03:12):
Yes, you are not behind.
You are in alignment with asofter timeline.
So let's get soft, because thein-between is where we need to
actually take a moment,acknowledge it, and as crazy as
it sounds, be thankful that wehad this in-between so that we
(03:33):
could actually glorify our Afterthe glow up.
The glow up didn't come easy.
And don't let nobody mistakethat your journey was easy.
'cause it definitely wasn't.
That's why the in between issacred.
Yes.
Okay, so why is it souncomfortable here?
It's vulnerable, it's raw.
(03:54):
This is who we are.
It's super uncomfortable beinghere and showing people this
side of you that you haven'teven reconnected with in a long
time.
Reconnecting with yourself is ashift.
It is groundbreaking.
It is also disorienting because.
(04:14):
During this time, we arebreaking down messages that were
told to us for a long time.
We have taken stories from otherpeople how they wanna define who
we are, and we've taken theirprojections and have hung on to
this narrative that doesn't fitus, nor align with us.
Hence, why this in between isagain, disorienting.
(04:37):
it's jarring.
There it is.
It's jarring and disturbingbecause now as we peel back
these projections from all theseother people, as we take back or
take from those messages what wefeel might fit, it's hard
because you're breaking downthis identity you've had for so
long.
(04:57):
This is now someone completelydifferent.
I don't know who this girl is,or maybe I once did, and it's
really scary to look at herbecause I failed her.
You didn't fail, boo.
The world failed you.
Your caregivers failed You, theones who are supposed to lift
you up These internalizedmessages, these stories that we
(05:20):
adapt from other people about usmakes it really hard to sift
through all the mess and toreally find who we are.
And there's grief here.
I have to mourn who I was.
(05:41):
I have to mourn who I'm going tobe.
Because in order to be her, Ihad to give up who I am
currently, and it's that kind ofdeath ceremony going on.
That's what's going on.
It's a lot of grieving.
A lot of grieving of what Ithought the world was, what I
thought I was, who I thoughtpeople were, who I thought my
(06:03):
life was, my dreams, my visions,just every core aspect of what
made me, me.
I have to grieve all of that.
I have to let it go, and it isthe most scariest thing ever.
And I say that as I have alsogone through that work.
You are not alone.
My love.
You're not.
(06:24):
It is scary and just like I telleven my clients, I never lie and
say that healing is easy.
I never say that reclaiming whoyou are is a cake walk.
It's a walk in the park.
It's not it.
There's so much mud, so muchstuck, so much rough seas, rough
winds, rain storms, so manythings coming your way while
(06:47):
you're trying to find who youare and come back to her.
It's hard out here.
Like I said, in this,in-between, it's just really
hard and we don't have a clearlabel of the next steps for us.
What happens now?
What goes on?
What are we supposed to do here?
And that's when we start topanic because we really rely on
(07:08):
labels.
We love labels.
Labels feel safe.
Labels help us feel heard.
And labels honestly is language.
When we have language for whatwe're going through and what
we're feeling, it feels safer.
(07:29):
That's why you'll notice whenyou find that right word for
whatever you're going through,it's a relief.
It's a weight because it'sreally hard for us to describe
what we're going through andthat part hurts, and when we
can't describe it, we feelisolated.
When you're probably thinkingabout a moment right now while.
(07:51):
I really am in the in betweenbecause I've been feeling
isolated.
I haven't been honest or reallyknow how to tell my friends what
this is and what's going on, andit's isolating because they
don't know how to be there forme because I don't know how to
be there For me, it's okay.
I got you girl.
We want clarity.
(08:12):
We wanna explain ourselves toothers and we wanna feel certain
again.
And in the in-between and thestuck in the mud and the storm,
it is really hard to feelcertain when it feels like your
foundation is crumbling aroundyou.
Everything of who you are andwhat you stood for, or what you
thought you stood for.
It's no longer there.
So it's uncomfortable.
(08:33):
it's jarring, it's disturbing,it's disorienting.
It's.
Everything but safety.
So we get it.
But growth doesn't come fromclarity at first.
Growth comes from you findingthat clarity, developing that
(08:54):
clarity, creating your own newmeanings and narratives of what
life means to you.
And that's when clarity happens.
Insight is found that way.
No one just gives it to youlike, oh, this is who you are.
When it was given that way, itwasn't who you were.
(09:15):
That's why we're here stucktrying to find out who we are
and all the self love and selfcare, self actualization.
It's hard to acknowledge who youare, and sometimes it starts by
surrendering.
Surrendering the current you orpast you, surrendering your
(09:38):
current views of the world, ifthey are truly yours.
And I say that because we mayfind it hard to surrender
because it's oh, this is all Iknow.
But that doesn't mean it's trulywho you are.
Maybe it's time for us tosurrender the narratives other
people have given us, thedefinitions other people have
given us, and it's time to findour own meaning in life, and
(10:01):
that's what makes it moreinsightful and purposeful and
fulfilling, right?
