March 1, 2023 • 25 mins
Today's show is an uncut, raw version of me sharing some intimate emotions of my personal life and the profound impact being a holistic alcohol coach has had on me and my clients. If you want a good cry, this is the place.
I read a deeply heartfelt share of the impact alcohol had on my client Laura, and the impact coaching and mindfulness has had on her life.
How she is the hero in her journey, and how she continues to keep showing up for the tough stuff, but with alcohol out of the way, she has the tools for resilience and perseverance .
There is something in Laura's story for everyone.
Thank you Laura for your bravery and heart felt expression and thank you to everyone who listened for holding space for this heartfelt share.
Today's Take aways:
- The next step to take after the podcast
- There’s alcohol and then there is life
- The power of allowing yourself to believe something new
- Our purpose is next-level
- Alcohol is full of shit
- What changes after alcohol
- This is why I do this work.
- The impact of the 5 Shifts free training.
There's alcohol, and then there's everything else. Literally. As my amazing client Laura shares in the most intimate and beautiful email to me.
"Back when I use to see out alcohol related functions rather than experiencing EVERYTHING life has to offer."
We aren't doing any of this alone. It as as much my journey as I am here for you, so you can pave the way for the next person. This is how we make a better world, together.
All my love,
Mary
You’ve tried to cut back on drinking but nothing sticks, you're stuck in the cycle of confusion and convincing. One day you're motivated, the next you're telling yourself it's not that bad. What makes the difference isn’t more information—it’s having a new way to apply it. Click HERE to schedule your free consult to uncover the one thought that will change everything.
There Is A Life Beyond Moderation & Deprivation.
We Focus On What You Are Moving Towards, Not What You Are Moving Away From.
The Exhausting Trap Of Moderation Ends Now With My No Shame Approach Using The Proven Five Shifts Process. Follow the path of 100's of Women, Click HERE to join today!
DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Mary Wagstaff (00:01):
Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol,
that you are longing for adeeper connection to life? If
alcohol is keeping you playingsmall and feels like the one
area, you just can't figure outyou are in the right place. Hi,
my name is Mary Wagstaff. I'm aHolistic alcohol coach who ended
a 20 year relationship toalcohol without labels, counting
(00:23):
days or ever making excuses. NowI help powerful women just like
you eliminate their desire todrink on their own terms. In
this podcast, we will explorethe revolutionary approach of my
proven five shifts process thatgets alcohol out of your way by
breaking all of the rules, andthe profound experience that it
(00:43):
is to rediscover who you are onthe other side of alcohol. I am
so thrilled to be your guide.
Welcome to your journey ofawakening. Welcome back to the
show my beautiful listeners,Happy March. If you're listening
to this in real time, I'mthrilled to be here, I have so
many fun things coming up foryou. I've been thinking about
you a lot, as I always do. Butit feels like a minute since
(01:07):
I've been here because the lastepisode I recorded a few weeks
ago. And then we were traveling.
And there was so much that cameout of that. So watch out for
Women's History Month, we aregoing to crush some paradigms,
we are going to really give youan opportunity to start to shift
(01:28):
your perspective. And you mighthave heard my new pre drop on
what it means to change yourrelationship with alcohol. And
who are you in light of that,like nothing other than a
badass, right. So I havesomething really special I want
to start by reading you today.
It's an amazing letter that wasa very, very touching from one
of my first clients, who's beena client and continued client.
(01:51):
And she her and I have stayed incontact. And she's just such an
amazing inspiration for me,she's been on the show. And she
just continues to blow my mindwith her authenticity and her
continued growth even throughchallenge. But first, what I
wanted to let you know, in caseyou don't know is that the fun
doesn't have to stop here. Andactually, this is like where the
(02:15):
fun begins. Right. So after thisepisode, this is where it's time
for you to take the next step.
So that you can start applyingthese tools and these principles
to your life. And I've made itreally easy for you to try to
get the support that you needseamlessly without any effort.
(02:39):
And you know, really the bestpart about one on one coaching
is that you get thatpersonalized FaceTime that you
need with someone so someone canunderstand that's me, your
intentions, your values, rightyour lifestyle and how this
process is actually going towork for you how it makes sense
for you, which I find isn'tavailable. You know, you can't
(03:03):
get it in a course if you can'ttalk to people. And you can't
really get it as much in a groupprogram unless you've already
really been through some of thefoundational principles. So what
we're going to do together iscreate a three step strategy
process that's in full alignmentwith who you are right now. And
you will have the opportunity tobe seen, to be heard to be
(03:26):
validated to make a connectionwith someone who gets it in a
completely judgment free zone.
And we do this in a free one onone alignment session with me.
And so you will leave knowingthe exact steps that you need to
take to transform yourrelationship to alcohol so that
you can end alcohol exhaustion,and that you can get back and
move on to living the amazinglife that you love. And all you
(03:48):
have to do is follow the link inthe show notes or go to my
website, Mary Wagstaffcoach.com, you can pick a time
there the best time that worksfor you, we'll meet on Zoom. And
it will be amazing. It's so soso cool to meet. And it kind of
brings everything full circle.
