November 23, 2022 • 57 mins
On part 1 we talked about the mind.
On part 2 we talked about the heart.
Today we talk about putting your new thoughts and sacred WHY into action using your human given senses.
- How to use your sense to expedite and create new neural pathways.
- Ritual is the gift of this time of year.
- Using your Future Self to show up as who you want to BE.
- How to feel confident and empower rather than left out.
- The exact SKILL set you need to develop to make this work stick.
- How to create certainty in your health and in your life.
- Common mistakes NOT to make that will make it easy to say no to a drink.
This weeks self inquiry work:
Do you want to fit in and be the same or stand out because you are claiming your self authority? Why?
How is it true that you have BELONGED before you needed to be accepted?
What do all human beings deserve as their birthright?
How can you see every one in that light?
Special thanks to Robin Wall Kimmerer, Author of Braiding Sweetgrass, for Introducing me to the Thanksgiving Address and to the Haudenosaunee Confederacy for creating and sharing such a sacred ritual.
I hope you will take these lessons from the show, keep you mind open and share them.
You’ve tried to cut back on drinking but nothing sticks, you're stuck in the cycle of confusion and convincing. One day you're motivated, the next you're telling yourself it's not that bad. What makes the difference isn’t more information—it’s having a new way to apply it. Click HERE to schedule your free consult to uncover the one thought that will change everything.
There Is A Life Beyond Moderation & Deprivation.
We Focus On What You Are Moving Towards, Not What You Are Moving Away From.
The Exhausting Trap Of Moderation Ends Now With My No Shame Approach Using The Proven Five Shifts Process. Follow the path of 100's of Women, Click HERE to join today!
DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Do you ever feel like you'reoutgrowing alcohol, that you are
longing for a deeper connectionto life? If alcohol is keeping
you playing small and feels likethe one area, you just can't
figure out you are in the rightplace. Hi, my name is Mary
Wagstaff. I'm a Holistic alcoholcoach who ended a 20 year
relationship to alcohol withoutlabels, counting days or ever
(00:24):
making excuses. Now I helppowerful women just like you
eliminate their desire to drinkon their own terms. In this
podcast, we will explore therevolutionary approach of my
proven five shifts process thatgets alcohol out of your way by
breaking all of the rules andthe profound experience that it
is to rediscover who you are onthe other side of alcohol. I am
(00:48):
so thrilled to be your guide.
Welcome to your journey ofawakening.
Hello, my beautiful listeners.
Welcome back to the show, forour final part to our three part
series, celebrating theholidays, alcohol free and why
it's the best and actuallyeasiest time to do. So I'm
thrilled that you're here. Iapologize for my voice. I kind
(01:09):
of at the tail end of a littlebit of laryngitis that I get
every year. But I'm committed tobringing you this episode. And I
wanted to start our show todaywith a beautiful address called
the Thanksgiving address thatcomes to us from the
(01:31):
Haudenosaunee people which is aconfederacy, trot of first
people nations made up of Mohogs Oneidas on and Donna Cayuga
and Seneca tribes of the northeastern part of the US actually
where I am from in upstate NewYork. And it's interesting
(01:55):
because I was I was informedabout this beautiful address
this declaration of of gratitudethrough the book braiding
sweetgrass by Robin wallKimmerer, what which I am slowly
(02:16):
reading to my son. It's anamazing, amazing book about the
relationship from theperspective of this woman who's
a botanist, a mother, and also amember of one of the first
nation tribes here in the UnitedStates, she actually was kind of
from around, she spent some timein this area as well in upstate
New York. But it's just abeautiful sentimental book of
(02:41):
some of the intention that, youknow, the native peoples really
had for, for their life andtheir communion with the land,
that as we grow and have grown,and you know, there's been
colonization and capitalism andpatriarchal power over
(03:05):
structures in our world, that wehave lost some of this meaning
and connection. And theThanksgiving address isn't just
something that the Haudenosauneemade for Thanksgiving, but it
isn't a dress that they thatthey unite their minds and
(03:27):
hearts with, at the beginning ofceremony and times to come
together. Like you would say,Grace, or like the Pledge of
Allegiance, or the NationalAnthem, or something to that
effect, but from just thisreally beautiful unification of
what it means to be human. And Iwas planning on asking
(03:50):
permission, we're going to be ata 30 person, Thanksgiving
celebration at my sister's housethis year. And I wanted to read
this address, because as I'vetraversed the last few years,
especially alcohol free, thiswill be the fourth holiday
(04:12):
season I'll be celebratingalcohol free, which I am very
proud of. And I'm very excitedabout mostly because of it's
allowed me to align my decisionmaking with my values. And that
is what I help my clients dowhen we explore their life
intention is we we explore whatare their values, and it's just
(04:35):
something you know, as adults,we don't often stop to really
intentionally think about. Butthen I was here in upstate New
York, and we went to this museumand they had a whole exhibit on
the audio Haudenosaunee, whichname translates to the people of
the longhouse and in front,there was a banner of the thanks
(04:57):
Getting a dress so it was justfelt very serendipitous. And in
the books braiding sweetgrass,she has asked for permission
from one of the Onondaga faithkeepers, who says, of course,
you should write about it. It'ssupposed to be shared.
Otherwise, how can it work?
We've been waiting 500 years forpeople to listen. If they
(05:19):
understood the Thanksgiving,then we wouldn't be in this
mess. And so with deepsincerity, and gratitude in my
heart for you and for us,uniting our minds and hearts
together, through the frequencyof awakening from alcohol, I
bring this Thanksgiving addressto you from the bottom of my
(05:41):
heart, and hope that you willcarry it out into your intention
for this holiday season and foryour awakening from alcohol.
Because if we don't stop to leadour lives with more intention,
alcohol will continue to blindour desires. So this is my
(06:04):
invitation to you is to take asacred pause to stop whatever
you're doing, and to really bepresent for this Thanksgiving, a
dress. And thank you so much forlistening. So hot an assignee,
Thanksgiving address, greetingsto the Nash natural world, the
(06:25):
people, Today we have gathered,and we see that the cycles of
life continue, we have beengiven the duty to live in
balance in harmony with eachother, and all living things. So
now we bring our minds togetheras one as we give greetings and
thanks to each other as people.
Now our minds are one, the EarthMother, we are all thankful to
(06:50):
our Earth mother, the earth, forshe gives us all that we need
for life. She supports our feetas we walk about upon her. It
gives us the joy that shecontinues to care for us, as she
has from the beginning of time.
To our mother, we send greetingsand thanks. And now our minds
(07:14):
are one. The waters, we givethanks to all of the waters of
the world for quenching ourthirst and providing us with
strength. Water is life. We knowits power in many forms,
waterfalls and rain, mists andstreams, rivers and oceans. With
(07:37):
one mind, we send greetings andthanks to the spirit of water.
And now our minds are one. Thefish, we turn our minds to all
the fish life in the water. Theywere instructed to cleanse and
purify the water. They also givethemselves to us as food, we are
(07:59):
grateful that we can still findpure water. So we turn now to
the fish and send our Greetingsand thanks. And now our minds
are one the plants we turntowards the vast fields of plant
life. As far as the eye can seethe plants grow, working many
(08:22):
wonders they sustain many lifeforms. With our minds gathered
together, we give thanks andlook forward to seeing plant
life for many generations tocome. Now our minds are one the
food plants with one mind weturn to honor and thank all the
(08:42):
food plants we harvest from thegarden. Since the beginning of
time, the grains vegetables,beans and berries have helped
the people survive. Many otherliving things draw strength from
them to we gather all the plantfoods together as one and send
them a greeting of thanks. Nowour minds are one the medicine
(09:06):
herbs. Now we turn to all themedicine herbs of the world.
From the beginning they wereinstructed to take away
sickness. They are alwayswaiting and ready to heal us. We
are happy they are still amongus. Those special few who
remember how to use these plantsfor healing. With one mind. We
(09:27):
send greetings and thanks to themedicines and to the keepers of
the medicine. And now our mindsare one the animals.
We gather our minds together tosend greetings and thanks to all
the animal life in the world.
They have many things to teachus as people. We are honored by
them and they give up theirlives so we may use their bodies
(09:50):
as food for our people. We seethem near our homes and in the
deep forests. We are glad theyare still here. And we hope that
it will always be so. Now ourminds are one, the trees, we now
turn our thoughts to the trees.
The Earth has many families oftrees, who have their own
(10:13):
instructions in uses. Someprovide us with shelter and
shade, others with fruit, beautyand other useful things. Many of
us you, the world use a tree asa symbol of peace and strength.
With one mind we greet and thinkthe tree of life. Now our minds
are one, the birds, we put ourminds together as one and thank
(10:39):
all the birds who move and flyabout over our heads. The
Creator gave them beautifulsongs. Each day they remind us
to enjoy and appreciate life.
