Have you ever wondered why you freeze in conflict… overwork to avoid discomfort… or find yourself people-pleasing to keep the peace? You’re not broken. You’re likely outside your window of tolerance, operating from an old trauma response.
In this episode, we explore:
🌱 What the Window of Tolerance is and how it impacts your emotions, behavior, and relationships
🌱 The Fight Response: signs, root causes, and how to soften into safety
🌱 The Flight Response: anxiety, busyness, avoidance & how to regulate it
🌱 The Freeze Response: shutdown, indecision & why it’s not laziness
🌱 The Fawn Response: people-pleasing, over-apologizing & how to reclaim your truth
🌱 How to expand your Window of Tolerance over time with somatic tools
You'll also receive simple, grounded practices to support nervous system regulation.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone ready to better understand their inner world and build resilience from the body up. Whether you’re anxious, overwhelmed, or navigating stress and emotion, this one is for you.
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Disclaimer: Please remember that the information shared on this podcast is intended to inspire, educate, and support you on your personal journey. It does not substitute for professional mental health advice. I am not a psychologist or medical professional. If you are experiencing distress, mental health challenges, or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified professional.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to the podcast.
If you are new here, I'm Rae,I'm a somatic coach and
breathwork facilitator, and ifyou aren't new here, welcome
back.
I'm so glad that you're tuningin for today's episode.
So for today's episode, Iwanted to build off of the last
few episodes that I've released.
(00:21):
So if you haven't had thechance to check out the past two
episodes about nervous systemregulation and breathwork, you
can check out the show notes andsign up for the newsletter, the
Somatic Healing newsletter,which gives you access to
Breathe Easy, and that's whereyou'll find last week's
(00:41):
breathwork episode as well.
So for today's episode, Iwanted to bring you an episode
about the four trauma responsesand the window of tolerance, and
I talk about this with thenervous system a lot.
This is a perspective that Ifind has been extremely helpful
(01:03):
in the work that I do with myclients and also in my personal
life as well.
I remember the first time thatI, you know, discovered the
window of tolerance and the fourtrauma responses in a visual
image, I was.
It was so impactful for me.
I was like, oh wow, thishappens so much that they have
this image for it, like this isgreat.
(01:24):
I was like, oh wow, thishappens so much that they have
this image for it Like this isgreat.
So I try and share about thisas much as I can, because
wherever you may be on yourhealing journey and however you
are showing up, whatever youmight be struggling with
emotionally or even from aself-compassionate lens, this
material is really helpful forunderstanding yourself on a
(01:45):
deeper level, and I think thatjust brings such a sense of
wholeness, a lot easier to beself-compassionate towards
yourself and, yeah, greaterunderstanding of ourselves,
which I think is a piece of youknow what it's all about.
So first I want to talk aboutthe window of tolerance, about
(02:06):
the window of tolerance.
This is a concept that wascreated by Dr Dan Siegel and I
will link an image for what thewindow of tolerance like, a
visual reference for it, in theshow notes, so you can
definitely check that out.
But what it describes, or whatthe window of tolerance
describes, is basically there isan optimal zone where we are
feeling regulated, we're feelingsafe, we're feeling capable of
(02:27):
responding to different stimuliin our life from within this
window of tolerance.
So this is when we can thinkclearly, we can feel a variety
of emotions without feelingoverwhelmed, we're able to
clearly connect with otherpeople and we're able to make
decisions from a grounded place.
(02:48):
And when we shift from beingwithin our individual window of
tolerance to moving outside ofit, we can move into what's
called hyper arousal or hypoarousal.
And this is a biological, veryhuman response as a form of
protecting ourselves fromdifferent stress, from different
(03:11):
trauma triggers and fromdifferent emotional challenges
or things that make us feelactivated in some way.
And although this is a veryhuman response, what happens
when we move outside of ourwindow of tolerance is our
nervous system shifts.
So this is a very humanresponse.
What happens when we moveoutside of our window of
tolerance is our nervous systemshifts.
So this is when people aretalking about nervous system
regulation.
This is one piece of whatthey're talking about.
(03:33):
They're talking about thewindow of tolerance, and so our
nervous system shifts, maybebecomes more sensitive, maybe it
becomes more alert.
We can start to live from apast trauma response so we can
go into these patterns thatwe've had previously based on
our past lived experience, andwe can also start experiencing
(03:54):
chronic stress or anxiety.