So I can't wait to see youthere. If if you want, you can
(04:09):
just pause the recording rightnow and just go pick a time so
that you have a time that worksfor you right now. You know, the
more I do this work, the more Irealized and I talked to
especially clients that I'veworked with that it's like,
there's alcohol, and thenthere's life, like there's the
rest of everything else so andLaura kinda describes it in this
(04:31):
letter. And, you know, it wasone of those moments and I don't
often talk about a lot ofvulnerability because frankly,
for me, like I do process myemotions. I'm not just like love
and light, I look at my shadow Ihave to do this work, but I have
like really shitty dayssometimes. And this work isn't
always easy, right? Being anentrepreneur isn't always easy.
(04:53):
And you know, it's like I haveto show up for myself and I have
my own life and so Oh, there aretimes when the universe sends
you beautiful inspiration andbeautiful messages just when you
need it. You know, as areminder, for my real intention
to do this work, which iseverything we're going to talk
(05:14):
about today, because it's comeup so much is our intentions
versus our expectations. Andit's just a basic, like human
quality, that the like we wehave the best of intention
because we are soulful beings,right? Like we are these
magnificent enlightened, justright, connected beings, we have
(05:41):
this, this quality to us, butour ego, and then with so much
information. So so so muchinformation, I can't encourage
people enough to just like dialback the amount of information
they're taking. And just as areminder, information isn't
facts, right, there's a lot ofinformation out there. And now
we're getting into like aIterritory, and like, things that
(06:02):
look real aren't real, it's kindof creepy. So just like really
managing your mind is at themost important right now being
able to discern and distinguishthe thoughts of your ego that
are the all the expectations,right. And then like your real
intentions, and what'simportant, and what matters, and
(06:24):
bringing you back to the presentmoment. And these skills are
everything that I teach myclients inside of my one on one
program, beyond alcohol, and Iknow that's why you're here,
because you're our consciouswoman evolving beyond alcohol. I
can't wait to talk to you moreabout it. And so yeah, it's like
there's alcohol, and thenthere's life, right. And alcohol
just narrows, it puts us in thistunnel, there's like tunnel
(06:47):
vision. And when you're on theother side of it, especially
through the lens of empowerment,which is like the only lens that
I teach through, and Coachthrough. It's just such a game
changer. And it's so much morefun. And what's wild is that,
you know, I'm it's like the whatwe think and the reality before
(07:09):
are so much different. So itreally is that willingness to
want to believe something new toallow, I just had a client, we
just did a final call today. Shesaid I was I allowed myself for
it to work, right. And she justreally blew me away. And she's
you know, she gets everyone getsaccess to the program for their
entire life, beyond our one onone calls. And so she's still
(07:33):
working the program, we're stillcoaching through email. And it's
just such a beautiful wraparoundapproach where you just feel so
held and supported. And that isthe privilege that I get to have
of creating my coaching practicethe way that I have, and not,
you know, having groups ofhundreds and 1000s of people at
(07:53):
the same time is I get to havethis opportunity to be really
intimate, intimately woven andcreate a really safe and sacred
container with my clients. Andyou know, not only does it make
it easier for me to tell thetruth, to be honest, and to have
like, you know, challengingconversations sometimes that are
in benefit to everyone. But itmakes it so much easier for them
(08:16):
to receive it for them to getcoaching for them to show up for
them to ask questions, and justto feel heard and safe and
supported. And I think you'llhear that through this message.
And the reason that I'm readingthis is it's very vulnerable
share from Laura, she told methat I could read it. But I just
believe I mean, I was cryingMatthew was crying. I'm sure
(08:38):
Laura was crying at some pointwhen she read this, or wrote
this. It's just veryheartwarming. Not only that,
again, like did I say I receivedat a time when just like, you
know, I just needed a littlereminder and a little boost and
a little encouragement becauseI'm human too. And some days
were just down. And so, but I dothink that there are something
(09:00):
in here for everyone thatthey'll be like, oh, yeah, that
me too. And she just articulatesit and you know, she kind of
gives alcohol a voice and butlike it's a piece of shit and
but at the button at the end,it's like there's no judgment,
really. But I mean, we kind ofhave to call it like it is like
it's a pretty useless tool whenyou start to see it, but that
(09:22):
doesn't have to, you know, itdoesn't have to you don't have
to carry that with you. Becausereally our purpose is next
leveling and you'll hear it inthe email. So let me just
without further ado, so thesubject line of the email was I
instantly thought of you when Isaw this and there was an
infographic inside which wasprobably like something like a
(09:43):
fit you'd see on Facebook. Itsays the most beautiful souls
and excuse me if I cry. The mostbeautiful souls are those who
walked out of the fire thenreturned with water for those
still in it. And that really iswhy I'm here because I know that
on my very worst day, alcoholfree is better than my very best
(10:08):
day when alcohol was completelyoverwhelming my mind and my life
and taking away everything thatI have right now just taking
away the potential, and myspirit and breaking my heart.
