February 20, 2024 • 39 mins
Welcome back to The Femme Cast, where we dive deep into the transformative power of radical self-love and relationships. Today's episode is a game-changer, as we explore the 5 reasons why embracing radical self-love is the key to magnetizing healthy, loving relationships.
But before we unravel these profound insights, let me ask you this:
- Have you ever found yourself settling in relationships?
- Are you constantly prioritizing your partner's needs over your own?
- Do you struggle to feel loved and supported in your current relationships?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you're gonna wanna pay attention.
In this episode, we journey through my personal evolution, reflecting on the profound impact of radical self-love over the past 10 years. From the challenges of a past relationship, where caregiving led to burnout, to the realization that self-love was the missing ingredient, we explore the transformative power of putting yourself first.
Ready to embark on this journey of self-discovery and magnetic love? Tune in to The Femme Cast now and start rewriting the narrative of your relationships.
Let's do this.
Are you ready to create a massive uplevel in your life and relationships? If so, use the link below to book your 90-minute Uplevel + Flow Intensive. This is a powerful 90-minute session where we go deep to energetically shift one relationship pattern you are ready to break free from, so you can magnetize more loving and supportive relationships without the chase...just flow!
https://thefemmecast.com/uplevel-and-flow-intensive
Are you ready to begin your heart healing journey today and manifest the love that you desire? If so, use the link below to register for my Uplevel + Flow Meditation Series . A 3 part series designed to help you heal from heartbreak and manifest love you've always wanted, but never thought you would find.
https://thefemmecast.ck.page/meditations
Are you ready to rewrite your love story + glow from the inside out as you become a magnet for the love you've always known you deserved? If so, use the link below to register for my 21 Day Radical Self-Love Challenge.
https://thefemmecast.ck.page/21daychallenge
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey you guys, what is up and welcome back to the show
.
I am so excited and grateful tohave you here.
It has been a minute since I'vedone a recording.
It took me a while to get myvoice back proper.
After COVID I just keptsounding congested for like what
felt like an eternity.
But and we had the radical selflove 21 day challenge, which
(00:21):
was absolutely amazing.
So we did the live version onmy Instagram in the last three
weeks.
If you didn't get a chance totune in for that, you can still
grab it and have it sent rightto your inbox.
The details are all below thisepisode, so, without further ado
, today kind of came as aninspiration, just kind of
(00:44):
reflecting on the last threeweeks of the 21 day radical self
love challenge and alsoreflecting on the fact that my
50th birthday is coming up.
You guys, what the fuck?
How did that even happen?
I don't even know where thetime went, but we've been in
conversation with family andfriends trying to plan my 50th
(01:08):
and trying to figure out whatwe're gonna do Nothing big or
major, but just kind of gettingeveryone together to celebrate
right.
And I was reflecting like, wow,it's been 10 years that I've
been on this crazy ass journeyand then I was reflecting back
on, like through my 40s and my30s and there's such a pattern
(01:31):
there Like it's so crazy when Ithink about it.
So I probably spent the greaterpart like.
I spent my 20s looking for MrRight, I spent my 30s trying to
make it work with Mr Wrong andthen I spent my 40s trying to
undo all the emotional damagethat I sustained the previous
(01:52):
two decades.
So that covers my 20s, my 30sand my 40s.
My 50s, I dare you, I cannot befucked with.
And I'm coming into 50 withthat attitude.
Not fuckable, just cannot befucked with.
But yeah, no, very interesting.
(02:13):
It literally each went toKedekke you guys Talk about like
I'm Sametaurus, right, mybirthday's coming up, my
birthday's coming up, and toApril, we don't quit, we just
don't.
Like you can give me like allthe red flags in the world past
tense, right.
This was like in my old days,you could give me all the red
flags and I would still chargeat it like a fucking bowl.
(02:35):
I sent my friend who's also aTaurus, by the way he's amazing.
You probably've seen him on mysocials but I sent him a meme
with like all like the red flags, right, and it's like I don't
know which country this is, butI know I've dated guys from that
country before.
It's so true, but anyways, okay, so sorry, I digress Today's.
(02:58):
The four reasons why radicalself-love is the key to
magnetizing healthy, lovingrelationships.
This is basically this is mylife's work.
You guys Like I don't keep liketalking about this shit because
you know I think it's fun.
It is, it is fun, but likeliterally, like I've spent like
(03:22):
the last like 30 years reallymastering some of these skills,
tips and techniques that I sharewith you guys, and I've done it
all wrong for so long and ittook me so long to actually
start to learn how to do thingsright.
So everything that I'm sharingwith you comes from a space of
(03:44):
what I've learned, what I'veexperienced, what I've felt,
what I've struggled with.
There is no like nothing here.
There's no fluff here.
Like I give it to you as it isright and that, and I will
always tell you guys too, like,take what resonates and leave
the rest.
Not everything I say will befor you and that's totally okay.
(04:05):
So please bear that in mind andanytime you're listening to
anybody, please take it with agreat assault.
Take what applies, leave therest all right.
Okay, so this episode istotally for you If you're not
feeling loved or supported inyour relationships, if you're
not feeling the love in yourcurrent relationship, if you're
struggling to call in ormagnetize loving and supportive
(04:27):
relationships, orself-confidence has just been a
struggle for you, when you'reconstantly prioritizing your
partner's needs above your ownin the hopes that they will one
day do the same.
We all know how that story goes.
You guys Been there, done that,don't wanna go back.
Okay, so we're gonna backtrackjust a little bit, right, many,
(04:48):
many years ago, I was in along-term relationship and at
the time we were what I thought,but we weren't.
I was, I thought, we were verydevoted to one another.
I was very devoted to him.
I don't think he was as devotedto me as I was to him, to be
flat out honest.
But literally, when I tell youthat the son came up, what's
(05:14):
that saying?
The son came up and sat withthis guy, like, literally, this
man was my life and I would havetrusted him.
I would have trusted him withmy life actually.
So when things went sour, I wasshocked.
But before we even got there,before we even get to that part
of the story.
There was one period where hegot really sick and he was under
(05:40):
some very intensive treatmentand was going through like to
say the word difficult time isan understatement.
It was a very difficult timefor him emotionally.
It was a difficult time for himphysically.
It was a difficult time for himmentally and when I look back
and I think to what we weregoing to in that time, he didn't
(06:05):
even have the strength to openup a bottle of water on his own
for a long period of time.
It was very hard and to seesomeone that you love kind of in
that state anybody would wantto take care of their loved one
when you see them in that kindof situation.
(06:27):
The problem there was I wasputting all my energy and focus
into taking care of him.