So our body's just kind of inthis like consistent form of
dysregulation because we'reoutside of our window of
tolerance, and we might not evenbe aware of it, especially if
this is like one of the firsttimes you're hearing of this
concept.
So we're in a chronic state ofstress.
We're not exactly sure, youknow, maybe we don't know why,
(04:18):
and the idea here is thatbringing the awareness to it,
understanding what's happeningin the body, can help to, you
know, shift our minds, shift ourbody, shift our state, and
we're going to talk all about,you know, what that might look
like and how to do that.
The other idea here is that youcan expand your window of
tolerance.
So a lot of the work that I doand a lot of the work that I do
(04:40):
with my clients and a lot ofwhat we discuss here on the
podcast, the idea is that we areexpanding our window of
tolerance through, you know,mindfulness practices, breath
work, movement, time in nature,meditation.
So there are a large and I'llget into that as well a lot of
different things that you can doto expand your window of
(05:00):
tolerance, but that's the idea.
We have the one that we are,you know, used to, the one that
may perhaps even we've like,fallen into over time.
You know, we have that versionof our window of tolerance.
And then we have the versionthat we get to grow into and we
get to expand and we get to, youknow, heal and move forward and
(05:22):
expand our window of tolerance,get to heal and move forward
and expand our window oftolerance.
So as we shift outside of ourwindow, we can move into what's
called hyperarousal.
And on the image, if you look atit in the show notes, you'll
see that this is kind of northof the window of tolerance is
what I like to say and that iswhen we move into what's called
(05:44):
fight or flight.
So this is part of oursympathetic nervous system and
it's a response when our bodythinks that it's in danger and
it prepares to defend itself, itprepares to escape, and that is
when we are moving into thefight or flight response.
So the fight response, this iswhen we're trying to confront
(06:07):
something we might be trying tocontrol or we might be trying to
dominate, and this can feellike anger or rage, it can feel
like defensiveness, it can feellike a lot of tension in the
body.
So sometimes we hold so muchtension in our mouth and in our
jaw and we don't even reallyrecognize it.
(06:28):
It can be the need to be rightor be in control, and it can
also be irritability or havinglike impulsive reactions.
And what's happening when allof this happens is that really
your body is trying to eliminatesome kind of threat by
overpowering it.
And this can stem from manydifferent things it can feel.
(06:51):
It can stem from, you know, apast experience.
It can stem from maybe feelingeven a bit of powerlessness in
the past, but in real life itcomes out as yelling during
arguments, criticizing othersharshly or picking fights when
we feel unsafe, maybeemotionally.
(07:12):
So it can come out in a varietyof different ways the fight
response, but ultimately it's aform of moving outside of our
window of tolerance.
Something happens, we moveoutside, north of our window of
of tolerance and we move intothe hyper arousal state.
The other form of hyper arousalis the flight response.
(07:32):
So this is the second traumaresponse and this is when we try
to escape or avoid something orrun away from something or kind
of taking flight right.
We're moving away and this canfeel like anxiety, this can feel
like panic or even racingthoughts.
This can feel like restlessnessor being hyper, hyper
(07:53):
productive, like always tryingto be busy, constantly on or
overwhelmed, and it can evenlook like avoidance of certain
people or places.
And so what's happening is ournervous system is saying get
away from this thing, get away,protect ourselves and do it fast
.
And it's often stems fromoverstimulation, chronic
(08:17):
overstimulation or even a fearof failure or rejection.
So in real life, this can looklike overworking to avoid
feeling uncomfortable,overworking to avoid feeling
uncomfortable.
It can look like cancelingplans due to anxiety.
Or it can look like, if you'reconstantly scrolling, like
you're constantly scrolling,trying to escape the day-to-day
(08:39):
life it's really uncomfortableto be present, and so this is
how your nervous system tries toself-soothe.
So that's fight or flight.
And then, when we are looking atthat same image of the window
of tolerance, if you move southof the window of tolerance, so
now instead of going north,we're going south, and that is
when you can move into what'scalled hypoarousal, and that is
(09:02):
a freeze or a fawn traumaresponse.
And so this is a response whenmaybe fight or flight doesn't
even feel possible, it doesn'tfeel accessible, and so we move
into a freeze or a fawn.
And these are, you know,default trauma responses that
we've had from really our pastlived experiences.