The eagle was chosen to be theirleader to all the birds from the
smallest to the largest. We sendour joyful Greetings and thanks.
Now our minds are one. The fourwinds, we are thankful to the
(11:03):
powers we know as the fourwinds, we hear their voices in
the air as they refresh us andpurify the air we breathe. They
help us to bring change of theseasons. From the four
directions they come bringing usmessages and giving us strength
with one mind. We send ourGreetings and thanks to the four
(11:27):
winds. Now our minds are one thethunders now we turn to the
west, where our grandfather'sthe thunder beings live. With
lightning and thundering voices.
They bring with them the waterthat renews life. We are
(11:48):
thankful that they keep thoseevil things made. By oak Weiser
is underground. We bring ourmind together as one to send
greetings and thanks to ourgrandfathers for thunders. Now
our minds are one, the sun. Wenow send greetings and thanks to
(12:10):
our eldest brother the sun eachday without fail, he travels the
sky from east to west, bringingthe light of a new day. He is
the source of all the fires oflife. With one mind we send
greetings and thanks to ourbrother, the sun. Now our minds
our one grandmother moon, we putour minds together to give
(12:35):
thanks to our oldestgrandmother, the moon, who
lights the nighttime sky. She isthe leader of women all over the
world, and she governs themovement of the ocean tides. By
her changing face, we measuretime, and it is the Moon who
watches over the arrival ofchildren here on Earth. With one
(12:59):
mind we send greetings andthanks to our grandmother the
moon. Now our minds are one. Thestars. We give thanks to the
stars who are spread across thesky like jewelry. We see them in
the night, helping the moon tolight the darkness and bring do
(13:20):
to the gardens and growingthings. When we travel at night
They guide us home. Our mindsgathered together as one, we
send greetings and thanks to thestars. Now our minds are one,
the Enlightened teachers, wegather our minds to greet and
thank the Enlightened teacherswho have come to help us
(13:40):
throughout the ages. When weforget how to live in harmony,
they remind us of the way wewere instructed to live as
people with one mind we sendgreetings and thanks to these
caring teachers. Now our mindsare one, the Creator. Now we
turn our thoughts to the creatoror a great spirit and send
greetings and thanks for all thegreat gifts of creation.
(14:05):
Everything we need to live agood life is here on this Mother
Earth. For all the love that isstill around us. We gather our
minds together as one and sendour choices, words of greetings
and things to the Creator. Nowour minds are one closing words.
We have now arrived at the placewhere we end our words of all
(14:30):
the things we have named. It wasnot our intention to leave
anything out. Something wasforgotten. We leave it to each
individual to send suchGreetings and thanks in their
own way. Now our minds are onethis translation of the Mohawk
version of the hotness SaniThanksgiving address was
developed and published in 1993and provided courtesy of the Six
(14:53):
Nations Indian Museum andtracking project and I wanted to
say a special thanks to abovebraiding sweetgrass and Robin
wall Kimmerer, for bringing thisbook into my life or this
address into my life, and to thehardness Sani people, the lands
where I currently am recordingthis episode, and to all of you
(15:16):
listening. So just taking amoment, in whatever way this
resonated with you to connect toyour intention, and maybe even
bringing this address into yourcelebrations for the season. So
thank you for your time forlistening to this. And this was
how I wanted to start the showbecause it also is how the third
(15:38):
part of our series here is goingto end. So if you've been
listening to this three partseries of how to celebrate the
holidays, alcohol free and whyit's the best and easiest time,
in part one, we talked about themind and getting clear and aware
(15:59):
of your habitual thoughts of whyit won't work in bringing in
some, some new thoughts, butfocusing on some new thoughts
that are actually thoughts thatyou believe that are more
neutral to positive of what thistime of year means to you, and
what are just some neutralfacts. Part Two was coming into
(16:23):
your sacred why deeply deeply ofwhy you're actually here, not
what the holidays mean to you,but why you are wanting to, and
I say change your relationshipto alcohol, but when you but
what that really means is changeyour relationship to yourself.
(16:45):
And so when we can take thatintention, and fuel it and bring
it into the forefront as ourmain priority, it is going to
shift your energy for how you'reshowing up because you're going
to be more focused on whatyou're saying yes to your
intention for why you're hereversus what you're what you
(17:07):
think you're giving up. Right.
So if we only focus on theproblem, we can stay in the
negative of deprivation, andwhat I talked about last week of
uncertainty, but if we talkabout creating the solution or
being the solution, then we'removing more towards the
negative, which creates justmore energy in our life. And I
kind of wanted to go backbriefly to this piece of we
(17:30):
often talk about alcohol, and Isay changing your relationship
to alcohol, because I've got tosay something that you know is
in line with our mainstreambeliefs of thinking. Because
you're not really changing yourrelationship to alcohol at all.
Alcohol just sits there, right?
You're not breaking up withalcohol. Alcohol was never a
(17:52):
lover, it was never a bestfriend. It was never any of
these things. It was a liquid ina glass. This is how you are
relating to yourself, yourrelationship to alcohol begins
and ends with your relationshipto yourself. Okay, so don't give
alcohol any more credit as aconfidant that was you and how
(18:13):
you knew how to show up foryourself. And it worked for a
while. And now what's not,right. So I want there to be
like this little bit more matureperspective to come in of like,
alcohol is a liquid in theglass. It's a fact anyone would
agree with that. Okay, whenwe're changing a relationship
with a real person, there'sanother person involved, which
(18:35):
we're relating to. And that ispart of the journey of awakening
as well. But when we think aboutchanging our relationship to
alcohol, it is how do we want toshow up for ourselves? How do we
want to have our own back? Howdo we want to solve our problems
by focusing on the problem andmore of a victim scarcity
(18:55):
mindset, or to become thesolution and an empowerment,
abundant mindset? And I will bedoing an episode probably next
week on validation, because thisdoesn't ever ever mean.
bypassing your emotions, ofscarcity, of deprivation, of
(19:18):
fear. This means how do you wantto show up as the only person
who can truly ever 100% supportyou your entire life to the
person who's experiencing shame,victimhood, right? How do you
want to show up for that versionof yourself with invalidation of
alcohol or with understanding,with validation with tenderness
(19:44):
with kindness, with a healthyattitude with with solution
based action. So today, we shiftto action we, we started with
the mind, we went to the heartand now we take action more
Moving into the physical, weoften talk about alcohol as a
ritual. Alcohol is not a ritualalcohol is a habit. The
(20:07):
definition of ritual is definedby creating a ceremony in which
the actions and wordings followa prescribed form. Now that
prescription can be somethingthat you've created for
yourself. And again, this issomething like, you know, we
(20:29):
think alcohols is ritual, butI'm sure you weren't like saying
a prayer, every time you drank.
It was like, yes, there was aseries of events. But a ceremony
is a sacred act, it actions thatfollow wording, right, so this
word of this Thanksgivingaddress, so I want to give you
(20:52):
some other ways to bring yoursenses. And this is the process
of alchemy. This is a ceremonyaction, following a prescribed
word, wording following aprescribed form and order. So
(21:13):
this could be a lighting of acandle and three deep breaths.
This could be a dress, aThanksgiving, a dress, and
everyone having the opportunityto state their name and what
they're grateful for. So this isusing our intention to fuel our
actions. And then our actionsare taking tangible things and
(21:39):
waking up our senses. And so nowwe're creating ceremony. Now,
we're actually in a ritual ofcombining form, and our senses
and wording into an event intoaction. And, you know, we kind
(22:00):
of lose, have lost some of thatis even, you know, in my, in my
rituals, that I, in a biggerway, we definitely have more
rituals in my private home. Butthe Thanksgiving address,
actually, in the place of thehot in the Sani people is where
I grew up in upstate New York.
And so I really wanted to bringthat into my, into our
(22:23):
Thanksgiving this year. Because,you know, I feel like it, there
is intention, but the intentionis an express and I think it's a
real missed moment of pause,because why are we here? If we
can't give 20 minutes, then whyare we doing this? Right? If our
attention is only focused onkind of the habitual doesn't
(22:47):
mean, it's bad. But can we giveour sacred attention of this
moment, right, like the pandemicwas so hard, because we were, we
were dispersed from each other.
There is a frequency of theheart. And when our minds are
(23:08):
one, our hearts are one, becauseour thoughts create our
emotions. And the frequency ofour heart can be measured and
felt feet outside of our body.
So when we come into heartcoherence with each other, we
don't have to have the samebeliefs. We don't have to be
drinking the same beverage, butwe can unite our minds in our
(23:31):
intention. So that is somethingmy beautiful listener, I want to
invite you to show up to be thechange that you want to see in
some way. So the three thingsthat I talked about a why or why
it's easier. And the best timeof year to do this as for during
(23:54):
this time is for three reasons.
ones. One is because we'rehitting it at all angles. Right?