I wasn't taking care of myselfat all.
I was going to work at likefive o'clock in the morning and
working until like 12.
So I was putting in a full daybefore lunch and then I would
(06:49):
come home, take care of him andthen go back on the laptop
towards the end of the day tojust answer emails that came in
before five and take addressanything else that needed to be
addressed before the end of theday.
So like I was just runningmyself ragged trying to take
care of him, and not resentfullyand not with any like I was
(07:11):
happy to do this.
The problem was is that Istarted to struggle.
I wasn't sleeping, my jointswere hurting, I was putting on
weight, I was struggling withinflammation, I was dergied with
migraines.
I was feeling so run down andburnt out, trying to be a full
(07:34):
time caregiver and a full timeemployee at the time and still
trying to take care of our homeand do the normal things that I
normally did and spend time withfamily.
I was in extreme burnout, but Iobviously didn't want to show
him that I was in extremeburnout because he was going
through so much and I wanted himto believe that I was fine and
(07:57):
that he didn't have to feel likehe was burdening me in any way,
because I really did not wantthat.
That was the last thing in theworld that I wanted.
Lo and behold, you know he gotbetter and we came out of that
period and we were obviouslylike super grateful and really
just counting our blessings thathe got through that and was
(08:20):
able to kind of come out on theother side and it was a really
good feeling and it was afeeling of, okay, let's start
our lives now, let's put allthat behind us and let's start
from scratch.
And we had issues in ourrelationships long before that
happened to the point where italmost you know, it almost
(08:46):
ruined the relationship.
I think in a way this situationwith his health sort of saved
us for a little while longer.
It sort of prolonged therelationship.
It kind of kept the lifelinegoing, you know, because I
wanted to take care of him inhis time of need.
But as the sickness kind offaded into the background and,
(09:07):
you know, life started to goback to normal, I realized the
problems that were there beforethe sickness were still there,
like we were still wildlydisconnected.
I was still feeling completelyrejected and unloved and
unsupported in any way.
We were totally distant.
We had zero intimacy in ourrelationship and I mean mentally
(09:31):
, emotionally, physically, likein every possible way.
We were like two strangersbasically living side by side,
or we're like two roommates, youknow, and I do believe he saw
how, I do believe he witnessedhow much I did for him while he
(09:52):
was sick.
I don't when I think back tothe time after, it was almost
like it almost felt like it justgot swept under the rug.
Okay, yeah, thank you, Iappreciate everything that you
did for me.
I'm going to go home with mylife now and continue.
You know the way we used to dothings before, which was not
(10:12):
healthy at all and wasn't happy,certainly wasn't the kind of
you know relationship thateither I don't think you know
either one of us really wanted.
At the end of the day, it wasvery distant and very
unfulfilling.
And you know, I felt myself inthis situation where, you know,
as a people pleaser and as anovergiver.
(10:34):
Oh, maybe I'm, maybe you know,maybe now that he's better,
maybe I'm not giving enough,maybe I need to give more.
So I continued to try to givein the hopes that he would one
day realize how much I, how muchI do give to him and to the
relationship.
But the more I gave, it waslike the more I gave, the more
(10:55):
rejected and unloved andunsupported I felt.
And then that's when theresentment started to kick in.
Y'all like full on resentment,because now I'm not only now,
it's like.
Now it's like all theresentment before the sickness
is coming back.
Plus, now I'm like resentfulthat I just spent the last year
or two years of my life caringfor somebody who, I'm realizing,
(11:18):
probably wouldn't do the samefor me if I ever needed that he
flat outside it one day.
And you know, and now it's justthis pool of boiling pot of
resentment just starts emerginginto my energy, like it was.
(11:40):
I mean, I could feel it, it was.
I couldn't even stand to bearound myself at this point.
There was so much resentmentkicking up from beneath the
surface and I'm pretty sure youknow people around us probably
starting to notice it toobecause I was just so angry.
I was angry, I was done, I wasfed up.
I was done with feeling therejection, feeling unloved,
(12:01):
feeling unsupported.
I was done with everything thatI'd given and not receiving in
return and basically made tofeel like, yeah, thank you for
everything that you did, butplease don't ever expect that
from me kind of an attitude.
And there was a lot of hurt.
There was a lot of hurt.
I mean, there was a lot ofother things that were going on,
(12:22):
aside from everything thatwe're talking about here.
But you know, when I look backat how awful that felt and how
empty that felt, like I thinkthat was probably one of my
lowest moments, you know, toknow that we've gotten through
something so difficult, sotrying, and on the other end
(12:45):
we're still so wildlydisconnected, like it was crazy.
But you know, in thiscircumstance, you know there
really was a blessing and thiswas the beginning of my undoing.
Really, it started.
You started to see the effects,the long-term effects, y'all,
(13:07):
because this has been going onfor a long time.
You were starting to see theeffects of what my not loving
myself at all and my constantself-abandoning was doing to me.
And not only that.
Not only was it doing to melike to my own mental, physical,
(13:27):
emotional body, but it was alsobeing mirrored back to me in
the relationships around me.
Right, I strongly believe ifyou've ever worked with me, you
know we do a lot of this work onrelationship mirrors and what
your relationships are mirroringto you and how that's
reflective of your internalrelationship.
My relationships were basicallyshowing me that you know I
(13:48):
wasn't taking care of me, so myrelationships weren't taking.
If I'm not taking care ofmyself, my relationships aren't
going to take care of me.
If I'm not supporting myself,my relationships aren't going to
support me If I am like full onrejecting myself, my
relationships are going toreject me.
And that's basically what thisrelationship was showing me.
It was showing me all the waysthat I was self-abandoning,
(14:09):
self-rejecting and not lovingmyself, and that's why I was
feeling like that in thisrelationship.
And so my resentment and myanger although, yeah, you know
what, in many respects probablyjustifiable, in many ways not
(14:30):
but at the end of the day it wasa waste, because what the
reality was is that I needed tochange how I loved and showed up
for myself.
And so literally spending thelast 10 years like trying to
like what's the word?
I'm like mastery, matter ofmastery is the word I want to
(14:52):
use here.
I don't know, I'm probably asclose to mastery as I can
provide, that I've probablygotten but literally trying to
perfect this radical self-loveexperience that I've cultivated
(15:13):
and learning the ins and outsand how it's applicable in all
of these different relationshiptypes and how it can transform a
relationship.
And so I needed to love andtake care of myself first, and
this went against everything asa people pleaser, as a caregiver
(15:39):
, as a co-dependent right.
Putting taking care of myself,loving myself and putting myself
in my needs first went againsteverything I believed in, and so
that's why it probably took meso long to really master the art
of doing that right.
