February 22, 2023 • 35 mins
The hidden costs of alcohol are often where many of your unmet needs live that make you want to drink more, keeping you stuck in a vicious problem/solution cycle.
The good news is, when you actually, start to uncover and meet your needs that appear as problems, the desire for alcohol goes away, AND, Mom's a happy camper. (we all know everyone wins!)
It's totally okay to take sometime on a Friday night for yourself to rest or go for a walk, rather than have a 'party of one", just so you can be home, only to postpone the guilt of not being with the family to the next day because you had a few too many.
These costs affect every area of your life. Because of the amazing humans we are, our ability to adapt creates a new norm and the impact has become normalized, unrecognized and therefore unexamined.
The fact that you WANT change and you FEEL the imbalance is a great thing! It's telling you: hold on sister, We are NOT done yet.
During the episode, we touch on:
- The impact of alcohol on our physical health and well-being, including the long-term effects it can have on our bodies.
- The way alcohol can affect our relationships with loved ones, as well as our ability to form new connections and build strong bonds.
- The hidden costs of alcohol, such as missed opportunities and unrealized potential, as well as the financial impact it can have.
- The importance of our relationship with ourselves, and how alcohol can hold us back from achieving our full potential and living our best lives.
By questioning the normalized impacts that alcohol has on your life, you can begin to uncover the areas where you aren't showing up like the creator of literal LIFE that you are.
Uncover the hidden costs of alcohol and expose the Woman of your dreams...
You’ve tried to cut back on drinking but nothing sticks, you're stuck in the cycle of confusion and convincing. One day you're motivated, the next you're telling yourself it's not that bad. What makes the difference isn’t more information—it’s having a new way to apply it. Click HERE to schedule your free consult to uncover the one thought that will change everything.
There Is A Life Beyond Moderation & Deprivation.
We Focus On What You Are Moving Towards, Not What You Are Moving Away From.
The Exhausting Trap Of Moderation Ends Now With My No Shame Approach Using The Proven Five Shifts Process. Follow the path of 100's of Women, Click HERE to join today!
DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Do you ever feel like you'reoutgrowing alcohol, that you are
longing for a deeper connectionto life? If alcohol is keeping
you playing small and feels likethe one area, you just can't
figure out you are in the rightplace. Hi, my name is Mary
Wagstaff. I'm a Holistic alcoholcoach who ended a 20 year
relationship to alcohol withoutlabels, counting days or ever
(00:24):
making excuses. Now I helppowerful women just like you
eliminate their desire to drinkon their own terms. In this
podcast, we will explore therevolutionary approach of my
proven five shifts process thatgets alcohol out of your way by
breaking all of the rules andthe profound experience that it
is to rediscover who you are onthe other side of alcohol. I am
(00:48):
so thrilled to be your guide.
Welcome to your journey ofawakening. Welcome back to the
show my beautiful listeners, I'mso glad you're here for another
episode. I hope that you werepaying attention this week. And
if you weren't, make sure you goback and listen to last week's
episode, pay attention to thisweek to the layered emotions,
the desire for alcohol, that'sonly present because of the
(01:11):
triggered emotional response,right? I mean, it's present for
two things. One is thehabituation of the chemical of
alcohol in your body. So theidea that's there, right? But
but it's because it's, it's,you're unaware of all the of the
actual emotion and what theactual emotion feels like in
(01:34):
your body. Because it just getsoverwritten, it goes from a to
drinking so quickly, that yourbody doesn't feel safe. Or
you're actually your mind istelling you you're not safe your
body can handle so much. Andthat's what we're going to talk
(01:57):
about today is the genius. Thatis the mind and the body and
how, how easily it habituates tosomething becoming normal to
being able to, to function withwith some maybe in an
impairment, right? Maybe withone of our senses, not fully
(02:19):
working, right? There's, there'slots of people that don't have
one of their senses that that isfunctioning, or you wear
glasses, or maybe you lose alimb or you have a an autoimmune
disease, right. And when we haveanything, and these are like
(02:41):
pretty extreme examples, but thebrain in the body is so amazing
to adapt, right for things tobecome normal, that you almost
can't imagine what life was likeon the other side of it. And if
you want to have like a lessextreme example, you could think
(03:04):
about, you know, like, alwayswear maybe like you had the
wrong size shoes for a reallylong time. And you finally
invested in like a really nicepair or, like, you know,
something that fits you went andgot size for shoes, and you put
these shoes on and you got newinsoles and you're like, oh my
(03:26):
god, what have I been missingout on right? Like, your body
got used to this one thing. Andit happens in so many areas
where we habituate. And we justlike we don't, we don't even
really know what we're missinguntil you're on the other side
of it, or you've gotten ussomething and so it kind of
(03:50):
happens in the reverse. Thisalso can happen when we're
really sick. When I had COVIDLet at the end of last year, I
felt so awful that every singleproblem that I thought I had
like all of my obsessivethinking was gone. And when I
started to feel better,everything felt amazing like
(04:10):
things that I don't really liketo do. Just like the simple
everyday things like cooking andcleaning. I will tell you I was
the oldest of a single mom and Ijust like also like things
really neat and tidy so from avery young age I've been
(04:33):
cleaning a lot not because I wasmade to but because that's like
kind of my nature and so now I'mjust not really into it I
actually what was my one of myfirst jobs ever like 13 was
house cleaning. So anyway, I'mvery good at it, but I'm just so
over it. But it was like amazingbecause I was up right like my
(04:54):
body was like back online and Soit was almost like I had
forgotten how amazing it was.
