September 5, 2023 • 27 mins
Life is an extraordinary journey of learning and growth, sometimes marred by judgments we've been carrying since childhood.
Join me as I revisit my own past and discover the impact those early judgments have had on my life. As we journey through boxes of childhood memorabilia, we'll uncover trials of the past and learn how to embrace change, navigate judgments, and move towards a more fulfilling future.
Diving into my personal history, we examine my third-grade Student Individual Education Plan a relic from my past that revealed both strengths and areas of improvement. Drawing from this experience, we reflect on how to turn perceived weaknesses into opportunities for growth and the incredible transformations one can achieve with the right mindset. Plus, we'll walk through how community service in the vibrant city of San Francisco taught me to see the world differently and gave me a renewed sense of purpose.
Finally, prepare to unshackle from the limiting confines of judgment and embrace the joy of self-discovery. Let's explore together how giving yourself the gift of happiness can lead to profound personal transformation. If you've been considering one-on-one coaching or group programs, reach out via social media to learn more about what awaits. Embark on this journey of self-discovery, growth, and letting go of judgment—it will be a trip you won't forget!
Tune in to the Audiobook version of my book "Enginereed to Love" now available on all Audiobook Platforms! Go to enginereeredtolove.com for more info!
Overcome the daily grind with transformative techniques from Justin's book, 'Engineered to Love.'
These practices aren't just about finding peace—they're about reconnecting with yourself and the world around you in meaningful ways.
Access your free materials today at engineeredtolove.com/sample and start living a life filled with joy, ease, and love.
Watch the full video episode at Justin Wenck, Ph.D. YouTube Channel!
Check out my best-selling book "Engineered to Love: Going Beyond Success to Fulfillment" also available on Audiobook on all streaming platforms! Go to https://www.engineeredtolove.com/ to learn more!
Got a question or comment about the show? E-mail me at podcast@justinwenck.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the show.
Today, I'm talking aboutgetting over judgment, judgment
about yourself, fear of othersjudging you and worrying about
is it good enough?
Is it too good?
Can people handle it?
Do people want it?
Are you good enough?
What are people's thoughtsabout you?
Because I'm here to tell youyou've been judged your entire
(00:28):
life and it's not going to stop.
It's never going to stop.
If you're waiting for the daythat no one's going to judge you
, that everyone out there isgoing to accept you, that day
will never come.
You are going to be waitinguntil you're in the grave.
So I'm going to go over.
Actually, it was yesterday.
(00:51):
I went through a couple boxesof stuff that was sent to me
from my dad.
I found some gold in theseboxes of things from when I was
a child.
I chose how, even at a veryyoung age, I was being judged.
So I'm going to dive into that.
Talk about that, so that youcan get over your fear of being
(01:14):
judged and you can get ontodoing what the fuck you really
want to be doing, what reallylights you up, what matters,
what you're destined to be doingon this planet with your time
here.
So before that, though, I'mhappy to be back in the US.
The previous four podcasts, Ithink it's well, maybe it's even
(01:36):
five.
I did five remote podcastswhile I was traveling around
Central America.
So I believe I did two in CostaRica, one in Guatemala and then
I believe I did two more inTulum, mexico.
So I'm back on the Pacificcoast here in California, near
San Francisco.
It's so good to be back nearthe ocean.
(01:56):
It's cool, even though mostparts of the country of the US
it's the hottest part of thesummer.
Where I live, today it's sunnyand warm, but yesterday it was
nice, cloudy, just refreshing.
And yesterday I also had anopportunity to go do a little
community service.
(02:17):
A friend of mine had done this.
He's really into going helpingout the community.
I'm so grateful to have afriend like him.
But he was like hey, going tobe doing this street cleanup and
it's a lot of fun.
You're cleaning up the streetsof San Francisco, making it a
little bit a better place, andthen you get to meet people and
(02:37):
then they give you coupons andthings so you can have fun to go
try some places maybe youwouldn't try out before and a
lot of people watch the news andthat's all they know about San
Francisco that, oh, it's doom,it's going to be the next
Detroit, that it's going to beawful, and yeah, there's some
people living in some conditionsthat I wouldn't choose.
(02:59):
I wouldn't want anyone I careabout to live in these
conditions.
Yet it's not everywhere.
All over San Francisco there'sneighborhoods that are fantastic
to be with.
It reminds me very much of myexperience in Tulum, where I'm
in a nice, luxurious, basicallycondo where I'm staying and just
(03:22):
right next to dirt roads, withgarbage on it, and people live
in places that they put upquickly with found materials and
just different people livingdifferent lives.
And the question is, what kindof life do you want to lead?
Do you want to be leading alife where you're living how you
want and you're being a part ofenabling others to live a life
(03:45):
that they want?
Or are you focusing on what'swrong?
Because if you're focusing onwhat's wrong, you're probably
just going to get more of thesame, because really you get in
your life what you place yourattention.
So if you're worried aboutthings going wrong, things being
bad, I would be surprised ifthings are going really great
for you.
So it was a great experience.
(04:06):
I mean, again, it's not easy,because they instruct you that
there are three things you'renot supposed to be picking up
Avoid glass, avoid needles andavoid poop.
So that's and definitelyencountered some of all three.
Yet it's great to be workingwith others and to see how clean
(04:29):
the streets are afterwards andgoing like you know what made a
little bit of a difference.
The streets now feel a littlebit better and maybe that
impacts other people and theyfeel better and they're going to
do a little bit better.
Right, and at the very least,I'm feeling better and here
talking about how I could feelbetter.
(04:51):
So you could feel better.
So it was like a really goodexperience and that's some great
people and some of them mighteven be helping out with the
book which I'm recording this.
We're launching the audiobooktoday, so you know it will have
been available.
So still, it's still available,even when you listen to.