And again, I say mastery becauseI've learned a lot of
(16:04):
techniques along the way to helpme to do this, but that's not
to say that I do it a hundredpercent at the time.
I guess that's a distinctionthat I want to make.
I still fall back into oldpatterns sometimes, and it's one
of these things where it's likeI'm aware of it, I'm present
with it, I know that it's thereand I manage it to the best of
my abilities.
I guess that's the best way toput it right.
(16:25):
So to me that is mastery,because we're never going to be
a hundred percent perfect ahundred percent of the time,
like we always.
Just, we're always just doingthe best that we can.
But I have learned what worksand what doesn't for me, and
that's a lot of what I sharewith you guys on an ongoing
basis.
So on an ongoing basis, god,one day I'm going to get an
(16:47):
editor, so you guys won't hearall these little bloopers that I
put out there, but anyway.
So this work took me ten years,literally ten years of mastering
the art of radical self-love sothat I could finally start to
attract healthy, loving andsupportive relationships into my
life.
Okay, and obviously you knowanyone of my podcasts.
(17:10):
Come to my Instagram, take the21-day challenge, like so much
information is there for you ifyou want to dive into what this
radical self-love, you know,actually looks like.
Right, but the benefits I wantto talk about the benefits.
So if you're somebody who'sreally struggling to put
yourself first, or you don'tthink self-love is that
(17:31):
important, or maybe you do thinkit's important but you're
thinking, hmm, yeah, but I'll doit later, don't?
Maybe that's what I should havestarted with?
Gosh, darn it, I need to reworkthat somehow.
I probably won't be able to,but anyway, that was my elbow,
sorry.
So, number one it sets the tonefor how others will treat you.
(17:56):
Okay, when you are masteringthe art of radical self-love and
putting yourself first andmeeting your needs and making
sure that you are taking care ofand that you have everything
that you need and that you'rereally, truly and I mean truly
loving and accepting yourself,and that means even the stuff
that maybe you don't like thatmuch.
(18:17):
That is setting the tone forhow others are going to treat
you Because, again, you know,your relationships are always a
mirror reflection for therelationship that you have with
yourself.
So, when you are lovingyourself, when you are
supporting yourself, when youare making your needs a priority
, when you are loving yourselfunconditionally, even though,
(18:41):
honey, you know, at 50, parts ofyour body start to look a lot
different than they did when youwere in your 20s, okay, things
start to move, things shift,things are in places they
weren't before and aren't inplaces that they were.
Okay, life happens.
(19:01):
There's uncomfortable emotionswe don't want to deal with.
There's crookie traits that wewish nobody knew about.
There's those little, like youknow, character flaws that we
try so desperately to hide.
You got to love all of it.
All of it, even if you don'tlike it, you have to love and
(19:23):
accept it.
You may not like it I don't likemy saddlebags, I don't like my
menopausal belly but I accept it.
Why?
Because I'm a woman who's movedthrough life, and you know what
?
Yes, as uncomfortable as itmight be, I do think I can be in
(19:45):
my body and practice feelingcomfortable, and practice
feeling forgiveness, andpractice feeling acceptance,
right.
And so, again, this sets thetone for how others will treat
you Right.
So in doing so, you know, otherpeople have become.
(20:09):
I've attracted people who aremuch more supportive into my
space.
I've attracted people who docare about what I need or how
I'm feeling or what my thoughtsare, what my insecurities are,
you know, and who do appreciateme for who and how I am and
don't try and change me in anyway, right, which has always
been the story for me.
You know, even with like, notjust with partners, but like
(20:31):
friendships, co-workers,everything you name it you know
there's always been like thisera of yeah, you know, we just
wish we were a little less worky, I don't know how to put it,
but anyway, you know what I mean, right?
And so it's really nice to comeinto this space where you feel
like people are loving you andaccepting you for you, and that
all happens because you've lovedand accepted you for you and
(20:54):
not for who you think you needto be.
That is so powerful, that issuch a powerful space to be in,
and I'll tell you, it's kind of.
It sets the tone for number two,which is you set a higher
standard for what you will andwon't tolerate in your
relationship.
So, coming into the space whereyou fully love and accept
yourself.
You're not willing to settlefor the breadcrumbs you've been
(21:15):
settling for before.
You're just not available forit.
You don't have the time, youdon't have the patience, you
don't have the energy and youknow that you freaking deserve
better.
So you're no longer willing tosettle for those scraps right,
when you settle, it's becauseyou really don't believe that
(21:36):
you can do better, that you'reworthy of better.
But when you love yourselffully and completely and you've
prioritized yourself and yourneeds and your relationship has
started to show up for you, youhave no desire to show up for
the ones that don't.
You have zero desire to show upfor the ones that are trying to
change you or make you intosomething that you're not.
You definitely don't have thedesire to show up for someone
(21:57):
who's emotionally unavailable ortoxic or whatever.
Right Situationships and allthat nonsense.
Zero, zero, tolerance, zero.
Because you've.
You've now raised your standardof what you're going to accept
in your relationships and youcan't go backwards.
Once you see your worth, youcannot go back.
You can't go back to settlingfor what you settled for before,
(22:19):
and that is the beauty of thiswork.
Number three is it makes youmore magnetic and attracting to
loving relationships.
I have to tell you, when youwalk around in this energy of
knowing yourself and lovingyourself and accepting yourself
as you are, you'd be amazed atthe random ways and places you
(22:39):
will meet people who mirror thatlove and acceptance back to you
.
You no longer have to golooking for them.
They kind of come find you.
Okay, fine, you have to leaveyour apartment.
You can't just stay in yourapartment all the time, actually
, you can't.
My friend met her partner.
My friend's partner knocked onher door when she was looking
for a roommate.
So you can do that, and Iposted that stories up on my
podcast.
(22:59):
So check that out.
So that's number three.
And number four is it makes youit makes you less likely to
settle, even while you'rewaiting.
Okay, so this is reallyimportant because this is where
a lot of us get into trouble.
Right, we're waiting.
We're waiting for Mr Ray, orwe're waiting for something.
(23:20):
We're waiting to meet the rightsoul-aligned friendships, or
we're waiting to meet thesoul-aligned partner, or we're
waiting for the soul-aligned job, right, whatever it is that
we're waiting for and we'rewe're to say, waiting.
I don't like to use the termwaiting, because waiting implies
that we're kind of doingnothing, waiting for the thing
to come in.
But that's not what we're doing.
We're still going on and we'reliving our best life and you
(23:42):
know we're loving upon ourselvesand prioritizing what we need.
