January 25, 2023 • 30 mins
In today's episode of the podcast, I will be discussing the concept of "awakening beyond alcohol" and how it's just the beginning of a journey towards self-discovery.
I will delve into the process of uncovering one's true self through the use of "craving trail" questions, as a tool to understand and reflect on one's habits, patterns, and triggers.
- I will be sharing examples with the "craving trail" and 5 shifts process and how it helped me gain insight into my relationship with alcohol.
- I will be discussing how the "craving trail" questions can be used as a tool to understand and reflect on one's habits, patterns, and triggers related to alcohol.
- I will be sharing tips on how to effectively use the "craving trail" method to gain insight into one's relationship with alcohol and to move forward in the journey of self-discovery.
- Additionally, I will touch on the concept of the feminine archetype, as it relates to the journey of self-discovery.
Using the "craving trail" and The 5 Shifts process, you will be able to gain insight into your habits, patterns, and triggers related to alcohol and take the first steps towards putting yourself first and seeing the limitless possibilities that come with self-discovery.
Please take a moment to subscribe, review and share this proufound work so we can make big lasting change together.
Mary
P.S: Quitting drinking doesn't take more time, or "being ready", it takes new thinking. Join me in my private coaching program and start applying these shift in real time. Find out more and how to schedule a call HERE.
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DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:01):
Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol, that
you are longing for a deeperconnection to life? If alcohol
is keeping you playing small andfeels like the one area, you
just can't figure out you are inthe right place. Hi, my name is
Mary Wagstaff. I'm a Holisticalcohol coach who ended a 20
year relationship to alcoholwithout labels, counting days or
(00:23):
ever making excuses. Now I helppowerful women just like you
eliminate their desire to drinkon their own terms. In this
podcast, we will explore therevolutionary approach of my
proven five shifts process thatgets alcohol out of your way by
breaking all of the rules, andthe profound experience that it
is to rediscover who you are onthe other side of alcohol. I am
(00:48):
so thrilled to be your guide.
Welcome to your journey ofawakening. Hey, welcome back to
the show my beautiful listeners,it's Mary Wagstaff, I'm so
thrilled that you're here, I amreally excited about today's
episode, because I feel likethis is going to be a really big
piece of empowerment for you. Somy suggestion would be to take
(01:09):
some notes, and you know,actually work this stuff out for
yourself. So one of the things Ialways say is like, you can take
in all the information, butunless you apply any of it, then
you nothing's going to change.
So just know that you actuallyhave to work your mind a little
bit, write down some stuff, getclear, and practice the things.
(01:34):
So I hope that things are goingamazing for you and you enjoy
the last episode with Barney,there's going to be more client
spotlights to come to get youinspired to see what's really
possible for you when you decideto put yourself first. And you
know, one of the things I alwaysreally want to express, of
(01:55):
course, and I think it comesthrough in the show is that
awakening beyond alcohol, right?
You're evolving from alcohol,alcohol is just the beginning of
a starting point, it's a doorwaythat is opened up for you the
disconnect from really what thislife has to offer you that it's
been kind of this shallow,shallow grave. There's like the
(02:18):
first thing that comes to mymind of possibility, you know,
and it's like, Wait, it's likeit is this it, you know, and
then. And then there is aprocess of uncovering, and I
talked about it in the sacredrebellion episode where
sometimes when when one is onthe other side of alcohol,
there's all these amazingthings, I mean, really, like,
(02:39):
everything's way better withoutalcohol, right? It's just like
these moments that you miss, andthat you have to figure out how
to do something new with right,but it's like, you still don't
want the alcohol. And so thenyou're in this place of, you
know what I had said it labeledas the wild woman archetype. And
the more I study the wild woman,she really is, I think, the
(02:59):
embodiment of all the archetypesbecause it's like the natural
essence of who we are. But we'regoing to talk a little bit more
about our archetypal energytoday. And honestly, this is
something to get excited about.
It is a path of curiosity. Youknow, this, this approach, this
(03:24):
method is definitely for womenwho are really interested in
getting to know themselves. AndI believe that that's all all of
us and all of you. And there'sthis like feeling that you know,
that this is not as good as itgets. Like, because you see it
you you look you notice life,you see the the miracle of life.
(03:47):
I mean, I always just thinkabout the exchange of nitrogen
and how we produce and releasemore co2 and the trees release
more oxygen to feed us and wefeed them just like the
symbiotic relationships thathappen on the planet are so
beautiful, and the the silverlining of Lunas wisdom that
(04:09):
shines upon us reminding us thatthat spark of remembrance, those
are the times where you'retapping into the wild woman
energy when you feel this, thisnatural, this connection to the
nature of who you are. Thatwasn't created from culture. And
(04:29):
I've said it before, and I'llsay it again, I don't think it's
I don't think it's important toblame culture. I think what's
more important is to know thatit's a construct and to become
aware because there's so manybenefits and privileges that we
have in this society that wehave. So it doesn't have to be
black and white. It doesn't haveto be all good and bad. It can
(04:50):
be the both and like that's whywe have disinformation right
now. But you know, what wouldlife look like if we were living
closer to the earth without Youknow, all of the craziness and
the overwhelm that comes with,with achievement and more
bigger, better, you know, and Ithink that the sky's the limit.