And it actually reminded mebeing sick with COVID. And like
being like, under the covers inthe dark, kind of triggered for
me a little bit of that awfulfeeling of hiding from the sun,
(05:22):
like what that felt like whenyou don't even want to be in the
sun. And I love being in thesun, and just like not be
wanting to move. And I had kindof had a sensory memory of that,
which is, when I have any sortof sensory memory, of like
feeling of intoxication ordissociation of alcohol, it's
(05:45):
very upsetting to me, it createsquite a bit of anxiety in my
body. And I've had to work toremind myself that I'm in
control now. And I choose whatgoes in my body and all of those
things. But there are somedeeper layers on the cellular
level, on a really deep,subconscious level, and maybe
(06:06):
even, you know, just geneticlevel of stuff I've experienced
also, because I've done a lot ofdeep energetic spiritual work
that I think has triggered inrelease some of that, which is a
good thing, because I think it'sa detoxification on a cellular
level that's helped me tocontinue to evolve my knowledge
(06:29):
of what's actually happeningwhen we when we drink, and to
really look outside of the boxand take take women on a deeper
journey of really connecting to,you know, what I've referred to
as the their wild woman nature,their, their innate part of
themselves. So it can go eitherway, right, where you lose
(06:52):
something, and then you get it,get it back, or you become so
used to not having somethingthat you forget what it was
like, and and that that becomes,you know, a normal a normal part
of your life, and you'll learnhow to work with it. The thing
about alcohol is, is it'scompletely, it's a complete
(07:12):
choice, right? Like, no one'sdumping alcohol down your
throat. And I know, there'sprobably a lot of people that
would argue that point, but it'snot a choice. And I do know that
there are people that would notdrinking would be dangerous,
right? Like you could kill them.
But there is still a process ofdetoxification where one could
(07:35):
get out of that I know peoplethat have been in that place.