Like we're overcoming all ofthese objections that we have in
one fell swoop. So that's goingto expedite, like when you can
disprove all a bunch of yourbeliefs and really hone in on
(24:16):
that in one circumstance. You'regoing to expedite your results
because you're going to have allof this new evidence to the
contrary of what you've beenbelieving about alcohol. You're
gonna dive in to the gift of theseason, which is the sacred why
(24:38):
which is the sentiment, which islike the generosity, the giving,
the being receptive toreceiving. Right. And we have to
do this by focusing ourintention by opening our heart
and aligning with our values andmaking decisions from there. The
act of generosity, like if youjust took that as your Only
(25:00):
focus and receiving withoutexpectation that could get you
so far. So we take the naturalgifts of the season of shining
the light, brighter in thedarkness, right if we're just
looking at the cyclical natureof the earth, and we let that
guide our emotions. And then thethird reason is the
(25:23):
amplification of our mostpowerful part of our human
experience, which is our senses,what we see what we hear what we
smell, what we taste what wetouch what we remember, like
when you hug, hug on the leftside, heart to heart, really
embrace people see if you canget him in there for an extra
(25:45):
three seconds. Right? What arethe textures that you're
touching the warm cozy sweatersmaybe buying yourself like a
nice bling, like cozy outfit,right? Something like fancy and
valora, some velvet, somethingsoft to the touch the smells,
the fragrances, the pine, thepine that connects us and
(26:09):
grounds us to the earth all havethe sense of the season, of the
different flavors of the foodsthat we don't eat only during
this time of year. What are allof those the candles that are
lit, the ambiance, the lightsfrom different decorations, the
(26:30):
prayers, the songs, the games,the crafting, the getting fancy,
ritual is the gift of this timeof the year. And it's not
limited to alcohol, becausealcohol is not even a ritual.
Give yourself time to transitionnaturally, by immersing yourself
(26:55):
with your senses, which iswhat's going to turn your direct
experience network online. Sowhen we come to our senses, and
we anchor our attention into thepresent moment, we bring our
direct experience networkonline. So when we're
overwhelmed, and we fall backinto that habitual patterning,
(27:16):
which is kind of the fightflight freeze, of drinking, we
bring our senses online. So Iwant you to focus and decide on
one thing for each scent, scentsense, human sense that you want
to focus on throughout theseason, and maybe you pick one
song, maybe you pick a poem thatyou want to bring it, pick a new
(27:39):
game, like and really do it.
Because this is how you createchange. One of the breakthrough
thoughts for the week from myclients was if I want change, I
have to do something different.
winding down, quote unquote,which is always like an excuse
(28:01):
of alcohol is just getting woundup from the anticipation of
drinking half of the winding upthat your experience is just
waiting for the alcohol. So ifyou're not anticipating the
drinking, and you'reanticipating other things that
you're going to intentionallyget excited about the actions
(28:22):
that you're going to take,you're not going to have that
need to wind down. So you leadwith that intention we created
from last week with your sacredy as the idea of who do you be
when you show up as future focusversion of yourself who takes
(28:46):
action using all of theirsenses? Who are you becoming?
And how does that version ofyourself who is thrilled that
alcohol is no longer a part ofyour abundant life. And you can
solve any problem because youknow how to focus on the
solutions coming from insidefocus on shifting your mindset
and becoming mindful of thepresent moment. So this version
(29:10):
of yourself doesn't do thesethings. So these are the common
mistakes that you want to avoid.
make it harder to say no judgingother people and their drinking
habits. Making excuses for yourdrinking. Versus just saying no
thank you or totally embracingthat you're taking personal
responsibility for thethe radiant health that you're
(29:33):
creating. Right. Like all that,that's so powerful. You don't
want to have expectations of howanyone else needs to show up,
but yourself. That's going tomake it so much easier to say no
to a drink because you're notgoing to be disappointed. You're
(29:55):
not going to have theexpectation of being let down
Things that make it harder tosay no is not going all out,
like showing up and like, youknow, get cozy, but like bring
the bling, go all out on yourgift wrapping go out on the
taking that like extraopportunity to like bake a pie,
(30:19):
bake your pumpkin and do realpumpkin versus canned pumpkin,
or like juicing some oranges tobring for a special elixir that
you want to bring, put someglitter on, bring a special new
game, do something outside ofthe norm. And if I know you, I
have a feeling you go all outanyway. So like go all out and
(30:44):
be in it like this. So excitedabout it. Don't show up empty
handed. Bring something inalignment with this version of
your intention of who you arebeing not deciding ahead of time
your resolve, you do not leaveit up to chance, don't see how
(31:11):
it goes, decide now, bring allof these tools with you make
your list now and check ittwice. Before you walk out the
door. It only takes a fewminutes. This is the action you
have to take. If you want longterm result you have you can't
take shortcuts. Okay? This isthe version of yourself you have
(31:37):
to show up for but it's nothard, it's simple. You just have
to do things differently thanyou've done them before. And
don't be the person to distractyourself with over consuming
this time of year. If you'regoing to do it lead with your
intention. Right enjoy yourselfenjoy the food, enjoy the
(32:00):
dessert, but notice it in lightof not drinking, how much more
you can taste, I'm going to giveyou a little hint, there is no
such thing as wine pairings.
Okay? I think that doesn'tactually exist. Alcohol numbs
(32:21):
and kills all of our taste buds.
So you can just take that off ofyour plate for why it's not
going to be the same. Your roastand your red wine, you're going
to enjoy all of your food somuch more, you're going to have
less dessert because you'regoing to be more mindful, you're
gonna like really embrace theflavors that everything you're
(32:44):
tasting, you're not going tofeel the need to be obligated to
over consume, because you'regoing to be leading with that
intention. I'm going to leaveyou with another list of
questions that I want you toanswer that are going to help
cultivate the way that you takeaction and the type of actions
(33:07):
that you take for who you bewhen you show up as your future
focused self. Indulging in yoursenses, all of them. Not from a
place of gluttony from a placeof presence, and mindfulness and
(33:28):
abundance, and groundedness orshifting from the mindset of
uncertainty and scarcity to Iknow how to engage with my
senses, that's the most humanpart of who you are, is what is
going to help expedite andcreate new memories for you.
I'll add these to the shownotes. But here's a few
(33:54):
questions of how to feelconfident empowered, rather than
feeling left out. And shiftingfrom black and white thinking to
all you know from all or nothingto the both and like it's gonna
be different. But it's gonna beawesome. It's gonna be new, but
it's gonna be exciting. Right?
(34:20):
And that's good. How is it truethat you have belonged before
the need to be accepted?
Acceptance is a construct. Doyou want to fit in and be the
same? Or stand out because youare claiming self authority? And
(34:41):
why? Either one fit in to be thesame or stand out because you're
claiming self authority. Eitherone of those answers were fine,
but decide on which one and why.
What do all human beings Observeas their birthright that's going
(35:04):
to take you into non judging nonexpectation for yourself and for
the other. How can you seeeveryone in that light of what
we deserve as a human birthright? The skill set that you
(35:25):
need to learn, to continue tocreate this immersive experience
is how to use compassion andgenerosity to fuel your
intention to your future self.
And remind yourself of thatagain, and again and again. And
that's the opportunity thattakes place in our one on one
(35:46):
coaching weekly sessions. You dothat for yourself about your
thoughts, and others, how toplan ahead of time using the ETA
process, how to understand andwitness the emotions in your
body. So that you don't, you canallow yourself to settle
(36:11):
naturally into new situationsthat you can experience them in
your body versus in your brain.
We use the method called thesacred pause to really explore
that. Generating and seeking newevidence through evaluation and
(36:34):
accountability. Creating yourbelief goal, to decide how that
future focused version ofyourself shows up. And making
decisions in alignment with yourvalues through the life
intention. So it's time to pullback the curtain and disprove
(36:57):
the story that you're believingabout alcohol. And you're here,
because you're missing somethingin your life, and you are ready
to create more meaning. Moreconnection, more abundance, more
possibility. And I am so, sothrilled that you are here, I
(37:21):
would really encourage you to goback through these episodes and
listen, and really set sit downthe time it literally would take
you 20 minutes to do this. So noexcuses. And I want to invite
you to do to start this work.
Now. I want you to learn thisprocess, and develop these
skills that I just outlined. Thelife intention, the eta, how to
(37:44):
make decisions in alignment withyour values, and the sacred
pause method. Waiting to developthese skills means waiting to
have certainty of your healthand your happiness. Waiting to
develop these skills meanswaiting for the results that
(38:04):
these skills create, likepursuing all of your other
goals, having betterrelationships being present for
your children, being in controlof your health, your mental and
physical health, having clarityof mind being in control of
turning your dreams intoreality. The program is broken
(38:27):
down into five simple steps. Andthis is every part of awakening
from alcohol. Getting a newperspective on an old habit is
what we're doing. It's notresources, its resourcefulness,
(38:51):
right. Like you have resourcesto tap into. It's your
resourcefulness for acquiringthem, and then utilizing them.