(05:12):
This doesn't matter if you'relistening to this years later.
Engineer2lovedcom will have allthe links, but it's on Audible,
apple Books, google Play Booksand Audiobookscom.
So just look up Engineer2Loveby Justin Wink, phd, and you can
get the audiobooks.
Now you can listen to the greatstories, the great.
(05:33):
What's great about my book?
I have great exercises.
I have great relaxationtechniques.
All these are narrated by me.
So if you're just like I can'tread how to do a breathing
exercise, I want someone to tellme how to do it.
It's in the book.
I tell you here's how you do it, and you just got to follow
along.
It's fantastic.
It really is.
It really turned out well andthere's even bonus stuff in
(05:54):
there that isn't in the book,because it's like as I'm going
through reading, I'm like add alittle extra flavor, a little
extra little something,something for you to enjoy.
So do encourage you to go getthat, because, yeah, it's great.
People have been loving it.
I still get people saying like,oh my gosh, I just was.
You know somebody who's anearly listener that I met on my
(06:16):
trip.
She was just telling me I justlistened to the I Love Myself
meditation in your audiobook.
It was fantastic.
Thank you so much.
So I want you to be able toenjoy that and, you know,
forward it along to a friend.
Let somebody else know.
Maybe you're a coworker, maybeyou have a team and you would
like them to have more clarityon what makes them feel alive,
what makes them feel likethey're doing what matters,
(06:37):
because if they're doing whatmatters on your team, that's a
way more effective, moreenjoyable team to work with and
they're going to be doing greatthings for you.
So that let's get into the mainthing about judgment being
judged of like you know what,what are you good at, what you
know and what do you need towork on?
Like what could you be improved?
(06:58):
And as I was going through thethings that were sent, so
there's, there's like a pillowthat had my birth certificate on
it, you know, signed by thedoctor.
There was pictures all the wayup through college.
In there there was, you know,knickknacks from when I
graduated from my undergrad CalPoly Salad with a BISPO and my
(07:20):
PhD program at UC Davis.
But some of the things that weremore interesting were some of
these things from my elementaryschool days, and one of the
things I found was a reportabout about myself when I was in
the third grade, from my thirdgrade teacher, mr Edmonds, who I
remember that he he had amustache and he would play
(07:43):
guitar, so he'd have littlebreaks playing I don't know,
kind of folk song type stuff,like I think he'd sing like.
So you know, john, if I had ahammer I'd swing it in the
daytime, I'd swing it in theevening, songs like that he
would.
He would sing, it was like thetreat for learning or something
like that.
But it's, you know, I'm I'mvideotaping this, so maybe at
(08:08):
some point I'll get the videosof these on YouTube.
But yeah, he wrote this.
I think it was probably writtenusing a word processor, and so
many of you know that you writeon a computer nowadays and that
in the olden times people wroteusing typewriters.
(08:30):
There is an in between periodwhere there are these things
called word processors.
That were not quite computers,but they were more advanced than
typewriters.
Because what what this has iseach the three pages and the
pages do have like like headers,like it has headers that are
the same on each page, and I'mthinking that it probably wasn't
(08:55):
a typewriter.
But this is dated November 8th1989.
Well before a school teacherwould have a computer computer.
They would have been thousandsof dollars then, which, since
inflation adjusted, it wouldhave been like six grand.
Nobody had a computer back then.
I think I had a friend that hada computer, but his dad was an
(09:18):
engineer and all that sort ofstuff.
This is titled StudentIndividual Education Plan, the
reason I'm going to be goingthrough this is because it's got
judgments about me.
We're going to see whatresonates true and what maybe is
(09:39):
not so true or what have Iallowed to be true.
I want you to be thinking ofjudgments you have about
yourself, about yourcapabilities, about who you are,
about what you like, what youdon't like, what you're not good
at, and start going back.
How do you know that that'strue?
How do you know that you maybearen't so good at math?
How do you know that?
(09:59):
Maybe you're not the mostorganized person?
Was that put upon you?
Have you just allowed that tobe true?
Maybe there's just some thingsthat you just don't like.
Maybe you could be good but youjust don't like.
We're going to go through.
Remember, I am eight years old.
(10:21):
This is judgments on aneight-year-old.
This is me at eight.
I'm showing a little picture inthe video.
If you go to JustinWinkcom,we'll make sure you get this
picture up on the blog postgoing with us.
I'll probably make sure it'sincluded in the social media
(10:41):
postings for this.
This little chubby, derpyeight-year-old missing a couple
front teeth this is adultshaving judgment.
Relative strengths.
We're starting off with.
What are the strengths of thiseight-year-old With regard to
(11:04):
the areas which appear to bemost outstanding at this time.
Justin, I like how it'squalified that it's at this
particular time that this couldall turn to shit in the future,
or maybe it wasn't true At thistime.
These were Justin's strengths.
I am will be.
(11:24):
Justin Demonstrates advancedmath skills.
I did go on to get a PhD inelectrical engineering, which
does require a lot of mathskills calculus, differential
equations, geometry, all sortsof that stuff.
Boy, did I run with that?
Enjoy learning to an unusualdegree.
(11:46):
So it's like a judgment on ajudgment of a.
So I don't know what it is andI still do.
I like to learn, I like to grow.
I've taken that on.
I still find that useful,willingly approaches challenging
and complex material.
Boy, I've been working onactually maybe letting this go
(12:08):
on, that things don't have to beso challenging or so
complicated.
But one of my things has beenthat a lot of things are simple.
They just might be challengethat require effort to have
happen as we go forward.
So maybe that's a littleunfortunate that I took that on,
that I like challenge, that Ilike complex things, cause I
(12:29):
still I'm still doing it.
Even just this coaching careeris challenging.
It's challenging but it's soworth it.
