Ep. #207 Client Spotlight : Tools For A Lifetime with Bonnie

In this powerful podcast episode #207, I spotlight my awe inspiring client, Bonnie, as she comes full circle from being a listener of the show, to being an example of what's possible when you apply the tools in real time. As a mother of four, an entrepreneur, and a practitioner of yoga,  her busy lifestyle led her to seek out support to help her manage her relationship with alcohol.

Bonnie shares that she first started drinking at the age of 14 as a way to numb the pain of big family transitions, grief and loss. 
Sound that alcohol was always present in her adult life, and that it often consumed more of her mind than she wanted it to.

She shares that one of the biggest obstacles for her was asking for help, but that the disarming and supportive approach she gained from listening to the podcast, made her feel more open to trusting and letting go of her ego and pride. 

Bonnie offers how the container provided by the coaching program helped her to let go and move forward quickly in her journey. 
Bonnie shares:

• The practical side of making the program work for her.
• Tools for a life time she cultivated to get alcohol out of her way.
• How she easily "drops in" to her self, rather than checking out to achieve lasting relaxation.
• How she got to the place where alcohol is something that she no longer wants.
• How she moved through her habitual barriers for support.
• Shifting her self concept around alcohol and what's she's truly capable of.

Bonnie has been one of my greatest sources of inspiration for what is truly possible with the five shifts and just how deep it can take you. Thank you Bonnie for your presence, bravery and warn heart!

You’ve tried to cut back on drinking but nothing sticks, you're stuck in the cycle of confusion and convincing. One day you're motivated, the next you're telling yourself it's not that bad. What makes the difference isn’t more information—it’s having a new way to apply it. Click HERE to schedule your free consult to uncover the one thought that will change everything.

There Is A Life Beyond Moderation & Deprivation. 
We Focus On What You Are Moving Towards, Not What You Are Moving Away From.
The Exhausting Trap Of Moderation Ends Now With My No Shame Approach Using The Proven Five Shifts Process.  Follow the path of 100's of Women, Click HERE to join today!

DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.

Episode Transcript

Unknown (00:01):
Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol, that
you are longing for a deeperconnection to life? If alcohol
is keeping you playing small andfeels like the one area, you
just can't figure out you are inthe right place. Hi, my name is
Mary Wagstaff. I'm a Holisticalcohol coach who ended a 20
year relationship to alcoholwithout labels, counting days or

(00:23):
ever making excuses. Now I helppowerful women just like you
eliminate their desire to drinkon their own terms. In this
podcast, we will explore therevolutionary approach of my
proven five shifts process thatgets alcohol out of your way by
breaking all of the rules andthe profound experience that it
is to rediscover who you are onthe other side of alcohol. I am

(00:48):
so thrilled to be your guide.
Welcome to your journey ofawakening. Welcome back to the
show my beautiful listeners.
Thank you so much for being herefor another episode, we are
welcoming you welcoming you intoour circle today. And oh my
gosh, you are in for such atreat. Today, I have one of my
most inspired clients here toshare her amazing journey. And

(01:15):
really, Bonnie, what I've seenfrom you is like your
willingness to show up andreally get what you came for.
And like that, which meant likegetting more than you came for
and going beyond. So I justwanted to welcome to the show.
Bonnie.
Hi. Hi. Thanks, Mary. I'm sohappy to be here.
Yes, I am so thrilled thatyou're here to have this

(01:35):
conversation with us. So Bonnie,if you want to just start by
telling our listeners a littlebit about yourself and what
feels most relevant for youtoday in this moment.
Yeah, so I, I think first ofall, first and foremost, I'm a
mother of four. That's been myprimary role for nearly 18

(02:00):
years. That keeps me reallybusy. Of course, and I'm also an
entrepreneur, I started my ownbusiness about 17 years ago, I
like to have my hands in a lotof different pots. I have been a
practitioner of yoga for thelast 25 years. I also do a lot

(02:24):
of volunteer work with our kidsschool and just kind of run our
our household. So yes,you are busy. You got, you know,
maybe not busy, but it's likeyou are intentionally doing a
lot of things out in the world.
And yeah, and I think that canprobably a lot of people
listening can probably relate tothat women. And so we'll just

(02:49):
start from the beginning, youknow about your alcohol story,
if you want to just take usback, and then how that could
kind of bleed in to this reallyfull life that you have for
yourself. Right now. Yeah. Sotell us about like, when you
first remember starting to drinkand how that worked?
Yeah, well, um, I had a reallywonderful and beautiful and

(03:14):
loving childhood, where mymother was also stay at home.
And she was just really therefor my brother and I and our
family. And she, I think, maybepushed herself a little bit too
hard, hard. She ended up gettingreally sick. And she had to

(03:34):
leave our family and I wasprobably about 14 when that
happened. And I was sort of leftwith this, like, all these
feelings, all these emotions,this kind of break in a sense,
and I didn't know how to dealwith that stuff. I didn't have
any real kind of like emotionalsupport or any tools to lean on.

(03:56):
I certainly had some family whowas there, you know, for me, but
my father, I think really wasleaning into his kind of
alcoholism and drinking a littlebit more at that time, because
of course, it was hard for him.
So there was some observing ofthat, I think for me, and also
as I came to find later in mylife, just really kind of

(04:17):
feeling that a little bit in myDNA and in my lineage. And so at
about the age of 14, I would sayand through my the next several
years, I started experimentingwith drinking and it was just
kind of like made you know, myfeelings numbed out, helped me,
you know, connect with otherpeople kind of like get into

(04:40):
that party mentality, which wasway easier than you know,
dealing with the pain of theloss of my mother at that time.
So I guess that's kind of how itstarted. And then I just have
had been really off and on soprobably For the age of about
17, I stopped drinking. I waslike, Oh, this is not actually

(05:04):
something that I want. I reallyI started kind of leaning into
learning about yoga. And thenreally like, yeah, I would say
it's been kind of present andthen not present for the
majority of my adult life. Itwas, oh, it was always it's
always been part of my, youknow, adult life, I would say,

(05:26):
like, there have been times whenI was not when I was kind of
intentionally not drinking,like, just because I felt like
it felt better in my body. Butit was always something that I
leaned on. And then of course,drink socially. Yeah, just seems
to be sort of everywhere. So.

(05:47):
Yeah, yeah. When did it feellike you it was consuming more
of your, like your mind thanyou? Then you wanted it to? Or
when you really noticed that itwas more present for you than
you had wanted it to be?
Yeah, I think like often on Imean, it's interesting, because

(06:07):
as a mother, there's like a lotof it's just sort of like a
different type of stress, Iguess. And then there's that,
you know, mommy wine culturething that happens. So I think
it just felt just so natural tobe drinking, but then there's,
there just was always a strugglewith me, it's just sort of

(06:30):
thinking like, this is not, it'snot serving me, and yet I'm
doing it. So there was, I think,whenever, you know, whenever I
was drinking, there was always astruggle there. And it would
sort of build up, and then Iwould, you know, stop for a
little while. And then I wasjust able to trickle back into
my life. Yeah.

(06:50):
Sneaky. Yeah. And I can totallyrelate to that, you know, as a
you, I didn't know, you've beena yoga practitioner for that
long, we should go do some yogatogether. And I, you know, where
it's like, you can tell likethat you're out of alignment,
right? It's just, it's work,especially from a yoga
perspective. It's like, oh, mygosh, I'm so in alignment here.