How are you using your resourcesto create the change in your
(39:11):
relationship to yourself, akaalcohol that you want to see, to
immerse yourself not just inthis one hour every day.
But to learn a new language,right? The solution is to create
(39:33):
an intentional shift ofperspective, to gather evidence
and create a new belief aboutwho you want to be in the world
that is contrary to the need ofalcohol being important at all.
And to develop a beautifulcompassionate curiosity towards
(39:55):
your human experience, yoursenses and your own emotions.
And to anchor that into yourwhy, even when old habits show
up, even when old thoughts showup, even when doubt shows up,
you anchor into this, why these,what I like to call spiritual
(40:19):
triggers again and again andagain. And so these steps work
to generate new awareness tomanage your mind. And to
dismantle old behavior andbelief patterns, create
emotional intimacy, relationshipto yourself, and the self
concept that you're creating.
I'm the woman who no longerrequires alcohol or cares. And
(40:42):
it's part of, of your life.
Commitment and personalresponsibility is what the
accountability and evaluationthat I get to do with you one on
one creates, you get to learnthis process immediately on
demand, when you start theprocess of coaching, and you can
(41:06):
go through this process in theshortest time is 30 days, or you
have access to it forever. Forreference. You either learn to
develop a new relationship toalcohol, or I continue to work
with you until you do. Thishappens through different
(41:30):
modalities of one on one weeklycoaching, a classroom portal
container where you have mybrain downloaded. And then it
works with you to really workyour brain and self coach
yourself so that we can pull outall of your old belief patterns.
(41:54):
And because you have probablystarted programs in the past,
like we all have, and you'velearned a lot, but you can't
really check in and you don'thave the backup support and
accountability. To let you knowif you're on the right track and
making progress. You want toknow am I doing this, right? But
(42:15):
there's just like no one outthere to ask. Many of my clients
come to me feeling afraid oflike just falling behind or
they're not going to figure itout. I created in the program, a
process called get coached 24/7You can go inside of the client
(42:39):
portal of empowerment everysingle day, and submit any
question you have about theprocess, and any coaching you
need on planning ahead of timeor processing emotions. And you
can get help with shifting yourperspective intentionally. You
can work on your confidence withyourself. You can get pre event
(43:00):
coaching, post event coachingand develop your mindset for
overcoming your own habitualobjections. You can ask any
anything. This is full timecoaching support, and it is
included in side of my one onone mentorship, and then stop
drinking and start livingcourse, which is the podcast
(43:23):
like 100x. And they also knowthat sometimes you just want to
ask a quick question or getadvice. And you want to
celebrate, create a new futureself concept and feel connected.
And that's where I come in tohelp you set up your mindset in
(43:45):
the process before, during andafter. So you always feel like
you have support. Even whenyou're working on your own. I
decided I wanted to make thevalue 10 times what someone
(44:09):
would pay to join that portionof the program. And I wanted to
offer you the deepest level ofsupport I could. So I added the
weekly live one on one privatecoaching with just me and you to
make sure that you can doeverything in real time with me
(44:32):
as your advocate, and guidingyou intimately through the
process to set selfaccountability, clarity and
commitment. This takes my clientoff to the implementation
process of using the five shiftsin every other area of your
life. You learn so much aboutyourself that you didn't even
(44:59):
know what in there, it's such anamazing process. And it truly is
your first and biggestbreakthrough. Just like
overcoming all of yourobjections about the holiday
season, by making what I trulybelieve, is the most important
(45:20):
and sacred investment you willever make in your life. You
overcome and dismantle so manybeliefs about what it means to
invest in yourself, and what atrue investment is, outside of
the conditioned beliefs that wehave really been led to believe
(45:44):
about what it creates value inour life. And what I have
learned more than anything,through my journey of coaching
and spirituality, and mindset.
And mindfulness is the numberone guarantee, investment on
your return you can make is inyour own mind, because it truly
(46:09):
is the only place where you havethe most control, and you can
learn to evaluate it, you caninvest in the stock market, you
can buy a new car, you canremodel your house, you can go
on vacation, but nothing isgoing to give you the return on
your investment, like it willwith yourself. Because the
(46:33):
impact that it has on everyother area of your life, it is
truly the most sacred gift andopportunity you could ever give
yourself permission to do iswork through the process of the
(46:54):
journey of awakening. Withsupport, it is the ultimate way
to validate where you are rightnow. And say without apology, or
permission from anyone else.
This is what I deserve, to knowmyself, to know how to manage my
(47:18):
mind to solve for alcohol, andall of the problems I thought
alcohol was solving for, this iswhat you truly deserve, I am
available for you, there's onlya few opportunities left for the
rest of the year to get on theschedule to start the process
(47:39):
this year, or to get on thewaiting list for 2023. So I'm
going to really encourage youand invite you to take the
opportunity now, while you'resteeped in your done energy and
your sacred, why to take actionto make this investment that's
(48:03):
going to have an impact on therest of your life. Someone just
asked me recently, when is thebest time to start coaching. And
I told them whenever you areready to start making decisions
that are in alignment with yourvalues. When you want to become
the most confident version ofyourself, who doesn't apologize
(48:25):
or ask for permission forradiant health, or to get you to
know yourself on the deepestlevel? So in other words, now,
like why would you ever want towait to make decisions in
alignment with your values, orto start to take full
responsibility for your healthand to get to know yourself on a
(48:46):
deeper level. And you can dothis work on your own, but you
haven't yet.
It's gonna take so much longerand you're gonna miss stuff,
like I just had, I just got offof a call today. And the person
had said, I'm feeling lessreactive because I'm making
myself a priority versusreacting to making other
(49:11):
people's health important. And Isaid, Okay, so you change your
expectations of how other peopleare supposed to behave, you
know, and that is something thatthey hadn't seen in that way.
Right? And so when you have thisthird party observer coming from
(49:33):
love, and only your bestinterests, like when I get on my
coaching calls, it's like thatperson on the other side of it,
my coach, they only want me tosolve that problem that I come
to them with so that I can feelbetter and get to the results I
want and to having more fun andenjoying my life more. Right
(49:54):
like that's only why we're everthere and being the advocate for
your dreams. Like Making yourdreams the decision that you're
having right now, the result ofgetting alcohol out of your way
will last you a lifetime. And itapplies to every other goal you
will reach. So the five shiftsyou use for this, then you use
(50:15):
for your next thing, then you'reused for your next thing. And
I'm never, I'm not saying you'llnever have another coach again.
But the five shifts is going tochange the way you show up for
your health and wellness, foryour relationship to food to
your relationship with yourspouse, your children, your
family, you know, to do all ofthe things that you want, the
(50:35):
impact you create will rippleinto your life and touch every
person you know and meet fromthis point forward in a profound
way, I do not take this worklightly. And I know you don't
either. And it matters becausethe quality of your life
matters. If you don't havehealth on every level, you can't
do all of the other thingsbecause and it is going to get
(51:00):
harder to change yourrelationship to alcohol. And
it's as far as I'm concerned, ifyou're here, this is the best
program for you. The resultsthat we are having right now in
the program are inspiring me totake action like I didn't even
know it was possible, likeclients right now are blowing my
(51:20):
mind, I am so proud of them.
Just such a big shout out forthem taking the opportunity to
go beyond their limiting beliefsand say yes, to aligning with
their why. And now they're likedoing things that they never
(51:44):
thought possible in such a shortamount of time. The confidence
to show up at family gatherings,we just plan for all of the
holiday celebrations. Andeveryone's prepared. It's
amazing. When you learn how toobserve your thinking and take
(52:05):
intentional action toward theresult that you want, you can
solve the problem with alcoholand every thing that you thought
alcohol was solving. You immerseyourself in learning a new way.
So you've got to turn up thevolume on saying hell yes to
life. By creating and makingyour health and well being the
(52:30):
most valuable thing in your lifeto invest in, there is nothing
else. So right now, in the shownotes, go to the link to the
schedule. Or you can reply to meif we've talked before, and just
say, Hell, yes, I'm all in. Andwe will get you going on demand
(52:51):
and the client portal ofempowerment. And you won't
believe the shift that happens.
I don't even think in 30 days. Imean, I'm seeing shifts from
people in seven days, 14 days,21 days, it is blowing my mind
right now. This is my guaranteeto you. I think you're so brave
(53:17):
for being here. And I know howmuch more you deserve and how
much more is available to yourlife. Once alcohol is out of the
way, but you've got to show upfor yourself in a new way.
You've got to invest and becomeresourceful in a new way. That
(53:38):
is the kind of mindset that ittakes to change your
relationship to alcohol. Andthat is why this process works
so quickly, and so efficiently.
