March 22, 2023 • 32 mins
Stop Worrying About Alcohol
You are ready to end the tireless confusion. Welcome to shift # 2 in the 5 shifts process.
We move from Conformity & Confusion to Curiosity.
You are worried about every area of change from drinking to quitting to the vacation that hasn't happened and the best way to that is through the lens of curiosity rather than conformity.
You haven't fully examined the narrative of alcohol. You have been taking alcohol is normal at face value.
Conformity happens when your to join another group / have someother label but it hasn’t worked because it's doesn't actually solve the problem.
Confusion is when you spin in regret and keep wondering why do I keep doing the same things I no longer want to be.
This keeps reinforcing the same thoughts that keeps you stuck.
Learn what to do when your mind gets confused and how to uncover your own truth and genius.
The only way out isn't by joining another group, it's by uncovering YOUR truth.
Even if you are overwhelmed by urges and think you have tried "everything" today's episode will help you find the solution to meet you where you are, no matter what you have tried in the past.
Apply for private coaching with Mary and schedule your free alignment session, today.
You’ve tried to cut back on drinking but nothing sticks, you're stuck in the cycle of confusion and convincing. One day you're motivated, the next you're telling yourself it's not that bad. What makes the difference isn’t more information—it’s having a new way to apply it. Click HERE to schedule your free consult to uncover the one thought that will change everything.
There Is A Life Beyond Moderation & Deprivation.
We Focus On What You Are Moving Towards, Not What You Are Moving Away From.
The Exhausting Trap Of Moderation Ends Now With My No Shame Approach Using The Proven Five Shifts Process. Follow the path of 100's of Women, Click HERE to join today!
DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:01):
Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol, that
you are longing for a deeperconnection to
Mary Wagstaff (00:06):
life? If alcohol is keeping you playing small and
feels like the one area, youjust can't figure out you are in
the right place. Hi, my name isMary Wagstaff. I'm a Holistic
alcohol coach who ended a 20year relationship to alcohol
without labels, counting days orever making excuses. Now I help
powerful women just like youeliminate their desire to drink
(00:29):
on their own terms. In thispodcast, we will explore the
revolutionary approach of myproven five shifts process that
gets alcohol out of your way bybreaking all of the rules, and
the profound experience that itis to rediscover who you are on
the other side of alcohol, I amso thrilled to be your guide.
(00:50):
Welcome to your journey ofawakening. Welcome back to the
show my beautiful listeners, Ihope you're having an amazing
day. So glad to have you here.
If you're new welcome it is youare in the right place. And as a
party here, you are going to betaking in some new information
taking in some new perspectives,and you have joined at a great
time, because I am doing arecap. And you know, just kind
(01:14):
of my current download of thefive shifts process, which is my
signature and revolutionaryprocess I use with all of my
clients. And you last week, wetalked about shift number one,
which was moving from avoidanceto awareness. And today we're
(01:36):
going to talk about shift numbertwo, which is probably you know,
they're all like the reason thatyou're here. But this is how
you're going to stop worryingabout alcohol, this is moving
from confusion and conformityreally, there's kind of two
things and those are the mythsinto curiosity. Curiosity is
(01:57):
your friend, when we say I don'tknow, it's not working, I'm
confused. I'll be here forever.
This isn't whatever, like wejust stopped. And we know and
from what I talked about lastweek, so if you didn't go back,
listen, go back and listen tolast week. But what I talked
(02:18):
about when I read Michael singerwas that, you know, when we say
we're saying that based on suchlimited information, like, you
know, for me, it's like these 41years of this small amount of
this little slice of life thatI've had, and there's all that's
come before me and all that'syet to come and all that I don't
(02:41):
know, right? And then all thatwe just don't know, even as
humans, like there's just somuch we don't know, we're not
the end all be all ofinformation. And to think we are
is really selling ourselvesshort. So you know, I really
like to live in the mystery ofthe unseen realms. So to stop
(03:03):
worrying about alcohol, you haveto stop thinking thoughts that
are worrying thoughts. And youhave to replace all of that
confusion, all of that worry.
And I am going to talk a littlebit about conformity because
that's a, that is a piece of itwith curiosity. Because the
conformity is you're worriedabout doing it differently. And
the best way is through the lensof curiosity. And what's really
(03:28):
happened with so much of thenarrative of alcohol it is from
the conformity right, but thenit's like there's then there's
the conformity and this is to doto quit drinking in the right
way. And that's why a is sopopular. Like we had so much
success, right? Because it itcreated a culture. Now, as
(03:50):
humans, we do want to be thatthat tribal mentality is, is
part of our survival. And itstill is, I mean, we do need
each other we need each other onan energetic talk about the
unseen realms. Just study heartcoherence sometime like look up
(04:11):
Joe Dispenza. And the otherthings just like look up heart
coherence, the magneticfrequency of the human heart is
felt human to human in like,it's something like crazy, it's
like eight feet, or it mighteven be more like more that we
the way in which our heart isresonating. The frequency and
the vibration impacts the peoplethat are around us. So when you
(04:36):
go to a yoga class andeveryone's in a flow state, or a
sound healing, the impact isgoing to be so much more
profound than if you're doing itat home, you know by yourself.
And that is what is so powerful,you know when we are when we are
(04:56):
together However, the conformitycan also be limiting you from
your own truth. And we've seenthis time and time again,
throughout human history, wherethere was a group mentality that
(05:18):
created enough isolation, thatpeople didn't want to be out. So
they were in. But then whathappened with the power of the
masses wasn't always great.