So, Hi, Mary. I love thisthought and it reminds me of you
so much because this is what youdid for me. You conceived of a
(10:29):
method to eliminate alcohol withforgiveness and grace, and then
you went out to the world andshared your secret. I remember
being terrified to enter my 60thyear in the same dreary,
depressing half existence thathad become my norm. That was
back when alcohol was ever sopresent in my daily life. Back
when I used to seek out alcoholrelated functions rather than
(10:51):
experiencing everything elsethat life has to offer.
Everything was in capitals. Backwhen I thought I couldn't be
happy or feel relaxed orrewarded or have fun unless
alcohol was there to help liftme loosen me up and give me
confidence LOL, what a deceptiveand completely limiting story
alcohol tells. In fact, alcoholis a liar. It tells you that you
(11:13):
can't be successful without it.
It gives you the false sense ofconfidence and convinces you
that you're a better version ofyourself with it than you could
ever be without. Alcohol is fullof shit. It doesn't make me
prettier, Whittier smarter,kinder or more charming or
dynamic. Just walk into any barafter last call when the ugly
(11:35):
lights get turned on to see howunattractive alcohol is. Alcohol
didn't give a rat's ass about myhealth didn't care that I had to
take daily medications to combatthe ill effects it was having on
my body and spirit didn't carethat my blood sugar's were pre
diabetic didn't worry that myliver function was low
cholesterol was high or that mymoods and spirit were
(12:01):
perpetually saddened alcoholdidn't give a light flying fuck
about my physical, emotional orspiritual well being. Instead it
whispered. feeling shitty Laura,I can help with that. Alcohol
was a careless spender. Itthought nothing of blowing
(12:22):
$1,000 a month on bblsrestaurants and liquor stores
feeling broke never seem tobother alcohol greedy fuck.
Alcohol had lousy taste in men.
It blurred my eyes and dulled mysenses to the point of lowering
my expectations. Alcohol causedme to doubt my intuitions ignore
my better judgments broke downmy boundaries. And when I felt
lonely or sad about being inanother lousy relationship, it
(12:45):
said feeling sad Laura I can fixthat alcohol was a thief. It
robbed me of my time with myfamily and friends of mornings
and sunrises. It robbed me ofenergy and nothing of taking
three days to recover from asingle night of drinking.
Sometimes it robbed me of mymemories and left blank spaces
memory memory should have beenthe alcohol was never concerned
(13:06):
with blackouts. Alcohol wasgreedy a f it took time money,
health vitality spirit. It waslike a parasite to me sucking
the very lifeforce from my body.
And when I felt depressed, itsaid you'll feel better if you
have a drink. Alcohol is such ahassle. It's been over two years
since I said goodbye to alcohol,but it feels like a lifetime
(13:28):
ago. So much has changed for me,Mary, so much has shifted and
healed and replenished myproverbial cup runneth over for
the first time in my life. Whatspilling out is peace in my
heart, joy, my spirit, happinessand my soul, and the ripple
effect for my choices to quit.
Alcohol has been a life alteringand confidence in my gut, and I
(13:50):
owe my success to you. Becauseyou learned a way to quit
listening to the lies alcoholtold you and you took the time
to share it with me and 1000s ofother women. I always knew how
Kahal had a hold on me and I wascompletely convinced that I
couldn't live without it. Buthere I am living in loving my
alcohol free life. A veil haslifted and I can finally see
(14:14):
clearly after 44 years with adrink in my hand I am still
surprised the alcohol has becomeso completely irrelevant to me.
I never miss it or have cravingsor feel temptations for it or
envy or judgment towards mypeople who drink. I don't think
of myself as sober orabstaining. I simply choose not
(14:34):
to drink alcohol and I'mcompletely comfortable with my
decision to eliminate itsnegative influence for ever. By
eliminating my desire foralcohol is not but my
eliminating my desire foralcohol is not the only gift
that you gave me, Mary. The timewe spent on our weekly coaching
calls was invaluable to me. Youtaught me too. Look at my story,
(14:59):
my baggage, in a new light howto forgive myself and let go of
my guilt and my fears to treatmyself with grace and kindness.
You taught me to trust myintuitions through mindfulness
and how to work through myissues, and to resolve my
problems with confidence. Youtaught me to meditate and to
listen to my body and itssensations for answers. And for
(15:20):
the importance of ritual to myspirit. 2022 was a rough one for
me, more major curveballs than Ithought I can handle. But each
crisis Crossroads or terrifyingdecision, I asked myself, What
would Mary say to me? How wouldyou advise me to face this
hurdle, and I would hear yourvoice telling me that nothing
has gone wrong. And then I'dwork through those tools you
(15:43):
taught me and it never failed towork. Life can be brutally hard,
but I am crushing it. And eventhough things are a bit sideways
for me, right now, I knowthere's nothing that life can
throw at me that I can't handle.