(09:25):
And again, although these mightsound challenging and you know
they're obviously not ideal.
Our nervous system is doing thebest that it can and it's doing
what it.
You know it's actually quitebrilliant because it's doing
something that it's trying toprotect us from something.
Whether that what it needs toprotect us from is, you know,
accurate or not, it is doingsomething that is quite
(09:47):
brilliant.
So I always like to like putthat in there, that there's
nothing like bad or wrong.
It's more.
Right now we're just, like youknow, observing maybe where our
default responses may lay or maycome out.
So the first one for hypoarousalis the freeze response.
So the freeze response isreally when we become numb, we
(10:08):
shut down.
It can feel like adisconnection, it can feel like
brain fog or maybe, you know,paralyzed and indecision when it
comes to making decisions, solike an inability to make
decisions.
You might feel stuck or youmight have like no motivation,
and this can happen a lot whenwe feel like super overwhelmed,
like there's so much going on sowe just shut down.
(10:30):
So it's when your systemdecides that it's really safer
to just play dead, basically,and it can often, sometimes even
feel like depression or like avery deep sadness, but it really
is a protective state again,like your, your nervous system
is doing what it thinks it needsto do to survive.
(10:51):
So in real life this can looklike maybe you avoid opening up
your emails or you're really badat responding to text messages
for days because, again, you'reoverwhelmed, you're in a freeze
response, you're feeling stuck.
This can look like having atough time getting out of bed in
the morning because you'refeeling overwhelmed.
(11:12):
It can look like dissociatingduring hard conversations and it
can often sometimes getconfused for being quote-unquote
lazy.
But it's actually, again, yournervous system is trying to
protect you from overwhelm, soit's a protective mechanism.
Again, it's trying to findsafety and oftentimes a lot of
(11:34):
these trauma responses can bemisinterpreted as other things.
And then the second piece ofhypoarousal is the fawn trauma
response.
So fawning the fawn traumaresponse can look like really
trying to appease others andplease them.
It can look like reallyadapting to your surroundings,
(11:55):
but not so much in a healthy way, in a way that you're trying to
like, replicate or mold andmerge with other people's needs.
So this can look like peoplepleasing.
This can look like saying yeswhen you really want to say no.
It can look like having a fearof conflict or rejection, and it
can look like over apologizing,so constantly apologizing for
(12:22):
things that you don't actuallyneed to apologize for.
And this one is, you know,particularly common in people
that have been survivors oftrauma, because fawning is again
.
It's about staying safe throughconnection and finding approval
from others.
So this can look like stayingin a toxic friendship to avoid
being alone.
It can look like reallyoverextending yourself to avoid
(12:45):
conflict with somebody orfeeling disapproval from
somebody else, and it can feellike a responsibility for other
people's feelings.
So, as I'm, as I'm talkingabout this, I'm realizing that
some of the past few podcastepisodes actually speak to some
of these um, some of how fawningcan show up in real life.
So that's interesting.
(13:05):
So you can always scroll backand listen to a few of the past
um uh episodes, if this one inparticular is jumping out at you
maybe where you tend to go,like how your personal nervous
(13:34):
system is wired, and ifsomething is speaking to you
more than another.
And what's really great aboutall this information is that
your nervous system can learnhow to find safety and you can
widen your window of tolerancewithout going into one of these
trauma responses.
So it's not about like avoidingbeing dysregulated, because
(13:54):
that's going to happen.
Things are going to happen inour lives that are going to
trigger us and activate ournervous systems and activate us
emotionally.
So it's not about never feelingdysregulated that wouldn't be
real.
It's about understandingourselves and being able to come
back to that place in our bodythat feels really safe and feels
(14:15):
like we can handle what'shappening in our lives.
So we don't default into one ofthese coping mechanisms and
disclaimer if my voice sounds alittle bit funny, it's because I
am coming off the tail end of asummer cold.
I forgot to mention that in thebeginning, but I think I'm
doing okay.
I don't know if it's tooobvious, but just disclaimer
there if I sound a little bitfunny.
So what's great again aboutthis is that you can widen your
(14:41):
window of tolerance.
There are tools that we can do.
We can learn.
Safety in the body, which isreally foundational when doing
somatic work is building on thisexploration of the body in a
way that feels safe to you, thatfeels at your pace, that feels
regulating for you.
