July 23, 2025 • 14 mins
Today, we’re diving into one of the most powerful tools for nervous system regulation: connection. Whether it’s the way you relate to yourself, your community, or your breath, connection can be deeply regulating… or dysregulating.
This episode breaks down the 3 forms of connection that support somatic healing and personal growth: Connection to Self, Others, & Your Breath
This episode is for you if you're:
✨ Feeling overwhelmed or disconnected
✨ Wanting to deepen your relationship with your breath, body, or loved ones
✨ Exploring somatic practices for nervous system regulation
✨ A therapist, coach, healer, or highly sensitive person seeking more ease
🎁 Want more breathwork practices + somatic tools?
Sign up for the Somatic Healing Newsletter and get immediate access to Breathe Easy, your free resource library of guided meditations, breathwork audios, and grounding rituals.
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Disclaimer: Please remember that the information shared on this podcast is intended to inspire, educate, and support you on your personal journey. It does not substitute for professional mental health advice. I am not a psychologist or medical professional. If you are experiencing distress, mental health challenges, or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified professional.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to the podcast.
If you are new here, I'm Rae,I'm a somatic coach and
breathwork facilitator, and ifyou aren't new here, welcome
back.
I'm so glad that you're tuningin for today's episode.
Today's episode is number 87and I am so pumped that we're
almost to 100 episodes.
(00:20):
I can't believe it.
When I first started, I wassuper nervous to have a podcast
to speak to, kind of just likebe my authentic self online
again, and now I've really grownto absolutely love this part of
what I do.
I think it's so much fun, Ithink it's exciting, it's a good
creative outlet for me and I amjust so grateful for every
(00:44):
single person that tunes in eachweek.
And yeah, so thank you so muchfor being here, and we'll
definitely do some kind ofgiveaway or something for
episode 100, but we're a littleways away from that.
So today I want to speak withyou about connection, and
connection in a few differentforms, and why it's so important
(01:05):
and how connection in itselfcan be regulating it could be
dysregulating for our nervoussystems.
So I broke it down into threedifferent forms of connection
and then I'll speak to each onea little bit.
So the first one is really theconnection that you have with
(01:26):
yourself.
So you are the one that youspend the most of your time with
, right, like every day.
We are with ourselves and youare the one that's in your mind,
in your body, in your soul, inyour energy.
It is all you and so reallyfostering this connection with
ourselves that feels wholesomeand feels positive and feels
(01:51):
strong.
So what is the connection toyourself like?
Does it feel strong?
Does it feel open, fluid, kind?
Maybe it doesn't so much, andthat's something that you want
to strengthen or work on, andwhat helps you to feel super
regulated in your relationshipwith yourself.
So some things that I find thatstrengthen that sense of safety
(02:16):
in like being with myself andoften times with my clients as
well journaling, breath work,even reading I've been like
absolutely loving that.
But spending time alone withyou and feeling like that's fun
and that that's okay andsomething that I absolutely love
(02:36):
.
That I think really strengthensthe connection with yourself.
And finding that clarity andreally building that self-trust
is having clarity around yourcore values and what your vision
is, and from there you can haveclarity around your goals and
it's just something that reallybrings a sense of your own
version of success, your ownversion of creating your life,
(03:00):
and you're really building alsoon that quality of
self-leadership.
So that's something that Ithink definitely strengthens the
connection that you have withyourself.
And recently I was watching aYouTube video of another podcast
called the Diary of a CEO, andVanessa Van Edwards was on it,
(03:20):
and she talks about how peoplehave three different stories
that they tell themselves, andpeople usually fall into one of
these three categories.
So the first one is the hero'sjourney.
So that's really telling yourstory, the story that you tell
yourself of like your life asone that is empowering, one that
(03:42):
has overcome hardship.
The second is a victim story.
So that's kind of the oppositeof the hero's journey.
Things have been hard, they'realways hard, they're not getting
any better.
And then the third is the storyof a healer.
So you're here to give back,you're here to serve, you're
here to make an impact.
(04:02):
So out of those three storiesof how you connect with yourself
and the story that you tellyourself about yourself, which
one lands the most for you?
The second form of connectionthat I'd love to speak with you
about is connection with others,our relationships, connection
with other people.
So are there people in yourlife that really give you energy
(04:26):
, they empower you, they helpyou to feel uplifted, to feel
good about yourself.
And are there people in yourlife that maybe drain your
energy, that aren't assupportive or maybe it's not the
most positive relationship?
And are there people in themiddle, maybe somewhere in
between?