And then I've come on to theother side of it. So when you
get so used to something, it astate of being right, which is
normal, everyday drinking, thatyour perception of, you know,
(07:57):
what one or two drinks does toyou, is very dull doesn't really
exist anymore. And you're alsonot paying attention to it,
because you're just drinking allof the time. You notice that
when there is an extreme or whenyou can't remember the next day,
but I've also talked to peoplewho kind of as the psyche
(08:19):
evolves, and as the body and themind evolve, and there's
hormones and those things areshifting also, that you your
tolerance gets to a point whereyou're not even really noticing
a shift. And I remember thisactually, where you're not even
noticing a shift, like in yourintoxication level, but then
(08:41):
you're not remembering the nextday. Right. And that's a pretty
scary place to be. And so, youknow, I can look at this, this
subject from all angles. And Ido think it's important to not
make excuses about it, and toreally normalize it, but also
very full well knowing thatthere's a lot of extreme danger
(09:04):
that comes with a substance withour choices with it with
blacking out and not reallyhaving that gauge. Because I've
worked with people that and Iremember this kind of at the end
of my drinking, like I like whatwas too good to do it, or was 10
gonna do it. And how was I goingto know that that was actually
(09:26):
happening, right? So but thenthat's so extreme
that you're like, Oh, the onethe two, the three isn't having
any impact on me. But I want tobeg to differ. Because what
happens when we use the fiveshifts process and we look at
(09:49):
that deeper layer of theemotions and we're actually
paying attention and evaluatingevery single week. What has
shifted? It's dramatic. And soI'll just give you a couple
examples of what people tell methey notice the the cost of
(10:14):
alcohol. One of the biggest andyou know, kind of a scary one is
blaming things on alcohol thatare actually real problems to
address, right that you're soused to the effects of like a
foggy morning and just kind ofheadaches or tension or physical
(10:35):
pain, that there's actually anailment underneath that, that is
not being addressed, becauseyou're just chalking it up to
alcohol. And then when theyremove alcohol, they realize
that that thing is still there,and they've been avoiding it,
because they just beenassociating it with alcohol the
(10:59):
entire time. Some other waysthat this impacts is
relationships, where, whenpeople remove alcohol, the the
reason they were using alcoholunintentionally, and without,
without really realizing it, isto quiet their mind, that was
(11:23):
telling them that this wasn't,this was no longer working, this
was no longer okay, thatrelationships, and ones that you
know, could be outside of one'sboundaries potentially harmful,
that they are settling for,because of the avoidance of
(11:46):
their own needs their ownemotions, right. And so there,
those are just a couple of like,pretty big examples. And then on
a more not so dramatic level,there's their confidence,
(12:06):
there's this there, the view ofthem selves, how they're
interacting in social settingswhere because alcohol is so on
the brain, they're missing outon interacting with, you know,
other people that may be in thesame place, because they've been
hanging out with the people thatare drinking, and they're
(12:29):
focused on where their nextdrink is coming from. And
thinking like, I don't haveanything in common with those
people and kind of just likeshutting off that part of it as
an option altogether. And thenrealizing those are the people
that actually want to be inalignment with right,
overconsumption of goods, rightover consuming. Through
(12:59):
purchasing over consuming food,over consuming things outside of
yourself, that when you're whenyour body is in balance, doesn't
happen. So I just kind of wantyou to kind of take a little bit
of an inventory. And this isn'tfrom a place of shame,
obviously, this is from a placeof understanding compassion, to
(13:19):
see, you know, what is the costof alcohol in these other areas
that you that you might not benoticing. And I'll go back to
relationships, relationships,the way that we spend time with
our loved ones, the way that wespend time with our children, I
remember very distinctly, I knowI've shared this on the show,
(13:40):
tucking me into bed when he waslittle. And like having been
drinking already and thinkinglike wanting to like rush
through tucking him in wantingto rush through a story, because
I was like waiting to get backto my wine. And now I like fall
asleep in bed with himsometimes, you know, I'm not,
I'm not even thinking aboutthat. Of course, there's times
(14:01):
where I'm like, ready to get outof there. Just because I have
other stuff to do or it's latebut but like that was so on my
brain that I really missed themoment I ignored and missed like
little ways that he grew ordeveloped or my my attention was
(14:21):
so self focused, right that as alittle boy him like calling my
name and wanting to meet up payattention to him. And I'm so
much more aware of his needs nowand when he needs attention, and
the relationship that we havewith our spouses or our you
know, significant other. And alot of times if there's there's
(14:45):
a couple of ways that this workswhere if you're either you're
enabling and you're drinkingtogether and so your intimacy
has come through lowering yourinhibitions together, which was
definitely the case with Matthewand I. And so then there was
like this need to be morevulnerable in certain areas when
(15:06):
we were lowering our inhibitionsand drinking, then there was
this reconfiguring of how do wecome together in these in these
ways. And thinking that it waslike a catalyst for that, but
realizing that it was notallowing our boundaries and our
needs to really be spoken,because it was just lowering our
inhibitions so much to a pointwhere, you know, like, no, there
(15:30):
was no communication, right. Andthat's not at least the
relationship that I want. Andthen the other way is, if you
don't really drink with yourpartner, like if they're not
really a drinker, because I'veexperienced both of these with
clients, you're doing, you'rejust doing your own thing,
right? Like in the evenings, orwhenever, like, you're in your
(15:52):
own little world, it's likeparty of one over here in the
corner. And there's definitelythat disconnection because your
consciousness, your state ofconsciousness is in a different
place. Your Dreams? I love totalk about dreams and kind of
(16:15):
bucket list things right now,this is different for everyone.