(05:38):
Right? Now, this is a littleextreme. And I'm not suggesting
this about, hey, all I'm sayingis that in our modern world, we
are so independent in so manyways, but we have to recognize
that we have that instinct totap in to group mentality,
because we have the built indesire to want to belong,
(06:03):
because it was part of oursurvival in the past, it is no
longer part of our survival. Youcan live by yourself in the
middle of the woods, and nottalk to any, like, prove us. No,
I'm just joking, I talked topeople, but you could live in
the middle of the woods and nottalk to anyone for a long time
and survive, you know, yoursurvival isn't, isn't based on
(06:25):
that. And you, you know, they'relike, there's definitely
consequences to not being aroundpeople. How, however, the
conformity to change in thisparticular subject matter, and I
think, really in anything, butwhen it comes to self
(06:45):
development, and self inquiry,is a journey one really has to
be centered at, like, and thisis why my program is the best
because it puts you at thecenter, it puts you in your
circumstances in your thoughtsand your beliefs at the center,
(07:09):
and you get to align with whatyou feel what you know, and
trust deep down for yourself.
Now, you might not know whatthat is right now, especially
with alcohol in the way. Butthat's where we get to and
that's why control conformityhasn't worked for you. Right.
That's why a in the 12 stepmodel hasn't worked for you.
(07:31):
That is why downloading a courseor joining another club hasn't
worked for you. Because you'regetting the same feedback from
people that have the same beliefstructure as you do. And you're
not really getting to examineyour particular thoughts. And,
you know, I've got the fiveshifts process, but we have to
(07:54):
start with awareness that reallyis the first step. But
everyone's needs are sodifferent, that we will
eventually get to all of theshifts, but it's I meet people
where they're at every one hassomething different than where
they're starting. And so I cantailor I can tailor the the
(08:15):
calls and the direction to whatsomeone needs right now, so that
they can expedite their results.
So they don't keep hitting upagainst the same thing again,
and again and again. So, forexample, even just the
(08:35):
circumstances alone, you know, Ihad a client whose husband
travels a lot, and she's home byherself a lot. And those were a
lot of the times that were themost challenging for her to
drink when she would go out tobe social. That was not a
challenging time for her. Shebeing around the company of
(08:56):
others was really, regardless ofwhether or not they knew she
just it was just easy for her tosay no to a drink. Now for some
people, it's the completeopposite. So there's a different
route that we're going to taketo get those results right.
Where when they're home duringthe week with their family with
their kids by themselves, it'sthey we create a plan and that's
(09:18):
an that's an easier place rightnow you might be thinking like
it's hard for me and everywherein every situation. But the
truth is, is that there's alwaysa starting place that's easier
than another and so we start youthere and that is the magic of
the five chips processes is thatit's like kind of plug and play.
So as much as Yes, we do needpeople that there there is also
(09:47):
so much conditioningabout who we think we are that's
just based on the way someoneelse did it. And you know, I
keep talking about it, but it Ijust I run up against it all the
time. And, and it is thatdistinction distinction between,
like my want, like, oh, I wantthis, I want this because I
(10:09):
think I should have it or it'sgoing to make my life easier or
better, rather than myintention, right. And that's why
we want to lead with withintention. Now, if I go back to
you know why it hasn't reallyworked for you to find some
other thing, and also whyalcohol is not working for you
(10:32):
is because you because you'renot finding meaning and
connection and no, and thoseplaces either, right, it's it's,
it's shallow, it only can go sodeep. Now not to say that there,
there's not potential withfriends and family that you
know, people that you drinkwith, or even with yourself, of
course, there is right. But whenyou expose the reality of an
(10:54):
unaltered experience and anunaltered relationship, you
really get to see things forwhat they are. So in both both
areas, for alcohol and againstalcohol, there is this, there's
this needing to belong, that isjust not serving you. And that's
(11:15):
where the curiosity comes in.
Right. And that's where it'slike, this has to be for you by
you. And it doesn't mean thatyou don't get support. That's
why you're here, right? You'relooking for support, you're
looking for help, you're lookingfor guidance, right. But it's
not to follow a formula ofbeliefs and thoughts that aren't
(11:38):
your own. Right. It's to uncoveryour genius and your spark and
to be guided into that. And ifyou've listened to any of the
client Spotlight Interviews,you'll see that on my website,
and the one of the main pages isas a testimonial from Amanda,
who was on the show, and that'swhat she really talks about
being guided into her own geniusinto her own Spark as it began,
(12:04):
as it continued to, you know, aswe uncovered it, and it grew and
got brighter. It was like sheknew exactly what to do from her
own genius. I mean, this is howit works. Like this is the best
part of coaching, holisticcoaching, and you know, doing it
through a spiritual lens, doingit through trusting that as an
(12:27):
as a human, we have this innateability to figure shit out,
right? Like, you are a woman whocan create a life Right? Like,
regardless, that is like, themakeup of who you are. You came
this, Matthew sent me a messagethe other day. And he's like,
(12:47):
sometimes I think it's soamazing that, you know, we
opened a portal talking aboutEmmet, we opened a portal and
out came this, we created aportal and it opened and out
came this consciousness, likethis completely unique
consciousness that is in it. Andlike we opened, we created that
portal, It's so wild, right?