(07:12):
And then this, you know, thisthing is just, I don't have
access to my fullest, fullestself. And, you know, it might
have been have been saying thosewords to yourself, but it's
like,some feel, right. Yeah, so, um,
you know, maybe, like, fiveyears ago, or something, or four
years ago, I sort of decided, onmy own that, like, I was really

(07:37):
gonna, you know, quit for good.
Like, I didn't appreciate thecontrol that it had over me, I
think in my mind, and you'reright, like, it was not in line
with my sort of yoga values orvalues of like health. And I did
a pretty good job. I'm saying,but then the pandemic hit, and

(08:02):
my father got sick, and I wascaring for him. There's all
these circumstances, right. Andat that time, like, I did not
have the tools that I have now,after working with you to
really, like, get through thosechallenging circumstances. I
feel totally different about itnow. But um, yeah,

(08:25):
yes. Okay. So that is kind ofthe next question is, you know,
what, what was apparent that thechange, this change was
inevitable for you? And I'llhave you answer that. But. But
what's so interesting and what,you know, this work really does
using mindset, tool mindset, andmindfulness tools and emotional
embodiment tools, is just that,that the cert no matter what the

(08:47):
circumstance is, we can handleit. And as humans, one of our
basic needs is certainty. Butwhat we don't realize every
single day is that we are livingin uncertainty. And so what is
so important and I thinkempowering, through the process
of coaching in any area, but Ireally, you know, with holistic

(09:10):
alcohol coaching, we really getto look at the whole person on a
deeper level is that you createthe certainty you create the
certainty for the ever presentchanging circumstances. So it's
that that ever, it's when thecircumstance changes that now we
think we're that something'suncertain. But when we when we

(09:31):
continue to grow, and wecontinue to change, we continue
to put ourselves in newsituations, then we are always
getting outside of our comfortzones a little bit. So that was
a little bit of a route but Ireally, I really liked seeing
that that point. And kind ofexemplifying that for our
listeners that this is the theability to unconditionally being

(09:54):
able to show up for yourself nomatter what, like this is the
process of learning that so foryou, what was apparent that this
change was inevitable? Becauseyou had gone through that,
obviously, that that was beforeyou and I started working
together, soyeah, yeah, it just kept. I
think it kept like, so at acertain point after pandemic, or

(10:18):
after the intense part of thepandemic, I just sort of said,
Okay, I'm gonna, you know,recommit, I'm gonna do it again,
I'm ready to like, let it go.
And then, you know, some othercircumstance came up, that was
really challenging for me, andit just comes back in again. And
finally, I was like, there'ssomething else that I like, I

(10:42):
need a little bit of help here,you know, and that's always and
that in itself, was a little bitof something I had to overcome.
Because I've always just beenlike getter, like, I've always
been really independent, beingable to kind of get through, you
know, my problems and do doeverything kind of independently
and on my own. But this one justhas, I think, had just kept

(11:06):
coming up for me. And I realizedthat I needed something. Like, I
needed my inner landscape to bemore at the forefront of my
mind, and to feel more solid. Soit kind of comes back to the
circumstances that you were justlaying out. And then I'm talking

(11:28):
about, I started to see that,like, the circumstances keep
coming up, that are pulling meback into this old pattern. And
what I need is to dive deeper,do something, but I wasn't
really sure. Like, I knew Ineeded tools, but I wasn't sure
what direction to go in. And I'msomeone who really loves, like

(11:50):
systems for growth. And I didnot, I did not feel like I had a
system for growth. And I startedlistening to your PI found you
actually an Insight Timer, andthen started listening to your
to your podcast. And I was like,This is it. This is, you know,
the support that I need. Andit's just proven to be so true.

(12:13):
Yeah. So So what did you hear inthat that was like, this is the
support I need.
Um, I think it just, well,again, if there was like a
system that you laid out, youknow, when you talked about the
five chips, and they all made somuch sense, they were very much
in line with sort of, like my,maybe philosophy of quitting

(12:39):
drinking. But then it was like,okay, so how do I how do I put
that philosophy into action? AndI Yeah, working with you has,
like, given me, even thoughthey're sort of like tool, like
mental tools, they're just theyfeel like something I can dig

(13:01):
into, like, I can hold and justhave the real in my life. And
I've seen, like, the effects ofthose. Yeah, and then being so
supported by you. It's beengreat.
Yay. Yes. I mean, that piece ofit, I think. And so well, let me
back up. Because you had said,you know, that asking for help

(13:24):
piece was something was achallenge, right? Like, in this
in this way. So what? How didyou overcome that obstacle in
your mind?
Um, I think it just felt verymuch like, like, an ego part of

(13:45):
myself, like, my pride or Yeah,I guess I just felt so ready to,
like, let go of that, to justlet go of that part of myself,
you know, and just allow, like,the help. But I would also say

(14:07):
that, like, at the time when Iwas before I reached out to I'm
listening to the podcast, thereis something about you, Mary,
that's very disarming. And just,I think, made me feel more open
to do that kind of like, yeah,you just seemed like the right

(14:28):
person to be able to like helpme break that down or let go of
that and just be really open tothe trusting that there's, you
know, stuff there that wouldhelp me on a much deeper level,
you know, beyond my ego beyond Ipray or whatever.

(14:48):
Yeah, and I think that's one ofthe thank you for saying that.
And I think that that's one ofthe biggest one of the really
big struggle for so many peoplewith this subject is because
there's so many negative calmrotations like around of the
rain, right? being broken, likeI've got a problem or whatever
it is. And I buy, like biggestmission is to express that this

(15:10):
is such a gift, like this issuch a gift of a journey of self
inquiry and to like rewrite thestory the like the the cultural
narrative story, like on yourown terms, because it is just a
story. Like, you know, there wassomeone that made up something
many, many years ago, and like,as the human evolves, our needs
evolve, and like, the box isinvisible, and we can decide to

(15:36):
make up whatever story we wantthat serves us. So whatever this
change, it is for you. Right, itcan be one that I'm broken, and
I have a problem. Or it can beone of like, oh my gosh, like,
this is like, I'm fuckingamazing, right? Like it can,
like, that's, that's where Iwant to take you like, I think
that this is all aboutempowerment and like, being, you

(16:00):
know, just this very, likemature and wise, like, I see
this journey as a journey ofgrowing into your own, you know,
another layer of your, yourwoman hood, right? Kind of
traversing the archetypes.
Yeah. And I think that you thatthat happened very quickly. For

(16:20):
me, it was like I was in a placeof holding on to this kind of
superficial ego, pride thing.
And then, and then when I, youknow, switched over into just
allowing that. Yeah, it just itlike i i was propelled forward,
like very quickly. I think I wasjust really ready for that, too.