It's so worth it Cause I got to.
Since, being back, I did get todo a session with one of my
clients and he's just doingphenomenal.
Just, he's just loving his life.
He's the relationship with hiswife is great.
He's just having such an easiertime when challenges come up at
(12:50):
work.
So I'm just very, very happyand that's that's the type of
results of why I do what I do.
Demonstrates unusual insightduring discussions.
So even as an eight year old,apparently, I was phenomenal at
noticing patterns, havingperspective, insights, things
like that, which is this this iswhat makes me a phenomenal
(13:10):
coach, phenomenal author,phenomenal podcaster.
That's why it's probably whyyou like to listen, probably why
you like to hear me, and Iwould encourage you.
If you want to get even more ofthat work with me, reach out,
let's see what else is, whatelse was good about eight year
old.
Eight year old JustinDemonstrates rapid insight into
(13:30):
cause, effect, relationships,determines underlying principles
, and this I've learned lately.
It can be a little bit of adouble edged sort of that.
Since I was always able so toeasily figure out what was going
on, why things were working,this has become a little bit of
a crutch or a challenge of likeneeding to know what's going on,
(13:53):
why things are the way they areand sometimes things just are
or it's a waste of time tofigure out why it's going on,
it's an illusion of control toknow, like, well, this person
has this history, this personhas that history, this is how
they got to this and this is whythings are.
Sometimes things just are andit's do I want to?
(14:14):
Does that help or not?
If not, maybe I don't need toknow the details and then move
on with my life.
So again, these judgments thatpeople have put onto us, that we
have about ourselves, that theymay or may not be helpful.
It really is like what do Iwant to do and is it helpful to
take these on?
And I'm seeing how some ofthese have been helpful than
(14:36):
other of these it's like ooh,that hasn't been helping me out
too much.
To continue this quote unquotestrength of mine Demonstrates
creativity, is highlyimaginative.
So I mean it's.
It makes me fun for this show,for my books.
I'm great at conversation.
(14:56):
I come up with fun things.
Demonstrates a good fund ofknowledge for his or her age.
So we're getting a hint herethat this might have been a
little copy-paste going on,because this again, this is 1989
.
We were not we were not pronounaware back then.
I was a his and it was yeah, itwas okay to assume I was a his
(15:22):
and it's gonna remain a his backthen.
So I think there was a littlebit of copy-paste going on here.
Well, let's get onto myweaknesses.
So this eight-year-old, thiseight-year-old child, has some
work to do.
This guy, this little fucker,has some things to work on.
All right, with regard to theareas which appear to provide
(15:46):
the greatest difficulty, justinneeds to expand the range of
literature reading.
So apparently, at the age ofeight, my repertoire of fine
literature was not up to par.
So there was no Harry Potter atthis time, there was no
Twilight Saga I don't even knowwhat the fuck the books were at
(16:07):
this time, but apparently I wasnot.
And you know what?
I still don't read a widebreadth of literature.
I mostly like things that arebeneficial in my life, and so
sometimes if there is like astory that is gonna have some
beneficial meaning to me, I liketo like the alchemist, I think
is a good example of a narrativestory that has beneficial
(16:32):
learnings, things like that Ienjoy.
But just fantasy for purefantasy steak Sometimes I would
get into it, but I think I foundit a little escapist.
So, yeah, it's a little gettingto know me and so, yeah, I
don't care that I'm not superinto.
I once felt that I needed toread all of the great books, or
(16:54):
at least I should know about allthe great books.
And then I kind of realized,like most of the great books,
the old books, I don't likereading them.
They're written in funky ways,it's a lot of work and I'd
rather get those stories, thosehuman connections, through other
stories that have beenmodernized.
Let's see more of the weaknessesneeds further opportunities to
(17:16):
practice oral reading, todevelop fluency.
So, apparently, back then Imaybe I didn't read so good out
loud, but I feel like I'm areally good reader now.
You should again check out theaudio book.
I'm reading my own audio bookagain.
I wrote it.
So maybe that's cheating, but Ithink that one that one I'm no
longer we can't needs furtherdevelopment of proof reading
(17:38):
skills.
So, boy, what a waste offucking time that is.
And I think this is somethingthat, yeah, I often had a hard
time Cause I think you know I'mpretty good at proof reading my
own thing, if given a certainamount of time.
But when I read I'm just like Iwanna know what's good info for
(17:59):
me and I'm not there to justcritique the writing style, so
again, I don't care.
Shows a need to be betterorganized of school materials,
needs to develop persistence inorganization to finish long-term
tasks, and it's interestingcause in some ways I'd still
find these to be challenging.
Yet there's ways to work aroundthis.
(18:20):
Like I can have other peoplehelp me out, I found ways to get
me where it's when I'm.
When something's important tosomebody else, I make sure I get
it done.
Let's see.
It's another one.
Evidences behaviors which detergood use of time.
The way I don't even know whatthat means.
That evidence is behaviorswhich deter good use of time.
(18:42):
That's very judgy that I wasdoing.
Things are not a good use oftime.
Let's see.
Lastly, it shows a need tocontinue development of critical
thinking skills, as applies toindependent reading.
I analyze, compare, contrast,evaluate, et cetera, and I think
this is just like I just wantto take stuff in and figure out
(19:02):
is it going to be good for mylife or not?
I'm not going to criticallyevaluate something.
Yeah, it's like either I wantto read it or I don't want to
read it, and that's I think,whereas the school is all about.
Oh well, you're supposed todiscern, analyze, just the thing
of itself, and I think I prefera bigger picture than that.
(19:26):
So we see that there's allthese judgments that were coming
at me back when I was thiseight year old, and the
judgments continued report cardsand assessments and all these
things, and it's almost thethings that I was considered
good at.