And there's no right or wronganswer. But I believe that our
dreams when we're when we'redrinking, either a become they
feel impossible, they feel likethose are for other people. Or
(16:36):
we just stop dreaming, and wesettle and we settle for being
in this one specific vibrationall the time. And not even
really being able to fathomsomething outside of the realm
(16:57):
of drinking, right? So then ifyou are doing things, there's
alcohol involved, right? Becausepatients traveling, wine
cruises, so on, and so forth.
And then I think the biggestone, and this cup shows up and
(17:17):
so, so so many areas, is yourrelationship with yourself. I
believe our relationship withourselves is our relationship to
spirit is our relationship tothe Divine is our connection to
our life. How are we relating toourself? Is it on a kind of
(17:37):
superficial achievement level?
Or is it kind of uncovering? Whythese things matter? Right? And
I'm not saying that the youknow, like, achievements are
superficial. But is it justbecause? Is it just to say that
(18:03):
you did so or because you thinkyou shouldn't be? Right? And the
way we show up for ourselvesdoing what we say we're going to
do? Or do you rescheduleappointments, cancel things a
lot, sign up for the gym andquit bail on people. Right? And
that all of that is thisintegrity of how you want how
(18:28):
you show up for yourself, is howyou're going to show up in life.
The way you spend time byyourself the energy that you
have just that the vibrationalfrequency of connection to your
(18:49):
life, meaning to your life, kindof looking a little bit deeper
into what do I want out of this?
This precious Earth walk here inthis body? Right without
judgment without it having to beanything because when we take a
step outside of our humanthoughts and our emotions and we
(19:11):
are in we connect with thewitness consciousness and more
of you know, the universalfields, we realize that there's
no problem like that is theplace where all possibilities
exist and it's just our humanour human dramas that make
everything such a such a bigdeal.
(19:33):
But they're, but it's like It'sfun, right? It can be they can
it can all be enjoyable can alljust be another experience. But
when we're hiding from life andwe're blacking out, right? We're
so afraid to be ostracized inour in our body equates that to
(19:55):
like death right when we go backto kind of a tribal mentality.
But we're so afraid of that. Andwe've believed that and held on
to that so much that we're likeliterally missing all of life.
So what I want you to questionthis week is, what are the
(20:16):
subtle impacts that alcohol hasadding on my life? What has it
cost me? The things that I'vesigned up for the things that
I've wanted to do thelimitations I've put on myself
the fear, right, and thatconfidence of who you are
continues to get buried, becauseyou're turning to alcohol as the
(20:39):
solution for for every singleemotion that you have. So last
week's episode, in this week'sepisode, of course, all of them
kind of tie together. But whenwe have the thought that we're
missing out, I want you toquestion what if it's the
opposite? What if drinking, isreally how you're missing out?
(21:06):
What if drinking is the way thatyou're missing out on life. And
from my perspective, and for allof my clients that you've heard
on the show, that is the truth,right? When we are not drinking
is when we have access toeverything, access to potential
(21:26):
access to the impossible, whenwe are drinking is when we lose
access, mostly to ourselves tothe deeper layers of who we are,
and how we relate to the thingsthat are the most important to
us. So pick one thing this week,and see it really, really,
(21:49):
really pay attention. And askyourself, what would the impact
of this one thing maybe yourjob, maybe your kiddo, maybe
your spouse? What would theimpact of this one? On this one
thing be? If alcohol wasn't in away, and really be honest with
yourself, like imagine ifalcohol was out of the way, like
(22:11):
what would happen? What I'mgoing to tell you is that a lot
of it, you can't even experienceuntil you fully feel it. You
feel the shift in your energy,you feel the shift in your
competence. You feel the shiftand your pride of like, I don't
need that. I just don't needthat. It's not it's not it's not
(22:34):
my vibe anymore. And that is thesweet spot. That is where you
want to put all of your money.
And I can guarantee you that youwill never ever want to go back.
Have an amazing week. Hi, it'sMary Wagstaff. I want to
personally invite you to spendone hour with me one on one.