Our relationships have such alarge impact on our happiness,
(04:50):
on our stress levels, on ouranxiety.
They can be a source ofempowerment and safety and they
can also be a source of stressand overwhelm and fear.
So what are the relationshipslike in your life with other
people and what does yournervous system need when it
comes to balancing that timealone and that idea of
(05:13):
regulating, self-regulating andalso balancing time with other
people and feeling that likeco-regulation with other people?
There is a documentary onNetflix about the blue zone
regions around the world byDavid Buettner, and he found
that, of all the research he did, there was nine things that
(05:34):
were in common with each bluezone region, and there was, I
believe there was, five regions.
So I'm just going to runthrough all nine things quickly.
But the first was eating amostly whole food, plant-based
diet, so about 65% plant-based.
Developing a purpose andfocusing on it was number two.
(05:54):
Number three was participatingin a daily ritual to reduce
stress, so that might look likeprayer Prayer.
The fourth was drinking alittle bit of alcohol each day,
which was mostly homemade wine.
The fifth was using unconsciousstrategies to keep them from
(06:18):
overeating.
So this wasn't things that theywere doing consciously, but it
looked like having noelectronics in the kitchen, so
no TVs or phones, and eatingtheir heavier meals earlier in
the day.
The sixth was belonging to somesort of faith, so that's really
religion-based.
And then the last three.
(06:39):
That's kind of where the pointof this share is going.
What number were we up to Seven?
So number seven they prioritizefamilies, so they take care of
their family members, andoftentimes that means that, like
, multiple generations areliving under one roof.
Number eight they invest intheir relationships, so that
(07:01):
looks like long-term marriages,lower, uh, divorce rates, really
fostering all kinds of likevery intimate relationships in
their life.
And the last one is number ninethey pay a lot of attention to
their immediate social circle,so they have strong friendships.
So the reason why I share thisis because of the nine things
(07:23):
that he discovered.
One third of these things arefocused on relationships with
other people, and you could evenargue something like religion,
belonging to a faith or evendeveloping a purpose that those
usually come with some sense ofcommunity.
So you could even argue maybeit's five, but one third of
these things are focused onrelationships with other people.
(07:44):
So this sense of connection, ithelps with reducing our anxiety
, reducing our stress level,creating more happiness,
bringing more joy and purposeinto our lives.
And then the last part or formof connection that I want to
mention may not be what you'reexpecting, but it does kind of
(08:06):
build off.
Number one connection to theself, but it's a little bit
different, and that isconnecting to your breath and
the mind body connection.
So connecting with your breath.
For me, initially, what comesto mind for me, because
obviously I'm a breathworkfacilitator, is breathwork.
And what's interesting aboutbreathwork is it has the ability
to uplift your energy and bealmost like an espresso shot in
(08:30):
the morning.
And it can also be this likesuper gentle way to
self-regulate release emotioncry.
It can be good for you know,clearing any stuck energy,
clearing any blocks, becomingmore creative, being more
connected to joy.
So there's so much that canhappen just from the practice of
(08:51):
breathwork.
But the actual connection toyour breath, like outside of a
breathwork session or somethinglike that.
I mean, you always have yourconnection to your breath.
You can always pause 30 seconds, take a breath.
So, yeah, what is yourconnection with your breath like
?
Have you tried breathworkbefore?
There's so many different typesand have you found one that you
(09:12):
like or enjoy?
And, like I mentioned, you canalways pause and breathe and
boom.
Connected to your breath.
The connection to your breath,it is what I like to call the
connection to your life force,energy.
It is the first thing wereceive when we come into the
world and the last thing thatwe'll let go of when we leave
this plane.
(09:33):
And if you want to, you know,enhance that connection to
yourself, like the first thingthat we were talking about,
connection to self.
Or if you want to createstronger relationships in your
life, connections to others,your breath will support you in
doing both of those things insome way, whether it's opening
(09:53):
up your heart and fosteringthose relationships and making
them deeper relationships, ifit's letting go of resentment,
if it's yet being more creativeand enhancing that connection
with yourself.
I mean, there's so manypossibilities, but having a
strong connection to your breathand using it in a way that
feels really good for you willabsolutely be a form of
(10:14):
self-regulation.
And then, when it comes to thatmind-body connection, when I
first started working withanxiety I had never heard of I
had no idea what the mind-bodyconnection was or what it meant.
It wasn't until I reallydiscovered working in the realm
of somatics and my mind wasblown because I understood that
(10:36):
this idea of the mind-bodyconnection felt so different for
me and felt so different beingin my body, I was able to
understand the information thatmy anxiety was providing me with
.