And until this thing comes in,pasself might have said, okay,
well, he's not here, I'll passthe time with this guy until he
does show up.
And that never works out well,ever.
So unless somebody shows upwith some potential of, yeah,
(24:07):
this could be the one, or youknow at the very least.
I'm not sure, but I love howthis feels and I'm gonna
continue to see where this goesBeyond that not available,
you're not.
You're not available forsettling for, for something just
to pass the time until what youwant actually shows up.
(24:31):
You know you're gonna go on andyou're gonna live your best
life because you believe it'sgonna show up for you and it's
gonna show up in divine timing.
And until then you do not needto lower your standards to be
with someone that you don'treally want to be with until the
person you do want to be withshows up.
Now, that's not to say that youcan again, it's not say that
you can't date and explore, butas a minimum, you know, if we're
(24:55):
talking about dating which itseems to be that we seem to keep
going back to, let's say, forexample, dating you know you may
meet someone and they may tellyou you know, let's say at the
very minimum, yeah, they areinterested in trying to find a
relationship, they're wanting toget to know someone and explore
possibilities and you have agood feeling about this person.
(25:16):
That's a green light, right?
May take you some time tofigure out whether or not they
are your person.
You may need to.
You know you still may need todate a few people to figure out
who your person is.
But you're not gonna waste yourtime with the dude that says,
yeah, I know I'm totally notinterested in you, but I really
love those type.
Hands on you, okay, bye, or youmay, right, but you're not
(25:42):
gonna get attached to it.
You know what I mean.
There's a difference.
Maybe you know hookups aredifferent thing, right?
Maybe you'll hook up with theguy, maybe you'll hook up with
another guy, but you're nevergonna attach to them to pass
time with them because it's notwhat you want.
Do you know what I mean?
So you're not gonna settle forthat casual situation when what
(26:04):
you want is a relationship is, Iguess, what I'm trying to say.
So all that to say, you know,coming into this work of radical
self-love has not onlytransformed how I feel about
myself, but it really hastransformed all of my
relationships, okay, and it hastransformed the types of
(26:28):
relationships that I start toattract.
And my last and final note here,my last benefit to doing this
work you become so wildlyrepellent to anything that is
toxic, because a toxic partner,especially one who has kind of
(26:50):
like narcissistic tendencies,does not want to be around.
I will trigger the crap out ofa narcissist within minutes of
being like on the phone with himor being in a room with him or
exchanging text messages withhim.
He will not, he just won't likemy vibe, like at all.
I am a narcissist.
(27:13):
I'm proud to say that I am anarcissist deterrent now,
because I trigger the crap outof them because they do not want
somebody who's has a strongfoundation in self-love, because
it totally messes with theirgame of being able to use your
lack of self-worth against you.
(27:33):
So they don't want anything todo with you.
Right?
And this was actually reallyharder for us because, you know,
I did attract a lot ofnarcissistic type partners and I
was almost drawn to thembecause you know it totally took
the people pleaser in me tothis place of, you know, undying
(27:54):
love, which wasn't loveactually, it was quite toxic but
anyway.
And so you know I would meetthese people, I would be totally
drawn to them because I wouldbe drawn to their.
You know, there was, there wasthat trigger.
It's like a trigger attraction,right.
It's almost like a like a, it'slike a karmic bond, it's a
(28:16):
trauma bond, right.
And so you get really attractedto them and then you like, you
see that they're being reallyput off by you and you're like,
oh my god, when am I doing wrong?
I'm loving myself, I'm doingall the things.
Why don't they love me?
They don't love you because youare starting to love yourself
and that's not what they need.
That's that won't, that willnot satisfy their narcissistic
(28:38):
supply.
What satisfies theirnarcissistic supply?
The narcissistic supply, issomebody with very co-dependent
tendencies and somebody whoreally struggles to really value
themselves and love themselvescompletely.
So the journey to getting therewas really hard.
(28:59):
It was very triggering actually, because it took me a minute to
realize, oh, that's what'sgoing on.
They're just unhealthy partners, and my work for showing up for
myself and beingunconditionally loving and
accepting and taking care of myneeds and making myself a
priority does not align withwhat their relationship goals
(29:22):
are, which is to controlsomebody with their fear of
abandonment and rejection.
Okay, so there you go.
These are life-changing youguys, and you don't even realize
when it's happening.
It's so subtle at first, andthen you I like I think I had a
moment the last time I datedsome guy online and I'm not a
(29:46):
fan of online dating.
I think I need to do an episodeon online dating itself.
But you know, the last time Idated a guy online and I
remember feeling so devastatedwhen that date was over because
it was like he didn't even giveme a chance, right, and I
couldn't figure out why, and ittook me a minute.
(30:09):
And then I was like, oh, wait asecond, because I started to
recognize there wascharacteristics in him that
reminded me of my ex-partners.
But of course, you know, in thebeginning you ignore a lot of
the flags.
I did see a lot of the red flagsand then it dawned on me that
you know, I was doing this workto avoid being those kinds of
(30:33):
relationships again, and I thinkthere's this, there's this
place of denial that we go into,where it's like we think that
if we love ourselves, if we dothe work and if we show up for
ourselves, you know everyone'sgonna treat us nicer.
Yes, but the reality is somepeople are just really toxic and
that's their journey and who'sto say which is.
(30:54):
You know whether what they'redoing is right or wrong and
maybe they'll heal their stuffin their own time.
But the point is, is that justbecause you like someone doesn't
mean that they're the partnerfor you?
And sometimes they are verytoxic and practicing radical
self-love, and some of thetechniques that I teach you, you
(31:17):
know, in my work, is that it'sgoing to probably come off as
unattractive to somebody who hasthese types of tendencies, and
that's just something that youneed to accept.
And it's a little.
It feels a little off-puttingat first because it does trigger
your abandonment wound a littlebit and you're in your
(31:37):
rejection.
But you know what, at the end ofthe day, once you really start
to master and this is where Isay master once you really start
to master this radicalself-love work, it doesn't
matter anymore if somebodydoesn't like you or rejects you
or abandons you, because youknow.
You know who you are is enoughand you don't need to.
(32:01):
You know you don't need tochange yourself for anyone, and
you know that well.
If they didn't work out withthis person, then there's
somebody else for me to be with,like it's not even a question
anymore as to whether or notyou're worthy and capable of
attracting a loving, healthyrelationship.
Yeah, it'll hurt and it'llsting a little bit, of course,
but you know it's not the end ofthe world like it used to be so
(32:24):
, and that really is.
You know the beauty of doingthis work right, and so when you
take away the need for otherpeople to love and accept you
and you really learn to love andaccept yourself, it's amazing
how it transforms yourrelationship.