I just kept getting good andbetter and I was also reading
(19:48):
some letters of that like Iwrote of my values and things
like that, that like I valuebeing good at things.
If I can't do my best at it,then I'm just not going to do it
.
And I read that and I'm justlike, oh, he's that poor kid,
like not being allowed to beshitty at something just because
he enjoys it or wants to do itor likes it, which is something
(20:11):
I've gotten a lot better atdoing, something that I just
want to do because I want to doit, because I want to enjoy it,
for the fun of it, for the loveof it, and maybe I'm a little
shitty at it because one of thethings that I started doing a
couple months ago was learningthe Glockenspiel.
And the Glockenspiel is it'sthe metal version of a xylophone
, which is a, a struckinstrument that you bang on and
(20:32):
makes beautiful sounds and tonesand be fun to play songs, but
then also just fun to bangaround with for fun.
And you know it's that I wasdoing the lessons and it's like,
yeah, I started out sucking andI'm still not great at it, but
I've gotten better and it's fun.
It's fun and it doesn't matterif I'm not the best by whatever
(20:55):
my, my brain standards are.
It's how does it feel, and Ithink that's what a lot of this
is with regards to judgment isto.
Judgment has no place in yourlife.
The information like, yes,objectively, I do not play as
(21:15):
quickly or as well as someonewho is probably, you know, in a,
in an orchestra, but if I feeljoy when I'm doing it, I should
keep doing it.
If I, if my goal is to play inan orchestra, then it's good
feedback that to notice that Iam not able to play the types of
(21:35):
things in the way that mostother orchestras, xylophone,
glockenspiel players play, thenthat's information for me to go
OK, perhaps I got to practicemore, right?
So judgment really just has hasno place in deciding what you
want to do.
There's the information, butwhat do you?
(21:56):
What do you want it to mean?
That's really what matters.
So like, yeah, I'm, I'm not.
I'm maybe not as organized asother people, maybe that's still
true, but does that mean Ican't do certain activities?
Does that mean I can't run abusiness?
Or does that mean I'm justgoing to run a business
differently?
I'm going to require somebodyelse to help keep me organized,
(22:19):
which I've I've begun to do.
I have had this great executiveassistant that's been working
with me for the last couple ofmonths, and maybe it's three
months now.
It's been flying by, she's,she's phenomenal, she's so
organized and on top of thingsand really helps me stay
organized, which I've beenmentioning.
But also now I feel like, ok, Igot someone who's keep me on
(22:43):
track and I got to make sure Ifinish things.
It's helpful.
So, a lot of this information,it's like, ok, that's not good,
bad, what, just what it is.
And when that judgment comes in, like the fact that we got
these, you know what are theweaknesses and what are the
strengths?
Fuck that, fuck that.
These are just, these are justobservations of Justin.
(23:05):
And then Justin gets to decidewhat he wants to do with that Go
, oh, interesting, ok, so I'mgoing to go to the possibilities
.
And what do I enjoy doing?
What do I want to do?
So maybe, how, based off what Iwant to do, how am I going to
either grow or augment that withthe support of others?
(23:26):
That's what all thisinformation is about.
And when you're getting thejudgment and worried about
because you're not worried aboutwhat other people think, you're
worried about what you think,about what other people think,
because if you don't care aboutwhat other people thought, you
wouldn't care about what otherpeople thought, but the fact
that you care, that you givethem the power, that's what
(23:49):
gives them the power.
You, you ultimately have thepower over the judgment.
You have the power and sinceyou have the power, you can take
that power back and go.
I'm not going to let what otherpeople say about me impact me.
I'm going to do what I want todo.
And now you might be thinkinglike well, that's selfish,
that's selfish to do what I wantto do.
(24:09):
If you're listening to this, ifyou're.
You are not a selfish person.
Not not at all.
I know that.
I know that the people thatfollow me, that listen to me
you're some of the mostkind-hearted, beautiful people,
and that's probably what keepsyou back is you're so scared
that you're going to hurt people.
Yet you're hurting people,because one of the people that
(24:32):
you're hurting the most isyourself.
When you're not doing whatlights you up, when you're not
doing what matters to you,you're killing yourself.
You're killing yourself.
You're probably doing thingsthat are harmful and you're
disappointing yourself, and thenthat is what you're putting out
into your relationships.
That hurt, that pain, thatdisappointment, and people feel
(24:54):
it.
People feel it.
I know I could feel it with myparents that they weren't doing
exactly what they wanted to do.
I just remember thinking like Ijust wish that my mom or dad or
both ideally would just do whatmakes them happy.
I just love them so much, Ijust want to be happy.
So think of that, how youprobably have had that for other
(25:15):
people, and what you do foryourself is what you can do for
other people.
You can give yourself the giftof happiness by being that
example, being that model thatallows you to give that to other
people, that they can then go,be happy, that they can have joy
, that they can have impact inways that light them up, allow
(25:36):
them to give their gifts, togrow in the way they want to
grow.
And so that is why it's soimportant to drop these
judgments about yourself andalso drop it about other people,
because when you're judgingothers, that's really just
judgment about yourself as well.
So anytime you see somebodydoing something you're like,
well, that's dumb, that's silly,that's not good, there's
(26:01):
probably a little bit of likeyou might want to do that.
And how are you going to do it?
If that's dumb or that's sillyor that's wrong, yeah, so you
can just go like that's just notsomething that interests me at
this point, that's just notsomething for me right now,
because you could change.
There are lots of things whereit's like, yeah, that's not for
(26:22):
me right now, but in the futureit might be just the right thing
at the right time.
So with that I'm going to wrapthis show up.
I'm so glad to be back fordoing these shows.
Again, encourage you to get theaudiobook engineer2lovecom for
all the links of places whereyou can get it and, of course,
(26:43):
the print and the ebook are alsostill available.