(05:13):
But it does take, especiallywith the bombardment of
information in our informationage and the technology that we
use to get there, and how it'sprogrammed and designed to grab
your attention, and alcohol aswell. We have to work to manage
our minds even more around it,right. So one of my, one of the
(05:37):
actions that I take is like,it's too much just too much to
manage my mind around everythingright around my being a mom
around being a wife aroundhaving a business around running
a household around, like myrelationships, and, like, I
don't want to manage my mindaround media. So I just don't, I
just don't watch it. And I thinkfrom that, that is the activism
(06:01):
in so many ways where it's like,I actually can do this. And I
think a lot of people feel likethey don't have any choices. And
like, the first thing thatanyone can do is to grow, grow
food, like grow some of your ownfood, one seed gives you a whole
tomato plant, and you can dothat anywhere. Right? So it's
like we can start to resourcefrom ourselves. And, you know,
(06:27):
we vote with our dollars. Sothat is like a complete soapbox.
But I just I want to bring intoawareness to take control where
you can, which is with yourmind, right? Don't dwell in
deprivation, dwell in thefreedom and the abundance that
(06:47):
not drinking gives you right?
Because deprivation is just athought. The only thing that's
actually missing from anexperience is the actual liquid
in a glass of the specificalcohol. Everything else that's
there is available to you. Andwhen you focus your mind
intentionally on the abundanceof the experience that you get
(07:08):
to have, you know, you, you'reit's like don't dwell on what
you don't have you dwell on whatyou do have, right like that is
that is manifestation. Now, doesit feel differently in your
body? Yes, of course, right? Ittakes time to adjust. I just
went out this weekend for thefirst time in a while and I got
(07:29):
to get dressed up with agirlfriend, I went into the
city. And it was Friday the13th, which is like, just like
the day of the Goddess. Andthere was this really cool show
called base, which and if youguys have heard me, I've been
talking about my DJ career. AndI'm going to another training
this week for ecstatic danceDJing I'm so excited, I can't
(07:50):
wait to invite you all to adance online. And in person,
it's going to be so much fun,and I'll guide and lead you
through a circle so everyonewill feel really comfortable in
their body and it'll just be areally natural warming up. So I
went to this thing called baseswitch and it was for different
female DJs and I got dressed upI got out like a really old
(08:16):
short skirt, skirt dress. And itwas just so much fun. And, you
know, like, I there were peoplethere that there was a cacao
ceremony like I wasn't drinkingbut there was with some people
that were and you know, there'sthis, this invitation when you
aren't drinking to experiencethe the actual reality of what
(08:42):
is being offered to in theexperience, because when you're
drinking you are altering it soyou never know and then you
chase the drinking, then youtrace the drinking instead of
chasing your own excitementinstead of chasing and following
your own inner wisdom. Alright,so we got there early for the
(09:04):
cacao ceremony and by like 1230I've been you know, on a
concrete floor and these littleboots for a while and I was like
my needed to Rasma back in Plusit was a lot of energy that I
hadn't been around in a longtime. So side note from that is
this is kind of the segue intothe craving trail. You're
craving your urges, yourdesires, your yearning, your
(09:28):
longing is the path to tell youwhat you what has been hidden
from alcohol. And in you've usedalcohol to solve all of these
sameemotion emotional stressors.
(09:48):
They all have differentsolutions, but you just keep
using alcohol and so you'reputting all of you that has many
facets, many layers Is into onebox. Okay? And what I have
discovered through my studies inthe the mystery realms of the
feminine, and through my ownnature, and through seeing what
(10:14):
can happen to a mind that ismanipulated. I've seen it both
with alcohol and then I've seenit with, even with my own mind
through isolation, and media.
And when you're like, what arethe thoughts that are my own?
And it's, it's much easier tofind them when you're not in
(10:35):
chemically induced. But thankGod, I have the awareness,
right, because I know now whatmy when I have a craving or an
urge not for alcohol, but forlife, right? Or when there's an
emotion, I can ask myself thesetwo questions. So these are the
two questions to follow thecraving trail to the key, the
(10:59):
key to the solution of what youhave to take personal
responsibility for, but not inan overbearing way as a way to
meet yourself to meet yourselfon the other side of who am I?
If I know the answer to thesetwo questions, okay, so the
(11:21):
first question is, what is theemotion that I'm trying to
relieve every urge or cravingmostly, there are some just like
habitual things that you justdon't even ask about and the
decisions already made for youevery urge or craving for
alcohol, the circumstance thatis proceeding that is created by
(11:48):
an emotion, so you are trying torelieve or change that emotion.
And the second question you'regoing to ask, once you identify
that is, what is the need I amtrying to fulfill. And the need
you're trying to fulfill isdifferent than just relieving
the emotion. Because if you havean emotion that feels
(12:11):
heightened, and you're lookingfor some external shift, the
emotion is there, because of aof a lack, there's something
that you need to complete. Andto come back to more of a
neutral, homeostasis, nervoussystem reset. So for example,
(12:37):
I'm going to tell you theemotion, the emotion you're
trying to relieve. And then I'mgoing to tell you what the need
is that that you're trying tofulfill. Now, this could be
different for everyone. Butthese are just some examples. So
anger is the emotion that I'mtrying to relieve. And that
might be why you reach for adrink. But underneath you don't
realize that what I need, theneed I'm trying to fulfill is to
(13:00):
be understood, right? So you'reangry, you're frustrated, and
instead of realizing like thatyou have this need to be
understood, you're feelingmisunderstood. You have a drink,
and then guess what happens youinvalidate that emotion and it
never gets resolved. The emotionI'm trying to relieve stress,
and the need I'm trying tofulfill is permission to relax,
(13:26):
right I need to relax I need torest my body the emotion I'm
trying to relieve asrestlessness and the need that
I'm trying to fulfill is that Ineed to get out right I need to
move my body I need to likebreak out of the box. I'm like
got a cabin fever over here. I'msurprised I'm not more restless.
