(#101) Feeling Good is a Practice: How to Expand Your Nervous System’s Capacity for Joy & Positive Psychology Tools

Why does joy sometimes feel harder to hold than stress? In this episode, Rae explores the emotional complexities of joy and how our nervous systems can struggle to trust happiness, especially after trauma, chronic stress, or survival-mode living.

You’ll learn how nervous system regulation, somatic tools, and the science of positive psychology can expand your capacity to feel joy fully and safely. Plus, Rae introduces the PERMA model of well-being and how you can use it to integrate joy, resilience, connection, and meaning into your healing journey.

✨ In this episode, Rae explores:

• Why joy can feel unfamiliar, unsafe, or fleeting
• How nervous system responses (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) affect your ability to feel good
• The surprising ways joy can bring up fear, guilt, or discomfort
• How to retrain your body to feel safe with happiness and ease
• The PERMA model from positive psychology (and how to embody it somatically)
• Practices like breathwork, glimmers, journaling, and mindful presence to build emotional resilience

Whether you’re navigating trauma healing, burnout recovery, or simply trying to feel more like yourself again, this episode will show you how to nurture joy as a practice, not a performance.

💌 Sign up for the Somatic Healing Newsletter to access Rae’s free breathwork + meditation resource library and stay connected to her latest offerings.

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Disclaimer: Please remember that the information shared on this podcast is intended to inspire, educate, and support you on your personal journey. It does not substitute for professional mental health advice. I am not a psychologist or medical professional. If you are experiencing distress, mental health challenges, or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified professional.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Welcome back to the podcast.
If you are new here, I'm Ray.
I'm a schematic coach and breathwork facilitator.
And if you aren't new here,welcome back.
I'm so glad that you're tuningin for today's episode.
So for today's episode, I wantedto speak with you about this
emotion of joy and how sometimeswhen we're feeling really happy,

(00:24):
it can actually feel hard tolike maintain this feeling.
So you might experience thissometimes after you've had like
a breakthrough, or depending onwhere you are in your healing
journey, maybe that's like whatyou're looking to feel, like
you're seeking more joy and likeyou're experiencing it in like
spurts.
But sometimes when we feel it,it can be hard to maintain it.

(00:47):
And so I want to chat about thattoday.
And I'm also gonna speak a biton positive positive psychology
because it's a topic thatinterests me.
I think it goes well with joy,and it's one that I don't think
many people talk about from thislens.
So let's do it, let's dive in.
So joy is an internal state thatcreates feelings of openness,

(01:13):
expansion, warmth, safety, flow.
And this can sometimes feel hardto maintain because oftentimes
it's more comfortable to feelstressed.
It's hard to trust the feeling,especially if you're used to

(01:33):
chronically being stressed orbeing in one of the four

survival responses (01:37):
fight, flight, freeze, fawn.
So the brain has beenconditioned to really scan for
danger or disappointment, loss,criticism, and it can trigger a
contraction if we're not used tofeeling the sensation or feeling

(01:59):
the emotion of joy.
And the part of the body that isin control of feelings of safety
and connection might not have asmuch practice.
And so it requires like aretraining of the body to trust
that the feelings of joy and thefeelings of ease are safe, and

(02:25):
that is really why sometimes itcan be the hardest feeling to
maintain.
And this challenge can show upwhen someone starts to feel
genuine joy, and thenimmediately they're either
thinking that it won't last orwaiting for the other shoe to

(02:47):
drop.
Another way that this can showup is if someone feels like if
they are joyful or happy, thatit will make other people
uncomfortable.
And maybe they feel like they'retoo much or taking up too much
space, or they're having thisfear around if they are, if they

(03:08):
change the way that they are,that they'll face some sort of
rejection for those changes.
And then another way that itmight show up is that we can
only feel joy or happiness as areward for being productive or
achieving a certain thing.
So we end up tying this state ofjoy and happiness to our worth.

(03:33):
And we think at times that wecan we're not worthy maybe of
feeling those things, when infact that's not true.
I also want to name that forindividuals that are highly
sensitive or very in tune withwhat's going on in the world
today, it can be extremelychallenging to carry this

(03:56):
feeling of happiness and joywhen there is so much going on
in the world today, so muchsuffering, so much pain.
And in the media you see it, inthe news, on social media,
you'll see it.
So there is this duality ofbeing aware of, you know, the
state of the world and alsobeing able to tend to your

(04:18):
nervous system.
And if that if the state of theworld is something that you are
passionate about, like how canyou show up in a way that
honors, you know, yourboundaries?
Maybe you can serve in some way,whether it's being involved or
uh financially, like donationsand fundraising.