And, and when you start to getalcohol out of the way through
(13:13):
curiosity, your mind has theopportunity to tap it more into
the wonder and awe, okay, andthese things that are actually
important to you, your valuesand reexamining them, or maybe
even defining them for the firsttime because you've changed. You
(13:35):
are a conscious evolved woman atthis stage in your life, and
that's why this is no longerworking for you. So you just
need to know that and celebrateit. Like that's a really awesome
place to be is to know you aregrowing. I mean, life equals
change, and that we want to keepdoing and experiencing new
(13:59):
things. Why wouldn't we want toright now, that doesn't mean to
never be satisfied. It could,like literally every day doing
the same, doing the same thingis a new experience. But if you
always do it through the lens ofalcohol that impacts every
single area of your life, it'sgoing to feel the same, right?
(14:20):
You're going to have that samevibration in the morning those
same thoughts in the afternoon.
That battle on your way home,the kinda lackluster, like, you
know, maybe an hour of gettingjiggy with it and then the rest
is feeling tired. Passing outwaking up at three, it gets the
(14:45):
same cycle right. And I mean,even if you're not drinking so
much that you're you know, kindof passing out at night. It's
still inhibiting you from yourvoice As from saying things you,
you want to say, from doing thethings that you want to do from
(15:06):
creating boundaries from aloving place from the place of
your intention versus yourexpectation, right? This hasn't
worked in the past, because youhaven't fully examined your
story of alcohol, you really,you really just take the alcohol
is normal, like at face value.
Alcohol is just normal. It'sjust part of our society,
(15:27):
something must be wrong with me,right. And I talked about that a
couple of weeks ago, when Ishared some posts I had read and
how that story runs throughoutdrinking culture, sober sobriety
culture, the recovery culture,like it runs through all of it.
And it's not helpful. It's Ijust like, I'm, I'm like, Who is
(15:51):
anyone else telling the storybesides me? Like, it's, no, it's
something that some people do,but it's not like, it's not a
requirement for adulthood. Imean, if you go to when I was in
Egypt, you go to Egypt, peopledon't drink there, they smoke
and drink coffee a lot, lots ofsmokers. But it's not a
(16:12):
requirement for adulthood, it'sjust, you know, the marketing
has just capitalized on this.
And the, you know, I've talkedabout this too. It's the
independence, this wound ofindependence, keeping us from
(16:33):
the real connection and themeaning we want, not because we
want to be like group in agroup, right, but the real
meaning and connection to theweb of life into our self into
our cycles and rhythms, thatconnections, you know, playing
out in nature, and understandinghow to meet our own needs as
women. And instead of, you know,menstruating being a burden, is
(17:00):
looking at it as as a sacredgift and a time of rest and an
honor and miracles, right, likethere's this deep reverence for
that. And it's just allcompletely backwards. And so of
course, the woman in this worldwhere none of her needs to meet
(17:22):
a woman's needs fully, whichmost people don't even know what
their own needs are, which isalso something that we will
explore, to meet a woman's needsfully is not a sales model,
right? No one profits off of youbeing satisfied, they only
profit off of you feelingscarcity. And that is the
(17:46):
alcohol industry. And that isalso what has happened through
the women's empowerment movementto through women's lib, right
through the feminist lens, is,I'm going to do it better than
you can. And, but I'm gonnaneglect all of the innate needs,
I have feminine needs at thesame time, and I really see that
(18:10):
changing. I don't think everyfeminist movement is like that.
But that is kind of I think, howit started, it's like, I can do
anything a man can. It's like,sure, but do you want to write
like,I don't know. And, and that's
not really the point. But it'slike, Do it, do what they can
do. But not necessarily likethey do, right? Like the end
(18:35):
result can be the same, but itcan look much different. This is
a little bit of a soapbox, but Ithink it's really important to
just like the Curiosity piece ofshift number two, moving from
conformity and confusion intocuriosity. The reason that
you're so confused is becausesomeone else has been telling
you what to do. Rightsubconsciously, or maybe not so
subconsciously, like your mom,when you were a kid, your dad,
(18:59):
maybe your spouse, the DBteachers. Right? Like, but
that's a choice. And so the moreyou get curious about the
conformity about the rules thatyou've agreed upon. Now we can
get somewhere now the confusionends because it's like, well,
(19:22):
that's not I don't even believethat. I don't even believe that
anymore. And this is such acrucial piece. So you cannot
take alcohol is normal at facevalue. You have to make change.
You have to be willing to likebe illogical because illogical
just means different than thethe narrative, right? Like logic
(19:44):
is like, Oh, this is logical,like, follow the expert advice.
But the real expert is you.
Logic only gets us so far. It'sthe scene and the known Right.
And I've said this so many timesis like, there's so many amazing
(20:05):
advances that we've had becausepeople became illogical. They
went outside of the logic thatthey saw. And they conceived of
a possibility. Right? And thatwas what I did when I created
the five shifts, I conceived ofa different way because I knew,
because I got curious about myconformity, because I got
curious about my confusion. AndI got curious about what I
(20:29):
didn't know about being a woman.
So conformity happens when youjoin another group or when you
have some other label, but like,that doesn't the label itself
doesn't really fix you, itactually just focuses more on
the problem than on Who do Iwant to be like, Do you really
(20:50):
like want to be just, I'm asober person. And like, that is
how I go out into the world.
That to me feels very limiting.
Now, technically, if I look upthe definition, like that's what
I am, I'm abstaining fromalcohol, but not in a way where
a I'm trying to do that, or B. Isuppose that sounds boring. And
(21:14):
I'm no shame to anyone thatidentifies that way. It's
totally fine. But I was like, Idon't want that, you know. I
want to be like a sexy goddess.
That's what I want. You know, ifI want to aim for something for
a label, confusion is when youspin in regret, right? It's
(21:39):
like, the confusion comes? Whydo I keep doing the same thing?