So you don't need to have a fivestep plan.
You need permission to breathein this space.
Can you give yourself permissionto breathe right now?
I'll do it with you.
So right now we're gonna place ahand on our chest, and then you
(10:24):
can also put your second hand onyour belly, and you're gonna
close your eyes right now andyou're gonna breathe in with a
deep breath and breathe out.
I'm giving myself permission tobreathe.
I'm giving myself permission tobe in this space.
(10:50):
Good job.
Beautiful.
Good job for giving youpermission to be in this space,
and we'll take this time as areflection.
Pause, and let's take a momentto gather and breathe in and
out.
Here we are with our reflection.
Pause.
We took our deep breath and yougave yourself permission to be
(11:11):
here, and that was beautifulwork.
And I want you to now askyourself, what season am I in
right now?
What is shifting in me now?
Just notice without trying tofix.
We are just simply trying to becurious with ourselves.
At this moment, I want you to becurious.
(11:35):
I want you to just be here withyourself.
I want you to just.
Just look at it.
Think about the thought.
Let the feelings in If you feela visceral reaction.
I don't know.
You feel yourself getting clammyor stiffening your heart's
racing, any type of symptoms.
Just notate it.
Let it pass.
Let the thought just be.
(11:55):
I don't want you to do anythingwith it, just to be with it.
Just allow it to be here withyou.
It's okay.
You're okay.
You're here with me.
Okay.
Shifting is super uncomfortable,isn't it?
So now we're gonna go to how tosoften the unknown, which we
(12:15):
started because you took yourbreath with me.
You gave yourself permission tobe here.
You allowed yourself to be justin this space.
I'm not asking you to be theperfect, you the wonder woman.
You the take care of everyone.
I'm not asking you to bringanything to the table.
(12:36):
Just you, your own beautifulself right here.
I used to call myself abeautiful disaster in my
in-between'cause I am just sochaotic in this way of trying to
find love for myself, acceptancefor myself in this chaos, and
(12:56):
still trying to see the beautyin the world.
And it's really hard because inthe in-between though it's
sacred.
It's like a gauntlet.
You feel like you're beingtested and things that used to
be beautiful are starting tolook really messy, and you start
becoming a little bit morecritical skeptical of the world
(13:19):
and of others.
But we wanna soften that.
We don't wanna distrust thewhole world.
We don't wanna distrust others.
That is not what we wanna doright now.
We're trying to soften thisunknown, and so instead of
rushing through the in-between,we have to honor it.
We have to as uncomfortable asit makes us feel.
(13:40):
Sit in your discomfort.
Think about why you'reuncomfortable.
I named a few because we'redismantling everything we
thought we were.
I wanna just rush and I wanna behealed and I wanna feel good and
I wanna feel free.
I don't wanna just wanna fly anddresses and be in the wind and
twirl.
And you could do that in the inbetween too.
(14:00):
And then when you feel thatsunken feeling, or memories
coming back, sadness, all theseother things, take a moment to
acknowledge those because thoseare just as important as relief.
Because in order for us to reachrelief, we need to acknowledge
those.
There's no relief withoutacknowledgement.
(14:23):
Here's a few ways, and I thinkI've actually named a couple of
these, is you gotta name yourseason.
You might be unraveling orredefining or reclaiming.
Give it language.
I'm a big fan of this.
I love language.
Y'all know that I am a narrativetherapist.
And narrative meansstorytelling.
And why I love it, because youbecome the author of your life.
(14:46):
You get to co-create.
Well, if you're doing this witha therapist, but you get to
re-author story, these messagesyou received, you get to give
new meaning to them.
So this is no different duringyour in-between phase.
During this moment, the sacredtime of the mud of the storm,
(15:07):
give your season a name.
Mine in my early twenties wasbeautiful disaster.
It is what it is.
I gave it to her and I didn'tjudge it.
I embodied her and Child boo ayoung, a young 20-year-old Shay
was very chaotic, very angry andresentful, and sad and lonely,
(15:28):
and just wanting to belong,wanting so much belonging
because her foundation just wasripped from under her.
Hmm.
I'm gonna acknowledge her.
She's in the room with me now,so giving myself even space.
(15:54):
So name it.
Name your season.
What is she this time, what isshe called?
You get to choose no one else,just you release the timeline.
Because it is a societalconstruct anyways.
Timelines don't timelineEverybody doesn't have the same
(16:15):
one.
Yours may look different frommine, and mine looks different
from yours.
Or maybe looking different thanwhat your parents said, your
friends or what everybody elseis doing around you.
They're different.
You get to be on your owntimeline and that's okay.
You don't need to rush.
You don't need to be likeeverybody else.
This is your season.
(16:36):
This is your time.
So you are not late to yourlife.
You're not late to your life.
This is your life.
You are the one creating thechapters storytelling.
You are the main character inyours.
You get to decide where thisstory goes.