(04:39):
I mean, this is like a topic foranother episode probably, but I
have to name it because I thinkit's a very real thing,
especially with how much we areum exposed to in terms of like
what's going on in the world.
So it can absolutely bechallenging to maintain this
feeling of joy when around usit's really it's really

(05:00):
challenging to see what's goingon in the world today.
And tying this into the nervoussystem, we really want to
understand that it's safe tofeel joy.
So it's safe to feel at ease.
And this is really working withfeeling safe in our body,
feeling safe to feel a feeling,our emotional capacity, widening
our window of tolerance, beingable to regulate our emotions

(05:25):
and being able to have thecapacity to hold duality of
maybe multiple emotions at once.
So, an example would be feelingjoy and also feeling grief.
It's possible.
So, this is a practice,something that definitely you
can grow and expand and workwith your nervous system.
And I think one part that reallyhelps to expand that ability to

(05:51):
expand your capacity, retrainyour body, trust the feelings of
joy and ease, is that mind-bodyconnection.
And so most of traditionalpsychology focuses on what is
wrong.
But what's interesting aboutpositive psychology is that it
totally shifts that question andit shifts it into what makes

(06:13):
life worth living.
And this is a field that wasfounded by Dr.
Martin Seligman, and he wantedto study what helps people
thrive, not just what helpspeople survive.
So this is definitely not abouttoxic positivity or like
pretending everything is fine.

(06:34):
This is about building the innerresources that are needed in
healing spaces like somatics andinner child work to really move
forward and really feel safe inexpanding your emotional
capacity to feel.
So building resources ofgratitude, resilience, meaning,

(06:57):
connection.
It's another way to blend thefeeling, the feelings of feeling
safe and feeling good, and alsothe feelings of joy.
So something that positivepsychology is built on is called
the PERMA model.
And that includes five keyelements for achieving

(07:17):
well-being.
So I'm gonna run through whatthat acronym stands for.
So the P in PERMA stands forpositive emotion.
So this can look likecultivating joy, gratitude,
love, and in the body, this canlook like working with your

(07:37):
heart space, expanding the heartspace, allowing it to feel safe,
to be open in this part of yourbody.
Oftentimes the heart space canhold a lot of you know trauma
and healing that needs to bedone.
So it's being able to feel safeand feeling that expansion.
The E stands for engagement.

(07:59):
So that is really being able tofeel fully immersed in a state
of flow.
It's like that feeling when youcompletely lose track of time
while you're doing an activity.
So maybe it's like art or dance,meditation, breath work,

(08:20):
whatever that might look likefor you.
I think that what's reallyinteresting about this, or what
stood out to me about it, wasI've been, I was an athlete
growing up.
And so I really found my flowstate from competing and playing
soccer and lacrosse and alldifferent sports.
And when I was on the field oron the court or whatever I was

(08:43):
doing, I was completely fullyimmersed.
I was in such a flow state.
I was so clear-headed becauseall I was focused on was the
game.
And I think that's also why Iended up finding breath work
because I was seeking this likeflow state, this inner peace,
this fully engaged moment afternot competing.

(09:07):
So that's kind of, I think, oneof the reasons why I ended up
finding breath work.
And then we have R.
R stands for relationships.
So this is really creating thosehealthy, deeply supportive
connections in your personallife, platonic and romantic
relationships.
And what this looks like in thebody is feeling safe enough to

(09:29):
be in connection with anotherperson.
So being able to alsoco-regulate with another person.
So a lot of this shows up in thenervous system as well.
And again, works with thatbuilding that sense of safety
and allowing yourself thatability to build those strong,
deeply supportive, healthyrelationships.

(09:50):
And then the fourth letter, M inPERMA, stands for meaning.
So this is having a sense ofpurpose or contribution.
And how this shows up in thebody is when we feel aligned,
when we feel grounded, maybe wefeel a connection to something

(10:11):
bigger than ourself.
We feel um like we are making acontribution, like we are making
an impact, and how thatphysically feels in the body to
feel grounded and aligned andconnected.
And then A in Perma stands forachievement.
So this means making progress,being able to master something,

(10:33):
and how this shows up in thebody is really feeling
empowered, feeling capable, andfeeling proud of yourself when
you have small or big wins.
So again, this can take trainingyour nervous system to be able
to feel safe in thoseexpansions, even though they
are, you know, positive,uplifting emotions.