Highly recommend that.
And find me on the socialmedias JustinWinkPhD on TikTok,
instagram, linkedin, facebookyeah, find me there.
And, of course, podcast atJustinWinkcom.
And if you want to contact meabout ideas for the show or if
(27:09):
you want to work with me, Idefinitely have some things in
the works, coming up for groupprograms, but also I do have a
couple of slots for doingone-on-one coaching.
So do reach out to find outabout if that could work for you
.
Because, again, I'm not foreverybody and I like it that way
.
I like I don't need to be acoach for everybody.
I am not Tony Robbins.
(27:29):
My head is much smaller.
My voice is different, yeah, soI'm very happy to be me and to
not be Tony Robbins.
So I am not the coach foreverybody, but if I am a good
match, like fuck you're gonnajust your life's gonna be so
much better, much quickly, likeI don't waste time.
(27:52):
So with that, I thank you andgood day.
Welcome to the show.
Today, I'm talking aboutgetting over judgment, judgment
about yourself, fear of othersjudging you and worrying about
is it good enough?
Is it too good?
Can people handle it?
Do people want it?
Are you good enough?
What are people's thoughtsabout you?
Because I'm here to tell youyou've been judged your entire
(00:28):
life and it's not going to stop.
It's never going to stop.
If you're waiting for the daythat no one's going to judge you
, that everyone out there isgoing to accept you, that day
will never come.
You are going to be waitinguntil you're in the grave.
So I'm going to go over.
Actually, it was yesterday.
(00:51):
I went through a couple boxesof stuff that was sent to me
from my dad.
I found some gold in theseboxes of things from when I was
a child.
I chose how, even at a veryyoung age, I was being judged.
So I'm going to dive into that.
Talk about that, so that youcan get over your fear of being
(01:14):
judged and you can get ontodoing what the fuck you really
want to be doing, what reallylights you up, what matters,
what you're destined to be doingon this planet with your time
here.
So before that, though, I'mhappy to be back in the US.
The previous four podcasts, Ithink it's well, maybe it's even
(01:36):
five.
I did five remote podcastswhile I was traveling around
Central America.
So I believe I did two in CostaRica, one in Guatemala and then
I believe I did two more inTulum, mexico.
So I'm back on the Pacificcoast here in California, near
San Francisco.
It's so good to be back nearthe ocean.
(01:56):
It's cool, even though mostparts of the country of the US
it's the hottest part of thesummer.
Where I live, today it's sunnyand warm, but yesterday it was
nice, cloudy, just refreshing.
And yesterday I also had anopportunity to go do a little
community service.
(02:17):
A friend of mine had done this.
He's really into going helpingout the community.
I'm so grateful to have afriend like him.
But he was like hey, going tobe doing this street cleanup and
it's a lot of fun.
You're cleaning up the streetsof San Francisco, making it a
little bit a better place, andthen you get to meet people and
(02:37):
then they give you coupons andthings so you can have fun to go
try some places maybe youwouldn't try out before and a
lot of people watch the news andthat's all they know about San
Francisco that, oh, it's doom,it's going to be the next
Detroit, that it's going to beawful, and yeah, there's some
people living in some conditionsthat I wouldn't choose.
(02:59):
I wouldn't want anyone I careabout to live in these
conditions.
Yet it's not everywhere.
All over San Francisco there'sneighborhoods that are fantastic
to be with.
It reminds me very much of myexperience in Tulum, where I'm
in a nice, luxurious, basicallycondo where I'm staying and just
(03:22):
right next to dirt roads, withgarbage on it, and people live
in places that they put upquickly with found materials and
just different people livingdifferent lives.
And the question is, what kindof life do you want to lead?
Do you want to be leading alife where you're living how you
want and you're being a part ofenabling others to live a life
(03:45):
that they want?
Or are you focusing on what'swrong?
Because if you're focusing onwhat's wrong, you're probably
just going to get more of thesame, because really you get in
your life what you place yourattention.
So if you're worried aboutthings going wrong, things being
bad, I would be surprised ifthings are going really great
for you.
So it was a great experience.
(04:06):
I mean, again, it's not easy,because they instruct you that
there are three things you'renot supposed to be picking up
Avoid glass, avoid needles andavoid poop.
So that's and definitelyencountered some of all three.
Yet it's great to be workingwith others and to see how clean
(04:29):
the streets are afterwards andgoing like you know what made a
little bit of a difference.
The streets now feel a littlebit better and maybe that
impacts other people and theyfeel better and they're going to
do a little bit better.
Right, and at the very least,I'm feeling better and here
talking about how I could feelbetter.
(04:51):
So you could feel better.
So it was like a really goodexperience and that's some great
people and some of them mighteven be helping out with the
book which I'm recording this.
We're launching the audiobooktoday, so you know it will have
been available.
So still, it's still available,even when you listen to.
(05:12):
This doesn't matter if you'relistening to this years later.
Engineer2lovedcom will have allthe links, but it's on Audible,
apple Books, google Play Booksand Audiobookscom.
So just look up Engineer2Loveby Justin Wink, phd, and you can
get the audiobooks.
Now you can listen to the greatstories, the great.
(05:33):
What's great about my book?
I have great exercises.
I have great relaxationtechniques.
All these are narrated by me.
So if you're just like I can'tread how to do a breathing
exercise, I want someone to tellme how to do it.
It's in the book.
I tell you here's how you do it, and you just got to follow
along.
It's fantastic.
It really is.
It really turned out well andthere's even bonus stuff in
(05:54):
there that isn't in the book,because it's like as I'm going
through reading, I'm like add alittle extra flavor, a little
extra little something,something for you to enjoy.
So do encourage you to go getthat, because, yeah, it's great.
People have been loving it.