I no longer want to be again andagain, and again. I can't tell
you how many times people havegotten on a call with me. And
there's like, I don't get it. Idon't understand I don't get it.
I don't understand. Right. Andthe truth is, is like you do get
it, you just keep tellingyourself you don't understand.
(22:01):
So what we do first is we findout what you do understand what
what you do know. And we startgetting curious about that we
start getting also curious aboutwhat is working in your life,
because all you're doing isfocusing on what's not working.
So you reinforce the thoughtsthat alcohol is normal, why can
I figure it out? Why is it me?
Why is it so hard? Right? Andthen you think about all
(22:25):
everyone else's thoughts, youput everyone else's thoughts in
your head. So you have to getcurious about why it's better
without a drink all the timesthat it's better without a
drink, and what you really likesee, so you just examine the,
you examine the areas of yourlife where you create positive
emotion, where you createinspiration. So you use
(22:49):
curiosity to create inspirationto create motivation, instead of
having to shame alcohol and onlyuse willpower. And that's the
biggest difference, right? Whenyou're shaming alcohol as a
poison. And you can look at theimpact of alcohol, like I read
that story from Laura, a fewweeks ago, and I mean, she was
(23:11):
talking pretty shitty aboutalcohol, right? And like, she
can do that now. And just belike, alcohol is a piece of
shit. Like I think that too, butit's the has, it's like not
loaded. And it doesn't, becauseshe doesn't want to drink, it
doesn't really matter. And shecan say it kind of from a
neutral place. And sometimeslike it's okay to have that
conviction and get a little bitangry. It's not going to serve
(23:33):
you at the beginning. Well, theconviction can serve you at the
beginning. That conviction isless about being pissed off at
alcohol and more about convictchin, for what you know you're
capable of, for what you knowyou deserve and what's possible
for you. It's like that motherlylove, like that swift kick in
(23:55):
the ass. That's like, you wouldtell your kids you think about
like your children or yoursister, your best friend, you're
like, I know, you can do betterthan this, like you see someone
you love, like dating the sameshitty people again and again
and again. And you're like,girl, get it together like No,
he's not gonna marry you. Right?
(24:18):
Like that. It's that thatsometimes depending on where you
are in your cycle, if you canhandle that, and it's not shame,
right? It's like, Nope, we'renot we're not sitting down right
now. We're not going to gobrowse YouTube while I'm trying
to record a podcast. Like let'sget this shit done. And then
when it's all over, you can takea break and that's the other
(24:40):
thing, right? Looking at wherewe apply different emotions and
getting curious about when whenyou need what because you don't
different emotions work atdifferent times in this journey,
and the reason you're not usedto that is because alcohol is a
one size fit It's all for everysingle emotion. But it actually
(25:05):
doesn't solve them in the end.
Right? So the thought thatalcohol is normal has got you in
that conformity mindset you'reout there in. And when you get
curious about it, you start tosee into possibilities. The idea
(25:26):
that is this thing I'm doingactually enjoyable? Or do I just
think it is because the thoughtsthat I'm would be thinking about
it have been inhibited, right?
I'm so bored. I'm not connectingwith anyone. Oh, my gosh, what
(25:47):
do I look like? Is theresomething in my teeth? Those are
all the thoughts that areplaying in your head that create
anxiety at a social event? Thatwhen you drink you think the out
events much more fun because youquieted those thoughts. But the
events actually not much morefun. All you did was quiet the
thinking if you listened to theshow the spotlight about maximum
potential with my client,Monica, you heard her really
(26:13):
exemplify the curiosity. Shewent out, she did everything she
had dinner parties, she went to,like, right when we first
started working together, it washer birthday, she went on a trip
to Spain, she went out I mean,she's in Europe, and heavy
drinking culture everywhere, Ithink maybe even more than the
(26:35):
states. Because it's been, it'sintegrated from a very young
age, too. So that's even, it'seven more of a norm. Right. But
that none of that reallymatters. And, you know, the
curiosity was listening to herbody. You know, she even says at
the beginning, how it's like,okay, like, you're just kind of
like waiting, like, Okay, I'llhave my water, I'll eat and I'll
(26:57):
go, right. And like, of course,but you but you give your you
give yourself a chance to getcurious about what does it feel
like when I'm not just focusedon not drinking, and I can
settle into a transitionnaturally, right? Like I can be,
I can be more present. Andthat's where the mindfulness
component of the five chef'sprocess also happens. So listen
(27:20):
to that episode again. Becauseshe, she, she just never did
anything. And then to ensureawareness grew so quickly. And
she took her position and herposition was her choice. And
that was her mindset. And thenthe rest of it was mindfulness.
And the more that time went on,she was more comfortable in her
(27:42):
choice. And in the in thediscomfort, which is just simply
New Sensations at first, butonce she wouldn't, she rested
and surrendered and releasedbehind those new those new
sensations and the newexperience. Very quickly, there
(28:02):
was you know, it became the newnorm. And it's it was, it's the
resistance that creates so muchmore of a struggle. So this
week, tapping into curiosity,tapping into
(28:25):
where you see the need toconform in your thinking,
whether it's through drinking orthrough quitting drinking, just
ask yourself, what do I believe?
What is my truth, and that iswhere we begin. Have an amazing
week, and I can't wait to talkto you next time. And if you
(28:46):
haven't already, make sure youfollow the link in the show
notes. To apply for a time tocome talk with me one on one, we
are going to really look at yourmind and get very curious about
your mind so that you can seewhere other people's beliefs are
running the show, and keepingyou from being able to create
(29:11):
the change around alcohol youneed for you. I'll talk to you
soon. Bye. Okay, ladies, so thefun does not have to end here.