That too, is something I owe toyou, Mary, my teacher, my coach,
my cheerleader, my friend. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart
(16:09):
for coming back with the waterto help me from the fire. I am
forever in your debt, loveLaura.
Well, so there's that. And Ifeel like the rest of everything
(16:29):
that I have to say, isn't reallythat important. And maybe you
caught me at a time to the endof my cycle. But I feel like
you're my people. And I shouldjust leave this unedited. So I'm
going to because this is me.
And, you know, I'm heresometimes by myself in the
(16:55):
woods, in a room, talking to acomputer. And it's easy to lose
sight, sometimes of thebeautiful faces and struggles
that I have overcome throughthat or on the other side. And
(17:18):
so I just think Laura from thebottom of my heart, and all the
beautiful clients that I haveworked with, that remind me of
like their genius, right? Theirbravery like this isn't even
about me, this is about yourpotential and what's possible
for you. And that's why I showup because we have to have
(17:41):
someone reminding us that thegenius is right there, the light
doesn't go away. It's justcovered up by a bunch of
garbage, right? It's justcovered up by BS thoughts. And
then alcohol just continues toreinforce all of those Bs
thoughts, by all of thosethoughts that she said, right?
(18:02):
It's like, there's this baggageand these stories that we live
by. And if we want to segue intowhat I was going to talk about
today, which was ourexpectations, and thinks, thank
you for holding space for me,thank you for witnessing me and
seeing me in this vulnerablespace. But this is like why I do
(18:23):
this work, right? I went toschool for human development. I
worked in the social servicefield and I, you know, always
knew I would be a helper, Iwould do do this work. And this
is why I do this work. Becauselike this life is the one life
(18:43):
we get. And I I believe justlike Laura said, feeling it is
why we're here. There's justthis experience in front of me
when we went on our trip, youknow, traveling internationally
and like on cobblestone roadsand boats and taxis and like,
(19:03):
through the jungle, with a sevenyear old is challenging
sometimes. And we were alltogether. And I just kept
saying, like, this is the momentin front of me. I get to like
the Michael singer says this isthe moment in front of me. And
we get to judge it. However wewant to but is it serving us
right? Because complaining hasnever served anyone and so I
(19:24):
just kept saying that's justpart of the adventure. It's just
part of the adventure, right?
Like we had a snowstorm we had aflyover Portland and land in
Seattle and spend the night andwe had already been traveling
for two days and it was likeit's just part of the adventure
like, oh, like what was me thatI have a credit card that I can
use to like pay for a comfy warmbed right? Like it doesn't
(19:45):
really get like that's not evenlike that can be fun, right? So
especially through the eyes of aseven year old. So after all
that babbling, I'm going to takeour expectations and versus
intention ans episode to nextweek, I didn't know that it was
going to take me as long as itdid, and I was going to be as
(20:07):
emotional as I was. So this isjust like real time real
recording, you're getting raw,live and uncut. And I want you
to like, let that that letter inthe messaging in that letter of
what you deserve the life thatyou deserve. I want that to land
in your heart. Like, that's whatI want you to take away from
(20:29):
this episode is, and maybe goback and listen to it again. And
what part of you do you not wantto prolong anymore, right?
Because it's like, I hate to sayit, but the writing's on the
wall with alcohol. Like, as weage, it, we just know, like, the
body doesn't heal as quickly.
And like, there's only this wehave, the time that we have with
(20:52):
the body and the mind that wehave are like the kids are only
the age that they are whenthey're the age that they are.
And so we know time is the onlything that we can't get more of.
If you haven't watched the fiveshifts training, start there.
Like I just got off a call withsomeone who hadn't even listened
(21:13):
to the podcast, she found thetraining, because I was like,
oh, from the podcast, she waslike, No, so she was on a
consultation. And she had beendrinking for like 35 years. And
she said, there was so muchguilt, so much shame. And she
watched the training. She's beenwanting to change for a long
(21:33):
time. She's tried, nothing'sworked, there was more guilt. It
was all the guilt and the shame.
That was compounding the feelingthat was leading her back to
drinking. She when I talked toher, she's like, Yeah, since I
watched the training, and sinceI you know, signed up for the
alignment session, I haven't hada drink. And it's been no
(21:53):
problem. And I've been doing allthe things that I love to do.
And she wanted to get you know,she wants to make sure that that
in that that sticks, right,because we know all about habits
we know about triggers. Not onlythat, but to build the tools of
mindfulness. And to do this,like deep dive into self
inquiry. It's like who I am. Andso the opportunity to discover
(22:15):
yourself. So listen to this,again, really settle into the
heart, watch the training, signup for an alignment session with
me, we'll get your go and you'regonna like ride at home this
year. It's going to be amazing.