(22:57):
Because you deserve to knowwhat's holding you back is your
time, alcohol has had its fairshare. We're going to talk about
possibilities about how to alignyour thoughts and actions with
your dreams and what mattersmost to you about why alcohol is
no longer suited for the lifeyou want to live. How you can
(23:17):
get on the fast track to freedomfrom alcohol and stay there
without deprivation. Follow thelink in the show notes or on my
website Mary Wagstaff coach.comTo schedule your complimentary
call and get a new perspectiveon an old habit.
(31:52):
Hi, it's Mary Wagstaff. I wantto personally invite you to
spend one hour with me one onone. Because you deserve to know
what's holding you back is yourtime. Alcohol has had its fair
share. We're gonna talk aboutpossibilities about how to align
your thoughts and actions withyour dreams and what matters
(32:12):
most to you about why alcohol isno longer suited for the life
you want to live. How you canget on the fast track to freedom
from alcohol and stay therewithout deprivation. Follow the
link in the show notes or on mywebsite Mary Wagstaff coach.com
To schedule your complimentarycall and get a new perspective
on an old habit.
Do you ever feel like you'reoutgrowing alcohol, that you are
longing for a deeper connectionto life? If alcohol is keeping
you playing small and feels likethe one area, you just can't
figure out you are in the rightplace. Hi, my name is Mary
Wagstaff. I'm a Holistic alcoholcoach who ended a 20 year
relationship to alcohol withoutlabels, counting days or ever
(00:24):
making excuses. Now I helppowerful women just like you
eliminate their desire to drinkon their own terms. In this
podcast, we will explore therevolutionary approach of my
proven five shifts process thatgets alcohol out of your way by
breaking all of the rules andthe profound experience that it
is to rediscover who you are onthe other side of alcohol. I am
(00:48):
so thrilled to be your guide.
Welcome to your journey ofawakening. Welcome back to the
show my beautiful listeners, I'mso glad you're here for another
episode. I hope that you werepaying attention this week. And
if you weren't, make sure you goback and listen to last week's
episode, pay attention to thisweek to the layered emotions,
the desire for alcohol, that'sonly present because of the
(01:11):
triggered emotional response,right? I mean, it's present for
two things. One is thehabituation of the chemical of
alcohol in your body. So theidea that's there, right? But
but it's because it's, it's,you're unaware of all the of the
actual emotion and what theactual emotion feels like in
(01:34):
your body. Because it just getsoverwritten, it goes from a to
drinking so quickly, that yourbody doesn't feel safe. Or
you're actually your mind istelling you you're not safe your
body can handle so much. Andthat's what we're going to talk
(01:57):
about today is the genius. Thatis the mind and the body and
how, how easily it habituates tosomething becoming normal to
being able to, to function withwith some maybe in an
impairment, right? Maybe withone of our senses, not fully
(02:19):
working, right? There's, there'slots of people that don't have
one of their senses that that isfunctioning, or you wear
glasses, or maybe you lose alimb or you have a an autoimmune
disease, right. And when we haveanything, and these are like
(02:41):
pretty extreme examples, but thebrain in the body is so amazing
to adapt, right for things tobecome normal, that you almost
can't imagine what life was likeon the other side of it. And if
you want to have like a lessextreme example, you could think
(03:04):
about, you know, like, alwayswear maybe like you had the
wrong size shoes for a reallylong time. And you finally
invested in like a really nicepair or, like, you know,
something that fits you went andgot size for shoes, and you put
these shoes on and you got newinsoles and you're like, oh my
(03:26):
god, what have I been missingout on right? Like, your body
got used to this one thing. Andit happens in so many areas
where we habituate. And we justlike we don't, we don't even
really know what we're missinguntil you're on the other side
of it, or you've gotten ussomething and so it kind of
(03:50):
happens in the reverse. Thisalso can happen when we're
really sick. When I had COVIDLet at the end of last year, I
felt so awful that every singleproblem that I thought I had
like all of my obsessivethinking was gone. And when I
started to feel better,everything felt amazing like
(04:10):
things that I don't really liketo do. Just like the simple
everyday things like cooking andcleaning. I will tell you I was
the oldest of a single mom and Ijust like also like things
really neat and tidy so from avery young age I've been
(04:33):
cleaning a lot not because I wasmade to but because that's like
kind of my nature and so now I'mjust not really into it I
actually what was my one of myfirst jobs ever like 13 was
house cleaning. So anyway, I'mvery good at it, but I'm just so
over it. But it was like amazingbecause I was up right like my
(04:54):
body was like back online and Soit was almost like I had
forgotten how amazing it was.
