Male Chastity 101: How to Try It Without Freaking Out

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What if the hottest thing you could do for your partner… was not come?

Welcome to Talk Sex with Annette, where we’re diving into one of the most misunderstood—and surprisingly intimate—kinks out there: male chastity. Whether you’ve seen the cages popping up all over your feed this “Locktober,” or you’re just curious what all the denial hype is about, this episode breaks down how to try chastity play without freaking out, fumbling it, or killing the mood.

You’ll learn:
 💥 What chastity play actually is (and isn’t)
 🔒 Why so many men say orgasm denial made them better lovers
🔥 How to safely explore it with your partner—whether you’re the one wearing the cage or holding the key

And stay tuned—on Wednesday, Annette’s joined by a real-life keyholder who shares how locking it up unlocked more pleasure, trust, and connection in her relationship.

It’s kinky, psychological, and maybe even life-changing.
 The question is: can you handle the cage?

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:02):
I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast
formerly known as Locker RoomTalk and Shots.
The show has a new name, TalkSex with Annette.
But at its core, this is stillyour locker room.
It's where we strip away shame,get curious, and speak the
unspoken about sex, kink,dating, pleasure, and desire.
Around here, nothing's offlimits.

(00:24):
These are the kinds ofconversations we save for our
boldest group chats, our mosttrusted friends, and of course,
the women's locker room.
Think raw, honest, and sometimesunapologetically raunchy.
If you've been here from thebeginning, thank you.
And if you're new, welcome to mypodcast where desire meets
disruption and pleasure becomespower.

(00:46):
Now, let's talk about sex.
Cheers.
Ranglo.
What if the hottest thing youcould do for your partner was
not come?
You heard me right.
Welcome to the world of malechastity, the kink that's got
half the internet locking uptheir pleasure and discovering

(01:06):
that denial might just be thenew desire.
Today's Talk Sex with the Nettopic is how to try male
chastity without freaking out ormessing it up.
The question is, can you handlethe cage?
Today we're diving into one ofthe most misunderstood,
misrepresented, and let's bereal, strangely magnetic kinks

(01:30):
there is.
Chastity play.
What is it?
Why it works, how you can startexperimenting safely, whether
you're the one wearing the cageor the one holding the key.
So if you've ever wondered whatthe deal is with October, why
some men say giving up orgasmmade them better lovers, this

(01:51):
one's for you.
And I want you to stay tuned onWednesday when I will be
dropping an episode with aspecial guest who is a key
holder and is gonna tell me andall of you how engaging in
chastity play made both her andher partner better lovers and
helped them create an incredibleintimate life together.

(02:14):
But before we dive in, I want toremind you that I'm over on
OnlyFans and there I'm sharingmy sex and intimacy how-tos,
demos, and audio guidedself-pleasure meditations.
I am also offering up some sexand intimacy coaching advice
there.
You can ask one-off questions ifyou are not ready to dive into a
full coaching regimen.

(02:36):
You can also find me over onSubstack doing a whole lot of
the same, minus the coaching andof course the how-to demos.
You can find me in both placesby my handle at TalkSex within
it.
You can also scroll down to thenotes section below, and you're
gonna find links to everywhereyou want to find me.
I'm looking forward to youjoining me there.
But for now, let's dive in tomale chastity and Locktober.

(03:02):
Can you handle the cage?
Cheers.
What is chastity really?
Well, let's start with what itisn't.
It's not punishment, it's notabout humiliation or pain,
unless that's your thing andyou've consented to it.
At its core, male chastity is aform of erotic power exchange.
One partner, the key holder,takes control of when, how, or

(03:25):
if the other person experiencessexual release.
Sometimes this happens throughagreement and self-control,
sometimes through a physicaldevice called a chastity cage.
The point isn't suffering, it'sabout anticipation.
It's about letting arousal buildso high it becomes a full body
experience.
Think of it as mindfulness meetskink, the art of staying

(03:49):
aroused, focused, and connectedwithout rushing to the finish
line.
Why is chastity play sopowerful?
Here's where the science getssexy.
When orgasm is delayed,dopamine, your anticipation
hormone, stays high.
That's the same chemical thatfires when you crave something
you can't quite have.

(04:09):
Meanwhile, prolactin, thehormone that makes you feel
tired and satisfied after aclimax, stays low.
That means desire doesn't die,it lingers, and it loops.
So instead of chasing afive-second climax, chastity
lets you live in craving.
It trains your brain and yourbody to stay turned on.

And here's the twist (04:32):
when you stop centering the male orgasm
as the goal, sex becomes ashared playground.
Many key holders, usually women,say it's the first time they
felt truly prioritized.
And for men, chastity becomesfreedom.
It gives them permission to dropperformance pressure, stop

(04:54):
equating sex with penetration,and to feel everything else.
The results, deeper connection,more creativity, and when it's
finally time to releasefireworks.
So, how are you gonna getstarted with chastity play or a
Locktober experience?

(05:15):
I'm gonna walk you through it.
First, let's talk about how todo this without injuring
anything important.
Step one is talk before youlock.
You need a real conversation.
Why do you want to try this?
Is it about surrender,curiosity, deeper connection?
Agree on how long you'll play,what's allowed, and what's

(05:36):
absolutely off limits.
Consent and clarity are whatmakes us hot, not handcuffs.
Step two is start with mentalchastity.
No cage yet, just commitment.
Go three to five days withoutorgasm.
You can still touch, tease, andget aroused, just no release.

(05:58):
If you're partnered, let yourpartner call the shots.
If you're solo, practiceself-control.
Notice what happens.
Most people report increasedsensitivity and an almost
electric kind of awareness.
Step three, when you're ready,explore physical chastity.