(16:42):
So it happened very quickly. Andyeah, that's exactly you're
like, that's how you that's howyou see things. That's how you
do things. And I was just readyfor that.
Yeah, so it's like in this and,and that's the thing. I mean,
people come in, I just had aclient yesterday. And she was
like, why does this feel so easyright now. And I'm like, you

(17:05):
know, you're gonna have ups anddowns, like, you're gonna have
cycles and rhythms, but it'sbecause you finally gave
yourself like this container wasyou allowing yourself to have
permission to just let go andsay, I'm ready for this, I'm
ready to, to move on to the nextphase. And, and that's why the
container, I do feel like is soimportant. And it's not that you
can't do it on your own, becausewe can do anything that we set

(17:28):
our minds to. But I but I dobelieve that, it's, you're gonna
be you're, it's gonna take a lotlonger to get there, right. And
it's like, we create thiscontainer to just let go.
Explore the process be guidedvery intentionally. And because
you've been, you know, it'slike, think about what you said,
like for the last 20 years, onand off, right? It's like, I

(17:52):
don't really know. And, ofcourse, divine timing, you come
to something when you come toit. But, you know, for any, I
think for any thing that youwant to change in your life,
when there's a system there,it's going to be much easier,
like anything you're studying.
And if you're studying yourself,which is really what this is
about. Yeah, it just it did,like you said, it propelled you

(18:13):
forward. So So I would love tohear a little bit about so it
sounds like the challenges thatyou were facing. Were really
just not feeling like you hadthe inner resourcing to meet
life's ever demanding chatchanges on your on your own. I
mean, you know what, likemeeting that, like stress relief

(18:37):
or needing that buffer at theend of the day? Because the
truth is, you were facing all ofthese challenges on your own. It
was just resetting your nervoussystem, essentially, how would
you say like,how would you say that? Yeah,
no, that's so true. I mean, I,you know, like I said, have
always like, had my hand in alot of different pots and always

(18:58):
like juggling a lot of things.
And I love to be busy and have,you know, grow different
projects and do differentthings. But that also, I think,
felt like, a lot at times, itfelt kind of overwhelming,
stressful. But and then, youknow, the alcohol at the end of

(19:20):
the day, or maybe the end of theweek or whatever, um, felt like
a complete release, like, okay,I can just let it all go, like
completely released that. And Ithink that was one thing that I
was kind of worried about whenit came to not drinking anymore.
I was like, Well, how am I goingto get that, like, release? You
know, how am I going to getthat? That ability to sort of

(19:44):
let go of the stress orwhatever. But yeah, there are so
many tools now that I'm justusing and it's not at the end of
the day, and it's not once aweek. It's like, integrated into
my life now. So yeah, And likeyou said at the beginning, like,
I am really motivated to, to dothat. I just, I guess I feel

(20:07):
like I didn't know, you knowwhat the system was or what the
right. But you know what thethings were to do. And so
knowing that and, and reallyputting those tools to use and
has it has allowed me to I guessmaybe not even let like the
stress or whatever build up asmuch so I don't feel like I have

(20:29):
to go, you know, drink a bottleof wine or whatever.
Yes, yes. And that's, you know,and we'll talk about some of
that too. But the, that whatyou're talking about is not
having like that they're nottangible, right. And I think
that that's why when I talkabout some of the myths to
quitting drinking, is we want towe want to replace or distract

(20:51):
or avoid ourselves and, and pickup new habits, right, because we
feel we have this need as humansfor like, I need something it
needs to feel tangible. And eventhe process of coaching, it's
like, well, what am I what am I,you know, I'm investing in this
thing, that's, that I can't holdin my hand. But what it is, I
always think about this withyoga, I feel like I have this

(21:12):
backpack on and with coachingtools, they all feel like one of
the same to me, sometimes it'slike I have this backpack that I
can just literally take with meeverywhere, this Invisible
Backpack, and like, it's alwaysthere for me, and I just, I
know, it feels so empowering toknow that wherever I go in the
world, that I have these toolsto call my nervous system to

(21:35):
move my body to you know, tointegrate, to solve problems,
were from a very neutralobjective place, I might not get
there right away. It's the youknow, it's there. And so, I
think that that's, it's just adifferent way than we're used to
consuming in our, in ourculture, and investing and, and

(21:57):
all of those things. You know,because even when you go to
school, say you go touniversity, it's like, at the
end of it, there's like, thisthing, it's like, you get this
job or you get you know, likeyou have this degree or this
certificate, maybe I shouldstart giving people
certificates.
Well, it's so interesting,because like, we really do

(22:18):
appreciate, like a physicalthing. You know, when we talk
about these tools, it's notthey're not physical tools, like
you said, it's a, it's like anInvisible Backpack, you know,
and, and that really brings meto what I had to work on. And it
wasn't you made it easy, butthat is like trusting. So
trusting you trusting the systemtrusting you know, the five

(22:42):
shifts, trusting all of this.
Because I didn't really feel itat the time. Like it wasn't like
I had a physical thing to hold.
It was like, but I knew that itwas, you know, I knew that these
tools would be helpful, I knewthat these things would would,
you know, provide what I needed.
It's just that trust, that trustand being able to build up that

(23:08):
trust, like with you and workingwith you. And you kind of just
like, you know, helping me stayon on the path and interest was
just huge.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And so Iremember I actually really
remember when we first talkedyou asking me like, So what are

(23:29):
these tools? And like, how dohow does that even work? Right?
Because it's yeah, it's notsomething that I hand you. But
if you think about it in the wayof learning any skill, right?
It's It's mean, it is a processof learning how to use your
brain in a different way.
Essentially, how to use your,your emotions in a different

(23:49):
way. And so when we cultivatethe witness consciousness, it's
being able to observe yourselfand all these things that are
happening, that we can't haveaccess to, if we're not in the
present moment. So the firstpart, the first step is
stopping. You have to stop longenough and that's what you know,
like our weekly meetings, giveus an opportunity to stop to

(24:11):
check in to and then to evaluateto, you know, to celebrate, like
see what was working and all ofthose things. And you know, I
think that when you start likethat trust coming into that is
the first big breakthrough,right, like making the decision

(24:33):
to to do something pretty likeradically different in your life
has to be start the shifting ofbeliefs like you just come like
you said trusting to come to theyou know, to the consultation,
and then the process of youknow, investing in yourself

(24:53):
which is really putting yourselffirst you know, putting making
yourself a Priority making thischange a priority for you. So
tell me what that what thatprocess was like for you to
decide to, you know, make aninvestment in yourself
financially, time frameenergetically all of that?

(25:16):
Yeah. Well, I mean, I thinkculturally, you know, mothers
tend to not tend to sort of, youknow, get this message that
like, we shouldn't be centered,or we shouldn't be put first,
everyone else, you know, we'relike, serving everyone, all the
time. But I have believed for along time that it's really

(25:38):
important to fill our own cups,and then we can give much more
to others. So I think like, withmy yoga practice, and different
things I've been able to do,throughout the years have really
helped like to ground me and tofill up my cup. Um, so I do
believe that that is reallyimportant. But at the same time,

(26:01):
I did struggle, a little bitwith like, yeah, with making the
space for myself and saying,like, I'm really gonna, I think,
like, the commitment in the verybeginning was a little bit
tricky for me. Um, I justthought, how could I find the
time for this? How can I committo this? And then, of course, I

(26:21):
think it was even in our firstcall, you had you had me, like,
do an ETA on my life. And it wasaround like, the commitment and
then around, you know, ofcourse, the financial commitment
as well. So that was aninteresting kind of introduction
to the ETA. And, but that rightthere, I thought, Well, if that,
if that can work for for theseideas. What could it do? You

(26:45):
know, for me down the road. So Iguess it just, I had to sit with
it for a little while, but itjust felt like it kept calling
me it was so important. That,you know, as I had to make sure
I could do it. And as soon as I,I decided that, yes, I can do
it. And I was able to so it wasa little bit of a process in