This is actually where itbegins, it is time for you to
take the next best step to startapplying these tools and these
principles into your life. And Ihave made it extremely seamless
and super easy for you to getthe support that you need and a
(29:35):
one on one personalized settingso that I can really see
specifically where you're at andthat together we can create a
personalized three step strategyprocess that's in alignment with
your intentions, your values,your lifestyles, and it gives
you that one on one face timeand space that you need to
transform to be seen to be heardand to be validated. So all you
(29:58):
have to do is follow the link inthe show notes or go to my
website Mary Wagstaff coach.comto pick your best time and date
for your free one on onealignment session with me. I
cannot wait to meet you and I'llsee you soon.
Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol, that
you are longing for a deeperconnection to
Mary Wagstaff (00:06):
life? If alcohol is keeping you playing small and
feels like the one area, youjust can't figure out you are in
the right place. Hi, my name isMary Wagstaff. I'm a Holistic
alcohol coach who ended a 20year relationship to alcohol
without labels, counting days orever making excuses. Now I help
powerful women just like youeliminate their desire to drink
(00:29):
on their own terms. In thispodcast, we will explore the
revolutionary approach of myproven five shifts process that
gets alcohol out of your way bybreaking all of the rules, and
the profound experience that itis to rediscover who you are on
the other side of alcohol, I amso thrilled to be your guide.
(00:50):
Welcome to your journey ofawakening. Welcome back to the
show my beautiful listeners, Ihope you're having an amazing
day. So glad to have you here.
If you're new welcome it is youare in the right place. And as a
party here, you are going to betaking in some new information
taking in some new perspectives,and you have joined at a great
time, because I am doing arecap. And you know, just kind
(01:14):
of my current download of thefive shifts process, which is my
signature and revolutionaryprocess I use with all of my
clients. And you last week, wetalked about shift number one,
which was moving from avoidanceto awareness. And today we're
(01:36):
going to talk about shift numbertwo, which is probably you know,
they're all like the reason thatyou're here. But this is how
you're going to stop worryingabout alcohol, this is moving
from confusion and conformityreally, there's kind of two
things and those are the mythsinto curiosity. Curiosity is
(01:57):
your friend, when we say I don'tknow, it's not working, I'm
confused. I'll be here forever.
This isn't whatever, like wejust stopped. And we know and
from what I talked about lastweek, so if you didn't go back,
listen, go back and listen tolast week. But what I talked
(02:18):
about when I read Michael singerwas that, you know, when we say
we're saying that based on suchlimited information, like, you
know, for me, it's like these 41years of this small amount of
this little slice of life thatI've had, and there's all that's
come before me and all that'syet to come and all that I don't
(02:41):
know, right? And then all thatwe just don't know, even as
humans, like there's just somuch we don't know, we're not
the end all be all ofinformation. And to think we are
is really selling ourselvesshort. So you know, I really
like to live in the mystery ofthe unseen realms. So to stop
(03:03):
worrying about alcohol, you haveto stop thinking thoughts that
are worrying thoughts. And youhave to replace all of that
confusion, all of that worry.
And I am going to talk a littlebit about conformity because
that's a, that is a piece of itwith curiosity. Because the
conformity is you're worriedabout doing it differently. And
the best way is through the lensof curiosity. And what's really
(03:28):
happened with so much of thenarrative of alcohol it is from
the conformity right, but thenit's like there's then there's
the conformity and this is to doto quit drinking in the right
way. And that's why a is sopopular. Like we had so much
success, right? Because it itcreated a culture. Now, as
(03:50):
humans, we do want to be thatthat tribal mentality is, is
part of our survival. And itstill is, I mean, we do need
each other we need each other onan energetic talk about the
unseen realms. Just study heartcoherence sometime like look up
(04:11):
Joe Dispenza. And the otherthings just like look up heart
coherence, the magneticfrequency of the human heart is
felt human to human in like,it's something like crazy, it's
like eight feet, or it mighteven be more like more that we
the way in which our heart isresonating. The frequency and
the vibration impacts the peoplethat are around us. So when you
(04:36):
go to a yoga class andeveryone's in a flow state, or a
sound healing, the impact isgoing to be so much more
profound than if you're doing itat home, you know by yourself.
And that is what is so powerful,you know when we are when we are
(04:56):
together However, the conformitycan also be limiting you from
your own truth. And we've seenthis time and time again,
throughout human history, wherethere was a group mentality that
(05:18):
created enough isolation, thatpeople didn't want to be out. So
they were in. But then whathappened with the power of the
masses wasn't always great.
(05:38):
Right? Now, this is a littleextreme. And I'm not suggesting
this about, hey, all I'm sayingis that in our modern world, we
are so independent in so manyways, but we have to recognize
that we have that instinct totap in to group mentality,
because we have the built indesire to want to belong,
(06:03):
because it was part of oursurvival in the past, it is no
longer part of our survival. Youcan live by yourself in the
middle of the woods, and nottalk to any, like, prove us. No,
I'm just joking, I talked topeople, but you could live in
the middle of the woods and nottalk to anyone for a long time
and survive, you know, yoursurvival isn't, isn't based on
(06:25):
that. And you, you know, they'relike, there's definitely
consequences to not being aroundpeople. How, however, the
conformity to change in thisparticular subject matter, and I
think, really in anything, butwhen it comes to self
(06:45):
development, and self inquiry,is a journey one really has to
be centered at, like, and thisis why my program is the best
because it puts you at thecenter, it puts you in your
circumstances in your thoughtsand your beliefs at the center,
(07:09):
and you get to align with whatyou feel what you know, and
trust deep down for yourself.