(16:56):
You're not late to your ownstory.
You're not late to your ownlife.
It's never too late to be you.
Oh, that feels good.
It's never too late to be you.
Beautiful.
Okay?
And then you can also createsome small rituals or practices,
however you wanna call these,you.
(17:17):
Remember, name it yourself.
These are just what I'm callingit.
And that could be journaling.
That could be you getting yourown tea in the morning or coffee
and giving yourself 15 minutesfor a slow time gathering of
your mind.
Morning stillness.
That's the word.
Or simply asking yourself, whatdo I need today?
(17:40):
What do you need today?
Beautiful.
You tell me.
Let the in between be a cocoon.
Not a cage.
You're not trapped.
You may feel a bit stuck, butyou do have the key.
You always did.
Others have just manipulated youand made you feel as if you
(18:01):
didn't, and that the key wasonly within reach.
If you did what they said orpretty much played to their
tomb, you have the key.
Beautiful.
It was always with you becausethe key is you.
So we're not in a cage, we're ina cocoon.
We are all beautiful butterfliesabout to transform, but we all
(18:22):
have to go through the cocoonstage to transform into the
version of us we knew we alwayscould be and was.
So this isn't you stuck.
This is you becoming Go aheadand become girl.
Become you, become true.
(18:43):
And then that goes into,'cause Ilove to give y'all some journal
prompts.
I got some down here.
Y'all know I love it.
You don't have to do all three.
Take what you need, take whatfits, take what resonates.
Now, if you feel like you needto do all three in order to
reach the insight you're tryingto find, or the clarity or the
language you need, by all means,please feel free.
(19:05):
But do some of these, and I'llput some of these on our story
on Instagram.
Okay.
So here are some of our prompts.
What chapter am I slowlystepping out of?
Hmm?
What chapter am I slowlystepping out of?
Or even what season am Istepping out of?
What truth is rising in meduring this in-between space?
(19:30):
I'm curious actually to hearthat from some of you guys.
If you feel comfortable.
I would love for you to sharethat down below in the comments
if you are watching this onYouTube, of course.
And if you are listening to thiswhile you are driving, I'm gonna
post this on Instagram, so whenyou're in a safe space, in a
safe place too, please go aheadand comment that I would love to
(19:50):
know.
Or if you just wanna DM medirectly.
So that you wanna share yourtruth directly with me, that's
fine too.
I would love to hear it.
I would love to hear thosetruths that are coming up inside
of you guys during yourin-between.
And last but not least, how canI make this season feel softer
instead of rushing through it?
Where am my life?
Can I get some softness?
(20:12):
Where am my life needs to besoftened?
Maybe that's your morningroutine.
Maybe it's how you start yourday.
Maybe it's how you end your day,or maybe it's during your day.
You need to give yourself alittle TLC because you deserve
that.
You deserve it.
So go ahead and pick one ofthose prompts.
I'll probably also put those inthe description box too, or you
(20:35):
can rewind us.
But I'm really curious to knowif you're okay with sharing.
And if not, just keep thosetruth to yourself and I hope you
find the clarity that you'reseeking.
Okay.
I'm gonna also give you guyssome affirmations.
Repeat after me, or just let thewords wash over you.
(20:56):
Okay.
I honor the pause betweenchapters.
I am not lost.
I am unfolding.
Even here I am enough, which youtruly are beautiful.
(21:19):
You are always enough.
You are always worthy of beingin a space, being in your
current place, being loved,being cherished.
You are so deserving of anabundant life.
Don't let the stories othershave told about you tell you
(21:39):
otherwise.
You deserve the world you trulydo.
Okay?
So if you're in the in-betweenand wanna know, this space is
sacred.
Even in our roughest patches, wecan always look back and be
(22:02):
grateful for the lessons thatwe're learning, the insights we
gained about ourselves, becausewe don't know what we're truly
capable of.
Until obstacles occur, until weare going through something,
then we know what we're capableof.
That's when you shine.
You shine in the in between.
You overcome.
You find harmony within yourdarkness.
(22:24):
Yes, K-Pop hunters.
This is what it sounds like.
It sounds like you're findingyour harmony.
You are finding who you are.
You don't need to perform.
You don't need to prove yourselfto anybody.
'cause who are they?
The only person you need toprove your worth to is you the
(22:45):
only person who needs to seeyou.
Progress is.
You, only you.
Okay?
Your softness is welcomed here.
Your uncertainty is welcome heretoo.
You are welcomed here.
(23:06):
Stay in this space.
You are worthy of this space.
You are worthy of this time.
And as always, shift happens.
Yeah.
You heard that right?
Shift happens.
But you don't have to go throughit alone.
We'll go through the firetogether.
(23:26):
So I hope you got what youneeded.
In our time together as wetalked about the in-between, and
like I mentioned, I would loveto hear a prompt two from you
guys about what truth is risingin you during this in-between.