(27:07):
terms of really kind of jumpingin. And yeah, like anything, any
growth that you're going to do,it's going to require, you know,
creating some space in yourlife, which maybe, at first you
might not feel like you have,but
yeah, yeah. And so when you talkabout because I think this is
really important. A lot of timespeople kind of just have this

(27:28):
knee jerk reaction to, it won'twork, right, we go right into
like this black and whitethinking and something that
because that's just it's just ashabitual as alcohol, right, the
ways that we think about, likeyou said, your schedule, your
time, money, all of thosethings. It's like, Nope, we
don't even like consider it. Andone of the things that I think

(27:50):
coaching really lends itself toand that you have to be able to
do with alcohol is we have toget resourceful with our brain
and get like, is wildly evensometimes like over the top
dramatic about possibility.
Because once we say it won'twork, then we've stopped our
opportunity or potential forchange, right. And like, What I
know is that anything'spossible. And we just have to be

(28:12):
willing to be more flexible withthe how that we get there. And
the ego doesn't want to beflexible, but in the end, it
wants the same result. Right, itwants the same result as your
higher self, but your higherself, if you give it a chance to
show up, when that's why we usethe eta, we use the eta as an
opportunity to be let your like,let the ego and the habitual

(28:35):
brain be neutral for a minute,like just be like, we're just
gonna be cute like, right, we'regoing to be curious, we're going
to see how this might work. Notwe're going to do anything, just
chill out. And so that wassomething that I saw you do even
before we started coaching, wasactually not making it black and
white, but looking at how can Imake this work, like actually

(29:00):
looking at your finances, liketaking your time to see how this
might fit in? To my schedule,right?
Absolutely. And I think onething that I was able to do was
just sort of like, widen mythinking around it, like step
back a little bit and say, like,in terms of time, let's say

(29:22):
like, Okay, I could probably bea little more efficient with
this area of my life, and thenfree up time here, or, you know,
be more flexible with somethingor drop something else in order
to create the space because it'sa priority, and it's really
important. And again, I'mtrusting that this thing, even

(29:45):
though part of me thinks oh, I'mhesitant towards it, I'm
trusting that it is somethingthat my higher self wants and is
something that's really going toend up serving me in the end.
And I started thinking aboutlike the financial piece like
that as well. It's like well,this is An investment I'm
putting in now, but I trust thatit's going to, you know, come

(30:06):
back to me in ways that are Ihave no idea about right now,
you know, but just being able tokind of think about it. Yeah,
not that black and whitethinking but broader, wider.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Andthat's the thing about, you
know, well, and what I, youknow, one of the things I would
say is the reason you think youcan't as a reason you need to so

(30:27):
how has your relationship withtime changed? In the way you're
spending your time?
Oh, yeah, um, I would say it'sgotten more, like, more
efficient, but also morerelaxed. It's interesting.
Because the time that I'mspending, let's say, doing a

(30:50):
meditation, in like, the middleof the day for 15 minutes, or
something like that, it frees upmore time later, like, I would
spend the day getting really,you know, wound up being busy
this man. And then I would, youknow, six o'clock, just kind of

(31:13):
check out because I was drinkingwine or whatever. And then
there's the whole evening, youknow, that's a lot of time that
I could actually be doing. Notbeing not being more productive,
but like just doing the tools ordoing different things that were
helping me in the Yeah, in thelonger term. So

(31:36):
yeah, exactly. Right. It's likeyou're priming yourself to not
to not need that by busy, youknow, being busy all day, or
whatever. It's like givingyourself the 15 minutes. That's
what I always have been talkingabout this a lot this week as
the humans. And this is kind ofwhat we've been taught to, to
change something we it's like,take more action, take more

(31:56):
action, it's not working, wefeel away, take an action,
change it. But at the end, if wecan take five minutes to present
ourselves and in breathe in,just lay down for five minutes,
and really come into the bodyrelax. And now what happens was
when we reset our nervoussystem, we get access to, to

(32:18):
just more clarity of thinking tohigher states of thinking, and
you're like, oh, that thing thatI thought was such a problem.
Oh, I know how to solve it inthis way. Like, you've become so
much more efficient in yourbrain when you're not. In that,
like kind of survival mode, justlike go go go where, you know,
it's like, you're just like,going from one thing to the next

(32:39):
all day. So yeah, I love that,like the little bit of time
during the day saves you so muchtime at night, talk about the
time, like, what kind of timeinvestment did this really take
like, where your brain is howyou like, I have to fit all of
this stuff in? Like, what didthat what did that really look
like? On a practical level?

(33:03):
Yeah, I mean, so I started doinglike setting aside some time for
writing. And I actually put iton my calendar, because it's
like one of those things that Ialways wanted to make sure that
I did. And then it was, like,that's part of this program,
therefore, I'm going to nowactually do it. So, um, yeah,

(33:23):
spending a little bit of time inthe morning writing and then the
day, so that's not a whole lotof time. Um, but that's maybe,
you know, half an hour orsomething like that, um, and
then there was a lot oflistening to different things in
the program. And I listened tothat was walking the dog. So
like, already, you know, or, youknow, if I had to pick the kids

(33:44):
up from school, they can play atthe playground, and I could, you
know, walk around or somethinglike that, and just have in,
though, have my earbuds in and,and do that. So I think there
are like, ways I had to bepretty creative with ways to
free up my time, but like, itwas multitasking a lot of the
time and but it wasn't, youknow, again, I guess the time

(34:09):
commitment just didn't feel ordoesn't feel that big. I think
in the beginning, it's likecourse, you're learning
something new. So it's going tobe but it was also very
expansive. So yeah, yeah, I justmade it work into my life, you
know, because it was importantto me.

(34:30):
Yeah. And tell me a little bitabout, you know, and I would
say, Bonnie is like a starstudent, for sure. She just, you
know, like, Bonnie, really, youknow, we're taking and applying
the tool so quickly, that itkind of felt like there. What

(34:50):
happens when we procrastinateand we don't do something is
because we haven't created thebelief that it's going to matter
that it's going to work, right?
That's why we put things offbecause if we No, wow, I see
this getting me the result. Andso it was like, the more you
were seeing this changeshappening. Now you have the the
proof the evidence of what?