(10:56):
So there's definitely thisintersection of joy in the body
and positive psychology and howthat creates the mind-body
connection.
So a few examples that I canthink of is feelings of
gratitude.
So we're often, I've heard, I'msure you have as well, like

(11:17):
write write down three thingsthat you're grateful for, either
when you wake up in the morningor when you go to sleep.
And this is a phenomenalpractice.
This is great.
This is going to shift yourmindset.
This is going to allow yourperspective to change, really
allow you to notice what is inyour life, things that you are
grateful for.
And then one way to bring thatto the next level and integrate

(11:41):
the body would be noticing whatit feels like in your body to
feel that gratitude, to feelthose things.
So it's an interesting practice,definitely something if you're
if you're writing thosegratitude lists, try it with
this extra, this extra moment ofokay, what does it feel like in
my body to really feel gratefuland safe for the roof above my

(12:06):
head, for the house that I'm in,like to know that I am so safe
in this moment.
There's nothing in this momentthat is affecting my safety.
Try it out, see what happens,see how it feels.
The second example I have foryou is noticing glimmers.
So glimmers are like these likemicro moments of joy, and it's

(12:28):
another way of really savoringthe present moment.
It's like, can you slow down andreally let your mind and your
body register this glimmer foreven 20 seconds?
And glimmers, I feel like theywere like trending on social
media for a little while, butfor anyone that isn't aware of

(12:50):
what they are, they're basicallylike these like yeah, micro
moments of joy.
It could be like a warm cup ofcoffee in the morning, it could
be watching the sunset, it couldbe reading a chapter in your
favorite book, it could betaking a warm bath, um, it could
be even smaller micro momentsthan that, but those are just

(13:11):
some examples.
So glimmers are a great exampleof like making that mind-body
connection and cultivating thatsense of safety for joy.
And what's interesting aboutthis idea of glimmers and how
I'm using it to really tie themind and body, you know,
connection.
Um, there was a psychologist,Barbara Frederickson, who found

(13:35):
that in order to experiencewhat's called emotional
flourishing, that we need tohave three positive experiences
for every one negativeexperience.
And I interpret this and connectthis again with those glimmers.
So it's really allowing the bodyto intentionally find a sense of
safety and joy in these micromoments and welcoming in those

(14:00):
moments.
So, like having that secondlayer of presence and awareness.
So this could look like smilingor waving at a neighbor,
practicing breath work beforebread, noticing the sounds of
the birds outside, or listeningto your favorite song, really
soaking in uh, you know, yourmorning cup coffee or morning
cacao, whatever it might looklike.

(14:22):
And what these moments are doingis really creating new neural
pathways.
So every single time you'reembodying a state of joy or
gratitude or compassion and youfeel safe enough to do that,
you're rewiring your brain andrecalibrating your body towards
safety.
And some other practices you cando in addition to the glimmers

(14:45):
and really savoring the presentmoment.
Uh, you can do some breath workpractices for joy, you can do
meditation for safety and joy,you can journal for emotional
capacity and joy.
And at the end of every guestepisode, I always ask, you know,
what is really lighting you upright now?

(15:06):
And I love asking that questionbecause when people are in joy,
it's felt.
You can really feel it.
It spreads to other people.
Um, you know, I I love seeing iton like some different social
media, uh, you know, viralvideos.
There's always like, you know,people like singing and dancing.
And when it looks likeauthentic, you can really feel

(15:28):
it.
Um, it's so cool.
It's so cool to like see otherpeople just like, you know,
doing their thing and feelinghappy and being in joy.
And this episode is really allabout giving yourself the
permission to know that, yeah,you can be happy, you can be in
joy.
It's not based on your worth,it's not based on anything

(15:49):
external to yourself.
And I hope that this uh episodegave you some tools and
resources and shifts that aregonna support you in feeling
that feeling.
And that is what we have fortoday's episode.
So thank you so much for tuningin every week.
I really appreciate it.
I love recording these episodesfor you.

(16:10):
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be sprinkling some more inthere.
So you might be hearing from mea little bit more, but we'll
see.
So if you want to stay in touch,sign up for that.
It's in the show notes.

(16:30):
And yeah, I hope you have anincredible rest of your day.
I hope you have an incrediblerest of your week, and I will
talk to you soon.
Thank you for being here andtuning in to Somatic Healing for
Wellness Focused Women Podcast.
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(16:52):
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(17:15):
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