I'm all in if you're all in andyou can show up with an open
mind and an open heart. Andtogether there is nothing that
(54:01):
we can't do. Have an amazing,amazing week, and I'll talk to
you soon.
Hi, it's Mary Wagstaff. I wantto personally invite you to
spend one hour with me one onone. Because you deserve to know
what's holding you back is yourtime. Alcohol has had its fair
(54:24):
share. We're going to talk aboutpossibilities about how to align
your thoughts and actions withyour dreams and what matters
most to you about why alcohol isno longer suited for the life
you want to live. How you canget on the fast track to freedom
from alcohol and stay therewithout deprivation. Follow the
link in the show notes or on mywebsite Mary Wagstaff coach.com
(54:47):
To schedule your complimentarycall and get a new perspective
on an old habit
Do you ever feel like you'reoutgrowing alcohol, that you are
longing for a deeper connectionto life? If alcohol is keeping
you playing small and feels likethe one area, you just can't
figure out you are in the rightplace. Hi, my name is Mary
Wagstaff. I'm a Holistic alcoholcoach who ended a 20 year
relationship to alcohol withoutlabels, counting days or ever
(00:24):
making excuses. Now I helppowerful women just like you
eliminate their desire to drinkon their own terms. In this
podcast, we will explore therevolutionary approach of my
proven five shifts process thatgets alcohol out of your way by
breaking all of the rules andthe profound experience that it
is to rediscover who you are onthe other side of alcohol. I am
(00:48):
so thrilled to be your guide.
Welcome to your journey ofawakening.
Hello, my beautiful listeners.
Welcome back to the show, forour final part to our three part
series, celebrating theholidays, alcohol free and why
it's the best and actuallyeasiest time to do. So I'm
thrilled that you're here. Iapologize for my voice. I kind
(01:09):
of at the tail end of a littlebit of laryngitis that I get
every year. But I'm committed tobringing you this episode. And I
wanted to start our show todaywith a beautiful address called
the Thanksgiving address thatcomes to us from the
(01:31):
Haudenosaunee people which is aconfederacy, trot of first
people nations made up of Mohogs Oneidas on and Donna Cayuga
and Seneca tribes of the northeastern part of the US actually
where I am from in upstate NewYork. And it's interesting
(01:55):
because I was I was informedabout this beautiful address
this declaration of of gratitudethrough the book braiding
sweetgrass by Robin wallKimmerer, what which I am slowly
(02:16):
reading to my son. It's anamazing, amazing book about the
relationship from theperspective of this woman who's
a botanist, a mother, and also amember of one of the first
nation tribes here in the UnitedStates, she actually was kind of
from around, she spent some timein this area as well in upstate
New York. But it's just abeautiful sentimental book of
(02:41):
some of the intention that, youknow, the native peoples really
had for, for their life andtheir communion with the land,
that as we grow and have grown,and you know, there's been
colonization and capitalism andpatriarchal power over
(03:05):
structures in our world, that wehave lost some of this meaning
and connection. And theThanksgiving address isn't just
something that the Haudenosauneemade for Thanksgiving, but it
isn't a dress that they thatthey unite their minds and
(03:27):
hearts with, at the beginning ofceremony and times to come
together. Like you would say,Grace, or like the Pledge of
Allegiance, or the NationalAnthem, or something to that
effect, but from just thisreally beautiful unification of
what it means to be human. And Iwas planning on asking
(03:50):
permission, we're going to be ata 30 person, Thanksgiving
celebration at my sister's housethis year. And I wanted to read
this address, because as I'vetraversed the last few years,
especially alcohol free, thiswill be the fourth holiday
(04:12):
season I'll be celebratingalcohol free, which I am very
proud of. And I'm very excitedabout mostly because of it's
allowed me to align my decisionmaking with my values. And that
is what I help my clients dowhen we explore their life
intention is we we explore whatare their values, and it's just
(04:35):
something you know, as adults,we don't often stop to really
intentionally think about. Butthen I was here in upstate New
York, and we went to this museumand they had a whole exhibit on
the audio Haudenosaunee, whichname translates to the people of
the longhouse and in front,there was a banner of the thanks
(04:57):
Getting a dress so it was justfelt very serendipitous. And in
the books braiding sweetgrass,she has asked for permission
from one of the Onondaga faithkeepers, who says, of course,
you should write about it. It'ssupposed to be shared.
Otherwise, how can it work?
We've been waiting 500 years forpeople to listen. If they
(05:19):
understood the Thanksgiving,then we wouldn't be in this
mess. And so with deepsincerity, and gratitude in my
heart for you and for us,uniting our minds and hearts
together, through the frequencyof awakening from alcohol, I
bring this Thanksgiving addressto you from the bottom of my
(05:41):
heart, and hope that you willcarry it out into your intention
for this holiday season and foryour awakening from alcohol.
Because if we don't stop to leadour lives with more intention,
alcohol will continue to blindour desires. So this is my
(06:04):
invitation to you is to take asacred pause to stop whatever
you're doing, and to really bepresent for this Thanksgiving, a
dress. And thank you so much forlistening. So hot an assignee,
Thanksgiving address, greetingsto the Nash natural world, the
(06:25):
people, Today we have gathered,and we see that the cycles of
life continue, we have beengiven the duty to live in
balance in harmony with eachother, and all living things. So
now we bring our minds togetheras one as we give greetings and
thanks to each other as people.
Now our minds are one, the EarthMother, we are all thankful to
(06:50):
our Earth mother, the earth, forshe gives us all that we need
for life. She supports our feetas we walk about upon her. It
gives us the joy that shecontinues to care for us, as she
has from the beginning of time.
To our mother, we send greetingsand thanks. And now our minds
(07:14):
are one. The waters, we givethanks to all of the waters of
the world for quenching ourthirst and providing us with
strength. Water is life. We knowits power in many forms,
waterfalls and rain, mists andstreams, rivers and oceans. With
(07:37):
one mind, we send greetings andthanks to the spirit of water.
And now our minds are one. Thefish, we turn our minds to all
the fish life in the water. Theywere instructed to cleanse and
purify the water. They also givethemselves to us as food, we are
(07:59):
grateful that we can still findpure water. So we turn now to
the fish and send our Greetingsand thanks. And now our minds
are one the plants we turntowards the vast fields of plant
life. As far as the eye can seethe plants grow, working many
(08:22):
wonders they sustain many lifeforms. With our minds gathered
together, we give thanks andlook forward to seeing plant
life for many generations tocome. Now our minds are one the
food plants with one mind weturn to honor and thank all the
(08:42):
food plants we harvest from thegarden. Since the beginning of
time, the grains vegetables,beans and berries have helped
the people survive. Many otherliving things draw strength from
them to we gather all the plantfoods together as one and send
them a greeting of thanks. Nowour minds are one the medicine
(09:06):
herbs. Now we turn to all themedicine herbs of the world.
From the beginning they wereinstructed to take away
sickness. They are alwayswaiting and ready to heal us. We
are happy they are still amongus. Those special few who
remember how to use these plantsfor healing. With one mind. We
(09:27):
send greetings and thanks to themedicines and to the keepers of
the medicine. And now our mindsare one the animals.
We gather our minds together tosend greetings and thanks to all
the animal life in the world.
They have many things to teachus as people. We are honored by
them and they give up theirlives so we may use their bodies
(09:50):
as food for our people. We seethem near our homes and in the
deep forests. We are glad theyare still here. And we hope that
it will always be so. Now ourminds are one, the trees, we now
turn our thoughts to the trees.
The Earth has many families oftrees, who have their own
(10:13):
instructions in uses. Someprovide us with shelter and
shade, others with fruit, beautyand other useful things. Many of
us you, the world use a tree asa symbol of peace and strength.
With one mind we greet and thinkthe tree of life. Now our minds
are one, the birds, we put ourminds together as one and thank
(10:39):
all the birds who move and flyabout over our heads. The
Creator gave them beautifulsongs. Each day they remind us
to enjoy and appreciate life.
The eagle was chosen to be theirleader to all the birds from the
smallest to the largest. We sendour joyful Greetings and thanks.
Now our minds are one. The fourwinds, we are thankful to the
(11:03):
powers we know as the fourwinds, we hear their voices in
the air as they refresh us andpurify the air we breathe. They
help us to bring change of theseasons. From the four
directions they come bringing usmessages and giving us strength
with one mind. We send ourGreetings and thanks to the four
(11:27):
winds. Now our minds are one thethunders now we turn to the
west, where our grandfather'sthe thunder beings live. With
lightning and thundering voices.
