How to Top as a Submissive (Without Topping from the Bottom)

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Submission isn’t weakness. It’s power offered—not power lost.

In this episode of Talk Sex with Annette, we’re pulling back the curtain on one of the most misunderstood dynamics in kink: how to top as a submissive.

This isn’t about topping from the bottom. It’s about guiding the scene with your breath, movement, and energy — without ever taking control away from your Dominant.

We’ll explore:
 🖤 How powerful submissives shape the rhythm of a scene
 🫧 Using breath, body language & sound to guide without leading
 🕯️ The difference between topping from the bottom vs. intentional submission
 🫦 Why great Doms listen to their subs — and follow their cues
🖤 How to turn surrender into the sexiest power you hold

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
Do the sex.
I'm Annette Benedetti, host ofthe podcast formerly known as
Locker Room Talk and Shots.
The show has a new name, TalkSex with Annette.
But at its core, this is stillyour locker room.
It's where we strip away shame,get curious, and speak the
unspoken about sex, kink,dating, pleasure, and desire.

(00:22):
Around here, nothing's offlimits.
These are the kinds ofconversations we save for our
boldest group chats, our mosttrusted friends, and of course,
the women's locker room.
Think raw, honest, and sometimesunapologetically raunchy.
If you've been here from thebeginning, thank you.
And if you're new, welcome to mypodcast where desire meets

(00:43):
disruption and pleasure becomespower.
Now, let's talk about sex.
Cheers.
Welcome to Kinktober.
In honor of this special month,today's Talk Sex with the Net
topic is how to top as asubmissive without topping from
the bottom.
Here's a truth a lot of peoplein the kink world don't talk

(01:06):
about.
Submission isn't weakness.
In fact, a powerful submissivecan run the entire scene without
ever taking control.
Submission isn't weakness, it'spower offered, not power lost.
Today we're diving intosomething that makes seasoned
kinksters sit up and listen.

(01:27):
How to top as a submissive.
No, this isn't about toppingfrom the bottom, which is
usually unnegotiated control.
This is about guiding the scenewith your surrender.
It's about being on your kneesand still holding all the power.
If you've ever wanted to feelmore powerful inside your
submission or understand what askilled submissive actually

(01:50):
brings to a power exchange, thisepisode is for you.
But before we dive in, I want toremind you that I'm over on
OnlyFans and There.
I'm sharing my sex and intimacyhow-tos and demonstrations,
along with audio guidedself-pleasure meditations.
And now I'm also offering somecoaching.
If you aren't ready to dive intoa full regimen of sex and

(02:12):
intimacy coaching, you can askme your one-off questions there.
I will give you your answers.
You'll get a taste of whatintimacy coaching is like.
You can also find me over onSubstack doing a whole lot of
the same, minus the coaching andof course the demos.
And you can find me in bothplaces with my handle at TalkSex
with the net.

(02:32):
You can also scroll down to theshow notes and find links to
everywhere you want to find methere.
I'm looking forward to seeingyou in all the places.
But for now, let's dive in tohow to be a submissive and still
top.
Cheers.
So let's stop by redefiningsubmission.

(02:54):
One of the biggestmisconceptions in Kink is that
the dominant leads everything.

But here's the reality (03:00):
the submissive sets the tone, the
pace, and often the emotionaldepth of the scene.
A skilled Dom isn't just actingon you, they're reading you.
And a powerful stub doesn'tcontrol the scene directly.
They invite the Dom deeperthrough breath, movement, and

(03:23):
energy.
A skilled submissive doesn'ttake control.
They make the Dom want to followtheir rhythm.
This is topping as a submissive,guiding, not grabbing the reins.
So let's talk about thedifference between topping from
the bottom and powerfulsubmission.
Topping from the bottom isunnegotiated control.

(03:46):
It's when someone claims to besubmissive, but starts running
the show without consent.
Think giving orders that weren'tdiscussed, resisting agreed-upon
power, and trying to control theDOM's flow.
Not sexy, not consensual.
Topping as a submissive, on theother hand, is fully embodied

(04:07):
surrender, communicating throughbreath, voice, and movement, and
guiding the scene within thenegotiated dynamic.
This kind of submission turns agood scene into something
unforgettable.
A submissive can lead withouttaking control.
That's the magic.
So here are some ways you cantop as a submissive.