And it actually reminded mebeing sick with COVID. And like
being like, under the covers inthe dark, kind of triggered for
me a little bit of that awfulfeeling of hiding from the sun,
(05:22):
like what that felt like whenyou don't even want to be in the
sun. And I love being in thesun, and just like not be
wanting to move. And I had kindof had a sensory memory of that,
which is, when I have any sortof sensory memory, of like
feeling of intoxication ordissociation of alcohol, it's
(05:45):
very upsetting to me, it createsquite a bit of anxiety in my
body. And I've had to work toremind myself that I'm in
control now. And I choose whatgoes in my body and all of those
things. But there are somedeeper layers on the cellular
level, on a really deep,subconscious level, and maybe
(06:06):
even, you know, just geneticlevel of stuff I've experienced
also, because I've done a lot ofdeep energetic spiritual work
that I think has triggered inrelease some of that, which is a
good thing, because I think it'sa detoxification on a cellular
level that's helped me tocontinue to evolve my knowledge
(06:29):
of what's actually happeningwhen we when we drink, and to
really look outside of the boxand take take women on a deeper
journey of really connecting to,you know, what I've referred to
as the their wild woman nature,their, their innate part of
themselves. So it can go eitherway, right, where you lose
(06:52):
something, and then you get it,get it back, or you become so
used to not having somethingthat you forget what it was
like, and and that that becomes,you know, a normal a normal part
of your life, and you'll learnhow to work with it. The thing
about alcohol is, is it'scompletely, it's a complete
(07:12):
choice, right? Like, no one'sdumping alcohol down your
throat. And I know, there'sprobably a lot of people that
would argue that point, but it'snot a choice. And I do know that
there are people that would notdrinking would be dangerous,
right? Like you could kill them.
But there is still a process ofdetoxification where one could
(07:35):
get out of that I know peoplethat have been in that place.
And then I've come on to theother side of it. So when you
get so used to something, it astate of being right, which is
normal, everyday drinking, thatyour perception of, you know,
(07:57):
what one or two drinks does toyou, is very dull doesn't really
exist anymore. And you're alsonot paying attention to it,
because you're just drinking allof the time. You notice that
when there is an extreme or whenyou can't remember the next day,
but I've also talked to peoplewho kind of as the psyche
(08:19):
evolves, and as the body and themind evolve, and there's
hormones and those things areshifting also, that you your
tolerance gets to a point whereyou're not even really noticing
a shift. And I remember thisactually, where you're not even
noticing a shift, like in yourintoxication level, but then
(08:41):
you're not remembering the nextday. Right. And that's a pretty
scary place to be. And so, youknow, I can look at this, this
subject from all angles. And Ido think it's important to not
make excuses about it, and toreally normalize it, but also
very full well knowing thatthere's a lot of extreme danger
(09:04):
that comes with a substance withour choices with it with
blacking out and not reallyhaving that gauge. Because I've
worked with people that and Iremember this kind of at the end
of my drinking, like I like whatwas too good to do it, or was 10
gonna do it. And how was I goingto know that that was actually
(09:26):
happening, right? So but thenthat's so extreme
that you're like, Oh, the onethe two, the three isn't having
any impact on me. But I want tobeg to differ. Because what
happens when we use the fiveshifts process and we look at
(09:49):
that deeper layer of theemotions and we're actually
paying attention and evaluatingevery single week. What has
shifted? It's dramatic. And soI'll just give you a couple
examples of what people tell methey notice the the cost of
(10:14):
alcohol. One of the biggest andyou know, kind of a scary one is
blaming things on alcohol thatare actually real problems to
address, right that you're soused to the effects of like a
foggy morning and just kind ofheadaches or tension or physical
(10:35):
pain, that there's actually anailment underneath that, that is
not being addressed, becauseyou're just chalking it up to
alcohol. And then when theyremove alcohol, they realize
that that thing is still there,and they've been avoiding it,
because they just beenassociating it with alcohol the
(10:59):
entire time. Some other waysthat this impacts is
relationships, where, whenpeople remove alcohol, the the
reason they were using alcoholunintentionally, and without,
without really realizing it, isto quiet their mind, that was
(11:23):