If you're comfortable sharing,you can message me on Instagram
at Shift happens with Shay oryou can email me at Shay.
(23:51):
You can email me.
Shay at Shift happens withshay.com.
Ooh, she what?
Your own domain, girl?
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
I did that.
I did that.
I told you guys the last time Iwas going to get this done, I
got that website done.
'cause trust me, that was myin-between phase.
(24:12):
And just to even give a littlebit about that, I took over
maybe about six months to get mywebsite done.
I hadn't touched it and wrote ablog or anything.
Prob, I think it said 2023,actually 2024, like January and
(24:32):
then 2024 and a little bit,maybe like half of the early of
2025 was my cocoon stage.
I found out a lot about myself.
I found out a lot about toxicmasculinity, my own emotional
wounds, and as you guys heard meearlier and probably saw it in
(24:53):
me and my reaction, my need andlonging to belong, those are
like my big things.
I want to belong and in order tobelong, I need to accept me.
I'm not here to fit in withanybody else.
I'm here to belong with me andthose who love me and who are
(25:14):
meant to be in my life.
I will gravitate towards them,or they will gravitate towards
me because I love me.
My website now reflects who I amcurrently after my in-between.
It is a magical place.
His message is about embodyingand soaring like the beautiful
free spirited butterflies thatwe are, like the goddesses, we
(25:36):
are free and just relaxed'causewe deserve that so much.
So if you have the time,definitely check out my website,
shift Happens with shay.com Iwould love to hear what you guys
think about it.
So my dears, I'll put up thosejournal prompts also on
Instagram.
(25:57):
As usual, love to hear yourfeedback.
You can email me Shay at ShayShift happens with Shay.com You
can visit my website at Shifthappens with Shay.com You can
listen to my podcast also onthere or anywhere that you
listen to.
And if you have a topic orsomething you would love to talk
about more.
Please reach out to me.
Let me know.
I love your feedback.
(26:17):
And what did you guys thinkabout this first YouTube video
from me?
I'm getting used to this.
I was pushed by my tribe to justdo it, even if it's not perfect.
And this is so scary.
I'm also in the in-between, Thisis so scary.
Not doing this the way that Iwanted or pictured, but I'm
happy you guys get to at leastsee me and get a glimpse.
(26:40):
And when I say see me, I meanlike during our podcast.
So, this has been reallyvulnerable and I love that I got
to show up with you guys so.
Just as I'm creating a space foryou all to show up and to give
yourself permission to be, I'malso giving myself permission to
be here too.
My love, check out my website,check me out on Instagram at
(27:03):
Shift happens with shay.com.
I also will continue and keepdoing more of these videos and
hopefully they get polished astime goes on.
Yes, like such as me keeping mylogo up or the lights, because I
really do love when those lightsare on.
if you are a fan of mean girlslike me, you're like really
pretty and you are beautiful.
(27:23):
I'll see you on Instagram orI'll see you here on YouTube.
I'll see you wherever.
Okay?
Reach out.
I'm here for you.
This doesn't mean that you're myclient.
You know that you gotta gothrough the proper channels for
that, okay?
But I adore you guys.
You are worthy of so much more.
(27:43):
Please acknowledge yourself.
Take the time for yourself.
You are so deserving.
I love you guys, okay?
From your favorite licensedmarriage and family therapist,
your favorite couples therapist,your favorite therapist in
general, and just your favoriteself-love cheerleader.
'cause I'm always gonna cheeryou guys on signing out.
(28:06):
Okay?
I love you guys.
leave some comments.
I wanna hear your thoughts andjust have a beautiful day.
You deserve it.
Hey there and welcome to ShiftHappens with Shay.
I'm Shay, your host and licensedmarriage and family therapist.
This podcast is where we diveinto all the shift life throws
our way, whether it'srelationships, mental health,
personal growth, or justfiguring out this crazy journey
of adulting here.
We're all about honestconversation, real stories, and
a whole lot of laughs as wetackle life's challenges
(00:22):
together.
This is your space to grow,explore, and feel seen.
So grab a cozy spot, maybe a cupof coffee or wine, and let's get
ready to shift through it all.
Thanks for tuning in, andremember, no matter what life
brings us, we're in thistogether.
PXL_20250901_191900036 (00:37):
Hey, beautiful soul and welcome to
Shift Happens with Shay Ifyou've been feeling like you're
in the in between, not who youused to be.
Not fully where you wanna beyet.
This one's for you.
This is a place, this is a spacewe don't talk about enough.
(00:58):
The sacred in between, thespace, between chapters, between
versions of yourself, betweenclarity and confusion, where
everything feels very tender,unsteady, and uncertain, and
also deeply sacred.
So welcome to episode 15.
Sacred in between.
(01:20):
So we're gonna talk about whatis the sacred space like, what
is this in-between Shay what'sgoing on?
We're so used to seeking outtransformation only in the
after.
But what about the before?
What about the in between?