Now, you might not know whatthat is right now, especially
with alcohol in the way. Butthat's where we get to and
that's why control conformityhasn't worked for you. Right.
That's why a in the 12 stepmodel hasn't worked for you.
(07:31):
That is why downloading a courseor joining another club hasn't
worked for you. Because you'regetting the same feedback from
people that have the same beliefstructure as you do. And you're
not really getting to examineyour particular thoughts. And,
you know, I've got the fiveshifts process, but we have to
(07:54):
start with awareness that reallyis the first step. But
everyone's needs are sodifferent, that we will
eventually get to all of theshifts, but it's I meet people
where they're at every one hassomething different than where
they're starting. And so I cantailor I can tailor the the
(08:15):
calls and the direction to whatsomeone needs right now, so that
they can expedite their results.
So they don't keep hitting upagainst the same thing again,
and again and again. So, forexample, even just the
(08:35):
circumstances alone, you know, Ihad a client whose husband
travels a lot, and she's home byherself a lot. And those were a
lot of the times that were themost challenging for her to
drink when she would go out tobe social. That was not a
challenging time for her. Shebeing around the company of
(08:56):
others was really, regardless ofwhether or not they knew she
just it was just easy for her tosay no to a drink. Now for some
people, it's the completeopposite. So there's a different
route that we're going to taketo get those results right.
Where when they're home duringthe week with their family with
their kids by themselves, it'sthey we create a plan and that's
(09:18):
an that's an easier place rightnow you might be thinking like
it's hard for me and everywherein every situation. But the
truth is, is that there's alwaysa starting place that's easier
than another and so we start youthere and that is the magic of
the five chips processes is thatit's like kind of plug and play.
So as much as Yes, we do needpeople that there there is also
(09:47):
so much conditioningabout who we think we are that's
just based on the way someoneelse did it. And you know, I
keep talking about it, but it Ijust I run up against it all the
time. And, and it is thatdistinction distinction between,
like my want, like, oh, I wantthis, I want this because I
(10:09):
think I should have it or it'sgoing to make my life easier or
better, rather than myintention, right. And that's why
we want to lead with withintention. Now, if I go back to
you know why it hasn't reallyworked for you to find some
other thing, and also whyalcohol is not working for you
(10:32):
is because you because you'renot finding meaning and
connection and no, and thoseplaces either, right, it's it's,
it's shallow, it only can go sodeep. Now not to say that there,
there's not potential withfriends and family that you
know, people that you drinkwith, or even with yourself, of
course, there is right. But whenyou expose the reality of an
(10:54):
unaltered experience and anunaltered relationship, you
really get to see things forwhat they are. So in both both
areas, for alcohol and againstalcohol, there is this, there's
this needing to belong, that isjust not serving you. And that's
(11:15):
where the curiosity comes in.
Right. And that's where it'slike, this has to be for you by
you. And it doesn't mean thatyou don't get support. That's
why you're here, right? You'relooking for support, you're
looking for help, you're lookingfor guidance, right. But it's
not to follow a formula ofbeliefs and thoughts that aren't
(11:38):
your own. Right. It's to uncoveryour genius and your spark and
to be guided into that. And ifyou've listened to any of the
client Spotlight Interviews,you'll see that on my website,
and the one of the main pages isas a testimonial from Amanda,
who was on the show, and that'swhat she really talks about
being guided into her own geniusinto her own Spark as it began,
(12:04):
as it continued to, you know, aswe uncovered it, and it grew and
got brighter. It was like sheknew exactly what to do from her
own genius. I mean, this is howit works. Like this is the best
part of coaching, holisticcoaching, and you know, doing it
through a spiritual lens, doingit through trusting that as an
(12:27):
as a human, we have this innateability to figure shit out,
right? Like, you are a woman whocan create a life Right? Like,
regardless, that is like, themakeup of who you are. You came
this, Matthew sent me a messagethe other day. And he's like,
(12:47):
sometimes I think it's soamazing that, you know, we
opened a portal talking aboutEmmet, we opened a portal and
out came this, we created aportal and it opened and out
came this consciousness, likethis completely unique
consciousness that is in it. Andlike we opened, we created that
portal, It's so wild, right?
And, and when you start to getalcohol out of the way through
(13:13):
curiosity, your mind has theopportunity to tap it more into
the wonder and awe, okay, andthese things that are actually
important to you, your valuesand reexamining them, or maybe
even defining them for the firsttime because you've changed. You
(13:35):
are a conscious evolved woman atthis stage in your life, and
that's why this is no longerworking for you. So you just
need to know that and celebrateit. Like that's a really awesome
place to be is to know you aregrowing. I mean, life equals
change, and that we want to keepdoing and experiencing new
(13:59):
things. Why wouldn't we want toright now, that doesn't mean to
never be satisfied. It could,like literally every day doing
the same, doing the same thingis a new experience. But if you
always do it through the lens ofalcohol that impacts every
single area of your life, it'sgoing to feel the same, right?
(14:20):
You're going to have that samevibration in the morning those
same thoughts in the afternoon.