I'm so excited for what's goingto happen this month and
everything I have to offer you.
Thanks for holding space for me,and I'll see you next week. Love
you so much. Bye. Okay, ladies,so the fun does not have to end
(22:39):
here. This is actually where itbegins, it is time for you to
take the next best step to startapplying these tools and these
principles into your life. And Ihave made it extremely seamless
and super easy for you to getthe support that you need in a
one on one personalized settingso that I can really see
specifically where you're at andthat together we can create a
(23:00):
personalized three step strategyprocess that's in alignment with
your intentions, your values,your lifestyles, and it gives
you that one on one face timeand space that you need to
transform to be seen to be heardand to be validated. So all you
have to do is follow the link inthe show notes or go to my
website Mary Wagstaff coach.comto pick your best time and date
(23:24):
for your free one on onealignment session with me. I
cannot wait to meet you and I'llsee you soon.
Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol,
that you are longing for adeeper connection to life? If
alcohol is keeping you playingsmall and feels like the one
area, you just can't figure outyou are in the right place. Hi,
my name is Mary Wagstaff. I'm aHolistic alcohol coach who ended
a 20 year relationship toalcohol without labels, counting
(00:23):
days or ever making excuses. NowI help powerful women just like
you eliminate their desire todrink on their own terms. In
this podcast, we will explorethe revolutionary approach of my
proven five shifts process thatgets alcohol out of your way by
breaking all of the rules, andthe profound experience that it
(00:43):
is to rediscover who you are onthe other side of alcohol. I am
so thrilled to be your guide.
Welcome to your journey ofawakening. Welcome back to the
show my beautiful listeners,Happy March. If you're listening
to this in real time, I'mthrilled to be here, I have so
many fun things coming up foryou. I've been thinking about
you a lot, as I always do. Butit feels like a minute since
(01:07):
I've been here because the lastepisode I recorded a few weeks
ago. And then we were traveling.
And there was so much that cameout of that. So watch out for
Women's History Month, we aregoing to crush some paradigms,
we are going to really give youan opportunity to start to shift
(01:28):
your perspective. And you mighthave heard my new pre drop on
what it means to change yourrelationship with alcohol. And
who are you in light of that,like nothing other than a
badass, right. So I havesomething really special I want
to start by reading you today.
It's an amazing letter that wasa very, very touching from one
of my first clients, who's beena client and continued client.
(01:51):
And she her and I have stayed incontact. And she's just such an
amazing inspiration for me,she's been on the show. And she
just continues to blow my mindwith her authenticity and her
continued growth even throughchallenge. But first, what I
wanted to let you know, in caseyou don't know is that the fun
doesn't have to stop here. Andactually, this is like where the
(02:15):
fun begins. Right. So after thisepisode, this is where it's time
for you to take the next step.
So that you can start applyingthese tools and these principles
to your life. And I've made itreally easy for you to try to
get the support that you needseamlessly without any effort.
(02:39):
And you know, really the bestpart about one on one coaching
is that you get thatpersonalized FaceTime that you
need with someone so someone canunderstand that's me, your
intentions, your values, rightyour lifestyle and how this
process is actually going towork for you how it makes sense
for you, which I find isn'tavailable. You know, you can't
(03:03):
get it in a course if you can'ttalk to people. And you can't
really get it as much in a groupprogram unless you've already
really been through some of thefoundational principles. So what
we're going to do together iscreate a three step strategy
process that's in full alignmentwith who you are right now. And
you will have the opportunity tobe seen, to be heard to be
(03:26):
validated to make a connectionwith someone who gets it in a
completely judgment free zone.
And we do this in a free one onone alignment session with me.
And so you will leave knowingthe exact steps that you need to
take to transform yourrelationship to alcohol so that
you can end alcohol exhaustion,and that you can get back and
move on to living the amazinglife that you love. And all you
(03:48):
have to do is follow the link inthe show notes or go to my
website, Mary Wagstaffcoach.com, you can pick a time
there the best time that worksfor you, we'll meet on Zoom. And
it will be amazing. It's so soso cool to meet. And it kind of
brings everything full circle.
So I can't wait to see youthere. If if you want, you can
(04:09):
just pause the recording rightnow and just go pick a time so
that you have a time that worksfor you right now. You know, the
more I do this work, the more Irealized and I talked to
especially clients that I'veworked with that it's like,
there's alcohol, and thenthere's life, like there's the
rest of everything else so andLaura kinda describes it in this
(04:31):
letter. And, you know, it wasone of those moments and I don't
often talk about a lot ofvulnerability because frankly,
for me, like I do process myemotions. I'm not just like love
and light, I look at my shadow Ihave to do this work, but I have
like really shitty dayssometimes. And this work isn't
always easy, right? Being anentrepreneur isn't always easy.