(32:44):
And now your relationships thatdo come in are based in true
loving, acceptance and kindnessand compassion and support.
So, with that, remember to loveyourself the way that you want
to be loved, and I promise youyou will be.
If you're ready to create amassive up level in your
relationships and your life,click the link below this
(33:05):
podcast to book a one-on-oneintensive with me now.
These are powerful 90-minutesessions where we get laser
focused to create massive changeand transformation in your
relationships.
If you've got a question, ifthere's anything you're curious
about, struggling with or justdying to know, hit me up at
mariethefemcoachcom.
Who knows, you just mightinspire the next episode of the
(33:26):
Femcast and if you loved thisepisode, it would mean the world
to me if you would leave apositive reading and review on
Apple Podcast or Spotify orwherever you're listening to
this.
That is all for now, you guys,until next time, massive love.
Hey you guys, what is up and welcome back to the show
.
I am so excited and grateful tohave you here.
It has been a minute since I'vedone a recording.
It took me a while to get myvoice back proper.
After COVID I just keptsounding congested for like what
felt like an eternity.
But and we had the radical selflove 21 day challenge, which
(00:21):
was absolutely amazing.
So we did the live version onmy Instagram in the last three
weeks.
If you didn't get a chance totune in for that, you can still
grab it and have it sent rightto your inbox.
The details are all below thisepisode, so, without further ado
, today kind of came as aninspiration, just kind of
(00:44):
reflecting on the last threeweeks of the 21 day radical self
love challenge and alsoreflecting on the fact that my
50th birthday is coming up.
You guys, what the fuck?
How did that even happen?
I don't even know where thetime went, but we've been in
conversation with family andfriends trying to plan my 50th
(01:08):
and trying to figure out whatwe're gonna do Nothing big or
major, but just kind of gettingeveryone together to celebrate
right.
And I was reflecting like, wow,it's been 10 years that I've
been on this crazy ass journeyand then I was reflecting back
on, like through my 40s and my30s and there's such a pattern
(01:31):
there Like it's so crazy when Ithink about it.
So I probably spent the greaterpart like.
I spent my 20s looking for MrRight, I spent my 30s trying to
make it work with Mr Wrong andthen I spent my 40s trying to
undo all the emotional damagethat I sustained the previous
(01:52):
two decades.
So that covers my 20s, my 30sand my 40s.
My 50s, I dare you, I cannot befucked with.
And I'm coming into 50 withthat attitude.
Not fuckable, just cannot befucked with.
But yeah, no, very interesting.
(02:13):
It literally each went toKedekke you guys Talk about like
I'm Sametaurus, right, mybirthday's coming up, my
birthday's coming up, and toApril, we don't quit, we just
don't.
Like you can give me like allthe red flags in the world past
tense, right.
This was like in my old days,you could give me all the red
flags and I would still chargeat it like a fucking bowl.
(02:35):
I sent my friend who's also aTaurus, by the way he's amazing.
You probably've seen him on mysocials but I sent him a meme
with like all like the red flags, right, and it's like I don't
know which country this is, butI know I've dated guys from that
country before.
It's so true, but anyways, okay, so sorry, I digress Today's.
(02:58):
The four reasons why radicalself-love is the key to
magnetizing healthy, lovingrelationships.
This is basically this is mylife's work.
You guys Like I don't keep liketalking about this shit because
you know I think it's fun.
It is, it is fun, but likeliterally, like I've spent like
(03:22):
the last like 30 years reallymastering some of these skills,
tips and techniques that I sharewith you guys, and I've done it
all wrong for so long and ittook me so long to actually
start to learn how to do thingsright.
So everything that I'm sharingwith you comes from a space of
(03:44):
what I've learned, what I'veexperienced, what I've felt,
what I've struggled with.
There is no like nothing here.
There's no fluff here.
Like I give it to you as it isright and that, and I will
always tell you guys too, like,take what resonates and leave
the rest.
Not everything I say will befor you and that's totally okay.
(04:05):
So please bear that in mind andanytime you're listening to
anybody, please take it with agreat assault.
Take what applies, leave therest all right.
Okay, so this episode istotally for you If you're not
feeling loved or supported inyour relationships, if you're
not feeling the love in yourcurrent relationship, if you're
struggling to call in ormagnetize loving and supportive
(04:27):
relationships, orself-confidence has just been a
struggle for you, when you'reconstantly prioritizing your
partner's needs above your ownin the hopes that they will one
day do the same.
We all know how that story goes.
You guys Been there, done that,don't wanna go back.
Okay, so we're gonna backtrackjust a little bit, right, many,
(04:48):
many years ago, I was in along-term relationship and at
the time we were what I thought,but we weren't.
I was, I thought, we were verydevoted to one another.
I was very devoted to him.
I don't think he was as devotedto me as I was to him, to be
flat out honest.
But literally, when I tell youthat the son came up, what's
(05:14):
that saying?
The son came up and sat withthis guy, like, literally, this
man was my life and I would havetrusted him.
I would have trusted him withmy life actually.
So when things went sour, I wasshocked.
But before we even got there,before we even get to that part
of the story.
There was one period where hegot really sick and he was under
(05:40):
some very intensive treatmentand was going through like to
say the word difficult time isan understatement.
It was a very difficult timefor him emotionally.
It was a difficult time for himphysically.
It was a difficult time for himmentally and when I look back
and I think to what we weregoing to in that time, he didn't
(06:05):
even have the strength to openup a bottle of water on his own
for a long period of time.
It was very hard and to seesomeone that you love kind of in
that state anybody would wantto take care of their loved one
when you see them in that kindof situation.
(06:27):
The problem there was I wasputting all my energy and focus
into taking care of him.
I wasn't taking care of myselfat all.
I was going to work at likefive o'clock in the morning and
working until like 12.
So I was putting in a full daybefore lunch and then I would
(06:49):
come home, take care of him andthen go back on the laptop
towards the end of the day tojust answer emails that came in
before five and take addressanything else that needed to be
addressed before the end of theday.
So like I was just runningmyself ragged trying to take
care of him, and not resentfullyand not with any like I was
(07:11):
happy to do this.
The problem was is that Istarted to struggle.
I wasn't sleeping, my jointswere hurting, I was putting on
weight, I was struggling withinflammation, I was dergied with
migraines.
I was feeling so run down andburnt out, trying to be a full
(07:34):
time caregiver and a full timeemployee at the time and still
trying to take care of our homeand do the normal things that I
normally did and spend time withfamily.