I was able to not spend as muchtime in my head, and what I
find interesting about this isthat you can often hear it in
(10:57):
two ways.
Like, some people think that athought comes first and that
influences the body, and othersthink that the body is reacting
to something which creates thethought.
So I think with the mind-bodyconnection, they're you know,
they're interchangeable.
Um, they're both important andthey kind of are dynamic in the
sense that they work together.
(11:18):
I personally use what's calledlike a bottom-up approach to
access the mind.
So that means, like starting inthe body, starting, you know,
creating a sense of safety inthe body and then using that to
access the mind and work withreframing and get to the you
know work with all of thosethoughts that are in the mind,
but typically I do start in thebody.
(11:39):
But both influence each otherand both are super important.
So, yeah, what is yourrelationship to your mind-body
connection?
Does it feel true for you?
Does one feel louder than theother?
And I think some ways to enhancethis connection, like, if you
want to strengthen the mind-bodyconnection, definitely all
sorts of mindfulness practices,sensation, awareness in the body
(12:02):
, inner child work, breath workand ultimately, really creating
safety in your experience, tofeel safe in your body.
I think that is foundational,that's really important, and I
think that's also why I love thework that I do as much as I do,
because the feeling and theconnection that the mind-body
(12:24):
brings to everyday life, it'ssomething that it's like a new
way of thinking, it's a newperspective, it's a new approach
and I think that has reallyhelped me and helped my clients
tremendously, and so that iswhat I have for you for today's
episode.
So, quick recap we talked aboutthe connection to self, we
(12:44):
talked about the connection toothers and relationships, and we
talked about the connection toyour breath and the mind-body
connection as well.
So I hope that today's episodewas supportive for you and if
you would like access to a freeresource library of meditation
and breathwork practicesresource library of meditation
(13:07):
and breathwork practices you cansign up for that through the
somatic healing newsletter inthe show notes.
So you, when you sign up, youget access to what's called
Breathe Easy, and it's thisgrowing resource library that I
add to every once in a while.
So, yeah, I hope that you havean incredible rest of your week.
I hope that you have anincredible rest of your day and
I will talk to you soon.
(13:28):
Thank you for being here andtuning in to Somatic Healing for
Wellness Focused Women podcast.
If you were moved or inspiredby today's episode, please take
a moment to leave a rating andreview on Apple podcasts.
It truly helps the podcast growand helps more people find me
on their healing journey.
Make sure to check out the shownotes to sign up for the
(13:50):
monthly newsletter, links tomore resources, opportunities to
work with me and ways that wecan stay connected.
If we aren't already connectedon social media, head over to
Instagram to follow me atraythesomaticcoach.
Send me a DM.
I'd love to connect with youand I answer each note that
comes in.
I am so happy you're here and Icannot wait to talk with you on
(14:13):
our next episode of the podcast.
Welcome back to the podcast.
If you are new here, I'm Rae,I'm a somatic coach and
breathwork facilitator, and ifyou aren't new here, welcome
back.
I'm so glad that you're tuningin for today's episode.
Today's episode is number 87and I am so pumped that we're
almost to 100 episodes.
(00:20):
I can't believe it.
When I first started, I wassuper nervous to have a podcast
to speak to, kind of just likebe my authentic self online
again, and now I've really grownto absolutely love this part of
what I do.
I think it's so much fun, Ithink it's exciting, it's a good
creative outlet for me and I amjust so grateful for every
(00:44):
single person that tunes in eachweek.
And yeah, so thank you so muchfor being here, and we'll
definitely do some kind ofgiveaway or something for
episode 100, but we're a littleways away from that.
So today I want to speak withyou about connection, and
connection in a few differentforms, and why it's so important
(01:05):
and how connection in itselfcan be regulating it could be
dysregulating for our nervoussystems.
So I broke it down into threedifferent forms of connection
and then I'll speak to each onea little bit.
So the first one is really theconnection that you have with
(01:26):
yourself.
So you are the one that youspend the most of your time with
, right, like every day.
We are with ourselves and youare the one that's in your mind,
in your body, in your soul, inyour energy.
It is all you and so reallyfostering this connection with
ourselves that feels wholesomeand feels positive and feels
(01:51):
strong.
So what is the connection toyourself like?
Does it feel strong?
Does it feel open, fluid, kind?
Maybe it doesn't so much, andthat's something that you want
to strengthen or work on, andwhat helps you to feel super
regulated in your relationshipwith yourself.
So some things that I find thatstrengthen that sense of safety
(02:16):
in like being with myself andoften times with my clients as
well journaling, breath work,even reading I've been like
absolutely loving that.