(04:53):
And you know, it's like I haveto show up for myself and I have
my own life and so Oh, there aretimes when the universe sends
you beautiful inspiration andbeautiful messages just when you
need it. You know, as areminder, for my real intention
to do this work, which iseverything we're going to talk
(05:14):
about today, because it's comeup so much is our intentions
versus our expectations. Andit's just a basic, like human
quality, that the like we wehave the best of intention
because we are soulful beings,right? Like we are these
magnificent enlightened, justright, connected beings, we have
(05:41):
this, this quality to us, butour ego, and then with so much
information. So so so muchinformation, I can't encourage
people enough to just like dialback the amount of information
they're taking. And just as areminder, information isn't
facts, right, there's a lot ofinformation out there. And now
we're getting into like aIterritory, and like, things that
(06:02):
look real aren't real, it's kindof creepy. So just like really
managing your mind is at themost important right now being
able to discern and distinguishthe thoughts of your ego that
are the all the expectations,right. And then like your real
intentions, and what'simportant, and what matters, and
(06:24):
bringing you back to the presentmoment. And these skills are
everything that I teach myclients inside of my one on one
program, beyond alcohol, and Iknow that's why you're here,
because you're our consciouswoman evolving beyond alcohol. I
can't wait to talk to you moreabout it. And so yeah, it's like
there's alcohol, and thenthere's life, right. And alcohol
just narrows, it puts us in thistunnel, there's like tunnel
(06:47):
vision. And when you're on theother side of it, especially
through the lens of empowerment,which is like the only lens that
I teach through, and Coachthrough. It's just such a game
changer. And it's so much morefun. And what's wild is that,
you know, I'm it's like the whatwe think and the reality before
(07:09):
are so much different. So itreally is that willingness to
want to believe something new toallow, I just had a client, we
just did a final call today. Shesaid I was I allowed myself for
it to work, right. And she justreally blew me away. And she's
you know, she gets everyone getsaccess to the program for their
entire life, beyond our one onone calls. And so she's still
(07:33):
working the program, we're stillcoaching through email. And it's
just such a beautiful wraparoundapproach where you just feel so
held and supported. And that isthe privilege that I get to have
of creating my coaching practicethe way that I have, and not,
you know, having groups ofhundreds and 1000s of people at
(07:53):
the same time is I get to havethis opportunity to be really
intimate, intimately woven andcreate a really safe and sacred
container with my clients. Andyou know, not only does it make
it easier for me to tell thetruth, to be honest, and to have
like, you know, challengingconversations sometimes that are
in benefit to everyone. But itmakes it so much easier for them
(08:16):
to receive it for them to getcoaching for them to show up for
them to ask questions, and justto feel heard and safe and
supported. And I think you'llhear that through this message.
And the reason that I'm readingthis is it's very vulnerable
share from Laura, she told methat I could read it. But I just
believe I mean, I was cryingMatthew was crying. I'm sure
(08:38):
Laura was crying at some pointwhen she read this, or wrote
this. It's just veryheartwarming. Not only that,
again, like did I say I receivedat a time when just like, you
know, I just needed a littlereminder and a little boost and
a little encouragement becauseI'm human too. And some days
were just down. And so, but I dothink that there are something
(09:00):
in here for everyone thatthey'll be like, oh, yeah, that
me too. And she just articulatesit and you know, she kind of
gives alcohol a voice and butlike it's a piece of shit and
but at the button at the end,it's like there's no judgment,
really. But I mean, we kind ofhave to call it like it is like
it's a pretty useless tool whenyou start to see it, but that
(09:22):
doesn't have to, you know, itdoesn't have to you don't have
to carry that with you. Becausereally our purpose is next
leveling and you'll hear it inthe email. So let me just
without further ado, so thesubject line of the email was I
instantly thought of you when Isaw this and there was an
infographic inside which wasprobably like something like a
(09:43):
fit you'd see on Facebook. Itsays the most beautiful souls
and excuse me if I cry. The mostbeautiful souls are those who
walked out of the fire thenreturned with water for those
still in it. And that really iswhy I'm here because I know that
on my very worst day, alcoholfree is better than my very best
(10:08):
day when alcohol was completelyoverwhelming my mind and my life
and taking away everything thatI have right now just taking
away the potential, and myspirit and breaking my heart.
So, Hi, Mary. I love thisthought and it reminds me of you
so much because this is what youdid for me. You conceived of a
(10:29):
method to eliminate alcohol withforgiveness and grace, and then
you went out to the world andshared your secret. I remember
being terrified to enter my 60thyear in the same dreary,
depressing half existence thathad become my norm. That was
back when alcohol was ever sopresent in my daily life. Back
when I used to seek out alcoholrelated functions rather than
(10:51):
experiencing everything elsethat life has to offer.
Everything was in capitals. Backwhen I thought I couldn't be
happy or feel relaxed orrewarded or have fun unless
alcohol was there to help liftme loosen me up and give me
confidence LOL, what a deceptiveand completely limiting story
alcohol tells. In fact, alcoholis a liar. It tells you that you
(11:13):
can't be successful without it.