(35:12):
Setting this like that thissetting this time aside for
yourself was actually creatingthe results that you wanted?
Oh, absolutely, yeah, I justfelt like the ones I really
committed and jumped in, it justpropelled and went, you know, I
was able to get deeper, a lotquicker. But again, it was, you

(35:32):
know, I was really ready forthat. So yeah. But yeah, seeing
the results, and then eventhat's even built into the
program like this, there arecertain ways to like, check your
results, you know, like, justhelps. Yeah, helps me it's
helped me to be to sort ofpropel forward.
Yeah. And I think that thatpiece of it, because the way I

(35:53):
designed the program is to beable to learn through different
modalities, which is our timetogether. And that's really the
only I would say, there's anyrequirement, it's our one on one
time, once a week, right, whichis an hour, and I feel like most
people can fit figure out how tofit that in. But it's like, as
deep as you want to go. And youcan propel yourself forward so

(36:15):
quickly, when you decide this ishow I'm going to do it. And you
can also get coached around thattoo. Right? Like, how can I how
can I make the time or why, youknow, like, why am I you know,
not doing this? Or how can I fitit in? And we get to see, and
you did that pretty quickly, Ithink for yourself, where you
decided how I was going to I'mgoing to make this make this

(36:36):
happen? When you you know, whenyou're like nervous at the
beginning, right? Of what arethese tools? And how do I use
them? And it's like, how did youuse? I mean, how are you using
them? What what does that looklike and an example of the way
that your your mindset or youror your mindfulness is coming

(36:57):
into play into, into life into acircumstance that maybe would
have been different before?
Yeah, I think I'm, well the etais have been really huge for me.
So being able to, like, have anew thought, and be able to

(37:18):
being able to be creative, youknow, curious, and being able to
be, like, creating that witnessconsciousness has been huge. So
I again, just like, didn'treally think too, or create the

(37:38):
time or the space, to startthinking about myself like self
concept. And witnessing myself,I just wasn't doing that I was
always just in go mode, youknow. So being able to do that
pause, to take a look at my selfconcept. And that has felt

(38:02):
really empowering for me. Andthen being able to also like,
pause and witness my thoughts,and then create these e TAs. And
then like, I just feel so muchmore measured and calm. When I'm
thinking about like my, or I'mdoing I'm having an emotion, not

(38:24):
you know, intentionally and, anda thought intentionally. So all
of those things put together Ithink they've been they've been
really incredible tools.
So when you're you one of thethings that you had mentioned,
you know, is taking these pausesduring the middle of the day for

(38:44):
yourself. That's transitioningyour, the way you're spending
your evening and it sounds likeyou know why a big what everyone
wants to know too is how, howdid you transition from those
times when you would drink tonot drinking? And what did that
process look like for you? Andyou know how you're using like

(39:06):
you said, how you're using thesethroughout your day. So what
what Bonnie is talking about isshe's what happens is we I've
talked about this on the show isthat the eta is a process that
we use to create new emotionsand new thinking and a new
mindset from our old habitualpatterns. And so when you're
kind of using this toolthroughout the day, we're you're

(39:27):
also resetting your nervoussystem throughout the day
because you're not building upthe stress that sometimes you
need that relief that releasefor at the end of the day. So we
really work from the outside inwe want to work on the urgent
the firsthand urges and triggersthat are going to happen on a
habitual basis. You know, in theevening, Bonnie mentioned, like

(39:47):
six o'clock or a Friday. So wework on those. But the other
there's there's two layers.
There's the habitual urge in thealcohol present in your body
that your body's kind ofexpecting for more of a
cognitive standpoint, behavioralstandpoint, but then there's all
of the things that, you know,you may tell yourself, like, oh,
I need a drink just that alone,or I can't handle this anymore,

(40:09):
and I need to relax. But whenyou're, when you're solving for
your stress or your problems oryour overwhelm, throughout the
day, in every other area of yourlife that build up, isn't going
to be there, because so the needto drink becomes less. Would you
say that? That's true for you,Barney?

(40:31):
Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And if youeven think about it, as from
just a, you know, physiologicalperspective, like, it is just an
it's a nervous system, reset,right? It's just not being
calmer. And so how do you getthere, there will be, there's
all these tools to get there.
One thing that I really, thatwas really helpful for me is
just like, knowing that thesetools are reliable, like, I can

(40:56):
go to, I can go to those, andespecially in sort of the
beginning, I just felt more, youknow, free on the idea of not
drinking, just because it wassuch a habit, and something that
I, like I said, I utilized sooften to just relax and let go.

(41:16):
But these tools have, you know,allowed me to do that to create
that relaxation state. And it'slike, I'm excited to go do those
things, you know, and to, and tobe like, Okay, I recognize that
I, that things are building alittle bit, and they need a

(41:38):
little bit of a release, I'm notallowing things to get, you
know, kind of out of hand inthat regard. So I don't feel
like I, I just don't feel like Ineed to drink. And of course,
that ties into my belief goal,and, you know, knowing that it's
just not something that I want.

(42:00):
So, you know, in my mind, that'snot something that I want. So,
to be able to, to, to live thathas been pretty profound.
I love that it's not somethingthat I want. Right? So when you
have that, and that's, I think,where that, you know, that inner
conflict comes in, is like, youknow, is this something I don't

(42:25):
want and then at a point, youknow, six o'clock on a Friday,
your, your brain is telling yousomething different? So tell me
about some of those first, youknow, couple of weeks, maybe
that, that that was present foryou that your your body and your
brain? Were kind of offering youa different, a different
opinion.

(42:45):
Yeah, um, hey, there were acouple of times when I think I
emailed this to her, I was like,Can I just text you? A moment,
you know? Yeah. So it was, yeah,just I think in the very
beginning, like being able to,really to kind of lean on you a
little bit more reaching out toyou a little bit more. And then,

(43:09):
again, that kind of process oftrusting that it will integrate,
like, I will not have so much ofa conflict going on, the
conflict being I don't want todrink but I do want to drink.
So, yeah, and then, and thenjust kind of like making these

(43:30):
tools into ritual and makingthese tools into something that
I've just, even if I didn't feellike it, or I didn't know the
result, like from experience, orI didn't have the evidence just
yet. It was that trust, like,Okay, I'm just gonna keep doing
it. I'm just gonna keep puttingone foot in front of the other.
And eventually, I trust that itwill feel much more integrated.

(43:55):
And I'm super happy to say thatit. It does.
Yes. And it didn't take like,that's the thing. It's like, you
know, you've been drinking, likewe've been drinking for 20 3040
years, right? And think abouthow integrated that is where,
you know, I always say I, forme, it was a decision that was
already made. I never even askedmyself, do you want a drink? It

(44:18):
was just I was always alwayshaving one, right? So that
became so integrated. And that'sone of the biggest things that I
tell people is like, sometimeswhen we start to slow down and
you're intentionally doing thiswork, and you're, you're
becoming curious about yourthinking and your decisions,
just taking that shift ofperspective. It's like, oh, I
can choose to not have this andI really don't even want it

(44:39):
right now. And so this, thehuman brain can learn anything,
and it but there has to be awillingness to want it to work
to want it for you saying I it'syou want it to believe all of
the time. It's something youknow, like, it's not something

(45:02):
that I want. Like that was yourthought that it's not something
I want. And I want to be able tobelieve that all the time
because if you look for evidenceto the contrary, you're gonna
find it. So it's this, likewillingness to want to believe
new things and about yourselfconcept. Can you tell tell us
specifically, like, honestly,like what happened on a Friday

(45:24):
night when you felt like, thisisn't something I want, but your
body was telling you, this issomething I want? Like, what did
you specifically do?
That was when I would kind ofalmost have to just physically
remove myself from whatever Iwas doing at the time, which I
think was another piece that Iwas telling myself was such a

(45:46):
challenge. Because I'm home withthe, you know, the kids, and
we're just like, I'm alwaysthere with them, like the
drinking. kind of worked. Right?
Like with that, you know, withmy life or whatever. But because
I didn't want it to any more. Inthe beginning. Yeah, I think I

(46:08):
just had to, like, remove myselffrom that situation. And, you
know, calm myself down, not feelso frustrated, not feel so, you
know, reset my, my nervoussystem at that time. So yeah,
for me, it was it was a physicalremoval so that I could have the