But spending time alone withyou and feeling like that's fun
and that that's okay andsomething that I absolutely love
(02:36):
.
That I think really strengthensthe connection with yourself.
And finding that clarity andreally building that self-trust
is having clarity around yourcore values and what your vision
is, and from there you can haveclarity around your goals and
it's just something that reallybrings a sense of your own
version of success, your ownversion of creating your life,
(03:00):
and you're really building alsoon that quality of
self-leadership.
So that's something that Ithink definitely strengthens the
connection that you have withyourself.
And recently I was watching aYouTube video of another podcast
called the Diary of a CEO, andVanessa Van Edwards was on it,
(03:20):
and she talks about how peoplehave three different stories
that they tell themselves, andpeople usually fall into one of
these three categories.
So the first one is the hero'sjourney.
So that's really telling yourstory, the story that you tell
yourself of like your life asone that is empowering, one that
(03:42):
has overcome hardship.
The second is a victim story.
So that's kind of the oppositeof the hero's journey.
Things have been hard, they'realways hard, they're not getting
any better.
And then the third is the storyof a healer.
So you're here to give back,you're here to serve, you're
here to make an impact.
(04:02):
So out of those three storiesof how you connect with yourself
and the story that you tellyourself about yourself, which
one lands the most for you?
The second form of connectionthat I'd love to speak with you
about is connection with others,our relationships, connection
with other people.
So are there people in yourlife that really give you energy
(04:26):
, they empower you, they helpyou to feel uplifted, to feel
good about yourself.
And are there people in yourlife that maybe drain your
energy, that aren't assupportive or maybe it's not the
most positive relationship?
And are there people in themiddle, maybe somewhere in
between?
Our relationships have such alarge impact on our happiness,
(04:50):
on our stress levels, on ouranxiety.
They can be a source ofempowerment and safety and they
can also be a source of stressand overwhelm and fear.
So what are the relationshipslike in your life with other
people and what does yournervous system need when it
comes to balancing that timealone and that idea of
(05:13):
regulating, self-regulating andalso balancing time with other
people and feeling that likeco-regulation with other people?
There is a documentary onNetflix about the blue zone
regions around the world byDavid Buettner, and he found
that, of all the research he did, there was nine things that
(05:34):
were in common with each bluezone region, and there was, I
believe there was, five regions.
So I'm just going to runthrough all nine things quickly.
But the first was eating amostly whole food, plant-based
diet, so about 65% plant-based.
Developing a purpose andfocusing on it was number two.
(05:54):
Number three was participatingin a daily ritual to reduce
stress, so that might look likeprayer Prayer.
The fourth was drinking alittle bit of alcohol each day,
which was mostly homemade wine.
The fifth was using unconsciousstrategies to keep them from
(06:18):
overeating.
So this wasn't things that theywere doing consciously, but it
looked like having noelectronics in the kitchen, so
no TVs or phones, and eatingtheir heavier meals earlier in
the day.
The sixth was belonging to somesort of faith, so that's really
religion-based.
And then the last three.
(06:39):
That's kind of where the pointof this share is going.
What number were we up to Seven?
So number seven they prioritizefamilies, so they take care of
their family members, andoftentimes that means that, like
, multiple generations areliving under one roof.
Number eight they invest intheir relationships, so that
(07:01):
looks like long-term marriages,lower, uh, divorce rates, really
fostering all kinds of likevery intimate relationships in
their life.
And the last one is number ninethey pay a lot of attention to
their immediate social circle,so they have strong friendships.
So the reason why I share thisis because of the nine things
(07:23):
that he discovered.
One third of these things arefocused on relationships with
other people, and you could evenargue something like religion,
belonging to a faith or evendeveloping a purpose that those
usually come with some sense ofcommunity.
So you could even argue maybeit's five, but one third of
these things are focused onrelationships with other people.
(07:44):
So this sense of connection, ithelps with reducing our anxiety
, reducing our stress level,creating more happiness,
bringing more joy and purposeinto our lives.
And then the last part or formof connection that I want to
mention may not be what you'reexpecting, but it does kind of
(08:06):
build off.
Number one connection to theself, but it's a little bit
different, and that isconnecting to your breath and
the mind body connection.
So connecting with your breath.
For me, initially, what comesto mind for me, because
obviously I'm a breathworkfacilitator, is breathwork.
And what's interesting aboutbreathwork is it has the ability
to uplift your energy and bealmost like an espresso shot in
(08:30):
the morning.
And it can also be this likesuper gentle way to
self-regulate release emotioncry.