(13:51):
I must you know, I thinkrestlessness can also come from
like, especially like thatweekend warrior. I think
restlessness comes from notmeeting your own needs often
throughout the week that we youknow, don't bring pleasure into
our weekdays and our everydaylife and that you can't take
care of yourself and have metime and alone time like there
(14:13):
has to be this special time. Andwhat I know to be true is that
when we relieve those throughoutthe week and that could be just
510 minutes or an evening bathor a walk by yourself that need
to really like break out. Itreally dissipates you know that
and the and the need for that onthe weekends or on a Friday or
(14:36):
Saturday. And what I also knowis that the US is a little
sidetrack but what I also knowis that the anticipation of
alcohol and that you know stillbeing in that kind of party girl
mentality builds up thatrestlessness also. So these do
(14:57):
especially at the beginning, thewhen you're not looking at it
You're not looking at it from afrom a neutral perspective with
curiosity, the the alcohol, theanticipation of the alcohol that
happens naturally, just like ata specific time of a day is
going to amplify these emotions.
And so it's going to feel evenmore like alcohol is the only
(15:17):
solution just because youhaven't done anything different.
So my invitation is to check outthese emotions when you have
them, and how you respond tothem other times, right? Like,
if you're stressed out at work,you know, and maybe you are and
there's no judgment, but likemore than likely, you're not
(15:38):
sneaking into the bathroom tolike, have a drink, right? Like,
what do you do, when youexperience these emotions and
the the availability of alcoholisn't there, or you might not
even have for whatever reason,because of the time of day or
where you are, you might noteven your brain might not even
go to alcohol, or you're notrelieving and solving for these
(15:59):
emotions and you're not meetingyour own needs, and then that's
the build up, right? But chancesare, you're a human that exists
in the world, I guarantee thatyou you know, like, especially
if you're in a managerial roleof your mother, if you're a
wife, like you're a partner, thechances are that you've had to
mitigate and manage your ownemotions somewhere. So there is
(16:20):
deep emotional intelligence inyou that you can really start to
apply during the times when youthat are more associated with
alcohol. So I'm just gonna goback I have a few more emotions,
the emotion I'm trying torelieve as excited, which is so
interesting, because excitementwe kind of amplify or we want to
amplify but a lot of timesexcitement doesn't need to be
(16:43):
amplified, we've just neverstopped to actually ask in the
need that I'm trying to fulfillas fun or and to enjoy myself
to, to like disperse my energy,the emotion that I'm trying to
relieve a sadness or depressionand so what I need the need that
I have, and this is somethingyou have to ask yourself, this
is these are going to bedifferent for you is I need to
feel comforted, right. I need tofeel safe, secure, comfort,
(17:07):
love. The emotion I'm trying torelieve as anxious. And so I
need to feel grounded, right.
And that's the wisdom you've gotto take Tara brach calls it the
U turn, you've got to take thatU turn from where you're looking
outside and bring it inside Ineed to feel grounded. If I'm
(17:30):
trying to relieve confusion, Ineed to what is the need to
fulfill as I need to feel clear,I need to like understand I need
to bring clarity to a situation.
Right. So like for me, sometimeswhen I get angry or frustrated?
I don't know in that moment thatI need to be understood. My
trigger just goes to like overexplaining, right. But if I can
(17:51):
take that you turn in and sayokay, I need to be understood, I
need to understand myself. Whatis it that I really trying to
say here? Why am I even upset?
Why did is this even any of mybusiness? Why do I care so much?
Is it necessary? Or can I justlet it go and see what happens.
And most of the time, thingsjust play themselves out. And
(18:13):
I'm budding like, and especiallywhen it comes to my
relationship, like I'm justbudding my snows into like
Matthew's business as a grownass adult, and he can just do
whatever, you know, it's like, Icreate more problems by thinking
that I have a better solutionthan he does when it's under my
business. Right? So these arethe things that we get to take
control of as adults by lookingat them. And then the need for
(18:38):
alcohol becomes less when you'refulfilling your own needs, right
from an embodied way. So thenyou can ask what is to stop,
right? You have to have thispause moment. And alcohol
actually gives a lot of room forthat. Because there's a lot of
steps in between having acraving. And like you know,
(19:01):
you're you know, like you ifyou've already if you're already
drinking at night already, likethere's many steps in between
the craving and like gettingalcohol in your body. So there
are moments of pause wheresometimes if you're triggered by
a person's I'm in the LSAT, youyou just respond right like
you've been in your head all daythinking about alcohol. So you
can just ask what does it feellike in my body when I have
(19:22):
this? Anger, restlessness,stress, sadness, anxiety,
confusion, right? Whatever it isfor you, what does it feel like
in my body?
And you can ask to fulfill theneed, what do I need to hear?
Like what do I need to hear thatwould fulfill this need right
now. And a lot of times,transitions are great
(19:45):
opportunities for this we oftenare triggered to drink during a
transition because there's a newemotion like we've settled into
the old emotion from the day andthen we want to find a new
emotion but there has to be thewillingness to find a new way.
You don't Want to sit in thedeprivation, right? You want to
sit in the possibility and theexcitement, you have to want to
(20:06):
believe something new. So somethoughts around like anger and
needing to be understood that Imight say to myself, what I need
to hear might be, you know, thisis important to you, like
presencing. Myself, this isimportant to me, it's normal to
be frustrated, right? It'snormal, because you see it a
different way. And it's normal.