They bring with them the waterthat renews life. We are
(11:48):
thankful that they keep thoseevil things made. By oak Weiser
is underground. We bring ourmind together as one to send
greetings and thanks to ourgrandfathers for thunders. Now
our minds are one, the sun. Wenow send greetings and thanks to
(12:10):
our eldest brother the sun eachday without fail, he travels the
sky from east to west, bringingthe light of a new day. He is
the source of all the fires oflife. With one mind we send
greetings and thanks to ourbrother, the sun. Now our minds
our one grandmother moon, we putour minds together to give
(12:35):
thanks to our oldestgrandmother, the moon, who
lights the nighttime sky. She isthe leader of women all over the
world, and she governs themovement of the ocean tides. By
her changing face, we measuretime, and it is the Moon who
watches over the arrival ofchildren here on Earth. With one
(12:59):
mind we send greetings andthanks to our grandmother the
moon. Now our minds are one. Thestars. We give thanks to the
stars who are spread across thesky like jewelry. We see them in
the night, helping the moon tolight the darkness and bring do
(13:20):
to the gardens and growingthings. When we travel at night
They guide us home. Our mindsgathered together as one, we
send greetings and thanks to thestars. Now our minds are one,
the Enlightened teachers, wegather our minds to greet and
thank the Enlightened teacherswho have come to help us
(13:40):
throughout the ages. When weforget how to live in harmony,
they remind us of the way wewere instructed to live as
people with one mind we sendgreetings and thanks to these
caring teachers. Now our mindsare one, the Creator. Now we
turn our thoughts to the creatoror a great spirit and send
greetings and thanks for all thegreat gifts of creation.
(14:05):
Everything we need to live agood life is here on this Mother
Earth. For all the love that isstill around us. We gather our
minds together as one and sendour choices, words of greetings
and things to the Creator. Nowour minds are one closing words.
We have now arrived at the placewhere we end our words of all
(14:30):
the things we have named. It wasnot our intention to leave
anything out. Something wasforgotten. We leave it to each
individual to send suchGreetings and thanks in their
own way. Now our minds are onethis translation of the Mohawk
version of the hotness SaniThanksgiving address was
developed and published in 1993and provided courtesy of the Six
(14:53):
Nations Indian Museum andtracking project and I wanted to
say a special thanks to abovebraiding sweetgrass and Robin
wall Kimmerer, for bringing thisbook into my life or this
address into my life, and to thehardness Sani people, the lands
where I currently am recordingthis episode, and to all of you
(15:16):
listening. So just taking amoment, in whatever way this
resonated with you to connect toyour intention, and maybe even
bringing this address into yourcelebrations for the season. So
thank you for your time forlistening to this. And this was
how I wanted to start the showbecause it also is how the third
(15:38):
part of our series here is goingto end. So if you've been
listening to this three partseries of how to celebrate the
holidays, alcohol free and whyit's the best and easiest time,
in part one, we talked about themind and getting clear and aware
(15:59):
of your habitual thoughts of whyit won't work in bringing in
some, some new thoughts, butfocusing on some new thoughts
that are actually thoughts thatyou believe that are more
neutral to positive of what thistime of year means to you, and
what are just some neutralfacts. Part Two was coming into
(16:23):
your sacred why deeply deeply ofwhy you're actually here, not
what the holidays mean to you,but why you are wanting to, and
I say change your relationshipto alcohol, but when you but
what that really means is changeyour relationship to yourself.
(16:45):
And so when we can take thatintention, and fuel it and bring
it into the forefront as ourmain priority, it is going to
shift your energy for how you'reshowing up because you're going
to be more focused on whatyou're saying yes to your
intention for why you're hereversus what you're what you
(17:07):
think you're giving up. Right.
So if we only focus on theproblem, we can stay in the
negative of deprivation, andwhat I talked about last week of
uncertainty, but if we talkabout creating the solution or
being the solution, then we'removing more towards the
negative, which creates justmore energy in our life. And I
kind of wanted to go backbriefly to this piece of we
(17:30):
often talk about alcohol, and Isay changing your relationship
to alcohol, because I've got tosay something that you know is
in line with our mainstreambeliefs of thinking. Because
you're not really changing yourrelationship to alcohol at all.
Alcohol just sits there, right?
You're not breaking up withalcohol. Alcohol was never a
(17:52):
lover, it was never a bestfriend. It was never any of
these things. It was a liquid ina glass. This is how you are
relating to yourself, yourrelationship to alcohol begins
and ends with your relationshipto yourself. Okay, so don't give
alcohol any more credit as aconfidant that was you and how
(18:13):
you knew how to show up foryourself. And it worked for a
while. And now what's not,right. So I want there to be
like this little bit more matureperspective to come in of like,
alcohol is a liquid in theglass. It's a fact anyone would
agree with that. Okay, whenwe're changing a relationship
with a real person, there'sanother person involved, which
(18:35):
we're relating to. And that ispart of the journey of awakening
as well. But when we think aboutchanging our relationship to
alcohol, it is how do we want toshow up for ourselves? How do we
want to have our own back? Howdo we want to solve our problems
by focusing on the problem andmore of a victim scarcity
(18:55):
mindset, or to become thesolution and an empowerment,
abundant mindset? And I will bedoing an episode probably next
week on validation, because thisdoesn't ever ever mean.
bypassing your emotions, ofscarcity, of deprivation, of
(19:18):
fear. This means how do you wantto show up as the only person
who can truly ever 100% supportyou your entire life to the
person who's experiencing shame,victimhood, right? How do you
want to show up for that versionof yourself with invalidation of
alcohol or with understanding,with validation with tenderness
(19:44):
with kindness, with a healthyattitude with with solution
based action. So today, we shiftto action we, we started with
the mind, we went to the heartand now we take action more
Moving into the physical, weoften talk about alcohol as a
ritual. Alcohol is not a ritualalcohol is a habit. The
(20:07):
definition of ritual is definedby creating a ceremony in which
the actions and wordings followa prescribed form. Now that
prescription can be somethingthat you've created for
yourself. And again, this issomething like, you know, we
(20:29):
think alcohols is ritual, butI'm sure you weren't like saying
a prayer, every time you drank.
It was like, yes, there was aseries of events. But a ceremony
is a sacred act, it actions thatfollow wording, right, so this
word of this Thanksgivingaddress, so I want to give you
(20:52):
some other ways to bring yoursenses. And this is the process
of alchemy. This is a ceremonyaction, following a prescribed
word, wording following aprescribed form and order. So
(21:13):
this could be a lighting of acandle and three deep breaths.
This could be a dress, aThanksgiving, a dress, and
everyone having the opportunityto state their name and what
they're grateful for. So this isusing our intention to fuel our
actions. And then our actionsare taking tangible things and
(21:39):
waking up our senses. And so nowwe're creating ceremony. Now,
we're actually in a ritual ofcombining form, and our senses
and wording into an event intoaction. And, you know, we kind
(22:00):
of lose, have lost some of thatis even, you know, in my, in my
rituals, that I, in a biggerway, we definitely have more
rituals in my private home. Butthe Thanksgiving address,
actually, in the place of thehot in the Sani people is where
I grew up in upstate New York.
And so I really wanted to bringthat into my, into our
(22:23):
Thanksgiving this year. Because,you know, I feel like it, there
is intention, but the intentionis an express and I think it's a
real missed moment of pause,because why are we here? If we
can't give 20 minutes, then whyare we doing this? Right? If our
attention is only focused onkind of the habitual doesn't
(22:47):
mean, it's bad. But can we giveour sacred attention of this
moment, right, like the pandemicwas so hard, because we were, we
were dispersed from each other.
There is a frequency of theheart. And when our minds are
(23:08):
one, our hearts are one, becauseour thoughts create our
emotions. And the frequency ofour heart can be measured and
felt feet outside of our body.
So when we come into heartcoherence with each other, we
don't have to have the samebeliefs. We don't have to be
drinking the same beverage, butwe can unite our minds in our
(23:31):
intention. So that is somethingmy beautiful listener, I want to
invite you to show up to be thechange that you want to see in
some way. So the three thingsthat I talked about a why or why
it's easier. And the best timeof year to do this as for during
(23:54):
this time is for three reasons.
ones. One is because we'rehitting it at all angles. Right?