(46:28):
space these days, I would say,and with the tools and
everything, I don't even like Iknow how to create the space
while still being, you know, inus in whatever the stress
situation or circumstance.
Yes, yes. And that's what's socool is that you learn how to be
able to do it in anyenvironment. And so you're

(46:51):
taking a pause, you're takingintentional pause, I'm gonna
just remove myself and, and, youknow, it's like, how long is
this happening for when you'reremoving yourself?
Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't say notreally even that long. Like, it
could be five minutes, or itcould be, ideally, it would be
longer. But it doesn't takeYeah, it doesn't take that long,

(47:13):
right. And that's what's sointeresting to think about,
like, I can still be with mykids and like, shift my brain
while I'm drinking, right. Andso, so what'd you learn to do is
to be able to still do thatwithout the alcohol? Yeah, and
if that'sours, I didn't really think that

(47:34):
was possible. But yes, it'sincredibly empowering.
Yes. It's so amazing. And it'sbecause you're you are becoming
aware of the sensations in yourbody telling you something,
you're not going into panicmode, because you know, what,
you know exactly what to do youknow, exactly what's happening,

(47:54):
right? Like, very logically,from a neutral place, you're
like, Yep, I know, this is thisweek, you know, we talk about
planning ahead of time. So it'slike, you know, I wasn't
prepared that this could happen,and I know exactly what to do.
And I go do it. And then that,you know, I allow whatever, you
know, sensations are there to bepresent, and to observe them,

(48:15):
and then they they shift, andnow I can be super present with
my kids.
Yeah, right. Just different thanjust kind of putting them aside.
Right, like, sitting with themand allowing them I know, for
me, you know, is maybe somethingthat I, I do in some areas, but

(48:40):
there are definitely are certainareas that that I don't don't do
that with and are having, youknow, and I think that's where
the drinking came in, and sortof, quote, unquote, fixed that
for me, but to not have to dothat. And then to just yeah,
just kind of do the maintenance.
Right? Well, and when we look atthat specific example, with, you

(49:02):
know, kind of using an ETA, thebrain is telling you, well, I
don't have time to, you know,step away. So I'm gonna stay but
I'm going to, I'm gonna drinkand then what's happening with
your mind when you drink, it'sstepping away, really, right in
some way. So you love it. It'slike, it's like it takes as long

(49:22):
as going to the bathroom, right?
So it's like, all right,remember, Bonnie's got four
kids. There's stuff happening.
So it's like you're going takinga break from you know, and
stepping away and then you comeback, and you are all they're
all of you. So it's really it'slike this inverted. I always

(49:43):
call it the inverted truth. It'swhen it's with alcohol. It's
like our brain is telling usthis inverted truth because the
opposite of what you were ableto do and as possible was what
you really got the result thatyou are wanting, which was to be
there with your kids in a biggerway?
Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, therewasn't like the next day

(50:06):
feeling, you know, tired or kindof out of it or whatever it was,
like, I just dealt with that,you know, at that moment, and
then was able to clear out clearup and be be available and have
energy and, you know, keep upwith everybody.
Right? Yeah. Like you said,those evening hours, they're

(50:26):
there, there's a differentexperience. And I know, I think
about like, how did I fit inalcohol? I have no clue, I have
no clue how to fit in alcohol.
Um, that's something that youhad mentioned before, was your
self concept. And tell me alittle bit about, you know, how
that shifted even aroundalcohol. You know, before we
started talking at all, youknow, what you thought life

(50:49):
might be like, without alcohol,or what alcohol meant, and then
how you were able to change yourself concept in relationship to
alcohol. I guess we could startthere.
Yeah, I'm in relationship toalcohol, I think it was a little
bit of an identity that I hadaround, you know, again, kind of

(51:17):
that like mommy and wine, youknow, thing going together. And
then also just being out andbeing social. Just feeling like
that was what I did, you know,but at the same time, like
really did numb out my abilityto kind of have that witness

(51:43):
consciousness and look atmyself, and what my true gifts
are, how, you know, I can be thebest mother that I can be. I
think I'm a pretty good mother.
But, you know, there's certainlythere's always like, being able
to take it to the next level.

(52:04):
And alcohol was definitelygetting in my way there. So
yeah, I've been able to justhave the time and the space to
start looking at myself. And notnot kind of numbing that out.
Yeah, so one of the things we dois we do, essentially a values
assessment on what your valuesare, and how you want to

(52:29):
integrate that more into yourlife and how alcohol really is
in conflict with our values. Andso if you can live into those
more, like you said, you'rebuilding this confidence of the
strength in the person that youthat you want to be in the
identity that you you really dois inside of you, and that you
really do believe in, you seehow much alcohol really is in is

(52:49):
not in alignment with that. Andso when you start to focus on
integrating those parts of you,intentionally in a bigger way,
it's almost like the alcoholfalls away, because you're not
identifying you anymore, youknow, with in that way, because

(53:11):
you're focused more on thesereally positive things in these
things that actually create,like, real meaning and
satisfaction in your life. Yeah,yeah. Tell me a little bit about
some of like, the social partsof it did in how that how that
fell in your in your brain. AndI mean, I never really

(53:32):
experienced from you that therewas any shame or embarrassment,
we, we didn't really talk aboutit that much. And maybe it's
just like, the people thatyou're hanging out with, but I
know for so many people there,you know, people are so worried
about what are other peoplegoing to think if I'm not
drinking, right? How did thatplay out for you?

(53:53):
Yeah, well, I think because I'vebeen kind of off and on with
alcohol for a long time, a goodamount of my adult life. And I
have had kind of a relationshipwith myself around just being
okay with whatever people thinkabout it. Um, but that did take

(54:15):
some time to, to work out, youknow, and I think more than
anything, it's just sort of amatter of like, again, looking
back on the evidence for that,like, I have shown up in places
without drinking where everyoneelse is, and I've been okay. And
so yeah, that evidence has beenreally, really huge, I would

(54:40):
say, but then also like, kind ofchoosing maybe to not go to
certain social events. If I feltlike that was kind of the only
reason that I was gonna go, youknow, is because we're just
gonna be drinking like that wasthe main thing. Right? Yeah. So
being able to Choose that andkind of just decide, like on

(55:02):
purpose and be more consciousabout where, and how I spend my
time socially?
Yeah. When How do you feel aboutyourself in relationship to, you
know, I mean, not other people,but just being able to still to
do whatever you want like, andto me that that's something that
we talk about too is you reallyuncover your real preferences.