So some of the key things thatI love to suggest if you're
(15:01):
looking to learn more aboutnervous system regulation or
learn to self-regulatebreathwork.
That is one that obviously Italk about a lot, and last
week's episode was a guidedpractice breathwork that is, you
(15:27):
know, trauma-informed, at yourpace, self-regulating,
especially the ones that havelike long and slow exhales.
You're going to engage what'scalled the parasympathetic
nervous system and that's goingto help you to self-regulate,
bring your body back into yourwindow of tolerance and really
feel connected to that place ofsafety.
Different forms of somaticmovement so this can look like
somatic shaking, even forms ofdancing, walking, stretching,
(15:52):
moving the body in a way that,again, is based on what you need
and is going to bring you backto that place of safety.
Different forms of touch soplacing your hands on your chest
, or one hand on your heart, onehand on your belly.
You can even do like abutterfly hug, just placing both
of your hands across your chestso that your thumbs touch in
(16:12):
the middle, and tapping on eachof your shoulders.
So this is a form of groundingtouch that can be regulating.
You can press your feet intothe ground, so really feeling
your body weight on the groundand feeling the ground
supporting you underneath you.
There's also different forms ofco-regulation.
(16:33):
So oftentimes that's somethingthat you're doing when you're
with somebody else, so that canbe in a structured setting like
a therapist or a coach or afacilitator, but it can also be
calling a friend or callingsomeone in your family that
feels really safe, and beingwith somebody where your energy
together it's calledco-regulation, so in a way that,
(16:55):
yeah, feels safe and nourishingto you, not something that
would obviously be liketriggering.
And then two others that I'llmention journaling.
I think that's really helpfulfor you know, understanding
what's coming up for you, seeingthings from new perspectives,
getting things out.
So if you're having, like youknow, racing thoughts or you
(17:16):
know something that, like, youneed to express in a different
way, I find that writing isreally helpful and orienting.
So naming what you see in yourenvironment, allowing yourself
to adapt to the space thatyou're in in that moment, with
the intention of it allowing youto come back to the present
moment.
So these are all differenttools and there are so many, but
(17:41):
these are the ones that Ialways like to speak to
Breathwork, somatic movement,grounding, touch, co-regulation,
journaling, orienting.
So, again, it's not about neverfeeling dysregulated, it's about
having the tools andunderstanding your nervous
system so that you can come backto your window of tolerance in
a way that feels reallysupportive for you, and so I
(18:04):
always like to say that, justlike you know training for a
marathon and running, running asmuch, as as much as you can, to
get a good time, or you knowlifting weights in the gym so
that you can get bigger muscles,this is similar to that in the
sense that it is like a muscleand it is something that you can
return back to over and overagain.
(18:26):
You can expand your window oftolerance, you can find these
places of safety and you canbuild, over time, different
forms of resilience.
Yeah, so just reflecting, uh,as we close up today's episode
um, on all the information thatwe shared here, like what is
standing out to you, do you feellike you know fight or flight,
(18:47):
it speaks to you freeze or fawn?
Do you find that you, you knowyou avoid conflict often?
Or it's hard for you to relaxbecause you're, you know,
constantly in this activatedstate?
Do you feel like you shut downif you feel overwhelmed?
So there's so many differentways that you can take this
(19:08):
information and see what landsfor you, and it's helpful to
just know this information,learn about it, know the
language and the patterns ofyour personal nervous system
because ultimately, everyone iswired differently, everyone has
different lived experiences.
So it's like how can you learnas much as you can about what
(19:28):
feels supportive for you andwhat feels regulating for you
and then use that to widen yourwindow of tolerance?
Yeah, so that is what we havefor today's episode.
If you enjoyed it and you wantsome free breathwork practices,
you can check out the show notesto sign up for the newsletter.
It gives you access to thisresource.
(19:51):
It's called Breathe Easy.
It's like a free living librarythat I add to and it's all
different breathwork practices,meditations, things that would
definitely help with nervoussystem regulation and the window
of tolerance, and that is rightin the show notes.
So I hope that you enjoyedtoday's episode.
I hope that you have anincredible rest of your week.
I that you have an incrediblerest of your week.
I hope you have an incrediblerest of your day and I will talk
to you soon.
Thank you for being here andtuning in to Somatic Healing for
(20:16):
Wellness-Focused Women podcast.