I was in extreme burnout, but Iobviously didn't want to show
him that I was in extremeburnout because he was going
through so much and I wanted himto believe that I was fine and
(07:57):
that he didn't have to feel likehe was burdening me in any way,
because I really did not wantthat.
That was the last thing in theworld that I wanted.
Lo and behold, you know he gotbetter and we came out of that
period and we were obviouslylike super grateful and really
just counting our blessings thathe got through that and was
(08:20):
able to kind of come out on theother side and it was a really
good feeling and it was afeeling of, okay, let's start
our lives now, let's put allthat behind us and let's start
from scratch.
And we had issues in ourrelationships long before that
happened to the point where italmost you know, it almost
(08:46):
ruined the relationship.
I think in a way this situationwith his health sort of saved
us for a little while longer.
It sort of prolonged therelationship.
It kind of kept the lifelinegoing, you know, because I
wanted to take care of him inhis time of need.
But as the sickness kind offaded into the background and,
(09:07):
you know, life started to goback to normal, I realized the
problems that were there beforethe sickness were still there,
like we were still wildlydisconnected.
I was still feeling completelyrejected and unloved and
unsupported in any way.
We were totally distant.
We had zero intimacy in ourrelationship and I mean mentally
(09:31):
, emotionally, physically, likein every possible way.
We were like two strangersbasically living side by side,
or we're like two roommates, youknow, and I do believe he saw
how, I do believe he witnessedhow much I did for him while he
(09:52):
was sick.
I don't when I think back tothe time after, it was almost
like it almost felt like it justgot swept under the rug.
Okay, yeah, thank you, Iappreciate everything that you
did for me.
I'm going to go home with mylife now and continue.
You know the way we used to dothings before, which was not
(10:12):
healthy at all and wasn't happy,certainly wasn't the kind of
you know relationship thateither I don't think you know
either one of us really wanted.
At the end of the day, it wasvery distant and very
unfulfilling.
And you know, I felt myself inthis situation where, you know,
as a people pleaser and as anovergiver.
(10:34):
Oh, maybe I'm, maybe you know,maybe now that he's better,
maybe I'm not giving enough,maybe I need to give more.
So I continued to try to givein the hopes that he would one
day realize how much I, how muchI do give to him and to the
relationship.
But the more I gave, it waslike the more I gave, the more
(10:55):
rejected and unloved andunsupported I felt.
And then that's when theresentment started to kick in.
Y'all like full on resentment,because now I'm not only now,
it's like.
Now it's like all theresentment before the sickness
is coming back.
Plus, now I'm like resentfulthat I just spent the last year
or two years of my life caringfor somebody who, I'm realizing,
(11:18):
probably wouldn't do the samefor me if I ever needed that he
flat outside it one day.
And you know, and now it's justthis pool of boiling pot of
resentment just starts emerginginto my energy, like it was.
(11:40):
I mean, I could feel it, it was.
I couldn't even stand to bearound myself at this point.
There was so much resentmentkicking up from beneath the
surface and I'm pretty sure youknow people around us probably
starting to notice it toobecause I was just so angry.
I was angry, I was done, I wasfed up.
I was done with feeling therejection, feeling unloved,
(12:01):
feeling unsupported.
I was done with everything thatI'd given and not receiving in
return and basically made tofeel like, yeah, thank you for
everything that you did, butplease don't ever expect that
from me kind of an attitude.
And there was a lot of hurt.
There was a lot of hurt.
I mean, there was a lot ofother things that were going on,
(12:22):
aside from everything thatwe're talking about here.
But you know, when I look backat how awful that felt and how
empty that felt, like I thinkthat was probably one of my
lowest moments, you know, toknow that we've gotten through
something so difficult, sotrying, and on the other end
(12:45):
we're still so wildlydisconnected, like it was crazy.
But you know, in thiscircumstance, you know there
really was a blessing and thiswas the beginning of my undoing.
Really, it started.
You started to see the effects,the long-term effects, y'all,
(13:07):
because this has been going onfor a long time.
You were starting to see theeffects of what my not loving
myself at all and my constantself-abandoning was doing to me.
And not only that.
Not only was it doing to melike to my own mental, physical,
(13:27):
emotional body, but it was alsobeing mirrored back to me in
the relationships around me.
Right, I strongly believe ifyou've ever worked with me, you
know we do a lot of this work onrelationship mirrors and what
your relationships are mirroringto you and how that's
reflective of your internalrelationship.
My relationships were basicallyshowing me that you know I
(13:48):
wasn't taking care of me, so myrelationships weren't taking.
If I'm not taking care ofmyself, my relationships aren't
going to take care of me.
If I'm not supporting myself,my relationships aren't going to
support me If I am like full onrejecting myself, my
relationships are going toreject me.
And that's basically what thisrelationship was showing me.
It was showing me all the waysthat I was self-abandoning,
(14:09):
self-rejecting and not lovingmyself, and that's why I was
feeling like that in thisrelationship.
And so my resentment and myanger although, yeah, you know
what, in many respects probablyjustifiable, in many ways not
(14:30):
but at the end of the day it wasa waste, because what the
reality was is that I needed tochange how I loved and showed up
for myself.
And so literally spending thelast 10 years like trying to
like what's the word?
I'm like mastery, matter ofmastery is the word I want to
(14:52):
use here.
I don't know, I'm probably asclose to mastery as I can
provide, that I've probablygotten but literally trying to
perfect this radical self-loveexperience that I've cultivated
(15:13):
and learning the ins and outsand how it's applicable in all
of these different relationshiptypes and how it can transform a
relationship.
And so I needed to love andtake care of myself first, and
this went against everything asa people pleaser, as a caregiver
(15:39):
, as a co-dependent right.
Putting taking care of myself,loving myself and putting myself
in my needs first went againsteverything I believed in, and so
that's why it probably took meso long to really master the art
of doing that right.
And again, I say mastery becauseI've learned a lot of
(16:04):
techniques along the way to helpme to do this, but that's not
to say that I do it a hundredpercent at the time.
I guess that's a distinctionthat I want to make.
I still fall back into oldpatterns sometimes, and it's one
of these things where it's likeI'm aware of it, I'm present
with it, I know that it's thereand I manage it to the best of
my abilities.
I guess that's the best way toput it right.
(16:25):
So to me that is mastery,because we're never going to be
a hundred percent perfect ahundred percent of the time,
like we always.
Just, we're always just doingthe best that we can.
But I have learned what worksand what doesn't for me, and
that's a lot of what I sharewith you guys on an ongoing
basis.
So on an ongoing basis, god,one day I'm going to get an
(16:47):
editor, so you guys won't hearall these little bloopers that I
put out there, but anyway.