But there's more than one way tosolve a problem right? Now, you
(20:28):
have to be willing to say,because I could hear you right
now be like, I mean, whenthere's a joke in my house, that
there's only one way to fold atowel, right? It's like, if
you're, if you're going to standon righteousness, you're just
going to lose and be pissed off.
And then you're not going to getthere, you're not going to get
understood, because pushing yourpoint, and overexplaining is
(20:50):
just going to push the otherperson to prove their point,
right? So there has to be thiswillingness for for for
maturity, for neutrality forunconditional love. And it's
like, at the end, do you want tobe right? Or do you want to be
happy and really, like, I dowant to be happy. At the end of
the day, I want to live in apeaceful household. I want to be
(21:11):
graceful, I want to be proud ofmyself, I want to go to bed,
knowing that I did the best Icould I want to be an example
for Emmett, like, these are thequestions you have to ask
yourself, or is it moreimportant for someone to say,
You know what you were right, orto be able to say, I told you
so. And that's something thatyou have to weigh, you know,
like, when is it important forme to go and, you know, for me,
(21:33):
it's like safety if I or youknow, sticking up for someone
and injustice, like when what isthat boundary for you where it's
like, no, I'm going to make thismy business or this is not my
business. So feeling stressed, Imight need to hear it's the end
of the day girl, put your feetup like you deserve some time, I
(21:56):
like to take a little bit oftime be when I like shut my
computer down before Emmet walksthrough the door to just really
shift my energy down kind oflike downgrade a little bit,
reset my nervous system, then Ican be fully present for him. So
I can just give myself a momentto relax. Or sometimes I'll go
for a walk and kind of have thattransition in between. I just
(22:17):
say go move your body. Like ifyou need to get out, get out of
here, give yourself permissionlike permission granted go,
right? What are all theobjections and the excuses
you're making from not going andthen like, the only way that you
can check out and get out is byshutting everything down. Right?
And your excuses, like I can'tleave, I can't be I gotta be
(22:38):
present for my kids or it's notfair, or whatever it is. And
then you just check out. Andreally what happens is the
opposite of what you need is theresult that you actually create.
Right? So instead of sayinglike, I'm going to take some
time for myself to reset mynervous system, so I'm more
(22:58):
available for everyone. It'sokay, I'm here for you. Right,
when you're sad and depressed,you bring in the comfort of the
mother. And you have to askyourself, when you're confused,
is what is working? What are youcertain about right that you see
(23:21):
the willingness to want to seekan answer. And these are all
steps that are used through thefive shifts process and
something that we don't want toput everything into one box. And
that's why we don't count days,we don't want to just lump
everything together and say it'sall the same, because it's not
all the same. And in the end,there is presencing your body
(23:44):
and your emotions, but the thewhat you need is going to be
different based on your cyclesbased on your rhythms based on
the earth based on thecircumstance. And sometimes we
do want to just change thecircumstance, right? If it's not
avoiding or buffering, like, Ireally want to change my
circumstance right now. BecauseI feel like I there's there's
not opportunity here that Iwant. But I'm not changing my
(24:07):
circumstance. And thinking thatlike I'm just going to
automatically be happy, like Ineed to go and I'll have to put
in work if I move and make newcommunity and meet people and so
on and so forth. And so I justwanted to show you a little bit
how the five shifts and thiswill be our wrap up. The five
shifts work in accordance withthe different archetypal
(24:29):
energies of your needs that needto be met. And when you try to
lump them all into just servingyour needs with alcohol, you're
gonna fall short. So the firstshift is moving from avoidance
to acceptance and that's reallythe wise woman archetype the
sage The Crone, right? Like,yes, I can accept this is here
and not make it mean anythingabout me. So we don't want to
(24:51):
avoid it. And that's one of thebiggest myths that people do is
they want to just like I don'twant to think about alcohol
anymore. I just want it to be goaway. Right? Well, you I have to
accept that it's there. But thenyou bring in the maid and energy
through curiosity. So instead ofconformity and confusion, you
bring in curiosity, that funplayfulness of the made and of
getting excited about theadventure of awakening. And then
(25:13):
moving from shame and judgmentto compassion is the energy of
the mother and the lover. Movingfrom quitting to conviction, and
committing is the queen is theHuntress is the the energy of
the leader, right? Like, no, I'mcommitted to this, I'm
convicted, like, I, I got thisno more. And then we move from
(25:39):
isolation, to celebration, thecelebration of life of our
vitality of our raw, wild eroticself. And this is the energy of
the wild woman and the mystic inthe Enchantress. Now, all of
these have their own archetypalenergies, but some of them can
be combined. And the mystic islike that intuitive. Seeking of
(26:03):
the connections of the unseenrealms, right, and the
alchemist, bringing together theelements in with emotion and
manifestation, and aligning itwith the moon and the stars and
making it so beautiful and sopowerful. This is at this is
(26:25):
everyday ritual. And I alsoteach this inside of the
program, how you can weave thesearchetypes and get excited about
this, instead of doing the samething with the same vibration
all the time. Because girl, youhave got a big life that you
haven't yet experienced. Andit's all right here for the
taking. And I am so thrilled tobe your guide to show you how to
(26:48):
live into your fullest holistbest self through your
authenticity, like you in yourauthentic self is your best
self. And you get to expressthat part of you on the other
side of alcohol. So this is justthe beginning, the evolution of
you your journey of awakening beon alcohol. And so as you go
(27:12):
into this week, follow thecraving trail to ask, what is
the emotion that I'm trying torelieve? And what is the need
I'm trying to fulfill? What doesthat feel like in my body? And
what do I need to hear and startto do it on your own and giving
yourself permission to learn anew way? Have an amazing week.