If you were moved or inspiredby today's episode, please take
a moment to leave a rating andreview on Apple Podcasts.
It truly helps the podcast growand helps more people find me
on their healing journey.
Make sure to check out the shownotes, to sign up for the
monthly newsletter, links tomore resources, opportunities to
(20:38):
work with me and ways that wecan stay connected.
If we aren't already connectedon social media, head over to
instagram to follow me at raythe somatic coach.
Send me a dm.
I'd love to connect with youand I answer each note that
comes in.
I am so happy you're here and Icannot wait to talk with you on
our next episode of the podcast.
Welcome back to the podcast.
If you are new here, I'm Rae,I'm a somatic coach and
breathwork facilitator, and ifyou aren't new here, welcome
back.
I'm so glad that you're tuningin for today's episode.
So for today's episode, Iwanted to build off of the last
few episodes that I've released.
(00:21):
So if you haven't had thechance to check out the past two
episodes about nervous systemregulation and breathwork, you
can check out the show notes andsign up for the newsletter, the
Somatic Healing newsletter,which gives you access to
Breathe Easy, and that's whereyou'll find last week's
(00:41):
breathwork episode as well.
So for today's episode, Iwanted to bring you an episode
about the four trauma responsesand the window of tolerance, and
I talk about this with thenervous system a lot.
This is a perspective that Ifind has been extremely helpful
(01:03):
in the work that I do with myclients and also in my personal
life as well.
I remember the first time thatI, you know, discovered the
window of tolerance and the fourtrauma responses in a visual
image, I was.
It was so impactful for me.
I was like, oh wow, thishappens so much that they have
this image for it, like this isgreat.
(01:24):
I was like, oh wow, thishappens so much that they have
this image for it Like this isgreat.
So I try and share about thisas much as I can, because
wherever you may be on yourhealing journey and however you
are showing up, whatever youmight be struggling with
emotionally or even from aself-compassionate lens, this
material is really helpful forunderstanding yourself on a
(01:45):
deeper level, and I think thatjust brings such a sense of
wholeness, a lot easier to beself-compassionate towards
yourself and, yeah, greaterunderstanding of ourselves,
which I think is a piece of youknow what it's all about.
So first I want to talk aboutthe window of tolerance, about
(02:06):
the window of tolerance.
This is a concept that wascreated by Dr Dan Siegel and I
will link an image for what thewindow of tolerance like, a
visual reference for it, in theshow notes, so you can
definitely check that out.
But what it describes, or whatthe window of tolerance
describes, is basically there isan optimal zone where we are
feeling regulated, we're feelingsafe, we're feeling capable of
(02:27):
responding to different stimuliin our life from within this
window of tolerance.
So this is when we can thinkclearly, we can feel a variety
of emotions without feelingoverwhelmed, we're able to
clearly connect with otherpeople and we're able to make
decisions from a grounded place.
(02:48):
And when we shift from beingwithin our individual window of
tolerance to moving outside ofit, we can move into what's
called hyper arousal or hypoarousal.
And this is a biological, veryhuman response as a form of
protecting ourselves fromdifferent stress, from different
(03:11):
trauma triggers and fromdifferent emotional challenges
or things that make us feelactivated in some way.
And although this is a veryhuman response, what happens
when we move outside of ourwindow of tolerance is our
nervous system shifts.
So this is a very humanresponse.
What happens when we moveoutside of our window of
tolerance is our nervous systemshifts.
So this is when people aretalking about nervous system
regulation.
This is one piece of whatthey're talking about.
(03:33):
They're talking about thewindow of tolerance, and so our
nervous system shifts, maybebecomes more sensitive, maybe it
becomes more alert.
We can start to live from apast trauma response so we can
go into these patterns thatwe've had previously based on
our past lived experience, andwe can also start experiencing
(03:54):
chronic stress or anxiety.
So our body's just kind of inthis like consistent form of
dysregulation because we'reoutside of our window of
tolerance, and we might not evenbe aware of it, especially if
this is like one of the firsttimes you're hearing of this
concept.
So we're in a chronic state ofstress.
We're not exactly sure, youknow, maybe we don't know why,
(04:18):
and the idea here is thatbringing the awareness to it,
understanding what's happeningin the body, can help to, you
know, shift our minds, shift ourbody, shift our state, and
we're going to talk all about,you know, what that might look
like and how to do that.