(55:25):
And I say to people, and thenyou know, of course, we coach,
we could coach on, you know,people pleasing and obligatory
things. That's another piece ofit. But it's, it's like you
uncovered your real preferencesand gave yourself permission to
say no to something that yet,like you said, you may have only
done because it was like thesocial thing around alcohol, and

(55:47):
there wasn't really somethingmore for you there necessarily.
But then there's the things thatyou still did that, you know,
alcohol was present, and how doyou how do you feel about
yourself when you're in thoseenvironments? Without alcohol?
Yeah,the first thing that comes to
mind is that I feel at ease,which I think it was, would it

(56:09):
probably be like a, somethingthat felt surprising, like a
long time ago, it would havebeen surprising that I would
feel at ease, you know, withoutdrinking, but that is how I feel
and feel confident andcomfortable, you know, just kind
of being myself and like,knowing that I can just bring,

(56:31):
you know, bring my full self orbring parts of myself that I
want to share again, on, youknow, on purpose and just with
ease.
Tell me about what has awakenedin you through this process that

(56:51):
you That was unexpected.
Oh my gosh, so many.
Because you come here everyone,right. And like, it's amazing
like that, that hearing like theI was so evil, I would this was
like, I was so comfortable in mybody, I was so comfortable being
in this situation, right, that Ididn't think was possible. And

(57:12):
it's like, you come here for onereason, it's like to get alcohol
out of your way. But you know,through the journey of
awakening, it's like, it's somuch more than that. You get so
much more than that. So tell mejust tell me what's come first
comes to your mind. That wasunexpected.
Yeah, I think what is firstcoming to mind is, like my

(57:34):
connection to nature, and to,like a spiritual side of myself
that was maybe a little bit moredormant than I wanted it to be.
I mean, it's, for me, it'salways been there. But there I
think has been some numbing outof that. And so really kind of

(57:55):
tapping into my inner landscapeand feeling really grounded in
that through this process hasreally opened up a more like a
more spiritual life. And, andagain, hand in hand connecting
with nature and the spirit ofthe natural world as well.

(58:17):
Yeah, yeah. And that's somethingthat I probably will start
talking a little bit more about.
In my work is what I see that asis the, the awakening of I mean,
you could say is like thegoddess awakening, but it's
really the wild woman. It's,it's this, this really this part
of us that exists withoutconditioning. Right, like how do

(58:42):
we relate to our life as organicbeings, right animals,
essentially, how do we relate tothis world? As nature, when
we're not overt when it'sculture isn't overlaid over us?
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I feellike there's, and this was one

(59:06):
of my kind of intentions in thebeginning was to just create a
clear channel, underneath all ofmy conditioning and underneath
all of my stories, just likewhat is this pure, you know,
self, right. And, and being ableto connect that to, you know, to

(59:30):
to nature in a in a way and beable to channel all that and
absorb it and allow it and yeah,so alcohol was was so much
getting in the way of that.
Yeah. Yeah. And that's, and youknow, because when you feel that
connection, there is, you know,I feel like it is there's a

(59:55):
wholeness, you experience yourwholeness in those moments.
Right. And this is the opportunebecause there's not, we, you
know, you have to go out andseek these things sometimes
intentionally. And there's notnecessarily like the
opportunities for engagement inour, in our modern world don't

(01:00:17):
really lend themselves to thisexperience, I do think that
practice of yoga is one of them.
And, you know, it's the I talkabout ecstatic dance and, and
being in circle with women andthese kinds of things. But in
being in nature, but when you gothrough the journey of
awakening, which is a neverending journey, but when you are
awakening to these, these layersof you that that you might not

(01:00:41):
have ever that may have neverbeen expressed, you have access
to engaging with that part ofyou that wholeness whenever you
want, right, like you can tuneinto that. Yeah, so do you do is
that true for you? Like, do youfeel like you are able to tune

(01:01:03):
into that wholeness that you're,that's created when you're say
in nature engaging in that way,in your, in your own self? Kind
of, like, whenever you want to?
Yeah, I feel like I can, it'salmost feels like a dropping
down or dropping in to kind oflike away from the, the ego mind

(01:01:26):
or the habitual thinking orwhatever. And again, in the
beginning, I think there wassome resistance to that, because
I felt like, well, how can I getto the point where I can just
drop in really fast, or reallyquickly or easily. Because I
think I was just, there were somany layers that I have had to

(01:01:47):
get through. But again, thoseyou know, those have happened.
somewhat easy with, with acertain sense of ease. Yeah. So
it's been, you know, some workand having to really kind of do
the work. But, um, but now I dofeel like with those layers, you
know, sort of revealed andpulled off. And this Clear

(01:02:12):
Channel, to me, it's much easierto drop in, at any time. And
really, to kind of have thisawareness of, Oh, I'm just gonna
focus on, you know, the, therain falling down, or whatever
the thing is, you know, or focuseven on something in my physical
body, my breath, that just cankind of ground me and just pull

(01:02:38):
me into that place, like at anymoment. And for me, that's,
that's just huge. And it's somuch in that right, there is so
much more satisfying to me. Ithink it's maybe one of those
things that I was looking for ina drink. Yes. But you know, it

(01:02:59):
wasn't the drink wasn't assatisfying, as satisfying as
being able to drop into thatkind of self and infinite
connection. Yeah,yeah. I'm so glad that you said
that. Because I do feel like, Ialways come back to this
inverted truth. If there is thismoment where when you have that
drink, especially when you know,there's that relief of that

(01:03:22):
pressure valve, which I youknow, that goes away pretty
quickly once you're not actuallydrinking, because half of it is
just the alcohol serving itself.
So there is this moment wherelike, I do think that it's a
synthesized or a sinister, notsynthesized synthetic version of

(01:03:43):
dropping in. And then But thenthen, then it takes you away. So
it's like, you drop into thepresent moment. And there's that
like, Ha, that relief. And thenthat takes you away. And I think
that's the piece that people arelike, How will I ever get that
feeling? And the truth is, isthat it's not going to be the

(01:04:04):
same because it's there's notgoing to be alcohol there and
your needs, the desire that yourbody and your mind have for
alcohol will be eliminated. Butthat deep catharsis, of and I
love that term dropping in, likeyou said, it's so much more
satisfying. It's all of you, andyou don't have to chase it. You

(01:04:26):
don't have to really like it'syours to keep. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's just so comes rightfrom, you know, inside of me,
and, and I'm always with myself,right? Yes. But what you were
saying about, like, just aminute ago about drinking and

(01:04:48):
and then feeling like it'sthere, but then it takes you
away, you know, and I think partof the work and the part that's
challenging but so gratifying isyou know, going going inward,
but then moving through, right.
So through the feeling that urgethe trigger, whatever, and then
like allowing it to kind ofcomplete its cycle, and then to

(01:05:12):
be able to release it and andlet it go. And I feel like when
I would drink again, I'd havethat maybe for a little while a
similar feeling of like,dropping in or ease or whatever.
But then it was almost likedisrupting or interrupting the

(01:05:33):
natural cycle of have a feelingor an urge or a trigger. So that
feels pretty odd to to justallow those feelings, things to
have their their natural cycleand completion.

(01:05:55):
Yes, yes. And that. And when youwhen you know you're saying it,
it's it was, it was easier todrop in and figure that out than
I thought it might be. And thereason is, is because the the
conflict that you and everyonelistening has with alcohol is
part of your heart, have you adeep, deep part of you calling

(01:06:18):
you. And when you say yes tomaking this change, and you
decide to not stay the same, andto be brave enough to
potentially fail, you get toexperience this natural state
that your body and your being islonging for it is longing to

(01:06:39):
drop in, in this natural way. Itwants it so bad. But you have to
give yourself permission to doit. That's the truth. Yes. And
but once you're there, and it'slike, you know, I was talking to
Barney about this, before we goton the call and started
recording was, you know, it is achoice, it's a choice to stay

(01:07:01):
the same? Absolutely. But whenyou give yourself permission to
fail, and what a lot of peoplemake failure mean is that I did
something wrong. And in thisprocess and this journey of
awakening, when we have a momentthat maybe is a setback, or it
didn't work out the way youwanted it to, you're still in

(01:07:23):
the journey, you're neverstarting over, right? failure
means you're trying you're init, you're you're showing up.
And you know, because I do itall the time I react to, you
know, to people that I love themost in ways that I don't want
to, but I'm not starting over, Ifigure out how do I want to do

(01:07:45):
this next time? What was thethought that I was thinking
where we're at do or did I haveexpectations of other people
instead of taking personalresponsibility for myself and my
own results. And like your beingis at the point, like that's the
signal of why you're here. And Ireally truly believe that. So
that dropping into that naturalstate is just so important. And

(01:08:09):
we have access to that forever,like giving yourself that gift
of learning to be in that placewhenever you need to be. Like,
it's priceless.
Yeah, it absolutely is. And Ithink what you were talking
about failure, like, so oftenthat can be interpreted as like,

(01:08:29):
Okay, I'm gonna quit. We, youknow, then it's kind of like
that. It's a little bit likewhat alcohol does like that
interruption, rather than, like,failing, quote, unquote, and
then seeing that as part of thewhole cycle, and the whole
journey like it needs, you know,you almost just need to do that.