That battle on your way home,the kinda lackluster, like, you
know, maybe an hour of gettingjiggy with it and then the rest
is feeling tired. Passing outwaking up at three, it gets the
(14:45):
same cycle right. And I mean,even if you're not drinking so
much that you're you know, kindof passing out at night. It's
still inhibiting you from yourvoice As from saying things you,
you want to say, from doing thethings that you want to do from
(15:06):
creating boundaries from aloving place from the place of
your intention versus yourexpectation, right? This hasn't
worked in the past, because youhaven't fully examined your
story of alcohol, you really,you really just take the alcohol
is normal, like at face value.
Alcohol is just normal. It'sjust part of our society,
(15:27):
something must be wrong with me,right. And I talked about that a
couple of weeks ago, when Ishared some posts I had read and
how that story runs throughoutdrinking culture, sober sobriety
culture, the recovery culture,like it runs through all of it.
And it's not helpful. It's Ijust like, I'm, I'm like, Who is
(15:51):
anyone else telling the storybesides me? Like, it's, no, it's
something that some people do,but it's not like, it's not a
requirement for adulthood. Imean, if you go to when I was in
Egypt, you go to Egypt, peopledon't drink there, they smoke
and drink coffee a lot, lots ofsmokers. But it's not a
(16:12):
requirement for adulthood, it'sjust, you know, the marketing
has just capitalized on this.
And the, you know, I've talkedabout this too. It's the
independence, this wound ofindependence, keeping us from
(16:33):
the real connection and themeaning we want, not because we
want to be like group in agroup, right, but the real
meaning and connection to theweb of life into our self into
our cycles and rhythms, thatconnections, you know, playing
out in nature, and understandinghow to meet our own needs as
women. And instead of, you know,menstruating being a burden, is
(17:00):
looking at it as as a sacredgift and a time of rest and an
honor and miracles, right, likethere's this deep reverence for
that. And it's just allcompletely backwards. And so of
course, the woman in this worldwhere none of her needs to meet
(17:22):
a woman's needs fully, whichmost people don't even know what
their own needs are, which isalso something that we will
explore, to meet a woman's needsfully is not a sales model,
right? No one profits off of youbeing satisfied, they only
profit off of you feelingscarcity. And that is the
(17:46):
alcohol industry. And that isalso what has happened through
the women's empowerment movementto through women's lib, right
through the feminist lens, is,I'm going to do it better than
you can. And, but I'm gonnaneglect all of the innate needs,
I have feminine needs at thesame time, and I really see that
(18:10):
changing. I don't think everyfeminist movement is like that.
But that is kind of I think, howit started, it's like, I can do
anything a man can. It's like,sure, but do you want to write
like,I don't know. And, and that's
not really the point. But it'slike, Do it, do what they can
do. But not necessarily likethey do, right? Like the end
(18:35):
result can be the same, but itcan look much different. This is
a little bit of a soapbox, but Ithink it's really important to
just like the Curiosity piece ofshift number two, moving from
conformity and confusion intocuriosity. The reason that
you're so confused is becausesomeone else has been telling
you what to do. Rightsubconsciously, or maybe not so
subconsciously, like your mom,when you were a kid, your dad,
(18:59):
maybe your spouse, the DBteachers. Right? Like, but
that's a choice. And so the moreyou get curious about the
conformity about the rules thatyou've agreed upon. Now we can
get somewhere now the confusionends because it's like, well,
(19:22):
that's not I don't even believethat. I don't even believe that
anymore. And this is such acrucial piece. So you cannot
take alcohol is normal at facevalue. You have to make change.
You have to be willing to likebe illogical because illogical
just means different than thethe narrative, right? Like logic
(19:44):
is like, Oh, this is logical,like, follow the expert advice.
But the real expert is you.
Logic only gets us so far. It'sthe scene and the known Right.
And I've said this so many timesis like, there's so many amazing
(20:05):
advances that we've had becausepeople became illogical. They
went outside of the logic thatthey saw. And they conceived of
a possibility. Right? And thatwas what I did when I created
the five shifts, I conceived ofa different way because I knew,
because I got curious about myconformity, because I got
curious about my confusion. AndI got curious about what I
(20:29):
didn't know about being a woman.
So conformity happens when youjoin another group or when you
have some other label, but like,that doesn't the label itself
doesn't really fix you, itactually just focuses more on
the problem than on Who do Iwant to be like, Do you really
(20:50):
like want to be just, I'm asober person. And like, that is
how I go out into the world.
That to me feels very limiting.
Now, technically, if I look upthe definition, like that's what
I am, I'm abstaining fromalcohol, but not in a way where
a I'm trying to do that, or B. Isuppose that sounds boring. And
(21:14):
I'm no shame to anyone thatidentifies that way. It's
totally fine. But I was like, Idon't want that, you know. I
want to be like a sexy goddess.
That's what I want. You know, ifI want to aim for something for
a label, confusion is when youspin in regret, right? It's
(21:39):
like, the confusion comes? Whydo I keep doing the same thing?
I no longer want to be again andagain, and again. I can't tell
you how many times people havegotten on a call with me. And
there's like, I don't get it. Idon't understand I don't get it.
I don't understand. Right. Andthe truth is, is like you do get
it, you just keep tellingyourself you don't understand.
(22:01):
So what we do first is we findout what you do understand what
what you do know. And we startgetting curious about that we
start getting also curious aboutwhat is working in your life,
because all you're doing isfocusing on what's not working.
So you reinforce the thoughtsthat alcohol is normal, why can
I figure it out? Why is it me?