Hi, it's Mary Wagstaff. I wantto personally invite you to
(27:36):
spend one hour with me one onone. Because you deserve to know
what's holding you back is yourtime, alcohol has had its fair
share. We're going to talk aboutpossibilities about how to align
your thoughts and actions withyour dreams and what matters
most to you about why alcohol isno longer suited for the life
(27:57):
you want to live. How you canget on the fast track to freedom
from alcohol and stay therewithout deprivation. Follow the
link in the show notes or on mywebsite Mary Wagstaff coach.com
To schedule your complimentarycall and get a new perspective
on an old habit.
Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol, that
you are longing for a deeperconnection to life? If alcohol
is keeping you playing small andfeels like the one area, you
just can't figure out you are inthe right place. Hi, my name is
Mary Wagstaff. I'm a Holisticalcohol coach who ended a 20
year relationship to alcoholwithout labels, counting days or
(00:23):
ever making excuses. Now I helppowerful women just like you
eliminate their desire to drinkon their own terms. In this
podcast, we will explore therevolutionary approach of my
proven five shifts process thatgets alcohol out of your way by
breaking all of the rules, andthe profound experience that it
is to rediscover who you are onthe other side of alcohol. I am
(00:48):
so thrilled to be your guide.
Welcome to your journey ofawakening. Hey, welcome back to
the show my beautiful listeners,it's Mary Wagstaff, I'm so
thrilled that you're here, I amreally excited about today's
episode, because I feel likethis is going to be a really big
piece of empowerment for you. Somy suggestion would be to take
(01:09):
some notes, and you know,actually work this stuff out for
yourself. So one of the things Ialways say is like, you can take
in all the information, butunless you apply any of it, then
you nothing's going to change.
So just know that you actuallyhave to work your mind a little
bit, write down some stuff, getclear, and practice the things.
(01:34):
So I hope that things are goingamazing for you and you enjoy
the last episode with Barney,there's going to be more client
spotlights to come to get youinspired to see what's really
possible for you when you decideto put yourself first. And you
know, one of the things I alwaysreally want to express, of
(01:55):
course, and I think it comesthrough in the show is that
awakening beyond alcohol, right?
You're evolving from alcohol,alcohol is just the beginning of
a starting point, it's a doorwaythat is opened up for you the
disconnect from really what thislife has to offer you that it's
been kind of this shallow,shallow grave. There's like the
(02:18):
first thing that comes to mymind of possibility, you know,
and it's like, Wait, it's likeit is this it, you know, and
then. And then there is aprocess of uncovering, and I
talked about it in the sacredrebellion episode where
sometimes when when one is onthe other side of alcohol,
there's all these amazingthings, I mean, really, like,
(02:39):
everything's way better withoutalcohol, right? It's just like
these moments that you miss, andthat you have to figure out how
to do something new with right,but it's like, you still don't
want the alcohol. And so thenyou're in this place of, you
know what I had said it labeledas the wild woman archetype. And
the more I study the wild woman,she really is, I think, the
(02:59):
embodiment of all the archetypesbecause it's like the natural
essence of who we are. But we'regoing to talk a little bit more
about our archetypal energytoday. And honestly, this is
something to get excited about.
It is a path of curiosity. Youknow, this, this approach, this
(03:24):
method is definitely for womenwho are really interested in
getting to know themselves. AndI believe that that's all all of
us and all of you. And there'sthis like feeling that you know,
that this is not as good as itgets. Like, because you see it
you you look you notice life,you see the the miracle of life.
(03:47):
I mean, I always just thinkabout the exchange of nitrogen
and how we produce and releasemore co2 and the trees release
more oxygen to feed us and wefeed them just like the
symbiotic relationships thathappen on the planet are so
beautiful, and the the silverlining of Lunas wisdom that
(04:09):
shines upon us reminding us thatthat spark of remembrance, those
are the times where you'retapping into the wild woman
energy when you feel this, thisnatural, this connection to the
nature of who you are. Thatwasn't created from culture. And
(04:29):
I've said it before, and I'llsay it again, I don't think it's
I don't think it's important toblame culture. I think what's
more important is to know thatit's a construct and to become
aware because there's so manybenefits and privileges that we
have in this society that wehave. So it doesn't have to be
black and white. It doesn't haveto be all good and bad. It can
(04:50):
be the both and like that's whywe have disinformation right
now. But you know, what wouldlife look like if we were living
closer to the earth without Youknow, all of the craziness and
the overwhelm that comes with,with achievement and more
bigger, better, you know, and Ithink that the sky's the limit.
(05:13):
But it does take, especiallywith the bombardment of
information in our informationage and the technology that we
use to get there, and how it'sprogrammed and designed to grab
your attention, and alcohol aswell. We have to work to manage
our minds even more around it,right. So one of my, one of the
(05:37):
actions that I take is like,it's too much just too much to
manage my mind around everythingright around my being a mom
around being a wife aroundhaving a business around running
a household around, like myrelationships, and, like, I
don't want to manage my mindaround media. So I just don't, I
just don't watch it. And I thinkfrom that, that is the activism
(06:01):
in so many ways where it's like,I actually can do this. And I
think a lot of people feel likethey don't have any choices. And
like, the first thing thatanyone can do is to grow, grow
food, like grow some of your ownfood, one seed gives you a whole
tomato plant, and you can dothat anywhere. Right? So it's
like we can start to resourcefrom ourselves. And, you know,
(06:27):
we vote with our dollars. Sothat is like a complete soapbox.