So this work took me ten years,literally ten years of mastering
the art of radical self-love sothat I could finally start to
attract healthy, loving andsupportive relationships into my
life.
Okay, and obviously you knowanyone of my podcasts.
(17:10):
Come to my Instagram, take the21-day challenge, like so much
information is there for you ifyou want to dive into what this
radical self-love, you know,actually looks like.
Right, but the benefits I wantto talk about the benefits.
So if you're somebody who'sreally struggling to put
yourself first, or you don'tthink self-love is that
(17:31):
important, or maybe you do thinkit's important but you're
thinking, hmm, yeah, but I'll doit later, don't?
Maybe that's what I should havestarted with?
Gosh, darn it, I need to reworkthat somehow.
I probably won't be able to,but anyway, that was my elbow,
sorry.
So, number one it sets the tonefor how others will treat you.
(17:56):
Okay, when you are masteringthe art of radical self-love and
putting yourself first andmeeting your needs and making
sure that you are taking care ofand that you have everything
that you need and that you'rereally, truly and I mean truly
loving and accepting yourself,and that means even the stuff
that maybe you don't like thatmuch.
(18:17):
That is setting the tone forhow others are going to treat
you Because, again, you know,your relationships are always a
mirror reflection for therelationship that you have with
yourself.
So, when you are lovingyourself, when you are
supporting yourself, when youare making your needs a priority
, when you are loving yourselfunconditionally, even though,
(18:41):
honey, you know, at 50, parts ofyour body start to look a lot
different than they did when youwere in your 20s, okay, things
start to move, things shift,things are in places they
weren't before and aren't inplaces that they were.
Okay, life happens.
(19:01):
There's uncomfortable emotionswe don't want to deal with.
There's crookie traits that wewish nobody knew about.
There's those little, like youknow, character flaws that we
try so desperately to hide.
You got to love all of it.
All of it, even if you don'tlike it, you have to love and
(19:23):
accept it.
You may not like it I don't likemy saddlebags, I don't like my
menopausal belly but I accept it.
Why?
Because I'm a woman who's movedthrough life, and you know what
?
Yes, as uncomfortable as itmight be, I do think I can be in
(19:45):
my body and practice feelingcomfortable, and practice
feeling forgiveness, andpractice feeling acceptance,
right.
And so, again, this sets thetone for how others will treat
you Right.
So in doing so, you know, otherpeople have become.
(20:09):
I've attracted people who aremuch more supportive into my
space.
I've attracted people who docare about what I need or how
I'm feeling or what my thoughtsare, what my insecurities are,
you know, and who do appreciateme for who and how I am and
don't try and change me in anyway, right, which has always
been the story for me.
You know, even with like, notjust with partners, but like
(20:31):
friendships, co-workers,everything you name it you know
there's always been like thisera of yeah, you know, we just
wish we were a little less worky, I don't know how to put it,
but anyway, you know what I mean, right?
And so it's really nice to comeinto this space where you feel
like people are loving you andaccepting you for you, and that
all happens because you've lovedand accepted you for you and
(20:54):
not for who you think you needto be.
That is so powerful, that issuch a powerful space to be in,
and I'll tell you, it's kind of.
It sets the tone for number two,which is you set a higher
standard for what you will andwon't tolerate in your
relationship.
So, coming into the space whereyou fully love and accept
yourself.
You're not willing to settlefor the breadcrumbs you've been
(21:15):
settling for before.
You're just not available forit.
You don't have the time, youdon't have the patience, you
don't have the energy and youknow that you freaking deserve
better.
So you're no longer willing tosettle for those scraps right,
when you settle, it's becauseyou really don't believe that
(21:36):
you can do better, that you'reworthy of better.
But when you love yourselffully and completely and you've
prioritized yourself and yourneeds and your relationship has
started to show up for you, youhave no desire to show up for
the ones that don't.
You have zero desire to show upfor the ones that are trying to
change you or make you intosomething that you're not.
You definitely don't have thedesire to show up for someone
(21:57):
who's emotionally unavailable ortoxic or whatever.
Right Situationships and allthat nonsense.
Zero, zero, tolerance, zero.
Because you've.
You've now raised your standardof what you're going to accept
in your relationships and youcan't go backwards.
Once you see your worth, youcannot go back.
You can't go back to settlingfor what you settled for before,
(22:19):
and that is the beauty of thiswork.
Number three is it makes youmore magnetic and attracting to
loving relationships.
I have to tell you, when youwalk around in this energy of
knowing yourself and lovingyourself and accepting yourself
as you are, you'd be amazed atthe random ways and places you
(22:39):
will meet people who mirror thatlove and acceptance back to you
.
You no longer have to golooking for them.
They kind of come find you.
Okay, fine, you have to leaveyour apartment.
You can't just stay in yourapartment all the time, actually
, you can't.
My friend met her partner.
My friend's partner knocked onher door when she was looking
for a roommate.
So you can do that, and Iposted that stories up on my
podcast.
(22:59):
So check that out.
So that's number three.
And number four is it makes youit makes you less likely to
settle, even while you'rewaiting.
Okay, so this is reallyimportant because this is where
a lot of us get into trouble.
Right, we're waiting.
We're waiting for Mr Ray, orwe're waiting for something.
(23:20):
We're waiting to meet the rightsoul-aligned friendships, or
we're waiting to meet thesoul-aligned partner, or we're
waiting for the soul-aligned job, right, whatever it is that
we're waiting for and we'rewe're to say, waiting.
I don't like to use the termwaiting, because waiting implies
that we're kind of doingnothing, waiting for the thing
to come in.
But that's not what we're doing.
We're still going on and we'reliving our best life and you
(23:42):
know we're loving upon ourselvesand prioritizing what we need.
And until this thing comes in,pasself might have said, okay,
well, he's not here, I'll passthe time with this guy until he
does show up.
And that never works out well,ever.
So unless somebody shows upwith some potential of, yeah,
(24:07):
this could be the one, or youknow at the very least.
I'm not sure, but I love howthis feels and I'm gonna
continue to see where this goesBeyond that not available,
you're not.
You're not available forsettling for, for something just
to pass the time until what youwant actually shows up.
(24:31):
You know you're gonna go on andyou're gonna live your best
life because you believe it'sgonna show up for you and it's
gonna show up in divine timing.
And until then you do not needto lower your standards to be
with someone that you don'treally want to be with until the
person you do want to be withshows up.
Now, that's not to say that youcan again, it's not say that
you can't date and explore, butas a minimum, you know, if we're
(24:55):
talking about dating which itseems to be that we seem to keep
going back to, let's say, forexample, dating you know you may
meet someone and they may tellyou you know, let's say at the
very minimum, yeah, they areinterested in trying to find a
relationship, they're wanting toget to know someone and explore
possibilities and you have agood feeling about this person.