It gives you the false sense ofconfidence and convinces you
that you're a better version ofyourself with it than you could
ever be without. Alcohol is fullof shit. It doesn't make me
prettier, Whittier smarter,kinder or more charming or
dynamic. Just walk into any barafter last call when the ugly
(11:35):
lights get turned on to see howunattractive alcohol is. Alcohol
didn't give a rat's ass about myhealth didn't care that I had to
take daily medications to combatthe ill effects it was having on
my body and spirit didn't carethat my blood sugar's were pre
diabetic didn't worry that myliver function was low
cholesterol was high or that mymoods and spirit were
(12:01):
perpetually saddened alcoholdidn't give a light flying fuck
about my physical, emotional orspiritual well being. Instead it
whispered. feeling shitty Laura,I can help with that. Alcohol
was a careless spender. Itthought nothing of blowing
(12:22):
$1,000 a month on bblsrestaurants and liquor stores
feeling broke never seem tobother alcohol greedy fuck.
Alcohol had lousy taste in men.
It blurred my eyes and dulled mysenses to the point of lowering
my expectations. Alcohol causedme to doubt my intuitions ignore
my better judgments broke downmy boundaries. And when I felt
lonely or sad about being inanother lousy relationship, it
(12:45):
said feeling sad Laura I can fixthat alcohol was a thief. It
robbed me of my time with myfamily and friends of mornings
and sunrises. It robbed me ofenergy and nothing of taking
three days to recover from asingle night of drinking.
Sometimes it robbed me of mymemories and left blank spaces
memory memory should have beenthe alcohol was never concerned
(13:06):
with blackouts. Alcohol wasgreedy a f it took time money,
health vitality spirit. It waslike a parasite to me sucking
the very lifeforce from my body.
And when I felt depressed, itsaid you'll feel better if you
have a drink. Alcohol is such ahassle. It's been over two years
since I said goodbye to alcohol,but it feels like a lifetime
(13:28):
ago. So much has changed for me,Mary, so much has shifted and
healed and replenished myproverbial cup runneth over for
the first time in my life. Whatspilling out is peace in my
heart, joy, my spirit, happinessand my soul, and the ripple
effect for my choices to quit.
Alcohol has been a life alteringand confidence in my gut, and I
(13:50):
owe my success to you. Becauseyou learned a way to quit
listening to the lies alcoholtold you and you took the time
to share it with me and 1000s ofother women. I always knew how
Kahal had a hold on me and I wascompletely convinced that I
couldn't live without it. Buthere I am living in loving my
alcohol free life. A veil haslifted and I can finally see
(14:14):
clearly after 44 years with adrink in my hand I am still
surprised the alcohol has becomeso completely irrelevant to me.
I never miss it or have cravingsor feel temptations for it or
envy or judgment towards mypeople who drink. I don't think
of myself as sober orabstaining. I simply choose not
(14:34):
to drink alcohol and I'mcompletely comfortable with my
decision to eliminate itsnegative influence for ever. By
eliminating my desire foralcohol is not but my
eliminating my desire foralcohol is not the only gift
that you gave me, Mary. The timewe spent on our weekly coaching
calls was invaluable to me. Youtaught me too. Look at my story,
(14:59):
my baggage, in a new light howto forgive myself and let go of
my guilt and my fears to treatmyself with grace and kindness.
You taught me to trust myintuitions through mindfulness
and how to work through myissues, and to resolve my
problems with confidence. Youtaught me to meditate and to
listen to my body and itssensations for answers. And for
(15:20):
the importance of ritual to myspirit. 2022 was a rough one for
me, more major curveballs than Ithought I can handle. But each
crisis Crossroads or terrifyingdecision, I asked myself, What
would Mary say to me? How wouldyou advise me to face this
hurdle, and I would hear yourvoice telling me that nothing
has gone wrong. And then I'dwork through those tools you
(15:43):
taught me and it never failed towork. Life can be brutally hard,
but I am crushing it. And eventhough things are a bit sideways
for me, right now, I knowthere's nothing that life can
throw at me that I can't handle.
That too, is something I owe toyou, Mary, my teacher, my coach,
my cheerleader, my friend. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart
(16:09):
for coming back with the waterto help me from the fire. I am
forever in your debt, loveLaura.
Well, so there's that. And Ifeel like the rest of everything
(16:29):
that I have to say, isn't reallythat important. And maybe you
caught me at a time to the endof my cycle. But I feel like
you're my people. And I shouldjust leave this unedited. So I'm
going to because this is me.