But I just I want to bring intoawareness to take control where
you can, which is with yourmind, right? Don't dwell in
deprivation, dwell in thefreedom and the abundance that
(06:47):
not drinking gives you right?
Because deprivation is just athought. The only thing that's
actually missing from anexperience is the actual liquid
in a glass of the specificalcohol. Everything else that's
there is available to you. Andwhen you focus your mind
intentionally on the abundanceof the experience that you get
(07:08):
to have, you know, you, you'reit's like don't dwell on what
you don't have you dwell on whatyou do have, right like that is
that is manifestation. Now, doesit feel differently in your
body? Yes, of course, right? Ittakes time to adjust. I just
went out this weekend for thefirst time in a while and I got
(07:29):
to get dressed up with agirlfriend, I went into the
city. And it was Friday the13th, which is like, just like
the day of the Goddess. Andthere was this really cool show
called base, which and if youguys have heard me, I've been
talking about my DJ career. AndI'm going to another training
this week for ecstatic danceDJing I'm so excited, I can't
(07:50):
wait to invite you all to adance online. And in person,
it's going to be so much fun,and I'll guide and lead you
through a circle so everyonewill feel really comfortable in
their body and it'll just be areally natural warming up. So I
went to this thing called baseswitch and it was for different
female DJs and I got dressed upI got out like a really old
(08:16):
short skirt, skirt dress. And itwas just so much fun. And, you
know, like, I there were peoplethere that there was a cacao
ceremony like I wasn't drinkingbut there was with some people
that were and you know, there'sthis, this invitation when you
aren't drinking to experiencethe the actual reality of what
(08:42):
is being offered to in theexperience, because when you're
drinking you are altering it soyou never know and then you
chase the drinking, then youtrace the drinking instead of
chasing your own excitementinstead of chasing and following
your own inner wisdom. Alright,so we got there early for the
(09:04):
cacao ceremony and by like 1230I've been you know, on a
concrete floor and these littleboots for a while and I was like
my needed to Rasma back in Plusit was a lot of energy that I
hadn't been around in a longtime. So side note from that is
this is kind of the segue intothe craving trail. You're
craving your urges, yourdesires, your yearning, your
(09:28):
longing is the path to tell youwhat you what has been hidden
from alcohol. And in you've usedalcohol to solve all of these
sameemotion emotional stressors.
(09:48):
They all have differentsolutions, but you just keep
using alcohol and so you'reputting all of you that has many
facets, many layers Is into onebox. Okay? And what I have
discovered through my studies inthe the mystery realms of the
feminine, and through my ownnature, and through seeing what
(10:14):
can happen to a mind that ismanipulated. I've seen it both
with alcohol and then I've seenit with, even with my own mind
through isolation, and media.
And when you're like, what arethe thoughts that are my own?
And it's, it's much easier tofind them when you're not in
(10:35):
chemically induced. But thankGod, I have the awareness,
right, because I know now whatmy when I have a craving or an
urge not for alcohol, but forlife, right? Or when there's an
emotion, I can ask myself thesetwo questions. So these are the
two questions to follow thecraving trail to the key, the
(10:59):
key to the solution of what youhave to take personal
responsibility for, but not inan overbearing way as a way to
meet yourself to meet yourselfon the other side of who am I?
If I know the answer to thesetwo questions, okay, so the
(11:21):
first question is, what is theemotion that I'm trying to
relieve every urge or cravingmostly, there are some just like
habitual things that you justdon't even ask about and the
decisions already made for youevery urge or craving for
alcohol, the circumstance thatis proceeding that is created by
(11:48):
an emotion, so you are trying torelieve or change that emotion.
And the second question you'regoing to ask, once you identify
that is, what is the need I amtrying to fulfill. And the need
you're trying to fulfill isdifferent than just relieving
the emotion. Because if you havean emotion that feels
(12:11):
heightened, and you're lookingfor some external shift, the
emotion is there, because of aof a lack, there's something
that you need to complete. Andto come back to more of a
neutral, homeostasis, nervoussystem reset. So for example,
(12:37):
I'm going to tell you theemotion, the emotion you're
trying to relieve. And then I'mgoing to tell you what the need
is that that you're trying tofulfill. Now, this could be
different for everyone. Butthese are just some examples. So
anger is the emotion that I'mtrying to relieve. And that
might be why you reach for adrink. But underneath you don't
realize that what I need, theneed I'm trying to fulfill is to
(13:00):
be understood, right? So you'reangry, you're frustrated, and
instead of realizing like thatyou have this need to be
understood, you're feelingmisunderstood. You have a drink,
and then guess what happens youinvalidate that emotion and it
never gets resolved. The emotionI'm trying to relieve stress,
and the need I'm trying tofulfill is permission to relax,
(13:26):
right I need to relax I need torest my body the emotion I'm
trying to relieve asrestlessness and the need that
I'm trying to fulfill is that Ineed to get out right I need to
move my body I need to likebreak out of the box. I'm like
got a cabin fever over here. I'msurprised I'm not more restless.
(13:51):
I must you know, I thinkrestlessness can also come from
like, especially like thatweekend warrior. I think
restlessness comes from notmeeting your own needs often
throughout the week that we youknow, don't bring pleasure into
our weekdays and our everydaylife and that you can't take
care of yourself and have metime and alone time like there
(14:13):
has to be this special time. Andwhat I know to be true is that
when we relieve those throughoutthe week and that could be just
510 minutes or an evening bathor a walk by yourself that need
to really like break out. Itreally dissipates you know that
and the and the need for that onthe weekends or on a Friday or
(14:36):
Saturday. And what I also knowis that the US is a little
sidetrack but what I also knowis that the anticipation of
alcohol and that you know stillbeing in that kind of party girl
mentality builds up thatrestlessness also. So these do
(14:57):
especially at the beginning, thewhen you're not looking at it
You're not looking at it from afrom a neutral perspective with
curiosity, the the alcohol, theanticipation of the alcohol that
happens naturally, just like ata specific time of a day is
going to amplify these emotions.