telling them that this wasn't,this was no longer working, this
was no longer okay, thatrelationships, and ones that you
know, could be outside of one'sboundaries potentially harmful,
that they are settling for,because of the avoidance of
(11:46):
their own needs their ownemotions, right. And so there,
those are just a couple of like,pretty big examples. And then on
a more not so dramatic level,there's their confidence,
(12:06):
there's this there, the view ofthem selves, how they're
interacting in social settingswhere because alcohol is so on
the brain, they're missing outon interacting with, you know,
other people that may be in thesame place, because they've been
hanging out with the people thatare drinking, and they're
(12:29):
focused on where their nextdrink is coming from. And
thinking like, I don't haveanything in common with those
people and kind of just likeshutting off that part of it as
an option altogether. And thenrealizing those are the people
that actually want to be inalignment with right,
overconsumption of goods, rightover consuming. Through
(12:59):
purchasing over consuming food,over consuming things outside of
yourself, that when you're whenyour body is in balance, doesn't
happen. So I just kind of wantyou to kind of take a little bit
of an inventory. And this isn'tfrom a place of shame,
obviously, this is from a placeof understanding compassion, to
(13:19):
see, you know, what is the costof alcohol in these other areas
that you that you might not benoticing. And I'll go back to
relationships, relationships,the way that we spend time with
our loved ones, the way that wespend time with our children, I
remember very distinctly, I knowI've shared this on the show,
(13:40):
tucking me into bed when he waslittle. And like having been
drinking already and thinkinglike wanting to like rush
through tucking him in wantingto rush through a story, because
I was like waiting to get backto my wine. And now I like fall
asleep in bed with himsometimes, you know, I'm not,
I'm not even thinking aboutthat. Of course, there's times
(14:01):
where I'm like, ready to get outof there. Just because I have
other stuff to do or it's latebut but like that was so on my
brain that I really missed themoment I ignored and missed like
little ways that he grew ordeveloped or my my attention was
(14:21):
so self focused, right that as alittle boy him like calling my
name and wanting to meet up payattention to him. And I'm so
much more aware of his needs nowand when he needs attention, and
the relationship that we havewith our spouses or our you
know, significant other. And alot of times if there's there's
(14:45):
a couple of ways that this workswhere if you're either you're
enabling and you're drinkingtogether and so your intimacy
has come through lowering yourinhibitions together, which was
definitely the case with Matthewand I. And so then there was
like this need to be morevulnerable in certain areas when
(15:06):
we were lowering our inhibitionsand drinking, then there was
this reconfiguring of how do wecome together in these in these
ways. And thinking that it waslike a catalyst for that, but
realizing that it was notallowing our boundaries and our
needs to really be spoken,because it was just lowering our
inhibitions so much to a pointwhere, you know, like, no, there
(15:30):
was no communication, right. Andthat's not at least the
relationship that I want. Andthen the other way is, if you
don't really drink with yourpartner, like if they're not
really a drinker, because I'veexperienced both of these with
clients, you're doing, you'rejust doing your own thing,
right? Like in the evenings, orwhenever, like, you're in your
(15:52):
own little world, it's likeparty of one over here in the
corner. And there's definitelythat disconnection because your
consciousness, your state ofconsciousness is in a different
place. Your Dreams? I love totalk about dreams and kind of
(16:15):
bucket list things right now,this is different for everyone.
And there's no right or wronganswer. But I believe that our
dreams when we're when we'redrinking, either a become they
feel impossible, they feel likethose are for other people. Or
(16:36):
we just stop dreaming, and wesettle and we settle for being
in this one specific vibrationall the time. And not even
really being able to fathomsomething outside of the realm
(16:57):
of drinking, right? So then ifyou are doing things, there's
alcohol involved, right? Becausepatients traveling, wine
cruises, so on, and so forth.
And then I think the biggestone, and this cup shows up and
(17:17):
so, so so many areas, is yourrelationship with yourself. I
believe our relationship withourselves is our relationship to
spirit is our relationship tothe Divine is our connection to
our life. How are we relating toourself? Is it on a kind of
(17:37):
superficial achievement level?