(25:16):
That's a green light, right?
May take you some time tofigure out whether or not they
are your person.
You may need to.
You know you still may need todate a few people to figure out
who your person is.
But you're not gonna waste yourtime with the dude that says,
yeah, I know I'm totally notinterested in you, but I really
love those type.
Hands on you, okay, bye, or youmay, right, but you're not
(25:42):
gonna get attached to it.
You know what I mean.
There's a difference.
Maybe you know hookups aredifferent thing, right?
Maybe you'll hook up with theguy, maybe you'll hook up with
another guy, but you're nevergonna attach to them to pass
time with them because it's notwhat you want.
Do you know what I mean?
So you're not gonna settle forthat casual situation when what
(26:04):
you want is a relationship is, Iguess, what I'm trying to say.
So all that to say, you know,coming into this work of radical
self-love has not onlytransformed how I feel about
myself, but it really hastransformed all of my
relationships, okay, and it hastransformed the types of
(26:28):
relationships that I start toattract.
And my last and final note here,my last benefit to doing this
work you become so wildlyrepellent to anything that is
toxic, because a toxic partner,especially one who has kind of
(26:50):
like narcissistic tendencies,does not want to be around.
I will trigger the crap out ofa narcissist within minutes of
being like on the phone with himor being in a room with him or
exchanging text messages withhim.
He will not, he just won't likemy vibe, like at all.
I am a narcissist.
(27:13):
I'm proud to say that I am anarcissist deterrent now,
because I trigger the crap outof them because they do not want
somebody who's has a strongfoundation in self-love, because
it totally messes with theirgame of being able to use your
lack of self-worth against you.
(27:33):
So they don't want anything todo with you.
Right?
And this was actually reallyharder for us because, you know,
I did attract a lot ofnarcissistic type partners and I
was almost drawn to thembecause you know it totally took
the people pleaser in me tothis place of, you know, undying
(27:54):
love, which wasn't loveactually, it was quite toxic but
anyway.
And so you know I would meetthese people, I would be totally
drawn to them because I wouldbe drawn to their.
You know, there was, there wasthat trigger.
It's like a trigger attraction,right.
It's almost like a like a, it'slike a karmic bond, it's a
(28:16):
trauma bond, right.
And so you get really attractedto them and then you like, you
see that they're being reallyput off by you and you're like,
oh my god, when am I doing wrong?
I'm loving myself, I'm doingall the things.
Why don't they love me?
They don't love you because youare starting to love yourself
and that's not what they need.
That's that won't, that willnot satisfy their narcissistic
(28:38):
supply.
What satisfies theirnarcissistic supply?
The narcissistic supply, issomebody with very co-dependent
tendencies and somebody whoreally struggles to really value
themselves and love themselvescompletely.
So the journey to getting therewas really hard.
(28:59):
It was very triggering actually, because it took me a minute to
realize, oh, that's what'sgoing on.
They're just unhealthy partners, and my work for showing up for
myself and beingunconditionally loving and
accepting and taking care of myneeds and making myself a
priority does not align withwhat their relationship goals
(29:22):
are, which is to controlsomebody with their fear of
abandonment and rejection.
Okay, so there you go.
These are life-changing youguys, and you don't even realize
when it's happening.
It's so subtle at first, andthen you I like I think I had a
moment the last time I datedsome guy online and I'm not a
(29:46):
fan of online dating.
I think I need to do an episodeon online dating itself.
But you know, the last time Idated a guy online and I
remember feeling so devastatedwhen that date was over because
it was like he didn't even giveme a chance, right, and I
couldn't figure out why, and ittook me a minute.
(30:09):
And then I was like, oh, wait asecond, because I started to
recognize there wascharacteristics in him that
reminded me of my ex-partners.
But of course, you know, in thebeginning you ignore a lot of
the flags.
I did see a lot of the red flagsand then it dawned on me that
you know, I was doing this workto avoid being those kinds of
(30:33):
relationships again, and I thinkthere's this, there's this
place of denial that we go into,where it's like we think that
if we love ourselves, if we dothe work and if we show up for
ourselves, you know everyone'sgonna treat us nicer.
Yes, but the reality is somepeople are just really toxic and
that's their journey and who'sto say which is.
(30:54):
You know whether what they'redoing is right or wrong and
maybe they'll heal their stuffin their own time.
But the point is, is that justbecause you like someone doesn't
mean that they're the partnerfor you?
And sometimes they are verytoxic and practicing radical
self-love, and some of thetechniques that I teach you, you
(31:17):
know, in my work, is that it'sgoing to probably come off as
unattractive to somebody who hasthese types of tendencies, and
that's just something that youneed to accept.
And it's a little.
It feels a little off-puttingat first because it does trigger
your abandonment wound a littlebit and you're in your
(31:37):
rejection.
But you know what, at the end ofthe day, once you really start
to master and this is where Isay master once you really start
to master this radicalself-love work, it doesn't
matter anymore if somebodydoesn't like you or rejects you
or abandons you, because youknow.
You know who you are is enoughand you don't need to.
(32:01):
You know you don't need tochange yourself for anyone, and
you know that well.
If they didn't work out withthis person, then there's
somebody else for me to be with,like it's not even a question
anymore as to whether or notyou're worthy and capable of
attracting a loving, healthyrelationship.
Yeah, it'll hurt and it'llsting a little bit, of course,
but you know it's not the end ofthe world like it used to be so
(32:24):
, and that really is.
You know the beauty of doingthis work right, and so when you
take away the need for otherpeople to love and accept you
and you really learn to love andaccept yourself, it's amazing
how it transforms yourrelationship.
(32:44):
And now your relationships thatdo come in are based in true
loving, acceptance and kindnessand compassion and support.
So, with that, remember to loveyourself the way that you want
to be loved, and I promise youyou will be.
If you're ready to create amassive up level in your
relationships and your life,click the link below this
(33:05):
podcast to book a one-on-oneintensive with me now.
These are powerful 90-minutesessions where we get laser
focused to create massive changeand transformation in your
relationships.
If you've got a question, ifthere's anything you're curious
about, struggling with or justdying to know, hit me up at
mariethefemcoachcom.
Who knows, you just mightinspire the next episode of the
(33:26):
Femcast and if you loved thisepisode, it would mean the world
to me if you would leave apositive reading and review on
Apple Podcast or Spotify orwherever you're listening to
this.
That is all for now, you guys,until next time, massive love.
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