The other idea here is that youcan expand your window of
tolerance.
So a lot of the work that I doand a lot of the work that I do
(04:40):
with my clients and a lot ofwhat we discuss here on the
podcast, the idea is that we areexpanding our window of
tolerance through, you know,mindfulness practices, breath
work, movement, time in nature,meditation.
So there are a large and I'llget into that as well a lot of
different things that you can doto expand your window of
(05:00):
tolerance, but that's the idea.
We have the one that we are,you know, used to, the one that
may perhaps even we've like,fallen into over time.
You know, we have that versionof our window of tolerance.
And then we have the versionthat we get to grow into and we
get to expand and we get to, youknow, heal and move forward and
(05:22):
expand our window of tolerance,get to heal and move forward
and expand our window oftolerance.
So as we shift outside of ourwindow, we can move into what's
called hyperarousal.
And on the image, if you look atit in the show notes, you'll
see that this is kind of northof the window of tolerance is
what I like to say and that iswhen we move into what's called
(05:44):
fight or flight.
So this is part of oursympathetic nervous system and
it's a response when our bodythinks that it's in danger and
it prepares to defend itself, itprepares to escape, and that is
when we are moving into thefight or flight response.
So the fight response, this iswhen we're trying to confront
(06:07):
something we might be trying tocontrol or we might be trying to
dominate, and this can feellike anger or rage, it can feel
like defensiveness, it can feellike a lot of tension in the
body.
So sometimes we hold so muchtension in our mouth and in our
jaw and we don't even reallyrecognize it.
(06:28):
It can be the need to be rightor be in control, and it can
also be irritability or havinglike impulsive reactions.
And what's happening when allof this happens is that really
your body is trying to eliminatesome kind of threat by
overpowering it.
And this can stem from manydifferent things it can feel.
(06:51):
It can stem from, you know, apast experience.
It can stem from maybe feelingeven a bit of powerlessness in
the past, but in real life itcomes out as yelling during
arguments, criticizing othersharshly or picking fights when
we feel unsafe, maybeemotionally.
(07:12):
So it can come out in a varietyof different ways the fight
response, but ultimately it's aform of moving outside of our
window of tolerance.
Something happens, we moveoutside, north of our window of
of tolerance and we move intothe hyper arousal state.
The other form of hyper arousalis the flight response.
(07:32):
So this is the second traumaresponse and this is when we try
to escape or avoid something orrun away from something or kind
of taking flight right.
We're moving away and this canfeel like anxiety, this can feel
like panic or even racingthoughts.
This can feel like restlessnessor being hyper, hyper
(07:53):
productive, like always tryingto be busy, constantly on or
overwhelmed, and it can evenlook like avoidance of certain
people or places.
And so what's happening is ournervous system is saying get
away from this thing, get away,protect ourselves and do it fast
.
And it's often stems fromoverstimulation, chronic
(08:17):
overstimulation or even a fearof failure or rejection.
So in real life, this can looklike overworking to avoid
feeling uncomfortable,overworking to avoid feeling
uncomfortable.
It can look like cancelingplans due to anxiety.
Or it can look like, if you'reconstantly scrolling, like
you're constantly scrolling,trying to escape the day-to-day
(08:39):
life it's really uncomfortableto be present, and so this is
how your nervous system tries toself-soothe.
So that's fight or flight.
And then, when we are looking atthat same image of the window
of tolerance, if you move southof the window of tolerance, so
now instead of going north,we're going south, and that is
when you can move into what'scalled hypoarousal, and that is
(09:02):
a freeze or a fawn traumaresponse.
And so this is a response whenmaybe fight or flight doesn't
even feel possible, it doesn'tfeel accessible, and so we move
into a freeze or a fawn.
And these are, you know,default trauma responses that
we've had from really our pastlived experiences.
(09:25):
And again, although these mightsound challenging and you know
they're obviously not ideal.
Our nervous system is doing thebest that it can and it's doing
what it.
You know it's actually quitebrilliant because it's doing
something that it's trying toprotect us from something.
Whether that what it needs toprotect us from is, you know,
accurate or not, it is doingsomething that is quite
(09:47):
brilliant.
So I always like to like putthat in there, that there's
nothing like bad or wrong.
It's more.
Right now we're just, like youknow, observing maybe where our
default responses may lay or maycome out.