And so it's going to feel evenmore like alcohol is the only
(15:17):
solution just because youhaven't done anything different.
So my invitation is to check outthese emotions when you have
them, and how you respond tothem other times, right? Like,
if you're stressed out at work,you know, and maybe you are and
there's no judgment, but likemore than likely, you're not
(15:38):
sneaking into the bathroom tolike, have a drink, right? Like,
what do you do, when youexperience these emotions and
the the availability of alcoholisn't there, or you might not
even have for whatever reason,because of the time of day or
where you are, you might noteven your brain might not even
go to alcohol, or you're notrelieving and solving for these
(15:59):
emotions and you're not meetingyour own needs, and then that's
the build up, right? But chancesare, you're a human that exists
in the world, I guarantee thatyou you know, like, especially
if you're in a managerial roleof your mother, if you're a
wife, like you're a partner, thechances are that you've had to
mitigate and manage your ownemotions somewhere. So there is
(16:20):
deep emotional intelligence inyou that you can really start to
apply during the times when youthat are more associated with
alcohol. So I'm just gonna goback I have a few more emotions,
the emotion I'm trying torelieve as excited, which is so
interesting, because excitementwe kind of amplify or we want to
amplify but a lot of timesexcitement doesn't need to be
(16:43):
amplified, we've just neverstopped to actually ask in the
need that I'm trying to fulfillas fun or and to enjoy myself
to, to like disperse my energy,the emotion that I'm trying to
relieve a sadness or depressionand so what I need the need that
I have, and this is somethingyou have to ask yourself, this
is these are going to bedifferent for you is I need to
feel comforted, right. I need tofeel safe, secure, comfort,
(17:07):
love. The emotion I'm trying torelieve as anxious. And so I
need to feel grounded, right.
And that's the wisdom you've gotto take Tara brach calls it the
U turn, you've got to take thatU turn from where you're looking
outside and bring it inside Ineed to feel grounded. If I'm
(17:30):
trying to relieve confusion, Ineed to what is the need to
fulfill as I need to feel clear,I need to like understand I need
to bring clarity to a situation.
Right. So like for me, sometimeswhen I get angry or frustrated?
I don't know in that moment thatI need to be understood. My
trigger just goes to like overexplaining, right. But if I can
(17:51):
take that you turn in and sayokay, I need to be understood, I
need to understand myself. Whatis it that I really trying to
say here? Why am I even upset?
Why did is this even any of mybusiness? Why do I care so much?
Is it necessary? Or can I justlet it go and see what happens.
And most of the time, thingsjust play themselves out. And
(18:13):
I'm budding like, and especiallywhen it comes to my
relationship, like I'm justbudding my snows into like
Matthew's business as a grownass adult, and he can just do
whatever, you know, it's like, Icreate more problems by thinking
that I have a better solutionthan he does when it's under my
business. Right? So these arethe things that we get to take
control of as adults by lookingat them. And then the need for
(18:38):
alcohol becomes less when you'refulfilling your own needs, right
from an embodied way. So thenyou can ask what is to stop,
right? You have to have thispause moment. And alcohol
actually gives a lot of room forthat. Because there's a lot of
steps in between having acraving. And like you know,
(19:01):
you're you know, like you ifyou've already if you're already
drinking at night already, likethere's many steps in between
the craving and like gettingalcohol in your body. So there
are moments of pause wheresometimes if you're triggered by
a person's I'm in the LSAT, youyou just respond right like
you've been in your head all daythinking about alcohol. So you
can just ask what does it feellike in my body when I have
(19:22):
this? Anger, restlessness,stress, sadness, anxiety,
confusion, right? Whatever it isfor you, what does it feel like
in my body?
And you can ask to fulfill theneed, what do I need to hear?
Like what do I need to hear thatwould fulfill this need right
now. And a lot of times,transitions are great
(19:45):
opportunities for this we oftenare triggered to drink during a
transition because there's a newemotion like we've settled into
the old emotion from the day andthen we want to find a new
emotion but there has to be thewillingness to find a new way.
You don't Want to sit in thedeprivation, right? You want to
sit in the possibility and theexcitement, you have to want to
(20:06):
believe something new. So somethoughts around like anger and
needing to be understood that Imight say to myself, what I need
to hear might be, you know, thisis important to you, like
presencing. Myself, this isimportant to me, it's normal to
be frustrated, right? It'snormal, because you see it a
different way. And it's normal.
But there's more than one way tosolve a problem right? Now, you
(20:28):
have to be willing to say,because I could hear you right
now be like, I mean, whenthere's a joke in my house, that
there's only one way to fold atowel, right? It's like, if
you're, if you're going to standon righteousness, you're just
going to lose and be pissed off.