(01:08:50):
And then what's going to happenat the, at the other side of
that, you know, rather than justsaying I'm going to quit, or I'm
going to drink or whatever. I'mjust seeing, like, what what
happens next, like being curiouswhat what happens next? And
there's a really beautiful thingon the other side of that.
Moving through that.
Yeah, yes, there as well. Andthat's the thing, it's like you

(01:09:12):
you decide to fail ahead of timeis really what that is, by never
trying and just saying that saidI'm going to just throw the
towel and you know, it's likeyou, you you fail ahead of time
and you quit on yourself beforeyou even give yourself a chance.
So how would you and we can likekind of wrap start to wrap up
our conversation here a littlebit like, what advice would you

(01:09:33):
give to someone who'sconsidering, you know, joining
the program, but hesitant totake the first step? We'll start
there.
I would say that it is so worthit and trust that sort of quiet

(01:09:54):
voice inside of yourself. That'stelling you that moving forward
and jumping in is exactly whatyou need
is exactly what you need. Yes, Ilove that this is exactly what
you need. And how would youdescribe? I mean, you talked
about the dropping in. But howwould you describe the other

(01:10:14):
side of your bill, like gettingto the other side of feeling
like alcohol was an importantpart of your life to where you
are now? Like, how would youdescribe that other side?
The other side for me, feelslike emotional freedom and

(01:10:37):
empowerment over my mind.
Really? Yes. That's a greatplace. To Yes, of course, like
when there's emotional stuff,that's like coming up, because
it's not going to not come up.
Knowing that I, I am empowered,right, and I know how to, like,

(01:11:04):
work with that and move throughit. You know, I don't mean
emotional freedom, like, I amfree of emotion. Right? These
are like, challenges are notgoing to come up. But, um, but
just to know, you know, how tobe on the other side of it and,
and feel free of that and notlike, quite as wrapped up or

(01:11:26):
quite as attached. As I wouldsay, I've been at times in my
life.
I mean, that's what I thinkpeople like, that's what I call
it, too. It's like emotionalfreedom from alcohol, emotional
freedom for me to like, be freeto feel too, right. And I'm
gonna fight I want to ask youthis question. Because this is

(01:11:48):
like, the dreaded question thatget keeps everyone stuck is for
ever they think about thisforever. Oh, my God, what could
I really not drink for ever?
Where are you in the spectrum oflike, just that concept? And how
has that shifted for you?
Yeah, I mean, I think of course,that's a daunting idea, and

(01:12:12):
probably for anything to be forher. Because, you know, really,
in the end, everything's alwayschanging, right? And I think
that just feels more comfortablefor us to know that, right. But
I know that right now. I don'thave any desire to drink. And I

(01:12:35):
feel like I have the tools foryou know, for a lifetime of
feeling this same way aboutalcohol. So as long as I'm
utilizing these tools, andcoming back to these tools, I
don't really see that changing Iguess, it's just like working so

(01:12:58):
well. Despite circumstances,right, that circumstances that
have maybe in the past, likethrown me into having another
drink, like circumstances arestill happening, you know, and I
have these these tools I justdon't have any desire for it.
And I think it's just best likewith anything to just, you know,

(01:13:21):
take your life one step at atime. Yeah, and
like you said, right, you know,one of the first things you said
was and right now, right likeand that's what I you know,
that's what I always tell peopleis like, Well, how do you feel
right now? Right, like, you'llknow and you know, and the truth
is is like at this point, likeyou said, I don't have any

(01:13:42):
desire for it. And what I knowabout me personally is the that
dropping in like you explained,explained it as feeling so
grounded that dropping out likelike anything else would feel
like dropping out and it feelsvery ungrounded and feels very

(01:14:04):
anxiety producing now becauseI'm so used to being in trust me
my mind takes me on amazingjourneys of overwhelm like I'm
definitely you know, humanstill, but that dropping in like
in my body, there is no there'snothing that that feels so safe

(01:14:24):
for me even in like, deep likedepression or turmoil like and
to take myself away from thatconnection now feels really
unsafe.
Yeah, I couldn't really Icouldn't imagine doing that and
again, just because it's like,this way is just so much more

(01:14:47):
satisfying and yeah, like yousaid, safe and comforting and
like all the things that that Iguess I've needed and that I
think maybe I thought Alcoholwas it's doing Yeah.
It's so good. Yeah. Tell tellour Do you have any final words

(01:15:11):
for our audience today?
Um, I guess I just think this isjust so worth it this journey if
you're feeling like you love thepodcast, you love what Mary's
and bow and you resonate withher words. I think this is the

(01:15:33):
this is the program for you. SoI would say there's no need to
hesitate anymore. It's justyeah, just go for it.
Yes, go for it. I know. That's,it's amazing. Bonnie, I just
want to say thank you so muchwatching your transition and
your journey and being a part ofit has been so inspiring. And

(01:15:54):
really, you know, the more I dothis work, I see like the the
clients that I have, show mewhat's possible, with the five
shifts. And with my, you know,of course, I'm growing all the
time, too. And it's just likeit, you were you were an example
of what was possible that Ididn't even the I didn't even

(01:16:15):
know with the program. And so itwas so inspiring for me to make
sure that I continue to show upand my best version to you know,
because to share this withpeople to have this experience
of these tools that they canmeet any changing circumstance
and actually solve it and dealwith it and work through it and
go deeper into their own bodiesand their own experience and

(01:16:37):
connect with in alignment withtheir values and what the future
holds for them. And it's just soinspiring. So I'm so grateful.
Oh my gosh, Mary, I'm sograteful for you too, and, and
your gift that you are justembracing and bringing to the
world. So thank you so much.
Thank you for having me today aswell.

(01:17:00):
Yes, thank you. And thank youeveryone for listening and have
an amazing week everyone. Hi,it's Mary Wagstaff. I want to
personally invite you to spendone hour with me one on one.
Because you deserve to knowwhat's holding you back is your
time, alcohol has had its fairshare. We're going to talk about

(01:17:21):
possibilities about how to alignyour thoughts and actions with
your dreams and what mattersmost to you about why alcohol is
no longer suited for the lifeyou want to live. How you can
get on the fast track to freedomfrom alcohol and stay there
without deprivation. Follow thelink in the show notes or on my
website Mary Wagstaff coach.comTo schedule your complimentary

(01:17:44):
call and get a new perspectiveon an old habit.