So the first one for hypoarousalis the freeze response.
So the freeze response isreally when we become numb, we
(10:08):
shut down.
It can feel like adisconnection, it can feel like
brain fog or maybe, you know,paralyzed and indecision when it
comes to making decisions, solike an inability to make
decisions.
You might feel stuck or youmight have like no motivation,
and this can happen a lot whenwe feel like super overwhelmed,
like there's so much going on sowe just shut down.
(10:30):
So it's when your systemdecides that it's really safer
to just play dead, basically,and it can often, sometimes even
feel like depression or like avery deep sadness, but it really
is a protective state again,like your, your nervous system
is doing what it thinks it needsto do to survive.
(10:51):
So in real life this can looklike maybe you avoid opening up
your emails or you're really badat responding to text messages
for days because, again, you'reoverwhelmed, you're in a freeze
response, you're feeling stuck.
This can look like having atough time getting out of bed in
the morning because you'refeeling overwhelmed.
(11:12):
It can look like dissociatingduring hard conversations and it
can often sometimes getconfused for being quote-unquote
lazy.
But it's actually, again, yournervous system is trying to
protect you from overwhelm, soit's a protective mechanism.
Again, it's trying to findsafety and oftentimes a lot of
(11:34):
these trauma responses can bemisinterpreted as other things.
And then the second piece ofhypoarousal is the fawn trauma
response.
So fawning the fawn traumaresponse can look like really
trying to appease others andplease them.
It can look like reallyadapting to your surroundings,
(11:55):
but not so much in a healthy way, in a way that you're trying to
like, replicate or mold andmerge with other people's needs.
So this can look like peoplepleasing.
This can look like saying yeswhen you really want to say no.
It can look like having a fearof conflict or rejection, and it
can look like over apologizing,so constantly apologizing for
(12:22):
things that you don't actuallyneed to apologize for.
And this one is, you know,particularly common in people
that have been survivors oftrauma, because fawning is again
.
It's about staying safe throughconnection and finding approval
from others.
So this can look like stayingin a toxic friendship to avoid
being alone.
It can look like reallyoverextending yourself to avoid
(12:45):
conflict with somebody orfeeling disapproval from
somebody else, and it can feellike a responsibility for other
people's feelings.
So, as I'm, as I'm talkingabout this, I'm realizing that
some of the past few podcastepisodes actually speak to some
of these um, some of how fawningcan show up in real life.
So that's interesting.
(13:05):
So you can always scroll backand listen to a few of the past
um uh episodes, if this one inparticular is jumping out at you
maybe where you tend to go,like how your personal nervous
(13:34):
system is wired, and ifsomething is speaking to you
more than another.
And what's really great aboutall this information is that
your nervous system can learnhow to find safety and you can
widen your window of tolerancewithout going into one of these
trauma responses.
So it's not about like avoidingbeing dysregulated, because
(13:54):
that's going to happen.
Things are going to happen inour lives that are going to
trigger us and activate ournervous systems and activate us
emotionally.
So it's not about never feelingdysregulated that wouldn't be
real.
It's about understandingourselves and being able to come
back to that place in our bodythat feels really safe and feels
(14:15):
like we can handle what'shappening in our lives.
So we don't default into one ofthese coping mechanisms and
disclaimer if my voice sounds alittle bit funny, it's because I
am coming off the tail end of asummer cold.
I forgot to mention that in thebeginning, but I think I'm
doing okay.
I don't know if it's tooobvious, but just disclaimer
there if I sound a little bitfunny.
So what's great again aboutthis is that you can widen your
(14:41):
window of tolerance.
There are tools that we can do.
We can learn.
Safety in the body, which isreally foundational when doing
somatic work is building on thisexploration of the body in a
way that feels safe to you, thatfeels at your pace, that feels
regulating for you.
So some of the key things thatI love to suggest if you're
(15:01):
looking to learn more aboutnervous system regulation or
learn to self-regulatebreathwork.
That is one that obviously Italk about a lot, and last
week's episode was a guidedpractice breathwork that is, you
(15:27):
know, trauma-informed, at yourpace, self-regulating,
especially the ones that havelike long and slow exhales.
You're going to engage what'scalled the parasympathetic
nervous system and that's goingto help you to self-regulate,
bring your body back into yourwindow of tolerance and really
feel connected to that place ofsafety.