(06:19):
There are several types ofcages.
One is an open bar lattice stylecage.
You can see here it's great forairflow, it's easy to clean, and
it allows teasing through thebars of the cage.
The other is a solid, more tubestyle cage.
It's more restrictive, discrete,under clothing, and often used

(06:42):
for longer-term wear.
There's also soft siliconestyles, which are lightweight,
flexible, and perfect forbeginners.
And then there's a micro or nubcage.
It's compact and advanced, it'sextremely controlling and better
for experienced players.
Whichever you choose, comfortand hygiene come first.

(07:06):
You should always be able tourinate, clean, and move
comfortably.
If you feel pain, discoloration,or numbness, take it off
immediately, no exceptions.
Make sure to use Body SafeLubricant when putting it on.
Check your circulation andalways have an emergency key.

(07:26):
So more than one.
If you are new to sizing andmaterials, sign up for my e
newsletter.
I am sending out a full guidethat walks you through how to
measure, how to choose yourcage.
It's really a full step-by-stepguide for chastity, and I will
be sending out several of thosefollowing this episode and my

(07:48):
Wednesday episode.
So make sure you hit thatsubscribe button.
Scroll down below, you're gonnafind a link to my e newsletter.
Also for my audio listeners, ifyou are wondering what these
cages I just described looklike, you can come on over to my
YouTube channel at TalkSucks forthe net and you'll see my
examples that I have put up.
So now let's talk about how keyholders can make the whole

(08:11):
experience hotter.
Because yes, key holders own abig role in this.
If you're the one holding thekey, congratulations, you hold
all the power with consent, ofcourse.
But this isn't about cruelty,it's about creativity.

Start with short lockups (08:25):
an hour, half a day, overnight.
Set rules.
Maybe your partner has to askpermission to touch you.
Maybe they earn release byfocusing on your pleasure or
doing something like doing thedishes for the evening.
Reward good behavior with smallprivileges, a few minutes of

(08:47):
teasing, a taste, or a guidededge session.
Key holders tell me this is oneof the most empowering, playful
dynamics they've everexperienced.
It's a real-time confidencebuilder.
And the best part, you cancustomize it.
Some couples go full Locktober.
I'm talking 30 days of chastity.

(09:08):
Others do just a weekend.
There's no wrong way to doLocktober or Chastity Play.
If you need some ideas for whatto do to start getting creative
in Chastity Play, I also will besending out a chastity calendar
and it contains some fun playscenarios to help you along your

(09:30):
way.
You can take some of those ideasand implement them or use them
to come up with your own.
Let's talk about the science ofsurrender and chastity play.
When you're locked up, yourbrain changes how it experiences
pleasure.
That constant state of arousalkeeps dopamine flowing.
And that in turn increasesoxytocin, the bonding hormone,

(09:51):
every time you interact withyour partner.
That's why chastity couplesoften say they've never felt
closer.
And for many men, chastity leadsto better erections, longer
stamina, and more control whenthey do orgasm.
Think of it as a gym workout foryour arousal system.
You're literally training yournervous system to delay

(10:14):
gratification, and that pays offeverywhere.
Let's talk leveling up.
Once you're comfortable withshort-term play, here are a few
ways to explore deeper.
Add sensory play, nippleteasing, massage, temperature
play.
I've over the course of the pastyear given you lots of ideas for

(10:34):
sensory play, but get creative.
Set tasks or rituals that buildconnection.
We're talking about that rewardsystem.
You can also include key holderrules.
You can do daily check-ins orgood morning messages.
Get creative with this as well.

(10:57):
You get to make up what therules are for chastity play, and
then of course, make sure yourcaged person is following them.
If they do, let the fun begin.
And finally, if you're in a longdistance relationship, don't
count yourself out of thechastity play.
There are long distance keyholder apps you can use.

(11:19):
Again, you don't have to have acage.
This can be a verbal agreement.
The bottom line is the goal isto build tension, control, and
trust.
So here's your challenge fromme.
Try one week of chastity.
No orgasm, no release, justintentional teasing and

(11:40):
attention.
See how it changes your focus,your connection, and your
arousal.
And when you're ready, you takeit further.
Join my e-newsletter and I willsend you the full guide to
measuring, choosing a cage ifyou want to take it to that
level.
Again, you don't even have touse a cage, but I'm going to
give you ideas for chastityplay.

(12:02):
You're getting your full starterkit and beyond.
If you're not ready to try awhole week, try one day, try two
days and see how infusing thatchastity connection throughout
every moment of every day fortwo days affects your
relationship.

(12:23):
And again, don't forget to tunein to Wednesday's episode.
I am going to be joined byLilith Fox, a BIPOC queer
sexologist, educator, and kinkexpert.
And we're going to go deeperinto Locktober and Chastity
Play, and we're going to talkabout how it can actually make
men better in bed and intimacybetter for everybody involved.

(12:46):
If you are a key holder orsomeone who is caged at this
moment, I would love to hearfrom you.
If you are on my YouTubechannel, you know what to do.
Drop a comment below the videoand I will try to get back to
you.
If you are an audio listener,you know you can email me at
Annette at talksexwithanet.com.
You can also scroll down to thenotes below this, and you're

(13:09):
gonna find my speakpipe.
You can send me a voicemail.
I love to get your comments,your input, and your questions.
Now, if you are looking for asex and intimacy coach, a
wingwoman, if you will, on yourown intimate journey, my books
are open, and you can find outmore about that and me and
everything that I'm doing attalkswithanette.com.

(13:34):
So, hey guys, until next time.
I'll see you in the locker room.
In fact, I'll be holding the keyto it.
Cheers.