I still get people saying like,oh my gosh, I just was.
You know somebody who's anearly listener that I met on my
(06:16):
trip.
She was just telling me I justlistened to the I Love Myself
meditation in your audiobook.
It was fantastic.
Thank you so much.
So I want you to be able toenjoy that and, you know,
forward it along to a friend.
Let somebody else know.
Maybe you're a coworker, maybeyou have a team and you would
like them to have more clarityon what makes them feel alive,
what makes them feel likethey're doing what matters,
(06:37):
because if they're doing whatmatters on your team, that's a
way more effective, moreenjoyable team to work with and
they're going to be doing greatthings for you.
So that let's get into the mainthing about judgment being
judged of like you know what,what are you good at, what you
know and what do you need towork on?
Like what could you be improved?
(06:58):
And as I was going through thethings that were sent, so
there's, there's like a pillowthat had my birth certificate on
it, you know, signed by thedoctor.
There was pictures all the wayup through college.
In there there was, you know,knickknacks from when I
graduated from my undergrad CalPoly Salad with a BISPO and my
(07:20):
PhD program at UC Davis.
But some of the things that weremore interesting were some of
these things from my elementaryschool days, and one of the
things I found was a reportabout about myself when I was in
the third grade, from my thirdgrade teacher, mr Edmonds, who I
remember that he he had amustache and he would play
(07:43):
guitar, so he'd have littlebreaks playing I don't know,
kind of folk song type stuff,like I think he'd sing like.
So you know, john, if I had ahammer I'd swing it in the
daytime, I'd swing it in theevening, songs like that he
would.
He would sing, it was like thetreat for learning or something
like that.
But it's, you know, I'm I'mvideotaping this, so maybe at
(08:08):
some point I'll get the videosof these on YouTube.
But yeah, he wrote this.
I think it was probably writtenusing a word processor, and so
many of you know that you writeon a computer nowadays and that
in the olden times people wroteusing typewriters.
(08:30):
There is an in between periodwhere there are these things
called word processors.
That were not quite computers,but they were more advanced than
typewriters.
Because what what this has iseach the three pages and the
pages do have like like headers,like it has headers that are
the same on each page, and I'mthinking that it probably wasn't
(08:55):
a typewriter.
But this is dated November 8th1989.
Well before a school teacherwould have a computer computer.
They would have been thousandsof dollars then, which, since
inflation adjusted, it wouldhave been like six grand.
Nobody had a computer back then.
I think I had a friend that hada computer, but his dad was an
(09:18):
engineer and all that sort ofstuff.
This is titled StudentIndividual Education Plan, the
reason I'm going to be goingthrough this is because it's got
judgments about me.
We're going to see whatresonates true and what maybe is
(09:39):
not so true or what have Iallowed to be true.
I want you to be thinking ofjudgments you have about
yourself, about yourcapabilities, about who you are,
about what you like, what youdon't like, what you're not good
at, and start going back.
How do you know that that'strue?
How do you know that you maybearen't so good at math?
How do you know that?
(09:59):
Maybe you're not the mostorganized person?
Was that put upon you?
Have you just allowed that tobe true?
Maybe there's just some thingsthat you just don't like.
Maybe you could be good but youjust don't like.
We're going to go through.
Remember, I am eight years old.
(10:21):
This is judgments on aneight-year-old.
This is me at eight.
I'm showing a little picture inthe video.
If you go to JustinWinkcom,we'll make sure you get this
picture up on the blog postgoing with us.
I'll probably make sure it'sincluded in the social media
(10:41):
postings for this.
This little chubby, derpyeight-year-old missing a couple
front teeth this is adultshaving judgment.
Relative strengths.
We're starting off with.
What are the strengths of thiseight-year-old With regard to
(11:04):
the areas which appear to bemost outstanding at this time.
Justin, I like how it'squalified that it's at this
particular time that this couldall turn to shit in the future,
or maybe it wasn't true At thistime.
These were Justin's strengths.
I am will be.
(11:24):
Justin Demonstrates advancedmath skills.
I did go on to get a PhD inelectrical engineering, which
does require a lot of mathskills calculus, differential
equations, geometry, all sortsof that stuff.
Boy, did I run with that?
Enjoy learning to an unusualdegree.
(11:46):
So it's like a judgment on ajudgment of a.
So I don't know what it is andI still do.
I like to learn, I like to grow.
I've taken that on.
I still find that useful,willingly approaches challenging
and complex material.
Boy, I've been working onactually maybe letting this go
(12:08):
on, that things don't have to beso challenging or so
complicated.
But one of my things has beenthat a lot of things are simple.
They just might be challengethat require effort to have
happen as we go forward.
So maybe that's a littleunfortunate that I took that on,
that I like challenge, that Ilike complex things, cause I
(12:29):
still I'm still doing it.
Even just this coaching careeris challenging.
It's challenging but it's soworth it.
It's so worth it Cause I got to.
Since, being back, I did get todo a session with one of my
clients and he's just doingphenomenal.
Just, he's just loving his life.
He's the relationship with hiswife is great.
He's just having such an easiertime when challenges come up at
(12:50):
work.
So I'm just very, very happyand that's that's the type of
results of why I do what I do.
Demonstrates unusual insightduring discussions.
So even as an eight year old,apparently, I was phenomenal at
noticing patterns, havingperspective, insights, things
like that, which is this this iswhat makes me a phenomenal
(13:10):
coach, phenomenal author,phenomenal podcaster.
That's why it's probably whyyou like to listen, probably why
you like to hear me, and Iwould encourage you.
If you want to get even more ofthat work with me, reach out,
let's see what else is, whatelse was good about eight year
old.
Eight year old JustinDemonstrates rapid insight into
(13:30):
cause, effect, relationships,determines underlying principles
, and this I've learned lately.