Or is it kind of uncovering? Whythese things matter? Right? And
I'm not saying that the youknow, like, achievements are
superficial. But is it justbecause? Is it just to say that
(18:03):
you did so or because you thinkyou shouldn't be? Right? And the
way we show up for ourselvesdoing what we say we're going to
do? Or do you rescheduleappointments, cancel things a
lot, sign up for the gym andquit bail on people. Right? And
that all of that is thisintegrity of how you want how
(18:28):
you show up for yourself, is howyou're going to show up in life.
The way you spend time byyourself the energy that you
have just that the vibrationalfrequency of connection to your
(18:49):
life, meaning to your life, kindof looking a little bit deeper
into what do I want out of this?
This precious Earth walk here inthis body? Right without
judgment without it having to beanything because when we take a
step outside of our humanthoughts and our emotions and we
(19:11):
are in we connect with thewitness consciousness and more
of you know, the universalfields, we realize that there's
no problem like that is theplace where all possibilities
exist and it's just our humanour human dramas that make
everything such a such a bigdeal.
(19:33):
But they're, but it's like It'sfun, right? It can be they can
it can all be enjoyable can alljust be another experience. But
when we're hiding from life andwe're blacking out, right? We're
so afraid to be ostracized inour in our body equates that to
(19:55):
like death right when we go backto kind of a tribal mentality.
But we're so afraid of that. Andwe've believed that and held on
to that so much that we're likeliterally missing all of life.
So what I want you to questionthis week is, what are the
(20:16):
subtle impacts that alcohol hasadding on my life? What has it
cost me? The things that I'vesigned up for the things that
I've wanted to do thelimitations I've put on myself
the fear, right, and thatconfidence of who you are
continues to get buried, becauseyou're turning to alcohol as the
(20:39):
solution for for every singleemotion that you have. So last
week's episode, in this week'sepisode, of course, all of them
kind of tie together. But whenwe have the thought that we're
missing out, I want you toquestion what if it's the
opposite? What if drinking, isreally how you're missing out?
(21:06):
What if drinking is the way thatyou're missing out on life. And
from my perspective, and for allof my clients that you've heard
on the show, that is the truth,right? When we are not drinking
is when we have access toeverything, access to potential
(21:26):
access to the impossible, whenwe are drinking is when we lose
access, mostly to ourselves tothe deeper layers of who we are,
and how we relate to the thingsthat are the most important to
us. So pick one thing this week,and see it really, really,
(21:49):
really pay attention. And askyourself, what would the impact
of this one thing maybe yourjob, maybe your kiddo, maybe
your spouse? What would theimpact of this one? On this one
thing be? If alcohol wasn't in away, and really be honest with
yourself, like imagine ifalcohol was out of the way, like
(22:11):
what would happen? What I'mgoing to tell you is that a lot
of it, you can't even experienceuntil you fully feel it. You
feel the shift in your energy,you feel the shift in your
competence. You feel the shiftand your pride of like, I don't
need that. I just don't needthat. It's not it's not it's not
(22:34):
my vibe anymore. And that is thesweet spot. That is where you
want to put all of your money.
And I can guarantee you that youwill never ever want to go back.
Have an amazing week. Hi, it'sMary Wagstaff. I want to
personally invite you to spendone hour with me one on one.
(22:57):
Because you deserve to knowwhat's holding you back is your
time, alcohol has had its fairshare. We're going to talk about
possibilities about how to alignyour thoughts and actions with
your dreams and what mattersmost to you about why alcohol is
no longer suited for the lifeyou want to live. How you can
(23:17):
get on the fast track to freedomfrom alcohol and stay there
without deprivation. Follow thelink in the show notes or on my
website Mary Wagstaff coach.comTo schedule your complimentary
call and get a new perspectiveon an old habit.
(31:52):
Hi, it's Mary Wagstaff. I wantto personally invite you to
spend one hour with me one onone. Because you deserve to know
what's holding you back is yourtime. Alcohol has had its fair
share. We're gonna talk aboutpossibilities about how to align
your thoughts and actions withyour dreams and what matters
(32:12):
most to you about why alcohol isno longer suited for the life
you want to live. How you canget on the fast track to freedom
from alcohol and stay therewithout deprivation. Follow the
link in the show notes or on mywebsite Mary Wagstaff coach.com
To schedule your complimentarycall and get a new perspective
on an old habit.
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