Why is it so hard? Right? Andthen you think about all
(22:25):
everyone else's thoughts, youput everyone else's thoughts in
your head. So you have to getcurious about why it's better
without a drink all the timesthat it's better without a
drink, and what you really likesee, so you just examine the,
you examine the areas of yourlife where you create positive
emotion, where you createinspiration. So you use
(22:49):
curiosity to create inspirationto create motivation, instead of
having to shame alcohol and onlyuse willpower. And that's the
biggest difference, right? Whenyou're shaming alcohol as a
poison. And you can look at theimpact of alcohol, like I read
that story from Laura, a fewweeks ago, and I mean, she was
(23:11):
talking pretty shitty aboutalcohol, right? And like, she
can do that now. And just belike, alcohol is a piece of
shit. Like I think that too, butit's the has, it's like not
loaded. And it doesn't, becauseshe doesn't want to drink, it
doesn't really matter. And shecan say it kind of from a
neutral place. And sometimeslike it's okay to have that
conviction and get a little bitangry. It's not going to serve
(23:33):
you at the beginning. Well, theconviction can serve you at the
beginning. That conviction isless about being pissed off at
alcohol and more about convictchin, for what you know you're
capable of, for what you knowyou deserve and what's possible
for you. It's like that motherlylove, like that swift kick in
(23:55):
the ass. That's like, you wouldtell your kids you think about
like your children or yoursister, your best friend, you're
like, I know, you can do betterthan this, like you see someone
you love, like dating the sameshitty people again and again
and again. And you're like,girl, get it together like No,
he's not gonna marry you. Right?
(24:18):
Like that. It's that thatsometimes depending on where you
are in your cycle, if you canhandle that, and it's not shame,
right? It's like, Nope, we'renot we're not sitting down right
now. We're not going to gobrowse YouTube while I'm trying
to record a podcast. Like let'sget this shit done. And then
when it's all over, you can takea break and that's the other
(24:40):
thing, right? Looking at wherewe apply different emotions and
getting curious about when whenyou need what because you don't
different emotions work atdifferent times in this journey,
and the reason you're not usedto that is because alcohol is a
one size fit It's all for everysingle emotion. But it actually
(25:05):
doesn't solve them in the end.
Right? So the thought thatalcohol is normal has got you in
that conformity mindset you'reout there in. And when you get
curious about it, you start tosee into possibilities. The idea
(25:26):
that is this thing I'm doingactually enjoyable? Or do I just
think it is because the thoughtsthat I'm would be thinking about
it have been inhibited, right?
I'm so bored. I'm not connectingwith anyone. Oh, my gosh, what
(25:47):
do I look like? Is theresomething in my teeth? Those are
all the thoughts that areplaying in your head that create
anxiety at a social event? Thatwhen you drink you think the out
events much more fun because youquieted those thoughts. But the
events actually not much morefun. All you did was quiet the
thinking if you listened to theshow the spotlight about maximum
potential with my client,Monica, you heard her really
(26:13):
exemplify the curiosity. Shewent out, she did everything she
had dinner parties, she went to,like, right when we first
started working together, it washer birthday, she went on a trip
to Spain, she went out I mean,she's in Europe, and heavy
drinking culture everywhere, Ithink maybe even more than the
(26:35):
states. Because it's been, it'sintegrated from a very young
age, too. So that's even, it'seven more of a norm. Right. But
that none of that reallymatters. And, you know, the
curiosity was listening to herbody. You know, she even says at
the beginning, how it's like,okay, like, you're just kind of
like waiting, like, Okay, I'llhave my water, I'll eat and I'll
(26:57):
go, right. And like, of course,but you but you give your you
give yourself a chance to getcurious about what does it feel
like when I'm not just focusedon not drinking, and I can
settle into a transitionnaturally, right? Like I can be,
I can be more present. Andthat's where the mindfulness
component of the five chef'sprocess also happens. So listen
(27:20):
to that episode again. Becauseshe, she, she just never did
anything. And then to ensureawareness grew so quickly. And
she took her position and herposition was her choice. And
that was her mindset. And thenthe rest of it was mindfulness.
And the more that time went on,she was more comfortable in her
(27:42):
choice. And in the in thediscomfort, which is just simply
New Sensations at first, butonce she wouldn't, she rested
and surrendered and releasedbehind those new those new
sensations and the newexperience. Very quickly, there
(28:02):
was you know, it became the newnorm. And it's it was, it's the
resistance that creates so muchmore of a struggle. So this
week, tapping into curiosity,tapping into
(28:25):
where you see the need toconform in your thinking,
whether it's through drinking orthrough quitting drinking, just
ask yourself, what do I believe?
What is my truth, and that iswhere we begin. Have an amazing
week, and I can't wait to talkto you next time. And if you
(28:46):
haven't already, make sure youfollow the link in the show
notes. To apply for a time tocome talk with me one on one, we
are going to really look at yourmind and get very curious about
your mind so that you can seewhere other people's beliefs are
running the show, and keepingyou from being able to create
(29:11):
the change around alcohol youneed for you. I'll talk to you
soon. Bye. Okay, ladies, so thefun does not have to end here.
This is actually where itbegins, it is time for you to
take the next best step to startapplying these tools and these
principles into your life. And Ihave made it extremely seamless
and super easy for you to getthe support that you need and a
(29:35):
one on one personalized settingso that I can really see
specifically where you're at andthat together we can create a
personalized three step strategyprocess that's in alignment with
your intentions, your values,your lifestyles, and it gives
you that one on one face timeand space that you need to
transform to be seen to be heardand to be validated. So all you
(29:58):
have to do is follow the link inthe show notes or go to my
website Mary Wagstaff coach.comto pick your best time and date
for your free one on onealignment session with me. I
cannot wait to meet you and I'llsee you soon.
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