It can be a little bit of adouble edged sort of that.
Since I was always able so toeasily figure out what was going
on, why things were working,this has become a little bit of
a crutch or a challenge of likeneeding to know what's going on,
(13:53):
why things are the way they areand sometimes things just are
or it's a waste of time tofigure out why it's going on,
it's an illusion of control toknow, like, well, this person
has this history, this personhas that history, this is how
they got to this and this is whythings are.
Sometimes things just are andit's do I want to?
(14:14):
Does that help or not?
If not, maybe I don't need toknow the details and then move
on with my life.
So again, these judgments thatpeople have put onto us, that we
have about ourselves, that theymay or may not be helpful.
It really is like what do Iwant to do and is it helpful to
take these on?
And I'm seeing how some ofthese have been helpful than
(14:36):
other of these it's like ooh,that hasn't been helping me out
too much.
To continue this quote unquotestrength of mine Demonstrates
creativity, is highlyimaginative.
So I mean it's.
It makes me fun for this show,for my books.
I'm great at conversation.
(14:56):
I come up with fun things.
Demonstrates a good fund ofknowledge for his or her age.
So we're getting a hint herethat this might have been a
little copy-paste going on,because this again, this is 1989
.
We were not we were not pronounaware back then.
I was a his and it was yeah, itwas okay to assume I was a his
(15:22):
and it's gonna remain a his backthen.
So I think there was a littlebit of copy-paste going on here.
Well, let's get onto myweaknesses.
So this eight-year-old, thiseight-year-old child, has some
work to do.
This guy, this little fucker,has some things to work on.
All right, with regard to theareas which appear to provide
(15:46):
the greatest difficulty, justinneeds to expand the range of
literature reading.
So apparently, at the age ofeight, my repertoire of fine
literature was not up to par.
So there was no Harry Potter atthis time, there was no
Twilight Saga I don't even knowwhat the fuck the books were at
(16:07):
this time, but apparently I wasnot.
And you know what?
I still don't read a widebreadth of literature.
I mostly like things that arebeneficial in my life, and so
sometimes if there is like astory that is gonna have some
beneficial meaning to me, I liketo like the alchemist, I think
is a good example of a narrativestory that has beneficial
(16:32):
learnings, things like that Ienjoy.
But just fantasy for purefantasy steak Sometimes I would
get into it, but I think I foundit a little escapist.
So, yeah, it's a little gettingto know me and so, yeah, I
don't care that I'm not superinto.
I once felt that I needed toread all of the great books, or
(16:54):
at least I should know about allthe great books.
And then I kind of realized,like most of the great books,
the old books, I don't likereading them.
They're written in funky ways,it's a lot of work and I'd
rather get those stories, thosehuman connections, through other
stories that have beenmodernized.
Let's see more of the weaknessesneeds further opportunities to
(17:16):
practice oral reading, todevelop fluency.
So, apparently, back then Imaybe I didn't read so good out
loud, but I feel like I'm areally good reader now.
You should again check out theaudio book.
I'm reading my own audio bookagain.
I wrote it.
So maybe that's cheating, but Ithink that one that one I'm no
longer we can't needs furtherdevelopment of proof reading
(17:38):
skills.
So, boy, what a waste offucking time that is.
And I think this is somethingthat, yeah, I often had a hard
time Cause I think you know I'mpretty good at proof reading my
own thing, if given a certainamount of time.
But when I read I'm just like Iwanna know what's good info for
(17:59):
me and I'm not there to justcritique the writing style, so
again, I don't care.
Shows a need to be betterorganized of school materials,
needs to develop persistence inorganization to finish long-term
tasks, and it's interestingcause in some ways I'd still
find these to be challenging.
Yet there's ways to work aroundthis.
(18:20):
Like I can have other peoplehelp me out, I found ways to get
me where it's when I'm.
When something's important tosomebody else, I make sure I get
it done.
Let's see.
It's another one.
Evidences behaviors which detergood use of time.
The way I don't even know whatthat means.
That evidence is behaviorswhich deter good use of time.
(18:42):
That's very judgy that I wasdoing.
Things are not a good use oftime.
Let's see.
Lastly, it shows a need tocontinue development of critical
thinking skills, as applies toindependent reading.
I analyze, compare, contrast,evaluate, et cetera, and I think
this is just like I just wantto take stuff in and figure out
(19:02):
is it going to be good for mylife or not?
I'm not going to criticallyevaluate something.
Yeah, it's like either I wantto read it or I don't want to
read it, and that's I think,whereas the school is all about.
Oh well, you're supposed todiscern, analyze, just the thing
of itself, and I think I prefera bigger picture than that.
(19:26):
So we see that there's allthese judgments that were coming
at me back when I was thiseight year old, and the
judgments continued report cardsand assessments and all these
things, and it's almost thethings that I was considered
good at.
I just kept getting good andbetter and I was also reading
(19:48):
some letters of that like Iwrote of my values and things
like that, that like I valuebeing good at things.
If I can't do my best at it,then I'm just not going to do it
.
And I read that and I'm justlike, oh, he's that poor kid,
like not being allowed to beshitty at something just because
he enjoys it or wants to do itor likes it, which is something
(20:11):
I've gotten a lot better atdoing, something that I just
want to do because I want to doit, because I want to enjoy it,
for the fun of it, for the loveof it, and maybe I'm a little
shitty at it because one of thethings that I started doing a
couple months ago was learningthe Glockenspiel.
And the Glockenspiel is it'sthe metal version of a xylophone
, which is a, a struckinstrument that you bang on and
(20:32):
makes beautiful sounds and tonesand be fun to play songs, but
then also just fun to bangaround with for fun.
And you know it's that I wasdoing the lessons and it's like,
yeah, I started out sucking andI'm still not great at it, but
I've gotten better and it's fun.