Like we're overcoming all ofthese objections that we have in
one fell swoop. So that's goingto expedite, like when you can
disprove all a bunch of yourbeliefs and really hone in on
(24:16):
that in one circumstance. You'regoing to expedite your results
because you're going to have allof this new evidence to the
contrary of what you've beenbelieving about alcohol. You're
gonna dive in to the gift of theseason, which is the sacred why
(24:38):
which is the sentiment, which islike the generosity, the giving,
the being receptive toreceiving. Right. And we have to
do this by focusing ourintention by opening our heart
and aligning with our values andmaking decisions from there. The
act of generosity, like if youjust took that as your Only
(25:00):
focus and receiving withoutexpectation that could get you
so far. So we take the naturalgifts of the season of shining
the light, brighter in thedarkness, right if we're just
looking at the cyclical natureof the earth, and we let that
guide our emotions. And then thethird reason is the
(25:23):
amplification of our mostpowerful part of our human
experience, which is our senses,what we see what we hear what we
smell, what we taste what wetouch what we remember, like
when you hug, hug on the leftside, heart to heart, really
embrace people see if you canget him in there for an extra
(25:45):
three seconds. Right? What arethe textures that you're
touching the warm cozy sweatersmaybe buying yourself like a
nice bling, like cozy outfit,right? Something like fancy and
valora, some velvet, somethingsoft to the touch the smells,
the fragrances, the pine, thepine that connects us and
(26:09):
grounds us to the earth all havethe sense of the season, of the
different flavors of the foodsthat we don't eat only during
this time of year. What are allof those the candles that are
lit, the ambiance, the lightsfrom different decorations, the
(26:30):
prayers, the songs, the games,the crafting, the getting fancy,
ritual is the gift of this timeof the year. And it's not
limited to alcohol, becausealcohol is not even a ritual.
Give yourself time to transitionnaturally, by immersing yourself
(26:55):
with your senses, which iswhat's going to turn your direct
experience network online. Sowhen we come to our senses, and
we anchor our attention into thepresent moment, we bring our
direct experience networkonline. So when we're
overwhelmed, and we fall backinto that habitual patterning,
(27:16):
which is kind of the fightflight freeze, of drinking, we
bring our senses online. So Iwant you to focus and decide on
one thing for each scent, scentsense, human sense that you want
to focus on throughout theseason, and maybe you pick one
song, maybe you pick a poem thatyou want to bring it, pick a new
(27:39):
game, like and really do it.
Because this is how you createchange. One of the breakthrough
thoughts for the week from myclients was if I want change, I
have to do something different.
winding down, quote unquote,which is always like an excuse
(28:01):
of alcohol is just getting woundup from the anticipation of
drinking half of the winding upthat your experience is just
waiting for the alcohol. So ifyou're not anticipating the
drinking, and you'reanticipating other things that
you're going to intentionallyget excited about the actions
(28:22):
that you're going to take,you're not going to have that
need to wind down. So you leadwith that intention we created
from last week with your sacredy as the idea of who do you be
when you show up as future focusversion of yourself who takes
(28:46):
action using all of theirsenses? Who are you becoming?
And how does that version ofyourself who is thrilled that
alcohol is no longer a part ofyour abundant life. And you can
solve any problem because youknow how to focus on the
solutions coming from insidefocus on shifting your mindset
and becoming mindful of thepresent moment. So this version
(29:10):
of yourself doesn't do thesethings. So these are the common
mistakes that you want to avoid.
make it harder to say no judgingother people and their drinking
habits. Making excuses for yourdrinking. Versus just saying no
thank you or totally embracingthat you're taking personal
responsibility for thethe radiant health that you're
(29:33):
creating. Right. Like all that,that's so powerful. You don't
want to have expectations of howanyone else needs to show up,
but yourself. That's going tomake it so much easier to say no
to a drink because you're notgoing to be disappointed. You're
(29:55):
not going to have theexpectation of being let down
Things that make it harder tosay no is not going all out,
like showing up and like, youknow, get cozy, but like bring
the bling, go all out on yourgift wrapping go out on the
taking that like extraopportunity to like bake a pie,
(30:19):
bake your pumpkin and do realpumpkin versus canned pumpkin,
or like juicing some oranges tobring for a special elixir that
you want to bring, put someglitter on, bring a special new
game, do something outside ofthe norm. And if I know you, I
have a feeling you go all outanyway. So like go all out and
(30:44):
be in it like this. So excitedabout it. Don't show up empty
handed. Bring something inalignment with this version of
your intention of who you arebeing not deciding ahead of time
your resolve, you do not leaveit up to chance, don't see how
(31:11):
it goes, decide now, bring allof these tools with you make
your list now and check ittwice. Before you walk out the
door. It only takes a fewminutes. This is the action you
have to take. If you want longterm result you have you can't
take shortcuts. Okay? This isthe version of yourself you have
(31:37):
to show up for but it's nothard, it's simple. You just have
to do things differently thanyou've done them before. And
don't be the person to distractyourself with over consuming
this time of year. If you'regoing to do it lead with your
intention. Right enjoy yourselfenjoy the food, enjoy the
(32:00):
dessert, but notice it in lightof not drinking, how much more
you can taste, I'm going to giveyou a little hint, there is no
such thing as wine pairings.
Okay? I think that doesn'tactually exist. Alcohol numbs
(32:21):
and kills all of our taste buds.
So you can just take that off ofyour plate for why it's not
going to be the same. Your roastand your red wine, you're going
to enjoy all of your food somuch more, you're going to have
less dessert because you'regoing to be more mindful, you're
gonna like really embrace theflavors that everything you're
(32:44):
tasting, you're not going tofeel the need to be obligated to
over consume, because you'regoing to be leading with that
intention. I'm going to leaveyou with another list of
questions that I want you toanswer that are going to help
cultivate the way that you takeaction and the type of actions
(33:07):
that you take for who you bewhen you show up as your future
focused self. Indulging in yoursenses, all of them. Not from a
place of gluttony from a placeof presence, and mindfulness and
(33:28):
abundance, and groundedness orshifting from the mindset of
uncertainty and scarcity to Iknow how to engage with my
senses, that's the most humanpart of who you are, is what is
going to help expedite andcreate new memories for you.
I'll add these to the shownotes. But here's a few
(33:54):
questions of how to feelconfident empowered, rather than
feeling left out. And shiftingfrom black and white thinking to
all you know from all or nothingto the both and like it's gonna
be different. But it's gonna beawesome. It's gonna be new, but
it's gonna be exciting. Right?
(34:20):
And that's good. How is it truethat you have belonged before
the need to be accepted?
Acceptance is a construct. Doyou want to fit in and be the
same? Or stand out because youare claiming self authority? And
(34:41):
why? Either one fit in to be thesame or stand out because you're
claiming self authority. Eitherone of those answers were fine,
but decide on which one and why.
What do all human beings Observeas their birthright that's going
(35:04):
to take you into non judging nonexpectation for yourself and for
the other. How can you seeeveryone in that light of what
we deserve as a human birthright? The skill set that you
(35:25):
need to learn, to continue tocreate this immersive experience
is how to use compassion andgenerosity to fuel your
intention to your future self.
And remind yourself of thatagain, and again and again. And
that's the opportunity thattakes place in our one on one
(35:46):
coaching weekly sessions. You dothat for yourself about your
thoughts, and others, how toplan ahead of time using the ETA
process, how to understand andwitness the emotions in your
body. So that you don't, you canallow yourself to settle
(36:11):
naturally into new situationsthat you can experience them in
your body versus in your brain.
We use the method called thesacred pause to really explore
that. Generating and seeking newevidence through evaluation and
(36:34):
accountability. Creating yourbelief goal, to decide how that
future focused version ofyourself shows up. And making
decisions in alignment with yourvalues through the life
intention. So it's time to pullback the curtain and disprove
(36:57):
the story that you're believingabout alcohol. And you're here,
because you're missing somethingin your life, and you are ready
to create more meaning. Moreconnection, more abundance, more
possibility. And I am so, sothrilled that you are here, I
(37:21):
would really encourage you to goback through these episodes and
listen, and really set sit downthe time it literally would take
you 20 minutes to do this. So noexcuses. And I want to invite
you to do to start this work.
Now. I want you to learn thisprocess, and develop these
skills that I just outlined. Thelife intention, the eta, how to
(37:44):
make decisions in alignment withyour values, and the sacred
pause method. Waiting to developthese skills means waiting to
have certainty of your healthand your happiness. Waiting to
develop these skills meanswaiting for the results that
(38:04):
these skills create, likepursuing all of your other
goals, having betterrelationships being present for
your children, being in controlof your health, your mental and
physical health, having clarityof mind being in control of
turning your dreams intoreality. The program is broken
(38:27):
down into five simple steps. Andthis is every part of awakening
from alcohol. Getting a newperspective on an old habit is
what we're doing. It's notresources, its resourcefulness,
(38:51):
right. Like you have resourcesto tap into. It's your
resourcefulness for acquiringthem, and then utilizing them.
How are you using your resourcesto create the change in your
(39:11):
relationship to yourself, akaalcohol that you want to see, to
immerse yourself not just inthis one hour every day.
But to learn a new language,right? The solution is to create
(39:33):
an intentional shift ofperspective, to gather evidence
and create a new belief aboutwho you want to be in the world
that is contrary to the need ofalcohol being important at all.
And to develop a beautifulcompassionate curiosity towards
(39:55):
your human experience, yoursenses and your own emotions.