We know we don't wanna go backall the way to the beginning
because we know where we'restarting from.
We know pretty much, I don'twanna go back to where I came
(01:43):
from, but.
Too often we always talk aboutthe before and afters, just like
after Thoses pictures.
Yeah.
But what about the journey?
The journey is one of the mostimportant pieces of our journey
to self and reclaimingourselves, reclaiming our body,
getting closer to our goddesshood.
We gotta talk about thosethings.
But what is this?
(02:04):
This is the space where realhealing takes place.
You don't heal in the beginningand you don't heal at the end.
You are healing in between themud, the rain shine.
I mean it happens on all kindsof ways it happens is what goes
on in this between space.
So this is where we're sheddingour old identities.
(02:24):
But we haven't fully stepped inand embody our true new self.
The new narrative that we havestarted to reclaim and refrain
from our old ways, it's whereyou might feel raw.
This is a very raw time.
It's emotional.
We're feeling a little lost.
We're lost in the sauce.
We're walking through it, butit's also our most honest area
for ourselves.
We are not broken.
(02:48):
We're just in the process, and Iactually have an affirmation
here I wanna read, and maybe ifI'm tech savvy enough, I'll just
put it on the screen here andpop it up.
If not, just repeat after me.
You are not broken.
You're in process.
You're not behind.
You're in alignment with asofter timeline.
(03:12):
Yes, you are not behind.
You are in alignment with asofter timeline.
So let's get soft, because thein-between is where we need to
actually take a moment,acknowledge it, and as crazy as
it sounds, be thankful that wehad this in-between so that we
(03:33):
could actually glorify our Afterthe glow up.
The glow up didn't come easy.
And don't let nobody mistakethat your journey was easy.
'cause it definitely wasn't.
That's why the in between issacred.
Yes.
Okay, so why is it souncomfortable here?
It's vulnerable, it's raw.
(03:54):
This is who we are.
It's super uncomfortable beinghere and showing people this
side of you that you haven'teven reconnected with in a long
time.
Reconnecting with yourself is ashift.
It is groundbreaking.
It is also disorienting because.
(04:14):
During this time, we arebreaking down messages that were
told to us for a long time.
We have taken stories from otherpeople how they wanna define who
we are, and we've taken theirprojections and have hung on to
this narrative that doesn't fitus, nor align with us.
Hence, why this in between isagain, disorienting.
(04:37):
it's jarring.
There it is.
It's jarring and disturbingbecause now as we peel back
these projections from all theseother people, as we take back or
take from those messages what wefeel might fit, it's hard
because you're breaking downthis identity you've had for so
long.
(04:57):
This is now someone completelydifferent.
I don't know who this girl is,or maybe I once did, and it's
really scary to look at herbecause I failed her.
You didn't fail, boo.
The world failed you.
Your caregivers failed You, theones who are supposed to lift
you up These internalizedmessages, these stories that we
(05:20):
adapt from other people about usmakes it really hard to sift
through all the mess and toreally find who we are.
And there's grief here.
I have to mourn who I was.
(05:41):
I have to mourn who I'm going tobe.
Because in order to be her, Ihad to give up who I am
currently, and it's that kind ofdeath ceremony going on.
That's what's going on.
It's a lot of grieving.
A lot of grieving of what Ithought the world was, what I
thought I was, who I thoughtpeople were, who I thought my
(06:03):
life was, my dreams, my visions,just every core aspect of what
made me, me.
I have to grieve all of that.
I have to let it go, and it isthe most scariest thing ever.
And I say that as I have alsogone through that work.
You are not alone.
My love.
You're not.
(06:24):
It is scary and just like I telleven my clients, I never lie and
say that healing is easy.
I never say that reclaiming whoyou are is a cake walk.
It's a walk in the park.
It's not it.
There's so much mud, so muchstuck, so much rough seas, rough
winds, rain storms, so manythings coming your way while
(06:47):
you're trying to find who youare and come back to her.
It's hard out here.
Like I said, in this,in-between, it's just really
hard and we don't have a clearlabel of the next steps for us.
What happens now?
What goes on?
What are we supposed to do here?
And that's when we start topanic because we really rely on
(07:08):
labels.
We love labels.
Labels feel safe.
Labels help us feel heard.
And labels honestly is language.
When we have language for whatwe're going through and what
we're feeling, it feels safer.
(07:29):
That's why you'll notice whenyou find that right word for
whatever you're going through,it's a relief.
It's a weight because it'sreally hard for us to describe
what we're going through andthat part hurts, and when we
can't describe it, we feelisolated.
When you're probably thinkingabout a moment right now while.
(07:51):
I really am in the in betweenbecause I've been feeling
isolated.
I haven't been honest or reallyknow how to tell my friends what
this is and what's going on, andit's isolating because they
don't know how to be there forme because I don't know how to
be there For me, it's okay.
I got you girl.
We want clarity.