Different forms of somaticmovement so this can look like
somatic shaking, even forms ofdancing, walking, stretching,
(15:52):
moving the body in a way that,again, is based on what you need
and is going to bring you backto that place of safety.
Different forms of touch soplacing your hands on your chest
, or one hand on your heart, onehand on your belly.
You can even do like abutterfly hug, just placing both
of your hands across your chestso that your thumbs touch in
(16:12):
the middle, and tapping on eachof your shoulders.
So this is a form of groundingtouch that can be regulating.
You can press your feet intothe ground, so really feeling
your body weight on the groundand feeling the ground
supporting you underneath you.
There's also different forms ofco-regulation.
(16:33):
So oftentimes that's somethingthat you're doing when you're
with somebody else, so that canbe in a structured setting like
a therapist or a coach or afacilitator, but it can also be
calling a friend or callingsomeone in your family that
feels really safe, and beingwith somebody where your energy
together it's calledco-regulation, so in a way that,
(16:55):
yeah, feels safe and nourishingto you, not something that
would obviously be liketriggering.
And then two others that I'llmention journaling.
I think that's really helpfulfor you know, understanding
what's coming up for you, seeingthings from new perspectives,
getting things out.
So if you're having, like youknow, racing thoughts or you
(17:16):
know something that, like, youneed to express in a different
way, I find that writing isreally helpful and orienting.
So naming what you see in yourenvironment, allowing yourself
to adapt to the space thatyou're in in that moment, with
the intention of it allowing youto come back to the present
moment.
So these are all differenttools and there are so many, but
(17:41):
these are the ones that Ialways like to speak to
Breathwork, somatic movement,grounding, touch, co-regulation,
journaling, orienting.
So, again, it's not about neverfeeling dysregulated, it's about
having the tools andunderstanding your nervous
system so that you can come backto your window of tolerance in
a way that feels reallysupportive for you, and so I
(18:04):
always like to say that, justlike you know training for a
marathon and running, running asmuch, as as much as you can, to
get a good time, or you knowlifting weights in the gym so
that you can get bigger muscles,this is similar to that in the
sense that it is like a muscleand it is something that you can
return back to over and overagain.
(18:26):
You can expand your window oftolerance, you can find these
places of safety and you canbuild, over time, different
forms of resilience.
Yeah, so just reflecting, uh,as we close up today's episode
um, on all the information thatwe shared here, like what is
standing out to you, do you feellike you know fight or flight,
(18:47):
it speaks to you freeze or fawn?
Do you find that you, you knowyou avoid conflict often?
Or it's hard for you to relaxbecause you're, you know,
constantly in this activatedstate?
Do you feel like you shut downif you feel overwhelmed?
So there's so many differentways that you can take this
(19:08):
information and see what landsfor you, and it's helpful to
just know this information,learn about it, know the
language and the patterns ofyour personal nervous system
because ultimately, everyone iswired differently, everyone has
different lived experiences.
So it's like how can you learnas much as you can about what
(19:28):
feels supportive for you andwhat feels regulating for you
and then use that to widen yourwindow of tolerance?
Yeah, so that is what we havefor today's episode.
If you enjoyed it and you wantsome free breathwork practices,
you can check out the show notesto sign up for the newsletter.
It gives you access to thisresource.
(19:51):
It's called Breathe Easy.
It's like a free living librarythat I add to and it's all
different breathwork practices,meditations, things that would
definitely help with nervoussystem regulation and the window
of tolerance, and that is rightin the show notes.
So I hope that you enjoyedtoday's episode.
I hope that you have anincredible rest of your week.
I that you have an incrediblerest of your week.
I hope you have an incrediblerest of your day and I will talk
to you soon.
Thank you for being here andtuning in to Somatic Healing for
(20:16):
Wellness-Focused Women podcast.
If you were moved or inspiredby today's episode, please take
a moment to leave a rating andreview on Apple Podcasts.
It truly helps the podcast growand helps more people find me
on their healing journey.
Make sure to check out the shownotes, to sign up for the
monthly newsletter, links tomore resources, opportunities to
(20:38):
work with me and ways that wecan stay connected.
If we aren't already connectedon social media, head over to
instagram to follow me at raythe somatic coach.
Send me a dm.
I'd love to connect with youand I answer each note that
comes in.
I am so happy you're here and Icannot wait to talk with you on
our next episode of the podcast.
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