And to anchor that into yourwhy, even when old habits show
up, even when old thoughts showup, even when doubt shows up,
you anchor into this, why these,what I like to call spiritual
(40:19):
triggers again and again andagain. And so these steps work
to generate new awareness tomanage your mind. And to
dismantle old behavior andbelief patterns, create
emotional intimacy, relationshipto yourself, and the self
concept that you're creating.
I'm the woman who no longerrequires alcohol or cares. And
(40:42):
it's part of, of your life.
Commitment and personalresponsibility is what the
accountability and evaluationthat I get to do with you one on
one creates, you get to learnthis process immediately on
demand, when you start theprocess of coaching, and you can
(41:06):
go through this process in theshortest time is 30 days, or you
have access to it forever. Forreference. You either learn to
develop a new relationship toalcohol, or I continue to work
with you until you do. Thishappens through different
(41:30):
modalities of one on one weeklycoaching, a classroom portal
container where you have mybrain downloaded. And then it
works with you to really workyour brain and self coach
yourself so that we can pull outall of your old belief patterns.
(41:54):
And because you have probablystarted programs in the past,
like we all have, and you'velearned a lot, but you can't
really check in and you don'thave the backup support and
accountability. To let you knowif you're on the right track and
making progress. You want toknow am I doing this, right? But
(42:15):
there's just like no one outthere to ask. Many of my clients
come to me feeling afraid oflike just falling behind or
they're not going to figure itout. I created in the program, a
process called get coached 24/7You can go inside of the client
(42:39):
portal of empowerment everysingle day, and submit any
question you have about theprocess, and any coaching you
need on planning ahead of timeor processing emotions. And you
can get help with shifting yourperspective intentionally. You
can work on your confidence withyourself. You can get pre event
(43:00):
coaching, post event coachingand develop your mindset for
overcoming your own habitualobjections. You can ask any
anything. This is full timecoaching support, and it is
included in side of my one onone mentorship, and then stop
drinking and start livingcourse, which is the podcast
(43:23):
like 100x. And they also knowthat sometimes you just want to
ask a quick question or getadvice. And you want to
celebrate, create a new futureself concept and feel connected.
And that's where I come in tohelp you set up your mindset in
(43:45):
the process before, during andafter. So you always feel like
you have support. Even whenyou're working on your own. I
decided I wanted to make thevalue 10 times what someone
(44:09):
would pay to join that portionof the program. And I wanted to
offer you the deepest level ofsupport I could. So I added the
weekly live one on one privatecoaching with just me and you to
make sure that you can doeverything in real time with me
(44:32):
as your advocate, and guidingyou intimately through the
process to set selfaccountability, clarity and
commitment. This takes my clientoff to the implementation
process of using the five shiftsin every other area of your
life. You learn so much aboutyourself that you didn't even
(44:59):
know what in there, it's such anamazing process. And it truly is
your first and biggestbreakthrough. Just like
overcoming all of yourobjections about the holiday
season, by making what I trulybelieve, is the most important
(45:20):
and sacred investment you willever make in your life. You
overcome and dismantle so manybeliefs about what it means to
invest in yourself, and what atrue investment is, outside of
the conditioned beliefs that wehave really been led to believe
(45:44):
about what it creates value inour life. And what I have
learned more than anything,through my journey of coaching
and spirituality, and mindset.
And mindfulness is the numberone guarantee, investment on
your return you can make is inyour own mind, because it truly
(46:09):
is the only place where you havethe most control, and you can
learn to evaluate it, you caninvest in the stock market, you
can buy a new car, you canremodel your house, you can go
on vacation, but nothing isgoing to give you the return on
your investment, like it willwith yourself. Because the
(46:33):
impact that it has on everyother area of your life, it is
truly the most sacred gift andopportunity you could ever give
yourself permission to do iswork through the process of the
(46:54):
journey of awakening. Withsupport, it is the ultimate way
to validate where you are rightnow. And say without apology, or
permission from anyone else.
This is what I deserve, to knowmyself, to know how to manage my
(47:18):
mind to solve for alcohol, andall of the problems I thought
alcohol was solving for, this iswhat you truly deserve, I am
available for you, there's onlya few opportunities left for the
rest of the year to get on theschedule to start the process
(47:39):
this year, or to get on thewaiting list for 2023. So I'm
going to really encourage youand invite you to take the
opportunity now, while you'resteeped in your done energy and
your sacred, why to take actionto make this investment that's
(48:03):
going to have an impact on therest of your life. Someone just
asked me recently, when is thebest time to start coaching. And
I told them whenever you areready to start making decisions
that are in alignment with yourvalues. When you want to become
the most confident version ofyourself, who doesn't apologize
(48:25):
or ask for permission forradiant health, or to get you to
know yourself on the deepestlevel? So in other words, now,
like why would you ever want towait to make decisions in
alignment with your values, orto start to take full
responsibility for your healthand to get to know yourself on a
(48:46):
deeper level. And you can dothis work on your own, but you
haven't yet.
It's gonna take so much longerand you're gonna miss stuff,
like I just had, I just got offof a call today. And the person
had said, I'm feeling lessreactive because I'm making
myself a priority versusreacting to making other
(49:11):
people's health important. And Isaid, Okay, so you change your
expectations of how other peopleare supposed to behave, you
know, and that is something thatthey hadn't seen in that way.
Right? And so when you have thisthird party observer coming from
(49:33):
love, and only your bestinterests, like when I get on my
coaching calls, it's like thatperson on the other side of it,
my coach, they only want me tosolve that problem that I come
to them with so that I can feelbetter and get to the results I
want and to having more fun andenjoying my life more. Right
(49:54):
like that's only why we're everthere and being the advocate for
your dreams. Like Making yourdreams the decision that you're
having right now, the result ofgetting alcohol out of your way
will last you a lifetime. And itapplies to every other goal you
will reach. So the five shiftsyou use for this, then you use
(50:15):
for your next thing, then you'reused for your next thing. And
I'm never, I'm not saying you'llnever have another coach again.
But the five shifts is going tochange the way you show up for
your health and wellness, foryour relationship to food to
your relationship with yourspouse, your children, your
family, you know, to do all ofthe things that you want, the
(50:35):
impact you create will rippleinto your life and touch every
person you know and meet fromthis point forward in a profound
way, I do not take this worklightly. And I know you don't
either. And it matters becausethe quality of your life
matters. If you don't havehealth on every level, you can't
do all of the other thingsbecause and it is going to get
(51:00):
harder to change yourrelationship to alcohol. And
it's as far as I'm concerned, ifyou're here, this is the best
program for you. The resultsthat we are having right now in
the program are inspiring me totake action like I didn't even
know it was possible, likeclients right now are blowing my
(51:20):
mind, I am so proud of them.
Just such a big shout out forthem taking the opportunity to
go beyond their limiting beliefsand say yes, to aligning with
their why. And now they're likedoing things that they never
(51:44):
thought possible in such a shortamount of time. The confidence
to show up at family gatherings,we just plan for all of the
holiday celebrations. Andeveryone's prepared. It's
amazing. When you learn how toobserve your thinking and take
(52:05):
intentional action toward theresult that you want, you can
solve the problem with alcoholand every thing that you thought
alcohol was solving. You immerseyourself in learning a new way.
So you've got to turn up thevolume on saying hell yes to
life. By creating and makingyour health and well being the
(52:30):
most valuable thing in your lifeto invest in, there is nothing
else. So right now, in the shownotes, go to the link to the
schedule. Or you can reply to meif we've talked before, and just
say, Hell, yes, I'm all in. Andwe will get you going on demand
(52:51):
and the client portal ofempowerment. And you won't
believe the shift that happens.
I don't even think in 30 days. Imean, I'm seeing shifts from
people in seven days, 14 days,21 days, it is blowing my mind
right now. This is my guaranteeto you. I think you're so brave
(53:17):
for being here. And I know howmuch more you deserve and how
much more is available to yourlife. Once alcohol is out of the
way, but you've got to show upfor yourself in a new way.
You've got to invest and becomeresourceful in a new way. That
(53:38):
is the kind of mindset that ittakes to change your
relationship to alcohol. Andthat is why this process works
so quickly, and so efficiently.
I'm all in if you're all in andyou can show up with an open
mind and an open heart. Andtogether there is nothing that
(54:01):
we can't do. Have an amazing,amazing week, and I'll talk to
you soon.
Hi, it's Mary Wagstaff. I wantto personally invite you to
spend one hour with me one onone. Because you deserve to know
what's holding you back is yourtime. Alcohol has had its fair
(54:24):
share. We're going to talk aboutpossibilities about how to align
your thoughts and actions withyour dreams and what matters
most to you about why alcohol isno longer suited for the life
you want to live. How you canget on the fast track to freedom
from alcohol and stay therewithout deprivation. Follow the
link in the show notes or on mywebsite Mary Wagstaff coach.com
(54:47):
To schedule your complimentarycall and get a new perspective
on an old habit
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