(08:12):
We wanna explain ourselves toothers and we wanna feel certain
again.
And in the in-between and thestuck in the mud and the storm,
it is really hard to feelcertain when it feels like your
foundation is crumbling aroundyou.
Everything of who you are andwhat you stood for, or what you
thought you stood for.
It's no longer there.
So it's uncomfortable.
(08:33):
it's jarring, it's disturbing,it's disorienting.
It's.
Everything but safety.
So we get it.
But growth doesn't come fromclarity at first.
Growth comes from you findingthat clarity, developing that
(08:54):
clarity, creating your own newmeanings and narratives of what
life means to you.
And that's when clarity happens.
Insight is found that way.
No one just gives it to youlike, oh, this is who you are.
When it was given that way, itwasn't who you were.
(09:15):
That's why we're here stucktrying to find out who we are
and all the self love and selfcare, self actualization.
It's hard to acknowledge who youare, and sometimes it starts by
surrendering.
Surrendering the current you orpast you, surrendering your
(09:38):
current views of the world, ifthey are truly yours.
And I say that because we mayfind it hard to surrender
because it's oh, this is all Iknow.
But that doesn't mean it's trulywho you are.
Maybe it's time for us tosurrender the narratives other
people have given us, thedefinitions other people have
given us, and it's time to findour own meaning in life, and
(10:01):
that's what makes it moreinsightful and purposeful and
fulfilling, right?
So you don't need to have a fivestep plan.
You need permission to breathein this space.
Can you give yourself permissionto breathe right now?
I'll do it with you.
So right now we're gonna place ahand on our chest, and then you
(10:24):
can also put your second hand onyour belly, and you're gonna
close your eyes right now andyou're gonna breathe in with a
deep breath and breathe out.
I'm giving myself permission tobreathe.
I'm giving myself permission tobe in this space.
(10:50):
Good job.
Beautiful.
Good job for giving youpermission to be in this space,
and we'll take this time as areflection.
Pause, and let's take a momentto gather and breathe in and
out.
Here we are with our reflection.
Pause.
We took our deep breath and yougave yourself permission to be
(11:11):
here, and that was beautifulwork.
And I want you to now askyourself, what season am I in
right now?
What is shifting in me now?
Just notice without trying tofix.
We are just simply trying to becurious with ourselves.
At this moment, I want you to becurious.
(11:35):
I want you to just be here withyourself.
I want you to just.
Just look at it.
Think about the thought.
Let the feelings in If you feela visceral reaction.
I don't know.
You feel yourself getting clammyor stiffening your heart's
racing, any type of symptoms.
Just notate it.
Let it pass.
Let the thought just be.
(11:55):
I don't want you to do anythingwith it, just to be with it.
Just allow it to be here withyou.
It's okay.
You're okay.
You're here with me.
Okay.
Shifting is super uncomfortable,isn't it?
So now we're gonna go to how tosoften the unknown, which we
(12:15):
started because you took yourbreath with me.
You gave yourself permission tobe here.
You allowed yourself to be justin this space.
I'm not asking you to be theperfect, you the wonder woman.
You the take care of everyone.
I'm not asking you to bringanything to the table.
(12:36):
Just you, your own beautifulself right here.
I used to call myself abeautiful disaster in my
in-between'cause I am just sochaotic in this way of trying to
find love for myself, acceptancefor myself in this chaos, and
(12:56):
still trying to see the beautyin the world.
And it's really hard because inthe in-between though it's
sacred.
It's like a gauntlet.
You feel like you're beingtested and things that used to
be beautiful are starting tolook really messy, and you start
becoming a little bit morecritical skeptical of the world
(13:19):
and of others.
But we wanna soften that.
We don't wanna distrust thewhole world.
We don't wanna distrust others.
That is not what we wanna doright now.
We're trying to soften thisunknown, and so instead of
rushing through the in-between,we have to honor it.
We have to as uncomfortable asit makes us feel.
(13:40):
Sit in your discomfort.
Think about why you'reuncomfortable.
I named a few because we'redismantling everything we
thought we were.
I wanna just rush and I wanna behealed and I wanna feel good and
I wanna feel free.
I don't wanna just wanna fly anddresses and be in the wind and
twirl.
And you could do that in the inbetween too.
(14:00):
And then when you feel thatsunken feeling, or memories
coming back, sadness, all theseother things, take a moment to
acknowledge those because thoseare just as important as relief.
Because in order for us to reachrelief, we need to acknowledge
those.
There's no relief withoutacknowledgement.
(14:23):
Here's a few ways, and I thinkI've actually named a couple of
these, is you gotta name yourseason.
You might be unraveling orredefining or reclaiming.
Give it language.
I'm a big fan of this.
I love language.
Y'all know that I am a narrativetherapist.
And narrative meansstorytelling.
And why I love it, because youbecome the author of your life.
(14:46):
You get to co-create.