It can be good for you know,clearing any stuck energy,
clearing any blocks, becomingmore creative, being more
connected to joy.
So there's so much that canhappen just from the practice of
(08:51):
breathwork.
But the actual connection toyour breath, like outside of a
breathwork session or somethinglike that.
I mean, you always have yourconnection to your breath.
You can always pause 30 seconds, take a breath.
So, yeah, what is yourconnection with your breath like
?
Have you tried breathworkbefore?
There's so many different typesand have you found one that you
(09:12):
like or enjoy?
And, like I mentioned, you canalways pause and breathe and
boom.
Connected to your breath.
The connection to your breath,it is what I like to call the
connection to your life force,energy.
It is the first thing wereceive when we come into the
world and the last thing thatwe'll let go of when we leave
this plane.
(09:33):
And if you want to, you know,enhance that connection to
yourself, like the first thingthat we were talking about,
connection to self.
Or if you want to createstronger relationships in your
life, connections to others,your breath will support you in
doing both of those things insome way, whether it's opening
(09:53):
up your heart and fosteringthose relationships and making
them deeper relationships, ifit's letting go of resentment,
if it's yet being more creativeand enhancing that connection
with yourself.
I mean, there's so manypossibilities, but having a
strong connection to your breathand using it in a way that
feels really good for you willabsolutely be a form of
(10:14):
self-regulation.
And then, when it comes to thatmind-body connection, when I
first started working withanxiety I had never heard of I
had no idea what the mind-bodyconnection was or what it meant.
It wasn't until I reallydiscovered working in the realm
of somatics and my mind wasblown because I understood that
(10:36):
this idea of the mind-bodyconnection felt so different for
me and felt so different beingin my body, I was able to
understand the information thatmy anxiety was providing me with
.
I was able to not spend as muchtime in my head, and what I
find interesting about this isthat you can often hear it in
(10:57):
two ways.
Like, some people think that athought comes first and that
influences the body, and othersthink that the body is reacting
to something which creates thethought.
So I think with the mind-bodyconnection, they're you know,
they're interchangeable.
Um, they're both important andthey kind of are dynamic in the
sense that they work together.
(11:18):
I personally use what's calledlike a bottom-up approach to
access the mind.
So that means, like starting inthe body, starting, you know,
creating a sense of safety inthe body and then using that to
access the mind and work withreframing and get to the you
know work with all of thosethoughts that are in the mind,
but typically I do start in thebody.
(11:39):
But both influence each otherand both are super important.
So, yeah, what is yourrelationship to your mind-body
connection?
Does it feel true for you?
Does one feel louder than theother?
And I think some ways to enhancethis connection, like, if you
want to strengthen the mind-bodyconnection, definitely all
sorts of mindfulness practices,sensation, awareness in the body
(12:02):
, inner child work, breath workand ultimately, really creating
safety in your experience, tofeel safe in your body.
I think that is foundational,that's really important, and I
think that's also why I love thework that I do as much as I do,
because the feeling and theconnection that the mind-body
(12:24):
brings to everyday life, it'ssomething that it's like a new
way of thinking, it's a newperspective, it's a new approach
and I think that has reallyhelped me and helped my clients
tremendously, and so that iswhat I have for you for today's
episode.
So, quick recap we talked aboutthe connection to self, we
(12:44):
talked about the connection toothers and relationships, and we
talked about the connection toyour breath and the mind-body
connection as well.
So I hope that today's episodewas supportive for you and if
you would like access to a freeresource library of meditation
and breathwork practicesresource library of meditation
(13:07):
and breathwork practices you cansign up for that through the
somatic healing newsletter inthe show notes.
So you, when you sign up, youget access to what's called
Breathe Easy, and it's thisgrowing resource library that I
add to every once in a while.
So, yeah, I hope that you havean incredible rest of your week.
I hope that you have anincredible rest of your day and
I will talk to you soon.
(13:28):
Thank you for being here andtuning in to Somatic Healing for
Wellness Focused Women podcast.
If you were moved or inspiredby today's episode, please take
a moment to leave a rating andreview on Apple podcasts.
It truly helps the podcast growand helps more people find me
on their healing journey.
Make sure to check out the shownotes to sign up for the
(13:50):
monthly newsletter, links tomore resources, opportunities to
work with me and ways that wecan stay connected.
If we aren't already connectedon social media, head over to
Instagram to follow me atraythesomaticcoach.
Send me a DM.
I'd love to connect with youand I answer each note that
comes in.
I am so happy you're here and Icannot wait to talk with you on
(14:13):
our next episode of the podcast.
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