And, you know, I'm heresometimes by myself in the
(16:55):
woods, in a room, talking to acomputer. And it's easy to lose
sight, sometimes of thebeautiful faces and struggles
that I have overcome throughthat or on the other side. And
(17:18):
so I just think Laura from thebottom of my heart, and all the
beautiful clients that I haveworked with, that remind me of
like their genius, right? Theirbravery like this isn't even
about me, this is about yourpotential and what's possible
for you. And that's why I showup because we have to have
(17:41):
someone reminding us that thegenius is right there, the light
doesn't go away. It's justcovered up by a bunch of
garbage, right? It's justcovered up by BS thoughts. And
then alcohol just continues toreinforce all of those Bs
thoughts, by all of thosethoughts that she said, right?
(18:02):
It's like, there's this baggageand these stories that we live
by. And if we want to segue intowhat I was going to talk about
today, which was ourexpectations, and thinks, thank
you for holding space for me,thank you for witnessing me and
seeing me in this vulnerablespace. But this is like why I do
(18:23):
this work, right? I went toschool for human development. I
worked in the social servicefield and I, you know, always
knew I would be a helper, Iwould do do this work. And this
is why I do this work. Becauselike this life is the one life
(18:43):
we get. And I I believe justlike Laura said, feeling it is
why we're here. There's justthis experience in front of me
when we went on our trip, youknow, traveling internationally
and like on cobblestone roadsand boats and taxis and like,
(19:03):
through the jungle, with a sevenyear old is challenging
sometimes. And we were alltogether. And I just kept
saying, like, this is the momentin front of me. I get to like
the Michael singer says this isthe moment in front of me. And
we get to judge it. However wewant to but is it serving us
right? Because complaining hasnever served anyone and so I
(19:24):
just kept saying that's justpart of the adventure. It's just
part of the adventure, right?
Like we had a snowstorm we had aflyover Portland and land in
Seattle and spend the night andwe had already been traveling
for two days and it was likeit's just part of the adventure
like, oh, like what was me thatI have a credit card that I can
use to like pay for a comfy warmbed right? Like it doesn't
(19:45):
really get like that's not evenlike that can be fun, right? So
especially through the eyes of aseven year old. So after all
that babbling, I'm going to takeour expectations and versus
intention ans episode to nextweek, I didn't know that it was
going to take me as long as itdid, and I was going to be as
(20:07):
emotional as I was. So this isjust like real time real
recording, you're getting raw,live and uncut. And I want you
to like, let that that letter inthe messaging in that letter of
what you deserve the life thatyou deserve. I want that to land
in your heart. Like, that's whatI want you to take away from
(20:29):
this episode is, and maybe goback and listen to it again. And
what part of you do you not wantto prolong anymore, right?
Because it's like, I hate to sayit, but the writing's on the
wall with alcohol. Like, as weage, it, we just know, like, the
body doesn't heal as quickly.
And like, there's only this wehave, the time that we have with
(20:52):
the body and the mind that wehave are like the kids are only
the age that they are whenthey're the age that they are.
And so we know time is the onlything that we can't get more of.
If you haven't watched the fiveshifts training, start there.
Like I just got off a call withsomeone who hadn't even listened
(21:13):
to the podcast, she found thetraining, because I was like,
oh, from the podcast, she waslike, No, so she was on a
consultation. And she had beendrinking for like 35 years. And
she said, there was so muchguilt, so much shame. And she
watched the training. She's beenwanting to change for a long
(21:33):
time. She's tried, nothing'sworked, there was more guilt. It
was all the guilt and the shame.
That was compounding the feelingthat was leading her back to
drinking. She when I talked toher, she's like, Yeah, since I
watched the training, and sinceI you know, signed up for the
alignment session, I haven't hada drink. And it's been no
(21:53):
problem. And I've been doing allthe things that I love to do.
And she wanted to get you know,she wants to make sure that that
in that that sticks, right,because we know all about habits
we know about triggers. Not onlythat, but to build the tools of
mindfulness. And to do this,like deep dive into self
inquiry. It's like who I am. Andso the opportunity to discover
(22:15):
yourself. So listen to this,again, really settle into the
heart, watch the training, signup for an alignment session with
me, we'll get your go and you'regonna like ride at home this
year. It's going to be amazing.
I'm so excited for what's goingto happen this month and
everything I have to offer you.
Thanks for holding space for me,and I'll see you next week. Love
you so much. Bye. Okay, ladies,so the fun does not have to end
(22:39):
here. This is actually where itbegins, it is time for you to
take the next best step to startapplying these tools and these
principles into your life. And Ihave made it extremely seamless
and super easy for you to getthe support that you need in a
one on one personalized settingso that I can really see
specifically where you're at andthat together we can create a
(23:00):
personalized three step strategyprocess that's in alignment with
your intentions, your values,your lifestyles, and it gives
you that one on one face timeand space that you need to
transform to be seen to be heardand to be validated. So all you
have to do is follow the link inthe show notes or go to my
website Mary Wagstaff coach.comto pick your best time and date
(23:24):
for your free one on onealignment session with me. I
cannot wait to meet you and I'llsee you soon.
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