Well, if you're doing this witha therapist, but you get to
re-author story, these messagesyou received, you get to give
new meaning to them.
So this is no different duringyour in-between phase.
During this moment, the sacredtime of the mud of the storm,
(15:07):
give your season a name.
Mine in my early twenties wasbeautiful disaster.
It is what it is.
I gave it to her and I didn'tjudge it.
I embodied her and Child boo ayoung, a young 20-year-old Shay
was very chaotic, very angry andresentful, and sad and lonely,
(15:28):
and just wanting to belong,wanting so much belonging
because her foundation just wasripped from under her.
Hmm.
I'm gonna acknowledge her.
She's in the room with me now,so giving myself even space.
(15:54):
So name it.
Name your season.
What is she this time, what isshe called?
You get to choose no one else,just you release the timeline.
Because it is a societalconstruct anyways.
Timelines don't timelineEverybody doesn't have the same
(16:15):
one.
Yours may look different frommine, and mine looks different
from yours.
Or maybe looking different thanwhat your parents said, your
friends or what everybody elseis doing around you.
They're different.
You get to be on your owntimeline and that's okay.
You don't need to rush.
You don't need to be likeeverybody else.
This is your season.
(16:36):
This is your time.
So you are not late to yourlife.
You're not late to your life.
This is your life.
You are the one creating thechapters storytelling.
You are the main character inyours.
You get to decide where thisstory goes.
(16:56):
You're not late to your ownstory.
You're not late to your ownlife.
It's never too late to be you.
Oh, that feels good.
It's never too late to be you.
Beautiful.
Okay?
And then you can also createsome small rituals or practices,
however you wanna call these,you.
(17:17):
Remember, name it yourself.
These are just what I'm callingit.
And that could be journaling.
That could be you getting yourown tea in the morning or coffee
and giving yourself 15 minutesfor a slow time gathering of
your mind.
Morning stillness.
That's the word.
Or simply asking yourself, whatdo I need today?
(17:40):
What do you need today?
Beautiful.
You tell me.
Let the in between be a cocoon.
Not a cage.
You're not trapped.
You may feel a bit stuck, butyou do have the key.
You always did.
Others have just manipulated youand made you feel as if you
(18:01):
didn't, and that the key wasonly within reach.
If you did what they said orpretty much played to their
tomb, you have the key.
Beautiful.
It was always with you becausethe key is you.
So we're not in a cage, we're ina cocoon.
We are all beautiful butterfliesabout to transform, but we all
(18:22):
have to go through the cocoonstage to transform into the
version of us we knew we alwayscould be and was.
So this isn't you stuck.
This is you becoming Go aheadand become girl.
Become you, become true.
(18:43):
And then that goes into,'cause Ilove to give y'all some journal
prompts.
I got some down here.
Y'all know I love it.
You don't have to do all three.
Take what you need, take whatfits, take what resonates.
Now, if you feel like you needto do all three in order to
reach the insight you're tryingto find, or the clarity or the
language you need, by all means,please feel free.
(19:05):
But do some of these, and I'llput some of these on our story
on Instagram.
Okay.
So here are some of our prompts.
What chapter am I slowlystepping out of?
Hmm?
What chapter am I slowlystepping out of?
Or even what season am Istepping out of?
What truth is rising in meduring this in-between space?
(19:30):
I'm curious actually to hearthat from some of you guys.
If you feel comfortable.
I would love for you to sharethat down below in the comments
if you are watching this onYouTube, of course.
And if you are listening to thiswhile you are driving, I'm gonna
post this on Instagram, so whenyou're in a safe space, in a
safe place too, please go aheadand comment that I would love to
(19:50):
know.
Or if you just wanna DM medirectly.
So that you wanna share yourtruth directly with me, that's
fine too.
I would love to hear it.
I would love to hear thosetruths that are coming up inside
of you guys during yourin-between.
And last but not least, how canI make this season feel softer
instead of rushing through it?
Where am my life?
Can I get some softness?
(20:12):
Where am my life needs to besoftened?
Maybe that's your morningroutine.
Maybe it's how you start yourday.
Maybe it's how you end your day,or maybe it's during your day.
You need to give yourself alittle TLC because you deserve
that.
You deserve it.
So go ahead and pick one ofthose prompts.
I'll probably also put those inthe description box too, or you
(20:35):
can rewind us.
But I'm really curious to knowif you're okay with sharing.
And if not, just keep thosetruth to yourself and I hope you
find the clarity that you'reseeking.
Okay.
I'm gonna also give you guyssome affirmations.
Repeat after me, or just let thewords wash over you.
(20:56):
Okay.
I honor the pause betweenchapters.
I am not lost.
I am unfolding.
Even here I am enough, which youtruly are beautiful.
(21:19):
You are always enough.
You are always worthy of beingin a space, being in your
current place, being loved,being cherished.
You are so deserving of anabundant life.
Don't let the stories othershave told about you tell you
(21:39):
otherwise.