And then you're not going to getthere, you're not going to get
understood, because pushing yourpoint, and overexplaining is
(20:50):
just going to push the otherperson to prove their point,
right? So there has to be thiswillingness for for for
maturity, for neutrality forunconditional love. And it's
like, at the end, do you want tobe right? Or do you want to be
happy and really, like, I dowant to be happy. At the end of
the day, I want to live in apeaceful household. I want to be
(21:11):
graceful, I want to be proud ofmyself, I want to go to bed,
knowing that I did the best Icould I want to be an example
for Emmett, like, these are thequestions you have to ask
yourself, or is it moreimportant for someone to say,
You know what you were right, orto be able to say, I told you
so. And that's something thatyou have to weigh, you know,
like, when is it important forme to go and, you know, for me,
(21:33):
it's like safety if I or youknow, sticking up for someone
and injustice, like when what isthat boundary for you where it's
like, no, I'm going to make thismy business or this is not my
business. So feeling stressed, Imight need to hear it's the end
of the day girl, put your feetup like you deserve some time, I
(21:56):
like to take a little bit oftime be when I like shut my
computer down before Emmet walksthrough the door to just really
shift my energy down kind oflike downgrade a little bit,
reset my nervous system, then Ican be fully present for him. So
I can just give myself a momentto relax. Or sometimes I'll go
for a walk and kind of have thattransition in between. I just
(22:17):
say go move your body. Like ifyou need to get out, get out of
here, give yourself permissionlike permission granted go,
right? What are all theobjections and the excuses
you're making from not going andthen like, the only way that you
can check out and get out is byshutting everything down. Right?
And your excuses, like I can'tleave, I can't be I gotta be
(22:38):
present for my kids or it's notfair, or whatever it is. And
then you just check out. Andreally what happens is the
opposite of what you need is theresult that you actually create.
Right? So instead of sayinglike, I'm going to take some
time for myself to reset mynervous system, so I'm more
(22:58):
available for everyone. It'sokay, I'm here for you. Right,
when you're sad and depressed,you bring in the comfort of the
mother. And you have to askyourself, when you're confused,
is what is working? What are youcertain about right that you see
(23:21):
the willingness to want to seekan answer. And these are all
steps that are used through thefive shifts process and
something that we don't want toput everything into one box. And
that's why we don't count days,we don't want to just lump
everything together and say it'sall the same, because it's not
all the same. And in the end,there is presencing your body
(23:44):
and your emotions, but the thewhat you need is going to be
different based on your cyclesbased on your rhythms based on
the earth based on thecircumstance. And sometimes we
do want to just change thecircumstance, right? If it's not
avoiding or buffering, like, Ireally want to change my
circumstance right now. BecauseI feel like I there's there's
not opportunity here that Iwant. But I'm not changing my
(24:07):
circumstance. And thinking thatlike I'm just going to
automatically be happy, like Ineed to go and I'll have to put
in work if I move and make newcommunity and meet people and so
on and so forth. And so I justwanted to show you a little bit
how the five shifts and thiswill be our wrap up. The five
shifts work in accordance withthe different archetypal
(24:29):
energies of your needs that needto be met. And when you try to
lump them all into just servingyour needs with alcohol, you're
gonna fall short. So the firstshift is moving from avoidance
to acceptance and that's reallythe wise woman archetype the
sage The Crone, right? Like,yes, I can accept this is here
and not make it mean anythingabout me. So we don't want to
(24:51):
avoid it. And that's one of thebiggest myths that people do is
they want to just like I don'twant to think about alcohol
anymore. I just want it to be goaway. Right? Well, you I have to
accept that it's there. But thenyou bring in the maid and energy
through curiosity. So instead ofconformity and confusion, you
bring in curiosity, that funplayfulness of the made and of
getting excited about theadventure of awakening. And then
(25:13):
moving from shame and judgmentto compassion is the energy of
the mother and the lover. Movingfrom quitting to conviction, and
committing is the queen is theHuntress is the the energy of
the leader, right? Like, no, I'mcommitted to this, I'm
convicted, like, I, I got thisno more. And then we move from
(25:39):
isolation, to celebration, thecelebration of life of our
vitality of our raw, wild eroticself. And this is the energy of
the wild woman and the mystic inthe Enchantress. Now, all of
these have their own archetypalenergies, but some of them can
be combined. And the mystic islike that intuitive. Seeking of
(26:03):
the connections of the unseenrealms, right, and the
alchemist, bringing together theelements in with emotion and
manifestation, and aligning itwith the moon and the stars and
making it so beautiful and sopowerful. This is at this is
(26:25):
everyday ritual. And I alsoteach this inside of the
program, how you can weave thesearchetypes and get excited about
this, instead of doing the samething with the same vibration
all the time. Because girl, youhave got a big life that you
haven't yet experienced. Andit's all right here for the
taking. And I am so thrilled tobe your guide to show you how to
(26:48):
live into your fullest holistbest self through your
authenticity, like you in yourauthentic self is your best
self. And you get to expressthat part of you on the other
side of alcohol. So this is justthe beginning, the evolution of
you your journey of awakening beon alcohol. And so as you go
(27:12):
into this week, follow thecraving trail to ask, what is
the emotion that I'm trying torelieve? And what is the need
I'm trying to fulfill? What doesthat feel like in my body? And
what do I need to hear and startto do it on your own and giving
yourself permission to learn anew way? Have an amazing week.
Hi, it's Mary Wagstaff. I wantto personally invite you to
(27:36):
spend one hour with me one onone. Because you deserve to know
what's holding you back is yourtime, alcohol has had its fair
share. We're going to talk aboutpossibilities about how to align
your thoughts and actions withyour dreams and what matters
most to you about why alcohol isno longer suited for the life
(27:57):
you want to live. How you canget on the fast track to freedom
from alcohol and stay therewithout deprivation. Follow the
link in the show notes or on mywebsite Mary Wagstaff coach.com
To schedule your complimentarycall and get a new perspective
on an old habit.
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