(04:31):
Number one, use your breath as aguide.
Your breath is language.
When you gasp, sigh, moan, orbreathe deeper, you signal
arousal, need, or the desire forsomething more.
A skill dominant reads that wantthem to slow down, deepen your
breath, and soften your body.

(04:52):
Want them to take you harder,let your breath quicken and your
sound open.
Your breath is language.
Learn to speak with it.
And look, this is a languagethat you can also talk about
outside of a scene.
You can talk to them outside ofthe bedroom about the way you

(05:13):
breathe when you want differentthings.
Then once you're in the scene,they can listen and read your
body.
Number two, let your body do thetalking.
Subtle movements like archingyour back, shifting your hips,
leaning into touch can beinvitations that shape the
scene.
You're not taking control,you're drawing them in.

(05:37):
Some examples are arching upequals yes, more, or pulling
back, not yet.
Going still, stay right here.
Think of it as conductingthrough sensation.
Number three, you can useritualized language and sound.

(05:59):
Soft begging, whispered praise,or ritual phrases can turn your
reactions into structure.
Some examples are saying please,whispered through a gasp, or
right there.
Or yes, sir, or yes, ma'am.
These aren't orders, they'rethreads the Dom can follow.

(06:23):
A great way to look at it isthat a powerful submissive
doesn't bark orders, theywhisper invitations.
Number four is responsiveenergy.
When you're deep in submission,your energy becomes magnetic.
You're not pushing or resisting,you're surrendering with
intention.
That surrender is what drivesDOMS wild.

(06:46):
It's the fuel that they follow.

So here's your pro tip (06:49):
this works during impact play, oral
rope scenes, power exchange,rituals, everything.
Finally, number five is theinvisible leash.
Some submissives guide theirdominant with nothing more than
a glance, a whimper, the waythey shift their weight.
This kind of control is subtle,erotic, and powerful.

(07:13):
The best control isn't loud.
It's the way you breathe, move,and surrender.
So let's talk negotiation andtrust.
This kind of play only workswhen there's deep trust in
negotiation.
A dominant needs to know yourcues and boundaries ahead of
time.
You're not just steering thecar, you're shaping the map.

(07:34):
You'll both follow.
And that's what makes it a Domsub-dynamic, not absolute chaos.
Listen, all these tips I've justgiven you are ways that as a
sub, you can steer the dynamicwith your DOM.
These are not things you shouldassume they're going to

(07:56):
understand if you haven't hadconversations ahead of time.
Some great sexy discussions youcan have before you get into a
scene is how does your body showpleasure?
How does your body say yes, no,hold it right there?
Keep doing that.
Talk about your breath.

(08:17):
Let them experience it after youtalk in the scene.
Talk about how your body reacts.
The way your body and my bodyreact may be different.
This can demand a little bit ofa learning curve.
Paying attention to yourself inthe bedroom and in the scenes,
you might be surprised at all ofthe ways your body is talking

(08:41):
for you without you evenknowing.
So gaining that piece ofknowledge and using it to topple
your subbing, that's just magic.
And it's going to make your Domvery happy.
Powerful submission is built ontrust, not control.
So here's your challenge fromme.

(09:03):
The next time you're in a scene,stop trying to just receive,
breathe, move, whisper.
Let your submission speak foryou.
Don't take the lead.
Be the lead.
If you're a submissive, thiswill change the way you play.
If you're a dominant, learn tolisten to your sub.
They're already telling youeverything you need to know to

(09:25):
make this scene more than theycould hope for.
Are you a sub?
Do you have questions orcomments, opinions on this
topic?
Drop them in the comment sectionbelow.
Or if you're on my audiopodcast, you can head over to my
YouTube channel atTalkSexwithanet.
Drop a comment below this video.
Or you can email me at Annetteat talkssexwithanet.com.

(09:48):
If you're a Dom, you havethoughts and opinions, I would
love to hear them.
Or if you're new to the Dom subdynamic and you're just getting
kinky for Kinktober and havequestions, make sure to send
them my way.
Of course, if you're looking fora sex and intimacy coach, my
books are open.
You can find out more about whatI offer as a coach on my

(10:10):
website, talksexwithhanet.com,or reach out to me via email at
Annette at talkssexhenet.com.
Scroll down to the notes below.
You're gonna find my speak pipe.
Send me a voicemail.
So until next time, happyKingtober.
I'll see y'all in the lockerroom.
Cheers.