You deserve the world you trulydo.
Okay?
So if you're in the in-betweenand wanna know, this space is
sacred.
Even in our roughest patches, wecan always look back and be
(22:02):
grateful for the lessons thatwe're learning, the insights we
gained about ourselves, becausewe don't know what we're truly
capable of.
Until obstacles occur, until weare going through something,
then we know what we're capableof.
That's when you shine.
You shine in the in between.
You overcome.
You find harmony within yourdarkness.
(22:24):
Yes, K-Pop hunters.
This is what it sounds like.
It sounds like you're findingyour harmony.
You are finding who you are.
You don't need to perform.
You don't need to prove yourselfto anybody.
'cause who are they?
The only person you need toprove your worth to is you the
(22:45):
only person who needs to seeyou.
Progress is.
You, only you.
Okay?
Your softness is welcomed here.
Your uncertainty is welcome heretoo.
You are welcomed here.
(23:06):
Stay in this space.
You are worthy of this space.
You are worthy of this time.
And as always, shift happens.
Yeah.
You heard that right?
Shift happens.
But you don't have to go throughit alone.
We'll go through the firetogether.
(23:26):
So I hope you got what youneeded.
In our time together as wetalked about the in-between, and
like I mentioned, I would loveto hear a prompt two from you
guys about what truth is risingin you during this in-between.
If you're comfortable sharing,you can message me on Instagram
at Shift happens with Shay oryou can email me at Shay.
(23:51):
You can email me.
Shay at Shift happens withshay.com.
Ooh, she what?
Your own domain, girl?
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
I did that.
I did that.
I told you guys the last time Iwas going to get this done, I
got that website done.
'cause trust me, that was myin-between phase.
(24:12):
And just to even give a littlebit about that, I took over
maybe about six months to get mywebsite done.
I hadn't touched it and wrote ablog or anything.
Prob, I think it said 2023,actually 2024, like January and
(24:32):
then 2024 and a little bit,maybe like half of the early of
2025 was my cocoon stage.
I found out a lot about myself.
I found out a lot about toxicmasculinity, my own emotional
wounds, and as you guys heard meearlier and probably saw it in
(24:53):
me and my reaction, my need andlonging to belong, those are
like my big things.
I want to belong and in order tobelong, I need to accept me.
I'm not here to fit in withanybody else.
I'm here to belong with me andthose who love me and who are
(25:14):
meant to be in my life.
I will gravitate towards them,or they will gravitate towards
me because I love me.
My website now reflects who I amcurrently after my in-between.
It is a magical place.
His message is about embodyingand soaring like the beautiful
free spirited butterflies thatwe are, like the goddesses, we
(25:36):
are free and just relaxed'causewe deserve that so much.
So if you have the time,definitely check out my website,
shift Happens with shay.com Iwould love to hear what you guys
think about it.
So my dears, I'll put up thosejournal prompts also on
Instagram.
(25:57):
As usual, love to hear yourfeedback.
You can email me Shay at ShayShift happens with Shay.com You
can visit my website at Shifthappens with Shay.com You can
listen to my podcast also onthere or anywhere that you
listen to.
And if you have a topic orsomething you would love to talk
about more.
Please reach out to me.
Let me know.
I love your feedback.
(26:17):
And what did you guys thinkabout this first YouTube video
from me?
I'm getting used to this.
I was pushed by my tribe to justdo it, even if it's not perfect.
And this is so scary.
I'm also in the in-between, Thisis so scary.
Not doing this the way that Iwanted or pictured, but I'm
happy you guys get to at leastsee me and get a glimpse.
(26:40):
And when I say see me, I meanlike during our podcast.
So, this has been reallyvulnerable and I love that I got
to show up with you guys so.
Just as I'm creating a space foryou all to show up and to give
yourself permission to be, I'malso giving myself permission to
be here too.
My love, check out my website,check me out on Instagram at
(27:03):
Shift happens with shay.com.
I also will continue and keepdoing more of these videos and
hopefully they get polished astime goes on.
Yes, like such as me keeping mylogo up or the lights, because I
really do love when those lightsare on.
if you are a fan of mean girlslike me, you're like really
pretty and you are beautiful.
(27:23):
I'll see you on Instagram orI'll see you here on YouTube.
I'll see you wherever.
Okay?
Reach out.
I'm here for you.
This doesn't mean that you're myclient.
You know that you gotta gothrough the proper channels for
that, okay?
But I adore you guys.
You are worthy of so much more.
(27:43):
Please acknowledge yourself.
Take the time for yourself.
You are so deserving.
I love you guys, okay?
From your favorite licensedmarriage and family therapist,
your favorite couples therapist,your favorite therapist in
general, and just your favoriteself-love cheerleader.
'cause I'm always gonna cheeryou guys on signing out.
(28:06):
Okay?
I love you guys.
leave some comments.
I wanna hear your thoughts andjust have a beautiful day.
You deserve it.
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