It's fun and it doesn't matterif I'm not the best by whatever
(20:55):
my, my brain standards are.
It's how does it feel, and Ithink that's what a lot of this
is with regards to judgment isto.
Judgment has no place in yourlife.
The information like, yes,objectively, I do not play as
(21:15):
quickly or as well as someonewho is probably, you know, in a,
in an orchestra, but if I feeljoy when I'm doing it, I should
keep doing it.
If I, if my goal is to play inan orchestra, then it's good
feedback that to notice that Iam not able to play the types of
(21:35):
things in the way that mostother orchestras, xylophone,
glockenspiel players play, thenthat's information for me to go
OK, perhaps I got to practicemore, right?
So judgment really just has hasno place in deciding what you
want to do.
There's the information, butwhat do you?
(21:56):
What do you want it to mean?
That's really what matters.
So like, yeah, I'm, I'm not.
I'm maybe not as organized asother people, maybe that's still
true, but does that mean Ican't do certain activities?
Does that mean I can't run abusiness?
Or does that mean I'm justgoing to run a business
differently?
I'm going to require somebodyelse to help keep me organized,
(22:19):
which I've I've begun to do.
I have had this great executiveassistant that's been working
with me for the last couple ofmonths, and maybe it's three
months now.
It's been flying by, she's,she's phenomenal, she's so
organized and on top of thingsand really helps me stay
organized, which I've beenmentioning.
But also now I feel like, ok, Igot someone who's keep me on
(22:43):
track and I got to make sure Ifinish things.
It's helpful.
So, a lot of this information,it's like, ok, that's not good,
bad, what, just what it is.
And when that judgment comes in, like the fact that we got
these, you know what are theweaknesses and what are the
strengths?
Fuck that, fuck that.
These are just, these are justobservations of Justin.
(23:05):
And then Justin gets to decidewhat he wants to do with that Go
, oh, interesting, ok, so I'mgoing to go to the possibilities
.
And what do I enjoy doing?
What do I want to do?
So maybe, how, based off what Iwant to do, how am I going to
either grow or augment that withthe support of others?
(23:26):
That's what all thisinformation is about.
And when you're getting thejudgment and worried about
because you're not worried aboutwhat other people think, you're
worried about what you think,about what other people think,
because if you don't care aboutwhat other people thought, you
wouldn't care about what otherpeople thought, but the fact
that you care, that you givethem the power, that's what
(23:49):
gives them the power.
You, you ultimately have thepower over the judgment.
You have the power and sinceyou have the power, you can take
that power back and go.
I'm not going to let what otherpeople say about me impact me.
I'm going to do what I want todo.
And now you might be thinkinglike well, that's selfish,
that's selfish to do what I wantto do.
(24:09):
If you're listening to this, ifyou're.
You are not a selfish person.
Not not at all.
I know that.
I know that the people thatfollow me, that listen to me
you're some of the mostkind-hearted, beautiful people,
and that's probably what keepsyou back is you're so scared
that you're going to hurt people.
Yet you're hurting people,because one of the people that
(24:32):
you're hurting the most isyourself.
When you're not doing whatlights you up, when you're not
doing what matters to you,you're killing yourself.
You're killing yourself.
You're probably doing thingsthat are harmful and you're
disappointing yourself, and thenthat is what you're putting out
into your relationships.
That hurt, that pain, thatdisappointment, and people feel
(24:54):
it.
People feel it.
I know I could feel it with myparents that they weren't doing
exactly what they wanted to do.
I just remember thinking like Ijust wish that my mom or dad or
both ideally would just do whatmakes them happy.
I just love them so much, Ijust want to be happy.
So think of that, how youprobably have had that for other
(25:15):
people, and what you do foryourself is what you can do for
other people.
You can give yourself the giftof happiness by being that
example, being that model thatallows you to give that to other
people, that they can then go,be happy, that they can have joy
, that they can have impact inways that light them up, allow
(25:36):
them to give their gifts, togrow in the way they want to
grow.
And so that is why it's soimportant to drop these
judgments about yourself andalso drop it about other people,
because when you're judgingothers, that's really just
judgment about yourself as well.
So anytime you see somebodydoing something you're like,
well, that's dumb, that's silly,that's not good, there's
(26:01):
probably a little bit of likeyou might want to do that.
And how are you going to do it?
If that's dumb or that's sillyor that's wrong, yeah, so you
can just go like that's just notsomething that interests me at
this point, that's just notsomething for me right now,
because you could change.
There are lots of things whereit's like, yeah, that's not for
(26:22):
me right now, but in the futureit might be just the right thing
at the right time.
So with that I'm going to wrapthis show up.
I'm so glad to be back fordoing these shows.
Again, encourage you to get theaudiobook engineer2lovecom for
all the links of places whereyou can get it and, of course,
(26:43):
the print and the ebook are alsostill available.
Highly recommend that.
And find me on the socialmedias JustinWinkPhD on TikTok,
instagram, linkedin, facebookyeah, find me there.
And, of course, podcast atJustinWinkcom.
And if you want to contact meabout ideas for the show or if
(27:09):
you want to work with me, Idefinitely have some things in
the works, coming up for groupprograms, but also I do have a
couple of slots for doingone-on-one coaching.
So do reach out to find outabout if that could work for you
.
Because, again, I'm not foreverybody and I like it that way
.
I like I don't need to be acoach for everybody.
I am not Tony Robbins.
(27:29):
My head is much smaller.
My voice is different, yeah, soI'm very happy to be me and to
not be Tony Robbins.
So I am not the coach foreverybody, but if I am a good
match, like fuck you're gonnajust your life's gonna be so
much better, much quickly, likeI don't waste time.
(27:52):
So with that, I thank you andgood day.
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